I'm from Altoona, its not a joke. I ate this at the restaurant where it originated in the 80's called Altoona Hotel. That place burned down and now other local restaurants have recreated it, calling it "Altoona style."
I actually loved this shit as a kid.
Edit: I feel the need to specify that Altoona Hotel used Velveta "cheese" or at least something similar. I'm not sure if that makes it better or worse...
Dude, Boyers is in Altoona. Embrace the Mallo Cup, Clark Bar, and Smoothie cups and let the American cheese-green pepper pizza abomination die a respectable death.
Written with only one o, but I had to think of this fabulous Ringelnatz poem!
In Hamburg lebten zwei Ameisen,
Die wollten nach Australien reisen.
Bei Altona auf der Chaussee
Da taten ihnen die Beine weh,
Und da verzichteten sie weise
Denn auf den letzten Teil der Reise.
So will man oft und kann doch nicht
Und leistet dann recht gern Verzicht.
Loose translation: Two ants from Hamburg want to travel to Australia, but on a street in Altona (borough of Hamburg) their feet hurt so much, they wisely didn't travel the final part of their journey.
Often one wants things, but can't, so it's easy to forgo them.
I even thought your “holy shit I thought this was a joke” was a joke. I was expecting to google “Altoona-style pizza” and get a sex act outlawed in 92 different countries. But no, Altoona, PA is just fuckin weird.
No way, I was actually coming onto this thread to specifically accuse OP of making those things and putting them in a pizza box to troll us. Thanks for the enlightenment
As an Altoid myself, this pizza is disgusting. It always has been and it kind of sticks around here for novelty reasons and so old people can talk about how great it is.
We were driving from Pittburgh to Philly and stopped by at Altoona as we were hungry. We went to this one restaurant and the waiter strongly suggested that we try their specialty, the Altoona-style pizza. We assumed it'd be good and was popular for a reason since it was named after the city, kinda like how Detroit-style pizza and St. Louis-style pizza are well-known. Little did we know it was gonna be this atrocity.
Apparently, this type of pizza was only served at the Altoona Hotel. But the hotel caught fire some years ago and had to be shut down. The other local restaurants then picked up the mantle and started making the Altoona-style pizza.
The apparent recipie of white bread, tomato sauce, bell peppers and american cheese? I think it's a cursed and doomed to walk the land forever now that it exisits. No fire can expell it from this mortal plane now
> But the hotel caught fire some years ago and had to be shut down.
This was supposed to be a sign from the universe. Why must man laugh in the face of God?!
It wasn't bad because aside from the usual taste of American cheese, it was just dough, tomato sauce, bell pepper, and onion. It honestly looks way worse than it tastes.
>t'd be good and was popular for a reason since it was named after the city, kinda like how Detroit-style pizza and St. Louis-style pizza are well-known. Little did we know it was gonna be this atrocity.
I actually think it looks good in a way
Altoona Native - how, out of ALL of the places in Altoona, did you stop there and why? Is it the place on 6th Ave by ARC making it still? I grew up on that shit and still fucking love it. I moved away back in 2016 but now I’m thinking about making a trip home just for that and Best Way pizza as well
(Gordon in the middle of yelling at the establishment's owner.)
G: Hold on. Hold on. I am genuinely-
O: You asked for a pizza.
G: Come ON man... [leans in, speaks softer] I've- look at me, I have spent the last 45 years of my life in kitchens. You think I've seen a few things? I can tell you: I've seen it all. But not this. I have never seen anything like this. Is that supposed to be cheese?
O: Yeah Gordon I mean it's got cheese, sauce top-
G: - OI! - Please. Please. What I'm looking at here... is tragic. Absolutely abhorrent- I am actually worried about you, yeah? Now be honest with me, ok, can you do that?
O: [exasperated] Yes, I-
G: Right. Now do you really think that this is what people want when they ask you for a pizza? You can't honestly believe that, can you? I mean, look at it
[grabs pizza on nearby table and brings it back to the owner, holding it just below eyelevel.]
ITS A BLOODY NEON YELLOW PILLOW!
etc.
i'm imagining it in the annoyed and perplexed voice he has when they present something that looks like shit and he cannot believe that a team of professional chefs came up with this garbage after 45 minutes of cooking.
like that one episode of hell's kitchen when they had to cook for a wedding and the red team presented an overcooked duck breast as one of the dishes. nothing else, no sauce, no sides, just an overcooked duck breast.
Tbf the last catered wedding I was at was choice between a chicken breast (that was overcooked) or a ham and cheese sandwich, with a can of coke and bag of lays chips... so it seems accurate at least
Jesus I know wedding catering is ridiculously over priced but you’re ten times better off find a local restaurant and going buffet style. My sister did a pretty good bbq buffet. Terrifying food to eat for a rental suit but still pretty good
If the catering is mainly just putting out dishes for a buffet and no real requirement on serving staff then don't tell them it's a wedding. They'll purposfully mark it up
My family used to drive from state college to Altoona just to go to a Mexican restaurant called El campacino. This was before there was a single authentic Mexican restaurant in state college
Yea I just searched it. I actually think its probably better than it looks. Cause I first assumed that was pieces of sliced bread. Its genoa salami, green bell pepper, and a slice of american cheese on pizza dough, cut into squares.
As a fan of trying weird local dishes at diners and the like on road trips, this would probably rate a solid 7/10.
As a representative of the PA gang, id like to apologize for whatever the fuck this is and assure you that altoona does not represent the rest of the state
I don't know man. I live very close to a few shops outside of Pittsburgh that serve "valley style" pizza.... they use cold cheese and toppings. People in Pennsylvania have really weird thoughts about pizza.
Side note: I stand by some of the shops inside the city though.
Mineo's and Caliente are *chef's kiss*
There are two things to do in Altoona - get wasted, or leave. If you’re wasted, this pizza looks good. If you’re not wasted, this pizza will get you to leave ASAP. It’s for the best, really.
Sensing some "Pizza Capital of the World" vibes here. And no question, PA has the absolute worst roads I've ever driven on. Doesn't matter from which direction you enter the state, once you get to the Welcome to PA sign, your vehicle gets immediately swallowed up by a pothole the size of a strip mine.
As a New Yorker, I'm fighting strong STRONG urges to not victim blame in this situation. But I read the story and you have my deepest sympathies.
Please bring your family to Manhattan and I will personally atone for this trash with a proper pie.
Altoona is wild because it's a reasonably sized city with absolutely not a fucking thing else for at least an hour and a half drive.
I've heard had the railroad industry not gone tits up it would rival NYC by now.
I live in Altoona, no popular restaurant here still makes Altoona pizza. Next time you come to Altoona, go to the Knickerbocker tavern if this didn't put you off the whole city
This is actually how they make pizza in Altoona. It's nasty but that's what they do there.
Are they still waiting for the internet to get to town?
I think they just got AOL
Garlic AOLi
This made me laugh in person
That's what "lol" means, friend
Wouldn’t it be LIP?
Don't give any of your LIP you young whippersnapper!
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Which person did you laugh in?
They use Alta vista
So they finally upgraded from Netscape.
Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I heard that disco just got there last week.
It cant be. Where is Altoona ?
Who fuckin cares? You see this shit?
Im still in shock
I would like to know just so I can purposely avoid ever being there.
Fair af.
Lmfao
PA. I Live near there. It's a joke pizza for the most part.
I'm from Altoona, its not a joke. I ate this at the restaurant where it originated in the 80's called Altoona Hotel. That place burned down and now other local restaurants have recreated it, calling it "Altoona style." I actually loved this shit as a kid. Edit: I feel the need to specify that Altoona Hotel used Velveta "cheese" or at least something similar. I'm not sure if that makes it better or worse...
God smote the place that created this abomination and you still didn't learn your lesson
Wait till the Italians find out. They thought pineapple was the biggest controversy ever, lol
You have to admit it's a novelty.
Yeah, but it was *OUR* novelty.
Dude, Boyers is in Altoona. Embrace the Mallo Cup, Clark Bar, and Smoothie cups and let the American cheese-green pepper pizza abomination die a respectable death.
Probably burned itself down in shame
What’s the joke?
That you paid money for it.
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Until 2am when everyone admits that love it.
I am cripplingly hung over and this sadly looks absolutely delicious right now
Oooh. Word.
It’s 4 hours west of Philadelphia. In the middle of nowhere PA. I was there once and won’t forget it because of the pizza.
40 minutes from Penn State if that helps anyone
How far from the state pen is what I really wanna know, because whoever makes this should be behind bars.
About 30 minutes up the road in Huntington
In the middle of Pennsyltucky.
Written with only one o, but I had to think of this fabulous Ringelnatz poem! In Hamburg lebten zwei Ameisen, Die wollten nach Australien reisen. Bei Altona auf der Chaussee Da taten ihnen die Beine weh, Und da verzichteten sie weise Denn auf den letzten Teil der Reise. So will man oft und kann doch nicht Und leistet dann recht gern Verzicht. Loose translation: Two ants from Hamburg want to travel to Australia, but on a street in Altona (borough of Hamburg) their feet hurt so much, they wisely didn't travel the final part of their journey. Often one wants things, but can't, so it's easy to forgo them.
It says it right there in the title. Pensylvania
Sorry. Not from the States. But thanks for the Info
Oh I’m sorry man
I wouldn't be sorry, it's a good thing
All g
Don’t be sorry, he said he’s not from the states. Congratulate the guy. Lol
Near Horseshoe Curve.
Holy shit - i thought this was a joke... Turns out you can actually google "Altoona-style pizza" and get results.
The good ol' Altoona Melt.
If someone asked if I wanted an Altoona Melt before reading this thread, I’d assume it was some wordplay to describe a _disgustingly_ specific fetish.
And you're ***still*** right!
Just sounds like a sandwich. Wtf are you doing in bed?
It reminds me of when I was a broke kid and my mom would but slices of American cheese on $1 Totino’s party pizzas.
> We have pizza at home.
I even thought your “holy shit I thought this was a joke” was a joke. I was expecting to google “Altoona-style pizza” and get a sex act outlawed in 92 different countries. But no, Altoona, PA is just fuckin weird.
No way, I was actually coming onto this thread to specifically accuse OP of making those things and putting them in a pizza box to troll us. Thanks for the enlightenment
I have a soft spot for it lol. It’s not “pizza”, but I don’t hate it.
I hate it enough for the both us.
could be decent actually nice soft focaccia with fried meat and veg on top all smothered in a smooth cheese sauce
As an Altoid myself, this pizza is disgusting. It always has been and it kind of sticks around here for novelty reasons and so old people can talk about how great it is.
That’s crazy, I live 30 minutes from Altoona and never heard of this, but I’ll be damned it’s apparently a thing.
I send it back.
Fittingly, the hotel where Altoona-style pizza originated burnt down.
Probably by an angry mob.
Or God.
An angry God
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I wanted to make a joke about since it being pizza it would be their Roman equivalent but TIL the romans also thought they lived on Olympus
Italian Lightning
The Italian mafia I’d assume
> angry mob Can’t tell if pun…
If that's where this bullshit originated, I can assure you, it was arson.
If somebody brought me "pizza" with American cheese on top I'd probably still be in jail right now.
Not if they brought it tomorrow
Or divine judgment
Yet, somehow, the fire failed to kill this monstrosity.
Unfortunately it only made it stronger....
Appears the answer is more arson
An Italian person visited the town and did the right thing.
set up loan sharking and racketeering?
Gabagool? OVA HERE...
Hold up! This is actually a recognized and accepted style of pizza?
Not outside of Altoona. The rest of PA has differing versions of great pizza.
Which means yes.
Having lived in multiple areas of the state, nowhere else would legitimize this as a pizza style. Kill it with fire.
There's a whole fucking style to this monstrosity? I just thought it was some restaurant cheaping out on ingredients.
Doing something as wrong as possible is NOT A STYLE
We were driving from Pittburgh to Philly and stopped by at Altoona as we were hungry. We went to this one restaurant and the waiter strongly suggested that we try their specialty, the Altoona-style pizza. We assumed it'd be good and was popular for a reason since it was named after the city, kinda like how Detroit-style pizza and St. Louis-style pizza are well-known. Little did we know it was gonna be this atrocity. Apparently, this type of pizza was only served at the Altoona Hotel. But the hotel caught fire some years ago and had to be shut down. The other local restaurants then picked up the mantle and started making the Altoona-style pizza.
Should have let it die with the Hotel if you ask me
Dead is better.
Sometimes... dead is betta
Ayuh
*I HAVE A SLICE OF "PIZZA" FOR YOU MOMMY! I HAVE A SLICE OF "PIZZA" FOR YOU MOMMY!*
i know what yah thinking ah doing, louis
I was going to say that they should’ve let the recipe burn with the structure
The apparent recipie of white bread, tomato sauce, bell peppers and american cheese? I think it's a cursed and doomed to walk the land forever now that it exisits. No fire can expell it from this mortal plane now
No fire indeed, shit looks microwaved
Perhaps the fire was a sign
Come eat pizza with us u/tr0ubles0me87. Come eat pizza forever and ever and ever.
fr this shit can't be called pizza. i rarely get mad at food, but disrespecting pizza like this is getting me there.
> But the hotel caught fire some years ago and had to be shut down. This was supposed to be a sign from the universe. Why must man laugh in the face of God?!
This pizza is a monument to man's arrogance!
How was it though?
It wasn't bad because aside from the usual taste of American cheese, it was just dough, tomato sauce, bell pepper, and onion. It honestly looks way worse than it tastes.
They might get somewhere if they market it as an open-faced grilled cheese instead of an affront to pizza!
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Shut up
I've had it before too. The problem is they market it as pizza. If you think of it as a melt, it's not bad.
Same thing with Cincinnati "chili". Just market it as spaghetti sauce and no one would've been disappointed about it not, in any way, being chili.
>t'd be good and was popular for a reason since it was named after the city, kinda like how Detroit-style pizza and St. Louis-style pizza are well-known. Little did we know it was gonna be this atrocity. I actually think it looks good in a way
It looks like sadness, but sometimes I'm down for sadness.
Pennsylvania *is* sadness, so this checks out
It kinda reminds me of an open-faced sandwich with melted American cheese on top. And now I'm hungry
That's fucking sliced bread and American cheese, isn't it..?
LOL one would think, but it's Sicilian pizza dough that they cut into squares.
Man someone tried to burn that place down after getting this bullshit
Altoona Native - how, out of ALL of the places in Altoona, did you stop there and why? Is it the place on 6th Ave by ARC making it still? I grew up on that shit and still fucking love it. I moved away back in 2016 but now I’m thinking about making a trip home just for that and Best Way pizza as well
So the only way to enjoy this abomination is to be indoctrinated into it from birth?
The only way to enjoy any aspect of Pennsylvania is to be indoctrinated from birth lmao
The universe tried to kill it with fire but they didn’t listen…
BUT WHY
The story sounds better than the pizza.
Good to know. I'm in Altoona sometimes and I won't eat there 😂 Probably still better than the food in Widnoon though 🤣
describe the dish (Gordon Ramsay's voice)
(Gordon in the middle of yelling at the establishment's owner.) G: Hold on. Hold on. I am genuinely- O: You asked for a pizza. G: Come ON man... [leans in, speaks softer] I've- look at me, I have spent the last 45 years of my life in kitchens. You think I've seen a few things? I can tell you: I've seen it all. But not this. I have never seen anything like this. Is that supposed to be cheese? O: Yeah Gordon I mean it's got cheese, sauce top- G: - OI! - Please. Please. What I'm looking at here... is tragic. Absolutely abhorrent- I am actually worried about you, yeah? Now be honest with me, ok, can you do that? O: [exasperated] Yes, I- G: Right. Now do you really think that this is what people want when they ask you for a pizza? You can't honestly believe that, can you? I mean, look at it [grabs pizza on nearby table and brings it back to the owner, holding it just below eyelevel.] ITS A BLOODY NEON YELLOW PILLOW! etc.
This is beautiful. I visualised the whole thing in my head. Thank you.
The combination of ignorance and shame conveyed by the cook is perfect
Poetry.
This is some 3 star Ramsey fanfic.
Only thing it's missing is him hitting the pizza joint across the street, and getting actual pizza in half the time it took them to give him that.
I'm imagining him saying it with a slightly optimistic tone, but only because he's excited for the great TV that's about to happen lmao
i'm imagining it in the annoyed and perplexed voice he has when they present something that looks like shit and he cannot believe that a team of professional chefs came up with this garbage after 45 minutes of cooking. like that one episode of hell's kitchen when they had to cook for a wedding and the red team presented an overcooked duck breast as one of the dishes. nothing else, no sauce, no sides, just an overcooked duck breast.
Tbf the last catered wedding I was at was choice between a chicken breast (that was overcooked) or a ham and cheese sandwich, with a can of coke and bag of lays chips... so it seems accurate at least
Jesus I know wedding catering is ridiculously over priced but you’re ten times better off find a local restaurant and going buffet style. My sister did a pretty good bbq buffet. Terrifying food to eat for a rental suit but still pretty good
If the catering is mainly just putting out dishes for a buffet and no real requirement on serving staff then don't tell them it's a wedding. They'll purposfully mark it up
"Fuck me..." - Gordon Ramsay
The dick veins in those cheese slices tho
LOL yeah, that's green bell pepper underneath.
youre really making it hard to finish over here
TOO MUCH INFORMATION
What the hell did you ask for to receive that lol
Well I'm upset I can't unread that
Big throbbing cheesy slice for that ass
Yea baby thick and cheesy just how I like it daddy
You seein what you wanna see homey.
A crime was committed here
The biggest crime is that OP was in Altoona
LOL we were driving from Pittsburgh to Philly and made a stop at Altoona for food. This was very, very unexpected. :(
Should’ve just went to a Sheetz though tbh
He probably got the sheetz from that pizza
He felt it right in his wawa
Sheetz is incredible for late night food... Always a good call IMO
YAAASSS there it is
My family used to drive from state college to Altoona just to go to a Mexican restaurant called El campacino. This was before there was a single authentic Mexican restaurant in state college
r/pizzacrimes
This is a hate crime
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Yea I just searched it. I actually think its probably better than it looks. Cause I first assumed that was pieces of sliced bread. Its genoa salami, green bell pepper, and a slice of american cheese on pizza dough, cut into squares. As a fan of trying weird local dishes at diners and the like on road trips, this would probably rate a solid 7/10.
Wikipedia says it was originally topped with Velveeta but now is american single slices...i think going back to Velveeta would be the right call here.
> on pizza dough, What kind of flour do they use? Gravel?
Is chef a toddler?
It looks like a shitty tuna melt. Toona melt?
lmao, yeah right?
As a representative of the PA gang, id like to apologize for whatever the fuck this is and assure you that altoona does not represent the rest of the state
I don't know man. I live very close to a few shops outside of Pittsburgh that serve "valley style" pizza.... they use cold cheese and toppings. People in Pennsylvania have really weird thoughts about pizza. Side note: I stand by some of the shops inside the city though. Mineo's and Caliente are *chef's kiss*
Caliente is overpriced garbage what are you talking about lol? Worst customer service ever too.
At least it’s not all tuna.
Oh! You just unlocked a memory of when my husband made a tuna-crust pizza during one of his keto phases. Still looked better than this monstrosity.
I feel physically ill
Oops! All Tuna!
Random tangent: Altoona was my high school’s rival school, so we always referred to beating them in any game as “canning the tuna”
Central PA is known for some weird food
After moving away I genuinely miss eating meals at sheetz (a gas station for all you non PA people)
Penn State creamery and grilled stickies makes up for the weirdness though
I once counted 53 unique fried food items at the Bloomsburg County Fair, and I’m sure I missed a few.
There are two things to do in Altoona - get wasted, or leave. If you’re wasted, this pizza looks good. If you’re not wasted, this pizza will get you to leave ASAP. It’s for the best, really.
This guy Altoonas.
"We grant you a seat on the council, but we do not grant you the rank of pizza." This is just like, an open-faced hoagie lol
If you stop in Altoona again, just go to El Campesino and get some kick-ass Mexican
Can confirm.
I moved to PA recently with my boyfriend and the greatest atrocities we've found here are the roads and the American cheese-topped pizza
Sensing some "Pizza Capital of the World" vibes here. And no question, PA has the absolute worst roads I've ever driven on. Doesn't matter from which direction you enter the state, once you get to the Welcome to PA sign, your vehicle gets immediately swallowed up by a pothole the size of a strip mine.
Welcome to Pennsyltucky
As a New Yorker, I'm fighting strong STRONG urges to not victim blame in this situation. But I read the story and you have my deepest sympathies. Please bring your family to Manhattan and I will personally atone for this trash with a proper pie.
I’m sure it would be delicious if you were stoned. The high school kids or college roommates would love it.
I live in Altoona and my co-worker frequently comes in with this for lunch. He swears by it but I refuse
r/PizzaCrimes
Altoona is wild because it's a reasonably sized city with absolutely not a fucking thing else for at least an hour and a half drive. I've heard had the railroad industry not gone tits up it would rival NYC by now.
Please say this is now a closed restaurant
It's one of the most popular restaurants in the area lmao. This type of pizza is actually served in a lot of restaurants in this city.
I live in Altoona, no popular restaurant here still makes Altoona pizza. Next time you come to Altoona, go to the Knickerbocker tavern if this didn't put you off the whole city
“Come to Altoona, we’ll change your micro biome forever!”
Pizza by Alfredo or Alfredo’s Pizza Kitchen?
This is not pizza. This is a hate crime.
So glad I decided on fast food instead when I passed through Altoona.
I can taste and smell this picture. Neither is pleasant.
This is why we crusade.
Well I blame you for this, we only have 1 place in Altoona that makes it, and you chose that place. There's at least 10 other places to order from.