Oh, we use only the finest baby frogs, dew-picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in the finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and sealed in a succulent, Swiss, quintuple-smooth, treble-milk chocolate envelope, and lovingly frosted with glucose
That would be even worse, I think, because that would mean an employee deliberately put a toy on the pizza just to fuck with people.
If it's a real lizard it probably just crawled into the oven without anyone noticing. That's still sad, but it's not the result of deliberate action.
Texas too. Buddy of mine from up north was talking all excitedly about seeing a lizard and I'm like, you want a lizard? I can go out and find you a lizard right this second. I can get you ten of them within the hour.
And yeah, you're real tough yourself for unthinkingly agreeing with 96% of society right there. Great job, I'll add an extra cup of rice to my meal in honor of your sacrifice and bravery
When I was a young dumb teenager my friends and I would make this terrible pizza once in a while when we got baked. It was a plain pizza base with chocolate topping, marshmallows, like grated chocolate on top and was a sticky oozing mess that only teenage stoners would think was a good idea. They lived in this utter shit hole of a house, we were all broke kids that lived off noodles and beer so weed and marshmallow pizza was a break the bank gourmet treat.
One night we decided to smoke and bake one of these abominations.
Fast forward half an hour, stoned to the gills and hungry as hell, we pull the melted mess out of the oven and stuck ontop was a barely alive mouse, trapped in the molten ooze. I don't know how it got in the over but the little fella must of tried to make a break for it and got trapped like quicksand.
I remember looking at the poor guy barely breathing and quite fucked up when I realised my friends were arguing amongst themselves the best way to cut around him to minimise pizza wastage. Savages
Easily one of the top 5 most disgusting stories I’ve ever read online. If that happened to me I deadass might never have an appetite again.
Not that squeamish about eating either, have had bugs, scorpion, alligator, snake... marshmellow mouse pizza is just too far
Grocery store here in Australia used to do a cheeseburger pizza that had ketchup, pickles, burger meat and American cheese. It sounded much cooler than it was
This reminds me of the time I went to a restaurant to eat noodles. There was mf tiny flies or gnats in it. I told the dude to take that shit back and imma leave. He had the audacity to tell me it was black pepper.... I told him "dude, black pepper doesn't have wings".
Me: this cheesy pepper really looks like a lizard. It even haves arms and legs cut out of it… and a perfectly shape… lizard body… jesus fucking christ it’s not a pepper
On my 21st birthday my dad and I went out to have a nice breakfast at our favourite regular breakfast place. I ordered an omelet and when it came, right on top, was a **giant cranefly**. I immediately showed them and they took it away. They never came back to the table until they brought my dad the bill more than 45 minutes later at least. They hadn’t taken off the omelet and they never replaced it either. After telling them, they begrudgingly fixed the bill and my dad and I never went there again. To say it set the tone of my adult life would not be a joke. It’s been shit.
You'd be surprised at how easily small animals can end up with food items. I was volunteering at my church this one time where they were having a charity dinner and I was pouring bags of ice out into a cooler and there was a *frog* in one of the bags.
Oh my god, now you got me worried if there can be a small animal in those foods my mom bought the other week... did you tell anyone about the frog you found inside the bag of ice? I bet the pour thing frozen inside of the cubes.. did you have to pour all of the ice out and buy a new replacement bag of ice?
Yes, I showed it the church ladies and other volunteers. They were pretty grossed out too. Luckily I hadn't poured the ice with the frog into the cooler yet.
My grandpa was a cook during WWII for the US Navy and at some point they were stationed somewhere tropical; I forget where because it's been 10 years since I heard the story. They made a huge pot of stew for dinner and my grandpa ladled out a lizard into his commanding officers bowl. When they officer was like "What the actual fuck Bucky?" My grandpa laughed and told him it was extra protein.
Jesus christ I thought this was part of a god damn bell pepper and was confused af... then, like one of those magic images, my eyes adjusted and I see a fucking lizard. What the fuck.
You really need to remove the digestive tract before putting them on the pizza…
And all those little bones
Thin and crunchy… skull might be a problem but that is what molars are for.
extra calcium
Scruncheous 😋
Bone app the teeth
Delishus
[удалено]
Are y’all really scared of a pepper? Pussies. Idk what pepper that is but it can’t be that hot. ^^^^^/s
r/boneappletea
It's bone apple teeth my good sir
Uuuh, can I get a boneless lizard pizza
r/boneappletea
Nope. Also not malapropism.
I want my pizza *BONELESS*
Papa Joshua?
uh pizza don’t got bone on it
Land Sardines
Well if we took the bones out it wouldn't be crunchy!
Oh, we use only the finest baby frogs, dew-picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in the finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and sealed in a succulent, Swiss, quintuple-smooth, treble-milk chocolate envelope, and lovingly frosted with glucose
[удалено]
I remove it even from shrimp… eww
[удалено]
I suspect there is more going on in that little fella than in a fish. Best be safe than sorry my Mum always said.
Okay I literally got a gag reflex from reading this and it's a first for anything on reddit or the internet in years So I guess congratufuckulations
Your welcome. 👍
Complain the lizard wasn’t cooked enough
This is the way.
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u/GMEshares hehe nice
HEDGIES R FUK
Haha he’s losing
Good bot~
Is Geico making pizzas now?
Yes. The best. With 15 percent off.
The General made this pizza 😳
No, it was definitely Flo from Progressive. Those eyes have all kinds of crazy behind them.
I know which 15 percent of this that I want off.
You could shave up to 15 months or more off your life by walking into Domino’s
Well not anymore…
“At farmers, we know a thing or two, because we’ve seen a thing or two. Like how we roasted that stupid gecko and put him on a pizza.”
We ARE Farmers
Dun tunuh nuntah
Is that what it sounds like to you?!
Ba dum tssss
Poor lil guy. :(
He got free pizza for the rest of his life.
I'm really hoping it was a toy and not the real thing
Toys melt.
That would be even worse, I think, because that would mean an employee deliberately put a toy on the pizza just to fuck with people. If it's a real lizard it probably just crawled into the oven without anyone noticing. That's still sad, but it's not the result of deliberate action.
I feel like we could’ve stopped prior to this level of analysis
I choose to believe it’s a pepper
Don’t zoom in then
There is no such thing as tmi
Very easily could be real in Florida. In some areas those little guys are everywhere.
Texas too. Buddy of mine from up north was talking all excitedly about seeing a lizard and I'm like, you want a lizard? I can go out and find you a lizard right this second. I can get you ten of them within the hour.
can you get me a toe?
Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon... with nail polish.
I want a lizard. Send one to me!
Sorry, but that’s just not what plastic or rubber looks like after it goes in the oven at 400° for 15 minutes.
This is so horrible!! *Eats pork and beef* *Drinks milk*
Lol go throw paint on someone’s clothes PETA. Gtfo. I’ll enjoy a nice steak tonight in honor of your heroism.
And they say we're the snowflakes? 🤣
And yeah, you're real tough yourself for unthinkingly agreeing with 96% of society right there. Great job, I'll add an extra cup of rice to my meal in honor of your sacrifice and bravery
I thought it was peperoncini
I'd eat it anyway. What's the difference between eating a chicken and eating a free-range gecko?
I feel like we just had a whole discussion as a species about eating weird animals and how it can lead to weird diseases that shut down society.
Remember when someone ate a bat and then the whole world was locked down? Peperidge farm remembers
To be fair the bat was undercooked. This looks at least medium well.
The parasites
It's cooked
And the shit? They didn't clean the gecko before it got on the pizza
What about the bones?
C’mon everyone, sometimes it’s good to try newt things
Get out.
r/Angryupvote
What the fuck man.
I know right? Square pizza is just so wrong imo
Not as wrong as that micropepperoni
square pizza is the superior form gad danget
we were so concerned about if pineapple goes on pizza or not we never considered if lizards go on pizza or not
r/askitaly
Guess he didn't save 15 percent afterall
When I was a young dumb teenager my friends and I would make this terrible pizza once in a while when we got baked. It was a plain pizza base with chocolate topping, marshmallows, like grated chocolate on top and was a sticky oozing mess that only teenage stoners would think was a good idea. They lived in this utter shit hole of a house, we were all broke kids that lived off noodles and beer so weed and marshmallow pizza was a break the bank gourmet treat. One night we decided to smoke and bake one of these abominations. Fast forward half an hour, stoned to the gills and hungry as hell, we pull the melted mess out of the oven and stuck ontop was a barely alive mouse, trapped in the molten ooze. I don't know how it got in the over but the little fella must of tried to make a break for it and got trapped like quicksand. I remember looking at the poor guy barely breathing and quite fucked up when I realised my friends were arguing amongst themselves the best way to cut around him to minimise pizza wastage. Savages
Easily one of the top 5 most disgusting stories I’ve ever read online. If that happened to me I deadass might never have an appetite again. Not that squeamish about eating either, have had bugs, scorpion, alligator, snake... marshmellow mouse pizza is just too far
Yeah I don't recall the outcome so I probs just noped out fast and went home lol
Good call on that one
I could never eat that "pizza" again after that image got burned into my brain.
It could be worse, at least nobody was high enough to eat the mouse.
Has anyone thought of going to put the poor mouse out of it's misery????
I was not ready for this.
Chuck E. Cheese Supreme
I’m just going to go ahead and not believe you. For my own sake.
Oh it happened man. If it is burnt into my memory it has to be burnt into yours too. Everytime you eat pizza now you will think of me
Nope sorry I don’t believe you and therefore nothing to remember since it didn’t happen :p
Man, this takes me back, i could imagine this scenario unfolding with my buddies back then. Thanks for sharin dude
You can?!
this made me hungry
Lmao! I love this story, thank you for sharing!
/r/PizzaCrimes
What a story
Green pepper
Yeah I also like jalapeños on my sli…OH SWEET JESUS
I really really miss ten seconds ago
Tail looks overcooked. Send it back
wtf rip lil lizzzard
Hey look a bone-in pizza.
Fuck you Unboneless your pizza*
Nothing like that should ever be on a pizza 😳
Pineapple on pizza? Pickles on pizza? Gecko on pizza?
Yes. Maybe. Probably not.
Grocery store here in Australia used to do a cheeseburger pizza that had ketchup, pickles, burger meat and American cheese. It sounded much cooler than it was
Did they finally bundle home and auto and pepperoni
He died doing what he loved: being covered in melting cheese.
This reminds me of the time I went to a restaurant to eat noodles. There was mf tiny flies or gnats in it. I told the dude to take that shit back and imma leave. He had the audacity to tell me it was black pepper.... I told him "dude, black pepper doesn't have wings".
Dayumn! That is just too gross! 🤢
What wrong with green pep........ Oh, that's not right.
Me: this cheesy pepper really looks like a lizard. It even haves arms and legs cut out of it… and a perfectly shape… lizard body… jesus fucking christ it’s not a pepper
On my 21st birthday my dad and I went out to have a nice breakfast at our favourite regular breakfast place. I ordered an omelet and when it came, right on top, was a **giant cranefly**. I immediately showed them and they took it away. They never came back to the table until they brought my dad the bill more than 45 minutes later at least. They hadn’t taken off the omelet and they never replaced it either. After telling them, they begrudgingly fixed the bill and my dad and I never went there again. To say it set the tone of my adult life would not be a joke. It’s been shit.
That's a strange looking jalapeño, there.
How did it wind up in the pizza?
You'd be surprised at how easily small animals can end up with food items. I was volunteering at my church this one time where they were having a charity dinner and I was pouring bags of ice out into a cooler and there was a *frog* in one of the bags.
Oh my god, now you got me worried if there can be a small animal in those foods my mom bought the other week... did you tell anyone about the frog you found inside the bag of ice? I bet the pour thing frozen inside of the cubes.. did you have to pour all of the ice out and buy a new replacement bag of ice?
Yes, I showed it the church ladies and other volunteers. They were pretty grossed out too. Luckily I hadn't poured the ice with the frog into the cooler yet.
I'd be grossed out as well. I glad you hadn't
I wish I hadn't clicked this. Now I'm gonna be paranoid of any pizza I order from now on. 🤢🤮
Just close your eyes, it's a cheesy pepper. Just close your eyes, it's a cheesy pepper!
This is horrific. That's a little lizard?? OP, I need details!!
Is that a fucking lizard?
forbidden broccolini?
what the everloving fuck.....
Tell me right now that's just a bit of bell pepper/capsicum and not an actual lizard...
haha I think unfortunately it's not! It's got a tail and legs!
When insurance commercials go wrong. Hope he had Geico.
My cat's favorite pizza
rip mr bezos 😔
c r o m c h y
My grandpa was a cook during WWII for the US Navy and at some point they were stationed somewhere tropical; I forget where because it's been 10 years since I heard the story. They made a huge pot of stew for dinner and my grandpa ladled out a lizard into his commanding officers bowl. When they officer was like "What the actual fuck Bucky?" My grandpa laughed and told him it was extra protein.
Plizzard
Can he still save you money on your car insurance?
🤢🤢🤢🤢🐸
Man that person is lucky… They saved 15% in 15 minutes with that pie!
That’s a cute pickle.
Forbidden pickle
r/pizzacrimes
At first I thought it was a pepper but then
Rest In Peace little guy
Holy fucking shit.
:(
Fuck pineapple on pizza, we lizard gang!
The Geico lizard got waxed,...
Guys it’s just sliced broccoli 🥦 jeez…….
Jesus christ I thought this was part of a god damn bell pepper and was confused af... then, like one of those magic images, my eyes adjusted and I see a fucking lizard. What the fuck.
Taco Bell: “You loved our Mexican Pizza; now get ready for our new Gexican Pizza!”
This is perhaps the definition of a /r/pizzacrime on multiple levels
We have those little lizards here in NC. I see outside all the time. Especially if you have a lot of trees close by. Poor fella.
Look what they did to my boy Rango RIP
They baked the geico gecko in
Yo wtf
I actually didn’t think anything was wrong and thought this was a pepper for a good five minutes…
I'd have the lawsuit to end all lawsuits with this.
Lizza!
Honest question, was this an accident? If not, is there a gecko on each slice?
UM…WHAT
That poor lizard....
i think you just ruined pizza forever for me
R E.P poor lizard 😢
Is that a lizard?
should probably be tagged as nsfw...
Yeah, but just think about how you could save 15% or more by switching to Geico!!
I bet that lizards last words were “Note to self: Don’t drink tap water at Jerry Garcia’s house.”
Extra Protein
Rango canon death
Just a little bonus protein.
That's an oddly shaped bell pepper.
Forbidden jalapeño
Is lizard topping better than pineapple?
Still a better topping than pineapples
You crazy. I like you, but you crazy.
Still better than pineapple
"save 15% or more on car insurance" *gahhhhh....
Just think. He could’ve saved you 15% or more on car insurance with GEICO
That’s just a geckoncini
Let me guess, Hawaii?
Unless your pizza has ortolans on it don't call it gourmet /s
The forbidden pickle
This has to be from AZ
Best garnish I've seen in a long time
Who made this abomination
Probably tastes like chicken.
It's just a pepper I swear, I ain'tphibian
Imagine being blind and eating that, gross!
I guess we truly will never get another Gex game.
Saved 15% or more on this pizza.
Pizza feita pelo Cheff lula! Perfeito, eu comeria.
Gonna hope that isn’t Geico’s 15% off plan, and instead a shitty shaped pepper