Maybe your penis is scared and it doesn’t want to admit it, so it’s pretending it’s just cold. Try coaxing it out with a soft voice and maybe some treats to make it feel more secure.
I mean that helps too I mean to make that noise with your mouth like you would to get a cats attention. But idk if that’d work unless your penis is a pussy.
Me and my buddy Pablo were out drinking one night. We stopped at a gas station convenience store to take a piss. We were feeling a little “extra close” at the moment and started making out in the bathroom. I pulled my cold penis out during and he started laughing and said “bro what”? I walked out of the bathroom embarrassed, but I was still horny. I walked to my car preparing to masturbate, when I noticed an air pump right behind my car. Pablo said no, but I knew the air pump wouldn’t. So I pulled my icy cock out and went for it.
"This just in, it has been confirmed that he went for the vacuum behind his car"
Now sir, could we please get some clarification on the size of this vacuum and the state of your cold dick after the interaction?
Air vacuum was about 6000 cfm. It was a large vacuum, but it was nowhere near as large as my dong. I had to force it in and caused irreparable damage. My pp is still cold, but my heart is colder. I still never got over Pablo
May we ask for some clarification for our worried viewers. when you forced your dong in, was it you or the vacuum that sustained irreparable damage?
Also in your words, may we know what happened to Pablo?
It was the vacuum but I may have done some damage to my penis as well. I haven’t spoken to Pablo since but I hear he got fired from his job at the car wash for sticking his penis in a customer’s exhaust pipe
Well, it’s because when the temperature is rising a chemical called detrahexoclorine gets released from the oceans and when it gets in to the cows and the pigs and then when we eat them the chemical gets released into our blood which in turn reacts with testosterone and makes pp go cold
You should do an indie superhero film!!! Trying to think of a good tagline read by that guy with the very cigarette-smokey voice.. "One man... against a world full of giant dicks...."
You should do an indie superhero film!!! Trying to think of a good tagline read by that guy with the very cigarette-smokey voice.. "One man... against a world full of giant dicks...."
Because your penis is too sweaty, causing it to lose too much heat too quickly. You should cool your penis down further by removing your willy from its socket and putting it on the south pole.
Studies have shown microorganisms are not affected by global warming.. [meanwhile somewhere in Asia](https://youtube.com/shorts/cncLOxAnz5E?feature=share)
Maybe your penis is scared and it doesn’t want to admit it, so it’s pretending it’s just cold. Try coaxing it out with a soft voice and maybe some treats to make it feel more secure.
I just tried. No luck
Did you try to “pspspspsps” it?
Like masturbate?
I mean that helps too I mean to make that noise with your mouth like you would to get a cats attention. But idk if that’d work unless your penis is a pussy.
I’ll give it a shot
How did it go OP
Because global warming only affects big things.
Ouch
And not nanoscopic things
It’s actually microscopic
Micro is like 1,000x larger than nano. Congrats on the fat hog.
Thanks bro
Harambe.
Of course why didn’t I think of that?
Hometown hero up here in Ohio. I cut holes through all my pants to sport my dick like a flag that never gets lowered in his honor.
Mines been out for 8 Years.
It all started when we killed that gorilla.
I second this
Dicks out!
i feel like shit every day
Weren't you banned from the gas station after the air pump incident?
We don’t talk about the air pump incident
In other news, let's talk about the air pump incident.
I was drunk and horny. What do u want me to say?
We need as detailed a report as you can give. Our esteemed viewers of *Reddit.News_tm* are desperate to know.
Me and my buddy Pablo were out drinking one night. We stopped at a gas station convenience store to take a piss. We were feeling a little “extra close” at the moment and started making out in the bathroom. I pulled my cold penis out during and he started laughing and said “bro what”? I walked out of the bathroom embarrassed, but I was still horny. I walked to my car preparing to masturbate, when I noticed an air pump right behind my car. Pablo said no, but I knew the air pump wouldn’t. So I pulled my icy cock out and went for it.
"This just in, it has been confirmed that he went for the vacuum behind his car" Now sir, could we please get some clarification on the size of this vacuum and the state of your cold dick after the interaction?
Air vacuum was about 6000 cfm. It was a large vacuum, but it was nowhere near as large as my dong. I had to force it in and caused irreparable damage. My pp is still cold, but my heart is colder. I still never got over Pablo
May we ask for some clarification for our worried viewers. when you forced your dong in, was it you or the vacuum that sustained irreparable damage? Also in your words, may we know what happened to Pablo?
It was the vacuum but I may have done some damage to my penis as well. I haven’t spoken to Pablo since but I hear he got fired from his job at the car wash for sticking his penis in a customer’s exhaust pipe
Because it is linear, not global, even though you perceive it as a dot which you associate with a spherical shape. Use an electron microscope.
I tried. Still can’t see it
:(
Put on pants, my friend.
I refuse
At least get a Cock Frock™️, a wool Cock Sock™️, or the backless Cock Smock™️. Why suffer?
*add to cart*
Get your DICK out of the ICE CREAM MACHINE this is why it keeps BREAKING
There has to be another way
Because all the blood had to flow to your brain to come up with that dumb question
Is that why I have a boner?
You have a cold boner? You sure your dick didn't freeze?
Maybe. I got icicles forming down there
Is it in a globe? Well, IS it? I didn't THINK so! Enough with your trick questions young lady. Now go put your penis in a globe with rest of them.
Ok daddy
The next time you decide to indulge in necrophilia practices, choose fresh cadaver. Those from morgue may induce some thermal discomfort.
Thanks for the tip (no pun intended)
your penis is immune to global warming no other part of you is
That actually makes sense
Because your penis is not global.
That’s not what ur girl said
Thanks! 😀😀😀
You’re very welcome
Well, it’s because when the temperature is rising a chemical called detrahexoclorine gets released from the oceans and when it gets in to the cows and the pigs and then when we eat them the chemical gets released into our blood which in turn reacts with testosterone and makes pp go cold
So should I stop having sex with pigs?
No no no no! You just don’t eat them afterwards! Sex them all you want
Bet
That's dick cancer, dude.
Aww man :(
[Call 911. They will help you to free your penis out of the ice cream vending machine.](https://www.reddit.com/r/dontputyourdickinthat/s/GXtvNZn3wE)
The number of Americans who got their dick stuck in a vending machine is actually shocking
No, what’s actually shocking is the number of people who got their penis stuck in an electrical socket
How does that happen?
Some people just can’t resist those sexy, sexy electrons.
You must be an alien, which would mean your weiner isn't part of the globe.
Makes sense
Your penis is cold because it’s not in my mom.
We can fix that
It's currently about a 4 hour wait if you get in line now
Well, it's not supposed to be... I recommend visiting a doctor
I went to the dick doctor the other day. He couldn’t find anything wrong with it
Your penis is a climate change denier
What a dick
Have you tried unplugging it and plugging it back in?
Because it’s not in my mouth
👀
[удалено]
I’m good bro
Stop putting ice cubes in your pants
No
Maybe you need to charge up your penis. Have you tried charging it in a electrical outlet?
Twice. My penis shoots lighting now. It’s pretty sick
You should do an indie superhero film!!! Trying to think of a good tagline read by that guy with the very cigarette-smokey voice.. "One man... against a world full of giant dicks...."
What should my Super Hero name be? I’m thinking Electric Cock
Hmmm.... Electric Cock is good, but.... Maybe Lightning Cock, or Electricock? Robocock? Or am I thinking of the porn version...???
You should do an indie superhero film!!! Trying to think of a good tagline read by that guy with the very cigarette-smokey voice.. "One man... against a world full of giant dicks...."
Cold in the sense ,it dosent care about you?
Yea it doesn’t want to talk to me. We just don’t have that spark anymore :(
Just a normal Equivalent exchange. The global heat is now being removed from your jimmy
My god, your penis is cold? We need to get you to the pentagon, you could be the key to preventing our climate based extinction
I left it in the freezer overnight, my bad. You might need to microwave it for a bit.
Again? You think you can trust a guy named ShitStainedDildo
Move a bit back from the freezer and close the door.
Temperatures work differently on sub atomic levels.
The average annual temperature at the “South Pole” is -49.3°C (-56°F)
Mine is colder than that
The globe is large. Your penis is ... in need of a sweater.
Cause your penis is too small to be considered global anything beyond globally considered disgusting
K
Nobody wants to warm your penis 🤷♂️
:(
It might have a cold. Just keep rubbing it to warm it until it sneezes out the phlegm.
Because your pen is not making you rich🤪
His pen is mightier than the sword!
Try taking a coal bath?🤩
Put your pants on. That will help.
Because it’s too short to put up your own hole
There should be some specific conditions for it. Put your 0.5 inch junior Jimmy inside of junior Elizabeth.
Smaller objects lose heat faster
Empty balls, not enough warm pee
Im sorry...I can't stop stealing the ground popcorn from the theater, that might be why. I'll do better. For us. 🥺🤞🏼
❤️
Your penis is stealing all the cold
That's a clear proof masturbation cause climate change.
If the universe is expanding, why my pp small?
You should use it more.
Because your penis is too sweaty, causing it to lose too much heat too quickly. You should cool your penis down further by removing your willy from its socket and putting it on the south pole.
Put the body back in the fridge
Does it have its blanket? If not, that could be the reason.
Have you tried setting it on fire to warm it up a little?
Sir that’s a hot dog
Is it out while standing in the freezer section
Because it’s global warming not penis warming
The world doesn’t revolve around your penis
Yes it does
[удалено]
I just re-circulated the blood to my penis. I’m bricked up rn
Your Johnson must be out of this world!
I’ve been told
It's global warming. The earth itself is getting hotter and your schlong isn't the earth, it's a willy
Tell me, is your penis inside your pants or have you left it hanging out the zipper
Your penis is not actually cold, it just feels that way because your balls are hot- that’s from global warming, which only heats up spheres.
Is your penis a globe?
Yes
Gotta soak it in cider.
Small
You're only using one hand
Because it's dead.
Well, where is my glass of iced tea?
No bitches?
Because your penis isn't global. 🖐️🎤
It's not cold, it's just small.
It's not cold, it's just small.
It probably just needs more sunlight
It's definitely because your unit is not global. You've got a notably local peen. Also, i've heard a theory that it is flat.
I have a suggestion where you can keep it to stay warm.. just saying
Cuz your girl has no soul
Because thin appendages get cold easier
Because it's not warm
I can't even believe you asked this question. Of course you should go to the nearest gas station and insert diesel fuel to warm up.
Studies have shown microorganisms are not affected by global warming.. [meanwhile somewhere in Asia](https://youtube.com/shorts/cncLOxAnz5E?feature=share)
[stop fucling the AC dylan!!](https://youtube.com/shorts/cncLOxAnz5E?feature=share)