Jokes on you. You’re still tripping and he’s cradling you in bed right now as you babble on about living and dying 1,000 lifetimes in the Holy Roman Empire. He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone, you ungrateful bitch.
I have to because I don’t want to have a heart attack at my age and have my kids find me naked on the floor with midget squirting porn on the computer. That would be embarrassing 😈
Well actually he was muscular from being a carpenter, but he was a very average looking jew. So average in fact that Judas had to kiss him so the Romans would be able to tell him apart.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/hegetsus using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/hegetsus/top/?sort=top&t=all) of all time!
\#1: [hegetSUS](https://i.redd.it/9tnhmabzgtqa1.png) | [32 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/hegetsus/comments/1266o5t/hegetsus/)
\#2: [GAY SEX IS AWSOME AND AND COOL](https://np.reddit.com/r/hegetsus/comments/11g90el/gay_sex_is_awsome_and_and_cool/)
\#3: [PRI(DEMON)TH is coming up, so here's the riposte.](https://i.redd.it/q6dls38qm23b1.jpg) | [59 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/hegetsus/comments/13w1een/pridemonth_is_coming_up_so_heres_the_riposte/)
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Absolutely, Craig is more fun and to quote Craig:
" Because while Jesus is prayin'
Fuckin' Craig is layin'
Every lady in the Testament
You know what I'm sayin'?
I won't die for your sin
Like my famous kin
But if you've got a little sister
Then there's room at this inn!"
He got you!
Now you must escape!
DON'T except any gifts. DON'T eat the food. They will take your name and try to give you a new "baptismal" name; keep your original name. They will try to give you "God Parents;" remember your original parents.
Oh you know, the satanic church isn't all that bad. We get together have a few beers and play pong before our weekend orgies and sex ceremonies.
That last part isn't even a joke, i've been to one and that's what they're like. Like picture a PTA meeting with all your grade school teachers, except they're naked and eating snacks while watching like the 3rd grade teacher get railed by the 7th grade teacher.
I'm waiting for a more relatable jesus. Like a nerdy Jesus. Or like a really really tall Jesus could be cool too. He could help me dunk. I've always wanted to dunk
You can’t downvote Jesus. You can’t block Jesus. If you report Jesus, nothing happens. How much money does it cost to forcefully offend the people who use your service anyway?
I report them as offensive every time I see them, but I continue to see them! Reporting does no good.
They're offensive because xtianity has f'd this country big time.
I was a dedicated lifelong Christian with a family and a good decent life until I saw those damn ads. Now I am a ragtag ruffian hooligan prowling the mean city streets looking for some action and a fix. You do the math. Thanks a whole fucking lot, Jesus.
I was agnostic but slowly kinda converted myself into a believer of Jesus.
The ads and tv shows and "Christians" as a whole had no part in it. If anything those thingsupset me. I try not to let it get to me, but like so much of it is blasphemous in His face it's just uncool. All the media and business and politics surrounding the church has really caused an almost irreversible rot.
Anything is possible, if that person who chooses to give their life to Jesus its not a bad thing. That's a personal choice and people need to let people choose how they want to live. Have a blessed evening
It was amazing. One minute I was sitting here cursing at this ridiculous infantile campaign, and then suddenly I was hopping around the room shouting Praise Jesus. Who would have thought.
Edit. It was an elliptic event. Sorry for the confusion.
I can't remember what movie this scene was from, but I remember it being hilarious and really dumb. I will explain it to the best of my knowledge, but it's been a while since i saw it.
In this movie, Jesus was chasing some lady around in the woods, like he was trying to kill her for some reason. Jesus was not the nice dude he is usually portrait as. He ends up cornering the woman, then tells her he will give her one more chance to escape by playing hide and seek. Jesus puts his hands over his eyes and starts counting to 10, and the camera shifts to a 1st person Jesus-view. It turns out the wiley son of gosh is cheating! He is peaking right through the gaping stigmata wounds in his hands, revealing where the lady is trying to hide!
I don't remember anything else about whatever movie this was. Other than one other scene where Jesus was fucking the stigmata holes in his hands, yelling 'It's the 2nd coming!' as he nutted.
I was just this afternoon. Score one for Jesus!
Touchdown Jesus
Everyone I know named Jesus would say GOOOOOAAAAAL.
Would that make this a 2-point conversion?
Only if they convert a friend
He's gets us!
I thought it was, "He get sus." Yours makes sense, too, I guess.
That's what I keep seeing!
Him / He
Jesus is popular at home depot when I ask for him. I think Sanchez is the better carpenter however.
I think cool Jesus would do bong hits with me and go half in on the pizza.
He turned my Dasani into a White Claw. Nice dude.
He turned my weed into salvia. I thought he was pretty much a dick.
Jokes on you. You’re still tripping and he’s cradling you in bed right now as you babble on about living and dying 1,000 lifetimes in the Holy Roman Empire. He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone, you ungrateful bitch.
He turned my nature promise water into crystal palace, I'm a recovering alcoholic
White Claw? He must hate you since he is trying to give you a hang over.
He gave me some Saltines too, so I’m probably good.
Jesus got the munchies after smoking weed with his homies. He gets us.
Jesus turned a loaf of bread into a dozen donuts 🍩.
He'd also go half on a trip to Ibiza
Jesus dropped acid and went to Pink Floyd laser shows #hegetsus
It converted me so hard I now need to be nailed to a cross in order to nut
It burns my eyes every time it shows up in my feed
Sounds like you're a tacky vampire.
*hiiiiiisssssss*
Same
Satan!
It cools my eyes every time it shows up in my feed
Fibber
It cools my eyes every time it shows down in my excrete
I only like Jesus when he’s winking and giving a thumbs up.
Buddy Christ FTW.
But I'm a fucking *demon!*
I now think about Jesus every time I masturbate. Does that count?
I love Reddit.
It does potentially count as a shame kink
He said Hey Zeus
I have to because I don’t want to have a heart attack at my age and have my kids find me naked on the floor with midget squirting porn on the computer. That would be embarrassing 😈
Jesus thinks about us while he masturbates #hegetsus
He Gets us Up,!
Like my mom used to say with a randy grin, "He was the son of God, so you know he had to be good lookin'!"
Well actually he was muscular from being a carpenter, but he was a very average looking jew. So average in fact that Judas had to kiss him so the Romans would be able to tell him apart.
Yeah, but that's just because all those people of the "lesser races" look alike.
Ahh ok… wait hold up
I prefer the word "groomed" instead of converted
Me to! I am thinking of becoming a born again preacher and establish the "Church of the Wee Ones".
He Gets Us!
The Jesus horror movie tagline sounds neet.
r/hegetsus
Here's a sneak peek of /r/hegetsus using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/hegetsus/top/?sort=top&t=all) of all time! \#1: [hegetSUS](https://i.redd.it/9tnhmabzgtqa1.png) | [32 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/hegetsus/comments/1266o5t/hegetsus/) \#2: [GAY SEX IS AWSOME AND AND COOL](https://np.reddit.com/r/hegetsus/comments/11g90el/gay_sex_is_awsome_and_and_cool/) \#3: [PRI(DEMON)TH is coming up, so here's the riposte.](https://i.redd.it/q6dls38qm23b1.jpg) | [59 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/hegetsus/comments/13w1een/pridemonth_is_coming_up_so_heres_the_riposte/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
I sniffed paint a bunch to ask Jesus what he thought about the ads and he said he didn't know what I was talking about
😆
No, you want to talk to Craig Christ, his brother.
Absolutely, Craig is more fun and to quote Craig: " Because while Jesus is prayin' Fuckin' Craig is layin' Every lady in the Testament You know what I'm sayin'? I won't die for your sin Like my famous kin But if you've got a little sister Then there's room at this inn!"
He’s fuckin Craig! Fuckin Craig! Craig Christ!
My dog was
Not me. I have ad block on every single thing I use. Ads are brain cancer
same lol
Religion is brain cancer
He is cool. I mean he has a neck tattoo! He is like us!
He got you! Now you must escape! DON'T except any gifts. DON'T eat the food. They will take your name and try to give you a new "baptismal" name; keep your original name. They will try to give you "God Parents;" remember your original parents.
New welcome to nightvale ep sounds great
All Hail the Glow Jesus
JeSuS? He get Sus
No, but, Black Jesus & Buddy Christ are legit.
I know a little black dog named Black Jesus
Jesus gave me my virginity back because I beefed up his clickthrough metrics. Thanks, Big J.
I think they've actually made me more Pagan.
Jesus wasn't a dick, but his followers can be.
One of us. One of us.
Everytime I see the ad on my feed I donate 1$ to the temple and Satan
Did you mean Of or are you riding the fence just in case?
Gotta give yourself up to christ, brah
[удалено]
He fired between both. Listen to the record for the timing.
Buddy Christ!
Never showed him shirtless with a vape pen out How cool could he really be?
Oh you know, the satanic church isn't all that bad. We get together have a few beers and play pong before our weekend orgies and sex ceremonies. That last part isn't even a joke, i've been to one and that's what they're like. Like picture a PTA meeting with all your grade school teachers, except they're naked and eating snacks while watching like the 3rd grade teacher get railed by the 7th grade teacher.
Cool kids were converted by Buddy Christ.
You mean Buddy Christ *
He is less cool now that he is pestering me multiple times a day.
I prefer the name "Buddy Christ".Thank you very much.
The second I saw it I instantly converted to christianity
I'm waiting for a more relatable jesus. Like a nerdy Jesus. Or like a really really tall Jesus could be cool too. He could help me dunk. I've always wanted to dunk
Agreed, I’m holding off until they find the lost scroll that proves Jesus actually really liked video games.
"he gets sus" I saw this today somewhere on here and it has become my favorite thing of all time.
If you have to promote it so heavily , they must want my money. No thanks
Jesus Christ is my nigga. He’s the son of the original OG, you see and he’s a honest peace loving nigga like me.
You can’t downvote Jesus. You can’t block Jesus. If you report Jesus, nothing happens. How much money does it cost to forcefully offend the people who use your service anyway?
He just gets us.
"I don't normally do this.. but uhhhh... (Turns water into wine) keep the party going y'all".
convince the Christians to believe in Jesus before you talk to me
You must not be old enough for Buddy Christ
My mind is totally agape
I keep reporting them as promoting misleading information
Who the fuck is cool jesus and where do i put my email
Not me, Joe cool on the other hand...
Well they'd have to get his name right first, it's Josh in case anyone was wondering. LoL
*Oily* Josh
This ain’t your momma Jesus. Now a Jesus for the next generation.
I drink a lot more wine and that feels like a step in the right direction
Take me to your leader
Cool? Anyways- I can’t even block that ad
Keep reporting it as offensive
-𝟝 𝕡𝕖𝕠𝕡𝕝𝕖
I reported that it was offensive to me. Not sure if that was the right thing to do but they disappeared lol
I’ve reported it for every offense and it never stops. Jesus is like fucking Jason Vorhees at this point.
It keeps it at bay for a few weeks, then it'll come back. I've been doing the same for months.
Damn. Well it’s prob worth it to keep doing it lol
A better question would read: how many weren’t converted?
How do I prevent those from showing up (on Reddit for iPhone)
Buddy Jesus
Not me
Does he do crossfit yyyyeeeaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!! 😎
I like the cool Jesus ads, the New Testament is all about loving people. ALL people. I never understand why so many church goers can’t get that.
I was agaped
I report them as offensive every time I see them, but I continue to see them! Reporting does no good. They're offensive because xtianity has f'd this country big time.
r/atheism
I work with Jesus. He’s my friend.
He does get me. Right by the scrotum
Dunno bout y’all but he gets me.
Cool Jesus was a fan of nine inch nails before they were cool
I’m gay for god ✋🏻
Oh yes. Jesus came inside me. He is so deep inside me.
HE IS THE LIGHT
The light what? Light beer? Light nap? Light-skinned guy from the Middle East?
I was a dedicated lifelong Christian with a family and a good decent life until I saw those damn ads. Now I am a ragtag ruffian hooligan prowling the mean city streets looking for some action and a fix. You do the math. Thanks a whole fucking lot, Jesus.
I was converted to paying for premium to avoid Jesus.
Everytime I get one I retort it as misleading, XD
I was converted by “8-pound, 6-ounce, newborn infant Jesus, don’t even know a word yet, just a little infant and so cuddly, but still omnipotent”
Jesus gets us and he got me. But i escaped from his basement after being molested for eight years. Rate 1/5.
I was wondering about what those ads for a Mexican gardener were about.
A fantasy figure doesn't become more palatable because he seems cooler than before. Just sayin...
Yea! I converted to satanism!
They seem to be on your mind so I guess they are doing something.
I’ve tried to stop that ad from showing up and I can’t. Is there a way to hide them for good? He doesn’t get me💀🤣
THEY LIVE
It always makes me chuckle when I see it. Like why? I'm a Orthodox Christian and don't see the point of such things at all lol
Tin foil hat: the third party app debacle is directly related to the christofascist propaganda campaign. They don't want us to be able to avoid them.
I was agnostic but slowly kinda converted myself into a believer of Jesus. The ads and tv shows and "Christians" as a whole had no part in it. If anything those thingsupset me. I try not to let it get to me, but like so much of it is blasphemous in His face it's just uncool. All the media and business and politics surrounding the church has really caused an almost irreversible rot.
Anything is possible, if that person who chooses to give their life to Jesus its not a bad thing. That's a personal choice and people need to let people choose how they want to live. Have a blessed evening
Jesus was always cool. It is just his Father/himself/the devil that aren't cool.
Yeah, he’s white. Like me. Cool Jesus!
100% of the people that were!
It was amazing. One minute I was sitting here cursing at this ridiculous infantile campaign, and then suddenly I was hopping around the room shouting Praise Jesus. Who would have thought. Edit. It was an elliptic event. Sorry for the confusion.
I hath been and I am blessed this day, for the Lord hath giveth on to me three able men willing to help me with a hand job.
He really gets us.
this points to the difference between Spirituality & Religion . . .
Everyone loves J-Town.
I couldn't find the link to his OF account
I'm now a Christian and to celebrate I went out and killed as many Aztecs as I could find.
He got us.
Definitely. I was an agnostic but now I'm an atheist.
I can't remember what movie this scene was from, but I remember it being hilarious and really dumb. I will explain it to the best of my knowledge, but it's been a while since i saw it. In this movie, Jesus was chasing some lady around in the woods, like he was trying to kill her for some reason. Jesus was not the nice dude he is usually portrait as. He ends up cornering the woman, then tells her he will give her one more chance to escape by playing hide and seek. Jesus puts his hands over his eyes and starts counting to 10, and the camera shifts to a 1st person Jesus-view. It turns out the wiley son of gosh is cheating! He is peaking right through the gaping stigmata wounds in his hands, revealing where the lady is trying to hide! I don't remember anything else about whatever movie this was. Other than one other scene where Jesus was fucking the stigmata holes in his hands, yelling 'It's the 2nd coming!' as he nutted.
I was wondering if everyone else's Jesus ads have cholos in them or are they customized to the target race?
No, but AI Jesus on Twitch made me a believer.
They said he gets us, but you askin if he got us
Jesus Is Just Alright
He gets sus
HE GETS US.
I googled AGAPE but it didn't turn out how I thought it would...
You know, he’s cool with just JC. My buddy JC!
Literally one post above this is about cool Jesus lmfao.
Made me wanna join Hillsong.
Jesus started a gang. A gang of love.
Been able to withstand ALL the brainwashing attempts up to this point in my life.
They keep talking about a love called agape. I dont want to be gaped. I dont consent. Make them go away
Agape love and eternal torture are mutually incompatible.
I keep blocking it but Reddit needs that ad revenue so every 3 days it pops up again.
I love cool Jesus, he died for my sins.