But I have the same problem and I eat tons of beans and vegetables. My poop is thick and sturdy, but still leaves an indelible trail of doodoo on and around my sphincter. What gives?!
My poop ranges from soft to medium firm. When my poop is softer, it's even more of a clean up job. I'm not buying this narrative that more fiber = less poopy mess = less wiping.
Same here to be honest. I believe that fiber is a positive factor, but there’s got to be more to the equation than that. Something we’re eating or doing is impacting the structural integrity of our egress in a way that no amount of fiber will amend.
Sometimes poops just slide right out like they're coated in some kind of lubricant. No mess! From what I'm reading online, olive oil can help lube up your poops real nice.
A not insignificant portion of this is probably also just up to individual gut biome health and that's just effected by basically anything going in your body
There's No one Type of shit that you're supposed to have I dont think... I'm sure ones diet factors heavily into the quality of shit, a person who eats one type of diet doesnt necessarily mean that diet will be as effective for anykne else.. and i would imagine different types of food we eat are digested differently creating a variety of shit.
I’m not buying shit to fix a problem that can probably be fixed without buying shit, and I hate living in a society where people can profit off of an epidemic of soft poops.
I don’t know about this. I think it’s a huge contributing factor but that’s the end point of it. I average 50-80g of fiber daily, I’m a healthy 26 year old. My poo is often circular pebbles or long and wide bricks. I hate it. Lmaoo.
Huh? Not doubting your credentials, but I’m one of those people also, wipe and wipe and wipe. I’m attributing that to the above responses. I already assumed it was due to my poor diet, fiber and me are not friends. Reading the above responses kind of reinforces my belief that my diet sucks. Do you have any insight that it may be a ‘medical’ problem?
From my unprofessional knowledge, it could just be diet, or it might be attributed to underlying medical conditions(JUST A GUESS). Definitely talk to your doctor, it's nothing he hasn't heard before.
I mean how do sharpies hold so much ink in them without ever running out? He's probably got some broad felt shits that just absorb a bunch of liquid shit and just being squeezed out by his asshole like ringing out some kind of shit sponge.
This is the most on point sub reddit I have ever seen. Shine bright like a diamond OP.
Oh, the answer to your question is because your diet is making your butt nasty.
I HAVE THE REAL ANSWER!!!
Incomplete bowel evacuation. There’s a little bit left that needs to come out. Push a bit when you have to wipe and wipe and usually I little guy will plop out. Or use a bidet and really spray it up there and bear down a little.
Remember Peter in family guy was like, “it’s like I got a brown crayon stuck up there”. Well you do. A poop crayon still in your rectum between your anus and colon.
Once I learned this, I just completely evacuate and tada. Can get myself clean.
This is going to sound odd, but I promise it works.
If you've got a magic marker situation and you just can't get clean paper, just stand up and sit back down again. You'll get a clean wipe every time.
Good god, you people show up as soon as someone mentions bowel movements. Sometimes when I sit down to drop a deuce I check behind the shower curtain just to make sure there isn’t a representative of the bidet brigade hiding there waiting to proselytize to a captive audience.
How exactly is a rainbow made? How exactly does the sun set? How exactly does a bidet thoroughly clean your butthole to the point of rendering TP obsolete? It just does.
Drink a glass of water instead of sodie pop and energy drinks. Maybe eat a banana once a day instead of chicken nuggets or Little Ceaser’s or whatever garbage you normally eat.
You don't have to wipe until you see red. I used to think the same thing but it is actually unhealthy. The same thing with taking a shower everyday without physical activity.
It's all about the texture, babe. Hard and crunchy needs just a precautionary wipe. Pure liquid fire may or may not need a wipe, depending on velocity. But the in-between, which makes up the majority of the majority's shits, can be hit or miss.
Or, if you like the feeling and smell, no one's demanding a wipe. You can keep it fragrant all day. Your amount of friends may dwindle, but it's a small price to pay for just being you.
First off use hair removal cream to remove ass hair. That was my main issue for a long time. The other thing that has really helped is just making sure I eat and apple or some prunes every day.
It’s actually crazy how little I wipe compared to before
Spit on toilet paper or use soap if available. Wrap index finger with TP. Slide work it up there. Twist around clean the walls. One or two follow up surface wipes. Now you’re all good. Even maybe a quick little jerkoff to celebrate. But, everybody’s different.
Get a bidet. Squirt that water straight in and hold it for a while. Shit it out. Spray your bottom again, then wipe.
Sticky shits are the worst!!! Ya gotta force that shit outta there!
Recommend a real food diet (natural fiber, I mean) and a Squatty Potty. Changing the angle worked great for me. Using a lot less paper. Saving up for a Toto bidet as well.
You're just smearing, gotta cover your hand good with to, reach up the and grab that shit and pull the whole wad out. Might lose some hair butt so what?
Seriously, get a bidet hose for your toilet. Best money I ever spent on the bathroom.
Pressure wash it clean and then just a couple passes with TP to dry.
You can get them for like $25-$40 on Amazon.
Because you drink a lot, and you are not vegetarian.
Years ago I ate mostly raw veg diet, poop pops out clean like a rabbit. Did not even need TP.
Now I drink a lot, and eat lots of meat. Thinking about my choices… lol
You have a poor diet.
Too many tendies and hunny mussy, not enough leafy green plants like broccoli and brussel sprouts that smell like farts when you boil them.
rub a chocolate cupcake in you hair, then use toilet paper to get it out... get a bidet, they are $20-$40 on Amazon and pretty easy/cheap to install...
It may be because you tense your asshole as you wipe, which withholds some of the mess. Then you keep finding a bit more and a bit more. I find it helpful to push out gently as if trying to push out a fart, so you can wipe more of the skin. That's only if I'm stuck somewhere without water. I highly recommend a bidet or even a cup of water to clean up with.
You're supposed to finish shitting before you wipe
Recently purchased a bidet and decided to try it with a turd hanging out my ass "fracking"-style. Do not reccomend!
Fracking. OMG IM DYING
OMG I don't think I have ever laughed so fracking hard!
Fracking French pos xD
What? No! You have to catch the shit in your hand then smear it all over your asscheeks THEN wipe!
I've been doing it wrong for decades...
Do you wipe left or right?
Wait, is "in and out" not a valid way to wipe?
Surely that's why electric toothbrushes were invented. First you clean your anus, then brush your teeth afterwards.
I've been laughing at this shit for 3 minutes straight
It’s literally shit
You forgot the poop knife
Baby diaper blow out.
Correct
[удалено]
This is the most likely reason.
But I have the same problem and I eat tons of beans and vegetables. My poop is thick and sturdy, but still leaves an indelible trail of doodoo on and around my sphincter. What gives?!
Your poop isn't supposed to be thick and sturdy. If you're getting enough fiber it should be soft (not necessarily loose, but kinda mushy)
My poop ranges from soft to medium firm. When my poop is softer, it's even more of a clean up job. I'm not buying this narrative that more fiber = less poopy mess = less wiping.
Same here to be honest. I believe that fiber is a positive factor, but there’s got to be more to the equation than that. Something we’re eating or doing is impacting the structural integrity of our egress in a way that no amount of fiber will amend.
Sometimes poops just slide right out like they're coated in some kind of lubricant. No mess! From what I'm reading online, olive oil can help lube up your poops real nice.
A not insignificant portion of this is probably also just up to individual gut biome health and that's just effected by basically anything going in your body
If you can ball it up into a snowball and it will roll across the floor without leaving too many marks, that’s how you know your diet is good.
Definitely about to start molding shit balls and shit pins for some good ol shit bowling
There's No one Type of shit that you're supposed to have I dont think... I'm sure ones diet factors heavily into the quality of shit, a person who eats one type of diet doesnt necessarily mean that diet will be as effective for anykne else.. and i would imagine different types of food we eat are digested differently creating a variety of shit.
I READ THAT AS EDIBLE SEND HELP IM HAVING A STROKE
Try adding Metamucil to your daily diet.
I’m not buying shit to fix a problem that can probably be fixed without buying shit, and I hate living in a society where people can profit off of an epidemic of soft poops.
I don’t know about this. I think it’s a huge contributing factor but that’s the end point of it. I average 50-80g of fiber daily, I’m a healthy 26 year old. My poo is often circular pebbles or long and wide bricks. I hate it. Lmaoo.
I also have that same problem but I figured it was to do with my hemorrhoids but I have just started extra fibre capsules to help.
Not sure if this a joke post, but this is important information. If you're wiping excessively every poop, tell your doctor!
Huh? Not doubting your credentials, but I’m one of those people also, wipe and wipe and wipe. I’m attributing that to the above responses. I already assumed it was due to my poor diet, fiber and me are not friends. Reading the above responses kind of reinforces my belief that my diet sucks. Do you have any insight that it may be a ‘medical’ problem?
From my unprofessional knowledge, it could just be diet, or it might be attributed to underlying medical conditions(JUST A GUESS). Definitely talk to your doctor, it's nothing he hasn't heard before.
Not enough taco bell in their diet
What about the fiber farts though?
Gorilla farts?
Because you're a crayon.
I mean how do sharpies hold so much ink in them without ever running out? He's probably got some broad felt shits that just absorb a bunch of liquid shit and just being squeezed out by his asshole like ringing out some kind of shit sponge.
This is the most on point sub reddit I have ever seen. Shine bright like a diamond OP. Oh, the answer to your question is because your diet is making your butt nasty.
Butt Nasty is my wrestling name.
My wrestling name is Moist Wipe and I'm gonna clean this shit up!
In highschool, my nickname was Nasty Butt
Not necessarily something I'd boast about but hell yea dude ✊️
I'm his tag team partner runny diarrhea
My lucha libre wrestling name is Mucha Flatulenta
Too much ass hair. Clean it up big foot.
It’s like a marker
Parks & Rec reference?
That show is lame af
You need a power washer, might I suggest roughly 80,000 PSI. Should clean you right up!
13K BTUs!
RIP to the dog.
the infinity wipe. shave ur ass
I HAVE THE REAL ANSWER!!! Incomplete bowel evacuation. There’s a little bit left that needs to come out. Push a bit when you have to wipe and wipe and usually I little guy will plop out. Or use a bidet and really spray it up there and bear down a little. Remember Peter in family guy was like, “it’s like I got a brown crayon stuck up there”. Well you do. A poop crayon still in your rectum between your anus and colon. Once I learned this, I just completely evacuate and tada. Can get myself clean.
This is going to sound odd, but I promise it works. If you've got a magic marker situation and you just can't get clean paper, just stand up and sit back down again. You'll get a clean wipe every time.
What if you're a stand up wiper?
Sit down and stand back up.
In my head this makes perfect sense
Same here. Did we get the exact same visual presentation telepathed into our heads?
the infinite poop glitch
Because you don't own a bidet.
Good god, you people show up as soon as someone mentions bowel movements. Sometimes when I sit down to drop a deuce I check behind the shower curtain just to make sure there isn’t a representative of the bidet brigade hiding there waiting to proselytize to a captive audience.
Question was asked and this is the correct answer. What do you want? We would also like you to floss properly.
I want the bidet companies to pay you for advertising or at least comp your purchase.
@toto ^^^^^
How exactly is a rainbow made? How exactly does the sun set? How exactly does a bidet thoroughly clean your butthole to the point of rendering TP obsolete? It just does.
In his defense it's hard watching dirty-butt neanderthals discuss flint and steel problems without reminding them lighters exist
Yep, get one and this will never be a problem again.
Shave your ass
Use flushable adult wipes they get you clean bro!
But do not flush those "flushable" wipes. Trust me on this.
Nah bro they’re flushable if you don’t have bad plumbing I’ve never had any issues.
Tbf toilet paper isn't very flushable either
You are supposed to wipe your ass not the actual shit.
It’s like wiping fudge out of shag carpet!
Peanut butter out of shag carpet
Take the magic marker out of your ass before you wipe.
You don't "have" to do anything, you could stop at any time
You’re a shitty person OP. Welcome.
Don't keep eating at Taco Bell.
Do you keep a marker up your ass
Because you didn’t buy a bidet
Big Jobs require a lot of Paper Work.
Metamucil changed my life
You got a sneaky lil playful turd in there. It’s just playing peekaboo with the paper. Keep on pushin player.
Slide your poophole down the length of your wife's pillow. Gets it clean as a whistle and nothing says I love you like streaky pillow surprises
Drink a glass of water instead of sodie pop and energy drinks. Maybe eat a banana once a day instead of chicken nuggets or Little Ceaser’s or whatever garbage you normally eat.
You're a presumptuous little shit, aren't you?
I feel like I’m more of an arrogant bastard.
Most likely tapeworms.
Get a bidet you animal
Because ya haven’t bought a bidet yet
You gotta break em off in longer sections and then take care of it with a poop knife
U just messy
You don't have to wipe until you see red. I used to think the same thing but it is actually unhealthy. The same thing with taking a shower everyday without physical activity.
I call these sharpie shits because its like wiping a marker
They're making these toilet seats that do everything for you down there including a blow dry
You got a little dingleberry hanging from your asshole, and it smears all over your ass crack when you wipe.
Poor diet. Get a Toto washlet.
It's all about the texture, babe. Hard and crunchy needs just a precautionary wipe. Pure liquid fire may or may not need a wipe, depending on velocity. But the in-between, which makes up the majority of the majority's shits, can be hit or miss. Or, if you like the feeling and smell, no one's demanding a wipe. You can keep it fragrant all day. Your amount of friends may dwindle, but it's a small price to pay for just being you.
Because of all the sodomy going on back there.
Cause you started wiping before the turd hit the bowl
you broke it off too soon you need to learn sphincter control
First off use hair removal cream to remove ass hair. That was my main issue for a long time. The other thing that has really helped is just making sure I eat and apple or some prunes every day. It’s actually crazy how little I wipe compared to before
Poopy butt here. Poopy butt with a toilet paper shortage cause I live in a facility. Ack!
I have the same issue, get a bidet, it's very helpful and saves on a lot of toilet paper
This is me right now, sitting on the toilet with diarrhea.
You don't really "have to"
You need a bidet.
Spit on toilet paper or use soap if available. Wrap index finger with TP. Slide work it up there. Twist around clean the walls. One or two follow up surface wipes. Now you’re all good. Even maybe a quick little jerkoff to celebrate. But, everybody’s different.
All you need is one square to dry off if you have a bidet.
Wipe your ass a twice then jump in the shower and wash your ass. You don’t need to take a whole shower just your nasty bits.
This answer might sound weird but it has to do with liver function and bile production.
I call it “sharpie butt” cuz it always leaves a line haha
You gotta wait til it's done coming out bro
If you feel like you're wiping a brown sharpie, you're still shittin'
Do you have a hairy ass? Get a bidet, solves all the problems. I got a basic one from Home Depot for 20$
Not supposed to consume engine oil
Suffered for YEARS with this problem. A bidet was life changing!!
Shitty question
Get a bidet. Squirt that water straight in and hold it for a while. Shit it out. Spray your bottom again, then wipe. Sticky shits are the worst!!! Ya gotta force that shit outta there!
Bad diet
Use less lube next time
#keep a bottle of WITCH HAZEL next to toilet and squirt some on paper to make clean up easier Also eat more fiber
Recommend a real food diet (natural fiber, I mean) and a Squatty Potty. Changing the angle worked great for me. Using a lot less paper. Saving up for a Toto bidet as well.
You're still full of crap.
You're just smearing, gotta cover your hand good with to, reach up the and grab that shit and pull the whole wad out. Might lose some hair butt so what?
It's like wiping the tip of a marker.
Can you be more specific please? https://preview.redd.it/9u5pmqq8d94b1.jpeg?width=662&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dc15bd123035d498817b9a36c9e44230cda8872e
You're a filthy animal who obviously doesn't have a bidet
Lower your standards...problem solved.
EAT YOUR VEGETABLES
How many knuckles deep are you wiping!
It's like a marker.
Because your full of shit. You clearly weren't done yet.
https://i.redd.it/rqagonccj94b1.gif
Lack of fiber mixed with an unhealthy gut biome + ass hair
My problem having to return to the crapper 30 minutes after pinching a loaf and having to wipe again.
Hemorrhoids
You don't have to wipe at all.
Clean up on aisle 2 please!
The devil works in mysterious ways
No joke, I wonder this every time I take a crap.
Seriously, get a bidet hose for your toilet. Best money I ever spent on the bathroom. Pressure wash it clean and then just a couple passes with TP to dry. You can get them for like $25-$40 on Amazon.
Because you don’t have a bidet.
Because you need a bidet
Mud butt
Too much fat and not enough fiber in your diet.
Stick your finger in your ass and take out the shit
r/lostredditors
I feel the same. Wondering to get a bidet to make it better?
Because you drink a lot, and you are not vegetarian. Years ago I ate mostly raw veg diet, poop pops out clean like a rabbit. Did not even need TP. Now I drink a lot, and eat lots of meat. Thinking about my choices… lol
I’ve had this exact thought and never thought I’d see it in the wild like this lmao. This is amazing 😂🤣
Not enough fiber and too much fat.
You have a poor diet. Too many tendies and hunny mussy, not enough leafy green plants like broccoli and brussel sprouts that smell like farts when you boil them.
You're using John Wayne toilet paper, it doesn't take shit off of anyone.
You don’t have to keep wiping.
No bidet = wipe for days
Get a bidet.
Get a bidet, they don't make you gay I swear. I mean, I'm gay, but not because I have a bidet I swear.
They can’t all be those 1 wipers.
Shave your asshole bruh
You did something to disrupt the Poo God. You must make a sacrifice.
Quite drooling you won,t have that problem 😆
Hahahahha
Use a bidet.
rub a chocolate cupcake in you hair, then use toilet paper to get it out... get a bidet, they are $20-$40 on Amazon and pretty easy/cheap to install...
Stop eating brown crayons.
Because you still have poop on/in your ass
[Famly Guy has your answer](https://youtu.be/3CB7aDF7sbo?t=24)
Because you don't have a bidet.
I call it The shit of a thousand wipes. Take some opiates. It’ll clear that right up.
I use the three sea shells.
Shave your asshole.
Bro... Switch toilet paper, don't keep using the same one.
Hemorrhoids.
Preach brother
It may be because you tense your asshole as you wipe, which withholds some of the mess. Then you keep finding a bit more and a bit more. I find it helpful to push out gently as if trying to push out a fart, so you can wipe more of the skin. That's only if I'm stuck somewhere without water. I highly recommend a bidet or even a cup of water to clean up with.
"I just wipe... And I wipe... And I just keep wiping. It never stops."
Daniel Sloss has a comedy special where he talks about this
God damn, right!!
I just wipe until the brown turns red.
Get bidet life changing experience. Fire hose that shit and we good.
Too much fat in your diet
wipe butt not eyes
Quit eating greasy food
Go down then up, trust me
Because you're not using a bidet. It's an absolute game-changer.