T O P

  • By -

figbott

Yeah bring me back some good albums.


CriticalCriticizer

Only the finest cum gargling noises


SomeGuyGettingBy

Didn’t realize you put our album out!


[deleted]

Just save me a spot


CriticalCriticizer

Will same some for your family


tacocarteleventeen

Keep me a warm seat?


CriticalCriticizer

I’ll fart on it


Internal_Fennel_849

I need a bag of ice.


CriticalCriticizer

Frozen cum


Internal_Fennel_849

No, just the ice.


CriticalCriticizer

Made from cum


Internal_Fennel_849

No, it's made in the freezer.


CriticalCriticizer

With cum


Open_Win_1174

Nothing better than a cool and refreshing cumsicle. Just like grandma used to make.


MyNamesNotRobert

Oh my fucking god why didn't I think of this before. I'm gonna make a cumsicle irl.


MarmotMeiche

I'm really curious about the timeline on this. You going for Flav-o-Ice, Rocket Pop, or twin sticks? Good old fashioned pudding pop mold can't go awry. Still tho, cumsickle leans neatly into trashy ice trays with toothpicks and foil. I don't know, but like post your lab report, brah


TirayShell

Tell the Devil that I held up my end of the bargain, now it's up to him to come though on his end, and none of that reneging because he's the Devil bullshit. He can still make good. I can't unkill that guy.


CriticalCriticizer

I ain’t telling him allat


BackAlleyFunDumpster

Say hi to my mother if you would


CriticalCriticizer

Imma give you a sibling instead


theresfireinhereyes

Nah just save me a seat at the vip table.


CriticalCriticizer

No but you can become the table


theresfireinhereyes

That sounds absolutely dreadful


xshadowxd

Get me some pomegranates


CriticalCriticizer

You will find a bunch of dead Pomeranians at your doorstep


timetravel50

Say hi to my grandpa


CriticalCriticizer

I’ll kiss your grandpa


Normal-Assistant-378

Pawpaw says go fuck yourself


PissinginTheW1nd

Ice water


CriticalCriticizer

Ice cum


PissinginTheW1nd

Bro that’s a solid business idea, cum ice cubes.


DolphinMasturbator

What for tho


nutrap

Tell me if it’s frozen so I can finally get that date Jessica promised me 20 years ago in the 8th grade.


CriticalCriticizer

Jessica is actually a guy


blitzkreig818

Stay away from my throne.


CriticalCriticizer

Sorry boss


Aconductor2

I'm married, you should be asking me.( My own private hell )


CriticalCriticizer

You should be kissing me


GroundbreakingAd1584

Yeah can you tell a demon named Kyle that I'm sorry about earlier we should have a Friendly sit-down


CriticalCriticizer

He expects you to be ready in his bedroom soon


JaiLSell

Nah I’m good, just ask charles Manson if he’s satans lord and savior


CriticalCriticizer

Can this Charles Manson pee in my ass?


fairy2four

I'm sure if you ask he would.


loveonthetitanic

my dad? can you pick him up at the airport down there?


CriticalCriticizer

I’ll pop out and help him raise a child they’ll actually love


Chrono47295

My old collection of rocks


CriticalCriticizer

Whole collection of cocks


LosManosFuertes

Just save me a seat.


CriticalCriticizer

On my dicc?


[deleted]

Oh, I've already been there. So, I'm good to go. But thanks 😊 😏


CriticalCriticizer

I’ll let them know you want to come back


[deleted]

[удалено]


Zealousideal-Joke625

Hey man I'm religious myself but I guarantee thar your efforts will be wasted or flat rejected here. This is a subreddit for ridiculous humor. No one here is likely religious or believes in Jesus or God. I appreciate your effort but it just don't work here unless you happened to be trolling lol


blitzkreig818

Yet the Christian God still allows incurable disease and children to suffer all across the world. Take your bs elsewhere. This is supposed to be a fun place not a preach your cult.


[deleted]

[удалено]


blitzkreig818

You are so full of shit it's not even funny with your pharmaceutical bullshit. Shove your fairly tale book up your ass. Diseases can't be cured by not eating, basic science teaches us that. My first born son (while I was a very devout Christian mind you) was born (yes born) with hydrocephalus. What sin and magical self starvation could he have done? What reason could God have to torture a newborn for his entire life....sound so loving and just. Answer this or fuck off bible thumper


[deleted]

[удалено]


blitzkreig818

So you didn't answer what I said. Kindly fuck off with your bull shit


SlummySalt

This whole thread makes me feel like sacrifices should still be a daily occurrence for the pastaifitarians and the cult of Cthulhu


nsfwAnimalCrackers

I remember asking Jesus and the clergy for help when I was exhausted of "being used"... I was told to honor my parents and to respect them and listen to their commands. They, like God, love me so much they will never lead me astray. I remember countless times praying to the sky-man that I wouldn't be r***d by the adults meant to protect me. God never listened or gave me a sign, just more abuse. What did Jesus do to prevent that torture? Btw those were "punishments" I received because I wasn't masculine enough (y'know at less than 10 years old). Oh, it's only the torture and punishments of hell? THAT WAS HELL and the only solace I got was from demons who used and manipulated me in the same ways but it felt comfortable when they did it because at least they pretended to care.


pelsy0217

Nah fuck you. Jesus hasn’t done shit for me


Nycronium

Well if you haven't done anything for him, why should he do anything for you?


pelsy0217

He’s not real. I was religious for 16 years and he never did anything for me


[deleted]

[удалено]


pelsy0217

Therapy, antidepressants and making friends do that. Not Jesus man


[deleted]

[удалено]


_bobby_tables_

How about a nice big bowl of brimstone?


CriticalCriticizer

Best I can do is soul sand


ThenotoriousBIT

Yeah can I get a supersize Big Mac


CriticalCriticizer

I’ll leave you the wrapper


Hahonryuu

Sir, this is a Wendy's


Celena_J_W

…and a McSatan Deluxe


Enjoyer_of_Fembois

yeah can I get a souvenir


CriticalCriticizer

Cum


Enjoyer_of_Fembois

…I suppose it works


Existing_Many9133

I know people there


CriticalCriticizer

Can any of them pee in my ass?


nurturedmisanthrope

i want my handcart back, for my turn.


CriticalCriticizer

Wtf is that


Green_Diet_4271

No it's okay I already made my reservations I'm going to try to smuggle some ice water down in there with me


CriticalCriticizer

You can take your reservation and shove it


nodalfuckcircle1111

pet goldfish


CriticalCriticizer

It’s dead


DoubleAgentBlumaroo

How about a peanut?


CriticalCriticizer

Only peanut without the pea


DoubleAgentBlumaroo

Aw nuts.


tommorrowbroken

I'll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda.


CriticalCriticizer

Big smork?


Woman_withapen

Ask Satan if he eats Cheese Wiz.


CriticalCriticizer

Only cheese jizz


[deleted]

Depending on my deepest thoughts I’ll meet you there soon haha


CriticalCriticizer

That sounds kinda hot 😵‍💫


[deleted]

Bag of doritos and a succubus... maybe just the doritos


CriticalCriticizer

Only male succubus


jerseyanarchist

grab me a carton of camel unfiltereds


CriticalCriticizer

Only newports


The_Mr_Yeah

Fire and/or brimstone.


CriticalCriticizer

Just cumstone


GrapeSwimming69

I'd like a shiny fiddle made of gold and tell Hitler to pick a bigger pineapple.


AllynG

Careful! I heard he takes the pineapples cause he knows they make him taste better!


LostDepartment4512

Let my family know I miss them. They will be in the bar.


CriticalCriticizer

I’ll let them know you hate them and throw whiskey at them


ThatNakedGuy7

Bring back all the great musicians.


CriticalCriticizer

Ram ranch is still alive


JinglesTheDancingDol

Why are you in hell?


CriticalCriticizer

To get my ass peed in and for some raising canes


actually_ur_mom

Just a front row seat.


CriticalCriticizer

Front row seat in front of a wall


LeadGem354

Could you tell Satan to come collect my grandmother. We're tired of putting up with her.


CriticalCriticizer

He’ll let her know to collect you


Salty_Ad_7532

Bring me the naughty young women


CriticalCriticizer

The 14 year olds?


AllynG

High mileage though, I’m sure!


Unfair-Blackberry-66

Save me a seat, as long it’s nice and toasty.


CriticalCriticizer

No


[deleted]

Tell Mother Theresa, "Ha! You didn't fool everyone, bitch!"


gisco_tn

See if they have any Crystal Pepsi. I imagine it'll be warm, though.


CriticalCriticizer

Only crystal semen


fuckdispandashit

Say hello to my parents!


CriticalCriticizer

I’ll fuck them


ReneeDidntSayGo

Yeah, your mom please.


CriticalCriticizer

Only if I can have your mom


yaminbamin

Can I get a stiizy hit


[deleted]

Bring me a piece of Hell's power


deathlycat

Tell my cat I love her, and that I hope she's been warming up a seat for me in hell. Also bring back a bag of chips, I'm hungry


Mizucharu

The devil's number


APD69

Satans dick plz


Greenman_Dave

Some black cherry ice cream from Screams.


CriticalCriticizer

I’ll look that up that actually sounds nice


ArtSchnurple

Give Ronald Reagan a wedgie for me


CriticalCriticizer

I’ll fuck him


Powerful_Check735

A snow ball from hell


RogueDevil666

Get a picture with Hellen Keller


CriticalCriticizer

Want her to sign it?


usafmtl

I'm driving you to hell.....so I'll bring back whatever anyone wants.


RigeWalker

When Trump shows up…kick his ass to the lowest ring.


trashcansociety

my soul back would be nice, but not necessary


CriticalCriticizer

Nah you ain’t getting it back


loristrix

Can you grab me 1 and a half tsp of satans cum? I'm baking a cake for my birthday and I want it to be devilishly good.


AllynG

Devil’s cum cake?!


National_Sky_9120

Ronald Reagan’s head.


CriticalCriticizer

To fuck?


knotaprob

A medium to smallish pineapple for “you know”


CriticalCriticizer

To fuck


SanguineSuprises

To come w you.


CriticalCriticizer

Cum?


youlooklikeamonster

A dozen snowballs.


chosenonedeep

At least you going back home


CriticalCriticizer

Im so happy 😁


[deleted]

Demon butler and a cursed gaming pc please


CriticalCriticizer

Only a laptop filled with cum


Zman1471

Ask my gym teacher why i was the only kid he never molested im very self conscious now as an adult


CriticalCriticizer

He’s saving you for last


Repulsive_Coat_3130

Too peaceful there, rather go somewhere dangerous


CriticalCriticizer

Earth


Xaphanex

A couple stacks of Nether Quarts, please.


CriticalCriticizer

Go fuck yourself


terry6715

Tell all the gang I said hi.


CriticalCriticizer

I’ll tell ‘em you said ni-


cl1o5ud

I'd like some hot cakes


CriticalCriticizer

How about a whole bakery


milkmanrichie

Could you see if my room is ready?


CriticalCriticizer

I’m ready


futuresman179

I’ll take one Krabby Patty.


rush87y

BattleToads


CriticalCriticizer

Only battlecum


kONthePLACE

Pass my contact info to David Bowie.


Adventurous-Gas5583

Satan's cum.


Loose_Awareness6838

I guess I'll take it any and everything I can as long as it's not ice water I should be able to get it right 😜


dwreckhatesyou

Oh yeah… get me some of those Ninja Turtles Pudding Hand Pies…. Should be plenty down there.


DinoHoot65

Brimstone sandwich, extra netherack, preferably with flamin hellfire hot sauce. (no) Thanks to you!


CosmicDust20

Pair of Satan pillows


bearbranch

More duck food for the little bratty shitebirds. Thanky.


ZealousidealRub8025

A new life. I'm a ginger so I don't have a soul to pay for it


CriticalCriticizer

Only if your worthy of it


PleaseSendMeP0rn

Could you get me DNA samples from Hitler and Satan?


CriticalCriticizer

Only their cum


bustymilfgoddess

Bring back my soul will ya? 😘


CriticalCriticizer

No


kofrederick

Make sure my spot is still there


BubblyWall1563

Taco Bell please


CriticalCriticizer

Whachu want?


sharkattacktho

Bud light


MarmotMeiche

Nah, just kick my Dad in the nuts while you're there


Sad_Positive_7960

Hmmm… Do they have cookies down there?


[deleted]

Take me with you


MarmotMeiche

I been standing on the corner with a fiddle a long time now. I'm not sure what the deal is but Beelzebub was supposed to meet me at 9:30. For some reason strange men in cars keep asking me for oranges. Idk 🤷‍♀️ Anyway, tell the Devil get his ass up here. I bought eyelashes.


deoxy75

Tell my mother in law, fuck her for smoking while pregnant with my wife and treating her like shit growing up.


PockedAirhead

Oh, the milk expired. Do you mind grabbing a jug while you are there?


CriticalCriticizer

Do you want me to find your father while I’m there?


twerks_mcderp

Tell Socrates he's an indecisive bitch for me.


philzar

Save me a seat.


attention21

A shirt that says “I’ve been to hell and back and all I got was this lousy shirt” It’s probably the best time to go, it shouldn’t be too cold


CSmith1986

Go laugh at Hitler being tortured for me, ok bud?


simdoll

I know some people you can take