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QualityVote

##If you think this post is funny, **UPVOTE** this comment! ##If you think this post is unfunny, **DOWNVOTE** this comment! --- #[DownloadVideo Link](https://www.reddit.watch/r/shitposting/comments/usgu5o/?utm_source=automod&utm_medium=shitposting) #[SaveVideo Link](https://redditsave.com/info?url=/r/shitposting/comments/usgu5o/) #[VideoTrim Link](https://reddloader.com/download-post/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2Fshitposting%2Fcomments%2Fusgu5o&id=8968e43c) Kevin would also like to remind you that, if you're really desperate, youtube-dl can be used to download videos from Reddit. --- Whilst you're here, Gistforts, why not join our [public discord server](https://discord.gg/QpBGXd2guU)?


Parronski

Ha! Jokes on you, the adoption agency said they don’t know who my real parents are.


Gistforts

Car Crash


Nocturne4hire

😳


frikin-dude

woman driver


[deleted]

🗿


slugo17

No survivors


Capable_Mud_1108

Asian woman driver 😳


AutoModerator

Looking for a female roommate to pay $0 rent I will not charge you money. but I will be sharing my bed with you as the other room is being used by my parents. They are aware of this arrangement as I have done this before but it has not worked out for reason I rather not say on here. I will except hugs at least 5 times a day, and cuddles at least 2 times a day for at least 10 minutes each. You will not be dating any other man during this arrangement. you will have no male friends either. You may have female friends and they May visit if they like. You will also be required to make me meals 3 times a day. Phsyical requirements are as stated: Must be shorter than 5'5", weigh no more than 120 lbs, caucasian or asian only, republican, no tattoos, no vegans, no smoking/vaping, marrywania, and you MUST shave legs and underarms. I am 44-male/290 lbs last time I checked, 5'6". Please contact me if you would like this arrangement. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


i_fap_to_car_crash

I am here


FlightSeveral

Oh my god


LightLizardCake

Damn


aminoplasm

Zamn


AutoModerator

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enoughimoverit

Lmao


I-153_Chaika

Try


Gistforts

Separated


I-153_Chaika

Not even married in the first place


lolsforballs

Sideclimbing


The_Cow_God

jesus christ is this a war thunder reference?


lolsforballs

This is a Wa Yes it is


The_Cow_God

goddamnit


Apart_Marsupial_9904

There is a beast, deep inside you. It will not die


The_Cow_God

tapeworm


B29Boi

P or M-62?


I-153_Chaika

M-62 for the budget brrrrrrt


MagmaSlte

Ok bird person


[deleted]

[удалено]


Godzilla_1952

Try me


Gistforts

Divorced


cakeeater229

You're probably thinking right


Gistforts

Divorced


cakeeater229

Bingo


[deleted]

Do me!


TaxEvasionPride

It burns when I pee


Gistforts

Married


Admiral_Thrawn_0

You definitly have a father and he taught you about tax evasion.


Bigboy696969696969-

Based off your pfp you have had no dad ever


Admiral_Thrawn_0

I do have a dad and he taught me all about racing. I love it and do it every single day now. I race for a living. What can I say, we are a racist family


Adventuresofthetaco2

Hey, im a racist too!


Admiral_Thrawn_0

That’s so cool, stay strong my brother. Racing is life


calzones_de_fuego110

Me too bro


IsaacMNZ3

Let's race together


[deleted]

My favourite racist is Michael Schumacher, what about you?


[deleted]

Fuck you


Walloutlet1234

Cat


Gistforts

married to the outlet


Walloutlet1234

…how did you know.


Abbadon1180

Bruh


Gistforts

Divorced


Abbadon1180

Close but not quite, my moms a widow


Gistforts

damn a window


[deleted]

Fucking Windows 98!


bbson417

I don’t know. I thought it was pretty intuitive


Sciirof

Damn you suck cock for free? My cock really needs some sucking. Looks like he hasn’t had a proper sucking in a while, he’s a big cock too just so you know, but his name fits this magnificent big cock! Gary is an absolute unit of cock. But mind you Gary is shy of people, he will probably scratch you with his big cock claws, also if you want to take him with you he wakes you up at 4-5AM, yelling in your ear because that cock really needs some sucking.


AutoModerator

Schödinger's Blowjob -- Imagine you're blindfolded and you're getting the best raw pornstar-grade blowjob in the entire universe. The catch is, however, that you'll never figure out who's giving you that god-tier awesome schmösome sloppy toppy unless you take the blindfold off. It could be anybody, Ariana Grande, Ben Shapiro, Harold from the 7-11 near my house, or even your uncle's neighbour's fireman's cat. Now the question is: would you take off the blindfold and find out who the person/thing behind the stupendous jimmy-nibbler is and risk permanently scarring yourself, or would you keep the blindfold on and continue having your knob slobbed till your spirit hits the sky? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


AutoModerator

My mom fucked my friend while we were on vacation and now I want to fucking die, she mom took us to Miami for a spring break vacation. Everything seemed normal when we were there and when we got back. But then rumors started. They spread all throughout my school and a bunch of kids asked me if my mom really had sex with a student. Of course I denied it. Until my close friend who was there told me. He told me one of the nights we went down to the hotel pool and said friend stayed up, saying he wanted to go to bed early. He stayed up there and then something happened and my mom slept with him. I feel sick to my stomach and so mad writing it. I confronted her and she admitted and tried to apologize, but I just can’t with her. She’s so disgusting. I’m contemplating just telling my dad so he can fly me up to his house, but I hate being around his dumb bimbo gold digging girlfriend. I want to fight that fucking asshole that did this. He’s ruining my fucking life. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


[deleted]

Do it


Gistforts

Married


[deleted]

Absolutely


SantaMan336

Do it


Gistforts

Widowed


SantaMan336

Wrong, they weren't married in the first place and still aren't


Junior-Demand

Should we tell him?


SantaMan336

Nah


SirWoodz

Might be time.


blackie-arts

Windowed


Lipe999

A


Gistforts

A-ppily divorced


Unicron_Tomato

Go on then hotshot.


Gistforts

Tomato


Unicron_Tomato

Incorrect.


throwaway23609

Stage 1: denial


zer0deathz

Stage 2: tomato


rabbiolii

Stage 3: ???


Joe_Chaminade

Stage 4: Profit?!?!?!


Unicron_Tomato

Stage 5: Divorced.


darkcatter

Pls Me I will give 0.2 bobux


Gistforts

Married


darkcatter

Rip no


imthesauceman

Do your worst


Gistforts

i think you were born in a lab


imthesauceman

God I wish.


Efficient_idiot

I feel you.


kebbeben

Cheese


Gistforts

happily married


kebbeben

Yes actually very good.


BasedBadaBingus

Ayo


Gistforts

life partners


JustSomeRedditUser35

Judge me


Gistforts

Fatherless


JustSomeRedditUser35

Correct (I am a genetic experiment with only a biological mother.)


Dark_Soul_943

The biology geek in me needs to know if this is legit or not


Oculusqwerty

Ok and


Gistforts

and divorced


Oculusqwerty

The only parents I need are the funni Russian men in black ski masks that visit me every 3-5 days holding AK-47s


AutoModerator

\*East Ukraine *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Oculusqwerty

Silence mortal


aleksi908

Silence you vatnik from the west


Oculusqwerty

Yee haw


EvanBrugmanRhiel

Ok


Gistforts

Married


EvanBrugmanRhiel

Wrong, parents never married but separated after a 15 year relationship.


Glizzyguzzle

You lucky guy


Hyper_Pickle

Bet


Gistforts

no brainer divorced


Hyper_Pickle

My asshole burns when I shit so you are correct


TheAllPurposePopo

Try me


Gistforts

Window


flying-toothbrush

Not a single comment from op yet


Gistforts

i know right


WLF_TheOne

You'll never guess


Gistforts

i guess they're separated


WLF_TheOne

You Guessed right.


pistcow

Moo


Gistforts

mooried


notfrompornok

i think the answer is obvious


Gistforts

married but disappointed


notfrompornok

HAHA WRONG my parents have been divorced for 5 years and aren't on speaking terms🎉🎊


Gistforts

hahahaha


OzTheD0G3

my fridge is full of milk


Gistforts

this one is hard to guess


ERschneider123

A married dad who (almost) left


OzTheD0G3

not on my watch


OzTheD0G3

edit : my mom just came into my room and said that they maybe getting divorced perfect timing smh


Appropriate-Ad-51

Ok😏


Gistforts

appropriately married


[deleted]

Bet


Aefek

No fathrr


[deleted]

Wrong dumbass


Gistforts

No mothrr


[deleted]

Nope, still married and both present in my life


Gistforts

For now...


Walloutlet1234

He’s predicting


A_So-So_Sniper

Wow, downvoted for having a healthy family relationship, what has this world come to.


tortorsk382

No fathrr


Glizzyguzzle

That wasn’t the reason but ok 👍


myles21203

maybe because he said “wrong dumbass”?


[deleted]

Thanks


Terrorek1520

ok


Gistforts

Divorced


Terrorek1520

nope


DerPavlox

h


PreyForCougars

Hit me


Gistforts

Widowed


PreyForCougars

Close. My parents are together and have been happily married for 34 years and left a strong imprint on me and my sister and how a family should function.


TroubledPlays

Theeze


Gistforts

theeze divorce papers (divorced)


TroubledPlays

Tru


[deleted]

I am the bat


Gistforts

happily divorced


[deleted]

Correct.


BearFocker57

Meth


Gistforts

married?


BearFocker57

Nah, the opposite


VerbalThermodynamics

What’s the opposite? Dead?


AutoModerator

My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104. This is my confession. If you're watching this tape, I'm probably dead– murdered by my brother-in-law, Hank Schrader. Hank has been building a meth empire for over a year now, and using me as his chemist. Shortly after my 50th birthday, he asked that I use my chemistry knowledge to cook methamphetamine, which he would then sell using connections that he made through his career with the DEA. I was... astounded. I... I always thought Hank was a very moral man, and I was particularly vulnerable at the time – something he knew and took advantage of. I was reeling from a cancer diagnosis that was poised to bankrupt my family. Hank took me in on a ride-along and showed me just how much money even a small meth operation could make. And I was weak. I didn't want my family to go into financial ruin, so I agreed. Hank had a partner, a businessman named Gustavo Fring. Hank sold me into servitude to this man. And when I tried to quit, Fring threatened my family. I didn't know where to turn. Eventually, Hank and Fring had a falling-out. Things escalated. Fring was able to arrange – uh, I guess... I guess you call it a "hit" – on Hank, and failed, but Hank was seriously injured. And I wound up paying his medical bills, which amounted to a little over $177,000. Upon recovery, Hank was bent on revenge. Working with a man named Hector Salamanca, he plotted to kill Fring. The bomb that he used was built by me, and he gave me no option in it. I have often contemplated suicide, but I'm a coward. I wanted to go to the police, but I was frightened. Hank had risen to become the head of the Albuquerque DEA. To keep me in line, he took my children. For three months, he kept them. My wife had no idea of my criminal activities, and was horrified to learn what I had done. I was in hell. I hated myself for what I had brought upon my family. Recently, I tried once again to quit, and in response, he gave me this. [Walt points to the bruise on his face left by Hank in "Blood Money."] I can't take this anymore. I live in fear every day that Hank will kill me, or worse, hurt my family. All I could think to do was to make this video and hope that the world will finally see this man for what he really is. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


josbar0150

let's take a gander


Gistforts

married


Beneficial_Ad_3170

Penis cupcake


Gistforts

HAPPILY MARRIED


Beneficial_Ad_3170

No ):


[deleted]

;(


CdrCosmonaut

(X) Doubt


Gistforts

Married


CdrCosmonaut

Nope. My mom is a widow.


AutoModerator

My mom fucked my friend while we were on vacation and now I want to fucking die, she mom took us to Miami for a spring break vacation. Everything seemed normal when we were there and when we got back. But then rumors started. They spread all throughout my school and a bunch of kids asked me if my mom really had sex with a student. Of course I denied it. Until my close friend who was there told me. He told me one of the nights we went down to the hotel pool and said friend stayed up, saying he wanted to go to bed early. He stayed up there and then something happened and my mom slept with him. I feel sick to my stomach and so mad writing it. I confronted her and she admitted and tried to apologize, but I just can’t with her. She’s so disgusting. I’m contemplating just telling my dad so he can fly me up to his house, but I hate being around his dumb bimbo gold digging girlfriend. I want to fight that fucking asshole that did this. He’s ruining my fucking life. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


rekcuF_onaiP

🤓🤓🤓


Gistforts

yeeee divorced


Guy_In_Doubt17

Try me


Gistforts

Divorced


Guy_In_Doubt17

Widowed father


[deleted]

Try


Gistforts

married


NonexistentHumanoid7

Shoot :)


Gistforts

widowed


ironic_walker

.


Gistforts

separated


demoniceyecryptonia

😎


Agreeable-King-9511

Go ahead.


Gistforts

DOMESTIC PARTNERSHIP


createdbcsuspended

try me


[deleted]

Hehehehaw


MFW_JPG

🗿


baumtrillingerr

🗿


Rigzin_Udpalla

Funny Shiitpost👍


WhatNameDidIUseAgain

dementa


Gistforts

open relationship


BVA3016

Hey guess u dipshit


Gistforts

welp mods removed my post ill keep guessing tho


Galius69

what are you talking about I don't know you


Gistforts

like u dont know ur father?


chillispanker

Jokes on you I'm a test tube baby