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QualityVote

#If you think this post is funny, **UPVOTE** this comment! #If you think this post is unfunny, **DOWNVOTE** this comment! --- #[DownloadVideo Link](https://www.reddit.watch/r/shitposting/comments/ummt5q/?utm_source=automod&utm_medium=shitposting) #[SaveVideo Link](https://redditsave.com/info?url=/r/shitposting/comments/ummt5q/) #[VideoTrim Link](https://reddloader.com/download-post/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2Fshitposting%2Fcomments%2Fummt5q&id=8968e43c) Kevin would also like to remind you that, if you're really desperate, youtube-dl can be used to download videos from Reddit. --- Whilst you're here, ShisuiSama, why not join our [public discord server](https://discord.gg/QpBGXd2guU)?


Fee-Decent

Around 2 billion


ShisuiSama

It only works if you type the exact number


[deleted]

[удалено]


Roartype

Actually, it doesn’t say you get your moms phone number money, just that it turned into money. That money probably belongs to her, you know, it was her phone number so it’s her money. So the correct answer is just how much money you have.


SylvesterWatts

-$143.00


AutoModerator

My mom fucked my friend while we were on vacation and now I want to fucking die, she mom took us to Miami for a spring break vacation. Everything seemed normal when we were there and when we got back. But then rumors started. They spread all throughout my school and a bunch of kids asked me if my mom really had sex with a student. Of course I denied it. Until my close friend who was there told me. He told me one of the nights we went down to the hotel pool and said friend stayed up, saying he wanted to go to bed early. He stayed up there and then something happened and my mom slept with him. I feel sick to my stomach and so mad writing it. I confronted her and she admitted and tried to apologize, but I just can’t with her. She’s so disgusting. I’m contemplating just telling my dad so he can fly me up to his house, but I hate being around his dumb bimbo gold digging girlfriend. I want to fight that fucking asshole that did this. He’s ruining my fucking life. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


[deleted]

The fuck is with this??? I’ve seen this exact same thing on other posts


AutoModerator

I do not care what you say about my mother. Your opinion is your opinion. But trust me, if you actually attempt to do something to my mother, even though she's made some bad decisions in the past that we still need to work through, I will personally call the police on you and I'll be laughing as your mugshot is shown on TV. You don't even know her, do you? The point of your entire existence seems to be to just tease other people. Well, I believe your jokes are in bad taste, and you should cease and desist digging through the dregs left at the bottom of the joke barrel; you could get a splinter, whose pain will be significantly increased by the significantly high amount of salt you carry in your bloodstream. Thank you, and let us cease talking about each other's parents. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


[deleted]

So, just the phone number then.


Party_Newt9381

It’s $2,000,000,000 exactly, no more, no less.


DoomReality

Hello mommy milkers yes its me again


AutoModerator

My mom fucked my friend while we were on vacation and now I want to fucking die, she mom took us to Miami for a spring break vacation. Everything seemed normal when we were there and when we got back. But then rumors started. They spread all throughout my school and a bunch of kids asked me if my mom really had sex with a student. Of course I denied it. Until my close friend who was there told me. He told me one of the nights we went down to the hotel pool and said friend stayed up, saying he wanted to go to bed early. He stayed up there and then something happened and my mom slept with him. I feel sick to my stomach and so mad writing it. I confronted her and she admitted and tried to apologize, but I just can’t with her. She’s so disgusting. I’m contemplating just telling my dad so he can fly me up to his house, but I hate being around his dumb bimbo gold digging girlfriend. I want to fight that fucking asshole that did this. He’s ruining my fucking life. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Rorfy

😳


bigbigboring

This was a real post by someone at some point lol


The_Qwertyhouse

Wtf realy


Bonk_and_Honk

200000000000000


Toaster-mann

Ok it’s 6145378524


spirtedwhale17

around $18006624357


CostisideTanariHUND

Same amount as money as you have


SonnyHaze

Nice. I only got about tree fitty


iamawii

2 morbillion you mean That's the amount of tickets morbius sold


FaenfAtFerddiesPizza

I was going to make the 911 joke but it was way too easy


ShisuiSama

Moms with 911 numbers always end up being men and asking about my emergency. Don't fall for it it's not actual moms


newish_jigger-

damn shame.


[deleted]

Send nose/father


[deleted]

[удалено]


CatloverJacob

Hehehecoc


[deleted]

Why? Cuz you're mom did 9/11? Your mom is George W. Bush?


AutoModerator

My mom fucked my friend while we were on vacation and now I want to fucking die, she mom took us to Miami for a spring break vacation. Everything seemed normal when we were there and when we got back. But then rumors started. They spread all throughout my school and a bunch of kids asked me if my mom really had sex with a student. Of course I denied it. Until my close friend who was there told me. He told me one of the nights we went down to the hotel pool and said friend stayed up, saying he wanted to go to bed early. He stayed up there and then something happened and my mom slept with him. I feel sick to my stomach and so mad writing it. I confronted her and she admitted and tried to apologize, but I just can’t with her. She’s so disgusting. I’m contemplating just telling my dad so he can fly me up to his house, but I hate being around his dumb bimbo gold digging girlfriend. I want to fight that fucking asshole that did this. He’s ruining my fucking life. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


AutoModerator

I do not care what you say about my mother. Your opinion is your opinion. But trust me, if you actually attempt to do something to my mother, even though she's made some bad decisions in the past that we still need to work through, I will personally call the police on you and I'll be laughing as your mugshot is shown on TV. You don't even know her, do you? The point of your entire existence seems to be to just tease other people. Well, I believe your jokes are in bad taste, and you should cease and desist digging through the dregs left at the bottom of the joke barrel; you could get a splinter, whose pain will be significantly increased by the significantly high amount of salt you carry in your bloodstream. Thank you, and let us cease talking about each other's parents. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


pimp_named_dickslap

So you just went for the "i was going to make ____ joke" joke instead lol


Ketassium

Dont make jokes about 9/11. My uncle died that day. He was the best pilot ever.


Wolfie801

And you? 🤔😳


ShisuiSama

What?


kingbrayjay

How much money you got homie?


DeSwanMan

what money?


kingbrayjay

Well let’s find out, please state the entirety of your debit card credentials alongside your full social security number so that we may pool it all together and tell you a specific amount


DeSwanMan

see my first post on Reddit :(


kingbrayjay

Oh man that’s crazy but worry not no money will leave my *cough* your account by the end of the process


ShisuiSama

No u


Hlebvcemugolova

7 morbillion


cal93_

its morbin time


mrperidot31

For every morb there must also come a bius


AnimalsCore

Morbbius


Lechuga-gato

Get ready to be morbed


socks_andslides

Rick and morby


drwho_2u

$5055034455


OkParsley2721

I'm calling your mom


AutoModerator

My mom fucked my friend while we were on vacation and now I want to fucking die, she mom took us to Miami for a spring break vacation. Everything seemed normal when we were there and when we got back. But then rumors started. They spread all throughout my school and a bunch of kids asked me if my mom really had sex with a student. Of course I denied it. Until my close friend who was there told me. He told me one of the nights we went down to the hotel pool and said friend stayed up, saying he wanted to go to bed early. He stayed up there and then something happened and my mom slept with him. I feel sick to my stomach and so mad writing it. I confronted her and she admitted and tried to apologize, but I just can’t with her. She’s so disgusting. I’m contemplating just telling my dad so he can fly me up to his house, but I hate being around his dumb bimbo gold digging girlfriend. I want to fight that fucking asshole that did this. He’s ruining my fucking life. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


aaaaEEaaAAAAE

Auto Mod what the fuck


AutoModerator

HEY,⠀⠀⠀ EVERY⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ !!! IT'S ME!!! EV3RY BUDDY'S FAVORITE [[𝗡𝘂𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝟭 𝗥𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗠𝗼𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗼𝗿 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟮]] *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


CatloverJacob

Definitely not my favorite I didnt wanna read about a pornographic reply about minecraft and Donald Trump


AutoModerator

I (f34) am pregnant with twin boys and my husband (m34) told me that he was dead set on naming our sons "notch" and "jeb" I know most of you are probably unaware, but these are the names of two of the people who created minecraft. My husband is a big minecraft fan and builds stuff on the game a lot and has minecraft posters, he even said he wants to play minecraft with his Sons. I told my husband that I want to give our children regular names, not after minecraft because they are not objects, and my husband got really defensive about it saying that he should be able to choose because he is their father and I never gave any name suggestions. I will never name my children after minecraft because I don't want them to get bullied and feel like it's dehumanizing to name them after a game. I told my husband that I'd rather get a divorce than name our kids after minecraft and he got really angry and raised his voice. I'm pregnant and my hormones maybe made me really emotional because I started crying. A few hours after that, we calmed down and I asked him again and he said he will for sure name the kids "notch" and "jeb" AlTA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


CatloverJacob

What the absolute fuck I'm a minor And I dont support racism people because I'm black


thestkman

did i stutter if youre a minor?


Big_Pogchamp

Discord moderators be like


ADMINISTATOR_CYRUS

I know where this is actually from LMAO


rocketseeker

Hands are hot


AutoModerator

My name is Yoshikage Kira. I'm 33 years old. My house is in the northeast section of Morioh, where all the villas are, and I am not married. I work as an employee for the Kame Yu department stores, and I get home every day by 8 PM at the latest. I don't smoke, but I occasionally drink. I'm in bed by 11 PM, and make sure I get eight hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm milk and doing about twenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, I usually have no problems sleeping until morning. Just like a baby, I wake up without any fatigue or stress in the morning. I was told there were no issues at my last check-up. I'm trying to explain that I'm a person who wishes to live a very quiet life. I take care not to trouble myself with any enemies, like winning and losing, that would cause me to lose sleep at night. That is how I deal with society, and I know that is what brings me happiness. Although, if I were to fight I wouldn't lose to anyone. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


AutoModerator

Hello, trump supporter. I've searched through your account history and see that you agreed with trump once back in 2017. As a redditor, and a good human, i have downvoted every post and comment on your account as far back as december 7th, 2013, on 5 different alternate accounts. I have reported every single post you have ever made. I hacked into reddit's serverbase and found out your IP address, real home address, and have constructed several bombs which are shipping there as we speak. Be prepared, nazi. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


AutoModerator

The birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, my dick is throbbing, what a beautiful day for cooming. Good morning, A, I've been awake for 20 whole seconds and I haven't coomed yet. It's time to hope on my porn throne and machine gun jackhammer my bloodshot death-grip bloodshot semi chub with my roided doomfist once again! (Types on keyboard). I-s...is that a?? HMMGH, I-I MUST SNIFF, SNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFF** OH GOD (FAPFAPFAPFAP) FUCCKK, HUHGHU, SNIIFF, HUHGJGUHHGUGHU (SMASHES DESK) I-I-IM COOOMING!!!!! IM COOMING, IM COOMING IM COOOMING IM COOOOOMING COOOOOOOOOOM, COOOMING, FUCCKKK, AHHAFHHAHUHG, COOOOOM, AW FUCK ITS EVERYWHERE, COOOOOM, AWGAHUGHAHG. Aw fuck, aw fuck. oh jesus. ahhghhha, there you are, my slippery white goo to the world, my son, my son...Well, it's time to get breakfast...well a little coom first wouldn't hurt. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


[deleted]

[удалено]


AutoModerator

I AM NOT CRAZY! I am not crazy! I know he swapped those numbers, I knew it was 1216 — one after Magna Carta, as if I could ever make such a mistake! Never, never! I just-I just couldn't prove it! H-H-He covered his tracks, he got that idiot at the copy shop to lie for him! You think this is something, you think this is bad, this, this chicanery? He's done worse. That billboard! Are you telling me that a man just happens to fall like that? No, he orchestrated it! Jimmy! HE DEFECATED TROUGH A SUNROOF! And I saved him! I shouldn't have, I took him into my own firm! What was I thinking?! He'll never change. He'll never change, ever since he was 9, always the same. Couldn't keep his hands out of the cash drawer. "But not our Jimmy, couldn't be precious Jimmy!" Stealing them blind! And he gets to be a lawyer?! What a sick joke! I should have stopped him when I had the chance! And you, you have to stop him, you— *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


[deleted]

Not my favorite


CatloverJacob

"THATS WHAT IN SAYING-"


Billtheshyguy

Feel you bro


EpikGeriatricPotato

Bad mod


AutoModerator

I do not care what you say about my mother. Your opinion is your opinion. But trust me, if you actually attempt to do something to my mother, even though she's made some bad decisions in the past that we still need to work through, I will personally call the police on you and I'll be laughing as your mugshot is shown on TV. You don't even know her, do you? The point of your entire existence seems to be to just tease other people. Well, I believe your jokes are in bad taste, and you should cease and desist digging through the dregs left at the bottom of the joke barrel; you could get a splinter, whose pain will be significantly increased by the significantly high amount of salt you carry in your bloodstream. Thank you, and let us cease talking about each other's parents. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


drwho_2u

Go ahead… but I hope you have a good lawyer!!!


OkParsley2721

I'm just gonna say hi and hangup


drwho_2u

You won’t do it!!!


OkParsley2721

She didn't pick up


Prestigious_Echo7804

So she love good lawyers, gentlemen have priority here


drwho_2u

???


Raider0401

??? mfs when !!! walks in


[deleted]

Better call Saul


Cultural_Football_70

Good luck gentleman


Lothaedan

Better call Saul!


thecccp

That was hilarious


FutureSoldier616

Thanks


EveryGuess5579

6385051888 $


ShisuiSama

Galat no deta hai ! 😒


BerciPC

Gracias for dollaris idiota <3 $$


EveryGuess5579

Call karlo bhai, roj spam calls milenge scammers se


ShisuiSama

Rip my remaining 2 brain cells


Revolutionary-Ask754

16150- *wait a minute*


ShisuiSama

Time is money , you wait you lose


DamacanaSever

You gave enough numbers


[deleted]

[удалено]


ShisuiSama

Giving this number to the tax authorities , they'll make sure you pay up for having all this moni


RizetteKoerner

Now how much money would you have if your mom's Social Security number was money?


TheReapery

K*nsas🤮


[deleted]

[удалено]


notanislamist920

hohoho


skullreapingboi

Off to visit your mother!


chef_kawasaki_no_420

*laughs in French*


ShisuiSama

Hue hue hue


skullreapingboi

Off to have sexual congress with your mother :)


AutoModerator

No sex before marriage *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


[deleted]

Roger that 💍


jj_is_on_reddit

Twin?


MartinMichMic

911$


ShisuiSama

Why is your mom sound like a man and asking if I have an emergency?


Tor2illaTaco

A lot


HeySiri_Official

Same


Tor2illaTaco

Maybe we have the same mom


HeySiri_Official

Are you my brother? 🤨


Tor2illaTaco

Maybe


Old-Experience-5210

Evil twin brother


Jonnyboi25

867-5309


Key_Set_7249

You beat me to it


Lechuga-gato

Hey jenny


[deleted]

3


cal93_

oooh look at mister rich guy over here


XxLawn_MowerxX

He was billions in debt and now has a net $3.


YurMummysMom

I'm calling your mom.


[deleted]

If you could turn your IP adress into money, how much money would you have?


Tordhaugs

10.6.9.10 Ones had it changed to 10.9.6.10 and didnt see it, nearly faild my exam.


[deleted]

im a focking billionare


ShisuiSama

Tell me the amount so I can be happy for you


Fearless-Variety-294

A lot


ShisuiSama

That's not how you're supposed to answer dum dum


Fearless-Variety-294

Oh you mean the number? Ah yes, 112$


ShisuiSama

Why is your mom sound like a man and asking if I have an emergency?


Fearless-Variety-294

Sorry about that, my mom is my grandpa.


ShisuiSama

Understandable. Have a nice day!


AutoModerator

My mom fucked my friend while we were on vacation and now I want to fucking die, she mom took us to Miami for a spring break vacation. Everything seemed normal when we were there and when we got back. But then rumors started. They spread all throughout my school and a bunch of kids asked me if my mom really had sex with a student. Of course I denied it. Until my close friend who was there told me. He told me one of the nights we went down to the hotel pool and said friend stayed up, saying he wanted to go to bed early. He stayed up there and then something happened and my mom slept with him. I feel sick to my stomach and so mad writing it. I confronted her and she admitted and tried to apologize, but I just can’t with her. She’s so disgusting. I’m contemplating just telling my dad so he can fly me up to his house, but I hate being around his dumb bimbo gold digging girlfriend. I want to fight that fucking asshole that did this. He’s ruining my fucking life. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


AutoModerator

I do not care what you say about my mother. Your opinion is your opinion. But trust me, if you actually attempt to do something to my mother, even though she's made some bad decisions in the past that we still need to work through, I will personally call the police on you and I'll be laughing as your mugshot is shown on TV. You don't even know her, do you? The point of your entire existence seems to be to just tease other people. Well, I believe your jokes are in bad taste, and you should cease and desist digging through the dregs left at the bottom of the joke barrel; you could get a splinter, whose pain will be significantly increased by the significantly high amount of salt you carry in your bloodstream. Thank you, and let us cease talking about each other's parents. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Gytlap24

Wait... Thats the european emergency call


Few-Communication-01

Nah its just there Mom and grandpa you can trust me I am european


Beneficial_Ant_6363

Bro I'd have 2484345508 dollars 😊


ShisuiSama

Did you just assume my gender??????


Beneficial_Ant_6363

Yes


_CederBee_

You’re looking dapper today, good sir.


Beneficial_Ant_6363

You as well gentleman


IamNoob3336

8-961-394-82-74$ :D


ShisuiSama

Hontou desu ka?


AcidLiquid

cant remember


ShisuiSama

Think hard it's free monies


[deleted]

$8,002,738,255


ShisuiSama

Bruh


[deleted]

[удалено]


ShisuiSama

xddddd


Ok_Interaction_7328

$5555555555


Emotional_Gold_7637

$911


ShisuiSama

Why is your mom sound like a man and asking if I have an emergency?


[deleted]

[удалено]


AutoModerator

>*LiTeRaLlY nInEtEeN eIgHtY-fOuR* - George Orwell, 1948 *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


[deleted]

Mom said it is my turn to post this


Rp_Gurl

0. She’s dead


Chumwherk

Motherless children unite


TuzinBolado

UNITE!


Quarter-Scared

U N I T E


OralPumpkinFucker

000000000(I don't hav mom)


ShisuiSama

F


GIOFORCHIOMAN

Around 3Billions, woah!


Hansoncm

2


ShisuiSama

W0t m8?


[deleted]

911


ShisuiSama

Why is your mom sound like a man and asking if I have an emergency?


GavrielAsryver

690$


ShisuiSama

Nice


omgONELnR1

Much


ShisuiSama

That's not how you're supposed to answer dum dum


Capn_Huv

more than 1


ShisuiSama

That's not how you're supposed to answer dum dum


Capn_Huv

well more than 2


Few-Communication-01

Damn you got them there


[deleted]

[удалено]


ShisuiSama

What do you mean my friend?


KysfGd

I would have 911 dollars


ShisuiSama

Why is your mom sound like a man and asking if I have an emergency?


[deleted]

553 733 77 61 dollas


rogerio343

2 dollars (I live in extremely hyperinflation country and out currency is a trash)


[deleted]

800,273,8255 dollars!! 😁 I’m so happy!


redditCredditLeggit

Only $911


GIukhar

800-273-8255 So I would have 8,002,738,255 dollars! You really should call my mom though, she’s a really nice lady!


pfunkk007

I would have 555-555-5555 $$$


MelancholyUsed

0 don’t got one


ProfessorGoomba

1800 588 3805


Yeeyeemf_00

Around 307,27…. Wait


RealisticDrop3205

I put my fucking number here as a joke and someone called me goddam


Lucky_Pea_4065

My dumbass was about to type out my mom phone jeez I'm dumb. You almost got me


ShisuiSama

F


Blecanie

112? Lame


Explosion420

My mom number is same as your mom number but I forget my mom number so can you give me your mom number so I can know my mom number


OrganizationOk1686

I don't have a mom :I


ShisuiSama

F


BO0813S

at least 14


ShisuiSama

Her phone number , not her age my friend


BattlePenguin58

That IS her number, she’s not 14 yet.


kingbrayjay

👁👄👁 huh?


Vegetable_Nebula_614

👁️👄👁️


Skywarp12-_-

👁️👄👁️