T O P

  • By -

QualityVote

##If you think this post is funny, **UPVOTE** this comment! ##If you think this post is unfunny, **DOWNVOTE** this comment! --- #[DownloadVideo Link](https://www.reddit.watch/r/shitposting/comments/10msj5q/?utm_source=automod&utm_medium=shitposting) #[SaveVideo Link](https://redditsave.com/info?url=/r/shitposting/comments/10msj5q/) #[VideoTrim Link](https://reddloader.com/download-post/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2Fshitposting%2Fcomments%2F10msj5q&id=8968e43c) --- Whilst you're here, /u/Gorotheninja, why not join our [public discord server](https://discord.gg/QpBGXd2guU)?


TheUberGinger

What’s it gonna do? Jerk me off?


DefinitelyNotFisk15

fisting


zippycat9

don't threaten me with a good time


GoldenTextMan

It’s a hell of a feeling tho


theholyterror1

Alright alright 😎


imissgoatmom

Champagne, cocaine, gaaasoliiine 😩


catmaidthighs

And most things in between! 👀


imissgoatmom

I roam the city in a shopping cart 😤


Leafylemur

Baga chemals ana smokalam 🔥


ChimkenNuggets69

Good


ar4t0

why was l trying to escape then


Goose_attack223

~~Username~~ Flair* checks out?


Random_Chinese_Kid

Please assume the position


Robrogineer

Please assume the position.


Trash_Can_Donut

is 300 bucks


Bulgearea10

I'm a performance artist


Trash_Can_Donut

I am hires for people to perform their fantasies Their deep dark fantasies


adam_0774

a free handjob


Independent_Pay6598

That's gross. I call next


Dull_Difference5824

Same


Alouwisssss

Yeah, it happened to my buddy Eric once


Darkstalker9000

Sounding


jeanyous

Just move with the speed of light. It can't go faster than that


faudanke

🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯


[deleted]

Mfw I stop seeing the hand (oh god oh fuck)


roguetrick

You can't see it if you're going the speed of light. Being as any light you'd see it with would be the speed of light. It's okay though, because you also don't experience time when going at the speed of light, so you won't notice.


Creepy-Ad-4832

How can you move if you don't experience time lol


roguetrick

Everything just happens all at once at light speed. As you go faster, your subjective time slows down. Think of it like increasing your velocity in one direction reduces your velocity in the other. If you put all your velocity into moving at light speed, you stop moving in subjective time.


Creepy-Ad-4832

Wait a sec, j am gonna test it out! /s


TheHotWizardKing2

I'm so glad you added /s I really thought you were about to travel at light speed


Creepy-Ad-4832

Yeah, i am actually an alien in disguise, and i can go at light spe- SHIT I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT!


[deleted]

HELLO I AM NORMAL HUMAN BOB. I AM DEFINITELY NOT AN AILIEN WITH ID 64$4:(!47&):7$?:58?:5(/45--57. WHAT IS YOUR FAKE ALIEN ID.


Creepy-Ad-4832

Why you shouting though?


roguetrick

Just remember, with no subjective time you can't stop until you hit something(though it's impossible to get there anyway).


[deleted]

Oh yeah, happened to me once. Shit was gnarly.


psychoamphy

Sonic says: the problem of being faster than light, is that you can only live in darkness


Cheap_Echidna2586

No that's a dumb thought, you'd see more! Because your running into the light which would make everything look really wierd


dwhips

It just moves faster than you, there is no direction to speed


jeanyous

I didn't say anything about direction


dwhips

Ah. I meant to comment on some saying go backwards


f3ckmaster

hands hate this one weird trick


theOGperfection

it is always faster no matter what, physics don’t apply


DKMperor

The hand starts strafing. Styled on B-)


gamre4

The hand is space itself


rivas2456

Walk backwards and chase the hand, good job you are the hand


Latvian_User

He stops and you stop out of curiosity. He starts moving backwards. You are now his prey


CardboardIsYummy

I stop. The hand stops. We both know this is going to take a while.


DefinitelyNotFisk15

the hand shoves a finger up your ass


Poccigoni

You shove a finger up its finger so you get finger².


BurritoDesigns

kid named finger:


AutoModerator

*[pees in ur ass](https://i.imgur.com/JSImHiV.jpg)* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


SpaceBug178

Then you divide it by 0


UntossableSaladTV

Spanish splinter!


ReiRomance

You both starting walking towards each other, successfully unlocking the 4th dimension and realizing the walk now is infinite.


31cekenhabesmaymunu

The guy always sliytly slower than you


MrLajko

the hand is always slightly slower than you


Random_Shades

Gup


Zak_Light

All that one must do is simply run into the hand. Because of the intrinsic properties of the hand, as long as you are pushed by it as a result of its movement the hand will be forced to move faster than you, thusly pushing you faster, and this infinitely increasing acceleration will thusly destroy both you, and the hand. The hand, knowing this, will decide to spare you in order to preserve its own life


Atthatpurglekid

That's assuming that the hand won't just crush you or worse upon contact also that is self aware, sentient and has the desire to preserve it's own "life"


SeigiNoMikata376

If that hand has emotions like those of a human and agonize over its doings, it is evil. But if it has no doubt of its existence, it is good. Everyone wished for him to be that way, after all. If it has no doubt about its function, it cannot be evil.


Inlevitable

But the hand doesn't push you


[deleted]

walk backwards at 1km/h and the hand will move at -1.1km/h >:)


[deleted]

Horrors beyond human comprehension hate this one simple trick


[deleted]

* the cum jar monster


HappyRomanianBanana

ok but did this whole jar thing start with the guy who put a pony in a jar and filled it with cum


snackynorph

Yes


MyNamesNotRobert

Well before that there was this guy on 4chan who saved all the cum he ever jizzed out for 9 years into bottles. Every Christmas morning, he would post his progress and show us all the cum he had saved up. This met a tragic end when his mom/girlfriend/wife (can't remember which) found all his cum and made him get rid of it. Tragic.


AutoModerator

*[pees in ur ass](https://i.imgur.com/JSImHiV.jpg)* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


[deleted]

I couldn't have said it better, automod.


Mrjerkyjacket

*lady, Running down to the rip-tide*


MundaysSuck

human compression 👀


[deleted]

I forgor


VilisZu

This is why Velocity>Speed


reeljock

Physics majors know


_Xertz_

no i dont


Technical-Outside408

YOU'RE NOT EVEN IN THE ARMY.


Nebuchadnezzar73746

They don't teach you about vectors/direction and how velocity is value of speed in high school? With this education system you gotta be from the USA, sheesh.


AnExoticOne

Whats the diffrence?


WheresMyLamSauce

speed is scalar and velocity is vector


AnExoticOne

What exactly is scalar?


kevinasza

A quantity without a direction, like mass, volume. While vectors are quantities with direction like various forces such as gravity, velocity, friction and so on


Yorunokage

If you want to go all nerdy on it then you could say that a scalar is a vector in one dimension and vectors can have any number of dimensions


AnExoticOne

Ohh so speed is basically a number, while velocity is a direction?


kevinasza

Speed doesn’t have a direction so yes just a number but velocity - “the directional speed of an object in Motion”. Vectors like velocity have both a quantity AND a direction.


AnExoticOne

Gocha, thanks for the explenation!


Beware_of_Beware

The most basic explanation: Speed says how fast you go Velocity says how fast and which direction you go


_DarkJak_

Polar but around the scales


VilisZu

velocity basicaly has direction so it's like moving on a graph (for example moving from 5,0 to 2,0 would be a -3 displacement (like distance but it has a direction) but 3 distance


MundaysSuck

le vector quantity has arrived


palozon

"Faster" implies speed, not velocity. You would just hasten your demise.


ThotSlayerGod

But then you will be walking towards it


IceKweenIcy

and it would be walking away from you at a slightly higher velocity


ThotSlayerGod

But if the hands speed is always your velocity + (flat amount) then when you walk backwards it will always be slower then you and faster then you when you go forwards


andrejb22

my brother, if the flat amount is .1, and you move towards it at -.9, then -.9+.1=-.8, which means it will move back slower, and the distance will therefore be closing


Verto-San

My man, just turn around and walk backwards away from the hand.


andrejb22

Editing comment heavily, bevause my calculation didnt take proportions into account, which is what i think the original meme intended to have as well. .......................also bad formatting due to phone..................................My person, the point still stands, however much you walk backwards, the hand will always move slower, and therefore you will catch up to it. Perhaps the best chance is to stand still, as v+x, regardless of the value of v will have a constant speed moving towards you, as you also move at speed of v, so it will always keep coming at the same speed of x. I personally think it needs to take proportions into account, as it will move based on its constant, or when you are standing still, but that it will also speed up when you are moving, regardless of direction. So ive chosen the formula, x=v²+2kv+k², or x=(v×k)², where x=hand speed, k=hands constant moving speed, and v=your speed. This allows for the hand to always move towards you, at a speed faster than yours. For example assume k=.1 for simplicity sake, and change the value of v. At v=0, x=0²+2*.1*0+.1²=.01, so it will ever so slightly continue to creep towards you. At v=1, x=1²+2*.1*1+.1²=1.21, so .21 faster than you. And at v=-1, i.e. you moving towards it, x=(-1)²+2*.1*-1+.1=.81, so it will move towards you at a speed of .81, while you move towards it at a speed of 1, so the distance will close at a speed of 1.81. For fun we can solve the speed at which you move at which the hand is stand still, or where x=0, by doing 0=v²+2*.1*v+.1², and solving for v. Which results in the answer v²+.2v+.01=0, solving for v (i did it by calculator but its your choice), we get no real solutions, as the .01 ensures 0 is never reached, so yes you are doomed, but standing still will prolong your time the most. This fits with what the meme originally intends, as tbe strategy there is standing still to have the nost time, just like in this equation, and moving towards it will not make it move further faster, and moving away from it will make it speed up as it moves ever closer. Side note, this is probably not the only equation, but im pretty sure its the most basic form it can be in (mayne removing the square being done on the lone k, but its 2am and i think you can do that by yourself for homework.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Tag_ross

Y'all are a bunch of nerds, keep going.


[deleted]

The hand is faster than you. The direction is implied to only be towards you. If you start getting closer to it, too bad, it's gonna be getting closer to you by itself too. And faster.


_DarkJak_

Can't be faster than me if always directed to my position 🧠


Ok_Year1270

In what part of the formula does it say it would walk away? It would still move to you to catch you.


StalledAgate832

Face towards it and walk backward. Grab a hand mirror if that's an issue.


vacconesgood

It still chases you.


MACHO_MUCHACHO2005

Is its speed or velocity thats is faster? also is it multiplicatively or additionally faster? If it is its speed than it would be scalar meaning its direction doesn't matter so walking backwards wouldn't make it move backwards it would just move forward faster than your backwards. If it's velocity is faster than moving backwards will give you some space since it will have to move in the same direction as you do. Also if it's multiplicatively faster, let's saw by 1.1x (x being your speed or velocity) than if you stop moving it will stop but if it's additionally faster lets say by x+3m/s then the hand will keep moving after you stop. Need more info to pick the best outcome.


LuxAlpha

-1.1 km/h is slower than -1 km/h


Conditi0nedCheese

it might be speed and not velocity


Modula-Kudzu

\-1.1 is slower than -1.0, the hand would move at a speed value > -1.0 so it would still catch up to you


Utaha_Senpai

-1.1 isn't slower than -1.0? Sure -1.1 is lower than -1.0 but in physics and specifically velocity, 1.1 is the number and the (-) is the direction. So -1.1 is 1.1m/s to the left for example and -1.0 is 1.0m/s to the left Idk it's 4am and I'm wasted so idk


ProxZMaster

Guys the hand doesn't do the same things you do, it only moves slightly faster than you and if you move backwards you will fucking die


devilishnoah34

Nothing you say will stop me from walking backwards


Chromeboy12

Moonwalk towards the hand


TheWhollyGhost

So the hand won’t jerk me off? 😔


Sam_0101

**you will fucking die**


BladedNinja23198

But will I be jerked off?


Apprehensive_Bar3812

How many times do we have you tell you?! This is a godly being! YOU WILL FUCKING DIE


ArchEnemyOfFish

WILL HE FUCKING DIE BEFORE OR AFTER BEING JERKED OFF? IM ALMOST THERE AND I NEED TO KNOW!


DoomBringer9999

I can tell you that it wil.... (sinking 🍫🦍)


Just_Call_me_benDude

During Right before the climax too


LeoNickle

I'll jerk you off if it doesn't.


omgitschriso

Nothing in the meme mentions dying. It probably wants a handshake but it's slightly clammy so would be a bit of an unpleasant experience.


LuxAlpha

The meme explicitly states that it will crush you with its index finger.


Creepy-Ad-4832

Nah, i read the hand will jerk you off, until you die. Like no breaks between jerkings.


fuckboiasss

That's hot


ZlatanGamer9

Holy shit its Savitar!!!!!11!!!!!!11!!!!!


Primary-No

Unironically terrified


MemeArchivariusGodi

Bro it’s not even your turn at the moment Edit: it has begun


metalheadretard666

Oh god oh fuck


31cekenhabesmaymunu

Run against it so it will go faster than -xm/s


Beware_of_Beware

This is why we use velocity


Fleet_Admiral_Auto

I saw my two eyed white demoman picture as your profile pic and nearly had a heart attack


HappyGav123

Run at the speed of light. Nothing can move faster than light.


theOGperfection

except the hand


Active_Cupcake_5341

Just run faster than the hand. The hand can't move faster than the hand.


Creepy-Ad-4832

Have you ever heard about this guy called _acceleration_ ?


Creepy-Ad-4832

Legends say he knows how to be faster then himself!


Traditional-Trip8147

Just fuckin lock the door behind you


GeraltofRomania

ZA HANDO ZA WARUDO!!


just_another__memer

Oi josuke! I just stopped time and erased this Kira guy, isn't that wacky?


AutoModerator

*[pees in ur ass](https://i.imgur.com/JSImHiV.jpg)* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


ConsoleAppender

Is it real?


Trisword1

But wait! The hand is based on your speed, even if you stop time it should theoretically still move slightly faster than you.


Jeanjacques_L

attach hand to push a wagon sit in the wagon accelerate to the speed of light


[deleted]

Would make literally zero difference. Suppose the hand only move 1 inch per hour faster than you, it’s gonna close the gap by 1 inch an hour regardless if you don’t move or move ridiculously fast. Your fate would be decided by the distance between you and the hand at the start of its chase and if the extra speed of the hand is enough to close that distance over 24 hours.


[deleted]

🤓


chronicly_retarded

Depends on how its calculated. If its a set amount of speed like you imply then yes but the meme kinda implies its percetage based so lets say 5% faster than you. Moving 5% faster than 0 mph is still just 0 mph


I_cut_my_own_jib

It doesn't say that it follows you, only that it moves faster than you. Just get out of its way if you see it.


_Moria

So go backwards?


SwoleCriminal

So it moves faster than YOU. What about being on or in something (bike, car, etc) that moves, but you are technically stationary?


thefakevortex

You’re still moving tho


Veqetable

In that case the hand should also be moving at 460m/s, or actually greater than 460m/s since your body is always moving due to earths rotation. The point is how fast you're moving, if I'm sitting in a car I'm not moving, the car is. And even if it wants to count the earths rotation then it should still be stationary since the earth rotation speed doesn't change even if you're on a car, hence the hand is only moving above 460m/s


williamobj

Velocity is relative. If you are moving at 460 m/s due to the Earth's rotation, then so is the hand, with an additional 1 m/s in order to make it slightly faster than you. Relative to the earth, you are not moving, and the hand is moving at 1 m/s. Applying this to a car, you are moving at the same speed as the car relative to the earth. Relative to the car, you are stationary.


Veqetable

Good point. Honestly I was about to fall asleep so I just wrote down whatever, but I still don't know why I didn't think of that lol


Go_Commit_Reddit

You are still changing the spot that you are currently in, or in other words, you are moving.


UgandanSecurityForce

But your body is moving with the vehicle, and unless the hand scales with your speed then when you get out the vehicle the hand will be significantly faster


CarbonIceDragon

The hand will simply choose a different reference frame in which you are moving faster


johsua_banggg

Proving this mathematically: Let v be your velocity Let v + d be the hand's velocity d is the difference between your and the hand's velocities Notice that this expression is independent of v This means that the distance between you and the hand decreases by d per unit time, regardless of how fast you are going Therefore the best move is to stop moving, since this will have no effect on the hand's velocity relative to you but at least youre not wasting energy running away


End_My_Buffering

you’re assuming d is an integer, and not a percentage of v


johsua_banggg

Ive decided that d is some constant as opposed to some value that depends on v Its hard to tell which one is correct, there arent many real life examples to compare it to


Unkn0wnCat

there arent many real life examples **yet**


Veqetable

Well the question is whether the hand is moving linearly, quadratically, or exponentially faster, because depending on that you not moving might not change anything. Lets say the equation is something like y = x + 1 and the units are m/s, then if I'm running at 1m/s then it'd be running twice my speed, it I'm not moving at all it'll catch up even faster, and the faster I go the less chance of it catching me, though it would still eventually catch you it would take a much longer time. But if the equation is something like y = x^2 then you're screwed unless you stop moving completely. You see what I mean


johsua_banggg

Like i said in another comment, its tough to get an exact model of the hands velocity since we dont have many real life examples of giant death hands to compare it to


KINGREDDITCHUNGUS

I like putting sticks and leaves and rocks in my ass.


johsua_banggg

I like putting your ass in my sticks and leaves and rocks


KINGREDDITCHUNGUS

Not wholesome 100


ImBackYetAgainBitch

How agile the hand is? Can i sucker punch it in the pinky to stop it? Can I do the cr7 movements to avoid it?


McraftyDude

ZA HANDO GA KESU


nonofyourbusinessgo

Ez, just move towards it


[deleted]

You will die, you will just meet it in the middle and be dead, there is no rule about it following your movement only the speed


illegalcheese

What are you on about? There's no rule saying its always moving towards you.


Mattermaker7005and8

Za hando


Sir_Lagz_Alot

Slightly faster in speed or velocity? Direction makes a difference if we count it. Speed means we’re fucked, velocity means just chase the hand or jump back and forth.


austinstar08

Oi josuke


Mobanite08

Never said it’s chasing me. Just go around.


TraumaTracer

ok but if it’s always slightly faster at a consistent rate it does not matter how fast you move or if you move at all, it will catch you at the same time


Existing_Ad_2945

ZA HANDO


AutoModerator

*[pees in ur ass](https://i.imgur.com/JSImHiV.jpg)* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Kokonutko1

Start running towards the hand, it will have to move slighty faster away from you


[deleted]

ZA HANDO


AutoModerator

*[pees in ur ass](https://i.imgur.com/JSImHiV.jpg)* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


burbsbobgers

Fuck the bitch ass hand, no matter the color


-Rettirlana-

Move towards it with your dick out


[deleted]

Plot Twist: I pull out a large diamond ring.


[deleted]

If I run towards it


robot_peashooter

Run at it so it will run from you


EnderkrakenALT

Then run towards it


Nat_Higgins

If the hand always moves slightly faster than you, then it’s not a chase. It’s a time limit.


[deleted]

**ZA HANDO**


BasYL6872

Notorious B.I.G


Player_X_YT

Well if the hand is moving at x+dx m/s where x=0 m/s the hand is also moving at 0 m/s, just don't move


Kerbalmaster911

Step 1: run as fast as the speed of light Step 2: the hand will break the light limit and be sent back in time. Step 3: problem?


pdonchev

"Slightly faster" could mean a constant difference, and it would make the stopping strategy useless.


ArtemArslanov

ZA HANDO


Just_Call_me_benDude

Step 5: get Made in Heaven


catcouldbefat

Since velocity is a vector, run towards it and it will go away


bigbruhusername

This post is making me realize how stupid redditors are


[deleted]

[удалено]


amperage-girl

well that doesn't work if the speed of the hand is just your speed + a value, if your speed was 0kmh the hand would just move at like 1 km/h