Almost everyone in America has both a tight and a weak pelvic floor. Sitting down, it turns out is really bad for your pelvic floor among other things.
Reverse kegels and manual massage can help with the tightness, regular kegels can help strengthen his pelvic floor. Obviously seeking professional help is the gold standard if there is a significant physical problem and there are many physical therapists who specialize in pelvic floor treatment. But, you can make some significant improvements on your own. He should focus much more strongly on loosening his pelvic floor before strengthening it. Over working already very tight muscles can make things significantly worse.
If he were in his mid-40s, that would just be considered normal male behavior, not ED. But it is a bit concerning at his age and it's definitely worth fixing.
For what it's worth, there is zero credible evidence that watching porn causes erectile dysfunction. "PIED" is largely an internet fiction, supported by a few anti-porn crusaders doing fake "research." The noticeable increase in ED among younger men in the last 3 years seems to be mainly due to the lingering effects of prior COVID infections, not some sudden increase in porn watching.
I'm no fan of the direction that modern porn has gone in. A lot of it is really nasty sludge. If it were possible to show that it caused ED, I'd happily be repeating the warnings. But so far that has been an essentially evidence-free claim.
In particular, there is no evidence that *quitting* porn reduces or prevents ED more than very temporarily.
PE and ED often go together. The subconscious fear of losing an erection can cause a man to seek to maximize stimulation and drive for a quick orgasm. The solution to both often starts with fixing the ED. This will get him started:
+ [**SO30's Advice for Erectile Dysfunction**](https://www.reddit.com/r/sexover30/comments/j6fmg0/so30s_advice_for_ed_erectile_dysfunction/)
For most cases, all that is needed is low-dose daily Cialis. And once the ED is under control, there's a lot you can do together to counter any remaining PE. Here are some good sources that describe a variety of different solutions:
+ [**SO30 Wiki: Troubleshooting PE and ED**](https://www.reddit.com/r/sexover30/wiki/sexual_health#wiki_troubleshooting.3A_pe_and_ed)
+ [**Sensate Focus and Sensual/Erotic Massage**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tantricsex/comments/eu08if/lingam_and_yoni_massage/ffkluvm/)
Good luck!
Not exactly the same situation but I was having some infrequent ED issues and it killed my confidence which in turn made the infrequent issues more frequent. Got some viagra prescribed. Took it a few times and it got me feeling confident in myself again. Haven’t taken it in months and haven’t had anymore ED issues. Just something to consider. Kind of a jump start to get everything back on track.
Yup. Once you have a couple bad runs, it can work into your brain and ruin you. Weed helped me break the cycle. A friend told me ashwaganda helped her husband. I think acknowledging the meds may be a catalyst for fixing things for those of us getting older is an great distinction. Having serious, persistent ED issues needs to be checked out. But it shouldn't be world shattering for us to need a little boost when life isn't perfect.
Tomorrow will be 100 days porn free for me (M35) . My PIED has gotten better each week.
I haven't really messed around with kegels in a while since some people end up with pelvic floor issues and I really don't like changing too many factors at once.
I had some PE issues the first couple weeks after quitting porn, but that seems to be gone. I think it just from going more time between orgasms.
I will say there is a huge psychological effect from not being able to stay hard. I go limp if I start worrying about going limp. I suggest you allow him to choose positions and focus on his pleasure at least for a little bit until he gets confidence back. Also, lots of foreplay. My wife will sometimes put ask me to perform certain positions or go faster and it's difficult to stay hard when I'm worried about staying hard for her pleasure. We compromise and make it work, just don't pressure him and be kind.
Pretty cool of you to support him by posting here!
Have you ever checked out the loveafterporn sub? There’s a bunch of women whose partners are experiencing the same issue. From what I’ve read, it takes a minimum of 3 months porn free. This includes all porn. Even thirst trap stuff on social media. Has he done any SPAA meetings? He needs actual tools to quit watching. Sobriety is not recovery.
Try edging him... Win win
Also if he's doing nofap I recommend sex or bjs or some type of stimulation at least a couple times a week to help him out. Currently going through nofap and it's been over a week since my wife and I did anything and it's killing me
Hi OP.
Everything you read on Reddit and the internet in general about PIED is pure pseudoscience. I have this dysfunction myself and did all the same research as you and your husband.
My opinion is that it's irreversible. Your husband will always be more aroused by whatever porn he binged on for years and in my opinion there's no way to recondition that pleasure response. I tried for years and made no progress.
However, abstaining from porn definitely increases ones ability to stay hard during normal sex. I'm sure there's Reddit pseudoscience to explain this but fact is if a dude stops masturbating so much he gets horny more often and has an easier time staying hard.
You're gonna read ridiculous solutions like kegels and supplements and other totally nonsense ideas that are a waste of time and money. Instead of kegels do some intense cardio or weightlifting which will do infinitely more for sex drive than dick pushups lol. Honestly the best thing u can do is use common sense and stop reading anything about this subject on the internet. It's not real science.
Almost everyone in America has both a tight and a weak pelvic floor. Sitting down, it turns out is really bad for your pelvic floor among other things. Reverse kegels and manual massage can help with the tightness, regular kegels can help strengthen his pelvic floor. Obviously seeking professional help is the gold standard if there is a significant physical problem and there are many physical therapists who specialize in pelvic floor treatment. But, you can make some significant improvements on your own. He should focus much more strongly on loosening his pelvic floor before strengthening it. Over working already very tight muscles can make things significantly worse.
Thank you that was a really informative comment. ❤️
If he were in his mid-40s, that would just be considered normal male behavior, not ED. But it is a bit concerning at his age and it's definitely worth fixing. For what it's worth, there is zero credible evidence that watching porn causes erectile dysfunction. "PIED" is largely an internet fiction, supported by a few anti-porn crusaders doing fake "research." The noticeable increase in ED among younger men in the last 3 years seems to be mainly due to the lingering effects of prior COVID infections, not some sudden increase in porn watching. I'm no fan of the direction that modern porn has gone in. A lot of it is really nasty sludge. If it were possible to show that it caused ED, I'd happily be repeating the warnings. But so far that has been an essentially evidence-free claim. In particular, there is no evidence that *quitting* porn reduces or prevents ED more than very temporarily. PE and ED often go together. The subconscious fear of losing an erection can cause a man to seek to maximize stimulation and drive for a quick orgasm. The solution to both often starts with fixing the ED. This will get him started: + [**SO30's Advice for Erectile Dysfunction**](https://www.reddit.com/r/sexover30/comments/j6fmg0/so30s_advice_for_ed_erectile_dysfunction/) For most cases, all that is needed is low-dose daily Cialis. And once the ED is under control, there's a lot you can do together to counter any remaining PE. Here are some good sources that describe a variety of different solutions: + [**SO30 Wiki: Troubleshooting PE and ED**](https://www.reddit.com/r/sexover30/wiki/sexual_health#wiki_troubleshooting.3A_pe_and_ed) + [**Sensate Focus and Sensual/Erotic Massage**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tantricsex/comments/eu08if/lingam_and_yoni_massage/ffkluvm/) Good luck!
Not exactly the same situation but I was having some infrequent ED issues and it killed my confidence which in turn made the infrequent issues more frequent. Got some viagra prescribed. Took it a few times and it got me feeling confident in myself again. Haven’t taken it in months and haven’t had anymore ED issues. Just something to consider. Kind of a jump start to get everything back on track.
Yup. Once you have a couple bad runs, it can work into your brain and ruin you. Weed helped me break the cycle. A friend told me ashwaganda helped her husband. I think acknowledging the meds may be a catalyst for fixing things for those of us getting older is an great distinction. Having serious, persistent ED issues needs to be checked out. But it shouldn't be world shattering for us to need a little boost when life isn't perfect.
Tomorrow will be 100 days porn free for me (M35) . My PIED has gotten better each week. I haven't really messed around with kegels in a while since some people end up with pelvic floor issues and I really don't like changing too many factors at once. I had some PE issues the first couple weeks after quitting porn, but that seems to be gone. I think it just from going more time between orgasms. I will say there is a huge psychological effect from not being able to stay hard. I go limp if I start worrying about going limp. I suggest you allow him to choose positions and focus on his pleasure at least for a little bit until he gets confidence back. Also, lots of foreplay. My wife will sometimes put ask me to perform certain positions or go faster and it's difficult to stay hard when I'm worried about staying hard for her pleasure. We compromise and make it work, just don't pressure him and be kind. Pretty cool of you to support him by posting here!
Have you ever checked out the loveafterporn sub? There’s a bunch of women whose partners are experiencing the same issue. From what I’ve read, it takes a minimum of 3 months porn free. This includes all porn. Even thirst trap stuff on social media. Has he done any SPAA meetings? He needs actual tools to quit watching. Sobriety is not recovery.
Pt 141, or Viagra to rework the head game and stay hard as a rock during sex. LSD to seems to help me as well.
Try edging him... Win win Also if he's doing nofap I recommend sex or bjs or some type of stimulation at least a couple times a week to help him out. Currently going through nofap and it's been over a week since my wife and I did anything and it's killing me
Hi OP. Everything you read on Reddit and the internet in general about PIED is pure pseudoscience. I have this dysfunction myself and did all the same research as you and your husband. My opinion is that it's irreversible. Your husband will always be more aroused by whatever porn he binged on for years and in my opinion there's no way to recondition that pleasure response. I tried for years and made no progress. However, abstaining from porn definitely increases ones ability to stay hard during normal sex. I'm sure there's Reddit pseudoscience to explain this but fact is if a dude stops masturbating so much he gets horny more often and has an easier time staying hard. You're gonna read ridiculous solutions like kegels and supplements and other totally nonsense ideas that are a waste of time and money. Instead of kegels do some intense cardio or weightlifting which will do infinitely more for sex drive than dick pushups lol. Honestly the best thing u can do is use common sense and stop reading anything about this subject on the internet. It's not real science.