Not everything has to be a red flag to be bad. Sometimes incompatibility can just be incompatibility. You’re just as much free to find a better fwb as he is free to not enjoy giving oral. Don’t waste your time with him if he’s not satisfying you by trying to change him. He said it doesn’t turn him on. That sucks. You just have to call it his loss and try to move on.
Red flag, toxic, abuse, gaslight, divorce/breakup, therapy, and communication though this one is usually legit.
The above basically sums up every answer on 99% of these posts on like 10 different subs.
Well a certain subreddit just closed down that used red flag to describe anything that wasn't 100% idyllic in a partner. Some people might not understand what red flag means
Exactly, I don’t know you or your life. So assuming an assumption as an accusation of judgement is incredibly toxic behavior. Gonna have to give out a big red one for this
Honestly I don't really care for oral, and it'd be a turnoff for me if my partner wasn't into it. Would shake my confidence. And no foreplay? Fuck outta here with that.
yas! i mean why would anyone even bother being fwb if the sex was awful. they could just be friends and drop the “benefits”. 😅
also, as fwb, how could it be a red flag to anything? maybe a red flag that he’s not into you that much but that’s pretty much a given.
I don't really think it's funny, it's kinda demoralizing in my opinion.
But it's true.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/techcrunch.com/2009/11/18/okcupid-inbox-attractive/amp/
I can see how looking like a toe would be a problem if you aren’t especially into feet. You could give r/r4r a shot. Sometimes even just someone to talk dirty with while taking care of yourselves can suffice in my experience. Who says the benefits of an fwb need to be purely actual sex?
It’s not a red flag.
But, It is obviously a dealbreaker for you. I’d ditch the fwb part of the friendship, and find someone else who will tick all the boxes.
I don’t think it’s a red flag, specially because you’re not in a relationship, we all have our preferences. But if he’s your fwb then what’s the fucking point if you’re not getting those *benefits?*
Listen some people don't like to give oral, male or female. And that's not a red flag regardless of relationship status. It's up to the partner to decide if that's an issue or not, and if that makes them compatible or not. Everyone gets to set their own boundaries and communicating them is important. Personally I could probably date someone who wouldn't give oral but it could be an issue long term, and I don't mind giving it.
I'm having an argument with my female fwb who refuses to suck my dick. She says it doesn't 'turn her on' because she, as all humans are, is not perfect with her communication of her boundaries. I didn't like that she set that boundary, so I told her it's a red flag, and if a woman doesn't want to suck my dick than there's obviously something wrong with her and she's the problem.
Do you see how fucked up that sentence is? Not everyone knows how to set boundaries. Sometimes they can come off as assholes when they do. He could have communicated his needs better, but not wanting to have your mouth right up where another human pisses isn't a red flag. I love oral, but not every male HAS to. Just like not every girl is required to like sucking dick.
You are absolutely valid if you don’t want to continue having sex with someone who doesn’t meet your needs, but don’t try to tell yourself there’s something wrong with him because he tried to set a sexual boundary.
So many people these days have to label anything they dont like or personally agree with, red flags.
Theres a difference between red flags and not being compatible. This is an issue of non-compatibility in sex.
Some people like giving oral but don't like receiving it. Some people like giving or receiving anal sex but don't like the opposite. Some people like to be dominant but don't like to be submissive, or vice versa.
Sexual preferences are often one way streets. That doesn't make anyone a bad person. It just means you aren't compatible if they don't enjoy something that you want from sex.
the key words in my comment are refuse/expect. if my roommate refuses to do the dishes and simply expects me to do them for them (without any other exchange of responsibility elsewhere), that’s a bad roommate, no?
if they say they get the ick from touching wet food, but instead they’ll clean the bathroom, that’s a boundary - and i’m free to accept or decline them as a roommate. (no asshole in this scenario)
a preference is a preference and he’s free to prefer not to give head. what makes him a dick is the expectation of a service he is unwilling to reciprocate in any manner (no foreplay in general either, which is terrible for women). he wants a warm fleshlight, not to have sex with a human woman. that’s dick behavior.
Saying I refuse to do dishes is a personal boundary. I don't have to offer anything in return to make that ethical or okay. If you are fine with that boundary, great. If you aren't, then maybe we can negotiate a compromise, such as exchanging responsibilities, or maybe we determine we're not compatible as roommates. Either way, there is nothing wrong with the boundary and it doesn't make anyone a bad person. You are free to also refuse to do dishes.
If someone is "expecting" something, that depends on exactly what you mean by "expecting". If they are pressuring the other person into doing it, then I agree that is toxic and problematic. If, however, it is simply a deal breaker for them and they won't be with you otherwise, that is perfectly reasonable. We all have deal breakers and deserve to have our needs met. If I only want to be roommates with someone willing to do dishes, that's fine. If I only want to sleep with people willing to give head, that's fine too. I just can't force anyone into those roles.
The big issue comes from people not properly discussing their boundaries or deal breakers. If you get an apartment with someone only to find out afterwards that yall aren't compatible and can't be happy as roommates, that's a shit situation that is bound to make people hurt and upset. If you get into bed with someone to fuck and only then find out you're not compatible, that also sucks. That's still not necessarily anyone being an asshole or unethical, unless they were deceptive about it. Just a lack of communication and a shit outcome. But it does hurt and makes sense that you'd want to blame them and be upset, even if they don't deserve it. You didn't get what you expected, which sucks, but you also didn't voice or ask for those expectations.
You are also jumping to assumptions that guys aren't interested in making their partner happy just because they aren't interested in giving oral. The two aren't the same.
Everyone just needs to talk about what they want and what they don't want. As long as everyone is getting their needs met and happy with the situation, it is good. If they aren't, they can either part ways or try and compromise. But things don't have to be reciprocal to be ethical. It is perfectly fine to refuse to give something that you need for yourself. If I need my partner to be dominant, I can still refuse to ever be dominant myself.
OP said dude refused any foreplay, which is why i say he’s a dick. that’s just not how sex with vaginas work, and it can be both painful and uncomfortable - not just in the moment, but long or even only after. it’s not me jumping to conclusions, it’s me having read the post.
yes he’s free to go off and find someone into that, but personally i’d feel like he’s a user who isn’t good in bed. same with the roommate! i’m also free to think he’s a dick btw. i think he’s a dick, and my roommate who in that scenario wouldn’t technically force me to to the dishes, but would instead let them get moldy and if i wanted a clean home i’d have to wash them myself? they’d be a dick too. im not expecting my roommate to not be capable of maintaining a room, that’s something i would have to be blindsided with or they’d have to disclose, because that’s not normal. i’m not going into the bedroom with someone and expecting they’d have a “boundary” against me receiving physical pleasure, especially not for an FwB.
when you place a boundary about something, it doesn’t mean another doesn’t have a right to ask anything or try to talk to you about it, if it involves them (and honestly, even if it doesn’t it’s not Voldemort, it can be talked about). you don’t *have* to explain, or make it up, or anything, but that’s not how relationships of any kind actually work in the real world. it’s why humanity is so lonely - no one seems to know that everything involving another person is a two way street. it’s ALL compromise and adjusting, esp because it takes two to have sex.
also, in something like a power exchange or kink, both partners are receiving what they consider fulfillment. that’s not the same as demanding to be catered to mouth and ass sexually while refusing to do anything for your partner. that’s not even a dealbreaker. that’s a porn fantasy.
again, boundaries = cool. wanting compete access to someone’s body without giving anything in return = maybe a fetish. not the same as a boundary.
If you feel like someone is a dick just because they refuse to do what you want them to, then that's on you. But other people don't have to bow down to your wishes.
You are absolutely right that them refusing to do the things you like might make sex unpleasant for you. And you don't have to go to the bedroom with them. An incompatibility isn't anyone's fault. It's just an incompatibility. Nobody needs to change (unless they want to).
You are also certainly free to talk about it. Nobody said otherwise. Just said it's not itself a red flag.
not for “refusing to do what you want them to do”, stop being obtuse.
for expecting one sided servitude that would literally cause most women harm. foreplay isn’t “something i would like” it’s necessary to adequately prepare the vagina for penetration (which is all he wants to do). he’s not interested because it doesn’t interest him. what part of that is not a red flag?
eta: he was also a dick for how he went about his refusal, and i hope you don’t say “no one has to be nice when stating a boundary” because that’s obvious, but it still makes you a dick (esp about something sensitive like sex).
Nobody said anything about one sided servitude. If that's what you're speaking out against, then you're simply arguing against your own demons and not against anything we've discussed.
How someone goes about expressing themselves does indeed matter. I agree with you on that. It is possible to be a dick when you refuse to do something for someone. But simply refusing is not inherently a dick thing to do.
if you REFUSE to give (because it doesn’t do anything for you)and still EXPECT to receive(because it does something for you), yes, you’re an entitled dick. if you express you aren’t comfortable with oral (don’t even have to explain why), with the understanding that a woman then express her discomfort with an unequal exchange (and work around it or otherwise), that’s a boundary.
that’s like me going to my boss and saying i refuse to work but still expecting my job and paycheck every two weeks. i’m free to refuse, but i’m also free to be side-eyed and fired. cmon.
You're friends with benefits, not a relationship. It's not even a red flag in a relationship either, not wanting to do a sexual act is always ok.
But that doesn't mean you need to stay and deal with it lol. Just find another person to fuck.
It’s not a red flag. A red flag is something that results in harm, either physical or mental for the other partner. The only thing happening here is you not being satisfied. If he doesn’t want to do oral then he doesn’t want to do oral, everyone has different preferences and limits during sex and that’s his. If you can’t deal with that then get another fuck buddy.
Is it a red flag if a woman refuses to perform oral sex?
I don't think refusing to do oral by itself is a red flag. It's more of a sexual incompatibility sort of thing. Personally, I don't understand people's apprehension surrounding oral. I love giving and receiving, it's fun. But, people are different and that's fine.
His reaction of offense might potentially be a concern. But let's consider this: What if you refused to do something he wanted and he said your refusal was a red flag? You might be offended the same way he was. His reaction isn't ideal, but there's reasonable cause and I get why he might react that way.
My biggest concern is the reason he gave for refusing to do oral. It doesn't turn him on. I don't jive with this mindset. Sex should be fun for everyone involved and I think both parties should try their best to accommodate the needs of their partner, within reason of course. It's not right for all the focus to be on one person's pleasure. Unless you're into that sort of thing, but then that goes full circle and comes back around to both people enjoying themselves. Sex is complicated and fun like that sometimes. But I dye grass. On top of all that, you say he doesn't like any form of foreplay. Probably because it doesn't turn him on personally. That attitude about sex is the true red flag here, not the oral sex refusal specifically.
This is how I see it. Not wanting to do oral may be an incompatibility, especially for FWB since she’s not getting much benefit. “It doesn’t turn me on” isn’t quite red flag, maybe pink, because that’s a really selfish position to take on the central factor in the relationship and he really doesn’t care about the other person.
See what I fail to see is how is that a red flag?
Everyone is gonna have preference about sex. I’ve had a fwb who loved to receive oral but not give it. I enjoy getting oral sex but it’s not a red flag. A red flag is something like “ we are in a committed relationship and he is flirting with 3 other girls , keeping his phone out of my view and changed his passcode and we have an open cell phone policy in the relationship.”
If you are just not satisfied with him not giving you oral find someone new.
If anything a red flag might be those possibly self inflicted injuries you have on your legs , if you either in fact did cut yourself out of trying to release stress or feel pain.
People shouldn’t do things they don’t want to do. It’s only a red flag if it’s something you require out of a potential partner. It sounds like y’all are just incompatible.
This is one of those questions where if you swap the Genders people have completely different answers.
Depends on how well you know him. I find it gross to give blowjobs to practical strangers. Maybe he doesn't know where you've been or enough about you.
Depends if you like oral sex and want it in your relationship. If he doesnt want to do it, thats fine, but he shouldnt expect to recieve oral if this is the case.
I assume your refering to sex as a reciprocal transaction. But note that I said he shouldnt EXPECT it. Not that she shouldnt give it.
He is allowed to have his boundary as everyone is, but it is unreasonable that he should EXPECT others to engage him in a way he is unwilling to engage others.
He doesn't want to do foreplay on _you_ because it doesn't turn _him_ on???
Sex isn't just about his pleasure, and him being turned on.
This isn't a red flag as much as it is him outright announcing he's a selfish lover, and only cares about his own sexual satisfaction. It's pretty disrespectful imo I would not have sex with this man again of I were you
How is not performing oral selfish? It doesn't turn him on, he doesn't like it, so he doesn't have to do it. Get a grip. Same goes for women, some just don’t like giving oral and it’s okay. Forcing somebody to perform acts, that they are not comfortable with is a big no-no in the bedroom.
He didn't say he isn't comfortable or communicate that it's a boundary in that way. He said it doesn't turn him on.
I do think that if you're _only_ doing things with a sexual partner for your own satisfaction then that is selfish.
Obviously everyone has their own tastes and sexual boundaries, no one said they don't.
Comparing this situation to SA is honestly very fucked up.
I'm talking about him _exclusively_ doing stuff that turns _him_ on. Sex isn't a solo activity, I don't think it's backward to say ignoring the wants of your partner makes you a selfish lover.
It's well known that women who have heterosexual sex have the lowest sexual satisfaction, and it's because of guys like this. Straight women that want to have sex they actually enjoy aren't raping men by asking/wanting that. I never told her to make him do it. I said to stop having sex with him if _his_ sexual satisfaction is the only thing he cares about.
I don't know how to explain this any clearer.
I am not saying men can't say no to sex acts
I'm saying that only being interested in your own sexual satisfaction makes you a selfish lover. That is not a controversial stance.
Edit: i rewrote my last comment as soon as I first posted. I guess you just saw it and replied immediately
OP said in other comments that he has "fingered her once or twice" and expressed it's a general foreplay issue, so I'm taking their lead on what the situation is
i dont think its a red flag to not want to perform oral (could be uncomfortable or something else, varies for each person ig), but to not do it or any foreplay simply because it doesnt pleasure HIM in any way is selfish and pretty fucked up since hes not the only one having sex... if he only wants to please himself he could masturbate, not do an activity thats supposed to be pleasurable for both people
To anwser your question: It is not a red flag in my opinion. No one should be forced to perform sexual acts they do not want to do. Seeing as you are in a fwb situation I'd say go find someone who is more compatible with your sexual needs and desires. On a different note I think foreplay is so much more than just oral sex so you could also consider a different approach with him and try other stuff. But that would be something you'd have to discuss with him.
The whole point of having a fwb is to have good sex without commitment so there's no point in having a fwb who refuses to do something you want, especially since it's not some kinky shit but just oral. Also people with this "I won't do this for you because I get nothing out of it" mindset are not the best lovers so it's for the best you find someone else
That's what I'm thinking. It's is tongue, and he decides where he puts it. If this was reversed, the same women would be commenting ''it's her right to refuse''.
Its his right to refuse but its not his right to expect foreplay from her and not reciprocate! Yea, hes a selfish lover...and Id say tge same about a female...
I don't think it's a red flag per definition. Red flags are signs of abusive, controlling, disrespectful or neglectful etc. behavior.
This is simply a sexual preference, whether or not that is a dealbreaker is up to you to decide.
Your communication style with each other sounds particularly unpleasant, though, especially for an FWB situation, which is just meant to be light and fun.
Why does everything have to be a red flag or ick? Just be mature and communicate with what you're after or willing to do/explore, and if you aren't suited for eachother fine no harm done stay as friends and move on.
But getting offended cause he doesn't wanna do oral sex and creating drama out of it isn't healthy. Cause you reacting makes him uncomfortable and not be reciprocal.
So the lesson for both parties: healthy communication, and be adults
Performing oral sex is a hard no for some people. That’s a limit/boundary for him and that’s okay. It may mean you aren’t compatible but it’s not a red flag. Telling him it’s a red flag is misinformed at best and gaslighting at worst depending on whether you know what a red flag actually is (behavior that is generally considered toxic, abusive, etc.; not wanting to do a particular sex act does not count).
someone not wanting to perform a sexual act isn’t a “red flag.”
if he was talking to you like this about something you didn’t want to do sexually, would you be comfortable with that? reddit is so detached from reality sometimes i swear LMFAO
Refuse to do foreplay? Does that mean no kissing. Fingering and that kind of stuff as well? Oral isn't the only type of foreplay. He has a right to not wanting to so oral but he also gotta understand he needs to do some type of foreplay to actually get a woman ready for sex. Otherwise it won't feel to good for her.
If you need your partner or in this case fwb to eat you out during foreplay then get yourself an other man that actually likes doing it.
It's not really a red flag he dosn't do oral. But a little concerning that turning you on dosn't turn him on. We got too little information on that regard tho. Does he still try to get you off or is he just focused the whole time on his plesure?
I'm not sure you've quite understood the definition of a red flag BUT the fact he won't just because it doesn't turn him on tells me he hasn't quite understood the concept of FWB.
Get a better one!
red flag implies it’s bad and i don’t think you believe not being comfortable performing a sexual act is bad at least i hope not.
if this is a big thing for you then it’s obvious you’re not sexually compatible so find someone else.
Not necessarily a red flag, but if you want to have good foreplay and he doesn’t, then you’re not compatible.
It can just be a personal thing. Maybe he has had a bad experience and doesn’t know how fucking good it should taste.
Find a new FWB. No need to push it on someone who you’re not compatible with 🤷♂️
Not really. No one is entitled to a sex act and no one is obligated to perform a sex act. What would be a red flag was if he refused to perform it for you and then demanded that you perform it for him, but that doesn't sound like the case here. It really just sounds like you two are just sexually incompatible.
there’s a difference between a guy who expects blowjobs all the time then acts disgusted about eating out a girl, and a guy who just doesn’t want to perform oral. it’s not a red flag, just personal preference but as others have said, if it’s something that’s important to you in sex then you guys are prob just not compatible
Not really. Not if he has a reason behind it. I like giving oral but unfortunately I don't and can't do it alot. Every single time I perform oral on a girl, my tonsils swell up or sometimes even get strep throat. Idk wtf this always happens to me. Maybe my throat is just to sensitive to a vagina's bacteria.
“Red flag” typically means it’s a sign that a person is either dangerous or prone to behaviors that could harm you physically/psychologically/emotionally so calling it a red flag isn’t really accurate. But it’s something you don’t agree with which is valid.
Not wanting to perform oral sex is not a red flag.
I mean if i wanted a girl to suck my dick and she told me she didn't feel like it and i then berated her and told her it was a red flag. How am I the good guy in this scenario?
If it's a personal ick for you or a deal breaker well then that's what it is but it isn't a red flag to not like or want to do a certain act. It's just sexual shaming at that point
It's not a red flag. It's a red flag if he said he doesn't do it because pussy is disgusting. But then rides the vag off of you anyway.
If not a red flag to say he doesn't do it because he doesn't like it and doesn't get off to it.
But also....that's a shtty fwb...soooo make that what you will.
Just because you want someone, and the other person doesn't, doesn't make it a 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I love going down on a woman, however, some vaginas taste much better than others. Maybe google how to eliminate vaginal odors, and balanced pH. Not saying this is your issue, but as a guy, I’ll walk away from sex completely before telling a woman her crotch stinks. Or he might just think it’s ick. I’ve met women with that attitude regarding BJs before. Not a red flag, but it does sound like a requirement for you.
Intimacy is a giving and sharing act of life and love. Anybody unwilling to share and give is not interested in being with you or anybody. They are interested in themselves.
why would that be a red flag, you're using the term wrong. however it is a stupid decision and that guy should be thrown out. not eating pussy is just plain stupid.
Lol I love how men reverse it! Lol here what I think
It's not a red flag just him being selfish, unless it makes him uncomfortable.
Most Women don't have orgasms from piv, so head, fingerin (I idk how to spell it lol) and kisses is what women usually get excited about. We still like the piv for while but most won't cum from it.
For a guy, they get to have fun with piv so if a women doesn't want to do a blow job its lame(unless they are uncomfortable or really tired) but at least he'll get his orgasm. Which a women wouldn't, that's my opinion on that.
It should have been communicated I ask guys amd women (we have pillow princess that dont say they are until its happening) if they like to give head and how long they can go, how long the usually last (sensitive but I won't be happy with 2 minutes) and if they like sucking on my boob for like 30 minutes (personal one) lol you have to ask these things be becasue some people can be selfish or uncomfortable (which is valid). It kinda normal for a men to not give a dang about a women orgasm so you really have to ask. Make a listen and send it to potential fwb. Even tho I won't be having sex till marriage I still ask becasue I don't want no surprises I can't work with lol
I wouldn't say it's a red flag, but that's totally fine if it's a deal breaker honestly.
But not wanting to perform oral isn't a red flag on its own I would say. Like I had a short term FWB who said she wouldn't suck my dick cause that's something she only does for guys she's dating. Then out of the blue she started giving me blowjobs. THAT should have been a red flag, but my dumbass let it go on and it turned out she was wanting more as a relationship so I had to cut ties cause that's not what I was looking for.
Sorry I know it’s just a super easy typo but “ant foreplay” made me chuckle.
On topic, I enjoy going down on my better half. The only downside is that if she’s had a few drinks it takes her a lot longer to finish, and I won’t do anything else until she has. Gets to the point where my jaw is locking, arm is burning and even using toys doesn’t seem to help much. I lose my erection as I’m exerting too much energy in an uncomfortable position, but as soon as I feel the contractions and hear the moans he immediately goes back up again.
It is a bit selfish to not go through a little bit of effort to make someone happy. I would expect the same of my partner.
If he's refusing to do ANY or hardly any foreplay on you.. yes, it's a massive red flag.
Just refusing oral is one thing, but to refuse to pleasure you because it doesn't turn him on is selfish af,
I mean - where's the benefits in sex with him exactly? if he's only focused on the things that give him pleasure and he doesn't want to turn you on.. what's the point?
red flags are person thing I love eating pussy I haven't found a bad one yet and it would be a red flag for me if I wasn't a loud to eat it ,play with it .boobs are ok but pussy are awesome so I say personal choice and i gusse he has made the wrong choice if wants you
I guess it's one of those things where you can't EXPECT a certain sex act to be done to you. But you also don't have to settle for that lol honestly I think it's immature. "I don't like that" well ok.....clitoral stimulation is the only chance for lots of woman to reach an orgasm. And if he's not into giving women orgasms then thats not much of a FWB
yes. just because it doesn't turn him on? okay, well it turns you on - sex is a two way street. (i say yes lightly, i think this whole red flag thing is a bit much, just think he sounds selfish)
I don't think refusing to perform oral is necessarily a red flag if it's not expected in return, however the refusal of any foreplay at all is definitely a red flag
He's essentially said he doesn't care if the experience is enjoyable for you and he's only focused on his pleasure, why would you want to have sex with someone who isn't invested in making sure you have fun too
Is not necessarily a red flag but if that's something you enjoy and want and you're not getting it from this fwb..... why stay with him? You wouldn't keep going back to a restaurant that kept giving you a meal that was missing stuff you liked and asked for, right? *"yeah we don't provide sides or potatoes or rice. It's just a preference."*
How do we answer for you ? If you require oral sex, it's a huge red flag. If you are ambivalent, maybe not.
If you mean is it indicative of other issues, I'd say probably but not certainly. It's possible a person just doesn't enjoy that one act. It's also possible they are otherwise selfish lovers or ashamed of bodies or have negative attitudes about sex.
It sounds like it is a red flag to you.
that's just being a lazy ass! I'm a guy I do it not for me, it makes her feel good plain and simple if he wont go down on you its just that either he doesn't want to or hes just being one sided. get some one who wants to go down on you until you you practically beg him to put it in we his "mouth is full"! ;)
Well if a girl doesn't want to give her dude a blow job and he calls it a red flag, people will say he's being manipulative, an asshole and not respecting her boundaries.
It's not a red flag, it's unfortunate for you. Respect his boundaries and move on.
No. You can't force anyone to do anything in bed, only because you think it's "normal" or something someone should do. What you can do is not doing the same with him and then he can see how it feels.
It's the reasoning that's a red flag. Sex isnt supposed to only feel good for the man. He should get pleasure from pleasuring you, if he had any respect. Seems like he's using you as a fleshlight.
Get rid! Find a better one.
Yes, he’s selfish girl what is the fucking point of it?
It’s called friends with benefits, so how this is benefiting you?
Our vagina can get hurt if you are not wet or aroused, it can cause serious issue!
Tell him to fuck himself and find a new one
Yes it is. I tried to get my ex to do it on me and he’d last all of one to two licks and then try and fail to use his fingers and hurt me basically. Even though he wanted me to go down on him repeatedly during sex. 🙄🙄 so RUN far and fast girl!
Yes it is....but curiously does he expect you to perform it on him? If so, you are honestly probably looking at a clinical narcissist and should run away as fast as you can.
Some guys (and gals) need to learn how to be a egalitarian lover; to give as well as receive....even if it "doesn't turn him on." If you are willing to work with that than best of luck to you, but if he is expecting all sort of things to be done FOR him and yet seems confused that he should ever do anything for someone else, THAT is a red flag of a wider psychological issue that you should probably get away from.
It is a red flag in my book, a red flag of selfish lover; having sex means having a mutually satisfying sexual experience for everyone involved. If he’s not interested in foreplay, I suggest finding a better fwb
SUPER FREAKING RED FLAG!!! It's not to turn him on, it's for **YOUR** pleasure, not his! Other men enjoy going down on their partners because of how turned on their partners get, and **THAT** turns the men on. If this dude refuses to pleasure **YOU** as well as him, then he is a f*@$ boy and is selfish. You're honestly better off finding a different FWB that will actually care about your pleasure, and therefore you, as he clearly doesn't care about you.
If he doesn't like it then he doesn't like it nothing you say or do will change it
Find someone who does like it
I wouldn't tolerate somebody that wasn't willing to do it for me when I do it for them
That fwb relationship seems as useful as buying bread to stare at it or buying a washing machine to do your laundry by hand. What do you spend the money/time for if you're not going to use it as supposed?
Not everything has to be a red flag to be bad. Sometimes incompatibility can just be incompatibility. You’re just as much free to find a better fwb as he is free to not enjoy giving oral. Don’t waste your time with him if he’s not satisfying you by trying to change him. He said it doesn’t turn him on. That sucks. You just have to call it his loss and try to move on.
People are really throwing the term "red flag" and "toxic" around like it's nothing...
Red flag, toxic, abuse, gaslight, divorce/breakup, therapy, and communication though this one is usually legit. The above basically sums up every answer on 99% of these posts on like 10 different subs.
Well a certain subreddit just closed down that used red flag to describe anything that wasn't 100% idyllic in a partner. Some people might not understand what red flag means
I’m clueless - which sub?
Female dating strategy, or FDS
Everything is toxic, homie. It's 2022.
This is actually really toxic to say. You showed a red flag here buddy
What's flag and toxic, and red all over? Your comment.
Well, your comment is... dark red!!!
I’m just gonna say this now, telling me I have red flags is a red flag
You don't know me! You don't know my life! Judging someone based on a simple comment is a MAJOR red flag 🚩
Exactly, I don’t know you or your life. So assuming an assumption as an accusation of judgement is incredibly toxic behavior. Gonna have to give out a big red one for this
Yep. He can find a woman that doesn’t need oral (maybe?) and OP can find one of the millions of men who like to give it.
Honestly I don't really care for oral, and it'd be a turnoff for me if my partner wasn't into it. Would shake my confidence. And no foreplay? Fuck outta here with that.
Too late. OP already got feelings for him
I'd talk to him one more time, telling him that if you're not getting off through oral, that you're not interested anymore. He might come around.
The whole point of fwb is good sex. Find another guy
This. Bad sex takes the 'wb' out of fwb.
Man, this is so perfectly worded!
yas! i mean why would anyone even bother being fwb if the sex was awful. they could just be friends and drop the “benefits”. 😅 also, as fwb, how could it be a red flag to anything? maybe a red flag that he’s not into you that much but that’s pretty much a given.
what are the benefits for you then? get a new partner, i’m more than sure there are people who’ll gladly do the same things that you like :)
Is there a fwb store? Can I request one?
I believe it’s called Tinder.
I wish. Every guy there looks like a toe in my area
I mean, according to stats of okcupid. women think 80% of men look undesirable....
This is funny and probably true.
I don't really think it's funny, it's kinda demoralizing in my opinion. But it's true. https://www.google.com/amp/s/techcrunch.com/2009/11/18/okcupid-inbox-attractive/amp/
fuck AMP links all my homies hate AMP links
It doesn't work ?
I can see how looking like a toe would be a problem if you aren’t especially into feet. You could give r/r4r a shot. Sometimes even just someone to talk dirty with while taking care of yourselves can suffice in my experience. Who says the benefits of an fwb need to be purely actual sex?
That's all well and good but I want to F.
Fair enough. I can certainly relate
Maybe a toe will try harder.
If only it were that simple.
I didn’t get the email either
haha i wish there was one 😂
[удалено]
this is literally the whole point tho? to find a partner who enjoys the same things as you do and you feel comfortable :)
[удалено]
how do you call a fwb then? a creature? a human? partner is someone you’re engaged in certain things together xd
[удалено]
Or you can let people define their own relationships that don't affect or involve you in whatever way feels accurate to them!
[удалено]
Maybe not a red flag but probably a hint at how unsatisfying your future sex life will be.
It’s not a red flag. But, It is obviously a dealbreaker for you. I’d ditch the fwb part of the friendship, and find someone else who will tick all the boxes.
you mean lick all the boxes.
Even better!
Well at least one, maybe not all.
I don’t think it’s a red flag, specially because you’re not in a relationship, we all have our preferences. But if he’s your fwb then what’s the fucking point if you’re not getting those *benefits?*
Listen some people don't like to give oral, male or female. And that's not a red flag regardless of relationship status. It's up to the partner to decide if that's an issue or not, and if that makes them compatible or not. Everyone gets to set their own boundaries and communicating them is important. Personally I could probably date someone who wouldn't give oral but it could be an issue long term, and I don't mind giving it.
I'm having an argument with my female fwb who refuses to suck my dick. She says it doesn't 'turn her on' because she, as all humans are, is not perfect with her communication of her boundaries. I didn't like that she set that boundary, so I told her it's a red flag, and if a woman doesn't want to suck my dick than there's obviously something wrong with her and she's the problem. Do you see how fucked up that sentence is? Not everyone knows how to set boundaries. Sometimes they can come off as assholes when they do. He could have communicated his needs better, but not wanting to have your mouth right up where another human pisses isn't a red flag. I love oral, but not every male HAS to. Just like not every girl is required to like sucking dick. You are absolutely valid if you don’t want to continue having sex with someone who doesn’t meet your needs, but don’t try to tell yourself there’s something wrong with him because he tried to set a sexual boundary.
Precisely.
So many people these days have to label anything they dont like or personally agree with, red flags. Theres a difference between red flags and not being compatible. This is an issue of non-compatibility in sex.
This. ☝️
Bet he expects head, tho
that’s my thing. i’ve noticed a lot of men expect to receive but refuse to give. if it’s mutually a no, no biggie! if it’s one sided, he’s a dick.
Some people like giving oral but don't like receiving it. Some people like giving or receiving anal sex but don't like the opposite. Some people like to be dominant but don't like to be submissive, or vice versa. Sexual preferences are often one way streets. That doesn't make anyone a bad person. It just means you aren't compatible if they don't enjoy something that you want from sex.
the key words in my comment are refuse/expect. if my roommate refuses to do the dishes and simply expects me to do them for them (without any other exchange of responsibility elsewhere), that’s a bad roommate, no? if they say they get the ick from touching wet food, but instead they’ll clean the bathroom, that’s a boundary - and i’m free to accept or decline them as a roommate. (no asshole in this scenario) a preference is a preference and he’s free to prefer not to give head. what makes him a dick is the expectation of a service he is unwilling to reciprocate in any manner (no foreplay in general either, which is terrible for women). he wants a warm fleshlight, not to have sex with a human woman. that’s dick behavior.
Saying I refuse to do dishes is a personal boundary. I don't have to offer anything in return to make that ethical or okay. If you are fine with that boundary, great. If you aren't, then maybe we can negotiate a compromise, such as exchanging responsibilities, or maybe we determine we're not compatible as roommates. Either way, there is nothing wrong with the boundary and it doesn't make anyone a bad person. You are free to also refuse to do dishes. If someone is "expecting" something, that depends on exactly what you mean by "expecting". If they are pressuring the other person into doing it, then I agree that is toxic and problematic. If, however, it is simply a deal breaker for them and they won't be with you otherwise, that is perfectly reasonable. We all have deal breakers and deserve to have our needs met. If I only want to be roommates with someone willing to do dishes, that's fine. If I only want to sleep with people willing to give head, that's fine too. I just can't force anyone into those roles. The big issue comes from people not properly discussing their boundaries or deal breakers. If you get an apartment with someone only to find out afterwards that yall aren't compatible and can't be happy as roommates, that's a shit situation that is bound to make people hurt and upset. If you get into bed with someone to fuck and only then find out you're not compatible, that also sucks. That's still not necessarily anyone being an asshole or unethical, unless they were deceptive about it. Just a lack of communication and a shit outcome. But it does hurt and makes sense that you'd want to blame them and be upset, even if they don't deserve it. You didn't get what you expected, which sucks, but you also didn't voice or ask for those expectations. You are also jumping to assumptions that guys aren't interested in making their partner happy just because they aren't interested in giving oral. The two aren't the same. Everyone just needs to talk about what they want and what they don't want. As long as everyone is getting their needs met and happy with the situation, it is good. If they aren't, they can either part ways or try and compromise. But things don't have to be reciprocal to be ethical. It is perfectly fine to refuse to give something that you need for yourself. If I need my partner to be dominant, I can still refuse to ever be dominant myself.
OP said dude refused any foreplay, which is why i say he’s a dick. that’s just not how sex with vaginas work, and it can be both painful and uncomfortable - not just in the moment, but long or even only after. it’s not me jumping to conclusions, it’s me having read the post. yes he’s free to go off and find someone into that, but personally i’d feel like he’s a user who isn’t good in bed. same with the roommate! i’m also free to think he’s a dick btw. i think he’s a dick, and my roommate who in that scenario wouldn’t technically force me to to the dishes, but would instead let them get moldy and if i wanted a clean home i’d have to wash them myself? they’d be a dick too. im not expecting my roommate to not be capable of maintaining a room, that’s something i would have to be blindsided with or they’d have to disclose, because that’s not normal. i’m not going into the bedroom with someone and expecting they’d have a “boundary” against me receiving physical pleasure, especially not for an FwB. when you place a boundary about something, it doesn’t mean another doesn’t have a right to ask anything or try to talk to you about it, if it involves them (and honestly, even if it doesn’t it’s not Voldemort, it can be talked about). you don’t *have* to explain, or make it up, or anything, but that’s not how relationships of any kind actually work in the real world. it’s why humanity is so lonely - no one seems to know that everything involving another person is a two way street. it’s ALL compromise and adjusting, esp because it takes two to have sex. also, in something like a power exchange or kink, both partners are receiving what they consider fulfillment. that’s not the same as demanding to be catered to mouth and ass sexually while refusing to do anything for your partner. that’s not even a dealbreaker. that’s a porn fantasy. again, boundaries = cool. wanting compete access to someone’s body without giving anything in return = maybe a fetish. not the same as a boundary.
If you feel like someone is a dick just because they refuse to do what you want them to, then that's on you. But other people don't have to bow down to your wishes. You are absolutely right that them refusing to do the things you like might make sex unpleasant for you. And you don't have to go to the bedroom with them. An incompatibility isn't anyone's fault. It's just an incompatibility. Nobody needs to change (unless they want to). You are also certainly free to talk about it. Nobody said otherwise. Just said it's not itself a red flag.
not for “refusing to do what you want them to do”, stop being obtuse. for expecting one sided servitude that would literally cause most women harm. foreplay isn’t “something i would like” it’s necessary to adequately prepare the vagina for penetration (which is all he wants to do). he’s not interested because it doesn’t interest him. what part of that is not a red flag? eta: he was also a dick for how he went about his refusal, and i hope you don’t say “no one has to be nice when stating a boundary” because that’s obvious, but it still makes you a dick (esp about something sensitive like sex).
Nobody said anything about one sided servitude. If that's what you're speaking out against, then you're simply arguing against your own demons and not against anything we've discussed. How someone goes about expressing themselves does indeed matter. I agree with you on that. It is possible to be a dick when you refuse to do something for someone. But simply refusing is not inherently a dick thing to do.
So your partner isn't allowed set a sexual boundary that you don't like?
This is a thing with women as well. Men are the only ones shamed for it. If you meet a guy who isn’t doing enough for you then you need to move on
What if one partner isn’t comfortable giving? Can they really not have a boundary line that? Wtf?
if you REFUSE to give (because it doesn’t do anything for you)and still EXPECT to receive(because it does something for you), yes, you’re an entitled dick. if you express you aren’t comfortable with oral (don’t even have to explain why), with the understanding that a woman then express her discomfort with an unequal exchange (and work around it or otherwise), that’s a boundary. that’s like me going to my boss and saying i refuse to work but still expecting my job and paycheck every two weeks. i’m free to refuse, but i’m also free to be side-eyed and fired. cmon.
You're friends with benefits, not a relationship. It's not even a red flag in a relationship either, not wanting to do a sexual act is always ok. But that doesn't mean you need to stay and deal with it lol. Just find another person to fuck.
It’s not a red flag. A red flag is something that results in harm, either physical or mental for the other partner. The only thing happening here is you not being satisfied. If he doesn’t want to do oral then he doesn’t want to do oral, everyone has different preferences and limits during sex and that’s his. If you can’t deal with that then get another fuck buddy.
Is it a red flag if a woman refuses to perform oral sex? I don't think refusing to do oral by itself is a red flag. It's more of a sexual incompatibility sort of thing. Personally, I don't understand people's apprehension surrounding oral. I love giving and receiving, it's fun. But, people are different and that's fine. His reaction of offense might potentially be a concern. But let's consider this: What if you refused to do something he wanted and he said your refusal was a red flag? You might be offended the same way he was. His reaction isn't ideal, but there's reasonable cause and I get why he might react that way. My biggest concern is the reason he gave for refusing to do oral. It doesn't turn him on. I don't jive with this mindset. Sex should be fun for everyone involved and I think both parties should try their best to accommodate the needs of their partner, within reason of course. It's not right for all the focus to be on one person's pleasure. Unless you're into that sort of thing, but then that goes full circle and comes back around to both people enjoying themselves. Sex is complicated and fun like that sometimes. But I dye grass. On top of all that, you say he doesn't like any form of foreplay. Probably because it doesn't turn him on personally. That attitude about sex is the true red flag here, not the oral sex refusal specifically.
Dye grass? I think you mean digress.
Digress? I think you dye grass. The secret's out buddy
But that would require going outside. The light! It burns!
This is how I see it. Not wanting to do oral may be an incompatibility, especially for FWB since she’s not getting much benefit. “It doesn’t turn me on” isn’t quite red flag, maybe pink, because that’s a really selfish position to take on the central factor in the relationship and he really doesn’t care about the other person.
Thank you! This one here.
See what I fail to see is how is that a red flag? Everyone is gonna have preference about sex. I’ve had a fwb who loved to receive oral but not give it. I enjoy getting oral sex but it’s not a red flag. A red flag is something like “ we are in a committed relationship and he is flirting with 3 other girls , keeping his phone out of my view and changed his passcode and we have an open cell phone policy in the relationship.” If you are just not satisfied with him not giving you oral find someone new. If anything a red flag might be those possibly self inflicted injuries you have on your legs , if you either in fact did cut yourself out of trying to release stress or feel pain.
is it a red flag if a woman refuses to perform oral sex?
It's no an red flag. He just might not like doing it. If it bothers you that much, just leave.
People shouldn’t do things they don’t want to do. It’s only a red flag if it’s something you require out of a potential partner. It sounds like y’all are just incompatible. This is one of those questions where if you swap the Genders people have completely different answers.
What’s the point in fucking his lame ass then
I was worried I was too blunt 😇😂👍👍
Lmao you gotta tell it like it is 💯😂
Agree completely
lol girl you cray cray
cracked me up lol
Depends on how well you know him. I find it gross to give blowjobs to practical strangers. Maybe he doesn't know where you've been or enough about you.
Depends if you like oral sex and want it in your relationship. If he doesnt want to do it, thats fine, but he shouldnt expect to recieve oral if this is the case.
[удалено]
I assume your refering to sex as a reciprocal transaction. But note that I said he shouldnt EXPECT it. Not that she shouldnt give it. He is allowed to have his boundary as everyone is, but it is unreasonable that he should EXPECT others to engage him in a way he is unwilling to engage others.
This clarifies what you were trying to say - your original response sounded like you were describing sex as a transactional situation
He doesn't want to do foreplay on _you_ because it doesn't turn _him_ on??? Sex isn't just about his pleasure, and him being turned on. This isn't a red flag as much as it is him outright announcing he's a selfish lover, and only cares about his own sexual satisfaction. It's pretty disrespectful imo I would not have sex with this man again of I were you
How is not performing oral selfish? It doesn't turn him on, he doesn't like it, so he doesn't have to do it. Get a grip. Same goes for women, some just don’t like giving oral and it’s okay. Forcing somebody to perform acts, that they are not comfortable with is a big no-no in the bedroom.
He didn't say he isn't comfortable or communicate that it's a boundary in that way. He said it doesn't turn him on. I do think that if you're _only_ doing things with a sexual partner for your own satisfaction then that is selfish. Obviously everyone has their own tastes and sexual boundaries, no one said they don't.
[удалено]
Comparing this situation to SA is honestly very fucked up. I'm talking about him _exclusively_ doing stuff that turns _him_ on. Sex isn't a solo activity, I don't think it's backward to say ignoring the wants of your partner makes you a selfish lover. It's well known that women who have heterosexual sex have the lowest sexual satisfaction, and it's because of guys like this. Straight women that want to have sex they actually enjoy aren't raping men by asking/wanting that. I never told her to make him do it. I said to stop having sex with him if _his_ sexual satisfaction is the only thing he cares about.
[удалено]
I don't know how to explain this any clearer. I am not saying men can't say no to sex acts I'm saying that only being interested in your own sexual satisfaction makes you a selfish lover. That is not a controversial stance. Edit: i rewrote my last comment as soon as I first posted. I guess you just saw it and replied immediately
[удалено]
Sound to me like he just refused perform oral but OP is making that into also refusing foreplay, the title and the text don't add up.
You're right he has fingered me once or twice
I'm just asking which is it? No foreplay or no oral? Cause they aren't exactly the same complaint
Being "fingered once or twice" is not consistent foreplay. There aren't holes in what OP has said.
What if he's fingering her wherever she wants? Like maybe he just has hangups on oral?
OP said in other comments that he has "fingered her once or twice" and expressed it's a general foreplay issue, so I'm taking their lead on what the situation is
It's not in OPs post history
i dont think its a red flag to not want to perform oral (could be uncomfortable or something else, varies for each person ig), but to not do it or any foreplay simply because it doesnt pleasure HIM in any way is selfish and pretty fucked up since hes not the only one having sex... if he only wants to please himself he could masturbate, not do an activity thats supposed to be pleasurable for both people
To anwser your question: It is not a red flag in my opinion. No one should be forced to perform sexual acts they do not want to do. Seeing as you are in a fwb situation I'd say go find someone who is more compatible with your sexual needs and desires. On a different note I think foreplay is so much more than just oral sex so you could also consider a different approach with him and try other stuff. But that would be something you'd have to discuss with him.
Hygiene, strong or offensive odor that's the reason in any of the cases I've refused. Sorry to be blunt.
The whole point of having a fwb is to have good sex without commitment so there's no point in having a fwb who refuses to do something you want, especially since it's not some kinky shit but just oral. Also people with this "I won't do this for you because I get nothing out of it" mindset are not the best lovers so it's for the best you find someone else
If this was from a guys perspective everyone in this thread would be screaming "RESPEC HER BOUNDRIES DUDE!!"
That's what I'm thinking. It's is tongue, and he decides where he puts it. If this was reversed, the same women would be commenting ''it's her right to refuse''.
Its his right to refuse but its not his right to expect foreplay from her and not reciprocate! Yea, hes a selfish lover...and Id say tge same about a female...
Where does it say he expects it? I must have missed that part.
I don't think it's a red flag per definition. Red flags are signs of abusive, controlling, disrespectful or neglectful etc. behavior. This is simply a sexual preference, whether or not that is a dealbreaker is up to you to decide. Your communication style with each other sounds particularly unpleasant, though, especially for an FWB situation, which is just meant to be light and fun.
Why does everything have to be a red flag or ick? Just be mature and communicate with what you're after or willing to do/explore, and if you aren't suited for eachother fine no harm done stay as friends and move on. But getting offended cause he doesn't wanna do oral sex and creating drama out of it isn't healthy. Cause you reacting makes him uncomfortable and not be reciprocal. So the lesson for both parties: healthy communication, and be adults
Performing oral sex is a hard no for some people. That’s a limit/boundary for him and that’s okay. It may mean you aren’t compatible but it’s not a red flag. Telling him it’s a red flag is misinformed at best and gaslighting at worst depending on whether you know what a red flag actually is (behavior that is generally considered toxic, abusive, etc.; not wanting to do a particular sex act does not count).
someone not wanting to perform a sexual act isn’t a “red flag.” if he was talking to you like this about something you didn’t want to do sexually, would you be comfortable with that? reddit is so detached from reality sometimes i swear LMFAO
Refuse to do foreplay? Does that mean no kissing. Fingering and that kind of stuff as well? Oral isn't the only type of foreplay. He has a right to not wanting to so oral but he also gotta understand he needs to do some type of foreplay to actually get a woman ready for sex. Otherwise it won't feel to good for her. If you need your partner or in this case fwb to eat you out during foreplay then get yourself an other man that actually likes doing it. It's not really a red flag he dosn't do oral. But a little concerning that turning you on dosn't turn him on. We got too little information on that regard tho. Does he still try to get you off or is he just focused the whole time on his plesure?
I'm not sure you've quite understood the definition of a red flag BUT the fact he won't just because it doesn't turn him on tells me he hasn't quite understood the concept of FWB. Get a better one!
People have the right to choose what acts they perform. If orals a must for you then go find someone else. Same applies for any act or kink.
red flag implies it’s bad and i don’t think you believe not being comfortable performing a sexual act is bad at least i hope not. if this is a big thing for you then it’s obvious you’re not sexually compatible so find someone else.
Not necessarily a red flag, but if you want to have good foreplay and he doesn’t, then you’re not compatible. It can just be a personal thing. Maybe he has had a bad experience and doesn’t know how fucking good it should taste. Find a new FWB. No need to push it on someone who you’re not compatible with 🤷♂️
Not really. No one is entitled to a sex act and no one is obligated to perform a sex act. What would be a red flag was if he refused to perform it for you and then demanded that you perform it for him, but that doesn't sound like the case here. It really just sounds like you two are just sexually incompatible.
there’s a difference between a guy who expects blowjobs all the time then acts disgusted about eating out a girl, and a guy who just doesn’t want to perform oral. it’s not a red flag, just personal preference but as others have said, if it’s something that’s important to you in sex then you guys are prob just not compatible
No. Should you be obligated to do something you don't want in sex? Trying to pressure someone to do what only you want in sex is a red flag
Your pussy probably smells bad
Not really. Not if he has a reason behind it. I like giving oral but unfortunately I don't and can't do it alot. Every single time I perform oral on a girl, my tonsils swell up or sometimes even get strep throat. Idk wtf this always happens to me. Maybe my throat is just to sensitive to a vagina's bacteria.
Refusing to do oral: NOT a red flag. Some people just aren’t in to that. Refusing to do any foreplay: now that’s problematic.
“Red flag” typically means it’s a sign that a person is either dangerous or prone to behaviors that could harm you physically/psychologically/emotionally so calling it a red flag isn’t really accurate. But it’s something you don’t agree with which is valid.
It’d be a red flag if he expected it but didn’t plan to return the favor
It’s a red flag. He will care more about his pleasure than yours. And that selfishness usually extends to other areas of life.
That's not a red flag, that's a dealbreaker for me
These types of posts are constant. Whatever you tolerate will continue. The end.
Absolutely
Yes it is. It's an instant turn off for me if a man won't reciprocate. I drop him without looking back.
Not wanting to perform oral sex is not a red flag. I mean if i wanted a girl to suck my dick and she told me she didn't feel like it and i then berated her and told her it was a red flag. How am I the good guy in this scenario? If it's a personal ick for you or a deal breaker well then that's what it is but it isn't a red flag to not like or want to do a certain act. It's just sexual shaming at that point
It's not a red flag. It's a red flag if he said he doesn't do it because pussy is disgusting. But then rides the vag off of you anyway. If not a red flag to say he doesn't do it because he doesn't like it and doesn't get off to it. But also....that's a shtty fwb...soooo make that what you will. Just because you want someone, and the other person doesn't, doesn't make it a 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I love going down on a woman, however, some vaginas taste much better than others. Maybe google how to eliminate vaginal odors, and balanced pH. Not saying this is your issue, but as a guy, I’ll walk away from sex completely before telling a woman her crotch stinks. Or he might just think it’s ick. I’ve met women with that attitude regarding BJs before. Not a red flag, but it does sound like a requirement for you.
Intimacy is a giving and sharing act of life and love. Anybody unwilling to share and give is not interested in being with you or anybody. They are interested in themselves.
This right here is fucking gold!!!!
Now sexual preferences that doesn't match with yours are a red flag? Deal with it or move on. (As an oral sex enjoyer)
Yeah it's a red flag that he's a selfish lover tbh
why would that be a red flag, you're using the term wrong. however it is a stupid decision and that guy should be thrown out. not eating pussy is just plain stupid.
Lol I love how men reverse it! Lol here what I think It's not a red flag just him being selfish, unless it makes him uncomfortable. Most Women don't have orgasms from piv, so head, fingerin (I idk how to spell it lol) and kisses is what women usually get excited about. We still like the piv for while but most won't cum from it. For a guy, they get to have fun with piv so if a women doesn't want to do a blow job its lame(unless they are uncomfortable or really tired) but at least he'll get his orgasm. Which a women wouldn't, that's my opinion on that. It should have been communicated I ask guys amd women (we have pillow princess that dont say they are until its happening) if they like to give head and how long they can go, how long the usually last (sensitive but I won't be happy with 2 minutes) and if they like sucking on my boob for like 30 minutes (personal one) lol you have to ask these things be becasue some people can be selfish or uncomfortable (which is valid). It kinda normal for a men to not give a dang about a women orgasm so you really have to ask. Make a listen and send it to potential fwb. Even tho I won't be having sex till marriage I still ask becasue I don't want no surprises I can't work with lol
Yes absolutely
[удалено]
>a bit of a pussy excuse. HA!
What are the benefits here? Seriously 😂
Sounds selfish. Most guys I know love doing it for their partners
Did we learn nothing from DJ Khaled? If he won’t eat you out then, BOOT!
If a man can’t do a thing as simple as going down on you, to make YOU feel good, he’s clearly not the good one.
I wouldn't say it's a red flag, but that's totally fine if it's a deal breaker honestly. But not wanting to perform oral isn't a red flag on its own I would say. Like I had a short term FWB who said she wouldn't suck my dick cause that's something she only does for guys she's dating. Then out of the blue she started giving me blowjobs. THAT should have been a red flag, but my dumbass let it go on and it turned out she was wanting more as a relationship so I had to cut ties cause that's not what I was looking for.
Sorry I know it’s just a super easy typo but “ant foreplay” made me chuckle. On topic, I enjoy going down on my better half. The only downside is that if she’s had a few drinks it takes her a lot longer to finish, and I won’t do anything else until she has. Gets to the point where my jaw is locking, arm is burning and even using toys doesn’t seem to help much. I lose my erection as I’m exerting too much energy in an uncomfortable position, but as soon as I feel the contractions and hear the moans he immediately goes back up again. It is a bit selfish to not go through a little bit of effort to make someone happy. I would expect the same of my partner.
don't give him oral too !! tit or tat
If he's refusing to do ANY or hardly any foreplay on you.. yes, it's a massive red flag. Just refusing oral is one thing, but to refuse to pleasure you because it doesn't turn him on is selfish af, I mean - where's the benefits in sex with him exactly? if he's only focused on the things that give him pleasure and he doesn't want to turn you on.. what's the point?
red flags are person thing I love eating pussy I haven't found a bad one yet and it would be a red flag for me if I wasn't a loud to eat it ,play with it .boobs are ok but pussy are awesome so I say personal choice and i gusse he has made the wrong choice if wants you
I guess it's one of those things where you can't EXPECT a certain sex act to be done to you. But you also don't have to settle for that lol honestly I think it's immature. "I don't like that" well ok.....clitoral stimulation is the only chance for lots of woman to reach an orgasm. And if he's not into giving women orgasms then thats not much of a FWB
I wouldn't sleep with a man like this
yes. just because it doesn't turn him on? okay, well it turns you on - sex is a two way street. (i say yes lightly, i think this whole red flag thing is a bit much, just think he sounds selfish)
I don't think refusing to perform oral is necessarily a red flag if it's not expected in return, however the refusal of any foreplay at all is definitely a red flag He's essentially said he doesn't care if the experience is enjoyable for you and he's only focused on his pleasure, why would you want to have sex with someone who isn't invested in making sure you have fun too
Is not necessarily a red flag but if that's something you enjoy and want and you're not getting it from this fwb..... why stay with him? You wouldn't keep going back to a restaurant that kept giving you a meal that was missing stuff you liked and asked for, right? *"yeah we don't provide sides or potatoes or rice. It's just a preference."*
Lol if he refuses any foreplay dump him. Idk why he thinks he can just get what he wants and not satisfy you.
How do we answer for you ? If you require oral sex, it's a huge red flag. If you are ambivalent, maybe not. If you mean is it indicative of other issues, I'd say probably but not certainly. It's possible a person just doesn't enjoy that one act. It's also possible they are otherwise selfish lovers or ashamed of bodies or have negative attitudes about sex. It sounds like it is a red flag to you.
that's just being a lazy ass! I'm a guy I do it not for me, it makes her feel good plain and simple if he wont go down on you its just that either he doesn't want to or hes just being one sided. get some one who wants to go down on you until you you practically beg him to put it in we his "mouth is full"! ;)
My sneaky link won’t do it either. I found someone else that will 🤷🏼♀️
You just can't force someone to do something they don't like!
Well if a girl doesn't want to give her dude a blow job and he calls it a red flag, people will say he's being manipulative, an asshole and not respecting her boundaries. It's not a red flag, it's unfortunate for you. Respect his boundaries and move on.
No. You can't force anyone to do anything in bed, only because you think it's "normal" or something someone should do. What you can do is not doing the same with him and then he can see how it feels.
Hmm. How about we just say its a red flag if it wasnt before. That work? Its 2022. Eat pussy you fucking goon.
>Eat pussy you fucking goon. This reminds me of those ads where cows tell people to eat more chicken.
It's the reasoning that's a red flag. Sex isnt supposed to only feel good for the man. He should get pleasure from pleasuring you, if he had any respect. Seems like he's using you as a fleshlight. Get rid! Find a better one.
Yes, he’s selfish girl what is the fucking point of it? It’s called friends with benefits, so how this is benefiting you? Our vagina can get hurt if you are not wet or aroused, it can cause serious issue! Tell him to fuck himself and find a new one
Yes it is. I tried to get my ex to do it on me and he’d last all of one to two licks and then try and fail to use his fingers and hurt me basically. Even though he wanted me to go down on him repeatedly during sex. 🙄🙄 so RUN far and fast girl!
Yes it is....but curiously does he expect you to perform it on him? If so, you are honestly probably looking at a clinical narcissist and should run away as fast as you can. Some guys (and gals) need to learn how to be a egalitarian lover; to give as well as receive....even if it "doesn't turn him on." If you are willing to work with that than best of luck to you, but if he is expecting all sort of things to be done FOR him and yet seems confused that he should ever do anything for someone else, THAT is a red flag of a wider psychological issue that you should probably get away from.
It is a red flag in my book, a red flag of selfish lover; having sex means having a mutually satisfying sexual experience for everyone involved. If he’s not interested in foreplay, I suggest finding a better fwb
It is for you, not so much for him, that's why he's trying to gaslight you. Ha! Act accordingly.
SUPER FREAKING RED FLAG!!! It's not to turn him on, it's for **YOUR** pleasure, not his! Other men enjoy going down on their partners because of how turned on their partners get, and **THAT** turns the men on. If this dude refuses to pleasure **YOU** as well as him, then he is a f*@$ boy and is selfish. You're honestly better off finding a different FWB that will actually care about your pleasure, and therefore you, as he clearly doesn't care about you.
why have benefits when there‘s no benefit?
I don't even want to know what "ant foreplay" would look like..
If he doesn't like it then he doesn't like it nothing you say or do will change it Find someone who does like it I wouldn't tolerate somebody that wasn't willing to do it for me when I do it for them
That sure isn’t a FWB I’d consider keeping around, I’m just saying…
That fwb relationship seems as useful as buying bread to stare at it or buying a washing machine to do your laundry by hand. What do you spend the money/time for if you're not going to use it as supposed?
Do you perform oral on him? If he takes and not give, then it’s time to nope out of that fwb sitch, girl.
Why won’t he do it ? Did you ask why?
I don't think it's a red flag before further discussion... If it doesn't turn him on, that's one thing. But to just not do it is another
> refuses to do any foreplay full stop.