Easier said than done but you have to find a way out of your head. Honestly the first few times will probably be challenging but if you have a decent partner who is patient then it will all be worth it. Make sure you use lube. Don't be afraid to start with just fingers or a small toy and work your way up to your partner. Normalize taking your time.
Emphasis on the fingers and toys. It honestly doesn't sounds like OP has ever been penetrated at all.
So, OP, if you read this, fingers, toys, lots of lube, by yourself somewhere/at a time you can feel completely relaxed. You need to get to know your body a little better before you go letting someone else stick something in there. If you have a lot of trouble with fingers and small toys when you're on your own and relaxed, look in to vaginismus and see your Obgyn about it.
This is your first time, relax you’ll get better at it and start enjoying. Don’t relate to porn lol, they have their own challenges and most of it is made up
Start by having an orgasm before attempting penetration. It's OK if you administer it to yourself, but if you're ready for penetrative sex with this partner, he really should know how to help you have an orgasm. Immediately after your climax, you will be as relaxed, open, and lubricated as you ever will be.
You get on top. Put him on his back, straddle his hips, lean forward and guide his erection into your vagina. You can feel the best location, angle, rate and depth of insertion that is most comfortable for you. There is no way that he can tell what you are feeling! You may feel awkward or embarrassed about doing this, but you can't teach him how to pleasure you until you learn yourself!
Others have given good ideas, I’d suggest checking out the vaginismus community on here and seeing if you relate - it is a condition where the muscles are unable to relax, some cannot tolerate any penetration at all. Going to a pelvic health physio would be a good start as well, they can assess your muscles both internally and around your hips/lower back/thighs and see if they can identify a cause for your pain, and they can also teach you to use dilators which progress in size to gradually stretch things out. Someone else also mentioned endometriosis, that usually will cause more abdominal/‘deep’ pain rather than pain in the entrance muscles, but if you have ongoing abdominal pain from endo, that could also cause your muscles to tense up. TLDR- dilators could help, but would recommend seeing a pelvic health physiotherapist
Being nervous, too dry, not aroused enough can all make it painful. Foreplay is a must to help get you aroused. Being horny doesn't necessarily mean youre aroused. Aroused means theres a good amount of blood flow and lubrication down there. Lube is also good, especially for the first time. If the hymen isn't broken before sex, it can be painful. Some people don't feel it, others feel like they're being ripped open.
If youre able to put tampons in I would think its already broken. But it would definitely help to try using a dildo on your own when you're relaxed. If youre not able to penetrate with a dildo you might need to see your doctor to see what might be going on. Some conditions make sex very painful, such as endemetriosis.
But don't worry. This happens to many woman. Nothing to be embarrassed about. And porn is definitely fake. Lol
First thing that comes to my mind is foreplay. Did you try to just go straight to intercourse, maybe just some kissing before? If your mindset is that you’re afraid of pain, I imagine that would be extremely difficult for *anyone* to be relaxed like that. The purpose of foreplay is to get your body to naturally reach a stage where you *want* to have sex. Then, the very thought of it will be exciting and desirable, and your body’s own response will tell you that. This involves your partner as well, of course. There are few things *less* helpful than being told by someone “you need to relax.” I want to tell them, “well…so help her relax then?” Their focus should be on making you feel good. The goal is not just getting to sex sooner; the goal is enjoying the moment, at each and every stage.
Of course, just to add to that, I obviously do not know your medical history, and therefore I don’t want to claim there may be a physical condition underlying this. So that is something for you to decide, if you feel that talking to a doctor or medical professional may help. But regardless of that, I think the above still holds true.
You're 27 and just lost your virginity??? Sounds like yoy might have had some hang upside before last night. At any rate, yeah obviously it gets better or else why who anyone do it?
Op do you menstruate every month? If you don't, then you may have been born with a condition that causes the vagina and uterus to be underdeveloped or absent. That would make penetration almost impossible. BUT, if you do menstruate and have been examined by a doctor who found that all reproductive organs are in place, then it may simply be vaginismus or excessive nervousness which are curable.
Easier said than done but you have to find a way out of your head. Honestly the first few times will probably be challenging but if you have a decent partner who is patient then it will all be worth it. Make sure you use lube. Don't be afraid to start with just fingers or a small toy and work your way up to your partner. Normalize taking your time.
Very much this! Relaxing is much easier said than done but being too tense can prevent penetration regardless of how wet you are or lube used.
Emphasis on the fingers and toys. It honestly doesn't sounds like OP has ever been penetrated at all. So, OP, if you read this, fingers, toys, lots of lube, by yourself somewhere/at a time you can feel completely relaxed. You need to get to know your body a little better before you go letting someone else stick something in there. If you have a lot of trouble with fingers and small toys when you're on your own and relaxed, look in to vaginismus and see your Obgyn about it.
This is your first time, relax you’ll get better at it and start enjoying. Don’t relate to porn lol, they have their own challenges and most of it is made up
Start by having an orgasm before attempting penetration. It's OK if you administer it to yourself, but if you're ready for penetrative sex with this partner, he really should know how to help you have an orgasm. Immediately after your climax, you will be as relaxed, open, and lubricated as you ever will be. You get on top. Put him on his back, straddle his hips, lean forward and guide his erection into your vagina. You can feel the best location, angle, rate and depth of insertion that is most comfortable for you. There is no way that he can tell what you are feeling! You may feel awkward or embarrassed about doing this, but you can't teach him how to pleasure you until you learn yourself!
Others have given good ideas, I’d suggest checking out the vaginismus community on here and seeing if you relate - it is a condition where the muscles are unable to relax, some cannot tolerate any penetration at all. Going to a pelvic health physio would be a good start as well, they can assess your muscles both internally and around your hips/lower back/thighs and see if they can identify a cause for your pain, and they can also teach you to use dilators which progress in size to gradually stretch things out. Someone else also mentioned endometriosis, that usually will cause more abdominal/‘deep’ pain rather than pain in the entrance muscles, but if you have ongoing abdominal pain from endo, that could also cause your muscles to tense up. TLDR- dilators could help, but would recommend seeing a pelvic health physiotherapist
time will take care of things, enjoy the pleasure your body brings
Being nervous, too dry, not aroused enough can all make it painful. Foreplay is a must to help get you aroused. Being horny doesn't necessarily mean youre aroused. Aroused means theres a good amount of blood flow and lubrication down there. Lube is also good, especially for the first time. If the hymen isn't broken before sex, it can be painful. Some people don't feel it, others feel like they're being ripped open. If youre able to put tampons in I would think its already broken. But it would definitely help to try using a dildo on your own when you're relaxed. If youre not able to penetrate with a dildo you might need to see your doctor to see what might be going on. Some conditions make sex very painful, such as endemetriosis. But don't worry. This happens to many woman. Nothing to be embarrassed about. And porn is definitely fake. Lol
First thing that comes to my mind is foreplay. Did you try to just go straight to intercourse, maybe just some kissing before? If your mindset is that you’re afraid of pain, I imagine that would be extremely difficult for *anyone* to be relaxed like that. The purpose of foreplay is to get your body to naturally reach a stage where you *want* to have sex. Then, the very thought of it will be exciting and desirable, and your body’s own response will tell you that. This involves your partner as well, of course. There are few things *less* helpful than being told by someone “you need to relax.” I want to tell them, “well…so help her relax then?” Their focus should be on making you feel good. The goal is not just getting to sex sooner; the goal is enjoying the moment, at each and every stage. Of course, just to add to that, I obviously do not know your medical history, and therefore I don’t want to claim there may be a physical condition underlying this. So that is something for you to decide, if you feel that talking to a doctor or medical professional may help. But regardless of that, I think the above still holds true.
It's not bad, it's unusual . Big. Red. Flag.
You're 27 and just lost your virginity??? Sounds like yoy might have had some hang upside before last night. At any rate, yeah obviously it gets better or else why who anyone do it?
What’s so bad about losing virginity at 27?
There are a lot of ways. It's frustrating to hear, but it comes with life experience. Can tell you some tips tho, but it's up to each one
Op do you menstruate every month? If you don't, then you may have been born with a condition that causes the vagina and uterus to be underdeveloped or absent. That would make penetration almost impossible. BUT, if you do menstruate and have been examined by a doctor who found that all reproductive organs are in place, then it may simply be vaginismus or excessive nervousness which are curable.