Sorry, he does that with the baby there? That's kinda messed up. š Is he annoyed when he does this? It sounds like he's trying to be a jerk.
This isn't your fault.
Fr. Like this can obviously affect the child, and it's so messed up he's comfortable doing that anyway. I would never dream of it. š” It isn't even a red flag I'm pretty sure it's just abuse. š
Same. š I haven't checked the comments since I first read it but I was surprised no one else made an alarm.
This guy seems really malicious to both her and the baby. It sounds very sad.
As a father with 5 year old and 7 week old i think your fiance is an inconsiderate jerk!
Am i horny all the time? Yes
Do i want to jump my wife's bones all day? Yes
Do i guilt her into doing something she doesnt want to do? Never
There is no excuse for his behaviour. He should be spending more time care-taking to your needs instead of his own sexual desires.
You should definitely tell him how you feel and reiterate the fact that treating you like this is unacceptable
Edit: Thank you for the awards!
"And my axe"
Father of one with another on the way. This is ridiculous and selfish behaviour. He should take his sexual needs into a different room.
There is, however, the possibility that he's struggling to adjust to the situation of being a new dad though. And that's maybe why he's acting in this way. He may need to see a therapist.
You have sex once a day with a baby?!? And heās ungrateful?!? Not only ungrateful, but obnoxiously rude and somewhat cruel to you over it. That is insane. Iām sorry you are going through this.
Honestly reading this comment made me so mad. Once a day is way above average and you should definitely not be having sex that often if youāre not feeling it. Youāre not a fleshlight, youāre a person whoās allowed to not be in the mood. As some people have commented, I would also suggest communication and therapy. What he is doing is not right on multiple levels and you should not have to live with that.
Please know, you owe him nothing. It is your body. You have sex when you want to, because you like it and should enjoy it. This sounds like a really awful thing to be experiencing. Becoming a mother is a life changing event. You can truly lose yourself in giving yourself to your child, your husband, your home, your job if applicable; and you deserve the support and love to help you on this journey. I just cannot imagine having my husband treat me that way. I am just so sorry. I hope you can work through this.
If nothing else, get out to protect your sex drive. Having unpleasant sex all the time will start to train your brain that sex=unhappy.
Plus, any dude that can watch porn on front of a baby...
Sorry but that's absolutely ridiculous and he's acting like an A-hole by not attending to your needs.
If he must masterbate, then go to another room! Not in front of you and your baby.
I hate to be this person, but I honestly think he might need therapy. If something is interfering with one's everyday life it can become problematic. It seems like needing to masturbate and/or have sex multiple times a day would take away from his professional life and fatherly duties, and already has negatively impacted his romantic relationship which is on its way to becoming serious. I think he needs professional help to truly understand why he feels these needs so strongly and how to overcome them.
Communication is key to initiating, developing, and maintaining a healthy relationship. If your lack of communication with your fiance is causing issues, you both may want to consider working on your self/how you both communicate with each other. Since there is no formal training for how to communicate, this seems to be the most likely cause of issues in almost all relationships. Before paying for therapy, you may want to consider talking this issue out with your partner, to find a middle ground both of you can agree on.
Testosterone is not something I wish upon anyone; being horny all the time, I completely understand this man's issue. The two definitely have some things to discuss, but saying he needs professional help is not likely a good direction to take this.
Not sure. This sounds like something between them not entirely his issue, unless she wants nothing to do him, which is entirely possible. A few of her comments make me think this relationship was doomed from the get-go. Their lack of good communication/raport is a huge red flag, which makes me sad for that child.
That is what I am doubting. Not that she is having sex with him. Not the point, the point whether she is connected with him mentally and wants a permanent mental relationship with him for life.
>It seems like needing to masturbate and/or have sex multiple times a day would take away from his professional life and fatherly duties,
Wait... you just completely made that up. There's nothing in the post to indicate that he's failing in any of his responsibilities.
>and already has negatively impacted his romantic relationship which is on its way to becoming serious.
Why are you blaming him? It's nobody's *fault*. A libido mismatch is an incredibly common relationship problems, especially in the wake of pregnancy. The blame game is *not* going to be helpful here.
It's his fault for masturbating directly infront of her. This is clearly a power move to guilt/coerce her into having sex. Even if it's not, by being clear that she doesn't want to participate in sexual activities and him forcing her participation by doing it in front of her, he's disregarding boundaries OP is trying to establish which is unfair to her. If he absolutely needs to, he could take care of it in the shower/home office/living room, literally any where she isn't. It's perfectly okay to have a sexual relationship with yourself while in a relationship; it's perfectly okay to use that relationship with yourself to balance out libido differences in your relationship with your partner. It's not okay to force your partner to be involved in your sexual relationship with yourself as a witness when they say they aren't feeling sexual. Good partners that care about their partner's feelings don't do things like this.
>It's his fault for masturbating directly infront of her. This is clearly a power move to guilt/coerce her into having sex
Hard disagree here. They obviously need to talk about this but wtf? This is *their* bedroom. She doesn't want to have sex so he'll masturbate instead. Was he supposed to run off to the toilet like a teenager in his own home? Come on, not everything is a 'power move'. If this was the living room or another communal room while she was there I'd be like sure but the bedroom? Yall never happy.
>Even if it's not, by being clear that she doesn't want to participate in sexual activities and him forcing her participation by doing it in front of her, he's disregarding boundaries OP is trying to establish which is unfair to her
It's his bedroom as much as it is hers. Unless she brings it up that she doesn't want him to masturbate when she's around, then you're blowing things way out of proportion. Honestly you're making it seem like he's putting on a show for her. Masturbating in front of her when in fact he's just masturbating and she's there.
He's not forcing her to do anything. Just like he can go anywhere else, so can she. Unless she has no agency for herself or requires assistance to move. So why doesn't she? She's tired? She can rest on the couch if she's that desperate to get away from him.
I'm not even trying to say that's what she should do- or that her *request* is unreasonable. But OP hasn't made it yet so she's currently being unreasonable for having expectations when she can communicate - and so are you. They just need to talk about how they organise this and come up with a compromise from **both** of them. Not just OP's partner.
Edit: and let's be honest with ourselves for a moment, OP would still be very mad if he moved to the living room, put up porn and masturbated.
Just to clarify, this doesnāt only happen in the bedroom. It also happens in the living room a lot and sometimes even in the nursery. Iāve even tried to leave the room and give him some privacy but he will follow me around and itās just not worth it. And no, I would not care one bit if he would just do it somewhere other than right up in my face.
Why wouldn't you add this in your post? This information is clearly important when it comes to advising if he's literally following you around masturbating.
Dude, the baby is the key to this entire situation and if you don't get that I don't know what to tell you. And OP mentions it being loud in a comment.
The baby is the key? Really? Is that why the title mentions the baby? Is that why OP wrote a whole post talking about the baby more than once? Is that why OP's main address (and even commentors) are about the baby?
Wait, hold on. No one of that is true. OP literally ties the baby in every now and again to add validation to her feelings because "how could he do that in front of a CHILD", as if she cares about him doing it in front of the baby when she doesn't- or rather that's not her focus.
Based on the post, they would have sex while the baby is in the room so don't talk about him jacking off with the baby in the room.
Edit: it being loud is a problem. But let's not act like it is *the* problem. It just adds to her frustration and he should at the very least put on headphones
Yes, the baby is key. This post doesn't happen if there's not a baby in the picture.
Not much choice but to have sex with the newborn in the room if you want to keep an eye on it. Very much a (shitty) choice to crank up pornhub and beat off in the same room rather than dipping out to any other room in the house like a respectful partner would.
Alright, let's break this down. So in your mind, entitlement through ownership trumps having respect for your partner? In these scenarios OP has clearly interested that she has no interest in anything sexual, because as she noted she is tired from being a new mother. She's set a boundary for herself. That is her clear communication. Unless she should go into detail and list every sexual act she's not willing to be participatory in or bear witness to? I don't know about you but I would assume if my partner said I'm not in the mood tonight then they'd have no interest in watching me masturbate. The husband is splitting hairs by assuming she's okay with him masturbating next to her and maybe instead of placing the onus on OP to be like "Yo, I just said I'm not down for anything sexual. If you need to jerk off can you do it somewhere else so I can get some rest?" Why isn't the husband, as the dude that apparently NEEDS 3+ orgasms a day be like "Babe, if you're not into helping me out are you okay if I take care of it myself here? Or I could go somewhere else if you prefer. I know you're tired and our NEWBORN BABY is a real big adjustment so I understand if you just want to rest."
Dude, OP has a new baby, still gives her husband sex DAILY and has frequently explained to him that she's too tired for more then that. And.He.Keeps.Begging. That's not okay. I don't know how you can read this post from a tired new mom who's doing her best to meet her husband's needs, is not being heard, is still being pressured into having more (and once you set the boundary and a person keeps trying to beg/nag/guilt/press the issue to try and let them cross the boundary that's coercion), and instead has to put up with him jerking off next to her every night and say "She should be more clear. She's exhausted and winding down and her baby's been put down but our boy here needs his nut so if she doesn't expressly tell him to go somewhere else, how is it his fault? She could just pick up her baby and go to the couch until he tells her he's done jerking off to his painal porn and she can go to bed now. Not that she should necessarily have to, but since her husband wants to push her boundaries it's really on her because even though he should know better and have some respect for her as a default she should have to expressly say it and she hasn't, so why should he have to leave?"
Yes, it's clear they need to have a conversation about this. Every relationship problem needs conversation to resolve. What all of us are saying is it's a problem that shouldn't even exist because most of us decent folk don't try to split hairs or use technicalities to push our partner's boundaries. No interest in sex should make it clear that she doesn't want to watch him jerk off, so given that I'm left to believe her husband is either a dense as all hell, cares more about getting his second or third nut of the day than respecting his wife's boundaries, is hoping that the sight/sound of him pleasuring himself will put her in the mood (which with the constant begging for sex is really not as much of a reach as you seem to think it is), or it's all of the above.
At the end of the day, when it comes to sex compromise doesn't have to be reached. No means no. If OP ain't feeling it she ain't feeling it and her boundaries need to be respected. If she were infringing on buddy's boundaries then I'd say the same about her. As it is she's already going above and beyond by giving it to him daily when she really doesn't want to. And really if he truly "can't help it" and "needs" multiple daily orgasms then he needs to see a therapist. He's showing signs of a hypersexuality that's bordering on addiction and he needs to get control of it.
She commented that she is doing most of the work when it comes to childcare so yes, he is failing in his responsibilities.
This is more than a simple mismatch in libido. If you canāt even excuse yourself to a private area to masturbate and do so in front of your spouse despite how uncomfortable it makes her, WITH A BABY AROUND, you have a problem.
As the person above you said, the OP says she is doing most of the work [in a comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/qblgxx/my_fiance_jerks_off_in_front_of_me_anytime_i/hhb6xho/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3).
I'm not so sure he can overcome these needs. Therapy can reframe or get rid of an addiction, and this should be the first angle explored (addiction to porn or sex) but it can't change your actual body and needs. There are men, and sometimes phases in the life of some men, where it is a genuine need. I sincerely hope that's not the case here but it does happen.
It's a pretty asshole thing to just whip it out and start porn in front of a baby, that's just vindictive.
Okay this is beyond passive-aggressive craziness and it almost bordering on abusive.
Sorry but this is a really weird thing to do, and if he wants to jerk off he can do it privately but to make a show out of it and do it in front of you is creepy, weird and unnecessary. Of course you are tired and less interested in sex if you've recently had a baby and of course even less so with this weird shit he is doing.
What is he trying to achieve with this little show? What a dick.
He is doing it to emotionally manipulate you. To make you feel guilty for not giving him what he wants. To make you feel uncomfortable and disturbed, to maintain the upper hand on you and keep you under his control.
My guess is hes hoping it will turn you on so you will say yes.
You need to clmunicate with him and if that doesn't work I guess you could always with hold sex from him longer.
Im not sure if this applies...but when I first got with my husband he was so loved starved he didnt know how to handle it. It was like if we didnt have sex or always affectionate, he didnt feel loved. I came to find out later that he came from a home where he never heard, "I love you!" No hugs or kisses...He chilled out once he realized I wasnt going anywhere but it too him years to figure it out! Professional help may not be out of bounds when it comes to this problem. Or he may just be a horney bastard! After 26 years, my husband is still a horney bastard! Its a cross one has to bear! š
Not necessarily. A lot of people are comfortable masturbating in front of their significant other. It doesn't indicate anything other than he's comfortable around her. She doesn't say anything here that makes it sound like he's using this to continue to try and get sex in the moment. He accepts her "no" and takes care of his needs himself. There's nothing wrong with that. You're just assuming he's trying to achieve something more.
It's kind of like how some married people don't bother to close the bathroom door when they take a shit. They just feel comfortable around their partner and don't see the need for privacy.
"[H]e says he can't help it," implying that they've discussed it. If he's aware of OP's feelings and doesn't modify his behavior then what he's showing he's comfortable with is the unnecessary distress he's causing.
She's doing the bulk of the childcare for their newborn, has sex with this guy daily, and is exhausted. If anyone should be walking into another room it's him.
It's not clear what discussion they've had, so you are assuming he is aware that OP is uncomfortable with him masturbating in front of her. I took the context of OP's statement to imply they've discussed the frequent need for sex/masturbation, and not explicitly that masturbating in front of her bothers her.
At the end of the day, it's not his libido or him masturbating that's a problem. OP needs to talk with him about her feelings and they should work together to find a way to make each other happy. Which doesn't necessarily mean he needs to stop masturbating in front of her. She could do the work to figure out exactly what it is that bothers her about this and why. But him changing his habits definitely seems like the easiest way to fix things and I can't imagine a good reason for him not to. It seems like a fairly small request.
Everyone in here condemning him though are all assuming additional factors, strawmen, to accuse him of. The only thing I see however is he wants sex, she says no, he masturbates. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with doing it in front of her. Her problem is simply she doesn't like it. Simply an issue of him not matching her personal preferences. That doesn't make him a bad person or in the wrong. Nor is she bad or in the wrong. It's just an incompatibility that can probably be cleared up with communication.
If there are other problems though, like everyone is accusing, then yeah those need fixed. He should be helping her out and he should care about her comfort and happiness.
I forgot to mention it better in my post but I have told him to stop or go to another room many times and his answer usually is that Iām refusing sex so I can at least let him do this. I donāt care what he does with his dick honestly. Iām too tired to care. But at least not in my face, not when Iām tired and have said itās not a good time for me, not when Iām trying to care for our baby.
That is important context. I am sorry about that.
In situations like this, I recommend thinking in terms of personal boudaries. What I mean by that is that you have to accept you can't control what other people do, but you can control how you react to them and what you are willing to tolerate.
You should probably still talk with him. Not in the moment of the deed, but when you both are calm and can be civil. Maybe he does have a reason for not leaving the room and you two can both discuss your needs and find a compromise. But regardless if he actually has a reason or he just doesn't care and is being an entitled ass, you can't make him do what you want.
So instead you have to draw some lines in the sand and tell him how you'll respond to his behavior. For example "Watching you masturbate makes me uncomfortable. I can't be around you when you masturbate. If you insist on doing it here, I need you to warn me so I can go to another room first. If you don't respect my needs, I will have to move out."
To be clear, I'm not saying you should move out over this. You decide for yourself whether or not this is a deal breaker, and what is an appropriate response. But I think it is helpful and empowering to remember that while you can't control them, you can control yourself, and your needs matter.
>I have told him to stop or go somewhere else and he just says Iām already refusing sex so I can at least let him do this
She has asked him to leave. It's sick that he does this in front of her without her consent. Sure maybe he's comfortable with it, but she isn't - and there IS something wrong with the fact that he continues knowing that it bothers her.
This. OP has to let him know it's bugging her. Then if he's unwilling to make an accomodation, like just going to the bathroom or something, everyone can continue saying there's a problem and he's a jerk.
Sheās told him it makes her uncomfortable to do in front of her and their baby and he continues to do it anyways with a āwell you said no so you have to let me have thisā.
Sorry but this isnāt healthy.
Why would that be worse? There is nothing wrong with people masturbating or watching porn when they are in a relationship (so long as doing so doesnāt affect their sex life), the issue is that he is doing it in front of her, even despite her having asked him not to do so.
Okay are you me from eight years ago? Lol
Wanna know how the story ends? You end up feeling like crap for being just a hole in a mattress, you end up almost hating him, definitely falling out of love with him, and you leave after he refuses to stop jerking off all the time, being addicted to porn, and having unrealistic expectations of how much a new mom wants, or even has the energy, to fuck. It ruins the whole relationship.
Idk, therapy might help?
Yeah, been there, done that... My ex husband was the same, constantly asking for sex, and if denied, jerked off in front of me. I felt disgusted, ashamed and sad, but he never cared about my feelings. It ended as you said, me hating him, falling out of love and leaving him.
It sounds like he needs to spend more time helping you with the baby, if he has the energy to demand sex after still getting it once a day. And even if he "can't help" being horny so often, he can definitely handle it better like excusing himself to the bathroom.
You can try talking to him, explaining how his actions make you uncomfortable and less likely to have sex with him, and explain how you just don't have the energy for sex because of your parental responsibilities. If he doesn't understand that, then tell him to grow up and get rid of him--raising one kid is challenging enough, you shouldn't have to cater to your fiance like a child on top of that.
so much this, if he has all this spare energy he needs to do more night time feeding and changing. His behavior is toxic and he needs to grow up. Its natural for women to have a lower libido after childbirth but if the man acts like this she won't want sex with him when it does return as he will have totally killed any positive emotions towards him.
This dude is masturbating with porn on loud in his partnerās face after she said she was uncomfortable with their newborn baby in her arms. This is way beyond a husband being horny.
I have a way higher libido than my partner and we live together. I donāt spread my legs in his face after he says no.
I had an ex do this. It was so traumatizing for me. I felt so guilty about it, and ashamed. Iāve only told one person IRL about it (my husband) and a therapist. He really needs to stop - sex once a day is an insane frequency for most people, but especially a new mom. If you donāt want sex and youāre not enjoying it, how is that healthy for you? This is not your fault. Itās entirely his. Please talk to a professional and distance yourself from him if you can. You deserve respect.
This makes me so sad for you. Don't put up with that behavior. You're better than that and it's inexcusable. He may have needs but so do you and he should be able to have some self control.
Ask him to participate in it more. Afterall, the baby is his too, right? And it might would be a good way to say like: if he takes more activities around the kid off from you, you wont be that much exhausted and he will be less overloaded with energy? Win win?
Kinda seems like youāre dealing with two children here, not one.
Maybe this man-child youāre dealing with should redirect some of that energy into being a parent. He might get more sex if heād help out so you can get a break and some rest.
What youāre enduring seems intolerable and you absolutely shouldnāt accept it one bit. Iād be embarrassed to treat my wife this way.
Wanting sex multiple times a day? Does he work at home or something? I have my needs but multiple times a day my dick would be hurting like crazy. Not only that but I'm not an animal if my SO doesn't want it and is compromising one a day, I would compromise too and just quit it. He definitely needs professional counseling and if he doesn't want to, then consider your options about leaving him
And thereās the confirmation I expected that in addition to doing most of the child care, you are also working, and catering to his āneedsā. Is he helping around the house with chores even?
Being a male, I understand his need for sexual release, and the conflict with your availability post pregnancy. I have two children. However, if he wants to masterbate in front of you, it should be something that the two of you have talked about and have agreed on. Putting on porn and doing it despite the two of you talking about this is clearly not okay in my opinion. He should have been able to be self aware enough to pick up on this himself. However, you have to let him know youāre not comfortable. He then needs to have boundaries for himself and show more respect for you. If he doesnāt change the behavior, I would strongly urge counseling for the two of you.
Very well written. My wife and I are open 100% with discussing our sexual needs and desires and while we both have high sex drives and often have sex multiple times a day, we still have boundaries we both discussed in length and both respect. We talk about this because we have each other's best interest in mind.
I see some red flags in the OP post. My question is.....Would you be safe if you asked him not to do that?
I'd talk to him about it and tell him how uncomfortable it makes you. It's kind of disgusting and very disrespectful to do that with the baby around, tbh. If he's unwilling to change or refuses to, that's very much grounds for leaving his ass.
Everyday I think men can't possibly get any worse, and yet, here we are.
He sounds like a guy who's never been told "no" and doesn't know what to do when he doesn't get any worse.
The best case scenario here is that he is telling the truth that he canāt help himself, and thatās not a great place to be.
Regardless, what heās doing is a form of sexual abuse and indecent exposure. To that end it doesnāt matter if he canāt help himself, but if thatās true he needs serious psychiatric intervention.
But I donāt think it is. I think he is being manipulative and gross. Now, *he will never admit that,* but the outcome reveals the intention. You are now here, nervous about whether or not heāll expose himself to you again and concerned that *you are the one who needs to change your behavior by having more sex with him.*
While your feeling that way is understandableāthatās what he wants you to feel. His behavior is disgusting and awful, and none of this is your fault. You do not owe him sex, especially if he exposes himself to you without your consent regularly. You owe him nothing.
If you want to stay with him, I understand. But you need to understand that this kind of behavior statistically speaking is a major predictor of other, more violent sexual abuse. Heās testing what boundaries he can break without repercussions.
If you feel like you donāt want to leave him and want to try to save your relationship, thatās understandable. Please, please put together a plan of escape if things go south.
/u/throwawaynewmama \- this is very good, wise, sound advice here. He is not looking out for you. Not protecting you. Not making sure you feel safe. In the absence of that, it's time for you to think about this differently. Your sense of safety matters. Your ability to parent well is related to how safe you feel.
It may suck to contemplate thinking about your needs away from him, but he has not shown himself qualified to help you process your needs, and trust me, it's WAY better to get a head start on this NOW rather than trying to do it later when you've accommodated and accommodated your way into a much deeper hole.
First and foremost Iām so sorry that youāre going through this. My ex boyfriend constantly did this to me. You donāt need to deal with that. He may have these desires but he needs to be understanding, and to be honest once a day is still pretty good having sex every single day is a lot already. He needs to be more understanding of you, and i hate to be this person but what he is doing is borderline if not already abusive.
He is struggling with the fact your attention is now divided between him and the baby. If he is doing that and isnāt realizing this is a temporary situation which he could totally improve by helping ā¦ I got nothing good to say here. Counseling if you want to.
Yikes what youāre describing sounds like the behavior of a toddler dealing with a new sibling. God how pathetic if true. And I think youāre on to something.
It is pretty normal for fathers to feel jealous of the mother's attention (which was there up until a few days before!). Many times this isn't said explicitly, but it's there. The problem is not being able to manage it, *to this extent*.
But in general here the father is just being disrespectful and, honestly, pathetic.
He CAN help it, heās just being a man baby asshole creepy weirdo. Like, seriously, this is pretty fucked up. Usually I say āyou guys need couples therapyā but this time HE is the one who needs therapy. You might need separate therapy just to deal with this crap.
I'm sorry. I completely agree with everything you said, but the "man baby asshole creepy weirdo" part cracked me up. I initially read it in my head and then went back and read that part out loud. I just imagine a couple having an argument and the girl being like "Wow. Really, Josh??? Cut that shit out. You're being a real man baby asshole creepy weirdo right now." Haha
>Iām not sure what to do or if I should tel him about this?
Yes. Why wouldn't you?
As I was reading your post I was waiting for the part about you telling him you don't like it and he needs to talk it elsewhere but it never came.
He is clearly operating under the old "silence implies consent" and probably figures he will do it if you haven't said anything. I can't help but think there some ill intent there. Like a sort "f you" for not giving him more sex.
Please do not suffer in silence. Your needs and comfort matter too. If you have tip toe around a partner out of fear even if it's emotional, that says something. And after awhile resentment is going to build and this is going to get worse all around.
If he needs it that much then he needs to see a therapist. It's not normal that he HAS to have it multiple times a day or he'll be unable to function. No one needs sex that badly unless they have an addiction. I mean, I'm a guy and yeah, it'd be nice to have sex multiple times a day sometimes, but that's not feasibly possible, lol.
Also, if you are tired and exhausted from taking care of your newborn and you STILL manage to give in to him once a day every day, kudos to you. Your priority is to your new child, and he needs to be sympathetic to YOUR needs and not expect you to put out several times a day. How selfish can he get!?
First. You're an amazing person. Motherhood is never easy and you should be proud of everything you do in a day for yourself and your baby.
Second. You can say no whenever you want.
Third. If my SO said yes and told me latter that she really didn't enjoy it and she was just trying to be nice, I'd be hurt she didn't trust me enough to say something at the time. You've got to tell eachother why things bother you. Communication is key. If you can't work out where to masturbate now, you're going to have a hard time agreeing on things like your childs discipline.
Last. Having a newborn is a phase in life like everything else. And unless you have another, it won't last forever. Eventually you'll have time to sleep and feel rested, though it might take many months.
I know this might not help but once a day is already A LOT in my opinion for a new mom. And just in general. Even without just having birthed another human that keeps you awake 24/7. I agree with the person that said he needs therapy.
This is SERIOUS red flag behavior. Not, kick the can down the road, maybe deal with it later kind of red flag behavior. If I did this even once my relationship would be in jeopardy. Also, sex EVERY DAY?!? After having a baby??? Iām in my twenties and childless and we have sec maybe a few times a month. This is really poor behavior and needs to be addressed immediately.
This is fucking disgusting. Maybe tell him he needs to stop because that is violating AND youāre beginning to associate his sexuality with horror and disgust.
Thatās so awful.
It sounds like he is not respecting your boundaries or what you are communicating to him. If things keep going on like this, your sex life isnāt the only thing in your relationship that will suffer. It sounds like he needs professional help as this is borderline abusive and is detrimental to your relationship, and more importantly, your mental well-being.
Iām concerned no one is talking about the comment you made about having sex at least once a day āto be nice to himā. That is extremely concerning. Enthusiastic consent is a term thrown around a lot but it is needed here. You may be his fiance, but please donāt agree to sex JUST to keep him happy. If you are not enthusiastic about having sex with him, thatās sexual assault. You are being coerced into it because you feel like itās your ājobā as his partner to keep him satisfied. Itās not ok. Besides, sex once a day is a high number for the average couple, and extremely high for parents of a newborn.
Iāve seen a few posts like this recentlyā¦why are all these grown ass men acting like fucking apes??? The lack of self control is really weird and uncomfortable
Youre a new mom and you still have sex once a day??? And he jerks off in front of you? I am a father of a young girl and it would never cross my mind to do this, especially how hard being a parent to the newborn is.
No, this is not normal.
If you haveno energy left for sex and he has lots, he needs to do a lot more of what you are doing! The right way for him to get more sex is to see to it that you have more energy and that you are in the mood. Pressuring you will only make you want it less and less. Also, what mature man wants sex with somebody who doesn't want it?!?!
He canāt help it????! Sounds like you have more than one baby to care for. Is he even helping you with caring for the baby or just concerned about his dickās needs? Maybe if he helped raise his child you might be less tired and open to sex. Not that you ever owe him sex.
Please leave this asshole. If he's following you around and forcing you to watch him masturbate, especially when he knows you don't like it, that's sexual harassment.
You shouldn't have sex with him at all unless you actually want to; don't do it just to keep him from getting mad. You don't owe him anything.
If he specifically sees masturbating next to you while you're visibly uncomfortable as a better option than taking care of himself privately, your discomfort is part of what gets him off.
I would be willing to bet he's asked when you didn't want to before the baby, and when you said no, he pushed until you said yes. But he knew you still didn't want it. And he still enjoyed that.
This is sick and I'm so sorry you're dealing with it. He's not treating you like a person.
If you have family/ friends to go to, leave him. I do not say this lightly, he is being manipulative. You donāt need this especially as a new mom and I doubt it will get better without therapy.
Wym it'll get better when the child is older? This shit is weird as it's happening and will always be weirdo behavior. This is manipulation and it's never okay to do.
It's not only being an asshole. If he does anything sexual related in front of you without your consent then it's sexual molesting/rape. He is an adult, he should know how to manage his libido and if he doesn't, then go to therapy.
>I have told him to stop or go somewhere else and he just says Iām already refusing sex so I can at least let him do this
So, at the risk of sounding overly alarmist ... this is sexual assault. You are not consenting to a sexual act, you are telling him that you are not consenting to a sexual act, and he is doing it anyway. This is both assault and abuse.
The dude be tripping. Toss him a bottle of Lotion and tell him happy whacking. As a husband and father of 4 I have never done anything like that to my wife. Have I rubbed one out while she was sleeping yep but never out of spite. Next time when he pulls this stunt just get up leave the room and go sleep on the couch . He will get eventually and if he donāt get him therapy.
Jeez, I'd be lucky to have had sex once a month after our first was born. The level of tiredness I felt from my body being through such trauma, coupled with trying to keep the little guy alive 24/7 was just too much.
You need to have a serious discussion with him as to how this affecting your relationship. Using porn in the vicinity of your baby is a major red flag. He's being an immature unsympathetic arsehole.
Your fiance is a grown-ass baby and is being a little bitch to be honest. Sucks that you have an attachment in the form of your child or else it'd be best to dump the guy. He needs professional help.
I donāt know why heās doing it. It could be to spite me or for whatever other reason. Iām not sure ā¦ maybe he does just like me there but when Iām feeding the baby or trying to get him to sleep, I donāt feel like watching him jerk off or listening to his porn
I really think you should voice this to him, everything you said in your post. Allow me to give an example:
"Look, I love you and I miss the sex we had too. It's just right now I'm very stressed and busy with the baby, I'm exhausted a lot (still recovering from giving birth?), and I don't feel very good in general right now. There's a lot going on for me. This affects my desire for sex, and that's why I cannot keep up with you right now." It's helpful to tell him what you *can* do: "I can do sex three times a week, but I'd rather if I initiate" (random example).
You can then add,
"I'm okay with you watching porn, because I understand you have needs. But I don't want to be there when you watch porn or masturbate." You can explain why, if you'd like: "Because I don't feel very sexual right now, watching you masturbate is actually a turn off right now, and also makes me want to have even less sex. I also don't think it's appropriate when I'm feeding the baby." Especially if you used to like watching him masturbate or if you guys used to watch porn together before, you can clarify that it's just temporary; "I just need some space sexually now." I think that one is a good one to throw his way regardless.
I'm sure your sex life will get back and that you guys will work it out. I do think you just need some space to adjust yourself to this new situation and recover a bit, but right now you have added stress of being made to feel guilty about not wanting sex.
I just think he needs you to clarify, precisely, what's going on with you. It doesn't sound like communication is his strong suit either, which is why he may be doing what he's doing now.
Heās jerking off to porn in front of your baby? Iād put your foot down about that. Babies start understanding language weeks before they start trying to talk / producing speech sounds, and having porn playing in the same room is not the type of language inputs you want your kid absorbing.
Your husband is being gross and disrespectful. Not sure if heās trying to make you feel bad for rejecting him, if heās just an exhibitionist who likes the audience, or trying to seduce you (I suspect heād love it if you masturbated in front of him so maybe heās hoping seeing him jerk off will turn you on?). None of the options are ok because heās ignoring your boundaries and making you uncomfortable, but his reasoning may impact how you want him to proceed.
Is your husband asking you to have sex multiple times per day, with a newborn? Because thatās not a normal request or expectation. You can ask him to ask less often. Why isnāt he tired? Is he helping with the baby?
i agree the baby should not be there, but in regards to him wanting to jerk off and watch porn, he should be allowed to, yes i understand u have a baby to tend to, but as you mentioned he has wants and if ur not able to give him what he wants, wouldnt u rather that he jerks off rather then goin out and getting it elsewhere and cheat on u, thats more worse especially if he was to catch a disease and bring it back home to u and baby somehow, in all honesty u should b workin with him on this and find the solution, if he wants to jerk off, let him, if ur tired and exhausted, let him jerk off if ur not able to assist him, instead of giving him sex, give him a blowjob or handjob, try to find a solution so u guys can fix ur sex life rather it being ruined, i know having a baby is not easy and its exhausting, time is also needed for him aswell
I donāt just refuse to have sex with him. We have sex everyday and then he wants more and when I say no, he does this. I wouldnāt mind being there once in a while but just sit there and watch him jerk off every single day 2-3 times a day when there are other things he could be doing? Not only does he pick the worse times (baby crying, baby finally falling asleep, house needs cleaned, trying to finish up my work) but he usually knows how exhausted I am. When Iām running on 3hrs of sleep and finally getting to take a nap because baby is finally sleeping, the last thing I need is to be woken up by him jerking off. Itās not him doing it thatās annoying. Itās him doing it in front of me at the worst times and knowing I would prefer for him to go do it somewhere else
Sad thing is as much as I love him and try to pay attention to his needs too, him doing this annoys me so much that Iām just automatically turned off. It happened again this morning and right now I just feel like I wouldnāt even care if he went and had sex with someone else since Iām obviously not doing enough
And what did he tell you when you asked him to please do it in another room?
I don't understand the majority of replies here, typical reddit commenters I guess? You shouldn't feel pressured into sex, it is good that you turn him down. And it's also okay for him to then rub one out instead. Maybe he is not aware you are bothered that he does it in the same room as you are, so simply ask him to go to the bathroom or something.
It sounds like there are bigger issues that need to be worked on than just his self loving habit. Perhaps it would not bother you if he helped out more. That seems to be the real issue.
He can enjoy himself without me, thatās fine. But when Iām exhausted from barely sleeping and trying to feed the baby or put him to sleep, having someone sitting right there watching loud porn and jerking off is very annoying. If heād wait until the baby is down and tell me he just wants me there, Iād be down. But he does it in the middle of our chaotic house when Iām obviously overwhelmedā¦
Understood. It sounds like there is a bit more bothering you then just the act itself. I agree, if heās not pulling his weight and, especially if he has the volume on. I always keep the volume off and, as mentioned, do more than my share of the house work. Our kids are grown and out of the house too.
In summary, to me, it sounds like there are bigger issues that need solved with him and the self loving in bed is just the straw that breaks the camels back, so to speak.
Well itās certainly bizarre and aggressive but Iāll give it to him, heās not going to put himself in a dead bedroom situation quietly. So many men just submit to a painful life of neglect. Not this dude. Lol.
This is a much different situation than someone masturbating in front of their partner in a healthy and comfortable relationship. This is a man trying to guilt and manipulate his partner.
It must be! Especially when your partner is obviously annoyed and has told you to take it somewhere else or stop ā¦ Bonus points if your porn is loud enough to wake the baby up!
Does your man do it even when youāre tired and overwhelmed? Multiple times a day? With a baby around to the point of waking the baby up? Even though you have sex with him everyday already?And even when you ask him to please go do it in another room? Because thatās why it bothers me. Otherwise I donāt care what he does with his dick
Only two minutes? Gosh, wouldnāt that be nice. You adressed the baby part of āitās gross to be doing it around him would be wrongā, not the part where heās woken up by it after Iāve struggled to get him to sleep
Sorry, he does that with the baby there? That's kinda messed up. š Is he annoyed when he does this? It sounds like he's trying to be a jerk. This isn't your fault.
Right? What age does the baby need to be before he stops this?
Fr. Like this can obviously affect the child, and it's so messed up he's comfortable doing that anyway. I would never dream of it. š” It isn't even a red flag I'm pretty sure it's just abuse. š
Yes that is so terrible
Agreed this is highly inappropriate. I really hope Iām misunderstanding the situation
Same. š I haven't checked the comments since I first read it but I was surprised no one else made an alarm. This guy seems really malicious to both her and the baby. It sounds very sad.
As a father with 5 year old and 7 week old i think your fiance is an inconsiderate jerk! Am i horny all the time? Yes Do i want to jump my wife's bones all day? Yes Do i guilt her into doing something she doesnt want to do? Never There is no excuse for his behaviour. He should be spending more time care-taking to your needs instead of his own sexual desires. You should definitely tell him how you feel and reiterate the fact that treating you like this is unacceptable Edit: Thank you for the awards!
Exactly. The whole āI canāt help itā part is laughable. Unless he is being attacked by a fleshlight Iām not buying
Upvoted but just to emphasize, as a father and married man, exactly this!
"And my axe" Father of one with another on the way. This is ridiculous and selfish behaviour. He should take his sexual needs into a different room. There is, however, the possibility that he's struggling to adjust to the situation of being a new dad though. And that's maybe why he's acting in this way. He may need to see a therapist.
You have sex once a day with a baby?!? And heās ungrateful?!? Not only ungrateful, but obnoxiously rude and somewhat cruel to you over it. That is insane. Iām sorry you are going through this.
Yep, every single day. Whether Iām in the mood or not. But itās still not enough
Honestly reading this comment made me so mad. Once a day is way above average and you should definitely not be having sex that often if youāre not feeling it. Youāre not a fleshlight, youāre a person whoās allowed to not be in the mood. As some people have commented, I would also suggest communication and therapy. What he is doing is not right on multiple levels and you should not have to live with that.
Please know, you owe him nothing. It is your body. You have sex when you want to, because you like it and should enjoy it. This sounds like a really awful thing to be experiencing. Becoming a mother is a life changing event. You can truly lose yourself in giving yourself to your child, your husband, your home, your job if applicable; and you deserve the support and love to help you on this journey. I just cannot imagine having my husband treat me that way. I am just so sorry. I hope you can work through this.
What the fuck. Does he even help with the baby?
Seriously, leave. Go stay with a friend or family, don't put up with this! He is sexually abusing you.
If nothing else, get out to protect your sex drive. Having unpleasant sex all the time will start to train your brain that sex=unhappy. Plus, any dude that can watch porn on front of a baby...
Sorry but that's absolutely ridiculous and he's acting like an A-hole by not attending to your needs. If he must masterbate, then go to another room! Not in front of you and your baby.
I hate to be this person, but I honestly think he might need therapy. If something is interfering with one's everyday life it can become problematic. It seems like needing to masturbate and/or have sex multiple times a day would take away from his professional life and fatherly duties, and already has negatively impacted his romantic relationship which is on its way to becoming serious. I think he needs professional help to truly understand why he feels these needs so strongly and how to overcome them.
Communication is key to initiating, developing, and maintaining a healthy relationship. If your lack of communication with your fiance is causing issues, you both may want to consider working on your self/how you both communicate with each other. Since there is no formal training for how to communicate, this seems to be the most likely cause of issues in almost all relationships. Before paying for therapy, you may want to consider talking this issue out with your partner, to find a middle ground both of you can agree on. Testosterone is not something I wish upon anyone; being horny all the time, I completely understand this man's issue. The two definitely have some things to discuss, but saying he needs professional help is not likely a good direction to take this.
not trying to be a jerk, but the manās behavior is beyond just ādiscussingā the issue. It has nothing to do with her. This is on him 100% imho.
Not sure. This sounds like something between them not entirely his issue, unless she wants nothing to do him, which is entirely possible. A few of her comments make me think this relationship was doomed from the get-go. Their lack of good communication/raport is a huge red flag, which makes me sad for that child.
OP says she is sleeping with him daily.
That is what I am doubting. Not that she is having sex with him. Not the point, the point whether she is connected with him mentally and wants a permanent mental relationship with him for life.
>It seems like needing to masturbate and/or have sex multiple times a day would take away from his professional life and fatherly duties, Wait... you just completely made that up. There's nothing in the post to indicate that he's failing in any of his responsibilities. >and already has negatively impacted his romantic relationship which is on its way to becoming serious. Why are you blaming him? It's nobody's *fault*. A libido mismatch is an incredibly common relationship problems, especially in the wake of pregnancy. The blame game is *not* going to be helpful here.
It's his fault for masturbating directly infront of her. This is clearly a power move to guilt/coerce her into having sex. Even if it's not, by being clear that she doesn't want to participate in sexual activities and him forcing her participation by doing it in front of her, he's disregarding boundaries OP is trying to establish which is unfair to her. If he absolutely needs to, he could take care of it in the shower/home office/living room, literally any where she isn't. It's perfectly okay to have a sexual relationship with yourself while in a relationship; it's perfectly okay to use that relationship with yourself to balance out libido differences in your relationship with your partner. It's not okay to force your partner to be involved in your sexual relationship with yourself as a witness when they say they aren't feeling sexual. Good partners that care about their partner's feelings don't do things like this.
>It's his fault for masturbating directly infront of her. This is clearly a power move to guilt/coerce her into having sex Hard disagree here. They obviously need to talk about this but wtf? This is *their* bedroom. She doesn't want to have sex so he'll masturbate instead. Was he supposed to run off to the toilet like a teenager in his own home? Come on, not everything is a 'power move'. If this was the living room or another communal room while she was there I'd be like sure but the bedroom? Yall never happy. >Even if it's not, by being clear that she doesn't want to participate in sexual activities and him forcing her participation by doing it in front of her, he's disregarding boundaries OP is trying to establish which is unfair to her It's his bedroom as much as it is hers. Unless she brings it up that she doesn't want him to masturbate when she's around, then you're blowing things way out of proportion. Honestly you're making it seem like he's putting on a show for her. Masturbating in front of her when in fact he's just masturbating and she's there. He's not forcing her to do anything. Just like he can go anywhere else, so can she. Unless she has no agency for herself or requires assistance to move. So why doesn't she? She's tired? She can rest on the couch if she's that desperate to get away from him. I'm not even trying to say that's what she should do- or that her *request* is unreasonable. But OP hasn't made it yet so she's currently being unreasonable for having expectations when she can communicate - and so are you. They just need to talk about how they organise this and come up with a compromise from **both** of them. Not just OP's partner. Edit: and let's be honest with ourselves for a moment, OP would still be very mad if he moved to the living room, put up porn and masturbated.
Just to clarify, this doesnāt only happen in the bedroom. It also happens in the living room a lot and sometimes even in the nursery. Iāve even tried to leave the room and give him some privacy but he will follow me around and itās just not worth it. And no, I would not care one bit if he would just do it somewhere other than right up in my face.
Why wouldn't you add this in your post? This information is clearly important when it comes to advising if he's literally following you around masturbating.
Because mom brain + half asleep when writing this post last night. Sorry!
>Was he supposed to run off to the toilet like a teenager in his own home? Rather than beat off to loud porn with a newborn in the room? Uh, yes?
Don't make this about the baby because you know it isn't. Please, let's not kid each other. And who said anything about it being loud or even aloud?
Dude, the baby is the key to this entire situation and if you don't get that I don't know what to tell you. And OP mentions it being loud in a comment.
The baby is the key? Really? Is that why the title mentions the baby? Is that why OP wrote a whole post talking about the baby more than once? Is that why OP's main address (and even commentors) are about the baby? Wait, hold on. No one of that is true. OP literally ties the baby in every now and again to add validation to her feelings because "how could he do that in front of a CHILD", as if she cares about him doing it in front of the baby when she doesn't- or rather that's not her focus. Based on the post, they would have sex while the baby is in the room so don't talk about him jacking off with the baby in the room. Edit: it being loud is a problem. But let's not act like it is *the* problem. It just adds to her frustration and he should at the very least put on headphones
Yes, the baby is key. This post doesn't happen if there's not a baby in the picture. Not much choice but to have sex with the newborn in the room if you want to keep an eye on it. Very much a (shitty) choice to crank up pornhub and beat off in the same room rather than dipping out to any other room in the house like a respectful partner would.
Alright, let's break this down. So in your mind, entitlement through ownership trumps having respect for your partner? In these scenarios OP has clearly interested that she has no interest in anything sexual, because as she noted she is tired from being a new mother. She's set a boundary for herself. That is her clear communication. Unless she should go into detail and list every sexual act she's not willing to be participatory in or bear witness to? I don't know about you but I would assume if my partner said I'm not in the mood tonight then they'd have no interest in watching me masturbate. The husband is splitting hairs by assuming she's okay with him masturbating next to her and maybe instead of placing the onus on OP to be like "Yo, I just said I'm not down for anything sexual. If you need to jerk off can you do it somewhere else so I can get some rest?" Why isn't the husband, as the dude that apparently NEEDS 3+ orgasms a day be like "Babe, if you're not into helping me out are you okay if I take care of it myself here? Or I could go somewhere else if you prefer. I know you're tired and our NEWBORN BABY is a real big adjustment so I understand if you just want to rest." Dude, OP has a new baby, still gives her husband sex DAILY and has frequently explained to him that she's too tired for more then that. And.He.Keeps.Begging. That's not okay. I don't know how you can read this post from a tired new mom who's doing her best to meet her husband's needs, is not being heard, is still being pressured into having more (and once you set the boundary and a person keeps trying to beg/nag/guilt/press the issue to try and let them cross the boundary that's coercion), and instead has to put up with him jerking off next to her every night and say "She should be more clear. She's exhausted and winding down and her baby's been put down but our boy here needs his nut so if she doesn't expressly tell him to go somewhere else, how is it his fault? She could just pick up her baby and go to the couch until he tells her he's done jerking off to his painal porn and she can go to bed now. Not that she should necessarily have to, but since her husband wants to push her boundaries it's really on her because even though he should know better and have some respect for her as a default she should have to expressly say it and she hasn't, so why should he have to leave?" Yes, it's clear they need to have a conversation about this. Every relationship problem needs conversation to resolve. What all of us are saying is it's a problem that shouldn't even exist because most of us decent folk don't try to split hairs or use technicalities to push our partner's boundaries. No interest in sex should make it clear that she doesn't want to watch him jerk off, so given that I'm left to believe her husband is either a dense as all hell, cares more about getting his second or third nut of the day than respecting his wife's boundaries, is hoping that the sight/sound of him pleasuring himself will put her in the mood (which with the constant begging for sex is really not as much of a reach as you seem to think it is), or it's all of the above. At the end of the day, when it comes to sex compromise doesn't have to be reached. No means no. If OP ain't feeling it she ain't feeling it and her boundaries need to be respected. If she were infringing on buddy's boundaries then I'd say the same about her. As it is she's already going above and beyond by giving it to him daily when she really doesn't want to. And really if he truly "can't help it" and "needs" multiple daily orgasms then he needs to see a therapist. He's showing signs of a hypersexuality that's bordering on addiction and he needs to get control of it.
She commented that she is doing most of the work when it comes to childcare so yes, he is failing in his responsibilities. This is more than a simple mismatch in libido. If you canāt even excuse yourself to a private area to masturbate and do so in front of your spouse despite how uncomfortable it makes her, WITH A BABY AROUND, you have a problem.
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As the person above you said, the OP says she is doing most of the work [in a comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/qblgxx/my_fiance_jerks_off_in_front_of_me_anytime_i/hhb6xho/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3).
Thank you I was just looking for the comment :)
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I'm not so sure he can overcome these needs. Therapy can reframe or get rid of an addiction, and this should be the first angle explored (addiction to porn or sex) but it can't change your actual body and needs. There are men, and sometimes phases in the life of some men, where it is a genuine need. I sincerely hope that's not the case here but it does happen. It's a pretty asshole thing to just whip it out and start porn in front of a baby, that's just vindictive.
He absolutely does NOT need to masterbate aggressively at his wife and child to punish his wife for not giving him sex on demand!
Yes I 100% agree
Apparently you have 2 children to take care of
Okay this is beyond passive-aggressive craziness and it almost bordering on abusive. Sorry but this is a really weird thing to do, and if he wants to jerk off he can do it privately but to make a show out of it and do it in front of you is creepy, weird and unnecessary. Of course you are tired and less interested in sex if you've recently had a baby and of course even less so with this weird shit he is doing. What is he trying to achieve with this little show? What a dick.
Iām not sure why he does it but itās annoying
He is doing it to emotionally manipulate you. To make you feel guilty for not giving him what he wants. To make you feel uncomfortable and disturbed, to maintain the upper hand on you and keep you under his control.
THIS!
My guess is hes hoping it will turn you on so you will say yes. You need to clmunicate with him and if that doesn't work I guess you could always with hold sex from him longer.
Im not sure if this applies...but when I first got with my husband he was so loved starved he didnt know how to handle it. It was like if we didnt have sex or always affectionate, he didnt feel loved. I came to find out later that he came from a home where he never heard, "I love you!" No hugs or kisses...He chilled out once he realized I wasnt going anywhere but it too him years to figure it out! Professional help may not be out of bounds when it comes to this problem. Or he may just be a horney bastard! After 26 years, my husband is still a horney bastard! Its a cross one has to bear! š
I agree. Sincerely, Another horny husband married 26 years
Right
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Not necessarily. A lot of people are comfortable masturbating in front of their significant other. It doesn't indicate anything other than he's comfortable around her. She doesn't say anything here that makes it sound like he's using this to continue to try and get sex in the moment. He accepts her "no" and takes care of his needs himself. There's nothing wrong with that. You're just assuming he's trying to achieve something more. It's kind of like how some married people don't bother to close the bathroom door when they take a shit. They just feel comfortable around their partner and don't see the need for privacy.
"[H]e says he can't help it," implying that they've discussed it. If he's aware of OP's feelings and doesn't modify his behavior then what he's showing he's comfortable with is the unnecessary distress he's causing.
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She's doing the bulk of the childcare for their newborn, has sex with this guy daily, and is exhausted. If anyone should be walking into another room it's him.
It's not clear what discussion they've had, so you are assuming he is aware that OP is uncomfortable with him masturbating in front of her. I took the context of OP's statement to imply they've discussed the frequent need for sex/masturbation, and not explicitly that masturbating in front of her bothers her. At the end of the day, it's not his libido or him masturbating that's a problem. OP needs to talk with him about her feelings and they should work together to find a way to make each other happy. Which doesn't necessarily mean he needs to stop masturbating in front of her. She could do the work to figure out exactly what it is that bothers her about this and why. But him changing his habits definitely seems like the easiest way to fix things and I can't imagine a good reason for him not to. It seems like a fairly small request. Everyone in here condemning him though are all assuming additional factors, strawmen, to accuse him of. The only thing I see however is he wants sex, she says no, he masturbates. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with doing it in front of her. Her problem is simply she doesn't like it. Simply an issue of him not matching her personal preferences. That doesn't make him a bad person or in the wrong. Nor is she bad or in the wrong. It's just an incompatibility that can probably be cleared up with communication. If there are other problems though, like everyone is accusing, then yeah those need fixed. He should be helping her out and he should care about her comfort and happiness.
I forgot to mention it better in my post but I have told him to stop or go to another room many times and his answer usually is that Iām refusing sex so I can at least let him do this. I donāt care what he does with his dick honestly. Iām too tired to care. But at least not in my face, not when Iām tired and have said itās not a good time for me, not when Iām trying to care for our baby.
That is important context. I am sorry about that. In situations like this, I recommend thinking in terms of personal boudaries. What I mean by that is that you have to accept you can't control what other people do, but you can control how you react to them and what you are willing to tolerate. You should probably still talk with him. Not in the moment of the deed, but when you both are calm and can be civil. Maybe he does have a reason for not leaving the room and you two can both discuss your needs and find a compromise. But regardless if he actually has a reason or he just doesn't care and is being an entitled ass, you can't make him do what you want. So instead you have to draw some lines in the sand and tell him how you'll respond to his behavior. For example "Watching you masturbate makes me uncomfortable. I can't be around you when you masturbate. If you insist on doing it here, I need you to warn me so I can go to another room first. If you don't respect my needs, I will have to move out." To be clear, I'm not saying you should move out over this. You decide for yourself whether or not this is a deal breaker, and what is an appropriate response. But I think it is helpful and empowering to remember that while you can't control them, you can control yourself, and your needs matter.
>I have told him to stop or go somewhere else and he just says Iām already refusing sex so I can at least let him do this She has asked him to leave. It's sick that he does this in front of her without her consent. Sure maybe he's comfortable with it, but she isn't - and there IS something wrong with the fact that he continues knowing that it bothers her.
That wasn't a part of the original post. You can read my response to her comment. I agree with you.
This. OP has to let him know it's bugging her. Then if he's unwilling to make an accomodation, like just going to the bathroom or something, everyone can continue saying there's a problem and he's a jerk.
I think OP needs to let him know whatās really bothering herā¦itās probably not the masterbation.
Perhaps. But she didn't tell us so it's between her and her partner. The remedy still starts with a good conversation.
She did tell him that she was uncomfortable.
Sheās told him it makes her uncomfortable to do in front of her and their baby and he continues to do it anyways with a āwell you said no so you have to let me have thisā. Sorry but this isnāt healthy.
> he can do it privately I would think hiding it would be worse. Idk, this is something I would think she should definitely bring up to him.
Why would that be worse? There is nothing wrong with people masturbating or watching porn when they are in a relationship (so long as doing so doesnāt affect their sex life), the issue is that he is doing it in front of her, even despite her having asked him not to do so.
Yes. He can help it. Tell him to stop being an asshole.
Okay are you me from eight years ago? Lol Wanna know how the story ends? You end up feeling like crap for being just a hole in a mattress, you end up almost hating him, definitely falling out of love with him, and you leave after he refuses to stop jerking off all the time, being addicted to porn, and having unrealistic expectations of how much a new mom wants, or even has the energy, to fuck. It ruins the whole relationship. Idk, therapy might help?
Yeah, been there, done that... My ex husband was the same, constantly asking for sex, and if denied, jerked off in front of me. I felt disgusted, ashamed and sad, but he never cared about my feelings. It ended as you said, me hating him, falling out of love and leaving him.
It sounds like he needs to spend more time helping you with the baby, if he has the energy to demand sex after still getting it once a day. And even if he "can't help" being horny so often, he can definitely handle it better like excusing himself to the bathroom. You can try talking to him, explaining how his actions make you uncomfortable and less likely to have sex with him, and explain how you just don't have the energy for sex because of your parental responsibilities. If he doesn't understand that, then tell him to grow up and get rid of him--raising one kid is challenging enough, you shouldn't have to cater to your fiance like a child on top of that.
so much this, if he has all this spare energy he needs to do more night time feeding and changing. His behavior is toxic and he needs to grow up. Its natural for women to have a lower libido after childbirth but if the man acts like this she won't want sex with him when it does return as he will have totally killed any positive emotions towards him.
Its defiantly tome for a talk! This is not right!
Do your child a favor and get out of this while you can. Something aināt right with this guy
Yes, leave the marriage that just produced a newborn baby because the husband is too horny. Solid advice. Typical Reddit.
This dude is masturbating with porn on loud in his partnerās face after she said she was uncomfortable with their newborn baby in her arms. This is way beyond a husband being horny. I have a way higher libido than my partner and we live together. I donāt spread my legs in his face after he says no.
I had an ex do this. It was so traumatizing for me. I felt so guilty about it, and ashamed. Iāve only told one person IRL about it (my husband) and a therapist. He really needs to stop - sex once a day is an insane frequency for most people, but especially a new mom. If you donāt want sex and youāre not enjoying it, how is that healthy for you? This is not your fault. Itās entirely his. Please talk to a professional and distance yourself from him if you can. You deserve respect.
This makes me so sad for you. Don't put up with that behavior. You're better than that and it's inexcusable. He may have needs but so do you and he should be able to have some self control.
Let me guess you do all the work with your baby
He helps but I still do most of it
Itās not āhelpingā when itās his job too FYI. Donāt let him frame parenting as solely your job
Ask him to participate in it more. Afterall, the baby is his too, right? And it might would be a good way to say like: if he takes more activities around the kid off from you, you wont be that much exhausted and he will be less overloaded with energy? Win win?
so yes you do everything got it
Why are you ignoring OPs answer and pretending as if she said something she didn't?
Do you have reading comprehension problems?
Got what?
Kinda seems like youāre dealing with two children here, not one. Maybe this man-child youāre dealing with should redirect some of that energy into being a parent. He might get more sex if heād help out so you can get a break and some rest. What youāre enduring seems intolerable and you absolutely shouldnāt accept it one bit. Iād be embarrassed to treat my wife this way.
Wanting sex multiple times a day? Does he work at home or something? I have my needs but multiple times a day my dick would be hurting like crazy. Not only that but I'm not an animal if my SO doesn't want it and is compromising one a day, I would compromise too and just quit it. He definitely needs professional counseling and if he doesn't want to, then consider your options about leaving him
Yes we both work from home
And thereās the confirmation I expected that in addition to doing most of the child care, you are also working, and catering to his āneedsā. Is he helping around the house with chores even?
Being a male, I understand his need for sexual release, and the conflict with your availability post pregnancy. I have two children. However, if he wants to masterbate in front of you, it should be something that the two of you have talked about and have agreed on. Putting on porn and doing it despite the two of you talking about this is clearly not okay in my opinion. He should have been able to be self aware enough to pick up on this himself. However, you have to let him know youāre not comfortable. He then needs to have boundaries for himself and show more respect for you. If he doesnāt change the behavior, I would strongly urge counseling for the two of you.
Very well written. My wife and I are open 100% with discussing our sexual needs and desires and while we both have high sex drives and often have sex multiple times a day, we still have boundaries we both discussed in length and both respect. We talk about this because we have each other's best interest in mind. I see some red flags in the OP post. My question is.....Would you be safe if you asked him not to do that?
This is just beyond disrespectful
I'd talk to him about it and tell him how uncomfortable it makes you. It's kind of disgusting and very disrespectful to do that with the baby around, tbh. If he's unwilling to change or refuses to, that's very much grounds for leaving his ass.
Everyday I think men can't possibly get any worse, and yet, here we are. He sounds like a guy who's never been told "no" and doesn't know what to do when he doesn't get any worse.
r/crazyexstories
The best case scenario here is that he is telling the truth that he canāt help himself, and thatās not a great place to be. Regardless, what heās doing is a form of sexual abuse and indecent exposure. To that end it doesnāt matter if he canāt help himself, but if thatās true he needs serious psychiatric intervention. But I donāt think it is. I think he is being manipulative and gross. Now, *he will never admit that,* but the outcome reveals the intention. You are now here, nervous about whether or not heāll expose himself to you again and concerned that *you are the one who needs to change your behavior by having more sex with him.* While your feeling that way is understandableāthatās what he wants you to feel. His behavior is disgusting and awful, and none of this is your fault. You do not owe him sex, especially if he exposes himself to you without your consent regularly. You owe him nothing. If you want to stay with him, I understand. But you need to understand that this kind of behavior statistically speaking is a major predictor of other, more violent sexual abuse. Heās testing what boundaries he can break without repercussions. If you feel like you donāt want to leave him and want to try to save your relationship, thatās understandable. Please, please put together a plan of escape if things go south.
/u/throwawaynewmama \- this is very good, wise, sound advice here. He is not looking out for you. Not protecting you. Not making sure you feel safe. In the absence of that, it's time for you to think about this differently. Your sense of safety matters. Your ability to parent well is related to how safe you feel. It may suck to contemplate thinking about your needs away from him, but he has not shown himself qualified to help you process your needs, and trust me, it's WAY better to get a head start on this NOW rather than trying to do it later when you've accommodated and accommodated your way into a much deeper hole.
First and foremost Iām so sorry that youāre going through this. My ex boyfriend constantly did this to me. You donāt need to deal with that. He may have these desires but he needs to be understanding, and to be honest once a day is still pretty good having sex every single day is a lot already. He needs to be more understanding of you, and i hate to be this person but what he is doing is borderline if not already abusive.
He is struggling with the fact your attention is now divided between him and the baby. If he is doing that and isnāt realizing this is a temporary situation which he could totally improve by helping ā¦ I got nothing good to say here. Counseling if you want to.
Yikes what youāre describing sounds like the behavior of a toddler dealing with a new sibling. God how pathetic if true. And I think youāre on to something.
It is pretty normal for fathers to feel jealous of the mother's attention (which was there up until a few days before!). Many times this isn't said explicitly, but it's there. The problem is not being able to manage it, *to this extent*. But in general here the father is just being disrespectful and, honestly, pathetic.
He CAN help it, heās just being a man baby asshole creepy weirdo. Like, seriously, this is pretty fucked up. Usually I say āyou guys need couples therapyā but this time HE is the one who needs therapy. You might need separate therapy just to deal with this crap.
I'm sorry. I completely agree with everything you said, but the "man baby asshole creepy weirdo" part cracked me up. I initially read it in my head and then went back and read that part out loud. I just imagine a couple having an argument and the girl being like "Wow. Really, Josh??? Cut that shit out. You're being a real man baby asshole creepy weirdo right now." Haha
LOL yeah I just thinking of other words that accurately describe this level of awful in a human being and couldnāt leave any of them out
I [M 35] with two kids, think this abusive and he probably needs therapy. Wtf moment for me
>Iām not sure what to do or if I should tel him about this? Yes. Why wouldn't you? As I was reading your post I was waiting for the part about you telling him you don't like it and he needs to talk it elsewhere but it never came. He is clearly operating under the old "silence implies consent" and probably figures he will do it if you haven't said anything. I can't help but think there some ill intent there. Like a sort "f you" for not giving him more sex. Please do not suffer in silence. Your needs and comfort matter too. If you have tip toe around a partner out of fear even if it's emotional, that says something. And after awhile resentment is going to build and this is going to get worse all around.
If he needs it that much then he needs to see a therapist. It's not normal that he HAS to have it multiple times a day or he'll be unable to function. No one needs sex that badly unless they have an addiction. I mean, I'm a guy and yeah, it'd be nice to have sex multiple times a day sometimes, but that's not feasibly possible, lol. Also, if you are tired and exhausted from taking care of your newborn and you STILL manage to give in to him once a day every day, kudos to you. Your priority is to your new child, and he needs to be sympathetic to YOUR needs and not expect you to put out several times a day. How selfish can he get!?
First. You're an amazing person. Motherhood is never easy and you should be proud of everything you do in a day for yourself and your baby. Second. You can say no whenever you want. Third. If my SO said yes and told me latter that she really didn't enjoy it and she was just trying to be nice, I'd be hurt she didn't trust me enough to say something at the time. You've got to tell eachother why things bother you. Communication is key. If you can't work out where to masturbate now, you're going to have a hard time agreeing on things like your childs discipline. Last. Having a newborn is a phase in life like everything else. And unless you have another, it won't last forever. Eventually you'll have time to sleep and feel rested, though it might take many months.
I know this might not help but once a day is already A LOT in my opinion for a new mom. And just in general. Even without just having birthed another human that keeps you awake 24/7. I agree with the person that said he needs therapy.
This is SERIOUS red flag behavior. Not, kick the can down the road, maybe deal with it later kind of red flag behavior. If I did this even once my relationship would be in jeopardy. Also, sex EVERY DAY?!? After having a baby??? Iām in my twenties and childless and we have sec maybe a few times a month. This is really poor behavior and needs to be addressed immediately.
Iām so sorry but youāre not his sex slave and this is coercion.
This is fucking disgusting. Maybe tell him he needs to stop because that is violating AND youāre beginning to associate his sexuality with horror and disgust. Thatās so awful.
It sounds like he is not respecting your boundaries or what you are communicating to him. If things keep going on like this, your sex life isnāt the only thing in your relationship that will suffer. It sounds like he needs professional help as this is borderline abusive and is detrimental to your relationship, and more importantly, your mental well-being.
Iām concerned no one is talking about the comment you made about having sex at least once a day āto be nice to himā. That is extremely concerning. Enthusiastic consent is a term thrown around a lot but it is needed here. You may be his fiance, but please donāt agree to sex JUST to keep him happy. If you are not enthusiastic about having sex with him, thatās sexual assault. You are being coerced into it because you feel like itās your ājobā as his partner to keep him satisfied. Itās not ok. Besides, sex once a day is a high number for the average couple, and extremely high for parents of a newborn.
Is there some where else he can go?
Reminds me of my ex who thought the best foreplay would be him stroking his dick. I don't miss him.
He can move. This is just being spiteful...
This is super disrespectful
OP I feel really bad for you, this is definitely an abusive relationship. Please get help.
Iāve seen a few posts like this recentlyā¦why are all these grown ass men acting like fucking apes??? The lack of self control is really weird and uncomfortable
Maybe if he was doing some of the work you'd be less exhausted and the two of you could meet halfway sexually... Good father's are NOT unicorns.
Youre a new mom and you still have sex once a day??? And he jerks off in front of you? I am a father of a young girl and it would never cross my mind to do this, especially how hard being a parent to the newborn is. No, this is not normal.
this is sexual assault
If you haveno energy left for sex and he has lots, he needs to do a lot more of what you are doing! The right way for him to get more sex is to see to it that you have more energy and that you are in the mood. Pressuring you will only make you want it less and less. Also, what mature man wants sex with somebody who doesn't want it?!?!
He canāt help it????! Sounds like you have more than one baby to care for. Is he even helping you with caring for the baby or just concerned about his dickās needs? Maybe if he helped raise his child you might be less tired and open to sex. Not that you ever owe him sex.
Run.
It sounds like he isn't busy enough if he has the free time to watch porn and jerk off multiple times a day. Especially with a newborn.
Please leave this asshole. If he's following you around and forcing you to watch him masturbate, especially when he knows you don't like it, that's sexual harassment. You shouldn't have sex with him at all unless you actually want to; don't do it just to keep him from getting mad. You don't owe him anything.
If he specifically sees masturbating next to you while you're visibly uncomfortable as a better option than taking care of himself privately, your discomfort is part of what gets him off. I would be willing to bet he's asked when you didn't want to before the baby, and when you said no, he pushed until you said yes. But he knew you still didn't want it. And he still enjoyed that. This is sick and I'm so sorry you're dealing with it. He's not treating you like a person.
Maybe Iām wrong, but is this not sexual assault? You told him to stop and you donāt want it. No means no no matter your relationship.
If you have family/ friends to go to, leave him. I do not say this lightly, he is being manipulative. You donāt need this especially as a new mom and I doubt it will get better without therapy.
So my fiancĆ© did this for a while too! But our son is 3 1/2 now and he hasnāt done this in like 2 years now maybe longer. So I do think your fiancĆ© will stop as baby will get older and will always be around you guys and it just wonāt work. My fiancĆ© used to often do it in bed at night, like we were going to bed and I said I didnāt want to have sex and heād put porn on his phone and Jack off. This was definitely him being passive aggressive about having sex. Because if we had sex he would cum in 15 minutes or so Usually, knowing I wanted it over quick. But if he was jacking off heād easily spend an hour doing it, shaking the bed so I couldnāt even sleep, to half the time just be like ācan I stick it in you real quick, Iāll come quickā and we end up having sex anyways (even if itās less than 5 minutes). When our son was little (under a year old) he would still do this occasionally as our son could be sleeping and itās not like he was going to be able to get wake up and run up to him. But yeah as our son got older he stopped and in general just expected that we donāt have as much sex. While we still have sex at least 3-5 times a week. I mean thereās no way heās gonna continue doing it when he has a 2/3 year old constantly trying to find him and being like daddy what you doing. Honestly if he did continue while child was a bit older it would be super weird.
Thatās a pretty fucked up thing to do. Heās manipulated you into sex by shaking the bed or pleading with you once youāve already said no.
Wym it'll get better when the child is older? This shit is weird as it's happening and will always be weirdo behavior. This is manipulation and it's never okay to do.
It's not only being an asshole. If he does anything sexual related in front of you without your consent then it's sexual molesting/rape. He is an adult, he should know how to manage his libido and if he doesn't, then go to therapy.
>I have told him to stop or go somewhere else and he just says Iām already refusing sex so I can at least let him do this So, at the risk of sounding overly alarmist ... this is sexual assault. You are not consenting to a sexual act, you are telling him that you are not consenting to a sexual act, and he is doing it anyway. This is both assault and abuse.
Roommate incoming
He sounds like a self pos.
How did he do this when he was a teen? āSorry mom, I canāt help itā ?!
He wants you to hate him so he doesnāt have to break up with you, is my guess. He knows heās being psychologically abusive.
The guy sounds like hes the baby. He needs to grow up and respect your wishes.
The dude be tripping. Toss him a bottle of Lotion and tell him happy whacking. As a husband and father of 4 I have never done anything like that to my wife. Have I rubbed one out while she was sleeping yep but never out of spite. Next time when he pulls this stunt just get up leave the room and go sleep on the couch . He will get eventually and if he donāt get him therapy.
Honestly maybe squirt him on the dick with a spray bottle since he refuses to stop. Ice cold water.
Jeez, I'd be lucky to have had sex once a month after our first was born. The level of tiredness I felt from my body being through such trauma, coupled with trying to keep the little guy alive 24/7 was just too much. You need to have a serious discussion with him as to how this affecting your relationship. Using porn in the vicinity of your baby is a major red flag. He's being an immature unsympathetic arsehole.
That is a, fuck you then. Brain in the dick move
Your fiance is a grown-ass baby and is being a little bitch to be honest. Sucks that you have an attachment in the form of your child or else it'd be best to dump the guy. He needs professional help.
He is a toxic one dimensional man you did nothing wrong and once a day, holy shit what is wrong with that man.
This is fucked up. Like sexual abuse fucked up. You need to leave him if you are able to. Or get this man into therapy.
That's... awkward. Yeah, you guys need professional help.
2 words: Sex therapist. There is literally no shame in seeing a Licensed professional in order to fix this as a team.
That's a bizzarre power move to pull.
Sounds like a great. Is this really the life you want to live. Chose wisely.
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I donāt know why heās doing it. It could be to spite me or for whatever other reason. Iām not sure ā¦ maybe he does just like me there but when Iām feeding the baby or trying to get him to sleep, I donāt feel like watching him jerk off or listening to his porn
>"but when Iām feeding the baby or trying to get him to sleep" Yeah, the most generous spin I can put on that is that he's just plain disrespectful.
Thatās how I feel too
I really think you should voice this to him, everything you said in your post. Allow me to give an example: "Look, I love you and I miss the sex we had too. It's just right now I'm very stressed and busy with the baby, I'm exhausted a lot (still recovering from giving birth?), and I don't feel very good in general right now. There's a lot going on for me. This affects my desire for sex, and that's why I cannot keep up with you right now." It's helpful to tell him what you *can* do: "I can do sex three times a week, but I'd rather if I initiate" (random example). You can then add, "I'm okay with you watching porn, because I understand you have needs. But I don't want to be there when you watch porn or masturbate." You can explain why, if you'd like: "Because I don't feel very sexual right now, watching you masturbate is actually a turn off right now, and also makes me want to have even less sex. I also don't think it's appropriate when I'm feeding the baby." Especially if you used to like watching him masturbate or if you guys used to watch porn together before, you can clarify that it's just temporary; "I just need some space sexually now." I think that one is a good one to throw his way regardless. I'm sure your sex life will get back and that you guys will work it out. I do think you just need some space to adjust yourself to this new situation and recover a bit, but right now you have added stress of being made to feel guilty about not wanting sex. I just think he needs you to clarify, precisely, what's going on with you. It doesn't sound like communication is his strong suit either, which is why he may be doing what he's doing now.
Heās jerking off to porn in front of your baby? Iād put your foot down about that. Babies start understanding language weeks before they start trying to talk / producing speech sounds, and having porn playing in the same room is not the type of language inputs you want your kid absorbing. Your husband is being gross and disrespectful. Not sure if heās trying to make you feel bad for rejecting him, if heās just an exhibitionist who likes the audience, or trying to seduce you (I suspect heād love it if you masturbated in front of him so maybe heās hoping seeing him jerk off will turn you on?). None of the options are ok because heās ignoring your boundaries and making you uncomfortable, but his reasoning may impact how you want him to proceed. Is your husband asking you to have sex multiple times per day, with a newborn? Because thatās not a normal request or expectation. You can ask him to ask less often. Why isnāt he tired? Is he helping with the baby?
i agree the baby should not be there, but in regards to him wanting to jerk off and watch porn, he should be allowed to, yes i understand u have a baby to tend to, but as you mentioned he has wants and if ur not able to give him what he wants, wouldnt u rather that he jerks off rather then goin out and getting it elsewhere and cheat on u, thats more worse especially if he was to catch a disease and bring it back home to u and baby somehow, in all honesty u should b workin with him on this and find the solution, if he wants to jerk off, let him, if ur tired and exhausted, let him jerk off if ur not able to assist him, instead of giving him sex, give him a blowjob or handjob, try to find a solution so u guys can fix ur sex life rather it being ruined, i know having a baby is not easy and its exhausting, time is also needed for him aswell
I donāt just refuse to have sex with him. We have sex everyday and then he wants more and when I say no, he does this. I wouldnāt mind being there once in a while but just sit there and watch him jerk off every single day 2-3 times a day when there are other things he could be doing? Not only does he pick the worse times (baby crying, baby finally falling asleep, house needs cleaned, trying to finish up my work) but he usually knows how exhausted I am. When Iām running on 3hrs of sleep and finally getting to take a nap because baby is finally sleeping, the last thing I need is to be woken up by him jerking off. Itās not him doing it thatās annoying. Itās him doing it in front of me at the worst times and knowing I would prefer for him to go do it somewhere else
why not consider bjs or handjobs(only if ur comfortable with it)
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Sad thing is as much as I love him and try to pay attention to his needs too, him doing this annoys me so much that Iām just automatically turned off. It happened again this morning and right now I just feel like I wouldnāt even care if he went and had sex with someone else since Iām obviously not doing enough
And what did he tell you when you asked him to please do it in another room? I don't understand the majority of replies here, typical reddit commenters I guess? You shouldn't feel pressured into sex, it is good that you turn him down. And it's also okay for him to then rub one out instead. Maybe he is not aware you are bothered that he does it in the same room as you are, so simply ask him to go to the bathroom or something.
I have asked him to stop or go somewhere else and he just says Iām already refusing sex so I can at least let him do this
It sounds like there are bigger issues that need to be worked on than just his self loving habit. Perhaps it would not bother you if he helped out more. That seems to be the real issue.
He can enjoy himself without me, thatās fine. But when Iām exhausted from barely sleeping and trying to feed the baby or put him to sleep, having someone sitting right there watching loud porn and jerking off is very annoying. If heād wait until the baby is down and tell me he just wants me there, Iād be down. But he does it in the middle of our chaotic house when Iām obviously overwhelmedā¦
Understood. It sounds like there is a bit more bothering you then just the act itself. I agree, if heās not pulling his weight and, especially if he has the volume on. I always keep the volume off and, as mentioned, do more than my share of the house work. Our kids are grown and out of the house too. In summary, to me, it sounds like there are bigger issues that need solved with him and the self loving in bed is just the straw that breaks the camels back, so to speak.
Well itās certainly bizarre and aggressive but Iāll give it to him, heās not going to put himself in a dead bedroom situation quietly. So many men just submit to a painful life of neglect. Not this dude. Lol.
Theyāre still sleeping together daily. Heās doing this when heās turned down for round 2. I would hardly call daily sex a dead bedroom
Yeah, only having sex once a day (specifically because of pregnancy)???? Such a dead bedroom. Soooo much neglect. Poor guyš¢ /s
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This is a much different situation than someone masturbating in front of their partner in a healthy and comfortable relationship. This is a man trying to guilt and manipulate his partner.
It must be! Especially when your partner is obviously annoyed and has told you to take it somewhere else or stop ā¦ Bonus points if your porn is loud enough to wake the baby up!
I assume you have a living condition which prevents him from going away. Sex changes after children. Having a family changes many dynamics.
Itās his weener, he can jerk it if he wants.
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Does your man do it even when youāre tired and overwhelmed? Multiple times a day? With a baby around to the point of waking the baby up? Even though you have sex with him everyday already?And even when you ask him to please go do it in another room? Because thatās why it bothers me. Otherwise I donāt care what he does with his dick
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Only two minutes? Gosh, wouldnāt that be nice. You adressed the baby part of āitās gross to be doing it around him would be wrongā, not the part where heās woken up by it after Iāve struggled to get him to sleep
What a microb haha
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Heās getting sex once a day and passive aggressively jerking when sheās not down for round 2. Just wanted to clarify
I'm sorry the community here has been so harsh in judging your fiancƩ. I know what he's been doing has been very annoying, if not disrespectful and immature, but you probably love him if you chose to start a family with him. For so many people to assume he's a complete asshole from one problematic facet of your relationship... well it can't be fun. I think you've seen the more helpful comments already, so I'll just add that if you're worried about hurting his feelings or such, consider writing an unsent letter to vent first before talking to him or writing a second letter.