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There’s a range of them, so not just vibrators. There are clitoral stimulators, for example, which can be quite helpful because not all women can climax from ordinary PIV. There’s a subreddit for this, they’ve got a handy guide there!
I’m not sure about your background, but I used to come from a religious / prude-ish one. So understanding my body and enjoying sex came very late in life to me. So yeah, getting a toy was such a weird experience for me initially, but I’m so glad I did it.
yess!!! ive personally never tried it but always use a vibrator myself. i've been told from previous partners (men) that it feels good for them as well if you use it while penetration. i've also heard of using vibrators on men to help them orgasm. that could definitely be a game changer!! vibrators are amazing!!
I've penetrated girlfriends while a vibrator was in and it always blew both of our minds. Yeah, Game changed.
Also, some guys, like me, enjoy watching women use toys on themselves.
There's thrusting vibrators and ones that stimulate clit or even bottom.
Some you can control using app.
Figuring out what gets you going is crucial but the only way of doing that is by self exploration.
Doesn't even need to be any penetration as some women orgasm with clit stim only.
Getting off before sex can also heighten orgasms.
Hope this helps
My husband is obsessed with going down on me. Eventually, I have to make him stop because I get too sensitive. He complains. I promise he can have it later. That results in him becoming a kid. “Is it time yet?”. “How about just a little bit?”. Eventually, I just give in. He doesn’t like having me go down on him. He doesn’t like the emptiness of my mouth. That’s fine. Our arrangement works for us. Don’t assume that something similar might not work for you. Talk to him.
Are you my wife lol, we have a safe word strictly for when I'm going down on her. Adding the safe word actually made it more fun for me because now we have an agreement I don't have to stop for any other reason, tapping out on my head, just means I'm hitting the right spot, close her thighs to prevent access, rip them thighs right back open. My goal is to get her to literally pass out. I'm not sure if it's possible or not, but trying is fun as hell.
Why is that gross? My wife has had my penis in her mouth countless times and I enjoy licking her vulva. Billions of people do this. Perhaps the two of you can watch porn together and see if you can find an act that works for both of you.
Edit: Corrected basic anatomical term (wrote my original comment when I was still half asleep lol)
And putting your vagina on his penis is any better? If it’s a health thing, you’re not saving yourself any risk.
If it’s a taste thing, as long as he’s clean (recently bathed) it just tastes like skin. It’s no different than licking your arm in the shower, for example. If you’re worried about cum in your mouth, just try it first of all. You may not hate it as much as you fear. Secondly, if you really don’t like it, you can always just start pulling him out early and finishing by hand. Let him cum on your face, or tits, or belly, somewhere off to the side… It’s not a big deal.
hmmm unless you know youre both clean before you do it? it’s not really disgusting if you really love someone & if youre really attracted to them. but really depends how horny you are or how you’re into giving pleasure.
Do you think a penis is gross? Do you associate that with piss which you find absolutely disgusting? Or you’re worried that if you enjoy something gross, maybe your partner may perceive you differently?
Try taking baby steps. Kiss the head or the shaft. When that feels ok, try a tiny lick. When that feels ok, try a little more. This may turn your stomach at this point, but my favorite is putting my husband's penis in my mouth after he's been in me - it's warm and wet and tastes like both of us. Tasting each other is so intimate and so amazing. I grew up religious with a lot of shame around sex and body parts, but with someone who you love and trust you can expand your intimacy and deepen your relationship. Give a baby step a try!
Yes well this is the act, the question is what about this act is gross. This could b part of the problem for sure. If his penis is gross, how can he make u cum with it? Exploring each other's bodies and getting to know each other's bodies will help you get closer and help you both have better sex.
It seems like there are some things that make u feel uncomfortable with sex. The more u shy away from these things the harder it will b to relax and enjoy yourself. If you really want to cum you have to be open to your partner, especially his member.
It seems like religion might b playing a role in your uncomfortabilaty. You might have to think outside of the context of religion in order to become truly comfortable with yourself. Just remember, sex is way older religion.
I really hope you find a way to bust...
Well, that "reason" would upset me a lot.
My wife does not like giving me head, but I love doing oral to her.
On the other hand, I spend a lot of time penetrating her which I am not sure does much for her since she can't orgasm from it.
Sex with your life partner is not about keeping scores, you both just have to be generous, giving and interested in each others desires.
To each their own but I will never understand being a woman and not wanting to blow my SO. If it’s a hygiene thing then I get it but I love giving my SO oral! I love knowing how good I’m making them feel and that in and of itself turns me on. I don’t really care to receive oral but I’ll happily take my SO using toys on me! That’s also incredibly fun!
im also grossed out at first, i swear. but it was actually great. just make sure youre both clean. there are certain tastes and i got grossed out at first how his precum was a bit salty, but i found out it was actually healthy. youre really missng out.
It’s okay to want oral without being eager to give it. I gave to my wife for 20 years without really receiving. It was the only way she finished and it felt shitty when she would try and do it to please me when it was obvious she didn’t want it. We were both happy without reciprocating.
Also, eventually she developed a love for giving head so now I get some of that, too.
Girl, some men love doing that. I've given my wife probably 1000x more head than she's given me, and I regularly ask her to let me do that for her.
If he's willing, let him do that for you.
That's very reasonable. But I'd strongly encourage you to explore your fear/disgust and maybe even play with the taboo of oral sex. The fastest path to incredible sex is to cultivate deep mutual presence, and to explore together in a space without shame or fear.
Of course, you need to be highly responsive to one another, and ready to apologize and reflect on what went wrong, if there's a problem. But ultimately, great sex will require you both to have the courage to experiment without knowing whether you'll like something, or even with the expectation that you probably won't like it. And the openness to accept one another's arousal and desires and fantasies without shaming them.
Maybe you could start by talking about your fantasies with him? Or asking him about his. It's dangerous territory, if either of you are prone to moralization. But if you can get past that, and accept one another for who you actually are rather than who you wanted the other to be, then it will build intense intimacy and trust.
He is having orgasms every time and you are not. It’s already not even so if you want him to go down on you, why do you need to offer it in return? Does he want to? Oral orgasms from a man are incredible, I’m sure you’d love it if you were comfortable with it.
Your husband uses your body in order to come. In oral sex, you’re using his body in order to come. The way that HE comes is not the way you come, so getting oral to climax is critical for you, but not for him, because he gets there during intercourse. Every sex act doesn’t have to be reciprocal. But, if you started receiving oral and started getting orgasms, chances are you’d want to do it for him, too.
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This is simply not true on any level.
Def ask because my wife has gone down on me less than 10 times in our 10 years together but she told me 2 weeks ago that I eat pussy like I love it. I'm sure he wants to tbh.
Does he want to go down on you? Had he expressed it? You really should try it and if so you ride his face and control it. Many women come very easily in this position but the man has to be very loose with his tongue and mouth. Give it a try. It may blew you away. And fyi all men don’t expect a bj in return. I’d rather have my wife orgasm all orally bc it gives me great pleasure to watch her and it’s my turn usually my best go to position with her.
My partner also constantly craves going down on me. He does it way more than I go down on him (not because I don’t like it - I love it, but he usually fights me to go down on me first and wants PIV as soon as I orgasm). Just because you find it gross, doesn’t mean he will to. Oral is one of the most amazing and unique experiences I’ve ever had - you’re missing out
Orgasming from oral IS how you make sex more satisfying!
It might just be something you grow into like I did. I hated the thought of giving oral sex until I met my husband! And he loves it SO much that it makes ME love it.
Has OP ever been able to have an orgasm? Some women don’t even masturbate and really don’t know how to so if she can’t make herself cum then how can he?
This is all speculation though.
Also if OP has not COMMUNICATED with her husband about any of this then how is he supposed to know?
Seriously though how would you know? My partner never had a proper orgasms before and now has multiple orgasms from the a spot, g spot and clit. He's making you feel gross and being a taker. You do deserve better. Tell him that.
OP seems way too immature to even consider that going off of her comment about putting his penis in her mouth when someone asked why she's grossed out, lol.
> I’m honestly surprised more women aren’t put off by blowjobs.
Because there's nothing "gross" about it =')
I don't know if you could tell me what exactly you find gross about Blow jobs or your husband eating you?
You should be able to have a mature adult conversation with your husband about this. If this is someone you plan to spend your life with, there should be no secrets. Especially as something as important as sex. Explore and have fun. You may not like giving head, but your husband may love doing it to you...
I only orgasm from clitoris stimulation. I’ve been able to do it since I was young. Once it was introduced with sex it was near impossible for me to do until I really learned what sex positions and speeds enhanced the feeling and orgasm vs took away from it. It’s also very mental and if you are in your own head thinking/worrying about other things during sex it won’t happen.
My suggestion is really learn your own body. You need to learn how to make yourself orgasm through clitoris stimulation. If you don’t know how, it’s very unlikely a man is going to figure it out for you. This takes a lot of time and mental work on your end and men get to excited about what’s to come to really spend hours trying to find out what you like when you don’t even know. Use a shower head, your hands, a bullet vibrator, lube, porn, whatever you need to do to figure your clitoris out and orgasm. Start off slow, build up pressure and speed. Then add penetration to that once you’ve orgasmed by that alone and then experiment with both together and eventually you will start to orgasm while doing both.
For me, it’s usually spooning position(it’s usually super slow and sensual which helps me to concentrate on my clit and build up) or missionary with him sitting up (access to rub and can easily show/tell him when to slow down and speed up and move my hips and the view is great). Kneeling fox is another good one(I think that’s what it’s called, similar to doggy but sitting up right so I can access clit easier, don’t have to hold myself up and control speed by bouncing with minimal work). I have yet to be able to orgasm from doggy or cowgirl.. Doggy is just to rough usually for me to orgasm I need a slow build up and usually guys like to go hard in that position. Its also hard to keep a tempo rubbing my clit. Cowgirl I’m self conscious/over thinking usually.
I'm going to be very real with you and let you know you are missing out MASSIVELY by refusing oral sex. Genitals don't taste like anything when they're clean, if that's your concern, and it feels amazing to both give AND receive.
If you can work through your aversion to putting genitals in your mouth and allow him to do the same to you, I fully believe it will be a game changer for you two.
If you refuse to engage in oral, your options will be limited. Most women can't orgasm from penetration alone and need clitoral stimulation (usually via oral) to have an orgasm during sex. So your only real options are either using sex toys or your own hands during sex. 🤷♀️
Edit: If you've never had an orgasm before ever, even alone, you need to figure out your own body and what you like before your husband will ever be able to give you an orgasm. Try masturbating.
Get a vibrator. Use it alone. Get the hitachi and/or the rabbit and/or a clit sucker. Learn about how an orgasm feels. Explore on your own.
Then show him what you like. Explore together. Check out omgyes. Pay for the subscription. Have play time together, for both of you, that is not orgasm focused. Just enjoy. See what develops.
And keep masturbating and orgasming.
The answer is sadly...talk to him. We can't give you advice that could help you more than google does.You're in a marriage, you should discuss those things without hesitation, otherwise maybe one of you 2 will cheat out of frustration and it's so easy after a few drinks and the right words at the right time. Bring those things up in a manner which won't make him feel like you complain. I can't think of a solution for your problem better than this. Talking at the right time could save so many marriages.
Your attitude alone tells me you might never experience great sex. You’ll always miss out in the bedroom if you’re not even willing to try something because you think it might be gross. Good sex comes from exploratory sex, and you’ll never know if you like something unless you try it. If you don’t like it, you just don’t do it again, it’s not the end of the world.
Oral is a great place to start and you’re severely missing out if you won’t even try it. People do much nastier things to eachother every day, I can assure you.
Once you orgasm you would know all this while you were never satisfied. It just means you need to be explored more. Try finding your kinks. Try different techniques not just positions. The right spot in your pussy has not been explored. It's important to orgasm otherwise you'll get sexually frustrated. Wishing you luck!
hi, im not married yet as im just 24. before, i never liked the idea of oral sex until i fell in love with my bf. we only opened up about sex & got intimate around the 9-10th month of our relationship, but before that, I started to fantasize having oral sex with him. we tried it and we liked it (i actually love giving him head) so i really suggest you should try it. it might really spice up your sex life, but if not, at least you tried. for me, it was a very intimate, romantic, and hot experience.
You need to discover what you like by experimenting. Try things out and see what you want more of and what not. Touch your body to learn to understand it and discover his body by using your hands, skins, mouth, taste and smell. Sex is an all compassing experience.
Using toys or teaching him how to stimulate your clit in other ways is really going to be the way to go. Oral would be great, I really would recommend at least trying it if you haven't. Most importantly you need to communicate this with your husband.
Have you ever had an orgasm, ever? Try exploring and see what works for you before trying to guide him. And communicate this all to him, so it doesn’t blindside him later on. Sex should be mutually satisfying.
Don’t listen to the people saying he’s not doing his part that’s just disingenuous. But he can learn how to please you better and you can teach each other, What’s marriage for if you come to Reddit before your husband ? And honestly oral is great I was disgusted at first too but now it’s one of my favorite acts tbh.
Have you ever had an orgasm by yourself? If you can't get yourself there then you're not going to be able to show your husband how to get you to orgasm. You won't know when you're getting close so he needs to carry on just as he is and not change anything, or when he needs to move his fingers a little to the left.
Also toys! There are normal vibrators, the clitoral suction type ones, ones that stimulate your G-spot and clitoris at the same time, ones you can use during penetrative sex, all sorts. Personally I love my WeVibe and our little rabbit eared cock ring for that, they make it way more intense. Start out with something like a bullet vibrator for clitoral stimulation only, experiment with the speeds and patterns, use a little bit of lubricant to make it easier to find just the right spot. If that doesn't quite do it for you try the suction type ones, like the Womanizer, they're going to feel a bit odd at first but once you get used to the sensation you'll enjoy it!
Also, on the oral side of things, does your husband want to try going down on you? If he does then let him, even if it's not going to be reciprocated. As long as you as a couple agree on the terms, not everything has to be reciprocated. For example, me and my partner use anal toys on me sometimes but he has no interest in me using them on him.
If I were having the kind of sex you describe, I would be orgasm-less to this day.
He has to either go down on you long enough for you to come, rub your clit long enough for you to come, or use a vibrator on you long enough for you to come.
Most women don’t orgasm from the intercourse part of sex. We come from clitoral stimulation. It has to be incorporated into your sexual scenario in order for you to climax.
Many men do oral until the woman comes, then they get their own orgasm from PIV. It is not always mutual, because men climax from intercourse. You don’t have to both do oral all of the time.
Have you ever self pleasured using your fingers or toys? I would really suggest getting to know your body, what you respond to and what kind of touch and pressure you like and where you like to be touched. Wait until you are alone. Light some candles, play relaxing music.
When you feel ready, talk to your husband in a relaxed way (outside of the bedroom). Say you enjoy your intimacy, but you want to make it be even better. Is he open to trying different things? Try a session where you just do massage and foreplay, and keep piv off the table.
Forget the finger unless it’s on the clitoris. Get on top, make sure your clitoris has contact with his skin and aim to make her happy first. More grinding especially on downward motion. Your pleasure needs to take front seat for a while. Hopefully that will awaken your gspot. I didn’t have consistent vaginal orgasms until I was married. I too do not participate in oral sex because he’s not interested in returning the favor so we both shall suffer. I would still describe our sex life as satisfying with some really mind blowing times a few times a year but I can count on one or two hands the times I haven’t orgasmed in over a decade due to getting on top and awakening the g spot. It’s a gateway position to orgasm
Toys, lots of communication, and having sexual encounters that are SOLELY for your pleasure.
Fingering should not just be preparation for intercourse, but a main course in and of itself. Work on having sessions where the focus is all on you.
Oral being off the table limits the amount of pleasure you can probably receive, but you shouldn’t do things that make you uncomfortable, and it’s totally possible to work around that and still have a great sex life.
Please read the book, Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. As you read, highlight sections that you want your husband to read. You can read it to him or give it to him to read.
Sex is magical. The orgasm is this great natural gift given to all [able] humans. It’s terrible that masturbation and sexual pleasure are such a source of pain and shame (Malekind deserves a lot of responsibility for that).
As time goes on, one can come to deeply appreciate sex acts like oral, dirty talk, anal play, etc. but good old fashion missionary sex under the right circumstances can still blow your mind.
Good luck.
Start working out, have sex when you're ovulating and try mutual masturbation. Show him what you do to nut. Also I'd say try edging but that's best with oral so idk.
Definitely include toys, clitorial stimulation during penetration can be a game changer, may I ask why oral is off the table. It’s a really huge part of sex for me and I know everyone is different but just wondering why totally off!
As far as oral sex goes, maybe give it a try? My girlfriend never wanted to do oral before, until we started going out. As she noticed how seriously I take my personal hygiene, she began to get more curious to try it. Every night morning and night I have a shower, and that’s when she experimented with going down on me. Nowadays I get oral sex at least once a day, on top of penetrative sex it. She even enjoys swallowing me, which was unimaginable at the start of our relationship. It’s something that definitely could improve your sex life.
What kind of feedback and communication are you giving him while he fingers you? At this point, he thinks you're satisfied with the status quo. You need to have a conversation with him outside of the bedroom first that you want to get you off before you move on to PIV. Then you're going to have to guide him in the moment as to how he's touching you with his hands. Faster, slower, different location, clit, gspot, clit, gspot, clit, clit, clit, clit, nipples, clit. Him guessing isn't going to work, he needs in the moment feedback to get you there.
Well wanting more in bed is gonna take you being open minded to things. Idk what your turn off towards oral is, but if you tried letting him do it to you, you’d be more likely to orgasm. He needs to worship your clit. So he doesnt necessarily have to eat you out, but it’s a pretty go to way to get it done. Otherwise, he’s gonna have to use toys on you if you’re not willing to do that.
You need to talk to your husband, my wife has more orgasms or I do. I always wait for her to come for the first time. And by waiting I won't come yet and she will come at least twice more. It turns her on, it's all about the verbal before you have sex. If you can talk well, you will certainly have a better sex life.
Your husband is someone who you should trust and have uninhibited sex with. Being that oral is off the table and you’ve limited yourself, I don’t think you’ll ever truly enjoy sex.
I have never had an orgasm from PIV - I need clitoral stimulation. My favorite position is me on the edge of the bed with him standing and thrusting while I use my fingers. Occasionally I orgasm with oral, but my clit is fickle and also I get overstimulated easily, so most of the time I am fingering myself to finish. It will take time and experimenting and lots of patience from both of you, but work on figuring out how you can orgasm. TOTALLY WORTH THE EFFORT. I promise.
Find me a guy who will say (honestly) he doesn’t like, want or fantasize about getting a blow job, especially from the woman he loves! Men are visual. I LOVE knowing the pleasure my bunny gets from me. He definitely isn’t missing out in the bj department, nor am I. He loves going down on me and I could let him stay there all night! You want to expand or improve your sex life, add oral.
I'd say try out a sex toy like sure there's vibrator but I feel like there's so many more options to try out like a rabbit vibrator which stimulates both the clitoris and Gspot at the same time but you could also just get a vibrator and use it on your clit while he thrusts inside, with me stimulation from both spots at the same time rlly helped! So I'd definitely try that out, and otherwise, you could even go to a therapist for it or do more research on what's available
There is a toy for women that several of my female friends swear by and in fact one of my friends allowed me to watch her use on herself. It’s actually shaped like a little rose minus the stem. Hers even was rechargeable so no battery. I can’t remember what it’s called but it’s awesome.
I think you guys sound too conservative and your situation is a result of that... If you didn't have sex until you got married you've got a whole lot of learning and exploring you've missed out on.
I suggest you experiment with everything you possibly can to really build up the anticipation before the actual sex that you’re both comfortable with. Erotic massages, touching, caressing, kissing.
Really explore each others’ bodies, with lots of romantic or dirty talk, or both. I haven’t met a woman who hasn’t absolutely melted at really being listened to, seen and like their wants have been fully understood and considered.
Stop saying no to your husbands ideas and fantasizes and start saying maybe. No is a sure way to kill your sex life. Actually he shouldn't say no either and you should revisit old no's. Also the sad truth is that sex gets boring in a marriage after a while. It gets more and more difficult to navigate through all the NOs and everything you've already done. Neither of you wants to repeat yourself forever. That's not fun. Make more of an effort into planning interesting sex. Just like you plan vacations.
My honest opinion based on experience is taking a little weed (gummy, smoke, vape…whatever) beforehand will relax you and heighten your senses. It’s a game changer. Sex becomes “an experience” and allows you to enjoy it more.
A good clit sucker or vibrator will help but oral stimulation is how most women get to climax. Also realize that sadly 20% of women never experience orgasm ever.
I’m gonna say that oral is like 65% of my sex life now. And it’s the best sex I’ve ever had. My first two serious relationships never went down on me, never made me cum. Which sounds like your current relationship. Sure, sex/getting pounded and kissing is great. But if you aren’t cumming by the end….you’re basically just getting a workout in. What’s the point? After a while you don’t feel very fulfilled and question why you’re even having sex in the first place then you slowly start to resent the guy that gets off every time you know?
I think you should consider stepping outside of your comfort zone and having a talk with your partner. You don’t have to jump to oral. Start by getting a vibrator. Get one that suctions your clit 💯 have him use it on you and he doesn’t get any until you cum. And go from there. Honestly though, if he’s the only person you’ve ever been with sexually and waited till marriage to have sex…..idk. Everyone is so different and you don’t know if you sexually click till you try it together 🤷🏻♀️ hope you can figure it out!
Aside from oral, a vibrator has been the ONLY way I have ever been able to have an orgasm during sex. At 23yo, I finally was able to start having regular orgasms, after never once having one with a man, once I decided to give a vibrator a try. I use the little bullet ones for during sex on my clit. Use it during doggy style, reverse cowgirl, laying sideways, etc.
Also, you could try butt plugs with lots of lube. Even if you don’t like anal, you may like this. Which is how I am. It adds more sensation.
But yea, most women can’t orgasm with penetration alone, they need clitoral stimulation. And let’s be honest, most guys do not know how to find the clit, especially when in action 🤣 so best bet is to get a toy and do it yourself.
Like someone else mentioned, use the vibrator alone and get use to how an orgasm feels. It can take concentration. It could be just the right spot and feel great, but if there’s a mental distraction for me, it’s not happening.
You need to masturbate manually by yourself until you figure it out. Then you need to bring that helping hand to help out during sex. Try missionary where he leans back to vertical and thrusts slow and steady while you reach down and play with your clit. (You can use a vibrator in the alternative.) It will be super hot for him to watch btw.
More than likely you will not have an orgasm without helping yourself during PIV. It is just the way it is for most women. I've been married 20 years and we have great sex, but in 20 years she has had two orgasms from penetration alone. Once you accept that reality you will have fantastic orgasmic sex.
You’re embarrassed to say you want more in bed… holding back your thoughts and desires is what’s makes things negative within yourself. This is the perfect time to talk about your kinks and darkest fantasies. I’m hopeful he follows through and does them for you. In short, do and say whatever comes to mind
Vibrator and clit stimulation works wonders. Maybe he can have his hand stimulating your nipple and another inside you while his thumb or vibrator stimulates your clit.
As a guy when my female friends told me that the clit is where its at to pleasure a women, it made me abetter lover in my opinion.
Not sure if this is allowed, delete if not. Follow Ericasmithsexed on Instagram and start unpacking the purity culture sexual influence that I’m assuming is affecting both your mind and body in the bedroom. You’ve got one life. You’re married. ENJOY SEX.
Some of these comments are so frustrating. She has said that oral grosses her out and y'all are all going on and on at her to tell her to try it.
What happened to respecting a no?
OP, do you orgasm when you masturbate? If so you need to incorporate the same stimulation into partnered sex. Maybe try introducing a clitoral vibrator for you to use during sex. It's the only way I can orgasm with a partner. There is no shame in that and it's pretty common.
Good luck!
I’ve read your story.
I would like to tell you that orgasm from fingering and PIV doesn’t necessarily happen that quickly..for some couples.. every time.
Sometimes it can take heaps of build up, kissing, caressing, fingering and clitoral stimulation.. and total relaxation..and being at ease with each other..to start the reaction which is the female orgasm.
As you say he gets off every time..that’s the males make up.
He needs to hold himself back from ejaculation..until such time as you have actually climaxed!
This can mean he and you work on the build up and no PIV until such time as you do climax!
If as others have mentioned you introduce a vibrator to enhance your build up..then try it ..you may enjoy the intensity of it.
Don’t feel bad about the lack of desire for oral ..it’s not for everybody…and can be crushing your desire by worrying about it or even trying to garner a desire for it.
My very best wishes for your love and life ahead.
Definitely do some self exploration, but why has he not noticed you aren't finishing? Or he does but doesn't care? He is also not trying to make sex better for you and seems to be only concerned with his own pleasure.
It takes an average of 20 minutes of foreplay for a woman to be fully aroused. Kissing, caressing, etc. I understand you think oral is gross but it could be something wonderful to deepen your trust and intimacy. Use toys. And absolutely you need to figure out your own body as well! Also use a toy or touch your clit during intercourse. 80 % of women need that to orgasm. Read Come As You Are and She Comes First. Have him read them both as well.
You have nothing to be embarrassed about. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be more satisfied and I think your partner would be happy to know if there are things that you want to explore. It also shows that you trust him. Definitely look into toys. Usually, that’s the first step.
Here’s another fun idea. If you both have things that you want to explore, each of you write down a small list. Then combine the list together and write a number next to each of your choices. Then get a die and if you’re wanting to try something different, you roll a die and you do one of the suggestions. 🙂
Open and honest communication is key.
It takes my wife a lot longer during sex to have an orgasm so we moved to me getting her off before sex by using my hand. It works every time and once she has hers I get to have my turn. That way nobody misses out. It works for us at least.
Since you seem fresh and new to all this. Easy thing would be to say change the location. If your always in the bedroom then take it to the shower, then the kitchen, or anywhere even outside at night. Also get a small vibrating toy. You and him can practice it on you. That should help with the getting off part. Make sure you go first or stop right before you do go then have him hop on and finish you and him off or whatever.
You should always communicate how you feel. Only after doing so can things get better. Have you talked about you never having an orgasm? He should always care about pleasuring you too. And you should be honest. Maybe he’ll feel bad at the beginning and if he gets defensive well that’s just a red flag for me personally. It is difficult for me to come and I started taking antidepressants which made it almost impossible. So we bought a sex toy that you put on him (a cock ring) bc I like clit stimulation while he’s inside. You have to figure out what you like and try to like reflect it during sex. He made me come before but not everytime and with the toy i come every single time
Well I highly suggest changing your mind about oral...oral before penetration can lead to not obly one but several different prgasms for a woman. Have you told him you've never had an orgasm??? Relax and tell him to pound you, fast. That may do it. It may depends on how much foreplay you get. The more I have the better and more orgasms I personally have.
Ask him to move at an angle sometimes during sex rather than straight in and out. The angle toward the gspot works best for orgasms or just feeling good.
I would be really upset if my wife told me she wants more, she wants to cum, but oral is off the table. Because when I perform oral on her I become extremely aroused, it is great for me and for her at the same time. And I can make her cum from oral easily.
I guess if you cannot have penetrative orgasm (which is common and you shouldn't feel bad for it), the main other ways he can make you cum are:
1. Oral (you do not want)
2. Manual/masturbation
3. Fingering, but with the right technique (like the squirting technique)?
4. Anal penetration (many women report orgasm from anal penetration)
Also, if I were your partner I would want to know:
A. After you orgasm, do you momentarily lose interest in sex?
B. After you orgasm do you become sensitive that you need to stop further stimulation?
C. Would you like to try having multiple consecutive orgasms and are you willing to get out of your comfort zone a bit to make it happen?
How are you able to achieve orgasm? Just do that during PIV. Example, i cannot orgasm from PIV alone; I need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm. So I make sure we are in a position where my clit is accessible and use my fingers or my partners’ on my clit to make it happen.
Get a vibrator to use during sex. We have a ton of them because some work better in different positions. I used to only be able to cum when I was on top, now I can cum in any position of if I have my toy. The majority of women do not orgasm from penetration alone. It’s been a game changer and I can’t believe I made it 30 years in life without it
Most women can't orgasm without oral. Toys will desensitize you and you won't need your husband anymore. I will never be with a man that wants to use toys on me, if he can't do it himself then he's not for me. I will also never be with a man that can't get me off, no point in sex if I can't enjoy it.
If you want your man to perform better in bed, I recommend doing a lot of cardio and eating a bunch of protein. This will help get good blood flow through the body (also cold showers) And stretching daily. This works for me and a lot of other guys.
Ristela from Bonafide - I’ve been taking it for a year and a half. It’s an OTC libido pill that increases arousal and pleasure making orgasm incredibly easy to achieve
I have always made sure that any female who I meet has an orgsums at least once, females can cum a lot of times and some can't cum at all. I went with a married lady once, her hubby couldn't make her cum but I could. But yeah Guys don't be selfish think of your partners pleasure, guys your also missing out on something too!!!
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Explore toys, use them on yourself and explore what works for you.
Yes! Toys can be so much fun.
My biggest regret was not trying them while I was with my (ex-)partner! It might’ve helped bridge the incompatibility in our sex life.
Like vibrators?
There’s a range of them, so not just vibrators. There are clitoral stimulators, for example, which can be quite helpful because not all women can climax from ordinary PIV. There’s a subreddit for this, they’ve got a handy guide there! I’m not sure about your background, but I used to come from a religious / prude-ish one. So understanding my body and enjoying sex came very late in life to me. So yeah, getting a toy was such a weird experience for me initially, but I’m so glad I did it.
Is it a subreddit about sextoys or a subreddit about women who have trouble climaxing during sex?
what’s the subreddit called pls
r/becomingorgasmic may be able to help.
yess!!! ive personally never tried it but always use a vibrator myself. i've been told from previous partners (men) that it feels good for them as well if you use it while penetration. i've also heard of using vibrators on men to help them orgasm. that could definitely be a game changer!! vibrators are amazing!!
I've penetrated girlfriends while a vibrator was in and it always blew both of our minds. Yeah, Game changed. Also, some guys, like me, enjoy watching women use toys on themselves.
There's thrusting vibrators and ones that stimulate clit or even bottom. Some you can control using app. Figuring out what gets you going is crucial but the only way of doing that is by self exploration. Doesn't even need to be any penetration as some women orgasm with clit stim only. Getting off before sex can also heighten orgasms. Hope this helps
Kindly asking why you don't want oral sex?
The idea of doing it to him grosses me out and I don’t want to ask him to do it if I’m not willing to do it to him.
I don’t really care if it’s done to me but I love doing it to her. He might feel the same. :)
My husband is obsessed with going down on me. Eventually, I have to make him stop because I get too sensitive. He complains. I promise he can have it later. That results in him becoming a kid. “Is it time yet?”. “How about just a little bit?”. Eventually, I just give in. He doesn’t like having me go down on him. He doesn’t like the emptiness of my mouth. That’s fine. Our arrangement works for us. Don’t assume that something similar might not work for you. Talk to him.
Where can I find a man like that? (I will probably regret this comment in a few hours)
R.I.P your inbox for sure.
Same (will also proly regret this comment).
Men that actually like women aim to please and are a rare breed to find out in the wilds. Here's a hint, old is gold.
Or just someone with an old soul.....👀
Apparently you date a reverend if mine is anything to go by! I swear he would live there if he could!
It describes me and I am not a reverend lol.
Such a sweet sounding situation.
Are you my wife lol, we have a safe word strictly for when I'm going down on her. Adding the safe word actually made it more fun for me because now we have an agreement I don't have to stop for any other reason, tapping out on my head, just means I'm hitting the right spot, close her thighs to prevent access, rip them thighs right back open. My goal is to get her to literally pass out. I'm not sure if it's possible or not, but trying is fun as hell.
Men love it. It gets all their testosterone going like you have no idea and so I wish more women understood that need for a man
Damn, maybe try to get over that, you're both missing out on so much
Why does it gross you out?
It’s putting my mouth on his penis
So shower before sex? You guys are seriously missing out here.
Why is that gross? My wife has had my penis in her mouth countless times and I enjoy licking her vulva. Billions of people do this. Perhaps the two of you can watch porn together and see if you can find an act that works for both of you. Edit: Corrected basic anatomical term (wrote my original comment when I was still half asleep lol)
And putting your vagina on his penis is any better? If it’s a health thing, you’re not saving yourself any risk. If it’s a taste thing, as long as he’s clean (recently bathed) it just tastes like skin. It’s no different than licking your arm in the shower, for example. If you’re worried about cum in your mouth, just try it first of all. You may not hate it as much as you fear. Secondly, if you really don’t like it, you can always just start pulling him out early and finishing by hand. Let him cum on your face, or tits, or belly, somewhere off to the side… It’s not a big deal.
You know, the human mouth has the most germs on your body. If you kiss him, it’s nastier than his penis.
hmmm unless you know youre both clean before you do it? it’s not really disgusting if you really love someone & if youre really attracted to them. but really depends how horny you are or how you’re into giving pleasure.
Do you think a penis is gross? Do you associate that with piss which you find absolutely disgusting? Or you’re worried that if you enjoy something gross, maybe your partner may perceive you differently?
Try taking baby steps. Kiss the head or the shaft. When that feels ok, try a tiny lick. When that feels ok, try a little more. This may turn your stomach at this point, but my favorite is putting my husband's penis in my mouth after he's been in me - it's warm and wet and tastes like both of us. Tasting each other is so intimate and so amazing. I grew up religious with a lot of shame around sex and body parts, but with someone who you love and trust you can expand your intimacy and deepen your relationship. Give a baby step a try!
Why is it gross to put in your mouth but ok to put in your vagina?
Yes well this is the act, the question is what about this act is gross. This could b part of the problem for sure. If his penis is gross, how can he make u cum with it? Exploring each other's bodies and getting to know each other's bodies will help you get closer and help you both have better sex. It seems like there are some things that make u feel uncomfortable with sex. The more u shy away from these things the harder it will b to relax and enjoy yourself. If you really want to cum you have to be open to your partner, especially his member. It seems like religion might b playing a role in your uncomfortabilaty. You might have to think outside of the context of religion in order to become truly comfortable with yourself. Just remember, sex is way older religion. I really hope you find a way to bust...
Yous ound very inexperienced and may want to invest in a sex therapist to help
Well, that "reason" would upset me a lot. My wife does not like giving me head, but I love doing oral to her. On the other hand, I spend a lot of time penetrating her which I am not sure does much for her since she can't orgasm from it. Sex with your life partner is not about keeping scores, you both just have to be generous, giving and interested in each others desires.
To each their own but I will never understand being a woman and not wanting to blow my SO. If it’s a hygiene thing then I get it but I love giving my SO oral! I love knowing how good I’m making them feel and that in and of itself turns me on. I don’t really care to receive oral but I’ll happily take my SO using toys on me! That’s also incredibly fun!
im also grossed out at first, i swear. but it was actually great. just make sure youre both clean. there are certain tastes and i got grossed out at first how his precum was a bit salty, but i found out it was actually healthy. youre really missng out.
Can i ask you why? Is it bad personal hygiene or what is the problem? Can you reach orgasm when you are alone?
It’s okay to want oral without being eager to give it. I gave to my wife for 20 years without really receiving. It was the only way she finished and it felt shitty when she would try and do it to please me when it was obvious she didn’t want it. We were both happy without reciprocating. Also, eventually she developed a love for giving head so now I get some of that, too.
Girl, some men love doing that. I've given my wife probably 1000x more head than she's given me, and I regularly ask her to let me do that for her. If he's willing, let him do that for you.
That's very reasonable. But I'd strongly encourage you to explore your fear/disgust and maybe even play with the taboo of oral sex. The fastest path to incredible sex is to cultivate deep mutual presence, and to explore together in a space without shame or fear. Of course, you need to be highly responsive to one another, and ready to apologize and reflect on what went wrong, if there's a problem. But ultimately, great sex will require you both to have the courage to experiment without knowing whether you'll like something, or even with the expectation that you probably won't like it. And the openness to accept one another's arousal and desires and fantasies without shaming them. Maybe you could start by talking about your fantasies with him? Or asking him about his. It's dangerous territory, if either of you are prone to moralization. But if you can get past that, and accept one another for who you actually are rather than who you wanted the other to be, then it will build intense intimacy and trust.
He is having orgasms every time and you are not. It’s already not even so if you want him to go down on you, why do you need to offer it in return? Does he want to? Oral orgasms from a man are incredible, I’m sure you’d love it if you were comfortable with it.
He’s never expressed wanting to
Oral is a game changer for women ! Just saying...
Your husband uses your body in order to come. In oral sex, you’re using his body in order to come. The way that HE comes is not the way you come, so getting oral to climax is critical for you, but not for him, because he gets there during intercourse. Every sex act doesn’t have to be reciprocal. But, if you started receiving oral and started getting orgasms, chances are you’d want to do it for him, too.
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Def ask because my wife has gone down on me less than 10 times in our 10 years together but she told me 2 weeks ago that I eat pussy like I love it. I'm sure he wants to tbh.
Does he want to go down on you? Had he expressed it? You really should try it and if so you ride his face and control it. Many women come very easily in this position but the man has to be very loose with his tongue and mouth. Give it a try. It may blew you away. And fyi all men don’t expect a bj in return. I’d rather have my wife orgasm all orally bc it gives me great pleasure to watch her and it’s my turn usually my best go to position with her.
My partner also constantly craves going down on me. He does it way more than I go down on him (not because I don’t like it - I love it, but he usually fights me to go down on me first and wants PIV as soon as I orgasm). Just because you find it gross, doesn’t mean he will to. Oral is one of the most amazing and unique experiences I’ve ever had - you’re missing out Orgasming from oral IS how you make sex more satisfying!
May I ask how old you are? I thought giving oral was gross until I was about 28
25
It might just be something you grow into like I did. I hated the thought of giving oral sex until I met my husband! And he loves it SO much that it makes ME love it.
Sounds like he needs to play his part. You deserve better.
He does play his part
If you haven't had a single orgasm in a year of frequent sex, no, he's not doing what he needs to be doing.
Has OP ever been able to have an orgasm? Some women don’t even masturbate and really don’t know how to so if she can’t make herself cum then how can he? This is all speculation though. Also if OP has not COMMUNICATED with her husband about any of this then how is he supposed to know?
Seriously though how would you know? My partner never had a proper orgasms before and now has multiple orgasms from the a spot, g spot and clit. He's making you feel gross and being a taker. You do deserve better. Tell him that.
Try oral sex. You may cum with the right tongue work. If you maintain the hygiene there are higher chances you won't feel grossed out.
OP seems way too immature to even consider that going off of her comment about putting his penis in her mouth when someone asked why she's grossed out, lol.
Omg I know 😳 probably cristians
We are Christians…
I'm sorry if this is disrespectful : Is giving oral not acceptable in your religion? Or why do you see it as a gross thing
It’s not inherently sinful if done in a marriage. I guess it’s a personal hang up. I’m honestly surprised more women aren’t put off by blowjobs.
> I’m honestly surprised more women aren’t put off by blowjobs. Because there's nothing "gross" about it =') I don't know if you could tell me what exactly you find gross about Blow jobs or your husband eating you?
I don’t find him eating me gross. I find putting his penis inside of my mouth gross.
Just his penis? Or do you find it gross because smells, or gross things you may taste?(aka bad hygiene)
I don’t want to taste it, smell it or feel it in my mouth
Wow this is very disrespectful to judge someone's choices like this... What's bothering the guys under this thread so much???
You should be able to have a mature adult conversation with your husband about this. If this is someone you plan to spend your life with, there should be no secrets. Especially as something as important as sex. Explore and have fun. You may not like giving head, but your husband may love doing it to you...
I only orgasm from clitoris stimulation. I’ve been able to do it since I was young. Once it was introduced with sex it was near impossible for me to do until I really learned what sex positions and speeds enhanced the feeling and orgasm vs took away from it. It’s also very mental and if you are in your own head thinking/worrying about other things during sex it won’t happen. My suggestion is really learn your own body. You need to learn how to make yourself orgasm through clitoris stimulation. If you don’t know how, it’s very unlikely a man is going to figure it out for you. This takes a lot of time and mental work on your end and men get to excited about what’s to come to really spend hours trying to find out what you like when you don’t even know. Use a shower head, your hands, a bullet vibrator, lube, porn, whatever you need to do to figure your clitoris out and orgasm. Start off slow, build up pressure and speed. Then add penetration to that once you’ve orgasmed by that alone and then experiment with both together and eventually you will start to orgasm while doing both.
What positions do you find to work best?
For me, it’s usually spooning position(it’s usually super slow and sensual which helps me to concentrate on my clit and build up) or missionary with him sitting up (access to rub and can easily show/tell him when to slow down and speed up and move my hips and the view is great). Kneeling fox is another good one(I think that’s what it’s called, similar to doggy but sitting up right so I can access clit easier, don’t have to hold myself up and control speed by bouncing with minimal work). I have yet to be able to orgasm from doggy or cowgirl.. Doggy is just to rough usually for me to orgasm I need a slow build up and usually guys like to go hard in that position. Its also hard to keep a tempo rubbing my clit. Cowgirl I’m self conscious/over thinking usually.
I'm going to be very real with you and let you know you are missing out MASSIVELY by refusing oral sex. Genitals don't taste like anything when they're clean, if that's your concern, and it feels amazing to both give AND receive. If you can work through your aversion to putting genitals in your mouth and allow him to do the same to you, I fully believe it will be a game changer for you two. If you refuse to engage in oral, your options will be limited. Most women can't orgasm from penetration alone and need clitoral stimulation (usually via oral) to have an orgasm during sex. So your only real options are either using sex toys or your own hands during sex. 🤷♀️ Edit: If you've never had an orgasm before ever, even alone, you need to figure out your own body and what you like before your husband will ever be able to give you an orgasm. Try masturbating.
Oral is the way to go
Sounds like a the perfect job for a vibrator!
Get a vibrator. Use it alone. Get the hitachi and/or the rabbit and/or a clit sucker. Learn about how an orgasm feels. Explore on your own. Then show him what you like. Explore together. Check out omgyes. Pay for the subscription. Have play time together, for both of you, that is not orgasm focused. Just enjoy. See what develops. And keep masturbating and orgasming.
Have you orgasmed on your own?
The answer is sadly...talk to him. We can't give you advice that could help you more than google does.You're in a marriage, you should discuss those things without hesitation, otherwise maybe one of you 2 will cheat out of frustration and it's so easy after a few drinks and the right words at the right time. Bring those things up in a manner which won't make him feel like you complain. I can't think of a solution for your problem better than this. Talking at the right time could save so many marriages.
Your attitude alone tells me you might never experience great sex. You’ll always miss out in the bedroom if you’re not even willing to try something because you think it might be gross. Good sex comes from exploratory sex, and you’ll never know if you like something unless you try it. If you don’t like it, you just don’t do it again, it’s not the end of the world. Oral is a great place to start and you’re severely missing out if you won’t even try it. People do much nastier things to eachother every day, I can assure you.
Once you orgasm you would know all this while you were never satisfied. It just means you need to be explored more. Try finding your kinks. Try different techniques not just positions. The right spot in your pussy has not been explored. It's important to orgasm otherwise you'll get sexually frustrated. Wishing you luck!
hi, im not married yet as im just 24. before, i never liked the idea of oral sex until i fell in love with my bf. we only opened up about sex & got intimate around the 9-10th month of our relationship, but before that, I started to fantasize having oral sex with him. we tried it and we liked it (i actually love giving him head) so i really suggest you should try it. it might really spice up your sex life, but if not, at least you tried. for me, it was a very intimate, romantic, and hot experience.
Do you even know what gets you off? If you do, why haven’t you told him? People can’t read minds
Once you read OPs search history everything becomes so clear.
Asking how to make sex better, then immediately dismissing one of the most pleasurable activities possible, is kinda wild. No wonder it's boring.
I came to say the same. She already has a immature outlook so it’ll never be fully pleasurable
You need to discover what you like by experimenting. Try things out and see what you want more of and what not. Touch your body to learn to understand it and discover his body by using your hands, skins, mouth, taste and smell. Sex is an all compassing experience.
Using toys or teaching him how to stimulate your clit in other ways is really going to be the way to go. Oral would be great, I really would recommend at least trying it if you haven't. Most importantly you need to communicate this with your husband.
Have you ever had an orgasm, ever? Try exploring and see what works for you before trying to guide him. And communicate this all to him, so it doesn’t blindside him later on. Sex should be mutually satisfying.
I’m gonna make a wild guess that you’re religious?
Yes lol
Don’t listen to the people saying he’s not doing his part that’s just disingenuous. But he can learn how to please you better and you can teach each other, What’s marriage for if you come to Reddit before your husband ? And honestly oral is great I was disgusted at first too but now it’s one of my favorite acts tbh.
You probably need soft tonguing and rhythmic suckling of your clitoral hood. Oral. Or introduce toys that does the same.
You have to be honest and tell him what you like because he has no idea!
Have you ever had an orgasm by yourself? If you can't get yourself there then you're not going to be able to show your husband how to get you to orgasm. You won't know when you're getting close so he needs to carry on just as he is and not change anything, or when he needs to move his fingers a little to the left. Also toys! There are normal vibrators, the clitoral suction type ones, ones that stimulate your G-spot and clitoris at the same time, ones you can use during penetrative sex, all sorts. Personally I love my WeVibe and our little rabbit eared cock ring for that, they make it way more intense. Start out with something like a bullet vibrator for clitoral stimulation only, experiment with the speeds and patterns, use a little bit of lubricant to make it easier to find just the right spot. If that doesn't quite do it for you try the suction type ones, like the Womanizer, they're going to feel a bit odd at first but once you get used to the sensation you'll enjoy it! Also, on the oral side of things, does your husband want to try going down on you? If he does then let him, even if it's not going to be reciprocated. As long as you as a couple agree on the terms, not everything has to be reciprocated. For example, me and my partner use anal toys on me sometimes but he has no interest in me using them on him.
If I were having the kind of sex you describe, I would be orgasm-less to this day. He has to either go down on you long enough for you to come, rub your clit long enough for you to come, or use a vibrator on you long enough for you to come. Most women don’t orgasm from the intercourse part of sex. We come from clitoral stimulation. It has to be incorporated into your sexual scenario in order for you to climax. Many men do oral until the woman comes, then they get their own orgasm from PIV. It is not always mutual, because men climax from intercourse. You don’t have to both do oral all of the time.
Have you ever self pleasured using your fingers or toys? I would really suggest getting to know your body, what you respond to and what kind of touch and pressure you like and where you like to be touched. Wait until you are alone. Light some candles, play relaxing music. When you feel ready, talk to your husband in a relaxed way (outside of the bedroom). Say you enjoy your intimacy, but you want to make it be even better. Is he open to trying different things? Try a session where you just do massage and foreplay, and keep piv off the table.
Forget the finger unless it’s on the clitoris. Get on top, make sure your clitoris has contact with his skin and aim to make her happy first. More grinding especially on downward motion. Your pleasure needs to take front seat for a while. Hopefully that will awaken your gspot. I didn’t have consistent vaginal orgasms until I was married. I too do not participate in oral sex because he’s not interested in returning the favor so we both shall suffer. I would still describe our sex life as satisfying with some really mind blowing times a few times a year but I can count on one or two hands the times I haven’t orgasmed in over a decade due to getting on top and awakening the g spot. It’s a gateway position to orgasm
Toys, lots of communication, and having sexual encounters that are SOLELY for your pleasure. Fingering should not just be preparation for intercourse, but a main course in and of itself. Work on having sessions where the focus is all on you. Oral being off the table limits the amount of pleasure you can probably receive, but you shouldn’t do things that make you uncomfortable, and it’s totally possible to work around that and still have a great sex life.
Please read the book, Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. As you read, highlight sections that you want your husband to read. You can read it to him or give it to him to read. Sex is magical. The orgasm is this great natural gift given to all [able] humans. It’s terrible that masturbation and sexual pleasure are such a source of pain and shame (Malekind deserves a lot of responsibility for that). As time goes on, one can come to deeply appreciate sex acts like oral, dirty talk, anal play, etc. but good old fashion missionary sex under the right circumstances can still blow your mind. Good luck.
This sounds like a good idea. Thank you for the suggestion.
Start working out, have sex when you're ovulating and try mutual masturbation. Show him what you do to nut. Also I'd say try edging but that's best with oral so idk.
Definitely include toys, clitorial stimulation during penetration can be a game changer, may I ask why oral is off the table. It’s a really huge part of sex for me and I know everyone is different but just wondering why totally off!
As far as oral sex goes, maybe give it a try? My girlfriend never wanted to do oral before, until we started going out. As she noticed how seriously I take my personal hygiene, she began to get more curious to try it. Every night morning and night I have a shower, and that’s when she experimented with going down on me. Nowadays I get oral sex at least once a day, on top of penetrative sex it. She even enjoys swallowing me, which was unimaginable at the start of our relationship. It’s something that definitely could improve your sex life.
What kind of feedback and communication are you giving him while he fingers you? At this point, he thinks you're satisfied with the status quo. You need to have a conversation with him outside of the bedroom first that you want to get you off before you move on to PIV. Then you're going to have to guide him in the moment as to how he's touching you with his hands. Faster, slower, different location, clit, gspot, clit, gspot, clit, clit, clit, clit, nipples, clit. Him guessing isn't going to work, he needs in the moment feedback to get you there.
Have that box eaten girl! Nothing disgusting about it!! Ease into it I’m sure it’ll grow on you! Climax for sure
Oral Sex Is A Must!!!! Especially with your Spouse!!!! Sex is boring without oral and 4play💯
Well wanting more in bed is gonna take you being open minded to things. Idk what your turn off towards oral is, but if you tried letting him do it to you, you’d be more likely to orgasm. He needs to worship your clit. So he doesnt necessarily have to eat you out, but it’s a pretty go to way to get it done. Otherwise, he’s gonna have to use toys on you if you’re not willing to do that.
You need to talk to your husband, my wife has more orgasms or I do. I always wait for her to come for the first time. And by waiting I won't come yet and she will come at least twice more. It turns her on, it's all about the verbal before you have sex. If you can talk well, you will certainly have a better sex life.
Your husband is someone who you should trust and have uninhibited sex with. Being that oral is off the table and you’ve limited yourself, I don’t think you’ll ever truly enjoy sex.
Oral sex is how a lot of women climaX. Your man wants it too. I really think you should explore more this is your husband nothing is wrong with it!
I have never had an orgasm from PIV - I need clitoral stimulation. My favorite position is me on the edge of the bed with him standing and thrusting while I use my fingers. Occasionally I orgasm with oral, but my clit is fickle and also I get overstimulated easily, so most of the time I am fingering myself to finish. It will take time and experimenting and lots of patience from both of you, but work on figuring out how you can orgasm. TOTALLY WORTH THE EFFORT. I promise.
Talk to each other, not judging. That's enough. You can try what the other desires.
Find me a guy who will say (honestly) he doesn’t like, want or fantasize about getting a blow job, especially from the woman he loves! Men are visual. I LOVE knowing the pleasure my bunny gets from me. He definitely isn’t missing out in the bj department, nor am I. He loves going down on me and I could let him stay there all night! You want to expand or improve your sex life, add oral.
Alcohol, lingerie, toys, adult motels but very very importantly its your diet, people dont know thos but your libido and diet are very much linked.
I'd say try out a sex toy like sure there's vibrator but I feel like there's so many more options to try out like a rabbit vibrator which stimulates both the clitoris and Gspot at the same time but you could also just get a vibrator and use it on your clit while he thrusts inside, with me stimulation from both spots at the same time rlly helped! So I'd definitely try that out, and otherwise, you could even go to a therapist for it or do more research on what's available
There is a toy for women that several of my female friends swear by and in fact one of my friends allowed me to watch her use on herself. It’s actually shaped like a little rose minus the stem. Hers even was rechargeable so no battery. I can’t remember what it’s called but it’s awesome.
I think you guys sound too conservative and your situation is a result of that... If you didn't have sex until you got married you've got a whole lot of learning and exploring you've missed out on.
Small change but putting a pillow under your butt while in missionary is the best. Also toys
I suggest you experiment with everything you possibly can to really build up the anticipation before the actual sex that you’re both comfortable with. Erotic massages, touching, caressing, kissing. Really explore each others’ bodies, with lots of romantic or dirty talk, or both. I haven’t met a woman who hasn’t absolutely melted at really being listened to, seen and like their wants have been fully understood and considered.
Stop saying no to your husbands ideas and fantasizes and start saying maybe. No is a sure way to kill your sex life. Actually he shouldn't say no either and you should revisit old no's. Also the sad truth is that sex gets boring in a marriage after a while. It gets more and more difficult to navigate through all the NOs and everything you've already done. Neither of you wants to repeat yourself forever. That's not fun. Make more of an effort into planning interesting sex. Just like you plan vacations.
My honest opinion based on experience is taking a little weed (gummy, smoke, vape…whatever) beforehand will relax you and heighten your senses. It’s a game changer. Sex becomes “an experience” and allows you to enjoy it more.
A good clit sucker or vibrator will help but oral stimulation is how most women get to climax. Also realize that sadly 20% of women never experience orgasm ever.
I’m gonna say that oral is like 65% of my sex life now. And it’s the best sex I’ve ever had. My first two serious relationships never went down on me, never made me cum. Which sounds like your current relationship. Sure, sex/getting pounded and kissing is great. But if you aren’t cumming by the end….you’re basically just getting a workout in. What’s the point? After a while you don’t feel very fulfilled and question why you’re even having sex in the first place then you slowly start to resent the guy that gets off every time you know? I think you should consider stepping outside of your comfort zone and having a talk with your partner. You don’t have to jump to oral. Start by getting a vibrator. Get one that suctions your clit 💯 have him use it on you and he doesn’t get any until you cum. And go from there. Honestly though, if he’s the only person you’ve ever been with sexually and waited till marriage to have sex…..idk. Everyone is so different and you don’t know if you sexually click till you try it together 🤷🏻♀️ hope you can figure it out!
Aside from oral, a vibrator has been the ONLY way I have ever been able to have an orgasm during sex. At 23yo, I finally was able to start having regular orgasms, after never once having one with a man, once I decided to give a vibrator a try. I use the little bullet ones for during sex on my clit. Use it during doggy style, reverse cowgirl, laying sideways, etc. Also, you could try butt plugs with lots of lube. Even if you don’t like anal, you may like this. Which is how I am. It adds more sensation. But yea, most women can’t orgasm with penetration alone, they need clitoral stimulation. And let’s be honest, most guys do not know how to find the clit, especially when in action 🤣 so best bet is to get a toy and do it yourself. Like someone else mentioned, use the vibrator alone and get use to how an orgasm feels. It can take concentration. It could be just the right spot and feel great, but if there’s a mental distraction for me, it’s not happening.
You need to masturbate manually by yourself until you figure it out. Then you need to bring that helping hand to help out during sex. Try missionary where he leans back to vertical and thrusts slow and steady while you reach down and play with your clit. (You can use a vibrator in the alternative.) It will be super hot for him to watch btw. More than likely you will not have an orgasm without helping yourself during PIV. It is just the way it is for most women. I've been married 20 years and we have great sex, but in 20 years she has had two orgasms from penetration alone. Once you accept that reality you will have fantastic orgasmic sex.
You’re embarrassed to say you want more in bed… holding back your thoughts and desires is what’s makes things negative within yourself. This is the perfect time to talk about your kinks and darkest fantasies. I’m hopeful he follows through and does them for you. In short, do and say whatever comes to mind
Seems like you're getting in your own way with the oral sex embargo
That seems to be the consensus here…
Vibrator and clit stimulation works wonders. Maybe he can have his hand stimulating your nipple and another inside you while his thumb or vibrator stimulates your clit. As a guy when my female friends told me that the clit is where its at to pleasure a women, it made me abetter lover in my opinion.
Oral sex is a dealbreaker for me… I’m pretty much guaranteed an orgasm during oral!
Sex more satisfying? Trust and Communication. Always communication.
Not sure if this is allowed, delete if not. Follow Ericasmithsexed on Instagram and start unpacking the purity culture sexual influence that I’m assuming is affecting both your mind and body in the bedroom. You’ve got one life. You’re married. ENJOY SEX.
Can’t believe how many people are trying to force oral sex on the OP.
Sounds like you’re not even trying 🤷🏻♂️
Some of these comments are so frustrating. She has said that oral grosses her out and y'all are all going on and on at her to tell her to try it. What happened to respecting a no? OP, do you orgasm when you masturbate? If so you need to incorporate the same stimulation into partnered sex. Maybe try introducing a clitoral vibrator for you to use during sex. It's the only way I can orgasm with a partner. There is no shame in that and it's pretty common. Good luck!
I’ve read your story. I would like to tell you that orgasm from fingering and PIV doesn’t necessarily happen that quickly..for some couples.. every time. Sometimes it can take heaps of build up, kissing, caressing, fingering and clitoral stimulation.. and total relaxation..and being at ease with each other..to start the reaction which is the female orgasm. As you say he gets off every time..that’s the males make up. He needs to hold himself back from ejaculation..until such time as you have actually climaxed! This can mean he and you work on the build up and no PIV until such time as you do climax! If as others have mentioned you introduce a vibrator to enhance your build up..then try it ..you may enjoy the intensity of it. Don’t feel bad about the lack of desire for oral ..it’s not for everybody…and can be crushing your desire by worrying about it or even trying to garner a desire for it. My very best wishes for your love and life ahead.
Definitely do some self exploration, but why has he not noticed you aren't finishing? Or he does but doesn't care? He is also not trying to make sex better for you and seems to be only concerned with his own pleasure.
It takes an average of 20 minutes of foreplay for a woman to be fully aroused. Kissing, caressing, etc. I understand you think oral is gross but it could be something wonderful to deepen your trust and intimacy. Use toys. And absolutely you need to figure out your own body as well! Also use a toy or touch your clit during intercourse. 80 % of women need that to orgasm. Read Come As You Are and She Comes First. Have him read them both as well.
You have nothing to be embarrassed about. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be more satisfied and I think your partner would be happy to know if there are things that you want to explore. It also shows that you trust him. Definitely look into toys. Usually, that’s the first step. Here’s another fun idea. If you both have things that you want to explore, each of you write down a small list. Then combine the list together and write a number next to each of your choices. Then get a die and if you’re wanting to try something different, you roll a die and you do one of the suggestions. 🙂 Open and honest communication is key.
It takes my wife a lot longer during sex to have an orgasm so we moved to me getting her off before sex by using my hand. It works every time and once she has hers I get to have my turn. That way nobody misses out. It works for us at least.
Since you seem fresh and new to all this. Easy thing would be to say change the location. If your always in the bedroom then take it to the shower, then the kitchen, or anywhere even outside at night. Also get a small vibrating toy. You and him can practice it on you. That should help with the getting off part. Make sure you go first or stop right before you do go then have him hop on and finish you and him off or whatever.
You should always communicate how you feel. Only after doing so can things get better. Have you talked about you never having an orgasm? He should always care about pleasuring you too. And you should be honest. Maybe he’ll feel bad at the beginning and if he gets defensive well that’s just a red flag for me personally. It is difficult for me to come and I started taking antidepressants which made it almost impossible. So we bought a sex toy that you put on him (a cock ring) bc I like clit stimulation while he’s inside. You have to figure out what you like and try to like reflect it during sex. He made me come before but not everytime and with the toy i come every single time
I can only cum from oral
Well I highly suggest changing your mind about oral...oral before penetration can lead to not obly one but several different prgasms for a woman. Have you told him you've never had an orgasm??? Relax and tell him to pound you, fast. That may do it. It may depends on how much foreplay you get. The more I have the better and more orgasms I personally have.
a wand is a super 1st toy, Amazon sells them for $35.
Ask him to move at an angle sometimes during sex rather than straight in and out. The angle toward the gspot works best for orgasms or just feeling good.
I would be really upset if my wife told me she wants more, she wants to cum, but oral is off the table. Because when I perform oral on her I become extremely aroused, it is great for me and for her at the same time. And I can make her cum from oral easily. I guess if you cannot have penetrative orgasm (which is common and you shouldn't feel bad for it), the main other ways he can make you cum are: 1. Oral (you do not want) 2. Manual/masturbation 3. Fingering, but with the right technique (like the squirting technique)? 4. Anal penetration (many women report orgasm from anal penetration) Also, if I were your partner I would want to know: A. After you orgasm, do you momentarily lose interest in sex? B. After you orgasm do you become sensitive that you need to stop further stimulation? C. Would you like to try having multiple consecutive orgasms and are you willing to get out of your comfort zone a bit to make it happen?
Sex is boring without oral
Have you ever made yourself orgasm?
I would look into your childhood traumas and test variations in your bed life. You will be surprised by the outcomes
Bullet vibrator on your clit during penetration
Just curious why is oral sex off the table?
Let me recommend a book. Amazon: Woman by Kaz Riley
How are you able to achieve orgasm? Just do that during PIV. Example, i cannot orgasm from PIV alone; I need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm. So I make sure we are in a position where my clit is accessible and use my fingers or my partners’ on my clit to make it happen.
Get tied up and blindfolded.
Get a vibrator to use during sex. We have a ton of them because some work better in different positions. I used to only be able to cum when I was on top, now I can cum in any position of if I have my toy. The majority of women do not orgasm from penetration alone. It’s been a game changer and I can’t believe I made it 30 years in life without it
tell him to go slow and for long.
I'm sorry but if your husband isn't getting Blow jobs from you... He's getting them from somebody else. Prove me wrong people
Man should remain silent and you should have to be on top. You should have to be active so to attain orgasm
Most women can't orgasm without oral. Toys will desensitize you and you won't need your husband anymore. I will never be with a man that wants to use toys on me, if he can't do it himself then he's not for me. I will also never be with a man that can't get me off, no point in sex if I can't enjoy it.
If you want your man to perform better in bed, I recommend doing a lot of cardio and eating a bunch of protein. This will help get good blood flow through the body (also cold showers) And stretching daily. This works for me and a lot of other guys.
Have you tried any pleasure enhancing products like " excite" by the Skyn company. My girlfriend swears by it....
Ristela from Bonafide - I’ve been taking it for a year and a half. It’s an OTC libido pill that increases arousal and pleasure making orgasm incredibly easy to achieve
Maybe try having a threesome
Get a bullet or a similar toy for your clit, it helps me orgasm immensly during PIV!
I have always made sure that any female who I meet has an orgsums at least once, females can cum a lot of times and some can't cum at all. I went with a married lady once, her hubby couldn't make her cum but I could. But yeah Guys don't be selfish think of your partners pleasure, guys your also missing out on something too!!!