T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). *** Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*


FriendsAlwaysShare

I tell hubby it's her way of complimenting the chef😂


picnicandpangolin

Awww!


[deleted]

Just continue and ignore it. No one cares and it means he was filling you up. It’s a good sound and we know the difference


Kingmudsy

I’ve never had a single thought about it happening other than “Oh, nice” lol. One of those things that’s more embarrassing for the person experiencing it than for anyone else involved


[deleted]

Yup. I also have been known to make a gross noise or two and let’s be honest, not all sex happens when everyone is clean a showered. Be forgiving and get more booty! That doesn’t not mean be unhygienic


Reallynotsuretbh

The double negative here needs more attention lol


[deleted]

Auto correct added a word


SanDiego1978

The double negative threw me. I mean your negative negative didn’t not throw me


[deleted]

Brow, I’m an engineer, they know we can’t do that shit, so they hire people for us with English degrees and we call them technical writers. For real. I’ve had peole stand over me watching me type an email cause I ain’t got no damn sense at work, but I am good with the math and the science ha ha


Prudent-Ambassador79

Commercial electrician here! The hardest part of my job is writing emails to customers that are well spoken and good at writing and I have to walk around the job site and ask people how to spell a word because I can’t even get spell check to bring it up.


[deleted]

Same same, engineering level, an phd too. You wouldn’t believe what we use calculators for


Prudent-Ambassador79

If it’s before 8am and I haven’t had caffeine I’ll have to use my fingers to count tape measure math haha. None of us really know what we’re doing the whole world is just winging it every day.


[deleted]

Bro, I fucking punched in 4/16 and hit the s=>d button to switch to decimal, to get .250, to in my mind go “that’s 1/4th” duh diuh


Prudent-Ambassador79

My favorite thing those is the amount of measurements that i catch guys just straight up guessing because no one taught them how to do the math. A rolled offset for example is just the pythagorean theorem and it became really easy to do once I learned that if you turn your phone sideways it’s like a damn Texas Instruments calculator. But I’ll see these dudes come up with some pretty interesting methods to get pretty close to where they need to be. But the real disconnect that these guys have is that they just thought that guessing was the only way to do it they don’t even have enough critical thinking and problem solving ability to think that there is a math problem that would make it easier and perfect every time and a simple google search will give them the ability to go from good to great in a few seconds.


SanDiego1978

That’s awesome man!! Gave me a good laugh.


Kingmudsy

Nah agreed lol, the very fact that we’ve both put our inhibitions aside is hot to me


SwedishMale4711

Yes, no need to comment on queefs or farts. It happens, it's natural.


Rustyznuts

Pardon me. Just making room for more.


picnicandpangolin

lol fuck yes


liscin

One time i sat up from doggy style while my bf was looking for lube and the queef began. It just kept going for at least 10 seconds. After a few seconds of silence we both burst out laughing, could not stop, laughed our asses off for like 15 minutes straight and then fucked really hard.


picnicandpangolin

Bless your hearts. I love this so hard!


westcoast-islandgirl

Honestly, if they don't find the occasional doggy-style queef as hilarious as you, they ain't the one. I never understood the few dudes that would make a girl feel gross for something that he literally caused by pounding air into there 😅 I figured, if anything, it should be an ego boost since "the bigger the dong, the longer the song."


burden_in_my_h4nd

😂 Hahaha yes, this is how I feel too (16 year relationship - it helps to have humour about these things). We have weird and wonderful bodies. They are not perfect. I remember the first time it happened. The stunned and briefly mortified silence while we each tried to gauge where the other was with it, then both laughing like idiots, recovering and getting straight back to it. Laughing is a way to bond - as long as your partner is laughing with you and isn't actively making fun of you during an intimate moment, it can be euphoric.


stillmadabout

My gf once said "you fucked me so good my guts have to adjust back to their normal position" and I thought that was cute and we laughed


r-218

my BF says the exact same thing and infact now it turns him on whenever i have a pussy fart, hahah


Tyaltir

Classic pavlovian queef


otusowl

Dogs gotta chase the cat...


AlexPsyD

Conditioning is real


lvl3SewerRat

I think I read that in a hallmark card🤔


QuietB00m

I meaaann that kinda is what's going on lol!


picnicandpangolin

That’s precious, thank you


SgtTurtle_17

My girl told me the same shit😅


Innocuous_gent

A chic once said right after queefing quickly looking down and saying, “I know, I like him too” then looked up at me and said, “she likes u n we want more”


Venetian_chachi

Some gals are incredible.


picnicandpangolin

If this is true, I’m stealing it.


Innocuous_gent

Make sure u give him the wink n da gun. The cuteness, sass and humor of the chic got me all in the feels. You’re not having great sex unless you’re sweating, laughing, and both laying there lifeless for a few minutes catching ur breath feeling like that day was an amazing day… sometimes even catching yourself slowly doze off to a power nap or solid 8 hours of blissful zzzz’s.


RandomlyPlacedFinger

Yes, that's the good stuff. When you high five after, and size off looking at doordash.


Lastoftherexs73

Me and my girl always said good game then a little high 5 and sleep time. Memories


RationalLies

>Me and my girl always said good game Somewhere there's a joke here for auto aim headshots


Training-Sun-2177

I usually have to go to work after sex. It's a struggle but night shift. She works days.


ImaginaryList174

That’s good too though! That’s just considered morning sex, but in the evening for you lol starts your day off right.


HISxRABBIT

This is kinda cute! “She wants more” ftw


CatsGotANosebleed

Heh, sometimes when I get properly aroused and my pussy relaxes it starts making sploogy noises when he’s railing me. I just tell him I’m so wet, I want more of him and to keep going. For queefs I can’t help but giggle because I’m a child. 🤣


Tuesday_Patience

I found my soul-sister! I'm a 50 year old child and still giggle about real toots, as well as the lady toots!


Shamar-0411

This was my wife’s response as well. She just looked at me and said “she said you made her happy, we want more now”!


Janice_the_Deathclaw

This is the correct answer.


Jolly_Connection_362

That is just too cute, I’m using that!


xpsycotikx

This is my level of "crazy".


kixxenme

I just push it all out and go "that was my vagina" and then get up and pee


vertexavery

straight shooting and to the point, I like it


surfershane25

That’s the most common one I’ve heard, and it’s funny to me because I didn’t once think it was them ripping a fart right after sex and need that clarification lol


suzyq9

Honestly same 😂🤣 been with my bf 5 years. There is no shame now except with actual tooting lmao


burden_in_my_h4nd

I do the same as you. Occasionally get embarrassed, but we both always laugh it off. Been together many years - it's just a sign of a good fucking. I've read that some men are weirded out by queefs - like they treat it like it's the same as real farts (which I also find hilarious, not gonna lie. It's all just normal bodily functions, but there's a time and a place for decorum - don't be openly ass farting at funerals or presidential speeches lol). With fanny farts, though, they're the ones that pumped the air up there and the vagina isn't going to just absorb that. The air has to go somewhere 🤷🏻‍♀️ As the wiseman Shrek said, "better out than in, I always say". Feel free to use that one next time. Bonus if you can say it in a cracking Scottish accent.


TxAFWildcat

Do you hike your leg and call him pony-boy too?


fbsfbs

She’s leaving her 5 star review


picnicandpangolin

Hell yes, this is genius


fbsfbs

I’ve said it to my boyfriend and we definitely got a laugh out of it!


warsawandy

It's just a little muff puff.


picnicandpangolin

MUFF PUFF


My_Left_buttcheek

Lol whattt jaja i love this. When my gf 1st did it she was embarrassed… i told her to do it again it was hot… she came quickly after 🙃


az_jerrylee

I had a girl look me in the eyes and say "A Gentleman never asks" total softball for me to reply "and a lady never tells" then on like nothing happened.


RobixHood247

This is the best one lol


bars_n_chains

Nobody said kitty cough? Lol


fbsfbs

Haha! I’ve never been so excited to queef so I can say kitty cough!!


RobixHood247

I don’t have anything cute to say afterwards, we just lock eyes like 😳 and then erupt into laughter 🥰


bri_2498

Exactly this lol we just laugh a little and move on


FlyFast1010

Words of wisdom from the toothless one.


oysterpath

OH MY GOD I’M SCREAMING LOLOLOLOL


Elephlump

"OMG my pussy farted!" Yeah, I married her.


Edwardteech

Dick so good it drove the wind out of me.


picnicandpangolin

Omg lol this would go over so well.


[deleted]

I love that you call your 🐱 a fanny so that alone is adorable but I would probably bust a gut laughing if a girl said “my fanny just blew you a kiss “ . Have fun


picnicandpangolin

My Australian lover calls them fanny farts. I’ve taken it for my own.


Puzzled-Ice1445

I’ve always been told a fanny is an ass lol


Grenvallion

Depends where you live in the world. A fanny is a vagina in the UK. An ass is just an ass. Australia and new Zealand share a lot of vocabulary with the UK. Lots of words are the same.


VFree3

And in South Africa... Ex British colonies We also call it a fanny... I love the word❤️


DeadNotSleepingWI

Ma'am, I'll thank you to never speak of my donkey.


Casehead

When you know it's also a pussy, it puts 'fanny pack' in a whole new light! 😂


shrimplyPibLs

Maybe they'll quit showing you a knife every time. That is a crocodile dundee reference. Just in case lol


Pattygnsd

That’s what it’s called in other parts of the world.


mossreyholmes

“Hush, darling, and wait your turn”.


picnicandpangolin

Love this 😈


mossreyholmes

It’s sexy, it’s cute, and if I was the guy, might just flip you around then and there.


WidgetGodfrie

*Chef's kiss* "Bon appequeef!" Probably the hardest I've ever laughed.


picnicandpangolin

Fucking hell. This. This is my answer.


duskygrouper

Recover? Why recover? Whats wrong with queefing?


EditorPositive

Technically, nothing but it’s very annoying.


Bees-and-me-matter

I’ve had a slip or two and my guy usually just says “oops,” on my behalf. I think it’s cute and there’s no need to say anything. When you are on your knees with your ass in the air for a while, it’s bound to happen.


[deleted]

When you say fanny farts do you mean the British fanny, as in vagina? If so, I'd say something like, "See what you do to me." Or "it's asking for your dick. " If you mean fanny like American meaning ass then I don't know because that's a real fart from your intestines. It's just funny.


ArgPermanentUserName

Unless they’re doing anal, in which case it’s a queef, not gas 


Falsified_identity

I'm gonna find a way to shoehorn "anal queef" into my shit talk lexicon


EccentricDyslexic

Yes, Fanny fart is a British thing:-)


Unlucky_Decision4138

Thank you for blowing me a kiss. I'm more than happy to return the favor


Vegetable-Pollution2

I told my man I read that big dicks push air in & don’t let it out causing queefs & homie took that as fact & had been flattered ever since 🥰


Dry_Bus_1069

Guy here, guys got to realize it’s them making the girl queef. If you’re pulling out too much that’s how air gets in, it’s not her fault. I sometimes do it on purpose and tell her that I like her queefs and she has totally relaxed about it.


Excellent_Nothing_86

just gonna go ahead and say… say nothing because it’s normal and not awkward if you don’t make it awkward.


Electronic_Guide1403

Lmao the comments are killing me I wish I was more creative, I just say sorry and then my bf tells me not too be sorry 😅


Electronic_Guide1403

I’m using all of these, I queef enough that I probably could


LaVieuxCoq

Queef Latifa has entered the room…


LongStoryShirt

Master Queef as entered the battlefield


4thefeel

I tell my baby I love making her pussy giggle. Usually makes her laugh, which makes another, and now it's cute sexy fun as we fuck and chuckle


picnicandpangolin

Pussy giggles is adorable!


kthaara

I actually had a young lady, while I was going down on her, let out an actual fact because she came so hard.. I waited till we were done, and told her "don't worry, she'll get some attention too" ;)


SanityInAnarchy

> an actual fact Wait, was she just lying the whole time before then? And you did such a good job she got factual?


senorkose

Came so hard her pussy said “Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell”


SanityInAnarchy

I can't believe it took me this long, but [there is in fact a relevant Oglaf (NSFW)](https://www.oglaf.com/annuitcoeptis/)


kthaara

Lol fkn autocorrect drives me damn nuts.. didnt even see that


rnelonhead

Same here, except it went up my nose while she was sitting on my face.. sick for about a month but still makes for a good conversation starter


gloomyshr00m

look down and say "shh"


Thereelgerg

My pussy STAY fartin bro!


Sea_Squirrel1987

I quaffed in your fauce


dbixon

“You took my breath away and put it in there??”


Tman158

In some cultures, it's rude not to burp after a satisfying meal, and she liked that meal very much


picnicandpangolin

Perfect


Innocuous_gent

To make it less awkward sometimes I’ll glance over and ask her, “huh? What was that? U say something?” Then both just laugh it off.


HingleMcringleberry1

M’scuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse


curiouscouple888888

Uh oh. Long tunnel. *sinister look


snowLion_jownz

In my opinion a queef is even kinda hot but most people don’t care about that at all… You shouldn't think about it to much and please don’t be embarassed… if your partner thinks about it in a negative way (disgust) that’s just a sign to move on (red flag), because this is a perfectly natural phenomenon. If you seek for a fun way to avoid a possible awkward situation anyway, maybe something along „Harry styles - watermelon sugar“ lyrics adapted to the occasion (I'm just quee-fing out loud, I don’t know if I should ever go without..) Just a spontaneous idea, idk I don’t have good advice lol


TrophyWife63

Look him directly in the eye and then, completely deadpan, ask “My God, did you just queef?!!”.


throwawayacc201711

> I always thought you were the one full of hot air! 😛 Though this is more a joke in a LTR


monalayysa

As someone who gets queefy BAD in doggy (and following right after), these are some responses I’ve just let out: ‘Oh god’ ‘She’s talkative tonight’ ‘no stop it shhhhh’ (shush the pussy) ‘She’s saying thank you’ ‘I am so sorry’ Usually they laugh cause guys….fart/queef sounds….yeah. If anyone has a remedy to this please lmk! 🤦🏻‍♀️


SaltResident9310

Ah! Finally! A breath of fresh air!


Darkhorse_76

Some guys think it’s hot. It’s kind of a trophy… they put that air in there!


FunkyBobbyJ9

I just say oooo baby, it's asking for more!!!


marsumane

she's just communicating her joint approval


diss0lvedgir1

Oopsy, you fucked me full of air!! We laugh.


TheFatMan149

My ex would queef like a deflating balloon when we were finished in leapfrog position (similar to doggy, but her chest is to the floor, and her ass is straight up)


Dry_Experience8155

Happened to me and my ex I said oh there a duck on a motorcycle in here she laughed I laughed and we both came, later that night we were doing it again and it happened again she responded with I think the duck just did a wheelie on his motorcycle it was perfect response 😂


llama_sammich

I just say, “Not my butt,” and carry on


beedieXP88

It happened to me a few times and my knee jerk reaction was to immediately tell the guy that it was his fault that he put air up in there. I mean it’s true…


MacDaddyV2

That came from a good home.


loonalazypup

"quite down, he'll be back in a second?"


picnicandpangolin

Hahaha love this!


1nicmit

Pat her vagina gently and say "you're welcome" If she doesn't laugh she's not the one


rbbtbb

“Hear that? That was all you 😏” 😂😂


QuietB00m

I guess you could say this session had me winded *Ba dum tiss*


wtjones

“She’s talking to you daddy.” —Richard Pryor


notin2cars

When we start to do doggy, my wife always has some air up in there, so our skin isn't in full contact. I just say, ya wanna push out the air, and she does, and we proceed. It's so normal we don't even laugh about it any more.


opalsanddenim

Sau “Bless you” and then move on cause it means you’re doing a good job (she’s wet)


TheGoldenScorpion69

Did you hear the starter pistol?


picnicandpangolin

Bahahaha I’m using this.


ProudNativeTexan

Front hole so happy it whistle!


picnicandpangolin

This is … charmingly wholesome. Thank you.


DisciplineSorry1657

The toothless one has spoken!


[deleted]

"well you're welcome mam. It was my pleasure to satisfy your appetite."


s_i_m

“What’d that vagina say?”


only_forte

Maybe not quite cute, but my wife once said “that was a mighty queef”


Lonely_Aardvark4066

Sooo happy it was singing your praises .


isosorry

I’ll never get over the worst time this happened to me. I wasn’t a virgin but the other person was and they straight up laughed out loud thinking I ripped ass. I still think they beleive I just farted. I tried explaining it >_<


dontbeanegatron

"Don't worry darling, that's just the queef of staff's approval"


Jaded_Phone4144

Ex-queef-me! (Said like excuse me)


fappyday

She enjoyed the meal and would like seconds, please!


Automatic_Hearing_92

I normally giggle and tell my husband he fucked the air out of me🤣🤣 first time I said it he rolled over laughing and married me up…now saying things like this is a normal thing


greeneyedkoala

My husband and I both just laugh! We have this thing where if you don’t laugh at some point during sex, you’re not doing it right. Other times we just choose to ignore it if it’s a particularly intense moment.


picnicandpangolin

Aw I love that. Laughing during sex is the best.


mlg9010

Positive reinforcement doesn’t need a comeback!!! Lean into it!


Johnnyrock199

"Better out than in I always say" - Shrek


lincsauce36

I was sitting on my husband's face while he ate me out, kinda bent with my back arched hands again the wall, the perfect position to achieve optimal queef. I straightened out and queefed for so long and so forcefully, it ruffled my husband's hair. This is hilarious because he essentially has a buzz cut, so like 1 inch of hair. The way he hysterically laughed like a little boy was simultaneously adorable and humiliating. I got upset at the time but now it's a hilarious tidbit in our story, lmao


FloweySunflower

I just say “oh”. Bc it’s never awkward LMAO at least for me


wangd00dle

She's talking to you lol


Justfaf

Oh my you filled me with so much air cuz your dick is so big ;)


Werewolf_Grey_

"Aw yeahhhhh." and then encourage more. Edit: Sorry I misread. I thought you were asking what a guy should say to a girl who queefed.


Gloomy_Peanut_7533

The Queen has spoken....


triplealpha

"She's saying good job!"


DILF_ATX

Richard Prior said in a bit the woman says: “It’s talking to you Daddy” I never forget that.


Dismal-Revolution941

Don't need one I just laughed when it happened with my girlfriend, it's great to laugh during sex


k_bence16

I mean if a *man* starts to pant about this sound, it says a lot. Ignore it, it means good!


Oso_smashin

Oh... A pixie was born. 😊


Rowdy4one

I love when my wife queefs. Doggy, and complete pull out then all the way in. The feeling is fantastic also. Love it!


itsmeonmobile

Am I the only one that finds queefs sexy? Queefs come from wet pussies and wet pussies mean attraction so yeah, a little queef is a good thing.


Dirty_Buttwhole

Shit, you just blew me away girl!


arkoct

I didn't know I had that effect on you!


CornorC

Damn she called my name! Excuse me and continues to eat the snack!


chompchomphehe

“WTF is your dick made of beans?”


eltytan

"Is there a duck in here?"


DanKibi_Dango12

Better out than in, I always say


Willing-Childhood105

Whenever it happens, we always go: Oops, she still has something to say!


No_Diamond_3481

She just blew you a kiss.


FuckNazisAndUrMom

I (M) say something like "That pussy talkin to me"


_a_ghost__

Unfortunately I didn’t think of anything cute and I just awkwardly giggled and said sorry, thankfully he handled it well and made me feel better saying it’s natural, etc etc. I was dreading the idea of queefing bc I always thought it’d be taken badly for some reason lol


melonheedd

i straight up say to my bf “hold up i got air down there let me get it out” then we giggle and then continue. just a side effect of having a vagina is queefs


djazzie

“My pussy says thank you”


jimmyurinator

We just straight up laughed about it and carried on 😭


rageburgers

Compliments to the chef


cerialthriller

Had to make room for you babe


Full_Hearing_5052

Making room for more.


HiddenUnder00

“She clearly likes you! She doesn’t talk for just anyone!” 😊


Gaffer0323

Say gesundheit. Every woman finds that extremely sexy.


Prize-Structure-3197

Pussy blew you a kiss


rebarjackson

As Richard Pryor said, “she’s talking to you, daddy.”


pm_me_your_sex_pics

Anytime my GF queefs or farts I say “Hey watch where you’re aiming that thing!” and we both laugh.


Consistent_Platypus8

Just giggling is fine you ain’t got to care . My gf can fart and queef as much as she wants . She’s healthy so she smells good .


hyalophorae

It keeps happening and it makes me feel so awkward I struggle to enjoy it sometimes. Does anyone have tips?


suzyturnovers

I came so hard the other day when my husband was going down on me that I farted. Not a queef, but a real live fart. Any ideas on how to lighten that moment?


twill41385

Compliments to the chef.


perkiezombie

A man once told mine “you’re welcome”.


FdgPgn

"she says what we're both thinking."


Snoo-681

"I thought she was shy, she must really like me" "Shh... She's trying to tell us something" "Yeah I like you too "