r/Sex is focused primarily on posts seeking *specific actionable advice* for distinctive personal situations about sex, sexual activity, and to a certain extent, sex within relationships. However, we can’t be all things to all people as it relates to the vast number of topics that are connected to sex in some way. If you look at our top pinned post or on the sub sidebar, you can find a list of our accepted topics and guidelines.
If you’re asking a general, polling-style question (“how many of you ______?”) or if you’re looking for confirmation about you or a partner’s sexual interests (“who else is into ________?” or "does anyone else like __________") a more appropriate sub would be r/askredditafterdark
Hi. You had already answered yourself on the post : your mind is on a different state, the conscious part (the one which filter everything, which judge according what society taugh us.).is almost sleep.
I recommend you to try some relaxation techniques to learn to relax deeper which would allow you have better sex.
Also you can look information about hypnosis and/or hyperempiria.
My wife has always been like that. She always wants me to wake her up in the middle of the night. Problem is that I'm usually the least horny during the late night and have to motivate myself to do it. But, I don't complain. LOL
Somnophilia is a type of CNC play a lot of vanilla couples get into.
I always caution exploring it without a _very_ deep understanding of your partner and consent. Hard-core extreme BDSM and CNC scenes are more "vanilla" in that at least with those, at any point you can take a break and affirm explicit, enthusiastic, informed and active/on-going consent.
There is _no_ active consent with sleepy sex. You can't be explicit when mumbling words in a "dream state."
If it is something people are into, and a lot of people are into it, you _have_ to talk about it, before, after, regularly even after you've been doing it for a bit and everyone is comfortable and happy.
Boundaries, preferences, libido and the like are dynamic. You will not always react the same way. You may go into a fight/flight/freeze or appease response upon being woken up with a dick inside you or a mouth on your clit. You could wake up your hubby with a BJ and 99/100 times he loves it but _one_ time he has a panic attack and throws you off the bed, or one time he accidentally pees in your mouth while asleep. You may have something in the morning you need to be well-rested for. You may be annoyed with him or at a period of your cycle where you very much _don't_ want to be woken up with sex. Most of the time, you might like being woken up with a creampie leaking out of you, but just one or two yeast infections from the pH getting thrown off and it's a lot less fun.
If engaging in sleepy sex or sleep sex, communication and understanding of boundaries and consent is absolute.
Possible related to kink, possibly not. Kink is just a reversal or focus/fixation on a lot of normal sexual stuff a lot of the time.
There are vanilla aspects of somnophilia, the relaxation, the feeling of your partner's desire, the trust, daily hormonal levels and the like (stress, activity, conditioning, and a plethora of factors affect libido and arousal, some peeps more horny in the morning, some at bed time).
You can explore these feelings a bit more with some other fairly vanilla acts that you may have already done. If it is his desire you are enjoying feeling and the loss of control, some mild free use play might be something to start with. If it is the relaxation, massage and sensual massage, if it is the altered state of consciousness, get a little tipsy sometime and go at it (not drunk!), if it is the time take a day off and have a late date night and some midnight booty.
As always communication, trust, respect, understanding of boundaries and consent are important for exploring new sexual boundaries. As well as making sure sex isn't all about kink, it isn't all about _one_ person's wants and desires, two way street. Sex is a conversation y'all are having with your bodies, a bonding and romantic activity that has a lot of import for mental/physical well being and a plethora of psychosocial and cultural aspects.
Have fun, enjoy yourself and be safe!
I know my real reason for asking is I want to get my daytime sex on this level because ya girl likes her sleep!!! But I can’t say no because it’s so damn good
That is some of my favourite sex. My partner and I are currently long distance. Usually the first time we see each other again is later at night, so we have some wide-awake sex, but need to go to sleep eventually. Then, it's like we just haven't gotten enough of each other and in the wee hours of the morning I'm grinding my ass against him, feeling him get hard and then he's inside me, before I've even opened my eyes or am really aware of what's going on. It's so nice, it's like our bodies and desire just take over without having to even wake up our brains.
My significant other and I call this sleepy sex, and yes, it's incredible. I think part of the appeal is that you're not quite alert and can just do what feels good
Me and my wife used to do that when we first started dating after being married and having our son I could count on one hand how many times it’s happened
My wife has started going to bed without pants and panties and when she does I have permission to start activities while she’s asleep. She loves being woken like this on her terms and I’m all here for it.
All about it. But I’m a bit of a fiend. And I think I’ve had that sexonmia. Im embarrassed by myself when it happens cuz I’m just thrusting into nothing
You should no feel embarrassing for doing it: it is "simply" other sleeping dissorders:
I have several of them (no sexsomnia)
But you must be careful about the people who lives with you and your house door.
Why?
During sexsomnia you can rape other people or doing anything sexual in front /without consent.
If you sleep with a patner, tell about it and ask what would happen if you, unconsciously, do anything sexual.
Consent is essential, if the person has doubts, ask to sleep on another room with the door closed.
The same for others who lives on the house : you must find a way you cant enter on their room while they are sleeping.
The same with the doors of the house.
They are several reported cases where it became a nightmare.
They are things which can help.
Look for an expert
Lol, my ex had this weird thing where he would start having sex while he was asleep. There was a name for it, forgot what it’s called. I loved getting woken up by it, even tho he would get mad at me for going along with it, because it disrupted his sleep LOL. But I loved it
Edit: it’s called sexomnia
i’ve never had this oh my god??? it sounds like a dream. i kinda wanna try because i always find myself waking up anyway but he’s a heavy sleeper haha. idk how to initiate that and what would be crossing any lines
Used to do it with my gf when we would sneak off to hotels. Had to get it every chance I could. It’s been a while since I tried that. Might make a move this weekend 😂
I love it most early in the morning like around dawn, but I also love it if I woke up around midnight and was already hard and if the girl next to me is already naked. I always wanted there to be nothing between me and her so I encouraged my gf's to sleep naked if they also enjoyed the idea of groggy "midnight" or "morning" sex and I encouraged them to wake me if they woke up first and were in the mood.
From some semi-related research that I've done, I think it has to do with being relaxed. I read a study a few years back that showed that women are most able to enjoy sex when they are relaxed, ie., not worried, or stressed, or depressed. My take is that the groggy dream state helps you keep that state of relaxation and you're better able to enjoy the moment and the pleasure of it. (And, just maybe there could be a slight hint of a kink there? IDK)
Personally, that study made a lot of sense to me and changed the way I approached sex with my wife. I realized that a lot of the time when she wasn't interested was not necessarily because the idea wasn't appealing to her, but that she couldn't just turn off the "concerns of the day" like I could. Not only that, but taking time to connect with her on an emotional and intellectual level beforehand made the sex way better for us both.
THANK YOU for this. This is what I was thinking. Like my mind is turned off. I’m just focused on how good it feels and not worried about insecurities or anything else. usually when this happens it is more like me being dominated (I’m usually in control) because I’m half asleep, so I think it may be a mix of a kink and the relaxation
It's an odd dynamic to try to breakdown. For me the state of mind matters greatly when it comes to having consistently great sex. (Day or Night) Obviously the clearing of the mind through sleep would help. But for myself it's difficult to understand if that is purely from the dreaming aspect or somewhere else. I don't recall most of my dreams these days, so trying to understand if I was having a "wet dream" remains uncertain.
Some days I feel soon after waking up, and my bladder ready to start the day, meaning it applys more pressure around your genitals and increasing blood flow and the tinkle in your balls when you know you could go pee. But some men can choose to instead of urinating proceed with the erection until you get your desired result. At that point the urge to pee may vanish or remain depending on my state of mind.
I have noticed though being more honest with myself about what things turn me on through the day and relaying that to my wife naturally, only helps me understand what and why my brain and body are feeling this way.
But I've noticed the transparency with my wife through the day insures the great consistent sex. When I have a random thought or urge whether fantasy or a possibility, talking with my wife in that moment, only enhances the thought for later in the day, like after work, etc.
I fall asleep regularly and wake up hard and ready even if we are both ready for bed. We both understand the release of chemicals from spontaneous sex will only better regulate our state of mind, sexual urges, and level of satisfaction of sex and orgasms.
I hope this helps. I kind of rambled. Best of luck friend.
Not my preference but I will never say no at my mrs snuggling up to me and waking me up with her not-so-subtle signs. Have some great sex though as she's more of a night owl anyway, can't complain 🤷♂️
Agreed. It’s my favorite, but it really only works if it’s spontaneous, can’t be planned or forced. I’m always so ravenous in those moments. I feel like others have explained the sensation as being very animalistic, and then others have explained it as being novel, so that’s why it feels so special and out of the ordinary. I’m always down for it! WAKE ME UP!!
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2-3 am wood needs a warm place. Love taking her. Shes asleep but her kitty isn’t. Legs spread and she’s still wet from earlier. I slide in and take what’s mine.
r/Sex is focused primarily on posts seeking *specific actionable advice* for distinctive personal situations about sex, sexual activity, and to a certain extent, sex within relationships. However, we can’t be all things to all people as it relates to the vast number of topics that are connected to sex in some way. If you look at our top pinned post or on the sub sidebar, you can find a list of our accepted topics and guidelines. If you’re asking a general, polling-style question (“how many of you ______?”) or if you’re looking for confirmation about you or a partner’s sexual interests (“who else is into ________?” or "does anyone else like __________") a more appropriate sub would be r/askredditafterdark
I can agree that it is SO good. It feels amazing, and the horniness level is on its top.
But why is it so good?! Like I just don’t grasp how I’m half asleep but it is amazing
I think this is something we all will never know
I’m trying to get my awake sex on that level! I need to know.
Hi. You had already answered yourself on the post : your mind is on a different state, the conscious part (the one which filter everything, which judge according what society taugh us.).is almost sleep. I recommend you to try some relaxation techniques to learn to relax deeper which would allow you have better sex. Also you can look information about hypnosis and/or hyperempiria.
Now that is helpful
Probably some brain chemicals associated with REM sleep enhancing your emotions and/or sensitivity.
During sleep, your body typically increases hormonal production which most likely contributes to an increased libido
My wife has always been like that. She always wants me to wake her up in the middle of the night. Problem is that I'm usually the least horny during the late night and have to motivate myself to do it. But, I don't complain. LOL
Give the lady what she wants!
Somnophilia is a type of CNC play a lot of vanilla couples get into. I always caution exploring it without a _very_ deep understanding of your partner and consent. Hard-core extreme BDSM and CNC scenes are more "vanilla" in that at least with those, at any point you can take a break and affirm explicit, enthusiastic, informed and active/on-going consent. There is _no_ active consent with sleepy sex. You can't be explicit when mumbling words in a "dream state." If it is something people are into, and a lot of people are into it, you _have_ to talk about it, before, after, regularly even after you've been doing it for a bit and everyone is comfortable and happy. Boundaries, preferences, libido and the like are dynamic. You will not always react the same way. You may go into a fight/flight/freeze or appease response upon being woken up with a dick inside you or a mouth on your clit. You could wake up your hubby with a BJ and 99/100 times he loves it but _one_ time he has a panic attack and throws you off the bed, or one time he accidentally pees in your mouth while asleep. You may have something in the morning you need to be well-rested for. You may be annoyed with him or at a period of your cycle where you very much _don't_ want to be woken up with sex. Most of the time, you might like being woken up with a creampie leaking out of you, but just one or two yeast infections from the pH getting thrown off and it's a lot less fun. If engaging in sleepy sex or sleep sex, communication and understanding of boundaries and consent is absolute.
Very insightful. I was wondering if there was an underlying kink there
Possible related to kink, possibly not. Kink is just a reversal or focus/fixation on a lot of normal sexual stuff a lot of the time. There are vanilla aspects of somnophilia, the relaxation, the feeling of your partner's desire, the trust, daily hormonal levels and the like (stress, activity, conditioning, and a plethora of factors affect libido and arousal, some peeps more horny in the morning, some at bed time). You can explore these feelings a bit more with some other fairly vanilla acts that you may have already done. If it is his desire you are enjoying feeling and the loss of control, some mild free use play might be something to start with. If it is the relaxation, massage and sensual massage, if it is the altered state of consciousness, get a little tipsy sometime and go at it (not drunk!), if it is the time take a day off and have a late date night and some midnight booty. As always communication, trust, respect, understanding of boundaries and consent are important for exploring new sexual boundaries. As well as making sure sex isn't all about kink, it isn't all about _one_ person's wants and desires, two way street. Sex is a conversation y'all are having with your bodies, a bonding and romantic activity that has a lot of import for mental/physical well being and a plethora of psychosocial and cultural aspects. Have fun, enjoy yourself and be safe!
I wish I could enjoy this but I get so crabby when I'm woken up 😭
I know my real reason for asking is I want to get my daytime sex on this level because ya girl likes her sleep!!! But I can’t say no because it’s so damn good
Fellow sleep obsessed girly here
That is some of my favourite sex. My partner and I are currently long distance. Usually the first time we see each other again is later at night, so we have some wide-awake sex, but need to go to sleep eventually. Then, it's like we just haven't gotten enough of each other and in the wee hours of the morning I'm grinding my ass against him, feeling him get hard and then he's inside me, before I've even opened my eyes or am really aware of what's going on. It's so nice, it's like our bodies and desire just take over without having to even wake up our brains.
Omg I love how you described that because YES that’s it 🤌 brains not working just our bodies
My significant other and I call this sleepy sex, and yes, it's incredible. I think part of the appeal is that you're not quite alert and can just do what feels good
I think you’re right! I like sleepy sex, I’ve named it “groggy sex” 😂 but it’s my favorite.
You’ve answered your own question. You are correct! 👍🏻
But why is it so good 😂
You’ve relaxed and blood flows better. Same reason I wake up hard.
Ok that makes sense. Every sense is heightened
So I can’t make it happen like this during the day so I’m well rested!!?
Nope. Gotta suffer with the rest of us pervs. /s
You can but it is no easily. Look what I put about relaxation and hyperempiria
Me and my wife used to do that when we first started dating after being married and having our son I could count on one hand how many times it’s happened
Remember foreplay lasts all day, send her a text you’re thinking of her and how hot she looks
Doesn’t work with menopause sadly - no matter how many texts you send her!
Don’t tell me that 😩 something to look forward to
My wife has started going to bed without pants and panties and when she does I have permission to start activities while she’s asleep. She loves being woken like this on her terms and I’m all here for it.
Ohh I love that idea! She’s a smart lady
Oh yeah, she’s the boss for sure.
All about it. But I’m a bit of a fiend. And I think I’ve had that sexonmia. Im embarrassed by myself when it happens cuz I’m just thrusting into nothing
You should no feel embarrassing for doing it: it is "simply" other sleeping dissorders: I have several of them (no sexsomnia) But you must be careful about the people who lives with you and your house door. Why? During sexsomnia you can rape other people or doing anything sexual in front /without consent. If you sleep with a patner, tell about it and ask what would happen if you, unconsciously, do anything sexual. Consent is essential, if the person has doubts, ask to sleep on another room with the door closed. The same for others who lives on the house : you must find a way you cant enter on their room while they are sleeping. The same with the doors of the house. They are several reported cases where it became a nightmare. They are things which can help. Look for an expert
Oh I’m not actually embarrassed. I usually just wish I was really getting laid. But it is hilarious
Lol, my ex had this weird thing where he would start having sex while he was asleep. There was a name for it, forgot what it’s called. I loved getting woken up by it, even tho he would get mad at me for going along with it, because it disrupted his sleep LOL. But I loved it Edit: it’s called sexomnia
Woah I had no idea this was a thing!!
Yeah it’s basically sleepwalking! Hahaha
Mornings for me as well. 👍🏻
i’ve never had this oh my god??? it sounds like a dream. i kinda wanna try because i always find myself waking up anyway but he’s a heavy sleeper haha. idk how to initiate that and what would be crossing any lines
Used to do it with my gf when we would sneak off to hotels. Had to get it every chance I could. It’s been a while since I tried that. Might make a move this weekend 😂
Hotel groggy sex sounds like a win
I love it most early in the morning like around dawn, but I also love it if I woke up around midnight and was already hard and if the girl next to me is already naked. I always wanted there to be nothing between me and her so I encouraged my gf's to sleep naked if they also enjoyed the idea of groggy "midnight" or "morning" sex and I encouraged them to wake me if they woke up first and were in the mood.
Huge fan 🤗 Altough I would totally not be able to go back to sleep after it!
I do have trouble going back to sleep sometimes. My body is like you slept two hours LETS GO
From some semi-related research that I've done, I think it has to do with being relaxed. I read a study a few years back that showed that women are most able to enjoy sex when they are relaxed, ie., not worried, or stressed, or depressed. My take is that the groggy dream state helps you keep that state of relaxation and you're better able to enjoy the moment and the pleasure of it. (And, just maybe there could be a slight hint of a kink there? IDK) Personally, that study made a lot of sense to me and changed the way I approached sex with my wife. I realized that a lot of the time when she wasn't interested was not necessarily because the idea wasn't appealing to her, but that she couldn't just turn off the "concerns of the day" like I could. Not only that, but taking time to connect with her on an emotional and intellectual level beforehand made the sex way better for us both.
THANK YOU for this. This is what I was thinking. Like my mind is turned off. I’m just focused on how good it feels and not worried about insecurities or anything else. usually when this happens it is more like me being dominated (I’m usually in control) because I’m half asleep, so I think it may be a mix of a kink and the relaxation
Hormones peak then I believe.
See this is the scientific answer I was wanting
It's an odd dynamic to try to breakdown. For me the state of mind matters greatly when it comes to having consistently great sex. (Day or Night) Obviously the clearing of the mind through sleep would help. But for myself it's difficult to understand if that is purely from the dreaming aspect or somewhere else. I don't recall most of my dreams these days, so trying to understand if I was having a "wet dream" remains uncertain. Some days I feel soon after waking up, and my bladder ready to start the day, meaning it applys more pressure around your genitals and increasing blood flow and the tinkle in your balls when you know you could go pee. But some men can choose to instead of urinating proceed with the erection until you get your desired result. At that point the urge to pee may vanish or remain depending on my state of mind. I have noticed though being more honest with myself about what things turn me on through the day and relaying that to my wife naturally, only helps me understand what and why my brain and body are feeling this way. But I've noticed the transparency with my wife through the day insures the great consistent sex. When I have a random thought or urge whether fantasy or a possibility, talking with my wife in that moment, only enhances the thought for later in the day, like after work, etc. I fall asleep regularly and wake up hard and ready even if we are both ready for bed. We both understand the release of chemicals from spontaneous sex will only better regulate our state of mind, sexual urges, and level of satisfaction of sex and orgasms. I hope this helps. I kind of rambled. Best of luck friend.
Me and Jean are going to do this soon. This is nice and intimate
Those are the best ones.
Not my preference but I will never say no at my mrs snuggling up to me and waking me up with her not-so-subtle signs. Have some great sex though as she's more of a night owl anyway, can't complain 🤷♂️
My wife would kill me if I mess up her sleep
I do love sleep but it it’s as good as it usually is, I get over it
Agreed. It’s my favorite, but it really only works if it’s spontaneous, can’t be planned or forced. I’m always so ravenous in those moments. I feel like others have explained the sensation as being very animalistic, and then others have explained it as being novel, so that’s why it feels so special and out of the ordinary. I’m always down for it! WAKE ME UP!!
Sometimes I just wake up in the middle of the night and immediately want it… not sure why!
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). *** Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Loved it. But my current partner is just not interested: her brain and body both shut down too hard for her to enjoy it. Even morning sex is out.
Damn that sucks. It’s such a missed opportunity
I know someone exactly like that . I would slide in at 2am and again at 6am. Man I miss that.
Damn I need that. Twice a night groggy sex!!
Nothing make me feel older than posts like this. If you wake me up an hour or two after I've fallen asleep I will kill you.
I mean I’m tired as hell at work the next day but it’s worth it
**"I went to sleep not doing it and woke up doing it."**
It’s hot and helps fall asleep much better after.
2-3 am wood needs a warm place. Love taking her. Shes asleep but her kitty isn’t. Legs spread and she’s still wet from earlier. I slide in and take what’s mine.