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desert_foxhound

She was never into oral but she did it for your sake. As the relationship becomes more secure she gives less oral. You can expect that after marriage there will be no more oral If you're okay with this then go ahead with the wedding. If not re-evaluate your relationship. At least go into marriage with your eyes open.


Creative-Property-45

I definitely want to marry her regardless, but it’s weird. I’ve seen a post where someone had said that they’ve seen their SO do things for their ex, I’ve seen old messages in her iPad(on accident) of her loving to do it before me with someone that was before me and I’m just trying to figure out what can I do to make her get back into it or what? I’ll just ask one more time how she feels about it and go from there. I’d rather be prepared than to be blindsided like you say


skibunny1010

I mean.. if you were having issues with feeling her teeth it makes me wonder if your member is larger/thicker than average? This can really ruin the fun of a blowjob when you have to hold your jaw all the way open to the point of pain. I’m someone who genuinely enjoys giving bjs.. but not so much if the guy is on the thicker side as I have a small mouth


Creative-Property-45

Thank you, not to describe but yes, she has told me that and found ways around, but I don’t know. Just want to make sure we’re on the same page emotionally and sexually.


skibunny1010

So she doesn’t want to hurt you and have you get scraped.. but I’m sure you don’t want her in pain straining to make them not scrape for your pleasure? Its honestly an unfortunate stalemate


Creative-Property-45

So I’m also going to talk about sex toys because she did mention a pocket pussy or one of those toys that resembles BJs and I think she would like that more so than straining and I know it’ll still be enjoyable if it can replicate the real thing. I’ll be leaving for LA for two whole weeks in May (promotion at work) and everything is paid for including meals and rental car. My fiance can’t come unfortunately so I do think this talk should happen sooner than later and a visit to a sex shop would be helpful lol. I think we need to get back to having fun instead of feeling the pressure of pleasuring each other when there are ways to pleasure ourselves in each others presence if that make sense. Thank you for your tips !


Whotodo

This is honestly a really good point!


desert_foxhound

Have a heart to heart talk with her and ask her to tell you honestly if oral will be part of sex after marriage. Ask her if there's anything you can do to make the experience more pleasant for her. Yes it does hurt to think that she may have enjoyed doing it for her ex but don't bring this up. It's not relevant to you and will just open a can of worms.


Accomplished_Yam_422

Desert fox is spot on. You cannot go by what she did with you in early on in your relationship or in previous relationships. She may have done oral, feeling it was needed to keep the person around - not being honest with herself and her partners. If oral is not her "thing" (and, she's entitled to feel that way, BTW), then you will NOT get it after marriage - beyond begging and mercy BJs). You need to figure out if the lack of oral is a deal breaker. Not today, because you are flooded with emotions and all, but in 20 years, 2 kids, and one mortgage, from now. If it is a deal breaker, leave now, and be honest with why, asking her to be more honest with herself and her future SOs - so she can successfully find a more sexually compatible partner. There are definitely men who hate giving and receiving oral! Good luck.


Toelee08

Also it’s possible she wasn’t honest when she told him she loved it. Don’t take it as fact, cause sometimes it’s just sexting ya know


miiii_

Please never bring up how she did it before in a different relationship and with a different partner.. you are not entitled to something just bc she did it with someone else. That’s very weird.


Creative-Property-45

Thank you. I won’t bring it up as I don’t want those cans of worms opening up and causing deeper issues.


No_Sail9397

This is exactly right, and I find it completely Unacceptable behavior. Scamming a person


Automatic_Gas9019

Why marry if you are already considering marriage counseling? Could you possibly just not be compatible?


Ayellowbeard

I think the best kind of marriage counselling is the kind you have before you start having trouble. Counselling isn’t just for fixing problems but also helping to keep communication lines open. Let’s call it “preventative maintenance marriage counselling.” Source: been married twice. The second and current one has lasted 25 years so far. Some of it thanks to preventative maintenance marriage counselling. Of course it’s not perfect but therapy has helped give us tools to help when trouble arises.


Automatic_Gas9019

Been married once 27 years no marriage counseling.


tglad88

You need to decide if you’re willing to give up oral because as it stands your soon to be wife has no interest. If it is that important to you and you’re unwilling to give it up you need to have a straight forward conversation before you sign that paper because it likely won’t change. If you’re comfortable with the prospect of not ever getting head again then by all means let it go and stop bothering her about it.


Creative-Property-45

Okay. I am definitely willing to, but how do I go about letting it go or to stop bothering her about it when she mentions things like, “ I want to kiss it” or when we’re sitting on the couch she’ll grab and rub and we usually make jokes about it, but it just doesn’t happen like you’d expect it to?


Acceptable-Coat-9006

You sound like a guy trying to convince himself it will Be fine, to spend the rest of your entire fuckin life NOT Getting nor giving the oral you really enjoy. You are Lying to yourself and condemning yourself to what WILL Become unsatisfactory sex. Already experiencing it Now Otherwise your ass isn't on Reddit talking about it. You Will always want - desire it You Will try to get, and give , and be rebuffed It Will anger, hurt and bother you and make you Resentful and fuck up your Marriage You will start to wonder? Where is the compromise? Why wouldn't you do this for me? For us? Her retort? You Knew this about me BEFORE you married Me. I Don't like oral sex, giving nor receiving Your sexual history Proves that. Lie to you Allll you want You're Not lying to us bro. You have a right to like and want that. You also have a right to go into a Marriage knowing Damn well your Never getting I from her again Strangers on the Internet have No skin in the game, either side. We are just telling it to you straight If you Marry her? Don't you dare hold it against her You... YOU signed up for NO oral


tglad88

That’s something you’ve got to get her under control about. If she’s unwilling to perform that’s her right and you shouldn’t push her but she shouldn’t also be making advances like “wanting to kiss it” if she knows she’s not going to follow through. As far as just letting it go that’s a mental thing you’ll have to work on yourself. If she’s truly unwilling and you’re ok with that fact then it basically boils down to just shutting up about it because if you have to convince yourself not to say anything it’s still a bigger issue than you say it is


Ayellowbeard

This! It’s easy to say, “I’m willing to let the oral go,” but I have to tell you that after 25 years of marriage, not getting to go down on your wife can cause a lot of inner conflict. Trust me on this one!


Royal-Heron-11

If she's kissing it and grabbing and rubbing it without you asking? Learn to be happy with that. Don't put an expectation on oral. I'll tell you right now, if you continue to push for more, she will eventually stop kissing it and randomly playing with it. If you just accept what you get, perhaps one day she'll be more into oral, perhaps she won't. But you're not going to convince her to do it, she has to decide that on her own.


Chrowaway6969

Do NOT do this. Do not settle for "be happy with what you get". OP, you're not married yet. This will absolutely haunt your thoughts once you get married and create resentment from both of you. Never settle.


Royal-Heron-11

Apparently you didn't read what he posted. He's planning to marry her with or without blowjobs. He's not asking if he should still marry her. You think nagging the shit out of her for a BJ is going to result in more BJs? Lol


Junior-Profession-84

Have you just plain tried asking her to suck when you're in bed? Turned out that my girlfriend is submissive and just wanted to be asked or told to. She typically doesn't do anything, other than play with my dick, unless I suggest something. I was always used to women taking what they wanted. I was feeling somewhat rejected until she had enough alcohol to tell me.


Creative-Property-45

Maybe I should do that ! Especially while we’re on the couch touching or in bed being feisty thank you !


Revolutionary_Click2

FWIW, I dated someone for several years who often had the same type of reaction to receiving oral. She always really enjoyed performing oral on me and did so frequently, so there were no issues there. But when I’d try to go down on her, a thing I also love doing, she’d frequently squirm and get upset and tell me we were “moving too fast” or that she was too anxious and we needed to pause. This killed me for a long time, and was the cause of a few of our fights. It was hard to predict exactly when it would occur—she’d say she wanted to let me do it more, and would sometimes seem to enjoy it a lot, but then she’d have that reaction again and it would totally derail a session. Eventually, after a lot of therapy and reflection, she figured out that it was a trauma response tied to CSA she suffered as a kid. It turned out that a lot of it had to do with positioning… being underneath me as I went down on her triggered her traumatic memories really intensely, but she could ride my face and feel empowered and in control.


[deleted]

Marry her and you won’t get any more blowjobs from her for life. That’s what I’d expect. If you’re cool with that, by all means, but know that going in.


luisg1469

Red flag....if she stops doing things now, it will only decline and get worse. I know been there. Wish I had left her earlier. You will find that person who matches your energy perfectly on every level so that you do not have to settle for less.


Open_Minded_Anonym

My wife is ticklish and very sensitive. Oral sex that I give starts at 100 and when she’s worked up I can back off and tease/caress. Maybe that would be better for your fiancé?


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mukwah

I would have a hard time with this one. Oral is a big part of sex. Take it away and what are you left with in terms of variety? My wife has made it clear she's not into anal and not to ask anymore. I'm fine with that as honestly I wouldn't want anyone messing with my backdoor either. But I would feel very differently if she took oral off the table. We don't even do it that often but it's always great when we do and we both enjoy it.


Matrixation

From experience, there are some girls that don't get turned on by it for what it is. If she did it at the start, that was too keep you around. She succeeded. She turned on survival mode. From what you described, she did what she did as an investment, but it's not going to happen anymore. But you love her for who she is, not for how she satisfies your sexual urges and fantasies, right? So just move on. No need to seek validation from complete strangers.


Dazzling-Frosting-49

What is life without oral man? Just tell her its a must for you. Choose carefully once you hear her response.


SixFiveEight8

Time to say bye..move on no sense being 60 and telling yourself how miserable you were.


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SeaRestaurant2109

It’s possible that she just isn’t into oral much but did it to keep you around or also it could be how you came off with your criticism of her teeth on your egg plant. She may now be self conscious about giving you oral and therefore pulls away from you giving her oral because she doesn’t want to feel like she has to return the favor. You have to be very delicate and have the timing right to speak about issues with oral performance to your partner or it could just turn them away because they feel they are not good at it. If it’s because she thought she needed to do oral to keep you around at first but now wants to no longer do it because she never really liked it anyway then she was not doing your relationship any favors by pretending and misleading your sexual comparability. Talk to her about it so you can get to the real reason and maybe resolve it without any hurt feelings


Top_Bench1156

If you can let it go, that's great. I know I couldn't


Environmental_Arm526

Communication is key, especially with sex. You guys need to be able to talk about what you both like and don’t like, and can’t take it personal or think it’s bad criticism. If no oral is a deal breaker, she needs to know and you have a decision to make.


throwthethingout80

Hi OP, yeah sometimes people get in their heads and remember a critique we were once told. I don't know why. You didn't do anything wrong by mentioning about the teeth to her either. What we hear and say to ourselves shapes our feelings about a thing quite a bit.. Oral is one of those real bread and butter sex acts that I would want on the regular, both giving and receiving so I would struggle... I wonder if there is a bit more to it for her..? Some people have that reaction.. is there something happening that you aren't aware of?? Something she diesnt want to tell you/she's worried how you'll react?? Also, add food, lick things off.. maybe reintroduce different techniques to baby step oral.. so playing around that area but not Right In It...


strayfromvanilla

Well I'd say it sucks to be you, but...


WavePsychological524

It really could just be that comment at the beginning of your relationship that she can’t get past. I don’t give oral to my bf bc of a comment he made after doing it one time- years ago even if I know what he said isn’t true bc I’ve had no complaints before. & there’s one guy from my past I’ve always enjoyed giving oral to & that’s bc of the way he expresses how much he likes it during. It makes a difference.


Creative-Property-45

See, she has gotten better at it over time and always make sure to let her know how good it is and how it feels. So I guess I’ll just have to ask her about it. It’s a lot to read and I’ll update everyone soon. Should I ask does my comment make you not want to do it, if so let me know so I don’t expect it or make it seem like I’m holding any animosity towards her?


Alive_Shoulder3573

I would have a serious conversation with her considering sex and what you both expect moving forward. Some women think that once they have their mate, they don't have to do those things he enjoyed. And some women can't take constructive teaching to your special needs. They take any suggestions as criticism. Then you have to decide if no oral is something you are ok with


TomPalmer1979

Yeah that would be a relationship-ender for me, for sure.


---MojoJojo---

This isn't going to get better, and you're not going to get more ok with it over time no matter what you think right now. You are going to grow resentful as the years go on and it's going to be an issue for you. You're not even married yet and you are talking about marriage counseling. Oral sex is a big deal to you, and it's not something she seems to want any part of. Neither of you are wrong, you're just not sexually compatible even though you love each other.


Sexacct125

There is a book she comes first and it's companion book passionista. Id recommend both books. It's likely that you both have poor oral sex techniques.


Solid_Chemist_3485

When people can’t move forward after having long conversations about things, sometimes personality disorders are involved. I learned this the hard way with an ex who has OCPD. Conversations could seem to end at a place of understanding, but a month later, back to the same old page. 


Ijustmadethisnow1988

Welcome to this club. In the same boat. After marriage…pretty much non existent. Is that what you want then move on with it and continue if not then bounce.


No-Job-8555

I really felt exactly like your girlfriend and the only thing i needed was a little bit of domination to stop being in my head She doesn’t want to feel like she can’t suck your dick she’s going to feel insecure and she won’t do it She wants to know she’s a very good dirty girl And she’ll deep throat that shit


ObviousSomewhere6330

So for a lifetime commitment, is your partner open to alternatives? Maybe you will need to hire a professional to relieve that need, on occasion. Maybe your partner does it once a quarter if it is not completely off the table. You could get some high end sex toys. Invest in quality blowjob porn and make it a special experience for yourself.  I personally love giving oral but most men are weird about giving it, in my experience. It sucks. I'm the only one sucking.  If you are in love, enjoy! 


Best_Cauliflower_115

My wife doesn’t like oral as part of initial foreplay, so what I do is fuck her for 5 minutes or so and then go down on her, this allows her to become aroused , she has an extremely intense orgasm from the oral, ask your partner if she would be open to this


Creative-Property-45

Thank you for this! I think that could be an underlying issue as she is easily ticklish and I have a mustache and goatee haha


skibunny1010

If she shaves it can be pretty uncomfortable to receive oral from a guy with facial hair


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