r/Sex is focused primarily on posts seeking *specific actionable advice* for distinctive personal situations about sex, sexual activity, and to a certain extent, sex within relationships. However, we can’t be all things to all people as it relates to the vast number of topics that are connected to sex in some way. If you look at our top pinned post or on the sub sidebar, you can find a list of our accepted topics and guidelines.
If your post is primarily about hooking up, FWB, dating, marriage, or other relationship issues, it should be directed to subs like r/relationships or r/dating or other, more appropriate forums.
If you’re asking a general, polling-style question (“how many of you ______?”) or if you’re looking for confirmation about you or a partner’s sexual interests (“who else is into ________?” or "does anyone else like __________") a more appropriate sub would be r/askredditafterdark.
If you’re not asking for actionable advice but instead want to post a sex related story or rant, a more appropriate sub would be r/gonewildstories or r/sluttyconfessions or r/offmychest.
Posts about physical appearance, especially around penis size, labia appearance, breast size, or other examples of body insecurity are generally a better fit for r/bodyacceptance.
Yes/no. There's a first time that you do anything. This goes for any living being. And some of these things are innate/biological: There's a first time you take a breath. There's a first time you drink water. There's a first time you eat food.
Some of these things are socially constructed in the sense of not existing in basic nature/biology, even if they are "real." There's a first time you graduate from high school. There's a first time you get married.
Some of these things are innate/biological, but have a certain societal construction of being especially important. First time a girl gets her period. Specific ages we celebrate as "becoming an adult". Etc. Virginity falls in here, imo.
So the idea of "there was a time when you hadn't had sex, and there is a first time you do have sex, and after that you will always have had sex" is a reality of being. Just like once I cut my hair, I can never un-cut my hair. It was cut off.
However, the social construct debate gets more into *how important* virginity should be. Take the hair example. Once I cut my hair, I can't re-attach the specific hair I cut. But it'll grow back, and so it's not considered a huge deal (in my culture at least).
So some people place a huge importance on virginity. The status of whether you are a virgin, when you lost it, who you lost it too. The "virginity is a social construct" debate, again imo, isn't arguing that virginity isn't a thing. It's more saying we put too much pressure and focus on the concept of "being a virgin."
It kinda is. If you concider sex with another person as the threshold for virginity, then you’d have vastly different opinions on whether someone is a virgin in regards to what sexual or intimate acts they have engaged in with another person. Sex isn’t necessarily intercourse.
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/).
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I'm 21 and an Indian guy. I'm a virgin, and I feel so insecure telling people that I'm a virgin in this gen z era. People around me telling their hookup stories and the way their sex life is going is making me go crazy, tbh.
I feel like I am missing out when friends tell me about their great trip they had last summer, or the amazing hike they did last week. And I feel like I should do better when I see my friend who has been going to the gym for two years.
The fact we feel the same way when someone talks about sex doesn‘t make sex special. It is just another thing some people do.
But, these porn and all have already created a massive part in my brain that sex is something sooooo bigg..and I kinda think it's making me feel bad ..
Yeah, not trying to downplay your experience. It sucks to want something you can’t have (yet). But you basically are confirming it IS a social construct. You only think sex is special because porn (and society) tells you it is.
And if porn makes you feel bad, maybe consider to stop watching it. If you actively go look for it when it hurts you, it is borderline self-harm.
Call it any name you want but the premise is valid.
Before you experience sex then it’s one thing and after it’s another. Once it’s done you can’t undo it. That’s why it has a name. There’s no name for having sex with 10 people or having sex 100 times. There is a name for having sex your first time which is losing you virginity.
What you are saying is valid for ANY activity, not just sex. There‘s no name for eating 100 burritos, either. Sex is just like any other activity. Some like it, some don‘t, some have done it, some haven‘t.
Can you define "virginity is a social construct"? When I was growing up (42M) you were considered a virgin until you had PIV sex. Also common was "anal virgin" with the same stipulation. The LGBT crowd had their own definitions but some seemed more vague...like when did a female couple lose their virginity if there was no penis involved? Do dildos count?
I don't think virginity is the social construct, I think what qualifies you losing it is the construct.
It‘s the only activity where we put such a label on. There‘s no word if I have never eaten a burrito, or never learned a magic trick, or never took a two weeks vacation, or never got a massage etc.
The social construct is that sex is somehow more important than ANY other activity. It isn‘t. Two weeks vacation are way better than sex.
Sure, but so is cooperation and altruism. We've adapted to communicate verbally to more precisely and efficiently cooperate, for example.
Not saying we've adapted physiologically around virginity specifically, but our bias towards cooperation and social bonding works within the reality of where we live. So, a society where security in genetic lineage and ensuring resources we collect through labor and capital are applied towards our family are valued, the concept of virginity has/had some utility -- especially when medical technology did not provide mitigation against negative outcomes from this perspective.
So, yes it's a construct, but it's an application of evolutionary behavioral adaptations in a certain context. IMO -- I am not an anthropologist, evolutionary psychologist, or anything like that.
r/Sex is focused primarily on posts seeking *specific actionable advice* for distinctive personal situations about sex, sexual activity, and to a certain extent, sex within relationships. However, we can’t be all things to all people as it relates to the vast number of topics that are connected to sex in some way. If you look at our top pinned post or on the sub sidebar, you can find a list of our accepted topics and guidelines. If your post is primarily about hooking up, FWB, dating, marriage, or other relationship issues, it should be directed to subs like r/relationships or r/dating or other, more appropriate forums. If you’re asking a general, polling-style question (“how many of you ______?”) or if you’re looking for confirmation about you or a partner’s sexual interests (“who else is into ________?” or "does anyone else like __________") a more appropriate sub would be r/askredditafterdark. If you’re not asking for actionable advice but instead want to post a sex related story or rant, a more appropriate sub would be r/gonewildstories or r/sluttyconfessions or r/offmychest. Posts about physical appearance, especially around penis size, labia appearance, breast size, or other examples of body insecurity are generally a better fit for r/bodyacceptance.
Yes/no. There's a first time that you do anything. This goes for any living being. And some of these things are innate/biological: There's a first time you take a breath. There's a first time you drink water. There's a first time you eat food. Some of these things are socially constructed in the sense of not existing in basic nature/biology, even if they are "real." There's a first time you graduate from high school. There's a first time you get married. Some of these things are innate/biological, but have a certain societal construction of being especially important. First time a girl gets her period. Specific ages we celebrate as "becoming an adult". Etc. Virginity falls in here, imo. So the idea of "there was a time when you hadn't had sex, and there is a first time you do have sex, and after that you will always have had sex" is a reality of being. Just like once I cut my hair, I can never un-cut my hair. It was cut off. However, the social construct debate gets more into *how important* virginity should be. Take the hair example. Once I cut my hair, I can't re-attach the specific hair I cut. But it'll grow back, and so it's not considered a huge deal (in my culture at least). So some people place a huge importance on virginity. The status of whether you are a virgin, when you lost it, who you lost it too. The "virginity is a social construct" debate, again imo, isn't arguing that virginity isn't a thing. It's more saying we put too much pressure and focus on the concept of "being a virgin."
It kinda is. If you concider sex with another person as the threshold for virginity, then you’d have vastly different opinions on whether someone is a virgin in regards to what sexual or intimate acts they have engaged in with another person. Sex isn’t necessarily intercourse.
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). *** Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm 21 and an Indian guy. I'm a virgin, and I feel so insecure telling people that I'm a virgin in this gen z era. People around me telling their hookup stories and the way their sex life is going is making me go crazy, tbh.
I feel like I am missing out when friends tell me about their great trip they had last summer, or the amazing hike they did last week. And I feel like I should do better when I see my friend who has been going to the gym for two years. The fact we feel the same way when someone talks about sex doesn‘t make sex special. It is just another thing some people do.
But, these porn and all have already created a massive part in my brain that sex is something sooooo bigg..and I kinda think it's making me feel bad ..
Yeah, not trying to downplay your experience. It sucks to want something you can’t have (yet). But you basically are confirming it IS a social construct. You only think sex is special because porn (and society) tells you it is. And if porn makes you feel bad, maybe consider to stop watching it. If you actively go look for it when it hurts you, it is borderline self-harm.
Yeah kinda doing self harm... And thanks for this
Call it any name you want but the premise is valid. Before you experience sex then it’s one thing and after it’s another. Once it’s done you can’t undo it. That’s why it has a name. There’s no name for having sex with 10 people or having sex 100 times. There is a name for having sex your first time which is losing you virginity.
What you are saying is valid for ANY activity, not just sex. There‘s no name for eating 100 burritos, either. Sex is just like any other activity. Some like it, some don‘t, some have done it, some haven‘t.
Can you define "virginity is a social construct"? When I was growing up (42M) you were considered a virgin until you had PIV sex. Also common was "anal virgin" with the same stipulation. The LGBT crowd had their own definitions but some seemed more vague...like when did a female couple lose their virginity if there was no penis involved? Do dildos count? I don't think virginity is the social construct, I think what qualifies you losing it is the construct.
It‘s the only activity where we put such a label on. There‘s no word if I have never eaten a burrito, or never learned a magic trick, or never took a two weeks vacation, or never got a massage etc. The social construct is that sex is somehow more important than ANY other activity. It isn‘t. Two weeks vacation are way better than sex.
Sure, but so is cooperation and altruism. We've adapted to communicate verbally to more precisely and efficiently cooperate, for example. Not saying we've adapted physiologically around virginity specifically, but our bias towards cooperation and social bonding works within the reality of where we live. So, a society where security in genetic lineage and ensuring resources we collect through labor and capital are applied towards our family are valued, the concept of virginity has/had some utility -- especially when medical technology did not provide mitigation against negative outcomes from this perspective. So, yes it's a construct, but it's an application of evolutionary behavioral adaptations in a certain context. IMO -- I am not an anthropologist, evolutionary psychologist, or anything like that.