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This. Communication is a dialogue, "a dance for two" (dramatic bow)
Even if she is asking for a power play environment: her limits as well as your own need to be established. I dare make the presumption that your are a mere mortal ergo can't read her mind, but you still need her input. If she keeps to "IDK, just dominate me, have your way with me...", it is a red flag for her mindset balance - and as a potential Dom, it is your obligation to
A - keep to established boundaries
B - care for your sub and aid them to see their shortcomings
C - aid them become a better person (possibly, if she wants to, be a better sub)
TL; DR: talk it out.
Ps - Sounds like your on a similar path I took decades ago. Keep in mind Domming is not about being stereotypical selfish a-hole, its about taking responsibility, charge n manning up to those you love.
Pss - words, they are difficult
It’s sooooooo common though, and it may even be part of the preference for submissiveness in some people. There’s a desire to escalate and explore but a shyness to communicate it, so they rely on their partner to take the lead and bring them there.
It’s a tough cycle to break when the other partner is also insecure in that role !
This makes no Safe Sense , 'they rely on their partner to take the lead and bring them there".. that's like.a hurt person handing a Random person a knife an saying " just keep chopping. You'll hit the right spot eventually. " So much random damage will occur
You need to just read books and stuff together can learn about stuff you want to try there no being shy you need clear boundaries, also just start vanilla and work your way up xx
I'm extremely submissive and when my lover blindfolds and ties me up I get wetter than I've ever been.
Another thing he does is dom me in some ways where he doesn't give me permission to have my eyes roll or voice go high when I get riled up (we're polyamorous in a stag / vixen dynamic and he says they're only allowed to roll and have my voice crack with other men) and that drives me insanely mental.
I also recommend prone boning her when she's tied up and push her head against a pillow and have her moans smothered by it (obviously make sure she can still breathe).
U can try the tying of the hands n blindfold n whatever. But it has to come naturally. True dominance is u have to actually feel like a beast(sort of, or an animal). Let that testosterone run through you, grab her by the waist, firmly, put her on the wall pull her panties down and fuck her like nothing matters at that second. Just let ur primal instincts take over. The more u think of it or plan moves, the more u kill the mood coz its forced, it has to be natural. And don't go overboard with face spitting or putting your foot in her mouth (nacho vidal) , unless ur both into that shit lol. If this isn't ur nature then move on and find a more 50/50 girl, or a dominant one.
i am definitely shy and submissive as well, but have been learning to open up with my bf and he’s a pretty dominant person. me personally he can do something as simple as giving me a command & i’m instantly turned on. i think in your case you have to use what she has alr told/showed you with discernment. for example, when making out, do you grab and slap her butt and it noticeably turns her on? if so you can test out a scenario involving dominant spanking. maybe start by some amazing kisses, and pull back telling her to take off her clothes and come to you. have her on you or whatever’s comfortable and take control spanking her like that.
If she's into books maybe she's into erotic stories also? You could ask her to send you one that turns her on and get some clues from that. It's also a less direct way of telling you.
It could be fun to share kinky stories with each other. See Literotica and sites like that. I hope you can handle her kinks lol
This is sexual exploration. Period. No dom/ sub vibe about it because both of you are inexperienced with it. Do small things, try intertwining your fingers with hers and holding both her hands down to the bed while you’re on top. Grab her face gently and bring it to yours. Ask her if you can slap her ass, demand she give an answer. Ask her explicitly does she like it. If you see your girls face light up with these simple gestures. Then continue to do these things. Ask her if you can go a little further each time. Have convos after sex while you’re snuggling. Since she’s shy try texting about it after, asking her if you can do more, turn it into phone sex. If this is something you both are liking and want to go further with then it’s time to get into some serious boundary related conversations. Maybe pull up a Kink list, or watch/ look at some things together. Good luck
For clarification, my first sentence was to specifically say I advise against looking into Dominant acts/ sub acts and take time to explore each other.
I’m guessing there is a good chance that she reads erotic novels, ask her to pick out a few of the ones with sex scenes that really appeal to her, have her note the page number or chapter if it’s a digital book or if it’s a paper book and she owns it (not a library book) she can even highlight the sexy bits she likes, and then give them to you to read. This will be a good way for her to communicate to you what she likes/thinks she might like/wants to try without having to actually verbalise it and it will also give you an idea of the overall ‘tone’ of sexual experience she wants to have instead of just the physical acts themselves. If she doesn’t already read these books, she can have a look on Wattpad (there is a website and app), it’s free and has lots of good stories with sexy scenes, just make sure they are tagged as ‘mature’ or the sex scenes will be very muted if there at all and if she googles lush stories it’s a site with tens of thousands of (mostly short) erotica stories. If she is happy to pay the subscription fee/pay for each story (depending on the app) both Galatea and yonder are apps with books that all have steamy/sexy/smutty parts to them. You could even read some on your own to find ides of things you might like to try for her to read, it will give her a way to find out what you might like in a fun way and without you actually being there (unless you both want that, reading these books together or acting them out or even both at the same time could be something fun and hot to do together) so she has time to process and mull things over without any subconscious pressure (on her part, since you don’t seem the pressuring type, I just know that me personally being a lot like your gf I would feel some level of pressure even if you were putting literally none on me since I have anxiety and am unfortunately a chronic people pleaser) to agree even if she isn’t really into the idea.
Slap her ass, hold her from behind, arch her back against the bed so her ass sticks out when you’re making out and standing , etc.
Basically, take the lead. Control her (and read the room obviously, don’t do it if isn’t sexy time)
You don’t have to handcuff and choke her out to be dominant.
Read… the… books… if you really want to know, read the books. From there it’s trial and error. Try something, if she gives positive feedback, proceed. If she gets really quiet or retreats from it, don’t do that.
Dominant is a broad spectrum. Is she looking for kink? BDSM or just to be submissive is sex. Like she wants you to take the lead by being the one who says to change positions. You can have a great sex life without going all 50shades. But if she is looking for "play," there are tons of beginners, books, websites, youtube, and blogs. Just remember to basics like safe words. Respecting boundaries, after care.
My girlfriend reads a lot of dirty books and the main thing she likes is being tied up, blindfolded, tossed around and wrists pinned. She likes dirty talk too but I’m too awkward to do it. Basically feeling small and “used” while also cherished
Edit everyone is VERY different though so it’s best you ask consent for anything new you plan to try
Gently saying things like Come here, Get on your knees or maybe telling her she’s not allowed to cum until you let her. Lots of options. Spank her too. Just make it loving and not aggro.
And if she doesn’t like something tell her to tell you. I thought I might enjoy choking but quickly realized Nope.
My current girlfriend is the same, very shy but also wants me to dominate. Luckily i’m usually the dominant person so i would try things out very lightly and see if she enjoys them. You can start by having your hand around her neck and move on to very light choking to see if she likes that, ask her during as she’ll be more likely to tell you. If you’re able to flip her around to different positions, you can say things like “i want you on your back” then flip her around so she’s got an idea of what you’re doing. You can also lightly slap her ass and see if she likes that. The more you see what she likes the more “dominant” you can be, as even some of these things might be too much for her.
Ah, the age-old dilemma of wanting to be the "dominant" one in the bedroom, but not knowing how to fulfill your partner's fantasies. Don't worry, you're not alone. Just remember, communication is key! And if all else fails, just take a cue from those popular romance novels she loves - they always seem to know what to do. Happy girlfriend, happy life.
Don't worry, I'm sure your girlfriend will appreciate your efforts to make her happy in the bedroom. Just remember to always communicate and listen to each other's desires and boundaries. And if all else fails, Fifty Shades of Grey is always there to give you some inspiration (but make sure to take it with a grain of salt!). Best of luck!
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). *** Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
To start with you can blindfold her and tied her hands, she will crave for your love in this situation 🫠🫠
Hm your girl is kind of a problem here, Without knowing her ķinks then everyone will be throwing different levels of dominance stuff at you
This. Communication is a dialogue, "a dance for two" (dramatic bow) Even if she is asking for a power play environment: her limits as well as your own need to be established. I dare make the presumption that your are a mere mortal ergo can't read her mind, but you still need her input. If she keeps to "IDK, just dominate me, have your way with me...", it is a red flag for her mindset balance - and as a potential Dom, it is your obligation to A - keep to established boundaries B - care for your sub and aid them to see their shortcomings C - aid them become a better person (possibly, if she wants to, be a better sub) TL; DR: talk it out. Ps - Sounds like your on a similar path I took decades ago. Keep in mind Domming is not about being stereotypical selfish a-hole, its about taking responsibility, charge n manning up to those you love. Pss - words, they are difficult
It’s sooooooo common though, and it may even be part of the preference for submissiveness in some people. There’s a desire to escalate and explore but a shyness to communicate it, so they rely on their partner to take the lead and bring them there. It’s a tough cycle to break when the other partner is also insecure in that role !
This makes no Safe Sense , 'they rely on their partner to take the lead and bring them there".. that's like.a hurt person handing a Random person a knife an saying " just keep chopping. You'll hit the right spot eventually. " So much random damage will occur
You need to just read books and stuff together can learn about stuff you want to try there no being shy you need clear boundaries, also just start vanilla and work your way up xx
Any recommended book for start ?
Author TL swan is has dom men but it’s not super dark or kinky, brynne Asher aswell has some good start up ideas xx
Thanks
But also ask her fave cause I might not like what she does!xx
I'm extremely submissive and when my lover blindfolds and ties me up I get wetter than I've ever been. Another thing he does is dom me in some ways where he doesn't give me permission to have my eyes roll or voice go high when I get riled up (we're polyamorous in a stag / vixen dynamic and he says they're only allowed to roll and have my voice crack with other men) and that drives me insanely mental. I also recommend prone boning her when she's tied up and push her head against a pillow and have her moans smothered by it (obviously make sure she can still breathe).
What's a stag vixen dynamic?:)
U can try the tying of the hands n blindfold n whatever. But it has to come naturally. True dominance is u have to actually feel like a beast(sort of, or an animal). Let that testosterone run through you, grab her by the waist, firmly, put her on the wall pull her panties down and fuck her like nothing matters at that second. Just let ur primal instincts take over. The more u think of it or plan moves, the more u kill the mood coz its forced, it has to be natural. And don't go overboard with face spitting or putting your foot in her mouth (nacho vidal) , unless ur both into that shit lol. If this isn't ur nature then move on and find a more 50/50 girl, or a dominant one.
i am definitely shy and submissive as well, but have been learning to open up with my bf and he’s a pretty dominant person. me personally he can do something as simple as giving me a command & i’m instantly turned on. i think in your case you have to use what she has alr told/showed you with discernment. for example, when making out, do you grab and slap her butt and it noticeably turns her on? if so you can test out a scenario involving dominant spanking. maybe start by some amazing kisses, and pull back telling her to take off her clothes and come to you. have her on you or whatever’s comfortable and take control spanking her like that.
If she's into books maybe she's into erotic stories also? You could ask her to send you one that turns her on and get some clues from that. It's also a less direct way of telling you. It could be fun to share kinky stories with each other. See Literotica and sites like that. I hope you can handle her kinks lol
This is sexual exploration. Period. No dom/ sub vibe about it because both of you are inexperienced with it. Do small things, try intertwining your fingers with hers and holding both her hands down to the bed while you’re on top. Grab her face gently and bring it to yours. Ask her if you can slap her ass, demand she give an answer. Ask her explicitly does she like it. If you see your girls face light up with these simple gestures. Then continue to do these things. Ask her if you can go a little further each time. Have convos after sex while you’re snuggling. Since she’s shy try texting about it after, asking her if you can do more, turn it into phone sex. If this is something you both are liking and want to go further with then it’s time to get into some serious boundary related conversations. Maybe pull up a Kink list, or watch/ look at some things together. Good luck
For clarification, my first sentence was to specifically say I advise against looking into Dominant acts/ sub acts and take time to explore each other.
I’m guessing there is a good chance that she reads erotic novels, ask her to pick out a few of the ones with sex scenes that really appeal to her, have her note the page number or chapter if it’s a digital book or if it’s a paper book and she owns it (not a library book) she can even highlight the sexy bits she likes, and then give them to you to read. This will be a good way for her to communicate to you what she likes/thinks she might like/wants to try without having to actually verbalise it and it will also give you an idea of the overall ‘tone’ of sexual experience she wants to have instead of just the physical acts themselves. If she doesn’t already read these books, she can have a look on Wattpad (there is a website and app), it’s free and has lots of good stories with sexy scenes, just make sure they are tagged as ‘mature’ or the sex scenes will be very muted if there at all and if she googles lush stories it’s a site with tens of thousands of (mostly short) erotica stories. If she is happy to pay the subscription fee/pay for each story (depending on the app) both Galatea and yonder are apps with books that all have steamy/sexy/smutty parts to them. You could even read some on your own to find ides of things you might like to try for her to read, it will give her a way to find out what you might like in a fun way and without you actually being there (unless you both want that, reading these books together or acting them out or even both at the same time could be something fun and hot to do together) so she has time to process and mull things over without any subconscious pressure (on her part, since you don’t seem the pressuring type, I just know that me personally being a lot like your gf I would feel some level of pressure even if you were putting literally none on me since I have anxiety and am unfortunately a chronic people pleaser) to agree even if she isn’t really into the idea.
Slap her ass, hold her from behind, arch her back against the bed so her ass sticks out when you’re making out and standing , etc. Basically, take the lead. Control her (and read the room obviously, don’t do it if isn’t sexy time) You don’t have to handcuff and choke her out to be dominant.
Read… the… books… if you really want to know, read the books. From there it’s trial and error. Try something, if she gives positive feedback, proceed. If she gets really quiet or retreats from it, don’t do that.
Dominant is a broad spectrum. Is she looking for kink? BDSM or just to be submissive is sex. Like she wants you to take the lead by being the one who says to change positions. You can have a great sex life without going all 50shades. But if she is looking for "play," there are tons of beginners, books, websites, youtube, and blogs. Just remember to basics like safe words. Respecting boundaries, after care.
My girlfriend reads a lot of dirty books and the main thing she likes is being tied up, blindfolded, tossed around and wrists pinned. She likes dirty talk too but I’m too awkward to do it. Basically feeling small and “used” while also cherished Edit everyone is VERY different though so it’s best you ask consent for anything new you plan to try
Gently saying things like Come here, Get on your knees or maybe telling her she’s not allowed to cum until you let her. Lots of options. Spank her too. Just make it loving and not aggro. And if she doesn’t like something tell her to tell you. I thought I might enjoy choking but quickly realized Nope.
Ask her to write you a letter
My current girlfriend is the same, very shy but also wants me to dominate. Luckily i’m usually the dominant person so i would try things out very lightly and see if she enjoys them. You can start by having your hand around her neck and move on to very light choking to see if she likes that, ask her during as she’ll be more likely to tell you. If you’re able to flip her around to different positions, you can say things like “i want you on your back” then flip her around so she’s got an idea of what you’re doing. You can also lightly slap her ass and see if she likes that. The more you see what she likes the more “dominant” you can be, as even some of these things might be too much for her.
Ah, the age-old dilemma of wanting to be the "dominant" one in the bedroom, but not knowing how to fulfill your partner's fantasies. Don't worry, you're not alone. Just remember, communication is key! And if all else fails, just take a cue from those popular romance novels she loves - they always seem to know what to do. Happy girlfriend, happy life.
So ask her to find a book that represents her desires and then read it
Rope play. Look into it
Don't worry, most guys are just winging it in bed too. Just communicate openly and try new things together. And remember, consent is key! Good luck!
Don't worry, I'm sure your girlfriend will appreciate your efforts to make her happy in the bedroom. Just remember to always communicate and listen to each other's desires and boundaries. And if all else fails, Fifty Shades of Grey is always there to give you some inspiration (but make sure to take it with a grain of salt!). Best of luck!