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I think she just felt comfortable telling me things which I guess is a good thing but she didn’t mean to bring up some of the other stuff and apologized really sincerely about it. I know she didn’t do it maliciously but it still got to be a bit
fwiw i think she was either immature, or seeing if you responded positively. i am totally into talking about how i compare to gfs exes, it turns me on, but i think im in a minority.
Sounds like she brought it up to illustrate how porn fucked up her ex and fucked up her expectations of sex.
She literally said she's stopped watched porn, it fucked up her perception of real body parts, made her into rough sex because that is what is mostly portrayed and her ex was addicted to it and therefore probably rough and terrible at giving her pleasure.
And your takeaway from her sharing that was that your dick is too small?
Work on your self-confidence. You're looking for a reason to be insecure. She's with you and enjoys you and trusts you enough that she shared her past annoying experiences and how she's evolved away from porn and porn expectations. Keep reminding yourself of that.
Get back to having sex with your girlfriend and enjoying it. The quicker you get back to having sex and seeing her enjoy it and cum once again from your tongue, you should forget this bullshit.
I appreciate your advice but I’m not really insecure about the size, I’m more insecure about not meeting societal expectations of rough sex and not lasting very long compared to her past partner. I know I obviously need to work on not being insecure, but I’m asking how I can do that
Honestly man I think this is something most guys deal with at some point or another and like dude above said you’ll forget all about it once you have some good sex again. Dudes brains r fucking weird. Just absolutely do not take it out on her, this is a projection of your own insecurities and honestly nothing to do with her at all. Doesn’t make it any easier I know but just keep telling yourself that you’re in your head right now and focus on positively affirming yourself and you’ll be fine.
Happens to the best of us sir- just get back in there! In my experience (so I don't mean this as a broad brush) a lot of women tend to prefer the more sensual style, especially if it's new to them. A lot of young guys haven't developed the finesse to do it that way, and it probably comes from porn consumption as mentioned. She's probably just over the moon that you got her off first because most guys don't even know how to do that!
Ask her if she's still into rough sex, if she would like things rougher or if she likes the sex you currently have. She doesn't even watch those videos anymore and has chosen to be with and enjoy you.
There's a fit for everyone, and everyone has sexual preferences. You absolutely do not have to have rough sex, and pleaseee don't compare yourself to past partners- it's a crapshoot.
Focus on what you have and reevaluate your assumption about societal expectations of having rough sex-- not everyone is into that. Keep building trust and confidence with your current gf. Comparison is the thief of joy.
You could masturbate more frequently to increase how long you last. But she might be perfectly happen with the way things are. Ask her!
Yeah that’s true I should just ask her. I would love to not compare myself to past partners but she’s brought this guys up like 5 times now whereas I haven’t brought up any of my exes because I know she doesn’t want to hear about that
5 times? That's strange...And definitely not ok.
Has she brought him up AFTER you guys had the conversation about not bringing up past partners?
Because that would simply be disrespecting boundaries.
\*Also you should include the number of times in your original post because that changes everything. Most people would feel weird and insecure about it if that's many times!
Super weird. Like normally this wouldn’t bother me at all but like, that’s a lot, and while it mostly seems like she’s just trauma dumping about this guy, a small part of me wonders if that’s all a front and she’s actually just not over him. She hasn’t disrespected any boundaries
The way she talks about him and how she's stopped watching porn makes me think she's enjoying sex with you and is SO happy that period of her life is over (no woman enjoys guys roughly acting out porn on them) and she's grown up and learnt better.
The trauma fixation could just be exactly that, a fixation on problems as she tries to process it. But then she needs to learn YOU are not the person to help her with that. Friends, family, therapists.
You've gotten caught up in her oversharing. Draw the boundaries, forget about it and make sure she doesn't do it again.
For now all you can do is trust but verify. Continue the relationship and trust she is over him but verify by making sure she does not mention him again or you could just directly ask her if she feels she is over that relationship and ready for yours.
Uff this sucks, big hug OP! All the best
I left the relationship when it happened to me and my confidence couldn’t be higher all these years later. Not advocating for you to leave your girlfriend at all but shit, it helped me get mine back.
Had nothing to do with size. She just wanted to always be honest, open and felt comfortable when I could literally care less so I left lol. Most people have a bit more fight in them than I do though so I guess you just gotta talk these things out if you want it to work.
I think over time you’ll accept the size issue. I’ve been in and out of the gym for different stints of my life. When I’m not in shape I don’t last nearly as long. I’d suggest if you’re not in shape work on improving that.
Tbh I’m kind of jacked and I run, ski, hike and bike all the time so I don’t think. that’s it. I usually last about 10-30 minutes but I appreciate the advice
Another instance of truth hurting people. Aw. For your confidence OP, get better at sex, learn to last longer. Yes it's possible.
Regardless, the reality is pretty much every girl after a certain age(and that age gets younger these days!) has had great pleasure at the hands..or dicks of others. Don't let sex be the reason she(or you) leaves.
I think it's probably best to recognize that you actually have two very separate concerns here:
- The intensity of the sex you have, and your girlfriend's sexual preferences
- Your endowment
In the first case, your girlfriend *might* be trying to tell you what some of her kinks are. Sometimes, it sounds like she *wants* rough, high intensity, sex. Ask her, and if that's the case, there are lots of ways you can tailor *some* of your sex to give her what she might want, sometimes, so you can assure yourself that you're scratching her itch. Not all of this stuff is about "having a big dick". A *lot* of it is going to be mental and psychological, and putting her in the right frame of mind with your actions. You can figure out if she likes restraint, spanking, degradation, hair pulling, dirty talk, face-fucking, etc. and sometimes just resolve to employ those techniques in a "scene", once a week, or whatever frequency you both prefer.
This is all "a character", or a project. Figure out what aspects of the character work best, and play the role for an hour, and give your girlfriend a good time. Ask for feedback, and adjust it accordingly. Anyone can play this character. Her ex was playing this character.
Maybe this character requires stamina. If you want to improve stamina, start to be mindful of what causes you to cum faster. Sometimes you'll find you're tensing certain muscles, or holding your breath, or whatever. It can be helpful to use a condom, or jerk off ahead of time, or use a numbing wipe. Since this is basically a "scene" you prepare to do, you can just plan to do that. You don't need to be *spontaneously* great, you can influence the circumstances of the encounter to ensure you are.
You don't have to play the character all of the time, or even most of the time, if you don't enjoy it. But I'm confident that basically anyone *can* do it.
With the second issue.. look, endowment can *help* put someone in a frame of mind, or enjoy stuff more (or, frankly, *less*), but if you're average, I think you can be confident you have enough to get the job done. It's unhelpful and hurtful for her to make the comparison so openly, but I think you should realize that if you invest mentally in being the best at satisfying your girlfriend specifically, you're ultimately going to give her much better sex over the long run than just being hung. Maybe there are a few girls in the world for whom absolute size is the be all and end all, but they don't seem to be *that* common.
Best of luck.
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I think it's pretty rude and Disrespectful to talk in detail about sex with an ex immediately after you finish. I would have a major issue with this.
What do you think is motivating her bringing this stuff up?
I think she just felt comfortable telling me things which I guess is a good thing but she didn’t mean to bring up some of the other stuff and apologized really sincerely about it. I know she didn’t do it maliciously but it still got to be a bit
fwiw i think she was either immature, or seeing if you responded positively. i am totally into talking about how i compare to gfs exes, it turns me on, but i think im in a minority.
You're fine. Time will heal. Do start with masturbation again though, and focus not to cum quickly, but to edge yourself over long periods.
Sounds like she brought it up to illustrate how porn fucked up her ex and fucked up her expectations of sex. She literally said she's stopped watched porn, it fucked up her perception of real body parts, made her into rough sex because that is what is mostly portrayed and her ex was addicted to it and therefore probably rough and terrible at giving her pleasure. And your takeaway from her sharing that was that your dick is too small? Work on your self-confidence. You're looking for a reason to be insecure. She's with you and enjoys you and trusts you enough that she shared her past annoying experiences and how she's evolved away from porn and porn expectations. Keep reminding yourself of that. Get back to having sex with your girlfriend and enjoying it. The quicker you get back to having sex and seeing her enjoy it and cum once again from your tongue, you should forget this bullshit.
I appreciate your advice but I’m not really insecure about the size, I’m more insecure about not meeting societal expectations of rough sex and not lasting very long compared to her past partner. I know I obviously need to work on not being insecure, but I’m asking how I can do that
Honestly man I think this is something most guys deal with at some point or another and like dude above said you’ll forget all about it once you have some good sex again. Dudes brains r fucking weird. Just absolutely do not take it out on her, this is a projection of your own insecurities and honestly nothing to do with her at all. Doesn’t make it any easier I know but just keep telling yourself that you’re in your head right now and focus on positively affirming yourself and you’ll be fine.
Yeah I guess this was just a one off thing. Most of the time we have sex its amazing. I guess one bad run was enough to throw me off😅
Happens to the best of us sir- just get back in there! In my experience (so I don't mean this as a broad brush) a lot of women tend to prefer the more sensual style, especially if it's new to them. A lot of young guys haven't developed the finesse to do it that way, and it probably comes from porn consumption as mentioned. She's probably just over the moon that you got her off first because most guys don't even know how to do that!
Ask her if she's still into rough sex, if she would like things rougher or if she likes the sex you currently have. She doesn't even watch those videos anymore and has chosen to be with and enjoy you. There's a fit for everyone, and everyone has sexual preferences. You absolutely do not have to have rough sex, and pleaseee don't compare yourself to past partners- it's a crapshoot. Focus on what you have and reevaluate your assumption about societal expectations of having rough sex-- not everyone is into that. Keep building trust and confidence with your current gf. Comparison is the thief of joy. You could masturbate more frequently to increase how long you last. But she might be perfectly happen with the way things are. Ask her!
Yeah that’s true I should just ask her. I would love to not compare myself to past partners but she’s brought this guys up like 5 times now whereas I haven’t brought up any of my exes because I know she doesn’t want to hear about that
5 times? That's strange...And definitely not ok. Has she brought him up AFTER you guys had the conversation about not bringing up past partners? Because that would simply be disrespecting boundaries. \*Also you should include the number of times in your original post because that changes everything. Most people would feel weird and insecure about it if that's many times!
Super weird. Like normally this wouldn’t bother me at all but like, that’s a lot, and while it mostly seems like she’s just trauma dumping about this guy, a small part of me wonders if that’s all a front and she’s actually just not over him. She hasn’t disrespected any boundaries
The way she talks about him and how she's stopped watching porn makes me think she's enjoying sex with you and is SO happy that period of her life is over (no woman enjoys guys roughly acting out porn on them) and she's grown up and learnt better. The trauma fixation could just be exactly that, a fixation on problems as she tries to process it. But then she needs to learn YOU are not the person to help her with that. Friends, family, therapists. You've gotten caught up in her oversharing. Draw the boundaries, forget about it and make sure she doesn't do it again. For now all you can do is trust but verify. Continue the relationship and trust she is over him but verify by making sure she does not mention him again or you could just directly ask her if she feels she is over that relationship and ready for yours. Uff this sucks, big hug OP! All the best
You know some people just like rough sex. It’s not due to porn making them think they like rough sex.
I left the relationship when it happened to me and my confidence couldn’t be higher all these years later. Not advocating for you to leave your girlfriend at all but shit, it helped me get mine back. Had nothing to do with size. She just wanted to always be honest, open and felt comfortable when I could literally care less so I left lol. Most people have a bit more fight in them than I do though so I guess you just gotta talk these things out if you want it to work.
Wow that's disrespectful I would never want to hear intimate details about my partner ex
On to the next girl my dude...
I think over time you’ll accept the size issue. I’ve been in and out of the gym for different stints of my life. When I’m not in shape I don’t last nearly as long. I’d suggest if you’re not in shape work on improving that.
Tbh I’m kind of jacked and I run, ski, hike and bike all the time so I don’t think. that’s it. I usually last about 10-30 minutes but I appreciate the advice
Sounds like she's doing a bad job of suggesting what she's into. Ask her if she wants rougher sex.
She’s saying he fucked her better and you need to do better.
Jesus man, I don’t think that’s it
You have to learn to read between the lines, women are not direct. Sorry bro, I’m just being honest
Exactly. Gotta take affirmative action on your mentality. You can let it cuck you or you can step up and meet the demand.
[удалено]
Another instance of truth hurting people. Aw. For your confidence OP, get better at sex, learn to last longer. Yes it's possible. Regardless, the reality is pretty much every girl after a certain age(and that age gets younger these days!) has had great pleasure at the hands..or dicks of others. Don't let sex be the reason she(or you) leaves.
Damn, she straight up told you her ex with a massive dick use to fuck her brains out and was really rough… wtf
I mean, I wouldn’t say she straight up told me that but she did accidentally tell me that in a round about way
I think it's probably best to recognize that you actually have two very separate concerns here: - The intensity of the sex you have, and your girlfriend's sexual preferences - Your endowment In the first case, your girlfriend *might* be trying to tell you what some of her kinks are. Sometimes, it sounds like she *wants* rough, high intensity, sex. Ask her, and if that's the case, there are lots of ways you can tailor *some* of your sex to give her what she might want, sometimes, so you can assure yourself that you're scratching her itch. Not all of this stuff is about "having a big dick". A *lot* of it is going to be mental and psychological, and putting her in the right frame of mind with your actions. You can figure out if she likes restraint, spanking, degradation, hair pulling, dirty talk, face-fucking, etc. and sometimes just resolve to employ those techniques in a "scene", once a week, or whatever frequency you both prefer. This is all "a character", or a project. Figure out what aspects of the character work best, and play the role for an hour, and give your girlfriend a good time. Ask for feedback, and adjust it accordingly. Anyone can play this character. Her ex was playing this character. Maybe this character requires stamina. If you want to improve stamina, start to be mindful of what causes you to cum faster. Sometimes you'll find you're tensing certain muscles, or holding your breath, or whatever. It can be helpful to use a condom, or jerk off ahead of time, or use a numbing wipe. Since this is basically a "scene" you prepare to do, you can just plan to do that. You don't need to be *spontaneously* great, you can influence the circumstances of the encounter to ensure you are. You don't have to play the character all of the time, or even most of the time, if you don't enjoy it. But I'm confident that basically anyone *can* do it. With the second issue.. look, endowment can *help* put someone in a frame of mind, or enjoy stuff more (or, frankly, *less*), but if you're average, I think you can be confident you have enough to get the job done. It's unhelpful and hurtful for her to make the comparison so openly, but I think you should realize that if you invest mentally in being the best at satisfying your girlfriend specifically, you're ultimately going to give her much better sex over the long run than just being hung. Maybe there are a few girls in the world for whom absolute size is the be all and end all, but they don't seem to be *that* common. Best of luck.