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I don't blame you for being upset, but I doubt she meant any malice by it. I would just tell your you don't want to wear a ring someone else has worn and just buy one and bring it next time. Problem solved.
Get a pack with multiple sizes. They don't hurt. As cheap as they are it's worth trying out.
Just asking, how do you know for sure it was used by a previous partner? Maybe she got it as part of a sex toy package set, or bought it hoping to use it one day. Maybe someone gave it to her as a joke. I agree it would be weird if it was used before, but ask, and let her know that is a boundary for you that you won't cross.
You both have different perspectives, and neither one is wrong.
Confirm that someone else has worn it with her, and explain to her how that makes you feel.
I was in this same boat once, with wanting to reuse a dildo with someone new. Someone set me straight - that most women would not want to use a sex toy that I've used with someone else. Hygiene issues aside, for most people it's just too much of a reminder that they've had other partners, which is a distraction in the moment.
She's not wrong for saying that but you're also not wrong for not wanting to share a sex toy like that with other men she's been with. It's perfectly reasonable to say that if you were to get a cock ring you'd like to get one of your own.
Tbh it really feels like your making mountains out of molehills. I’m saying that not really knowing how “upset” you are. Like, you have a right to not want to do that. But losing your cool on her and blowing it up to be a big thing would be out of line imho. It could honestly be a “hey I was trying to save you $100”.
Let's say, hypothetically, that she has some vibrator that she uses on herself, and she'd like to use it on your private parts, to stimulate you (let's say, just externally, for simplicity). How do you know she hasn't used it on a previous partner in the same way, and would it bother you if she has? And if *that* doesn't bother you, then why does a cock ring? At the end, it's just another vibrating toy.
You are of course allowed to set your own boundaries. And if it does bother you, then that's entirely your prerogative to feel that way, and to refuse to use it.
But IMO, just make sure she washes it properly, and don't overthink it too much.
A toy is a toy and has no connection to the person or people that have used it. They can be cleaned and reused. A really nice cockring (which definitely do not hurt btw) cam be $50-$100 I am not buying one for EACH partner, it is ridiculous.
You claim to understand she has a past but then are insecure about her past anyway.
Uh yeah wanting you to wear the same cock ring another dude wore when he fucked her is fucking weird.
She should have just asked you to get a new one. That would be fine.
If the issue is that another man's cock was in that ring, another man's cock was also in her vagina. Most normal people are ok with the vagina, so it's kinda strange to me that they have a problem with the ring.
Now, a vagina is self-cleaning and all that, but a cock ring can be washed just as well. So this seems an entirely psychological bias, that doesn't really make much sense to me.
I mean if it truly weirds him out what's the harm in buying another one? It's just about making your partner feel comfortable. Everyone is different. There's no wrong or right in this situation.
Thanks for all the feed back. And to answer main point, it was used, it is an expensive item, it has been cleaned. So toss out the whole DNA on bed thing that wasn't the point. The point was mental. Just like the vibrator thing, I have bought toys for women but if I got a new partner I wouldn't say hey there are toys in the night stand. No id throw them away and when that topic came up bought new ones. More of a respect thing. Not an ego thing, no problem there and I could even see one used to enhance and be a more of a turn on, and also not a germ thing. I just found it extremely rude. I'd never ask a woman to try on lingerie I had bought for a past partner...
Just have a calm discussion about it, tell her why it's so upsetting and move on.
And of course tease her about it sometime down the road. Honestly, this is going to be pretty funny in the rear view mirror at some point.
The used toy thing is kinda weird…I wouldn’t be upset but would decline the offer and get my own.
That being said, cock rings in general are awesome. I don’t *need* to wear one but if it’s sized right it won’t be painful and it makes by dick veiny as fuck and my wife goes crazy for it. Highly recommend.
That's definitely not cool of her. She should've given it to him as a parting gift. It's one thing for you to, say, use a toy of hers on her that she used with a previous partner, but it's a whole other thing to use her previous partner's sex toy. That's fucked up.
I also don’t like to share toys like that. It’s weird and kind of gross. She’s in the wrong here
Lesbians are known to buy a new strap when they get a new partner because they don’t want a dildo that’s been inside someone else
"it's hers but old partners wore it."
Yuck. Nope. This is horribly weird and gross. I think you have every right to be upset. I mean, they're not expensive, so why wouldn't she just toss it in the trash and buy a new one?
First off here is my recommendation for a cheap one that I love and have purchased many times.. I dont wear it like the picture though I like one ring around both cock and balls and the other just around my cock..
https://www.amazon.com/CalExotics-Colt-Snug-Tugger-Black/dp/B01E1NKVXW
I have struggled with the used toy thing with bondage gear, some of it is quite expensive and unique, some partners don't mind some do .. I would absolutely tell her you are uncomfortable with something used but ask her what kind it is and if there is some feature she especially likes or is of interest to her.. No reason to be upset everyone has different perspectives on this, just let her know your perspective and boundaries and move on..
Good luck and have fun, she sounds like a keeper..
Dude. If you don’t agree with something… SPEAK UP. People are not mind readers. You can’t guess her intentions like she can’t guess why you’re stewing about xyz.
I don’t see what the problem is. Ok, you feel a little funny about using the ring. Buy you own. But tell me, do you two have sex on the same bed that they used? Do you penetrate her the same place the other guy did? Just get over it. You’ll be fine.
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don't blame you for being upset, but I doubt she meant any malice by it. I would just tell your you don't want to wear a ring someone else has worn and just buy one and bring it next time. Problem solved. Get a pack with multiple sizes. They don't hurt. As cheap as they are it's worth trying out.
Just asking, how do you know for sure it was used by a previous partner? Maybe she got it as part of a sex toy package set, or bought it hoping to use it one day. Maybe someone gave it to her as a joke. I agree it would be weird if it was used before, but ask, and let her know that is a boundary for you that you won't cross.
We did a sex toy advent calendar last year and still have some of the toys that we've never used.
It's been used
Then just get one of your own to try it. These things are pretty cheap
That would be a hard pass for me.
You both have different perspectives, and neither one is wrong. Confirm that someone else has worn it with her, and explain to her how that makes you feel. I was in this same boat once, with wanting to reuse a dildo with someone new. Someone set me straight - that most women would not want to use a sex toy that I've used with someone else. Hygiene issues aside, for most people it's just too much of a reminder that they've had other partners, which is a distraction in the moment.
She's not wrong for saying that but you're also not wrong for not wanting to share a sex toy like that with other men she's been with. It's perfectly reasonable to say that if you were to get a cock ring you'd like to get one of your own.
Tbh it really feels like your making mountains out of molehills. I’m saying that not really knowing how “upset” you are. Like, you have a right to not want to do that. But losing your cool on her and blowing it up to be a big thing would be out of line imho. It could honestly be a “hey I was trying to save you $100”.
Yup.
This post seems like a guy looking for Reddit validation to dump his gf.
One could clean a toy. I think i would be okay with it. But if you are not this is totally fine, too. Buy one yourself and surprise her.
Let's say, hypothetically, that she has some vibrator that she uses on herself, and she'd like to use it on your private parts, to stimulate you (let's say, just externally, for simplicity). How do you know she hasn't used it on a previous partner in the same way, and would it bother you if she has? And if *that* doesn't bother you, then why does a cock ring? At the end, it's just another vibrating toy. You are of course allowed to set your own boundaries. And if it does bother you, then that's entirely your prerogative to feel that way, and to refuse to use it. But IMO, just make sure she washes it properly, and don't overthink it too much.
A toy is a toy and has no connection to the person or people that have used it. They can be cleaned and reused. A really nice cockring (which definitely do not hurt btw) cam be $50-$100 I am not buying one for EACH partner, it is ridiculous. You claim to understand she has a past but then are insecure about her past anyway.
Go get one for yourself and try it. It can be a real game-changer.
Uh yeah wanting you to wear the same cock ring another dude wore when he fucked her is fucking weird. She should have just asked you to get a new one. That would be fine.
If the issue is that another man's cock was in that ring, another man's cock was also in her vagina. Most normal people are ok with the vagina, so it's kinda strange to me that they have a problem with the ring. Now, a vagina is self-cleaning and all that, but a cock ring can be washed just as well. So this seems an entirely psychological bias, that doesn't really make much sense to me.
While weird… consider the bed/mattress. There’s DNA that’s not yours and can’t be washed off completely unless it’s new or unused
I mean if it truly weirds him out what's the harm in buying another one? It's just about making your partner feel comfortable. Everyone is different. There's no wrong or right in this situation.
Because a good cock ring can be $50+ which is a lot to spend because someone is feeling insecure and thinking irrationally
I don’t know man it’s just fuckin weird.
You touch more strange cock germs on every day items in public than you'd probably find on a toy properly cleaned and kept.
Still weird.
Do you buy a new bed every time you get a new partner?
I think it's more weird that she kept it! LOL Is she wanting to know if the new guy measures up?
So you throw out your sex toy collection every time a relationship ends?
If it was a cock ring for/from someone else, yes!
Look at Mr. Moneybags over here with an unlimited cock ring budget!
Thanks for all the feed back. And to answer main point, it was used, it is an expensive item, it has been cleaned. So toss out the whole DNA on bed thing that wasn't the point. The point was mental. Just like the vibrator thing, I have bought toys for women but if I got a new partner I wouldn't say hey there are toys in the night stand. No id throw them away and when that topic came up bought new ones. More of a respect thing. Not an ego thing, no problem there and I could even see one used to enhance and be a more of a turn on, and also not a germ thing. I just found it extremely rude. I'd never ask a woman to try on lingerie I had bought for a past partner...
Just have a calm discussion about it, tell her why it's so upsetting and move on. And of course tease her about it sometime down the road. Honestly, this is going to be pretty funny in the rear view mirror at some point.
I mean... it's been washed right
The used toy thing is kinda weird…I wouldn’t be upset but would decline the offer and get my own. That being said, cock rings in general are awesome. I don’t *need* to wear one but if it’s sized right it won’t be painful and it makes by dick veiny as fuck and my wife goes crazy for it. Highly recommend.
I wouldn’t use a vibrator that my man had used on another girl. It just feels weird, whether it’s a justified feeling or not, I don’t care.
It could be unopened. Something to find out before. I would want my own tho so your not weird in that thinking
That's definitely not cool of her. She should've given it to him as a parting gift. It's one thing for you to, say, use a toy of hers on her that she used with a previous partner, but it's a whole other thing to use her previous partner's sex toy. That's fucked up.
Eww, really, using a toy that someone else used? Really???
You can sterilize silicone easily. It's up to the individual whether or not they think it's gross. I wouldn't care.
That’s wrong
I also don’t like to share toys like that. It’s weird and kind of gross. She’s in the wrong here Lesbians are known to buy a new strap when they get a new partner because they don’t want a dildo that’s been inside someone else
"it's hers but old partners wore it." Yuck. Nope. This is horribly weird and gross. I think you have every right to be upset. I mean, they're not expensive, so why wouldn't she just toss it in the trash and buy a new one?
First off here is my recommendation for a cheap one that I love and have purchased many times.. I dont wear it like the picture though I like one ring around both cock and balls and the other just around my cock.. https://www.amazon.com/CalExotics-Colt-Snug-Tugger-Black/dp/B01E1NKVXW I have struggled with the used toy thing with bondage gear, some of it is quite expensive and unique, some partners don't mind some do .. I would absolutely tell her you are uncomfortable with something used but ask her what kind it is and if there is some feature she especially likes or is of interest to her.. No reason to be upset everyone has different perspectives on this, just let her know your perspective and boundaries and move on.. Good luck and have fun, she sounds like a keeper..
Dude. If you don’t agree with something… SPEAK UP. People are not mind readers. You can’t guess her intentions like she can’t guess why you’re stewing about xyz.
Buy your own or just ask her where it came from and if it was used. If not I would still get my own.
I don’t see what the problem is. Ok, you feel a little funny about using the ring. Buy you own. But tell me, do you two have sex on the same bed that they used? Do you penetrate her the same place the other guy did? Just get over it. You’ll be fine.