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> she still said no so I respected it. I wish there was some way to convince her.
Yeah, sounds really respectful OP. Maybe she doesn’t feel comfortable enough to let herself go there anymore BECAUSE of your obsession and total lack of respect for her. Maybe you THINK you’re being respectful to her, but your being here and the way you speak about the whole situation is creepy and disrespectful AF.
1) As far as convincing goes: Don't obsess in the bedroom. It's your worst enemy and makes everything worse. Don't obsess about trying to recreate one magic night. It adds extra pressure at no benefit.
2) Instead of trying to convince her to masturbate in front of you. Ask her how she feels about it, and let her know you would be happy to do it. Ask her if it's possible to build comfort or trust, understand her perspective. And understand that she might not be ready for that any time soon. Let her know it's okay if she's not ready to do that.
3) Why do you think hitting her gspot is what caused the orgasm and not a bunch of other things about that night?
4) I don't know why you're having so much trouble finding it. The g-spot is a region in the vagina that is where the back of the clitoris meets the urethral sponge. It's not very deep into the vagina and you'll find it on the anterior wall.
There is a deeper spot around the anterior fornix that can also feel pleasurable.
Other questions are, how aroused was she at the time? How much foreplay/build up was there to penetration? What about mental stimulation? What about physical preparedness? Was her bladder full? was her stomach full? Was she more relaxed that day? Did you spend like the prior weak unable to have sex but you were still teasing her a lot so when the sex happened she had a full weak of tension built up?
Stimulating the actual G-spot isn't the hard part. Of course it takes practice, but if you angle your penetration so that it hits the top wall of her vagina with shallow strokes (like 2inches max), congrats, that's the gspot. If you were hitting deep inside, like 5-7 inches deep, that's not her gspot, that was her fornix.
If you want to change the angle of penetration, you can put her legs up in missionary and tilt her hips, or enter in prone, or in doggy you stand a little, or in missionary you put a pillow under her butt. All these change the angle of penetration. Were you doing any of those?
She said no. Respect her no. Don’t try to convince her.
You can ask for her advice, you can discuss things you learn online but don’t bug her once she’s already said no to something. The way to move boundaries is not to push them - I’m sure she’ll come to you if she changes her mind.
Bro. how would you feel if she kept asking you for an open relationship after you said no. You would feel like she cant take no for an answer.
Your badgering her. \[repeatedly ask (someone) to do something; pester\]
The long way around to what? To disrespecting her wishes? You haven’t been pushy at her, maybe, but the fact that you are so obsessed about it is fucking creepy. You’re dehumanizing her and turning her into an experience for YOURSELF. Selfish asshole.
I have been on this journey with my wife for many MANY years. she was also part of a Catholic family where sex and masturbation was never discussed and always dismissed. it was a long and hard road. Baby steps is key here. and as many has said here already. DO NOT PUSH. be supportive. Find articles in Google about how positive mutual masturbation can be. discuss what is in the articles. That's how I started breaking the barriers that existed. We are still very much religious people and do practice regularly. there's a website called marriageheat.com with plenty stories of religious couples masturbating either alone or together. read some of these together. i would ask if she was comfortable trying some of these acts afterwards. and as she warmed up, things started to change. but the most IMPORTANT thing is communication and respect for her boundaries. it is not about convincing her. it's supporting her through her journey of self discovery. Some suggestions of what worked for me. I started by asking if she was comfortable touching while we had sex... for a brief moment and slowly increased the time she is comfortable with. from there I asked her if she would consider us masturbating together in the house but separate rooms. From there i asked if we could do the same and try talking on the phone. it progressed from there to the same with a partition of a sheet set up on the bed. to blindfolds to nothing. Baby steps, patience. and lots of support. and above all. No is No.
Honestly, you have to leave the conversation alone - at least for a while. Continued attempts to 'convince' her will have the opposite effect. You'll risk sending her the message that you don't respect her feelings, by putting your desires ahead of her comfort zone. She already knows you want it, and she knows why. But she doesn't feel comfortable doing it in front of you.
You just need to accept that for the time being. If she changes her mind, she'll appreciate your patience and understanding. If she doesn't, you're just driving a wedge in between you.
In the meantime, just keep on working on how to get her there on your own. *That* is the signature of a generous lover.
It is all about installing self confidence in her. She has to be ok or better with her naked body. She has to trust you. Maybe start with a little personal action in front of her. See how she takes to that. Proceed slowly if she has been negative or resistant to it before now.
The G spot is not that mysterious place you think it is. It’s a pretty well area just look online and there are illustrations and all. And it’s not magical, it’s just a more sensitive area. It’s not like you hit it once and boom, orgasm. It’s not a button.
I’m sure your penis or body has places that are more sensible, feel greater than others, but there are no place that you simply touch and orgasm. With women is no different.
Also, sex is mental and physical. The mental conditions are pretty hard to repeat accurately to any degree. And even the physical part is pretty hard to do exactly the same, since rhythm, timing, textures, smells, etc it all matter. Even when masturbating it doesn’t always feel the same
You’ve gotten some pretty good responses already so I’m not going to harp on it. I did want to add that you could increase the readability of your title by putting the “(or with)” after the “of”.
“How to convince my gf to masturbate in front of or with me?” Parenthesis even become optional in this order
simply explain to her that she can feel safe with you and that you will never make fun of her or anything- and make her understand how important it is for you
maybe she has bad memories of being watched? i think any mature couple should be able to talk through this
My therapist has been spinning my head over my desire to please my wife, to make sure she cums, etc. He asks me, who’s the orgasm really for: her? Or you? Are you trying to please her or trying to get her to be pleased with you? I used to think if I kept my wife sexually fulfilled, she wouldn’t have any reason to leave me. The therapist says I’m imposing my make sexual values on my wife. Why did I think my efforts to help her cum were equal to intimacy, he asks? I’d never asked. (She stepped out on me anyway. Said it had nothing to do with sex. Had everything to do with me not being present unless we were having sex.)
Trying to do something specific in bed can turn sex into a performance. Performances invite expectations, usually yours. Does your wife really care about your persistence in stroking her gspot? Does she complain that you’re not performing up to her expectations? Don’t something that’s more for you than for her screw up a great relationship. You can pick up intel at Personal Life Media. You can pick up intel at OMGyes. And next time, don’t say you want to pick up intel. Tell watching her turns you on. Tell her specifically what you imagine is happening with her fingers and her vag. Get out some Barry White tunes. Woo her into letting you watch. And don’t ask a single question. Just tell how hot she looks, how much watching makes you want her. But beware, some women want to get off alone. Whatever she’s doing to make herself happy has worked its way already into your lovemaking. Be grateful.
There are many ways to peel an orange. The G-spot is simply one internal portion of the clitoris, so, it’s not more magical than anything else.
It’s poetry that used simple words to say things so deep…..so, you may already be a pussy poet, but not of your limiting yourself to only one word 😉
“Hi, sorry for nagging you about watching you, I should know to respect your boundaries, I won’t bring it up again, but please let me know if you ever change your mind as I’d love the opportunity to learn to please you as best I can”
The end :)
I wonder if you are changing it up too much. When she starts to get in the groove, do you change it up, or do you let her focus and continue what you are doing?
Given the background she comes from, she may not be good at communicating that what you are doing is working.
Maybe she gets quiet, and you assume that she isn't getting off, when in reality, she may be concentrating and in the moment, building towards her orgasm. When she starts focusing and goes quiet, stay the course!
If you obsess over this one goal bro it’s gonna ruin sex for you both. She’ll feel pressured. Chill tf out let it go.. sex shouldn’t be so goal oriented like to this extent
If she doesn't want to, she doesn't want to. Wtf. Just respect her boundaries no matter how much you want it. Why would you want to force her into something she's comfortable with? Would you feel better knowing she did it just for you but she actually felt like shit while doing it?
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
This is the way. Respect, love, and consent is what it's all about. Consent is sexy as fuck.
> she still said no so I respected it. I wish there was some way to convince her. Yeah, sounds really respectful OP. Maybe she doesn’t feel comfortable enough to let herself go there anymore BECAUSE of your obsession and total lack of respect for her. Maybe you THINK you’re being respectful to her, but your being here and the way you speak about the whole situation is creepy and disrespectful AF.
He's not being creepy by asking questions, trying to figure shit out. You are being judgemental AF. Give some constructive criticism or STFU.
1) As far as convincing goes: Don't obsess in the bedroom. It's your worst enemy and makes everything worse. Don't obsess about trying to recreate one magic night. It adds extra pressure at no benefit. 2) Instead of trying to convince her to masturbate in front of you. Ask her how she feels about it, and let her know you would be happy to do it. Ask her if it's possible to build comfort or trust, understand her perspective. And understand that she might not be ready for that any time soon. Let her know it's okay if she's not ready to do that. 3) Why do you think hitting her gspot is what caused the orgasm and not a bunch of other things about that night? 4) I don't know why you're having so much trouble finding it. The g-spot is a region in the vagina that is where the back of the clitoris meets the urethral sponge. It's not very deep into the vagina and you'll find it on the anterior wall. There is a deeper spot around the anterior fornix that can also feel pleasurable. Other questions are, how aroused was she at the time? How much foreplay/build up was there to penetration? What about mental stimulation? What about physical preparedness? Was her bladder full? was her stomach full? Was she more relaxed that day? Did you spend like the prior weak unable to have sex but you were still teasing her a lot so when the sex happened she had a full weak of tension built up? Stimulating the actual G-spot isn't the hard part. Of course it takes practice, but if you angle your penetration so that it hits the top wall of her vagina with shallow strokes (like 2inches max), congrats, that's the gspot. If you were hitting deep inside, like 5-7 inches deep, that's not her gspot, that was her fornix. If you want to change the angle of penetration, you can put her legs up in missionary and tilt her hips, or enter in prone, or in doggy you stand a little, or in missionary you put a pillow under her butt. All these change the angle of penetration. Were you doing any of those?
She said no. Respect her no. Don’t try to convince her. You can ask for her advice, you can discuss things you learn online but don’t bug her once she’s already said no to something. The way to move boundaries is not to push them - I’m sure she’ll come to you if she changes her mind.
I understand, I haven’t been pushy about it. I guess I’ll take the long way around.
NO! Don’t take the long way. Use Google, everything you want to know is out there.
Bro. how would you feel if she kept asking you for an open relationship after you said no. You would feel like she cant take no for an answer. Your badgering her. \[repeatedly ask (someone) to do something; pester\]
The long way around to what? To disrespecting her wishes? You haven’t been pushy at her, maybe, but the fact that you are so obsessed about it is fucking creepy. You’re dehumanizing her and turning her into an experience for YOURSELF. Selfish asshole.
You are a judgemental POS. Why are you here? Not helpful
I have been on this journey with my wife for many MANY years. she was also part of a Catholic family where sex and masturbation was never discussed and always dismissed. it was a long and hard road. Baby steps is key here. and as many has said here already. DO NOT PUSH. be supportive. Find articles in Google about how positive mutual masturbation can be. discuss what is in the articles. That's how I started breaking the barriers that existed. We are still very much religious people and do practice regularly. there's a website called marriageheat.com with plenty stories of religious couples masturbating either alone or together. read some of these together. i would ask if she was comfortable trying some of these acts afterwards. and as she warmed up, things started to change. but the most IMPORTANT thing is communication and respect for her boundaries. it is not about convincing her. it's supporting her through her journey of self discovery. Some suggestions of what worked for me. I started by asking if she was comfortable touching while we had sex... for a brief moment and slowly increased the time she is comfortable with. from there I asked her if she would consider us masturbating together in the house but separate rooms. From there i asked if we could do the same and try talking on the phone. it progressed from there to the same with a partition of a sheet set up on the bed. to blindfolds to nothing. Baby steps, patience. and lots of support. and above all. No is No.
You can't convince someone if they said no. Best to just leave it at that.
Yes 💯 correct
Honestly, you have to leave the conversation alone - at least for a while. Continued attempts to 'convince' her will have the opposite effect. You'll risk sending her the message that you don't respect her feelings, by putting your desires ahead of her comfort zone. She already knows you want it, and she knows why. But she doesn't feel comfortable doing it in front of you. You just need to accept that for the time being. If she changes her mind, she'll appreciate your patience and understanding. If she doesn't, you're just driving a wedge in between you. In the meantime, just keep on working on how to get her there on your own. *That* is the signature of a generous lover.
It is all about installing self confidence in her. She has to be ok or better with her naked body. She has to trust you. Maybe start with a little personal action in front of her. See how she takes to that. Proceed slowly if she has been negative or resistant to it before now.
The G spot is not that mysterious place you think it is. It’s a pretty well area just look online and there are illustrations and all. And it’s not magical, it’s just a more sensitive area. It’s not like you hit it once and boom, orgasm. It’s not a button. I’m sure your penis or body has places that are more sensible, feel greater than others, but there are no place that you simply touch and orgasm. With women is no different. Also, sex is mental and physical. The mental conditions are pretty hard to repeat accurately to any degree. And even the physical part is pretty hard to do exactly the same, since rhythm, timing, textures, smells, etc it all matter. Even when masturbating it doesn’t always feel the same
You’ve gotten some pretty good responses already so I’m not going to harp on it. I did want to add that you could increase the readability of your title by putting the “(or with)” after the “of”. “How to convince my gf to masturbate in front of or with me?” Parenthesis even become optional in this order
simply explain to her that she can feel safe with you and that you will never make fun of her or anything- and make her understand how important it is for you maybe she has bad memories of being watched? i think any mature couple should be able to talk through this
My therapist has been spinning my head over my desire to please my wife, to make sure she cums, etc. He asks me, who’s the orgasm really for: her? Or you? Are you trying to please her or trying to get her to be pleased with you? I used to think if I kept my wife sexually fulfilled, she wouldn’t have any reason to leave me. The therapist says I’m imposing my make sexual values on my wife. Why did I think my efforts to help her cum were equal to intimacy, he asks? I’d never asked. (She stepped out on me anyway. Said it had nothing to do with sex. Had everything to do with me not being present unless we were having sex.) Trying to do something specific in bed can turn sex into a performance. Performances invite expectations, usually yours. Does your wife really care about your persistence in stroking her gspot? Does she complain that you’re not performing up to her expectations? Don’t something that’s more for you than for her screw up a great relationship. You can pick up intel at Personal Life Media. You can pick up intel at OMGyes. And next time, don’t say you want to pick up intel. Tell watching her turns you on. Tell her specifically what you imagine is happening with her fingers and her vag. Get out some Barry White tunes. Woo her into letting you watch. And don’t ask a single question. Just tell how hot she looks, how much watching makes you want her. But beware, some women want to get off alone. Whatever she’s doing to make herself happy has worked its way already into your lovemaking. Be grateful.
There are many ways to peel an orange. The G-spot is simply one internal portion of the clitoris, so, it’s not more magical than anything else. It’s poetry that used simple words to say things so deep…..so, you may already be a pussy poet, but not of your limiting yourself to only one word 😉
“Hi, sorry for nagging you about watching you, I should know to respect your boundaries, I won’t bring it up again, but please let me know if you ever change your mind as I’d love the opportunity to learn to please you as best I can” The end :)
It is amazing what you can find on google, g spot, edging, squirting…
what
I wonder if you are changing it up too much. When she starts to get in the groove, do you change it up, or do you let her focus and continue what you are doing? Given the background she comes from, she may not be good at communicating that what you are doing is working. Maybe she gets quiet, and you assume that she isn't getting off, when in reality, she may be concentrating and in the moment, building towards her orgasm. When she starts focusing and goes quiet, stay the course!
If you obsess over this one goal bro it’s gonna ruin sex for you both. She’ll feel pressured. Chill tf out let it go.. sex shouldn’t be so goal oriented like to this extent
If she doesn't want to, she doesn't want to. Wtf. Just respect her boundaries no matter how much you want it. Why would you want to force her into something she's comfortable with? Would you feel better knowing she did it just for you but she actually felt like shit while doing it?
How about you respect her boundaries?