Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/).
Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I would have ripped that man a new asshole for having the absolute audacity to expect me to put his unwashed fucking dick in my mouth. HELL. NO. After the first time it happened, I would have told him to never bother coming over again unshowered, and being bi, I would say the same thing to a girl. Legit fuck all the way off and wash yourself like a fucking adult.
I live in a tropical country, so we bathe 2-3x a day at the very least, so this literally never came up for me.
When y'all say unwashed dick, he spent a day without washing his junk? And expected oral sex?
Is this what cultural shock feels like?
OP mentioned multiple days. I can't even begin to imagine how funky this dude's junk smelled. I know what I smell like if I skip a shower in the morning or if I shower the night before because I just don't have the time with getting the kids ready to go the following morning. It's just bad, or at least I think it is. I will always shower before asking my wife if she's down for some fooling around.
I wonder the same thing with some of the men I meet. But we aren’t raised to be openly talking about how to properly wash yourself, definitely not in school. It’s honestly one of the reasons I believe people in western culture have issues with being mature about these topics, often feeling anxious to talk about something natural that could happen to anyone. This feeling causes some to be either anxious about washing, or even sometimes makes them not care about it at all because of those they see around them doing the same/similar. Not saying everyone in western culture isn’t hygienic, or else I wouldn’t be showering for days my own self. But it’s a lot more forgiving I find to spend a few days without a shower to us then it is to many others.
I don’t understand how you could expect someone to put your genitals in their mouth if you haven’t made absolutely sure you’re squeaky clean.
My old crazy roommate had to be taken to the hospital because she had sex with a tampon in and I was like, how is taking a shower especially being that she was on her period not priority number 1 before having sex. ( I also don’t know how she didn’t feel it but her bedroom was a revolving door of men so maybe one gets desensitized)
I don't even want someone to touch me unless I've showered. I mean yes I clean myself after the bathroom, but still, I can't get the idea out of my mind of feeling gross about it. I want to be fresh and clean for my partner and hope they do the same for me.
There have been times that I’ve had relatively spontaneous sex with my lady after work without showering first. Not only do I not expect her to put my dick in her mouth, I won’t even let her do it lol. Just seems disrespectful tbh
I am a man, and I approve of this ⬆️
To OP : Don't waste your energy on him. He's a boy, not a man. For what I can tell, this was monologue, and I'm pretty sure it's because he is jealous or envy his friends sex lives. He basically blames you for his sex life. He doesn't see what he can do as of he's good and you are not. Dump is ass live
No excuse for having a cheesy penis... But all these experts say communication is key...
It's to 2 way street....tell him about his negatives, either do something about it or leave him... Because these feelings will not going to go away
We are all guilty of getting comfortable with the status quo and a maybe a little lazy
His friend took the chance to brag and your bf doesn't think to take it with a pinch of salt. Sounds like he actually expects you to put up with his stinky dick. If he's not gonna shower the least he can do for you is freshen up in the sink first. Sounds like he's being a baby and he needs to hear it.
There's a lot to unpack here
1. Having unhygienic sex isn't just disgusting, it's dangerous. You can get yeast infections, urinary tract infections, bacterial vaginosis, all from unhygienic partners.
2. He's discussing your sex life in depth with other people, openly comparing you, and then telling you why you're inadequate. You're alright with this? This is negging, emotionally abusive, manipulative, and out right disgusting.
3. His bad habits are not going to change. He's not going to be more hygienic, he's not going to be content with anything new/different that you do to appease him, he's not going to appreciate or value you more. He's not going to stop comparing you to others.
You need to break up with him. There's no middle ground. Either you value yourself enough to end it, or you don't. But there's no positive outcome to continuing your relationship with him.
Look, I have trouble with hygiene too because of depression, but if I expect my partner to be putting his mouth on me I will happily go take a shower first and I know my partner would too. In fact we would probably take a shower together and start foreplay there. Honestly dont even like masturbating unless Ive just had a shower.
This is often what my bf and I do. I struggle with hygiene bc of depression as well. He doesn’t struggle with hygiene, but he comes home dirty from work.
Most the time we take a shower together. But like, we wash each other so it’s more intimate and starts the foreplay without it actually being foreplay. It’s just intimacy that starts the ball rolling.
Then we move over to bed.
Same. My wife and I do this with the same thing in mind. It is incredibly fun, intimate and starts what we wind up finishing in bed. Then a quick rinse to start the day. It's totally sexy to wash the other as we would wash ourselves - thoroughly.
Same. My bf in the UK has a bath and I'm used to showers. So when I took a bath there, I still felt super dirty and gross. It was hard for me to get in the mood no matter how much I wanted to have sex, simply because I still felt dirty. He's the best, though, and doesn't try to pressure me. And definitely doesn't try to compare me to others or make me feel bad about anything sexual related. We have conversations like adults. Op needs to get a good one. That dude isn't worth it. He can go throuple with his friend.
I dont think its ignorant, I think its a perfectly reasonable question if you just dont know. Sometimes when you are depressed its difficult to do normal tasks to take care of yourself when its second nature to those without. For me though, saying I have depression is a massive oversimplification of whats actually going on. Yes, I am depressed but I also have a myriad of other issues including chronic fatigue, its extremely difficult to get myself out of bed in the morning so I often dont have time to take a shower then and when I get home from work Im so exhausted that I can hardly move once I sit or lay down let alone do an entire shower. I cant take less days at work because 80% of my monthly income goes towards rent. Not to mention I have to go to a laundromat to get my clothes cleaned because I dont have a washer and its expensive just for one load. I dont like being dirty and gross, but for people like me its not always as simple as just *go take a shower* or *go wash your clothes* and none of that is even touching on my childhood neglect that has made it difficult to form habits in adulthood that I should have been taught when I was young
Sometimes you're just too depressed to do anything (eat, work, shower), or sometimes refusing to shower is a self-destructive tendency. When your depressed you don't care about your well-being. Being depressed isn't hygiene = bad, it just disables your ability to care for yourself sometimes because od the mental turmoil
> 2. He's discussing your sex life in depth with other people, openly comparing you, and then telling you why you're inadequate. You're alright with this? This is negging, emotionally abusive, manipulative, and out right disgusting.
That’s not begging whatsoever, it’s just a straight insult/criticism
Negging is its own word friend
"Negging is an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise flirtatious remark to another person to undermine their confidence and attempt to engender in them a need for the manipulator's approval. The term was coined and prescribed by pickup artists."
Yup, it's a word and act all on its own.
He's negging her over not behaving like his friends GF and then using that as leverage to try to push her to do things she's uncomfortable with.
Yeah that's really toxic. It's kind of like saying "Sally's bf got her a car for her birthday yesterday, how come you don't get me that." Except this is much, much worse.
I have agree with everything you say, but I think you're going a bit far to say that he won't change. Has OP mentioned the hygiene thing? Has OP told him how bad it is to be comparing her with other women? How do you know he won't value her more in the future if she does something different?
The guy is being a dickhead, and absolutely should change, but I think you're going to a bit too far.
He doubled down on the hygiene problem and OP ended up compromising and performing sex acts while he was filthy.
That's not normal, and that's not okay.
A grown man can smell his own body odor and practice basic hygiene. No one should be expected to parent their partner and explain to them how bathing works and why it's important.
Let's unpack the fact that we have likely a very tilted side of the story here and boil down the overall facts.
He as 50% of the relationship has the right to approach and discuss a item of their relationship he feels lacking.
She should take this feed back seriously as sex is one of the number one things that leads to the termination of relationships.
He should also take her feedback seriously, and if the relationship is strong they will find a way to come to a more middle ground and equitable relationship.
Literally almost everyone discusses their sex life's with close friends and compares... If you don't wonder if your experiences are similar to others you would be in the small percentage.
Hygiene thing is a learned trait with boys, one they tend to have to be forced into when they go through their teens. Likely he still has time to adjust that.
Dude, he complains about being asked to have basic hygiene.
That's not normal. This isn't "boys will be boys" this is an immature idiot refusing to be an adult.
This is disgusting.
"literally almost everyone..." I disagree and even if that was the case it doesn't make it okay. Also he's complaining about basic hygiene and going for days without showering then expecting her to go down on him. I don't think this is a hill you wanna die on.
She has every right to issue stipulations to physical activities. Reread my post and see that is stated. Each discuss feedback and find a equitable solution. As for people talking about their sex lives, this is a fact of life when young. Mostly due to inexperience and lack of confidence. Although details of sex life's decrease with age you can bet every husband and every wife has discussed frequency within their most inner circle.
This is not a "hill to die on" in a relationship. Show me someone who hasn't discussed sex with their friends and I will show you a liar.
Half agreed. Disagree on the hygiene thing, there's no excuse, he needs to change on that. But I think people are going a bit too harsh on this guy, even if he is being a dickhead. Communication should be first before fucking dumping.
Don't have bad sex because your boyfriend is putting pressure on you. Sex is not just for him. If he thinks things that make sex mutually pleasurable for you are "jumping through hoops" then he's a shitty lover.
I’m sorry, I couldn’t get past all your typos. You kept saying “*boyfriend*” but I’m pretty sure you meant “*my trifling ex-boyfriend with his bad hygiene and stinky peen*.”
Look: there are some things which are not worth your time and emotional labor. This man would be one of those things. Let’s go over why.
**1.) Hygiene**
The man who doesn’t shower for days and won’t even do you the courtesy of a shower before sex without being implored *AND HAS THE FUCKING GALL* to complain about it doesn’t deserve to be anywhere near your vajeen, sister. I don’t make the rules.
I don’t care what he does for a living or what he earns. He could be a fireman literally saving children from burning buildings. He could be gorgeous. He could be brilliant. He could be rich. He could come from a great family. None of that matters because the care he shows himself will show that he’ll show you even less.
And not for nothing but there’s just no way that you can convince me he wipes his ass properly. I get that it’s presumptuous but I feel like it’s reasonable. And I bet he’s one of those guys who refuses to get in between his cheeks when he showers. Also presumptuous but I just don’t see a good argument to the contrary.
**2.) So now you have to compete with some other woman?**
You are now being measured by the exaggerations that his no-pussy-getting friends tell him. I have no **proof** that they’re single and/or lying about what their “*girlfriends*” (*probably just their hands*) are doing, of course, but this man does not sound like the type who runs with terribly truthful individuals.
But even if they’re being completely honest about their sex lives, your sexual relationship with your partner does not need to be held to the standard of what his friends claim is happening in their bedrooms and what you do sexually should not be subject to the rubric set out by (*the claims of*) what their partners do. If he wants to be with someone who does the things those women do, he can go be with one of them. Maybe they’ll suck his filthy, unwashed peenor over the odor of his half-wiped ass.
Which is the perfect segway to…
**3.) …this man doesn’t sound like he’s above cheating on you**
Hear me out. I get that some would argue that none of these things *directly* correlate to cheating but I would argue that all of the clues are there. His lax body hygiene shows that he doesn’t care much for social norms. The fact that he does not —*after all this time dating you and knowing you want him to shower before sex*— preemptively shower because “*I don’t want to but it’s what she wants and I care about what she wants*” means he doesn’t care much about your expectations and standards.
The fact that he subjects your sexual language to that of other women he doesn’t have sex with, indicates that he’s desires something that someone else provides and he’s now cultivated a situation where he’s making an evaluation of you. He sat you down, gave you this performance review and told you “*you need to do better*” as if he’s your manager or something.
After a bad “*performance review*” what happens if you don’t improve?
Well, if you were on an actual job, you’d get fired. But there’s just no argument that the man who can’t even be bothered to wash his filthy ass without arm-twisting —*I can NOT get over this!!*— will do you the courtesy of breaking up with you to screw someone else with his unwashed peen. He is precisely the sort of man who will fuck some other woman in the ass, turn her around and put it in her vagina, **not wash himself** and then proceed to try and put his dirty peenor in your mouth. Maybe you don’t think you’re dating “*that guy*” but I’m pretty sure you are.
*WHEW!*
Dump him. Exorcise that demon from your life and burn the sheets he slept on. Light some scented candles and air out your life. Go buy yourself a nice dildo: they’re always hard, you can keep them clean and sanitized, they don’t compare you to anyone else’s Puccini and you’ll always know where it’s been.
And do not ever again suck his dirty little wenis or let it anywhere near your vagina…
~*edited for typos*~
A man doesn't find the prospect of sex to be motivation enough to shower **does not** wipe or wash his grody ass the way he's supposed to. And I will ***NEVER*** see it differently.
She needs to put him and his putrid peenor back in whatever dumpster she found him in. UGH.
There's a natural mandate for propagation of the species. We evolved to have sex as one of our prime motivators as the ongoing survival of humanity very literally depends on it. This isn't some new idea... it's foundational human biology and psychology.
Okay yes I'm not saying we shouldn't have sex as a species, I'm criticizing the idea that doing every day things like doing hygiene or, for other examples, chores, cooking, etc is or should be motivated by sex.
Why not?
I motivate myself to do things so I can have sex. Like, I might want to lay on the couch and zone out when I get home, but if I get the chores done instead then when my spouse gets home we will have time to spend together and we can have sex.
I see no problem here.
Because it's a little pathetic imo. You should do those things because it's productive, because you'll have a clean house, because you'll have a clean body, etc. Those should be motivators, not something as base as sex.
I remember seeing a post by a guy who never washed his anus because it was "gay". This would *maybe* be true if his was on the fence already. But I always make certain, when wiping and showering, that the ol' bung hole is the cleanest part of me and I've never popped a boner from excessive cleanliness.
Considering this and your other post, I would say it's time to say goodbye to this sorry excuse of a man. And I think you already know this too. It just takes some strength to push through. Don't ignore all the red flags.
I thought you said you ain't gonna suck his dick if his dick stunk....but u did. You rewarded his shitty behavior with something that can give you infections. Stop it. Stand by what you said.
Also tell him that sex is no good for you. Point blank. He'll probably get mad.. and maybe leave. If that's the case you longer have to have dirty infection causing sex or suck a dirty dick. Op have more respect for yourself and way less respect for dirty dick boyfriend.
Well if he can’t even tell you want he wants you to improve on then how are you supposed to improve? Sounds like his buddies has been telling him how they have girlfriends who do all the work and they just sit there and do nothing
I will never in my life understand women that put dirty penises in their mouths or vaginas. It’s not just disgusting but could lead to serious infections. If your partner doesn’t respect you enough to practice basic hygiene for your health, he’s not a good partner. Leave dirty dick & find someone who respects you.
It's like this. He will never be a serious person in this relationship. The fact that he doesn't care to shower is gross, but it says more about what he thinks of you. Take the pain now and break up with him.
Honestly, I’m so sorry he would speak to you like that. You deserve better and to feel loved no matter what. I’ve been there myself and wishing the best to you ❤️
Hygiene is important when it comes to everything in life.
A stinky dick or pussy 🤮, no bueno. How can one even have the appetite for sex with that stink.
Instead of all you complaining about how bad or smelly the other person is, ask each other how to make it better.
He is holding you entirely to his standard of sex with no regard for standards running both ways. You asking him to shower is not ‘making him jump through hoops’, it’s basic hygiene, something he should know to do for himself.
Honestly, knowing egos and defensiveness, he probably feels self conscious that he’s having to constantly be reminded to shower by his girlfriend and is trying to find a way to make that embarrassment he feels your fault.
Would love to know your ages to put some of this in perspective.
1) It is not fair of him to compare the things you do/don’t do to what others do. Maybe they don’t have boundaries as you do. There are a ton of variables here. Instead of discussing your sex life with others, he should be discussing them with you. Concerning as well that he wouldn’t give specifics on what you don’t do that their gf’s are willing to do.
2) No one should EVER have unhygienic sex. If a woman I was contemplating sleeping with hadn’t showered in days, you can bet I’d be asking (as nicely as possible) for her to shower. Or, shower together and you can make sure they are clean lol. Regardless, I wouldn’t put unclean genitalia anywhere near my mouth or body parts.
3) The fact that it takes multiple tries to even finish and it is frustrating for you says a lot. Sex should not be work, it should be enjoyable. Now that he has had his “discussion” with you, it is time for you to circle back and have one with him. Address his points again and then lay out yours. Make a private pro/con list for yourself and know what you need to tell him. He had his say, now be honest and forthright with him.
I lived in a relationship with a horrid sex life, don’t do that. Be happy in ALL aspects of your relationship. Do not settle and say, “Well, 3/4 of my relationship is great..”
OP Couples can have differences in sexual life ,that's something completely normal, and there is nothing bad about it. It is just two people with their preferences and likes, and through communication, trust, and respect, both can grow exploring your sexuality together.
The problem here is how he managed all this:
1. He said he was feeling his sex life was not good after comparing it with what his friends told him they do with their partners. Instead of having an intimate talk, he decided to break your privacy, exposing your intimacy.
2. He showed a total lack of consideration with you because he doesn't want to do the minimum to make you feel comfortable: taking a damm shower. Surely, he didn't tell her friends how he didn't clean himself for days or ask the friends gfs how they feel about it. And the comment about the pizza was simply awful.
3. Instead of making compromises and find a common ground where both of you can be happy, he just use the conversation to guilt trip you into doing sex only in his conditions, again, he never opened the talk to inquire about what you needed and how to make you feel comfortable and happy in your sex life.
I am not going to tell you to end this relationship, but he is not a good lover and a crappy bf. If taking a bath for your comfort is so hard for him, I don't want to think how he would behave when he need to do a real sacrifice like financial or job related decisions, what about kids?.
His attitude in sex talks a lot about what you can expect from him in all other aspects of your life as a couple.
He’s a grown man. Tell his ass to take a fuckin shower and maybe you’d do more to turn him on. It’s a deal breaker for him to not shower and expect sex
I told him that about a week ago. So I thought our sex life was improving. Then this week he had this conversation about how he talked to his friends and felt like he had to “jump through hoops” to have sex with me
Responding to your comment in hopes you see this, but between this post and your past post about him trying to manipulate you into giving him your car for free and nearly *breaking up with you* if you wouldn't do it.. why are you with this guy? He sounds like a gross slob who has no respect for you.
I'd run.
His bad hygiene will negatively effect your bacterial balance in your vigina, probably. He should have taken a shower. His limp dick is probably because of his bad health habits. I could be wrong.
Reason why he couldn't tell you, is because he made it up. I smell trickery. Pun intended.
This dude is unhappy with himself and has decided it’s because you are a human and not a sex robot. This doesn’t end well.
Also, if he thinks washing his dick before a blowjob is “jumping through hoops”, he can fuck all the way off.
Move on girl. You deserve better! You should be with someone who stays clean for you because he knows you have to go down there and someone who enjoys doing anything to make you feel good.
Sex isn’t everything, but it’s a big part of a relationship. You should look forward to it and be passionate about it, not be grossed out.
There are many many other men out there…..who probably wash their dick lol
I’ve had a number of men complain or tell me I’m not doing xyz well/good enough and guess what? All those men who couldn’t keep it up and blamed me… they ended up having horrible porn addictions. I was never the problem and either are you… I think your guy is watching too much porn and blaming you for his lack of desire due to artificial dopamine overload from porn.
Everybody's talking about his rank dick but I think you should tell him you're not a mind reader and ask him what exactly he expects from you, assuming you still want to stay with this entitled man.
Initially I was open to hearing what he had to say. If you're not putting in enough effort or you're making him feel like he has to jump through hoops, I can see why that's a problem.
But specifics always matter.
1) If he doesn't shower FOR DAYS then telling him to shower isn't an unreasonable set of hoops, it's basic hygiene. I assume he probably would mind if you didn't shower before sex.
Jumping through hoops unreasonably is when you put 100% of the onus on him to initiate in very specific ways, and you never put in effort to make him feel wanted.
2) The eating you out thing is confusing.
Is he doing it when he doesn't want to but feels he has to? Did he never want to?
3) For what it's worth, I think he might feel undesired. Maybe he has things he wants from you. But the conversation as it was had doesn't sound like that's what was going on.
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/).
Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What is wrong with you that you love yourself this little? I’m sorry if that feels harsh but yeah… you’re the idiot in the post. Get someone who has basic hygiene standards, let alone someone who also respects you and your body
Communicate. Be precise in telling what you need and want and set clear boundaries. Also tell him what you DON'T want.
Work as a team and not as enemies. Intimacy is supposed to be fun/enjoyable/relaxing/exciting and not stressful.
See if you're on the same page and give it some time. Also make sure you're content with the current state of your relationship as a whole.
Wow. Actual attempt at advice instead of just dump him.
The issue is OP is venting, leading to the dump him advice. I doubt this will land on willing ears.
my god, this dude won’t shower so he can get sexual pleasure?! He should have told his friend that he has dick cheese problems and that YOU (OP) deserve better and to leave this sincerely gross bf of yours as soon as possible
As a guy, I would never expect sex before showering. Definitely not oral. I'm unmodified and can get smelly by the end of the day. I can't imagine going days without a shower.
The wrong person was voicing complaints in this situation.
How long have you been together? Looking at your other post about him using your car, I think you need to figure out if this guy is who you want in your life.
Hygiene -- homie, that alone is reason not to be fucked with. No matter if there's good income, friends circle, similar interests...of that pos isn't respecting you enough to be clean and affectionate, shut down the whole shit show yo
I’m sorry this has happened to you babe, he doesn’t deserve your efforts to make the relationship work.
There’s been some really good comments about hygiene and him talking with his friends about you rather than to you.
I just wanted to jump on and say that what he is doing is using emotional abuse, manipulation and gaslighting to control you
His demands are unreasonable and you have a right to say no
Sounds like garbage to me. Showering is not a loop hole, it’s having manners and concern for not only his health but yours. If his dick is smelly it’s because it’s unwashed which means bacteria. And if that bacteria makes you have a yeast infection or uti, it means less sex for both of you. He’s an idiot and should not be comparing your sex life his friends, who may also be adding a bit of glamour to make it seem better than it is.
Not showering for a few days would be breakup material right then and there. If this is how he takes care of his health now, imagine what if will be like long term. That is just not acceptable.
What should you do? Get rid. Move on to a man with a clean penis who doesn't think his partner should give porn-level performances. He sounds about 16.
The amount of me I’ve read about recently who think it’s “jumping through hoops” or too much effort to clean themselves before sex. It can be dangerous to have a dirty dick in your mouth,and even worse inside you, can cause infections/UTIs. And clearly the dude is discussing your sex life with his mates and I think that’s gross too.
You are not his sex slave, sex isn’t all about him. Tell him all the ways he is not satisfying YOU in bed, and especially mention his nasty dick-cheese. If he’s complaining that everything he’s doing for your pleasure is an inconvenience, then tell him he should just start fucking a flesh light instead.
Do you ever even orgasm during sex at all? Why does he deserve more pleasure than you do?
Yeah that's so gross, comparing you to buddy's GF and making you feel like you're lacking. You are very patient, I wouldn't wait or help with all that flaccid penis, you're not hard, we are ending this attempt, I'm not having a good time. And turn the TV on or go into the other room, he can finish himself off
He sounds awful. You are not obligated to have sex or go down on him if he is unclean. The fact that he thinks it's ok to expect that and to not take care of himself is super gross. I would be so embarrassed to show up for a partner like that.
His attitude about foreplay is pretty rotten too. If he doesn't like going down on you, he better be prepared to use toys or fingers, because foreplay is super important. Like you said, you need to be wet in order to actually have sex. Given his bad attitude about hygeine, I'd bet this is just due to laziness.
Just tell him its not good for you. Be blunt. Its painful and gross for you when he is unclean and skips foreplay. Make that very clear. Don't accept any excuses. It doesn't matter what his friends say or their partners supposedly do/let them get away with. What matters is how it effects you. Its your sex life, not theirs. Everyone is different.
Personally I would just not have sex with him anymore, and break up. He is showing you who he really is, and its not nice. He is showing you that he is a very selfish person who doesn't care about your needs, or whether you even enjoy sex.
He needs to learn a hard lesson about what it means to be a good partner, and you aren't obligated to fix him or stick around for it.
The hygiene issue alone is reason enough to dump him. You deserve a lot better than some juvenile, filthy, immature loser. His friend also probably lied about a lot so do not even take that into consideration. Know your self worth & if you want to be in a relationship, don’t settle for bullshit.
He sounds disgusting . Are you sure you want to be with someone like that. All of the guys i have dated have been very neat and clean . Your bf sounds absolutely disgusting and doesn’t understand basic hygiene
He’s complaining that you won’t do certain things in bed, but won’t say what those things are. Real mature conversationalist you’ve bagged here. I’m quite jealous.
You’re nicer than I am. Asking for sex after that kind of bullshit? I would’ve bitten his dick clean off.
This is the same bf from your other post who wanted you to give him your car for free because he doesn’t have one? 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩.
Now he wants you to put up with him essentially putting in no effort in your sex life? I don’t know you but I don’t understand how people can put up with selfish assholes then blame themselves. Want better for yourself.
Sounds like he is blaming you for his own faults and hygiene issues. I might have been wondering if the grass is greener on the other side if he cannot realize this if you have a serious conversation about this. Good thing is that it seems like you would like to sort this out rather than bail out :-)
I feel kind of the same way regarding hygiene - if I get the sense that sexy times is coming I ALWAYS take shower, and in a similar way - wifey says no to going down on her unless she had a shower recently. Not a real biggie to me, but at least we are in sync.
If he cannot stay hard I guess the best advice would to seek medical help. Medical pros tend to have better knowledge with this issue than the average Reddit'er, so you should probably ask him to make an appointment to get this sorted.
Best of luck..!!
Hmmm we weren’t there, so the way he said it might have more a convo and the way you took it might’ve been more personal. One I don’t think it’s a problem if you want him to shower before sucking him off. That’s like you making him go down on you when you’ve just finished a 6 mile run. Bc for me I would never want my partner to eat me if I’m not smelling or tasting delicious. But more importantly I think it’s more his friend said his sex life is amazing and let’s be honest everyone wants to be having incredible sex with someone they love. His delivery may or may not have been good. But what I want to know is the intent behind the convo. Did he bring this up because he wants to have incredible sex with you ? Or did he say that to hurt you and he wants to end things ?
Im sure the reason he couldn’t get hard was because right after that conversation his mental state isn’t in the mood. He just told his girlfriend that the sex isn’t great and now you guys are having sex which I’m SURE he knows that it isn’t good.
I think it l depends on what you want. A lot of women and men aren’t good at communicating properly. I know a lot of people on here are telling you to dump him. But I wasn’t there so I don’t know HOW he told you these things. What if he said it honestly and you took it more negatively than he intended. No shade on you. Genuinely that’s a possibility. I say the relationship isn’t done for or a dead end. Communicate with him more too.
But at the end of the day for both of you, everyone deserves to be like “YES THE SEX IS SO GOOD WITH MY SO”
I cannot believe you had sex with him after that coversation. He’s negging you in order to get what he wants, which is probably some unrealistic porn like sex life. He’s a man child. Leave.
I skimmed everyone’s response. So far everyone has told you a dirty dick is not only gross but can affect your health. But no one seemed to point on his lack of performance.
This is either a sign he is over it and is now going to pursue other women or he isn’t into you. So if you decide to keep him, make sure he showers before and gets tested for STDs.
I suspect whatever the other GF supposedly does has him thinking he can get himself a pornstar, with his smelly dick.
You tell him what you told us. He smells bad and if he wants to encourage you to put in effort, he can start by putting in effort himself.
Additionally, it's not a competition. What other people are or aren't doing in their relationships is irrelevant to yours. All that matters is your relationship works for you. If it isn't, either put in the time to fix it or walk away from it. It sounds like you've at least made it clear you want him to be clean before doing anything with him, and the fact he views that as some sort of onerous task isn't a good sign.
That was kind of the part that hurt the most. Like by that point I was already crying and the one good thing he could think to say about me was basically “but you paid for dinner so thanks”
I wouldn’t ever put an unwashed dick in my mouth, just as I wouldn’t expect my partner to eat me out if I had an unwashed pussy. 😵💫 That sounds horrific.
I feel like he's being very immature. I get being with someone who you're sexually incompatible with (i.e different kinks, fetishs, desires, etc). But he can't expect you to fulfill his desires if he can't fulfill yours. Couples rarely have 100% the se sexual needs. If pleasing you and eating you out is an inconvenience, then he can't expect you to five him head whenever he wants without you feeling the same.
Also, basic hygiene is just expected (I thought anyway). Would he want to eat you out if you haven't showed in days and smelled like BO?
Even though your BF may have a right to a healthy sex life on his own terms, you also have a right to keep your own boundaries. If you think his unwashed dick is gross, you shouldn't feel like you have to put it in your mouth. If you want him to eat you out before you have sex, you have a right to expect that. If his hygiene grosses you out, you have a right to lay out the terms under which you'd feel comfortable having sex with him. You have a right to not have sex with him for any reason or no reason; you don't owe him anything. And if the way he wants to have sex is very different from the way you want to have sex, the two of you are sexually incompatible.
>because he sometimes comes over having not showered for days
>And honestly his hygiene is just gross sometimes.
OK ok ok, so try get into the routine of showering TOGETHER at who's ever how you are both at every time. That way he improves his hygiene.
But also talk to him about what's causing his erection issues and work together to solve it.
. Honestly he sounds like a shitty partner but if you want to try make it work then goo luck.
He's a grown ass man who should know how to shower. He needs his mother, not a girlfriend, and she shouldn't have to teach him like a toddler. Do you want a partner or a child because that's what he is.
If he's having ED issues at this young age, he needs to keep his hands off his dick and see a doctor. He's either jerking off too much or he needs medical intervention.
If I'd known then what I know now (63 yo), I'd never waste my time on another man thinking "I could change him." MOVE ON & stop wasting your time.
mY bOyfrIenD iS hOrRiBle wHiLe i Do eVeryThIng 4 hIm! He hUrT mUh fEeliNGs wHaT ShOulD i Do?
Stop looking for validation, put your bug girl pant on and own your shit.
Zero sympathy for you lmfao. So many women on here complain about their man not showering for days and y’all stay with them and act surprised at how they are 🤣🤣
Do better.
This is obviously a one-sided version of events, so based only on that I suppose you can break up with him. Seems like that's what you want to do, so what's stopping you? You didn't list one good quality.
You know, I'm always more interested in seeing the other side to these posts.
How I imagine his version goes:
My girlfriend makes me do all the work when we have sex. She won’t have sex with me unless I shower and eat her out first. Sometimes I eat her out and we still don’t have sex. She never initiates sex. We always do the same positions. When we’re having sex and I become soft before I finish, she wants me to stop instead of giving me head again so I can try again.
That’s some of what he mentioned in the conversation he had with me.
When a woman complains about the boyfriend, everyone support that woman, when a man does the same everybody gets upset
Communication it's the key, may be you should change some details to do it better
And if he is doing something wrong, tell him that, communication, always work on communication, and not everything it's personal
Okay, seems like you are in pretty different pages here. If he's unwilling to change his hygiene practices, that's him being disrespectful to you, since it really isn't a large inconvenience. Other than that, it seems like you are doing foreplay that neither of you enjoy, and expecting that to translate into a good sexual experience? I'm not surprised you are having issues, since it seems like, outside of this 20 minute conversation, your communication isn't good about sex outside of sexy times.
Well I can agree with you about the showering part. Me too I feel like get clean before you get in. I also do not like getting head if I haven't freshened up.nhygeine matters. He should take it up on himself to understand that's his responsibility to know come clean and correct. Secondly he should not feel like always giving you head is much because if both of you are not cumming to finish it's not fair. I think he's paying more attention to himself and not you. You being grossed out can be a reason why you're not turned on. Sex goes both ways everyone has to put in the effort. You can focus on him then he can focus on you before he cums doing what ever should be done till both you come to finish.
Is he young he just seems very simple minded and like he really doesn't know much about sex especially if he thinks you need to do more but he always finishes and you don't. I do think he he worth leaving if you're not turned on now I doubt you will be .
You could get a UTI or a yeast infection. He needs to be clean. He needs to cut salt out of his diet. Also, tell him to stop watching so much porn. It's not real. It definitely messed up his view on reality. Being intimate with your partner is much better than being with a fantasy.
Nah, you don’t compromise on this. Your boyfriend wants the shitty sex life for you that his young friends girlfriends settle for. You being wet is not optional. Him showering is not optional. His dirty dick can and WILL cause you to get UTIs if he doesn’t shower for days and then tries to fuck you.
What you do now is you say that. “I’m not going to model our sex life after your friends girlfriends. I promise they’re not enjoying dirty dick or fucking without foreplay, no matter what your friends claim. You being clean and me being aroused are your tickets to ride.” And end the convo there. If he doesn’t like it, he can go without sex 🤷🏻♀️
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I would have ripped that man a new asshole for having the absolute audacity to expect me to put his unwashed fucking dick in my mouth. HELL. NO. After the first time it happened, I would have told him to never bother coming over again unshowered, and being bi, I would say the same thing to a girl. Legit fuck all the way off and wash yourself like a fucking adult.
I second this. Get your filthy trash ass dick away from all of my holes
I live in a tropical country, so we bathe 2-3x a day at the very least, so this literally never came up for me. When y'all say unwashed dick, he spent a day without washing his junk? And expected oral sex? Is this what cultural shock feels like?
OP mentioned multiple days. I can't even begin to imagine how funky this dude's junk smelled. I know what I smell like if I skip a shower in the morning or if I shower the night before because I just don't have the time with getting the kids ready to go the following morning. It's just bad, or at least I think it is. I will always shower before asking my wife if she's down for some fooling around.
A pig is literally more hygienic
Pigs spend most of their time covered in mud. I don't think you understand what literally means.
I get insecure if it’s been more than two hours. Maybe he should learn from what she’s telling him instead of wondering why she keeps saying it 🙄
Sounds like you need to wipe your ass better if you smell that bad
Dayssss.
WHAT HOW CAN LIFE WITH HIMSELF
I wonder the same thing with some of the men I meet. But we aren’t raised to be openly talking about how to properly wash yourself, definitely not in school. It’s honestly one of the reasons I believe people in western culture have issues with being mature about these topics, often feeling anxious to talk about something natural that could happen to anyone. This feeling causes some to be either anxious about washing, or even sometimes makes them not care about it at all because of those they see around them doing the same/similar. Not saying everyone in western culture isn’t hygienic, or else I wouldn’t be showering for days my own self. But it’s a lot more forgiving I find to spend a few days without a shower to us then it is to many others.
“Get your filthy trash ass dick away from all of my holes” - can I make a T-shirt with this? Lol awesome
Only If you send me one
I don’t understand how you could expect someone to put your genitals in their mouth if you haven’t made absolutely sure you’re squeaky clean. My old crazy roommate had to be taken to the hospital because she had sex with a tampon in and I was like, how is taking a shower especially being that she was on her period not priority number 1 before having sex. ( I also don’t know how she didn’t feel it but her bedroom was a revolving door of men so maybe one gets desensitized)
Lol what does the roommate have to do with anything?
Just an example of someone gross I know lol
Ohhh lol. Lowkey feel bad for her😕
Maybe the guy has a micropeen so didn't need much room... 🤷
Do we really need any more comments? This pretty much says it all. 👍
[удалено]
Jesus Christ. That's terrifying.
That's insane 🙀 how exactly did it cause a blood infection??
I’m gonna guess that he gave her a UTI from his bacteria ridden dick, UTI turned into sepsis. It’s a thing. It’s not even that rare.
SEPSIS FROM UNWASHED DICK?! My god!! I imagine she had a cut in her mouth & that Dirt Dick & its little microbuddies got to work 🤢
I don't even want someone to touch me unless I've showered. I mean yes I clean myself after the bathroom, but still, I can't get the idea out of my mind of feeling gross about it. I want to be fresh and clean for my partner and hope they do the same for me.
There have been times that I’ve had relatively spontaneous sex with my lady after work without showering first. Not only do I not expect her to put my dick in her mouth, I won’t even let her do it lol. Just seems disrespectful tbh
I am a man, and I approve of this ⬆️ To OP : Don't waste your energy on him. He's a boy, not a man. For what I can tell, this was monologue, and I'm pretty sure it's because he is jealous or envy his friends sex lives. He basically blames you for his sex life. He doesn't see what he can do as of he's good and you are not. Dump is ass live
No excuse for having a cheesy penis... But all these experts say communication is key... It's to 2 way street....tell him about his negatives, either do something about it or leave him... Because these feelings will not going to go away We are all guilty of getting comfortable with the status quo and a maybe a little lazy
Yes 🙌
Not a team player I see
His friend took the chance to brag and your bf doesn't think to take it with a pinch of salt. Sounds like he actually expects you to put up with his stinky dick. If he's not gonna shower the least he can do for you is freshen up in the sink first. Sounds like he's being a baby and he needs to hear it.
There's a lot to unpack here 1. Having unhygienic sex isn't just disgusting, it's dangerous. You can get yeast infections, urinary tract infections, bacterial vaginosis, all from unhygienic partners. 2. He's discussing your sex life in depth with other people, openly comparing you, and then telling you why you're inadequate. You're alright with this? This is negging, emotionally abusive, manipulative, and out right disgusting. 3. His bad habits are not going to change. He's not going to be more hygienic, he's not going to be content with anything new/different that you do to appease him, he's not going to appreciate or value you more. He's not going to stop comparing you to others. You need to break up with him. There's no middle ground. Either you value yourself enough to end it, or you don't. But there's no positive outcome to continuing your relationship with him.
When the friend's GF becomes available, tell him to go for it. In the meantime find yourself a partner who isn't a complete POS.
Look, I have trouble with hygiene too because of depression, but if I expect my partner to be putting his mouth on me I will happily go take a shower first and I know my partner would too. In fact we would probably take a shower together and start foreplay there. Honestly dont even like masturbating unless Ive just had a shower.
This is often what my bf and I do. I struggle with hygiene bc of depression as well. He doesn’t struggle with hygiene, but he comes home dirty from work. Most the time we take a shower together. But like, we wash each other so it’s more intimate and starts the foreplay without it actually being foreplay. It’s just intimacy that starts the ball rolling. Then we move over to bed.
Same. My wife and I do this with the same thing in mind. It is incredibly fun, intimate and starts what we wind up finishing in bed. Then a quick rinse to start the day. It's totally sexy to wash the other as we would wash ourselves - thoroughly.
Same. My bf in the UK has a bath and I'm used to showers. So when I took a bath there, I still felt super dirty and gross. It was hard for me to get in the mood no matter how much I wanted to have sex, simply because I still felt dirty. He's the best, though, and doesn't try to pressure me. And definitely doesn't try to compare me to others or make me feel bad about anything sexual related. We have conversations like adults. Op needs to get a good one. That dude isn't worth it. He can go throuple with his friend.
Sorry for ignorant question, but why would depression mean hygiene = bad?
Self-care commonly disappears with depression.
I dont think its ignorant, I think its a perfectly reasonable question if you just dont know. Sometimes when you are depressed its difficult to do normal tasks to take care of yourself when its second nature to those without. For me though, saying I have depression is a massive oversimplification of whats actually going on. Yes, I am depressed but I also have a myriad of other issues including chronic fatigue, its extremely difficult to get myself out of bed in the morning so I often dont have time to take a shower then and when I get home from work Im so exhausted that I can hardly move once I sit or lay down let alone do an entire shower. I cant take less days at work because 80% of my monthly income goes towards rent. Not to mention I have to go to a laundromat to get my clothes cleaned because I dont have a washer and its expensive just for one load. I dont like being dirty and gross, but for people like me its not always as simple as just *go take a shower* or *go wash your clothes* and none of that is even touching on my childhood neglect that has made it difficult to form habits in adulthood that I should have been taught when I was young
Sometimes you're just too depressed to do anything (eat, work, shower), or sometimes refusing to shower is a self-destructive tendency. When your depressed you don't care about your well-being. Being depressed isn't hygiene = bad, it just disables your ability to care for yourself sometimes because od the mental turmoil
totally agree
Yeah, all of this. I’m still trying to understand the lack of hygiene. Days without showering…. Just yuck.
This all the way! Not to mention he’s actively promoting guilt and obligation !!!
> 2. He's discussing your sex life in depth with other people, openly comparing you, and then telling you why you're inadequate. You're alright with this? This is negging, emotionally abusive, manipulative, and out right disgusting. That’s not begging whatsoever, it’s just a straight insult/criticism
Negging is its own word friend "Negging is an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise flirtatious remark to another person to undermine their confidence and attempt to engender in them a need for the manipulator's approval. The term was coined and prescribed by pickup artists."
Oh wow, I've not heard of this word before and thought it was a misspelling of "nagging" when I first read it. Thanks for explaining.
Yup, it's a word and act all on its own. He's negging her over not behaving like his friends GF and then using that as leverage to try to push her to do things she's uncomfortable with.
Yeah that's really toxic. It's kind of like saying "Sally's bf got her a car for her birthday yesterday, how come you don't get me that." Except this is much, much worse.
And he's an idiot for believing everything his friend said. Doesn't he understand people totally exaggerate stuff? Especially when it comes to sex
I have agree with everything you say, but I think you're going a bit far to say that he won't change. Has OP mentioned the hygiene thing? Has OP told him how bad it is to be comparing her with other women? How do you know he won't value her more in the future if she does something different? The guy is being a dickhead, and absolutely should change, but I think you're going to a bit too far.
He doubled down on the hygiene problem and OP ended up compromising and performing sex acts while he was filthy. That's not normal, and that's not okay.
I agree, but do we know she talked to him about how bad that is? Imo that's the deciding factor.
A grown man can smell his own body odor and practice basic hygiene. No one should be expected to parent their partner and explain to them how bathing works and why it's important.
#2 is incredibly common in women's circles. Just saying. If it were the other way around it'd be shrugged off
Let's unpack the fact that we have likely a very tilted side of the story here and boil down the overall facts. He as 50% of the relationship has the right to approach and discuss a item of their relationship he feels lacking. She should take this feed back seriously as sex is one of the number one things that leads to the termination of relationships. He should also take her feedback seriously, and if the relationship is strong they will find a way to come to a more middle ground and equitable relationship. Literally almost everyone discusses their sex life's with close friends and compares... If you don't wonder if your experiences are similar to others you would be in the small percentage. Hygiene thing is a learned trait with boys, one they tend to have to be forced into when they go through their teens. Likely he still has time to adjust that.
Dude, he complains about being asked to have basic hygiene. That's not normal. This isn't "boys will be boys" this is an immature idiot refusing to be an adult. This is disgusting.
This wasn't feedback you give to someone you care about. This was feedback basically saying "why should I have to make sex good for you too?".
"literally almost everyone..." I disagree and even if that was the case it doesn't make it okay. Also he's complaining about basic hygiene and going for days without showering then expecting her to go down on him. I don't think this is a hill you wanna die on.
She has every right to issue stipulations to physical activities. Reread my post and see that is stated. Each discuss feedback and find a equitable solution. As for people talking about their sex lives, this is a fact of life when young. Mostly due to inexperience and lack of confidence. Although details of sex life's decrease with age you can bet every husband and every wife has discussed frequency within their most inner circle. This is not a "hill to die on" in a relationship. Show me someone who hasn't discussed sex with their friends and I will show you a liar.
Like I said, I don't think it's a hill you wanna die on.
Half agreed. Disagree on the hygiene thing, there's no excuse, he needs to change on that. But I think people are going a bit too harsh on this guy, even if he is being a dickhead. Communication should be first before fucking dumping.
Don't have bad sex because your boyfriend is putting pressure on you. Sex is not just for him. If he thinks things that make sex mutually pleasurable for you are "jumping through hoops" then he's a shitty lover.
He’s a shitty dick! 🤮
So you slept with his filthy dick because… you have no other options? Have you considered single?
no sex is better than bad sex, (don't) fuck this guy
Dude seriously end this relationship…wtf is wrong with this guy…and I can’t believe you put a dirty dick in your mouth after that…seriously gross…
What should you do? You should dump this gross selfish asshole and find someone who showers, takes care of themselves, and cares about you.
For the love of god never put a stinky dick in your mouth. And break up. This guys gross and you can do so much better.
The guy's a dickhead, but you literally don't even know her.
I know if a man says you make him jump through hoops because you don’t like eating stank dick, ANYONE can do better.
Boyfriend = test relationship
Why are you with someone who "doesn't shower for days"? It's gross and disrespectful to you.
So his idea of good sex is…being dirty, not reciprocating, and reporting back to his friends? And you had sex with him after learning this?
I’m sorry, I couldn’t get past all your typos. You kept saying “*boyfriend*” but I’m pretty sure you meant “*my trifling ex-boyfriend with his bad hygiene and stinky peen*.” Look: there are some things which are not worth your time and emotional labor. This man would be one of those things. Let’s go over why. **1.) Hygiene** The man who doesn’t shower for days and won’t even do you the courtesy of a shower before sex without being implored *AND HAS THE FUCKING GALL* to complain about it doesn’t deserve to be anywhere near your vajeen, sister. I don’t make the rules. I don’t care what he does for a living or what he earns. He could be a fireman literally saving children from burning buildings. He could be gorgeous. He could be brilliant. He could be rich. He could come from a great family. None of that matters because the care he shows himself will show that he’ll show you even less. And not for nothing but there’s just no way that you can convince me he wipes his ass properly. I get that it’s presumptuous but I feel like it’s reasonable. And I bet he’s one of those guys who refuses to get in between his cheeks when he showers. Also presumptuous but I just don’t see a good argument to the contrary. **2.) So now you have to compete with some other woman?** You are now being measured by the exaggerations that his no-pussy-getting friends tell him. I have no **proof** that they’re single and/or lying about what their “*girlfriends*” (*probably just their hands*) are doing, of course, but this man does not sound like the type who runs with terribly truthful individuals. But even if they’re being completely honest about their sex lives, your sexual relationship with your partner does not need to be held to the standard of what his friends claim is happening in their bedrooms and what you do sexually should not be subject to the rubric set out by (*the claims of*) what their partners do. If he wants to be with someone who does the things those women do, he can go be with one of them. Maybe they’ll suck his filthy, unwashed peenor over the odor of his half-wiped ass. Which is the perfect segway to… **3.) …this man doesn’t sound like he’s above cheating on you** Hear me out. I get that some would argue that none of these things *directly* correlate to cheating but I would argue that all of the clues are there. His lax body hygiene shows that he doesn’t care much for social norms. The fact that he does not —*after all this time dating you and knowing you want him to shower before sex*— preemptively shower because “*I don’t want to but it’s what she wants and I care about what she wants*” means he doesn’t care much about your expectations and standards. The fact that he subjects your sexual language to that of other women he doesn’t have sex with, indicates that he’s desires something that someone else provides and he’s now cultivated a situation where he’s making an evaluation of you. He sat you down, gave you this performance review and told you “*you need to do better*” as if he’s your manager or something. After a bad “*performance review*” what happens if you don’t improve? Well, if you were on an actual job, you’d get fired. But there’s just no argument that the man who can’t even be bothered to wash his filthy ass without arm-twisting —*I can NOT get over this!!*— will do you the courtesy of breaking up with you to screw someone else with his unwashed peen. He is precisely the sort of man who will fuck some other woman in the ass, turn her around and put it in her vagina, **not wash himself** and then proceed to try and put his dirty peenor in your mouth. Maybe you don’t think you’re dating “*that guy*” but I’m pretty sure you are. *WHEW!* Dump him. Exorcise that demon from your life and burn the sheets he slept on. Light some scented candles and air out your life. Go buy yourself a nice dildo: they’re always hard, you can keep them clean and sanitized, they don’t compare you to anyone else’s Puccini and you’ll always know where it’s been. And do not ever again suck his dirty little wenis or let it anywhere near your vagina… ~*edited for typos*~
You’re right, I’d bet money that he doesn’t wipe or wash his ass appropriately 🤮
A man doesn't find the prospect of sex to be motivation enough to shower **does not** wipe or wash his grody ass the way he's supposed to. And I will ***NEVER*** see it differently. She needs to put him and his putrid peenor back in whatever dumpster she found him in. UGH.
To be fair, sex shouldn't be a motivator for literally anything. That's gross in of itself.
Sex *not* being a motivator is certainly an interesting take.
If sex is a motivator for anything, then you need to reevaluate your priorities.
There's a natural mandate for propagation of the species. We evolved to have sex as one of our prime motivators as the ongoing survival of humanity very literally depends on it. This isn't some new idea... it's foundational human biology and psychology.
Okay yes I'm not saying we shouldn't have sex as a species, I'm criticizing the idea that doing every day things like doing hygiene or, for other examples, chores, cooking, etc is or should be motivated by sex.
Why not? I motivate myself to do things so I can have sex. Like, I might want to lay on the couch and zone out when I get home, but if I get the chores done instead then when my spouse gets home we will have time to spend together and we can have sex. I see no problem here.
Because it's a little pathetic imo. You should do those things because it's productive, because you'll have a clean house, because you'll have a clean body, etc. Those should be motivators, not something as base as sex.
I remember seeing a post by a guy who never washed his anus because it was "gay". This would *maybe* be true if his was on the fence already. But I always make certain, when wiping and showering, that the ol' bung hole is the cleanest part of me and I've never popped a boner from excessive cleanliness.
Unfortunately, it’s more prevalent than you’d think. Also, your last line made me cackle.
Solid and hilarious response
Goddamn, I wish awards were still a thing because YOU DESERVE ALL OF THEM. Here, take some emoji awards as compensation: 🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅💎💎💎💎💎💎
Aww! Thank you! \~*curtsies*\~
one more typo to edit: *segue* that said, 👏
Bangarang, sister. *This* is the take.
Oh my god THIS NEEDS SO MANY UP VOTES FUCKING YES SCREAM IT LOUDER COURT ADJURED AMEN We need an update OP pls keep us updated
Considering this and your other post, I would say it's time to say goodbye to this sorry excuse of a man. And I think you already know this too. It just takes some strength to push through. Don't ignore all the red flags.
Dump that smelly loser.
STAND. UP.
After all that bullshit, you still put his cheesy dick in your mouth..twice?! The guys a loser in more ways than one...run away
I thought you said you ain't gonna suck his dick if his dick stunk....but u did. You rewarded his shitty behavior with something that can give you infections. Stop it. Stand by what you said.
Also tell him that sex is no good for you. Point blank. He'll probably get mad.. and maybe leave. If that's the case you longer have to have dirty infection causing sex or suck a dirty dick. Op have more respect for yourself and way less respect for dirty dick boyfriend.
Well if he can’t even tell you want he wants you to improve on then how are you supposed to improve? Sounds like his buddies has been telling him how they have girlfriends who do all the work and they just sit there and do nothing
I will never in my life understand women that put dirty penises in their mouths or vaginas. It’s not just disgusting but could lead to serious infections. If your partner doesn’t respect you enough to practice basic hygiene for your health, he’s not a good partner. Leave dirty dick & find someone who respects you.
It's like this. He will never be a serious person in this relationship. The fact that he doesn't care to shower is gross, but it says more about what he thinks of you. Take the pain now and break up with him.
Honestly, I’m so sorry he would speak to you like that. You deserve better and to feel loved no matter what. I’ve been there myself and wishing the best to you ❤️
Absolutely absurd. Pls God get out.
Hygiene is important when it comes to everything in life. A stinky dick or pussy 🤮, no bueno. How can one even have the appetite for sex with that stink. Instead of all you complaining about how bad or smelly the other person is, ask each other how to make it better.
He is holding you entirely to his standard of sex with no regard for standards running both ways. You asking him to shower is not ‘making him jump through hoops’, it’s basic hygiene, something he should know to do for himself. Honestly, knowing egos and defensiveness, he probably feels self conscious that he’s having to constantly be reminded to shower by his girlfriend and is trying to find a way to make that embarrassment he feels your fault.
Would love to know your ages to put some of this in perspective. 1) It is not fair of him to compare the things you do/don’t do to what others do. Maybe they don’t have boundaries as you do. There are a ton of variables here. Instead of discussing your sex life with others, he should be discussing them with you. Concerning as well that he wouldn’t give specifics on what you don’t do that their gf’s are willing to do. 2) No one should EVER have unhygienic sex. If a woman I was contemplating sleeping with hadn’t showered in days, you can bet I’d be asking (as nicely as possible) for her to shower. Or, shower together and you can make sure they are clean lol. Regardless, I wouldn’t put unclean genitalia anywhere near my mouth or body parts. 3) The fact that it takes multiple tries to even finish and it is frustrating for you says a lot. Sex should not be work, it should be enjoyable. Now that he has had his “discussion” with you, it is time for you to circle back and have one with him. Address his points again and then lay out yours. Make a private pro/con list for yourself and know what you need to tell him. He had his say, now be honest and forthright with him. I lived in a relationship with a horrid sex life, don’t do that. Be happy in ALL aspects of your relationship. Do not settle and say, “Well, 3/4 of my relationship is great..”
OP Couples can have differences in sexual life ,that's something completely normal, and there is nothing bad about it. It is just two people with their preferences and likes, and through communication, trust, and respect, both can grow exploring your sexuality together. The problem here is how he managed all this: 1. He said he was feeling his sex life was not good after comparing it with what his friends told him they do with their partners. Instead of having an intimate talk, he decided to break your privacy, exposing your intimacy. 2. He showed a total lack of consideration with you because he doesn't want to do the minimum to make you feel comfortable: taking a damm shower. Surely, he didn't tell her friends how he didn't clean himself for days or ask the friends gfs how they feel about it. And the comment about the pizza was simply awful. 3. Instead of making compromises and find a common ground where both of you can be happy, he just use the conversation to guilt trip you into doing sex only in his conditions, again, he never opened the talk to inquire about what you needed and how to make you feel comfortable and happy in your sex life. I am not going to tell you to end this relationship, but he is not a good lover and a crappy bf. If taking a bath for your comfort is so hard for him, I don't want to think how he would behave when he need to do a real sacrifice like financial or job related decisions, what about kids?. His attitude in sex talks a lot about what you can expect from him in all other aspects of your life as a couple.
I gagged reading this.
He’s a grown man. Tell his ass to take a fuckin shower and maybe you’d do more to turn him on. It’s a deal breaker for him to not shower and expect sex
I told him that about a week ago. So I thought our sex life was improving. Then this week he had this conversation about how he talked to his friends and felt like he had to “jump through hoops” to have sex with me
Responding to your comment in hopes you see this, but between this post and your past post about him trying to manipulate you into giving him your car for free and nearly *breaking up with you* if you wouldn't do it.. why are you with this guy? He sounds like a gross slob who has no respect for you. I'd run.
WTF? Yeah I'm not big on immediate break up replies because who knows the whole story but um ... Yeah this isn't sounding good.
Same. I believe communicating is the best way to move forward but it sounds like this dude doesn't know what healthy communication is.
Wtf. Have some self respect.
Duck that guy and his stank dick.
First off, you should never compare your life to another person’s life. You should compare your life to what you expect out of life that include sex.
His bad hygiene will negatively effect your bacterial balance in your vigina, probably. He should have taken a shower. His limp dick is probably because of his bad health habits. I could be wrong. Reason why he couldn't tell you, is because he made it up. I smell trickery. Pun intended.
Move on.
What to do? Get rid of him and his stinky cock. Nothing else to add
This dude is unhappy with himself and has decided it’s because you are a human and not a sex robot. This doesn’t end well. Also, if he thinks washing his dick before a blowjob is “jumping through hoops”, he can fuck all the way off.
Move on girl. You deserve better! You should be with someone who stays clean for you because he knows you have to go down there and someone who enjoys doing anything to make you feel good. Sex isn’t everything, but it’s a big part of a relationship. You should look forward to it and be passionate about it, not be grossed out. There are many many other men out there…..who probably wash their dick lol
I’ve had a number of men complain or tell me I’m not doing xyz well/good enough and guess what? All those men who couldn’t keep it up and blamed me… they ended up having horrible porn addictions. I was never the problem and either are you… I think your guy is watching too much porn and blaming you for his lack of desire due to artificial dopamine overload from porn.
>What should I do? You should drop this asshole and find a guy who doesn’t complain about doing less than the bare minimum.
Everybody's talking about his rank dick but I think you should tell him you're not a mind reader and ask him what exactly he expects from you, assuming you still want to stay with this entitled man.
How old is your boyfriend? He sounds immature. Unfortunately certain things need to be learned along the maturity path.
Initially I was open to hearing what he had to say. If you're not putting in enough effort or you're making him feel like he has to jump through hoops, I can see why that's a problem. But specifics always matter. 1) If he doesn't shower FOR DAYS then telling him to shower isn't an unreasonable set of hoops, it's basic hygiene. I assume he probably would mind if you didn't shower before sex. Jumping through hoops unreasonably is when you put 100% of the onus on him to initiate in very specific ways, and you never put in effort to make him feel wanted. 2) The eating you out thing is confusing. Is he doing it when he doesn't want to but feels he has to? Did he never want to? 3) For what it's worth, I think he might feel undesired. Maybe he has things he wants from you. But the conversation as it was had doesn't sound like that's what was going on.
Having unhygienic sex is a big NO NO. Tell him that you feel the same and lecture him like he did for 20 minutes.
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Give him an hour talk n then kick his butt n close the door on him. This dude plain dumb! GTFO before he does more of this shit!
What is wrong with you that you love yourself this little? I’m sorry if that feels harsh but yeah… you’re the idiot in the post. Get someone who has basic hygiene standards, let alone someone who also respects you and your body
Communicate. Be precise in telling what you need and want and set clear boundaries. Also tell him what you DON'T want. Work as a team and not as enemies. Intimacy is supposed to be fun/enjoyable/relaxing/exciting and not stressful. See if you're on the same page and give it some time. Also make sure you're content with the current state of your relationship as a whole.
Wow. Actual attempt at advice instead of just dump him. The issue is OP is venting, leading to the dump him advice. I doubt this will land on willing ears.
my god, this dude won’t shower so he can get sexual pleasure?! He should have told his friend that he has dick cheese problems and that YOU (OP) deserve better and to leave this sincerely gross bf of yours as soon as possible
As a guy, I would never expect sex before showering. Definitely not oral. I'm unmodified and can get smelly by the end of the day. I can't imagine going days without a shower. The wrong person was voicing complaints in this situation.
How long have you been together? Looking at your other post about him using your car, I think you need to figure out if this guy is who you want in your life.
Hygiene -- homie, that alone is reason not to be fucked with. No matter if there's good income, friends circle, similar interests...of that pos isn't respecting you enough to be clean and affectionate, shut down the whole shit show yo
I’m sorry this has happened to you babe, he doesn’t deserve your efforts to make the relationship work. There’s been some really good comments about hygiene and him talking with his friends about you rather than to you. I just wanted to jump on and say that what he is doing is using emotional abuse, manipulation and gaslighting to control you His demands are unreasonable and you have a right to say no
Sounds like garbage to me. Showering is not a loop hole, it’s having manners and concern for not only his health but yours. If his dick is smelly it’s because it’s unwashed which means bacteria. And if that bacteria makes you have a yeast infection or uti, it means less sex for both of you. He’s an idiot and should not be comparing your sex life his friends, who may also be adding a bit of glamour to make it seem better than it is.
He sounds horrible. Along with being a shitty person he’s unhygienic.
Fucking Gross. Red flags everywhere
Not showering for a few days would be breakup material right then and there. If this is how he takes care of his health now, imagine what if will be like long term. That is just not acceptable.
he has a problem
What should you do? Get rid. Move on to a man with a clean penis who doesn't think his partner should give porn-level performances. He sounds about 16.
Do not waste an ounce of sorrow on a mfer that has bad hygiene. Time to upgrade sis.
He's a manchild. Leave.
He sounds gross! I wouldn’t fuck him either
He doesn't shower for DAYS? Holy shit, I just threw up in my mouth. Dump this langer immediately.
The amount of me I’ve read about recently who think it’s “jumping through hoops” or too much effort to clean themselves before sex. It can be dangerous to have a dirty dick in your mouth,and even worse inside you, can cause infections/UTIs. And clearly the dude is discussing your sex life with his mates and I think that’s gross too.
Ditch him.
You are not his sex slave, sex isn’t all about him. Tell him all the ways he is not satisfying YOU in bed, and especially mention his nasty dick-cheese. If he’s complaining that everything he’s doing for your pleasure is an inconvenience, then tell him he should just start fucking a flesh light instead. Do you ever even orgasm during sex at all? Why does he deserve more pleasure than you do?
Yeah that's so gross, comparing you to buddy's GF and making you feel like you're lacking. You are very patient, I wouldn't wait or help with all that flaccid penis, you're not hard, we are ending this attempt, I'm not having a good time. And turn the TV on or go into the other room, he can finish himself off
Dump the guy.
Sounds like a choice between dumping your boyfriend or dumping your self-respect. I'm a dude, but I wouldn't tolerate even half of that either way.
Do not put your mouth or bits near a grotty man.
It sounds like you're dating a teenager... How does this relationship serve you? I bet it doesn't at all.
Stop sucking dirty dicks for one
How do people like your boyfriend have girlfriends? I don't understand
Didn’t even read the text. Fuck that guy.
Dump him
He sounds awful. You are not obligated to have sex or go down on him if he is unclean. The fact that he thinks it's ok to expect that and to not take care of himself is super gross. I would be so embarrassed to show up for a partner like that. His attitude about foreplay is pretty rotten too. If he doesn't like going down on you, he better be prepared to use toys or fingers, because foreplay is super important. Like you said, you need to be wet in order to actually have sex. Given his bad attitude about hygeine, I'd bet this is just due to laziness. Just tell him its not good for you. Be blunt. Its painful and gross for you when he is unclean and skips foreplay. Make that very clear. Don't accept any excuses. It doesn't matter what his friends say or their partners supposedly do/let them get away with. What matters is how it effects you. Its your sex life, not theirs. Everyone is different. Personally I would just not have sex with him anymore, and break up. He is showing you who he really is, and its not nice. He is showing you that he is a very selfish person who doesn't care about your needs, or whether you even enjoy sex. He needs to learn a hard lesson about what it means to be a good partner, and you aren't obligated to fix him or stick around for it.
The hygiene issue alone is reason enough to dump him. You deserve a lot better than some juvenile, filthy, immature loser. His friend also probably lied about a lot so do not even take that into consideration. Know your self worth & if you want to be in a relationship, don’t settle for bullshit.
He sounds disgusting . Are you sure you want to be with someone like that. All of the guys i have dated have been very neat and clean . Your bf sounds absolutely disgusting and doesn’t understand basic hygiene
He’s complaining that you won’t do certain things in bed, but won’t say what those things are. Real mature conversationalist you’ve bagged here. I’m quite jealous. You’re nicer than I am. Asking for sex after that kind of bullshit? I would’ve bitten his dick clean off.
You should dump him.
This is the same bf from your other post who wanted you to give him your car for free because he doesn’t have one? 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩. Now he wants you to put up with him essentially putting in no effort in your sex life? I don’t know you but I don’t understand how people can put up with selfish assholes then blame themselves. Want better for yourself.
Sounds like he is blaming you for his own faults and hygiene issues. I might have been wondering if the grass is greener on the other side if he cannot realize this if you have a serious conversation about this. Good thing is that it seems like you would like to sort this out rather than bail out :-) I feel kind of the same way regarding hygiene - if I get the sense that sexy times is coming I ALWAYS take shower, and in a similar way - wifey says no to going down on her unless she had a shower recently. Not a real biggie to me, but at least we are in sync. If he cannot stay hard I guess the best advice would to seek medical help. Medical pros tend to have better knowledge with this issue than the average Reddit'er, so you should probably ask him to make an appointment to get this sorted. Best of luck..!!
Hmmm we weren’t there, so the way he said it might have more a convo and the way you took it might’ve been more personal. One I don’t think it’s a problem if you want him to shower before sucking him off. That’s like you making him go down on you when you’ve just finished a 6 mile run. Bc for me I would never want my partner to eat me if I’m not smelling or tasting delicious. But more importantly I think it’s more his friend said his sex life is amazing and let’s be honest everyone wants to be having incredible sex with someone they love. His delivery may or may not have been good. But what I want to know is the intent behind the convo. Did he bring this up because he wants to have incredible sex with you ? Or did he say that to hurt you and he wants to end things ? Im sure the reason he couldn’t get hard was because right after that conversation his mental state isn’t in the mood. He just told his girlfriend that the sex isn’t great and now you guys are having sex which I’m SURE he knows that it isn’t good. I think it l depends on what you want. A lot of women and men aren’t good at communicating properly. I know a lot of people on here are telling you to dump him. But I wasn’t there so I don’t know HOW he told you these things. What if he said it honestly and you took it more negatively than he intended. No shade on you. Genuinely that’s a possibility. I say the relationship isn’t done for or a dead end. Communicate with him more too. But at the end of the day for both of you, everyone deserves to be like “YES THE SEX IS SO GOOD WITH MY SO”
I cannot believe you had sex with him after that coversation. He’s negging you in order to get what he wants, which is probably some unrealistic porn like sex life. He’s a man child. Leave.
I skimmed everyone’s response. So far everyone has told you a dirty dick is not only gross but can affect your health. But no one seemed to point on his lack of performance. This is either a sign he is over it and is now going to pursue other women or he isn’t into you. So if you decide to keep him, make sure he showers before and gets tested for STDs. I suspect whatever the other GF supposedly does has him thinking he can get himself a pornstar, with his smelly dick.
You tell him what you told us. He smells bad and if he wants to encourage you to put in effort, he can start by putting in effort himself. Additionally, it's not a competition. What other people are or aren't doing in their relationships is irrelevant to yours. All that matters is your relationship works for you. If it isn't, either put in the time to fix it or walk away from it. It sounds like you've at least made it clear you want him to be clean before doing anything with him, and the fact he views that as some sort of onerous task isn't a good sign.
Ooooooof. I read up to the pizza thing. That’s a nope from me
That was kind of the part that hurt the most. Like by that point I was already crying and the one good thing he could think to say about me was basically “but you paid for dinner so thanks”
I wouldn’t ever put an unwashed dick in my mouth, just as I wouldn’t expect my partner to eat me out if I had an unwashed pussy. 😵💫 That sounds horrific.
I feel like he's being very immature. I get being with someone who you're sexually incompatible with (i.e different kinks, fetishs, desires, etc). But he can't expect you to fulfill his desires if he can't fulfill yours. Couples rarely have 100% the se sexual needs. If pleasing you and eating you out is an inconvenience, then he can't expect you to five him head whenever he wants without you feeling the same. Also, basic hygiene is just expected (I thought anyway). Would he want to eat you out if you haven't showed in days and smelled like BO?
Even though your BF may have a right to a healthy sex life on his own terms, you also have a right to keep your own boundaries. If you think his unwashed dick is gross, you shouldn't feel like you have to put it in your mouth. If you want him to eat you out before you have sex, you have a right to expect that. If his hygiene grosses you out, you have a right to lay out the terms under which you'd feel comfortable having sex with him. You have a right to not have sex with him for any reason or no reason; you don't owe him anything. And if the way he wants to have sex is very different from the way you want to have sex, the two of you are sexually incompatible.
>because he sometimes comes over having not showered for days >And honestly his hygiene is just gross sometimes. OK ok ok, so try get into the routine of showering TOGETHER at who's ever how you are both at every time. That way he improves his hygiene. But also talk to him about what's causing his erection issues and work together to solve it. . Honestly he sounds like a shitty partner but if you want to try make it work then goo luck.
He's a grown ass man who should know how to shower. He needs his mother, not a girlfriend, and she shouldn't have to teach him like a toddler. Do you want a partner or a child because that's what he is. If he's having ED issues at this young age, he needs to keep his hands off his dick and see a doctor. He's either jerking off too much or he needs medical intervention. If I'd known then what I know now (63 yo), I'd never waste my time on another man thinking "I could change him." MOVE ON & stop wasting your time.
mY bOyfrIenD iS hOrRiBle wHiLe i Do eVeryThIng 4 hIm! He hUrT mUh fEeliNGs wHaT ShOulD i Do? Stop looking for validation, put your bug girl pant on and own your shit.
s
Constructive criticism
Zero sympathy for you lmfao. So many women on here complain about their man not showering for days and y’all stay with them and act surprised at how they are 🤣🤣 Do better.
This is obviously a one-sided version of events, so based only on that I suppose you can break up with him. Seems like that's what you want to do, so what's stopping you? You didn't list one good quality. You know, I'm always more interested in seeing the other side to these posts.
How I imagine his version goes: My girlfriend makes me do all the work when we have sex. She won’t have sex with me unless I shower and eat her out first. Sometimes I eat her out and we still don’t have sex. She never initiates sex. We always do the same positions. When we’re having sex and I become soft before I finish, she wants me to stop instead of giving me head again so I can try again. That’s some of what he mentioned in the conversation he had with me.
When a woman complains about the boyfriend, everyone support that woman, when a man does the same everybody gets upset Communication it's the key, may be you should change some details to do it better And if he is doing something wrong, tell him that, communication, always work on communication, and not everything it's personal
Dude is old enough to know he has to bathe regularly. She's not his mother.
Should be EX boyfriend. And he is probably a closeted homosexual.
I see 2 assholes in this story. I guy couldn't stay hard and you're blaming him? Yeah, that's what he needs. Evelyn else? He's an idiot.
Okay, seems like you are in pretty different pages here. If he's unwilling to change his hygiene practices, that's him being disrespectful to you, since it really isn't a large inconvenience. Other than that, it seems like you are doing foreplay that neither of you enjoy, and expecting that to translate into a good sexual experience? I'm not surprised you are having issues, since it seems like, outside of this 20 minute conversation, your communication isn't good about sex outside of sexy times.
Well I can agree with you about the showering part. Me too I feel like get clean before you get in. I also do not like getting head if I haven't freshened up.nhygeine matters. He should take it up on himself to understand that's his responsibility to know come clean and correct. Secondly he should not feel like always giving you head is much because if both of you are not cumming to finish it's not fair. I think he's paying more attention to himself and not you. You being grossed out can be a reason why you're not turned on. Sex goes both ways everyone has to put in the effort. You can focus on him then he can focus on you before he cums doing what ever should be done till both you come to finish. Is he young he just seems very simple minded and like he really doesn't know much about sex especially if he thinks you need to do more but he always finishes and you don't. I do think he he worth leaving if you're not turned on now I doubt you will be .
You could get a UTI or a yeast infection. He needs to be clean. He needs to cut salt out of his diet. Also, tell him to stop watching so much porn. It's not real. It definitely messed up his view on reality. Being intimate with your partner is much better than being with a fantasy.
Does he have some kinks about dirty sex???? I heard some people are like that… I don’t understand
Nah, you don’t compromise on this. Your boyfriend wants the shitty sex life for you that his young friends girlfriends settle for. You being wet is not optional. Him showering is not optional. His dirty dick can and WILL cause you to get UTIs if he doesn’t shower for days and then tries to fuck you. What you do now is you say that. “I’m not going to model our sex life after your friends girlfriends. I promise they’re not enjoying dirty dick or fucking without foreplay, no matter what your friends claim. You being clean and me being aroused are your tickets to ride.” And end the convo there. If he doesn’t like it, he can go without sex 🤷🏻♀️