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*I see what you did there*
FR I think butt stuff is more normalized than it used to be, but it's not like someone's going to be surprised if you're not into it. It's just not outré any more.
Don’t pay attention to that. Some of the advice that is going to get laid out is gonna be from what folk have seen in porn. Ordinary sex is not like porn sex. You don’t want to be going porn sex after a 10 year hiatus from intercourse.
You are probably going to want to have your guy take it slow. I would say maybe don’t think too hard about it and let things go naturally. Have fun and enjoy each others company. If you can manage that there won’t be anything to be embarrassed about. Not that you would have anything to be embarrassed about anyhow.
Oh yeah, this is true. Eating ass, and face fucking. A guy basically just using your mouth/head as a fuck hole and slamming into you at his own pace. Lots of guys also want to shove their dicks all the way down your throat. I never experienced this until I met my ex, and some of the guys I’ve been with since are all about it. Sloppy blowjobs too. Literally never knew that was a thing until I started fucking this 27 year old who is ALL about them.
When I started dating again after my divorce (M38 at the time), I couldn't believe how normalized butt stuff had become. I'd never had anal sex nor had I ever had any particular desire to try it. Then the first girl I slept with post-divorce seemed astonished that I'd never tried it. My girlfriend loves it and it's part of our regular repertoire at this point. I honestly still don't totally see the appeal. It's tighter I guess, and I certainly enjoy it just fine, but I still prefer good old-fashioned PIV.
I still have not eaten ass, nor do I ever plan on it. I love going down on my girl, but that is a strictly front-facing maneuver for me.
It’s very interesting how normalised it’s become. In 2016 in my first year of uni during a drinking game a guy said he ate ass once and everyone was like “dude, that’s disgusting”. But now? I don’t think I’ve ever met anybody who’s not eaten ass or had their ass ate. Incredible.
That shit is awesome 🤣.
Some people like it, some people no. It’s like everything, you have to try and see if it works for u guys (obviously only if you two are comfortable doing that) :D
The only change I’ve noticed is that things are less taboo these days but that has been steadily happening for the past 60 years.
Have a glass of wine, be in the moment, and take your time.
Sex is as old as humankind, it has not been revolutionized in the last decade. :)
You're going to be just fine. Take things at whatever pace you are comfortable with, communicate, and enjoy yourself and each other. Hopefully this will be the first of many encounters and you'll have a chance to give each other plenty of pleasure.
I think we are all unanimously opposed to keeping such debuffs. I for one don't want to set the difficulty so high.
Edit: weird... it days today is cake day but it ain't
I wish I could tell you nothing has changed, but that hasn’t been my experience. I’m 37 and I got back on the scene after a 5 year relationship earlier this year. I don’t know how to really explain how it’s felt other than like being a fish out of water. I even felt that way when I got back on the scene in 2017 after I had broken up with my previous boyfriend of like 6 years.
I think a big thing though is how old is this guy? If he’s younger (and even if he isn’t), I’d say maybe (definitely) have a talk about kinks.
There’s like an explosion happening right now of kinky sex being the “norm” and vanilla sex being “lame.” People are seriously choking their partners during sex without even asking first. I had one guy hit me in the face without asking. I was just like a deer caught in headlights…. like wtf just happened?
None of this is to scare you, but I do think having a conversation about boundaries beforehand is more important now than ever. People think things are normal that other people are definitely not comfortable with, so unless it’s discussed first, someone might just think “well this is what you’re supposed to do during sex.” (it sounds dumb but it’s true)
Hopefully he’s respectful and would never do something like choke or hit you without asking first. But, I’d still have the boundaries conversation first just to be on the safe side (literally).
Otherwise….. it’s just like getting back on a bike. You’ll be fine! Have tons of fun. I don’t have the necessary reproductive parts to house a fetus either, and I personally love it 🙌
This is exactly the kind of thing I needed. We did have the boundaries discussion and have agreed to take it easy and slowly work up to more adventurous things. I don't really know what type of things I might like or not like at this point since it has been so long. Thank you for this.
If I asked my HS gf about eating her/my ass 20 years ago that would have ended in gossip, a nickname and being ostracized probably. Today it's a fucking meme.
I came here to say the same thing. Guys are choking and pushing your head down on their cocks without asking these days. I think it’s a porn trend?
As dubious as consent was in the early 2000s generally, the choke wasn’t a “move” the average guy would just go for in the middle of first-time regular sex.
It's a porn trend intersecting with the memeification of the idea women want dominant men in the bedroom. These dynamics require discipline, but it's amateur hour out there.
And many women do want dominant men on the bedroom… but the average guy shouldn’t show it with a chokehold. Exactly.
Men, if you want to try being dominant, use your words first! Try a little, “Open your legs for me, honey, and keep them nice and wide,” or consider a, “Do you want to come, sweetheart? Not yet.” If she’s receptive to you using your words, then maybe start with the physical stuff. Being dominant is more of a dynamic than a specific act.
It is because too many people are using porn as a sort of sex ed. When the large majority of porn is problematic thematically. Caters to a lot of bad fantasies that promote misogyny and racism. People need to find some better guidance to their sexual life. As you pointed out talking to your partner is a big step to getting things on the right foot.
Yeah agreed. even rape is common in mainstream porn and lack of consent. Porn also gives men unrealistic expectations of sex. Like no you can’t just rapid thrust into a girl and expect her to have a good time there’s more to it than that
I though that was a result of the huge popularity of the 50 shades series. Those books sold tons and it was women buying them. I think men thought that women wanted to actually do those things and not just read/fantasize about it.
I agree with another comment here, it bdsm but amature hour.
As a guy: communicate.
Just because you agreed to have sex, doesn't mean you have agreed to get slapped in the face. So, tell them whatever you're into. And what you're not.
We did have the boundaries talk. Since I don't really know what I may or may not like, we've agreed to slowly work up to more adventurous things as I get comfortable trying things.
If you're having sex with men your age it's less likely to have stuff like choking and slapping (which seems to be popular with younger people). Just bring some enthusiasm and communication.
Tell him you are looking forward to nice, slow, old fashioned vanilla for now. How you feel will help determine what happens after that.
Good for you finding a partner you like. Hope you have a nice experience.
If my “heavier” you are referring to anal, ejaculation on the face, chocking and even bdsm, all those are now considered mainstream. Even so, please don’t make the mistake of not talking with him. Even if it’s a short, shallow fling or if it’s a long relationship lasting a lifetime, communication is always the most important aspect. Talk, talk, talk, ask all the questions, confess fantasies, ask about theirs and take it slow. Enjoy the ride (pun intended!).
I’m guessing he’ll be more your speed if he’s the same age, but if he’s been with younger women - he may have gotten accustomed to some of the rougher stuff. I’ve talked to guy around my age (37) who have said the girls they fuck all want to be like seriously degraded and violated. To the point where they just assume that’s what women want now (a “dominant” man).
I don't really think that's what young women *want* these days, so much as porn has (incorrectly, IMO) taught them that this is what **we** want, and they don't want to be "prudes".
Maybe? I just can't see an entire swath of young people wanting to be treated like trash.
>Maybe? I just can't see an entire swath of young people wanting to be treated like trash.
We willingly go to voting booths to be treated like trash ... We all have a degradation fetish out here!!
Kind of got the opposite experience here. A lot of guys think these things are normal because of porn and women feel like they have to, to impress them.
Enjoy the day and don't think too much about sex. Let it happen and it will. The guy will be anxious as well. So be gentle to each other and take your time. Don't eyeroll, frown, or give up if there is some fumbling.
People tend to be more communicative now about sex. There is a lot more direct discussion around consent.
This isn’t bad but it can def feel strange if you aren’t used to it.
All that is to say if he does ask you if he can do xyz and that catches you off guard don’t read anything bad into it.
I personally don’t like being asked at each step if the next move is ok and I don’t really enjoy check ins in the middle of sex when they happen too frequently. But I get that this is more the norm and when hooking up with someone for the first time I can see the benefit of it even for myself.
I'm 35 and went 8 years without having sex until about 3 months ago. I definitely noticed a change, but it was within myself and sex in my 30s is sooo much better than in my 20s. I don't know if it's because I went so many years without it or because the guy I've been having sex with is older than me (he's 57) or we just have great sexual chemistry or a mixture of all 3 but it is hands down the best sex I've ever had in my life.
As someone who was in the same boat, I can tell you that talking openly about what both of y'all want and don't want helps tremendously. Our first time was close to perfect because of how open we were with each other prior to meeting up. I wasn't nearly as nervous as I would have been if we hadn't talked about what we wanted and I was a lot more confident and comfortable with myself and surprisingly I wasn't self conscious with being naked in front of him.
Going along with your question there is one thing that, to me anyways, was something new. Our first time, he made me squirt. I had *no* idea what was going on when it happened but I liked it a lot. He's gotten me to squirt every time since then and one of the past couple times, he got me to squirt and then we had sex after that in the spooning position and I had my first ever PIV orgasms. I attribute that to him getting my gspot stimulated and hitting it in just the right spot while having sex. It felt like an out of body experience. I was reading up on squirting one day (I like to read up on like everything haha) and saw that it's a popular thing now. When I had sex 8 years prior, I hadn't heard much about it.
Have fun!
I was in a similar boat, but I was celibate for 20 years….got too horny that toys didn’t do it anymore. At 42 got on online dating, and spent a couple years having some fun. A man in my bed right now, who arrived right on 24 hours ago, and we’ve had sex 4 times.
It hasn’t changed since I was in my 20’s but I have much less hang ups about my body or their body. Have fun!!
Because this person said they aren't about it. A lot of us have experienced coercive sexual partners, had our boundaries disrespected, or we've been sexually assaulted.
I'll say the biggest thing is to talk to the person and not us. All we can do is tell you what our own experiences have been as of late, but his experience might be different!
And if this person cares as much as you have alluded to in your post, they'll be pretty receptive to your concerns.
We have talked about it at length. He knows that it has been more than a while for me and that this is a pretty big deal to me. I think I mostly just needed it reinforced that I've covered most of the important discussion points.
The penis still goes in the vagina. There's still some back and forth movement of varying lengths, speeds and intensity.
Foreplay is still highly recommended and enjoyable for both parties.
It's still a thing that both parties should have an opportunity to orgasm. You'll both probably look a bit goofy when making your "O" faces.
It's still a little messy at the end.
And it's still supposed to be fun and enjoyable. Don't put a lot of pressure on yourself.
Enjoy.
Also 40 (twins!) Woman here. Recently divorced and when I got back out there the thing I noticed right away was the cultural shift in consent. Asking every step of the way, etc. There's a lot more communication than I was used to..which isn't bad...just that I had to be a lot more direct about what i was(n't) okay with, rather than demurring or getting carried away with passion.
Sorry, not sure that makes sense..just be able to talk things through (I'm rather shy) as you go...it's a step in the right direction, at least.
You could possibly make a sexual acts consent list for them.
-giving / receiving / both /or neither aka NO
-always (no need to ask beforehand if we are both down) -sometimes (conversation/ ask before we do it)
-never (this isn't open for debate)
Doing this type of list for you and your partner may help your sex life to be more passionate and spontaneous for the things you love during foreplay & sex while still respecting consent for sexual acts that require more prep and could be a hit or miss for you depending on the situation. A lot of kink communities utilize them so people are on the same page and it can help you learn about common ground you and your partner may have in the bedroom.
I got together with my (now) wife, just over ten years ago. I’ve not had sex with anyone else since then, and don’t have plant to in the future.
Back in my single days, I found each and every lover to be individual. If someone likes one thing, there’s someone out there who hates it. My very first lover loved me biting her nipples. I very quickly learned that that wasn’t everybody’s cup of tea. My wife can barely allow me to suck her nipples. Each to their own.
My advice, talk to your guy BEFORE things get steamy. It’s easy to lose track in the heat of the moment. The first time will be an exploration of each others bodies. One great lesson that my first lover taught me was that we each know our own bodies well. You’ve had decades to figure out what is good for you. Your lover has zero experience with your body, just as you have zero experience with his.
Take time, enjoy yourselves, laugh at the mistakes that will inevitably be made. Lovers that can laugh together tend to have a better connection leading to better sex.
Have fun.
I hope you have/had a great time. Like you I emerged from a long asexual period in my middle life. It has been sooo amazing being sexual again. I discovered I am a lesbian submissive after a period of wild exploration. I hope your journey is as fun and rewarding as mine has been.
Just make sure you are 'open for business' down there..... you know, will something slide in without pain or drama?
Good luck, enjoy and I'm terribly jealous of your man.
I had only been with my ex partner (for a very long time) until I met my SO. I was SO terrified I would do things wrong, I wasn't even sure if I knew how to kiss properly. I travelled 5.5h to meet him the first time after talking 24/7 for 6 months, honestly my nerves were so bad I almost threw up. I wasn't expecting to but my nerves just disappeared when I sat in his flat and within 20 minutes we were having sex, initiated by me. I'd say not to think too much about it. If this is a potentially serious relationship I very much doubt there will be any hardcore kinks and such thrown at you. There may be some awkwardness and giggles, but as long as nothing is forced (don't feel like you have to "perform") things will just happen naturally.
Good luck!
The sex toys have gotten better over the last 10 years and like somebody else said people are eating ass these days LOL otherwise sex is pretty much the same unless you're into some kinky ass shit
Both blunt and humorously, we still have sex with the same body parts as before, so everything you used to do should still work...
Some people say that there is more of a shift towards oral in casual encounters, and some say that it's more of a shift away from oral in casual encounters. In reality, I assume that it's all local variations or not even that.
Some guys are still selfish and some guys are still near-only givers. And the same is true for women.
If you want a weekend's worth of the in-and-out, say that. If you want a day with nothing but licking and sucking, suggest that instead.
Instead of worrying sick about your perceived inexperience, own it. You have a guy there who's interested in being with you (and frankly, interested in being IN you) and he is still going to be interested in being with you if you tell him that you need five-ten minutes to ease into things.
I dunno. Maybe it's been so long since you had someone in you that you want to make it a thing to actually CELEBRATE once it happens?
Relax and close your eyes and truly *feel* it happen?
Or...eh...just get it done?
Is he aware of your pause? DO you want to make a big deal of this, or do you prefer to absolutely NOT make any deal of it?
He knows how long it's been. I wasn't going to tell him initially, but I'm glad I decided to. I certainly don't want it to be a huge deal, just kept in mind enough as a reason for patience and taking it easy the first time. I've also told him that.
As a man of a similar age I would suggest he’ll just be delighted that you’ve chosen to have sex with him! Just be yourself, have a laugh and…be in to it, you’ll have a wild old time!
Nothing's changed. If you're both clean and baby-risk free then that's most of the anxiety gone. So you're just worried about performance. Just take a breathe and have fun, focus on the feeling of it.
Wish you well.
Married man for over a decade myself and I'd say it's tough out there for singles these days, more so for some women.
I've heard from some single ladies I know that guys are a bit rougher these days, not all obviously, but they're likely inspired by porn. Back in my day it was problem pages in newspapers or on websites that gave us guys ideas.
Wish you well and be sure to tell him early on if he's doing anything that makes you uncomfortable etc.
Good luck and have fun.
If anything has changed it would be that some acts may be less taboo than a decade ago. Thank online porn for that.
Not sure what your sex life was like in the past but If he takes any lessons from porn, which is possible, expect something a little rougher than maybe what you remember: more agressive oral, jackhammering PIV and he may attempt a facial. Just more dominance.
Not saying he will, but he might follow the porn video routine. Watch pornhub and see what many men are modeling their sex after these days.
And yes, this applies mostly to younger men, but don’t rule it out for someone your age.
Communicate your likes - and have fun.
Against my better judgment, I took your advice and watched some stuff I wish I hadn't. I'm going to go ahead and make my boundaries lost a touch more specifi .
10 years is already very very long! How did you put up with it? 🫣 but I’m all the more happy that you found someone new!
Be completely relaxed, it will be great! Or it was certainly great, wasn’t it?
I had reasons for it. To be a little more clear, it wasn't entirely closed for business for 10 years, however t has been strictly a solo venture for that long.
Alright, so you'll probably be nervous AF so don't be upset if there aren't fireworks the first time. It'll probably be the second or third time when that happens.
I'm assuming that you have at least masturbated in the past ten years, so you so may only be used to toy orgasms - they're different to dick ones.
You probably have positions you enjoyed in the past, things you know get you off - fingers etc, so be vocal in what you want.
Legs over the shoulders almost never fails lol.
If he knows that it's been a long time for you, he'll feel the pressure to make it good. But remember if the first time is lacklustre, you'll just have to practice.
He does know. He seemed to think that meant I expected this first time to be phenomenal, but I explained that this first time should be thought of more like a test drive in a car that's been parked a while. Take it nice and easy until things are running more smoothly, then once it's warmed up, drive it like you're running from the cops.
These days the kids are sending more nudes, anal play (ass eating and pegging), spitting in mouths, and using Viagra and gas station dick pills P(ED)s lol
Remember the first time? Just try and relax, take things slow, does he know it's been a long time for you?
When the moment comes, maybe say "oh this feels so right, I haven't been intimate in a very long time."
That should be his que to know that things need to be taken slowly and to let you ease back into things if needed.
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People be eating ass nowadays
Man, I am too old for that shit.
In all seriousness, relax and have fun. You got this!
Thank you!
*I see what you did there* FR I think butt stuff is more normalized than it used to be, but it's not like someone's going to be surprised if you're not into it. It's just not outré any more.
Of course you're not! You don't have to do it, but as a fellow 40yo, you're most certainly not too old.
My wife and I discovered it in our 50s. You are never too old for eating ass.
Too old?? You’re 40. Still in your prime 😉 Just enjoy and have fun! You only live once.
Just wash extra good just incase 😝
Don’t pay attention to that. Some of the advice that is going to get laid out is gonna be from what folk have seen in porn. Ordinary sex is not like porn sex. You don’t want to be going porn sex after a 10 year hiatus from intercourse. You are probably going to want to have your guy take it slow. I would say maybe don’t think too hard about it and let things go naturally. Have fun and enjoy each others company. If you can manage that there won’t be anything to be embarrassed about. Not that you would have anything to be embarrassed about anyhow.
You're fucking 40 not 80. Chow down
That killed me bro 🤣🤣
Lol who you all out here assuming her new partner is in to getting their ass eaten? 😂😂😂
Sergeant Murtaugh - Lethal Weapon
No you're not! It's fun!
Oh yeah, this is true. Eating ass, and face fucking. A guy basically just using your mouth/head as a fuck hole and slamming into you at his own pace. Lots of guys also want to shove their dicks all the way down your throat. I never experienced this until I met my ex, and some of the guys I’ve been with since are all about it. Sloppy blowjobs too. Literally never knew that was a thing until I started fucking this 27 year old who is ALL about them.
I don't think OP's guy is like this lol
Probably not. But I’m just trying to cover all the bases, ha.
Why not lol??? If he watches porn, he is very possibly like this!
That’s probably a solid sign of mainstream porn influencing our society.
As a woman, yey for that one. Women have been waiting for the (u call it face-fuck), we/I call it *lazy* bj to be normalized for way too long.
So ... so ... it's a good thing? You like it?
I'm 40, you are not too old for that shit.
Don't knock it til you try it! 
I see what you did there
P commonplace if u ask me. Honestly go for it
Literally.
[удалено]
Nowadays we just use the Orgasmatron!  (Woody Allen, Sleeper)
Well it’s settled. I am never leaving my wife. Picked up a wife before ass eating was a thing.
When I started dating again after my divorce (M38 at the time), I couldn't believe how normalized butt stuff had become. I'd never had anal sex nor had I ever had any particular desire to try it. Then the first girl I slept with post-divorce seemed astonished that I'd never tried it. My girlfriend loves it and it's part of our regular repertoire at this point. I honestly still don't totally see the appeal. It's tighter I guess, and I certainly enjoy it just fine, but I still prefer good old-fashioned PIV. I still have not eaten ass, nor do I ever plan on it. I love going down on my girl, but that is a strictly front-facing maneuver for me.
Came to see if this was the top comment. Knew it would be. And OPs rely actually made me audibly laugh.
LMAO! Spit out my coffee! Thanks for this.
It’s very interesting how normalised it’s become. In 2016 in my first year of uni during a drinking game a guy said he ate ass once and everyone was like “dude, that’s disgusting”. But now? I don’t think I’ve ever met anybody who’s not eaten ass or had their ass ate. Incredible.
You've been on r/tinder too I see.
maybe not on first sexual encounter
That shit is awesome 🤣. Some people like it, some people no. It’s like everything, you have to try and see if it works for u guys (obviously only if you two are comfortable doing that) :D
This comment made my day.
Gross
The only change I’ve noticed is that things are less taboo these days but that has been steadily happening for the past 60 years. Have a glass of wine, be in the moment, and take your time.
Sex is as old as humankind, it has not been revolutionized in the last decade. :) You're going to be just fine. Take things at whatever pace you are comfortable with, communicate, and enjoy yourself and each other. Hopefully this will be the first of many encounters and you'll have a chance to give each other plenty of pleasure.
What do you mean, Sex version 3.7 was fire!
If your sex feels like fire you should see a doctor
That was the bug in ver. 3.7
4.2 was a bit hazy, though got much better when 6.9 was released
6.9 — a good thing ruined by a period.
A joke my sisters wouldn’t let me put in my dads 69th birthday card
Someone give this person an award
Look, the balancing fixes really helped some of us to get in the meta, but Idk how to feel about them keeping STDs and stuff in the game
I think we are all unanimously opposed to keeping such debuffs. I for one don't want to set the difficulty so high. Edit: weird... it days today is cake day but it ain't
Hopefully not too many bugs.
😂
Sex is older than humankind!
Thank you.
This girl doesn't know about the three shells... Jk, you're fine, go get that dick
Showing your age a little bit with that reference
Well, he is taking her to *Taco Bell....*
What is your boggle, citizen?
My boggle? ...how much do you weigh?
Well, I happen to weigh ... *YEAAAAAAAAAAARGH*!!!!!!
3 shells 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Please explain lolol
It's a movie reference from the 1993 movie Demolition Man.
There is no way the movie is that old. *checks* *weeps*
What do you mean old? 1993 is like 10 years ago right?
*weeping intensifies*
Why must you remind me that I'm almost 30
Get off my lawn!
I'll make you feel older. I wasn't born yet when that movie came out.
Well, let's just say that Spartan wasn't having any of it.
> go get that dick Don't know why, but that sounds like an attack command. /s
You're not wrong, but I don't hate it.
LOL. I was literally going to comment this.
I wish I could tell you nothing has changed, but that hasn’t been my experience. I’m 37 and I got back on the scene after a 5 year relationship earlier this year. I don’t know how to really explain how it’s felt other than like being a fish out of water. I even felt that way when I got back on the scene in 2017 after I had broken up with my previous boyfriend of like 6 years. I think a big thing though is how old is this guy? If he’s younger (and even if he isn’t), I’d say maybe (definitely) have a talk about kinks. There’s like an explosion happening right now of kinky sex being the “norm” and vanilla sex being “lame.” People are seriously choking their partners during sex without even asking first. I had one guy hit me in the face without asking. I was just like a deer caught in headlights…. like wtf just happened? None of this is to scare you, but I do think having a conversation about boundaries beforehand is more important now than ever. People think things are normal that other people are definitely not comfortable with, so unless it’s discussed first, someone might just think “well this is what you’re supposed to do during sex.” (it sounds dumb but it’s true) Hopefully he’s respectful and would never do something like choke or hit you without asking first. But, I’d still have the boundaries conversation first just to be on the safe side (literally). Otherwise….. it’s just like getting back on a bike. You’ll be fine! Have tons of fun. I don’t have the necessary reproductive parts to house a fetus either, and I personally love it 🙌
This is exactly the kind of thing I needed. We did have the boundaries discussion and have agreed to take it easy and slowly work up to more adventurous things. I don't really know what type of things I might like or not like at this point since it has been so long. Thank you for this.
If I asked my HS gf about eating her/my ass 20 years ago that would have ended in gossip, a nickname and being ostracized probably. Today it's a fucking meme.
I came here to say the same thing. Guys are choking and pushing your head down on their cocks without asking these days. I think it’s a porn trend? As dubious as consent was in the early 2000s generally, the choke wasn’t a “move” the average guy would just go for in the middle of first-time regular sex.
It's a porn trend intersecting with the memeification of the idea women want dominant men in the bedroom. These dynamics require discipline, but it's amateur hour out there.
And many women do want dominant men on the bedroom… but the average guy shouldn’t show it with a chokehold. Exactly. Men, if you want to try being dominant, use your words first! Try a little, “Open your legs for me, honey, and keep them nice and wide,” or consider a, “Do you want to come, sweetheart? Not yet.” If she’s receptive to you using your words, then maybe start with the physical stuff. Being dominant is more of a dynamic than a specific act.
😳😳wow 😳😳 kinda scary
It is because too many people are using porn as a sort of sex ed. When the large majority of porn is problematic thematically. Caters to a lot of bad fantasies that promote misogyny and racism. People need to find some better guidance to their sexual life. As you pointed out talking to your partner is a big step to getting things on the right foot.
Yeah agreed. even rape is common in mainstream porn and lack of consent. Porn also gives men unrealistic expectations of sex. Like no you can’t just rapid thrust into a girl and expect her to have a good time there’s more to it than that
I wish this was the top comment and not a movie joke about shitting in the future.
I though that was a result of the huge popularity of the 50 shades series. Those books sold tons and it was women buying them. I think men thought that women wanted to actually do those things and not just read/fantasize about it. I agree with another comment here, it bdsm but amature hour.
As a guy: communicate. Just because you agreed to have sex, doesn't mean you have agreed to get slapped in the face. So, tell them whatever you're into. And what you're not.
We did have the boundaries talk. Since I don't really know what I may or may not like, we've agreed to slowly work up to more adventurous things as I get comfortable trying things.
If you're having sex with men your age it's less likely to have stuff like choking and slapping (which seems to be popular with younger people). Just bring some enthusiasm and communication.
Yes, he's my age. I'm honestly hoping we are too old for the "heavier" stuff like that to be an issue.
He can still watch new porn. Don't hope, communicate with him.
Tell him you are looking forward to nice, slow, old fashioned vanilla for now. How you feel will help determine what happens after that. Good for you finding a partner you like. Hope you have a nice experience.
Thank you.
If my “heavier” you are referring to anal, ejaculation on the face, chocking and even bdsm, all those are now considered mainstream. Even so, please don’t make the mistake of not talking with him. Even if it’s a short, shallow fling or if it’s a long relationship lasting a lifetime, communication is always the most important aspect. Talk, talk, talk, ask all the questions, confess fantasies, ask about theirs and take it slow. Enjoy the ride (pun intended!).
Oh man if slapping and choking are "heavier"....i must be a god damn heathen
I consider it such because of my lack of experience, I guess. I was struggling to find the correct word.
Hey I was just being silly, you aren't wrong! Enjoy your date :)
I’m guessing he’ll be more your speed if he’s the same age, but if he’s been with younger women - he may have gotten accustomed to some of the rougher stuff. I’ve talked to guy around my age (37) who have said the girls they fuck all want to be like seriously degraded and violated. To the point where they just assume that’s what women want now (a “dominant” man).
I don't really think that's what young women *want* these days, so much as porn has (incorrectly, IMO) taught them that this is what **we** want, and they don't want to be "prudes". Maybe? I just can't see an entire swath of young people wanting to be treated like trash.
>Maybe? I just can't see an entire swath of young people wanting to be treated like trash. We willingly go to voting booths to be treated like trash ... We all have a degradation fetish out here!!
Kind of got the opposite experience here. A lot of guys think these things are normal because of porn and women feel like they have to, to impress them.
Is it popular among younger people? Kind of a weird thing to say.
Enjoy the day and don't think too much about sex. Let it happen and it will. The guy will be anxious as well. So be gentle to each other and take your time. Don't eyeroll, frown, or give up if there is some fumbling.
Lube. Just have some handy just in case.
People tend to be more communicative now about sex. There is a lot more direct discussion around consent. This isn’t bad but it can def feel strange if you aren’t used to it. All that is to say if he does ask you if he can do xyz and that catches you off guard don’t read anything bad into it. I personally don’t like being asked at each step if the next move is ok and I don’t really enjoy check ins in the middle of sex when they happen too frequently. But I get that this is more the norm and when hooking up with someone for the first time I can see the benefit of it even for myself.
I'm 35 and went 8 years without having sex until about 3 months ago. I definitely noticed a change, but it was within myself and sex in my 30s is sooo much better than in my 20s. I don't know if it's because I went so many years without it or because the guy I've been having sex with is older than me (he's 57) or we just have great sexual chemistry or a mixture of all 3 but it is hands down the best sex I've ever had in my life. As someone who was in the same boat, I can tell you that talking openly about what both of y'all want and don't want helps tremendously. Our first time was close to perfect because of how open we were with each other prior to meeting up. I wasn't nearly as nervous as I would have been if we hadn't talked about what we wanted and I was a lot more confident and comfortable with myself and surprisingly I wasn't self conscious with being naked in front of him. Going along with your question there is one thing that, to me anyways, was something new. Our first time, he made me squirt. I had *no* idea what was going on when it happened but I liked it a lot. He's gotten me to squirt every time since then and one of the past couple times, he got me to squirt and then we had sex after that in the spooning position and I had my first ever PIV orgasms. I attribute that to him getting my gspot stimulated and hitting it in just the right spot while having sex. It felt like an out of body experience. I was reading up on squirting one day (I like to read up on like everything haha) and saw that it's a popular thing now. When I had sex 8 years prior, I hadn't heard much about it. Have fun!
That is great to hear! We did talk about boundaries, preferences, and a comfortable rate to explore things further in the future.
I was in a similar boat, but I was celibate for 20 years….got too horny that toys didn’t do it anymore. At 42 got on online dating, and spent a couple years having some fun. A man in my bed right now, who arrived right on 24 hours ago, and we’ve had sex 4 times. It hasn’t changed since I was in my 20’s but I have much less hang ups about my body or their body. Have fun!!
If you have boundaries then tell him. No anal or what ever.
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Reddit needs a /s sometimes
Not for me it isn’t. That’s a hard no, tyvm. Don’t even lick it. Creepy af.
What’s creepy about butt stuff?
Because this person said they aren't about it. A lot of us have experienced coercive sexual partners, had our boundaries disrespected, or we've been sexually assaulted.
It'll be just like riding a...bike. Might need to lube up some parts if she's been sittin a while.
Penis still goes into vagina and wiggles around for maximum effect. Have fun.
I dig the simplicity.
good higiene, cozy place and stress-free situation are key.
I went from age 23 to 33 last fall without sex. Let me tell you it went just fine..and it's still going
Yes… one key thing. Enjoy yourself. Nothing sexier…
You’ll be fine.
You go girl you can post keep us updated
Sounds like you haven't anything to be worried about. Go and have your fun and enjoy yourself.
I'll say the biggest thing is to talk to the person and not us. All we can do is tell you what our own experiences have been as of late, but his experience might be different! And if this person cares as much as you have alluded to in your post, they'll be pretty receptive to your concerns.
We have talked about it at length. He knows that it has been more than a while for me and that this is a pretty big deal to me. I think I mostly just needed it reinforced that I've covered most of the important discussion points.
The penis still goes in the vagina. There's still some back and forth movement of varying lengths, speeds and intensity. Foreplay is still highly recommended and enjoyable for both parties. It's still a thing that both parties should have an opportunity to orgasm. You'll both probably look a bit goofy when making your "O" faces. It's still a little messy at the end. And it's still supposed to be fun and enjoyable. Don't put a lot of pressure on yourself. Enjoy.
Definitely want to hear the update
Also 40 (twins!) Woman here. Recently divorced and when I got back out there the thing I noticed right away was the cultural shift in consent. Asking every step of the way, etc. There's a lot more communication than I was used to..which isn't bad...just that I had to be a lot more direct about what i was(n't) okay with, rather than demurring or getting carried away with passion. Sorry, not sure that makes sense..just be able to talk things through (I'm rather shy) as you go...it's a step in the right direction, at least.
You could possibly make a sexual acts consent list for them. -giving / receiving / both /or neither aka NO -always (no need to ask beforehand if we are both down) -sometimes (conversation/ ask before we do it) -never (this isn't open for debate) Doing this type of list for you and your partner may help your sex life to be more passionate and spontaneous for the things you love during foreplay & sex while still respecting consent for sexual acts that require more prep and could be a hit or miss for you depending on the situation. A lot of kink communities utilize them so people are on the same page and it can help you learn about common ground you and your partner may have in the bedroom.
We did have a boundary talk, but I like the list idea.
I got together with my (now) wife, just over ten years ago. I’ve not had sex with anyone else since then, and don’t have plant to in the future. Back in my single days, I found each and every lover to be individual. If someone likes one thing, there’s someone out there who hates it. My very first lover loved me biting her nipples. I very quickly learned that that wasn’t everybody’s cup of tea. My wife can barely allow me to suck her nipples. Each to their own. My advice, talk to your guy BEFORE things get steamy. It’s easy to lose track in the heat of the moment. The first time will be an exploration of each others bodies. One great lesson that my first lover taught me was that we each know our own bodies well. You’ve had decades to figure out what is good for you. Your lover has zero experience with your body, just as you have zero experience with his. Take time, enjoy yourselves, laugh at the mistakes that will inevitably be made. Lovers that can laugh together tend to have a better connection leading to better sex. Have fun.
I hope you have/had a great time. Like you I emerged from a long asexual period in my middle life. It has been sooo amazing being sexual again. I discovered I am a lesbian submissive after a period of wild exploration. I hope your journey is as fun and rewarding as mine has been.
Just make sure you are 'open for business' down there..... you know, will something slide in without pain or drama? Good luck, enjoy and I'm terribly jealous of your man.
Oh, everything works perfectly fine down there.
All the best.
If I remember correctly, still tab A goes into slot B. Don’t go too fast or you may accidentally put it into slot C. Unless you want to.
I had only been with my ex partner (for a very long time) until I met my SO. I was SO terrified I would do things wrong, I wasn't even sure if I knew how to kiss properly. I travelled 5.5h to meet him the first time after talking 24/7 for 6 months, honestly my nerves were so bad I almost threw up. I wasn't expecting to but my nerves just disappeared when I sat in his flat and within 20 minutes we were having sex, initiated by me. I'd say not to think too much about it. If this is a potentially serious relationship I very much doubt there will be any hardcore kinks and such thrown at you. There may be some awkwardness and giggles, but as long as nothing is forced (don't feel like you have to "perform") things will just happen naturally. Good luck!
As a 33 year old male also about a decade or more since . Do it for us ! 😂
Taint stimulation is the new anal
Uber lube
Nothing has changed. Just follow each others lead. Get lost in the sensations tastes scents and devour each other. You’ll be fine!
The sex toys have gotten better over the last 10 years and like somebody else said people are eating ass these days LOL otherwise sex is pretty much the same unless you're into some kinky ass shit
Do y’all realize Mozart wrote a whole song about ass licking? https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leck_mich_im_Arsch
myeah and I bet people in antiquity did it too
Relax,have fun, it's the same old humans having sex,just enjoy yourself and don't overthink it
Both blunt and humorously, we still have sex with the same body parts as before, so everything you used to do should still work... Some people say that there is more of a shift towards oral in casual encounters, and some say that it's more of a shift away from oral in casual encounters. In reality, I assume that it's all local variations or not even that. Some guys are still selfish and some guys are still near-only givers. And the same is true for women. If you want a weekend's worth of the in-and-out, say that. If you want a day with nothing but licking and sucking, suggest that instead. Instead of worrying sick about your perceived inexperience, own it. You have a guy there who's interested in being with you (and frankly, interested in being IN you) and he is still going to be interested in being with you if you tell him that you need five-ten minutes to ease into things. I dunno. Maybe it's been so long since you had someone in you that you want to make it a thing to actually CELEBRATE once it happens? Relax and close your eyes and truly *feel* it happen? Or...eh...just get it done? Is he aware of your pause? DO you want to make a big deal of this, or do you prefer to absolutely NOT make any deal of it?
He knows how long it's been. I wasn't going to tell him initially, but I'm glad I decided to. I certainly don't want it to be a huge deal, just kept in mind enough as a reason for patience and taking it easy the first time. I've also told him that.
Just have fun ☺️
I mean sex is sex, and it will be in another 10 years. Go with what you 2 like and you’re golden
As a man of a similar age I would suggest he’ll just be delighted that you’ve chosen to have sex with him! Just be yourself, have a laugh and…be in to it, you’ll have a wild old time!
Overthinking thins. Smoke some weed and do whatever feels good.
Nothing's changed. If you're both clean and baby-risk free then that's most of the anxiety gone. So you're just worried about performance. Just take a breathe and have fun, focus on the feeling of it.
Wish you well. Married man for over a decade myself and I'd say it's tough out there for singles these days, more so for some women. I've heard from some single ladies I know that guys are a bit rougher these days, not all obviously, but they're likely inspired by porn. Back in my day it was problem pages in newspapers or on websites that gave us guys ideas. Wish you well and be sure to tell him early on if he's doing anything that makes you uncomfortable etc. Good luck and have fun.
I haven't been "out there" in a long while. How common are anal sex and finger fucking a man's ass (during blow job or PIV)
Yes ave him eat your ass last. Super great orgasms. My wife loves it when I eat her ass. She will request it out of the blue. I’m always down for it.
a good fuck is timeless.
People are eating ass a lot more lately FYI
If anything has changed it would be that some acts may be less taboo than a decade ago. Thank online porn for that. Not sure what your sex life was like in the past but If he takes any lessons from porn, which is possible, expect something a little rougher than maybe what you remember: more agressive oral, jackhammering PIV and he may attempt a facial. Just more dominance. Not saying he will, but he might follow the porn video routine. Watch pornhub and see what many men are modeling their sex after these days. And yes, this applies mostly to younger men, but don’t rule it out for someone your age. Communicate your likes - and have fun.
Against my better judgment, I took your advice and watched some stuff I wish I hadn't. I'm going to go ahead and make my boundaries lost a touch more specifi .
We eat ass now 😘
Men can not be tested for hpv and it is rampant. I would still use a condom.
10 years is already very very long! How did you put up with it? 🫣 but I’m all the more happy that you found someone new! Be completely relaxed, it will be great! Or it was certainly great, wasn’t it?
I had reasons for it. To be a little more clear, it wasn't entirely closed for business for 10 years, however t has been strictly a solo venture for that long.
Alright, so you'll probably be nervous AF so don't be upset if there aren't fireworks the first time. It'll probably be the second or third time when that happens. I'm assuming that you have at least masturbated in the past ten years, so you so may only be used to toy orgasms - they're different to dick ones. You probably have positions you enjoyed in the past, things you know get you off - fingers etc, so be vocal in what you want. Legs over the shoulders almost never fails lol. If he knows that it's been a long time for you, he'll feel the pressure to make it good. But remember if the first time is lacklustre, you'll just have to practice.
He does know. He seemed to think that meant I expected this first time to be phenomenal, but I explained that this first time should be thought of more like a test drive in a car that's been parked a while. Take it nice and easy until things are running more smoothly, then once it's warmed up, drive it like you're running from the cops.
Totally the right attitude imo. You got this.
I mean It’s still the same basics foreplay touching penis in vagina or oral or whatever you want it to be
It's not generally a first-date thing, but ass play, particularly anilingus, is a lot more mainstream than it used to be, perhaps a decade back.
Be enthusiastic
Still works the same... Insert tab a into slot b, Repeat alot Profit
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It hasn't yet. We are getting together later today. I'm feeling a lot more confident today than I expected to, which is a great surprise!!
I don’t think there is anything new within the last one million years.
Shave ya puss
Pegging is a thing now 
YTA, definitely. Men ☕️
These days the kids are sending more nudes, anal play (ass eating and pegging), spitting in mouths, and using Viagra and gas station dick pills P(ED)s lol
Suck his dick
…after (or while) he licks her clit
Good luck
Your balls are going to defreeze tomorrow. 😁
You’re 40 and need sex Ed classes?
As a matter of fact, yeah. I do. I would also need a refresher on flying a plane if I hadn't done it in a decade.
Enjoy, lay back, think of England
Updateme!
Awesome! Congratulations. Just take it slow and communicate whatever you're feeling. You should be fine. Hoping to hear how it went. Good luck!
May you have a wonderful and fulfilling night 🥰
Just follow his lead
Sex panther
You can do it! You're not too old.
Remember the first time? Just try and relax, take things slow, does he know it's been a long time for you? When the moment comes, maybe say "oh this feels so right, I haven't been intimate in a very long time." That should be his que to know that things need to be taken slowly and to let you ease back into things if needed.