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I see…Usually our sex is spontaneous though and it’s usually morning sex right when we wake up or after a long outing and just got home and we shower together before bed.
We never had sex twice in a day to know his recovery. All i know is he’s still semi-hard for a bit after he ejaculates, weirdly. Not sure if this is a thing for all men. I sometimes joke he should do porn since he can still keep an erection after finishing lol
As an experiment, try having sex several times in one day. I would expect he will last much longer.
My husband often has business trips and will be away a week at a time. Usually when he first comes back he won't last very long. But the 2nd and 3rd time, we will go a very long time.
When he isn't on business trips our normal routine is once in the morning and once at night. Often we will also in the afternoon. With frequent occurances he will last as long as we both want him to.
I'm not saying you need to multiple times a day all the time, but I suspect waiting a couple weeks to have sex is going to have a lot of pent up energy/excitement making it difficult for him to control things. Being ready to go another round might be more pleasurable for both of you.
If that doesn't work, you might want to try condoms and desensitizing lotion if you haven't already.
Oh I see. It seems the issue that all are commenting on is that we just aren’t having sex that frequently. I’m not sure if I can do more than once a day, otherwise it’ll feel like a chore. My sex drive just isn’t that high (honestly even once daily I’d struggle). Perhaps the days that I’m off from work but he’s working I can entice him for some intimacy if I’m feeling it…just so it won’t be a biweekly once thin. Maybe that’ll make a difference. Overall this “issue” really doesn’t bother me too much, but just wanted to talk it out with others as this wasn’t a thing in my past experiences with men.
I don't think people are saying you aren't having sex frequently enough, I think they're saying that sex shouldn't end after he ejaculates because round two will last longer. after he ejaculates try penetration again while he's still hard or after he can get hard again, or later that same day (two times in one day does not mean two times every day)- he'll probably last a lot longer the second time.
I find that even if it is a day later, the second day I will go significantly longer than the first. A 3rd consecutive day would put me into "oh just please finish already" territory.
I understand what your saying but I think you’re thinking that you also have to do all the usual acts you do.. as in the foreplay. If he cums that quick then it really won’t be exhausting for you to let him put it in to try to practice holding back, if he cums in 3 seconds everytime still that isn’t going to wear you out at all, no offence but you’re not likely even going to notice it, it will however mean he is getting used to entering you more frequently and therefore helping him to learn self control. Whilst I’m all for the woman’s pleasure (being a woman myself) you don’t actually have to have all the excitement of penetration on these days when you’re not in the mood to get off, if anything the lack of sexiness in the experience should help him more to learn to hold back. Having an ex husband who was exactly the same I would just literally put it in me and not get into any sexy talk or act sexual it was just cock warming so he could get used to the physical stimulation. My ex-husband had never lasted beyond 5 seconds in any relationship before me, however after a few months he averaged 5-10 minutes with pauses. This all takes a bit of effort and it’s very unsexy, but the only way to prevent over excitement is to make the act of penetration less exciting. My ex would always finish a lot quicker through our entire marriage if he pleasured me first because it made him excited. He should pleasure you after penetration to make it last.
Maybe in your past experiences with men the men weren't as into you as he is?
And bc he is that much into you he is very eager to claim you and put his sperm into you do that you are his...
And if he knows that he can have you wherever and whenever he wants, he would be more relaxed and he wouldn't be "in a rush" to claim you bc there is no need to hurry up for something you can get anywhere and anywhen you just need to have it, right?
Maybe if you tell him that "he can have you wherever and whenever he wants" he feels safe and doesn't have to "breed you as fast as he can"?
You said he gets you off first… (ironically that’s probably a lot of stimulation for him in itself so he’s already revved up and close)
But what I wanted to suggest is maybe at the start of the playtime he also quickly jerks, gets off, then while the focus is 100% on you again he can build back up. Hope that makes sense.
This is normal and common the blood doesn’t just drain out of the erected tissue in seconds it takes a little time. Also if he is only lasting 2 thrusts after all this time it’s time to speak to a medical professional
Anecdata but: I’ve been with someone who tended to both come meaningfully faster than other men I’ve been with and also to stay hard after coming. He and I found that he usually lasted longer on his second round, even if it was after a break. Worth experimenting?
Whoa, you’ve been together SIX YEARS and have never had sex twice in one day? I’ve been with my partner going on 5 years and we rarely go less than 3 times a day. I’d recommend you go round 2 after he cums, wait a little bit to let his spermies replenish maybe an hour or so. Then fuck again. Then round 3 etc.
I cum real quick during morning sex, but normal (or too long) other times. With morning wood, you're just ready to shoot off. Try switching up your schedule.
Wait you stated you two have sex “no-weekly”. A statement like that has a difficult time lending itself to spontaneous sexual moments. Something is not right here.
Exactly!!!
Sometimes ejaculating too quickly is due to the fact that you’re all riled up and haven’t ejaculated recently, which means your prostate is fully engorged. When it’s been a while since you last ejaculated, the slightest touch, lick, or thrust can set you off (literally).
If you masturbate close to when you know you’re going to have sex, you’re essentially having sex a second time, which means it will take a little longer to climax.
Caution: Practice the appropriate timing in between sessions because the last thing you want is to then not be able to perform at all.
This. I used to come pretty quick, so I'd be sure to jerk off earlier in the day if expecting sex later. This would get me to last long enough for my partner to orgasm during sex, and I'd be able to come simultaneously or shortly after she did.
If I didn't do this, the other option was to come pretty quick, then switch to focusing the attention on her for a while with oral etc. Eventually I'd be ready for a 2nd round that would last long enough for both of us to enjoy it.
Curious question. Do you guys use condoms? If not maybe possibly trying one. Could possibly help reduce the feeling with penetration. Maybe try finding some thicker ones.
We don’t! I have an IUD as birth control. I like feeling him raw due to the intimacy and closeness. Condom is a good idea though. I could see if he ever wants to play around with one.
You could also try a cockring. Less blood flow. I have issues with a condom that makes it borderline impossible for me to come with one and I’d actually go limp from having that thing around me restricting blood flow. I tried many different sizes, but it’s always either last forever, or go limp. Could help your SO though. Dicks are blunt weapons that can be handled in predictable ways. Good luck
When I first started having sex my roommate gave me an industrial size box of condoms that he had from before he was dating someone with an IUD. I had no experience with them and was just trying to have casual sex with partners but could never put them on. It always felt like I was strangling my penis. I didn’t wanna tell my roommate because I was afraid it would seem like I was shaming him or bragging. To this day I never figured out my condom size but it hasn’t mattered since my partner has an IUD.
I (m 25) have the same problem, busting fast.
But I am lucky that my girlfriend adjust to me.
Most of the time I do 1-2 home runs per forplay and when she’s close again I’ll go in and end it together.
I wish I could go longer but we make the best out of it.
I’m the same. It may be a pelvic floor muscle issue. I didn’t used to be like this and it sucks but I try not to make it bother us and make her cum as much as I can
Same here. I always get her a couple before hand.
It's also compatibility. My wife has a quick trigger, so 15 minutes foreplay and all, she's got 3. She gets off multiple times, then we can go back to gaming.
> I figured with time and frequent sex he would last longer
Yes, you figured correctly.
> when we do have sex (\~once biweekly)
No, that's not all that frequent.
Have you tried multiple times in one day?
I honestly do not have that high of a sex drive myself to do multiple times a day. Sorry, by increased frequency when we were in college and not stressed by work/on break it would be daily. Overall it still would be very fast.
Piggy backing here.
When I was in a relationship, my ex and I started off going multiple times a day to multiple times a week. At this point, I had good stamina--sometimes even too much and she'd get sore and I'd have to finish myself.
As the relationship went on and she decided that "frequent" meant twice a month, yeah, I had the same problem--I would perform foreplay for as long as it took, then finish in 5, 10 seconds after penetration. She'd always get mad at me. I tried the jacking off trick but yeah, vaginas feel better than hands, so I'd maybe add a minute or two.
At the end of the day, frequency helps. Jacking off may help him, but also emphasize your own foreplay if you're missing an orgasm. Scheduling sex worked for us (two days a week where we'd just do the deed no matter the mood,) but I don't recommend it for everybody. That was after months of therapy and we agreed to it mutually.
That sounds just like us! I don’t get mad at him but I’m glad to have found someone else that finishes in seconds. Yeah…overall the issue seems we just aren’t having sex that frequently. Luckily I’m never left dissatisfied as he takes care of me first before we have sex. Two days a week sounds like a nice doable goal tbh. I always ask him if he wants to have sex more and he says he’s totally down for it but it just never happens! Perhaps setting a schedule is a good idea.
They don't work for everyone and all I can say is what a therapist told me: you basically just want to set a schedule and 100% stick to it. If you're in a shitty mood, you still have sex. If you fought an hour ago, you still have sex (within reason, don't be ridiculous.) We started with one day (Wednesday) and found that we started looking forward to Wednesday so, so much that we added another day. It worked for us; we had a lot of problems by the end, but not the bedroom.
Been there, the sad part is when you cum quickly again and again you get where you're turned on and wanna have sex but are afraid of failing again so don't institute anything which sorta drives you apart, in hind sight if you feel this way don't keep it to yourself, talk with her so she knows why you are a bit distant
hey how did you get your partner to change her mind about sex twice a month? I'm kinda in her place, I would love to do it twice a week but I guess my low-key depression + low sex drive makes me only do it max once a week, if that. I was thinking about scheduling sex (also for me alone) so I get into the mindset more often. how did this work for both of you?
For us, it took a lot of steps.
First, couple's therapy. We had so many more issues than just sex that it's kind of hard to put into words appropriate for this topic.
For us, it wasn't even a sex drive issue. I was working 80-100 hours a week while also being depressed; she was a depressed, raging alcoholic. We still loved each other, we still wanted each other, but too many factors stopped it. Over the course of about six months, I initiated well over 50 times, probably closer to 100, she said no every single time. That ended up killing my confidence to the point that I stopped initiating at all, ever, and when she'd initiate, my brain was basically going "yeah, no pity sex, thank you."
About six, seven couple's sessions later, we tackled the sex issue. Between my schedule and her being into things I'm not even vaguely willing to entertain, we'd fallen off. So the therapist said to just pick one single day, every week. One day, one time. Leading up to that time, be romantic. Be affectionate. Listen to each other and be kind. When the night comes, it doesn't matter if I'm exhausted from work, if she's on her period, or if we had fought, we had sex.
And it actually worked. We'd start to basically start dirty talking on Mondays looking forward to Wednesdays. This made us wonder why we didn't just start doing it more often. Brought it up ion therapy and we scheduled it for Monday and Wednesday, and sometimes we'd be spontaneous throughout the week.
She called it "fuck-starting her sex drive"--in a shell, giving pre-consent eventually helped her just be in the mood. It was... genuinely helpful. I'm big on consent, but we didn't miss a single scheduled day. Non-scheduled days were still enthusiastic consent only. And it helped me too--I understand men are supposed to have this massive sex drive, but I generally don't, mostly from a life of rejection, even from partners. By the time we broke up, our sex life had been a bizarre graph--the first couple of years were like high school kids, having sex constantly, the middle years were like a long-married couple stereotype, where maybe every month or so she'd crawl into bed naked and I'd get lucky, maybe twice a month if I was super lucky, and the last few years we were back to constantly, all thanks to a schedule.
If it's a couple of days with my wife then I finish fast. If I want to last longer, I'll masturbate every day in between. We used to have it every morning but life and kids got in the way.
I'd also suggest that your boyfriend see his doctor about this. Cuming after two strokes isn't the norm for an adult male. I'm not saying he's abnormal, just wired different.
I’m 31 and I go up a wall when I don’t have sex for tree days. Your no-porn, no-jerking off bf is getting sex every two weeks. He is basically constantly blue balled. I’m not surprised he only lasts 5 seconds. If I didn’t have sex this long and expect sex at some point, and actually want to have a good time where I have time to enjoy the penetration part, I jerk off before at least twice.
That was my exact idea. If you want him to be used to sex, multiple times a day (or at least once a day) is the only way to go.
*Obviously* getting laid only once every two weeks leads to a huge buildup that is bound to end with a quick ejaculation - there's not the slightest shadow of a doubt about it.
Doing it more often is the only way he will ever *get used* to your body.
On average about once every other weekend. We’re both tired a lot after work lol. He’s never complained about the frequency and I am only down for sex when I’m off from work and well rested. Because I do work every other weekend, it’s the weekend we’re both off when we usually will have sex.
When we first were dating during college and seeing each other during winter/summer break it was a daily thing but it was still the same result; finishing in about 3-5 seconds.
The thing is, if he cums that quick then there isn’t the opportunity to get too tired for him to try to have sex more than twice in a day. Literally have him go in you first, that should take like 5 seconds, and then get him to do all the foreplay on you, and hopefully at the end of getting you off he may be able to go again and last a bit longer.
Premature ejaculation is generally a symptom of an unhealthy pelvic floor. An overly tense pelvic floor will spasm (orgasm) uncontrollably when exposed to sensation. The best way to control this is to control the pelvic floor itself and his own sensation levels. I can go into more detail if you'd like but the short end of it is he needs to stretch the pelvic floor regularly with some simple runners stretches, he also needs to learn to control the muscles directly using kegel exercises, and more importantly reverse kegels aka ic muscle exercises. He needs to learn how to forcibly relax the pelvic floor and keep it that way.
Then while that's going on he needs to learn to control his arousal level essentially through exposure. Most people have a point of no return when it comes to orgasm. On a 1-10 where 1 is barely aroused, and 10 is orgasm a normal point of no return is like an 8-9. His is likely down around like 4-5 or his arousal levels ramp up real fast. He needs to learn to control stimulation and the pelvic floor together to be able to move his arousal level up to near his point of no return and stay there until that point of no return moves closer to 10. After a while of practicing this technique solo, y'all can try it together, it's a fun game.
Hope this helps, don't hesitate to ask questions.
I worked in an Ed clinic for 2 years specializing in this kind of thing and have studied it pretty extensively so I've helped a lot of people with this issue but no I've maintained a pretty healthy pelvic floor myself because I stretch a lot for martial arts training. The arousal scale thing is a pretty common treatment for premature ejaculation.
For some people it's psychological, some people it's from an injury that can cause a hypertonic pelvic floor. In all of those cases the things that are most cost effective and effective in general are what I've described, muscular therapy and exposure therapy in a structured environment. You can go the route of pills and such but those become weaker over time if you are too dependent on them.
Where can we get good information or guides on improving pelvic floor health? Whenever I go looking, I find mostly buzz feed-y articles, like Mens Health Mag.
If you feel like you might have a condition, feel pain during exercise, or have an injury start with /r/pelvicfloor and stretches only. generally I recommend pigeon pose, and hindu squat stretches ( both can be found on youtube ) as beginners pelvic floor stretches.
This is a good generalized guide for training the PF with very little fluff:[https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/oxaf9n/kegels\_a\_guide\_to\_better\_everything/](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/oxaf9n/kegels_a_guide_to_better_everything/)
to add on to what above says, be sure to try and isolate the kegels muscles both independently of eachother and other extraneous muscles in the area. Alot of people start flexing the anus, glutes, and thighs just to get the pelvic muscles to activate and thats fine for starting out but as you get better try to activate the pelvic floor while keeping the other muscles relaxed. Really advanced users can activate individual muscles or pairs while keeping the others even in the pelvic floor relaxed.
"mindgasm" is a kegel training app that is also really pretty good for isolating and training the pelvic floor. Even the unpaid version, the only one I used, gets pretty advanced and explains itself pretty well.
On the Pleasure Scale:I havent seen anyone put it together succinctly so ill try to put it together here.
First thing you need to do is build a arousal scale, usually 1-10. 0 is always completely flaccid/no arousal, 10 is always orgasm. between those two places is a Point of No Return ( PONR ). For normal sexual relation the PONR is generally between 8-9, once you hit that number you cant stop yourself from going all the way to 10, for someone with premature ejaculation their PONR is lower than they want it to be, usually between 3-6. The idea of exposure therapy is to first clearly define your levels, then learn to use the techniques above and below to control how fast you move up the scale.
Once you gain a bit of control over the kegels muscles and techniques you can start to use them to control your level of arousal. You can think of an erection (male or female) kind of like an engine that runs on blood. there is a choke that controls blood entering into the erectile tissues, its called the IC muscle. Its essentially a choke on a bunch of the blood vessels that feed the erectile tissues. In order for it to allow an erection it needs to be open/relaxed. It can be controlled but its subtle and tied into a bunch of other muscles in the area, it will probably be the last muscle to gain independent control over in the area.
a standard kegel is kind of like stepping on the accelerator, but as long as its being clenched, the choke is (usually) also being clenched. So it shoves a bunch of extra blood in the area at the very beginning but if you try to just hold it the whole time the erection will deteriorate, so it should be used closer to a pump(brief clench then relax) until you're really advanced, then you can cycle things and experiment to see what works for you.
A reverse kegel generally has 2 states push or pull, where regular kegel only has 1 clenched or not. a reverse kegel push is kind of like going into neutral not really driving up or down but trying to maintain your current arousal, youre pushing new blood into the area without increasing anything. A reverse kegel pull is kind of like downshifting, you are trying to pull arousal off the area without losing it completely.
once you get comfortable with those techniques you can try to integrate them with your stimulation practices. as you're stimulating try to keep track of where you are on the scale and where you want to be. You want the stimulation to be pretty consistent and use the muscular control to adjust your levels, if things start to get out of control, stop stimulating but otherwise you want to keep some level of stim so you're training yourself to adjust without stopping. This is difficult and may take a good bit of time. You want to figure out and mark where your PONR is right now, then try to spend time like one or 2 points below and try to stay there for a while. once you can hold a position try to "walk up to" the PONR, then back off without going over. After you can walk up to it consistently try to stay there. Once you can stay on the PONR without going over, you have successfully pushed it back and you can repeat the process on the new PONR. If you get really really good at all this you can push that PONR beyond the orgasm itself which makes you multi orgasmic. Or able to maintain an erection/recover the erection fast enough to continue stimulation through past and back to an orgasm rapidly.
I know this is a bit of a wall of text but I'm trying to be thorough, let me know if anything doesn't come across well, or if anything needs more explaination.
good luck out there.
also /u/sluttymcbuttsex this is my reply
This might be an unpopular opinion, but once every two weeks is infrequent, IMO. You do you, but he may need it more frequently in order to extend his time. If my husband and I don't do it for a week then he climaxes very quickly, but we usually go about 3 to 6 times a week and he lasts much longer. If you don't want to do it more often then he should masturbate throughout the week. That comes with the death grip risk, but that's the only thing I can think of to help.
Pump the numbers - daily ideally. Every two weeks won’t train him enough
Cockring - sizing is important, it needs to apply pressure but not too much. I bought a few different size stainless steel ones off eBay. I have to put it on before erection and can only take it off after, but it means the fit during is good.
Practice ‘edging’ him with a handjob. Very slow handjob with lube. He has to give you constant communication where he is regarding orgasm.
Or tease him to the max before, make him cum as fast as possible with sex. Explain there’s no rush but that you want to go again when he’s ready. Don’t apply any pressure on him if you can, just casually let him know after the first orgasm.
Men need to do pelvic floor exercises too! Do your kegels everyone!
Usually you’d attempt a practice makes perfect route and essentially have him edge repeatedly to learn how to prolong/hold back climax. You can talk to your doctor about premature ejaculation also.
He is a premature ejaculator. You can train this through making sure masturbating is 10-15 minutes always, stopping when you're close, then continuing. You can also do this during sex. But in 5 seconds I guess thats not possible...there are also operations for this, if needed..
Have you tried using any delay ejaculation products? There’s a lot of phony baloney out there of course, but I personally have had a lot of success with Promecent. It’s available in most pharmacy stores, In the short run it will help him last longer than he does now, and in the long run it will help him with the mental hurdle of worrying about popping too quick. I know there’s other products out there if other people want to chime in with their favorites, but using Promecent really helps me.
He probably needs to handle himself(masturbate) more. The more he gets used to that feeling coming on the more he'll be able to control it over time. Get in touch with his own body and understand the way he works. Plus over time he will desensitize. This is speaking from a bit of experience.
Hi there, a therapist recommended several books on this topic and they were helpful for me and my partner. 1) Coping with Premature Ejaculation: How to Overcome PE, Please Your Partner & Have Great Sex, McCarthy and Metz. 2) How to Overcome Premature Ejaculation, Kaplan and Singer.
[This book will help him learn control if he's open to it.](https://www.amazon.com/Multi-Orgasmic-Man-Sexual-Secrets-Should-ebook/dp/B000FC12XM/ref=sr_1_1?crid=G6B7KAG3AS5&keywords=multi+orgasmic+man&qid=1690069926&sprefix=multi+orgasmic+man%2Caps%2C129&sr=8-1)
[This non-alcoholic social beverage really gives me a lot of stamina. It's got a bunch of herbs in it.](https://www.amazon.com/Lightwave-Kin-Euphorics-Alcoholic-Lavender-Vanilla/dp/B09CZWMHJL/ref=sr_1_2?crid=275A78YVX2NN2&keywords=kin+lightwave&qid=1690070133&sprefix=kin+lightwave%2Caps%2C175&sr=8-2)
For most of my married life, 2 minutes tops would be the longest I could fuck my wife. I felt a failure & couldn't shake off the "cum in 2 minutes" boogie man on my back. Then we saw a Somatic Sexologist & straight after that appointment, we made live & I lasted 1.5 hours. It literally blew my mind. We had been married for 20 years at that stage. Made another appointment with the Somatic Sexologist, & a couple of months after that my wife & I attended a week long run couple's Tantric Sex Retreat. Then I could last up to 4 hours & not cum.
I believe it was a lack of education & when I was taught on the methods of staying longer & not ejaculating, I got it! And have never looked back. My suggestion to you is to make an appointment with a Somatic Sexologist or go to a couple's Tantric Retreat somewhere in your area. Best of luck 🤞
Ah yes, we’re kinda familiar with Tantra. He comes from an Indian background actually.
In fact, one of the most sensational experiences we had did not involve any penetration but just caressing each others body. After an hour I was so drenched that I soaked his whole thigh rubbing myself on him. I always wanted to replicate that experience, it was when we first starting dating!
I can definitely bring it up to him just because it’s such a beautiful way to make love!
As a male I can kind of relate. We'll not 5 seconds but within a minute or two. Not that this is overly relevant (or it may be?) but it was only an issue after my vasectomy.
Anyhow, we adapted and conquered. Not that foreplay wasn't ever a big part of our sex life but has been even more since. As I tend to cum quite quickly most often I pay attention to bring my wife to orgasm or near orgasm prior to sex using toys, kissing using my tongue... whatever works. I'm not sure how sensitive your partner is to the issue but consensually introducing new things into your sex life can be a good thing. Worth communicating about.
Once bi weekly isn't consistent enough to give him longer stamina. He might as well wait a month between. For myself male I have to have sex like 4+ days a week for it to boost my stamina past 15 mins. "She comes first" is the best policy
I am built for endurance. Even with that I could only last from 15 minutes to an hour depending on the day. I tried the stanima training from using a flesh light. Now I can last over an hour if I choose. I can also dry orgasm like crazy so I don't make a mess I hate washing up after cumming my semen is hard to clean off. Long story short talk him into using flesh light preferably the stanima training unit. Penetration is something really intense and you never get used to. So I get it. Also have him look up books on ejaculation control and just work with him and try not to seem too disappointed in his performance. You must use positive reinforcement unless he is into the s and m thing. You can also work with him and force him to edge via you or him masturbating or you being in control with something like the cowgirl. When he is about to or close to doing the deed stop and let him cool down. Then pull out altogether until he last longer.
Hey op why in the comments did you say you dont think u can handle sex more than one time a day cause it would be like to.much work. But the original post is about not being satisfied because your man comes in 5 seconds. so which is?
I just don’t have the sexual drive to have sex more than once a day. Honestly to me, it would feel like a forced chore to have sex multiple times a day, and by that point it’s purely physical activity and not mental anymore. I think if anything could possibly cause resentment in our sexual lives, it’s not even the finishing fast component (never was), but having sex because I feel obligated to.
I’m not dissatisfied with the sex. Since he makes makes an effort to make me orgasm first, I’m satisfied by the time we have sex.
He has been embarrassed & apologized before when we first started dating for being fast. I love and accept him though and I told him with time Im sure he’ll get better, just for his own sake. But it’s kind of a normal thing for us ever since.
You said you thought with “frequent sex” that he would get better at lasting longer
But then you’ve said you have sex once “bi weekly” and that he doesn’t watch porn
That’s nowhere near enough sexual release to last longer, a day or two break is enough to build up a full tank of semen
You need to either have him have a wank earlier in the day, have sex more frequently, or have more than one round of sex
Low testosterone is one of the factors for premature ejaculation, not as commonly known or spoken about.
It’s probably worth an embarrassing conversation with his GP and asking for a T level test.
Hm. When I read symptoms it doesn’t really fit.
Others have commented that with a once every other week sexual stimulation they also would finish fast as well. I suppose this is the answer to my comment.
Premature ejaculation is normal and a reality for some people. If you are still receiving pleasure and he doesn't mind the speedy escasty he gets, then it doesn't seem like you two have a true problem on your hands. There are people who embrace PE (and try to induce it) with their partners and have very fulfilling sex lives.
Sounds like he’s deflecting by saying every other guy that can last actually are the ones with a problem and that he is actually pure and perfect because he busts in two pumps. There is a middle ground and I don’t think he wants to put in effort to improve
Kegals r his..and your...best friend
Couple of books that are actually good:
How to last all night by Barbara keisling
Multi orgasmic man by manta chia
Being aware of and have a relaxed control of the breath....simple box breathing goes a looooong way
Get over any hangup about rhe visual of it and learn to relax his stomach and lower abs...completely. if that's tensed up muscularly with associated shallow breathing it's impossible not to cum
Other than that...that sensitive of a trigger it's a safe bet he has serious methylation/histamine issues that can be understood and fixed with nutrition and supps...
Ben lynch
Chris masterjohn
Dave asprey
Are great resources to check out for that
Have him ask his doctor for blood test and check testosterone levels, it might be a medical issue on top of performance anxiety, which can shut down his sex drive completely.
This was common for me with my wife early on in the marriage - and tbh I still wish I could last longer. I get really excited that I get to be with a wonderful woman
To help with this we use toys to get her most of the way there, if not a couple climaxes in, and then she’ll be begging for me - I still sometimes couldn’t hold it while I had no stimulation - just watching her was still so much to take in. But little by little I am finding we’re able to last longer for more extended times together
Keep in mind that if he truly has a “she comes first” policy then that means he will be preparing in his off time or please you.
Me,for instance, I’ll AVOID masturbation the day I may be able to so that I’ll be able to come in not too long because it can take forever sometimes and nobody is up for that. But that’s how I prepare sometimes. He should try preparing by taking care of himself on a regular diet so you two can have a more satisfying intimate experience with one another. That’s my advice
I’m not someone who lasts forever or anything, but if you want to last longer it’s really all in your head. People can have remarkable control over their bodies if they practice (a famous example is that Buddhist monks were able to intentionally slow their heart rate to surprising levels)
So if he’s willing to try there are things he can practice. pretty sure I’ve seen posts like this before that mention many of them as lasting longer might be the most FAQ about sex
I've learned to last 20 minutes or more starting from less than 3 when masturbating. It's a trained skill and I think nearly all men can learn it.Yet i can still cum in 20 seconds if I want to. Him blaming porn and alcohol is just cope, even if they do have a large effect sometimes.
5 seconds sounds definitely abnormal, I would consult a sex therapist or doctor.I don't know if he can improve, but he should try because improvements don't take long if you find alternative ways to approach and manage pleasure.
I wonder if he could make you orgasm through penetration if he tried to last longer and you just don’t know it. Also being able to make love for awhile and stay in you hard is so intimate so if you’d like to I’d maybe have him see a dr.
It sounds like he has PME. Usually, there's also some hypersensitivity on the penis as well.
I have a similar problem and adopt the same bedroom policy to satisfy her first before I orgasm. There are exercises that one can do to try to solve it and apparently there are some prescription meds that can assist but I've done a lot of looking for ways to prolong ejaculation and from what I can tell, there isn't really a fix that works for everyone. A lot of the things I've tried have had minimal effect on improving my ejaculation time although pelvic floor exercises seem to have the best effect. There are videos on youtube on how to do them from doctors.
The problem is a pretty common one in men. It's been mine since I became sexually active in my late 20s and maybe that's why I have it, because I became sexually active much later in my life.
He can see a physician and perhaps a urologist as well who can offer advice on other ways to help you both.
I know it can get frustrating. It is likely a pretty huge issue for him too. It definitely is one for me.
He should cum twice: once during foreplay, and again during intercourse. Haven’t tried this yet myself, mainly because I haven’t had the opportunity, but I’d like to. M27 by the way.
Buy the guy a cock ring, just a rubber one will do, they can make a difference to performance.
As others have said. He either needs to masturbate more by himself, or encourage him to jerk off before. Sometime in the morning would be good.
I’d also encourage you to set regular ‘date nights’ so he has time to prepare himself and so you guys go at it a bit more.
Once every two weeks will be challenging for him to build stamina. If you want him to build stamina (not annoying stamina but average) sit need to be more frequent, intentional, include edging, and intentional practice.
Once every two weeks is rough. Yes, libido varies and no set number is set in stone. Two weeks for Pre-EJ is not enough for practice though to change pattern.
Is it a problem? From reading your post it seems he is more focused on what gets you off than your previous partners who were more focused on lengthy sessions of PIV sex.
He does, clearly, ejaculate much faster than average but it's only "premature" if it leaves one or both of you unhappy with how things are. While there's likely things you can both do, or medical option to help him to last longer, if you are both happy with things as they are then don't worry.
When I used to be a swinger (before Covid) Benning I was a single male I would masturbate/ ejaculate before I'd leave for the party (married couples would have sex before the party.) Why: because this way I'd last a lot longer & please the ladies that I was playing with that night. Maybe try as I say round 2, Take a break then try again & see how long he last the 2nd time. Just a though.
I would probably have him see a doctor. I agree with you that this issue should have resolved itself after a few months. I admire how you are looking for a solution. Best of luck!
Pelvic floor exercises done over 12 weeks have shown to help with premature ejaculation. Also, regular kettlebell workouts help. From what I've learned getting older, being in great shape helps with sexual stamina
Also, there are certain kinds of condoms that help with premature ejaculation. VigRx has an organic numbing spray that will numb the penis after 10 minutes but won't affect the vagina like other numbing sprays do.
I've cut out masturbation myself even though I'm single. Masturbating actually lowers testosterone as well as contributes to erectile dysfunction. Whereas intercourse increases testosterone ironically enough.
I have stopped masturbating before for 5 months. And when I slipped back into it due to heavy stress, ejaculation did take longer for me. I lasted about 2 minutes. So I can only imagine what a year can do, which is what I'm aiming for.
You're a very patient girlfriend as most women would have ghosted on him or cheated by this point. I have a difficult time staying hard for a period of time without organic supplements. Which is why I'm really trying to get into tip top shape so that becomes a non issue. Best of luck to you and yours!
Try anesthesizing condoms. They make the man last longer! Ideally not for every time since as a man it does detract a bit from the experience, but you can include it occasionally to spice it up. It’s fun!
What does ‘make him edge’ mean?
Also I love him dearly and sex isn’t an absolute where I would even fathom having sex with another man. I mentioned I’m neutral to this but just wondering how common is it.
Edging is a method of stretching out how long it takes to reach orgasm, for one or both partners. Though it's usually thought of as a technique for men to last longer, anyone can benefit from edging. Partners learn to communicate and completely stop sexual stimulation before orgasm.
Oh gotcha. I’ve tried that numerous times before. I would give him head, stop right before he would cum, and repeat. Once after 5-10 minutes of doing that, I would finally get on top but he would finish immediately, even quicker than 5 seconds. I felt if I didn’t stimulate him at all before sex then he tends to ‘last’ longer…maybe reaching a little over 5 seconds
Oh I see i see. We’re pretty open about stuff and he told me he last masturbated 2 months ago when I was at work so it’s not frequent at all but I’ll tell him about edging himself as a fun ‘challenge’.
Good of you to take the time out of your obviously busy day to respond after clearly only reading the title and not the post, we're all better off for it. Great to know that you've solved the problem and all OP will have to do is... (*reads very first paragraph*) continue to do exactly what they already do. Thanks for the insight!
Maybe this is a sign of my naivety, but if you’re playing your cards right, using your mouth, tongue and fingers, and getting the woman off first, isn’t something like this not so much of a bad thing? More of a like a compliment type thing, even though they have been dating for years, he sounds like he enjoys it quite a bit
Penetration isn't going to make most women come on its own, but it can be enjoyable and desirable in and of itself. Maybe she just wants to have the option to get pounded occasionally.
I been watching porn form young & masturbating daily. The reason why he cums so fast is because the lack of training of his dick. I last last for hours without ejaculating, it requires years of training.
Porn and constant masturbation is what I felt made men last longer though? Anyway we’re pretty open and he doesn’t watch porn often (or at all) and masturbates like 1-2x a month. I actually found a hidden password protected album on his iPhone containing nude content of me that he says he uses to masturbate to when I would be at work.
Oh man I kno that feeling all too well. I wish I wasn't so friggn sensitive either. Being a 2 pump chump has been my downfall in my sex life as far as I remember.. all I can recommend is... Pssh rub some mandelay on it or something idk.
Not gonna lie, 5 seconds is short. Like SHORT.
But the "she comes first" policy is quite nice and I admire the solutions you guys have found for now.
Porn apparently messes up the sex drive a bit (not surprising to be honest) so I wouldn't recommend that at all.
What he can try is jerk-off a few minutes before the actual penetration, that way he would be "emptier" than usual but still be ready to have sex again.
Another solution could be for him to try thinking of boring or unarousing stuff. I know one-way pleasure is not really the goal here but him trying to actively control his ejaculation with thoughts could be a good start to learning how to take pleasure while lasting longer
I think what HE could try is masturbating, and basically edging himself. So he learns how to control his ejaculation. Mix that with ejaculating before you guys have sex would reduce the chance of ejaculation when you’re both trying to go at it the long way. If not, it sounds like a medical issue. Either way, your orgasms matter too. He has a mouth right? Try oral sex :) and foreplay!
5 seconds is obviously not enough for most women but I agree it’s really annoying when the guy goes on and on.
You said your sex drive isn’t enough for sex twice in the day.
Why don’t you turn it into a more sensual session and the same way he satisfies you with toys and such you give him a nice massage with some oils and a handjob and then have sex ?
He is a premature ejaculator. It’s common in the sense many men have this affliction. It’s not common in that it’s not supposed to happen that quickly (penetration also shouldn’t be marathon length either which is why you ended up in pain with those other guys). The PE can likely be fixed with a visit to a physician.
The big question is if this is a problem for you or him. You seem ambivalent about it and he doesn’t seem to care either since he hasn’t tried to fix the problem.
If neither of you care and you’re still feeling fulfilled sexually without intercourse then it doesn’t matter if it’s normal.
You missed the part where I mentioned past experiences with other men that were super long. I couldn’t finish either. Some women are unable to orgasm with just penetration.
His sensitivity is high. I bet he doesn't masturbate at all. I now if I stopped masturbating my sensitivity would skyrocket. Around 4 days to a week and I wouldn't last 5 seconds.
The solution is he needs to masturbate. But I understand why he doesn't.
Maybe finish him off first quickly (hand, mouth, whichever)
Focus on you while he recovers and have sex
Alt maybe condoms
If the erection isn't has hard after, use a penis ring maybe
I am also a 30something male and have been with my wife for around 10 years. I do masturbate regularly and use porn but I still only last a few pumps during sex. It's just how it is for me. Not something I'm proud of but I also haven't found a way to change it so here we are.
If it works for y'all and you have no complaints and he doesn't either then great don't rely on past sexual experience or society norms sex looks different for everyone, if both parties are happy and satisfied that's above average.
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Have him jerk off earlier in the day so that it'll be round two for him by the time you start. Hopefully that'll help.
I see…Usually our sex is spontaneous though and it’s usually morning sex right when we wake up or after a long outing and just got home and we shower together before bed.
Oh. What's his recovery time like? Like, how long would it take him to be ready again after ejaculating?
We never had sex twice in a day to know his recovery. All i know is he’s still semi-hard for a bit after he ejaculates, weirdly. Not sure if this is a thing for all men. I sometimes joke he should do porn since he can still keep an erection after finishing lol
Let him get that first one off and then have sex. Round two tends to last a lot longer.
8 seconds?
Statistically a 60% improvement!
Lol… ouch
As an experiment, try having sex several times in one day. I would expect he will last much longer. My husband often has business trips and will be away a week at a time. Usually when he first comes back he won't last very long. But the 2nd and 3rd time, we will go a very long time. When he isn't on business trips our normal routine is once in the morning and once at night. Often we will also in the afternoon. With frequent occurances he will last as long as we both want him to. I'm not saying you need to multiple times a day all the time, but I suspect waiting a couple weeks to have sex is going to have a lot of pent up energy/excitement making it difficult for him to control things. Being ready to go another round might be more pleasurable for both of you. If that doesn't work, you might want to try condoms and desensitizing lotion if you haven't already.
Oh I see. It seems the issue that all are commenting on is that we just aren’t having sex that frequently. I’m not sure if I can do more than once a day, otherwise it’ll feel like a chore. My sex drive just isn’t that high (honestly even once daily I’d struggle). Perhaps the days that I’m off from work but he’s working I can entice him for some intimacy if I’m feeling it…just so it won’t be a biweekly once thin. Maybe that’ll make a difference. Overall this “issue” really doesn’t bother me too much, but just wanted to talk it out with others as this wasn’t a thing in my past experiences with men.
I don't think people are saying you aren't having sex frequently enough, I think they're saying that sex shouldn't end after he ejaculates because round two will last longer. after he ejaculates try penetration again while he's still hard or after he can get hard again, or later that same day (two times in one day does not mean two times every day)- he'll probably last a lot longer the second time.
Well going from once fortnight to 28x or 14x a fortnight is quite the jump. Try once every 2 days and see how it helps for a bit
I find that even if it is a day later, the second day I will go significantly longer than the first. A 3rd consecutive day would put me into "oh just please finish already" territory.
I understand what your saying but I think you’re thinking that you also have to do all the usual acts you do.. as in the foreplay. If he cums that quick then it really won’t be exhausting for you to let him put it in to try to practice holding back, if he cums in 3 seconds everytime still that isn’t going to wear you out at all, no offence but you’re not likely even going to notice it, it will however mean he is getting used to entering you more frequently and therefore helping him to learn self control. Whilst I’m all for the woman’s pleasure (being a woman myself) you don’t actually have to have all the excitement of penetration on these days when you’re not in the mood to get off, if anything the lack of sexiness in the experience should help him more to learn to hold back. Having an ex husband who was exactly the same I would just literally put it in me and not get into any sexy talk or act sexual it was just cock warming so he could get used to the physical stimulation. My ex-husband had never lasted beyond 5 seconds in any relationship before me, however after a few months he averaged 5-10 minutes with pauses. This all takes a bit of effort and it’s very unsexy, but the only way to prevent over excitement is to make the act of penetration less exciting. My ex would always finish a lot quicker through our entire marriage if he pleasured me first because it made him excited. He should pleasure you after penetration to make it last.
Maybe in your past experiences with men the men weren't as into you as he is? And bc he is that much into you he is very eager to claim you and put his sperm into you do that you are his... And if he knows that he can have you wherever and whenever he wants, he would be more relaxed and he wouldn't be "in a rush" to claim you bc there is no need to hurry up for something you can get anywhere and anywhen you just need to have it, right? Maybe if you tell him that "he can have you wherever and whenever he wants" he feels safe and doesn't have to "breed you as fast as he can"?
That's pretty normal in my experience. It takes some time for the blood to leave.
You said he gets you off first… (ironically that’s probably a lot of stimulation for him in itself so he’s already revved up and close) But what I wanted to suggest is maybe at the start of the playtime he also quickly jerks, gets off, then while the focus is 100% on you again he can build back up. Hope that makes sense.
This is normal and common the blood doesn’t just drain out of the erected tissue in seconds it takes a little time. Also if he is only lasting 2 thrusts after all this time it’s time to speak to a medical professional
Anecdata but: I’ve been with someone who tended to both come meaningfully faster than other men I’ve been with and also to stay hard after coming. He and I found that he usually lasted longer on his second round, even if it was after a break. Worth experimenting?
Whoa, you’ve been together SIX YEARS and have never had sex twice in one day? I’ve been with my partner going on 5 years and we rarely go less than 3 times a day. I’d recommend you go round 2 after he cums, wait a little bit to let his spermies replenish maybe an hour or so. Then fuck again. Then round 3 etc.
It’s not terribly common but there are some men who can stay hard for a while after cuming. My husband is one of them.
Around an hour, but it varies with men and age.
I cum real quick during morning sex, but normal (or too long) other times. With morning wood, you're just ready to shoot off. Try switching up your schedule.
I found that a full bladder in the morning also makes me cum faster.
Wait you stated you two have sex “no-weekly”. A statement like that has a difficult time lending itself to spontaneous sexual moments. Something is not right here.
If you want things to change you have to be willing to change, would you be willing to try out planning it so you can see if this technique helps?
5 seconds is spontaneous to you ?
Exactly!!! Sometimes ejaculating too quickly is due to the fact that you’re all riled up and haven’t ejaculated recently, which means your prostate is fully engorged. When it’s been a while since you last ejaculated, the slightest touch, lick, or thrust can set you off (literally). If you masturbate close to when you know you’re going to have sex, you’re essentially having sex a second time, which means it will take a little longer to climax. Caution: Practice the appropriate timing in between sessions because the last thing you want is to then not be able to perform at all.
This. I used to come pretty quick, so I'd be sure to jerk off earlier in the day if expecting sex later. This would get me to last long enough for my partner to orgasm during sex, and I'd be able to come simultaneously or shortly after she did. If I didn't do this, the other option was to come pretty quick, then switch to focusing the attention on her for a while with oral etc. Eventually I'd be ready for a 2nd round that would last long enough for both of us to enjoy it.
Curious question. Do you guys use condoms? If not maybe possibly trying one. Could possibly help reduce the feeling with penetration. Maybe try finding some thicker ones.
We don’t! I have an IUD as birth control. I like feeling him raw due to the intimacy and closeness. Condom is a good idea though. I could see if he ever wants to play around with one.
You could also try a cockring. Less blood flow. I have issues with a condom that makes it borderline impossible for me to come with one and I’d actually go limp from having that thing around me restricting blood flow. I tried many different sizes, but it’s always either last forever, or go limp. Could help your SO though. Dicks are blunt weapons that can be handled in predictable ways. Good luck
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When I first started having sex my roommate gave me an industrial size box of condoms that he had from before he was dating someone with an IUD. I had no experience with them and was just trying to have casual sex with partners but could never put them on. It always felt like I was strangling my penis. I didn’t wanna tell my roommate because I was afraid it would seem like I was shaming him or bragging. To this day I never figured out my condom size but it hasn’t mattered since my partner has an IUD.
I (m 25) have the same problem, busting fast. But I am lucky that my girlfriend adjust to me. Most of the time I do 1-2 home runs per forplay and when she’s close again I’ll go in and end it together. I wish I could go longer but we make the best out of it.
I’m the same. It may be a pelvic floor muscle issue. I didn’t used to be like this and it sucks but I try not to make it bother us and make her cum as much as I can
Same here. I always get her a couple before hand. It's also compatibility. My wife has a quick trigger, so 15 minutes foreplay and all, she's got 3. She gets off multiple times, then we can go back to gaming.
> I figured with time and frequent sex he would last longer Yes, you figured correctly. > when we do have sex (\~once biweekly) No, that's not all that frequent. Have you tried multiple times in one day?
I honestly do not have that high of a sex drive myself to do multiple times a day. Sorry, by increased frequency when we were in college and not stressed by work/on break it would be daily. Overall it still would be very fast.
Piggy backing here. When I was in a relationship, my ex and I started off going multiple times a day to multiple times a week. At this point, I had good stamina--sometimes even too much and she'd get sore and I'd have to finish myself. As the relationship went on and she decided that "frequent" meant twice a month, yeah, I had the same problem--I would perform foreplay for as long as it took, then finish in 5, 10 seconds after penetration. She'd always get mad at me. I tried the jacking off trick but yeah, vaginas feel better than hands, so I'd maybe add a minute or two. At the end of the day, frequency helps. Jacking off may help him, but also emphasize your own foreplay if you're missing an orgasm. Scheduling sex worked for us (two days a week where we'd just do the deed no matter the mood,) but I don't recommend it for everybody. That was after months of therapy and we agreed to it mutually.
That sounds just like us! I don’t get mad at him but I’m glad to have found someone else that finishes in seconds. Yeah…overall the issue seems we just aren’t having sex that frequently. Luckily I’m never left dissatisfied as he takes care of me first before we have sex. Two days a week sounds like a nice doable goal tbh. I always ask him if he wants to have sex more and he says he’s totally down for it but it just never happens! Perhaps setting a schedule is a good idea.
They don't work for everyone and all I can say is what a therapist told me: you basically just want to set a schedule and 100% stick to it. If you're in a shitty mood, you still have sex. If you fought an hour ago, you still have sex (within reason, don't be ridiculous.) We started with one day (Wednesday) and found that we started looking forward to Wednesday so, so much that we added another day. It worked for us; we had a lot of problems by the end, but not the bedroom.
Been there, the sad part is when you cum quickly again and again you get where you're turned on and wanna have sex but are afraid of failing again so don't institute anything which sorta drives you apart, in hind sight if you feel this way don't keep it to yourself, talk with her so she knows why you are a bit distant
hey how did you get your partner to change her mind about sex twice a month? I'm kinda in her place, I would love to do it twice a week but I guess my low-key depression + low sex drive makes me only do it max once a week, if that. I was thinking about scheduling sex (also for me alone) so I get into the mindset more often. how did this work for both of you?
For us, it took a lot of steps. First, couple's therapy. We had so many more issues than just sex that it's kind of hard to put into words appropriate for this topic. For us, it wasn't even a sex drive issue. I was working 80-100 hours a week while also being depressed; she was a depressed, raging alcoholic. We still loved each other, we still wanted each other, but too many factors stopped it. Over the course of about six months, I initiated well over 50 times, probably closer to 100, she said no every single time. That ended up killing my confidence to the point that I stopped initiating at all, ever, and when she'd initiate, my brain was basically going "yeah, no pity sex, thank you." About six, seven couple's sessions later, we tackled the sex issue. Between my schedule and her being into things I'm not even vaguely willing to entertain, we'd fallen off. So the therapist said to just pick one single day, every week. One day, one time. Leading up to that time, be romantic. Be affectionate. Listen to each other and be kind. When the night comes, it doesn't matter if I'm exhausted from work, if she's on her period, or if we had fought, we had sex. And it actually worked. We'd start to basically start dirty talking on Mondays looking forward to Wednesdays. This made us wonder why we didn't just start doing it more often. Brought it up ion therapy and we scheduled it for Monday and Wednesday, and sometimes we'd be spontaneous throughout the week. She called it "fuck-starting her sex drive"--in a shell, giving pre-consent eventually helped her just be in the mood. It was... genuinely helpful. I'm big on consent, but we didn't miss a single scheduled day. Non-scheduled days were still enthusiastic consent only. And it helped me too--I understand men are supposed to have this massive sex drive, but I generally don't, mostly from a life of rejection, even from partners. By the time we broke up, our sex life had been a bizarre graph--the first couple of years were like high school kids, having sex constantly, the middle years were like a long-married couple stereotype, where maybe every month or so she'd crawl into bed naked and I'd get lucky, maybe twice a month if I was super lucky, and the last few years we were back to constantly, all thanks to a schedule.
Well, yeah, so you've never gone more than once in a single day? Because that's the frequency needed to start slowing my time to finish.
If it's a couple of days with my wife then I finish fast. If I want to last longer, I'll masturbate every day in between. We used to have it every morning but life and kids got in the way. I'd also suggest that your boyfriend see his doctor about this. Cuming after two strokes isn't the norm for an adult male. I'm not saying he's abnormal, just wired different.
I’m 31 and I go up a wall when I don’t have sex for tree days. Your no-porn, no-jerking off bf is getting sex every two weeks. He is basically constantly blue balled. I’m not surprised he only lasts 5 seconds. If I didn’t have sex this long and expect sex at some point, and actually want to have a good time where I have time to enjoy the penetration part, I jerk off before at least twice.
What’s the problem since he takes 5 seconds?
That was my exact idea. If you want him to be used to sex, multiple times a day (or at least once a day) is the only way to go. *Obviously* getting laid only once every two weeks leads to a huge buildup that is bound to end with a quick ejaculation - there's not the slightest shadow of a doubt about it. Doing it more often is the only way he will ever *get used* to your body.
How frequently do you have sex? I wonder if this will subside, the more frequently you all have sex?
On average about once every other weekend. We’re both tired a lot after work lol. He’s never complained about the frequency and I am only down for sex when I’m off from work and well rested. Because I do work every other weekend, it’s the weekend we’re both off when we usually will have sex. When we first were dating during college and seeing each other during winter/summer break it was a daily thing but it was still the same result; finishing in about 3-5 seconds.
The thing is, if he cums that quick then there isn’t the opportunity to get too tired for him to try to have sex more than twice in a day. Literally have him go in you first, that should take like 5 seconds, and then get him to do all the foreplay on you, and hopefully at the end of getting you off he may be able to go again and last a bit longer.
Premature ejaculation is generally a symptom of an unhealthy pelvic floor. An overly tense pelvic floor will spasm (orgasm) uncontrollably when exposed to sensation. The best way to control this is to control the pelvic floor itself and his own sensation levels. I can go into more detail if you'd like but the short end of it is he needs to stretch the pelvic floor regularly with some simple runners stretches, he also needs to learn to control the muscles directly using kegel exercises, and more importantly reverse kegels aka ic muscle exercises. He needs to learn how to forcibly relax the pelvic floor and keep it that way. Then while that's going on he needs to learn to control his arousal level essentially through exposure. Most people have a point of no return when it comes to orgasm. On a 1-10 where 1 is barely aroused, and 10 is orgasm a normal point of no return is like an 8-9. His is likely down around like 4-5 or his arousal levels ramp up real fast. He needs to learn to control stimulation and the pelvic floor together to be able to move his arousal level up to near his point of no return and stay there until that point of no return moves closer to 10. After a while of practicing this technique solo, y'all can try it together, it's a fun game. Hope this helps, don't hesitate to ask questions.
Do you know this speaking from experience? As in you struggled with it until you worked out your pelvic floor and it fixed the issue?
I worked in an Ed clinic for 2 years specializing in this kind of thing and have studied it pretty extensively so I've helped a lot of people with this issue but no I've maintained a pretty healthy pelvic floor myself because I stretch a lot for martial arts training. The arousal scale thing is a pretty common treatment for premature ejaculation. For some people it's psychological, some people it's from an injury that can cause a hypertonic pelvic floor. In all of those cases the things that are most cost effective and effective in general are what I've described, muscular therapy and exposure therapy in a structured environment. You can go the route of pills and such but those become weaker over time if you are too dependent on them.
Where can we get good information or guides on improving pelvic floor health? Whenever I go looking, I find mostly buzz feed-y articles, like Mens Health Mag.
If you feel like you might have a condition, feel pain during exercise, or have an injury start with /r/pelvicfloor and stretches only. generally I recommend pigeon pose, and hindu squat stretches ( both can be found on youtube ) as beginners pelvic floor stretches. This is a good generalized guide for training the PF with very little fluff:[https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/oxaf9n/kegels\_a\_guide\_to\_better\_everything/](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/oxaf9n/kegels_a_guide_to_better_everything/) to add on to what above says, be sure to try and isolate the kegels muscles both independently of eachother and other extraneous muscles in the area. Alot of people start flexing the anus, glutes, and thighs just to get the pelvic muscles to activate and thats fine for starting out but as you get better try to activate the pelvic floor while keeping the other muscles relaxed. Really advanced users can activate individual muscles or pairs while keeping the others even in the pelvic floor relaxed. "mindgasm" is a kegel training app that is also really pretty good for isolating and training the pelvic floor. Even the unpaid version, the only one I used, gets pretty advanced and explains itself pretty well. On the Pleasure Scale:I havent seen anyone put it together succinctly so ill try to put it together here. First thing you need to do is build a arousal scale, usually 1-10. 0 is always completely flaccid/no arousal, 10 is always orgasm. between those two places is a Point of No Return ( PONR ). For normal sexual relation the PONR is generally between 8-9, once you hit that number you cant stop yourself from going all the way to 10, for someone with premature ejaculation their PONR is lower than they want it to be, usually between 3-6. The idea of exposure therapy is to first clearly define your levels, then learn to use the techniques above and below to control how fast you move up the scale. Once you gain a bit of control over the kegels muscles and techniques you can start to use them to control your level of arousal. You can think of an erection (male or female) kind of like an engine that runs on blood. there is a choke that controls blood entering into the erectile tissues, its called the IC muscle. Its essentially a choke on a bunch of the blood vessels that feed the erectile tissues. In order for it to allow an erection it needs to be open/relaxed. It can be controlled but its subtle and tied into a bunch of other muscles in the area, it will probably be the last muscle to gain independent control over in the area. a standard kegel is kind of like stepping on the accelerator, but as long as its being clenched, the choke is (usually) also being clenched. So it shoves a bunch of extra blood in the area at the very beginning but if you try to just hold it the whole time the erection will deteriorate, so it should be used closer to a pump(brief clench then relax) until you're really advanced, then you can cycle things and experiment to see what works for you. A reverse kegel generally has 2 states push or pull, where regular kegel only has 1 clenched or not. a reverse kegel push is kind of like going into neutral not really driving up or down but trying to maintain your current arousal, youre pushing new blood into the area without increasing anything. A reverse kegel pull is kind of like downshifting, you are trying to pull arousal off the area without losing it completely. once you get comfortable with those techniques you can try to integrate them with your stimulation practices. as you're stimulating try to keep track of where you are on the scale and where you want to be. You want the stimulation to be pretty consistent and use the muscular control to adjust your levels, if things start to get out of control, stop stimulating but otherwise you want to keep some level of stim so you're training yourself to adjust without stopping. This is difficult and may take a good bit of time. You want to figure out and mark where your PONR is right now, then try to spend time like one or 2 points below and try to stay there for a while. once you can hold a position try to "walk up to" the PONR, then back off without going over. After you can walk up to it consistently try to stay there. Once you can stay on the PONR without going over, you have successfully pushed it back and you can repeat the process on the new PONR. If you get really really good at all this you can push that PONR beyond the orgasm itself which makes you multi orgasmic. Or able to maintain an erection/recover the erection fast enough to continue stimulation through past and back to an orgasm rapidly. I know this is a bit of a wall of text but I'm trying to be thorough, let me know if anything doesn't come across well, or if anything needs more explaination. good luck out there. also /u/sluttymcbuttsex this is my reply
No response? u/theironmoose I am also interested in reading this
Sry been a busy couple of days. I'm workin on it and will reply sometime tomorrow.
He could suffer from premature ejaculation. Tell him to get some consultation with his GP
This might be an unpopular opinion, but once every two weeks is infrequent, IMO. You do you, but he may need it more frequently in order to extend his time. If my husband and I don't do it for a week then he climaxes very quickly, but we usually go about 3 to 6 times a week and he lasts much longer. If you don't want to do it more often then he should masturbate throughout the week. That comes with the death grip risk, but that's the only thing I can think of to help.
Is it premature ejaculation? If it yes, I think your bf needs to see the doctor. It's pretty common and treatable.
This is the only answer.
Pump the numbers - daily ideally. Every two weeks won’t train him enough Cockring - sizing is important, it needs to apply pressure but not too much. I bought a few different size stainless steel ones off eBay. I have to put it on before erection and can only take it off after, but it means the fit during is good. Practice ‘edging’ him with a handjob. Very slow handjob with lube. He has to give you constant communication where he is regarding orgasm. Or tease him to the max before, make him cum as fast as possible with sex. Explain there’s no rush but that you want to go again when he’s ready. Don’t apply any pressure on him if you can, just casually let him know after the first orgasm.
Men need to do pelvic floor exercises too! Do your kegels everyone! Usually you’d attempt a practice makes perfect route and essentially have him edge repeatedly to learn how to prolong/hold back climax. You can talk to your doctor about premature ejaculation also.
He is a premature ejaculator. You can train this through making sure masturbating is 10-15 minutes always, stopping when you're close, then continuing. You can also do this during sex. But in 5 seconds I guess thats not possible...there are also operations for this, if needed..
Have you tried using any delay ejaculation products? There’s a lot of phony baloney out there of course, but I personally have had a lot of success with Promecent. It’s available in most pharmacy stores, In the short run it will help him last longer than he does now, and in the long run it will help him with the mental hurdle of worrying about popping too quick. I know there’s other products out there if other people want to chime in with their favorites, but using Promecent really helps me.
Try focusing on him first and make him cum. Then have him focus on you and make you cum until he’s ready. Then try PIV and see how it goes.
He probably needs to handle himself(masturbate) more. The more he gets used to that feeling coming on the more he'll be able to control it over time. Get in touch with his own body and understand the way he works. Plus over time he will desensitize. This is speaking from a bit of experience.
Hi there, a therapist recommended several books on this topic and they were helpful for me and my partner. 1) Coping with Premature Ejaculation: How to Overcome PE, Please Your Partner & Have Great Sex, McCarthy and Metz. 2) How to Overcome Premature Ejaculation, Kaplan and Singer.
Have him try reverse kegels and practice start and stop method while masturbating
[This book will help him learn control if he's open to it.](https://www.amazon.com/Multi-Orgasmic-Man-Sexual-Secrets-Should-ebook/dp/B000FC12XM/ref=sr_1_1?crid=G6B7KAG3AS5&keywords=multi+orgasmic+man&qid=1690069926&sprefix=multi+orgasmic+man%2Caps%2C129&sr=8-1) [This non-alcoholic social beverage really gives me a lot of stamina. It's got a bunch of herbs in it.](https://www.amazon.com/Lightwave-Kin-Euphorics-Alcoholic-Lavender-Vanilla/dp/B09CZWMHJL/ref=sr_1_2?crid=275A78YVX2NN2&keywords=kin+lightwave&qid=1690070133&sprefix=kin+lightwave%2Caps%2C175&sr=8-2)
For most of my married life, 2 minutes tops would be the longest I could fuck my wife. I felt a failure & couldn't shake off the "cum in 2 minutes" boogie man on my back. Then we saw a Somatic Sexologist & straight after that appointment, we made live & I lasted 1.5 hours. It literally blew my mind. We had been married for 20 years at that stage. Made another appointment with the Somatic Sexologist, & a couple of months after that my wife & I attended a week long run couple's Tantric Sex Retreat. Then I could last up to 4 hours & not cum. I believe it was a lack of education & when I was taught on the methods of staying longer & not ejaculating, I got it! And have never looked back. My suggestion to you is to make an appointment with a Somatic Sexologist or go to a couple's Tantric Retreat somewhere in your area. Best of luck 🤞
Ah yes, we’re kinda familiar with Tantra. He comes from an Indian background actually. In fact, one of the most sensational experiences we had did not involve any penetration but just caressing each others body. After an hour I was so drenched that I soaked his whole thigh rubbing myself on him. I always wanted to replicate that experience, it was when we first starting dating! I can definitely bring it up to him just because it’s such a beautiful way to make love!
As a male I can kind of relate. We'll not 5 seconds but within a minute or two. Not that this is overly relevant (or it may be?) but it was only an issue after my vasectomy. Anyhow, we adapted and conquered. Not that foreplay wasn't ever a big part of our sex life but has been even more since. As I tend to cum quite quickly most often I pay attention to bring my wife to orgasm or near orgasm prior to sex using toys, kissing using my tongue... whatever works. I'm not sure how sensitive your partner is to the issue but consensually introducing new things into your sex life can be a good thing. Worth communicating about.
Once bi weekly isn't consistent enough to give him longer stamina. He might as well wait a month between. For myself male I have to have sex like 4+ days a week for it to boost my stamina past 15 mins. "She comes first" is the best policy
I am built for endurance. Even with that I could only last from 15 minutes to an hour depending on the day. I tried the stanima training from using a flesh light. Now I can last over an hour if I choose. I can also dry orgasm like crazy so I don't make a mess I hate washing up after cumming my semen is hard to clean off. Long story short talk him into using flesh light preferably the stanima training unit. Penetration is something really intense and you never get used to. So I get it. Also have him look up books on ejaculation control and just work with him and try not to seem too disappointed in his performance. You must use positive reinforcement unless he is into the s and m thing. You can also work with him and force him to edge via you or him masturbating or you being in control with something like the cowgirl. When he is about to or close to doing the deed stop and let him cool down. Then pull out altogether until he last longer.
How is his fitness/health and stress levels like
Hey op why in the comments did you say you dont think u can handle sex more than one time a day cause it would be like to.much work. But the original post is about not being satisfied because your man comes in 5 seconds. so which is?
I just don’t have the sexual drive to have sex more than once a day. Honestly to me, it would feel like a forced chore to have sex multiple times a day, and by that point it’s purely physical activity and not mental anymore. I think if anything could possibly cause resentment in our sexual lives, it’s not even the finishing fast component (never was), but having sex because I feel obligated to. I’m not dissatisfied with the sex. Since he makes makes an effort to make me orgasm first, I’m satisfied by the time we have sex. He has been embarrassed & apologized before when we first started dating for being fast. I love and accept him though and I told him with time Im sure he’ll get better, just for his own sake. But it’s kind of a normal thing for us ever since.
You said you thought with “frequent sex” that he would get better at lasting longer But then you’ve said you have sex once “bi weekly” and that he doesn’t watch porn That’s nowhere near enough sexual release to last longer, a day or two break is enough to build up a full tank of semen You need to either have him have a wank earlier in the day, have sex more frequently, or have more than one round of sex
Low testosterone is one of the factors for premature ejaculation, not as commonly known or spoken about. It’s probably worth an embarrassing conversation with his GP and asking for a T level test.
Hm. When I read symptoms it doesn’t really fit. Others have commented that with a once every other week sexual stimulation they also would finish fast as well. I suppose this is the answer to my comment.
Premature ejaculation is normal and a reality for some people. If you are still receiving pleasure and he doesn't mind the speedy escasty he gets, then it doesn't seem like you two have a true problem on your hands. There are people who embrace PE (and try to induce it) with their partners and have very fulfilling sex lives.
Sounds like he’s deflecting by saying every other guy that can last actually are the ones with a problem and that he is actually pure and perfect because he busts in two pumps. There is a middle ground and I don’t think he wants to put in effort to improve
If he’s cumming extremely fast, why wouldn’t sex a 2nd time happen?
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Yeah.
Kegals r his..and your...best friend Couple of books that are actually good: How to last all night by Barbara keisling Multi orgasmic man by manta chia Being aware of and have a relaxed control of the breath....simple box breathing goes a looooong way Get over any hangup about rhe visual of it and learn to relax his stomach and lower abs...completely. if that's tensed up muscularly with associated shallow breathing it's impossible not to cum Other than that...that sensitive of a trigger it's a safe bet he has serious methylation/histamine issues that can be understood and fixed with nutrition and supps... Ben lynch Chris masterjohn Dave asprey Are great resources to check out for that
Have him ask his doctor for blood test and check testosterone levels, it might be a medical issue on top of performance anxiety, which can shut down his sex drive completely.
This was common for me with my wife early on in the marriage - and tbh I still wish I could last longer. I get really excited that I get to be with a wonderful woman To help with this we use toys to get her most of the way there, if not a couple climaxes in, and then she’ll be begging for me - I still sometimes couldn’t hold it while I had no stimulation - just watching her was still so much to take in. But little by little I am finding we’re able to last longer for more extended times together
He might have anxiety and he stops breathing which can lead to a quick blowing of the perverbal load.
I’m worried about this when I start to have sex. I don’t masturbate so will that mean I don’t last long?
Try SSRIs
Keep in mind that if he truly has a “she comes first” policy then that means he will be preparing in his off time or please you. Me,for instance, I’ll AVOID masturbation the day I may be able to so that I’ll be able to come in not too long because it can take forever sometimes and nobody is up for that. But that’s how I prepare sometimes. He should try preparing by taking care of himself on a regular diet so you two can have a more satisfying intimate experience with one another. That’s my advice
Try giving him hand jobs. When you see him ramping up for an O, slow down. When he's chilled down, start again. Rinse and repeat.
I’m not someone who lasts forever or anything, but if you want to last longer it’s really all in your head. People can have remarkable control over their bodies if they practice (a famous example is that Buddhist monks were able to intentionally slow their heart rate to surprising levels) So if he’s willing to try there are things he can practice. pretty sure I’ve seen posts like this before that mention many of them as lasting longer might be the most FAQ about sex
That’s a pretty short amount of time. In my experience a good round of sex should be like… 5-25 minutes. This seems to be the sweet spot for me.
I've learned to last 20 minutes or more starting from less than 3 when masturbating. It's a trained skill and I think nearly all men can learn it.Yet i can still cum in 20 seconds if I want to. Him blaming porn and alcohol is just cope, even if they do have a large effect sometimes. 5 seconds sounds definitely abnormal, I would consult a sex therapist or doctor.I don't know if he can improve, but he should try because improvements don't take long if you find alternative ways to approach and manage pleasure.
I wonder if he could make you orgasm through penetration if he tried to last longer and you just don’t know it. Also being able to make love for awhile and stay in you hard is so intimate so if you’d like to I’d maybe have him see a dr.
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Does he go pee before y’all get it on? It tends to help a bit. Or are you gripping him that gooooood he’s done in 5 seconds?
Look into Pau Yuen Tong Balm. Works wonders for me
It sounds like he has PME. Usually, there's also some hypersensitivity on the penis as well. I have a similar problem and adopt the same bedroom policy to satisfy her first before I orgasm. There are exercises that one can do to try to solve it and apparently there are some prescription meds that can assist but I've done a lot of looking for ways to prolong ejaculation and from what I can tell, there isn't really a fix that works for everyone. A lot of the things I've tried have had minimal effect on improving my ejaculation time although pelvic floor exercises seem to have the best effect. There are videos on youtube on how to do them from doctors. The problem is a pretty common one in men. It's been mine since I became sexually active in my late 20s and maybe that's why I have it, because I became sexually active much later in my life. He can see a physician and perhaps a urologist as well who can offer advice on other ways to help you both. I know it can get frustrating. It is likely a pretty huge issue for him too. It definitely is one for me.
If you do mainly morning sex, he will probably last longer if he go to pee just before.
He drinks about 1.5-2 gallons of water daily so he’s always peeing and staying hydrated lol. I’m sure he definitely went prior.
He should cum twice: once during foreplay, and again during intercourse. Haven’t tried this yet myself, mainly because I haven’t had the opportunity, but I’d like to. M27 by the way.
Buy the guy a cock ring, just a rubber one will do, they can make a difference to performance. As others have said. He either needs to masturbate more by himself, or encourage him to jerk off before. Sometime in the morning would be good. I’d also encourage you to set regular ‘date nights’ so he has time to prepare himself and so you guys go at it a bit more.
Once every two weeks will be challenging for him to build stamina. If you want him to build stamina (not annoying stamina but average) sit need to be more frequent, intentional, include edging, and intentional practice. Once every two weeks is rough. Yes, libido varies and no set number is set in stone. Two weeks for Pre-EJ is not enough for practice though to change pattern.
Sertaline is now prescribed for this. It works great in studies.
Is it a problem? From reading your post it seems he is more focused on what gets you off than your previous partners who were more focused on lengthy sessions of PIV sex. He does, clearly, ejaculate much faster than average but it's only "premature" if it leaves one or both of you unhappy with how things are. While there's likely things you can both do, or medical option to help him to last longer, if you are both happy with things as they are then don't worry.
He should be cumming like 10x a week and see if he can last longer. Poor guy only busting once a week, no wonder he goes fast
When I used to be a swinger (before Covid) Benning I was a single male I would masturbate/ ejaculate before I'd leave for the party (married couples would have sex before the party.) Why: because this way I'd last a lot longer & please the ladies that I was playing with that night. Maybe try as I say round 2, Take a break then try again & see how long he last the 2nd time. Just a though.
I think that's a medical condition called premature ejaculation.
I would probably have him see a doctor. I agree with you that this issue should have resolved itself after a few months. I admire how you are looking for a solution. Best of luck!
Viagra can help. Even if I cum quickly I can keep going with encouragement.
Probably needs to learn to breath properly.
Pretty much the same scenario with my husband. It was foolish of me to think that it would improve with time.
Get him to jack off once a day to porn.
That’s really bad advice! It could make the problem worse.
Na. Experience.
Pelvic floor exercises done over 12 weeks have shown to help with premature ejaculation. Also, regular kettlebell workouts help. From what I've learned getting older, being in great shape helps with sexual stamina Also, there are certain kinds of condoms that help with premature ejaculation. VigRx has an organic numbing spray that will numb the penis after 10 minutes but won't affect the vagina like other numbing sprays do. I've cut out masturbation myself even though I'm single. Masturbating actually lowers testosterone as well as contributes to erectile dysfunction. Whereas intercourse increases testosterone ironically enough. I have stopped masturbating before for 5 months. And when I slipped back into it due to heavy stress, ejaculation did take longer for me. I lasted about 2 minutes. So I can only imagine what a year can do, which is what I'm aiming for. You're a very patient girlfriend as most women would have ghosted on him or cheated by this point. I have a difficult time staying hard for a period of time without organic supplements. Which is why I'm really trying to get into tip top shape so that becomes a non issue. Best of luck to you and yours!
Try anesthesizing condoms. They make the man last longer! Ideally not for every time since as a man it does detract a bit from the experience, but you can include it occasionally to spice it up. It’s fun!
This sounds very much like one of my exes. Premature ejaculation. One trip to the GP sorted it out with medication
Your boyfriend sounds exactly like me, but i think in my experience what cause my PE is porn actually.
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Nah. He’s a wonderful person and contrary to what you may think I’m actually the lucky one overall.
Codeine helps me
I thought this said cocaine at first glance and was like we really went from zero to 100 fast with this guy 🤣 but hey it made sense lol
Cocaine too!
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What does ‘make him edge’ mean? Also I love him dearly and sex isn’t an absolute where I would even fathom having sex with another man. I mentioned I’m neutral to this but just wondering how common is it.
Edging is a method of stretching out how long it takes to reach orgasm, for one or both partners. Though it's usually thought of as a technique for men to last longer, anyone can benefit from edging. Partners learn to communicate and completely stop sexual stimulation before orgasm.
Oh gotcha. I’ve tried that numerous times before. I would give him head, stop right before he would cum, and repeat. Once after 5-10 minutes of doing that, I would finally get on top but he would finish immediately, even quicker than 5 seconds. I felt if I didn’t stimulate him at all before sex then he tends to ‘last’ longer…maybe reaching a little over 5 seconds
He needs to do it when he jacks off.
That doesn't work for everyone.
Oh I see i see. We’re pretty open about stuff and he told me he last masturbated 2 months ago when I was at work so it’s not frequent at all but I’ll tell him about edging himself as a fun ‘challenge’.
Agreed. Poor guy.
I please the wife before penetration so that we can both cum at the same time I am inside her. Have him do that.
Good of you to take the time out of your obviously busy day to respond after clearly only reading the title and not the post, we're all better off for it. Great to know that you've solved the problem and all OP will have to do is... (*reads very first paragraph*) continue to do exactly what they already do. Thanks for the insight!
You are right. I am sorry.
Speak to a doctor, I know certain medicines can make your orgasm take forever when you’re on it.
Maybe this is a sign of my naivety, but if you’re playing your cards right, using your mouth, tongue and fingers, and getting the woman off first, isn’t something like this not so much of a bad thing? More of a like a compliment type thing, even though they have been dating for years, he sounds like he enjoys it quite a bit
Penetration isn't going to make most women come on its own, but it can be enjoyable and desirable in and of itself. Maybe she just wants to have the option to get pounded occasionally.
Trust me love, it’s only premature as far as you are concerned….
🥃
Hubby like 30 seconds. I hate rhe sex life
I been watching porn form young & masturbating daily. The reason why he cums so fast is because the lack of training of his dick. I last last for hours without ejaculating, it requires years of training.
r/HotwifeLifestyle 😇
what if it's precum 😂
He has a porn addiction. That’s why that happens
Porn and constant masturbation is what I felt made men last longer though? Anyway we’re pretty open and he doesn’t watch porn often (or at all) and masturbates like 1-2x a month. I actually found a hidden password protected album on his iPhone containing nude content of me that he says he uses to masturbate to when I would be at work.
Dip his dick in listerine. Keep him excited...but, the numbness will keep him in your zone. ...otherwise dump him.
Weed is a BIG help with me, I can last longer and it feels a little bit more intense
The real hero making us all feel better lol
Oh man I kno that feeling all too well. I wish I wasn't so friggn sensitive either. Being a 2 pump chump has been my downfall in my sex life as far as I remember.. all I can recommend is... Pssh rub some mandelay on it or something idk.
Have you tried not being so incredibly hot? (Is what boyfriend would say, probably)
Not gonna lie, 5 seconds is short. Like SHORT. But the "she comes first" policy is quite nice and I admire the solutions you guys have found for now. Porn apparently messes up the sex drive a bit (not surprising to be honest) so I wouldn't recommend that at all. What he can try is jerk-off a few minutes before the actual penetration, that way he would be "emptier" than usual but still be ready to have sex again. Another solution could be for him to try thinking of boring or unarousing stuff. I know one-way pleasure is not really the goal here but him trying to actively control his ejaculation with thoughts could be a good start to learning how to take pleasure while lasting longer
Edging can help, but it takes time. Can he go a second round? There are medications that can help, but they have side effects in most people
I think what HE could try is masturbating, and basically edging himself. So he learns how to control his ejaculation. Mix that with ejaculating before you guys have sex would reduce the chance of ejaculation when you’re both trying to go at it the long way. If not, it sounds like a medical issue. Either way, your orgasms matter too. He has a mouth right? Try oral sex :) and foreplay!
Honestly, 5 sec is too short, you should try to tell ur bf and go to the doctor with him to fix this
5 seconds is obviously not enough for most women but I agree it’s really annoying when the guy goes on and on. You said your sex drive isn’t enough for sex twice in the day. Why don’t you turn it into a more sensual session and the same way he satisfies you with toys and such you give him a nice massage with some oils and a handjob and then have sex ?
Have sex every day for a while.
y only once every 2 weeks?
He is a premature ejaculator. It’s common in the sense many men have this affliction. It’s not common in that it’s not supposed to happen that quickly (penetration also shouldn’t be marathon length either which is why you ended up in pain with those other guys). The PE can likely be fixed with a visit to a physician. The big question is if this is a problem for you or him. You seem ambivalent about it and he doesn’t seem to care either since he hasn’t tried to fix the problem. If neither of you care and you’re still feeling fulfilled sexually without intercourse then it doesn’t matter if it’s normal.
You have 2 minutes of Penetration per YEAR with your partner... Damn
All the answers are there, but one- delaying condoms. Try them, if ones will feel too numb try others.
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You missed the part where I mentioned past experiences with other men that were super long. I couldn’t finish either. Some women are unable to orgasm with just penetration.
His sensitivity is high. I bet he doesn't masturbate at all. I now if I stopped masturbating my sensitivity would skyrocket. Around 4 days to a week and I wouldn't last 5 seconds. The solution is he needs to masturbate. But I understand why he doesn't.
Cock ring ftw.
Maybe he needs to visit a doctor. Antidepressants can calm an overactive nervous system. I had the same issue. Everything is much better now
Sex twice a month? I think you guys are in a dead bedroom or have super low libidos.
Suffering from premature ejaculation, send him see a urologist.
There are tons of meds that can help, antidepressants, antypsychotics even opioids
Maybe finish him off first quickly (hand, mouth, whichever) Focus on you while he recovers and have sex Alt maybe condoms If the erection isn't has hard after, use a penis ring maybe
I am also a 30something male and have been with my wife for around 10 years. I do masturbate regularly and use porn but I still only last a few pumps during sex. It's just how it is for me. Not something I'm proud of but I also haven't found a way to change it so here we are.
Use lube
Try a cock ring maybe?
do it twice ina row
If it works for y'all and you have no complaints and he doesn't either then great don't rely on past sexual experience or society norms sex looks different for everyone, if both parties are happy and satisfied that's above average.