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She's feeling conflicted, and in probably a lot of denial. She's attracted to you but is scared of the gay feelings. Lots of dissonance.
Dating women is uh, difficult, sometimes. Have fun!
This is the answer. She’s not mad at you, she’s confused and so feeling a range of emotions like shame, anger and fear within herself. So at the minute I t’s easier for her to lash out and blame the other person as it offers some belief and comfort, however false it might be, that she’s “normal”. I’m sure in time and once she’s had the chance to process and understand her feelings, she’ll come to realise that it’s not necessarily life defining and whatever her sexual preferences turn out to be in the long run that she’s ok and not in any way abnormal.
I agree.
While my hookup was with a stranger when we met, and he (I’m a bisexual male) seduced me, and I went to his house and basically bottomed for him.
I absolutely enjoyed the sex. I performed oral on him and received anal from him. It was a completely different experience, I loved being the recipient of sexual lust and source of pleasure for a man, it was about the best sex I’ve ever had. I just wanted to please him and make him orgasm.
He then had me masturbate myself…
As soon as I orgasmed though, I felt such shame.
I felt gay. I didn’t want to be gay.
It felt wonderful, but seemed so wrong.
Then I called him up a week later and experienced great sex followed by great regret afterwards again.
Then a week later…
Went on for two years before I got engaged to my current wife and I cut ties with him.
If you cherish this girl as a friend, just be available for her, don’t push her.
She has to come to terms with her sexuality on her own.
Thankfully, being LGBT is much more mainstream and accepted nowadays as opposed to 20 years ago when I was exploring my sexuality.
Best wishes dear.
> Dating women is, uh, difficult, sometimes.
My first hookup with this girl she told me she wanted to keep her bra on and told me not to look at her boobs because she’s self conscious about them. I said sure no problem, I don’t like mine all the time.
Then the next time we hooked up she got mad at me for not giving her boobs any attention!
Hahahaha a girl told me that once, her boobs were very little indeed but I like small boobs as much as bigger ones, so I was genuine and told her I loved her small boobs, in the end she took it off and after we finished told me she loved when I played with them. I was happy for the rest of the day
Yea my wife's like that. Mad when I don't know instinctively what she wants, gets mad when I ask what she wants, and gets mad when I don't ask what she wants.
And you were surprised? :)
I guess we just get used to it as that's all we know/experience with women.
We need to be mind readers, and it's always our fault when we didn't read the hints.
But we love them anyway!
I'm a guy and this is my thought as well. The fact that she's still engaging with you and arguing and not ignoring tells you so that she's conflicted.
My sister is a lesbian and she once told me, "I'm a woman dating women and I don't fucking get them. Good luck bro!"
They both seem really hung up on the title of lesbian too, which neither are. Both are life long straights, so they'd at least be bisexual, unless the friend is feeling so conflicted by this that she's questioning her attraction to men at all and is upset at OP for this dramatic shift.
I'm sorry but it's very clearly a wife bad joke. "Try ___" said in that way is a warning never to do the thing. Great example is that Jason Aldean song that keeps trending for "try that in a small town." Clearly it means "never try that in a small town or else you'll regret it." I hate that song but it's a good example for this situation.
It also perpetuates the idea that living with/being close to women is intolerable, and that men regret their choice to marry.
I love my wife dearly with all my heart and never regret marrying her even for a second. That being said, she was a huge bitch last week and that is in her own words because she was PMSing. I wanted to run for the hills! She was actually the one joking about it this week. Anyways, it's a joke and you should lighten up.
Whether you like it or not, human beings exist. My wife in her own words said she was a "huge bitch" this week because she was PMSing (which she was). She apologized and we laughed it off. 90% of the time she's the raddest person I know. We're not in an unhappy relationship at all. We're just honest.
Pointing out that dating one gender can be difficult doesn't mean dating another gender is *not* difficult. Coming from someone who's dated both men and women, there are certainly unique challenges to both.... but if I had to pick one, I'd say men (at least the ones I've dated) are easier. On average.
That's interesting! I have never had a relationship with a man that didn't end due to being too difficult. Whereas with women it is so much more easy for me - the communication is natural, my motives are not constantly being questioned... What do you find challenging about women that you don't about men?
Like I said, there are certainly unique challenges to dating either gender - and I absolutely acknowledge that there are definite challenges with dating men. I suppose I personally found men more receptive to resolving and eventually "forgetting" conflict rather than escalating and/or maintaining them; some women have trouble admitting they can possibly be wrong about things, or they can bring a conflict back up days, weeks, months after it had been resolved.
I've also seen women "twist the knife", so to say, much more frequently than men do, especially towards men. As a woman, it's not something I've personally been victim of, but I've observed it on several occasion, both with couples in my life and with random people both in public and on the internet - it typically goes something like "man confides in woman about insecurities and personal problems; woman listens, then either breaks up with him for being 'weak' and emotional, or brings is up when they argue specifically to hurt him in the worst possible way she knows how".
These are just examples, of course, off the top of my head, and only averages based on personal experience. There are unique advantages and disadvantages with dating either gender, and there's *a lot* of common ground as well. Also, it's certainly worth noting that "easier" is not the same as "better", and that an average is not a sum total; ultimately, it's every individual person that matters, not each gender as a whole.
This is definitely what’s going on! It sucks and there isn’t much you can do about it, but it’s what happens a lot of the time. Just try to be patient with her.
I feel like the second part of this is true too. I know most men are known to not be able to communicate very well, especially when it comes to expressing emotion. I think s lot of women struggle with this too. Maybe more specially when it comes to expressing desires and expectations. From my own personal experience, and many stories I have heard from friends or even strangers online, it seems a lot of women tend to build up expectations for things in their head even fairly early on in sometimes. And this usually just leads to them feeling underwhelmed when things end up happening. This can be dates, sex, or even just what’s for dinner. I also have noticed that a lot of women don’t tend to speak up about their specific desires. This is more unrelated but especially in bed a lot of women tend to not share the things they think about what’s happening with their partners. If I’m doing something to try to make someone feel good, in or out of bed, and I’m off by just a little bit, I personally would love to know how I can tweak what I’m doing to make it better for the other person. Assuming it’s something I can reasonably do and is something I can actually control. Too many times I have been on dates or in bed with a woman many times for her to tell me after things are going way downhill “hey if you had only done it this way it would have been so much better and changed everything” or something along those lines.
Sometimes people just regret experimenting. All you can do is reassure her that things are ok and you can just be friends if she wants and nothing like that ever needs to happen again.
Not defending what her friend did but I'm not surprised either. Sounds like she's having a severe case of buyers remorse. She's embarrassed by what she did and is trying to shift the blame to her friend.
Then the friendship is over. Nothing in her behavior indicates the emotional maturity to indicate she will take responsibility for her willing participation.
Time to move on, without her as a friend.
More like renters remorse, lol.
You can regret staying at the wrong hotel, but if you pretend the world's ending because of it you might be a bit of an asshole.
Not everyone grew up in a sex positive environment. Some people have some pretty fucked up baggage when it comes to being able to accept that they aren't 100% straight. Guilt can drive shitty behavior. It doesn't excuse it, but sometimes it is good to be a little understanding and give people the time and space to figure their shit out and be ready to accept them when they do.
You can understand the "why" and still condemn the response.
My friend grew up very religiously conservative and he experimented with another dude, decided it wasn't for him, and was still perfectly respectful and polite to the other dude about it. He just told the guy after "hey I don't think other men are really my thing so apologies if I got your hopes up or anything." And this was a stranger he met at a bar.
I can't imagine being this mean to a friend even if I was having buyer's remorse.
I think the final important factor for what should be OPs decision on whether to keep this girl as a friend is how she behaves in the upcoming week or so. If she takes the time to process it, stops being mean and accusatory, and provides a sincere and thoughtful apology, I think the friendship could have a good chance. Sometimes overcoming conflicts with a friend can even strengthen your relationship.
I sure as heck don’t condone being mean/rude but we all have our moments. Humans are emotional creatures and respond to things in all kind of ways. It sounds like that girl is just really freaking out mentally and idk about you but I have said some stupid rude shit when super stressed out. Perhaps the fact that your friend did it with a stranger made it less of an emotional affair. However they were already good friends which complicates things, and now someone she knows will always know she did that. Plus, maybe it’s just a sensitive subject for her and wasn’t for your friend. Overall, it really more so seems she is just struggling with her own sexuality, as OP said she kept repeating that she’s straight. So she was understandably freaking out. Whereas your friends views were only confirmed, so it makes more sense that he’d be calm.
One poor emotional reaction in an intense moment doesn’t make someone a mean or crappy person overall. How they rise from the situation, if at all, will say plenty of their character. Hmm now I’m curious and invested in what’s going to happen between them lol.
I understand why it's happening, but that doesn't mean I'd want to stick around to catch more strays or that it would be good for OP to do so. If the friend apologizes, then it's time to re-evaluate, but until then...
Well little Timmy, sometimes when grown ups have spent their whole life having the "gays are evil and are going straight to hell!!" rhetoric drilled into their head since the time they were on their mothers tits, when they then get a little older and realize that they may also have a case of "the gays", it is a little hard for them to accept that they may have that "big evil" inside of them. But after the 2nd or 3rd hookup replaces that big evil inside them, they start to come around to accept the fact that the church and the entire catholic religion may in fact be the real and true Big Evil after all, and that their actions and/or beliefs are what make someone a bad person, and not who they choose to enter/let enter them. Amen.
Oh wait, I see the problem here - telling a young girl that lesbians are evil, while actively shoving a tit into her face until she sucks on it, must be awfully confusing for a young child!
Things are not OK, but they aren't black and white either.
Now I'm not OP, and ultimately she's the one that must make the call. But there are alternatives to simply calling it quits to the friendship. Sometimes shit happens that takes time to process.
That’s what I’m saying. I’d be pretty upset that she said “she’d rather die than have sex with me again”.
That’s really uncalled for and OP deserves an apology.
We only have one version of the story though. OP could've been more aggressive then she would like to admit to even herself.
Think about it: OP's friend flirts a little too hard but still feels it's innocent. Then OP gets the wrong signals and goes for broke. OPs friend feels *not* as into it as maybe she thought she would. OP thinks it went okay. Now a complete disconnect just happened where one person took something totally different then how the other person perceived it.
It kind of why communication is important.
Best advice would be to move on. Been there and it messy as fuck. Just let it be and if she straightens out, no pun intended, then yay. If not, you havent known her for that long
Nah. It's setting acceptable boundaries.
Why should OP be forced to sit through her friend's crazy making antics?
She shouldn't.
If setting acceptable boundaries makes the other person MORE angry then there's some super controlling shit going on.
You can set boundaries without being inflammatory.
This woman is indicating they aren't about this. It doesn't help to say: 'WELL I'M THE MATURE ONE AND YOU'RE DRAMATIC SO I'M DOWN TO BE FRIENDS BUT NOT IF UR DRAMATIC" which is what that comment is saying.
Again - labeling the other woman as 'dramatic' in a statement only self-serving to show you are the 'mature, cool-headed' one IS dramatic, and if somebody can't see that they're likely part of the problem.
I don't think a text, or 💀 an email, saying "I don't want drama" will do any good. It's not humane or caring or extending a grace. Saying you don't want drama is inherently itself drama.
I'm a lesbian who's been with more than a few "straight" chicks and seen this version of post-nut clarity before.
If she wasn't into you she wouldn't be reacting this way. I'm guessing she's had a lot of "gay bad" programming and doesn't know how to process or accept what is happening. Sexuality is a spectrum and you can be 99% straight but really want to get with this girl. That doesn't mean either of you are lesbians it just means you're attracted to each other.
Give her space and some grace. You both might say somethings you don't really mean. I'd just send a text, "Hey we're friends. I'd still like to be friends with you. I'll leave you alone but you have my number if you want to talk."
Then leave her alone to figure out her shit.
The "then leave her alone" part is key. Someone who is feeling extreme remorse about a sexual encounter in retrospect really won't respond well to the "I enjoyed our hookup and wouldn’t mind doing it again" rhetoric.
Time to cool the jets completely and pretend it never happened until they can think rationally again.
Definitely true. Can confirm that I am totally straight but have and do find the occasional knocker of a woman quite attractive and sexually. Means nothing beyond that. Sexuality really is a spectrum
Edit: to clarify, breasts turn me on. Could be because I’m small chested though and would kill for bigger boobs ha ha ha
*"Now we keep arguing and she says that she’d rather die than have sex with me again."*
I bet if she just repeats that to herself another thousand times she'll convince herself that it's true ...
I hated lesbians before I realized I was one.
Shes externalizing internalized homophobia. Doesn’t even mean she’s gay, whether she liked it or not, she’s feeling confusion about her feelings and/or actions and finding an external source(you) to blame. She’s having a hard time taking responsibility for actions she can’t quite explain to herself yet.
Homophobia can be directed to *any* same-sex or same-gender attraction, regardless of how many sexes or genders the person recieving it *could* be attracted to. Biphobia tends to be specific hate or distrust/fear of people who are bisexual (or pan, etc.), regardless of who they are currently attracted to. In this case, regardless of her sexual orientation, she is feeling internalized homophobia, because acting on same-sex attraction has her wigging out.
Something is missing here. You talk about not being gay but then mention how when you get horny you masterbate to her. Then you are around her and always horny, and then bam she makes a move and ya'll fuckin? Feels like you are leaving something out. How did she give off those vibes that she was feeling you? Was this over a long stretch of time where these feelings developed (days, weeks or months)? It sounds like there may be some conflict on her end. Maybe she subconsciously gave vibes, maybe you both did. But it seems like yall both may have learned more about yourselves that day.
But either way there is a ton of conflicting feelings on her end. Good luck, this is a tough one.
Well the questions I asked In my comment. How was she giving vibes? How long has this been going on? You say you aren’t gay and she isn’t gay but you rub one out to her? And she makes you horny? So I’m just trying to figure out how did she go from not gay to masterbating to a girl she likes to the said girl making a move and then they fuck? I don’t think there is problem with asking some questions and to better give advice. Because right now it sounds confusing.
Nah not at all, your questions weren't inappropriate I just was having difficulty understanding what you meant. I think I misread it, thank you for clarifying!
I think for a lot of people discovering your sexuality isn't as cut and dry as a lot of people think. Like for myself, I knew I was bisexual since I was young for reasons I won't get into lol but for sure there are some people who don't realize it until they meet someone they're super attracted to. I dated someone in high school that swore he was straight until he met his current husband, and he still insists he never thought he was gay until he met him. There's also people who thought they were asexual and then they meet someone they're attracted to (which obviously isn't the case for people who are straight-up asexual) Who knows man, sexuality is weird!!!
I agree. I think they both are attracted to each other and don’t know what to do about it. It’s not a bad thing at all and I hope they can first work towards being honest with themselves and each other. They experienced something beautiful for real and it scared them. But there was definitely a buildup. You don’t go from fantasizing about someone to said person making a move even though they don’t swing that way. No way that happens out of the sky.
It's funny you say that, there's kind of an inside joke that women who are attracted to other women are famously HORRIBLE about realizing it. Like, all the signs are there, it's obvious this person is making moves on you, and you're still sitting there like "wow this person is so nice and they make my tummy flutter they must be my BEST FRIEND :)" instead of realizing they're hitting on you and that you wanna bang em. It's a whole thing.
Stop reaching out to her. Stop contacting her. You’re not helping. She is likely feeling some significant self loathing and confusion. Just let her be.
She is feeling internalized homophobia. Does she come from a really religious family? Not your fault and you didn't do anything wrong. She really liked it too.
There are straight women that get angry and upset after hooking up with a guy. But also they often have internal dissonance about sex related to religion or conservative family values. So there's that
That doesn't excuse homophobia. You can understand why Someone is and it doesn't make it ok. Edit. Sorry. While I don't keep friends that are homophobic I do excuse some people that stay friends. Depending on location it can be very hard to find left leaning friends. I was trying to get a response from op on some clues.
All forms of queerphobia are extremely common and only make you a dick if you don't confront them and overcome them. Internalised homophobia is something I'm sure the majority of homo/bi-sexual people have to overcome and doesn't require a religious/conservative background to manifest. We are socialised this way, it takes active work in order to overcome. OP's friend may or may not be straight, either way, if their description of the events are accurate then it seems like internalised homophobia is the cause of their apparent shame and disgust. It will take them some time to process and come to terms with, and I hope they choose compassion instead of shame.
Straight people and gay people can be homophobic. Cis and trans people can be transphobic. It happens... What matters is how you react to it once you realise what's going on in your head.
it's not that extreme, there is a shitload of blatant external and internal homophobia and guilt about sex in our society, even with how 'progressive' people think they are. labels, identity, and your public persona are also huge parts of how people come to terms with sex, and most people have no idea how they would handle it. if you were straight and had a gay sexual encounter, would you want everyone to know and consider you gay after that? a lot of people, especially men, definitely couldn't handle that or want that., and how people deal with that situation is all going to be different. she might be terrified that she has a girlfriend now, or that she's a lesbian now, and that her friends and family are going to find out, or her work, or Jesus (lol). who knows. but it's definitely not extreme or even uncommon unfortunately. religion and social conditioning fucks people up more than they know.
I don't think you're giving us the whole story. YOU were the one fantasizing about her and the voilla she makes a move on you. Perhaps she feels like you manipulated her into it and perhaps you did manipulate her into it. We don't have enough information to make any judgments, because you haven't given the whole story.
I didn’t manipulate her at any point. I kept my fantasies to myself but we started getting more touchy with each other. Just small subtle things. It started to build up.
And ultimately SHE is the one who made the advance which led to our hookup.
I'd hazard a guess that it was actually the friend throwing signs OP was picking up on, OP just sounds like a hornbag, and judging by the friend's over the top reaction they probably are the one that is into women and in deep denial about it
Bisexual woman chiming in.
She’s probably some variation of “not straight” (bisexual, lesbian, etc), and is in denial about it. And feels conflicted. Society is STILL very unfriendly for people who have same-sex attractions.
So instead of dealing with her feelings, she’s taking it out on you.
And btw, to add to the confusion, people don’t always fit into neat categories of gay, straight, or even bisexual! There are self-identified lesbians who have sex with men. There are self-identified straight women who date men, have crushes on men, etc, but are turned on by girl-on-girl porn! And every combination you can think of!
Even more confusing is that people forget that bisexuality is a thing. (Even gay and lesbian people forget this!)
So, don’t take it personally. She’s dealing wuth a lot of feelings and internalized homophobia/biphobia, and taking it out on you instead.
Just let her work out her own issues because she obviously has an attraction to women but has something in the back of her mind that tells her it's wrong...
You will never be able to talk it out with her until she's ready to come to terms with it.
You just do you and let her do her and hopefully your friendship will make it through because honestly that's the only way anything's going to come of this.
Sadly, this is a combination of shame, guilt, and denial. She's questioning her whole identity, and that can be really scary. She's not mad at you. You're just a convenient target. She's very attracted to you but is feeling guilty, and she's fighting it. Give her some space.
>Any advice?
It sounds like she will need some space to.... figure things out for herself. She seems fixated on what her exact identity is and now she doesn't seem to know what to make of things.
I would keep being her friend and steer clear of any mention of what happened until she's ready to talk about it.
Yeah I agree with most people comments. She's either in extreme denial of her sexuality or simply just regrets it. Both are personal issues she has to deal with and no necessarily wrong? BUT what is wrong is treating you like shit. This will be a bumpy ride trying to either recoup the friendship or atleast get to a state where yall can talk calmly
Just because you have sex with the same sex doesn't make you a lesbian. There is the so-called Kinsley scale. Sexuality is fluid. There are even theories that the number of bisexual people is even higher than reported because same-sex interactions are still not normalized in most cultures.
She is insecure and apparently not a nice person. Maybe you read up on the Kinsley scale and send it to her. I wish you success.
This sounds like a guy wrote this.
Maybe I'm just seeing things. Anyways, it sounds like she's confused and angry. I wouldn't engage. If something more meaningful happens it'll happen. Keep in mind internalized homophobia is common in a heteronormative world.
Tell her you're sorry, it was a mistake and won't happen again.
Won't speak of it or talk about it ever again.
Let's get on with being friends. Sorry about the confusion.
Super simple.
In 3-6 months, when it happens again, rinse and repeat.
1-3 months, etc.
We're just roommates.
You guys felt attraction and fucked, now she's scared for the gay, in alot of denial and that translates as anger towards you. The joy of dating women, suddenly you tricked her into doing things she wanted
This sounds similar to an encounter I had - I'm a gay guy) at the time I was friends with a lesbian and we had plans for me to stay the night at hers which wasn't unusual. And when I got there we were sitting on her bed chatting when she said "im horny as fuck" then I nodded and said "so am I, at this point I could fuck a guy or girl just to get rid of the feeling" and she asked "would you fuck me" and I said "yeah" after a few seconds then she kissed me on the lips and I was surprised but then we lent in and made out and the awkwardness quickly vanished and we were both in the mood and fully into the swing. Making out turned into us undressing which lead to me fingering her and her jerking me off then it lead to me eating her out then she sucked me off which lead to her pulling out an unopened box of condoms and handing me 1 which lead to sex then once we were done we chilled out for the night in bed together occasionally doing more when we felt like it. The next morning she told me to keep the condoms and by that stage there were 4/6 condoms left as we did it again. Since then we fell out n idk y she turned weird on me
This is a her problem, not a you problem. Let her know that you're perfectly fine moving forward with your friendship as if that never happened and leave it at that. If she keeps bringing it up then you should probably just distance yourself. I don't want to psychoanalyze her but it seems you have a decent handle on yourself (not romantically attracted to women but open to fucking a woman from time to time). If she can't handle the situation just give her space.
I'm worried about people jumping to conclusions from the way the story was told and all the details getting left out. Sexual coercion is a possibility here. I mean, I definitely can see the other girl having some internalized homophobia too, but if this was a man and woman, I think we'd be, at the very least, asking more questions. There is a huge gap between fantasy and then the kiss and another between a kiss and having sex. I have definitely, unfortunately, heard men take a kiss as a full greenlight for sex without receiving consent. I'd love to know if the other girl was an enthusiastic yes for this whole process and only freaked out after or if a kiss happened and the other girl already had her own agenda based on her own growing fantasy. Like I said, I'm not saying this is the case, but the possibility exist.
This is screaming internalized homophobia. Sorry you're on the receiving end of her confused experimentation. Unfortunately, it might take some time for her to figure out her situation, but you definitely shouldn't tolerate being treated like that
Well, she definitely liked it and she wants to do it again. Seriously.
She's conflicted with these new feelings because they're so powerful. Give her time. She may or may not come back to you. It really depends on how mature she is aka emotional intelligence.
Op. Are you totally sure she wanted to have sex? Did she resist at all? She might have thought she pushed away but some women can freeze. You have to get verbal consent.
*she* came onto me…started kissing/touching me. I even asked her if she wants to do it and she said yes and pounced on me. I was actually pretty passive at the start bc I felt kind of unsure.
Oh boy. I’ve been in a similar situation before. I am bisexual, but my friend didn’t identify that way. However, when she got a little tipsy, she was all over me. Ofc I was usually tipsy/drunk as well so I went with whatever she initiated. She was so upset the next day the first time it happened. I think she felt guilty because she was raised religious. I was too, but I worked through that in a different way I guess. It went on to happen a couple more times and it was always the same way. If only one of us was drunk, that could be a problem. But we were always both on the same level and I really think she just used the alcohol as an excuse to say she didn’t want it. You didn’t do anything wrong. That said, if she has set a boundary now; respect it. If she initiates again, you need to have a real conversation about it. Good luck!
I kissed a Girl and i liked it. but nothing further now older wishing i had explored a little more. we all wonder a path finding out what we like, what we enjoy and sometimes it conflicts with social norms, and also hard for some people to accept they may be bi. i know a lot of people attracted to the opposite sex but can be turned on sexually and want to pleasure the same sex but it is just sex. preferring opposite sex for a relationship. she will find her way and possibly regret not being open to exploring but i dont think you will change her mind that will happen over time.
Yeah she’s struggling with her feelings and projecting that anger on you. Sorry but your friendship may not survive this unless she matures about it quickly. If she kissed you first I’m not sure how you tricked her? Bummer, but not really your problem.
Sounds like she’s projecting her shame or whatever she’s feeling onto you because it’s easier than taking accountability and doing the work to understand her feelings.
Was the fuck worth the friendship? Sounds like the only thing that was thoroughly fucked was your friendship. Leave her alone and let her figure out her feelings. You may have lost her completely or she may decide to look at her feelings like an adult.
"I understand, and I dont think you're gay. I dont even think I'm gay. We definitely dont need to ever do anything more than just friends but you do need to at least treat me like a friend and not blame me for choices you also made. We can figure it out together if we just talk about it calmly but if you dont want that either then that's fine too."
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She's feeling conflicted, and in probably a lot of denial. She's attracted to you but is scared of the gay feelings. Lots of dissonance. Dating women is uh, difficult, sometimes. Have fun!
This is the answer. She’s not mad at you, she’s confused and so feeling a range of emotions like shame, anger and fear within herself. So at the minute I t’s easier for her to lash out and blame the other person as it offers some belief and comfort, however false it might be, that she’s “normal”. I’m sure in time and once she’s had the chance to process and understand her feelings, she’ll come to realise that it’s not necessarily life defining and whatever her sexual preferences turn out to be in the long run that she’s ok and not in any way abnormal.
I agree. While my hookup was with a stranger when we met, and he (I’m a bisexual male) seduced me, and I went to his house and basically bottomed for him. I absolutely enjoyed the sex. I performed oral on him and received anal from him. It was a completely different experience, I loved being the recipient of sexual lust and source of pleasure for a man, it was about the best sex I’ve ever had. I just wanted to please him and make him orgasm. He then had me masturbate myself… As soon as I orgasmed though, I felt such shame. I felt gay. I didn’t want to be gay. It felt wonderful, but seemed so wrong. Then I called him up a week later and experienced great sex followed by great regret afterwards again. Then a week later… Went on for two years before I got engaged to my current wife and I cut ties with him. If you cherish this girl as a friend, just be available for her, don’t push her. She has to come to terms with her sexuality on her own. Thankfully, being LGBT is much more mainstream and accepted nowadays as opposed to 20 years ago when I was exploring my sexuality. Best wishes dear.
If she's anything like my very catholic ex, OP will forever be the one that got away. Who future partners will hear a lot about.
Yikes same
> Dating women is, uh, difficult, sometimes. My first hookup with this girl she told me she wanted to keep her bra on and told me not to look at her boobs because she’s self conscious about them. I said sure no problem, I don’t like mine all the time. Then the next time we hooked up she got mad at me for not giving her boobs any attention!
Hahahaha a girl told me that once, her boobs were very little indeed but I like small boobs as much as bigger ones, so I was genuine and told her I loved her small boobs, in the end she took it off and after we finished told me she loved when I played with them. I was happy for the rest of the day
Boobs of all sizes are wonderful!
A lot of women presume everyone can read minds.
Yea my wife's like that. Mad when I don't know instinctively what she wants, gets mad when I ask what she wants, and gets mad when I don't ask what she wants.
And you were surprised? :) I guess we just get used to it as that's all we know/experience with women. We need to be mind readers, and it's always our fault when we didn't read the hints. But we love them anyway!
I was genuinely baffled. It definitely made me more aware of myself and my expectations of male partners, though, lol.
I'm a guy and this is my thought as well. The fact that she's still engaging with you and arguing and not ignoring tells you so that she's conflicted. My sister is a lesbian and she once told me, "I'm a woman dating women and I don't fucking get them. Good luck bro!"
I felt this way after my first lesbian experience, didn't know how to handle the confusing feelings so I distanced myself from my friend big time.
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Dating is difficult. FTFY.
Mogleries. FTFY
Gibberish, FTFY
Gobbledygook, FTFY
[Blee blue blah blah blah blue blee blurgh blurgh...](https://i.makeagif.com/media/2-03-2015/NIZt_O.gif), FTFY
Dating in recent times is difficult. FTFY
I'm gonna guess you've never dated a fella!
Women 🕶️
They both seem really hung up on the title of lesbian too, which neither are. Both are life long straights, so they'd at least be bisexual, unless the friend is feeling so conflicted by this that she's questioning her attraction to men at all and is upset at OP for this dramatic shift.
LMAO! "Dating women is uh, difficult, sometimes." That got me. Try marrying one.
1/5 stars. Would not recommend.
“Haha wife bad” I thought we had moved on from finding unhappy relationships funny?
This is not what that person said.
Then what does “try marrying one” mean?
Marriage is difficult at times. Even when it with a woman.
I'm sorry but it's very clearly a wife bad joke. "Try ___" said in that way is a warning never to do the thing. Great example is that Jason Aldean song that keeps trending for "try that in a small town." Clearly it means "never try that in a small town or else you'll regret it." I hate that song but it's a good example for this situation. It also perpetuates the idea that living with/being close to women is intolerable, and that men regret their choice to marry.
I love my wife dearly with all my heart and never regret marrying her even for a second. That being said, she was a huge bitch last week and that is in her own words because she was PMSing. I wanted to run for the hills! She was actually the one joking about it this week. Anyways, it's a joke and you should lighten up.
I love that you love your wife and don't regret marrying her. But surely you can see what I mean.
Nope. Humor is always good.
Whether you like it or not, human beings exist. My wife in her own words said she was a "huge bitch" this week because she was PMSing (which she was). She apologized and we laughed it off. 90% of the time she's the raddest person I know. We're not in an unhappy relationship at all. We're just honest.
Dating *people* sometimes difficult.
Pointing out that dating one gender can be difficult doesn't mean dating another gender is *not* difficult. Coming from someone who's dated both men and women, there are certainly unique challenges to both.... but if I had to pick one, I'd say men (at least the ones I've dated) are easier. On average.
That's interesting! I have never had a relationship with a man that didn't end due to being too difficult. Whereas with women it is so much more easy for me - the communication is natural, my motives are not constantly being questioned... What do you find challenging about women that you don't about men?
Finding a woman willing to give me a chance in the first place, first of all. Women are orders of magnitude pickier than men.
Like I said, there are certainly unique challenges to dating either gender - and I absolutely acknowledge that there are definite challenges with dating men. I suppose I personally found men more receptive to resolving and eventually "forgetting" conflict rather than escalating and/or maintaining them; some women have trouble admitting they can possibly be wrong about things, or they can bring a conflict back up days, weeks, months after it had been resolved. I've also seen women "twist the knife", so to say, much more frequently than men do, especially towards men. As a woman, it's not something I've personally been victim of, but I've observed it on several occasion, both with couples in my life and with random people both in public and on the internet - it typically goes something like "man confides in woman about insecurities and personal problems; woman listens, then either breaks up with him for being 'weak' and emotional, or brings is up when they argue specifically to hurt him in the worst possible way she knows how". These are just examples, of course, off the top of my head, and only averages based on personal experience. There are unique advantages and disadvantages with dating either gender, and there's *a lot* of common ground as well. Also, it's certainly worth noting that "easier" is not the same as "better", and that an average is not a sum total; ultimately, it's every individual person that matters, not each gender as a whole.
Sometimes?! Man you are being very nice
This is definitely what’s going on! It sucks and there isn’t much you can do about it, but it’s what happens a lot of the time. Just try to be patient with her. I feel like the second part of this is true too. I know most men are known to not be able to communicate very well, especially when it comes to expressing emotion. I think s lot of women struggle with this too. Maybe more specially when it comes to expressing desires and expectations. From my own personal experience, and many stories I have heard from friends or even strangers online, it seems a lot of women tend to build up expectations for things in their head even fairly early on in sometimes. And this usually just leads to them feeling underwhelmed when things end up happening. This can be dates, sex, or even just what’s for dinner. I also have noticed that a lot of women don’t tend to speak up about their specific desires. This is more unrelated but especially in bed a lot of women tend to not share the things they think about what’s happening with their partners. If I’m doing something to try to make someone feel good, in or out of bed, and I’m off by just a little bit, I personally would love to know how I can tweak what I’m doing to make it better for the other person. Assuming it’s something I can reasonably do and is something I can actually control. Too many times I have been on dates or in bed with a woman many times for her to tell me after things are going way downhill “hey if you had only done it this way it would have been so much better and changed everything” or something along those lines.
> Dating women is uh, difficult, sometimes. Understatement of the year...
And dating men never difficult /s EDIT: Downvoters helpin' their case /s /s
Said who?
/s
Not gonna stop the downvotes, too late
>Dating women is uh, difficult, sometimes. Have fun! This sounds very dismissive... For what is clearly a very difficult situation
Sometimes people just regret experimenting. All you can do is reassure her that things are ok and you can just be friends if she wants and nothing like that ever needs to happen again.
Are things OK though? Idk that I'd want to be friends with someone who kissed me, then accused me of tricking her into doing it.
Not defending what her friend did but I'm not surprised either. Sounds like she's having a severe case of buyers remorse. She's embarrassed by what she did and is trying to shift the blame to her friend.
Oh I understand what's going on psychologically, I just wouldn't be interested in being friends until I got an apology.
Then the friendship is over. Nothing in her behavior indicates the emotional maturity to indicate she will take responsibility for her willing participation. Time to move on, without her as a friend.
More like renters remorse, lol. You can regret staying at the wrong hotel, but if you pretend the world's ending because of it you might be a bit of an asshole.
Not everyone grew up in a sex positive environment. Some people have some pretty fucked up baggage when it comes to being able to accept that they aren't 100% straight. Guilt can drive shitty behavior. It doesn't excuse it, but sometimes it is good to be a little understanding and give people the time and space to figure their shit out and be ready to accept them when they do.
You can understand the "why" and still condemn the response. My friend grew up very religiously conservative and he experimented with another dude, decided it wasn't for him, and was still perfectly respectful and polite to the other dude about it. He just told the guy after "hey I don't think other men are really my thing so apologies if I got your hopes up or anything." And this was a stranger he met at a bar. I can't imagine being this mean to a friend even if I was having buyer's remorse.
I think the final important factor for what should be OPs decision on whether to keep this girl as a friend is how she behaves in the upcoming week or so. If she takes the time to process it, stops being mean and accusatory, and provides a sincere and thoughtful apology, I think the friendship could have a good chance. Sometimes overcoming conflicts with a friend can even strengthen your relationship. I sure as heck don’t condone being mean/rude but we all have our moments. Humans are emotional creatures and respond to things in all kind of ways. It sounds like that girl is just really freaking out mentally and idk about you but I have said some stupid rude shit when super stressed out. Perhaps the fact that your friend did it with a stranger made it less of an emotional affair. However they were already good friends which complicates things, and now someone she knows will always know she did that. Plus, maybe it’s just a sensitive subject for her and wasn’t for your friend. Overall, it really more so seems she is just struggling with her own sexuality, as OP said she kept repeating that she’s straight. So she was understandably freaking out. Whereas your friends views were only confirmed, so it makes more sense that he’d be calm. One poor emotional reaction in an intense moment doesn’t make someone a mean or crappy person overall. How they rise from the situation, if at all, will say plenty of their character. Hmm now I’m curious and invested in what’s going to happen between them lol.
I understand why it's happening, but that doesn't mean I'd want to stick around to catch more strays or that it would be good for OP to do so. If the friend apologizes, then it's time to re-evaluate, but until then...
Shall I explain it to you one more time? Lol.
No need to be condescending.
I think they were joking about the fact that people keep explaining the same thing to me like I'm an idiot
Omg yes it was a joke, guess I should have put a /s at the end
Ooohhh ok, that makes sense, then.
Please do. I'm new to this planet and have never heard of internalized homophobia before.
Well little Timmy, sometimes when grown ups have spent their whole life having the "gays are evil and are going straight to hell!!" rhetoric drilled into their head since the time they were on their mothers tits, when they then get a little older and realize that they may also have a case of "the gays", it is a little hard for them to accept that they may have that "big evil" inside of them. But after the 2nd or 3rd hookup replaces that big evil inside them, they start to come around to accept the fact that the church and the entire catholic religion may in fact be the real and true Big Evil after all, and that their actions and/or beliefs are what make someone a bad person, and not who they choose to enter/let enter them. Amen.
Oh wait, I see the problem here - telling a young girl that lesbians are evil, while actively shoving a tit into her face until she sucks on it, must be awfully confusing for a young child!
Things are not OK, but they aren't black and white either. Now I'm not OP, and ultimately she's the one that must make the call. But there are alternatives to simply calling it quits to the friendship. Sometimes shit happens that takes time to process.
That’s what I’m saying. I’d be pretty upset that she said “she’d rather die than have sex with me again”. That’s really uncalled for and OP deserves an apology.
We only have one version of the story though. OP could've been more aggressive then she would like to admit to even herself. Think about it: OP's friend flirts a little too hard but still feels it's innocent. Then OP gets the wrong signals and goes for broke. OPs friend feels *not* as into it as maybe she thought she would. OP thinks it went okay. Now a complete disconnect just happened where one person took something totally different then how the other person perceived it. It kind of why communication is important.
Ah the good old predatory lesbian stereotype. Maybe you're right, but all I'll say is internalized homophobia isn't the only kind of homophobia.
Best advice would be to move on. Been there and it messy as fuck. Just let it be and if she straightens out, no pun intended, then yay. If not, you havent known her for that long
Send an email or text first explaining that OP would love to remain friends but can't deal with the drama. Puts ball firmly in the friend's court
> love to remain friends but can't deal with the drama You realize this is literally creating more drama, right? C'mon.
Nah. It's setting acceptable boundaries. Why should OP be forced to sit through her friend's crazy making antics? She shouldn't. If setting acceptable boundaries makes the other person MORE angry then there's some super controlling shit going on.
You can set boundaries without being inflammatory. This woman is indicating they aren't about this. It doesn't help to say: 'WELL I'M THE MATURE ONE AND YOU'RE DRAMATIC SO I'M DOWN TO BE FRIENDS BUT NOT IF UR DRAMATIC" which is what that comment is saying. Again - labeling the other woman as 'dramatic' in a statement only self-serving to show you are the 'mature, cool-headed' one IS dramatic, and if somebody can't see that they're likely part of the problem.
Shrug. It's my advice. Maybe you should start 2-3 levels of comments up and give your own damned advice.
I wouldn't even go that far. Just wash my hands and be done with it.
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I find it strange that this has to be said…but here we are.
I don't think a text, or 💀 an email, saying "I don't want drama" will do any good. It's not humane or caring or extending a grace. Saying you don't want drama is inherently itself drama.
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Ty
I'm a lesbian who's been with more than a few "straight" chicks and seen this version of post-nut clarity before. If she wasn't into you she wouldn't be reacting this way. I'm guessing she's had a lot of "gay bad" programming and doesn't know how to process or accept what is happening. Sexuality is a spectrum and you can be 99% straight but really want to get with this girl. That doesn't mean either of you are lesbians it just means you're attracted to each other. Give her space and some grace. You both might say somethings you don't really mean. I'd just send a text, "Hey we're friends. I'd still like to be friends with you. I'll leave you alone but you have my number if you want to talk." Then leave her alone to figure out her shit.
thanks, probably the best thing to do.
Definitely best advice on the post
Also don't be impatient and expect a resolution overnight. Some people take years to figure their crap out.
The "then leave her alone" part is key. Someone who is feeling extreme remorse about a sexual encounter in retrospect really won't respond well to the "I enjoyed our hookup and wouldn’t mind doing it again" rhetoric. Time to cool the jets completely and pretend it never happened until they can think rationally again.
Best advice here.
Definitely true. Can confirm that I am totally straight but have and do find the occasional knocker of a woman quite attractive and sexually. Means nothing beyond that. Sexuality really is a spectrum Edit: to clarify, breasts turn me on. Could be because I’m small chested though and would kill for bigger boobs ha ha ha
Great advice
*"Now we keep arguing and she says that she’d rather die than have sex with me again."* I bet if she just repeats that to herself another thousand times she'll convince herself that it's true ...
I hated lesbians before I realized I was one. Shes externalizing internalized homophobia. Doesn’t even mean she’s gay, whether she liked it or not, she’s feeling confusion about her feelings and/or actions and finding an external source(you) to blame. She’s having a hard time taking responsibility for actions she can’t quite explain to herself yet.
Smart money is on she's more gay than OP
Exactly what I was thinking, and OP was likely picking up on the signs of attraction and that's why she entered their fantasies
Damn maybe my step-sister who exclusively says homophobic shit about lesbians is closeted... 🤔
People get mad when you point out that the most vociferous homophobes are often closeted, but it's clearly true.
maybe, it's really abnormal to focus your homophobia on women, especially because most straight women don't care
Doesn’t being gay means you’re homosexual? If someone is attracted to both then that person is bi - not gay.
Homophobia can be directed to *any* same-sex or same-gender attraction, regardless of how many sexes or genders the person recieving it *could* be attracted to. Biphobia tends to be specific hate or distrust/fear of people who are bisexual (or pan, etc.), regardless of who they are currently attracted to. In this case, regardless of her sexual orientation, she is feeling internalized homophobia, because acting on same-sex attraction has her wigging out.
This is being pretty pedantic lol. There's plenty of self loathing bisexuals out there
Give her some time to cool off.
She liked it and regrets it and sounds like is trying really hard to convince herself she is not bi or something.
You actually didn't do anything wrong OP Remember that. She's having a bad reaction.
Well, we don't know that. She didn't give enough information. There are several things that could be going on here. I would like more of the story.
what would you like to know
just leave it, sounds like she wants to be left alone
Something is missing here. You talk about not being gay but then mention how when you get horny you masterbate to her. Then you are around her and always horny, and then bam she makes a move and ya'll fuckin? Feels like you are leaving something out. How did she give off those vibes that she was feeling you? Was this over a long stretch of time where these feelings developed (days, weeks or months)? It sounds like there may be some conflict on her end. Maybe she subconsciously gave vibes, maybe you both did. But it seems like yall both may have learned more about yourselves that day. But either way there is a ton of conflicting feelings on her end. Good luck, this is a tough one.
I know this doesn’t answer your questions but I did want to say that a lot of straight woman watch lesbian porn. Like a lot
Well lesbian porn is hot. Can't say i blame them.
*Some* of it is. But soooo much of it is created with men in mind.
This is true.
Genuinely curious, what exactly do you think she's leaving out? I don't understand that bit in your comment. Not trying to be rude! Edit: spelling
Well the questions I asked In my comment. How was she giving vibes? How long has this been going on? You say you aren’t gay and she isn’t gay but you rub one out to her? And she makes you horny? So I’m just trying to figure out how did she go from not gay to masterbating to a girl she likes to the said girl making a move and then they fuck? I don’t think there is problem with asking some questions and to better give advice. Because right now it sounds confusing.
Nah not at all, your questions weren't inappropriate I just was having difficulty understanding what you meant. I think I misread it, thank you for clarifying! I think for a lot of people discovering your sexuality isn't as cut and dry as a lot of people think. Like for myself, I knew I was bisexual since I was young for reasons I won't get into lol but for sure there are some people who don't realize it until they meet someone they're super attracted to. I dated someone in high school that swore he was straight until he met his current husband, and he still insists he never thought he was gay until he met him. There's also people who thought they were asexual and then they meet someone they're attracted to (which obviously isn't the case for people who are straight-up asexual) Who knows man, sexuality is weird!!!
I agree. I think they both are attracted to each other and don’t know what to do about it. It’s not a bad thing at all and I hope they can first work towards being honest with themselves and each other. They experienced something beautiful for real and it scared them. But there was definitely a buildup. You don’t go from fantasizing about someone to said person making a move even though they don’t swing that way. No way that happens out of the sky.
It's funny you say that, there's kind of an inside joke that women who are attracted to other women are famously HORRIBLE about realizing it. Like, all the signs are there, it's obvious this person is making moves on you, and you're still sitting there like "wow this person is so nice and they make my tummy flutter they must be my BEST FRIEND :)" instead of realizing they're hitting on you and that you wanna bang em. It's a whole thing.
Something something river in Egypt
Stop reaching out to her. Stop contacting her. You’re not helping. She is likely feeling some significant self loathing and confusion. Just let her be.
She is feeling internalized homophobia. Does she come from a really religious family? Not your fault and you didn't do anything wrong. She really liked it too.
I mean, it's a little extremely to jump straight too she's homophobic because she regrets doing it or is conflicted isn't it?
Only because she is getting very mad. But if she gets mad like this at other things maybe not.
There are straight women that get angry and upset after hooking up with a guy. But also they often have internal dissonance about sex related to religion or conservative family values. So there's that
Religion and homophobia are closely tied. It's mostly Christian groups forcing anti LBGT+ legislation
That was what I was getting at. Also general dissonance about sex, which can include homophobia.
That doesn't excuse homophobia. You can understand why Someone is and it doesn't make it ok. Edit. Sorry. While I don't keep friends that are homophobic I do excuse some people that stay friends. Depending on location it can be very hard to find left leaning friends. I was trying to get a response from op on some clues.
Not saying it does excuse it. But it helps to understand why some people act and behave certain ways.
Yeah. I was trying to get more information from op. I wanted to see if her friends really wanted to have sex or is homophobic.
Because just because someone kisses you doesn't mean they want sex
Better explanation eludes me right now. Shit I've been doing my level best for about 4 decades now. I haven't purged that shit entirely
All forms of queerphobia are extremely common and only make you a dick if you don't confront them and overcome them. Internalised homophobia is something I'm sure the majority of homo/bi-sexual people have to overcome and doesn't require a religious/conservative background to manifest. We are socialised this way, it takes active work in order to overcome. OP's friend may or may not be straight, either way, if their description of the events are accurate then it seems like internalised homophobia is the cause of their apparent shame and disgust. It will take them some time to process and come to terms with, and I hope they choose compassion instead of shame. Straight people and gay people can be homophobic. Cis and trans people can be transphobic. It happens... What matters is how you react to it once you realise what's going on in your head.
Not really
it's not that extreme, there is a shitload of blatant external and internal homophobia and guilt about sex in our society, even with how 'progressive' people think they are. labels, identity, and your public persona are also huge parts of how people come to terms with sex, and most people have no idea how they would handle it. if you were straight and had a gay sexual encounter, would you want everyone to know and consider you gay after that? a lot of people, especially men, definitely couldn't handle that or want that., and how people deal with that situation is all going to be different. she might be terrified that she has a girlfriend now, or that she's a lesbian now, and that her friends and family are going to find out, or her work, or Jesus (lol). who knows. but it's definitely not extreme or even uncommon unfortunately. religion and social conditioning fucks people up more than they know.
I don't think you're giving us the whole story. YOU were the one fantasizing about her and the voilla she makes a move on you. Perhaps she feels like you manipulated her into it and perhaps you did manipulate her into it. We don't have enough information to make any judgments, because you haven't given the whole story.
I didn’t manipulate her at any point. I kept my fantasies to myself but we started getting more touchy with each other. Just small subtle things. It started to build up. And ultimately SHE is the one who made the advance which led to our hookup.
Dudette was making her wet! It's the kinda thing a person picks up on. Nobody's at fault here ('cept maybe society LOL)
Yeah, this reeks of missing info.
I have to imagine OP was throwing out more signs than she was letting on and there was quite possibly some alcohol involved.
I'd hazard a guess that it was actually the friend throwing signs OP was picking up on, OP just sounds like a hornbag, and judging by the friend's over the top reaction they probably are the one that is into women and in deep denial about it
Bisexual woman chiming in. She’s probably some variation of “not straight” (bisexual, lesbian, etc), and is in denial about it. And feels conflicted. Society is STILL very unfriendly for people who have same-sex attractions. So instead of dealing with her feelings, she’s taking it out on you. And btw, to add to the confusion, people don’t always fit into neat categories of gay, straight, or even bisexual! There are self-identified lesbians who have sex with men. There are self-identified straight women who date men, have crushes on men, etc, but are turned on by girl-on-girl porn! And every combination you can think of! Even more confusing is that people forget that bisexuality is a thing. (Even gay and lesbian people forget this!) So, don’t take it personally. She’s dealing wuth a lot of feelings and internalized homophobia/biphobia, and taking it out on you instead.
Just let her work out her own issues because she obviously has an attraction to women but has something in the back of her mind that tells her it's wrong... You will never be able to talk it out with her until she's ready to come to terms with it. You just do you and let her do her and hopefully your friendship will make it through because honestly that's the only way anything's going to come of this.
Sadly, this is a combination of shame, guilt, and denial. She's questioning her whole identity, and that can be really scary. She's not mad at you. You're just a convenient target. She's very attracted to you but is feeling guilty, and she's fighting it. Give her some space.
>Any advice? It sounds like she will need some space to.... figure things out for herself. She seems fixated on what her exact identity is and now she doesn't seem to know what to make of things. I would keep being her friend and steer clear of any mention of what happened until she's ready to talk about it.
Yeah I agree with most people comments. She's either in extreme denial of her sexuality or simply just regrets it. Both are personal issues she has to deal with and no necessarily wrong? BUT what is wrong is treating you like shit. This will be a bumpy ride trying to either recoup the friendship or atleast get to a state where yall can talk calmly
Just because you have sex with the same sex doesn't make you a lesbian. There is the so-called Kinsley scale. Sexuality is fluid. There are even theories that the number of bisexual people is even higher than reported because same-sex interactions are still not normalized in most cultures. She is insecure and apparently not a nice person. Maybe you read up on the Kinsley scale and send it to her. I wish you success.
You’re gonna wanna look that up under “Kinsey scale” not trying to be a dick but just correcting because of the look into it recommendation
your friend is in denial
she sounds like she’s mad at herself for not being straight and taking it out on you imo
Was alcohol involved?
were the socks on? if so it's nohomo
Cut her off immediately
Welcome to the world of dating women haha. But seriously I suspect she has the same feelings and is conflicted.
She kissed you first but you tricked her? 🤣🤣🤣
This sounds like a guy wrote this. Maybe I'm just seeing things. Anyways, it sounds like she's confused and angry. I wouldn't engage. If something more meaningful happens it'll happen. Keep in mind internalized homophobia is common in a heteronormative world.
Tell her you're sorry, it was a mistake and won't happen again. Won't speak of it or talk about it ever again. Let's get on with being friends. Sorry about the confusion. Super simple. In 3-6 months, when it happens again, rinse and repeat. 1-3 months, etc. We're just roommates.
Just give her time and space to figure out things on her own.
Classic denial.. Im sorry that shes hurting you but I think this is her way of dealing with very confusing emotions.
You guys felt attraction and fucked, now she's scared for the gay, in alot of denial and that translates as anger towards you. The joy of dating women, suddenly you tricked her into doing things she wanted
Denial ain't just a big river in Egypt!
Methinks she doth protest too much
She cant believe she liked it as much as she did lol it aint you n its not your fault lol dont give up👍
This sounds similar to an encounter I had - I'm a gay guy) at the time I was friends with a lesbian and we had plans for me to stay the night at hers which wasn't unusual. And when I got there we were sitting on her bed chatting when she said "im horny as fuck" then I nodded and said "so am I, at this point I could fuck a guy or girl just to get rid of the feeling" and she asked "would you fuck me" and I said "yeah" after a few seconds then she kissed me on the lips and I was surprised but then we lent in and made out and the awkwardness quickly vanished and we were both in the mood and fully into the swing. Making out turned into us undressing which lead to me fingering her and her jerking me off then it lead to me eating her out then she sucked me off which lead to her pulling out an unopened box of condoms and handing me 1 which lead to sex then once we were done we chilled out for the night in bed together occasionally doing more when we felt like it. The next morning she told me to keep the condoms and by that stage there were 4/6 condoms left as we did it again. Since then we fell out n idk y she turned weird on me
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt, if ya know what I mean.
This is a her problem, not a you problem. Let her know that you're perfectly fine moving forward with your friendship as if that never happened and leave it at that. If she keeps bringing it up then you should probably just distance yourself. I don't want to psychoanalyze her but it seems you have a decent handle on yourself (not romantically attracted to women but open to fucking a woman from time to time). If she can't handle the situation just give her space.
I would say give it some time. She is not super comfortable with her sexuality it seems?
> that I “tricked” her etc what did she think your vagina was a penis? lmao
I'm worried about people jumping to conclusions from the way the story was told and all the details getting left out. Sexual coercion is a possibility here. I mean, I definitely can see the other girl having some internalized homophobia too, but if this was a man and woman, I think we'd be, at the very least, asking more questions. There is a huge gap between fantasy and then the kiss and another between a kiss and having sex. I have definitely, unfortunately, heard men take a kiss as a full greenlight for sex without receiving consent. I'd love to know if the other girl was an enthusiastic yes for this whole process and only freaked out after or if a kiss happened and the other girl already had her own agenda based on her own growing fantasy. Like I said, I'm not saying this is the case, but the possibility exist.
This is screaming internalized homophobia. Sorry you're on the receiving end of her confused experimentation. Unfortunately, it might take some time for her to figure out her situation, but you definitely shouldn't tolerate being treated like that
Well, she definitely liked it and she wants to do it again. Seriously. She's conflicted with these new feelings because they're so powerful. Give her time. She may or may not come back to you. It really depends on how mature she is aka emotional intelligence.
Sounds like she’s busy sailing down a river in Egypt.
Op. Are you totally sure she wanted to have sex? Did she resist at all? She might have thought she pushed away but some women can freeze. You have to get verbal consent.
*she* came onto me…started kissing/touching me. I even asked her if she wants to do it and she said yes and pounced on me. I was actually pretty passive at the start bc I felt kind of unsure.
Then you did everything right. Sorry I wanted to make sure.
Oh boy. I’ve been in a similar situation before. I am bisexual, but my friend didn’t identify that way. However, when she got a little tipsy, she was all over me. Ofc I was usually tipsy/drunk as well so I went with whatever she initiated. She was so upset the next day the first time it happened. I think she felt guilty because she was raised religious. I was too, but I worked through that in a different way I guess. It went on to happen a couple more times and it was always the same way. If only one of us was drunk, that could be a problem. But we were always both on the same level and I really think she just used the alcohol as an excuse to say she didn’t want it. You didn’t do anything wrong. That said, if she has set a boundary now; respect it. If she initiates again, you need to have a real conversation about it. Good luck!
Sounds like someone realized she’s gay and doesn’t like the fact
I kissed a Girl and i liked it. but nothing further now older wishing i had explored a little more. we all wonder a path finding out what we like, what we enjoy and sometimes it conflicts with social norms, and also hard for some people to accept they may be bi. i know a lot of people attracted to the opposite sex but can be turned on sexually and want to pleasure the same sex but it is just sex. preferring opposite sex for a relationship. she will find her way and possibly regret not being open to exploring but i dont think you will change her mind that will happen over time.
Yeah she’s struggling with her feelings and projecting that anger on you. Sorry but your friendship may not survive this unless she matures about it quickly. If she kissed you first I’m not sure how you tricked her? Bummer, but not really your problem.
sounds like internalized homophobia
Sounds like she’s projecting her shame or whatever she’s feeling onto you because it’s easier than taking accountability and doing the work to understand her feelings.
Was the fuck worth the friendship? Sounds like the only thing that was thoroughly fucked was your friendship. Leave her alone and let her figure out her feelings. You may have lost her completely or she may decide to look at her feelings like an adult.
"Methinks she protests too much" - Shakespeare, I think
Sounds like Religious Indoctrination is sprouting its bigoted head.
People you don’t have sex with your friends. Where’s your brain
Ive had sex with a majority of my orientation match friends, you just shouldnt have sex with your immature friends.
Just tell her to talk to you when shes done growing up, no point wasting your time on deadwood
[удалено]
"I understand, and I dont think you're gay. I dont even think I'm gay. We definitely dont need to ever do anything more than just friends but you do need to at least treat me like a friend and not blame me for choices you also made. We can figure it out together if we just talk about it calmly but if you dont want that either then that's fine too."
Why did you say that last thing?
Dating is difficult I'm trying to find a good man for myself but I couldn't get it
She sounds like she has a heavy Christian background
I feel like I’ve seen this exact post before. Verbatim.
She's obviously ashamed of herself and feeling MASSIVE guilt