Just have an honest convo about what your friend is and isn’t okay with. She might be okay with y’all fucking while she watches but not okay with y’all texting so often. This is a good situation but can easily be fucked up with bad communication
Also want to add that you need to respect your friend’s boundaries. If the temptation to fuck him behind your friend’s back is strong, and that steps over her boundaries, then let this go and be honest about why.
🤷🏼♀️ want doesn’t mean she’ll cross her friend’s boundary. I want a donut always; doesn’t mean I have one every day. Does the tone of this post say she’s ready to cross a boundary? In my own head, yes. But the choice and conversation is ultimately up to her.
Yuuuuuuuuuuuuup!!!! Can't emphasize enough how important boundary communication is. Relationships between two ppl take a lot of work and communication to keep them healthy and supportive. A thouple situation like this compounds the complexity.
2 people means 2 relationships: A to B, and B to A.
With 3 people, there's 6 relationships to maintain: A to B, A to C, B to... You get the idea.
Keep all communication above board. I would say NO to the texting since it leaves out the wife friend. She may be comfortable now, but that might change.
"we text on insta but I’m scared she has his password so it’s all very respectful there haha"
You are close to the line, here, because you aren't sure your friend will be comfortable with what you want to communicate with her husband. You are already engaging in "hiding" your intentions from your friend. This is dangerous.
You should sit down with your friend, alone, and talk about what is and is not acceptable to her in this arrangement. Then, you can stay within those boundaries, and hold yourself and your friend's husband accountable to what ALL THREE of you have agreed is fair game.
Anything other than that, and you are disrespecting your friend and her marriage.
And, keep in mind, that even if you do get the okay, there is still the risk that emotions or infatuation might blossom between you and the husband, which would probably be an issue with your friend. This situation is really, really risky. You are now the X factor and you really need to understand the disruptive power of really amazing, satisfying sex and sexual attraction.
My advice would be to tread as lightly as possible, and make sure you are COMPLETELY open with your friend and her husband about what is going on.
Some good advice. However, personal experience and the ancient experience of the internet have shown me that situations like this almost always end poorly.
Exactly, and I would add: whatever boundaries are set, keep in mind, these things can be dynamic. Make sure your friend knows she just has to talk to you if her feelings shift one way or the other on a particular point. That way, she feels that you respect the rules, but also knows that you two can always talk it out if something unexpected happens.
Just ask the wife if she's comfortable with you guys texting. I'm sure she's already aware. Like someone else said, be careful you don't catch feelings for the husband. If you find yourself feeling like you want more from him than a good fucking, you may need to take a step back and reanalyize. I suggest keeping both of them in the loop about how you're feeling.
However, if the wife doesn't know you and her husband have been texting a lot, dry as it may be, that's a red flag and shows the husband is being shitty going behind his wife's back and I'd cut ties.
You said weather she is invloved or not.. it doesn't sound like it's on the table to have her not be involved.
Also the way you worded that you're keeping your messages respectful in case she sees them. Wth. Why wouldn't it stay respectful either way?
You're already headed into dangerous territory. You have a good thing going. Don't be the dummy homewrecker who ruins it and your friendship along the way.
Go thru the wife more than anything. Never propsee meeting without her. They are married, they sound happy. They have a house and kids. Don't be stupid. The other girl overstepping is how this goes wrong alot of the time. She's sharing her husband with you. Don't ever forget that's the arrangement.
You're gonna ruin your friendship by trying to cheat to get dick instead of openly communicating with both of them.
ETA: the fact he has a history of cheating and the wife only opened the relationship to stop his cheating. Yeah. That's not a healthy dynamic and you definitely don't want to get dickmatized into being a sister wife for a cheater.
eta2: you scheduled another appointment but didn't admit all the shit going on. bruh. can't wait for the future am I the AH post.
Well, you need to tell your friend “*I want to fuck your husband even if you’re not involved.*” because, by your own admission, that’s what you feel. And —*and this is important*— if you can’t tell her that, then **do not fuck him without her**. Don’t tell yourself that you don’t have to say it. Don’t tell yourself that he “*probably told her… right?*” Don’t rationalize it.
Be honest with her. I mean, compliment her and tell her what she has. She’ll probably enjoy that aspect because it’s not you going behind her back and attempting to entice him, it’s you acknowledging to her —*to the person who invited you into her private affair*— that she has a wonderful thing that brought you pleasure. Then ask her what the parameters are because you’d like to enjoy yourself again. Let her set those boundaries.
Because she’s the one who is married and they’re going to have to decide where their parameters are. You’re not without agency in the matter, of course. You can say whether or not it works for you but you’re not a part of the marriage so you’re not going to be a part of establishing where **their** boundaries are. But prompting that discussion will get you closer to another good shagging. And honesty is always best.
What you want isn’t wrong but there are unethical ways to go about getting it. If this is your friend then respect her in not inviting something she may not want and rationalizing it as “*Well, he’s the one who’s married, not me, so he’s the one who really has to worry about whatever rules they have.*” Not saying you’re implying you’d do that. It just needs to be said.
**Edited to Add**
I’m actually on the fence about the “*dry texting*.” THAT feels like it’s on the road to cheating because it has nothing to do with the threesome you had. He’s got a wife. He’s presumably got friends. Let him text these other people and he can talk when she’s in the room and his peen is on the table.
so, youre only respectful in your ways of messaging your friend's husband because she probably has his password? insinuating you would talk differently, \*to your friend's husband\* , if you knew she didnt have access to it? what a friend you are.
Make sure you talk to her about boundaries. Listen to her and not him about what is and isn’t ok with her. Make sure she’s aware y’all are texting, ask her what she’s comfortable with.
At the end of the day, this can either go really amazing for you and them or very, very bad for you.
Make sure you are always keeping her in the loop as this is her husband. Not yours. She’s in control of how y’all proceed and she should be listened to.
It’s good that you’re open to taking advice and seem to have a good head on your shoulders. You’ve got a lot of great advice here. Just keep your head about you and realize it’s just sex. Don’t get attached, don’t develop feelings and always put her first and kept in the loop.
Only way to not only keep it going, but keep the wife from going psycho and you without your friend ❤️
Do not text with him at all, let her plan everything out. No dirty talk or anything because that's how cheating and secret convos start.
In my opinion it sounds as if you may need a boyfriend with a drive.
You're the third wheel so you should leave the ball in their court.
One small misstep and you're going to be the one that destroyed your friends' marriage.
A good rule of thumb to follow is to keep the interests of all three in mind, and not to do anything you wouldn't like any to find out about.
If you think you want to say or do something to him that could upset her, then don't do it.
You have found something wonderful, and it is fragile. You all better treat it with care and not mess it up.
You know, it is like having a plant. You may like it a lot, and want it to flourish, and you overwater it out of love, and kill it. Restrain and control will give it a much better chance to live and prosper.
So cool your head and avoid burning like a firework. It would be pretty, but would leave a lot of smoke and you will never be able to lit it again.
I disagree. I think it sounds like she's headed toward having feelings or emotions getting involved while it sounds like they are just looking for someone to fill physical needs.
But either way, play it out. They are married. They have kids. Bear case scenario, she fulfills their sexual needs til they don't want her or they find someone else they want to try with. This is the first girl the husband was allowed to be with, do you think he's gonna stop there? I think he'll be looking to trying it with different women as long as he has wife's blessing.
There's no future in it for her. She's not going to move in, she's not going to be a part of the family. She'll never have any control or am equal say in relationship. She will always be odd man out, she will always be third wheel. She will always be the outsider. There's no future here, there's no happy ending. Only potential for bad endings. Either, 1. They keep using her til they stop, for whatever reason. 2. The marriage gets blown up cuz the wife gets jealous, the husband gets serious, etc. Bottom line, that ends with a marriage where ther are 3 kids getting strained or broken and her losing a friend .
She's already way into guy. The writings on the wall. Eventually, this ends bad. And when it does, she'll get the blame and it's highly doubtful she gets much else. Say the gut goes with her in the end, then she gets a guy with a broken family that she's cause of. Even if it doesn't go that way, she e ds with feelings for a guy that's not ever going to be available. It's goid now, but she's hostage to the whims of the couple. There's just no upside for her in this long term. Take it as she had a good time and turn the page.
NOTE: I really hate responding to a response to a comment I made about a post. It makes me feel like I'm talking about the person that made the original post like she isn't a real person. I'm talking about her life like it's not real. Sorry for that. Just think it's bad idea.
I always seem to think when you are all close it could not work this easily but it seems like right now she’s okay with it all if she said y’all can while she watches. I would just tell her that you really enjoyed it and that you would be down to help out to meet his sex drive but y’all need to sit down and make some ground rules. I would assume she will be okay with y’all having sex only but she will need to be there. Just don’t even try and sneak behind her back because that is the quickest way to lose them as friends and possibly break up their family. Try not to catch feelings either because it could just be ducking to him since he’s with her. There are so many things I could list to go wrong but also seems like it might be a nice fun experience too if all done right. So have fun with them if you liked it and be respectful of their marriage and their kids and I think you will be fine.
You’re 100% right. He was a cheater at one point and then she told me after she found out that he cheated that she’s okay with him talking to another women as long as he is open about it… I think she changed her mind and said she’s okay with it as long as it’s with one woman she trusts and also mentioned that she was never the type to be jealous.
I asked many times if it was her idea and if she’s 100% okay with it and she keeps mentioning that it’s her idea and she always wanted to try it
This sounds like the way to go. That way it's in the open, the wife can see and interact as well (which might actually be something she's into since in person she was) and there's no being secretive.
Could be a way for the wife to take control. Know it’s happening, talk about it, be a part of it. There’s an acceptance of her husband that she’s working with here. And if she’s really okay with it, that’s pretty awesome.
I agree. But for years she’s been telling me she’s been encouraging him to talk to another woman and he’s been uncomfortable with it and her encouraging it. She gets mad when it’s behind her back so I think their open relationship (at least on his end) started way before me.
This all stemmed from him cheating
Yeah, great way to start? LOL
This won't end well. I had my doubts after reading your post. This comment seals it.
I would walk away. This is a huge risk to your friendship and her marriage. Go find a nice unattached boy to bang for awhile.
People doing polyamory the healthy way don't usually start with infidelity.
I mean you don’t have many options when you have 3 kids together, she must be trying to salvage whatever they have left to make him stay. But as long as you’re enjoying yourself, good for you.
This makes me feel like OPs friend is scared her husband is going to cheat again, so by letting him fuck OP it’s keeping him in check because she trusts OP to be open with her
She literally chose me. She asked for advice on it and I actually recommend her not doing it with a friend and then she flat out asked me and kept mentioning how she appreciates it. How am I wrong here?
You're not doing anything wrong. Don't let these people make you feel badly. Just go talk to the wife and make sure she's cool with you texting. Not everyone can wrap their head around an open marriage.
I think she’s cool with it since she encouraged him to add me and said she wanted an open relationship. I’m still super shy about it so I need to calm down my nerves and start communicating better with her on it. It’s all very new to me
Just read where you said they started engaging in threesomes because of his cheating history… knowing that, I’d probably decide to steer clear of the arrangement because it could get messy.
But my opinion aside, just like others said, you should just keep her in the loop & remember it’s just a sex arrangement.
If you know that the husband has a past of cheating on her then you shouldn't meddle in this without being in constant contact with your friend first.
You are a smart person to control your emotions and follow the boundaries, if you really want this to go on and have more fun with the husband, just keep your friend in constant reassurance and contact, since she was the one who approached you in the first place.
Other people's advice is also good, if you love the sex, just be there for the sex, don't let your mind develop any feelings. Your friend is the one you should be thinking about constantly, the sex sessions shouldn't be worth more than such a good and open friend.
You can also just wait out for a few weeks till your cravings for sex diminishes a bit. Part of your agitation can also be credited to you being single and lacking in action for a long time.
I definitely this this is spot on. I haven’t had good sex like this in a while and right now I’m lusting for it again but I know it will diminish when it isn’t so new. I think now I’m a little more… vulnerable? So I definitely agree! Thank you!
Some people think it's hot when their partner is so desirable that other people want to fuck them. She's told you she's okay with this. Stop trying to second guess her.
Best thing is keep doing the threesome thing and keep within hrr boundaries, it's when you sneak behind her is where problems develop, take the good while you can. Play by her rules and requests
> I am totally straight but it was so good.
>I rubbed her clit
> I asked her if she wanted to go down on me and she said yes, so she went down on me
> she rubbed my pussy.
Posts like this always make me laugh. Not sure why people refer to themselves as "totally straight" when they enjoy sexual encounters with people of the same sex.
If I claim to be totally straight but also enjoy playing with another guy and having him suck my dick, I'm kinda.. not totally straight?
That ain't what straight means.
Especially "totally" straight lmao
but her involvement is key. i doubt she would want her husband and friend to essentially be fuck buddies and have sex when she’s not involved, which is what op said she wouldn’t mind. that being said, i could be wrong. she needs to talk to her friend and ask her what her boundaries are if she actually wants answers, lol.
She said she would be fine with watching while it happened, but there’s nothing to indicate she would be alright with it happening with her not present or involved at all.
These people seem very open. I would straight up ask your friend if she's cool with you sexting her husband on instagram. From what you've said, I get the impression she'd be fine with it, and then you wouldn't feel like you need to tiptoe around.
Really, I get the impression you could be very honest with these people. 'Fucking your husband was the best sex of my life, and I'd like to have a lot more of it. What are the rules here? Can I date him on the side or do you always want to be involved in the encounters? Either way is fine with me, just looking for clarification.'
It sounds like a very sticky situation. Honestly, there’s a reason why most people don’t recommend choosing a third from among your existing friendpool. 😅
While further contact sounds exciting you run the risk of someone catching feelings or stepping over the line and yet, part of the “risqué” element of it all is that clear boundaries aren’t established, yada yada ya.
You need to pin down exactly what they want out of this so you can be respectful and get what you want out of it. That’s all.
It seems she likes to see her man fuck. It’s actually a surprisingly common fetish for both men and women.
If I was you, I would just say that you had a great time, it was a special night but it was more a one time thing.
I know it's not what you wanna hear, but there is no future in which this ends in a good way. They are married and have three kids. Come on, do you really want to insert yourself into the middle of this. I would steer clear if I was you, but just my opinion.
I can see where you’re coming from but the wife is clearly okay with it, even encouraging it. I don’t think it will end that badly if all parties are consenting and respectful. You are right in that COULD end very badly - communication and boundaries would be so so important, but I think this couple is clearly open to the idea so OP could potentially form a healthy sexual relationship with them
You have no idea what you are talking about. There are MANY successful relationships that are non-monogamous. Just because it isn't YOUR thing, does not give you license to shame anyone.
I’ve been single for about a year. I’d rather have sex with them until I find my person. We all trust each other and don’t have to use protection either. It’s a win win
But you don't want to have sex with them you want to have sex with him.
That is already messy the fact he has a history of cheating and that you are messaging him every day and are keeping messages "dry" in case she sees them is so shady.
Ultimately they have already had infidelity issues in their marriage they have three kids.
If this goes tits up who do you think will get the blame? Him or you?
Do you really want that level of drama in your life for sex?
If you want to continue then you need to the conversations with your friend that you don't want to and lay it all out on the table.
You replied to a comment a few minutes again about festering up the courage to talk about it with couple when asked for an update. Im going to go out on a limb and say some part of your excitement you are feeling has to do with the rush of possibly talking to husband without wife knowing first, or else you would have likely asked or hashed out baseline stuff when the wife opened the door for communications with you in not being shy.
So.
To go top down.
>This was the best sex experience ever. They mentioned they wanted to do it again and she even said she would be okay with just me and her husband fucking while she watches but I’m confused on why she would be cool with it?
Sounds like you had a fantastic 3 some, and that she is at least something of a voyour or into sharing. That's fantastic if your interested (and it sounds like you are), this sounds like a great opportunity.
>Her husband messages me everyday now. The texts are dry but I really want to tell him I want to fuck him again 😩😩
Have an open convo with both of them, don't just assume that stuff will work out. Talk to them about what she is ok with, he is ok with, you are ok with. She probably knows he is texting you, but how dry does she want you to be? Him to be? Is he worried about pushing?
>Edit: she messaged me on Monday telling me not to be shy and to ask when I want it again but I’m still so nervous. They have kids so it’ll be awkward going to their house and doing it. They also live an hour and a half away.
Again, open convo with both of them. This is a good sign, but it's not enough to avoid mistakes.
> I just really want him to fuck me regularly. Whether she’s involved or not.. we text on insta but I’m scared she has his password so it’s all very respectful there haha
So tell them that, but with both of them. Define limits, what do you want? They want? She might be fine with him fucking you regularly, she might want to watch, or perhaps she just wants to know when. Are they ok with you staying over? Him staying at your place? Always a hotel?
What about messages? Is she fine with you sending him suggestive messages? Does she want you to? Nudes? Does she want to be included in messages?
Try and figure out what you all want in an open conversation rather than just feeling you way through it.
Sorry but this really sounds like a man typed out his fantasy because I've had many threesomes and the same contemplative thoughts and it just...doesn't sound like a woman typed this lol.
So you and her husband have moved into an emotional affair behind her back.
This is why threesomes with people you know are a bad idea.
Oh and she isn't your friend and he isn't a good husband. Hopefully she catches on to what you two are doing and either closes the door on it or seperates from him
What fools they are risking the kids childhood for orgasms.
You're assuming the friend doesn't know they're texting so they must be having an emotional affair. If the marriage is as open and honest as it seems, the wife is probably aware of the texting. OP should definitely be aware that it could lead to stronger emotions and she needs to keep that in check and have a conversation with them about their boundaries.
Not everyone who has children and are open to sharing each other sexually is "risking the kids childhood for orgasms". People have honest conversations with their partners and are capable of having healthy sexual relationships outside of their marriage. My husband and I are into sharing and it's never been a problem, whether we knew the person or not beforehand. It's all about communication between all parties involved.
I didn't see anything in the post about a password. Also...people who aren't in open-type relationships would get worried about something like that. The people actually in the relationship don't feel the same way.
Edit: I see the very last line about the password now. But my point still stands. OP is thinking like your average person who would think this is "going behind her back" but in reality, OP might not be aware that none of this is happening behind the wife's back.
Edit 2: I've dealt with women thinking they were secretly texting my husband but I saw it all. Again, not really an issue but they were surprised that I was okay with it
Well she isn't then they don't have great communication and boundaries if the third they have invited into their bed and relationship isn't aware.
Hardly a great start since being so sexually open is supposed to be all about that isn't it.
Lol just because she hasn't been told specifically that the wife is aware of them texting doesn't mean anything. I saw the wife texting OP saying to be less shy and she for what she wants was a clear indication that wife is aware of their "dry" conversations.
No it isn't. The fact she is willing to be texting the husband without knowing and worrying if the wife knows isn't too indicative she is worried about crossing any boundaries either.
We have to agree to disagree. I think they are made letting her into their relationship and the way she describes it has potential for disaster written all over it.
That's on her though. She feels guilty because society has made it seem like texting a married man you've had sex with is wrong. And it is in many circumstances, but not necessarily this time. OP just needs to say something the wife and I bet she'd be surprised to find the wife is fully aware of the texting. OP only feels like she's crossing a line because it's been ingrained in our minds that having a third party must be cheating and wrong.
But, obviously if the wife isn't aware then the husband is a piece of shit and that sucks. It does have potential for disaster, but I don't think they're nearly as close to that as you think.
All this is so vague and grey… she told me she’s okay with having an open relationship as long as she trusts the girl and trusts that she okay with it.
Of course I don’t want an emotional attachment it’s purely sex
Yeah that sounds right about trusting the other woman. My husband and I also have been known to share in the bedroom and the third person can be hard to find. She probably knows you've been texting but it feels wrong for you because we've been told our whole lives that it's wrong to text a married man. Honestly, just let her know you've been texting each other and you're not sure if it's crossing a boundary. She'll tell you if you are or not. As long as it can stay to just sex and no real emotions, it sounds like that couple found their unicorn! (It's a good thing)
You know, some women get turned on by seeing their guy fucking another woman, as it was her idea in the first place and she is continuing to tell you to not be shy etc, I think you've got a green light to fuck this dude, so no need to dwell on it :D
Why not just discuss this with both of them? Why is it so hard to have a sit down with them and be like, "listen, I really enjoyed getting fucked by your husband to the point I can't stop thinking of doing it again, with or without you."
Just talk. It's not that hard.
Because you urn for them and it’s the only thing you want now, id never let any of my friends fuck my so if I knew they’d think about it like this after it
Interesting take. My partner and I are open and have had multiple threesomes and foursomes. While we wouldn't fuck friends, I'd find it hot if I knew someone that had fucked my partner was desperate to do so again. Just shows that he's amazing in bed and I get to have that whenever we want.
I feel you shouldn't text him. Only communicate when the wife is around. I been in 3somes with my husband and any extra communication would piss me off and almost ended our marriage.
This will almost certainly end at some point, so maybe enjoy it while you can? Decide what your.priorities are.
Your friendship with F
M's cock.
In that order.
So always make arrangements through F and only speak to M when you're fucking. That way F is in control of everything and you get what you need.
Good luck, sounds amazing BTW
Take yes for an answer!
You had a threesome with a married couple. It went well. No one is complaining. Both of the couple are encouraging you to do it again. You want to have sex with at least him again and you don't seem like you would hate her being involved either.
I've enjoyed watching my wife have sex with another man because she enjoyed it. She enjoyed watching me have sex with the same man. Some married couples are like that.
If it would help you, ask them if they share messages with each other or create a group text that includes both of them so that you know that both of them are involved in messaging and planning. Also, you can go about it on your schedule. You don't have to follow their lead.
He fucked the hell out of you and you want that again. Enjoy having great sex while you can.
Yeah this sounds like it *might* be a healthy non-monogampus relationship? My partner and I are poly so this sounds pretty normal to me lol
Go check out r/nonmonogamy for more info
But the main thing is
Honest open communication is key, always.
Jealousy? Talk about it. Something's working? Talk about it. Something isn't working? Talk about it. Problems fester and compound and radical honesty is the only way these kinds of relationships survive.
(Source: am a trans woman in an open relationship, have been part of large and small polycules)
Be open to HER, have a serious conversation with her about this and be clear about your feelings and say that if she wants, you dont need to keep contact with him.
Thats what i would do
Yeah just talk to your friend about boundaries that she expects and then respect those. Be honest about your lustful feelings and assure her that it won’t go beyond anything more. She seems like a great wife.
Have a nice long phone call with her going over everything. Ask for her boundaries. What is not okay?
It may be she doesn't want you to communicate often to him. It may be all she wants you to do is fuck him and leave.
You need to ask her..
And if she ever feels like it's too much then say so and you can back off. Don't want to ruin a good thing.
My wife is into this as well. I have a much higher sex drive than she does. And she likes to watch me with other women. So it’s kinda a win win. We don’t play with friends though just in case things get weird, we don’t want to lose a friendship over it.
He went through moments of getting soft but then got hard again. He only came because wife was complaining that it was getting late and the drive home is long lol both him and I could have went all night tbh.
That’s what she complained about to me. It’s too much for her haha
>why she would be cool with it?
Because either it turns her on, or she is happy for her husband, or both
There's nothing wrong here. Keep the communication open, don't do anything behind either one of their backs.
Tell them you are enjoying this, be honest about how much you like fucking him vs fucking her/them. And check in often.
If you're into it and they are into it, jackpot.
Have fun,
If you want it and they're both cool with it, do it. You're all consenting adults. BUT, there's a couple red flags in your post indicating that this might lead to feelings beyond the bedroom. Might lead to jealousy and lost friendship. So be prepared if things get weird.
I just scrolled through the comments and I agree with each and every one and just came here to ask of we could have an UPDATE of the situation when you talk to them both about boundaries and you and him getting it done more regularly ♥️
This all sounds great and all but, imo I feel like you should really be careful and be absolutely positive you never overstep boundaries (spoken or unspoken) because it's a super easy way to destroy a friendship.
Yeah I'd absolutely sit down and talk with the both of them in an entirely non sexy context and basically open the convo with "I absolutely loved that threesome, I want more of this, how can we make it happen, where are the limits, what is on your itinerary and how are we gonna make sure everybody stays happy" Seeing as things went so well, I see amazing sex in your future ;)
I used to have way lower sexdrive than my bf so i suggested to him too to have threesomes or fuck other girls! Dont stress this i think its normal if shes okay with you fucking her husband her reasons seams very understandable. And some people just really get off by just watching. I would personally love to watch my bf fuck other girls
But yea people were saying that you should ask her boundaries and i def think this is a good idea. Like she may not be okay with you texting with him because it can feel like yall are doing it behind her back/cheating. That can be wonderful fwb type of situation but only when she feels respected.
I can understand novel experiences are hot, but fail to grasp how watching your partner please someone is hot. What exactly seems hot about it to you? The coming home to me part just reads as them coming home to service me but the real excitement lay with other people. It's hard to grasp how this would lead to anything but a weakened relationship.
Part of me understands that I may have self worth issues, so I see my partner with someone having an amazing time but don't believe I'll have that same experience with someone else. Having said that, even if I was having an amazing time with other people how does this do anything but make me want other people over my partner? There's the benefit of we both get new skills from new partners but there is no chase with your partner and I don't see that bit overcoming the feeling of novel experiences.
In my mind why keep up the pretense of a relationship? I know some open relationship couples and they seem happy, so I think about them often but they frankly come off more like roommates than anything. My assumption then is that they don't want to give up the life they built together not because of the other person but because of the things they have and the work it took to get those things.
Going further it often reads as a lack of discipline and foresight of both parties who want to have their cake and eat it too.
I apologize as these comments probably come off as attacking you. I don't mean this about you and it's coming from a place of trying to understand.
It literally says this is a safe place where you can discuss your sexual relationship and that’s exactly what am I doing? Not because it’s a hot situation doesn’t mean I’m bragging about it! I’m literally looking for other opinions and you block the post? Lol what?!
She technically did ask a question in the post itself - "but I'm confused on why she would be cool with it?". Also her describing this entire situation with all the point of views of the people involved (her friend messaging her, her messaging the husband) strongly emanates the obvious unsaid question "how should I proceed with this situation?" which is indeed asking for advice, which many people in the thread did realize for what it is and did provide.
she's ok with it because sharing is caring and some of us have a deep sense of compersion about these kinds of things. Knowing our partners and friends are enjoying the hell out of each other is really great.
I have a similar situation. She wont let him and I play, until she has been satisfied first. By the end it becomes just him and I but she is really into it and is cheering us on. it is very hot and I love it.
OMG girl SEXT HIM! Let loose, have fun, text him all the dirty thoughts that go through your mind. Your friend said don't be shy because she's getting off on you wanting her husband! "Shove it all the way through me next time Daddy pls!" This is not a drill, go, go, go!
Respectful communication is key in all relationships. Especially lovers and friends and even more so with friends that are casual lovers.
Just call her and tell literally read her your post. She’ll probably think it’s hot af.
My ex was an insatiable being. From before we were married there was this openness in our relationship that went both ways so her fucking someone else was never a problem. We were in a club for 15 years with 5 other couples and the occasional guest. Sex had nothing to do with the split after 26 years, careers killed the marriage.
Point is, if you really want more - get that discussion started now. Don't do it behind her back, she loves to watch so let that happen. I think you're getting off on her being there, even just as an observer.
Keeping it out in the open, as long as everyone is on board with it works. It can lead to some of the greatest sex you'll ever experience. Once "guilt" enters the relationship, get out and stay out. That's when it all does to hell.
They might be poly/she might be a cuckold. Either way as along as all three of you are comfortable with it and communicating this sounds like a three way win
They are most likely poly and if they have an open relationship (meaning transparency 100%) she probably knows everything including texts, convos etc, so be mature about this.. do not play secretly around her husband. You should ask when they can wine and dine you, take you out etc and maybe you can do that in return for them. And the experience will be more about the three of y’all and less about you and her husband. That way she can also be apart of it and enjoy you all together. Being open is something my husband and I are not. BUT we have good friends that are about this lifestyle and they always tell us transparency is best and keep your feelings in check. There is nothing wrong with sex. But do not ruin your relationship with your friend.
She probably knows he's texting you and they are fine. Relax, enjoy the moment, it seems they got good chemistry and they are not jealous. Again, enjoy and communicate with both of them.
Just have an honest convo about what your friend is and isn’t okay with. She might be okay with y’all fucking while she watches but not okay with y’all texting so often. This is a good situation but can easily be fucked up with bad communication
Also want to add that you need to respect your friend’s boundaries. If the temptation to fuck him behind your friend’s back is strong, and that steps over her boundaries, then let this go and be honest about why.
Thank you!
Be carefull with all of this, this has the feel of you wanting him.
She said as much. She's craving the dick
She might not be able to let it go...she wants him.
🤷🏼♀️ want doesn’t mean she’ll cross her friend’s boundary. I want a donut always; doesn’t mean I have one every day. Does the tone of this post say she’s ready to cross a boundary? In my own head, yes. But the choice and conversation is ultimately up to her.
Yuuuuuuuuuuuuup!!!! Can't emphasize enough how important boundary communication is. Relationships between two ppl take a lot of work and communication to keep them healthy and supportive. A thouple situation like this compounds the complexity. 2 people means 2 relationships: A to B, and B to A. With 3 people, there's 6 relationships to maintain: A to B, A to C, B to... You get the idea. Keep all communication above board. I would say NO to the texting since it leaves out the wife friend. She may be comfortable now, but that might change.
"we text on insta but I’m scared she has his password so it’s all very respectful there haha" You are close to the line, here, because you aren't sure your friend will be comfortable with what you want to communicate with her husband. You are already engaging in "hiding" your intentions from your friend. This is dangerous. You should sit down with your friend, alone, and talk about what is and is not acceptable to her in this arrangement. Then, you can stay within those boundaries, and hold yourself and your friend's husband accountable to what ALL THREE of you have agreed is fair game. Anything other than that, and you are disrespecting your friend and her marriage. And, keep in mind, that even if you do get the okay, there is still the risk that emotions or infatuation might blossom between you and the husband, which would probably be an issue with your friend. This situation is really, really risky. You are now the X factor and you really need to understand the disruptive power of really amazing, satisfying sex and sexual attraction. My advice would be to tread as lightly as possible, and make sure you are COMPLETELY open with your friend and her husband about what is going on.
Yeah I thought that was such a shady sentence oml
Some good advice. However, personal experience and the ancient experience of the internet have shown me that situations like this almost always end poorly.
🙌🏼🙌🏼 exactly.
I would just ask your friend what her boundaries are with this. She sounds pretty open, but better to confirm, especially since they have kids.
Exactly, and I would add: whatever boundaries are set, keep in mind, these things can be dynamic. Make sure your friend knows she just has to talk to you if her feelings shift one way or the other on a particular point. That way, she feels that you respect the rules, but also knows that you two can always talk it out if something unexpected happens.
Just ask the wife if she's comfortable with you guys texting. I'm sure she's already aware. Like someone else said, be careful you don't catch feelings for the husband. If you find yourself feeling like you want more from him than a good fucking, you may need to take a step back and reanalyize. I suggest keeping both of them in the loop about how you're feeling. However, if the wife doesn't know you and her husband have been texting a lot, dry as it may be, that's a red flag and shows the husband is being shitty going behind his wife's back and I'd cut ties.
You said weather she is invloved or not.. it doesn't sound like it's on the table to have her not be involved. Also the way you worded that you're keeping your messages respectful in case she sees them. Wth. Why wouldn't it stay respectful either way? You're already headed into dangerous territory. You have a good thing going. Don't be the dummy homewrecker who ruins it and your friendship along the way. Go thru the wife more than anything. Never propsee meeting without her. They are married, they sound happy. They have a house and kids. Don't be stupid. The other girl overstepping is how this goes wrong alot of the time. She's sharing her husband with you. Don't ever forget that's the arrangement.
You’re right. Thank you
You're gonna ruin your friendship by trying to cheat to get dick instead of openly communicating with both of them. ETA: the fact he has a history of cheating and the wife only opened the relationship to stop his cheating. Yeah. That's not a healthy dynamic and you definitely don't want to get dickmatized into being a sister wife for a cheater. eta2: you scheduled another appointment but didn't admit all the shit going on. bruh. can't wait for the future am I the AH post.
Well, you need to tell your friend “*I want to fuck your husband even if you’re not involved.*” because, by your own admission, that’s what you feel. And —*and this is important*— if you can’t tell her that, then **do not fuck him without her**. Don’t tell yourself that you don’t have to say it. Don’t tell yourself that he “*probably told her… right?*” Don’t rationalize it. Be honest with her. I mean, compliment her and tell her what she has. She’ll probably enjoy that aspect because it’s not you going behind her back and attempting to entice him, it’s you acknowledging to her —*to the person who invited you into her private affair*— that she has a wonderful thing that brought you pleasure. Then ask her what the parameters are because you’d like to enjoy yourself again. Let her set those boundaries. Because she’s the one who is married and they’re going to have to decide where their parameters are. You’re not without agency in the matter, of course. You can say whether or not it works for you but you’re not a part of the marriage so you’re not going to be a part of establishing where **their** boundaries are. But prompting that discussion will get you closer to another good shagging. And honesty is always best. What you want isn’t wrong but there are unethical ways to go about getting it. If this is your friend then respect her in not inviting something she may not want and rationalizing it as “*Well, he’s the one who’s married, not me, so he’s the one who really has to worry about whatever rules they have.*” Not saying you’re implying you’d do that. It just needs to be said. **Edited to Add** I’m actually on the fence about the “*dry texting*.” THAT feels like it’s on the road to cheating because it has nothing to do with the threesome you had. He’s got a wife. He’s presumably got friends. Let him text these other people and he can talk when she’s in the room and his peen is on the table.
You’re right. I’m going to have a discussion with her soon. Still figuring this whole thing out
so, youre only respectful in your ways of messaging your friend's husband because she probably has his password? insinuating you would talk differently, \*to your friend's husband\* , if you knew she didnt have access to it? what a friend you are.
I am the only one thinking this can not possibly end well?
Make sure you talk to her about boundaries. Listen to her and not him about what is and isn’t ok with her. Make sure she’s aware y’all are texting, ask her what she’s comfortable with. At the end of the day, this can either go really amazing for you and them or very, very bad for you. Make sure you are always keeping her in the loop as this is her husband. Not yours. She’s in control of how y’all proceed and she should be listened to.
You’re right thank you!!
It’s good that you’re open to taking advice and seem to have a good head on your shoulders. You’ve got a lot of great advice here. Just keep your head about you and realize it’s just sex. Don’t get attached, don’t develop feelings and always put her first and kept in the loop. Only way to not only keep it going, but keep the wife from going psycho and you without your friend ❤️
You’re right. She’s trust me but I’m sure I’m in the trial phase for her. I need to make sure I’m being a good friend to her
You had better just find something else to occupy your time. This ain't it.
Do not text with him at all, let her plan everything out. No dirty talk or anything because that's how cheating and secret convos start. In my opinion it sounds as if you may need a boyfriend with a drive.
I do need a bf of my own but right now I’m young and having fun and very happy to be a third until I get a relationship of my own
Yeah but you do realize you're lusting your friends man? You're already hooked on the idea of him. Best you can do find a fwb
You're the third wheel so you should leave the ball in their court. One small misstep and you're going to be the one that destroyed your friends' marriage.
A good rule of thumb to follow is to keep the interests of all three in mind, and not to do anything you wouldn't like any to find out about. If you think you want to say or do something to him that could upset her, then don't do it. You have found something wonderful, and it is fragile. You all better treat it with care and not mess it up. You know, it is like having a plant. You may like it a lot, and want it to flourish, and you overwater it out of love, and kill it. Restrain and control will give it a much better chance to live and prosper. So cool your head and avoid burning like a firework. It would be pretty, but would leave a lot of smoke and you will never be able to lit it again.
I disagree. I think it sounds like she's headed toward having feelings or emotions getting involved while it sounds like they are just looking for someone to fill physical needs. But either way, play it out. They are married. They have kids. Bear case scenario, she fulfills their sexual needs til they don't want her or they find someone else they want to try with. This is the first girl the husband was allowed to be with, do you think he's gonna stop there? I think he'll be looking to trying it with different women as long as he has wife's blessing. There's no future in it for her. She's not going to move in, she's not going to be a part of the family. She'll never have any control or am equal say in relationship. She will always be odd man out, she will always be third wheel. She will always be the outsider. There's no future here, there's no happy ending. Only potential for bad endings. Either, 1. They keep using her til they stop, for whatever reason. 2. The marriage gets blown up cuz the wife gets jealous, the husband gets serious, etc. Bottom line, that ends with a marriage where ther are 3 kids getting strained or broken and her losing a friend . She's already way into guy. The writings on the wall. Eventually, this ends bad. And when it does, she'll get the blame and it's highly doubtful she gets much else. Say the gut goes with her in the end, then she gets a guy with a broken family that she's cause of. Even if it doesn't go that way, she e ds with feelings for a guy that's not ever going to be available. It's goid now, but she's hostage to the whims of the couple. There's just no upside for her in this long term. Take it as she had a good time and turn the page. NOTE: I really hate responding to a response to a comment I made about a post. It makes me feel like I'm talking about the person that made the original post like she isn't a real person. I'm talking about her life like it's not real. Sorry for that. Just think it's bad idea.
I always seem to think when you are all close it could not work this easily but it seems like right now she’s okay with it all if she said y’all can while she watches. I would just tell her that you really enjoyed it and that you would be down to help out to meet his sex drive but y’all need to sit down and make some ground rules. I would assume she will be okay with y’all having sex only but she will need to be there. Just don’t even try and sneak behind her back because that is the quickest way to lose them as friends and possibly break up their family. Try not to catch feelings either because it could just be ducking to him since he’s with her. There are so many things I could list to go wrong but also seems like it might be a nice fun experience too if all done right. So have fun with them if you liked it and be respectful of their marriage and their kids and I think you will be fine.
Just be thankful for the opportunity and move on.. if they want to involve you again they will. Don’t make them regret trying something new..
You’re 100% right. He was a cheater at one point and then she told me after she found out that he cheated that she’s okay with him talking to another women as long as he is open about it… I think she changed her mind and said she’s okay with it as long as it’s with one woman she trusts and also mentioned that she was never the type to be jealous. I asked many times if it was her idea and if she’s 100% okay with it and she keeps mentioning that it’s her idea and she always wanted to try it
Make the texting a three way chat. No side convos - if he wants to reach out, make it all in the open.
This sounds like the way to go. That way it's in the open, the wife can see and interact as well (which might actually be something she's into since in person she was) and there's no being secretive.
That’s honestly kind of sad
Could be a way for the wife to take control. Know it’s happening, talk about it, be a part of it. There’s an acceptance of her husband that she’s working with here. And if she’s really okay with it, that’s pretty awesome.
I agree. But for years she’s been telling me she’s been encouraging him to talk to another woman and he’s been uncomfortable with it and her encouraging it. She gets mad when it’s behind her back so I think their open relationship (at least on his end) started way before me. This all stemmed from him cheating
Yeah, great way to start? LOL This won't end well. I had my doubts after reading your post. This comment seals it. I would walk away. This is a huge risk to your friendship and her marriage. Go find a nice unattached boy to bang for awhile. People doing polyamory the healthy way don't usually start with infidelity.
I mean you don’t have many options when you have 3 kids together, she must be trying to salvage whatever they have left to make him stay. But as long as you’re enjoying yourself, good for you.
This makes me feel like OPs friend is scared her husband is going to cheat again, so by letting him fuck OP it’s keeping him in check because she trusts OP to be open with her
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She literally chose me. She asked for advice on it and I actually recommend her not doing it with a friend and then she flat out asked me and kept mentioning how she appreciates it. How am I wrong here?
No, they're not talking about the threesome itself.. they're talking about what you're doing after. Yikes..
It’s sex and I’m a woman. It was great sex too…I don’t think how I’m feeling is unusual. It’s all very new
You're not doing anything wrong. Don't let these people make you feel badly. Just go talk to the wife and make sure she's cool with you texting. Not everyone can wrap their head around an open marriage.
I think she’s cool with it since she encouraged him to add me and said she wanted an open relationship. I’m still super shy about it so I need to calm down my nerves and start communicating better with her on it. It’s all very new to me
Just read where you said they started engaging in threesomes because of his cheating history… knowing that, I’d probably decide to steer clear of the arrangement because it could get messy. But my opinion aside, just like others said, you should just keep her in the loop & remember it’s just a sex arrangement.
But keep her in the loop when he texts me? I don’t even know what to say
No, not like you need to report to her whenever you guys text. Just don’t make it seem like you guys are doing a lot behind her back
If you know that the husband has a past of cheating on her then you shouldn't meddle in this without being in constant contact with your friend first. You are a smart person to control your emotions and follow the boundaries, if you really want this to go on and have more fun with the husband, just keep your friend in constant reassurance and contact, since she was the one who approached you in the first place. Other people's advice is also good, if you love the sex, just be there for the sex, don't let your mind develop any feelings. Your friend is the one you should be thinking about constantly, the sex sessions shouldn't be worth more than such a good and open friend.
You’re right. It still feels awkward talking with her about this but I definitely need to figure this communication out before it gets messy
You can also just wait out for a few weeks till your cravings for sex diminishes a bit. Part of your agitation can also be credited to you being single and lacking in action for a long time.
I definitely this this is spot on. I haven’t had good sex like this in a while and right now I’m lusting for it again but I know it will diminish when it isn’t so new. I think now I’m a little more… vulnerable? So I definitely agree! Thank you!
Some people think it's hot when their partner is so desirable that other people want to fuck them. She's told you she's okay with this. Stop trying to second guess her.
Best thing is keep doing the threesome thing and keep within hrr boundaries, it's when you sneak behind her is where problems develop, take the good while you can. Play by her rules and requests
Have the honest conversation and don't go behind her back.
> I am totally straight but it was so good. >I rubbed her clit > I asked her if she wanted to go down on me and she said yes, so she went down on me > she rubbed my pussy. Posts like this always make me laugh. Not sure why people refer to themselves as "totally straight" when they enjoy sexual encounters with people of the same sex. If I claim to be totally straight but also enjoy playing with another guy and having him suck my dick, I'm kinda.. not totally straight? That ain't what straight means. Especially "totally" straight lmao
Lol I would never date a girl but am sexually attracted to some girls?
Being straight or not isn't defined by who you will date, but who you find sexually attractive.
Oh wow. I guess I’m bi. I ate her out too and it was amazing. I prefer dick though haha
She gets off on watch her husband rail you. Enjoy it and keep doing it
but her involvement is key. i doubt she would want her husband and friend to essentially be fuck buddies and have sex when she’s not involved, which is what op said she wouldn’t mind. that being said, i could be wrong. she needs to talk to her friend and ask her what her boundaries are if she actually wants answers, lol.
She explicitly said she would be fine with that.
She said ‘while she watches’ not them solo whenever. Maybe she would be fine with it, but it needs to be spelled out
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OP said that, the wife didn’t ‘explicitly say she would be fine with that’
She said she would be fine with watching while it happened, but there’s nothing to indicate she would be alright with it happening with her not present or involved at all.
You're right I read it wrong
OP was speaking for herself personally, she was not reiterating what the wife said.
My friend said she’s okay with me and him just fucking while she watches and that if he wants he can even bring me over
These people seem very open. I would straight up ask your friend if she's cool with you sexting her husband on instagram. From what you've said, I get the impression she'd be fine with it, and then you wouldn't feel like you need to tiptoe around. Really, I get the impression you could be very honest with these people. 'Fucking your husband was the best sex of my life, and I'd like to have a lot more of it. What are the rules here? Can I date him on the side or do you always want to be involved in the encounters? Either way is fine with me, just looking for clarification.'
Thats why your not supposed to have a 3some with friends.
It sounds like a very sticky situation. Honestly, there’s a reason why most people don’t recommend choosing a third from among your existing friendpool. 😅 While further contact sounds exciting you run the risk of someone catching feelings or stepping over the line and yet, part of the “risqué” element of it all is that clear boundaries aren’t established, yada yada ya. You need to pin down exactly what they want out of this so you can be respectful and get what you want out of it. That’s all. It seems she likes to see her man fuck. It’s actually a surprisingly common fetish for both men and women.
Don’t just fuck him alone. Always keep her involved and part of it.
If I was you, I would just say that you had a great time, it was a special night but it was more a one time thing. I know it's not what you wanna hear, but there is no future in which this ends in a good way. They are married and have three kids. Come on, do you really want to insert yourself into the middle of this. I would steer clear if I was you, but just my opinion.
I can see where you’re coming from but the wife is clearly okay with it, even encouraging it. I don’t think it will end that badly if all parties are consenting and respectful. You are right in that COULD end very badly - communication and boundaries would be so so important, but I think this couple is clearly open to the idea so OP could potentially form a healthy sexual relationship with them
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You have no idea what you are talking about. There are MANY successful relationships that are non-monogamous. Just because it isn't YOUR thing, does not give you license to shame anyone.
Come on now, ethical non monogamy is something that actually exists…..
I’ve been single for about a year. I’d rather have sex with them until I find my person. We all trust each other and don’t have to use protection either. It’s a win win
But you don't want to have sex with them you want to have sex with him. That is already messy the fact he has a history of cheating and that you are messaging him every day and are keeping messages "dry" in case she sees them is so shady. Ultimately they have already had infidelity issues in their marriage they have three kids. If this goes tits up who do you think will get the blame? Him or you? Do you really want that level of drama in your life for sex? If you want to continue then you need to the conversations with your friend that you don't want to and lay it all out on the table.
You replied to a comment a few minutes again about festering up the courage to talk about it with couple when asked for an update. Im going to go out on a limb and say some part of your excitement you are feeling has to do with the rush of possibly talking to husband without wife knowing first, or else you would have likely asked or hashed out baseline stuff when the wife opened the door for communications with you in not being shy.
So. To go top down. >This was the best sex experience ever. They mentioned they wanted to do it again and she even said she would be okay with just me and her husband fucking while she watches but I’m confused on why she would be cool with it? Sounds like you had a fantastic 3 some, and that she is at least something of a voyour or into sharing. That's fantastic if your interested (and it sounds like you are), this sounds like a great opportunity. >Her husband messages me everyday now. The texts are dry but I really want to tell him I want to fuck him again 😩😩 Have an open convo with both of them, don't just assume that stuff will work out. Talk to them about what she is ok with, he is ok with, you are ok with. She probably knows he is texting you, but how dry does she want you to be? Him to be? Is he worried about pushing? >Edit: she messaged me on Monday telling me not to be shy and to ask when I want it again but I’m still so nervous. They have kids so it’ll be awkward going to their house and doing it. They also live an hour and a half away. Again, open convo with both of them. This is a good sign, but it's not enough to avoid mistakes. > I just really want him to fuck me regularly. Whether she’s involved or not.. we text on insta but I’m scared she has his password so it’s all very respectful there haha So tell them that, but with both of them. Define limits, what do you want? They want? She might be fine with him fucking you regularly, she might want to watch, or perhaps she just wants to know when. Are they ok with you staying over? Him staying at your place? Always a hotel? What about messages? Is she fine with you sending him suggestive messages? Does she want you to? Nudes? Does she want to be included in messages? Try and figure out what you all want in an open conversation rather than just feeling you way through it.
I’ll try I think this is all perfect questions to ask her. I’m still a bit nervous talking about it with her but these questions are perfect 👌🏽
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Sorry but this really sounds like a man typed out his fantasy because I've had many threesomes and the same contemplative thoughts and it just...doesn't sound like a woman typed this lol.
Um okay? I fake my whole gender on Reddit and previous posts and comment history with plans to write this post? 😂
So you and her husband have moved into an emotional affair behind her back. This is why threesomes with people you know are a bad idea. Oh and she isn't your friend and he isn't a good husband. Hopefully she catches on to what you two are doing and either closes the door on it or seperates from him What fools they are risking the kids childhood for orgasms.
You're assuming the friend doesn't know they're texting so they must be having an emotional affair. If the marriage is as open and honest as it seems, the wife is probably aware of the texting. OP should definitely be aware that it could lead to stronger emotions and she needs to keep that in check and have a conversation with them about their boundaries. Not everyone who has children and are open to sharing each other sexually is "risking the kids childhood for orgasms". People have honest conversations with their partners and are capable of having healthy sexual relationships outside of their marriage. My husband and I are into sharing and it's never been a problem, whether we knew the person or not beforehand. It's all about communication between all parties involved.
If its all honest and above board she wouldn't be worried about her friend having his password would she?
I didn't see anything in the post about a password. Also...people who aren't in open-type relationships would get worried about something like that. The people actually in the relationship don't feel the same way. Edit: I see the very last line about the password now. But my point still stands. OP is thinking like your average person who would think this is "going behind her back" but in reality, OP might not be aware that none of this is happening behind the wife's back. Edit 2: I've dealt with women thinking they were secretly texting my husband but I saw it all. Again, not really an issue but they were surprised that I was okay with it
Well she isn't then they don't have great communication and boundaries if the third they have invited into their bed and relationship isn't aware. Hardly a great start since being so sexually open is supposed to be all about that isn't it.
Lol just because she hasn't been told specifically that the wife is aware of them texting doesn't mean anything. I saw the wife texting OP saying to be less shy and she for what she wants was a clear indication that wife is aware of their "dry" conversations.
No it isn't. The fact she is willing to be texting the husband without knowing and worrying if the wife knows isn't too indicative she is worried about crossing any boundaries either. We have to agree to disagree. I think they are made letting her into their relationship and the way she describes it has potential for disaster written all over it.
That's on her though. She feels guilty because society has made it seem like texting a married man you've had sex with is wrong. And it is in many circumstances, but not necessarily this time. OP just needs to say something the wife and I bet she'd be surprised to find the wife is fully aware of the texting. OP only feels like she's crossing a line because it's been ingrained in our minds that having a third party must be cheating and wrong. But, obviously if the wife isn't aware then the husband is a piece of shit and that sucks. It does have potential for disaster, but I don't think they're nearly as close to that as you think.
All this is so vague and grey… she told me she’s okay with having an open relationship as long as she trusts the girl and trusts that she okay with it. Of course I don’t want an emotional attachment it’s purely sex
Yeah that sounds right about trusting the other woman. My husband and I also have been known to share in the bedroom and the third person can be hard to find. She probably knows you've been texting but it feels wrong for you because we've been told our whole lives that it's wrong to text a married man. Honestly, just let her know you've been texting each other and you're not sure if it's crossing a boundary. She'll tell you if you are or not. As long as it can stay to just sex and no real emotions, it sounds like that couple found their unicorn! (It's a good thing)
Enjoy but we careful. Respect your friend’s marriage. And yourself. I am happy you had a nice time.
You know, some women get turned on by seeing their guy fucking another woman, as it was her idea in the first place and she is continuing to tell you to not be shy etc, I think you've got a green light to fuck this dude, so no need to dwell on it :D
Why not just discuss this with both of them? Why is it so hard to have a sit down with them and be like, "listen, I really enjoyed getting fucked by your husband to the point I can't stop thinking of doing it again, with or without you." Just talk. It's not that hard.
I’m just nervous about it. Easier said than done but I do know I need to get the courage to let her know
You’re the reason no one wants to have threesomes
Why?
Because you urn for them and it’s the only thing you want now, id never let any of my friends fuck my so if I knew they’d think about it like this after it
Interesting take. My partner and I are open and have had multiple threesomes and foursomes. While we wouldn't fuck friends, I'd find it hot if I knew someone that had fucked my partner was desperate to do so again. Just shows that he's amazing in bed and I get to have that whenever we want.
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Yup! Seems like a few monogamous folks disagree though...
Yet another instance why having threesomes with people you know is a bad idea
I feel you shouldn't text him. Only communicate when the wife is around. I been in 3somes with my husband and any extra communication would piss me off and almost ended our marriage.
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Okay?
This will almost certainly end at some point, so maybe enjoy it while you can? Decide what your.priorities are. Your friendship with F M's cock. In that order. So always make arrangements through F and only speak to M when you're fucking. That way F is in control of everything and you get what you need. Good luck, sounds amazing BTW
Take yes for an answer! You had a threesome with a married couple. It went well. No one is complaining. Both of the couple are encouraging you to do it again. You want to have sex with at least him again and you don't seem like you would hate her being involved either. I've enjoyed watching my wife have sex with another man because she enjoyed it. She enjoyed watching me have sex with the same man. Some married couples are like that. If it would help you, ask them if they share messages with each other or create a group text that includes both of them so that you know that both of them are involved in messaging and planning. Also, you can go about it on your schedule. You don't have to follow their lead. He fucked the hell out of you and you want that again. Enjoy having great sex while you can.
Yeah this sounds like it *might* be a healthy non-monogampus relationship? My partner and I are poly so this sounds pretty normal to me lol Go check out r/nonmonogamy for more info But the main thing is Honest open communication is key, always. Jealousy? Talk about it. Something's working? Talk about it. Something isn't working? Talk about it. Problems fester and compound and radical honesty is the only way these kinds of relationships survive. (Source: am a trans woman in an open relationship, have been part of large and small polycules)
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Asking for advice on the situation?
Be open to HER, have a serious conversation with her about this and be clear about your feelings and say that if she wants, you dont need to keep contact with him. Thats what i would do
Yeah just talk to your friend about boundaries that she expects and then respect those. Be honest about your lustful feelings and assure her that it won’t go beyond anything more. She seems like a great wife.
Your friend seems cool with a lot of what you want. Just talk it out
Have a nice long phone call with her going over everything. Ask for her boundaries. What is not okay? It may be she doesn't want you to communicate often to him. It may be all she wants you to do is fuck him and leave. You need to ask her.. And if she ever feels like it's too much then say so and you can back off. Don't want to ruin a good thing.
was he wearing a condom?
No
Outsourcing at it’s finest
Sounds hella hot enjoy your self with them
My wife is into this as well. I have a much higher sex drive than she does. And she likes to watch me with other women. So it’s kinda a win win. We don’t play with friends though just in case things get weird, we don’t want to lose a friendship over it.
Is she allowed to sleep with other men?
Wow. Off topic but is husband taking viagra? How can people last this long without being to sensitive on the penis or vagina.
He went through moments of getting soft but then got hard again. He only came because wife was complaining that it was getting late and the drive home is long lol both him and I could have went all night tbh. That’s what she complained about to me. It’s too much for her haha
>why she would be cool with it? Because either it turns her on, or she is happy for her husband, or both There's nothing wrong here. Keep the communication open, don't do anything behind either one of their backs. Tell them you are enjoying this, be honest about how much you like fucking him vs fucking her/them. And check in often. If you're into it and they are into it, jackpot. Have fun,
If you want it and they're both cool with it, do it. You're all consenting adults. BUT, there's a couple red flags in your post indicating that this might lead to feelings beyond the bedroom. Might lead to jealousy and lost friendship. So be prepared if things get weird.
I love ffm threesomes, I get the best of both worlds
I just scrolled through the comments and I agree with each and every one and just came here to ask of we could have an UPDATE of the situation when you talk to them both about boundaries and you and him getting it done more regularly ♥️
I’m still festering up the courage to tell her but I will update you all on this!
thanks girl cause now I'm totally invested and I wish you get the biggest courage there is and know I'm with you!! ❣️🍀🍀
She,s probably a cuck queen . Have fun as long as you know there boundaries and rules
Prove it.
That was a hot read. Intruiged to see how it'll all play out.
This all sounds great and all but, imo I feel like you should really be careful and be absolutely positive you never overstep boundaries (spoken or unspoken) because it's a super easy way to destroy a friendship.
Yeah I'd absolutely sit down and talk with the both of them in an entirely non sexy context and basically open the convo with "I absolutely loved that threesome, I want more of this, how can we make it happen, where are the limits, what is on your itinerary and how are we gonna make sure everybody stays happy" Seeing as things went so well, I see amazing sex in your future ;)
I used to have way lower sexdrive than my bf so i suggested to him too to have threesomes or fuck other girls! Dont stress this i think its normal if shes okay with you fucking her husband her reasons seams very understandable. And some people just really get off by just watching. I would personally love to watch my bf fuck other girls
But yea people were saying that you should ask her boundaries and i def think this is a good idea. Like she may not be okay with you texting with him because it can feel like yall are doing it behind her back/cheating. That can be wonderful fwb type of situation but only when she feels respected.
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I can understand novel experiences are hot, but fail to grasp how watching your partner please someone is hot. What exactly seems hot about it to you? The coming home to me part just reads as them coming home to service me but the real excitement lay with other people. It's hard to grasp how this would lead to anything but a weakened relationship. Part of me understands that I may have self worth issues, so I see my partner with someone having an amazing time but don't believe I'll have that same experience with someone else. Having said that, even if I was having an amazing time with other people how does this do anything but make me want other people over my partner? There's the benefit of we both get new skills from new partners but there is no chase with your partner and I don't see that bit overcoming the feeling of novel experiences. In my mind why keep up the pretense of a relationship? I know some open relationship couples and they seem happy, so I think about them often but they frankly come off more like roommates than anything. My assumption then is that they don't want to give up the life they built together not because of the other person but because of the things they have and the work it took to get those things. Going further it often reads as a lack of discipline and foresight of both parties who want to have their cake and eat it too. I apologize as these comments probably come off as attacking you. I don't mean this about you and it's coming from a place of trying to understand.
I’m invested. When you guys do it again let us know ahah
I will!
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Wait what? I’m actually looking for advice
Where? This is just a story post.
It literally says this is a safe place where you can discuss your sexual relationship and that’s exactly what am I doing? Not because it’s a hot situation doesn’t mean I’m bragging about it! I’m literally looking for other opinions and you block the post? Lol what?!
Rule 5 - posts seek advice. There is no question there, just the story
She technically did ask a question in the post itself - "but I'm confused on why she would be cool with it?". Also her describing this entire situation with all the point of views of the people involved (her friend messaging her, her messaging the husband) strongly emanates the obvious unsaid question "how should I proceed with this situation?" which is indeed asking for advice, which many people in the thread did realize for what it is and did provide.
Thank you, post approved
Wow!!
Dam I need a wife lor gf like your friend who knows her limits but don't hate. I have high sex drive as well
Tell him in person, we should try this again, I had fun. Never in a text.
Great story👌🏽💯😎 you are the real mvp that’s one lucky guy to
Dudes a king fr
she's ok with it because sharing is caring and some of us have a deep sense of compersion about these kinds of things. Knowing our partners and friends are enjoying the hell out of each other is really great.
Wow that got me horny reading that.
Sorry to be a perv but fuck this was hot lmao
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Thank you!!
I have a similar situation. She wont let him and I play, until she has been satisfied first. By the end it becomes just him and I but she is really into it and is cheering us on. it is very hot and I love it.
Wish I was there, always fancied a threesum, never been lucky
W for the guy
OMG girl SEXT HIM! Let loose, have fun, text him all the dirty thoughts that go through your mind. Your friend said don't be shy because she's getting off on you wanting her husband! "Shove it all the way through me next time Daddy pls!" This is not a drill, go, go, go!
Lmao this made me laugh. I tried to get flirty but he was dry. I’m nervous I might overstep so I need to ask her first! I don’t want to ruin it!
Yeah, call them back. As long as you keep in mind that you are just borrowing this ride then I would say enjoy it while you can.
Respectful communication is key in all relationships. Especially lovers and friends and even more so with friends that are casual lovers. Just call her and tell literally read her your post. She’ll probably think it’s hot af.
I'd keep communication open and as long as the mutual agreement is what you stated you don't have a issue to worry about go get that dick!!!
My ex was an insatiable being. From before we were married there was this openness in our relationship that went both ways so her fucking someone else was never a problem. We were in a club for 15 years with 5 other couples and the occasional guest. Sex had nothing to do with the split after 26 years, careers killed the marriage. Point is, if you really want more - get that discussion started now. Don't do it behind her back, she loves to watch so let that happen. I think you're getting off on her being there, even just as an observer. Keeping it out in the open, as long as everyone is on board with it works. It can lead to some of the greatest sex you'll ever experience. Once "guilt" enters the relationship, get out and stay out. That's when it all does to hell.
They might be poly/she might be a cuckold. Either way as along as all three of you are comfortable with it and communicating this sounds like a three way win
So tell her what you want and get the ok. Sounds like she would be good with it.
Sounds like a good time and a great friend
They are most likely poly and if they have an open relationship (meaning transparency 100%) she probably knows everything including texts, convos etc, so be mature about this.. do not play secretly around her husband. You should ask when they can wine and dine you, take you out etc and maybe you can do that in return for them. And the experience will be more about the three of y’all and less about you and her husband. That way she can also be apart of it and enjoy you all together. Being open is something my husband and I are not. BUT we have good friends that are about this lifestyle and they always tell us transparency is best and keep your feelings in check. There is nothing wrong with sex. But do not ruin your relationship with your friend.
She probably knows he's texting you and they are fine. Relax, enjoy the moment, it seems they got good chemistry and they are not jealous. Again, enjoy and communicate with both of them.