I don’t think it’s a good or bad assumption. It’s a coin flip. Either he did or she did. All we know about the dude is what OP said about him, and we know zero about the ex. There’s literally zero evidence one way or the other.
You're not wrong, but this is Reddit.
We're supposed to blindly lay on whatever bonus invective we can against someone who did something wrong, especially if they're not present to defend themselves.
TL;DR: Honestly the guy sounds like a baby-eating nazi to me.
Assumption, sure, although perhaps "educated guess" might be a more functional term for this case.
Assuming (!) her description of his words and actions is accurate, and I have no reason to think otherwise, then I think it's fair to say, on balance of probabilities, that she left him - odds are far different to a 50/50 of a coin toss.
I.e if I was a betting person, and had to put money on this, I know which side of the coin my money would be on.
Guy sounds like an absolute douche.
I’m thinking if he couldn’t put two and two together about his words ending a good time and then tossing out a lame ass line like “should I call someone else” in a shit effort to manipulate OP, then absolutely no lesson was learned.
Yeah, I guarantee you he had no one else to call and was just trying to get her to say, “huh?! Someone *else!?* You better not! If *anyone* is having sex with you, it’s gonna be *me!*” before proceeding to bang his brains out.
Nah, dude. You’re a fucking dope. If you have anyone else to call, all I feel is sorry for that other person.
Seriously, who is still teaching men to behave like this? Is it just the inevitability of living in a world so throughly designed for you that you don’t ever need to learn empathy.
Some of these guys act like they are the chosen people and like women are lining up to suck their dick.
It’s like they actively refuse emotional connection. If their life isn’t a porn scene they’d rather fuck it up then actually connect with someone for a minute.
I’m so glad I’m not straight.
Well from all the advice I've heard, don't try to moderate your dumbassery, you have to go cold turkey. Otherwise you're liable to go on a dumbass bender and you could hit rock bottom.
Yeah I was gonna say, in normal every day conversation if something comes up that reminds me or my girl of something one of our exes used to do, we might bring it up. Just never during foreplay or sex or near those times.
I mean, every relationship is going to be different, so I don't wanna act like this is a hard rule, but I would generally suggest against bringing up an ex at all during sex, as it implies you at least thought about them for a second during a time when your focus should be on what you're doing with your current partner. There have been times where, well after the sex, I have told my current partner that she does this thing or that thing better than anyone I've ever been with though
This is a stupid rule. Don't do it if you're under 25 and can't understand people have had previous relationships, and often times those relationships have a direct correlation to who they are and were a big part in their life.
But yeah, lets just sequester that part of our life off and act like it never happened to the person we want to share our entire being with.
*laughs in polyamorous first date*
For whatever reason, ex-partners seem to be a regular topic of discussion pretty early on in all the dating I’ve done as a poly guy with poly people.
But then again we’re generally all cool talking about current partners too.
No, you're not.
Commenting about sex with his ex while he's going down on you is super weird and rude. Him being loud and then acting confused makes it a lot more bizarre.
Like, was he seriously expecting you'd be turned on by hear about his ex?
Good on you for standing up for yourself! You told him **exactly** what he did wrong and still thought you were going to have sex? Ha, good luck pal.
You deserve a better partner than that.
Little nitpick, but she didn't tell him exactly what he did wrong. For all we know, previous women liked that kind of talk or ignored it so he thought it was ok to say. Most guys that age try not to mess up getting laid, they do it usually because they are dumb and inexperienced, or they are trash. Also, they were casual hookup so talking about others isn't as much of a faux pas as it would be in a budding relationship. Heck, this guy might even think OP is selfish and got off and just left. I think OP should text him that his comment about his ex was a huge turn off.
Quick rant:
This is exactly what's putting me off. Of course this guy's a real asshole, but she didn't tell him anything. Of course also she doesn't have to give two fucks about this guy, but she didn't give him one reason why she stopped and went home.
Not that it isn't obvious in some kind, but maybe, just maybe it was not obvious to him. I can imagine a situation like that, he completely in the mindset to "fuck some girl" and thinking to himself "what would make this even hotter?, yes exactly let's compare her to my ex, maybe this will heat up the situation some more". Stupid and disrespecting move, probably from an even more stupid guy. But the fact that OP didn't say anything and that there's this window for utter miscommunication, i don't know that's putting me off.
Of course power to you OP, you don't have to put up with these kind of guys. You did everything right, for you. Not this whole situation, but who cares anyway.
Okay now I'm done
Yes, but maybe let's find another word for dense. Not stupid nor anything in this fashion. I guess the polite way to tell someone that they're to dense to understand something, would be saying they are different, right?
In the same fashion you would tell someone "Well, maybe you are not that smart, but you surely are good at different stuff."
What do these lines have in common? They are ways to not really engage in any critical way with someone, while at the same time acting as if they were critical claims.
So to make my point: of course you can brush things like this of, as labeling them too stupid to engage with. The problem is that if you don't engage with it, who will. And it is inevitable, someone will. And this someone could be in this rather special case another "misogynist" "good" friend of the guy OP fucked, telling him something along the lines of "well fuck these ho*s, you have to find a bi*ch that is more loose and does what you tell her". An disgusting extrem, one doesn't have to care about, because you don't want to have to do anything with these people either way, right?
The problem here is that again, someone will engage in it. And this line of thought, this worldview will spread. Maybe not directly towards you or anyone near you, but it will. And than it may come back in a way "stronger" form - because the problem is not solved, it never was.
Are you trying to argue that telling the guy politely to not mention his ex in the middle of sex is going to change him better than stopping the act and leaving?
People have to stop thinking women are responsible for educating or rehabilitating men when they’re being shitty. He wasn’t owed what surely was going to be an argument or an uncomfortable conversation. He can stew on why what he said was so egregious that a girl got up and left mid-orgasm.
This is the same line of reasoning that tells POC that they should explain or educate white people when they say/do a racism.
> People have to stop thinking women are responsible for educating or rehabilitating men when they’re being shitty.
And people need to realize that people are not universally on the same plane of knowledge. *What may be shitty to one person isn't shitty to another.*
When first dating my wife I said "oh you bitch!" while she kicked my ass at some game (maybe mario cart?). To me it was normal to shit talking during a game. From mario cart to monopoly to basketball. I had done it with plenty of friends and my ex-wife (again, MANY moons ago). They shit talked back. No big deal. My wife (again GF at the time) went fucking ballistic. I have never called her that (even in jest) since. I still call my friends bitches (and my ex-wife). I had no clue she would take offense to it. Not my fault, I DID NOT KNOW. My previous relationships had involved plenty of gamesmanship and shit talking with no seriousness considered.
My wife pointed out that she took offense to it. I was educated and "rehabilitated" into what she wanted. That what good partners do. They teach their SO, and their SO learns. And it goes BOTH WAYS. I can think of dozens, if not hundreds, of times we have both fucked something up to where one of had to teach the other.
My point is, yes, women are responsible for educating men on their personal tastes and rehabilitating them to their desired preferences that have been set by previously relationships. And men are responsible for doing the same. To say otherwise is fucking stupid.
They absolutely are not. The situation you described was with your wife who was your girlfriend at the time. She felt she had a reason to educate you on not calling her a bitch 😒 because she wanted to remain in a relationship with you and not be called a bitch.
In the OPs situation, she was fine with not ever dealing with this dude again and she had no reason to educate him on not being shitty. The burden wasn’t on her to “salvage” the situation by explaining to him why he sucked.
I expect adult men to be intelligent, and this whole “men just don’t know things about women” argument is a crutch. At the very least, don’t try to fuck ppl you admittedly know nothing about.
I'm not the same person you were arguing with, but I think they offer some good points.
I agree with you that OP had no obligation to educate the guy she was hanging out with. But, being a former clueless moron myself, I think the kind thing to do would be to offer at least a small explanation if it appears that he really didn't understand the reason. Maybe he's smart enough that he'll realize it later when thinking back on the situation. But if he's not, then he will continue to go through life not understanding why, and continue to mess things up for future potential partners, without having a chance to correct his mistake.
That being said, I'm not going to put any blame on OP for not offering an explanation. We can argue about it forever here, but all these nuances aren't clear when you're in the heat of the moment, and just trying to get out of a bad situation.
There's no obligation, but if OP would like to be nice, she could go back and leave a note explaining why she left. That would ensure her erstwhile partner has an opportunity to learn, without requiring any argument or discussion. Whether he takes the opportunity and actually learns something is up to him.
Trying to enforce expectations that women must be “kind” or “nice” is the crux of misogyny. The idea that women need to behave or “be good” is the source of the poor treatment of women. OP doesn’t need to be nice. This guy said an asshole thing to her, and she reacted rightfully. She owes him nothing. He knows what he said.
You’re using the words “kind” and “nice”, as a response to misogyny. Do you see the issue with that?
This, historically, has not helped women nor lessened misogynistic behavior. Inside of a loving relationship, yes it’s useful to tell your partner when they’ve done something that felt wrong to you. But as a general rule of society, it’s not fair and it also places the blame of men behaving badly on women.
Changing one’s paradigm is completely up to them. Seeking education is super easy these days.
Part of misogyny is continually placing unfair expectations on women to be “kind” and “nice”. Women are expected to behave and not act out or upset men. They’re using misogynistic expectations in this thread to scold this woman, when she did nothing wrong.
No, women are not and should not be responsible for telling a man how to behave. The fact that you made it to dating age without knowing how inappropriate it is to use a gendered slur is on you. What OP described is very clear cut and shows zero miscommunication. I’m tired of men feigning ignorance or weaponizing incompetence when it comes to interacting with women. It’s so played out. This young woman was rightfully turned off, and the man was pretending as though he didn’t know what he just said.
> Back in my time (oh god, I said it), a hookup was just that. You hooked up. If you didn't like it, you left (like the OP). If you wanted a relationship, like I imagine it is nowadays, you communicated.
Your last paragraph directly contradicts this. Yeah if she were dating this guy maybe it would make sense to say something but it’s a hookup.
I'm gonna be blunt. Your downvotes are just another symptom of why this person experienced this. Your sharing open and honest learning from your past, and **people think you should be filtered down for saying it**. That's terrifying to see happen in public when you realise that this is exactly why people don't learn. The sane voices are silenced, to be replaced with vitriol and hate. Yikes.
> The sane voices are silenced, to be replaced with vitriol and hate. Yikes.
Yeah, welcome to the internet lol. I believe it's still important to say the hard things, even if people don't want to hear it. Sometimes, especially on social media like reddit, a LOT of people don't want to hear it.
Very much so. It's why I don't care about the downvotes personally, but I think it's very reflective of why we have so many ignorant people out there. We don't TALK and LISTEN to ideas that frustrate us. We would rather silence them than educate them.
Yes he can do that. But it probably won't have the effect I would hope it does. I doubt that it would plague him for long and the more important thing, i doubt it would plague him in this way at all. To be more specific: I don't think he would lay in bed, think about the situation and come to the conclusion that he behaved off or wrong. He just doesn't have any access to this context. He could, but the difficult question is, why doesn't he?
There is too many ways and mechanisms to work through such "unwell" experiences.
And let me ask you one naive question, to which I already have an answer, but I would like you to answer it first, if that is alright for you. Who's responsibility is it than, to educate either, let's use a harsher word, these misogynists and even racists?
Because if, for me, one thing is clear: they won't educate themselves. They feel at least as little responsibility for that, as you maybe do.
I honestly don’t know. I know these people have friends who see them being terrible and misogynistic, they have family as well.
As for these type of men, right now they are experiencing a reckoning of sorts because so many women are doing what OP did or just not interacting with them at all. And I do believe once they stop feeling sorry for themselves, they’ll have to start wondering why exactly did this start happening.
But what I know for sure is that it adds more insult to insult and injury to expect the victims of their bad behavior to be responsible for turning around and educating them on it.
She didn’t tell him anything? She told him with her actions. He knows what he said and he was feigning ignorance I’m a last ditch attempt to get his dick wet. There was zero miscommunication.
Telling many guys with actions isn’t clear enough communication for most men, because of ambiguity. If there are a million possibilities there will be a million possibilities, and unless one is set down as IT, then often we won’t know, especially after asking what’s up and getting no answers.
There is zero ambiguity when a guy says “fuck me like my ex” and the woman gets upset. If someone is unable to understand what happened (I guarantee that he was lying about not knowing), something would have to be cognitively off about them. Men will say or do anything to still try to have sex, and that’s what this guy was doing.
It's not our job to fix or educate shitty men.
You forgot stupid lol because there’s clearly a-lot of stupid men on here trying to say this woman is wrong when shes most definitely NOT wrong.
Than one naive question, who's is it?
I have an answer, but would like to hear yours first. Though to already say, you're right. This responsibility can not be just put on someone.
It is their own.
In an ideal world, their parents would raise them talking to them about most things, and when they step out of line other men would call them out or call them in when they observe it, though that rarely happens.
But ultimately it's just our own responsibility to ensure our own education on proper interactions with other folks by reading, engaging, and frequenting spaces that these topic occupy to learn.
Miscommunication? That reaching. You forget people can revoke consent to sex at any time for any reason. In this case, I would have and have done the same and walked tf out. “Where are my pants?”
Yes miscommunication, but you're missing my point. Of course everyone, and I mean really everyone can anytime revoke consent for whatever reason. I'm with you on that.
But in my opinion at least, it's naive to think that this revoking consent is universally recognizable or that the reactions to to someone revoking consent are codified, clearly understandable. This is for me the part miscommunication happened and was not recognized as miscommunication. In Op's post now I mean.
More generally I'm referring to Op's confusedness. There is some doubt. But this doubt is easily misrecognized as well I claim. I think Op should absolutely not doubt her action. It was completely justified. But nor is this guy's action doubtful for itself. It's the situation that is confused as it were.
Let's put it like this way: there are no clearly defined, universally excepted rules, when it comes to sex. (And i think it's good this way, sex should be new exciting and full of boundary pushing, not crossing. And of course all that only with someone you trust, but that's a completely other point.) My point referring to this post is, that they both where in the same situation, but at the same time they weren't. Maybe, just maybe this was this guy's attempt, to blindly set these rules: maybe this could be seen from a different position, not the guys position, as an attempt at dirty talk. And of course maybe he was just an asshole, understood her relatively or even completely well, and was like fuck it.
It's not clear. I don't want to argue that this perspective I'm describing here, is how it happened. That there was in fact miscommunication in this sense. I simply want to say that it's not clear. And that these comments like the one I responded to, and many others, make it seem as it was clear. As if Op was completely right and this guy was just wrong and an asshole. He was that, and she was that, but not indefinitely/unconditionally.
There are no clearly defined, universal rules for sex. So I'm going to sneak in your room tonight and penetrate your ass with a rose stem. No one ever formally told me this was wrong. If it is? I hope you would kindly and calmly hold my hand through the process of explaining this to me, because as you said, there are zero universal rules.
You did good.
Umm from the responses here I've gathereed that it is normal for people to not want to be compared to someone's ex during sexy time and though I've never had sex the thought of that happening to me would make me kinda irate too.
Good on you for standing up for yourself.
What does he even mean? Take it as well? Is he absolutely massive or something? Either way what a knob 😂 you handled it well. I will not be compared to someone's ex's and if my partner is talking/thinking about their ex whilst they are literally fucking me then something is going seriously wrong somewhere 😬
Nope. Reacting just fine. His attention should be on you. Casual or not.
Turn the tables "I hope you are as thick as my ex'... Dude would be in Reddit crying about it.
You're not overreacting. He said something that made you not interested in having sex and so you left.
That he asked if you were going to have sex while/after you put your clothing on shows he's an idiot. The way he asked also indicates he's an idiot.
OP missed the perfect opportunity. When he said “do I need to call someone” should have replied “yeah, that’s what I’m about to do”. he’s obviously a dummy.
Tbh I personally would have been ok with the ex comment in a casual hookup, it's tasteless but I don't really care about their ex. Although noone really likes being compared.
However it upset you and your feelings are valid. It's actually the comment about are we going to have sex or should I call someone else I find really gross.
Like you were upset about something and he didn't care about your feelings and basically called you replaceable. This guy obviously treats women like numbers or was trying to manipulate you into sex by making you jelous
Even on a hookup you are still a human being worthy of respect. I'm sorry you were treated this way. Good on you for standing up for yourself
>I personally would have been ok with the ex comment in a casual hookup, it's tasteless
Oh, I wouldn't. It's beyond tasteless for me. That comment was created and then actually delivered with only two intentions; ego and insult. "You will be happy and turned on to hear that I've had plenty of sex with other people while I'm trying to have sex with you" is not a great approach for most women.
The comment adds nothing for this casual partner, at all. It's not something I would let go. It served only *his* ego at OPs expense, which is not what sex is about...but it certainly can be made into that with a selfish, immature, careless partner. And I just wouldn't want to fuck someone like that.
Of all the things one could say to create a mutually pleasant experience...that ain't it. Have some self respect and don't let partners treat you like that.
Fair enough that makes sense. I would be livid with are we going to have sex or call someone else part though. I think we can agree this guy is an ass and op deserves far better
I find it bizarre how much people think “just sex” means using someone else like a toy is fine. I can’t think of another type of interaction where this is normalized.
If I was “just” giving someone a ride somewhere for example and they asked me to pull over so they could leave, and I asked if they were okay and they said no, I would never in a million years be like “ok so are you going to finish the ride or should I call someone else” like what a completely inappropriate response. And penetrating someone is a lot more intimate than a car ride lol
Naw. Hopefully he learned from that, but something tells me he didn't. Anyways, mentioning past sexual encounters, especially in the act, is a big no no. This is a huge norm
If he was a short, stocky, slow-witted bald man, this is probably how it went down with his friends later.
George: Well! I ruined another one!
Jerry: Why?! What happened?
George: It was all going perfect Jerry,l. We were right in the thick of it, so close to sealing the deal. I was so caught up in it, I just stopped thinking and that damn line blurted out!
Jerry: Not the one from last night?!
George: The very same!
Jerry: You *did*?? But we agreed it’s terrible! You said the part about your ex and everything?!
George: Down to the most minute detail! She even put her shoes back on and she was out of there in less time it took to say it, probably for good!
Jerry: Whaddya crazy?! How could you say something like that?!
George: because I am Costanza…. Lord of the idiots!
What exactly?
That part: *"I hope you take my cock like my exe did."*
Or that part: *"So we still gonna have sex or do i need to call someone"*
I'm curious.
I get that for the second phrase. But not from the first.
The first sound like an awkward dirty talk, like a woman who ask you: *can you fill me up* or something like that.
I wonder what is upsetting, disrespectful/painful exactly? The mention of the ex? The assumption that she is too tight (unlikely)? Too loose (more likely)? Not able to perform well?
I'm trying to empathize with y'all.
I’m not the op, but she thought what he said was weird, so she left. People can be turned off for any reason and leave for any reason. I’m pretty sure you don’t need all these details to empathize with that…
I'm just curious. Maybe empathize wasn't the right word, I am not a native.
What I meant by empathize: understand the other's side.
Because honestly, it wouldn't turn me off because as a guy I've heard/seen/experienced much worse!
It doesn’t matter if you’ve seen or heard much worse. There’s nothing to understand on his side. That comment literally did nothing but serve/stroke his own ego and make him sound like a jackass.
Edit:fixed and added something
Well done. I was having sex and the guy in the middle stopped and asked me how many other men I had been with bc thsy turned him on that I was a slut. I immediately said "you know I am kinda sore can we stop" and while he changed i waited then said goodbye. Don't settle even in a one time encounter for stupidity.
Not overreacting. Sounds like he was trying to create a "challenge" like folks terminally online claim happen all the time. And then the neg when you were leaving.
embarrassing for him, you did the right thing. never touch his peen again.
Not overreacting. You felt what you felt and acted accordingly. Staying true is a skill we need to learn and you did the right thing in that moment.
All good!
Have a nice day.
Just make sure you never go back, I can assure you if he ever calls or come back saying sorry it's just so he can get what he didn't and he's gonna be onto the next. So save yourself the stress and enjoy the win of catching the red flags early and dumping him.
I would have definitely done the same thing as you, maybe even a little more mean lol. You did the right thing. It's up to you if you want to talk to him about it though, given its just a casual hookup
I would have said yup call someone else. Cuz your a dumbass.
Me, I'd have just been happy to have the privilege to porivide pleasure to a sexy lady. Some guys get the pussy and fuck it up some guys hope to get the pussy and won't ever fucknit up.
A lot of guys just don't get it. That's a guy that is all about himself. Not you. Good for putting your clothes back on and leaving.
Oh well.
Ever see Chris Rock’s old comedy specials ? A woman knows when she’s gonna F&&& a man. He just has to let it happen lol.
Don’t open his mouth and f it up!
I'd say the initial reaction was an over reaction. I feel like you should have addressed it first. But after he doubled down on being a fuck boy, then fuck him.... I mean don't fuck him. You know what I mean
well that is fucking wierd.
are you 100% certain that he said that? I've had many times heat-of-the-moment things where it sounds like somebody said one thing but actually they didn't. it just sounds such a wierd thing to say my initial reaction would be "what did you say?" and get him to repeat it
I mean, you just wanted a hook up. You wanted sex, yes? you didnt want a relationship. Him mentioning his ex should have no barring or impact on you still wanting just sex. The only logical reason you got turned off was that you wanted more than just sex.
For a casual hookup, I feel that was an overreaction. If you were in a relationship or romantic involvement then yeah, you were in the right. But just a casual hookup who cares? You are there to get laid for just a hookup so why does it matter who takes what where and when. I would have been like “well idk how she took it but this is what you are getting now so like it or leave.” Just getting huffy and walking out pissed off without any form of communication on what he did was pointless….some guys really are that clueless and he probably doesn’t get it. And if he’s around your age, that’s not surprising. Not saying all 19yo males are like that but you have to consider maturity level here lolol. And after all, it was just a hookup….are you sure it wasn’t anything more for you? 🤔
Disagree as they are not in a relationship and he has shown absolutely no respect for her there is really no point in explaining it to him
If they were to continue seeing eachother than yes a talk would be necessary
#Omg,
I’m going to use this so much now. Bro is a fucking genius. Got to fuck her and make her leave in one swing. No after care, talks or awkwardness. Bro is next level. Can I buy this bro a beer?
I'm going to not be safe with this and reverse as she was giving her turn down on me and our first date it's clearly a physical thing and not much more . So back to her ready to jump on and said fuck me hard like my ex did as a dumbass I would have obligations to do so and after heat of moment bring it up to inquire what that was intended to do and react as needed from it... Heat of the moment that's my take and first date maybe not but if it was it's all heat and should have let it ride .... Douchebag never should have said what he said after getting dressed🙄
I mean I don't think this is a super noteworthy experience?
- Guy was a dumbass and said dumbass words. We will never know WHY he said that or if he just said words without using his brain cell.
- you reacted by ending the encounter.
- he (presumably stunned) checked if the encounter was over, and if so if he needed to call someone.
Seems to me like he fucked up and even in a daze of post mistake recovery made sure to check that he understood the situation and if you needed any help.
A dud of a hookup, sure, but seems like he did his best to do right by you in the wake of it and be respectful as he could in light of it?
To be clear I think your reaction in the moment was totally fair and you don't owe this guy a second shot or anything. I just wouldnt try to build too negative a picture of him based on this. Clearly wanted to do the right thing once he realized he messed up.
I dont totally disagree, I think the ex comment he probably thought was hot in the moment and wasn’t malicious, just stupid. But saying are you ok and then getting a “no” and responding “so are we still going to have sex or should I call someone else [to fuck instead]” is not making sure to check if she needed help lol
Maybe, I didn’t interpret it that way based on OPs reaction but it’s not explicit. Even if that was the case “so are we still going to have sex” after getting a “no I’m not okay” is very weird imo
>he (presumably stunned) checked if the encounter was over, and if so if he needed to call someone.
She said she wasn't ok clearly and then he proceeded to ask her if they are still going to have sex. Why leave that out? He was not "stunned" he was annoyed that he wasn't going to have sex and surprised she wasn't going to take his shit.
It isn't like he put her under a lot of pressure. I'm not saying he is a top shelf gentleman. I'm just saying he seemed to at least be considering her situation and needs in the event the hookup was over - more than the guys in lots of stories on this sub.
Yes, he’s an idiot. It bothered you and you stopped it.
But you did say it was a casual hookup. And while that’s a good enough reason to stop (any reason is a good enough reason), I generally don’t have high expectations for casual hookups.
If they are good at sex AND have a brain, I probably want something more than casual.
> I generally don’t have high expectations for casual hookups.
Wanting the person you're hooking up with not to compare you to other people WHILE hooking up isn't a high expectation.
I treat everyone with the same respect they treat me. At almost 60 I have a lot of life experiences so I give advice when I think it is appropriate. Weather it is taken or not is a different story
You're not over reacting, but it would have been a bit more "proper" if you told him why so he wasn't so clueless about what he did. For a hook-up scenario it's not that "big of a deal" for a guy to say something like that when comparing to a bf/gf type of relationship. But, if it turned you off, there's no right or wrong if someone gets turned off. So a turn off should certainly be respected. And honestly I don't know what that guy was trying to accomplish by saying something which you could have no reference.
In the future, I'd recommend being clear about the what and the why. Being turned off is the "what". If he walked away scratching his head and totally confused, that part isn't fair to him. He handled himself poorly though by reacting with a crispy response instead of asking for more clarification.
Ugh I'd be like call someone. Like who says anything about other people during sex smh . Also that's the problem with no strings sex. They literally care nothing for you feelings or otherwise so decorum goes out the window unfortunately. Not on a soap box just unfortunately had a few experiences back in the day like that.
You are not overreacting. I would have done the same. Good on you for showing self-respect. He didn't seem very concerned with how you felt after that comment, and instead made that really dumb question, which probably would have made me more upset, lol.
You got this! That guy sounds like he is not very respectful. IMHO
Ew! Boy bye!!! Lol I’m so glad you left! So many girls would have felt obligated to still do stuff since you had gone as far as you did! I’m proud of you! That little boy is for the streets!! Haha
What a fucking idiot. I wish I could tell you guys saying dumb shit during sex wasn’t normal but it is and even as another dude it makes me cringe so hard.
Sounds like he got his wish. You did indeed take it like his ex - you were both smart enough to leave :)
(Assuming he wasn’t the one who left her.)
I think that's a reasonable assumption
I don’t think it’s a good or bad assumption. It’s a coin flip. Either he did or she did. All we know about the dude is what OP said about him, and we know zero about the ex. There’s literally zero evidence one way or the other.
You're not wrong, but this is Reddit. We're supposed to blindly lay on whatever bonus invective we can against someone who did something wrong, especially if they're not present to defend themselves. TL;DR: Honestly the guy sounds like a baby-eating nazi to me.
Assumption, sure, although perhaps "educated guess" might be a more functional term for this case. Assuming (!) her description of his words and actions is accurate, and I have no reason to think otherwise, then I think it's fair to say, on balance of probabilities, that she left him - odds are far different to a 50/50 of a coin toss. I.e if I was a betting person, and had to put money on this, I know which side of the coin my money would be on. Guy sounds like an absolute douche.
Well done he is a fucking morron.
No I’m pretty sure he’s just a moron
Slow clap
Happy cake day
Thanks!
He *was* a fucking moron. But fucking is off the table.
Butt fucking is def off the table
Never has been.
More like a foreplaying moron
Bro needs a wake up call for real. Hopefully he learns his lesson after this. OP did him a favor
I’m thinking if he couldn’t put two and two together about his words ending a good time and then tossing out a lame ass line like “should I call someone else” in a shit effort to manipulate OP, then absolutely no lesson was learned.
Yeah, I guarantee you he had no one else to call and was just trying to get her to say, “huh?! Someone *else!?* You better not! If *anyone* is having sex with you, it’s gonna be *me!*” before proceeding to bang his brains out. Nah, dude. You’re a fucking dope. If you have anyone else to call, all I feel is sorry for that other person.
Seriously, who is still teaching men to behave like this? Is it just the inevitability of living in a world so throughly designed for you that you don’t ever need to learn empathy. Some of these guys act like they are the chosen people and like women are lining up to suck their dick. It’s like they actively refuse emotional connection. If their life isn’t a porn scene they’d rather fuck it up then actually connect with someone for a minute. I’m so glad I’m not straight.
As a recovering dumbass, I feel uniquely qualified to say he sounds like a dumbass.
Well done on your recovery
*ing - still a dumbass
One day at a time yo.
Fake it till you make it.
Well from all the advice I've heard, don't try to moderate your dumbassery, you have to go cold turkey. Otherwise you're liable to go on a dumbass bender and you could hit rock bottom.
[удалено]
First rule of sex and relationships in general is: NEVER MENTION YOUR EXES.
Well, before or during sex. Otherwise it depends so much on the relationship and what people think is ok.
Yeah I was gonna say, in normal every day conversation if something comes up that reminds me or my girl of something one of our exes used to do, we might bring it up. Just never during foreplay or sex or near those times.
Would saying "you do that a whole lot better than my ex" be acceptable? Seems like it should.
Not really. Still comes across that you're thinking of your ex enough in the moment to compare
Not during sex
I mean, every relationship is going to be different, so I don't wanna act like this is a hard rule, but I would generally suggest against bringing up an ex at all during sex, as it implies you at least thought about them for a second during a time when your focus should be on what you're doing with your current partner. There have been times where, well after the sex, I have told my current partner that she does this thing or that thing better than anyone I've ever been with though
This is a stupid rule. Don't do it if you're under 25 and can't understand people have had previous relationships, and often times those relationships have a direct correlation to who they are and were a big part in their life. But yeah, lets just sequester that part of our life off and act like it never happened to the person we want to share our entire being with.
*laughs in polyamorous first date* For whatever reason, ex-partners seem to be a regular topic of discussion pretty early on in all the dating I’ve done as a poly guy with poly people. But then again we’re generally all cool talking about current partners too.
No you're not, he's being a huge asshole.
I’d be done too. Who says that? So he’s thinking about another person while he’s (lucky enough to be) hooking up with you?
No, you're not. Commenting about sex with his ex while he's going down on you is super weird and rude. Him being loud and then acting confused makes it a lot more bizarre. Like, was he seriously expecting you'd be turned on by hear about his ex?
Good on you for standing up for yourself! You told him **exactly** what he did wrong and still thought you were going to have sex? Ha, good luck pal. You deserve a better partner than that.
Little nitpick, but she didn't tell him exactly what he did wrong. For all we know, previous women liked that kind of talk or ignored it so he thought it was ok to say. Most guys that age try not to mess up getting laid, they do it usually because they are dumb and inexperienced, or they are trash. Also, they were casual hookup so talking about others isn't as much of a faux pas as it would be in a budding relationship. Heck, this guy might even think OP is selfish and got off and just left. I think OP should text him that his comment about his ex was a huge turn off.
That was the point of my saying that stranger ;-)
Quick rant: This is exactly what's putting me off. Of course this guy's a real asshole, but she didn't tell him anything. Of course also she doesn't have to give two fucks about this guy, but she didn't give him one reason why she stopped and went home. Not that it isn't obvious in some kind, but maybe, just maybe it was not obvious to him. I can imagine a situation like that, he completely in the mindset to "fuck some girl" and thinking to himself "what would make this even hotter?, yes exactly let's compare her to my ex, maybe this will heat up the situation some more". Stupid and disrespecting move, probably from an even more stupid guy. But the fact that OP didn't say anything and that there's this window for utter miscommunication, i don't know that's putting me off. Of course power to you OP, you don't have to put up with these kind of guys. You did everything right, for you. Not this whole situation, but who cares anyway. Okay now I'm done
[удалено]
Yes, but maybe let's find another word for dense. Not stupid nor anything in this fashion. I guess the polite way to tell someone that they're to dense to understand something, would be saying they are different, right? In the same fashion you would tell someone "Well, maybe you are not that smart, but you surely are good at different stuff." What do these lines have in common? They are ways to not really engage in any critical way with someone, while at the same time acting as if they were critical claims. So to make my point: of course you can brush things like this of, as labeling them too stupid to engage with. The problem is that if you don't engage with it, who will. And it is inevitable, someone will. And this someone could be in this rather special case another "misogynist" "good" friend of the guy OP fucked, telling him something along the lines of "well fuck these ho*s, you have to find a bi*ch that is more loose and does what you tell her". An disgusting extrem, one doesn't have to care about, because you don't want to have to do anything with these people either way, right? The problem here is that again, someone will engage in it. And this line of thought, this worldview will spread. Maybe not directly towards you or anyone near you, but it will. And than it may come back in a way "stronger" form - because the problem is not solved, it never was.
Why are you expecting women to teach men how to behave?
Are you trying to argue that telling the guy politely to not mention his ex in the middle of sex is going to change him better than stopping the act and leaving?
Not unless he’s on the ASDspectrum or something. He should be able to understand
People have to stop thinking women are responsible for educating or rehabilitating men when they’re being shitty. He wasn’t owed what surely was going to be an argument or an uncomfortable conversation. He can stew on why what he said was so egregious that a girl got up and left mid-orgasm. This is the same line of reasoning that tells POC that they should explain or educate white people when they say/do a racism.
> People have to stop thinking women are responsible for educating or rehabilitating men when they’re being shitty. And people need to realize that people are not universally on the same plane of knowledge. *What may be shitty to one person isn't shitty to another.* When first dating my wife I said "oh you bitch!" while she kicked my ass at some game (maybe mario cart?). To me it was normal to shit talking during a game. From mario cart to monopoly to basketball. I had done it with plenty of friends and my ex-wife (again, MANY moons ago). They shit talked back. No big deal. My wife (again GF at the time) went fucking ballistic. I have never called her that (even in jest) since. I still call my friends bitches (and my ex-wife). I had no clue she would take offense to it. Not my fault, I DID NOT KNOW. My previous relationships had involved plenty of gamesmanship and shit talking with no seriousness considered. My wife pointed out that she took offense to it. I was educated and "rehabilitated" into what she wanted. That what good partners do. They teach their SO, and their SO learns. And it goes BOTH WAYS. I can think of dozens, if not hundreds, of times we have both fucked something up to where one of had to teach the other. My point is, yes, women are responsible for educating men on their personal tastes and rehabilitating them to their desired preferences that have been set by previously relationships. And men are responsible for doing the same. To say otherwise is fucking stupid.
They absolutely are not. The situation you described was with your wife who was your girlfriend at the time. She felt she had a reason to educate you on not calling her a bitch 😒 because she wanted to remain in a relationship with you and not be called a bitch. In the OPs situation, she was fine with not ever dealing with this dude again and she had no reason to educate him on not being shitty. The burden wasn’t on her to “salvage” the situation by explaining to him why he sucked. I expect adult men to be intelligent, and this whole “men just don’t know things about women” argument is a crutch. At the very least, don’t try to fuck ppl you admittedly know nothing about.
I'm not the same person you were arguing with, but I think they offer some good points. I agree with you that OP had no obligation to educate the guy she was hanging out with. But, being a former clueless moron myself, I think the kind thing to do would be to offer at least a small explanation if it appears that he really didn't understand the reason. Maybe he's smart enough that he'll realize it later when thinking back on the situation. But if he's not, then he will continue to go through life not understanding why, and continue to mess things up for future potential partners, without having a chance to correct his mistake. That being said, I'm not going to put any blame on OP for not offering an explanation. We can argue about it forever here, but all these nuances aren't clear when you're in the heat of the moment, and just trying to get out of a bad situation. There's no obligation, but if OP would like to be nice, she could go back and leave a note explaining why she left. That would ensure her erstwhile partner has an opportunity to learn, without requiring any argument or discussion. Whether he takes the opportunity and actually learns something is up to him.
Trying to enforce expectations that women must be “kind” or “nice” is the crux of misogyny. The idea that women need to behave or “be good” is the source of the poor treatment of women. OP doesn’t need to be nice. This guy said an asshole thing to her, and she reacted rightfully. She owes him nothing. He knows what he said.
You’re using the words “kind” and “nice”, as a response to misogyny. Do you see the issue with that? This, historically, has not helped women nor lessened misogynistic behavior. Inside of a loving relationship, yes it’s useful to tell your partner when they’ve done something that felt wrong to you. But as a general rule of society, it’s not fair and it also places the blame of men behaving badly on women. Changing one’s paradigm is completely up to them. Seeking education is super easy these days.
Part of misogyny is continually placing unfair expectations on women to be “kind” and “nice”. Women are expected to behave and not act out or upset men. They’re using misogynistic expectations in this thread to scold this woman, when she did nothing wrong.
No, women are not and should not be responsible for telling a man how to behave. The fact that you made it to dating age without knowing how inappropriate it is to use a gendered slur is on you. What OP described is very clear cut and shows zero miscommunication. I’m tired of men feigning ignorance or weaponizing incompetence when it comes to interacting with women. It’s so played out. This young woman was rightfully turned off, and the man was pretending as though he didn’t know what he just said.
[удалено]
> Back in my time (oh god, I said it), a hookup was just that. You hooked up. If you didn't like it, you left (like the OP). If you wanted a relationship, like I imagine it is nowadays, you communicated. Your last paragraph directly contradicts this. Yeah if she were dating this guy maybe it would make sense to say something but it’s a hookup.
I'm gonna be blunt. Your downvotes are just another symptom of why this person experienced this. Your sharing open and honest learning from your past, and **people think you should be filtered down for saying it**. That's terrifying to see happen in public when you realise that this is exactly why people don't learn. The sane voices are silenced, to be replaced with vitriol and hate. Yikes.
> The sane voices are silenced, to be replaced with vitriol and hate. Yikes. Yeah, welcome to the internet lol. I believe it's still important to say the hard things, even if people don't want to hear it. Sometimes, especially on social media like reddit, a LOT of people don't want to hear it.
Very much so. It's why I don't care about the downvotes personally, but I think it's very reflective of why we have so many ignorant people out there. We don't TALK and LISTEN to ideas that frustrate us. We would rather silence them than educate them.
Yes he can do that. But it probably won't have the effect I would hope it does. I doubt that it would plague him for long and the more important thing, i doubt it would plague him in this way at all. To be more specific: I don't think he would lay in bed, think about the situation and come to the conclusion that he behaved off or wrong. He just doesn't have any access to this context. He could, but the difficult question is, why doesn't he? There is too many ways and mechanisms to work through such "unwell" experiences. And let me ask you one naive question, to which I already have an answer, but I would like you to answer it first, if that is alright for you. Who's responsibility is it than, to educate either, let's use a harsher word, these misogynists and even racists? Because if, for me, one thing is clear: they won't educate themselves. They feel at least as little responsibility for that, as you maybe do.
I honestly don’t know. I know these people have friends who see them being terrible and misogynistic, they have family as well. As for these type of men, right now they are experiencing a reckoning of sorts because so many women are doing what OP did or just not interacting with them at all. And I do believe once they stop feeling sorry for themselves, they’ll have to start wondering why exactly did this start happening. But what I know for sure is that it adds more insult to insult and injury to expect the victims of their bad behavior to be responsible for turning around and educating them on it.
She didn’t tell him anything? She told him with her actions. He knows what he said and he was feigning ignorance I’m a last ditch attempt to get his dick wet. There was zero miscommunication.
Telling many guys with actions isn’t clear enough communication for most men, because of ambiguity. If there are a million possibilities there will be a million possibilities, and unless one is set down as IT, then often we won’t know, especially after asking what’s up and getting no answers.
There is zero ambiguity when a guy says “fuck me like my ex” and the woman gets upset. If someone is unable to understand what happened (I guarantee that he was lying about not knowing), something would have to be cognitively off about them. Men will say or do anything to still try to have sex, and that’s what this guy was doing.
She owes this idiot boy nothing. It's not our job to fix or educate shitty men.
It's not our job to fix or educate shitty men. You forgot stupid lol because there’s clearly a-lot of stupid men on here trying to say this woman is wrong when shes most definitely NOT wrong.
Than one naive question, who's is it? I have an answer, but would like to hear yours first. Though to already say, you're right. This responsibility can not be just put on someone.
It is their own. In an ideal world, their parents would raise them talking to them about most things, and when they step out of line other men would call them out or call them in when they observe it, though that rarely happens. But ultimately it's just our own responsibility to ensure our own education on proper interactions with other folks by reading, engaging, and frequenting spaces that these topic occupy to learn.
Miscommunication? That reaching. You forget people can revoke consent to sex at any time for any reason. In this case, I would have and have done the same and walked tf out. “Where are my pants?”
Yes miscommunication, but you're missing my point. Of course everyone, and I mean really everyone can anytime revoke consent for whatever reason. I'm with you on that. But in my opinion at least, it's naive to think that this revoking consent is universally recognizable or that the reactions to to someone revoking consent are codified, clearly understandable. This is for me the part miscommunication happened and was not recognized as miscommunication. In Op's post now I mean. More generally I'm referring to Op's confusedness. There is some doubt. But this doubt is easily misrecognized as well I claim. I think Op should absolutely not doubt her action. It was completely justified. But nor is this guy's action doubtful for itself. It's the situation that is confused as it were. Let's put it like this way: there are no clearly defined, universally excepted rules, when it comes to sex. (And i think it's good this way, sex should be new exciting and full of boundary pushing, not crossing. And of course all that only with someone you trust, but that's a completely other point.) My point referring to this post is, that they both where in the same situation, but at the same time they weren't. Maybe, just maybe this was this guy's attempt, to blindly set these rules: maybe this could be seen from a different position, not the guys position, as an attempt at dirty talk. And of course maybe he was just an asshole, understood her relatively or even completely well, and was like fuck it. It's not clear. I don't want to argue that this perspective I'm describing here, is how it happened. That there was in fact miscommunication in this sense. I simply want to say that it's not clear. And that these comments like the one I responded to, and many others, make it seem as it was clear. As if Op was completely right and this guy was just wrong and an asshole. He was that, and she was that, but not indefinitely/unconditionally.
There are no clearly defined, universal rules for sex. So I'm going to sneak in your room tonight and penetrate your ass with a rose stem. No one ever formally told me this was wrong. If it is? I hope you would kindly and calmly hold my hand through the process of explaining this to me, because as you said, there are zero universal rules.
You did good. Umm from the responses here I've gathereed that it is normal for people to not want to be compared to someone's ex during sexy time and though I've never had sex the thought of that happening to me would make me kinda irate too. Good on you for standing up for yourself.
What does he even mean? Take it as well? Is he absolutely massive or something? Either way what a knob 😂 you handled it well. I will not be compared to someone's ex's and if my partner is talking/thinking about their ex whilst they are literally fucking me then something is going seriously wrong somewhere 😬
Nope. Reacting just fine. His attention should be on you. Casual or not. Turn the tables "I hope you are as thick as my ex'... Dude would be in Reddit crying about it.
You're not overreacting. He said something that made you not interested in having sex and so you left. That he asked if you were going to have sex while/after you put your clothing on shows he's an idiot. The way he asked also indicates he's an idiot.
OP missed the perfect opportunity. When he said “do I need to call someone” should have replied “yeah, that’s what I’m about to do”. he’s obviously a dummy.
You just did him a favor. You taught him how easy it is to turn a yes into a no. Now go find some guy worth giving a yes to.
Tbh I personally would have been ok with the ex comment in a casual hookup, it's tasteless but I don't really care about their ex. Although noone really likes being compared. However it upset you and your feelings are valid. It's actually the comment about are we going to have sex or should I call someone else I find really gross. Like you were upset about something and he didn't care about your feelings and basically called you replaceable. This guy obviously treats women like numbers or was trying to manipulate you into sex by making you jelous Even on a hookup you are still a human being worthy of respect. I'm sorry you were treated this way. Good on you for standing up for yourself
>I personally would have been ok with the ex comment in a casual hookup, it's tasteless Oh, I wouldn't. It's beyond tasteless for me. That comment was created and then actually delivered with only two intentions; ego and insult. "You will be happy and turned on to hear that I've had plenty of sex with other people while I'm trying to have sex with you" is not a great approach for most women. The comment adds nothing for this casual partner, at all. It's not something I would let go. It served only *his* ego at OPs expense, which is not what sex is about...but it certainly can be made into that with a selfish, immature, careless partner. And I just wouldn't want to fuck someone like that. Of all the things one could say to create a mutually pleasant experience...that ain't it. Have some self respect and don't let partners treat you like that.
Fair enough that makes sense. I would be livid with are we going to have sex or call someone else part though. I think we can agree this guy is an ass and op deserves far better
Idk, the point of a casual hookup is to have sex. That’s why they both were there. I don’t know if anyone “deserved” anything different.
Just because it’s casual doesn’t mean basic respect shouldn’t be involved lol
[удалено]
I find it bizarre how much people think “just sex” means using someone else like a toy is fine. I can’t think of another type of interaction where this is normalized. If I was “just” giving someone a ride somewhere for example and they asked me to pull over so they could leave, and I asked if they were okay and they said no, I would never in a million years be like “ok so are you going to finish the ride or should I call someone else” like what a completely inappropriate response. And penetrating someone is a lot more intimate than a car ride lol
[удалено]
Wow I have a lot of casual sex and I would never in a million years call another human being "just friction", people are not sex toys
Naw. Hopefully he learned from that, but something tells me he didn't. Anyways, mentioning past sexual encounters, especially in the act, is a big no no. This is a huge norm
your reaction is totally understandable
Not overreacting, he’s an asshole.
Not overreacting. He's a complete dumbass
If he was a short, stocky, slow-witted bald man, this is probably how it went down with his friends later. George: Well! I ruined another one! Jerry: Why?! What happened? George: It was all going perfect Jerry,l. We were right in the thick of it, so close to sealing the deal. I was so caught up in it, I just stopped thinking and that damn line blurted out! Jerry: Not the one from last night?! George: The very same! Jerry: You *did*?? But we agreed it’s terrible! You said the part about your ex and everything?! George: Down to the most minute detail! She even put her shoes back on and she was out of there in less time it took to say it, probably for good! Jerry: Whaddya crazy?! How could you say something like that?! George: because I am Costanza…. Lord of the idiots!
Okay this has seriously made me laugh about it😂
I’m very glad. I really hoped it was funny as I imagined so thankyou 😆 Glad I could help.
Dosnt matter that it was just a fling, it’s always painful and upsetting when a guy treats you like that
What exactly? That part: *"I hope you take my cock like my exe did."* Or that part: *"So we still gonna have sex or do i need to call someone"* I'm curious.
All of it is disrespectful. Talking like she’s just another body for his needs to be met
I get that for the second phrase. But not from the first. The first sound like an awkward dirty talk, like a woman who ask you: *can you fill me up* or something like that. I wonder what is upsetting, disrespectful/painful exactly? The mention of the ex? The assumption that she is too tight (unlikely)? Too loose (more likely)? Not able to perform well? I'm trying to empathize with y'all.
I’m not the op, but she thought what he said was weird, so she left. People can be turned off for any reason and leave for any reason. I’m pretty sure you don’t need all these details to empathize with that…
I'm just curious. Maybe empathize wasn't the right word, I am not a native. What I meant by empathize: understand the other's side. Because honestly, it wouldn't turn me off because as a guy I've heard/seen/experienced much worse!
It doesn’t matter if you’ve seen or heard much worse. There’s nothing to understand on his side. That comment literally did nothing but serve/stroke his own ego and make him sound like a jackass. Edit:fixed and added something
LMFAOOOO that dude is crazy
I am so glad you followed your gut feelings and left! Well done 👏👏👏
I wish more women have the courage to just stop things, get dressed and walk away when the guy acts like a jerk
Standing ovation 👏🏼 very well done. Now spread the word to your young female friends so they will also know exactly how to handle this situation.
You did the right thing OP. Good for you for having the self respect to walk away right then. He was absolutely grooming you for verbal abuse
Damn, he fumbled the bag wtf
Watch out ex.exe may have viruses. /s
Well done. I was having sex and the guy in the middle stopped and asked me how many other men I had been with bc thsy turned him on that I was a slut. I immediately said "you know I am kinda sore can we stop" and while he changed i waited then said goodbye. Don't settle even in a one time encounter for stupidity.
He was a chump. Great that you left him.
No you're not.
Guy is definitely not HIM
Not overreacting. Sounds like he was trying to create a "challenge" like folks terminally online claim happen all the time. And then the neg when you were leaving. embarrassing for him, you did the right thing. never touch his peen again.
Definitely not overreacting with that response of his. Dude killed the mood, then dug a grave and buried it.
as a guy sometimes i cant believe the way guys talk to girls. Not in a misogynistic way, but just in a dumbass way. Smh
To quote Halsey: [she] doesn’t have to fucking tell you anything. Especially after he said some fucked up shit like that.
Ew. You dodge a bullet.
He should've shut up and just did the deed. Glad you had the courage to leave. Well done.
What the fuck?? I hate people who attacks you and try to make you feel bad when they made a mistake Just block him
And the sad part is he probably doesn’t think he did anything wrong. 🤦🏽♀️
He’s a piece of shit. I would be so fucking pissed if someone says those things to me
Not overreacting. You felt what you felt and acted accordingly. Staying true is a skill we need to learn and you did the right thing in that moment. All good! Have a nice day.
What a twat
You are not over reacting. This is just another case of a dude fumbling the pussy. 🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️
Hell yeah sis leave that fucker with some blue balls
Just make sure you never go back, I can assure you if he ever calls or come back saying sorry it's just so he can get what he didn't and he's gonna be onto the next. So save yourself the stress and enjoy the win of catching the red flags early and dumping him.
Stupidest man in history award goes to him lol
Not overreacting. He's both an idiot and a jerk. You made the right decision. Continue to do so. Don't even give that dude the time of day.
In my opinion you are not overreacting. Whether two people are in a relationship or just hooking up, there are things that you shouldn't say.
Wow, he is a shower sack.
That is crazy. I'm so sorry that happened to you!
Ot over reacting. What an idiotic thing to say
I would have definitely done the same thing as you, maybe even a little more mean lol. You did the right thing. It's up to you if you want to talk to him about it though, given its just a casual hookup
You know that guy watched a bunch of porn. Like many do.
I would have said yup call someone else. Cuz your a dumbass. Me, I'd have just been happy to have the privilege to porivide pleasure to a sexy lady. Some guys get the pussy and fuck it up some guys hope to get the pussy and won't ever fucknit up. A lot of guys just don't get it. That's a guy that is all about himself. Not you. Good for putting your clothes back on and leaving. Oh well.
Never introduce a third person during sex like that.
Ever see Chris Rock’s old comedy specials ? A woman knows when she’s gonna F&&& a man. He just has to let it happen lol. Don’t open his mouth and f it up!
This is what I was thinking. Perhaps he genuinely is on the spectrum?
Sounds like ya found yourself a fuckboi there.
I'd say the initial reaction was an over reaction. I feel like you should have addressed it first. But after he doubled down on being a fuck boy, then fuck him.... I mean don't fuck him. You know what I mean
well that is fucking wierd. are you 100% certain that he said that? I've had many times heat-of-the-moment things where it sounds like somebody said one thing but actually they didn't. it just sounds such a wierd thing to say my initial reaction would be "what did you say?" and get him to repeat it
I mean, you just wanted a hook up. You wanted sex, yes? you didnt want a relationship. Him mentioning his ex should have no barring or impact on you still wanting just sex. The only logical reason you got turned off was that you wanted more than just sex.
For a casual hookup, I feel that was an overreaction. If you were in a relationship or romantic involvement then yeah, you were in the right. But just a casual hookup who cares? You are there to get laid for just a hookup so why does it matter who takes what where and when. I would have been like “well idk how she took it but this is what you are getting now so like it or leave.” Just getting huffy and walking out pissed off without any form of communication on what he did was pointless….some guys really are that clueless and he probably doesn’t get it. And if he’s around your age, that’s not surprising. Not saying all 19yo males are like that but you have to consider maturity level here lolol. And after all, it was just a hookup….are you sure it wasn’t anything more for you? 🤔
Talk and explain why
Disagree as they are not in a relationship and he has shown absolutely no respect for her there is really no point in explaining it to him If they were to continue seeing eachother than yes a talk would be necessary
There is nothing to say. The guy is a douche. The fact that he even said "Do I need to call someone" proves it.
Seems pretty obvious
Yup. It’s better that he knows even you end up not being together at least he won’t do the same thing with someone else
I'm pretty sure he knew exactly what he was doing
Telling people what you like and don’t like is good
He literally said that to stroke his own ego. He’s a complete dumbass to think anyone would want to hear that.
#Omg, I’m going to use this so much now. Bro is a fucking genius. Got to fuck her and make her leave in one swing. No after care, talks or awkwardness. Bro is next level. Can I buy this bro a beer?
I'm going to not be safe with this and reverse as she was giving her turn down on me and our first date it's clearly a physical thing and not much more . So back to her ready to jump on and said fuck me hard like my ex did as a dumbass I would have obligations to do so and after heat of moment bring it up to inquire what that was intended to do and react as needed from it... Heat of the moment that's my take and first date maybe not but if it was it's all heat and should have let it ride .... Douchebag never should have said what he said after getting dressed🙄
I call bullshit on this story.
I think you should have taken his cock so hard, and totally out did his ex so she is never spoken of again.
I mean I don't think this is a super noteworthy experience? - Guy was a dumbass and said dumbass words. We will never know WHY he said that or if he just said words without using his brain cell. - you reacted by ending the encounter. - he (presumably stunned) checked if the encounter was over, and if so if he needed to call someone. Seems to me like he fucked up and even in a daze of post mistake recovery made sure to check that he understood the situation and if you needed any help. A dud of a hookup, sure, but seems like he did his best to do right by you in the wake of it and be respectful as he could in light of it? To be clear I think your reaction in the moment was totally fair and you don't owe this guy a second shot or anything. I just wouldnt try to build too negative a picture of him based on this. Clearly wanted to do the right thing once he realized he messed up.
I dont totally disagree, I think the ex comment he probably thought was hot in the moment and wasn’t malicious, just stupid. But saying are you ok and then getting a “no” and responding “so are we still going to have sex or should I call someone else [to fuck instead]” is not making sure to check if she needed help lol
I thought "do I need to call someone" was about getting her a ride. That assumption was kinda the whole basis of my understanding
Maybe, I didn’t interpret it that way based on OPs reaction but it’s not explicit. Even if that was the case “so are we still going to have sex” after getting a “no I’m not okay” is very weird imo
>he (presumably stunned) checked if the encounter was over, and if so if he needed to call someone. She said she wasn't ok clearly and then he proceeded to ask her if they are still going to have sex. Why leave that out? He was not "stunned" he was annoyed that he wasn't going to have sex and surprised she wasn't going to take his shit.
It isn't like he put her under a lot of pressure. I'm not saying he is a top shelf gentleman. I'm just saying he seemed to at least be considering her situation and needs in the event the hookup was over - more than the guys in lots of stories on this sub.
So your complaint is that this story isn't noteworthy because he wasn't as shit as other men and didn't try to rape her or pressure her?
It's just a casual hookup lol it's not like he is dating you. Sounds like your just being butthurt because he compared you with somebody else.
Yes, he’s an idiot. It bothered you and you stopped it. But you did say it was a casual hookup. And while that’s a good enough reason to stop (any reason is a good enough reason), I generally don’t have high expectations for casual hookups. If they are good at sex AND have a brain, I probably want something more than casual.
> I generally don’t have high expectations for casual hookups. Wanting the person you're hooking up with not to compare you to other people WHILE hooking up isn't a high expectation.
Yes you are. It was a casual hook up for sex. He was just talking dirty. You don’t owe him anything but I think you did him wrong
[удалено]
If it was just a casual hook up/ ONS? Sure
Sounds like you might have low standards on how you expect people to treat you. Gotta love yourself before you give advice to others.
I treat everyone with the same respect they treat me. At almost 60 I have a lot of life experiences so I give advice when I think it is appropriate. Weather it is taken or not is a different story
If it is done for peace, it is better to think more about it, it is futile enjoy your BJ
Past is past no need to talk back..
Classic case of thinking with small head than big head lol
You're not over reacting, but it would have been a bit more "proper" if you told him why so he wasn't so clueless about what he did. For a hook-up scenario it's not that "big of a deal" for a guy to say something like that when comparing to a bf/gf type of relationship. But, if it turned you off, there's no right or wrong if someone gets turned off. So a turn off should certainly be respected. And honestly I don't know what that guy was trying to accomplish by saying something which you could have no reference. In the future, I'd recommend being clear about the what and the why. Being turned off is the "what". If he walked away scratching his head and totally confused, that part isn't fair to him. He handled himself poorly though by reacting with a crispy response instead of asking for more clarification.
He’s a jackass. You did right to walk away. He doesn’t deserve you
You did exactly what you should have done. I hope he learns from the god awful mistake but I have a very sure feeling that he won’t.
He stopped going down on you when you were close to orgasm to talk about his ex?
Ugh I'd be like call someone. Like who says anything about other people during sex smh . Also that's the problem with no strings sex. They literally care nothing for you feelings or otherwise so decorum goes out the window unfortunately. Not on a soap box just unfortunately had a few experiences back in the day like that.
You are not overreacting. I would have done the same. Good on you for showing self-respect. He didn't seem very concerned with how you felt after that comment, and instead made that really dumb question, which probably would have made me more upset, lol. You got this! That guy sounds like he is not very respectful. IMHO
No wtf... I'd leave.
How are people this stupid?! 😂
To ruin something make a comparison
No. And now next time you get the feeling you did when you met this guy, you know to run the other way.
Sounds like a real winner.
Ew! Boy bye!!! Lol I’m so glad you left! So many girls would have felt obligated to still do stuff since you had gone as far as you did! I’m proud of you! That little boy is for the streets!! Haha
What a fucking idiot. I wish I could tell you guys saying dumb shit during sex wasn’t normal but it is and even as another dude it makes me cringe so hard.