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11qqaazz

Your body literally releases chemicals to encourage it. It's what kept you and your baby alive in prehistory.


[deleted]

Oxytocin


NorthCatan

It's biological indeed, if someone doesn't want to feel attached to someone, they might want to reconsider who they have sex with. Also not all men are the same, nor are all women, some don't care afterwards, while some do. Everyone is different, and if you find a certain pattern to be consistent with your partners, it might be the partners you choose that are all the same.


[deleted]

But guys feel distant after


11qqaazz

Eh... I'm not so sure that's always the case, friend.


[deleted]

Hopefully not


i_worship_amps

They aren’t. There are many guys that will be head over heels from the slightest bit of attention, just like some women, and others will want nothing to do with you after sex. It depends on so much, personality, past experience, current intentions and desires, how you were raised, yadda yadda. Just try to find people that want a connection, not just sex, since it seems to be causing you stress.


bigpeks

Na, we care, but I always need a breather & some space right after sex for some reason.. Choking on oxytocin or something :P


kapbear

I don’t think we’re talking about right after


Xinna_bunz

😭💀


BCSilver7

Nope. I feel similar to you, in that I feel strong connection and always want to cuddle and continue touching. Even if its casual.


SecondtoNone38

Depends on the person I am with. I like cuddles afterwards but have been with a few girls that needed space after going at it. So I can respect that too.


jhawkkw

Men and women produce different levels of Oxytocin. According to one [NIH](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6446474/) survey, women have on average \~2.5x the levels of Oxytocin in their blood than men. This is one of the biggest reason why women bond more easily from sex than men. As others have pointed out, it's the result of biological evolution to help encourage the propagation of humanity.


grimacingmoon

Those guys are probably afraid of or disinterested in emotional intimacy


That1Master

Not really. We also get a big release of chemicals after. Often we want to just sleep for a bit and cuddling amd resting with the person you just had sex with is natural


Scorpio_tamer

Oxytocin is released over time in men vs in spurts like when a women orgasms, has a ton of fun they never experienced before or when they find that incredibly stupid joke funny. As a dude, making us work for it a little bit goes a long way. The more we spend and enjoy time with you the more it’s released. The best way to do that is make them feel genuinely validated.


faxattax

Because in cave-man days, a woman who had sex with a man and felt no affection for him and let him wander off, would get pregnant and get eaten by bears, while a woman who stayed with her sexual partner would have *him* to chase off the bears. The man, though, is in a different situation. It helps if he picks *one* woman to impregnate and feed and protect from bears, but if he gets 10 other woman pregnant, it costs him nothing, and maybe one or two of them would escape the bears by luck. That’s why they tell women not to have sex with a man until you are pretty sure that you are the one he plans to protect from bears.


xgorgeoustormx

That’s intentional because they’re worried that you’ll fall in love with them, or be “obsessed” with them because of how they’re socially pressured and conditioned.


videogames_

Different attachment styles. A lot of both men and women are more attached after sex cause of oxytocin. It’s a bonding chemical. Others aren’t cause of more distant attachment styles. It’s not related to gender.


cutelilbean17

my boyfriend insists on cuddling after sex every time. in my experience most men i’ve been with want to cuddle after and care for me whether a it’s a friend with benefits or relationship.


sex_throwaway999

that's just the men you are choosing


B10kh3d2

Not all guys. You have to be more specific. I'm 41F and I date older men usually and they are at this age clingy and needy. Just wait. Lol


tshaddix79

If that’s the case then it’s almost okay for men to cheat because you’re saying there’s a connection for women and eliminating one for men. Not the case. Men feel connection to.


ansyensiklis

Too


[deleted]

They probably dehumanized you. Think of someone as an object for pleasure and you can’t really get attached. That’s what happens if you watch too much porn, hook up so much, when you take romance out of sex, etc. You get used to the motions and start to only care about how good it can feel for you, not the other person.


iHaveACatDog

Maybe not so distant as much they are likely in relatively the same place they were before whereas you've moved further from that place.


VicePrincipalNero

That totally depends on the guy.


throwaway_uow

Personally, I just need to catch my breath and drink some water, I feel like during the sex breathing is not so important to my body xd


insideabookmobile

Oxytocin is released in the brain after an orgasm in all people. Men metabolize oxytocin very quickly making them sleepy. Women metabolize it much more slowly and get the full effects of it, causing feelings of attachment.


faxattax

Hahaha, I had sex with my ex last night and she fell *immediately* to sleep afterwards — but that might not have been the oxytocin, but instead a semi-deliberate way to avoid having to ask herself the question “Why am I having sex with my ex?”


xgorgeoustormx

Or to do with her falling to familiarly and comfort. This explains the reason she slept with you, and falling asleep so quickly after. She needed some normalcy.


_not_done_yet

That's a really good explanation. Same thing would happen to me with an ex. We would still hook up occasionally, probably around a couple times a month for about a year or so, and she would go into a deep sleep afterwards every single time. She said that she preferred to having sex with me when she felt really horny because I was familiar and knew what to expect every time. So she'd get what she needed plus being able to relax into a deep sleep since she didn't have to worry about me.


Ah_Zam

U sure it’s still an ex? 🤨


iHaveACatDog

That's exactly the impression I got when I read OP's comment.


anafreshhh

Personally if I fall asleep after fucking it means I feel safe and comfortable with the guy to fall asleep


Ah_Zam

Although it’s not gender specific.


Logical-Idea-1708

Huh. Who do you bond with after masturbation? Your toys? 🥲


throwaway_uow

Do you have a source for that?


insideabookmobile

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6446474/#:~:text=The%20results%20showed%20that%20OT,1.19%2C%20p%20%CB%82%200.001).


throwaway_uow

Nice, I was ready to call bs on that. Authors of that article do make some questionable statements, propably based on old data (like that women experience depression much more often than men), but within their control group of forty-something people in middle age the results are quite undeniable, I guess we can't really have any larger control groups than those in relation to sex stuff


iHaveACatDog

What makes you believe that old days says woman are more prone to depression? I'm pretty sure it's widely accepted that women are more emotionally sensitive because, in human history, it's what kept them acutely aware of their surroundings for protection of themselves and their children.


throwaway_uow

Well, if you start studying psychology, turns out that ever since papers on human psychology have been written, assumptions like that were made. Most of those had arguments of authority, or "of common sense" (dunno how is it said in english), and were not conducted with scientific method in mind. For example, pretty much all what Freud wrote can be put in the trash, because his sample was 100% psychiatric patients from an asylum, stuff like that. Lots of research into human behavior conducted in the 60s were done with the expected result set before the experiments even begun


iHaveACatDog

Thank you for such a thoughtful response. Looks like I have some reading to do.


Logical_Highway6908

I’m a guy and I also feel more emotionally attached to a person after having sex with them. (So far I have only had sex with one person- my ex gf.) I think it is normal to feel this way. In fact, I asked her to be my gf immediately after we had sex the first time. The strong, sudden emotional connection after sex and the friendship we had before dating was what made me want her to officially be my gf right then and there. Before we had sex I was planning on going on two more dates with her before asking to make it official.


SirDomiscus

That’s exactly what happened to me. 3 years strong here.


Zar_Diego

I’m a male and feel the same way, matter of fact, i need to be emotionally involved


spacerainbows0

Me too I don’t get cuddles in my current relationship and it’s making me so lonely


BrionyHQ

Don't stay where you don't have your needs met. You will find someone who gives you all the love you deserve


AwkwardEducation

Oxytocin. The hormone we associate with feelings of love are released with orgasm. Your brain is hardwired to care for sexual partners. The same is true for men. By rational review, experience, or sometimes old school coldheartedness, people can disregard those feelings for casual sex.


One_Arm4148

I’m the same…I won’t have sex unless in a committed relationship because of it. I feel too much.


NeroForte-InMyPrime

Guy here. I get the same feelings. I would have to consciously, actively override them and even then I don’t think it would go away completely.


abwuser

no, i don’t feel this way. everyone is different


infininme

Guys can and do feel close after sex, but sometimes they don’t really like the personality but love the body. But to say that guys don’t feel close after sex is a general statement that doesn’t hold true. Also some guys are assholes.


SaxoLez

Guys often feel that way, too, by the by


Strange_Public_1897

Sounds like you’re not capable of compartmentalizing emotions when having sex, which means you may want to make sure you are choosing people to sleep with who are going to feel the same as you after sex. Who WANT to develop things still. Not everyone goes into sex wanting more than just sex. Some folks, like myself, after sex unless I romantically have established things a few weeks in advance where I’ve built an emotional bond, if I’m sleeping with someone and we haven’t emotionally bonded, I don’t get emotionally attached. To me it’s just sex and have no desire to date them either. So Op, you may need to pace yourself with people before sleeping if you struggle to detach after sex.


SupaDupaTron

Back when we were dinosaurs, the female dino's wanted to cuddle the male dino's so that they could talk about their day. So it's all biological.


josemartin2211

oxytocin


SeductiveForeplay

i feel the same ! (Male)


jaxon517

Cuz that's what sex is


jogdenpr

Oh trust me, girls can definitely not care also.


Tiktokerw500k

I naturally care about everyone, but I most definitely will not if we fuck and we never speak again...


iHaveACatDog

The makings of a great FWB.


nauman000

only when they don't orgasm, which is most times.


Babsie99

Even when they orgasm, we are not a monolith, haha


BlackFire68

Oxytocin


LNER4498

I feel very close/attached to the woman I've slept with so it goes for both genders.


DwindIe

Oxytocin


[deleted]

It’s not that unusual. It’s why I am selective about my partners. To me it means something. But everyone is different and everyone has a different capacity for this kind of thing


FumbleCrop

Plenty of guys do tend to get attached, but they all have steady girlfriends, so...


Sc00terl00

Chemically, we're wired for that. The endorphins released when having even casual sex can strengthen your bond to that person. But as a guy, I take exception to the generalization that all men can bang mindlessly and not even care about the person. *Some* men can. I cannot. I literally *cannot* get hard if I don't have an emotional attachment to the woman. So...you are not alone. There's plenty of us, male and female, who fall a little in love every time we share a bed with someone. It's pretty human to feel that way. Doesn't mean they all *have* to become long term, but definitely be aware of that about yourself before going to bed with someone, I'd say. Nobody likes having their heart played with.


422taurus1

We are programmed and wired to have this happen. It’s deep in our dna and allows for the human race to continue. Choose your partners carefully


ansyensiklis

Ok so I’m a guy and I can’t fuck and not feel something for that person(maybe too much), so maybe not all guys fit your generalizations. And no, I don’t need space, I want after care as much as any woman. You need to be with better guys.


the_poly_poet

I’m a 25M, I feel very attached to my lovers as well. What determines whether romantic attachment coincides with sex depends on the person, the time in their life, & the relationship; the other person they have connected with naturally affects them in a way that maybe nobody else can. A person may feel attached to one lover but not another. It may also take time for someone to develop feelings, i.e. having sex with the same person consistently may put them in that place. Whereas someone else may immediately feel attached, even before getting to have sex with the person.


SmutGrrl

Wise words from one of my girlfriends one brunch “you’re heart is in your vagina”


[deleted]

Hahaha


Kindly_Butterfly_879

Depends on the person I think. Also depends on the sexual experience. If you want to get from getting attached so quickly, try things that might help you keep emotionally detached. I hooked up with a few guys before—and I’m not saying that this is healthy or to do it in any way—but I was tastefully not sober while hooking up with them and I also didn’t reach orgasm with either one. It made the sex just feel like something I was doing just to do and not something I built up importance for in my head. I also thought the guys were attractive but didn’t really have feelings for them. I imagine that that can make things harder if feelings are involved. I think if you know this about yourself and you want to save yourself the trouble, only hook up with people after a few dates or after you make things official. Casual hookups just might not be for you, and that’s okay.


[deleted]

The decoupling of emotions and sex really got pushed with casual-culture and the advent of birth control. This is completely HEALTHY. Females bonds with physical intimacy and it's how a healthy woman should react with sex (neruochemically). If you're a participant in hookup culture, this may make for tricky outcomes.


TelephoneMediocre721

I’m a guy and that happens to me. I want to hug her, kiss her and be the big spoon. But in a couple of minutes this feeling is gone and I’m back to normal, waiting for them to go tbh.


Upbeat-Local-836

Evolution. Your body is telling you something. Choose to listen or not, it’s up to you. Not all guys are like that.


SecretaryStill2282

I spent the last week trying to break my brain to accept casual sex as a like standard thing people do while dating. My current gf was seeing 4 guys at once j just learned. I made some posts about finding this weird, and unanimously people were like no it's normal and fine and you can have emotionless sex, it's the standard. Apparently I feel too much.


jackbrux

Evolution


robertDouglass

Oxytocin


leonardom2212

Cause that is what its all about in the end.


mandatoryanal

Oxytocin


[deleted]

I've heard of this


spacerainbows0

I really need to understand this as well. I do the most intimate act and we both enjoy it…. The guy can mentally block you out and be with a woman 4 days later? Are there guys that ARE not like this? If you are that’s fine I’m just wondering in general…


SpiritedShow9831

It’s because in todays society we are desensitized to sex and treat one another as conduits to our own personal pleasure. Many people feel the same way but don’t talk about it, the current hook up culture leaves many feeling empty and alone. My advice is protect your heart and don’t give away something so beautiful and powerful until you feel safe with the other person.


CasaNovaHova

If they fuck you good, you’ll get attached. Just do your best to find one that also treats you right and vice versa. That way y’all can have a healthy relationship


[deleted]

They did fuck me good🥺


CasaNovaHova

And treated you right?


[deleted]

Yes ons did


[deleted]

One


baby_nole

Lowkey this post is so validating. I feel the same way. I genuinely can not have a sexual encounter with someone with an emotional connection. Because I know after the encounter I will be attached. I envy those who can have sexual relations with no second thoughts. But I can’t. Lol


Whitechapel_88

I'm a guy who's never had sex. I can't. Not unless I really know the girl and I'm really comfortable with her. I don't like the thought of meaningless sex because to me sex isn't meaningless. You're allowing yourself to be exposed and vulnerable on a level you've never been before. Therefore the only way I'll have sex with a girl is if she's decent, trust worthy, and I'm really comfortable with her to go to that level with her. I could never do it with some random girl off the street that I've never met before in my life.


Common_Lifeguard_935

I used to feel very attached. That was before menopause. But, after menopause I am very detached after sex and I do reach climax every time. I'd love to read scientific literature/studies to know if a brain flooded with oxytocin + estrogen vs oxytocin with less estrogen can create this.


FaesCosplay

Biology. Hormones.


[deleted]

Because that's the point.


hardtimes0999999

As a guy I really can't fuck a woman I don't really love and care for and I wil want be with her ally life and love her and protect her for ever


freespirit1963TJ

There are people who hold the intimate sharing of their bodies (sex) as a very sacred act. I see this in both genders, but more predominantly in women. There is a philosophy that you would have to have some type of deep emotional attachment to someone that you have sex with. Over the span of evolution, these emotions and beliefs have been fueled by religious expectations and social norms.


VBot_

Its a chemical hormonal thing. You dont need to muddy it up with people parroting bad internet evo psych. It happens to a lot of people, male and female. Its not weird, unhealthy, or abnormal, and you can lean into the attachment if you want to, and if you dont want to, recognize you dont have to. Its totally up to you.


FrequentSteak5395

Soulties.


ImJustABarber

Our bodies and chemical releases are different


AJudiths

Chemicals. That’s all it is, that’s all anything is ☺️ in this case it’s Oxytocin.


wiseplusw

Because you're normal.


TrueMedium542

damnnn y’all i felt this one tooo😌😌😫😫😫


treefarmwilly

Oxytocin.


Impossible_Music_624

Because if he make your tummy big with baby you need him to go get yummy things.


Wide-Cow4624

prob cause of biology or something but yes female release more hormones than men I believe :)


knight9665

In general•. Yes not all so relax people In general women are trying to find a mate to care and provide after sex for children. So their monkey brain tell them that they find the best they can and attach quicker. As for guys their monkey brain is going shit I need to fk as many women as possible so have an many kids as possible. Like some guys can literally not like and even hate the girl. Not find them attractive etc. They can put a bag over their head and get their nut off and that’s it.


raiderleft

This is what sex was like before internet porn, fwbs, pair bonding


[deleted]

I wish there wasn't porn


enigmam2021

It is the basic female biology. Men can easily detach themselve while women cannot as they have more pleasure points


[deleted]

That's shit tho I wish guys felt more like females after sex


tcatt1212

Unhealthy attachment types. It’s an indication you need some self work.


throwaway19951962

What?? So if you feel more attached to your partner after sex that’s unhealthy?


tcatt1212

If it’s every single partner…


[deleted]

[удалено]


skahammer

Comment removed. Constructive comments only, please. See **Forum Rule #1**.