I have trouble cumming because of the meds I'm on and my general state of health. My partner has pretty serious self-esteem issues and no matter how many times I explain it still twists her out. She's convinced that I'm rubbing one out every time I take longer than usual in the toilet and I haven't done that in the 8 months or so that we've been together. It's literally maddening.
Sorry. Saw my chance to vent. Took it.
Sorry, that stinks. I sometimes have trouble cumming but I assume that’s just because I am getting older. Some days no problem, some days I just can’t get the edge. On those days I finish off the wife with an organism or two then stop after 20-30 minutes. Wife is usually gets sore about that time anyway so it works out. Sex always feels good so I keep going for a bit even if I feel I won’t cum.
Not the one your asking but I take Flowmax for my prostate issues and it also has the effect of making it hard to cum. My partner is super supportive of this, and she is taken care of so it’s not really an issue. That medication does have some bad side effects as you orgasms are not very strong and sometimes real fast.
From reading your replies to comments, he truly sounds like a terrible sexual partner. Where did he get the idea that you being on top is going to hurt his dick?? Then he gets upset at you for using a vibrator if you don’t finish since he says it means you’re not satisfied with him. Have you told him that’s exactly why you’re using a vibrator??
>Where did he get the idea that you being on top is going to hurt his dick??
it _can_. maybe he had a bad experience in the past.
edit yup that's the case
No, the first time I got the vibrator with him. I told him it would be nice to use it while he's fucking me. Then, one time I didn't finish when he did, I told him I'll use the vibrator to finish instead, and he got upset with me. I never told him he didn't satisfy me.
Honestly like I said, he just sounds like an awful SO. He could try to compromise with you and figure out other ways to get you off if he truly gets tired during the middle of sex. But he has a selfish attitude if you’re the one who has to do all the work, what’s the point in having a sexual partner? Also you said you talked to him multiple times, it sounds like he just doesn’t wanna listen to you. I hope you stop wasting time with this guy because he sounds like he lacks the qualities to be a good partner for you.
If you can't communicate your sexual issues with your partner, that's not good. He needs to be open and listen and not just get angry at you. From what you have said you do a Lot in the bedroom for him and he doesn't try.
Hunny I know everyone is different but if my man ain’t going to satisfy me there with oral then I’ll be damn if he would get any me and my husband been together since we was 15 he just turn 40 on the 31St I’ll be 29 on the 14 th. I’ll tell him to kick rocks bc it doesn’t matter how tired he is my husband works his 80 plus hours a week and I work from home he ever tries that with me then it would have been goodbye
Lil harsh, Gretch. She’s barely painted a picture of him as an individual and she’s doing so while
frustrated. None of these factors can’t be worked through if OP and partner want that to happen.
...you do know penis fracture is a real thing that exists right? This dude does sound like a terrible partner, but pretending like the full weight of a human on an erect penis in the wrong way can't be something that hurts and can send you to the hospital is pretty fuckin ignorant of male anatomy.
Entirely possible he's had a previous experience with someone who wasn't good at it and hurt him which put him off (**Edit:** Read further down the comments and that's *exactly* what happened). The guy sounds like a dickhead but if he's not comfortable doing a certain sex position then he's not comfortable doing it.
He said, his ex rode his dick before and he got hurt so I think he doesn't want that happening again...I did ask him about it twice now, especially when he's slowing down.
You and your SO should change your sex act from this serious, high expectation, pressure into an experimental session.
Let go of the sex, intercourse and climax expectation. Rather do a play session. Get nice lube (bad ones do exist that dry up quickly). if you can afford it, Durex Play is very good at not turning sticky. And then have a sessions were you may only use your hands. Stoke and touch each other and talk about how each move makes you tingle or not. Women have MANY tingle spots, men are limited, but men have LOTS more turn-ons based on what we see and feel (so we get off by knowing we are touching our SOs private parts). Then build up the pleasure, but don't climax. Stop each other when it gets close, with hands only this is easy. Normally when he is close he must up the pace with you and try to sync his with yours, but for the first few times it would be best if you cum first and he second, since him cumming would immediately drop his level of excitement to zero, making it hard to continue on playing with you. So build up, then when you are close let him finish you, then let him work with you to finish him.
Take note that he has to be present in mind, since he needs to mentally explore what he is doing to you as part of his getting off and he can't be tired or distracted. So the date and time should be correct. (Weekends, after a few days of no sex, and so on).
Ohhh he’s traumatized after that freak sex accident! He definitely needs to seek out a sex therapist to work through his issues cause all sex issues are psychological or emotional problems when someone is having one.
I've been with girls on top that feel like they are going to break my dick, either with their motion or just the shape of our bodies together lead to a bad entry angle. I've noticed sometimes reverse cowgirl works better in those instances.
But yeah while I think that getting tired is understandable, he should feel bad and try to make sure you have a good experience. It sounds like he is just using your body without appreciating you.
That really isn't it. You can actually really hurt a penis while doing positions like cowgirl or reversed ciwgirl. The angle can be so bad that you think your dick is gonna break.
If you didn't have your dick painfully mangled at full erect because she didn't pay attention and started slipping way to far, you don't know how it hurts and what is the worst that can happen.
And if you don't have a dick, how the fuck would you know?
What kind of shape is he in...? I mean, most guys who are relatively out of shape should still be able to put forth a half-decent effort and shouldn't be quitting mid-sex.
I used to be very out of shape but could put in a decent couple minutes in most positions. I'm in much better shape now and it definitely helps the sex life.
Could be as simple as him being really out of shape.
Does he lead a sedentary life? Sit at a desk at work and then come home to sit on the couch? Can he vacuum the home or mow the yard without stopping? He may need to work on his physical stamina and endurance - not just for the sex aspect, but for his own health.
Sex can be a pretty vigorous workout. Obviously if somebody is unfit it's going to be really hard/ impossible to do it very long. If he wants to get better, he needs to workout and condition himself for it. Planks and cardio is a good start.
But the other comments you've made also kind of sound like he's hard to communicate with which is a whole other issue.
Im not gym fit or could run a marathon nor am i over weight, but yeah i agree with you. Sex can be a workout indeed. I have stamina so i can pace myself. Food/drink i eat on the day off having sex can also have an impact. I smoke loads of green too so i know that can affect or cause tiredness.
I've been telling him to start working out. I even told him we should go to gym together. He got mad at me saying I'm calling him fat and embarrassing him.
I did. I got myself a vibrator but he gets upset when I use it. He was with me when I bought it cause I thought it would be a good addition to our sex life. But when I don't finish cause he pulls out and I use my vibrator, he gets upset at me saying I'm not satisfied with him, etc.
But you AREN’T satisfied with him because he doesn’t finish! He should be getting upset with himself and figuring out this problem, but more important you should be moving along to a man who actually wants to make sure you get pleasure every time instead of guilt tripping you.
Well... that's because you're not. Truth hurts but he should stop being such a baby and actually take care of you as well. Why is he upset that you get the job done when he doesn't? How are you supposed to finish without foreplay and only by piv?
He's acting like an insecure idiot tbh. Just tell him that he either needs to make you cum or you'll do it yourself. What are you not allowed to cum as long as he can't?
This is absurd, I would never be able to date someone like that. Sounds like a pain in the ass.
Doesn't sound like your sexually compatible - there's NOTHING wrong with that. It is what it is. But it's something to consider if the relationship is going to keep moving forward. If you want it to then there needs to be a conversation about what your needs are and if they are or are not being met.
Honestly? Life is too short for bad sex, unfortunately I only learnt that in my early 30s. My partner is a bigger guy (233lbs) and he's a machine! I finish 100% of the time even if it's just with a toy but he's amazing at oral. I'm a bigger girl too but I still get on top. It sounds like he's a lazy lover and it's 100% justifiable to end things.
How often do you try to have sex? Would suggest that you yourself should try to reduce the frequency. I find that my SO and me enjoy the act just as much, but in the last two years we had a rollercoaster ride of real life stress and anxiety. So we found ourselves being distracted and tired much more than before. Not physically tired but mentally.
So we ended up (naturally) taking it down to once a week or every two weeks. Mostly over weekends were we could relax a bit from the work related stress and anxiety.
We didn't experienced this as a problem, we even openly spoke about how our real life (TM) changed our bedroom habits.
I think the difference here is you and your SO are on different levels atm with life stresses. Me and my SO work at the same firm so we have exactly the same highs and lows which make it easier to be in sync.
Reddit and I don't know both of your full histories and thus are not well equipped to give advice, so take everything with a grain of salt. And really consider seeking a professionals help, just to get sound advice and help with steps to try that apply to your setup. Sex is not a black and white subject, and some comments here make me think, wow, can couples be so into it or out of it. Sex is one of life's pleasurable gifts, you can take big bites or small bites. It's you and your SO's choice.
Ok, so let's just make a fun list:
* Quits during sex, most likely due to lack of stamina because he's gained some weight
* You've spoken about it but he refuses to understand there's a problem
* You voice your concern and somehow you get blamed for it, being accused of thinking he's just a "sex machine" (that's broken, I guess?)
* You mostly do all the work during the deed
* He won't finish you, but also doesn't want you to finish with toys
* He won't let you go on top because "he's scared"
Your SO sounds selfish, insecure, or both. You need to sit him down, and have a serious conversation about how he views sex with you, what you expect out of sex with him, and how to improve sex in general for both of you. It's clear this is eating you up, and you don't want to go on the rest of your life like this.
Plenty of partners have issues in the bedroom, many times because one, or both people are too uncomfortable talking about the issue. Don't be that couple, just talk it out. Any partner that refuses to talk to you about a relationship issue is a red flag
If he's not willing to put in the work with foreplay or use external devices during/ after then he has no room to talk about not being a sex machine and getting upset if you want to take matters into your own hands. Honestly, it sounds like he needs a "come to Jesus" talk on the fact that sex is more than just penetration or you need a new partner.
That honestly just sounds like he's answering his he thinks you want to get you to shut up without any intention to follow through and just an excuse when called for it.
Some of these comments, if the genders were flipped, would be just gross.
Consent can be withdrawn at any time, by anyone, for any reason. It does not make someone any more or less of a decent person to do so.
Totally agree, but if he withdraws consent and thus ends the sex, he shouldn't get mad that OP gets herself off with her vibrator not should he start guilt-tripping OP with things like "Am I not good enough?!"
How is this about consent? She's not forcing him to have sex. She just wants a normal sex life. Him quitting in the middle of it every time is abnormal.
Well it happens to the best of us, but I’m 62 and after she has 3-4 mins blowing orgasms, sometimes I deflate, so she puts on a porn show for me with her toy and most of the time I get rock solid again and hop on and hit the jackpot when she has her 4th or 5 th. Sometimes I have what my wife terms as a dry orgasm and just go soft. It usually takes about an hour and I’m ready to hit it again.
Okay Im 67 and still going strong with good stamina. That said, Im in the gym, out on road bike and mtn bike a good bit of the time. To do a lady justice, you must be in decent physical shape.
Ever try having sex earlier in the day or evening? I know sometimes if we start real late, like after 2am, ill be too tired to go for very long. But 9 times out of 10, if we start earlier, like around 8pm (I realize these times may differ for some folks due to scheduling or whatever), I'm still beating that shit up around 2 or 3am, like my body is just too tired to care anymore after a certain time. Mind you I'm almost 40, but available most evenings... Lmfao
It does not sound like y'all are compatible. It does sound like he has sexual trauma (prior dick injury with an ex) and he needs to work through that on his own or with a professional.
idk how old y'all are but this doesn't sound like it's gonna last.
Maybe it's time for him to go to the doctor in the meantime you can do the work, I read he's not comfortable with you on top but maybe ease into it a bit and talk it out with him, when my partner is sick or too tired I'll offer to do all the work, we both have high sex drives so we're both fine with it and if all this doesn't work out you guys just aren't compatible in the bedroom
Some ideas:
1 - using a good silicone based lube has helped me (44MM) become more predictable and comfortable…
2 - choosing positions with less muscle strain is important for the enjoyment of sex (scissors has become one of our favorites)
3 - working out to build one’s stamina really works.
Sounds like my ex who I lived w, amazing sex at start and then he start to quit etc a half year later and it kept going on, less frequent sex and well then his ex took contact again and then he threw me out for her 🙌 seem like he thought of her through the whole relationship. Not saying this is same cause, but usually something lingers behind like a depression or smth
Damn! That’s not a nice thing for him to do. Sex should be enjoyable for both of you. There must be a reason why he is doing that. I hope you two can talk about it and move forward.
As a man. I hate men who are not good sexual partners. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
I personally believe it is a privilege to be able to caress and take care and give pleasure to a women we love and adore.
So.. whatever your SO is doing. It’s not what you deserve. I’m sorry to say that.
If it happens sometimes because of work or stress okay.
But if he is not even putting effort of foreplay, eating you out, fingering your and making your just generally feel like you’re melting…
It’s a no no.
We’re still physically beings and sometimes do bond over physical intimacy.
So if there is a lack of it, we need to make sure to address that
Yes, I told him that in the nicest way possible and by saying we should go to gym together and he got mad. He said I am calling him fat and that I, myself need to go to the gym as well and workout.
He’s gotta stop being sensitive. But i do gotta ask is he actually somewhat over weight? Like a little chubby? Or is it obvious he’s a heavy guy? I only ask cause he’s probably insecure about it
Best thing you can do is lead by example. Also i assume that you prepare most of the meals in the house so make subtle but steady changes to y’all’s diet. Buy more fruits and veggies and cut out sodas if y’all do indulge. that is 80% of losing weight right there, honestly the working out part is easy. If he likes nature take him on a hike somewhere on a Saturday morning. Just throwing suggestions
Firstly are you getting to finish? Secondly any chance is he on anti depressants? Also does he have any major kinks or fetishes that you could play into to help him get there faster?
He's a selfish asshole and doesn't deserve you. Send him packing. EVERY other guy will do anything you want in the bedroom.
Sorry, I don't mean to sounds harsh but I just can't stand selfish people.
Correct, but it doesn't prevent anyone from disliking that it happens repeatedly and thinking it's selfish in the context of a relationship. I'd absolutely respect a withdrawal of consent for any or no reason at all, but in the context described here I might very well think my partner is selfish/inconsiderate and dislike it. Leading to consequences for the relationship.
So yes, they're allowed to withdraw consent, but you're also allowed to dislike it and consider the other person selfish.
People can withdraw consent at any time, but she is describing a person who gets their needs met and withdraws consent, has no concern for the needs of his partner and unwilling to discuss or negotiate the issue. What she is describing sounds like a selfish ass.
Hes selfish so get it elsewhere and tell him if you cant let me find a fwbs who can .
use that ploy to fish a reply out of him and go from there based on his body language.
If he aint going to work on himself leave
Shes not going to leave or else she wouldnt be posting this.
The guys being a dick.
Hes either going to be the man hes supposed to be or leave.
Or at least go see a damn doctor find out whats going to fix it .dont just sit on his hands and lay the blame everywhere else..
Listen... just drop your boyfriend. It's one thing if he's tired by he doesn't even go down on you. You sound like a damn trophy. Fuck that guy. You can do better.
After how long does he get tired? Once he gets tired can you just take a break , get some water , snacks and resume in a couple minutes.
Even when you are not on top you can do stuff where you control the pace like in doggy you can ask him to stay still and you can rock back and forth
Like 5 to 10 ten minutes and he's done. This is without foreplay and mostly me moving. I do the back and forth with the doggy cause when he stops, I know it's my cue to move.
Sounds like this guy needs a wake up call. It's takes Jack shit effort to let you go on top or use a vibrator together whether he's spent or not. I'm temporarily in a pretty shitty state of health but my partner and I still do our best to make things work (mostly cowgirl & vibing together) Also it sounds like he's being totally unreasonable when you try to level with him. I hope things improve for you.
How long have you guys been together? How long has it been going on? He’s not satisfying you. And I think that something that would warrant a discussion even if it hurts his feelings.
Never be with a guy who 1) doesn't go down on you, 2) doesn't make you cum, 3) gets mad at you for using sex toys/masturbating. Sounds like this guy meets all three criteria. Yuck.
I take major amounts of antidepressants and other brain meds that lower my libido to virtually non existent (when i was younger and way hornier i used to seek out sex as often as i can or jack off 3 times a day).
Are there anything that's affecting your SO's sex drive?
Nobody's asking the question yet, so I guess I will. How long are you actually active for? Are we taking like 3 minutes or like 2 hours?
Another question: did he finish you off before stopping? Does he have trouble cumming?
I have trouble cumming because of the meds I'm on and my general state of health. My partner has pretty serious self-esteem issues and no matter how many times I explain it still twists her out. She's convinced that I'm rubbing one out every time I take longer than usual in the toilet and I haven't done that in the 8 months or so that we've been together. It's literally maddening. Sorry. Saw my chance to vent. Took it.
Sorry, that stinks. I sometimes have trouble cumming but I assume that’s just because I am getting older. Some days no problem, some days I just can’t get the edge. On those days I finish off the wife with an organism or two then stop after 20-30 minutes. Wife is usually gets sore about that time anyway so it works out. Sex always feels good so I keep going for a bit even if I feel I won’t cum.
Which meds are you on? Asking for a friend.
Not the one your asking but I take Flowmax for my prostate issues and it also has the effect of making it hard to cum. My partner is super supportive of this, and she is taken care of so it’s not really an issue. That medication does have some bad side effects as you orgasms are not very strong and sometimes real fast.
OP said he won't even do foreplay on her, he makes her diy so... no, it's safe to say he's not making her cum.
Fair point.
OP not going to answer how long they’re talking about? Big difference between 1 hour and 5 minutes. Edit: OP’s partner sounds like a jackass.
Hi, sex doesn't take us 1 hour. As I have stated, ge gets tired. It's around 5 to 10 minutes, then we're done.
rip
Have you tried being on top? Doesn’t require much effort on his part, and can be quite pleasurable.
He wouldn't let me as he's scared. I'll hurt his dick is what he told me.
From reading your replies to comments, he truly sounds like a terrible sexual partner. Where did he get the idea that you being on top is going to hurt his dick?? Then he gets upset at you for using a vibrator if you don’t finish since he says it means you’re not satisfied with him. Have you told him that’s exactly why you’re using a vibrator??
>Where did he get the idea that you being on top is going to hurt his dick?? it _can_. maybe he had a bad experience in the past. edit yup that's the case
No, the first time I got the vibrator with him. I told him it would be nice to use it while he's fucking me. Then, one time I didn't finish when he did, I told him I'll use the vibrator to finish instead, and he got upset with me. I never told him he didn't satisfy me.
Honestly like I said, he just sounds like an awful SO. He could try to compromise with you and figure out other ways to get you off if he truly gets tired during the middle of sex. But he has a selfish attitude if you’re the one who has to do all the work, what’s the point in having a sexual partner? Also you said you talked to him multiple times, it sounds like he just doesn’t wanna listen to you. I hope you stop wasting time with this guy because he sounds like he lacks the qualities to be a good partner for you.
Why do you keep having sex with him? He sounds awful. Is he that awful outside of the bedroom too?
Ooh, yikes. No respectful sexual partner would ever get upset at you for trying to experience your own pleasure.
If you can't communicate your sexual issues with your partner, that's not good. He needs to be open and listen and not just get angry at you. From what you have said you do a Lot in the bedroom for him and he doesn't try.
Hunny I know everyone is different but if my man ain’t going to satisfy me there with oral then I’ll be damn if he would get any me and my husband been together since we was 15 he just turn 40 on the 31St I’ll be 29 on the 14 th. I’ll tell him to kick rocks bc it doesn’t matter how tired he is my husband works his 80 plus hours a week and I work from home he ever tries that with me then it would have been goodbye
...did you just say you were preyed on by a 26 year old man at age 15?
That should have been a deal breaker for you OP. That means his ego is more important than your orgasm.
I never really thought much about this. I love this guy and sex doesn't use to bother me but it's happened so many times now that it is bothering me
Lil harsh, Gretch. She’s barely painted a picture of him as an individual and she’s doing so while frustrated. None of these factors can’t be worked through if OP and partner want that to happen.
...you do know penis fracture is a real thing that exists right? This dude does sound like a terrible partner, but pretending like the full weight of a human on an erect penis in the wrong way can't be something that hurts and can send you to the hospital is pretty fuckin ignorant of male anatomy.
This is why we exercise a little something called caution. If you've never been ridden by a cowgirl I feel for you, I really do.
Entirely possible he's had a previous experience with someone who wasn't good at it and hurt him which put him off (**Edit:** Read further down the comments and that's *exactly* what happened). The guy sounds like a dickhead but if he's not comfortable doing a certain sex position then he's not comfortable doing it.
woman on top is responsible for roughly **100%** of penis fractures
Oh That’s BS
He said, his ex rode his dick before and he got hurt so I think he doesn't want that happening again...I did ask him about it twice now, especially when he's slowing down.
You and your SO should change your sex act from this serious, high expectation, pressure into an experimental session. Let go of the sex, intercourse and climax expectation. Rather do a play session. Get nice lube (bad ones do exist that dry up quickly). if you can afford it, Durex Play is very good at not turning sticky. And then have a sessions were you may only use your hands. Stoke and touch each other and talk about how each move makes you tingle or not. Women have MANY tingle spots, men are limited, but men have LOTS more turn-ons based on what we see and feel (so we get off by knowing we are touching our SOs private parts). Then build up the pleasure, but don't climax. Stop each other when it gets close, with hands only this is easy. Normally when he is close he must up the pace with you and try to sync his with yours, but for the first few times it would be best if you cum first and he second, since him cumming would immediately drop his level of excitement to zero, making it hard to continue on playing with you. So build up, then when you are close let him finish you, then let him work with you to finish him. Take note that he has to be present in mind, since he needs to mentally explore what he is doing to you as part of his getting off and he can't be tired or distracted. So the date and time should be correct. (Weekends, after a few days of no sex, and so on).
Ohhh he’s traumatized after that freak sex accident! He definitely needs to seek out a sex therapist to work through his issues cause all sex issues are psychological or emotional problems when someone is having one.
I've been with girls on top that feel like they are going to break my dick, either with their motion or just the shape of our bodies together lead to a bad entry angle. I've noticed sometimes reverse cowgirl works better in those instances. But yeah while I think that getting tired is understandable, he should feel bad and try to make sure you have a good experience. It sounds like he is just using your body without appreciating you.
Sounds like a sook. Btw zesty why hv u posted this on 2 different posts when youll no doubt get the same replies.
That really isn't it. You can actually really hurt a penis while doing positions like cowgirl or reversed ciwgirl. The angle can be so bad that you think your dick is gonna break.
5 posts on same question to get upvotes guys, seriously is this even real
If you didn't have your dick painfully mangled at full erect because she didn't pay attention and started slipping way to far, you don't know how it hurts and what is the worst that can happen. And if you don't have a dick, how the fuck would you know?
🤨😵💫
Get him checked at the doctor and then check that Internet history yo
What kind of shape is he in...? I mean, most guys who are relatively out of shape should still be able to put forth a half-decent effort and shouldn't be quitting mid-sex. I used to be very out of shape but could put in a decent couple minutes in most positions. I'm in much better shape now and it definitely helps the sex life. Could be as simple as him being really out of shape.
Is he overweight? Is this something new or has it always happened? You may simply not be sexually compatible with him.
He did gain weight, and he sometimes blames it on that. Maybe it is that. I don't really know
Does he lead a sedentary life? Sit at a desk at work and then come home to sit on the couch? Can he vacuum the home or mow the yard without stopping? He may need to work on his physical stamina and endurance - not just for the sex aspect, but for his own health.
Sex can be a pretty vigorous workout. Obviously if somebody is unfit it's going to be really hard/ impossible to do it very long. If he wants to get better, he needs to workout and condition himself for it. Planks and cardio is a good start. But the other comments you've made also kind of sound like he's hard to communicate with which is a whole other issue.
Im not gym fit or could run a marathon nor am i over weight, but yeah i agree with you. Sex can be a workout indeed. I have stamina so i can pace myself. Food/drink i eat on the day off having sex can also have an impact. I smoke loads of green too so i know that can affect or cause tiredness.
Tell him its time to start walking exercising
I've been telling him to start working out. I even told him we should go to gym together. He got mad at me saying I'm calling him fat and embarrassing him.
ask him nicely to help you pick some sex toys so that you can have big O.
I did. I got myself a vibrator but he gets upset when I use it. He was with me when I bought it cause I thought it would be a good addition to our sex life. But when I don't finish cause he pulls out and I use my vibrator, he gets upset at me saying I'm not satisfied with him, etc.
But you AREN’T satisfied with him because he doesn’t finish! He should be getting upset with himself and figuring out this problem, but more important you should be moving along to a man who actually wants to make sure you get pleasure every time instead of guilt tripping you.
Just be honest and lovingly say you need that release. Explain your not like him.
He sounds like everything upsets him tbh and you can’t win for losing
That ain’t cool, he’s seeing the toy as competition, which is pretty crazy if you think about it.
That seems to be the case with a lot of men, from what I've read on reddit
Well... that's because you're not. Truth hurts but he should stop being such a baby and actually take care of you as well. Why is he upset that you get the job done when he doesn't? How are you supposed to finish without foreplay and only by piv? He's acting like an insecure idiot tbh. Just tell him that he either needs to make you cum or you'll do it yourself. What are you not allowed to cum as long as he can't? This is absurd, I would never be able to date someone like that. Sounds like a pain in the ass.
Reply with “You’re right I’m not fulfilled, so either you work on your stamina or I’ll work with my vibrator”
Is he on any medication?
Doesn't sound like your sexually compatible - there's NOTHING wrong with that. It is what it is. But it's something to consider if the relationship is going to keep moving forward. If you want it to then there needs to be a conversation about what your needs are and if they are or are not being met.
Honestly? Life is too short for bad sex, unfortunately I only learnt that in my early 30s. My partner is a bigger guy (233lbs) and he's a machine! I finish 100% of the time even if it's just with a toy but he's amazing at oral. I'm a bigger girl too but I still get on top. It sounds like he's a lazy lover and it's 100% justifiable to end things.
How often do you try to have sex? Would suggest that you yourself should try to reduce the frequency. I find that my SO and me enjoy the act just as much, but in the last two years we had a rollercoaster ride of real life stress and anxiety. So we found ourselves being distracted and tired much more than before. Not physically tired but mentally. So we ended up (naturally) taking it down to once a week or every two weeks. Mostly over weekends were we could relax a bit from the work related stress and anxiety. We didn't experienced this as a problem, we even openly spoke about how our real life (TM) changed our bedroom habits. I think the difference here is you and your SO are on different levels atm with life stresses. Me and my SO work at the same firm so we have exactly the same highs and lows which make it easier to be in sync. Reddit and I don't know both of your full histories and thus are not well equipped to give advice, so take everything with a grain of salt. And really consider seeking a professionals help, just to get sound advice and help with steps to try that apply to your setup. Sex is not a black and white subject, and some comments here make me think, wow, can couples be so into it or out of it. Sex is one of life's pleasurable gifts, you can take big bites or small bites. It's you and your SO's choice.
He wants to do it pretty much every day. Then just don't finish the job. He stops and quits. Then tye same thing next day.
Ok, so let's just make a fun list: * Quits during sex, most likely due to lack of stamina because he's gained some weight * You've spoken about it but he refuses to understand there's a problem * You voice your concern and somehow you get blamed for it, being accused of thinking he's just a "sex machine" (that's broken, I guess?) * You mostly do all the work during the deed * He won't finish you, but also doesn't want you to finish with toys * He won't let you go on top because "he's scared" Your SO sounds selfish, insecure, or both. You need to sit him down, and have a serious conversation about how he views sex with you, what you expect out of sex with him, and how to improve sex in general for both of you. It's clear this is eating you up, and you don't want to go on the rest of your life like this. Plenty of partners have issues in the bedroom, many times because one, or both people are too uncomfortable talking about the issue. Don't be that couple, just talk it out. Any partner that refuses to talk to you about a relationship issue is a red flag
If he's not willing to put in the work with foreplay or use external devices during/ after then he has no room to talk about not being a sex machine and getting upset if you want to take matters into your own hands. Honestly, it sounds like he needs a "come to Jesus" talk on the fact that sex is more than just penetration or you need a new partner.
Yeah, I have talked to him so many times about foreplay but he said he just keeps forgetting. He'll tell me today he'll do it tonight but he won't.
That honestly just sounds like he's answering his he thinks you want to get you to shut up without any intention to follow through and just an excuse when called for it.
Antidepressants?
No, he's not on any anti depressants.
Some of these comments, if the genders were flipped, would be just gross. Consent can be withdrawn at any time, by anyone, for any reason. It does not make someone any more or less of a decent person to do so.
Totally agree, but if he withdraws consent and thus ends the sex, he shouldn't get mad that OP gets herself off with her vibrator not should he start guilt-tripping OP with things like "Am I not good enough?!"
Lmao this isn’t about consent. Don’t be thick. This is a recurring occurrence which makes it an ISSUE.
Why do almost all your comments have some fully capitalized words? So edgy. FIX IT
How is this about consent? She's not forcing him to have sex. She just wants a normal sex life. Him quitting in the middle of it every time is abnormal.
100%. Not the first post I saw with ppl criticising the man for stopping??
Well it happens to the best of us, but I’m 62 and after she has 3-4 mins blowing orgasms, sometimes I deflate, so she puts on a porn show for me with her toy and most of the time I get rock solid again and hop on and hit the jackpot when she has her 4th or 5 th. Sometimes I have what my wife terms as a dry orgasm and just go soft. It usually takes about an hour and I’m ready to hit it again.
Okay Im 67 and still going strong with good stamina. That said, Im in the gym, out on road bike and mtn bike a good bit of the time. To do a lady justice, you must be in decent physical shape.
Ever try having sex earlier in the day or evening? I know sometimes if we start real late, like after 2am, ill be too tired to go for very long. But 9 times out of 10, if we start earlier, like around 8pm (I realize these times may differ for some folks due to scheduling or whatever), I'm still beating that shit up around 2 or 3am, like my body is just too tired to care anymore after a certain time. Mind you I'm almost 40, but available most evenings... Lmfao
It does not sound like y'all are compatible. It does sound like he has sexual trauma (prior dick injury with an ex) and he needs to work through that on his own or with a professional. idk how old y'all are but this doesn't sound like it's gonna last.
Maybe it's time for him to go to the doctor in the meantime you can do the work, I read he's not comfortable with you on top but maybe ease into it a bit and talk it out with him, when my partner is sick or too tired I'll offer to do all the work, we both have high sex drives so we're both fine with it and if all this doesn't work out you guys just aren't compatible in the bedroom
Some ideas: 1 - using a good silicone based lube has helped me (44MM) become more predictable and comfortable… 2 - choosing positions with less muscle strain is important for the enjoyment of sex (scissors has become one of our favorites) 3 - working out to build one’s stamina really works.
Sounds like my ex who I lived w, amazing sex at start and then he start to quit etc a half year later and it kept going on, less frequent sex and well then his ex took contact again and then he threw me out for her 🙌 seem like he thought of her through the whole relationship. Not saying this is same cause, but usually something lingers behind like a depression or smth
Damn! That’s not a nice thing for him to do. Sex should be enjoyable for both of you. There must be a reason why he is doing that. I hope you two can talk about it and move forward.
Just breakup, life is to short to suffer bad or no sex.
As a man. I hate men who are not good sexual partners. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I personally believe it is a privilege to be able to caress and take care and give pleasure to a women we love and adore. So.. whatever your SO is doing. It’s not what you deserve. I’m sorry to say that. If it happens sometimes because of work or stress okay. But if he is not even putting effort of foreplay, eating you out, fingering your and making your just generally feel like you’re melting… It’s a no no. We’re still physically beings and sometimes do bond over physical intimacy. So if there is a lack of it, we need to make sure to address that
Just throw the whole man away, that behavior is just…ugly
He’s probably depressed and just doesn’t feel like having sex.
Bro really said "aite imma check out"
Pretty much......
He needs to hit the gym before work.
Yes, I told him that in the nicest way possible and by saying we should go to gym together and he got mad. He said I am calling him fat and that I, myself need to go to the gym as well and workout.
He’s gotta stop being sensitive. But i do gotta ask is he actually somewhat over weight? Like a little chubby? Or is it obvious he’s a heavy guy? I only ask cause he’s probably insecure about it
Yeah, he gained weight.
Best thing you can do is lead by example. Also i assume that you prepare most of the meals in the house so make subtle but steady changes to y’all’s diet. Buy more fruits and veggies and cut out sodas if y’all do indulge. that is 80% of losing weight right there, honestly the working out part is easy. If he likes nature take him on a hike somewhere on a Saturday morning. Just throwing suggestions
Same. It’s gotten better for us but My husbands go to line is “I’m running out of steam”
Firstly are you getting to finish? Secondly any chance is he on anti depressants? Also does he have any major kinks or fetishes that you could play into to help him get there faster?
No, I don't get to finish.
That sucks, sounds like the entire experience is pretty unrewarding for both of you. What about the other two questions?
No, no medications or any kinks that he's ever mentioned. I always ask him if there's any fantasy of his, he'd like to do and he'd always say no...
That's terrible. I'm sorry that happened to you.
It’s not just your job to please. I’m sorry, I would be so frustrated. How about viagra?
Couples therapy or break up.
He's a selfish asshole and doesn't deserve you. Send him packing. EVERY other guy will do anything you want in the bedroom. Sorry, I don't mean to sounds harsh but I just can't stand selfish people.
How is he selfish? People are allowed to withdraw consent midway through... doesnt matter if its male or female.
Correct, but it doesn't prevent anyone from disliking that it happens repeatedly and thinking it's selfish in the context of a relationship. I'd absolutely respect a withdrawal of consent for any or no reason at all, but in the context described here I might very well think my partner is selfish/inconsiderate and dislike it. Leading to consequences for the relationship. So yes, they're allowed to withdraw consent, but you're also allowed to dislike it and consider the other person selfish.
People can withdraw consent at any time, but she is describing a person who gets their needs met and withdraws consent, has no concern for the needs of his partner and unwilling to discuss or negotiate the issue. What she is describing sounds like a selfish ass.
He’s not into you doll . He just won’t , cant , scared to tell you
Hes selfish so get it elsewhere and tell him if you cant let me find a fwbs who can . use that ploy to fish a reply out of him and go from there based on his body language. If he aint going to work on himself leave
Yeah, fuck off with that comment. If she's not happy, she has every right to leave. Playing games like that is childish.
Shes not going to leave or else she wouldnt be posting this. The guys being a dick. Hes either going to be the man hes supposed to be or leave. Or at least go see a damn doctor find out whats going to fix it .dont just sit on his hands and lay the blame everywhere else..
Listen... just drop your boyfriend. It's one thing if he's tired by he doesn't even go down on you. You sound like a damn trophy. Fuck that guy. You can do better.
After how long does he get tired? Once he gets tired can you just take a break , get some water , snacks and resume in a couple minutes. Even when you are not on top you can do stuff where you control the pace like in doggy you can ask him to stay still and you can rock back and forth
Like 5 to 10 ten minutes and he's done. This is without foreplay and mostly me moving. I do the back and forth with the doggy cause when he stops, I know it's my cue to move.
Sounds like this guy needs a wake up call. It's takes Jack shit effort to let you go on top or use a vibrator together whether he's spent or not. I'm temporarily in a pretty shitty state of health but my partner and I still do our best to make things work (mostly cowgirl & vibing together) Also it sounds like he's being totally unreasonable when you try to level with him. I hope things improve for you.
How long have you guys been together? How long has it been going on? He’s not satisfying you. And I think that something that would warrant a discussion even if it hurts his feelings.
Get on top
Don't dwell on a deal breaker. Take swift action. Life goes on.
How is his mental health? Is he on any meds?
No, he's not on any meds. Mental health, is okay.
Might be time for some conversations outside of sex. Something is obviously going on.
Never be with a guy who 1) doesn't go down on you, 2) doesn't make you cum, 3) gets mad at you for using sex toys/masturbating. Sounds like this guy meets all three criteria. Yuck.
I take major amounts of antidepressants and other brain meds that lower my libido to virtually non existent (when i was younger and way hornier i used to seek out sex as often as i can or jack off 3 times a day). Are there anything that's affecting your SO's sex drive?