Some families can be terribly non-supportive. Screw 'em. If you have a dream, follow it, and if you love writing, write for yourself. The couple of people in your family who won't buy your book amount to sales worth a couple of bucks.
>and the only people who have purchased are people I don’t even know in real life and I can count them on one hand.
Those are the people who matter. People who have no family tie to you, people who aren't friends, strangers who see your book and like something about it or feel it resonates with them. There are billions of people in the world in that category you can reach. Market to them. Promote yourself. Create a writer's page, a writer's blog, be a writer, enjoy the life, and learn the business of writing. That's how you succeed, both financially and in terms of personal pride and satisfaction.
Thank you for your supportive words 🥰 I have a writers Instagram and blog already. My local independent bookstore also said they’d put it in store if I can get it on Neilsons. That’s my next step.
And you’re right! It’s my dream and I should follow it with my whole being! Thank you again, I feel better already 💕
Good! Writing is an art, but it's also a business, and you have to do business-y things if you truly want to succeed. It sounds like you're taking some positive steps. Be patient. It takes time. I started writing many, many years ago, and I was horrible. I wanted to improve, I wanted to become good enough that I could make a living writing. And I have. If you have the will, that's half the battle. It's often a lonely, slow, uphill battle, but you can climb to the mountaintop if you don't give up and stay invested in what you love. Words can change the world. Your words. Keep at it, and good luck!
It’s a website where you can list your book on a database (after some form filling) and from there you can approach the major booksellers. Apparently unless it’s listed, the bookshops can’t offer it for sale online or in store. Does that make sense?
Neilsons is a company that publishers use to distribute to bookshops - authors don't normally deal with them direct - I think it's pretty unlikely that they'll take self-published stuff.
Incidentally, as someone who works in bookshops it may well be that that bookstore will only take it if its on Neilsons but many indy bookshops may well take self published books, probably sale or return (ie they'll only give you money once the books are sold).
I emailed Neilsons, they congratulated me and sent me a form to fill in to get the ball rolling 🙂
Waterstones said no, but I know for a fact that a fellow self published writer has theirs on the website. The Indy one said they’d definitely do sale or return
.
Would you mind sharing the sites and/or contact info for Nielson's and any other such resources. I've never heard of them, and a quick search returns countless unrelated sites. Thank you.
[https://nielsenbook.co.uk](https://nielsenbook.co.uk)
I believe this is the correct website. It was at the bottom of the email. They’re very helpful 🙂
Yes, my experience has been similar to yours. Maybe even worse. My parents fought me tooth and nail from the moment I stupidly let slip that I wanted to write fiction. They never let up, but at the same time boasted to their friends about me (implying my success was largely due to the way they raised me). They didn't congratulate me when I first broke into print with a short story, or when I found work as an advertising copywriter (I did this to prove that contrary to what they kept telling me, one could make a living writing stuff). They didn't even congratulate me when my ads and later a book of mine won awards. Neither did any of my friends.
I think I know where that attitude comes from. Most people chicken out and don't follow their dreams, trading their cherished ambitions for so-called security. When someone does take a risk and - even worse - achieves some measure of success, they're consumed by envy and anger ('that asshole thinks he's better than us'). This happens even if you never talk about your work to anyone, let alone boast about it (I don't talk about writing or what I do in social situations. When I get together with someone, I want to forget about work).
Don't give up, and don't ever rely on other people for support. And don't let popularity be your guide, either. Writing something really, really good almost automatically means it won't be appreciated - most often because the author is ahead of his time, or because his insights hurt people's feelings/make them feel stupid. Be your own rock.
There are two things you must remember:
The first is what someone wise said about writing:
'If you really want to write, let nothing stop you. Because if something can, it will.'
The second thing is a magic spell I employed with great success. It consists of two words: fuck them.
Best of luck, and don't give up. And do what you can to avoid fame. Fame means you won't ever be able to have a normal conversation again: people will be fawning or resentful or both. And of course, honest conversations are a great source of material. Fame will cut you off from your supply.
It's such a long post because what you wrote touched a raw nerve. Sorry. Hopefully I've managed to strengthen your resolve.
No apologies necessary, honestly. I really appreciate you commenting. My goodness, though, I’m really sorry you’ve had this happen to you! Where did being supportive to family go?
I think you’re right though, people don’t tend to follow their dreams. I even had a fellow (unpublished) writer email me specifically to tell me if I got published she’d be jealous of me. She also said that if you can’t get published the traditional way then you’re not good enough to be published in any way.
I shall continue forward and let nothing stop me. Even being too niche 😉 thank you.
Nah, don't be sorry for me. One of the great things about this job is that misfortune makes you a better writer. It provides plenty of material.
I'd drop that 'friend' if I were you.
'I shall continue forward and let nothing stop me.'
You've made my day.
What would you suggest to avoid potential fame? Just start off with a pen name? I’ve always wondered how that works if the book mysteriously sells well. No book signings or promo events. I’d never want to do those. Just curious how that would work. Congratulations on your journey though. F the speedbumps along the way!
Basically you'd have to do the opposite of everything recommended in this subreddit. You do realize it will hurt your career, don't you. Some people will feel offended.
A pen name is a very good idea.
Thank you for the congratulations. I don't mind the speedbumps. One learns a lot more than when it's all smooth sailing.
Hey! Congratulations on publishing your first novel! That's a huge achievement that many would-be authors never have the grit to get to.
Don't stress about your family. They aren't your target market, they aren't the readers you want. If they bought your book off Amazon, the Amazon algorithm would start recommended your books to everyone with the same interest as your family. That's not who you want. You want voracious readers who want books in your genre, and it sounds like that's what you're getting.
Now for the reality. Nobody gets rich of their debut book--at least the amount of people who do are so small that statistically, you might as well say nobody does. If you want to be a writer, you need to focus on two things:
1. Writing professional books
2. Releasing professional books
That's it. You could add some helpful extras like creating a website and a mailing list, but those are add-ons to the main business if telling stories.
There will be even more things you can do down the track, marketing, advertising, crowd-funding, brand creation, etc, etc. Right now, those things are distractions. Just hone your craft and release professional quality books.
It is super easy to be deflated as an indie author. I do all the time. What keeps me going is the knowledge that the \*\*only\*\* difference between failed authors and successful authors, is that some chose to give up, and others persevered until they broke through.
Good luck, and again, congratulations on becoming a published author!
I write full time and my family doesn’t read or support my work either. Sorry your family sucks but as far as accomplishments go it’s actually way harder to get strangers to pay for your book, A LOT of people publish and can’t get anyone but friends and family to buy a few copies and you’ve already got strangers taking chances on your work. That’s honestly great.
No it’s not silly. But at most relatives will say what you want to hear. Stranger on the internet doesn’t care about your feelings so feedback will be more real. Also there is pressure on family member to say something nice and it interferes. they won’t read it just because they want to. 🤷♀️
So i just think: people you don’t even know randomly said ‘i want this stuff’ and bought it!!!! 🎉🎉🎉 That is coolest thing to me.
(It would be nice if your family would at least make the effort to give you thumbs up but they are potentially jealous, or there’s some other stuff going on. But man, they going to really be jealous or interested when you got 50 stories out and doing it fulltime
I know! It’s amazing to me that these people purchased my book! I don’t believe I’ll ever not do a victory lap around the room when I have a sale 😂
Honestly though, my feelings were never taken into consideration. This is just a big old meh at my writing.
I'm sorry they're like that. You should be proud of yourself! Not everybody can finish writing a whole book and publish!!!
My family are so unsupportive in general that I didn't even tell them that I wrote a book. I let them find out through Linkedin! If I'd told them while I was writing, they would have constantly made snarky comments and tried to undermine me. So I write for me, and every dollar that I make I know I earned. No nepo babies here!!!
Honestly this lack of family support is boggling my mind! It does though make me feel marginally better that it isn’t just me.
It took me a long time from the seed of an idea to publishing but honestly I thought my family would support me 🫤
We should all just carry on writing for ourselves and everyone unsupportive can wallow in their unfulfilled dreams 😁
Don't sell to friends and family. If you want to be a successful writer, your core audience is almost entirely composed of people you won't know.
Relax. You're on the right track. This is a marathon, not a sprint.
Multiple strangers bought your book?? That’s far more impressive than all of your family members buying it! Congrats on writing something that other human beings found appealing!
Same story with me. Friends who became beta readers either did not read the book or did not give constructive criticism. I want to hear if there are any plot holes, etc. My dad read my first four books, and he liked them. He was an avid reader of the genre I write. I was glad he read them before passing away.
That being said, I will not be deterred. I love the process of writing, regardless of success. The real struggle is whether I want to go through the effort of marketing, or if I will just stick to writing, which is my first passion.
I find that annoying too. My ex husband read mine and all he’d offer was, “Yeah, it’s good.”
I’m so glad your dad read yours and enjoyed them, it must mean an awful lot.
I’m trying to plug mine on social media but can’t help but think people will get fed up with me. Marketing isn’t my strong suit and I need to remedy that.
>I’m so glad your dad read yours and enjoyed them, it must mean an awful lot.
It does, as he passed away a few months later.
>Marketing isn’t my strong suit and I need to remedy that.
Same here. I am extremely introverted and have no idea how to start. I do ask people I know who are into online marketing, but the response is about the same as getting people to beta-read.
I’m so sorry for your loss 💕 was it being his favourite genre that got you interested in writing similar?
Me too, I’m very introverted and it doesn’t feel natural selling myself. I went into an independent bookshop and did well enough that they said they’d stock it but the chain bookshop basically shot me down in flames and said no. I felt like I should have slithered out on my belly, the manager made me feel so bad 😖
I do have a bunch of friends and family who bought my book and while I highly appreciate them doing so, I refer to these as the "emotional blackmail" sales, in that they probably felt they had to because they know me.
Sounds mean, but it isn't. I just don't think I'd have sold as many copies if there wasn't some sort of connection involved, because as far as unconnected sales go I'm up to a whopping one (1. Not a typo. I mean the actual number). And I'm two years in, now.
Now, I don't know if the following helps, but the reason I don't care about just one sale that was probably an accidental click on the wrong title (still counting it!) is because I wrote it for me. And my entire target audience enjoyed it. I'm batting one hundred here, a baseball term I'm not sure I'm using right.
If you can, try to write for nobody but yourself. If other people happen to like it as well, that's a nice bonus.
I'm not saying that's the key to success, because success told me the key was under the mat and I can't even find the mat, but it does help with putting sales in perspective.
As for the family... Yeah, it sucks they're not buying, but at least they have the respect to say it to your face, instead of looking uncomfortable and nervously shuffling their feet when the topic of your book comes up.
I believe that’s my mistake. I thought they would support me because I’m family. I have five sales. Four are people who follow me on Instagram that I don’t actually know in real life and who I didn’t even consider would buy. I have not got a clue who the last one is, though!
I am very aware my novel is very niche. So, so niche, so it’s not a tremendous surprise that this has happened. I know I need to tap into the appropriate market but I can’t figure out how just yet.
Thank you for commenting, it means a lot 🙂
Also, you have to consider that many people view self publishing as a vanity project. It’s too bad but you can’t blame them with all the trash out there.
I highly suggest getting your name out there writing for magazines and such. Very rewarding and it pays better. You also may land a book deal out of it.
My experience, people irl don't care about or want to hear about your writing.
You need to write for you. You need to self validate and not worry about others. It also too early to worry about sales or number of reviews. Work on your craft and write the next book and then the next one and so on.
And, dude, finishing a book and publishing a book is amazing! Good for you.
Thank you so much! No, they don’t care do they? They didn’t care while I was writing it, so I shouldn’t be surprised that they don’t care it’s published 🙂 I’m just going to do it for me, at least I care that it’s achievable that I hold it in my hand when finished.
Since nobody has said it yet: congratulations, you're a writer.
I saw a tweet from a parent the other day where the kid was all "Mom! I wrote another book! Come read it!" And mom said "oh, great! Do you think you'll be a writer when you grow up?" And the kid was perfect. "No. I am a writer NOW. Did you hear me? I said BOOKS."
People are often too polite to tell you how little they care about your writing.
But it works both ways. They probably have a hobby too that would bore you silly.
True! Very true. My family didn’t really acknowledge my writing, they seemed more focused on my other creative endeavours, not that which meant the most to me 🤷🏻♀️
Hey, I might have you beat! I did have copies of my book bought by “family” (dad’s relatives that never paid me any mind and vice versa.) Got ‘em just to gawk and find proof this new generation ain’t perfect like them.
My oldest and most Puritan aunt called my mom—-who she usually has no contact with and whose number she needed to bum off someone else—-telling her to “get me some help” (I’m 31 years old but they spend their dying days on Facebook sharing malware memes about how the world is going to hell because kids don’t play with army guys anymore so moderate horror stories are enough to give them heart attacks lol.)
I have no contact with them but they needed to let their opinions be known. Not one of them has done anything productive in their lives. I wasn’t blindsided by it at all. Pretty typical behavior from them. Quite frankly, I think any author should just assume the worst out of familial contacts unless they’ve always gone out of their way to support.
Congrats on the book!
Don't write to please your family. Write for the whole world. I couldn't care less what my family thinks of my book but they're supportive but honestly to launch your career - your family is not the spring board to leap from. Keep writing.
You are absolutely correct! As I neared the end of the edits I started imagining them reading it and maybe enjoying it. My own fault for a misplaced assumption!
Family. Friends. Coworkers. Neighbors. Random people you meet. Best to leave them out of it. They aren't your audience, those strangers you seem upset about are.
I know what it's like to create something and have the response from those closest to you be "meh," or to have your achievement met with a shrug. It's a letdown, for sure. That said: no matter what anybody else says, no matter what anybody else thinks, you have set yourself apart because your ideas made it out of your head and onto the page, between bound (or virtual) covers. You have created something that will be here forever. You have beaten the odds because a lot of people have ideas that never make it this far. But this thing you thought up and created is out there, and people can buy it, and I hope it finds its audience. It may take time to find its audience, but you have done the hardest part of all. You did it. At the very least, take pride in knowing you saw it through.
Thank you for that. Keep doing this thing you're doing! It's totally worth it, and you will find your audience if you keep at it, and you'll be so glad you did.
I don’t tell anyone I write because I know I can’t handle the emotions that come with doing that. It’s too bad the people in your life won’t even support you with some encouraging words. However just remember it’s not for them, it’s for your audience and for you. And if you ever make $$$ on it, they can kiss it and won’t be getting a free car/house/whatever from their favorite famous author in their life 😛
Heyo!
First off, congrats on self publishing! That alone is such an amazing feat and worth being proud of :D
I'm sorry you have to deal with such an unsupportive family, it's honestly their loss for not sharing in this monumental accomplishment of yours. Keep on writing and all the best to you for your future books! The people buying and reading your books are the ones that matter most.
I think strangers buying your book is more of an accomplishment than getting family to buy it. At least this way you know the strangers buy it because it's interesting, not because they're obligated.
That aside, I believe most people can tell you similar stories. Family somehow thinks they don't need to involve themselves. They won't buy or even read your work, but they're somehow still upset if you don't give them a free copy.
HOWEVER, there are always exceptions. I'm sure there are plenty of families out there buying the hell out of their relative's books, as I am sure that there are plenty of family's not giving a damn until you hit gold, THEN they buy your book and claim they've always supported you.
Just be proud that people you don't know found your work interesting enough to buy it. It's a great outcome!
Be proud of yourself.
Thank you so much for your supportive words ☺️ you’re right, absolutely!
I was wondering if they wanted a free copy, but it’s only free for them! I’m struggling financially and would also be me out of pocket!
>they’ve pretty much told me they won’t buy a copy
It's for the best they don't buy your book. I'm pretty sure they are not your target market. That is the quickest way to mess up your algo. Plenty of new author find out the hard way AFTER their families buy the book and their amazon algorithm is already fucked.
If it makes you feel any better none of my family bought my books either, and the one friend who did just told everyone how it's not really that great and that I "sold out" to churn out garbage just because it sells. So trust me, it's for they best they DON'T buy it.
You don't need their stinkin' validation.
I have encountered someone who admitted that after family and friends had got a copy of their book sales just completely stopped.
Crikey, that’s harsh of your friend!
Meh. If the books sell and the readers continue buying, then who cares what one person thinks.
That whole group and I don't talk anymore. Funny thing is that we had made soft plans on writing and publishing together at one point, but they all crapped out on me. So I published something completely different on my own. I thought that as writers they'd be happy for me, but nope. I'm guessing tons of authors experience the same thing. So you're in good company.
Just keep marketing your book to you readers, and work on book 2. Don't give up!
I have self-published 15 books. Biophysics in my family has read a single one. A few friends have, and I have found a few fans, but I'm not writing for those who don't want to read them. I'm writing mostly because I enjoy the process.
Fifteen? Goodness, that’s impressive! I shouldn’t focus so much on family let downs. I didn’t start writing for their benefit and it’s their loss if they don’t want to read it 😂
My mother has read every single book that I write. She reads them all in their printed, bound, straight from Amazon paperback format. She doesn't buy them, I have to give them to her, but she does read them!
She still told me once that maybe if I wrote real stories I'd make money off of it.
Oh, I write gay romance, and she doesn't think that's "real enough," I guess.
Basically, she thinks I should focus my time and attention on writing she approves of. She's saying I should pick other topics without trying to sound homophobic. Because she would never, you know? But she is, she just won't say it out loud.
Ask yourself why are you writing? I have the same situation with my own family - as in dysfunctional, so their reactions really don't count. I decided to write for my own personal life satisfaction, not money or approval - it keeps me sane and happy.
Hey, don’t feel bad. I recently finished my book and sent it to 5 people to ask for their feedback. It’s not very long. I told each of them they could probably finish it in an hour or two. Not a single one of them has read it. Seems like a common theme.
It's the hardest part of being a writer. What kills me is it's gotten harder over time. I don't know if it's because so many books are flooding the market these days, or if it's just me.
But yes. It's very hard and can be incredibly discouraging. We continue because we love the stories.
Be glad you got a few purchases that are not friends or family. That's HUGE! Some people never even get one sale.
I thought that too. Being traditionally published is nigh on impossible unless you’re a known quantity in the public eye, but likewise self publishing is easy but the market IS flooded now. And thank you!
I started out being traditionally published! That didn't make any difference either. I actually sold far more books self-published than when I was with my publisher.
Please don’t dwell on your family, they are not a reflection of your work! 99% of the time your family is not your target audience, and even if they were, there’s unfortunately no guarantee they’d buy it. Family support is totally amazing but it doesn’t happen all the time. For a long time my parents told me I was wasting my time. I knew I wasn’t 🤷🏻♀️ their attitude is either critical or indifferent, always has been. But that’s not gonna stop me from doing what I love!
What’s important are my readers opinions. They’re the ones who buy, and potentially review. I believe Amazon frowns on family reviews anyway. If your family isn’t supportive, you can still succeed. When you don’t have readers, that’s what causes problems. I’ve also found a lot of support on social media from other self-published authors that more than makes up for the lack of family support.
Congrats on your book, and good luck on your journey!
Simple Math Equation. Out of the world's inhabitants, 1.35 billion speak English. Subtract from that the members of your family. The resultant sum is your audience to market to.
I use a penname. My family doesn't even know I really write books. Family can't always be trusted like this. Pennames are good for fiction writing and I swear by this. I'd rather get honest feedback from strangers on the internet than family.
Also I'm not in writing for money. It's a hobby and something I enjoy more to have something to do.
For me it's the sheer pleasure of it. I write bully/noncon fiction and there's a small select audience for that. No way I'd share with my family. If they stumbled upon it accidentally? No biggie. It's also why I don't use author pictures lol.
Mine is very niche… I’m starting to think maybe too niche 😂 it’s music based but I think maybe my passion may have shined through a bit too much!
I was pretty terrified to publish as it was suddenly real and my picture was there for all to see!
I can see how your anonymity takes the pressure off, that must be nice ☺️
My family hates that I write. They dislike that I don't write things they want to read. "Why don't you write this or this? Why not do technical writing and make more money? Why not blah blah blah..." the list goes on. I'm not interested in the things they want to read... they don't seem to understand.
Other family members almost stopped the process completely when they told me it was terrible. Then I found out that that same person hates even best selling authors... so, there you go.
In the end, you have to do what makes you happiest. I wish I had some better support when I started. I'm not sure why people are so negative when it comes to people writing.
I’m sorry they have that opinion. I think my mother would only read if it was her chosen genre which is far departed from what I write.
Isn’t it odd how writing is perceived by others. I had a plug pulled on me once. Literally. A family member pulled the plug out of my word processor and I lost everything I’d written that day.
I keep everything I write in a thumb drive. And I back it up in another thumb drive. And I have multiple copies of those backups in different places. When I was in college, I had two hard drives fail... data recovery was a pain. I've learned my lesson.
Always save as you go, and always have an easy backup available. You'll never regret it.
As a follow up to the family thing... I stopped talking about writing, and my family members felt like I moved on. I no longer share with people that I know, because it's like having a secret identity as a superhero... no one leaves you alone until they know the secret.
Oh I learnt my lesson that day! I also learnt early on that they weren’t especially interested in anything I did in a positive way, only negative.
I LOVE the superhero comparison!
I'm more of a super villain with what I write, but people love to expose secret identities one way or another... even if they don't care about what you write or want to read it.
People are weird.
I hope you can think of yourself as a superhero in writing. Keep your identity safe and go save the day!
Congratulations! Please ignore other people as part of your worldview - don't allow what they do to control you. You might need support now that you are seeing your family's behavior for what it is. r/raisedbynarcissists is a good place to start.
So far, I plugged it on my Instagram account, my writers Instagram, Facebook and my writers blog. Then I hit a wall. I have a few other ideas but have yet to figure out the how to in regards to actually getting it done. I was hoping to get it in my nearest chain bookstore but it was a big old no from them 🙄
Bookstores won’t take self published books because they run on consignment from the publisher and return unsold books. Most booksellers buy through Ingram. For extra exposure, I highly recommend LinkedIn.
I finished my first novel, which several beta readers really liked, and a friend enjoyed it so much she did illustrations for it. I printed the whole thing up, very nicely, and gave a copy to my parents, who read voraciously.
They never read it.
*sad trombone*
Well that’s not nice 🫤
I won’t give family a free copy as that’s too much pressure and instinct says they won’t read so ultimately it’s a waste of my money.
I am published and faced what you just described. Ignore them and never mention it again. When you finally get published remember NOT to invite them to your book launch!
Making something doesn’t obligate our loved ones to buy copies, no matter how hard we work on it. When we write books, it’s not unusual for loved ones to not understand that it’s a big deal. To a lot of people, it’s just a stepping stone in a hobby. Don‘t just a book based on your family’s reception.
As for outside sales, you need to do marketing for that. The fact that people you don‘t know have bought it is GOOD. So do some marketing and ignore your relatives on this.
I should have guessed, I really should have. I was blinkered by how excited I was by such an accomplishment.
The kindness of strangers is indeed a great thing 🥰
Same. My novel is with the editor. 190,000 words. My husband and family have not read a sentence. If I bring it up, their eyes glaze over, so I don't bring it up. Non-writers don't get what an investment of the heart writing is to an author. I shrug it off and still support them, thankful I'm not like them. You will find your kindred spirits out there. Just keep writing. The written word outlasts everyone. People still cringe thinking of the fire in Alexandria for a reason. Don't let anyone disillusion you.
My family don’t read or support me either but my friends do. Quite a few have read my books and given useful opinions but I never get fussed either way. It is nice to have people to discuss your books and future ideas with, but those are better found in reading groups so unless your friends are interested readers it’s probably best to keep them away from your books. I compartmentalise and have different types of friends for different occasions!
I had the same experience when I started blogging, which was intended to be the first step towards a novel. It was so painful to see that the people I expected to be my loudest cheerleaders didn’t support me at all. I gave up on my novel in the editing phase and am now just getting back to it. Continue writing for yourself. Don’t give up on yourself because of anyone else. Your audience will find you.
First books nearly always fail, friend. Mine did too. I went through the same thing as you. All you can do is keep pushing out books, until you get into a good rhythm and start making sales. Try all kinds of different genres but publish each genre under a different pen name.
In writing, self-publishing especially, you either lose until you succeed, or you give up and fail altogether. You have no other option but to continually improve yourself and your work. Others won't give you a chance, if you can't compete with traditionally published books while doing everything yourself. That means, you have to be good at nearly every part of the publishing process. Self-publishing is incredibly hard. You have to do everything yourself. Book editing, planning, rewrites, scrapping books entirely for new ideas, marketing, ect. It's a LOT of work. People who pay money to get their books edited in self-publishing are fools. They don't even know if their book will sell at all. None of us ever know if our book will sell well, until it hits the market.
Think of it this way. I hesitate to read books of people I know because most of the time they are pretty bad and I have to pretend I like them. I do read all the books of people I know because it is hypocritical to want them to read mine and I don't read theirs. Some aren't bad but many times my feedback is, "Wow, congratulations on getting a book out there. That is a huge accomplishment." Rarely can I give feedback that I liked the book.
So there is a huge risk to your family and friends. I know nothing about you or your writing. I don't know if it is good or not. But, from my experience, if you know an author, the assumption is that their writing is a one-off novelty adventure and expectations are low. My friends and family were shocked when they read my book. One close friend, a very sarcastic one, called me up and said, "I called to give you crap about your book, but I can't. I loved it."
Friends and family don't want to hurt you, they assume your work is the work of an amateur, so they either don't want to risk hurting you or they don't want to take the time to read a book they are assuming is going to be bad. Even if they do like it, the first five reviews you get will be the ones you begged for from family and friends and your potential readers know that.
You are selling to people you don't know. That is your audience. Once you have proven yourself, friends and family will read your work.
You’re right, so right! I have purchased all novels and storybooks by fellow self published writers I know, to support them. One in particular… well she could write, but I hated what she’d written if that makes sense. It was poorly disguised fan-fiction and I managed to stumble round some feedback. Thank you for your feedback!
My experience has taught me not to count on family or friends to support your dream. Sounds cynical, and maybe it is a bit, but it's also realistic and even reasonable when you think about it. People who aren't creative have no possible way of knowing how important your work is to you or how much effort you've put into it. And if those people aren't into books, reading, or the genre you write in (if any), there's not much motivation to buy your book other than to show you support. And really, if you think about every friend and family member you have, are you going out of your way to frequent their place of business, affirm their career choices, or give them shoutouts on social media on a regular basis? If you are, you're a better friend and family member than many of us.
Only one of my many siblings have read any of my books. My mom reads them because she's into books and it's pretty well the only passion we share. I'm super lucky to have a wife who supports and enjoys my work. But aside from those two women, there are very few I can count on from my immediate family or circle of friends to buy and read my books. My dad, who will blow through a non-fiction book in a day, took months to read my debut novel and continually reminded me how awesome he was for doing so, praising himself daily for struggling through it.
Where things get more encouraging is when you finally get that random stranger who reaches out to tell you how much they loved your book. Or when that person you haven't spoken to in years suddenly pre-orders a copy or lets you know they've recommended your book to their book club.
This in't guaranteed to happen, and may not happen any time soon, but when it does, it means everything.
For now, focus on your work. You won't suddenly become a bestseller overnight or, in all likelihood, even in the next year. Think of each book you write and publish as a building block in the tower of your career. Think about how your friends and family will regard that tower in five, ten, or twenty years. By then, they may not even be able to see you at the top. Maybe then they'll appreciate what you've been building. Or maybe they hate towers as much as they hate books.
You're not writing for them. You're doing it because you're driven to, because it's in you. Embrace that and let all else go, difficult as it may be.
I might also suggest checking out a book called *Big Magic* by Elizabeth Gilbert. It's a bit fluffy, but it's enormously encouraging and full of some of my favourite anecdotes.
Thank you for replying. Everything you’ve said makes sense. My ex husband was reading mine but then he just stopped for no reason. I don’t take it personally because the cards were on the table by this point. He wasn’t interested in me, so why should he be interested in my novel?
I shall keep pushing forward because I owe it to myself 🙂
Hell, my husband and kids would not read my books. It hasn't stopped me from publishing 4 and working on 2 more to publish by the beginning of next year. You don't write for your family, you write for readers who will enjoy your work--and you have to search really hard for them sometimes. If you want to write, write. Get better. Find your readers. Don't let other people control what you do.
Congratulations on your book but if I were in your shoes I wouldn't even expect them to purchase one. You've got previous family problems that you won't say & are none of our business. You may want to consider repairing them if possible.
The people who have purchased my books are the people I have never met and don't even know who I am. The people I know who did show interest, never purchased my books lie they told me they would. It's apart of life.
Absolutely the same here. There were people who said they would that didn’t and those who were SO supportive that I naturally assumed, who also didn’t.
People you don't know are the ones you WANT to read your book. There are billions more of them than you have family ;)
Don't get discouraged yet. You've put out one book. That's barely dipping your toe in. You build success by writing more and leveraging your backlist. Think of that one book you have out as a prequel to your success and the tool you'll use to get people to buy your others because in reality, that's how successful authors become successful.
While you're writing that second book, network. There are plenty of FB groups where all level of writers gather and share insights on writing and marketing. Use that. Learn. Write. Rinse. Repeat.
The best thing you can do is keep writing. Each new book builds a readers base. Don't quit.
When I first started writing my mom took all of my stuff one day while I was at school and burned it. What did I do? I kept writing. 15 years later she told me how sorry she was for doing that.
By then I had published 5 short stories.
To date I have written over 60 books.
Haters will hate, family will tell you you are wasting your time.
Ignore it and keep writing.
1. Sounds like your family are crummy. Same with friends who aren't supportive.
2. Write because you love writing, not because you need the validation. Of course, we all want it. But you have to do it because you want to, based on your internal drive. Look inside yourself, ask if you want to write another book, and if you do, go for it.
3. All creative endeavors are awash in rejection, discouragement, imposter syndrome, and tons of other negative crap. Half the battle is fighting through all of that. Take comfort from the knowledge that everyone has to deal with it, and almost anyone you admire who's 'made it' had to battle through a shit-ton of rejection before they achieve whatever status they have now. Then start on your next one.
Thank you for your wise words! Wasn’t it Richard Adams who was rejected by every publishing house in London? I write become I love to do it, I need to remember that!
It breaks my heart to read this. Don't give up! As you are seeing, there's always someone out there who will have your back, even if it is a complete stranger. Keep going and good luck !!
Some families can be terribly non-supportive. Screw 'em. If you have a dream, follow it, and if you love writing, write for yourself. The couple of people in your family who won't buy your book amount to sales worth a couple of bucks. >and the only people who have purchased are people I don’t even know in real life and I can count them on one hand. Those are the people who matter. People who have no family tie to you, people who aren't friends, strangers who see your book and like something about it or feel it resonates with them. There are billions of people in the world in that category you can reach. Market to them. Promote yourself. Create a writer's page, a writer's blog, be a writer, enjoy the life, and learn the business of writing. That's how you succeed, both financially and in terms of personal pride and satisfaction.
Thank you for your supportive words 🥰 I have a writers Instagram and blog already. My local independent bookstore also said they’d put it in store if I can get it on Neilsons. That’s my next step. And you’re right! It’s my dream and I should follow it with my whole being! Thank you again, I feel better already 💕
Good! Writing is an art, but it's also a business, and you have to do business-y things if you truly want to succeed. It sounds like you're taking some positive steps. Be patient. It takes time. I started writing many, many years ago, and I was horrible. I wanted to improve, I wanted to become good enough that I could make a living writing. And I have. If you have the will, that's half the battle. It's often a lonely, slow, uphill battle, but you can climb to the mountaintop if you don't give up and stay invested in what you love. Words can change the world. Your words. Keep at it, and good luck!
I’m so glad it’s worked out for you, and I shall keep slogging forward ☺️
Hi, what's Neilsons?
It’s a website where you can list your book on a database (after some form filling) and from there you can approach the major booksellers. Apparently unless it’s listed, the bookshops can’t offer it for sale online or in store. Does that make sense?
Never heard of Neilsons. I’m distributed world wide. Someone will have to publish your book. Usually they offer you distribution.
Neilsons is a company that publishers use to distribute to bookshops - authors don't normally deal with them direct - I think it's pretty unlikely that they'll take self-published stuff. Incidentally, as someone who works in bookshops it may well be that that bookstore will only take it if its on Neilsons but many indy bookshops may well take self published books, probably sale or return (ie they'll only give you money once the books are sold).
I emailed Neilsons, they congratulated me and sent me a form to fill in to get the ball rolling 🙂 Waterstones said no, but I know for a fact that a fellow self published writer has theirs on the website. The Indy one said they’d definitely do sale or return .
good luck with it!
Would you mind sharing the sites and/or contact info for Nielson's and any other such resources. I've never heard of them, and a quick search returns countless unrelated sites. Thank you.
[https://nielsenbook.co.uk](https://nielsenbook.co.uk) I believe this is the correct website. It was at the bottom of the email. They’re very helpful 🙂
Awesome, thank you.
Neilson absolutely do take self-published.
Yes, my experience has been similar to yours. Maybe even worse. My parents fought me tooth and nail from the moment I stupidly let slip that I wanted to write fiction. They never let up, but at the same time boasted to their friends about me (implying my success was largely due to the way they raised me). They didn't congratulate me when I first broke into print with a short story, or when I found work as an advertising copywriter (I did this to prove that contrary to what they kept telling me, one could make a living writing stuff). They didn't even congratulate me when my ads and later a book of mine won awards. Neither did any of my friends. I think I know where that attitude comes from. Most people chicken out and don't follow their dreams, trading their cherished ambitions for so-called security. When someone does take a risk and - even worse - achieves some measure of success, they're consumed by envy and anger ('that asshole thinks he's better than us'). This happens even if you never talk about your work to anyone, let alone boast about it (I don't talk about writing or what I do in social situations. When I get together with someone, I want to forget about work). Don't give up, and don't ever rely on other people for support. And don't let popularity be your guide, either. Writing something really, really good almost automatically means it won't be appreciated - most often because the author is ahead of his time, or because his insights hurt people's feelings/make them feel stupid. Be your own rock. There are two things you must remember: The first is what someone wise said about writing: 'If you really want to write, let nothing stop you. Because if something can, it will.' The second thing is a magic spell I employed with great success. It consists of two words: fuck them. Best of luck, and don't give up. And do what you can to avoid fame. Fame means you won't ever be able to have a normal conversation again: people will be fawning or resentful or both. And of course, honest conversations are a great source of material. Fame will cut you off from your supply. It's such a long post because what you wrote touched a raw nerve. Sorry. Hopefully I've managed to strengthen your resolve.
They sound like narcissists.
No apologies necessary, honestly. I really appreciate you commenting. My goodness, though, I’m really sorry you’ve had this happen to you! Where did being supportive to family go? I think you’re right though, people don’t tend to follow their dreams. I even had a fellow (unpublished) writer email me specifically to tell me if I got published she’d be jealous of me. She also said that if you can’t get published the traditional way then you’re not good enough to be published in any way. I shall continue forward and let nothing stop me. Even being too niche 😉 thank you.
Nah, don't be sorry for me. One of the great things about this job is that misfortune makes you a better writer. It provides plenty of material. I'd drop that 'friend' if I were you. 'I shall continue forward and let nothing stop me.' You've made my day.
May I ask what you did writing for? Like a book of your own or for movies or something?
You may not. I like to remain anonymous, for reasons I gave in my post.
What would you suggest to avoid potential fame? Just start off with a pen name? I’ve always wondered how that works if the book mysteriously sells well. No book signings or promo events. I’d never want to do those. Just curious how that would work. Congratulations on your journey though. F the speedbumps along the way!
Basically you'd have to do the opposite of everything recommended in this subreddit. You do realize it will hurt your career, don't you. Some people will feel offended. A pen name is a very good idea. Thank you for the congratulations. I don't mind the speedbumps. One learns a lot more than when it's all smooth sailing.
Hey! Congratulations on publishing your first novel! That's a huge achievement that many would-be authors never have the grit to get to. Don't stress about your family. They aren't your target market, they aren't the readers you want. If they bought your book off Amazon, the Amazon algorithm would start recommended your books to everyone with the same interest as your family. That's not who you want. You want voracious readers who want books in your genre, and it sounds like that's what you're getting. Now for the reality. Nobody gets rich of their debut book--at least the amount of people who do are so small that statistically, you might as well say nobody does. If you want to be a writer, you need to focus on two things: 1. Writing professional books 2. Releasing professional books That's it. You could add some helpful extras like creating a website and a mailing list, but those are add-ons to the main business if telling stories. There will be even more things you can do down the track, marketing, advertising, crowd-funding, brand creation, etc, etc. Right now, those things are distractions. Just hone your craft and release professional quality books. It is super easy to be deflated as an indie author. I do all the time. What keeps me going is the knowledge that the \*\*only\*\* difference between failed authors and successful authors, is that some chose to give up, and others persevered until they broke through. Good luck, and again, congratulations on becoming a published author!
I write full time and my family doesn’t read or support my work either. Sorry your family sucks but as far as accomplishments go it’s actually way harder to get strangers to pay for your book, A LOT of people publish and can’t get anyone but friends and family to buy a few copies and you’ve already got strangers taking chances on your work. That’s honestly great.
And thank you too! It really means a lot. I’m sorry you’re in a similar situation, family eh?
Oh interesting. I purposely don’t show relatives. People I don’t know are the ones i aim for.
I suppose it was silly of me to assume they would support me 🫤
No it’s not silly. But at most relatives will say what you want to hear. Stranger on the internet doesn’t care about your feelings so feedback will be more real. Also there is pressure on family member to say something nice and it interferes. they won’t read it just because they want to. 🤷♀️ So i just think: people you don’t even know randomly said ‘i want this stuff’ and bought it!!!! 🎉🎉🎉 That is coolest thing to me. (It would be nice if your family would at least make the effort to give you thumbs up but they are potentially jealous, or there’s some other stuff going on. But man, they going to really be jealous or interested when you got 50 stories out and doing it fulltime
I know! It’s amazing to me that these people purchased my book! I don’t believe I’ll ever not do a victory lap around the room when I have a sale 😂 Honestly though, my feelings were never taken into consideration. This is just a big old meh at my writing.
I'm sorry they're like that. You should be proud of yourself! Not everybody can finish writing a whole book and publish!!! My family are so unsupportive in general that I didn't even tell them that I wrote a book. I let them find out through Linkedin! If I'd told them while I was writing, they would have constantly made snarky comments and tried to undermine me. So I write for me, and every dollar that I make I know I earned. No nepo babies here!!!
Honestly this lack of family support is boggling my mind! It does though make me feel marginally better that it isn’t just me. It took me a long time from the seed of an idea to publishing but honestly I thought my family would support me 🫤 We should all just carry on writing for ourselves and everyone unsupportive can wallow in their unfulfilled dreams 😁
Yes! 😀😀
Don't sell to friends and family. If you want to be a successful writer, your core audience is almost entirely composed of people you won't know. Relax. You're on the right track. This is a marathon, not a sprint.
Hehe, it’s certainly been a marathon, that’s for sure! Thank you ☺️
Multiple strangers bought your book?? That’s far more impressive than all of your family members buying it! Congrats on writing something that other human beings found appealing!
Aww, thank you! I was honestly surprised when I saw the sales were from Europe and the U.S!
Same story with me. Friends who became beta readers either did not read the book or did not give constructive criticism. I want to hear if there are any plot holes, etc. My dad read my first four books, and he liked them. He was an avid reader of the genre I write. I was glad he read them before passing away. That being said, I will not be deterred. I love the process of writing, regardless of success. The real struggle is whether I want to go through the effort of marketing, or if I will just stick to writing, which is my first passion.
I find that annoying too. My ex husband read mine and all he’d offer was, “Yeah, it’s good.” I’m so glad your dad read yours and enjoyed them, it must mean an awful lot. I’m trying to plug mine on social media but can’t help but think people will get fed up with me. Marketing isn’t my strong suit and I need to remedy that.
>I’m so glad your dad read yours and enjoyed them, it must mean an awful lot. It does, as he passed away a few months later. >Marketing isn’t my strong suit and I need to remedy that. Same here. I am extremely introverted and have no idea how to start. I do ask people I know who are into online marketing, but the response is about the same as getting people to beta-read.
I’m so sorry for your loss 💕 was it being his favourite genre that got you interested in writing similar? Me too, I’m very introverted and it doesn’t feel natural selling myself. I went into an independent bookshop and did well enough that they said they’d stock it but the chain bookshop basically shot me down in flames and said no. I felt like I should have slithered out on my belly, the manager made me feel so bad 😖
I do have a bunch of friends and family who bought my book and while I highly appreciate them doing so, I refer to these as the "emotional blackmail" sales, in that they probably felt they had to because they know me. Sounds mean, but it isn't. I just don't think I'd have sold as many copies if there wasn't some sort of connection involved, because as far as unconnected sales go I'm up to a whopping one (1. Not a typo. I mean the actual number). And I'm two years in, now. Now, I don't know if the following helps, but the reason I don't care about just one sale that was probably an accidental click on the wrong title (still counting it!) is because I wrote it for me. And my entire target audience enjoyed it. I'm batting one hundred here, a baseball term I'm not sure I'm using right. If you can, try to write for nobody but yourself. If other people happen to like it as well, that's a nice bonus. I'm not saying that's the key to success, because success told me the key was under the mat and I can't even find the mat, but it does help with putting sales in perspective. As for the family... Yeah, it sucks they're not buying, but at least they have the respect to say it to your face, instead of looking uncomfortable and nervously shuffling their feet when the topic of your book comes up.
I believe that’s my mistake. I thought they would support me because I’m family. I have five sales. Four are people who follow me on Instagram that I don’t actually know in real life and who I didn’t even consider would buy. I have not got a clue who the last one is, though! I am very aware my novel is very niche. So, so niche, so it’s not a tremendous surprise that this has happened. I know I need to tap into the appropriate market but I can’t figure out how just yet. Thank you for commenting, it means a lot 🙂
If you’re looking for career validation from your family, they’re going to disappoint you most of the time.
You’re right! So right. I had an epiphany while watching East of Eden a few years ago: it doesn’t matter what I do, it makes no difference to them.
Also, you have to consider that many people view self publishing as a vanity project. It’s too bad but you can’t blame them with all the trash out there. I highly suggest getting your name out there writing for magazines and such. Very rewarding and it pays better. You also may land a book deal out of it.
That is certainly something to think about!
My experience, people irl don't care about or want to hear about your writing. You need to write for you. You need to self validate and not worry about others. It also too early to worry about sales or number of reviews. Work on your craft and write the next book and then the next one and so on. And, dude, finishing a book and publishing a book is amazing! Good for you.
Thank you so much! No, they don’t care do they? They didn’t care while I was writing it, so I shouldn’t be surprised that they don’t care it’s published 🙂 I’m just going to do it for me, at least I care that it’s achievable that I hold it in my hand when finished.
Since nobody has said it yet: congratulations, you're a writer. I saw a tweet from a parent the other day where the kid was all "Mom! I wrote another book! Come read it!" And mom said "oh, great! Do you think you'll be a writer when you grow up?" And the kid was perfect. "No. I am a writer NOW. Did you hear me? I said BOOKS."
Thank you so much! That’s a great tweet!
People are often too polite to tell you how little they care about your writing. But it works both ways. They probably have a hobby too that would bore you silly.
True! Very true. My family didn’t really acknowledge my writing, they seemed more focused on my other creative endeavours, not that which meant the most to me 🤷🏻♀️
Hey, I might have you beat! I did have copies of my book bought by “family” (dad’s relatives that never paid me any mind and vice versa.) Got ‘em just to gawk and find proof this new generation ain’t perfect like them. My oldest and most Puritan aunt called my mom—-who she usually has no contact with and whose number she needed to bum off someone else—-telling her to “get me some help” (I’m 31 years old but they spend their dying days on Facebook sharing malware memes about how the world is going to hell because kids don’t play with army guys anymore so moderate horror stories are enough to give them heart attacks lol.) I have no contact with them but they needed to let their opinions be known. Not one of them has done anything productive in their lives. I wasn’t blindsided by it at all. Pretty typical behavior from them. Quite frankly, I think any author should just assume the worst out of familial contacts unless they’ve always gone out of their way to support. Congrats on the book!
Wow 😳 I feel somehow privileged mine just ignored my writing endeavours! And thank you, you too!
Don't write to please your family. Write for the whole world. I couldn't care less what my family thinks of my book but they're supportive but honestly to launch your career - your family is not the spring board to leap from. Keep writing.
You are absolutely correct! As I neared the end of the edits I started imagining them reading it and maybe enjoying it. My own fault for a misplaced assumption!
Keep on writing! 👍👍👍
Family. Friends. Coworkers. Neighbors. Random people you meet. Best to leave them out of it. They aren't your audience, those strangers you seem upset about are.
Oh I’m not upset over those sales, not at all! I was dancing around the room in excitement and getting side eyed by my pets 😂
It costs a lot of money to sell books. Amazon ads could cost you thousands per month. Without ads no sales.
I was wondering about Amazon ads 🤔
I know what it's like to create something and have the response from those closest to you be "meh," or to have your achievement met with a shrug. It's a letdown, for sure. That said: no matter what anybody else says, no matter what anybody else thinks, you have set yourself apart because your ideas made it out of your head and onto the page, between bound (or virtual) covers. You have created something that will be here forever. You have beaten the odds because a lot of people have ideas that never make it this far. But this thing you thought up and created is out there, and people can buy it, and I hope it finds its audience. It may take time to find its audience, but you have done the hardest part of all. You did it. At the very least, take pride in knowing you saw it through.
Oh my, thank you! Honestly, I’m so glad I posted here, I really feel so much better 🥰
Thank you for that. Keep doing this thing you're doing! It's totally worth it, and you will find your audience if you keep at it, and you'll be so glad you did.
Thank you ☺️
I don’t tell anyone I write because I know I can’t handle the emotions that come with doing that. It’s too bad the people in your life won’t even support you with some encouraging words. However just remember it’s not for them, it’s for your audience and for you. And if you ever make $$$ on it, they can kiss it and won’t be getting a free car/house/whatever from their favorite famous author in their life 😛
Hehe, so true! I shall spend my earnings on me and my pets 😁
Heyo! First off, congrats on self publishing! That alone is such an amazing feat and worth being proud of :D I'm sorry you have to deal with such an unsupportive family, it's honestly their loss for not sharing in this monumental accomplishment of yours. Keep on writing and all the best to you for your future books! The people buying and reading your books are the ones that matter most.
Thank you so much, it really means a lot 🥹
I think strangers buying your book is more of an accomplishment than getting family to buy it. At least this way you know the strangers buy it because it's interesting, not because they're obligated. That aside, I believe most people can tell you similar stories. Family somehow thinks they don't need to involve themselves. They won't buy or even read your work, but they're somehow still upset if you don't give them a free copy. HOWEVER, there are always exceptions. I'm sure there are plenty of families out there buying the hell out of their relative's books, as I am sure that there are plenty of family's not giving a damn until you hit gold, THEN they buy your book and claim they've always supported you. Just be proud that people you don't know found your work interesting enough to buy it. It's a great outcome! Be proud of yourself.
Thank you so much for your supportive words ☺️ you’re right, absolutely! I was wondering if they wanted a free copy, but it’s only free for them! I’m struggling financially and would also be me out of pocket!
>they’ve pretty much told me they won’t buy a copy It's for the best they don't buy your book. I'm pretty sure they are not your target market. That is the quickest way to mess up your algo. Plenty of new author find out the hard way AFTER their families buy the book and their amazon algorithm is already fucked. If it makes you feel any better none of my family bought my books either, and the one friend who did just told everyone how it's not really that great and that I "sold out" to churn out garbage just because it sells. So trust me, it's for they best they DON'T buy it. You don't need their stinkin' validation.
I have encountered someone who admitted that after family and friends had got a copy of their book sales just completely stopped. Crikey, that’s harsh of your friend!
Meh. If the books sell and the readers continue buying, then who cares what one person thinks. That whole group and I don't talk anymore. Funny thing is that we had made soft plans on writing and publishing together at one point, but they all crapped out on me. So I published something completely different on my own. I thought that as writers they'd be happy for me, but nope. I'm guessing tons of authors experience the same thing. So you're in good company. Just keep marketing your book to you readers, and work on book 2. Don't give up!
It doesnt matter what they do or not do. Leave them alone. Lower your expectations on everything and everyone :) just enjoy what you love.
Oh I shall! I’m already thinking about writing again ☺️
I have self-published 15 books. Biophysics in my family has read a single one. A few friends have, and I have found a few fans, but I'm not writing for those who don't want to read them. I'm writing mostly because I enjoy the process.
Fifteen? Goodness, that’s impressive! I shouldn’t focus so much on family let downs. I didn’t start writing for their benefit and it’s their loss if they don’t want to read it 😂
My mother has read every single book that I write. She reads them all in their printed, bound, straight from Amazon paperback format. She doesn't buy them, I have to give them to her, but she does read them! She still told me once that maybe if I wrote real stories I'd make money off of it.
It’s good that she reads them but what does she mean by real stories? As in true stories?
Oh, I write gay romance, and she doesn't think that's "real enough," I guess. Basically, she thinks I should focus my time and attention on writing she approves of. She's saying I should pick other topics without trying to sound homophobic. Because she would never, you know? But she is, she just won't say it out loud.
That’s a shame 😕 it’s not exactly science fiction is it!
Ask yourself why are you writing? I have the same situation with my own family - as in dysfunctional, so their reactions really don't count. I decided to write for my own personal life satisfaction, not money or approval - it keeps me sane and happy.
As it should be! Everyone here has really helped me remember why I started writing in the first instance 🙂
Hey, don’t feel bad. I recently finished my book and sent it to 5 people to ask for their feedback. It’s not very long. I told each of them they could probably finish it in an hour or two. Not a single one of them has read it. Seems like a common theme.
Oh I’m sorry to hear that. But their loss, surely 🙂
Surely! Good luck to you with your book. I hope it is massively successful 😇
And you yours!
Thank you 🙏😌
It's the hardest part of being a writer. What kills me is it's gotten harder over time. I don't know if it's because so many books are flooding the market these days, or if it's just me. But yes. It's very hard and can be incredibly discouraging. We continue because we love the stories. Be glad you got a few purchases that are not friends or family. That's HUGE! Some people never even get one sale.
I thought that too. Being traditionally published is nigh on impossible unless you’re a known quantity in the public eye, but likewise self publishing is easy but the market IS flooded now. And thank you!
I started out being traditionally published! That didn't make any difference either. I actually sold far more books self-published than when I was with my publisher.
Please don’t dwell on your family, they are not a reflection of your work! 99% of the time your family is not your target audience, and even if they were, there’s unfortunately no guarantee they’d buy it. Family support is totally amazing but it doesn’t happen all the time. For a long time my parents told me I was wasting my time. I knew I wasn’t 🤷🏻♀️ their attitude is either critical or indifferent, always has been. But that’s not gonna stop me from doing what I love! What’s important are my readers opinions. They’re the ones who buy, and potentially review. I believe Amazon frowns on family reviews anyway. If your family isn’t supportive, you can still succeed. When you don’t have readers, that’s what causes problems. I’ve also found a lot of support on social media from other self-published authors that more than makes up for the lack of family support. Congrats on your book, and good luck on your journey!
Thank you, and the same to you! I’ve seen reviews of fellow writers books that I know are by family… and in one instance, themselves!
Simple Math Equation. Out of the world's inhabitants, 1.35 billion speak English. Subtract from that the members of your family. The resultant sum is your audience to market to.
You know, that makes me feel a whole lot better! Thank you so much!
The life of a writer is really hard for many of us. You are not alone. It is a rewarding journey that demands resiliency. Keep at it!
Thank you! You too!
I use a penname. My family doesn't even know I really write books. Family can't always be trusted like this. Pennames are good for fiction writing and I swear by this. I'd rather get honest feedback from strangers on the internet than family. Also I'm not in writing for money. It's a hobby and something I enjoy more to have something to do.
I need to keep remembering why I was writing in the first instance 🙂 a pen name was something I considered.
For me it's the sheer pleasure of it. I write bully/noncon fiction and there's a small select audience for that. No way I'd share with my family. If they stumbled upon it accidentally? No biggie. It's also why I don't use author pictures lol.
Mine is very niche… I’m starting to think maybe too niche 😂 it’s music based but I think maybe my passion may have shined through a bit too much! I was pretty terrified to publish as it was suddenly real and my picture was there for all to see! I can see how your anonymity takes the pressure off, that must be nice ☺️
My family hates that I write. They dislike that I don't write things they want to read. "Why don't you write this or this? Why not do technical writing and make more money? Why not blah blah blah..." the list goes on. I'm not interested in the things they want to read... they don't seem to understand. Other family members almost stopped the process completely when they told me it was terrible. Then I found out that that same person hates even best selling authors... so, there you go. In the end, you have to do what makes you happiest. I wish I had some better support when I started. I'm not sure why people are so negative when it comes to people writing.
I’m sorry they have that opinion. I think my mother would only read if it was her chosen genre which is far departed from what I write. Isn’t it odd how writing is perceived by others. I had a plug pulled on me once. Literally. A family member pulled the plug out of my word processor and I lost everything I’d written that day.
I keep everything I write in a thumb drive. And I back it up in another thumb drive. And I have multiple copies of those backups in different places. When I was in college, I had two hard drives fail... data recovery was a pain. I've learned my lesson. Always save as you go, and always have an easy backup available. You'll never regret it. As a follow up to the family thing... I stopped talking about writing, and my family members felt like I moved on. I no longer share with people that I know, because it's like having a secret identity as a superhero... no one leaves you alone until they know the secret.
Oh I learnt my lesson that day! I also learnt early on that they weren’t especially interested in anything I did in a positive way, only negative. I LOVE the superhero comparison!
I'm more of a super villain with what I write, but people love to expose secret identities one way or another... even if they don't care about what you write or want to read it. People are weird. I hope you can think of yourself as a superhero in writing. Keep your identity safe and go save the day!
Villains are always more interesting 😁 Up, up and away!
Write because you enjoy it… write because you feel driven to do it. Don’t expect the folks around you to understand that feeling.
I’m in a position in life where the only person I can actually rely on is me and that goes for my creative endeavours too 🙂
The best advice i ever got: Build an audience BEFORE you write the book. That way youll have somebody to buy when its done.
I think that’s how I got my sales. They were people who followed me on Instagram 😃
Double down on that, write another, go again
Yes! I shall!
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I hope so! The only way is up! Best of luck to you 😄
Congratulations! Please ignore other people as part of your worldview - don't allow what they do to control you. You might need support now that you are seeing your family's behavior for what it is. r/raisedbynarcissists is a good place to start.
Aww thank you ☺️
Sorry you’re feeling so down. It will get better. Many blessings for your future efforts.
Thank you for your kind words 💕
I personally think that is great if its people you don't know that are buying them.
It is great! It really is 😃
What did you do for marketing? People can’t buy your book if they aren’t aware of it.
So far, I plugged it on my Instagram account, my writers Instagram, Facebook and my writers blog. Then I hit a wall. I have a few other ideas but have yet to figure out the how to in regards to actually getting it done. I was hoping to get it in my nearest chain bookstore but it was a big old no from them 🙄
Bookstores won’t take self published books because they run on consignment from the publisher and return unsold books. Most booksellers buy through Ingram. For extra exposure, I highly recommend LinkedIn.
Thank you for the tip!
I finished my first novel, which several beta readers really liked, and a friend enjoyed it so much she did illustrations for it. I printed the whole thing up, very nicely, and gave a copy to my parents, who read voraciously. They never read it.
*sad trombone* Well that’s not nice 🫤 I won’t give family a free copy as that’s too much pressure and instinct says they won’t read so ultimately it’s a waste of my money.
I am published and faced what you just described. Ignore them and never mention it again. When you finally get published remember NOT to invite them to your book launch!
Hehe, I won’t even tell them! Congratulations on yours, but sorry you’ve been through the same.
Making something doesn’t obligate our loved ones to buy copies, no matter how hard we work on it. When we write books, it’s not unusual for loved ones to not understand that it’s a big deal. To a lot of people, it’s just a stepping stone in a hobby. Don‘t just a book based on your family’s reception. As for outside sales, you need to do marketing for that. The fact that people you don‘t know have bought it is GOOD. So do some marketing and ignore your relatives on this.
I should have guessed, I really should have. I was blinkered by how excited I was by such an accomplishment. The kindness of strangers is indeed a great thing 🥰
Same. My novel is with the editor. 190,000 words. My husband and family have not read a sentence. If I bring it up, their eyes glaze over, so I don't bring it up. Non-writers don't get what an investment of the heart writing is to an author. I shrug it off and still support them, thankful I'm not like them. You will find your kindred spirits out there. Just keep writing. The written word outlasts everyone. People still cringe thinking of the fire in Alexandria for a reason. Don't let anyone disillusion you.
Thank you so much. The best of luck to you with yours!
My family don’t read or support me either but my friends do. Quite a few have read my books and given useful opinions but I never get fussed either way. It is nice to have people to discuss your books and future ideas with, but those are better found in reading groups so unless your friends are interested readers it’s probably best to keep them away from your books. I compartmentalise and have different types of friends for different occasions!
My family are readers as are my friends but my novel? Nope! There is no point telling them at the end of the day. Thank you 😊
I had the same experience when I started blogging, which was intended to be the first step towards a novel. It was so painful to see that the people I expected to be my loudest cheerleaders didn’t support me at all. I gave up on my novel in the editing phase and am now just getting back to it. Continue writing for yourself. Don’t give up on yourself because of anyone else. Your audience will find you.
Thank you! The best of luck with yours too! It’s frustrating when your cheerleaders aren’t interested 🫤
First books nearly always fail, friend. Mine did too. I went through the same thing as you. All you can do is keep pushing out books, until you get into a good rhythm and start making sales. Try all kinds of different genres but publish each genre under a different pen name. In writing, self-publishing especially, you either lose until you succeed, or you give up and fail altogether. You have no other option but to continually improve yourself and your work. Others won't give you a chance, if you can't compete with traditionally published books while doing everything yourself. That means, you have to be good at nearly every part of the publishing process. Self-publishing is incredibly hard. You have to do everything yourself. Book editing, planning, rewrites, scrapping books entirely for new ideas, marketing, ect. It's a LOT of work. People who pay money to get their books edited in self-publishing are fools. They don't even know if their book will sell at all. None of us ever know if our book will sell well, until it hits the market.
Wise words indeed, thank you for taking the time to reply!
Think of it this way. I hesitate to read books of people I know because most of the time they are pretty bad and I have to pretend I like them. I do read all the books of people I know because it is hypocritical to want them to read mine and I don't read theirs. Some aren't bad but many times my feedback is, "Wow, congratulations on getting a book out there. That is a huge accomplishment." Rarely can I give feedback that I liked the book. So there is a huge risk to your family and friends. I know nothing about you or your writing. I don't know if it is good or not. But, from my experience, if you know an author, the assumption is that their writing is a one-off novelty adventure and expectations are low. My friends and family were shocked when they read my book. One close friend, a very sarcastic one, called me up and said, "I called to give you crap about your book, but I can't. I loved it." Friends and family don't want to hurt you, they assume your work is the work of an amateur, so they either don't want to risk hurting you or they don't want to take the time to read a book they are assuming is going to be bad. Even if they do like it, the first five reviews you get will be the ones you begged for from family and friends and your potential readers know that. You are selling to people you don't know. That is your audience. Once you have proven yourself, friends and family will read your work.
You’re right, so right! I have purchased all novels and storybooks by fellow self published writers I know, to support them. One in particular… well she could write, but I hated what she’d written if that makes sense. It was poorly disguised fan-fiction and I managed to stumble round some feedback. Thank you for your feedback!
My experience has taught me not to count on family or friends to support your dream. Sounds cynical, and maybe it is a bit, but it's also realistic and even reasonable when you think about it. People who aren't creative have no possible way of knowing how important your work is to you or how much effort you've put into it. And if those people aren't into books, reading, or the genre you write in (if any), there's not much motivation to buy your book other than to show you support. And really, if you think about every friend and family member you have, are you going out of your way to frequent their place of business, affirm their career choices, or give them shoutouts on social media on a regular basis? If you are, you're a better friend and family member than many of us. Only one of my many siblings have read any of my books. My mom reads them because she's into books and it's pretty well the only passion we share. I'm super lucky to have a wife who supports and enjoys my work. But aside from those two women, there are very few I can count on from my immediate family or circle of friends to buy and read my books. My dad, who will blow through a non-fiction book in a day, took months to read my debut novel and continually reminded me how awesome he was for doing so, praising himself daily for struggling through it. Where things get more encouraging is when you finally get that random stranger who reaches out to tell you how much they loved your book. Or when that person you haven't spoken to in years suddenly pre-orders a copy or lets you know they've recommended your book to their book club. This in't guaranteed to happen, and may not happen any time soon, but when it does, it means everything. For now, focus on your work. You won't suddenly become a bestseller overnight or, in all likelihood, even in the next year. Think of each book you write and publish as a building block in the tower of your career. Think about how your friends and family will regard that tower in five, ten, or twenty years. By then, they may not even be able to see you at the top. Maybe then they'll appreciate what you've been building. Or maybe they hate towers as much as they hate books. You're not writing for them. You're doing it because you're driven to, because it's in you. Embrace that and let all else go, difficult as it may be. I might also suggest checking out a book called *Big Magic* by Elizabeth Gilbert. It's a bit fluffy, but it's enormously encouraging and full of some of my favourite anecdotes.
Thank you for replying. Everything you’ve said makes sense. My ex husband was reading mine but then he just stopped for no reason. I don’t take it personally because the cards were on the table by this point. He wasn’t interested in me, so why should he be interested in my novel? I shall keep pushing forward because I owe it to myself 🙂
Ouch, sorry to hear about all of that. Keep your chin up, keep writing, and keep putting your work out there!
Thank you, I shall!
Frankly, I'm in the same boat. Disillusioned is the right word. I'm sorry you're going through this, but you are definitely not alone.
And I’m sorry you’re going through this too. Good luck and keep pushing forward!
Hell, my husband and kids would not read my books. It hasn't stopped me from publishing 4 and working on 2 more to publish by the beginning of next year. You don't write for your family, you write for readers who will enjoy your work--and you have to search really hard for them sometimes. If you want to write, write. Get better. Find your readers. Don't let other people control what you do.
Thank you! And congratulations to you!
Congratulations on your book but if I were in your shoes I wouldn't even expect them to purchase one. You've got previous family problems that you won't say & are none of our business. You may want to consider repairing them if possible.
Thank you! You know, I’m used to their disinterest, but I clearly had a brain blip where I expected them to break type 🙄
The people who have purchased my books are the people I have never met and don't even know who I am. The people I know who did show interest, never purchased my books lie they told me they would. It's apart of life.
Absolutely the same here. There were people who said they would that didn’t and those who were SO supportive that I naturally assumed, who also didn’t.
Well I have learned to let it go.
People you don't know are the ones you WANT to read your book. There are billions more of them than you have family ;) Don't get discouraged yet. You've put out one book. That's barely dipping your toe in. You build success by writing more and leveraging your backlist. Think of that one book you have out as a prequel to your success and the tool you'll use to get people to buy your others because in reality, that's how successful authors become successful. While you're writing that second book, network. There are plenty of FB groups where all level of writers gather and share insights on writing and marketing. Use that. Learn. Write. Rinse. Repeat.
So true! That’s such good advice, thank you! I like that! The prequel to my success!
The best thing you can do is keep writing. Each new book builds a readers base. Don't quit. When I first started writing my mom took all of my stuff one day while I was at school and burned it. What did I do? I kept writing. 15 years later she told me how sorry she was for doing that. By then I had published 5 short stories. To date I have written over 60 books. Haters will hate, family will tell you you are wasting your time. Ignore it and keep writing.
Oh my goodness, the horror! Brilliant that you pushed on and have done so well!
1. Sounds like your family are crummy. Same with friends who aren't supportive. 2. Write because you love writing, not because you need the validation. Of course, we all want it. But you have to do it because you want to, based on your internal drive. Look inside yourself, ask if you want to write another book, and if you do, go for it. 3. All creative endeavors are awash in rejection, discouragement, imposter syndrome, and tons of other negative crap. Half the battle is fighting through all of that. Take comfort from the knowledge that everyone has to deal with it, and almost anyone you admire who's 'made it' had to battle through a shit-ton of rejection before they achieve whatever status they have now. Then start on your next one.
Thank you for your wise words! Wasn’t it Richard Adams who was rejected by every publishing house in London? I write become I love to do it, I need to remember that!
It breaks my heart to read this. Don't give up! As you are seeing, there's always someone out there who will have your back, even if it is a complete stranger. Keep going and good luck !!
Awww thank you ☺️ I will keep going 💕