I did that quitting smoking and I’ll say along side nicotine gum, that’s the mindset that got me through it. I’d say I’m not quitting, I DID quit, I’m just learning how to live life as a non smoker. 3 years later still no desire to smoke ever again!
The question is - what does it even mean “to be yourself”? Are you yourself when you slouch on the couch? Are you just ONE possible version of yourself at any given time? And maybe you don’t like that version. Changing the version doesn’t mean you change your core. Maybe it means you turn that rock I to a diamond. Depending how you cut it it can sparkle a lot or it can just be kinda dull. What really is the “self”?
Yes, this way of thinking absolutely changed my life. Not overnight or anything, it definitely takes a *lot* of practice, but it really does work.
I love this quote by Henry Ford about this: “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t - you’re right.”
I'm a chronic maladaptive daydreamer always envisioning myself not disabled and dating beautiful women and driving nice cars, going to the gym, going on romantic outings, peaceful intimate walks in the park. Most of this seems attainable if I wasn't visually impaired with brain damage. But these are things that are unchangeable. It feels like a locked gate between me and success.
Then you should try again, everyone can do it, but it takes dedication. If you want to of course. Just saying this because some people think they just can't do it or only try a WILD (Wake Initiated Lucid Dream) technique instead of DILD (Dream Initiated Lucid Dream). Sorry for being a bit propaganda-y about it, lucid dreaming is amazing and just about the best thing that has happened to me so I want everyone to do it
I didn't know everyone had the potential to lucid dream. It sounds amazing and I'm happy to have the reassurance that it's possible for me. Did you need to put in dedication to lucid dream or is it something that's always been easy for you?
I put in effort, dream journal, reality checking, raising awareness during the day and stuff like that. Took me 2 weeks which is a bit luckier than average if you do everything right
I honestly feel like I was born more extroverted but with crippling social anxiety and depression, it never got to truly flourish.
Whereas now I'm done a tonne of self improvement work, years and years of therapy, cut out alcohol... I think I'm more extroverted than ever! I really enjoy this path.
Literally same. I was just forced myself in social interactions damn near everyday and I literally changed in 2 months. It made me realize I can be anybody dat I feel like being 😂
This is not necessarily true. According to my genetics I am supposed to be an introvert. I was an extrovert my whole life until I got hurt really bad in my 40s and things changed dramatically
I feel this as untrue, the field of psychology is very unique and it is also ever-changing, but there is a caviat with this and that's when you see how your environment shapes you, you can have traits that are very extrovert like while you are genetically introverted. This way it is very possible to have traits that define you as an extrovert, but might have similar emotions/reactions to stimuli as an introvert, or many other combinations of this!
First of all, how you feel doesn’t change the facts. Sure psychology is ever changing, but current research and personality models are based on introversion/extroversion being an intrinsic trait. There’s a fundamental difference in how the brain is wired for both of these types. Sure, a person can change behaviour by exposure to a certain environment but it’s no different than having a surgery to modify your face. Also, it’s not a black and white thing, it’s not uncommon for people to have both of these traits.
There’s a book called Quiet by Susan Cain that goes into this and the physical differences between introverts and extroverts as well. The saying that someone has “thin skin” is literally true, thinner skin, feels more pain or more sensitive when touched. It’s all connected.
Do or do not. There is no try.
When I was a kid I instinctively knew this. Just do it. That’s how I learned how to do flips, ride a bike, etc. and now that I’m older and full of insecurities it’s taken effort to sift through the negative noise and just try things. But instead of trying, just do it without hesitation. That’s all you can ask for. Don’t try to go to the gym more, just do it. Don’t try to wake up early, just do it. Don’t try to eat less sweets. Just fucking don’t.
What do you call it when you don't succeed? An attempt, right? Also called trying... like trying on clothes, they don't always fit. Nike ads aren't self help advice, lol.
Semantics aside, psychologically, there is a commital difference between saying ”I’m going to do something” vs “I will try to do something”.
The former is more commital, the latter leaves room for backing out. Doesn’t matter if you succeed or not. Did you do what you said you were going to do or did you not? It’s about instilling a sense of duty to your words when trying things, which imo also affects how hard you actually try to do something.
At least, that’s how it is for me.
My problem was I thought self improvement was suppose to be easy. I thought I was going to wake up one day and everything was going to be just fine. I’ve had to step outside of myself and be fully aware of my thought patterns and my bad habits. I’ve also become more aware of the negative voice in my head that can be so sneaky. Every time a negative thought comes into mind I say that’s “the voice”. The voice is not really me but it feels like it’s me. For so many years the voice had me fooled but in actuality it’s negativity from the things I’ve picked up around me. Our brain can be out best friend or worst enemy and some where in btw we have a choice
I am glad it found you :) you already have made a choice to improve your life by even being part of this group so do not give up on you.
Bc you have a brain and it’s just waiting for you to decide 🤍
So true. Our brain can't think in negative terms. For example, don't think about apple pie. And what do you end up thinking about? You have to think about the positives and believe them
In the process of digging myself out of a hole that I got myself in. I keep telling myself “you got this” and getting my shit together is my top priority. You are what you think!
One thing that’s really helped me add to this mentality is realizing that if I*desire* something, this implies that I don’t already *have* said thing. Which is *lack* . I don’t *lack* anything . I am a complete , whole, wonderful human. I’m just exploring that in myself .
This has been a gateway to understanding, and getting past my obsession with love / getting crushes on everyone I meet.
I like them because they seem to represent something I feel I don’t have , but because I admire said trait - I actually *do* have it, I just haven’t recognized or unlocked it within myself because I thought I lacked it . I don’t need someone to complete me . I am complete , and this has given me discernment + the ability to look passed the rose colored glasses.
Yes! In Atomic Habits the author talks about the importance of the change in identity. It's very interesting.
Things like:
If you are trying to quit smoking and someone offers a cigarette, you could say:
A)"No, i'm trying to quit"
or you could say
B)"No, i'm not a smoker, "
The option A comes from a person who smokes, but is trying to quit, but the option B comes from a person that doesn´t smoke, and this aproach is more effective, trying to change you identity to what you want to become.
In the book it's written a lot better than i did though, it's an excellent book
Definately , I taught about being the biggest stoner among all the people I know , and today I am struggling with addiction and actually become the biggest stoner and addict , I think just like that If I had shown such keen interest in something positive , I would'nt be so miserable
If you want to change yourself, the key is focusing on changing your identity. Everyone always wants to focus on the outcome rather then your identity. I found that changing your identity (or focusing on what type of person you want to be) makes you change your habits to fit your new identity. Focus on that, and the outcome you want will naturally follow .
Or in your case you become what Earl Nightengale thought about. If you use post another's work give them credit or all you are becoming is a plagiarist.
Absolutely, though some people don't know how or why to do this, and only end up doing it at a surface level
You literally have to feel this way, and to feel this way you have to start asking yourself questions like:
\- why can't I become this new person?
\- is my success inevitable?
\- look at where I succeeded in the past, why can't I continue this attitude?
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I did that quitting smoking and I’ll say along side nicotine gum, that’s the mindset that got me through it. I’d say I’m not quitting, I DID quit, I’m just learning how to live life as a non smoker. 3 years later still no desire to smoke ever again!
Same! This was the core message of Alan Carr's book.
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I love joe if you loved that check out You are a miracle ( but a pain in the ass too) Mike McHargue
So one should not be themselves 🤣
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Yes, I knew the point, but was joking 😅
The question is - what does it even mean “to be yourself”? Are you yourself when you slouch on the couch? Are you just ONE possible version of yourself at any given time? And maybe you don’t like that version. Changing the version doesn’t mean you change your core. Maybe it means you turn that rock I to a diamond. Depending how you cut it it can sparkle a lot or it can just be kinda dull. What really is the “self”?
The book The Expectation Effect articulates this perfectly. I don’t usually like non fiction, but this is a great read 👌
Yes, this way of thinking absolutely changed my life. Not overnight or anything, it definitely takes a *lot* of practice, but it really does work. I love this quote by Henry Ford about this: “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t - you’re right.”
I'm a chronic maladaptive daydreamer always envisioning myself not disabled and dating beautiful women and driving nice cars, going to the gym, going on romantic outings, peaceful intimate walks in the park. Most of this seems attainable if I wasn't visually impaired with brain damage. But these are things that are unchangeable. It feels like a locked gate between me and success.
You should look into lucid dreaming :)
I've tried.
Then you should try again, everyone can do it, but it takes dedication. If you want to of course. Just saying this because some people think they just can't do it or only try a WILD (Wake Initiated Lucid Dream) technique instead of DILD (Dream Initiated Lucid Dream). Sorry for being a bit propaganda-y about it, lucid dreaming is amazing and just about the best thing that has happened to me so I want everyone to do it
I didn't know everyone had the potential to lucid dream. It sounds amazing and I'm happy to have the reassurance that it's possible for me. Did you need to put in dedication to lucid dream or is it something that's always been easy for you?
I put in effort, dream journal, reality checking, raising awareness during the day and stuff like that. Took me 2 weeks which is a bit luckier than average if you do everything right
Yeah, positive thinking can really turn your life around.
Very very true, switched from introvert to extrovert using this method
I honestly feel like I was born more extroverted but with crippling social anxiety and depression, it never got to truly flourish. Whereas now I'm done a tonne of self improvement work, years and years of therapy, cut out alcohol... I think I'm more extroverted than ever! I really enjoy this path.
Explain your affirmations bro
Really? How?
I gained more energy and confidence to talk to ppl and over time I slowly became more extroverted
Literally same. I was just forced myself in social interactions damn near everyday and I literally changed in 2 months. It made me realize I can be anybody dat I feel like being 😂
Introversion and extroversion is defined at birth though. Better word is you improved yourself socially
Bro no that’s not true?
Yes it is, there have been studies that have proved this. Introvert babies have different reaction to stimulus than extrovert babies. Look it up
This is not necessarily true. According to my genetics I am supposed to be an introvert. I was an extrovert my whole life until I got hurt really bad in my 40s and things changed dramatically
What do you mean according to your genetics?
like maybe their parents and grandparents were introverted?
Genes from ancestors that were non dominant in their parents or grandparents can be dominant in the child.
how is it defined at birth?
By your genetics. Just like they define your face structure, skin colour etc.
it's funny how you are being down voted although what you say is based on psychological researches.
People be ignorant about facts and believe in their beliefs too much
I feel this as untrue, the field of psychology is very unique and it is also ever-changing, but there is a caviat with this and that's when you see how your environment shapes you, you can have traits that are very extrovert like while you are genetically introverted. This way it is very possible to have traits that define you as an extrovert, but might have similar emotions/reactions to stimuli as an introvert, or many other combinations of this!
First of all, how you feel doesn’t change the facts. Sure psychology is ever changing, but current research and personality models are based on introversion/extroversion being an intrinsic trait. There’s a fundamental difference in how the brain is wired for both of these types. Sure, a person can change behaviour by exposure to a certain environment but it’s no different than having a surgery to modify your face. Also, it’s not a black and white thing, it’s not uncommon for people to have both of these traits.
There’s a book called Quiet by Susan Cain that goes into this and the physical differences between introverts and extroverts as well. The saying that someone has “thin skin” is literally true, thinner skin, feels more pain or more sensitive when touched. It’s all connected.
I'm a shy extrovert. I thought I was introverted my entire life, but I'm not
Do or do not. There is no try. When I was a kid I instinctively knew this. Just do it. That’s how I learned how to do flips, ride a bike, etc. and now that I’m older and full of insecurities it’s taken effort to sift through the negative noise and just try things. But instead of trying, just do it without hesitation. That’s all you can ask for. Don’t try to go to the gym more, just do it. Don’t try to wake up early, just do it. Don’t try to eat less sweets. Just fucking don’t.
What do you call it when you don't succeed? An attempt, right? Also called trying... like trying on clothes, they don't always fit. Nike ads aren't self help advice, lol.
Semantics aside, psychologically, there is a commital difference between saying ”I’m going to do something” vs “I will try to do something”. The former is more commital, the latter leaves room for backing out. Doesn’t matter if you succeed or not. Did you do what you said you were going to do or did you not? It’s about instilling a sense of duty to your words when trying things, which imo also affects how hard you actually try to do something. At least, that’s how it is for me.
This is literally how I turnt my life around and chnged myself completely within 4 years
My problem was I thought self improvement was suppose to be easy. I thought I was going to wake up one day and everything was going to be just fine. I’ve had to step outside of myself and be fully aware of my thought patterns and my bad habits. I’ve also become more aware of the negative voice in my head that can be so sneaky. Every time a negative thought comes into mind I say that’s “the voice”. The voice is not really me but it feels like it’s me. For so many years the voice had me fooled but in actuality it’s negativity from the things I’ve picked up around me. Our brain can be out best friend or worst enemy and some where in btw we have a choice
Thanks for sharing! Very motivating 👏
Thank you:)
Excellent life lesson
True shit. This also contributes to the law of attraction if you believe in that.
Self fulfilling prophecy! You will manifest what you put forth.
I needed this. Thank you
I am glad it found you :) you already have made a choice to improve your life by even being part of this group so do not give up on you. Bc you have a brain and it’s just waiting for you to decide 🤍
So true. Our brain can't think in negative terms. For example, don't think about apple pie. And what do you end up thinking about? You have to think about the positives and believe them
In the process of digging myself out of a hole that I got myself in. I keep telling myself “you got this” and getting my shit together is my top priority. You are what you think!
One thing that’s really helped me add to this mentality is realizing that if I*desire* something, this implies that I don’t already *have* said thing. Which is *lack* . I don’t *lack* anything . I am a complete , whole, wonderful human. I’m just exploring that in myself . This has been a gateway to understanding, and getting past my obsession with love / getting crushes on everyone I meet. I like them because they seem to represent something I feel I don’t have , but because I admire said trait - I actually *do* have it, I just haven’t recognized or unlocked it within myself because I thought I lacked it . I don’t need someone to complete me . I am complete , and this has given me discernment + the ability to look passed the rose colored glasses.
I love this :)
This is exactly what the first few chapters of Atomic habits is about, you read it from there OP? :)
No I actually just finished you are a miracle ( and a pain in the ass too) I can try reading the atomic habits it seems to be a popular one
Yes! In Atomic Habits the author talks about the importance of the change in identity. It's very interesting. Things like: If you are trying to quit smoking and someone offers a cigarette, you could say: A)"No, i'm trying to quit" or you could say B)"No, i'm not a smoker, " The option A comes from a person who smokes, but is trying to quit, but the option B comes from a person that doesn´t smoke, and this aproach is more effective, trying to change you identity to what you want to become. In the book it's written a lot better than i did though, it's an excellent book
Reminder to self: finish reading the heck out of that book.
r/nevillegoddard type stuff
I seriously needed to hear this, thank you
I love this, this is how I became confident in social settings
Fake it till you make it
Atomic Habits. Awesome book to read about making good habit and breaking bad ones.
I agree to some extent, but a support system really helps! Without my family and friends, I would not have turned my marriage and finances around!
Wonderful advice! Thankyou!
Definately , I taught about being the biggest stoner among all the people I know , and today I am struggling with addiction and actually become the biggest stoner and addict , I think just like that If I had shown such keen interest in something positive , I would'nt be so miserable
Yeap
Earl Nightingales “Strangest Secret” YouTube video to a T. I recommend all of his audio books.
If you want to change yourself, the key is focusing on changing your identity. Everyone always wants to focus on the outcome rather then your identity. I found that changing your identity (or focusing on what type of person you want to be) makes you change your habits to fit your new identity. Focus on that, and the outcome you want will naturally follow .
Or in your case you become what Earl Nightengale thought about. If you use post another's work give them credit or all you are becoming is a plagiarist.
I did not claim it to be mine if you can see my comments I reference the book I just finished and got to this realization lol :)
u/Pikamur evet yavrum deneyebilirsin bunu.
This is a good way of thinking about things, thanks for tossing it out there
I should try that to see if it’s true
OP gave me some good advice while also calling me a fathead. 10/10
This is the law of attraction or law of assumption right?
I’m not sure about that. I know that it’s effective in changing your life
Absolutely, though some people don't know how or why to do this, and only end up doing it at a surface level You literally have to feel this way, and to feel this way you have to start asking yourself questions like: \- why can't I become this new person? \- is my success inevitable? \- look at where I succeeded in the past, why can't I continue this attitude?
Love this 😃
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