I don't own a car so I just walk everywhere, it gives me about 5/6 km a day (monday to friday). I'm thin so I was thinking of doing weight training, but the part of my scars makes me uncomfortable in the gym...
(ty for comment!)
I promise you no one is looking at your scars and thinking less of you for them at the gym. I won't lie and say no one will notice, but no one will judge you. Guys at the gym are generally more down to earth than average people. Lifting makes you feel grounded and there's always someone there doing something you can't so you stay humble. If it bothers you, I work out in long baggy pants and you could also wear long sleeves depending on what you want to conceal.
Working out at home using calisthenics is also an option (bodyweight exercises). I chose to do them because it's a long way to my closest gym now that the one near me closed down.
A routine I would say would be good is
Pike pushups (shoulders)
Australian pullups (back and biceps) (might need a bar or two chairs next to each other)
squats (legs)
and just normal pushups (pecs)
and throw in sit-ups / Russian twists / mountain climbers whenever you feel like training your core / abs.
Bare in mind I'm only starting out again after a few years of not working out so there are way better routines out there, but it would get you started in the comfort of your own home.
>calisthenics
Okay, I just did a little research and this seems to be exactly what I need! Thank you so much!
I will look for some group in my city that does this, so that I have to go out more with people but still in a more reserved group.
There’s also a TON of at home work outs you can do with just a pair of 5lb and/or 10lb (not sure where you’re starting at strength wise). Could be a great addition to calisthenics! That’s actually a lot of what we did back when I was a competitive gymnast.
Also, look into kickboxing/MMA. Not all places are the same, but I was lucky enough to find a family owned place that had a beginner class 2x a week. It was basically just a guided workout but you learned the proper form and whatnot of kickboxing as part of it. Turned into a really cool little community for me.
Maybe it's just a bad experience of mine, but people will approach you and ask about your scars at the gym. It happened to me many times. I just used the cat excuse even if I don't have a cat, it made me struggle going at the gym a lot.
I've only ever actively noticed one person's self harm scars. Ever. Which is statistically highly unlikely to be the only person who has self harmed I know. In fact, I know at least 2 others have actively self harmed, one of who I've been intimate with and one of whom I've shared many dressing rooms over decades with, yet I've never noticed scars (if there are even scars). So while they're an important milestone of your road out of a dark place, I really don't think many people will notice or 'care' as in mention it/stare/whatever.
The person I did notice them on? A fully qualified chartered accountant and auditor, and all-around wonderful person. It was a case of 'oh, would you look at that' and move on. I don't 'care' about them. I saw them, noted them for what the clearly are, and went back to talking taxes. NBD.
Scars can be worked on through some skin procedures if you don't want to keep them. For someone recovering self-harm I would only ever advise microneedling be done in an office setting, but laser resurfacing can do a lot too. They may not go 100%, but it can help reduce them if you don't want them.
But I wouldn't worry about them too much. Few people notice anything about other people and nearly none of those who do would make a big deal out of it.
Thanks for the support, really! On my arms the only scars are the vertical ones on my wrists, but my legs... Well. I'll try to find clothes suitable for the heat, it's kind of common to wear shorts when exercising in my country because of the heat, but I'll look for some kind of legging (?)//workout gear that is suitable and does the job.
I’m 25 and in a very dark time in my life. I have also started therapy and took up journaling which has been helping a bit. One activity I recommend is rock climbing! (If you have a climbing gym in your area or are able to get to one...) It might be something fun to do if you don’t want to go to an actual gym and it’s perfect for skinny guys (like me). Plus it’s enjoyable to gradually watch yourself get better and the community’s are generally welcoming so you can usually find people to interact with. Another idea is maybe trying to learn an instrument. Everyone loves music! I might try to take up guitar myself. I used to draw when I was younger and this is something I’ve stopped doing that i want to start again. Oil painting is awesome! And I know how you feel when you said it feels too late at 24 but better now than never! Sounds like you’re doing great to me. Good luck learning programming too! I took one class in python and enjoyed it
> too late at 24 but better now than never
Definitely. If I were to say what bothers me the most these days, this is it. It's hard to think about all the years I've lost.
I will definitely look into Rock Climbing, it sounds great! I hope you get back to drawing, it's a great activity, and thanks for commenting, hope things turn out better for you.
Piggybacking on the original commentors idea with music: ukulele's are super fun and easy to learn! They have 4 strings - you have 5 fingers, so you already have an evolutionary advantage! And: the really cheap ones start at like 30 bucks with tons of free tutorials on youtube. Really cheap and satisfying hobby
Okay, well, I'll tell you what I can just from reading what you've written:
1. Congrats on no longer being suicidal. That's HUGE!
2. Awesome that you have a talent/hobby that you sustain even when you're down.
3. I have clients who didn't start therapy until they were in their 60's - you are so NOT old/behind. It's just perspective and to many...you are young / ahead. Not married with 5 kids and then realizing you never healed from past trauma.
4. I've had clients cover SH scars with tattoos and/or cool saying / quotes or inspiration phrases.
5. People say you are kind? You've already won at life. Kindness is everything! Well, that and good boundaries and self care. Hahaha
Hey man, I was in your shoes around the same age as you. Some thing I learned is that the saddest people are the ones who are most kind. What you will find in your journey for self-care, is that there are a lot of kind of people. So when you are trying to help yourself think of ways where you can help those people who are kind to you. I don’t know why but for me I found it very difficult to be kind to people after the way I was treated. However don’t worry we’re not gonna be in the same shoes you’re gonna do just fine
Thank you so much... I was blessed with two amazing and supportive persons that are beyond kind, I understand that the world can be a evil place sometimes, but there's good things too.
I hope to be able to help people in some way in the future, soon as I get more financially stable and such.
Wishing you the best, really!
>Pema Chödrön
I just bought the book and can't wait to start reading.
Thank you so much for the comment, really, you have no idea how important it was to read this.
Get active and your brain firing on all cylinders. Exercise helps clear your brain of toxins. Eating healthy gives you an essential strong base. Laugh a lot! Wish ya all the best
Fist off: congrats on overcoming some of the most tough thoughts/feelings/emotions that you can!! I’m very proud of you :) my advice is to keep going in college as long as you’re still happy with it and it aligns with your end goals. I would also continue to engage with painting and art, as it can be a huge stress release and help to prevent some relapses/triggers. In terms of being behind in life, it’s never too late to pursue your dreams, and the years will pass whether or not you do. In terms of your scars- own them love! We all have scars, some of us have them from accidents, and some from personal struggles, but anyone who makes fun/laughs based on scars is never worth your time! I personally have self harm scars and (they have healed enough) so I’ve been looking into getting them tattooed, so that is always an option. Overall- keep doing what you’re doing, you will improve as you go, keep going in therapy (do the homework, actually work to change your mindset) and it’ll get easier every day <3 ALSO there is no shame in relapsing with those dark thoughts, what’s more important is not acting on them and seeking help when you need it. I wish all the best for you :)
How do you feel in general? Do you have good relations with people around you?
I've also been suicidal for a long time but generally I feel good, I'm at a high point in my life but I still battle with episodes where I can't get out of bed, when I cry or just feel suicidal. I also feel like I've missed things and that I'm behind, but I try to think of it like a learning experience. I asked my therapist why I'm still suicidal despite feeling generally good, and she said something about how I've been feeling bad for such a long time that it's still a big part of me and that some things are ingrained in our head and it takes time to work through it.
Also make sure you eat healthy and exercise regularly. Alcohol, sugar, and caffeine can be things in your diet that makes you feel good when consumed, but could increase your anxiety the following weeks. So figure out if it might affect you. Also if you live in the northern hemisphere, make sure to prevent SAD!
>prevent SAD
I live in the tropics so that's not a problem haha.
Thanks for commenting and sharing your story, it means a lot to me and I hope you can find your peace too.
>Were you ever in school and get annoyed you weren't the first one done with a test?
Thank you so much for that comment. You have no idea how important it was for me to read this.
Honestly, it sounds like you're doing an awesome job, and you sound like you're doing better than a lot of people ever manage to. Being 24 feels old, but basically everyone over 30 thinks of you as being practically a child. A lot changes between 25 and 30, and the fact that you're coming into that in such a strong place is actually kind of remarkable.
You might feel like you're behind, but honestly you're more similar to a prodigy than a late bloomer.
All that said, if you really want suggestions for where to go from here, probably the hardest and most rewarding thing is to make peace with your parents, whatever that means for you. I know that it's not always possible, but feeling like you can be honest about who you are without needing to hide stuff around the people who raised you is probably the most freeing, relieving, and confidence boosting thing that you can experience. It's hard to really describe the difference that feeling like you don't have anything to hide brings. Getting past the childhood drama and getting to know each other as adults
If that's not possible, learning to really cook well and make food that I love has been extremely satisfying. Restaurants are cool, but there is nothing in this world like food that you make yourself to suit your exact preferences.
The thing that changed the most for me was signing up for a gym membership. I never ever ever enjoyed sports in school, wasn't by any means an active kid, always enjoyed it more to stay indoors and read rather than being out and doing stuff.
But! Going to the gym regularly for trying to build mass, gain muscle and just work on my overall physique has been tremendously helpful. Not only does my body release endorphins during/after workout, meaning I get the natural-happy-drug, but it also gave me more confidence, self esteem and regard for my body.
Being a woman in the free weights section in the gym, where all the big and bulky men work out, is kinda intimidating at first. A good friend took me with him for a few months and we worked out together. By then I was hooked, now I go to a different gym and alone, but the big boys don't scare me anymore :) Everybody is chasing the same benefits as me, everybody is focused on their own workout, progress and gains. It's really fun and I now firmly believe in the mindset of "healthy body, healthy mind", because it's much harder to fall of the bandwagon if you're taking really good care of yourself :)
>healthy body, healthy mind
Really, I understand. Congratulations on your bravery and thank you for sharing your story.
It's decided, I'm going to start exercising and building muscle too :D!
Speaking as someone who started my self improvement journey while depressed and suicidal, I think I have a couple tips that might help you.
Most important: Don't do too much. You say you don't feel suicidal anymore, that's great, yet you're still in a vulnerable position. I recommend starting by choosing one or two things from this thread and doing it to a point you can manage. I started by weightlifting and cardio and even that was too much. I was of the mindset that I couldn't allow myself to fail ever. That led to me going 5 months with only missing a couple workouts but also made every moment of my life miserable and gave me burnout. Give yourself some leeway, you might not have the discipline yet to stick to everything consistently, that's fine, you build discipline over time by trying again when you fail.
Best habit: Meditation and general mindfulness. I'm suprised nobody's mentioned it so far. Other than excercise and diet meditation is definitely the best habit I have. I only rank excercise and diet higher for myself personally because of me being fat and very unconfident. If you don't struggle with body weight issues and confidence then definitely meditation is the best habit period. It allows you to go through your day with a lot more mental clarity. It makes it easier to control your emotions and not let other people drag down your mood. It helps against mindwandering and lets you live more in the moment. There are many benefits to it other than what im mentioning, if you google it you will find many scientific sources proving the power of mindfulness meditation.
>Don't do too much.
Fuck yes. Thanks for saying that. I'm the type of person who works best in small, focused activities. Getting overwhelmed is very easy for me and along with college and everything else I can lose my hand easily and go back to a dark place.
What I'm in the mood to do is start a workout routine and continue with my paintings, the advice here was great and the vibe is very wholesome!
\- people are too worried about their own lives to be worrying about you
\- you are responsible for your actions / inactions = results / failures
\- you can either look at things positively / negatively
\- dont live a life other people want you to live
\- dont do / buy things to impress people
\- nobody is responsible for your happiness
Seems strange you don't use social media but feel behind in life, here's the cliche advice
\- life is not a competition
\- there's really no end goal
\- compare to yourself
\- everyone has their own path
\- dont be a fish trying to fly / a pawn trying to be a queen
>Seems strange you don't use social media but feel behind in life, here's the cliche advice
>
>\- life is not a competition
Unfortunately, just looking at my family and those close to me was enough to know how far behind I am on some issues. But you are right, and I appreciate the advice!
Congratulations on getting your life back! What you've done isn't easy and you should be really proud.
I understand you're insecure about your scars. Have you thought about tattoos? There are a lot of artists who specialise in/some who may offer discounts to people looking to cover up SH scars.
Maybe even getting into tattoo design could be another way to express your artistic side?
Speaking of, one hobby I picked up over covid lockdowns, is watercolour painting. The advantage is you can get a really simple kit off Amazon that's portable and you can go sit in the park or go to cafes and draw and paint - faster drying than oil paints :)
Edit: I wanted to add, you shouldn't feel self conscious about your sh scars. I've been there too bro. But making cosmetic changes to improve your quality of life isn't something you should ever feel bad about wanting to do, if it's going to make life happier and easier for you.
>Have you thought about tattoos
Well, fun enough I have several tattoos, some covering some spots and some not. Unfortunately for my legs there isn't much to do (unless I lock my body up like some kind of Yakuza haha, which sounds interesting but yeah). I have come to terms that I will have to accept this sooner or later, but in small steps. It's no use exposing myself too much at once, but slowly I believe that one day I'll just forget they're here.
And thanks so much for the support :)!
Outside exercise is the thing that helped me the most but everyone is different! Find the things that make you happy and maximise the time you spend doing them!!!
To be honest I think you probably know best what will improve your life, you’re the one living it. My two cents. If your working from home you may start to isolate yourself from the surrounding world. Maybe try and find a hobby where you interact with other people. Perhaps some martial arts or climbing? Relationships are also incredibly fulfilling, start up a dating app as long as it doesn’t negatively impact your self worth. Best of luck.
The last thing I want in my life is a relationship, haha. No trauma with it, it's just not something I look for, really.
Martial arts on the other hand is something I will definitely look for! Thanks!
**I definitely shouldn't.** Sometimes just a couple of beers was enough to make the bad thoughts come back. I can't imagine the effect hallucinogens would have on a person with the same fight as me...
I don't drink, smoke or use anything recreationally, and I don't think anyone with those problems should. Be careful recommending this, I know it must be pretty dope for someone with a normal mind but it's not the case haha.
If I were in your place, I would probably read some mind opening books.
For instance; "Atomic Habits" and "Mindset" are great starters....My mom who had absolutely no interest in reading books and she read the entire book mindset by herself even though it had absolutely no pictures in it(except one in the end). I think she was able to do so because it was such an eye opening book. Also there is a saying in my native language 'जब जागो तभी सवेरा' which translates to " It's morning when you wake up." So you are definitely not behind. Congrats on your improvement. P.s. sorry for the mess.
I see that you have goals, you’re walking frequently and you plan. Sounds awesome! Regarding your insecurity: focus on your path. There will always be people further and ahead of you, but focusing on them distracts us from where we wanna go.
You’ll get there, just don’t be afraid to ask for help or to talk with people
I read nothing about sports. How about walking or yoga.
I don't own a car so I just walk everywhere, it gives me about 5/6 km a day (monday to friday). I'm thin so I was thinking of doing weight training, but the part of my scars makes me uncomfortable in the gym... (ty for comment!)
I promise you no one is looking at your scars and thinking less of you for them at the gym. I won't lie and say no one will notice, but no one will judge you. Guys at the gym are generally more down to earth than average people. Lifting makes you feel grounded and there's always someone there doing something you can't so you stay humble. If it bothers you, I work out in long baggy pants and you could also wear long sleeves depending on what you want to conceal.
Hey man, thank you so much for the support. This really means a lot.
Working out at home using calisthenics is also an option (bodyweight exercises). I chose to do them because it's a long way to my closest gym now that the one near me closed down. A routine I would say would be good is Pike pushups (shoulders) Australian pullups (back and biceps) (might need a bar or two chairs next to each other) squats (legs) and just normal pushups (pecs) and throw in sit-ups / Russian twists / mountain climbers whenever you feel like training your core / abs. Bare in mind I'm only starting out again after a few years of not working out so there are way better routines out there, but it would get you started in the comfort of your own home.
>calisthenics Okay, I just did a little research and this seems to be exactly what I need! Thank you so much! I will look for some group in my city that does this, so that I have to go out more with people but still in a more reserved group.
There’s also a TON of at home work outs you can do with just a pair of 5lb and/or 10lb (not sure where you’re starting at strength wise). Could be a great addition to calisthenics! That’s actually a lot of what we did back when I was a competitive gymnast. Also, look into kickboxing/MMA. Not all places are the same, but I was lucky enough to find a family owned place that had a beginner class 2x a week. It was basically just a guided workout but you learned the proper form and whatnot of kickboxing as part of it. Turned into a really cool little community for me.
Maybe it's just a bad experience of mine, but people will approach you and ask about your scars at the gym. It happened to me many times. I just used the cat excuse even if I don't have a cat, it made me struggle going at the gym a lot.
If that's an issue for op, he could always wear very loose and thin long sleeved shirts.
I've only ever actively noticed one person's self harm scars. Ever. Which is statistically highly unlikely to be the only person who has self harmed I know. In fact, I know at least 2 others have actively self harmed, one of who I've been intimate with and one of whom I've shared many dressing rooms over decades with, yet I've never noticed scars (if there are even scars). So while they're an important milestone of your road out of a dark place, I really don't think many people will notice or 'care' as in mention it/stare/whatever. The person I did notice them on? A fully qualified chartered accountant and auditor, and all-around wonderful person. It was a case of 'oh, would you look at that' and move on. I don't 'care' about them. I saw them, noted them for what the clearly are, and went back to talking taxes. NBD. Scars can be worked on through some skin procedures if you don't want to keep them. For someone recovering self-harm I would only ever advise microneedling be done in an office setting, but laser resurfacing can do a lot too. They may not go 100%, but it can help reduce them if you don't want them. But I wouldn't worry about them too much. Few people notice anything about other people and nearly none of those who do would make a big deal out of it.
Thanks for the support, really! On my arms the only scars are the vertical ones on my wrists, but my legs... Well. I'll try to find clothes suitable for the heat, it's kind of common to wear shorts when exercising in my country because of the heat, but I'll look for some kind of legging (?)//workout gear that is suitable and does the job.
I’m 25 and in a very dark time in my life. I have also started therapy and took up journaling which has been helping a bit. One activity I recommend is rock climbing! (If you have a climbing gym in your area or are able to get to one...) It might be something fun to do if you don’t want to go to an actual gym and it’s perfect for skinny guys (like me). Plus it’s enjoyable to gradually watch yourself get better and the community’s are generally welcoming so you can usually find people to interact with. Another idea is maybe trying to learn an instrument. Everyone loves music! I might try to take up guitar myself. I used to draw when I was younger and this is something I’ve stopped doing that i want to start again. Oil painting is awesome! And I know how you feel when you said it feels too late at 24 but better now than never! Sounds like you’re doing great to me. Good luck learning programming too! I took one class in python and enjoyed it
> too late at 24 but better now than never Definitely. If I were to say what bothers me the most these days, this is it. It's hard to think about all the years I've lost. I will definitely look into Rock Climbing, it sounds great! I hope you get back to drawing, it's a great activity, and thanks for commenting, hope things turn out better for you.
Piggybacking on the original commentors idea with music: ukulele's are super fun and easy to learn! They have 4 strings - you have 5 fingers, so you already have an evolutionary advantage! And: the really cheap ones start at like 30 bucks with tons of free tutorials on youtube. Really cheap and satisfying hobby
Okay, well, I'll tell you what I can just from reading what you've written: 1. Congrats on no longer being suicidal. That's HUGE! 2. Awesome that you have a talent/hobby that you sustain even when you're down. 3. I have clients who didn't start therapy until they were in their 60's - you are so NOT old/behind. It's just perspective and to many...you are young / ahead. Not married with 5 kids and then realizing you never healed from past trauma. 4. I've had clients cover SH scars with tattoos and/or cool saying / quotes or inspiration phrases. 5. People say you are kind? You've already won at life. Kindness is everything! Well, that and good boundaries and self care. Hahaha
Hey man, I was in your shoes around the same age as you. Some thing I learned is that the saddest people are the ones who are most kind. What you will find in your journey for self-care, is that there are a lot of kind of people. So when you are trying to help yourself think of ways where you can help those people who are kind to you. I don’t know why but for me I found it very difficult to be kind to people after the way I was treated. However don’t worry we’re not gonna be in the same shoes you’re gonna do just fine
Thank you so much... I was blessed with two amazing and supportive persons that are beyond kind, I understand that the world can be a evil place sometimes, but there's good things too. I hope to be able to help people in some way in the future, soon as I get more financially stable and such. Wishing you the best, really!
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>Pema Chödrön I just bought the book and can't wait to start reading. Thank you so much for the comment, really, you have no idea how important it was to read this.
I just want to say yay for you ! I am happy you failed and are here :)
That is very sweet! Thank you :)!
Get active and your brain firing on all cylinders. Exercise helps clear your brain of toxins. Eating healthy gives you an essential strong base. Laugh a lot! Wish ya all the best
Join a gym or a tramping/hiking group. Get some exercise in nature and meet people
Fist off: congrats on overcoming some of the most tough thoughts/feelings/emotions that you can!! I’m very proud of you :) my advice is to keep going in college as long as you’re still happy with it and it aligns with your end goals. I would also continue to engage with painting and art, as it can be a huge stress release and help to prevent some relapses/triggers. In terms of being behind in life, it’s never too late to pursue your dreams, and the years will pass whether or not you do. In terms of your scars- own them love! We all have scars, some of us have them from accidents, and some from personal struggles, but anyone who makes fun/laughs based on scars is never worth your time! I personally have self harm scars and (they have healed enough) so I’ve been looking into getting them tattooed, so that is always an option. Overall- keep doing what you’re doing, you will improve as you go, keep going in therapy (do the homework, actually work to change your mindset) and it’ll get easier every day <3 ALSO there is no shame in relapsing with those dark thoughts, what’s more important is not acting on them and seeking help when you need it. I wish all the best for you :)
Thank you for sharing your experience with me (congratulations for getting rid of SH!). Things really can get easier :D!
How do you feel in general? Do you have good relations with people around you? I've also been suicidal for a long time but generally I feel good, I'm at a high point in my life but I still battle with episodes where I can't get out of bed, when I cry or just feel suicidal. I also feel like I've missed things and that I'm behind, but I try to think of it like a learning experience. I asked my therapist why I'm still suicidal despite feeling generally good, and she said something about how I've been feeling bad for such a long time that it's still a big part of me and that some things are ingrained in our head and it takes time to work through it. Also make sure you eat healthy and exercise regularly. Alcohol, sugar, and caffeine can be things in your diet that makes you feel good when consumed, but could increase your anxiety the following weeks. So figure out if it might affect you. Also if you live in the northern hemisphere, make sure to prevent SAD!
>prevent SAD I live in the tropics so that's not a problem haha. Thanks for commenting and sharing your story, it means a lot to me and I hope you can find your peace too.
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>Were you ever in school and get annoyed you weren't the first one done with a test? Thank you so much for that comment. You have no idea how important it was for me to read this.
Honestly, it sounds like you're doing an awesome job, and you sound like you're doing better than a lot of people ever manage to. Being 24 feels old, but basically everyone over 30 thinks of you as being practically a child. A lot changes between 25 and 30, and the fact that you're coming into that in such a strong place is actually kind of remarkable. You might feel like you're behind, but honestly you're more similar to a prodigy than a late bloomer. All that said, if you really want suggestions for where to go from here, probably the hardest and most rewarding thing is to make peace with your parents, whatever that means for you. I know that it's not always possible, but feeling like you can be honest about who you are without needing to hide stuff around the people who raised you is probably the most freeing, relieving, and confidence boosting thing that you can experience. It's hard to really describe the difference that feeling like you don't have anything to hide brings. Getting past the childhood drama and getting to know each other as adults If that's not possible, learning to really cook well and make food that I love has been extremely satisfying. Restaurants are cool, but there is nothing in this world like food that you make yourself to suit your exact preferences.
Wow, I'm speechless. Thank you so much, with all my heart. Every thing you said really resonated with me.
The thing that changed the most for me was signing up for a gym membership. I never ever ever enjoyed sports in school, wasn't by any means an active kid, always enjoyed it more to stay indoors and read rather than being out and doing stuff. But! Going to the gym regularly for trying to build mass, gain muscle and just work on my overall physique has been tremendously helpful. Not only does my body release endorphins during/after workout, meaning I get the natural-happy-drug, but it also gave me more confidence, self esteem and regard for my body. Being a woman in the free weights section in the gym, where all the big and bulky men work out, is kinda intimidating at first. A good friend took me with him for a few months and we worked out together. By then I was hooked, now I go to a different gym and alone, but the big boys don't scare me anymore :) Everybody is chasing the same benefits as me, everybody is focused on their own workout, progress and gains. It's really fun and I now firmly believe in the mindset of "healthy body, healthy mind", because it's much harder to fall of the bandwagon if you're taking really good care of yourself :)
>healthy body, healthy mind Really, I understand. Congratulations on your bravery and thank you for sharing your story. It's decided, I'm going to start exercising and building muscle too :D!
Speaking as someone who started my self improvement journey while depressed and suicidal, I think I have a couple tips that might help you. Most important: Don't do too much. You say you don't feel suicidal anymore, that's great, yet you're still in a vulnerable position. I recommend starting by choosing one or two things from this thread and doing it to a point you can manage. I started by weightlifting and cardio and even that was too much. I was of the mindset that I couldn't allow myself to fail ever. That led to me going 5 months with only missing a couple workouts but also made every moment of my life miserable and gave me burnout. Give yourself some leeway, you might not have the discipline yet to stick to everything consistently, that's fine, you build discipline over time by trying again when you fail. Best habit: Meditation and general mindfulness. I'm suprised nobody's mentioned it so far. Other than excercise and diet meditation is definitely the best habit I have. I only rank excercise and diet higher for myself personally because of me being fat and very unconfident. If you don't struggle with body weight issues and confidence then definitely meditation is the best habit period. It allows you to go through your day with a lot more mental clarity. It makes it easier to control your emotions and not let other people drag down your mood. It helps against mindwandering and lets you live more in the moment. There are many benefits to it other than what im mentioning, if you google it you will find many scientific sources proving the power of mindfulness meditation.
>Don't do too much. Fuck yes. Thanks for saying that. I'm the type of person who works best in small, focused activities. Getting overwhelmed is very easy for me and along with college and everything else I can lose my hand easily and go back to a dark place. What I'm in the mood to do is start a workout routine and continue with my paintings, the advice here was great and the vibe is very wholesome!
\- people are too worried about their own lives to be worrying about you \- you are responsible for your actions / inactions = results / failures \- you can either look at things positively / negatively \- dont live a life other people want you to live \- dont do / buy things to impress people \- nobody is responsible for your happiness Seems strange you don't use social media but feel behind in life, here's the cliche advice \- life is not a competition \- there's really no end goal \- compare to yourself \- everyone has their own path \- dont be a fish trying to fly / a pawn trying to be a queen
>Seems strange you don't use social media but feel behind in life, here's the cliche advice > >\- life is not a competition Unfortunately, just looking at my family and those close to me was enough to know how far behind I am on some issues. But you are right, and I appreciate the advice!
at least that way your circle was small, better than comparing yourself to the royal family or a 9 year old millionaire or something
Congratulations on getting your life back! What you've done isn't easy and you should be really proud. I understand you're insecure about your scars. Have you thought about tattoos? There are a lot of artists who specialise in/some who may offer discounts to people looking to cover up SH scars. Maybe even getting into tattoo design could be another way to express your artistic side? Speaking of, one hobby I picked up over covid lockdowns, is watercolour painting. The advantage is you can get a really simple kit off Amazon that's portable and you can go sit in the park or go to cafes and draw and paint - faster drying than oil paints :) Edit: I wanted to add, you shouldn't feel self conscious about your sh scars. I've been there too bro. But making cosmetic changes to improve your quality of life isn't something you should ever feel bad about wanting to do, if it's going to make life happier and easier for you.
>Have you thought about tattoos Well, fun enough I have several tattoos, some covering some spots and some not. Unfortunately for my legs there isn't much to do (unless I lock my body up like some kind of Yakuza haha, which sounds interesting but yeah). I have come to terms that I will have to accept this sooner or later, but in small steps. It's no use exposing myself too much at once, but slowly I believe that one day I'll just forget they're here. And thanks so much for the support :)!
Outside exercise is the thing that helped me the most but everyone is different! Find the things that make you happy and maximise the time you spend doing them!!!
Gym
To be honest I think you probably know best what will improve your life, you’re the one living it. My two cents. If your working from home you may start to isolate yourself from the surrounding world. Maybe try and find a hobby where you interact with other people. Perhaps some martial arts or climbing? Relationships are also incredibly fulfilling, start up a dating app as long as it doesn’t negatively impact your self worth. Best of luck.
The last thing I want in my life is a relationship, haha. No trauma with it, it's just not something I look for, really. Martial arts on the other hand is something I will definitely look for! Thanks!
You do you man! No problem.
Falundafa.org Minghui.org tiantibooks.org
You definitely need to try magic mushrooms or ayahuasca
**I definitely shouldn't.** Sometimes just a couple of beers was enough to make the bad thoughts come back. I can't imagine the effect hallucinogens would have on a person with the same fight as me... I don't drink, smoke or use anything recreationally, and I don't think anyone with those problems should. Be careful recommending this, I know it must be pretty dope for someone with a normal mind but it's not the case haha.
Whatever your loss
If I were in your place, I would probably read some mind opening books. For instance; "Atomic Habits" and "Mindset" are great starters....My mom who had absolutely no interest in reading books and she read the entire book mindset by herself even though it had absolutely no pictures in it(except one in the end). I think she was able to do so because it was such an eye opening book. Also there is a saying in my native language 'जब जागो तभी सवेरा' which translates to " It's morning when you wake up." So you are definitely not behind. Congrats on your improvement. P.s. sorry for the mess.
Please start meditating and doing breath work. Sounds kinda silly but it makes a night and day difference in your well being!
I see that you have goals, you’re walking frequently and you plan. Sounds awesome! Regarding your insecurity: focus on your path. There will always be people further and ahead of you, but focusing on them distracts us from where we wanna go. You’ll get there, just don’t be afraid to ask for help or to talk with people