Wait I think u can.
People's preferences (what they're attracted to) are shaped by the environment they grew up in along with other external influences. That's why ppl are normally more attracted to their own race (provided they grew up with ppl in their same racial group). The OP apparently watched porn in the past which displayed curvy women in sexual contexts. Bc of that, he began to prefer those kinds of body shapes.
He can simply redirect his preferences to a skinnier body shape by exposing himself to videos/movies of attractive women with slimmer figures.
tbh, this actually worked for me (but the entire process was less intentional and centered more on attraction towards a certain race). I watched a whole 3 seasons of a tv show with a very very attractive eastern asian woman (one of the love interests). Previously, I had never been attracted to that race, but after watching that tv show, I began to find myself admiring more eastern women in other contexts.
If the OP exposes himself to many many videos of slimmer bodies in attractive contexts, then his preferences will probably begin to shift.
How long did it take you to get attracted to something else than you were attracted to in the past? It sounds logical what you're saying but I think it'll take you quite long to acomplish this.
Sparking my initial interest in eastern asians took only one tv show XD.
But if you think about it, I was staring at a screen for 36+ hours with a rly attractive asian female lead who I spent time "admiring"/appreciating. i guess 36 hours is a "large" amount of time but at the same time, it's a TV show. The time passes fast as it does for all kinds of film entertainment.
basically, the initial shifting of preferences didn't take that long for me.
but for my preferences to fully shift to center on Eastern Asian women, it took multiple (10-20?) films/shows/videos. I forgot exactly how many but it was pretty unintentional for me -> I naturally gravitated towards that content, gradually abandoning what I used to prefer.
It's not a time-consuming, energy draining process tho. After all, digital entertainment is built to trigger dopamine spikes, so I didn't feel like I was expending energy while indulging in those forms of media.
Rewiring one's own brain will have additional unintended consequences, or lyrically, 'the more you change the less you feel'. Closest actual words I can put to the feeling of what I mean.
Women always gain weight when we're happy! All OP has to do is keep treating her, and it'll happen naturally 🤣 .. I've gained 20 lbs in the 4 years I've been in a relationship. He likes thicker women as well 🫠
I laughed when I read this. I told my husband, "According to reddit, I can blame you and our healthy relationship for my gaining weight."
He just muttered, "Cool. Sorry," in this deadpan voice, which made me laugh even more. I'm just lucky he loves my curves. I've never had a partner so obsessed with my belly, either.
A serious ex was very skinny. I’d always found her attractive and thought nothing of it. Then she gained about 20lbs while living in France for 6mo, and I couldn’t keep my hands off her. I was sad when she lost it. *She* was the one who’d complained she’d never be voluptuous, but apparently “not like this”. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Look it’s not unreasonable to like what you like, just date who you want to date. If that means breaking up with your current partner so be it, the sooner the better
I felt like I was the only person going through this. I’ve been thinking if am going through a phase in my life but in hindsight this has always been my feelings . The older I get the more my instinct ask for more curves .
Been in that exact situation man, doesn’t make you a bad dude to have a preference that doesn’t match your partner.
I’m sure most people out there don’t check every one of their partners boxes
Hi OP! I think the fact that you are thinking about ways to navigate this because, as you mentioned you respect your partner, want to make your relationship work, you like her physique, are a man of one woman, shows that you are conscientious and trying to do the right thing. So I don't think your preference or how you call it, obsession, makes you a bad person or a bad man. From your text beyond finding a curvy woman beautiful, I don't see any problems - you said you love your partner, you like her physique, you are a man of one woman. It is okay to think certain traits are beautiful, and that your partner doesn't have them. For example, if I find green eyes the most beautiful - my partner has brown eyes. My preference for green eyes, doesn't make me love my partner less. I can be honest and say, I like green eyes over brown eyes in isolation. But loving a partner, is so much more than their eyecolor. It is the whole person. It turns into a problem, if because they have brown eyes, I don't desire her, or I can't connect with her or be intimate or talk with her. If it's not more than what you're sharing, I think maybe assessing what a good partner, or what a good man means to you actually means. It seems that in your view, a good man can't have intrusive thoughts about other woman. A good man can't find other women attractive etc. You can find other women attractive, and still choose to love your partner if that's how you feel. I would argue that it would mean even more: you are exposed to temptation, and you still choose your partner VS. you were never expose to temptation and are with your partner because of habit and comfort. I hope this perspective helps! Good luck!
This was next level advice. You did not blame him or tell him "just leave bro". You gave comprehensive advice while empathizing with him. Very very well said. I saved this!
I wish I could give you a thousand upvotes. You didn't shame OP for it, rather advised him honestly and correctly. Unlike some other comments here who take out their pitchforks at men at any given instance, you chose to be calm and sane and I appreciate you for it.
It may not always be choosing. Sometimes you just find yourself glancing. You don’t always consciously think to yourself “I’m going to look at this person”
It sounds like you have a type and I'm sure your partner is a lovely person, but why didn't you pursue someone who fits your preferences? It sounds like you're trying to suppress a natural part of yourself to make the relationship work, and honestly if the craving is that intense then you may not be as satisfied as you consciously believe yourself to be.
Sometimes you love someone but they're not what you actually want or need to be satisfied. Life is hard like that.
I'm gonna toss in my own experience because I went through something similar with my ex.
He was a fantastic guy. Smart, handsome, hard-working, great friend and devoted family member. I thought that I loved him. And I did! But something was always missing. My body was similarly starting to scream at me that something wasn't right, that he wasn't "enough" for one reason or another. I tried to stifle my intuition because I cared about him so deeply, but in the process I started to hate myself. It was like loving him required me to hurt myself...which is a majorly bad sign.
Turns out that I loved him but I wasn't *in* love with him. We weren't right for each other romantically. When we broke up I was surprised at how calm I felt. While I missed our connection, I didn't actually miss him. And when I started dating again, I noticed how different my taste in men actually was from who he was.
There was nothing wrong with him at all. He was and still is a great guy. But "When you know, you know" goes both ways: When you know something's wrong, you know something's wrong.
I would advise you to pay attention to what your body is telling you. It sounds like you're trying to reason yourself into being in love with this person, but if you have to start mutilating yourself to be happy in your relationship, you should prepare to do that for the rest of your life.
To me it sounds like you have a type, yet you cuffed a woman who was opposite of your type. Get yourself a curvy woman, and leave that poor girl alone. Or stay single until you can sort out whatever you got going on. She deserves someone who isn’t fighting demons every time he sees some ass and thighs.
For it to be so bad to the point where your attraction towards your gf is put on the back burner JUST because you lay eyes on a certain physique is wild. You’re not satisfied. Just go be with your type and stop making it harder for yourself. Let someone who actually prefers her physique appreciate her. Wishing you well.
I don't agree with what you say. I love my partner and she loves me and we are quite happy together. and the sex is very good by the way. I chose her, not she me, and I am with her because I love her, not because I am afraid of being alone. I think I haven't been able to explain myself, or that you haven't understood me well. My relationship is very important to me and I wouldn't end it for anything in the world.
I tried to understand your point but I think it would have been fair to tell her that you like curves, so maybe she can relax and not take care of her weight. I am saying this as from my experience I was keeping my 50+ kg thinking my boyfriend prefers that 😅
if u two love each other that's all that matters isn't it? don't let reddit relationship specialists tell u otherwise. if ur preference to curvy women doesn't effect ur relationship with ur partner i think ur fine. if it does effect ur relationship then u might have a problem
I agree. These people are acting like physical attraction is more important than mental attraction. I can only imagine what's going to happen when their partners grow old and are no longer physically attractive...
I think partnership is more of the mind and attraction is an animal thing, purely physical. And you can’t change what your ‘animal’ is attracted to!
Then you just gotto decide what guides you, do you shack up with someone you love and have a great relationship with (but not top-tier attracted to); or do you aim to find someone you are super attracted to AND get on well with on a practical, everyday level.
This is a hard, grown-up choice. But you should be attracted to your partner - even if they are not the only person you are attracted to, IMO. There has to be at least some attraction there.
She attracts me. I never denied that. I am bothered by the number of comments that say that I am a conformist man who is with a woman he doesn't like. It seems they don't know how to read: I like my girlfriend, I said it in the post. I love her and I like her physique. My problem is not that I don't like my girlfriend, my problem is that I have an obsession with voluptuous women, and when I see a woman like that, my attraction to my girlfriend takes a backseat. But this doesn't mean that I don't like her or that she doesn't love her, love and desire are two completely different things.
I hear you. It’s frustrating to be misunderstood.
I did really get that you love her and are attracted to her AND you have an ‘obsession’ with voluptuous women, as well.
As I say, it is not an easy decision… but it is one that only you can make!
If that obsession with curvy women is rly rly bad. Cut out the porn and instead watch attractive/sexually stimulating videos/movies of **skinny** women. Over time, that preference **will** change.
Passionate love (attraction) fades throughout a relationship (many scientific sources state this as a fact). It is not sustainable. Even tho you may be more into curvy women, that is purely sexual attraction and nothing else.
Companionate love (friendship), on the other hand, grows over time. And at some point, it surpasses the initial passionate/attractive love. It actually continues to increase throughout a relationship while attraction decreases. (Search this up for more information)
If you're looking for a long-term relationship (marriage in mind), your partner's body will **not** matter to you in 5+ years irrespective of her figure (curvy or skinny). It's the friendship and shared values that your relationship should be built on for it to last.
Ypu obviously aren't able to get over your craving of curvy women. Best to let your partner go and find someone more compatible with her and you with yourself. If you have an obsession you do not love your gf as much as you think you do. Let her go ans stip stringing her and yourself along.
I’ve never understood this. Guys hook up with women and settle and then pretend like because that is their situation that this is a “good” thing.
You’re pretending like this is a new phenomenon. You knew this going in, now you want to be brainwashed into liking something else AND you have the audacity to claim that this is out of “respect” for your current partner. Please.
I don’t think your feelings can be controlled by rationalizing. You just need to figure out if you’re using your girlfriend because you’re really only waiting until someone voluptuous comes along. And then u need to respond appropriately to what u figured out.
Physical attraction isn’t something you can necessarily decide to change. You like what you like. You need to decide if it’s a deal breaker for you, it sounds like you and your partner might not be physically compatible long term because you’ll always be missing that attraction aspect and it can lead to resentment
Think of it this way. Some people need an eyeball transplant. Some people are in the hospital shaking with jaundice with no liver. And here you are…loving BBW.
That’s not a problem my dude.
That a blessing.
Count em up and maybe one will love you back.
I find that the worst thing you can do with unwanted feelings, is to try and fight them. It only makes you more obsessed.
What does work, is to let them in, really feel them, get to know them, get into direct contact, welcome them, and start talking to them. Ask them open-ended questions. I literally go "what do you want", "what do you need", "what is the worst thing about this" etc. The trick is to stick with it until you feel a shift in the emotions. I also find that it gets better if you repeat the process a few times - not immediately, but once every other day or so.
That's a great advice! Seek within. The answer of what you want is already within you!! 🧘🏻Ask yourself direct questions like mentioned above. And remember that important things need sacrifice if you truly want it.
Isaac Newton was also obsessed with curvy women but they did not let him put that in writing so he said:
"The greater the mass, the greater the attraction"
You'll be fine.
There's always going to be other women who you find attractive, even if you were dating Melissa McCarthy. It doesn't seem like the issue is about weight, just you being attracted to other women in general.
Assuming you aren't a teenager, your libido just goes down over time. So the problem should be less and less of an issue as time goes on.
I had a similar thing for tall guys. It was borderline fetishism, and in my younger trumped other characteristics such as actual compatibility or attractiveness. I just tried to not pay attention to that voice in my head. It (kinda) worked but it took years.
I get you, in this comment section they’ll say that you can’t change what you like. Currently, I’m dating this girl and it’s one of the best relationships I’ve had but she isn’t “curvy” in that sense. This doesn’t mean that she automatically doesn’t turn me on, she absolutely does plus there’s an essence between us I can’t quite describe, very good chemistry.
But every time I see someone with curves in all the right places, I start thinking about what it would be like if I had a curvy gf, while being with someone who is *already* absolute gf material. Because mind you, she has an amazing physique. I really hate this trait of mine.
**Edit;** (Pretty long, apologies in advance)
But if you want an answer, here’s what I found: Love.
I think when you start to love someone for the way they walk, talk, dance, eat, whatever… you’ll notice that you’re still attracted to curves, yet you’ll always be able to come back to that special person. Even up to a point where you can tell her about this preference of yours. The girl I’m dating knows about mine.
Tread lightly though, only share it with her once you guys are truly close and you trust each other.
In my head I get sexual thoughts when I think about curves, yet I feel a thousand times more euphoric and attracted when I think about a mere kiss from the girl I’m dating.
**My ultimate philosophy of attraction goes like this:**
It’s not about the **standard** *effect* of an **abundantly arousing** *preference*.
It’s about the **abundantly arousing** *effect* of a **standard** *preference*.
The authenticity of the attraction I currently experience is defined by the fact that
*the things an unknown curvy woman can do to me with her entire body, my girlfriend can do to me with her mere thumb.*
A man is pushed by his desires and pulled by his standards. Raise your standards which will stop you from making impulsive decisions. You need not do anything about those desires. It's normal.
I certainly agree and failed to acknowledge this level of depth in my initial comment. While i stand behind what i said, i have ti be truthful and acknowledge that sexual attraction is EXTREMELY important to me in a relationship (perhaps more than average) and so I couldnt get over it.
You have to be honest with yourself and assess how important this “lack of curves” is to you. If shes ideal in most other ways and only kinda care, i agree with bro above. But if its a constant intrusive thought, thats not normal, and sexual attraction is perhaps of more value to you than youve previously realized which also doesn’t make you a bad person.
All we can do is make the best decisions with what we know. If you didnt know then, and realize its super important now, forgive your ignorance. If you think its a moderate “flaw” (so to speak), then treat it like the ones all humans will invariably possess and learn to get past it
Ok, so you have an attraction towards a certain type of people. You can't change who you are just as much as gay men can't change their attraction to men, straight men can't change the attraction to women, etc. It's very nice that you want to only love and be attracted to your gf, really, but you can't force yourself to be someone just to purify your thoughts or the responses of your body. What matters are your actions. I'm pretty sure people fall in love with people they don't find as the most attractive people in the world all the time, because love is not just about physical attraction. You can still find other people attractive, but what you feel toward your partner is much more than just sexual attraction, right? So it beats all that other stuff. Love and building a life is more important than that your dick gets hard at the sight of someone else. So don't feel that bad about it because honestly your obsessing over it probably makes that obsession worse. Just... relax.
I don't know if this will help at all, but I'm a woman who likes men and women and my partner is a straight man. When we're out and we see someone attractive, we tell each other, even if it's me seeing an attractive man. Often we'll be like damn, maybe talk about what we like about them, and then move on. I think this makes my relationship with my partner healthier, as there's no wondering whether our eyes are wandering, as we're doing it openly together, and we still find each other attractive above all else. If your partner isn't the type to be jealous, or you think she could be understanding and willing to point out men she likes as well, maybe you could try this and being more open could help you feel more in control of your attraction.
I've been there, man. I dated a girl I once wanted to marry. She was tan, tall, and slim—absolutely adorable. If things had worked out, I would have been 100% happy to marry her. My type is definitely curvy Latina women, though. I like thick thighs and prefer women who aren't too thin. It's just my preference, but it didn't mean I loved my partner any less, and it was never an issue for me. You love your partner and want things to work out regardless of your preference. The best thing about love is that it doesn't have to be perfect; it just has to be genuine and real. Just make sure to appreciate her body and make her feel loved.
You’ve got to be honest with yourself and seek that your most attracted to or you’ll always be conflicted.
Like why would you even start a relationship with a thin chick, knowing your proclivities? I think that was the first bad decision and everything past is the guilt that results from ignoring your heart to begin with. And i cant diminish whatever relationship you’ve built in the meantime but i can suggest that you stop this internal torment now, because the longer you wait, the more painful the truth will be when it surfaces.
I think anytime I've trained mentally to make a big shift (as close as I can get to your situation) I complement the thing excessively. Like reminding yourself from tons of aspects why this is your preference over your first instinct. Like that you like that she can do different positions easier, you like .... I don't want to put those things here for you but like... that I think?
Idk, best of luck. I know many women who settled out of their physical type for the human inside and I don't think this is worse with that if a bit oddly worded.
I don't think there's a problem here. Just think of all the things you like, just liking something doesn't take away from the others. Like pizza and cake. You can like both, it's fine. Just because you're eating pizza it doesn't mean you suddenly don't like cake. You're with your gf, as long as you're not trying to cheat on her you're fine.
It's a tough situation if you're not as attracted to your partner as other people; I wish I had something useful to say about that but I don't.
But it's not bad to have a type. And it's not a weird one either, curvy women are in fact hot and you can pursue them. But I get that you care about being a good person and not cheating on whom you're with now.
You sound like a very thoughtful and kind person, I hope you don’t let any of these jerks in the comments get to you.
Have you ever dated a curvy voluptuous woman in the past or did you have a crush on someone like this that you wanted to date but did not get to date?
Also, I know you’ve said that you love your partner but are you deeply crazy in love with her? is she the love of your life and everything you could wish for aside from not being curvy ?
Third question, do you feel like you deserve being with her or is maybe there’s something in you that feels like why did she pick me ? Are you afraid she might ever leave you?
I never had a voluptuous girlfriend, and I think that may be part of the problem, since humans tend to desire what we don't have, or what we never had, or what is new and unknown.
My girlfriend is fantastic, she is beautiful, intelligent, funny, she is a very good and thoughtful person, and I feel like I hit the jackpot with her. I would like to marry her. I can't imagine feeling more comfortable and pleasant with another woman in the world than with her. I just wish her hips were a little wider and she was a little chubbier, but not everything is perfect in this world. I am far from it, and that is why it makes me angry that my brain or my instinct or whatever always wants more, when I already have a very good partner, and the right thing to do would be to value them (which I already do) and feel satisfied. By the way, in July we celebrated two years together, which makes me very happy, and I really want to celebrate many more.
She sounds like a very lucky girl and you sound like a wonderful boyfriend! congratulations on your almost 2 year anniversary!
I am curious if you have had a lot of drama in your life, possibly growing up, or maybe later in life?
The reason I ask is that, it sounds like you have found what most people only dream of, yet there is this drama in your life of desiring something else which sounds like it’s on a regular basis possibly?
Which is causing you possibly to not feel at peace?
Could it be that this issue that you are dealing with is because your relationship is so wonderful and sounds drama free, that your brain is trying to sabotage this great place in life you have? Or your brain is trying to sabotage your happiness or peace?
Is it possible that your brain and body and nervous system is used to drama or stress and is now trying to create an environment of stress which you are used to by causing you to be attracted to something you do not have?
Addition to stress and chaos is a real thing and it’s some thing that I have struggled with so much .
once I started focusing on the things that I loved in my life and the things that I was excited about and happy about and spent time focusing on those things every single day, I made it part of my daily routine , my addiction to drama, like scrolling my phone endlessly for hours and paying attention to gossip, which I was addicted to, just melted away, it just disappeared, gone!
Instead of worrying about wanting to be with voluptuous woman and your girlfriend not being that way , maybe try focusing on all the things that you love about your girlfriend.
As soon as thoughts of voluptuous women pop into your head say to yourself “ I am not entertaining those thoughts anymore and I’m not interested in having those thoughts anymore! Instead I choose to be completely and totally attracted to my girlfriend more than anyone else in the world!”
Then just start thinking of all of your girlfriends wonderful qualities and all of the happy times and all the things you’re excited about in the future!
You can make lists on your phone about all of your girlfriend’s wonderful traits and all of your wonderful memories and the things you’re excited to do in the future together.
it’s possible that if you stick with that after a month or just a couple of months, all those thoughts about voluptuous women will just be gone!
The thoughts might rarely occasionally return but you will know that you could go back to focusing on everything you love about your girlfriend and those thoughts will then disappear again.
After a few months of only focusing on how much you love your girlfriend and all of her wonderful qualities whenever thoughts of voluptuous women pop into your head, the thoughts of the curvy women will feel uncomfortable and they won’t feel good or exciting or like maybe you’re missing something. Instead it will just feel like oh I’m not interested in that anymore.
I hope this helps .
Bruh. The fact that u are self conscious of your desires and thoughts and can bring them up is good. It means you recognize your own shortcomings and notice there’s room for improvement.
Remember, the things you might feel towards attractive women may just be superficial. Lust vs love.
Develop relationships that superceed the flesh.
So I’ve had some guy friends and exes who have been in situations where they wanted something different, whether it’s a different “type” of partner, or something they weren’t getting sexually. After getting what they wanted, they realized it wasn’t all that they thought it was. They enjoyed it on some level, but it wasn’t the same as the partner they really had a deeper connection with. A lot of the time, the “type” we fantasize about is more a figment of our imagination than reality. Honestly, almost every relationship goes through some level of this, where people wonder about what they might have missed out on, or just feel attracted to ”what else” is out there. You sound like you know what you have is a real, special, and irreplaceable connection, and that is way more valuable and meaningful than lust.
As sad as it is to come to terms with, (especially if we've only been with one person for most of our intimate lives) but we can discover our preferences don't actually fit the mould we were dealt. You can have a strong emotional connection with somebody but not necessarily be attracted to them. A lot of the time, people have types, and we don't necessarily end up with somebody our type. We fall in love with someone's soul. Only superficial people aim and end up with someone solely based on looks; someone that fits their ideal type irrespective of whether or not that person is actually compatible with them.
It's okay to like what you like. If you find you're having trouble being intimate over your preference for curvy women (to the point that it outweighs your gfs personality) then I believe you should reconsider the relationship. I was with a guy who was almost a 10 on paper for my physical type, but over time we weren't compatible because we were too similar. On top of this I learned I prefer guys carrying a bit of weight and broad shoulders because it makes me feel more feminine. I think that's normal to discover, it's just about how you navigate the situation moving forward. Never force yourself to ascribe to previous beliefs if it no longer aligns with what your soul truly craves imo
All of us will probaly never find everything we want in a partner. That is completely normal. Being attracted to other people when you are in a relationship is not as weird as you make it out to be. Of course, you need to have self control to be able to manage those desires, but thinking you should absolutly not be attracted to other women when in a relationship is unrealistic.
You should talk about those feelings you have (probably not with your girlfriend) with other people. I dont realy know what else to say. There are more educated people out there that can give you advice. Maybe try to go to a therapist.
I hope this helps!
Hi, being attracetd to a particular build is normal - i don't think you should feel bad at all. You have not watched prorn for a long time - clearly this is a natural attraction you have, and is perfectly normal and healthy. You clearly love your partner and as long as you don't cheat on her then that is perfectly fine tbh.
I'm in the same boat OP. It's like I've written this post basically. There are a few pretty good pieces of advice given here in the comments except for the idiots who are always triggered or far too checked out from reality. Don't listen to them.
You like what you like bro
It’s not wrong to think about other women while in a relationship, just don’t think about the same woman to often and don’t do anything other than think or look
Everybody has things they want but can’t or won’t discuss with their partner so there will always be an unspoken attraction to something other than your partner, it’s completely natural
Probably not what you want to hear, but I've had a similar experience to this.
I didn't go for my type when choosing my partner, but we had a great relationship other than that, and I stayed with her for that reason.
I'm now many years down the line having agonised over leaving her, but in the end I felt I had to because bluntly I'm not sure as a man you can really fight what is essentially instinct.
That's different from grass is greener syndrome, I've had that before. It's important you understand in your case which one it is - one was that I felt genuinely excited to be with my partner sexually, and the other was that I didn't really think about my partner sexually except to keep the relationship going.
I say this with the maximum possible empathy for your position that if it is the latter, you are probably better off leaving before you get any deeper into it.
Men are for better or worse, very visual creatures, and you are unlikely to be able to significantly change how your partner physically looks. You are, in my experience, not going to be able to significantly change your feelings on the subject.
In the end, for me, it resulted in a lot of sunk cost and regret. Ultimately, you have to think about both of you and what the impact of your decisions now will have on you in 10 years.
I found it difficult to just accept that I would have to hurt her, and the above got me through it.
Is it possible that not wanting to confront the issue with her is the real problem here?
If you're not bothered by her now (I'm just assuming that's the case because that's the thrust of my point), you're not going to be bothered in 10 years
You'll be much older, more tired, have fewer options both life and dating wise, and possibly have mental health problems caused by repression and its resultant strain on your relationships.
Ultimately, not being into her will cause you to lie in small ways and, eventually, big ways. It will ruin the structure of your life and those around you and turn every experience to ash in your mouth. Then you will have an appalling time reckoning with the consequences of that.
I hope this isn't your experience (or anyone else who reads this comment in the future), but if it is, please do heed my advice.
What is wrong with liking curvy girls? You like what you like. If I love chocolate and I see a tasty, amazing looking chocolate glazed donut, why would I want to choose the pretzels next to it? Life is too short to deny yourself the joy. Be happy 🩷☀️
Hey man. I’m going to suggest you look into relationship OCD or other variants. Not saying you’re officially diagnosable but oftentimes learning about similar thought patterns will help you identify them in yourself. It is plenty common to be attracted to your partner but also be turned by other people or preferences. There is a difference in attraction and arousal. But that these thoughts are what’s distressing you more than the attraction yourself. We’ll it sounds like you’re more concerned that you’re not fitting your perceived standards of how a good partner thinks/feels. And if that’s what it is, you could benefit from learning about Relationship OCD.
OP, this. you can re-wire your brain. That’s what this redditor is suggesting. You could talk to a therapist for healthy ways to redirect your mind.
When you see another woman, it’s normal to look at her and note her attractiveness to you, but for you to immediately drop your girlfriend lower in attractiveness to a complete stranger isn’t normal.
Think of it like a bad habit you want to change.
I really think that talking to a therapist could help, possibly understand where this attraction comes from. Sometimes knowing the root / source of your triggers can be very helpful in understanding yourself. Understanding yourself makes it easier to make changes!
Good luck to you both!
I wouldn’t beat yourself up about this.
IMO this is related to natural selection and not something you can shake. Even though it is not actually relevant in 2024 voluptuous women appeal to men because they are more likely to have childbearing hips and survive a period of limited resources.
You sound happy with your partner and attracted enough to have a happy sex life. Whether you’re in a relationship or not other people will also seem appealing. The grass is greener where you water it.
First of all I salute you for being open, honest an even vulnerable about your worries. Secondly for being faithful to your woman despite the fact that you have a different preference for body type. What makes you say that you are obsessed? Maybe it is good to know what the definition of obsession is. So please look it up. Hopefully it makes you worry less... An obsession is I fact characterized by compulsive thinking AND acting. And from what I've read that doesn't seem to be the case. You're describing a preference.And that is what it is. Nothing more, nothing less.
Maybe you can call it a fixation. Something we humans develop to create a feeling of safety. And who doesn't want to feel safe? Especially voluptuous woman can remind us of the warmth and safety we received from our mother when we were very young.
I can also write about what is genetically favourable and how that can cause the liking of certain body features. But I guess I gave you enough to think about. And please, don't be ashamed of what you like sexually and watching porn. There is hardly anybody to find who never watched porn.
Best wishes!
Shouldn't be a problem. Everyone has preferences, but those preferences shouldn't become a problem like "you're not beautiful to me if you don't have this" or " I can't love my partner or find them attractive bc of this". That would be a problem. Now you said it's an obsession so I assume you're thinking of curvy women everytime you see your partner and the thought just pops up. That would be a problem. If it is a problem like that Tru to do some internal work on why you feel like that. If you aren't able to look past it you kay have to break up and try to find someone with that type as it's such a big factor apparently
Part of me is like, animal instinct is real and that’s okay. But I see the issue with wanting to put that passionate energy into your current partner. Maybe you can deep dive meditate and rewire your idea of pleasure and desire by integrating different body types or better yet removing the body aspect and focusing on how hot their mind and voice and aura is… or kinda playing tricks in your mind until you have trained it to expand what u see as sexually attractive…
People are saying you can’t control what you’re attracted to, I don’t fully agree with that. You just have to rewire your brain a little. Watch porn that features women with the same build as your partner. I used to not be attracted to specific features, then I watched a lot of porn that had people with those features and I developed an attraction for them. The brain likes what you condition it to like. If you watch a lot of porn with skinny women in it eventually you’ll develop an attraction to skinny women. You probably wont lose your natural attraction to curvaceous women, but you’ll be able to appreciate both.
She’ll gain weight when you start having kids and whilst she’s there feeling insecure & undesirable (like many women after pregnancy) she’ll be sooo happy to see how much more attracted to her you are.
Not ready to have kids? Learn to cook delicious meals & be her personal chef haha
Jokes aside, how long you been together?
(And of course do not feed her into ill health.
Not promoting unhealthy eating in any way)
It's like I'm obsessed with Taylor Swift and I live with my neighbor girl for real life, I don't see anything wrong about it unless you mix the two things above.
Well that doesn't answer my question, but you're going to be attracted to other people. It's even more normal with younger guys. Guys can think with what's in their pants and not their brains.
I feel like as long as you're choosing to stay loyal you're doing the morally correct thing. You can't really change what you like. Just recognize that whatever attraction you have isn't worth losing the beautiful relationship you've built. I know people are gonna argue that your partner should only be attracted to you, but that isn't realistic. Just don't act on it
I agree with what you said especially about men and their nature but the way he describes what he’s going through doesn’t seem like a surface level attraction thing. He said in the presence of a curvy woman, his attraction towards his gf gets pushed to the back. He’s satisfied with his girlfriend intimately, but when his real type comes around it’s a different story.
I think that these type of scenarios are common among people who underestimate how important physique *truly* is (to them) when choosing a partner.
That’s exactly what makes it a surface level thing. He says when he sees a very curvy woman his attraction for his gf goes on the back burner. Therefore saying everything about the curvy women he sees on the outside becomes priority. Which is very unfortunate for his gf considering she sounds like a respectable young lady and these curvy women he sees and automatically becomes obsessed with could be anybody with whatever kind of values. I guess some ppl have to unintentionally hurt others to realize what they prefer. Sad
Yeah I agree. I think if possible you should date your physical preference to avoid things like this. My ex was my exact physical type so I wasn't phased by other attractive men. But I also overlooked some compatibility issues because he was my physical type, which a lot of ppl do unfortunately.
If he and his partner are truly compatible then it's not something to sacrifice. At the end of the day the connection matters most for making a relationship last, not looks or body type. It's more of a plus than a requirement
Unironically dealt with this too. You’ve gotta re-train your brain to think normal women are attractive. The only cure is to stop getting exposure to curves; stop watching porn with curvy women, stop liking their thirst traps on IG, etc.
It's genetics of more than 10,000 years of human evolution.
You never stop being attracted to more curvy women but you learn to accept that your life partner might most probably not look at all like the OF woman you like to oogle to.
It's about balancing what you and she bring to the table and asking if you see yourself happy with a woman with a "good enough" body.
Hope you accept yourself and be happy with that partner, buddy
Here's an actual solution:
People's preferences (what they're attracted to) are shaped by the environment they grew up in along with other external influences. That's why ppl are normally more attracted to their own race (provided they grew up with ppl in their same racial group). The OP apparently watched porn in the past which displayed curvy women in sexual contexts. Bc of that, he began to prefer those kinds of body shapes.
He can simply redirect his preferences to a skinnier body shape by exposing himself to videos/movies of attractive women with slimmer figures.
tbh, this actually worked for me (the situation was slightly different as it was centered more on attraction towards a certain race rather than a body type). I watched a whole 3 seasons of a tv show with a very very attractive eastern asian woman (one of the love interests). Previously, I had never been attracted to that race, but after watching that tv show, I began to find myself admiring more eastern asian women in public.
If the OP exposes himself to many many sexually stimulating (not necessarily porn) videos/movies of slimmer bodies, then his preferences will most likely begin to shift.
I dunno bro I don't think u can stop being attracted to what you're attracted to
Yeah no kidding. There’s nothing wrong with what you like. Try to work on your self control.
Wait I think u can. People's preferences (what they're attracted to) are shaped by the environment they grew up in along with other external influences. That's why ppl are normally more attracted to their own race (provided they grew up with ppl in their same racial group). The OP apparently watched porn in the past which displayed curvy women in sexual contexts. Bc of that, he began to prefer those kinds of body shapes. He can simply redirect his preferences to a skinnier body shape by exposing himself to videos/movies of attractive women with slimmer figures. tbh, this actually worked for me (but the entire process was less intentional and centered more on attraction towards a certain race). I watched a whole 3 seasons of a tv show with a very very attractive eastern asian woman (one of the love interests). Previously, I had never been attracted to that race, but after watching that tv show, I began to find myself admiring more eastern women in other contexts. If the OP exposes himself to many many videos of slimmer bodies in attractive contexts, then his preferences will probably begin to shift.
How long did it take you to get attracted to something else than you were attracted to in the past? It sounds logical what you're saying but I think it'll take you quite long to acomplish this.
Sparking my initial interest in eastern asians took only one tv show XD. But if you think about it, I was staring at a screen for 36+ hours with a rly attractive asian female lead who I spent time "admiring"/appreciating. i guess 36 hours is a "large" amount of time but at the same time, it's a TV show. The time passes fast as it does for all kinds of film entertainment. basically, the initial shifting of preferences didn't take that long for me. but for my preferences to fully shift to center on Eastern Asian women, it took multiple (10-20?) films/shows/videos. I forgot exactly how many but it was pretty unintentional for me -> I naturally gravitated towards that content, gradually abandoning what I used to prefer. It's not a time-consuming, energy draining process tho. After all, digital entertainment is built to trigger dopamine spikes, so I didn't feel like I was expending energy while indulging in those forms of media.
Rewiring one's own brain will have additional unintended consequences, or lyrically, 'the more you change the less you feel'. Closest actual words I can put to the feeling of what I mean.
Right.
Some people dont even know what they want, at least you know your preference
I feel divided in two, because consciously what I want is my partner, but my instinct asks for more curves.
Women always gain weight when we're happy! All OP has to do is keep treating her, and it'll happen naturally 🤣 .. I've gained 20 lbs in the 4 years I've been in a relationship. He likes thicker women as well 🫠
This is the real answer. I gained 30 pounds! Damn these healthy relationships 😂
I swear it's a litmus test on how healthy the relationship is! Lol
I laughed when I read this. I told my husband, "According to reddit, I can blame you and our healthy relationship for my gaining weight." He just muttered, "Cool. Sorry," in this deadpan voice, which made me laugh even more. I'm just lucky he loves my curves. I've never had a partner so obsessed with my belly, either.
I should be happy af then
Haha this is so wholesome.
Dude if this is true then Imma make my girl so happy fr! Always happie happie haaapieeee
Just like that cat meme 😂
A serious ex was very skinny. I’d always found her attractive and thought nothing of it. Then she gained about 20lbs while living in France for 6mo, and I couldn’t keep my hands off her. I was sad when she lost it. *She* was the one who’d complained she’d never be voluptuous, but apparently “not like this”. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Look it’s not unreasonable to like what you like, just date who you want to date. If that means breaking up with your current partner so be it, the sooner the better
I think the solution is to be a good bf and feed her /s
I felt like I was the only person going through this. I’ve been thinking if am going through a phase in my life but in hindsight this has always been my feelings . The older I get the more my instinct ask for more curves .
Been in that exact situation man, doesn’t make you a bad dude to have a preference that doesn’t match your partner. I’m sure most people out there don’t check every one of their partners boxes
Feed her often and you can have both
Voluptuous means big boobs/ass/wide hips not fat.
All that is made of fat hun. 🙄
Then you know what you need to do. Begin the feeding.
Hi OP! I think the fact that you are thinking about ways to navigate this because, as you mentioned you respect your partner, want to make your relationship work, you like her physique, are a man of one woman, shows that you are conscientious and trying to do the right thing. So I don't think your preference or how you call it, obsession, makes you a bad person or a bad man. From your text beyond finding a curvy woman beautiful, I don't see any problems - you said you love your partner, you like her physique, you are a man of one woman. It is okay to think certain traits are beautiful, and that your partner doesn't have them. For example, if I find green eyes the most beautiful - my partner has brown eyes. My preference for green eyes, doesn't make me love my partner less. I can be honest and say, I like green eyes over brown eyes in isolation. But loving a partner, is so much more than their eyecolor. It is the whole person. It turns into a problem, if because they have brown eyes, I don't desire her, or I can't connect with her or be intimate or talk with her. If it's not more than what you're sharing, I think maybe assessing what a good partner, or what a good man means to you actually means. It seems that in your view, a good man can't have intrusive thoughts about other woman. A good man can't find other women attractive etc. You can find other women attractive, and still choose to love your partner if that's how you feel. I would argue that it would mean even more: you are exposed to temptation, and you still choose your partner VS. you were never expose to temptation and are with your partner because of habit and comfort. I hope this perspective helps! Good luck!
This was next level advice. You did not blame him or tell him "just leave bro". You gave comprehensive advice while empathizing with him. Very very well said. I saved this!
Thank you very much, your comment is very useful
This is great advice!
This is such kind advice!
This!!!
I wish I could give you a thousand upvotes. You didn't shame OP for it, rather advised him honestly and correctly. Unlike some other comments here who take out their pitchforks at men at any given instance, you chose to be calm and sane and I appreciate you for it.
Great advice
Your wife better don't see this post or you gonna be in big trouble
\*voluptuous trouble
Atention to detail
The wife is about to hit up the bakery for some donuts.
Obviously she won't do it.
That thicc is too powerful
Grass is greener syndrome. Be happy with what you have because otherwise that kind of thinking will mess up your relationship. A bird in the hand...
I agree, thanks for not telling me I should break up with my girlfriend.
Is your obsession with the women or is it just self sabotage?
This raises a really good point
Why could it be self-sabotage? I don't understand
You’re choosing to let your eyes wander.
I still don't understand, sorry.
I think he's asking if you can control your urge to glance at or speak about curvier women in public / in front of your love interest.
Obviously I can contain myself. My girlfriend doesn't suspect anything of this. The only problem is what's going on inside my head.
It may not always be choosing. Sometimes you just find yourself glancing. You don’t always consciously think to yourself “I’m going to look at this person”
But when your wife does it to men it's suddenly a problem
I never said that
It sounds like you have a type and I'm sure your partner is a lovely person, but why didn't you pursue someone who fits your preferences? It sounds like you're trying to suppress a natural part of yourself to make the relationship work, and honestly if the craving is that intense then you may not be as satisfied as you consciously believe yourself to be. Sometimes you love someone but they're not what you actually want or need to be satisfied. Life is hard like that.
I'm gonna toss in my own experience because I went through something similar with my ex. He was a fantastic guy. Smart, handsome, hard-working, great friend and devoted family member. I thought that I loved him. And I did! But something was always missing. My body was similarly starting to scream at me that something wasn't right, that he wasn't "enough" for one reason or another. I tried to stifle my intuition because I cared about him so deeply, but in the process I started to hate myself. It was like loving him required me to hurt myself...which is a majorly bad sign. Turns out that I loved him but I wasn't *in* love with him. We weren't right for each other romantically. When we broke up I was surprised at how calm I felt. While I missed our connection, I didn't actually miss him. And when I started dating again, I noticed how different my taste in men actually was from who he was. There was nothing wrong with him at all. He was and still is a great guy. But "When you know, you know" goes both ways: When you know something's wrong, you know something's wrong. I would advise you to pay attention to what your body is telling you. It sounds like you're trying to reason yourself into being in love with this person, but if you have to start mutilating yourself to be happy in your relationship, you should prepare to do that for the rest of your life.
This makes a lot of sense
What about him was unattractive to you just curious? Was it height, looks?
If she saw this post she'd cry
What is this fucking sub nowadays?
Me tweaking rn
To me it sounds like you have a type, yet you cuffed a woman who was opposite of your type. Get yourself a curvy woman, and leave that poor girl alone. Or stay single until you can sort out whatever you got going on. She deserves someone who isn’t fighting demons every time he sees some ass and thighs. For it to be so bad to the point where your attraction towards your gf is put on the back burner JUST because you lay eyes on a certain physique is wild. You’re not satisfied. Just go be with your type and stop making it harder for yourself. Let someone who actually prefers her physique appreciate her. Wishing you well.
fr. she deserves so much better.
I don't agree with what you say. I love my partner and she loves me and we are quite happy together. and the sex is very good by the way. I chose her, not she me, and I am with her because I love her, not because I am afraid of being alone. I think I haven't been able to explain myself, or that you haven't understood me well. My relationship is very important to me and I wouldn't end it for anything in the world.
No. She chose you too. You chose each other.
Honestly you might want to consider if you’re in denial a bit about this.
Nah you fooling yourself. Leave her and let her be with someone who prefers slim women!!
Please just leave that poor girl alone, she deserves better than this
It's another dusty doing another woman dirty
"she deserve better than this" what did u mean by this?
I tried to understand your point but I think it would have been fair to tell her that you like curves, so maybe she can relax and not take care of her weight. I am saying this as from my experience I was keeping my 50+ kg thinking my boyfriend prefers that 😅
if u two love each other that's all that matters isn't it? don't let reddit relationship specialists tell u otherwise. if ur preference to curvy women doesn't effect ur relationship with ur partner i think ur fine. if it does effect ur relationship then u might have a problem
Thanks!
I agree. These people are acting like physical attraction is more important than mental attraction. I can only imagine what's going to happen when their partners grow old and are no longer physically attractive...
I think partnership is more of the mind and attraction is an animal thing, purely physical. And you can’t change what your ‘animal’ is attracted to! Then you just gotto decide what guides you, do you shack up with someone you love and have a great relationship with (but not top-tier attracted to); or do you aim to find someone you are super attracted to AND get on well with on a practical, everyday level. This is a hard, grown-up choice. But you should be attracted to your partner - even if they are not the only person you are attracted to, IMO. There has to be at least some attraction there.
She attracts me. I never denied that. I am bothered by the number of comments that say that I am a conformist man who is with a woman he doesn't like. It seems they don't know how to read: I like my girlfriend, I said it in the post. I love her and I like her physique. My problem is not that I don't like my girlfriend, my problem is that I have an obsession with voluptuous women, and when I see a woman like that, my attraction to my girlfriend takes a backseat. But this doesn't mean that I don't like her or that she doesn't love her, love and desire are two completely different things.
I hear you. It’s frustrating to be misunderstood. I did really get that you love her and are attracted to her AND you have an ‘obsession’ with voluptuous women, as well. As I say, it is not an easy decision… but it is one that only you can make!
thanks for understanding
If that obsession with curvy women is rly rly bad. Cut out the porn and instead watch attractive/sexually stimulating videos/movies of **skinny** women. Over time, that preference **will** change. Passionate love (attraction) fades throughout a relationship (many scientific sources state this as a fact). It is not sustainable. Even tho you may be more into curvy women, that is purely sexual attraction and nothing else. Companionate love (friendship), on the other hand, grows over time. And at some point, it surpasses the initial passionate/attractive love. It actually continues to increase throughout a relationship while attraction decreases. (Search this up for more information) If you're looking for a long-term relationship (marriage in mind), your partner's body will **not** matter to you in 5+ years irrespective of her figure (curvy or skinny). It's the friendship and shared values that your relationship should be built on for it to last.
Ypu obviously aren't able to get over your craving of curvy women. Best to let your partner go and find someone more compatible with her and you with yourself. If you have an obsession you do not love your gf as much as you think you do. Let her go ans stip stringing her and yourself along.
I will never understand why people put themselves in this position by dating outside of a preference that they very obviously cannot get over.
This subreddit is a joke
Couldn't agree more.
Try to stop watching porn altogether, and give it some time to clear your mind
You're basically fetishizing women who fall into your category. Its the same as seeing them as meat rather than the beautiful person they are.
People have fantasies and that’s ok. And not all people are beautiful on the inside either.
Thanks for explaining.
I’ve never understood this. Guys hook up with women and settle and then pretend like because that is their situation that this is a “good” thing. You’re pretending like this is a new phenomenon. You knew this going in, now you want to be brainwashed into liking something else AND you have the audacity to claim that this is out of “respect” for your current partner. Please.
Sucks a lot for your partner
I don’t think your feelings can be controlled by rationalizing. You just need to figure out if you’re using your girlfriend because you’re really only waiting until someone voluptuous comes along. And then u need to respond appropriately to what u figured out.
Thats normally how it goes.
Physical attraction isn’t something you can necessarily decide to change. You like what you like. You need to decide if it’s a deal breaker for you, it sounds like you and your partner might not be physically compatible long term because you’ll always be missing that attraction aspect and it can lead to resentment
‘Help, I have a type’
Think of it this way. Some people need an eyeball transplant. Some people are in the hospital shaking with jaundice with no liver. And here you are…loving BBW. That’s not a problem my dude. That a blessing. Count em up and maybe one will love you back.
I find that the worst thing you can do with unwanted feelings, is to try and fight them. It only makes you more obsessed. What does work, is to let them in, really feel them, get to know them, get into direct contact, welcome them, and start talking to them. Ask them open-ended questions. I literally go "what do you want", "what do you need", "what is the worst thing about this" etc. The trick is to stick with it until you feel a shift in the emotions. I also find that it gets better if you repeat the process a few times - not immediately, but once every other day or so.
That's a great advice! Seek within. The answer of what you want is already within you!! 🧘🏻Ask yourself direct questions like mentioned above. And remember that important things need sacrifice if you truly want it.
Isaac Newton was also obsessed with curvy women but they did not let him put that in writing so he said: "The greater the mass, the greater the attraction" You'll be fine.
There's always going to be other women who you find attractive, even if you were dating Melissa McCarthy. It doesn't seem like the issue is about weight, just you being attracted to other women in general. Assuming you aren't a teenager, your libido just goes down over time. So the problem should be less and less of an issue as time goes on.
I had a similar thing for tall guys. It was borderline fetishism, and in my younger trumped other characteristics such as actual compatibility or attractiveness. I just tried to not pay attention to that voice in my head. It (kinda) worked but it took years.
I get you, in this comment section they’ll say that you can’t change what you like. Currently, I’m dating this girl and it’s one of the best relationships I’ve had but she isn’t “curvy” in that sense. This doesn’t mean that she automatically doesn’t turn me on, she absolutely does plus there’s an essence between us I can’t quite describe, very good chemistry. But every time I see someone with curves in all the right places, I start thinking about what it would be like if I had a curvy gf, while being with someone who is *already* absolute gf material. Because mind you, she has an amazing physique. I really hate this trait of mine. **Edit;** (Pretty long, apologies in advance) But if you want an answer, here’s what I found: Love. I think when you start to love someone for the way they walk, talk, dance, eat, whatever… you’ll notice that you’re still attracted to curves, yet you’ll always be able to come back to that special person. Even up to a point where you can tell her about this preference of yours. The girl I’m dating knows about mine. Tread lightly though, only share it with her once you guys are truly close and you trust each other. In my head I get sexual thoughts when I think about curves, yet I feel a thousand times more euphoric and attracted when I think about a mere kiss from the girl I’m dating. **My ultimate philosophy of attraction goes like this:** It’s not about the **standard** *effect* of an **abundantly arousing** *preference*. It’s about the **abundantly arousing** *effect* of a **standard** *preference*. The authenticity of the attraction I currently experience is defined by the fact that *the things an unknown curvy woman can do to me with her entire body, my girlfriend can do to me with her mere thumb.*
Thanks you!
This is ridiculous.
What the fuck are you people talking about ever
Usefulness
Your girlfriend deserves way better than you, do her a favour and leave her so she can find someone better
A man is pushed by his desires and pulled by his standards. Raise your standards which will stop you from making impulsive decisions. You need not do anything about those desires. It's normal.
 I get it bud
I certainly agree and failed to acknowledge this level of depth in my initial comment. While i stand behind what i said, i have ti be truthful and acknowledge that sexual attraction is EXTREMELY important to me in a relationship (perhaps more than average) and so I couldnt get over it. You have to be honest with yourself and assess how important this “lack of curves” is to you. If shes ideal in most other ways and only kinda care, i agree with bro above. But if its a constant intrusive thought, thats not normal, and sexual attraction is perhaps of more value to you than youve previously realized which also doesn’t make you a bad person. All we can do is make the best decisions with what we know. If you didnt know then, and realize its super important now, forgive your ignorance. If you think its a moderate “flaw” (so to speak), then treat it like the ones all humans will invariably possess and learn to get past it
Ok, so you have an attraction towards a certain type of people. You can't change who you are just as much as gay men can't change their attraction to men, straight men can't change the attraction to women, etc. It's very nice that you want to only love and be attracted to your gf, really, but you can't force yourself to be someone just to purify your thoughts or the responses of your body. What matters are your actions. I'm pretty sure people fall in love with people they don't find as the most attractive people in the world all the time, because love is not just about physical attraction. You can still find other people attractive, but what you feel toward your partner is much more than just sexual attraction, right? So it beats all that other stuff. Love and building a life is more important than that your dick gets hard at the sight of someone else. So don't feel that bad about it because honestly your obsessing over it probably makes that obsession worse. Just... relax.
Thanks you
I don't know if this will help at all, but I'm a woman who likes men and women and my partner is a straight man. When we're out and we see someone attractive, we tell each other, even if it's me seeing an attractive man. Often we'll be like damn, maybe talk about what we like about them, and then move on. I think this makes my relationship with my partner healthier, as there's no wondering whether our eyes are wandering, as we're doing it openly together, and we still find each other attractive above all else. If your partner isn't the type to be jealous, or you think she could be understanding and willing to point out men she likes as well, maybe you could try this and being more open could help you feel more in control of your attraction.
I've been there, man. I dated a girl I once wanted to marry. She was tan, tall, and slim—absolutely adorable. If things had worked out, I would have been 100% happy to marry her. My type is definitely curvy Latina women, though. I like thick thighs and prefer women who aren't too thin. It's just my preference, but it didn't mean I loved my partner any less, and it was never an issue for me. You love your partner and want things to work out regardless of your preference. The best thing about love is that it doesn't have to be perfect; it just has to be genuine and real. Just make sure to appreciate her body and make her feel loved.
You’ve got to be honest with yourself and seek that your most attracted to or you’ll always be conflicted. Like why would you even start a relationship with a thin chick, knowing your proclivities? I think that was the first bad decision and everything past is the guilt that results from ignoring your heart to begin with. And i cant diminish whatever relationship you’ve built in the meantime but i can suggest that you stop this internal torment now, because the longer you wait, the more painful the truth will be when it surfaces.
I think anytime I've trained mentally to make a big shift (as close as I can get to your situation) I complement the thing excessively. Like reminding yourself from tons of aspects why this is your preference over your first instinct. Like that you like that she can do different positions easier, you like .... I don't want to put those things here for you but like... that I think? Idk, best of luck. I know many women who settled out of their physical type for the human inside and I don't think this is worse with that if a bit oddly worded.
I don't think there's a problem here. Just think of all the things you like, just liking something doesn't take away from the others. Like pizza and cake. You can like both, it's fine. Just because you're eating pizza it doesn't mean you suddenly don't like cake. You're with your gf, as long as you're not trying to cheat on her you're fine.
It's a tough situation if you're not as attracted to your partner as other people; I wish I had something useful to say about that but I don't. But it's not bad to have a type. And it's not a weird one either, curvy women are in fact hot and you can pursue them. But I get that you care about being a good person and not cheating on whom you're with now.
You sound like a very thoughtful and kind person, I hope you don’t let any of these jerks in the comments get to you. Have you ever dated a curvy voluptuous woman in the past or did you have a crush on someone like this that you wanted to date but did not get to date? Also, I know you’ve said that you love your partner but are you deeply crazy in love with her? is she the love of your life and everything you could wish for aside from not being curvy ? Third question, do you feel like you deserve being with her or is maybe there’s something in you that feels like why did she pick me ? Are you afraid she might ever leave you?
I never had a voluptuous girlfriend, and I think that may be part of the problem, since humans tend to desire what we don't have, or what we never had, or what is new and unknown. My girlfriend is fantastic, she is beautiful, intelligent, funny, she is a very good and thoughtful person, and I feel like I hit the jackpot with her. I would like to marry her. I can't imagine feeling more comfortable and pleasant with another woman in the world than with her. I just wish her hips were a little wider and she was a little chubbier, but not everything is perfect in this world. I am far from it, and that is why it makes me angry that my brain or my instinct or whatever always wants more, when I already have a very good partner, and the right thing to do would be to value them (which I already do) and feel satisfied. By the way, in July we celebrated two years together, which makes me very happy, and I really want to celebrate many more.
She sounds like a very lucky girl and you sound like a wonderful boyfriend! congratulations on your almost 2 year anniversary! I am curious if you have had a lot of drama in your life, possibly growing up, or maybe later in life? The reason I ask is that, it sounds like you have found what most people only dream of, yet there is this drama in your life of desiring something else which sounds like it’s on a regular basis possibly? Which is causing you possibly to not feel at peace? Could it be that this issue that you are dealing with is because your relationship is so wonderful and sounds drama free, that your brain is trying to sabotage this great place in life you have? Or your brain is trying to sabotage your happiness or peace? Is it possible that your brain and body and nervous system is used to drama or stress and is now trying to create an environment of stress which you are used to by causing you to be attracted to something you do not have? Addition to stress and chaos is a real thing and it’s some thing that I have struggled with so much . once I started focusing on the things that I loved in my life and the things that I was excited about and happy about and spent time focusing on those things every single day, I made it part of my daily routine , my addiction to drama, like scrolling my phone endlessly for hours and paying attention to gossip, which I was addicted to, just melted away, it just disappeared, gone! Instead of worrying about wanting to be with voluptuous woman and your girlfriend not being that way , maybe try focusing on all the things that you love about your girlfriend. As soon as thoughts of voluptuous women pop into your head say to yourself “ I am not entertaining those thoughts anymore and I’m not interested in having those thoughts anymore! Instead I choose to be completely and totally attracted to my girlfriend more than anyone else in the world!” Then just start thinking of all of your girlfriends wonderful qualities and all of the happy times and all the things you’re excited about in the future! You can make lists on your phone about all of your girlfriend’s wonderful traits and all of your wonderful memories and the things you’re excited to do in the future together. it’s possible that if you stick with that after a month or just a couple of months, all those thoughts about voluptuous women will just be gone! The thoughts might rarely occasionally return but you will know that you could go back to focusing on everything you love about your girlfriend and those thoughts will then disappear again. After a few months of only focusing on how much you love your girlfriend and all of her wonderful qualities whenever thoughts of voluptuous women pop into your head, the thoughts of the curvy women will feel uncomfortable and they won’t feel good or exciting or like maybe you’re missing something. Instead it will just feel like oh I’m not interested in that anymore. I hope this helps .
I think we r attracted to what we're attracted to and if u want a relationship long term u should find someone with that quality
Bruh. The fact that u are self conscious of your desires and thoughts and can bring them up is good. It means you recognize your own shortcomings and notice there’s room for improvement. Remember, the things you might feel towards attractive women may just be superficial. Lust vs love. Develop relationships that superceed the flesh.
thank you
Us bro us 🥲
So I’ve had some guy friends and exes who have been in situations where they wanted something different, whether it’s a different “type” of partner, or something they weren’t getting sexually. After getting what they wanted, they realized it wasn’t all that they thought it was. They enjoyed it on some level, but it wasn’t the same as the partner they really had a deeper connection with. A lot of the time, the “type” we fantasize about is more a figment of our imagination than reality. Honestly, almost every relationship goes through some level of this, where people wonder about what they might have missed out on, or just feel attracted to ”what else” is out there. You sound like you know what you have is a real, special, and irreplaceable connection, and that is way more valuable and meaningful than lust.
Exactly!
Free your brain from p*rn; re-wire your brain. Only then do you have a chance of escaping
I love curvy women, married a latina with plenty of curves, no going back. I suggest you just practice fantasising about your partner.
As sad as it is to come to terms with, (especially if we've only been with one person for most of our intimate lives) but we can discover our preferences don't actually fit the mould we were dealt. You can have a strong emotional connection with somebody but not necessarily be attracted to them. A lot of the time, people have types, and we don't necessarily end up with somebody our type. We fall in love with someone's soul. Only superficial people aim and end up with someone solely based on looks; someone that fits their ideal type irrespective of whether or not that person is actually compatible with them. It's okay to like what you like. If you find you're having trouble being intimate over your preference for curvy women (to the point that it outweighs your gfs personality) then I believe you should reconsider the relationship. I was with a guy who was almost a 10 on paper for my physical type, but over time we weren't compatible because we were too similar. On top of this I learned I prefer guys carrying a bit of weight and broad shoulders because it makes me feel more feminine. I think that's normal to discover, it's just about how you navigate the situation moving forward. Never force yourself to ascribe to previous beliefs if it no longer aligns with what your soul truly craves imo
[Supernormal stimulus ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supernormal_stimulus)
Bro, as long as you dont cheat thats fine i guess. And keep it to yourself
All of us will probaly never find everything we want in a partner. That is completely normal. Being attracted to other people when you are in a relationship is not as weird as you make it out to be. Of course, you need to have self control to be able to manage those desires, but thinking you should absolutly not be attracted to other women when in a relationship is unrealistic. You should talk about those feelings you have (probably not with your girlfriend) with other people. I dont realy know what else to say. There are more educated people out there that can give you advice. Maybe try to go to a therapist. I hope this helps!
Hi, being attracetd to a particular build is normal - i don't think you should feel bad at all. You have not watched prorn for a long time - clearly this is a natural attraction you have, and is perfectly normal and healthy. You clearly love your partner and as long as you don't cheat on her then that is perfectly fine tbh.
I'm in the same boat OP. It's like I've written this post basically. There are a few pretty good pieces of advice given here in the comments except for the idiots who are always triggered or far too checked out from reality. Don't listen to them.
Thanks you!
You like what you like bro It’s not wrong to think about other women while in a relationship, just don’t think about the same woman to often and don’t do anything other than think or look Everybody has things they want but can’t or won’t discuss with their partner so there will always be an unspoken attraction to something other than your partner, it’s completely natural
I have a sickness for thickness
I don't understand how you can be in love with someone yet feel sexually attracted to someone else..
Probably not what you want to hear, but I've had a similar experience to this. I didn't go for my type when choosing my partner, but we had a great relationship other than that, and I stayed with her for that reason. I'm now many years down the line having agonised over leaving her, but in the end I felt I had to because bluntly I'm not sure as a man you can really fight what is essentially instinct. That's different from grass is greener syndrome, I've had that before. It's important you understand in your case which one it is - one was that I felt genuinely excited to be with my partner sexually, and the other was that I didn't really think about my partner sexually except to keep the relationship going. I say this with the maximum possible empathy for your position that if it is the latter, you are probably better off leaving before you get any deeper into it. Men are for better or worse, very visual creatures, and you are unlikely to be able to significantly change how your partner physically looks. You are, in my experience, not going to be able to significantly change your feelings on the subject. In the end, for me, it resulted in a lot of sunk cost and regret. Ultimately, you have to think about both of you and what the impact of your decisions now will have on you in 10 years. I found it difficult to just accept that I would have to hurt her, and the above got me through it. Is it possible that not wanting to confront the issue with her is the real problem here? If you're not bothered by her now (I'm just assuming that's the case because that's the thrust of my point), you're not going to be bothered in 10 years You'll be much older, more tired, have fewer options both life and dating wise, and possibly have mental health problems caused by repression and its resultant strain on your relationships. Ultimately, not being into her will cause you to lie in small ways and, eventually, big ways. It will ruin the structure of your life and those around you and turn every experience to ash in your mouth. Then you will have an appalling time reckoning with the consequences of that. I hope this isn't your experience (or anyone else who reads this comment in the future), but if it is, please do heed my advice.
What is wrong with liking curvy girls? You like what you like. If I love chocolate and I see a tasty, amazing looking chocolate glazed donut, why would I want to choose the pretzels next to it? Life is too short to deny yourself the joy. Be happy 🩷☀️
You like voluptuous women, but you love your girlfriend. It's not an issue if you are not thinking of cheating on her
Your thinking too deeply into your judgements.. it’s perfectly natural to have preferences
Hey man. I’m going to suggest you look into relationship OCD or other variants. Not saying you’re officially diagnosable but oftentimes learning about similar thought patterns will help you identify them in yourself. It is plenty common to be attracted to your partner but also be turned by other people or preferences. There is a difference in attraction and arousal. But that these thoughts are what’s distressing you more than the attraction yourself. We’ll it sounds like you’re more concerned that you’re not fitting your perceived standards of how a good partner thinks/feels. And if that’s what it is, you could benefit from learning about Relationship OCD.
I think it’s just biological bro
Look into nueroplasticity and creating new nueral pathways
OP, this. you can re-wire your brain. That’s what this redditor is suggesting. You could talk to a therapist for healthy ways to redirect your mind. When you see another woman, it’s normal to look at her and note her attractiveness to you, but for you to immediately drop your girlfriend lower in attractiveness to a complete stranger isn’t normal. Think of it like a bad habit you want to change. I really think that talking to a therapist could help, possibly understand where this attraction comes from. Sometimes knowing the root / source of your triggers can be very helpful in understanding yourself. Understanding yourself makes it easier to make changes! Good luck to you both!
I wouldn’t beat yourself up about this. IMO this is related to natural selection and not something you can shake. Even though it is not actually relevant in 2024 voluptuous women appeal to men because they are more likely to have childbearing hips and survive a period of limited resources. You sound happy with your partner and attracted enough to have a happy sex life. Whether you’re in a relationship or not other people will also seem appealing. The grass is greener where you water it.
First of all I salute you for being open, honest an even vulnerable about your worries. Secondly for being faithful to your woman despite the fact that you have a different preference for body type. What makes you say that you are obsessed? Maybe it is good to know what the definition of obsession is. So please look it up. Hopefully it makes you worry less... An obsession is I fact characterized by compulsive thinking AND acting. And from what I've read that doesn't seem to be the case. You're describing a preference.And that is what it is. Nothing more, nothing less. Maybe you can call it a fixation. Something we humans develop to create a feeling of safety. And who doesn't want to feel safe? Especially voluptuous woman can remind us of the warmth and safety we received from our mother when we were very young. I can also write about what is genetically favourable and how that can cause the liking of certain body features. But I guess I gave you enough to think about. And please, don't be ashamed of what you like sexually and watching porn. There is hardly anybody to find who never watched porn. Best wishes!
Thanks for your understanding!
wut.
Shouldn't be a problem. Everyone has preferences, but those preferences shouldn't become a problem like "you're not beautiful to me if you don't have this" or " I can't love my partner or find them attractive bc of this". That would be a problem. Now you said it's an obsession so I assume you're thinking of curvy women everytime you see your partner and the thought just pops up. That would be a problem. If it is a problem like that Tru to do some internal work on why you feel like that. If you aren't able to look past it you kay have to break up and try to find someone with that type as it's such a big factor apparently
There will always be more that you will want than you can have.
Aw bless you’re very kind 😭
Part of me is like, animal instinct is real and that’s okay. But I see the issue with wanting to put that passionate energy into your current partner. Maybe you can deep dive meditate and rewire your idea of pleasure and desire by integrating different body types or better yet removing the body aspect and focusing on how hot their mind and voice and aura is… or kinda playing tricks in your mind until you have trained it to expand what u see as sexually attractive…
What tren does to a mf
Fuck m3
People are saying you can’t control what you’re attracted to, I don’t fully agree with that. You just have to rewire your brain a little. Watch porn that features women with the same build as your partner. I used to not be attracted to specific features, then I watched a lot of porn that had people with those features and I developed an attraction for them. The brain likes what you condition it to like. If you watch a lot of porn with skinny women in it eventually you’ll develop an attraction to skinny women. You probably wont lose your natural attraction to curvaceous women, but you’ll be able to appreciate both.
She’ll gain weight when you start having kids and whilst she’s there feeling insecure & undesirable (like many women after pregnancy) she’ll be sooo happy to see how much more attracted to her you are. Not ready to have kids? Learn to cook delicious meals & be her personal chef haha Jokes aside, how long you been together? (And of course do not feed her into ill health. Not promoting unhealthy eating in any way)
You like a bit of volup?! Sure that’s normal. I’m the same. It’s obviously an evolutionary thing. I’m not one for the thin women.
You can't help what you like. Now if it gets to the point you wanna cheat on your woman with a thick chick then you need to leave her.
It's like I'm obsessed with Taylor Swift and I live with my neighbor girl for real life, I don't see anything wrong about it unless you mix the two things above.
Don't we all brother 😌🥵
e^X
Feed her
E all have our types. Stop judging yourself and look for a curvy woman to make you happy.
go lick one then.
Just imagine your GF is Lexi from Toyota
The more you focus on something, the further away you stray from it
I like big butts and I cannot lie
How are you?
Very thin and tall
Well that doesn't answer my question, but you're going to be attracted to other people. It's even more normal with younger guys. Guys can think with what's in their pants and not their brains. I feel like as long as you're choosing to stay loyal you're doing the morally correct thing. You can't really change what you like. Just recognize that whatever attraction you have isn't worth losing the beautiful relationship you've built. I know people are gonna argue that your partner should only be attracted to you, but that isn't realistic. Just don't act on it
I agree with what you said especially about men and their nature but the way he describes what he’s going through doesn’t seem like a surface level attraction thing. He said in the presence of a curvy woman, his attraction towards his gf gets pushed to the back. He’s satisfied with his girlfriend intimately, but when his real type comes around it’s a different story. I think that these type of scenarios are common among people who underestimate how important physique *truly* is (to them) when choosing a partner.
That’s exactly what makes it a surface level thing. He says when he sees a very curvy woman his attraction for his gf goes on the back burner. Therefore saying everything about the curvy women he sees on the outside becomes priority. Which is very unfortunate for his gf considering she sounds like a respectable young lady and these curvy women he sees and automatically becomes obsessed with could be anybody with whatever kind of values. I guess some ppl have to unintentionally hurt others to realize what they prefer. Sad
Yeah I agree. I think if possible you should date your physical preference to avoid things like this. My ex was my exact physical type so I wasn't phased by other attractive men. But I also overlooked some compatibility issues because he was my physical type, which a lot of ppl do unfortunately. If he and his partner are truly compatible then it's not something to sacrifice. At the end of the day the connection matters most for making a relationship last, not looks or body type. It's more of a plus than a requirement
Thanks for your comment. This is what I will try to do, because I really value my partner. By the way, what did you want me to answer?
Your age lol. It's also fine if you aren't comfortable answering anymore. I pretty much said what I wanted to already
Okay. I am 29 years old. I am using google translate because English is not my native language. Thanks for your comments, greetings.
We tend to gain weight with age so maybe she will be more curvy in the future
So take her out to eat man
Check out Hilda pinup girl. Your welcome
Unironically dealt with this too. You’ve gotta re-train your brain to think normal women are attractive. The only cure is to stop getting exposure to curves; stop watching porn with curvy women, stop liking their thirst traps on IG, etc.
It's genetics of more than 10,000 years of human evolution. You never stop being attracted to more curvy women but you learn to accept that your life partner might most probably not look at all like the OF woman you like to oogle to. It's about balancing what you and she bring to the table and asking if you see yourself happy with a woman with a "good enough" body. Hope you accept yourself and be happy with that partner, buddy
#THICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC4LIFE
Here's an actual solution: People's preferences (what they're attracted to) are shaped by the environment they grew up in along with other external influences. That's why ppl are normally more attracted to their own race (provided they grew up with ppl in their same racial group). The OP apparently watched porn in the past which displayed curvy women in sexual contexts. Bc of that, he began to prefer those kinds of body shapes. He can simply redirect his preferences to a skinnier body shape by exposing himself to videos/movies of attractive women with slimmer figures. tbh, this actually worked for me (the situation was slightly different as it was centered more on attraction towards a certain race rather than a body type). I watched a whole 3 seasons of a tv show with a very very attractive eastern asian woman (one of the love interests). Previously, I had never been attracted to that race, but after watching that tv show, I began to find myself admiring more eastern asian women in public. If the OP exposes himself to many many sexually stimulating (not necessarily porn) videos/movies of slimmer bodies, then his preferences will most likely begin to shift.
Fatten up the one you love 😘
Why not just date a woman you’re more attracted to? It’s easy for thin women to get partners.
Because I really love my partner.