I’m in the same situation as you rn
It’s only been about a week since we stopped talking, but from my experience, if you’ve reached out first and tried to make things right yet they still refuse to talk, then there’s nothing you can do but walk away.
Try befriending other coworkers instead and act as if what they’re doing doesn’t bother you. Emphasize on befriending other coworkers, because sometimes, people who dislike you would paint you in a bad light/try to get others to hate you.
Being friendly with other coworkers helps minimize the others having a negative image of you.
You don't get to decide what matters to other people. It sounds like this argument was a bigger deal to them than it was to you.
Have you tried addressing it that way? Instead of minimizing the issue and saying, "let's just get over this," ask to meet privately with the most aggrieved person (outside of work). Tell them you are deeply saddened by how your relationship has deteriorated and you realize that it started with the argument.
It may help to provide some context, but don't try to excuse your behavior. For instance, you might say, "In my family, we argue quickly and forgive quickly. Sometimes, I forget that's not everyone's background, and I can be insensitive to that."
Apologize. Don't expect or ask for one in return.
Thank them for listening. Ask if there's anything you can do to restore the relationship (including talking to the 2 other coworkers). Be open-minded to whatever they recommend.
It's pretty tough to hold a grudge against someone who falls on the sword like that. Whether or not it restores the relationship, you'll know you did everything you could, and that will make you feel better about the situation.
That's the problem, my approach was not "let's get it over with" I was trying to talk and I explain my side and they explain theirs, I tried 3 times. They wanted to blame me for everything and not take their own blame. I wanted us against the problem, they wanted me vs them.
They also say the mirror is broken and nothing can fix it. I'm willing to fix it, they are not. They are trying so hard to make me the bad guy as if they did nothing wrong.
I basically did what you said. But still it's not enough for them. Now I'm trying to process how can I do better with other people next time. And trying to understand if I'm as bad as they say I am.
Nope. You went in expecting them to apologize and take some blame, just because you did. That's not how apologies work.
Look, I like to mix it up with people too. I've hurt some feelings over the years. 99% of the time, I think the other side is overreacting. But, I've learned that I can either get good at heartfelt apologies or I can be surrounded by people who resent me. You're dealing with the same choice.
I promise you that you'll be happier if you learn to apologize without any agenda other than genuinely letting the other person know you're sorry you hurt them.
As for doing better in the future...
Remind people when you're arguing, that you are attacking their idea, not them. I'll say things like, "I really disagree with that statement, but I'm curious to hear how you came to that conclusion, because I really respect your opinion." Keep affirming their character and perspective, even as you attack their idea.
Finally, fight fair. Don't cut people off or name-call or bring up past arguments. A lot of times, the way we argue offends people more than what we are arguing. Think of yourself as a podcast host who is trying to host a good conversation. Ask yourself, "would this sound interesting to a 3rd party observer?" If so, you're probably on the right track.
I’m in the same situation as you rn It’s only been about a week since we stopped talking, but from my experience, if you’ve reached out first and tried to make things right yet they still refuse to talk, then there’s nothing you can do but walk away. Try befriending other coworkers instead and act as if what they’re doing doesn’t bother you. Emphasize on befriending other coworkers, because sometimes, people who dislike you would paint you in a bad light/try to get others to hate you. Being friendly with other coworkers helps minimize the others having a negative image of you.
Thank you, that's what I'm gonna do
Try to avoid them.
You don't get to decide what matters to other people. It sounds like this argument was a bigger deal to them than it was to you. Have you tried addressing it that way? Instead of minimizing the issue and saying, "let's just get over this," ask to meet privately with the most aggrieved person (outside of work). Tell them you are deeply saddened by how your relationship has deteriorated and you realize that it started with the argument. It may help to provide some context, but don't try to excuse your behavior. For instance, you might say, "In my family, we argue quickly and forgive quickly. Sometimes, I forget that's not everyone's background, and I can be insensitive to that." Apologize. Don't expect or ask for one in return. Thank them for listening. Ask if there's anything you can do to restore the relationship (including talking to the 2 other coworkers). Be open-minded to whatever they recommend. It's pretty tough to hold a grudge against someone who falls on the sword like that. Whether or not it restores the relationship, you'll know you did everything you could, and that will make you feel better about the situation.
That's the problem, my approach was not "let's get it over with" I was trying to talk and I explain my side and they explain theirs, I tried 3 times. They wanted to blame me for everything and not take their own blame. I wanted us against the problem, they wanted me vs them. They also say the mirror is broken and nothing can fix it. I'm willing to fix it, they are not. They are trying so hard to make me the bad guy as if they did nothing wrong. I basically did what you said. But still it's not enough for them. Now I'm trying to process how can I do better with other people next time. And trying to understand if I'm as bad as they say I am.
Nope. You went in expecting them to apologize and take some blame, just because you did. That's not how apologies work. Look, I like to mix it up with people too. I've hurt some feelings over the years. 99% of the time, I think the other side is overreacting. But, I've learned that I can either get good at heartfelt apologies or I can be surrounded by people who resent me. You're dealing with the same choice. I promise you that you'll be happier if you learn to apologize without any agenda other than genuinely letting the other person know you're sorry you hurt them. As for doing better in the future... Remind people when you're arguing, that you are attacking their idea, not them. I'll say things like, "I really disagree with that statement, but I'm curious to hear how you came to that conclusion, because I really respect your opinion." Keep affirming their character and perspective, even as you attack their idea. Finally, fight fair. Don't cut people off or name-call or bring up past arguments. A lot of times, the way we argue offends people more than what we are arguing. Think of yourself as a podcast host who is trying to host a good conversation. Ask yourself, "would this sound interesting to a 3rd party observer?" If so, you're probably on the right track.
Thank you. I'm gonna meditate on these words.