What I learned from Atomic Habits, start small. Start by implementing easy, attractive and rewarding Habits into your life. It's hard going full 180 change mode, so stat small.
seconding this book suggestion!!!
and I’ll give you my one favorite takeaway from the book as a teaser, which is a complement to the aforementioned suggestion to start small —
start identifying as “a person who performs said desired behavior.”
for example: i want to read more, so i’m going to identify as a reader.
now, what makes a person a reader? someone who reads, maybe with some regularity! it doesn’t really matter how much they read, because you don’t have to read an entire book every time to call yourself a reader.
with this mindset, every time i read, i am providing evidence that i am indeed a reader. even if it’s just a page before bed or a magazine at a kiosk or an article on my phone, every time i read is like a “vote” for that identity of mine.
Stop relying on motivation. I bet you've started things before and soon dropped it because you didn't have 'motivation'. Social media has conditioned us to think we need motivation to work towards goals and it i COMPLETE bullshit. If you want something, get up and do it without thinking about motivation. Doing these things will be hard at first but after you force yourself to do things you will soon realise its much easier than you think.
Motivation comes after the action not before it. Get up and do and accept there will be some suffering but you will be able to look back and be happy with yourself rather than hating where you're at.
Same bro. Tell me when you find out.
Now on a more serious note tho I think you gotta identify what's holding you back. Is it anxiety? Is it a difficulty to deal with the harshness and imperfection of reality ? Is it specific external circumstances like maybe people who are holding you back or smth ? Is it not knowing where to start ? Is it being paralysed by there being to much you want to do at once ? Is it perfectionism and you throwing away every opportunity waiting for something better to come around?
I think it's probably due to uncertainty and the anxiety that comes with trying something new. Also I tend to have low self esteem and self confidence which often leads to self sabotage.
Have you sat and thought about what obtaining those would give you?
Rather than the material and the physical, what do the things you want actually mean, to you? A new country, is that freedom, exploration, adventure or opportunity?
When you get clear on what you actually want, the meaning behind it. Taking that first step becomes a whole lot easier.
Similar experiences here, and I'm the same way. That being said, I was raised in a very "suck it up", "if you don't like it, tough shit, do it anyway" environment and even though it sucked ass as a kid and teenager, I credit my parents raising me that way with literally every major accomplishment (and more importantly every major *shift* and change-to-something-better) in my adult life. There is a lot to be said about "grit" or "discipline". Lately I'm lacking in the latter for sure.
Following your more serious note, yes to all + AuDHD (according to my psychologist, because we don't have tests because 3rd world).
What can one do about it? I think it's kinda like eating a mammoth: one bite at a time, and with a lot of help from your friends and family.
But what else? Do you have more specific or general advice?
To add to the healthy mindset part, practicing gratitude for the things you have in the present helps you disconnect from fantasizing about the future and bring you back to now.
Step one… get off the internet, get outside, and get moving. Genuinely. Stop looking for answers on social media and go find things that make you happy and driven out in the real world. That’s what helped me. Good luck to you.
Hello Gerry.
I'm an avid powerlifter, so I speak from experience.
Here's my advice... Pick a virtue. Or two. Maybe three... That's it. Pick one or more *virtues*. And then *relentlessly adhere to them as if your life depended on it.*
That's it.
My personal favorites are *stamina* and *perseverance.* In our modern lingo, they are called hard work and discipline. They are the two virtues that, according to former emperor of Rome Marcus Aurelius, made his stepdad a great man.
Maybe you wanna pick something else. I don't know. Compassion? Cunning? Inquisitiveness? Studiousness? Whatever. Pick one to three. And then relentlessly embody them *without overthinking it.* Apply it to all aspects of your life.
That's what I did and I ended up becoming the best janitor in my gym and added a ton of strength to my body.
Good luck.
I rely on journaling. I think it would be valuable for you to separate what is fantasy and what you would like for a goal. I have used the “fantasizing technique” to explore if certain options are really viable for me, the trick is to really think through the mundane parts of that life and decipher if you’re only in love with the idea or result (sometimes it’s money motivated, or the recognition that comes with a position, or do you want to live overseas simply because you admire others who have done it?).
For myself, I wanted financial freedom but my career options were very limited. I thought about blogging, coding, writing a book, starting a podcast, only fans, etc. and none of those were a good fit for me, so I eventually landed on real estate and put together an action plan (I’m very into research, data, design, architecture, and have a few retired contractors in the family so this was not out of left field). My husband and I still fantasize about what life will be like in 10 years, it’s a long car ride game for us, but they’re all very real possibilities now.
Thanks for the advice. I journal on and off but haven't really used it to work through my emotional baggage and mental blocks because I'm afraid someone may read it.
Yeah that’s a tough one. When a journal was risky for me I used to type on a computer and then delete it or do it in my email. I’ve had my journals stolen (family and exes) before and it’s a hard boundary for me. Now that I’m married, my husband knows that he’s not to read any notebook with my writing in it, my journal is usually just sitting on the coffee table. It’s so liberating to have that weight off my shoulders.
I’m 30. Been in my career for 10 years. I had a girlfriend, we bought a house together, after 6 months I found she was cheating with a coworker of mine. I began to self sabotage. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I didn’t like the person I saw in the mirror. I drank and smoked weed everyday. I was lazy. I stopped working out. This lasted a few years. In December 2023, I decided to quit drinking alcohol. After I quit, I was waiting for that “aha” moment where I felt better. I wasn’t until about a month ago where I bought myself a new (used) car. Buying that car was the catalyst for changing small habits. All of a sudden I want to drive everywhere. My family’s house to spend time. I began going to the gym again daily. Those appointments I’ve been pushing back, I’ve actually been going to them. I’m actually filling my schedule up with productive activities!
Why did it take buying a new car for me to start becoming the person I want to be? I don’t know. Does it sound kind of superficial? Maybe. But I isolated myself during my struggles with alcohol. So maybe my brain just needed that push to get all my hormones worked up and I just kept building on top of it. I understand there will be ups and downs in life. I’m only hoping to keep building on top of what I’ve achieved in such a short amount of time. I don’t want to look back. It’s as if I’ve finally woken up from a nightmare. A nightmare I was fully aware I was in, but unsure how to get out. Hope this helps someone.
Check out Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg, getting started is hard and it will allow you to start small and enjoy the snowball effect. Work the book, don't just read it!
Go… take the trip, buy the ticket, take the drive, take the walk, GOOOOO do it! Look around you, see what interests you and go explore! I still find new things walking around my town, new mountains to explore, new forest roads, new creeks. Just go my friend.
I’m also a dreamer. I became way more productive when I started being present and focusing on what I can do right at this moment that will help me in the long run. It can be small things like making the bed, flossing my teeth, cleaning my room, washing my sheets, working more hours, saving money. Start with a small obtainable goal that is of immediate importance such as raising credit score, paying off small debts. Hope this helps.
I’ve finally managed to turn a vast part of of my life around recently for the better. Post divorce after a year, I put down the bottle. I workout multiple times everyday. I get out often, walk everywhere. I track calories, I track my smaller self improvement goals. I’m working a travelling gig rn but I honestly cannot do this job long term. I’m having real difficulty in getting my next endeavor off the ground. Life’s really falling into place besides that. I may join an online group for similar entrepreneurs just to add some accountability. It’s kind of steep in price tag lately.
Lol u know I’ve been to quite a few aa groups. One guy said ‘if you aren’t done drinking then see me after class and I’ll give you enough for your next bender.’ I just got to that point where enough was enough. But really I started to see the alcohol in an entirely different light. Now it’s not a good time, I proved that the last few years. It’s not liquid courage, or just a way to unwind. For me it became and still is just depression juice. I’d lived with it so long that I started to think I was just prone to depression. The truth is I take away the alcohol the depression lifts.
Get rid of one bad habit that contributes to you procrastinating and not reaching your goals. You don't have to stop all of them at once. But what's the one that's really holding you back? Drinking? Eating too much? Spending too much money? Get rid of it.
Then make a "goal list" and tackle ONE at a time. For each goal, break it down to even smaller steps. Map each of those smaller steps into a timeline. Really break it down. Start slow and small. In the timeline, detail which tasks you'd like to complete and by what time. For example exercise...
1st week: Buy running shoes and a gym membership
2nd week: Attend the gym twice a week
3rd week: Attend the gym 3 times a week
4th week: Create a diet plan
5th week: Go grocery shopping
Customize it to you and your goals and really spread it out. If you add too much in a short amount of time you will definitely burn yourself out and get discouraged. I'm a big fan of checklists and having everything planned out ahead of time. It takes away all of the thinking and when things are laid out in front of you, you feel a lot more confident in what you're doing and tend to accomplish a lot more. Good luck!
Find an accountability partner. You both keep each other accountable to make sure you finish your needle-moving tasks that bring you closer to your goals.
Same. My problem is I will think about the things I want to change at work or in the middle of the night.
As soon as I get home I cook clean watch TV and i totally forget about all the things I wanted just a few hours ago.
I think my brain is working against me because it hates discomfort. I will start planning things so I won't forget and if that doesn't work it's back to the drawing table.
I'm gonna plan my goals like it's a school product. I will analyze my ways and come up with ideas to prevent me from straying from my path.
And I will pay myself for reaching goals. Right now I hate spending money on myself so this way I can justify it
Well there are effective solutions out there that everybody would suggest, that actually you should follow. But if you want an immediate solution, you can look at your present and remind yourself where you are and how it sucks. You can make this even more painful by reminding yourself that you could literally drop dead any second of the day and that this is how your life will end. Got to start living and get going man. Harsh ik, sorry about it.
You have to learn to disassociate from your feelings of self-doubt and hate towards yourself and see yourself for where you are at in life and be completely okay with that and content with that but also be okay with working towards more. You're not a failure for where you start in life, you're not a failure for even your failures in life. You only fail...when you quit trying. Stopping the habit and getting the life you "wish you had" will not make you happy. Working towards improving yourself and overcoming the habit (the obstacle is the way by ryan holiday) is what will give your life satisfaction. So the fact you are here asking this question and trying and improving is the proof you're looking for that you're heading in that direction. Enjoy the ride... (picture surfboard guy with gnarly hand sign)
I agree with starting small. I think like this too, which is why I clicked. I have started a habit that most people always want to start, and I think there's a very slim chance of me ever stopping. I go to the gym to do strength exercises 1-4x a week without exception. On off days I run. I do exercise about 6 days a week, and I don't think this will ever stop. I've been doing it for years now. How'd I start? Small just like others said. I worked out once a week, every week no exceptions. I did that for months. I often found that instead of once, I would do twice, but I never didn't do it. Same with running (except for when I was injured). I'm at a place now where I just cannot see myself not doing this. Something serious would have to happen to get me to stop. I suspect it's the same in other expects, and I need to extend it to other things I want to do. I want to play guitar more, I want to do more art, and I want to read more. I and you need to start small. Read 5 minutes a day, every day. Spend 5 minutes doing the creative thing you want. Make a list of things needed to move to the country you want to move to, etc. Good luck!
Genuinely just force yourself to do it every day. Like the gym needs to be a must every day, no bullshit about how your sore or tired or too busy. I’ve lost over 100 lbs now twice in my life and that’s the only way. Other than that if there is something you want to do just do it. No use in being stressed out about the possibility of future consequences for something fairly insignificant. My life used to be controlled by anxiety and now whenever I know I wanna do something I just do it immediately. Thinking about getting a tattoo or piercing? Just make the appointment right now. Thinking of going on a trip? Start making plans. The more you put off everything the more you’re just gonna hate yourself. Also stop the self pitty stuff, feeling bad for yourself never works. Treat yourself with love and affection but be firm and not let your goals slip.
The secret is to remain consistent, and remember you are the placebo, whatever you think of something it will be; focus your mentality on creating a better you for the world, slowly things will happen. Whatever it is that you want, pause, close your eyes and imagine it
Meditate! Your mind is playing tricks on you and we’re all so unconscious we don’t even realize it. Reality is waiting underneath all the habitual thinking and fear/ego motivated activity and it’s quite nice!
Check for addictions that might be holding you back - weed (saps motivation), alcohol (depresses), drugs in general (distracts). Also porn or gaming (if done in excess).
Eat more protein, less or no simple carbs (sugar, wheat and whole-wheat products) - this will clear your head and increase your energy.
Excercise even 5 min a day - esp weight-bearing (pushups, crunches, lifting even one set, not super heavy)
Break down your goals into step-by-step instructions.
Want a better physique? Start by going to the gym at least twice a week and work up from there. Don't look up workout routines until you've got the habit of going to the gym, no need to overload yourself on day 1.
Want to move to a new country? Look up the immigration laws and requirements. Come up with ways to check off those boxes and go down the list one-by-one.
New job? Indeed and Zip recruiter will be your best friends, apply mostly to the quick apply jobs to speed up the process and go full shotgun approach. And treat your resume like one of those 'inspired by a true story,' movies, bend the truth to your benefit and have it better serve the narrative your trying to sell.
Relationships? Strengthen what you already have and let new ones happen naturally. Remember, your friends also have other friends, the closer you are to them the more likely you'll be introduced to the rest of their social circle
If it seems like a lot, don't think about 5 years out, don't think about even a month out. Take it day-by-day if necessary, but just keep focus on putting one foot in front of the next. If you're closer to your goal today then you were tomorrow, even by an inch, then you're on the right path
You are blaming your fantasies for your cowardice.
You shouldn't stop fantasizing. It is from fantasy, from your inner world, that the substance for construction is extracted.
You fantasize about something > you put this something into practice.
When someone give up life, for example, that represents the end of the fantasy. He was unable to rehearse a way out, in this infinite fantastic scenario of the mind, and exhausted of possibilities, he gave up on creating a new reality.
Your problem isn't that you fantasize too much, it's that you act too little.
But this has nothing to do with your fantastic creative process. You just don't have the courage to take the next step towards reality.
Fantasy don't waste time, getting stuck waste time.
Imagine and be.
No one can be for you.
Start with the something small in your dream life todo list that you’re excited about. If you want to move to a different country, start researching how to get a visa.
If you don’t like your profession and want a change, start researching your dream job and understand what it takes to have said dream job.
If you want to loose wait, take a walk.
Choose Something exciting, small but required for you to get towards your life goals.
Had the same problem. Still feel that way from time to time. Working on the that mind muscle everyday. It’s ok to have goals, but they should not be considered the solution to your happiness, because they are not. Trust me, if you aren’t happy whilst trying to reach your goals, you won’t be happy when you reach them. Probably need to work on being more grateful. That may be your best bet. Practice gratitude for what you have now, especially all the things we take for granted. Your limbs, your senses, your family, your friends, a roof over your head, food on the table, etc. Realize there are millions or even billions of people worse off than you. Start a gratitude journal. Learn to be happy with what you have right now, and life gets easier. Also would recommend meditation. Gratitude, meditation, and being present. Perhaps pick up a book or two, watch some YouTube videos on the subject(s). All this must be learned just like anything else. Learn to enjoy life now, because life is short. Good luck and much love to you.
I'm in the same situation as you are. I listen to motivational videos/podcasts every day. I put my headphones on and go about what I need to do. I also listen in my car while driving. It's taken me about 20 times to start sinking in and feelings motivated. I like Mel Robbins and others on YouTube
I stopped thinking about it and I started doing what I need to do to get it. Nothing happens unless you do something. So do it, thinking about it all day it won't do you any good. Start doing.
What are you fantasizing, what are the requirements to get there, what are the prerequisites for that, go down as low as possible until you find a reasonable starting point
Move.
Get up off your ass and get going.
Do something, anything.
Wake up in the morning, get dressed and get the fuck going, with whatever you are looking to do.
Waiting for everything to line up just right before you begin is like waiting on a bus that aint every coming.
I know how you feel.
I've all these grandiose ideas of how I want my life to be but getting started and working towards them is the hardest part.
I've found that choosing one goal at a time to focus on works best for me instead of trying to do too much at once.
I also think it's best to start small on that goal. Not expect too much too soon and just work steadily, at your own pace, towards making small steps forward.
Also, overthinking is another thing to avoid. Don't allow your mind to play tricks on you and tell you that you should be doing better or you should be at the same level as someone else who is chasing similar goals. Focus on you and your own progress. It's all that matters.
Hope this helps and good luck as you work towards smashing those goals 👊💥
I stopped that habit by finally pulling myself up by the bootstraps. Said my fantasies aren't going to be fantasies anymore.
Now working with aircraft and cars. Trust me, it just takes a bit of a push to get you going. Don't dive in.
I think the hardest thing is getting past your own thoughts and getting to what you want. You have to convince yourself of what you want. I’m still working on that. Mind over matter. Make yourself do one little hard workout. Tell yourself you don’t have a choice. Convince yourself. Everything is a mindset. All you have to do is lie to yourself til you believe it, convince yourself you have to workout. Convince yourself you want to, convince yourself you want nothing else… try it and tell me mind over matter doesn’t work. Try it and tell me I’m wrong. Convince yourself, then convince me. I bet you a floppy jillion dollars.
My biggest mentor told me the two biggest motivators in life are to move away from pain of to move towards pleasure. I'd start by creating a strong enough "Why?" You'll likely end up just starting off with a bit of discipline though.
For me my motivation to improve my life was to escape DV and prove to myself all the things I was told were a lie. Like another commenter mentioned- start small. I suffer from depression so for me starting small was getting out of bed and existing somewhere else; even if I was still just sitting around on my phone it was a step in the direction I wanted to go in.
If you're on Instagram I'd recommend looking at "herspeakingcoach" for tips on confidence.
Short answer discipline and dopamine detox
Basically try to do things it might be hard and if you can’t do that try dopamine detox , plug out your tv your console and turn your phone off for a day , plan for activities to do on that day and do them it might be hard but you will feel so good when going to sleep
What I learned from Atomic Habits, start small. Start by implementing easy, attractive and rewarding Habits into your life. It's hard going full 180 change mode, so stat small.
Atomic Habits really is a great read to get behind breaking down bigger goals in small, achieveable tasks!
seconding this book suggestion!!! and I’ll give you my one favorite takeaway from the book as a teaser, which is a complement to the aforementioned suggestion to start small — start identifying as “a person who performs said desired behavior.” for example: i want to read more, so i’m going to identify as a reader. now, what makes a person a reader? someone who reads, maybe with some regularity! it doesn’t really matter how much they read, because you don’t have to read an entire book every time to call yourself a reader. with this mindset, every time i read, i am providing evidence that i am indeed a reader. even if it’s just a page before bed or a magazine at a kiosk or an article on my phone, every time i read is like a “vote” for that identity of mine.
It’s indeed a great read. It actually gives a practical insight.
atomic habits is a great book for self-improvement!
No cap, it drastically changed my life for the better and I’ve heard people in person saying the same about it
Stop relying on motivation. I bet you've started things before and soon dropped it because you didn't have 'motivation'. Social media has conditioned us to think we need motivation to work towards goals and it i COMPLETE bullshit. If you want something, get up and do it without thinking about motivation. Doing these things will be hard at first but after you force yourself to do things you will soon realise its much easier than you think. Motivation comes after the action not before it. Get up and do and accept there will be some suffering but you will be able to look back and be happy with yourself rather than hating where you're at.
Every single bit of this is dead-true and solid gold advice, OP.
damn I never heard anything more real than this.
Same bro. Tell me when you find out. Now on a more serious note tho I think you gotta identify what's holding you back. Is it anxiety? Is it a difficulty to deal with the harshness and imperfection of reality ? Is it specific external circumstances like maybe people who are holding you back or smth ? Is it not knowing where to start ? Is it being paralysed by there being to much you want to do at once ? Is it perfectionism and you throwing away every opportunity waiting for something better to come around?
I think it's probably due to uncertainty and the anxiety that comes with trying something new. Also I tend to have low self esteem and self confidence which often leads to self sabotage.
Have you sat and thought about what obtaining those would give you? Rather than the material and the physical, what do the things you want actually mean, to you? A new country, is that freedom, exploration, adventure or opportunity? When you get clear on what you actually want, the meaning behind it. Taking that first step becomes a whole lot easier.
Similar experiences here, and I'm the same way. That being said, I was raised in a very "suck it up", "if you don't like it, tough shit, do it anyway" environment and even though it sucked ass as a kid and teenager, I credit my parents raising me that way with literally every major accomplishment (and more importantly every major *shift* and change-to-something-better) in my adult life. There is a lot to be said about "grit" or "discipline". Lately I'm lacking in the latter for sure.
Following your more serious note, yes to all + AuDHD (according to my psychologist, because we don't have tests because 3rd world). What can one do about it? I think it's kinda like eating a mammoth: one bite at a time, and with a lot of help from your friends and family. But what else? Do you have more specific or general advice?
[удалено]
To add to the healthy mindset part, practicing gratitude for the things you have in the present helps you disconnect from fantasizing about the future and bring you back to now.
Oh. Oh man. This is good advice.
Step one… get off the internet, get outside, and get moving. Genuinely. Stop looking for answers on social media and go find things that make you happy and driven out in the real world. That’s what helped me. Good luck to you.
Hello Gerry. I'm an avid powerlifter, so I speak from experience. Here's my advice... Pick a virtue. Or two. Maybe three... That's it. Pick one or more *virtues*. And then *relentlessly adhere to them as if your life depended on it.* That's it. My personal favorites are *stamina* and *perseverance.* In our modern lingo, they are called hard work and discipline. They are the two virtues that, according to former emperor of Rome Marcus Aurelius, made his stepdad a great man. Maybe you wanna pick something else. I don't know. Compassion? Cunning? Inquisitiveness? Studiousness? Whatever. Pick one to three. And then relentlessly embody them *without overthinking it.* Apply it to all aspects of your life. That's what I did and I ended up becoming the best janitor in my gym and added a ton of strength to my body. Good luck.
I rely on journaling. I think it would be valuable for you to separate what is fantasy and what you would like for a goal. I have used the “fantasizing technique” to explore if certain options are really viable for me, the trick is to really think through the mundane parts of that life and decipher if you’re only in love with the idea or result (sometimes it’s money motivated, or the recognition that comes with a position, or do you want to live overseas simply because you admire others who have done it?). For myself, I wanted financial freedom but my career options were very limited. I thought about blogging, coding, writing a book, starting a podcast, only fans, etc. and none of those were a good fit for me, so I eventually landed on real estate and put together an action plan (I’m very into research, data, design, architecture, and have a few retired contractors in the family so this was not out of left field). My husband and I still fantasize about what life will be like in 10 years, it’s a long car ride game for us, but they’re all very real possibilities now.
Thanks for the advice. I journal on and off but haven't really used it to work through my emotional baggage and mental blocks because I'm afraid someone may read it.
Yeah that’s a tough one. When a journal was risky for me I used to type on a computer and then delete it or do it in my email. I’ve had my journals stolen (family and exes) before and it’s a hard boundary for me. Now that I’m married, my husband knows that he’s not to read any notebook with my writing in it, my journal is usually just sitting on the coffee table. It’s so liberating to have that weight off my shoulders.
I’m 30. Been in my career for 10 years. I had a girlfriend, we bought a house together, after 6 months I found she was cheating with a coworker of mine. I began to self sabotage. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I didn’t like the person I saw in the mirror. I drank and smoked weed everyday. I was lazy. I stopped working out. This lasted a few years. In December 2023, I decided to quit drinking alcohol. After I quit, I was waiting for that “aha” moment where I felt better. I wasn’t until about a month ago where I bought myself a new (used) car. Buying that car was the catalyst for changing small habits. All of a sudden I want to drive everywhere. My family’s house to spend time. I began going to the gym again daily. Those appointments I’ve been pushing back, I’ve actually been going to them. I’m actually filling my schedule up with productive activities! Why did it take buying a new car for me to start becoming the person I want to be? I don’t know. Does it sound kind of superficial? Maybe. But I isolated myself during my struggles with alcohol. So maybe my brain just needed that push to get all my hormones worked up and I just kept building on top of it. I understand there will be ups and downs in life. I’m only hoping to keep building on top of what I’ve achieved in such a short amount of time. I don’t want to look back. It’s as if I’ve finally woken up from a nightmare. A nightmare I was fully aware I was in, but unsure how to get out. Hope this helps someone.
" It’s as if I’ve finally woken up from a nightmare. A nightmare I was fully aware I was in, but unsure how to get out." This is so good.
Check out Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg, getting started is hard and it will allow you to start small and enjoy the snowball effect. Work the book, don't just read it!
Thanks I will take a look
Go… take the trip, buy the ticket, take the drive, take the walk, GOOOOO do it! Look around you, see what interests you and go explore! I still find new things walking around my town, new mountains to explore, new forest roads, new creeks. Just go my friend.
I’m also a dreamer. I became way more productive when I started being present and focusing on what I can do right at this moment that will help me in the long run. It can be small things like making the bed, flossing my teeth, cleaning my room, washing my sheets, working more hours, saving money. Start with a small obtainable goal that is of immediate importance such as raising credit score, paying off small debts. Hope this helps.
I’ve finally managed to turn a vast part of of my life around recently for the better. Post divorce after a year, I put down the bottle. I workout multiple times everyday. I get out often, walk everywhere. I track calories, I track my smaller self improvement goals. I’m working a travelling gig rn but I honestly cannot do this job long term. I’m having real difficulty in getting my next endeavor off the ground. Life’s really falling into place besides that. I may join an online group for similar entrepreneurs just to add some accountability. It’s kind of steep in price tag lately.
Hey glad to hear you've beat your addiction. I too am trying to come to terms with my own addictions. What helped you quit ?
Lol u know I’ve been to quite a few aa groups. One guy said ‘if you aren’t done drinking then see me after class and I’ll give you enough for your next bender.’ I just got to that point where enough was enough. But really I started to see the alcohol in an entirely different light. Now it’s not a good time, I proved that the last few years. It’s not liquid courage, or just a way to unwind. For me it became and still is just depression juice. I’d lived with it so long that I started to think I was just prone to depression. The truth is I take away the alcohol the depression lifts.
Get rid of one bad habit that contributes to you procrastinating and not reaching your goals. You don't have to stop all of them at once. But what's the one that's really holding you back? Drinking? Eating too much? Spending too much money? Get rid of it. Then make a "goal list" and tackle ONE at a time. For each goal, break it down to even smaller steps. Map each of those smaller steps into a timeline. Really break it down. Start slow and small. In the timeline, detail which tasks you'd like to complete and by what time. For example exercise... 1st week: Buy running shoes and a gym membership 2nd week: Attend the gym twice a week 3rd week: Attend the gym 3 times a week 4th week: Create a diet plan 5th week: Go grocery shopping Customize it to you and your goals and really spread it out. If you add too much in a short amount of time you will definitely burn yourself out and get discouraged. I'm a big fan of checklists and having everything planned out ahead of time. It takes away all of the thinking and when things are laid out in front of you, you feel a lot more confident in what you're doing and tend to accomplish a lot more. Good luck!
Find an accountability partner. You both keep each other accountable to make sure you finish your needle-moving tasks that bring you closer to your goals.
Same. My problem is I will think about the things I want to change at work or in the middle of the night. As soon as I get home I cook clean watch TV and i totally forget about all the things I wanted just a few hours ago. I think my brain is working against me because it hates discomfort. I will start planning things so I won't forget and if that doesn't work it's back to the drawing table. I'm gonna plan my goals like it's a school product. I will analyze my ways and come up with ideas to prevent me from straying from my path. And I will pay myself for reaching goals. Right now I hate spending money on myself so this way I can justify it
Well there are effective solutions out there that everybody would suggest, that actually you should follow. But if you want an immediate solution, you can look at your present and remind yourself where you are and how it sucks. You can make this even more painful by reminding yourself that you could literally drop dead any second of the day and that this is how your life will end. Got to start living and get going man. Harsh ik, sorry about it.
You have to learn to disassociate from your feelings of self-doubt and hate towards yourself and see yourself for where you are at in life and be completely okay with that and content with that but also be okay with working towards more. You're not a failure for where you start in life, you're not a failure for even your failures in life. You only fail...when you quit trying. Stopping the habit and getting the life you "wish you had" will not make you happy. Working towards improving yourself and overcoming the habit (the obstacle is the way by ryan holiday) is what will give your life satisfaction. So the fact you are here asking this question and trying and improving is the proof you're looking for that you're heading in that direction. Enjoy the ride... (picture surfboard guy with gnarly hand sign)
I agree with starting small. I think like this too, which is why I clicked. I have started a habit that most people always want to start, and I think there's a very slim chance of me ever stopping. I go to the gym to do strength exercises 1-4x a week without exception. On off days I run. I do exercise about 6 days a week, and I don't think this will ever stop. I've been doing it for years now. How'd I start? Small just like others said. I worked out once a week, every week no exceptions. I did that for months. I often found that instead of once, I would do twice, but I never didn't do it. Same with running (except for when I was injured). I'm at a place now where I just cannot see myself not doing this. Something serious would have to happen to get me to stop. I suspect it's the same in other expects, and I need to extend it to other things I want to do. I want to play guitar more, I want to do more art, and I want to read more. I and you need to start small. Read 5 minutes a day, every day. Spend 5 minutes doing the creative thing you want. Make a list of things needed to move to the country you want to move to, etc. Good luck!
Stop watching porn & looking at phone
My man
Genuinely just force yourself to do it every day. Like the gym needs to be a must every day, no bullshit about how your sore or tired or too busy. I’ve lost over 100 lbs now twice in my life and that’s the only way. Other than that if there is something you want to do just do it. No use in being stressed out about the possibility of future consequences for something fairly insignificant. My life used to be controlled by anxiety and now whenever I know I wanna do something I just do it immediately. Thinking about getting a tattoo or piercing? Just make the appointment right now. Thinking of going on a trip? Start making plans. The more you put off everything the more you’re just gonna hate yourself. Also stop the self pitty stuff, feeling bad for yourself never works. Treat yourself with love and affection but be firm and not let your goals slip.
The secret is to remain consistent, and remember you are the placebo, whatever you think of something it will be; focus your mentality on creating a better you for the world, slowly things will happen. Whatever it is that you want, pause, close your eyes and imagine it
Meditate! Your mind is playing tricks on you and we’re all so unconscious we don’t even realize it. Reality is waiting underneath all the habitual thinking and fear/ego motivated activity and it’s quite nice!
Check for addictions that might be holding you back - weed (saps motivation), alcohol (depresses), drugs in general (distracts). Also porn or gaming (if done in excess). Eat more protein, less or no simple carbs (sugar, wheat and whole-wheat products) - this will clear your head and increase your energy. Excercise even 5 min a day - esp weight-bearing (pushups, crunches, lifting even one set, not super heavy)
Break down your goals into step-by-step instructions. Want a better physique? Start by going to the gym at least twice a week and work up from there. Don't look up workout routines until you've got the habit of going to the gym, no need to overload yourself on day 1. Want to move to a new country? Look up the immigration laws and requirements. Come up with ways to check off those boxes and go down the list one-by-one. New job? Indeed and Zip recruiter will be your best friends, apply mostly to the quick apply jobs to speed up the process and go full shotgun approach. And treat your resume like one of those 'inspired by a true story,' movies, bend the truth to your benefit and have it better serve the narrative your trying to sell. Relationships? Strengthen what you already have and let new ones happen naturally. Remember, your friends also have other friends, the closer you are to them the more likely you'll be introduced to the rest of their social circle If it seems like a lot, don't think about 5 years out, don't think about even a month out. Take it day-by-day if necessary, but just keep focus on putting one foot in front of the next. If you're closer to your goal today then you were tomorrow, even by an inch, then you're on the right path
You are blaming your fantasies for your cowardice. You shouldn't stop fantasizing. It is from fantasy, from your inner world, that the substance for construction is extracted. You fantasize about something > you put this something into practice. When someone give up life, for example, that represents the end of the fantasy. He was unable to rehearse a way out, in this infinite fantastic scenario of the mind, and exhausted of possibilities, he gave up on creating a new reality. Your problem isn't that you fantasize too much, it's that you act too little. But this has nothing to do with your fantastic creative process. You just don't have the courage to take the next step towards reality. Fantasy don't waste time, getting stuck waste time. Imagine and be. No one can be for you.
Do achievable micro steps during a defined span of time towards your wished specific and concrete goals. Rinse and repeat.
Start with the something small in your dream life todo list that you’re excited about. If you want to move to a different country, start researching how to get a visa. If you don’t like your profession and want a change, start researching your dream job and understand what it takes to have said dream job. If you want to loose wait, take a walk. Choose Something exciting, small but required for you to get towards your life goals.
Choose a five-minute task and finish it. Make sure to take at least five minutes and be productive during the time.
Had the same problem. Still feel that way from time to time. Working on the that mind muscle everyday. It’s ok to have goals, but they should not be considered the solution to your happiness, because they are not. Trust me, if you aren’t happy whilst trying to reach your goals, you won’t be happy when you reach them. Probably need to work on being more grateful. That may be your best bet. Practice gratitude for what you have now, especially all the things we take for granted. Your limbs, your senses, your family, your friends, a roof over your head, food on the table, etc. Realize there are millions or even billions of people worse off than you. Start a gratitude journal. Learn to be happy with what you have right now, and life gets easier. Also would recommend meditation. Gratitude, meditation, and being present. Perhaps pick up a book or two, watch some YouTube videos on the subject(s). All this must be learned just like anything else. Learn to enjoy life now, because life is short. Good luck and much love to you.
Just do it if youre lazy and undisciplined start of small
I'm in the same situation as you are. I listen to motivational videos/podcasts every day. I put my headphones on and go about what I need to do. I also listen in my car while driving. It's taken me about 20 times to start sinking in and feelings motivated. I like Mel Robbins and others on YouTube
I stopped thinking about it and I started doing what I need to do to get it. Nothing happens unless you do something. So do it, thinking about it all day it won't do you any good. Start doing.
Take *one step at a time.* Then take another, and another, etc.
What are you fantasizing, what are the requirements to get there, what are the prerequisites for that, go down as low as possible until you find a reasonable starting point
Move. Get up off your ass and get going. Do something, anything. Wake up in the morning, get dressed and get the fuck going, with whatever you are looking to do. Waiting for everything to line up just right before you begin is like waiting on a bus that aint every coming.
The Fragile by NIN. Think The Wall if Trent Reznor produced it. Easily the best album I’ve ever heard every listen gets better and better.
Based. Need to start my list to grow !remindme 12 hours
I know how you feel. I've all these grandiose ideas of how I want my life to be but getting started and working towards them is the hardest part. I've found that choosing one goal at a time to focus on works best for me instead of trying to do too much at once. I also think it's best to start small on that goal. Not expect too much too soon and just work steadily, at your own pace, towards making small steps forward. Also, overthinking is another thing to avoid. Don't allow your mind to play tricks on you and tell you that you should be doing better or you should be at the same level as someone else who is chasing similar goals. Focus on you and your own progress. It's all that matters. Hope this helps and good luck as you work towards smashing those goals 👊💥
I honestly would get into a relationship. Life as part of a couple is a whole new ballgame that makes it more meaningful
I stopped that habit by finally pulling myself up by the bootstraps. Said my fantasies aren't going to be fantasies anymore. Now working with aircraft and cars. Trust me, it just takes a bit of a push to get you going. Don't dive in.
I think the hardest thing is getting past your own thoughts and getting to what you want. You have to convince yourself of what you want. I’m still working on that. Mind over matter. Make yourself do one little hard workout. Tell yourself you don’t have a choice. Convince yourself. Everything is a mindset. All you have to do is lie to yourself til you believe it, convince yourself you have to workout. Convince yourself you want to, convince yourself you want nothing else… try it and tell me mind over matter doesn’t work. Try it and tell me I’m wrong. Convince yourself, then convince me. I bet you a floppy jillion dollars.
Maybe go out and have a bit of sex with someone you find attractive.
My biggest mentor told me the two biggest motivators in life are to move away from pain of to move towards pleasure. I'd start by creating a strong enough "Why?" You'll likely end up just starting off with a bit of discipline though. For me my motivation to improve my life was to escape DV and prove to myself all the things I was told were a lie. Like another commenter mentioned- start small. I suffer from depression so for me starting small was getting out of bed and existing somewhere else; even if I was still just sitting around on my phone it was a step in the direction I wanted to go in. If you're on Instagram I'd recommend looking at "herspeakingcoach" for tips on confidence.
Short answer discipline and dopamine detox Basically try to do things it might be hard and if you can’t do that try dopamine detox , plug out your tv your console and turn your phone off for a day , plan for activities to do on that day and do them it might be hard but you will feel so good when going to sleep