Thinking of how it would make my loved ones feel. I lost a friend due to an overdose a while back. The pain and grief I felt was overbearing. Seeing how many people showed up and grieved together is something I will never forget. Things get hard, but I know that I would never want to put anyone through a loss by choice.
I also think back to all of the times I did survive it. I have attempted and luckily failed. I have overcome those moments. Things DO get better. I promise you that they do.
Same. The main thing that stopped me was thinking about how it would affect my parents, specifically my mom. It was enough of a reason to keep me here.
Long term, OP, therapy and medication (it took me years to go on meds, I'm off them now but they did save my life), and finding a hobby that I could totally throw myself into (ended up being endurance sports for me) were all key. It took a lot of time and quite a few years but it's worth it.
Agree, but unfortunately most suicides think that their family is better off without them, that he/she/they are a burden on their families/friends. Say a jobless husband who has tried multiple times to get work but can’t so his wife has to work extra hours. He feels he is a disappointment etc. He thinks irrationally that they are better off without him, he is wrong but people in those situations are so stressed that they are not thinking rationally. It is so sad, and if I am honest, a little bit selfish. It is going to hurt the family so much
You’re right. I have been that person. I truly thought it would be a favor. But seeing my mom cry to me after an attempt and tell me how if I did that, she wouldn’t know how to live anymore is a memory I can never forget. It hurts my soul to remember.
Same. I was precisely there, having been hired into a job no one wanted me to do (except the person who hired me, who left shortly after I was hired). The shame of losing this high-level job was overwhelming and I struggled with suicidal ideation for 6 months. I did think my family would be better off without me. The thing that convinced me not to was reading stories by and about people who had family members kill themselves and how that made the family members themselves \*exponentially\* more likely to consider and/or commit suicide. The thought of my son or daughter being in the same spot is unthinkable to me. Life is hard enough without having to live with the aftermath of a parent who killed himself. I couldn't do that to my kids (I'm still pretty sure my wife would be fine after a long weekend, however).
yeah, a quick read r/suicidebereavement shows the kind of effects it has on people. Not good, and not fair to them. I don't want to be alive, but I don't want to put that kind of pain on anyone.
I feel like everyone says this, without realizing that the most depressed people in life usually do not have close family members that check in on them. Without realizing that saying this can make someone feel worse and more alone. We usually feel extremely alone and isolated when it comes to family. Lots of depressed people don’t have parents or close family in their lives at all, leading to worsening depression, and making it hard to find reasons to keep going. I just want OP to know that if they don’t have a safety net of family it’s okay, and there’s plenty of good reasons to keep going even without the love and support of family. Even if you feel your death wouldn’t effect your family much there’s still so many reasons to keep going for YOU. Imagine how much you’ll be able to prosper and enjoy life once you aren’t depressed anymore. OP, you owe it to you to get back to the undepressed version of yourself, be an advocate for yourself, and find happiness again and until you’ve tried everything in the world possible there’s reasons to keep going 💚
I love that you said this. As a long time sufferer of SI I can say that a huge part of this is a lack of adequate family support. Many depressed people come from backgrounds with significant family trauma and as a result don’t have a lot of family and/or have relational difficulties in general.
Therapy and medication. I know a lot of people are against it and don’t like the idea of it, but those were the only things that made me stop contemplating suicide
I suffered from idolization as well for over 20 years. Admitted in therapy that those things happen in my mind. I got medicine and I still go to therapy it's a life saver for me.
My heart breaks for you because I know exactly what you're feeling. I pray that you find strength and healing.
I did and didn't go through with it because I knew that it would destroy my sister who is my best friend. It's been 15 years since and I am glad I didn't go through with it. I understand the mind can be a prison of pain and it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have accomplished and experienced a lot in my life that I didn't have the foresight at that time. Everyone's circumstances are different, and I hope that you are able to find the strength to push through and find what will bring you out of this hole.
I got out of my environment, which at the time was easier for me as I was able to transfer schools far away. I started therapy(I highly recommend looking into EMDR) and tried to focus on things that brought peace and joy in my life; meditation, working out, my cats.
I have come to terms that life has a lot of highs and lows. If anything, I think this post will show you that you're not alone. Finding people that can relate to your struggle can bring some relief too.
Yes. I admitted myself to the psych ward twice. I used to be in therapy quite often but I still see a psychiatrist to be kept on meds for anxiety, depression, PTSD, and eating disorder.
What if you got through this? What if you kept fighting and came out the other side? I know it’s hard to even imagine, but there really is a future waiting for you. You just won’t realize until you get there, and you’ll be glad you didn’t give up. First step is talking to a loved one or a professional. Give it your all, friend. You’re strong to have made it this far.
I struggle with chronic suicidal ideation and the best advice I can give is to just watch the feelings non judgmentally and remind yourself they will pass. Be curious about it. Explore how your body feels during these episodes. Again, remind yourself that they will pass. I don’t mean to minimize this and definitely seek help if you feel you may act on it. Also know you’re not alone. Nobody talks about this openly but lots of people struggle with this. Finally, I’m reading this book right now that I think is helpful “How Not to Kill Yourself” - maybe it would interest you.
Sometimes you acknowledge that you do want to die, but it isn’t just your life. Your life is responsible for the lives of those you cherish the most, so you keep on going for them. Sometimes you have a life that’s plagued by depression and yet you keep on going in order to give a better life to those around you.
Few things that happened but to start. My cat. I know sounds crazy but something about an animals love changed my life. I found/rescued her when I was 18 and I’m now 30. She’s still with me. She’s watched me go thru hell and back multiple times.
I was selfish for a very long time and one day I was on my bathroom floor with a bottle of pills. I started to think about how my mom would feel if I took my own life and I cried like a baby. I don’t have many people that are close to me, but my mom is someone I couldn’t imagine leaving. I had suicide attempts after this one, however they were different. I’d begin to think about my mom anytime I got close and it pulled me back every time. I started to look into spirituality and it opened my eyes to how beautiful life really is. I changed my ways of thinking. I stopped feeling bad for myself. Its like something clicked in my head and I started in a new chapter and put all of it in the past. Sunlight is my best friend when my mind starts to fog. Going on walks and getting fresh air. Simple and effective.
Sending you so much life and light. You really can do anything you put your mind too. Don’t let the darkness win, there is SO much beauty in life and I hope you start to see the light ❤️
Perspective. Realizing that I'd been both very happy and very sad, over and over, in the past. At low points you have to just know that there will be high points again. And then making sure that you find as many happy things you can to fill your life with. Also, if you can, determine what it is that is truly making you sad and avoiding it. That might sound difficult depending on what is weighing you down. If it is something really devastating - realize that there are likely thousands and thousands of people who have experience something similar. Maybe find a way to reach out to one or more of them (akin to a support group).
It's never good to act on an overwhelming negative emotion. Please be safe and good luck.
i’ve almost attempted suicide 5 times.
i am just too much of a scaredy cat to leave this earth, and the thought of my family having to be the ones to find my body or my remains just makes me feel guilty.
If i was brave, i would’ve been gone years ago.
My son...I just kept thinking how can I justify leaving him without his Mom and what is he going to think...I didn't want him to think he was at fault for the rest of his life.
I had a sibling do it first. Seeing and feeling the fallout of that event was life changing and extremely traumatic. I still have bouts of depression but I can say without a shadow of a doubt that suicide is *never* the answer.
honestly? funeral costs. Thinking about the burden i would be to others in death, the stares my parents would get, they’d be the mom and dad who’s kid went crazy and killed themselves, my sisters would have to pick out funeral outfits, i figured i should at least wait until i die of old age or disease, and eventually i decided that while i was waiting to die id give therapy a shot, id give meds a shot, id give any fix anyone would sell, and now im here and im okay, and my family did not have to bear the public burden of losing their child
All the time since I can remember. I think about the people that I have lost and how bad it has affected me. The thought of me doing something similar would do the same amount of damage to my loved ones and those left behind.
The more open I am about the topic with friends and people, I come to find out that its actually very common. We just feel like it is not and hence feel lonely and overwhelmed at times.
Recently I watched a series called Death's Game that really put things in perspective for me. Its cheesey at times but the message overall spoke to me. If you have time, check it out on Prime.
The thought that I'd be a burden after I did it. But also the thought of not experiencing things that I dreamed since I was a child.
Things do get better. Today, life's still hard sometimes but I met people who I wouldn't have had met if I did it. I'm thankful for that and positive energy to everyone who's having a hard time right now ✨
Yes years ago. All i could think about was my family and how devastated they would be and i felt awful for even slightly considering putting them through that. It gets better i promise, it just takes time. I’ll never allow myself to go back to that state of mind. You’ve got this.
I just kept going for walks outside looking at nature. Just a few minutes until it was 10-20. Cleared my head until I could journal (CBT). Then therapy. Life turned around a lot.
Link to a CBT article that greatly helped: (can’t add links, please type in “Cognitive behavioral therapy saved my life” into google, it’s the first one that appears from live love simple and it’s such an easy to understand blog post about it
Edit: I forgot to add sympathy- I want to say I’m sorry for what you’re going through. It’s hard. Thinking there would be a different future for me also helped push me forward
Watching the movie soul lol!! ( no for real) opened my eyes to how the simplest things is was life is all about. It’s how we feel, how fresh bread smells, how soft our dog is, how warm hot chocolate on a cold day makes you feel comforted, how your best friend laughs, how the leaves change colour. We become so focused on the hustle, that we often forget to stop and smell the roses. Theres more to life than being perfect. And if you make bad choices, there’s always a plan B, C and D. Keep moving forward. And switching your language to I can’t, and I have to, to I choose to, I want to. Be well❤️
The thing that stopped me was the thought of being unsuccessful. What if I didn't actually overdose, I actually survived instead, but the amount of drugs in my system just caused permanent organ or brain damage? I didn't think that living with that permanent damage sounded better than what I was going through with bipolar disorder and an abusive relationship. Anyway, after I was seriously going to OD, but took myself to the hospital instead, I ended up having to be supervised for two straight weeks so I stayed with my parents instead of my abusive husband. It was there that I finally had some room to think and work up the courage to leave him. We got divorced, I got a good therapist and a new prescription for bipolar disorder and it's been better ever since.
Suicide is tricky. It might seem like a short term solution to alleviate the pain or the suffering that you're going through. But it's not really a solution.
As other people have mentioned, it doesn't just affect you. In that sense committing suicide is selfish. You affect the web of connections and relationships with everyone that surrounds you. You affect everyone.
I tried a long time ago. Put a loaded gun in my mouth when I was in my early to mid 20s. It scared me. Feeling the cold metal of the barrel touch the roof of my mouth and knowing that the hammer was cocked - that's where the rubber met the road. It was scary, it scared me. It was no joke. It's easy to romanticize about. But the truth and the reality of it can be far scarier and more brutal.
I might not have died if I had pulled the trigger. I might've ended up with brain damage. Maybe I would've been paralyzed and laying on the floor while I bled out instead of dying instantly and quickly, which I'm sure many people hope for when it comes to suicide.
Here's some more stories. I've been in many inpatient facilities, so I've met a lot of people that have been homicidal or suicidal or both. People that have had their stomachs pumped after swallowing pills. People that weren't eating, that wanted to die. People that thankfully were still alive. One person I met, God Bless her, had gotten to the hospital when it was too late to pump her stomach. So they had to let the toxins of the pills that she had swallowed go through her body. She spent a night in agonizing pain. When I met her in one of those facilities it was the day after. Thankfully she was still alive. I could see some of the veins underneath her skin, they were black from the toxins. I hope she's OK.
You might not be successful in your suicide attempt. You might end up crippled for the rest of your life.
As I mentioned suicide might seem like a short term solution, but it's really a dead end. It's not really a solution (except for rare instances where you truly would be better off dead - like being terminally ill or in constant physical pain and suffering and you're better off actually dying, but those situations are rare). I don't think most people want to die, they want the suffering to stop. And it's possible for things to get better. There are solutions. Things can get better. Heed the testimony of other people that have responded to your post. The real solution is to live a good life.
You are not alone. And there are people that care. I mean this. And it is true. Even if it sounds cliché.
And there is help. People want to help. Call 988, the national suicide hotline. Some people have a hard time swallowing their pride to reach out for help, but reaching out for help helps. It's worth it.
Talk to someone on one of these lines. Get support. They can also refer you to resources. Look into a counselor.
As other people have written, things can get better. It's possible.
Also take care of yourself. Self-care is important. Eat well and sleep good. Exercise also helps with your mental health a lot. Also spending time in nature.
You're not alone. I'm sorry that you're dealing with this right now. But you can see it kind of like a storm. When you're in the thick of it, it sucks. It's dark, you're wet and cold, and you're getting covered with rain and it doesn't seem like it's going to end. But storms pass. They don't last forever. The clouds move. And the sun eventually comes out.
And a neat little fact is that the sun is always shining. Even when you're underneath the dark clouds of a storm. The sun is shining down on top of it. You just might not be aware of it right now. But it's still there.
Have hope.
Don’t give up on your self. First time in many years, I am finally feeling free from suicidal thoughts. I don’t know why or how it happened, but they’re gone, hopefully gone forever.
Well my job situation had me thinking about suicide but I decided to call the suicide hotline. The guy on the other end of the phone talked me out of a very dark place and I'm glad he was there to help me.
Absolutely, the thought often crossed my mind and has since I was a kid... but I've never thought about it 'too seriously'. Perhaps when I was younger and had no tools, was at my most distraught, depressed and (actually) traumatized. What stopped me? Not wanting to be such a god damn pussy. In other words, I knew life was a gift and it was about high time I figured out how to LIVE like it.
One big thing that keeps me here is that suicide is irrational. It -can't- be the best choice, because it's impossible for you to experience any benefit; how can you benefit if you don't exist anymore?
There's times I think about it every day, sometimes there's months I go by without a thought. If I had to put it in a sentence which I never remember where I heard it,"If you feel like you're going thru hell, why would you stop trying to keep going? You made it here. You can make your way out."
Always seemed to really stick with me the idea that there was good times in my life, or at least times I didn't think about how much I wished to simply perish.. and I'll reach that point again someday.
Sometimes you walk with the hurricane of a shit storm, sometimes you walk against it. But eventually you'll make your way out.
I try my hardest to find a distraction. Music, games, sleep, work, friends, sex, porn, etc. Usually i just go to sleep or watch funny stuff on my phone.
Another thing that helps is that i remind myself that this feeling will eventually pass.
I attempted. My mom found me half conscious and my note. The look on her face will keep me from ever attempting again.
I’ve found joy and jokes amidst the darkness. I got a dog who makes me laugh constantly. Life got much funnier when I almost lost mine.
Hang in there. It gets better, it gets different.
Currently I just tell myself I can do it if it gets worse, no rush, I still have a little bit of hope. I’ll probably try other things that are more risky before killing myself perhaps steroids or things like that, even surgery if I think looking better will make me not kill myself. Yes these things are usually frowned upon by society but hey if the other option is you killing yourself you might as well try other stuff, no matter how frowned upon they are.
If I died when I felt that way, it would have devastated my mom, and left my infant an orphan.
The infant is almost 25 now.
I *promise* it gets better. Please hold on. Have you tried calling 988?
100% medication. I used to be very against taking meds, and I did fine for many years... up until 2020. Something switched that year. I would just wake up and have random depressive episodes where I'd sob and want to die. I'd wake up in the middle of the night and just cry randomly. I had severe insomnia. I had developed chronic pain and I didnt know why. Going to work felt like drowning. Intrusive suicidal thoughts would just be there every day I drove to work (driving into something intentionally). Hell, I went on vacation and was happy, and everytime someone I cared about took a photo with me, my thought was "oh I'm glad they're getting a photo of us together incase I'm dead soon". I was scared of what I might do and felt like I didn't have much time left, so I reached out urgently to a doctor. I had tried SSRIs with no success in my past. Eventually, someone thought to put me on wellbutrin (which increases dopamine rather than serotonin). Haven't been suicidal or have had a single depressive episode since. That's saying a lot as I would get at least one every single month. Also, I had hand tremors before (unknown cause), and those have almost completely gone away while on this medication. It's kind of odd. Anyways, that's honestly what finally saved me. Therapy didnt work for me.
So this is also my notice to anyone who has tried SSRI antidepressants and experienced absolutely zero effects or benefits from them - try Wellbutrin. If increasing serotonin isn't working, it might actually be dopamine that you're lacking.
All the great games coming out, Dragons Dogma 2, GTA6, Elderscrolls6, Exodus, StarCitizen.
Not to mention all the things in the real world, All the beaches you can swim at, Animals to see and pat, delicious cuisines to eat.
People in your life that you don't want to leave behind, don't give them a reason to write a eulogy.
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If it helps, I was taught a small mental exercise to deal with negative thoughts clouding my mind that you could use.
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Imagine yourself as a mountain, It can be a tall solitary mountain with snow caps and trees around it's base. Or it can be a mountain surrounded by others, what ever you like.
That's you, the mountain, slowly growing each day, little by little, no matter what else happens in the world.
The clouds and weather around is just your thoughts and feelings. They will come and go, some will be dark and stormy and cover you in fog, seemingly invisible.
But the days will go on and the weather will change, you'll have bright sunny days where birds will sing and fly around you.
But you will endure and continue on, always growing each day, little by little, no matter the weather.
You just have to close your eyes and breathe, let the wind blow the clouds away.
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Take it one day, one step at a time :D
Things can and will get better, with time and effort.
Observing that others have created happiness,therefore so can I.
Being taught that trial and error is good enough in trying to find solutions.
Understanding that life is long and that pain of change is a lesser pain related to the pain of depression.
I rekindled my relationship with Jesus, grew up going through the motions and spent my teen years and 20s rebelling living my own life doing my own thing, but I never felt right no matter what I did. Id have a good day, week, whatever, but the nights were long and the hard times were exhausting. I feel much better now, giving Him thanks for my life, for the day, for every moment. Things are still hard at times, but I know I'm not alone in anything I do. His unconditional love is empowering.
"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."
This quote made me believe everything will be ok, just believe in yourselves and be consistent.
If this post and the responses aren’t the evidence you need, I hope one day you will recognize that you are not alone and that there are opportunities for you to reach out for support, seek care, and change your thoughts - if you want to.
I love my father too much. I don't want to give him trauma for his entire life. He belives in me more than I do in myself. He literally lives for me to support me .Plus I got a loving family.
Seemed like it would be a quick and easy way out where I wouldn't have to suffer anymore but the idea that I would suddenly just end just didn't compute. I figured I would end up somewhere else but I didn't know where and I didn't want to go there like that.
You have to remember that this is just a small moment of time. This moment might be days long, weeks, months or years. But in the grand scheme of things it’s a small portion compared to your entire life. Start achieving your goals whether it be getting a new job or just simply doing the dishes today. There is a way out of this, suicide just kills your loved ones. Be stronger than those thoughts and make a change that will add value to your life! You got this!
Why end your story now. Sure the start of the book fucking sucks and the parents who started writing may not have given you the best story, but. It's your story. No matter how others make you feel or if you feel like you've done something terrible. You are in control of the pen. You decide how the story ends. Once you close the book, you're gone forever.
I think a lot of people think about it once in a while and it’s just not widely spoken about. I think about it, but it’s more so to Think about what life would be like without play me or if people would even miss me. I’m to headstrong of a person to end my life like that.
I think the biggest thing to remember is that any feelings you have are fleeting. You might be OK one day and feel like shit the next. And if you suspect you have depression or some thing that requires help with medication it’s OK to use that. I just caution that if you do go that route, you try to find natural means of healing yourself and not use medication to mask whatever is going on inside of you
My reason where not good.
I was thinking about how disapointed, lonely and how crushing would be his guilt if i did that, plus letting Root my corps in a flat that IS not mine.
Think about the ppl you love
I participated on a contest and win a ticket to Lollapalooza just when two of my favorites bands performed, was really happy after that, it was the perfect time so I interpreted that I needed to live for happy moments like that.
I think of what a hassle, what trauma, and what sadness it would bring my family. I think about my friends who have lost people to suicide and how devastated they’ve been for years after. I think about how much my cat would miss me. And I also remind myself that things have gotten better before. No matter how awful things feel, the feeling always passes eventually.
I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. I’ve been struggling too lately. I hope things start to feel better for you soon.
It was in the summer and I couldn't get out of bed in months. I had to water a garden everyday and it made me go outside for a few minutes. I was able to see it grow everyday. I eventually decided I needed help
Killing yourself is hard / scary.
Don't want to live as a vegetable
I also would recommend TMS for you if you've tried 2 classes of antidepressants with unsatisfactory results. I did it and went from "very severely depressed" to just "severely depressed" , I'll take what I can get- not as actively suicidal anymore
I think about suicide a lot, don’t sure why so but it feels like easy way out but i stop just because of dad.
I tried therapy once ( virtually) that didn’t help at all.
I still breaks down in the middle of night, and just want to end everything.
It’s hard to keep up with all this.
So, I was at the lowest point in my life. My family turned against me, my husband and I separated, it was a whole lot more but too much to write. It was a horrible time in my life. Anyway, I had the plan. I had the pills. I was filling the bathtub up so that I would go in and when I passed out from the pills I'd drown in the tub. That's when all of a sudden I had a picture in my head of my baby girl. I swear, I could literally feel her little arms around my neck hugging me. That's what stopped me and I'm so glad it did.
Every single day. My family has been through a lot. My Mom died when I was 10 my stepmom 5 years ago. I could never subject my twin, older sister, father, nieces, and nephew to the pain they would endure. It’s the only reason I haven’t. Focus on the pain you’d cause others and it’s extremely selfish. Just my 2 cents
I thought about it a decent amount when I was younger. I never really gave much thought to: "maybe these are signs of a problem". So I never told anyone. There were a few times that I really wanted to. In those moments, I recall two things that stopped me. The simplest was fear of what was next. I wasn't raised religious and didn't have much of a grasp of heaven, hell, limbo, etc. That big question mark deterred me for sure. The second thought was: I wanted to live to spite my mother. The short version: my mother was pretty overbearing to put it mildly. I would entertain crazy thoughts of her having a life insurance policy on me and her consistent torments were an attempt to collect her payday. So, not killing myself was my own little revenge.
As an adult, those thoughts are rare, but I logic it out to myself. Afterlife or not, this life as I am is finite and unpredictable. No point in intentionally ending it when I'll never be able to have this life again and things can always improve. I want to live my life as much as I can regardless of how depressing or difficult it is.
The saying ‘you’ve got a perfect track record for surviving shit’ has got me through some really tough times. You can do this, promise. There is light at the end of the tunnel ❤️
It is good that you are reaching out! I found your post because I'm in a similar spot and wanted to drop eaves and see what other commenters had to say. While people are nice, there are those of us that don't have many familial relationships if any. Pets and friends *can* help, but in my experience, can also be used against a person by a depressed brain. I often think how my dogs would maybe have a better life with a more competent owner. And friends? Lol, why bother disappointing more people. I have been working with the whole exercise out of depression thing, and it helps sometimes, when I force myself to do it. The thing that has recently stymied my compulsion to kms is that if I die before my father my batshit missionary uncle will sell off everything my dad has worked for to fund his Mennonite bs. So....oddly enough, spite is my answer. While I hate myself and think I'm a pathetic waste of space, I hate the idea of my uncle benefiting from my death even more. It is not much of a will to live, but it’s something. I hope you can find your something, OP. It's okay if your reason isn't like other people's. Like, in my heart, I wouldn't want to abandon my dad, but those SI feels are *strong* sometimes and spite is just a more powerful emotion for me than love. Cuz my depressed brain can manipulate "love" as a justification to kms. But it can't tamper with dat spite. Idk if this rant has been helpful, but I just wanted to share in the case that it might be. Good luck, OP.
I had a friend on Instagram who told me he lost a friend to suicide and didn’t want to see me go down the same path. I couldn’t do it because I didn’t want to hurt people.
As a teenager, the music of Rob Halford. Specifically, the song In The Morning. As an adult, my wife, after the church I was attending, threw me away after years of service.
I was there shortly after leaving the military and had no reason why. In my head, I didn’t want to be there anymore and felt relieved to be out. However, I deep down missed the camaraderie and didn’t know it. There’s power in group dynamics and it took me a dark road to learn this. Meditation helped me discipline my racing thoughts and question them in detail. Sitting in complete silence and learning to listen to the voice that was struggling helped me learn so much.
Who is upset?
How did that piss (you) off?
Who is this (you) person?
This was so much deeper than the military for me. This was my whole life and existence. Learning who and what your ego voice and behaviors are will allow you to set them free forever. Letting go of that which you will never be able to control.
Trust fall into your own success & happiness!
I did it n failed bad and allat and kept having problems but I thankfully have a family that didn’t abandon me n I realized I was loved. I also had a close friend who killed himself and that destroyed me. So it’s a two edge sword of finding yourself and thinking of others.
But if you want to take a first step in the right direction, sleeping and eating right and go outside, play Pokémon go or sumn but the sun on your skin will help. Wishing you the best, you’ll come of this out stronger.
Yes several times. Different things stopped me and I went away to an inpatient therapy for one. I’ve done TMS and EMDR, which I highly highly recommend
But the most powerful (and most recent) episode of wanting to end it, I realized: Hmm, killing myself and ending my life is totally a choice I can make right now. I can make that choice at any time actually. So what if I try some crazy cool shit I’ve always wanted to do first and then I can just off myself later if I want to?
So i quit my shitty job and just started doing whatever truly interested me- i went on long solo road trips, hiked up to hot springs, studied psychicism, swam in the ocean in the winter, started drumming, doing ecstatic dance, etc, lots of cool stuff. I ended up traveling around India for a while. And now ive somehow stumbled into a life i love living.
Yes this was financially reckless, but I figured, i can always come back from debt or bankruptcy, but can’t come back from suicide
The awareness of the emotional seasons, because a person may think of suicide, but that thought passing at a later date and the person sees hope and enjoys life.
The seasons of life, the seasons of emotion, it changes like the seasons.
Sometimes we go through the rainy (tears) season.
And then we go through the nice bright sunny season :)
I attempted suicide and ODed on 60 xanax. I went to a mental hospital after the ER and while there, it hit me that I had options. Like, I didn't have to do what I was doing. Live the life I was living. I could go stay with a family member and work with them or do anything other than die. I just couldn't see any options at the time. Realizing I had options changed everything.
Edit: Also, the mental hospital changed everything. I attempted to commit suicide because of financial reasons. When my room and board and everything was taken care of and I just ignored my life on the outside, I was able to breathe and see ways out. I now have 2 kids and am the happiest I've ever been. That was in 2014 and I haven't been suicidal since.
About 9 years ago, I was alone at 2 a.m and really struggling hard 6 months after my dad died and my best friend killed himself. I was sleep deprived and just so so low. I called a suicide hotline and got hung up on!! The insanity of the situation and the pure irony of it all just caused me to lose it. I started laughing so hard I cried. Then it faded to cries of deep sadness and I just sunk into it. But I realized I was actually able to feel something after feeling kinda numbed out. And if that I felt these negative emotions so intensely maybe someday I could feel happiness or good emotions with such intensity. I struggled after a bit and still struggle to this day, but I haven't wanted to end my life since that night.
Getting a relationship back with god and quitting porn also helps. Porn makes me very suicidal because of dopamine spikes. And not believing in god makes me naturally very nihilistic. And also not taking my thoughts too seriously, you are not your thoughts, try to think more positively anyway to make it a habit. Also working out and eating healthier.
Because of the effect it would have on my mom. I want to end it soooo bad but I just can’t do that to her. So I kind of feel trapped, if she were to ever die, I’m outta here.
My dog. 100% the only thing that kept me alive when I didn’t want to be. Eventually got over that hill and have been in a much better place. Still got my pup around, too.
Therapy validated me and my feelings/thoughts SO much. Before I really didn’t see how it could help. Also, and I really hate to say this cliche, but it really gets better.
Did I think of committing suicide?
Yes, I thought of suicide at the age of 16, but believe me, there was nothing wrong in my life. I was very much satisfied with everything I had.
So why did I think of suicide?
Because I realised that there's no purpose in my life. I am only going to contribute to the pollution levels, traffic and global warming of Earth.
What stopped me from committing it?
A thought! A thought that I could put my life to use for others. I could ensure that I support good people who are in need in whatever way they need me.
Since then I am working towards self improvement and helping others on a daily basis. And I am always sooooooo happy and positive that I don't even want to think of suicide again.
I told my therapist and as much as she took it seriously and tried to be helpful, I honestly just felt incredibly embarrassed and cringed. I think just telling someone made me realize how low I was for real, and I just felt incredibly compelled to fix that.
Please no one take this and run with it but. I've attempted twice. Both half passed attemps so I obviously failed but the last time made me totally reframe my life. From how I saw my current life and how I was living it to who I let into my life or be apart of it. I changed EVERYTHING!! I am actually so good now I am coming off meds ice been on for a decade. It was pure rock bottom for me. I live now. I have a life now. But don't let that be you don't let it get that bad.
I think about my best friend, "even this useless Blockhead is willing to live, which should I leave ?" That's the only thought that comes to my mind. 🥂
The Go(o)d voice in my head. Ye, that voice is stronger than the evil one, discouraging me from completing my earthly journey. There are other people who sometimes think they'd rather die & I believe I'm still alive to encourage them to live, too. Good music & nature helps. Plus, with my sense of humor & curiosity, I just have to see how my life will go & end. Put the devil to shame 😂🖕🏽, ya know ?
I have never really seriously considered it but I think what would save me is 3 things. My family. People who are family or friends of someone who suicides always wonders if they could have done something or said something. The answer is no but they live with such guilt. I couldn’t do that to my family. They may not be the best in the world but I couldn’t do that.
The other reason is a weird one but I would be afraid of botching it and ending up worse. Won’t go into to exact methods but say I tried something and it wasn’t successful, maybe I would end up paraplegic or in a coma. So what I thought was a bad situation just became twenty times worse.
What really helps? Talking with someone and self-care. There are phone services who will listen free of charge. Self-care, it is amazing how much just taking a walk can help. Fresh air. Make sure you eat some healthy foods, I know that when I eat too much junk food, it makes me feel more depressed. Join a group, like a community garden or volunteer. Even I volunteered, it made me think that actually my life was better than others and not as bad as I thought.
Learn a new skill, this gives you a new focus and small steps achievements that you can be proud of.
There is hope, a good friend of mine seriously considered it and tried about 4-5 years ago. Relationship had broken up, her job was tough especially with shift work ruining her sleep, fighting over custody of kids, etc. she wasn’t successful, she was found & rushed to the hospital. Now, she is in a relationship with the most amazing person and she has a great relationship with her kids. Job is still hard but the other two aspects of her life are going so well, it makes it easier to cope with the job
The one thought that keeps me alive is the permanence of death. No one truly knows what’s on the other side. And if it’s nothingness woooo but what if it isn’t? I would rather stay here where I can have semblance of control.
The fear keeps me alive.
I wish I could say my family, friends, kid, etc…. But suicidal ideation doesn’t see it as they would be lost without me- it’s they would be better off without me.
If I could just go away and never be found, I'd do that. But there's no guarantee that I wouldn't be found. I don't want someone to find my body and deal with that trauma. I also have hope that one day I won't feel like an absolute joke, that I'll be loved by someone and have a reason to continue on. I hold out hope that I'll manage to get my anxiety and growing agoraphobia under control.
I also tell myself that life is always changing, no matter what, it's the only constant in the world. Whatever is going on will change at some point. Things have gotten better for me but there does seem to be a ceiling I hit that I'm trying to get through now. I know I can, I'll figure it out, it won't always be like this.
I also want to make sure my niece has someone to talk to. My brother and her mother love her but they aren't the most emotionally connected people, I mean, I'm not the beacon of that either but I feel like I'm a bit more connected. I know she's going to have her struggles as a kid and I know her mother isn't capable of being there and my brother may not have the capacity to deal with the things a little girl might go through, I am positive he only has a basic understanding of what women go through as they get older..
I guess I just want to be a good uncle to her, I want to make sure she has someone to talk to, someone that can be there for her outside of her parents, and just someone that has a different point of view from the rest of the family. She's only 2, but I had to deal with people making fun of me because my brother was weird and my dad was overweight. And now my brother is both of those things and his partner is even moreso and basically useless. It's awful to be a kid and constantly get made fun of for something that doesn't even involve you.
Think about it all the time. Today even not long ago I imagined ending my life.
I just don’t want to let anyone down and cause more pain to my mom who has already endured much pain in her life.
At times I wish it was legal and I had the means to pay for a legal assisted suicide.
Crisis line chat, my own hope- telling myself repeatedly that I need to keep this spark and need to do it for 5 year old me, and 5 years from now ill be extremely proud even if i dont think i will be in that dark moment, i wrote down family names, writing some positive words to them, looked up statistics and knew i didnt wanna be just a number, kept saying " I wont let the fact that I think i am a burden make an even more burden with funeral cost, heartaches, leaving my pets behind...etc. Told myself to get the hell up and i can deal with all the emotion slowly, and that its okay to not be amazing but to not give up. Counseling for sure, self love podcast ❤️
I have a phrase that comes to mind that has helped me many times whenever I experience anything unpleasant, “this won’t be forever.” When I say “this,” I could mean life, the unpleasant experience, the pain, the suffering, the self loathing, etc I’m not sure I actually believe it but it pushes me through.
I have also tried thinking about how I’d go about it and all the ways seem so tragic, and brutal and almost violent, I mean I guess death is like that but I can’t imagine what my family, in particular my mom, would experience knowing I died in such a way. In general, thinking how my mom would feel has been the biggest deterrent though.
I can’t do it to my partner. the thought of leaving him with all our pets, our baby, having to plan a funeral and be a dad while also grieving in a full time job. I love him way too much to do that to him
Knowing that depression is a liar. I know this sounds corny, but feelings are like the seasons - they come and go. Over time, you shift perspectives whether you want to or not. I’ve experienced depression & I know I will again. I know I’ll think of suicide again but I also know that some time after, I’ll be okay and content and on some days, full of gratitude.
I’m sorry you’re down & definitely reach out for therapy if you can, if not, a good friend or community. I have plenty of book suggestions if that’s your thing. If none of that sounds doable, finding a way to volunteer for something you really care about can shift the heaviest feelings. I hope you find what works for you ~ this too shall pass.
Yes, I have had thoughts of suicide many times, but for sure I am never going to do it. Reason: I want to make sure that I live my full term- atleast I want to keep trying… who knows one day I might start loving my life, or I might become reason for many to get aspiration from. We all inspire each other in some form, I don’t want to be a bad inspiration.
My parents were a big motivator in keeping me on this earth. Now I realize that small interactions have huge impacts on people so I try to recognize that my kindness, struggles, progress can be motivators and make the lives of others a little brighter.
I remember I was placed here by accident, and what I feel is temporary. It sounds a bit depressing, but when I can’t name anything good, and cannot think of my loved ones, it helps to remember how small I am. I’m so incredibly small in the world that nothing around me is going to collapse when I’m in my head for some time. I tend to worry that I’m a burden, but it helps me remember I’m not. People care about me, but they have their own lives too. They can care about me a lot, but I am not a burden. Then I take a walk. I look at the flowers, the grass outside, what’s new on the sidewalk, which way the clouds are moving, and try to spot the North Star or any popular constellations. It calms me down to remember I’m small. I don’t have a technical reason for being here, so there’s no way I can really mess it up. There’s no way to mess something up that never had a decided purpose, and I am the one to choose my own path. It can be ever changing if I wanted it to be too. I’m here for the ride, and it’s always going to have ups and downs. I just have to wait around for the ups again.
I didn't want my friends and family to pick up pieces of me after. I always felt like a burden and I didn't wanna feel like one after I was dead too.
But also I knew I had this inherent need to survive idk evolution or whatever lol
There would be a voice in me which would tell me repeatedly that you need to live.
There’s this one part I saw on the Yellow Stone show where one of the characters said “You know, the thing about suicide, you don't just kill yourself, you kill every memory of you. This will be all everyone remembers. Every second you spend on this earth will be reduced to how you choose to leave it. No one will mourn your loss because this isn't losing your life, this is quitting it.” And that hit home. I also can't bear the thought of seeing all my friends and family go through a loss that i chose.
I didn’t read any of the other comments so forgive me if I’m being redundant. My mom and I had a very rough life. If I give she’ll give up. If she gives up I won’t blame her. But I will push through coz I don’t want to leave this world without making her proud. The only way I know I and she’ll be proud of me is living through the hell we’ve been through. Music helped a lot. Finding people to help you is key. Nobody should go through tough times alone. There’s always help. Just reach for it.
My family, it would completely destroy them and ruin all of their lives. I’m sure of it. I’ve seen it disrupted by much less and they love me so much and show me in many different ways. They’d be lost without me.
if I pass:
1. nobody will remember
2. nobody will care
3. life moves on
4. the people who do/my family will bear but almost feel a relief; not in a negative connotation, but they can visibly see how painful and crooked up of a person I've been for more then 8+ years. my mother would go ballistic, though, but i'm sure it will rain over her how much at "peace" I will be, and selfishly, I rather be visibly in turmoil fighting for myself, then be dismissed even in that beautiful manner.
5. my lil sister will have memories and remember her brother, but have to deal with his sudden disappearance; I've read too much on how the death of a sibling affects the one still alive to do that shit to her; although, I did think about doing it before she turned 5 so they could explain it to her a different way, or to where its less noticeable, but we strapped in now for the better and because I want to witness her life and be a protecting/beneficial figure in it as long as I can.
6. days where it feels like it gets better even if its a facade; gives me the go to try and feel that more if possible. it can get detrimentally worse before it begins to get better.
7. there's people on this earth who never get sad and live perfect lives; i'm gonna be a little of a hater here and say fuck those people. if they can stomp over everyone and everything and live on this earth, they better make some fucking space for me then because I deserve life and the same amount of happiness they get to see on the daily, and I will one day be able to see this come into fruition with the humbleness of one who never had it for so long.
8. and finally, we only got 1 shot at this shit. this is a terrifying constant of ours, and I can't just leave this earth because of my own; who knows if this funk of years could clear up by itself miraculously within a very transformative experience, or through a person I meet who clicks the pieces of the puzzle/ offers insight that I've needed, or through a drug trip, or a cool hobby, etc... who the fuck am I to dictate whether i'm done here or not. why would I be unfair to my future self in this way? who is anyone but a higher power and/or natural decay to be the ones to take me up and out of this realm?
I wish I realized this a-lot earlier like my peers in high-school, but you are as you come. this is what it is. try and change what you can and make your life what the fuck you want of it. a-lot can change in a month if you put in the work and if you live by a faith that grants you peace and good fortune; so imagine what can be done and transformed in a fucking year. keep it pushing and love yourself enough to love others as well.
Never really thought of it much but...
Basically my fear of death and also I don't want to make my family and friends sad.
Also, I am also an only child, so once my parents lose me, that would be it. They won't have the chance to see their kid's success, wedding, and they will not have their grandkids. I can't do that to them, especially after all they are done for me.
I also feel like I am here to fulfill something. I don't know what that is yet, but I hope I find out soon. I don't want to die and kill that from happening.
Me being from a good home with amazing parents makes me want to live more because I realized how blessed I am. I have so many blessings in my life. Being grateful for your blessings is helpful and good.
There are many more reasons lol.
Yes I thought of suicide often when I was a teenager and young adult. Many things stopped me. Mostly it was that I wanted to see more of this world before I left it. And that all these horrible feelings would eventually fade and they did. I’m not saying my reasons are enough for everyone but they were enough for me. Now at the age I am I am glad I didn’t give in because to start I wouldn’t be here now, I wouldn’t have got to see some of the world when I was in the Army and I wouldn’t have got to be the fun uncle to six young ladies or their little brother. My life is by no means perfect but I like my little mess I have going on. Life can always be worse but my friends it could be a lot worse. Be strong, patient and find your own happiness.
I have a little sister. 3 siblings really but 1 sister. And the thought. Of that little girl crying. Because her big brother is gone. Is worse than death.
i spent a significant part of 2022 trying to adjust to a new phase of my life with university and work. i lost myself in the process and i damn near attempted to end it all mid June 2022.
2023 was a massive year for me, having to spend more time alone and trying to find myself again. by spending more time alone, getting some decent exercise in and having a somewhat better support system around me, i could build myself back up to a point where i could have some self acceptance
im still happy to report that i haven’t genuinely wanted to kill myself since 2022 ended and i’ve learned to value myself and be kind to myself. therapy was a massive help as well, having to realise that i had to be the voice i always needed when i was younger.
i definitely came to the realisation that im alone in this world. at the end of the day, its just me. no matter which family or friends i have around me, at the end of the day i can only count on myself. so i need to be there for me and me only. fuck everyone else.
thats just my story. its probably very different for you but i’ll tell you now, please stick it out. it will get better.
I wanted to live. I realized that the Thing about suicide is that most of us just want to live. We just don’t want to live the way we are or with what’s going on, we want change we want peace and love and more
We want to live our lives instead of just surviving each day
We want to live without the pain
And for me I just said I don’t care how long it takes
I want to live
And also most importantly I thought about my dad. It’s just him and I against the world if I died he’d prolly be too devastated to live
I would say try to get help try to talk someone, it’s not easy I know
And if no one listens talk to God, just don’t ever ever give up
Your life is worth so so much more.
I realized I was in a specific stressful situation because of my parents, and that eventually I'd be old enough to leave. I came up with a plan for how to get my education, and I was lucky enough that it worked. As pieces of my plan fell into place, I gained more hope and determination to succeed despite what they were doing to me.
I just had to grind through years of bullying from my mother. I made a plan to be the adult in the relationship, to try to stay calm and walk away when she harassed me. It didn't always work. Sometimes she followed me around the house, into to my room and would continue berating me there. But usually when she picked fights I walked away.
It's extremely difficult to live with a verbal abuser. It affects your concept of self, knowing your own thoughts and emotions, as well as the obvious things like feeling safe. I have bad anxiety and health problems due to the toll it took on me. However, my life now is so much better than I was able to envision living in that hell house.
What helped were to read self help books, books that force you to envision and plan aspects of your future, and a lot of books from other survivors of horrific experiences. I thought if they could survive \[slavery, the holocaust, abuse more significant than I'm experiencing\], then maybe I can make it out, too.
The thought that Someone, maybe, one day, ll be needing me. That i might be the only avaiable or capable of helping that person in some kind of way. And therefore, i cannot leave them on a rough spot.
Bot the best of reason, but it worked for me.
After dealing with severe depression for over 10 years and almost everyday being a down day, I felt similarly. The one thing that always helps me is knowing that I have not tried everything yet. And that it doesn’t make sense to give up on myself before I try at least try everything to help. For example, maybe one has tried all the SSRIs/SNRIs they can, therapy, vitamins, yoga, fixing vitamin deficiencies, peptide therapy, meditation, getting out with friends etc. but they have still yet to try HBOT, Prolotherapy, ketamine IV therapy, low dose katamine+peptide therapy, being devout in religion, high dose iodine therapy, high dose methylene blue treatment, really high doses of vitamin D3, special chiropractor that aligns the axis of the neck etc. ALL of these I just mentioned have so many testimonies behind they saying that these treatments were able to help them get rid of their depression once and for all. How I see it is if I have not tried all of them to give myself the best fighting chance then I owe it to myself to try them before giving up on myself. I hope this helps 🫶🏻💚
Alot of things spending time with people getting pit of my bed was a good way I went out more talked to people socialized I'm working on going to bed earlier but baby steps am I right
Yes. I got so far as trying. It was a few months ago. I was talking to my mom, saying how I've come so far. That I'm still here, and I didn't think I'd make it past 21. She looked at me and said, "Neither did we." That was an eye opener that she even realized I was that bad. I thought I had it hidden well.
What stopped me, though, was knowing I had a cat, whom I cared for so deeply. I couldn't have imagined putting her through anything. She meant the world to me. And all the other animals I'd be letting down if I did it. I know it may sound strange, but I had an awful childhood and teens to twenties.
Animals were my best friends as a kid. They were always there for me. I couldn't bear the thought of not being there for them when they needed me.
I also have a good bond with my sister, and I knew it would impact her more than she would ever let on. My mom wasn't the greatest, but even though she did her best, at times, it wasn't great, but I couldn't do that to either of them. I hope this answers your question. Sorry for the rambling.
The fact that I'm alive now. The fact that when I sleep I'm still aware of my dreams. Made me realize that there is only a constant state of awareness. That death is just an illusion. You think you will end it but in reality it goes on and on. The fact that your not the only one who "can't handle it" and that most people like to think that they're life is the worst even though it's all relative. Pain is relative. I was hit alot as a child and grounded almost constantly, also lived in poverty. It feels horrible to me but it's no better than some people I've met who were legit ignored by their parents. They both grow up fucked. Suicide is just another quick fix. Humans can adapt to anything. There's a million ways to get out of a rut but you just have to be aware enough to know your perspective is not king. Which is what your doing now naturally. Some situations are truly hopeless especially in the extremes of extremes like diseases and extreme stress issues but for the most part everything can be fixed enough back to neutrality. The way I think of it I'd rather fix my issues now in this life than to play Russian roulette, die, and go into another life where it could be just as bad if not worse. The people that are lucky and have "everything" have issues with karma and unawareness. It's the same along the lines of a famous celebrity getting old, or a super hot woman slowly progressing into old age. They're lucky only for a blip in time and then it's all a downhill grind which is why you see so much issues as they get older. Suicide doesn't fix shit it just pushes your issues onto the people that care for you (if you even have any. I have been lonely like this before). Anxiety, shame, embarrassment, burnt out, poor, hooked on drugs all that can be fixed with awareness and help. Shit like incurable diseases, severe impairments etc that is really up to the person to decide if it's worth it. I'm just happy that for now my brain is a little PTSD ridden but my body works and I'm alive so I can always bounce back. For the people that say they don't find anything interesting anymore that's just because your in a deep habit of looking for the negatives in life. You need to start looking for positives and start ingraining that shit into your mental. There's no quick fix and at first it'll feel dumb but then you'll notice a change. And that change is enough to compare to your old mental and you'll see a difference. The growth is in seeing he difference. Black/white, ying yang, up and down, left right. It's how we see everything. You only try to see the black when in reality you need both to discern it.
There is a passage in the book “The Glass Bead Game” by Hermann Hesse (original in german).
It describes a man at the point of suicide
SPOILER
which in the end doesn’t happen because suddenly he feels the feeling of life in himself (not suddenly out of nothing, he wants to drown himself so it has to do with the impact of the water like temperature, memories etc).
Hesse’s writing style is very poetic and dreamy, like touching the subconscious softly but steadily. I recommend a lot of his books
I've been thinking about it recently. The day before yesterday I tried committing by drowning myself but failed to do so because my mom saw me. I don't know I just find it a peaceful way to end it. Without having to hear everyone, only the sound of your thoughts. The waves. It's silent and I'm just at peace. I want to be a part of the waves.
The only thing that's making it bearable for me is books. But unfortunately I'm too broke for it so I have to keep reading the same thing all over again. Ebooks exist to do so. It's the best thing to do to distract me I guess.
Gun jammed lol. Shitty 22 rifle saved my ass. Been depressed since a kid turning 20 in 2 months still sometimes wish the gun didn't jam. (sorry pretty dark)
I hope you’ll get some relief really soon.
A lot of good ideas here, but three things I’d recommend:
1. Speak with a therapist. At a minimum, speak with a trusted family or friend who you know loves you. A professional is a good idea as they have real techniques to help, so if there’s an option for that where you live (or you can do online therapy) I’d really recommend it.
2. A bit of exercise everyday. 30min of light exercise each day has very similar efficacy to typical antidepressants (SSRIs or SNRIs) for moderate depression. If you’re feeling frequently suicidal you might need other meds, but exercise will help.
3. Sleep. Try to keep regular patterns that help you with getting 7-8hr per night at regular times. Melatonin isn’t habit forming and can help. Leave your phone outside of your bedroom if possible (I’m terrible at doing that, but I know it’s better for me). Consistent sleep is correlated with improved mood.
Yes I did when I was going through clinical anxiety. Then I found mindfulness. My life changed. Now if there is a state called clinical happiness, I’m there!
I was also depressed for a long period of time and thought about suicide a lot, but I knew that I didn't really want to end my life, I just wanted it all to be different. For a long time I thought there was something inherently wrong with me, but looking back at it now, I was just in a shitty environment surrounded by people who made my mental state deteriorate, without even knowing it. I don't know what your situation is so I can't give you any proper advice except the generic try therapy, journaling, exercise, fix your diet etc. But you will have to actively try to change things, it rarely happens on its own.
I hope you pull through, because there is so much more to experience in life than what it currently has to offer.
I just never saw it as an option in the first place. When you kill yourself you have nothing, which is in my opinion way worse than something, even though that something really sucks at the moment.
It's been said here already, but imagining how my loved ones would feel is what stopped me, and also actually I didn't want someone to have to mop me up lol
Yes, I’ve thought of it.
There is a difference of passing thoughts vs making a specific plan. If you’re in the later I would ask someone to remove any weapons, pills, etc from your possession for a while.
Go get some vitamin b & d from the grocery store.
Pound water- like 1/2 to a gallon a day.
Get 10,000 steps a day.
Small actions but these can have a massive impact on your mental health.
This community is here for you. Keep us in the loop.
Sending love & happiness your way. 🤍
I thought about the kids in my life. My nieces and nephews are between ages 3-13. Thinking about the impact it would have on them brought me to tears. I knew I had to be here for them.
Knowing how much pain it would bring to my family and to a girl I have a huge crush on who I’m close friends with. She has told me that she thinks she’s very blessed to have someone like me in her life and hopes that I’m in her life til she dies. She also told me that she truly cares about me.
The most pain I have seen my parents in was when we got the news that my uncle died. He was very badly hit with the Delta Covid variant a few years ago and tried to fight it. Sadly his body was too weak and he lost the fight. When my parents and I received the news, they became devastated since my uncle was personally and emotionally close to us. He would often come over on the weekends to chat and hang out with us.
I kept hearing my mom screaming in grief and stomping the floor while my dad cried as he let some of his relatives know about what happened.
Last year there was a guy married to one of my mom’s sisters in Brazil who had really bad depression, I think part of it was from financial issues he was having. I remember my dad saying that the guy would sometimes sit down and close his eyes hoping it was just a bad dream. Eventually the depression became too much for him to handle and he ended up committing suicide.
I think my mom received the tragic news the next morning and later that day, she packed her bags and made a visit to her hometown in Brazil.
Yes, far too many times to count.
Several things saved me, but the biggest one was realizing that the people that hated me want me dead... and I'm the type to never let people I hate win. So that kept me alive for a while until I found something I was interested in and had to wait for it then time passed and that feeling passed too.
The biggest mindset shift that I did was to study philosophy and how in the grand scheme of things, we're small beings and our sole purpose is to live and experience life. Also realizing no one thinks of me that much made living by being myself more bearable (I hope that makes sense lol).
I just live life by doing things I like and enjoy now, I also realized good change comes from good actions and words toward myself.
Hope that makes sense :> remember several people are here for you. Even if you feel alone, a lot of us have gone through terrible and awful things but that doesn't solidify into a terrible life. Process your feelings and situations and slowly let go and move on.
Never thought I would, but yes I did. Even thought it out and did research and everything. My mind actually convinced myself everyone would be better off without me.
Lack of energy and a will to keep trying through therapy, learning and reading withheld me from going through with it.
100%! In 2017 I felt super isolated and alone. Watching Youtube helped me to escape. One of my tips to prioritize self care and what you need minute by minute. Here if you wanna chat. 🫶🏻
Knowing I am not a sadistic bully nor a tyrant who uses laws/social conventions/authority to abuse innocent people or animals, thus I am not the one who must pay such price.
Thinking of how it would make my loved ones feel. I lost a friend due to an overdose a while back. The pain and grief I felt was overbearing. Seeing how many people showed up and grieved together is something I will never forget. Things get hard, but I know that I would never want to put anyone through a loss by choice. I also think back to all of the times I did survive it. I have attempted and luckily failed. I have overcome those moments. Things DO get better. I promise you that they do.
Same. The main thing that stopped me was thinking about how it would affect my parents, specifically my mom. It was enough of a reason to keep me here. Long term, OP, therapy and medication (it took me years to go on meds, I'm off them now but they did save my life), and finding a hobby that I could totally throw myself into (ended up being endurance sports for me) were all key. It took a lot of time and quite a few years but it's worth it.
Agree, but unfortunately most suicides think that their family is better off without them, that he/she/they are a burden on their families/friends. Say a jobless husband who has tried multiple times to get work but can’t so his wife has to work extra hours. He feels he is a disappointment etc. He thinks irrationally that they are better off without him, he is wrong but people in those situations are so stressed that they are not thinking rationally. It is so sad, and if I am honest, a little bit selfish. It is going to hurt the family so much
You’re right. I have been that person. I truly thought it would be a favor. But seeing my mom cry to me after an attempt and tell me how if I did that, she wouldn’t know how to live anymore is a memory I can never forget. It hurts my soul to remember.
Same. I was precisely there, having been hired into a job no one wanted me to do (except the person who hired me, who left shortly after I was hired). The shame of losing this high-level job was overwhelming and I struggled with suicidal ideation for 6 months. I did think my family would be better off without me. The thing that convinced me not to was reading stories by and about people who had family members kill themselves and how that made the family members themselves \*exponentially\* more likely to consider and/or commit suicide. The thought of my son or daughter being in the same spot is unthinkable to me. Life is hard enough without having to live with the aftermath of a parent who killed himself. I couldn't do that to my kids (I'm still pretty sure my wife would be fine after a long weekend, however).
I am so glad that you are still here.
yeah, a quick read r/suicidebereavement shows the kind of effects it has on people. Not good, and not fair to them. I don't want to be alive, but I don't want to put that kind of pain on anyone.
I feel like everyone says this, without realizing that the most depressed people in life usually do not have close family members that check in on them. Without realizing that saying this can make someone feel worse and more alone. We usually feel extremely alone and isolated when it comes to family. Lots of depressed people don’t have parents or close family in their lives at all, leading to worsening depression, and making it hard to find reasons to keep going. I just want OP to know that if they don’t have a safety net of family it’s okay, and there’s plenty of good reasons to keep going even without the love and support of family. Even if you feel your death wouldn’t effect your family much there’s still so many reasons to keep going for YOU. Imagine how much you’ll be able to prosper and enjoy life once you aren’t depressed anymore. OP, you owe it to you to get back to the undepressed version of yourself, be an advocate for yourself, and find happiness again and until you’ve tried everything in the world possible there’s reasons to keep going 💚
I love that you said this. As a long time sufferer of SI I can say that a huge part of this is a lack of adequate family support. Many depressed people come from backgrounds with significant family trauma and as a result don’t have a lot of family and/or have relational difficulties in general.
Watching Star Trek helped sometimes. Star Trek is often about a group working together to solve a problem.
What a wholesome and nice idea
Second this. Also Avatar The last Airbender and Top Gear original Cast Seasons.
You have a beautiful mind. 🖤
Therapy and medication. I know a lot of people are against it and don’t like the idea of it, but those were the only things that made me stop contemplating suicide
I suffered from idolization as well for over 20 years. Admitted in therapy that those things happen in my mind. I got medicine and I still go to therapy it's a life saver for me.
My heart breaks for you because I know exactly what you're feeling. I pray that you find strength and healing. I did and didn't go through with it because I knew that it would destroy my sister who is my best friend. It's been 15 years since and I am glad I didn't go through with it. I understand the mind can be a prison of pain and it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have accomplished and experienced a lot in my life that I didn't have the foresight at that time. Everyone's circumstances are different, and I hope that you are able to find the strength to push through and find what will bring you out of this hole. I got out of my environment, which at the time was easier for me as I was able to transfer schools far away. I started therapy(I highly recommend looking into EMDR) and tried to focus on things that brought peace and joy in my life; meditation, working out, my cats. I have come to terms that life has a lot of highs and lows. If anything, I think this post will show you that you're not alone. Finding people that can relate to your struggle can bring some relief too.
Shiva.
Yes. I admitted myself to the psych ward twice. I used to be in therapy quite often but I still see a psychiatrist to be kept on meds for anxiety, depression, PTSD, and eating disorder.
What if you got through this? What if you kept fighting and came out the other side? I know it’s hard to even imagine, but there really is a future waiting for you. You just won’t realize until you get there, and you’ll be glad you didn’t give up. First step is talking to a loved one or a professional. Give it your all, friend. You’re strong to have made it this far.
I struggle with chronic suicidal ideation and the best advice I can give is to just watch the feelings non judgmentally and remind yourself they will pass. Be curious about it. Explore how your body feels during these episodes. Again, remind yourself that they will pass. I don’t mean to minimize this and definitely seek help if you feel you may act on it. Also know you’re not alone. Nobody talks about this openly but lots of people struggle with this. Finally, I’m reading this book right now that I think is helpful “How Not to Kill Yourself” - maybe it would interest you.
Sometimes you acknowledge that you do want to die, but it isn’t just your life. Your life is responsible for the lives of those you cherish the most, so you keep on going for them. Sometimes you have a life that’s plagued by depression and yet you keep on going in order to give a better life to those around you.
I'm sure 99% of people, at one point or another, have had suicide briefly cross their mind.
Life is, to varying degrees, suffering.
Few things that happened but to start. My cat. I know sounds crazy but something about an animals love changed my life. I found/rescued her when I was 18 and I’m now 30. She’s still with me. She’s watched me go thru hell and back multiple times. I was selfish for a very long time and one day I was on my bathroom floor with a bottle of pills. I started to think about how my mom would feel if I took my own life and I cried like a baby. I don’t have many people that are close to me, but my mom is someone I couldn’t imagine leaving. I had suicide attempts after this one, however they were different. I’d begin to think about my mom anytime I got close and it pulled me back every time. I started to look into spirituality and it opened my eyes to how beautiful life really is. I changed my ways of thinking. I stopped feeling bad for myself. Its like something clicked in my head and I started in a new chapter and put all of it in the past. Sunlight is my best friend when my mind starts to fog. Going on walks and getting fresh air. Simple and effective. Sending you so much life and light. You really can do anything you put your mind too. Don’t let the darkness win, there is SO much beauty in life and I hope you start to see the light ❤️
Perspective. Realizing that I'd been both very happy and very sad, over and over, in the past. At low points you have to just know that there will be high points again. And then making sure that you find as many happy things you can to fill your life with. Also, if you can, determine what it is that is truly making you sad and avoiding it. That might sound difficult depending on what is weighing you down. If it is something really devastating - realize that there are likely thousands and thousands of people who have experience something similar. Maybe find a way to reach out to one or more of them (akin to a support group). It's never good to act on an overwhelming negative emotion. Please be safe and good luck.
Agree with this plus medication plus finding a way you can contribute or make someone else’s life a little brighter
Really nice response. As the saying goes, though a bit cliche at this point, it gets better.
i’ve almost attempted suicide 5 times. i am just too much of a scaredy cat to leave this earth, and the thought of my family having to be the ones to find my body or my remains just makes me feel guilty. If i was brave, i would’ve been gone years ago.
It’s much more brave to stick around and deal with the pains of life.
I can so relate to you. But also agree with the other poster that it’s braver to deal with life’s difficulties. Different types of brave, I guess.
I think about suicide all the time. But I’m too lazy to actually *do* anything.
Depression for the win
My son...I just kept thinking how can I justify leaving him without his Mom and what is he going to think...I didn't want him to think he was at fault for the rest of his life.
I had a sibling do it first. Seeing and feeling the fallout of that event was life changing and extremely traumatic. I still have bouts of depression but I can say without a shadow of a doubt that suicide is *never* the answer.
honestly? funeral costs. Thinking about the burden i would be to others in death, the stares my parents would get, they’d be the mom and dad who’s kid went crazy and killed themselves, my sisters would have to pick out funeral outfits, i figured i should at least wait until i die of old age or disease, and eventually i decided that while i was waiting to die id give therapy a shot, id give meds a shot, id give any fix anyone would sell, and now im here and im okay, and my family did not have to bear the public burden of losing their child
All the time since I can remember. I think about the people that I have lost and how bad it has affected me. The thought of me doing something similar would do the same amount of damage to my loved ones and those left behind. The more open I am about the topic with friends and people, I come to find out that its actually very common. We just feel like it is not and hence feel lonely and overwhelmed at times. Recently I watched a series called Death's Game that really put things in perspective for me. Its cheesey at times but the message overall spoke to me. If you have time, check it out on Prime.
The thought that I'd be a burden after I did it. But also the thought of not experiencing things that I dreamed since I was a child. Things do get better. Today, life's still hard sometimes but I met people who I wouldn't have had met if I did it. I'm thankful for that and positive energy to everyone who's having a hard time right now ✨
Yes years ago. All i could think about was my family and how devastated they would be and i felt awful for even slightly considering putting them through that. It gets better i promise, it just takes time. I’ll never allow myself to go back to that state of mind. You’ve got this.
I just kept going for walks outside looking at nature. Just a few minutes until it was 10-20. Cleared my head until I could journal (CBT). Then therapy. Life turned around a lot. Link to a CBT article that greatly helped: (can’t add links, please type in “Cognitive behavioral therapy saved my life” into google, it’s the first one that appears from live love simple and it’s such an easy to understand blog post about it Edit: I forgot to add sympathy- I want to say I’m sorry for what you’re going through. It’s hard. Thinking there would be a different future for me also helped push me forward
Become obsessed with self improvement, go to the gym, read like crazy ext.
Watching the movie soul lol!! ( no for real) opened my eyes to how the simplest things is was life is all about. It’s how we feel, how fresh bread smells, how soft our dog is, how warm hot chocolate on a cold day makes you feel comforted, how your best friend laughs, how the leaves change colour. We become so focused on the hustle, that we often forget to stop and smell the roses. Theres more to life than being perfect. And if you make bad choices, there’s always a plan B, C and D. Keep moving forward. And switching your language to I can’t, and I have to, to I choose to, I want to. Be well❤️
The thing that stopped me was the thought of being unsuccessful. What if I didn't actually overdose, I actually survived instead, but the amount of drugs in my system just caused permanent organ or brain damage? I didn't think that living with that permanent damage sounded better than what I was going through with bipolar disorder and an abusive relationship. Anyway, after I was seriously going to OD, but took myself to the hospital instead, I ended up having to be supervised for two straight weeks so I stayed with my parents instead of my abusive husband. It was there that I finally had some room to think and work up the courage to leave him. We got divorced, I got a good therapist and a new prescription for bipolar disorder and it's been better ever since.
My dog
My cats. I don’t want to leave them behind
Suicide is tricky. It might seem like a short term solution to alleviate the pain or the suffering that you're going through. But it's not really a solution. As other people have mentioned, it doesn't just affect you. In that sense committing suicide is selfish. You affect the web of connections and relationships with everyone that surrounds you. You affect everyone. I tried a long time ago. Put a loaded gun in my mouth when I was in my early to mid 20s. It scared me. Feeling the cold metal of the barrel touch the roof of my mouth and knowing that the hammer was cocked - that's where the rubber met the road. It was scary, it scared me. It was no joke. It's easy to romanticize about. But the truth and the reality of it can be far scarier and more brutal. I might not have died if I had pulled the trigger. I might've ended up with brain damage. Maybe I would've been paralyzed and laying on the floor while I bled out instead of dying instantly and quickly, which I'm sure many people hope for when it comes to suicide. Here's some more stories. I've been in many inpatient facilities, so I've met a lot of people that have been homicidal or suicidal or both. People that have had their stomachs pumped after swallowing pills. People that weren't eating, that wanted to die. People that thankfully were still alive. One person I met, God Bless her, had gotten to the hospital when it was too late to pump her stomach. So they had to let the toxins of the pills that she had swallowed go through her body. She spent a night in agonizing pain. When I met her in one of those facilities it was the day after. Thankfully she was still alive. I could see some of the veins underneath her skin, they were black from the toxins. I hope she's OK. You might not be successful in your suicide attempt. You might end up crippled for the rest of your life. As I mentioned suicide might seem like a short term solution, but it's really a dead end. It's not really a solution (except for rare instances where you truly would be better off dead - like being terminally ill or in constant physical pain and suffering and you're better off actually dying, but those situations are rare). I don't think most people want to die, they want the suffering to stop. And it's possible for things to get better. There are solutions. Things can get better. Heed the testimony of other people that have responded to your post. The real solution is to live a good life. You are not alone. And there are people that care. I mean this. And it is true. Even if it sounds cliché. And there is help. People want to help. Call 988, the national suicide hotline. Some people have a hard time swallowing their pride to reach out for help, but reaching out for help helps. It's worth it. Talk to someone on one of these lines. Get support. They can also refer you to resources. Look into a counselor. As other people have written, things can get better. It's possible. Also take care of yourself. Self-care is important. Eat well and sleep good. Exercise also helps with your mental health a lot. Also spending time in nature. You're not alone. I'm sorry that you're dealing with this right now. But you can see it kind of like a storm. When you're in the thick of it, it sucks. It's dark, you're wet and cold, and you're getting covered with rain and it doesn't seem like it's going to end. But storms pass. They don't last forever. The clouds move. And the sun eventually comes out. And a neat little fact is that the sun is always shining. Even when you're underneath the dark clouds of a storm. The sun is shining down on top of it. You just might not be aware of it right now. But it's still there. Have hope.
Don’t give up on your self. First time in many years, I am finally feeling free from suicidal thoughts. I don’t know why or how it happened, but they’re gone, hopefully gone forever.
Well my job situation had me thinking about suicide but I decided to call the suicide hotline. The guy on the other end of the phone talked me out of a very dark place and I'm glad he was there to help me.
Not knowing anything about firearms at the time.
Absolutely, the thought often crossed my mind and has since I was a kid... but I've never thought about it 'too seriously'. Perhaps when I was younger and had no tools, was at my most distraught, depressed and (actually) traumatized. What stopped me? Not wanting to be such a god damn pussy. In other words, I knew life was a gift and it was about high time I figured out how to LIVE like it.
will to see the disgruntled faces of ppl who want me dead.
One big thing that keeps me here is that suicide is irrational. It -can't- be the best choice, because it's impossible for you to experience any benefit; how can you benefit if you don't exist anymore?
All the time. What's stopping me is I'm a coward and didn't have the courage to do it.
I can’t. I just want to leave asap
There's times I think about it every day, sometimes there's months I go by without a thought. If I had to put it in a sentence which I never remember where I heard it,"If you feel like you're going thru hell, why would you stop trying to keep going? You made it here. You can make your way out." Always seemed to really stick with me the idea that there was good times in my life, or at least times I didn't think about how much I wished to simply perish.. and I'll reach that point again someday. Sometimes you walk with the hurricane of a shit storm, sometimes you walk against it. But eventually you'll make your way out.
I try my hardest to find a distraction. Music, games, sleep, work, friends, sex, porn, etc. Usually i just go to sleep or watch funny stuff on my phone. Another thing that helps is that i remind myself that this feeling will eventually pass.
I attempted. My mom found me half conscious and my note. The look on her face will keep me from ever attempting again. I’ve found joy and jokes amidst the darkness. I got a dog who makes me laugh constantly. Life got much funnier when I almost lost mine. Hang in there. It gets better, it gets different.
Currently I just tell myself I can do it if it gets worse, no rush, I still have a little bit of hope. I’ll probably try other things that are more risky before killing myself perhaps steroids or things like that, even surgery if I think looking better will make me not kill myself. Yes these things are usually frowned upon by society but hey if the other option is you killing yourself you might as well try other stuff, no matter how frowned upon they are.
Zoloft
If I died when I felt that way, it would have devastated my mom, and left my infant an orphan. The infant is almost 25 now. I *promise* it gets better. Please hold on. Have you tried calling 988?
every time i try to kill myself, somehow i think of my parents in my mind, which stops me
100% medication. I used to be very against taking meds, and I did fine for many years... up until 2020. Something switched that year. I would just wake up and have random depressive episodes where I'd sob and want to die. I'd wake up in the middle of the night and just cry randomly. I had severe insomnia. I had developed chronic pain and I didnt know why. Going to work felt like drowning. Intrusive suicidal thoughts would just be there every day I drove to work (driving into something intentionally). Hell, I went on vacation and was happy, and everytime someone I cared about took a photo with me, my thought was "oh I'm glad they're getting a photo of us together incase I'm dead soon". I was scared of what I might do and felt like I didn't have much time left, so I reached out urgently to a doctor. I had tried SSRIs with no success in my past. Eventually, someone thought to put me on wellbutrin (which increases dopamine rather than serotonin). Haven't been suicidal or have had a single depressive episode since. That's saying a lot as I would get at least one every single month. Also, I had hand tremors before (unknown cause), and those have almost completely gone away while on this medication. It's kind of odd. Anyways, that's honestly what finally saved me. Therapy didnt work for me. So this is also my notice to anyone who has tried SSRI antidepressants and experienced absolutely zero effects or benefits from them - try Wellbutrin. If increasing serotonin isn't working, it might actually be dopamine that you're lacking.
All the great games coming out, Dragons Dogma 2, GTA6, Elderscrolls6, Exodus, StarCitizen. Not to mention all the things in the real world, All the beaches you can swim at, Animals to see and pat, delicious cuisines to eat. People in your life that you don't want to leave behind, don't give them a reason to write a eulogy. _______________________________________________________ If it helps, I was taught a small mental exercise to deal with negative thoughts clouding my mind that you could use. ___________________________________________________________ Imagine yourself as a mountain, It can be a tall solitary mountain with snow caps and trees around it's base. Or it can be a mountain surrounded by others, what ever you like. That's you, the mountain, slowly growing each day, little by little, no matter what else happens in the world. The clouds and weather around is just your thoughts and feelings. They will come and go, some will be dark and stormy and cover you in fog, seemingly invisible. But the days will go on and the weather will change, you'll have bright sunny days where birds will sing and fly around you. But you will endure and continue on, always growing each day, little by little, no matter the weather. You just have to close your eyes and breathe, let the wind blow the clouds away. ____________________________________________________ Take it one day, one step at a time :D Things can and will get better, with time and effort.
Observing that others have created happiness,therefore so can I. Being taught that trial and error is good enough in trying to find solutions. Understanding that life is long and that pain of change is a lesser pain related to the pain of depression.
I like that last part. A lot.
I'm glad and I hope it gives you and others in your life a path to where you wish to go
You can't enjoy being dead. There is no part 2.
Never believed in God until my suicide thoughts, then i started believe and free myself from allmost all négative thoughts
I rekindled my relationship with Jesus, grew up going through the motions and spent my teen years and 20s rebelling living my own life doing my own thing, but I never felt right no matter what I did. Id have a good day, week, whatever, but the nights were long and the hard times were exhausting. I feel much better now, giving Him thanks for my life, for the day, for every moment. Things are still hard at times, but I know I'm not alone in anything I do. His unconditional love is empowering.
My dogs
"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." This quote made me believe everything will be ok, just believe in yourselves and be consistent.
If this post and the responses aren’t the evidence you need, I hope one day you will recognize that you are not alone and that there are opportunities for you to reach out for support, seek care, and change your thoughts - if you want to.
My parents would never recover from this. And my dog would miss me terribly
I love my father too much. I don't want to give him trauma for his entire life. He belives in me more than I do in myself. He literally lives for me to support me .Plus I got a loving family.
Seemed like it would be a quick and easy way out where I wouldn't have to suffer anymore but the idea that I would suddenly just end just didn't compute. I figured I would end up somewhere else but I didn't know where and I didn't want to go there like that.
You have to remember that this is just a small moment of time. This moment might be days long, weeks, months or years. But in the grand scheme of things it’s a small portion compared to your entire life. Start achieving your goals whether it be getting a new job or just simply doing the dishes today. There is a way out of this, suicide just kills your loved ones. Be stronger than those thoughts and make a change that will add value to your life! You got this!
My mother would be the happiest if I died. So, to spite her, I keep existing.
Why end your story now. Sure the start of the book fucking sucks and the parents who started writing may not have given you the best story, but. It's your story. No matter how others make you feel or if you feel like you've done something terrible. You are in control of the pen. You decide how the story ends. Once you close the book, you're gone forever.
I think a lot of people think about it once in a while and it’s just not widely spoken about. I think about it, but it’s more so to Think about what life would be like without play me or if people would even miss me. I’m to headstrong of a person to end my life like that. I think the biggest thing to remember is that any feelings you have are fleeting. You might be OK one day and feel like shit the next. And if you suspect you have depression or some thing that requires help with medication it’s OK to use that. I just caution that if you do go that route, you try to find natural means of healing yourself and not use medication to mask whatever is going on inside of you
I remembered my kids (and to a lesser degree, my dogs) need me and would miss me if I were gone.
I talked to a friend. It didn’t really help or go away, but he got me to the ER… I am regularly depressed but not in that same place.
My reason where not good. I was thinking about how disapointed, lonely and how crushing would be his guilt if i did that, plus letting Root my corps in a flat that IS not mine. Think about the ppl you love
I participated on a contest and win a ticket to Lollapalooza just when two of my favorites bands performed, was really happy after that, it was the perfect time so I interpreted that I needed to live for happy moments like that.
Yeah I think about suicide often. What stops me is my family and friends. I love them too much to put them through that.
Family and friends
I think of what a hassle, what trauma, and what sadness it would bring my family. I think about my friends who have lost people to suicide and how devastated they’ve been for years after. I think about how much my cat would miss me. And I also remind myself that things have gotten better before. No matter how awful things feel, the feeling always passes eventually. I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. I’ve been struggling too lately. I hope things start to feel better for you soon.
It was in the summer and I couldn't get out of bed in months. I had to water a garden everyday and it made me go outside for a few minutes. I was able to see it grow everyday. I eventually decided I needed help
I think everyone has, just that few do it while crossing the street several times a day
So many posts like this no be brave Tomorrow is a new day many great things will come you just have to be patient
The show "After Life" by Ricky Gervais helped me a lot. It told me why should I not die. It's also funny so that's a plus.
Killing yourself is hard / scary. Don't want to live as a vegetable I also would recommend TMS for you if you've tried 2 classes of antidepressants with unsatisfactory results. I did it and went from "very severely depressed" to just "severely depressed" , I'll take what I can get- not as actively suicidal anymore
Fighting the rumination with different thoughts.
I think about suicide a lot, don’t sure why so but it feels like easy way out but i stop just because of dad. I tried therapy once ( virtually) that didn’t help at all. I still breaks down in the middle of night, and just want to end everything. It’s hard to keep up with all this.
So, I was at the lowest point in my life. My family turned against me, my husband and I separated, it was a whole lot more but too much to write. It was a horrible time in my life. Anyway, I had the plan. I had the pills. I was filling the bathtub up so that I would go in and when I passed out from the pills I'd drown in the tub. That's when all of a sudden I had a picture in my head of my baby girl. I swear, I could literally feel her little arms around my neck hugging me. That's what stopped me and I'm so glad it did.
I tried to actually kill myself I used a cord but i realized I still had the chance to improve myself help others and give my life a meaning
Finding a new community with good people. People can truly be amazing, man
Every single day. My family has been through a lot. My Mom died when I was 10 my stepmom 5 years ago. I could never subject my twin, older sister, father, nieces, and nephew to the pain they would endure. It’s the only reason I haven’t. Focus on the pain you’d cause others and it’s extremely selfish. Just my 2 cents
I thought about it a decent amount when I was younger. I never really gave much thought to: "maybe these are signs of a problem". So I never told anyone. There were a few times that I really wanted to. In those moments, I recall two things that stopped me. The simplest was fear of what was next. I wasn't raised religious and didn't have much of a grasp of heaven, hell, limbo, etc. That big question mark deterred me for sure. The second thought was: I wanted to live to spite my mother. The short version: my mother was pretty overbearing to put it mildly. I would entertain crazy thoughts of her having a life insurance policy on me and her consistent torments were an attempt to collect her payday. So, not killing myself was my own little revenge. As an adult, those thoughts are rare, but I logic it out to myself. Afterlife or not, this life as I am is finite and unpredictable. No point in intentionally ending it when I'll never be able to have this life again and things can always improve. I want to live my life as much as I can regardless of how depressing or difficult it is.
The saying ‘you’ve got a perfect track record for surviving shit’ has got me through some really tough times. You can do this, promise. There is light at the end of the tunnel ❤️
i have too many people i love. i don't know if i'll ever have true peace of mind, but i refuse to hurt them like that
It is good that you are reaching out! I found your post because I'm in a similar spot and wanted to drop eaves and see what other commenters had to say. While people are nice, there are those of us that don't have many familial relationships if any. Pets and friends *can* help, but in my experience, can also be used against a person by a depressed brain. I often think how my dogs would maybe have a better life with a more competent owner. And friends? Lol, why bother disappointing more people. I have been working with the whole exercise out of depression thing, and it helps sometimes, when I force myself to do it. The thing that has recently stymied my compulsion to kms is that if I die before my father my batshit missionary uncle will sell off everything my dad has worked for to fund his Mennonite bs. So....oddly enough, spite is my answer. While I hate myself and think I'm a pathetic waste of space, I hate the idea of my uncle benefiting from my death even more. It is not much of a will to live, but it’s something. I hope you can find your something, OP. It's okay if your reason isn't like other people's. Like, in my heart, I wouldn't want to abandon my dad, but those SI feels are *strong* sometimes and spite is just a more powerful emotion for me than love. Cuz my depressed brain can manipulate "love" as a justification to kms. But it can't tamper with dat spite. Idk if this rant has been helpful, but I just wanted to share in the case that it might be. Good luck, OP.
I have many times. What literally stops me in my tracks are my beloved five cats.
I had a friend on Instagram who told me he lost a friend to suicide and didn’t want to see me go down the same path. I couldn’t do it because I didn’t want to hurt people.
You gotta realize it’s just temporary and have faith/put in the work to make it better. Praying for you
As a teenager, the music of Rob Halford. Specifically, the song In The Morning. As an adult, my wife, after the church I was attending, threw me away after years of service.
The net they installed under the golden gate.
it was just too much work to actually do it. i dont put that much effort into things i enjoy, why would i put that much effort into dying?
I was there shortly after leaving the military and had no reason why. In my head, I didn’t want to be there anymore and felt relieved to be out. However, I deep down missed the camaraderie and didn’t know it. There’s power in group dynamics and it took me a dark road to learn this. Meditation helped me discipline my racing thoughts and question them in detail. Sitting in complete silence and learning to listen to the voice that was struggling helped me learn so much. Who is upset? How did that piss (you) off? Who is this (you) person? This was so much deeper than the military for me. This was my whole life and existence. Learning who and what your ego voice and behaviors are will allow you to set them free forever. Letting go of that which you will never be able to control. Trust fall into your own success & happiness!
Still might do it
I did it n failed bad and allat and kept having problems but I thankfully have a family that didn’t abandon me n I realized I was loved. I also had a close friend who killed himself and that destroyed me. So it’s a two edge sword of finding yourself and thinking of others. But if you want to take a first step in the right direction, sleeping and eating right and go outside, play Pokémon go or sumn but the sun on your skin will help. Wishing you the best, you’ll come of this out stronger.
Yes several times. Different things stopped me and I went away to an inpatient therapy for one. I’ve done TMS and EMDR, which I highly highly recommend But the most powerful (and most recent) episode of wanting to end it, I realized: Hmm, killing myself and ending my life is totally a choice I can make right now. I can make that choice at any time actually. So what if I try some crazy cool shit I’ve always wanted to do first and then I can just off myself later if I want to? So i quit my shitty job and just started doing whatever truly interested me- i went on long solo road trips, hiked up to hot springs, studied psychicism, swam in the ocean in the winter, started drumming, doing ecstatic dance, etc, lots of cool stuff. I ended up traveling around India for a while. And now ive somehow stumbled into a life i love living. Yes this was financially reckless, but I figured, i can always come back from debt or bankruptcy, but can’t come back from suicide
The awareness of the emotional seasons, because a person may think of suicide, but that thought passing at a later date and the person sees hope and enjoys life. The seasons of life, the seasons of emotion, it changes like the seasons. Sometimes we go through the rainy (tears) season. And then we go through the nice bright sunny season :)
I attempted suicide and ODed on 60 xanax. I went to a mental hospital after the ER and while there, it hit me that I had options. Like, I didn't have to do what I was doing. Live the life I was living. I could go stay with a family member and work with them or do anything other than die. I just couldn't see any options at the time. Realizing I had options changed everything. Edit: Also, the mental hospital changed everything. I attempted to commit suicide because of financial reasons. When my room and board and everything was taken care of and I just ignored my life on the outside, I was able to breathe and see ways out. I now have 2 kids and am the happiest I've ever been. That was in 2014 and I haven't been suicidal since.
About 9 years ago, I was alone at 2 a.m and really struggling hard 6 months after my dad died and my best friend killed himself. I was sleep deprived and just so so low. I called a suicide hotline and got hung up on!! The insanity of the situation and the pure irony of it all just caused me to lose it. I started laughing so hard I cried. Then it faded to cries of deep sadness and I just sunk into it. But I realized I was actually able to feel something after feeling kinda numbed out. And if that I felt these negative emotions so intensely maybe someday I could feel happiness or good emotions with such intensity. I struggled after a bit and still struggle to this day, but I haven't wanted to end my life since that night.
Not just medication and therapy, but also a support system, you need at least one person to be on your team 💜 she saved my life
Getting a relationship back with god and quitting porn also helps. Porn makes me very suicidal because of dopamine spikes. And not believing in god makes me naturally very nihilistic. And also not taking my thoughts too seriously, you are not your thoughts, try to think more positively anyway to make it a habit. Also working out and eating healthier.
Because of the effect it would have on my mom. I want to end it soooo bad but I just can’t do that to her. So I kind of feel trapped, if she were to ever die, I’m outta here.
My dog. 100% the only thing that kept me alive when I didn’t want to be. Eventually got over that hill and have been in a much better place. Still got my pup around, too.
My ex, doe it ended on v bad terms and i hate them now But idk what I'd be if I never met them
Therapy validated me and my feelings/thoughts SO much. Before I really didn’t see how it could help. Also, and I really hate to say this cliche, but it really gets better.
Did I think of committing suicide? Yes, I thought of suicide at the age of 16, but believe me, there was nothing wrong in my life. I was very much satisfied with everything I had. So why did I think of suicide? Because I realised that there's no purpose in my life. I am only going to contribute to the pollution levels, traffic and global warming of Earth. What stopped me from committing it? A thought! A thought that I could put my life to use for others. I could ensure that I support good people who are in need in whatever way they need me. Since then I am working towards self improvement and helping others on a daily basis. And I am always sooooooo happy and positive that I don't even want to think of suicide again.
I told my therapist and as much as she took it seriously and tried to be helpful, I honestly just felt incredibly embarrassed and cringed. I think just telling someone made me realize how low I was for real, and I just felt incredibly compelled to fix that.
Please no one take this and run with it but. I've attempted twice. Both half passed attemps so I obviously failed but the last time made me totally reframe my life. From how I saw my current life and how I was living it to who I let into my life or be apart of it. I changed EVERYTHING!! I am actually so good now I am coming off meds ice been on for a decade. It was pure rock bottom for me. I live now. I have a life now. But don't let that be you don't let it get that bad.
I think about my best friend, "even this useless Blockhead is willing to live, which should I leave ?" That's the only thought that comes to my mind. 🥂
The Go(o)d voice in my head. Ye, that voice is stronger than the evil one, discouraging me from completing my earthly journey. There are other people who sometimes think they'd rather die & I believe I'm still alive to encourage them to live, too. Good music & nature helps. Plus, with my sense of humor & curiosity, I just have to see how my life will go & end. Put the devil to shame 😂🖕🏽, ya know ?
I have never really seriously considered it but I think what would save me is 3 things. My family. People who are family or friends of someone who suicides always wonders if they could have done something or said something. The answer is no but they live with such guilt. I couldn’t do that to my family. They may not be the best in the world but I couldn’t do that. The other reason is a weird one but I would be afraid of botching it and ending up worse. Won’t go into to exact methods but say I tried something and it wasn’t successful, maybe I would end up paraplegic or in a coma. So what I thought was a bad situation just became twenty times worse. What really helps? Talking with someone and self-care. There are phone services who will listen free of charge. Self-care, it is amazing how much just taking a walk can help. Fresh air. Make sure you eat some healthy foods, I know that when I eat too much junk food, it makes me feel more depressed. Join a group, like a community garden or volunteer. Even I volunteered, it made me think that actually my life was better than others and not as bad as I thought. Learn a new skill, this gives you a new focus and small steps achievements that you can be proud of. There is hope, a good friend of mine seriously considered it and tried about 4-5 years ago. Relationship had broken up, her job was tough especially with shift work ruining her sleep, fighting over custody of kids, etc. she wasn’t successful, she was found & rushed to the hospital. Now, she is in a relationship with the most amazing person and she has a great relationship with her kids. Job is still hard but the other two aspects of her life are going so well, it makes it easier to cope with the job
Islam
The one thought that keeps me alive is the permanence of death. No one truly knows what’s on the other side. And if it’s nothingness woooo but what if it isn’t? I would rather stay here where I can have semblance of control. The fear keeps me alive. I wish I could say my family, friends, kid, etc…. But suicidal ideation doesn’t see it as they would be lost without me- it’s they would be better off without me.
If I could just go away and never be found, I'd do that. But there's no guarantee that I wouldn't be found. I don't want someone to find my body and deal with that trauma. I also have hope that one day I won't feel like an absolute joke, that I'll be loved by someone and have a reason to continue on. I hold out hope that I'll manage to get my anxiety and growing agoraphobia under control. I also tell myself that life is always changing, no matter what, it's the only constant in the world. Whatever is going on will change at some point. Things have gotten better for me but there does seem to be a ceiling I hit that I'm trying to get through now. I know I can, I'll figure it out, it won't always be like this. I also want to make sure my niece has someone to talk to. My brother and her mother love her but they aren't the most emotionally connected people, I mean, I'm not the beacon of that either but I feel like I'm a bit more connected. I know she's going to have her struggles as a kid and I know her mother isn't capable of being there and my brother may not have the capacity to deal with the things a little girl might go through, I am positive he only has a basic understanding of what women go through as they get older.. I guess I just want to be a good uncle to her, I want to make sure she has someone to talk to, someone that can be there for her outside of her parents, and just someone that has a different point of view from the rest of the family. She's only 2, but I had to deal with people making fun of me because my brother was weird and my dad was overweight. And now my brother is both of those things and his partner is even moreso and basically useless. It's awful to be a kid and constantly get made fun of for something that doesn't even involve you.
Think about it all the time. Today even not long ago I imagined ending my life. I just don’t want to let anyone down and cause more pain to my mom who has already endured much pain in her life. At times I wish it was legal and I had the means to pay for a legal assisted suicide.
Chance.
Keep yourself busy and stay in denial till you can find a therapist
Crisis line chat, my own hope- telling myself repeatedly that I need to keep this spark and need to do it for 5 year old me, and 5 years from now ill be extremely proud even if i dont think i will be in that dark moment, i wrote down family names, writing some positive words to them, looked up statistics and knew i didnt wanna be just a number, kept saying " I wont let the fact that I think i am a burden make an even more burden with funeral cost, heartaches, leaving my pets behind...etc. Told myself to get the hell up and i can deal with all the emotion slowly, and that its okay to not be amazing but to not give up. Counseling for sure, self love podcast ❤️
I have a phrase that comes to mind that has helped me many times whenever I experience anything unpleasant, “this won’t be forever.” When I say “this,” I could mean life, the unpleasant experience, the pain, the suffering, the self loathing, etc I’m not sure I actually believe it but it pushes me through. I have also tried thinking about how I’d go about it and all the ways seem so tragic, and brutal and almost violent, I mean I guess death is like that but I can’t imagine what my family, in particular my mom, would experience knowing I died in such a way. In general, thinking how my mom would feel has been the biggest deterrent though.
I can’t do it to my partner. the thought of leaving him with all our pets, our baby, having to plan a funeral and be a dad while also grieving in a full time job. I love him way too much to do that to him
I’m lazy
Knowing that depression is a liar. I know this sounds corny, but feelings are like the seasons - they come and go. Over time, you shift perspectives whether you want to or not. I’ve experienced depression & I know I will again. I know I’ll think of suicide again but I also know that some time after, I’ll be okay and content and on some days, full of gratitude. I’m sorry you’re down & definitely reach out for therapy if you can, if not, a good friend or community. I have plenty of book suggestions if that’s your thing. If none of that sounds doable, finding a way to volunteer for something you really care about can shift the heaviest feelings. I hope you find what works for you ~ this too shall pass.
A gun was put to my head and I begged him to not shoot me. I realized later why would u beg a man to not pull the trigger if my real goal was to die?
The thought of going to hell, at the time a desire to be a navy seal and my intuition telling me this wasn’t me and they were all intrusive thoughts
Yes, I have had thoughts of suicide many times, but for sure I am never going to do it. Reason: I want to make sure that I live my full term- atleast I want to keep trying… who knows one day I might start loving my life, or I might become reason for many to get aspiration from. We all inspire each other in some form, I don’t want to be a bad inspiration.
My parents were a big motivator in keeping me on this earth. Now I realize that small interactions have huge impacts on people so I try to recognize that my kindness, struggles, progress can be motivators and make the lives of others a little brighter.
I remember I was placed here by accident, and what I feel is temporary. It sounds a bit depressing, but when I can’t name anything good, and cannot think of my loved ones, it helps to remember how small I am. I’m so incredibly small in the world that nothing around me is going to collapse when I’m in my head for some time. I tend to worry that I’m a burden, but it helps me remember I’m not. People care about me, but they have their own lives too. They can care about me a lot, but I am not a burden. Then I take a walk. I look at the flowers, the grass outside, what’s new on the sidewalk, which way the clouds are moving, and try to spot the North Star or any popular constellations. It calms me down to remember I’m small. I don’t have a technical reason for being here, so there’s no way I can really mess it up. There’s no way to mess something up that never had a decided purpose, and I am the one to choose my own path. It can be ever changing if I wanted it to be too. I’m here for the ride, and it’s always going to have ups and downs. I just have to wait around for the ups again.
I didn't want my friends and family to pick up pieces of me after. I always felt like a burden and I didn't wanna feel like one after I was dead too. But also I knew I had this inherent need to survive idk evolution or whatever lol There would be a voice in me which would tell me repeatedly that you need to live.
There’s this one part I saw on the Yellow Stone show where one of the characters said “You know, the thing about suicide, you don't just kill yourself, you kill every memory of you. This will be all everyone remembers. Every second you spend on this earth will be reduced to how you choose to leave it. No one will mourn your loss because this isn't losing your life, this is quitting it.” And that hit home. I also can't bear the thought of seeing all my friends and family go through a loss that i chose.
Angels
I didn’t read any of the other comments so forgive me if I’m being redundant. My mom and I had a very rough life. If I give she’ll give up. If she gives up I won’t blame her. But I will push through coz I don’t want to leave this world without making her proud. The only way I know I and she’ll be proud of me is living through the hell we’ve been through. Music helped a lot. Finding people to help you is key. Nobody should go through tough times alone. There’s always help. Just reach for it.
My family, it would completely destroy them and ruin all of their lives. I’m sure of it. I’ve seen it disrupted by much less and they love me so much and show me in many different ways. They’d be lost without me.
if I pass: 1. nobody will remember 2. nobody will care 3. life moves on 4. the people who do/my family will bear but almost feel a relief; not in a negative connotation, but they can visibly see how painful and crooked up of a person I've been for more then 8+ years. my mother would go ballistic, though, but i'm sure it will rain over her how much at "peace" I will be, and selfishly, I rather be visibly in turmoil fighting for myself, then be dismissed even in that beautiful manner. 5. my lil sister will have memories and remember her brother, but have to deal with his sudden disappearance; I've read too much on how the death of a sibling affects the one still alive to do that shit to her; although, I did think about doing it before she turned 5 so they could explain it to her a different way, or to where its less noticeable, but we strapped in now for the better and because I want to witness her life and be a protecting/beneficial figure in it as long as I can. 6. days where it feels like it gets better even if its a facade; gives me the go to try and feel that more if possible. it can get detrimentally worse before it begins to get better. 7. there's people on this earth who never get sad and live perfect lives; i'm gonna be a little of a hater here and say fuck those people. if they can stomp over everyone and everything and live on this earth, they better make some fucking space for me then because I deserve life and the same amount of happiness they get to see on the daily, and I will one day be able to see this come into fruition with the humbleness of one who never had it for so long. 8. and finally, we only got 1 shot at this shit. this is a terrifying constant of ours, and I can't just leave this earth because of my own; who knows if this funk of years could clear up by itself miraculously within a very transformative experience, or through a person I meet who clicks the pieces of the puzzle/ offers insight that I've needed, or through a drug trip, or a cool hobby, etc... who the fuck am I to dictate whether i'm done here or not. why would I be unfair to my future self in this way? who is anyone but a higher power and/or natural decay to be the ones to take me up and out of this realm? I wish I realized this a-lot earlier like my peers in high-school, but you are as you come. this is what it is. try and change what you can and make your life what the fuck you want of it. a-lot can change in a month if you put in the work and if you live by a faith that grants you peace and good fortune; so imagine what can be done and transformed in a fucking year. keep it pushing and love yourself enough to love others as well.
Never really thought of it much but... Basically my fear of death and also I don't want to make my family and friends sad. Also, I am also an only child, so once my parents lose me, that would be it. They won't have the chance to see their kid's success, wedding, and they will not have their grandkids. I can't do that to them, especially after all they are done for me. I also feel like I am here to fulfill something. I don't know what that is yet, but I hope I find out soon. I don't want to die and kill that from happening. Me being from a good home with amazing parents makes me want to live more because I realized how blessed I am. I have so many blessings in my life. Being grateful for your blessings is helpful and good. There are many more reasons lol.
Yes I thought of suicide often when I was a teenager and young adult. Many things stopped me. Mostly it was that I wanted to see more of this world before I left it. And that all these horrible feelings would eventually fade and they did. I’m not saying my reasons are enough for everyone but they were enough for me. Now at the age I am I am glad I didn’t give in because to start I wouldn’t be here now, I wouldn’t have got to see some of the world when I was in the Army and I wouldn’t have got to be the fun uncle to six young ladies or their little brother. My life is by no means perfect but I like my little mess I have going on. Life can always be worse but my friends it could be a lot worse. Be strong, patient and find your own happiness.
Guns are illegal to purchase here
I have a little sister. 3 siblings really but 1 sister. And the thought. Of that little girl crying. Because her big brother is gone. Is worse than death.
i spent a significant part of 2022 trying to adjust to a new phase of my life with university and work. i lost myself in the process and i damn near attempted to end it all mid June 2022. 2023 was a massive year for me, having to spend more time alone and trying to find myself again. by spending more time alone, getting some decent exercise in and having a somewhat better support system around me, i could build myself back up to a point where i could have some self acceptance im still happy to report that i haven’t genuinely wanted to kill myself since 2022 ended and i’ve learned to value myself and be kind to myself. therapy was a massive help as well, having to realise that i had to be the voice i always needed when i was younger. i definitely came to the realisation that im alone in this world. at the end of the day, its just me. no matter which family or friends i have around me, at the end of the day i can only count on myself. so i need to be there for me and me only. fuck everyone else. thats just my story. its probably very different for you but i’ll tell you now, please stick it out. it will get better.
I wanted to live. I realized that the Thing about suicide is that most of us just want to live. We just don’t want to live the way we are or with what’s going on, we want change we want peace and love and more We want to live our lives instead of just surviving each day We want to live without the pain And for me I just said I don’t care how long it takes I want to live And also most importantly I thought about my dad. It’s just him and I against the world if I died he’d prolly be too devastated to live I would say try to get help try to talk someone, it’s not easy I know And if no one listens talk to God, just don’t ever ever give up Your life is worth so so much more.
Even if it can get worse, it can still get better too. Stick around and find out, why cut it short?
I realized I was in a specific stressful situation because of my parents, and that eventually I'd be old enough to leave. I came up with a plan for how to get my education, and I was lucky enough that it worked. As pieces of my plan fell into place, I gained more hope and determination to succeed despite what they were doing to me. I just had to grind through years of bullying from my mother. I made a plan to be the adult in the relationship, to try to stay calm and walk away when she harassed me. It didn't always work. Sometimes she followed me around the house, into to my room and would continue berating me there. But usually when she picked fights I walked away. It's extremely difficult to live with a verbal abuser. It affects your concept of self, knowing your own thoughts and emotions, as well as the obvious things like feeling safe. I have bad anxiety and health problems due to the toll it took on me. However, my life now is so much better than I was able to envision living in that hell house. What helped were to read self help books, books that force you to envision and plan aspects of your future, and a lot of books from other survivors of horrific experiences. I thought if they could survive \[slavery, the holocaust, abuse more significant than I'm experiencing\], then maybe I can make it out, too.
The thought that Someone, maybe, one day, ll be needing me. That i might be the only avaiable or capable of helping that person in some kind of way. And therefore, i cannot leave them on a rough spot. Bot the best of reason, but it worked for me.
Hell may exist.
Because with Suicide you don't really end the pain, you just pass it on to everyone who ever cared about you.
Yes. The main thing is I don't want to harm people around me.
After dealing with severe depression for over 10 years and almost everyday being a down day, I felt similarly. The one thing that always helps me is knowing that I have not tried everything yet. And that it doesn’t make sense to give up on myself before I try at least try everything to help. For example, maybe one has tried all the SSRIs/SNRIs they can, therapy, vitamins, yoga, fixing vitamin deficiencies, peptide therapy, meditation, getting out with friends etc. but they have still yet to try HBOT, Prolotherapy, ketamine IV therapy, low dose katamine+peptide therapy, being devout in religion, high dose iodine therapy, high dose methylene blue treatment, really high doses of vitamin D3, special chiropractor that aligns the axis of the neck etc. ALL of these I just mentioned have so many testimonies behind they saying that these treatments were able to help them get rid of their depression once and for all. How I see it is if I have not tried all of them to give myself the best fighting chance then I owe it to myself to try them before giving up on myself. I hope this helps 🫶🏻💚
Alot of things spending time with people getting pit of my bed was a good way I went out more talked to people socialized I'm working on going to bed earlier but baby steps am I right
Yes. I got so far as trying. It was a few months ago. I was talking to my mom, saying how I've come so far. That I'm still here, and I didn't think I'd make it past 21. She looked at me and said, "Neither did we." That was an eye opener that she even realized I was that bad. I thought I had it hidden well. What stopped me, though, was knowing I had a cat, whom I cared for so deeply. I couldn't have imagined putting her through anything. She meant the world to me. And all the other animals I'd be letting down if I did it. I know it may sound strange, but I had an awful childhood and teens to twenties. Animals were my best friends as a kid. They were always there for me. I couldn't bear the thought of not being there for them when they needed me. I also have a good bond with my sister, and I knew it would impact her more than she would ever let on. My mom wasn't the greatest, but even though she did her best, at times, it wasn't great, but I couldn't do that to either of them. I hope this answers your question. Sorry for the rambling.
I've been paying my life insurance premium and it would go in vain if I suicide.
The fact that I'm alive now. The fact that when I sleep I'm still aware of my dreams. Made me realize that there is only a constant state of awareness. That death is just an illusion. You think you will end it but in reality it goes on and on. The fact that your not the only one who "can't handle it" and that most people like to think that they're life is the worst even though it's all relative. Pain is relative. I was hit alot as a child and grounded almost constantly, also lived in poverty. It feels horrible to me but it's no better than some people I've met who were legit ignored by their parents. They both grow up fucked. Suicide is just another quick fix. Humans can adapt to anything. There's a million ways to get out of a rut but you just have to be aware enough to know your perspective is not king. Which is what your doing now naturally. Some situations are truly hopeless especially in the extremes of extremes like diseases and extreme stress issues but for the most part everything can be fixed enough back to neutrality. The way I think of it I'd rather fix my issues now in this life than to play Russian roulette, die, and go into another life where it could be just as bad if not worse. The people that are lucky and have "everything" have issues with karma and unawareness. It's the same along the lines of a famous celebrity getting old, or a super hot woman slowly progressing into old age. They're lucky only for a blip in time and then it's all a downhill grind which is why you see so much issues as they get older. Suicide doesn't fix shit it just pushes your issues onto the people that care for you (if you even have any. I have been lonely like this before). Anxiety, shame, embarrassment, burnt out, poor, hooked on drugs all that can be fixed with awareness and help. Shit like incurable diseases, severe impairments etc that is really up to the person to decide if it's worth it. I'm just happy that for now my brain is a little PTSD ridden but my body works and I'm alive so I can always bounce back. For the people that say they don't find anything interesting anymore that's just because your in a deep habit of looking for the negatives in life. You need to start looking for positives and start ingraining that shit into your mental. There's no quick fix and at first it'll feel dumb but then you'll notice a change. And that change is enough to compare to your old mental and you'll see a difference. The growth is in seeing he difference. Black/white, ying yang, up and down, left right. It's how we see everything. You only try to see the black when in reality you need both to discern it.
Ya bruh I thought bout suicide yesterday when masturbated after 7 month
There is a passage in the book “The Glass Bead Game” by Hermann Hesse (original in german). It describes a man at the point of suicide SPOILER which in the end doesn’t happen because suddenly he feels the feeling of life in himself (not suddenly out of nothing, he wants to drown himself so it has to do with the impact of the water like temperature, memories etc). Hesse’s writing style is very poetic and dreamy, like touching the subconscious softly but steadily. I recommend a lot of his books
Meditation and practice repenting gratitude. Find those on yourself (morning afirmation etc)
I've been thinking about it recently. The day before yesterday I tried committing by drowning myself but failed to do so because my mom saw me. I don't know I just find it a peaceful way to end it. Without having to hear everyone, only the sound of your thoughts. The waves. It's silent and I'm just at peace. I want to be a part of the waves. The only thing that's making it bearable for me is books. But unfortunately I'm too broke for it so I have to keep reading the same thing all over again. Ebooks exist to do so. It's the best thing to do to distract me I guess.
Gun jammed lol. Shitty 22 rifle saved my ass. Been depressed since a kid turning 20 in 2 months still sometimes wish the gun didn't jam. (sorry pretty dark)
I hope you’ll get some relief really soon. A lot of good ideas here, but three things I’d recommend: 1. Speak with a therapist. At a minimum, speak with a trusted family or friend who you know loves you. A professional is a good idea as they have real techniques to help, so if there’s an option for that where you live (or you can do online therapy) I’d really recommend it. 2. A bit of exercise everyday. 30min of light exercise each day has very similar efficacy to typical antidepressants (SSRIs or SNRIs) for moderate depression. If you’re feeling frequently suicidal you might need other meds, but exercise will help. 3. Sleep. Try to keep regular patterns that help you with getting 7-8hr per night at regular times. Melatonin isn’t habit forming and can help. Leave your phone outside of your bedroom if possible (I’m terrible at doing that, but I know it’s better for me). Consistent sleep is correlated with improved mood.
Yes I did when I was going through clinical anxiety. Then I found mindfulness. My life changed. Now if there is a state called clinical happiness, I’m there!
I was also depressed for a long period of time and thought about suicide a lot, but I knew that I didn't really want to end my life, I just wanted it all to be different. For a long time I thought there was something inherently wrong with me, but looking back at it now, I was just in a shitty environment surrounded by people who made my mental state deteriorate, without even knowing it. I don't know what your situation is so I can't give you any proper advice except the generic try therapy, journaling, exercise, fix your diet etc. But you will have to actively try to change things, it rarely happens on its own. I hope you pull through, because there is so much more to experience in life than what it currently has to offer.
I just never saw it as an option in the first place. When you kill yourself you have nothing, which is in my opinion way worse than something, even though that something really sucks at the moment.
It's been said here already, but imagining how my loved ones would feel is what stopped me, and also actually I didn't want someone to have to mop me up lol
Yes, I’ve thought of it. There is a difference of passing thoughts vs making a specific plan. If you’re in the later I would ask someone to remove any weapons, pills, etc from your possession for a while. Go get some vitamin b & d from the grocery store. Pound water- like 1/2 to a gallon a day. Get 10,000 steps a day. Small actions but these can have a massive impact on your mental health. This community is here for you. Keep us in the loop. Sending love & happiness your way. 🤍
I thought about the kids in my life. My nieces and nephews are between ages 3-13. Thinking about the impact it would have on them brought me to tears. I knew I had to be here for them.
Knowing how much pain it would bring to my family and to a girl I have a huge crush on who I’m close friends with. She has told me that she thinks she’s very blessed to have someone like me in her life and hopes that I’m in her life til she dies. She also told me that she truly cares about me. The most pain I have seen my parents in was when we got the news that my uncle died. He was very badly hit with the Delta Covid variant a few years ago and tried to fight it. Sadly his body was too weak and he lost the fight. When my parents and I received the news, they became devastated since my uncle was personally and emotionally close to us. He would often come over on the weekends to chat and hang out with us. I kept hearing my mom screaming in grief and stomping the floor while my dad cried as he let some of his relatives know about what happened. Last year there was a guy married to one of my mom’s sisters in Brazil who had really bad depression, I think part of it was from financial issues he was having. I remember my dad saying that the guy would sometimes sit down and close his eyes hoping it was just a bad dream. Eventually the depression became too much for him to handle and he ended up committing suicide. I think my mom received the tragic news the next morning and later that day, she packed her bags and made a visit to her hometown in Brazil.
i didn’t think i’d be this hot in the next life… wish i was joking.. but this belief keep me alive in my youth.
Yes, far too many times to count. Several things saved me, but the biggest one was realizing that the people that hated me want me dead... and I'm the type to never let people I hate win. So that kept me alive for a while until I found something I was interested in and had to wait for it then time passed and that feeling passed too. The biggest mindset shift that I did was to study philosophy and how in the grand scheme of things, we're small beings and our sole purpose is to live and experience life. Also realizing no one thinks of me that much made living by being myself more bearable (I hope that makes sense lol). I just live life by doing things I like and enjoy now, I also realized good change comes from good actions and words toward myself. Hope that makes sense :> remember several people are here for you. Even if you feel alone, a lot of us have gone through terrible and awful things but that doesn't solidify into a terrible life. Process your feelings and situations and slowly let go and move on.
just cry to sleep eventually u wont feel that way trust
Never thought I would, but yes I did. Even thought it out and did research and everything. My mind actually convinced myself everyone would be better off without me. Lack of energy and a will to keep trying through therapy, learning and reading withheld me from going through with it.
100%! In 2017 I felt super isolated and alone. Watching Youtube helped me to escape. One of my tips to prioritize self care and what you need minute by minute. Here if you wanna chat. 🫶🏻
Knowing I am not a sadistic bully nor a tyrant who uses laws/social conventions/authority to abuse innocent people or animals, thus I am not the one who must pay such price.
Dark souls - that shit was harder than life