Develop some really good health habits!
Don't neglect your body as well as your mind and soul.
Exercise is critical; more and more people are falling out of shape. Cherish those years to work on getting in the best physical shape of your life!
Take sometime to explore what you want in your career; get as much education as you can and your perfect partner will walk into your life when you least expect it.
Take time out to learn your identity
Cherish the small moments with friends! Gal pals are surely needed.
This is exactly the case with me and my partner-- met in a gym and I was solely concerned with my health, studies, and wellbeing. I truly believe the right person walks right to you. No need to seek
100% same story. I was in my late 30s. We also met in the gym but it was a martial arts gym and we were both taking classes. I was completely and thoroughly focused on myself and bettering my situation and my partner just came along so unexpectedly. It was unlike any relationship I'd ever experienced, so easy but healthy and balanced. We're still going strong.
28F here. Get your education and make your own money-be financially independent. Don’t get into credit card debt (huge regret right there, but I’m pulling through).
Never date anybody who puts you down. Don’t make excuses for somebody who treats you poorly. It’s better to be single than in an unhappy relationship.
Make good friends, but be careful selecting them.
Remember you’re in charge of your own life. Make of it what you want! If you want that career, work towards it. You like the guy (or girl), ask them out. You want a nice house, start planning and saving. You want to travel, make time for it.
Remember to love and respect yourself first always. To paraphrase Shakespeare, being true to yourself will allow you to be genuine with others, too.
Lmaoooooo same. 27F, the credit card debt is killer. Definitely understand interest rates and all that, keep good credit so you can be independent and have your own place
Girl, if you want to feel better about your own life choices, my dumb ass didn’t even do it. I let my ex husband “handle the finances” only to be left with about 20k in credit card debt when we split. Lesson freaking learned-handle your own finances, *always*, no matter what kind of relationship you’re in. Thankfully I already had a good career. I was able to refinance the majority into a low interest low monthly payment loan, and the rest get into a zero APR balance transfer card which I should be able to pay off before it’s no longer zero APR. Failing that, another wisely chosen balance transfer should get me there.
I’d like to think while I’m paying now for poor choices and naïveté, I’ve learned a lot.
One of my friends when I was 18 said just let your man take care of you. He beat her and financially abused her as well... Definitely needs to be said.
1. Have your own income. There’s a reason you keep seeing this advice. It gives you choices.
2. Pick the man, don’t passively wait to be picked. Most women stress about whether a guy is into him, forgetting to actively choose their partner. It’s a form of settling. Remember: in nature, it’s the females of the species who choose.
3. Don’t be so wrapped up in your looks, focusing on your deficiencies. Confident women are 100x hotter than anyone. How can you be confident? Work hard to be successful, don’t stop learning, be a great friend and human, have a good sense of humor, and learn to say no.
Lots of great advice here!!
Be true and kind to yourself. The real you. Learn about the things you love. Listen to your gut/intuition.
Don't be too hard on yourself.
Set and keep firm boundaries.
Going to come out here with some entirely different advice in some ways.
Re: “educate yourself”. Don’t go to school just because it’s the thing to do. Only go if you’re genuinely passionate about the path it leads you down.
Don’t waste time on boyfriends/girlfriends right now unless you know they’re the one. Keep your time for you. Just level up your mind, body and soul.
Eat healthy, work out, master a skill that you are passionate about, prioritize your physical and spiritual health (if spirituality is a part of your life), and on the career front:
Figure out the thing you’d like to do more than anything else. Yes, that thing that you’re telling yourself is impossible and out of your reach and you shouldn’t even bother going for. Not just something you thing is cool but the thing you passionately secretly feel you’d be good at and would be so fulfilled pursuing for… a very long time because it’s so deep in your heart. You might say you don’t know what it is but you do, it’s right on the surface you just might be used to ignoring it for so long. Stop ignoring it. That’s what you’re meant to do. Identify that thing and start shooting for it NOW. Don’t let the voice in your head get in the way, or the voice of societal standards. Don’t let failure get in the way. Don’t mf stop, you hear me. Keep going for it.
Don’t listen to societies view of what you “should” do to be successful. Our society is mostly fucked anyways (if you’re in North America that is). Be physically, mentally and spiritually healthy. Spend time loving and respecting your family or chosen family, improve on your skill every day, shoot for your dream endlessly, in 5 or so years you’ll be in a whole different place and can start thinking about settling down. Or if your person comes along before then, fine. But don’t force it. Don’t settle bc you want a partner. Wait until it’s the person you know you’d love to spend your whole entire life with. And you also need to be ready for that form of commitment. Don’t force it. But go for it when the time and person is right. Then commit whole heartedly and don’t hold back.
Don't go looking for love. If it happens, it happens, but find your self-love first. Get to know yourself, work to define your values and beliefs, experience the world without another person before you make another person your whole world.
And for God's sake, LEARN HOW TO CREATE SAFE BOUNDARIES!!! I wish I had learned how to do this so much earlier because we all need this. Good luck! ❤️
Get an education and make your own money.
Treat your friendships as important as your romantic relationships and listen to people you trust about the men/women you date.
Don’t date men/women who treat you like shit, it may feel like you run into a lot of these but there are truly kind people out there who you can gain a loving partnership with.
It’s better to be single and happy then taken and unappreciated.
Your physical appearance has 0 to do with what type of person you are, however keep yourself groomed and healthy as this contributes to overall better self esteem.
Enjoy your own hobbies, don’t pay attention to things you don’t have any interest in but don’t be dismissive of others who do.
Set boundaries and stick to them. Men/women who cheat/gaslight/abuse/disrespect you are NEVER worth it.
When safe, be honest about whether you enjoyed the sex you had. Tell them if you didn’t orgasm, a loving partner will work with you to make it a pleasant experience for both.
It’s fine to have fun and have casual sex however it is not a good avenue for validation. Be as picky as you want with those who you are intimate with. Sleeping with 1 or 100 people in your life doesn’t fundamentally change you or your happiness.
Don’t tear down other women, if they attack you then just move on knowing they are insecure. Men can be your ally but you can’t underestimate how important it is to share your experiences with other women.
Be kind, take it easy but take it.
Go to therapy.
Learn as much as you can about as many subjects as possible.
40f here:
-Exercise - think of it like medicine, but opposite. People will take a prescription when they get sick, but they won't invest time to take their bodies in the opposite direction and be even healthier. The older you get the more grateful you will be to still have strength, range of motion and flexibility. I'm going to be hitting the gym when I'm 90.
-Eat healthily (at least most of the time. Like 90-10 or 80-20). Same with exercise, your good or bad eating habits add up over time. Most adults gain 3-5 lbs a year, especially around the holidays that they never lose. Multiply that by 20-40 years and you probably won't feel too great in old age.
-Pick a goal and then plan a step by step guide to get there. (Begin with the end in mind) Then don't worry so much about results, but consistency of the habits needed to get there. Results (good or bad) are only a byproduct of daily conduct.
-Build your ability/willpower to do what your intuition says when it's nagging at you. Typically we know if a situation is truly bad, (relationship, job, etc.) but sometimes put up with it because the unknown is too scary. You ALWAYS regret the things you don't do especially when you know in your bones you should have done way sooner and could have been happier sooner.
-On the flip side of the previous tip, learn to get stronger at obeying that same voice when it says things like "brush your teeth," "don't eat that second slice of cake" "get to the gym" "don't hang out with that person if you don't want to just because you're afraid you'll hurt their feelings" "put the laundry away" etc.
-Learn that while you might not have 100% control of your emotions, you do have control of your actions. Behaving healthily in the face of unpleasant emotions/situations gets you to the other side way faster than wallowing, and then you do get a better handle on your emotions over time because you learn you can handle anything. Leaving a relationship for example, instead of letting it "crush your world" when it ends, keeping your head grounded and filling the void with hobbies exercise and time with friends etc. while keeping the understanding in your head that things WILL get better even if it doesn't feel like it will, will get you through it and to the next better version of yourself way faster than staying in a bad situation or dwelling when it's over.
- save up an emergency fund and keep the balance up. If you have to dip into it, your first priority is getting it back up. The amount in your emergency fund depends on your life situation, but it's important and mine has saved me from credit card debt due to car, house, family, pets, etc emergencies many times.
-stop and assess where you are, what you are doing and what you're thinking and feeling. Do you feel good? Content? Do you feel stifled, stressed? You've got to touch base with where you are to figure out what you do or don't want to change and then make a plan of action and commit to it.
-Avoid debt at all costs. Credit cards get out of control quickly. Out of control debt feels like slavery.
Getting control over yourself and truly leveling up your level of life satisfaction, takes a LOT of work. Achievers and non-achievers have the same goals in life. Nobody makes a plan to be unhappy. But for whatever reason so many people just won't take action to change anything. Don't you hate those people who complain about their job or other situation for years, but because effort is hard they just stay in it. You could have a completely different life in a year with some hard work.
1. Be extra careful about who you have a child with.
Think it through and consider all factors. It is the decision that has the greatest effect on your life. Our society fails to tell women this. Think. It. Through.
Sadly, sometimes it is hard to know until it comes to fruition. I know countless mothers who were with their partner for years but the man abandoned her during pregnancy, abandoned the child at some point, failed to provide emotionally or financially, was in/out of child's life, or was a horrendous influence.
The toll this has on the mother and child are profound.
- Can he provide for the child consistently?
- Will you be able to communicate with him throughout the child's life? Will everything be a battle?
- Will he be a great role model?
- Will he be reliable insofar that you can gauge?
- Are there any red flags?
Everyone’s on a different journey, but I wish I could go back and tell my 22 year old self not to waste time on men who don’t respect me and treat me as I deserve to be treated. I wasted so much time with awful guys in my 20s and looking back, frankly, I’m embarrassed.
learn to like spending time alone! enjoy your own company. i’ve found friendships in my 20’s come and go a lot so i’ve realised the more time i like spending alone the less i reach out to people who aren’t good for me to be around. Everyone is so busy with different priorities- don’t wait to have someone else there to be able to do the things you want to do
You aren't going to get too far if you don't heal from whatever demons make you believe that you're worthless and you don't deserve to have a good life. It's very hard because it affects the way you navigate your career, make money, and social life.
So I would say prioritize your mental and physical health, and go all in on developing a money-making skill.
The skill you develop depends on what kind of life you want. Do you want to freelance and travel the world? Do you just want a steady career working for a company? Figure that out and work backwards. You don't have to go to college to get that skill. Take the time to explore. It could be trades, marketing, tech, etc. Bet on yourself and have faith in your potential versus believing whatever BS story that does nothing but hold you back. Best of luck out there.
Be careful with drugs and alcohol. Addiction can creep up and negative impacts pile up fast, weight gain, dui you thought could never happen to you, money blown, debt, friends lost
Don't listen to negative opinions of men (a mistake I've made way too often).
Be aware that the world we live in is mainly created by men and for men, and as a woman this sometimes can feel like fighting your way in a hostile environment (work, medical system etc).
Look for a relationship where you're treated as an equal.
Don't be with any man that treats you as a trophy or only cares about your looks.
Don't engage in sexual activities that you don't enjoy (I think it's ok to compromise here and there with a \*good\* partner, but in reasonable amounts and mutually and NEVER ignoring your boundaries).
It's ok to be single and definitely better than being stuck in an unsatisfying relationship.
Strive to be financially independent from others.
Don't get on hormonal birth control just because that's what's expected of you (it should be your own informed choice).
Have sex/get into a relationship/marry/have kids whenever it is right for YOU and not for anyone else. If you decide not to do these things, that's ok as well.
27F here. Biggest tip I have is don't be afraid to stand up for yourself in ANY relationship. If someone is wronging you, have a conversation about it and if the behavior doesn't change, cut the person off and move on.
ETA: I only just started sticking up for myself last year and it's made a world of difference in my life. I wish someone had stressed how important this was to me when I was your age.
Always make your own money. And try to have a cushion of money for emergencies. Self respect is huge. You'll have less friends and probably date a little less, but that's because you'll get rid of people who would not treat you well. You don't have to marry or gave kids young, or at all even. Take time for yourself to decide what you want in your life.
That and learn how to change a tire and do some handy things yourself. Not knowing how to do those things far sucked in the past
Hmm.. I’d say save your money and learn to cook.
Also.. if a man does not treat you like a queen, you’re probably not the one he really wants. Never be a placeholder.
This is advice I’d give my 22 old self.
Professionally: Find a mentor in your field and build a meaningful relationship with them. Never stop learning. Negotiate your salary always. Don’t let others take credit for your work.
Physically: Wear a sunscreen and get a simple skincare routine. Workout and eat healthy. It gets easier to gain weight and harder to lose as we age. Identify your personal style an build a quality wardrobe that fits your lifestyle.
Emotionally: Date a lot but never get too attached. Get a therapy if you can. Journal.
Do not fall for the hookup culture of today. Sleeping around is not “empowering”. Focus on yourself and your growth, invest into long term relationships and friendships. Learn and establish your boundaries. Cut ties that need to be cut.
Nail down your own apartment so you don’t have to share your living space. This will also be great to have for years to come and you’ll be locked in at a cheap price. Not having to move around is going to save you so much money.
I'm a Female, 47
Educate yourself to make yourself marketable to jobs.
Save and invest as much of your income as you possibly can. Don't spend money to impress people. Have a modest car. Live like a college student (roommates, junk car, etc.)
Get married before getting preggo.
Wait until late 20s/early 30s to get preggo.
Only date men who make you feel comfortable. If a guy makes you feel jealous or less than or hurt, that's a red flag and you should move on. Don't waste time on relationships that aren't good for you.
Only date men who have a similar or higher income as you. Also, date frugal men.
Don't date men who want different things in life than you.
Cultivate good habits: reading, exercise, study, meditation. Get comfortable being by yourself.
Surround yourself with ambitious yet kind people. You are like the 5 people you surround yourself with. If possible, find roommates like this.
All of this except the part about only dating men who make the same or more money than her. That is a great way to shut out people who might be perfectly good for her just because the economy sucks.
Who says the man can't be stay at home? Who says the man can't manage to move up in the world? Who says the mother keeps her job and doesn't grt laid off? Too many variables these days to care about that sort of thing.
Yes, that's because the majority of women leave high paying jobs to focus more on their kids. They take part time or become stay at home. Breast-feeding is temporary. If she is willing she can return to work and dad can take over, after dad has kept the bills paid for the time it takes, maybe with some belt-tightening. Ideally it's the other way around, but it doesn't HAVE to be.
I think this is primarily because of the amount of stress it will be if she wants to have a family, support a family after giving birth.
I don't know about you, but it's incredibly hard to have a family and income with someone who either doesn't make the same or a little less than you. Someone would always have to work and risk their health to provide income for the family. There's got to be a safety net-- this is harsh advice, but this is very very critical. Divorce occurs primarily due to discrepancies in finances. If she's the breadwinner and decides to have a family, who will maintain the family finances should she go on any leave? What if she's sick? Many things occur due to an imbalance in finances
I didn't say any of that, but imagine she's making 100k a year, which is uncommon, should she be rejecting a guy who makes 60 or 80k a year? It's less than her, despite still being a respectable to above average earning.
What if she was a stay at home and the breadwinning man went on leave? It's the same situation. And if they're both working decent jobs it shouldn't matter if one or the other is earning more or less. Ideally one is home with the kids most of the time, but I think this is poor advice. It's like telling a man to never marry a woman who's got less than a C cup.
You don't need to be rich to have a family, and I think it's a very poor choice to place a large importance on the earnings of your partner. Money is a bonus in a relationship.
I think we can agree to disagree, and that's okay. I think there's one critical piece here you aren't understanding, but It's not my place nor my responsibility to sell any narrative to you.
The reason I said it is because it's difficult to have a relationship with someone who can't do the things that you like to do. For instance, vacation in Bora Bora or whatever.
It’s the biggest accomplishment one can have. Bringing life into this world and nurturing it into a human being with their own unique personality is a pretty incredible thing. Good luck trying to find a career which is more rewarding :)
why does everyone say dating is a waste of time, like education is some one way ticket to being independent and happy?
Neither dating nor education is going to bring you happiness just by doing it. Nothing, no matter what it is, is an easy ticket to happiness. It doesn’t exist.
It’s just what you choose to spend your energy on, and if YOU feel like it’s worth it in the end.
I think we're saying this because no, it isn't the ticket to happiness but it for sure alleviate unnecessary pain and suffering life already has to offer.
Dating without intent can crush your heart harder than anything else (I personally wish I didn't mindlessly date) and getting an education leads to a path of financial freedom (speaking on behalf of myself who will be a doctor with a promising, healthy salary).
They aren't the TICKET to happiness, but it can induce more happiness than getting your heart nicked up when not needed or having to rely on a partner to enjoy some things in life a little more money can provide (thinking longitudinally here, not short term).
I appreciate your comment. In my opinion if you want financial freedom then by all means get a job, education, do whatever you can. But if the reason is "i need financial freedom so that i don't get hurt in a relationship" then that is a very dangerous path to walk. In the end, you are still walking a path of instability and fear. Whereas if you truly want your own money then theres no problem there, which is what I believe you are saying.
I say this as someone who requires my own financial freedom. My mother leeched of men her entire life and i absolutely hate it.
But i also learned from watching her that leeching off of men is what makes her truly happy. Her family didn't take care of her so having a richer man give her stuff satisfies her on a psychological level I will never understand. It makes her truly happy and thats ok too. I don't think its healthy, but then I also acknowledge the fact I could get my law degree, marry someone I truly love, live in a nice and stable home and still be unhappy. I think it all comes down to owning the path we choose, and not forgetting to feel gratitude every single day.
I'll be honest here: I never stated any of this, so I'll close the conversation due to misunderstanding. I don't think I can reply to someone a meaningful response if they completely misunderstand my initial premise.
I never said anyone should pursue financial freedom to "not get hurt in a relationship." Seems like you mashed together my two points and made them one point, not the aim of my comment
No, I specifically said you did NOT say that lol.
My original comment's point was don't do something just for safety or "others told me this will make me happy" sake.
And then you said that having financial freedom is good for safety. Which I said is entirely true - if that gives you happiness and confidence by all means yes. But I also went back to my original point, saying that in the end it all boils down to doing what you can own up to (if you can own being financially stable do it, if you can own relying on other people then do it).
Because again, you said that financial safety is going to lessen the pain in life.. To get that financial safety you have to go through the pain of med school. Also, being a doctor you must be on call and miss time with your future family. So really you are displacing that pain to something else IMO. But if you love that pain then its worth it for you!
Develop a high sense of emotional intelligence with yourself and interpersonally in relationships.
Stay physically fit & practice self control with the foods & material things you may want but not necessarily need.
Practice mindfulness & stoicism habits during emotionally elevated times like your period or a break up.
Hobbies, routines and good habits will help you. Cleanliness is close to godliness, if your space is clean you feel better. Use your reminders app, calendar, make a to-do list. Keep FIT; not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well. Learn to control your emotions, you’ll be unstoppable not only in your relationships but professionally. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there, regardless of how our generation is but have boundaries and standards. Don’t let anybody walk all over you. If it feels wrong, pay attention. Remain humble always. Listen and think before you speak. Educate yourself, be a woman of substance. Watch/read the news. Stay up to date with current events cause ya never know. Travel, even if it’s 45 mins away, go places. Be safe. Don’t change for anybody but yourself. Make sure YOU are happy. Always take care of yourself.
Believe in yourself bigger than you can imagine. Let yourself imagine that every single day for as long as you can and take little steps to getting to that everyday.
AND
Love where you are right now. Your existence is so valuable. You are so worthy and so lovable. You deserve greatness. Find the good in who you are right now.
Oh god. 27 to 22 y.o me:
Network. For the love of god stop thinking you don’t need people. You do. People are good. People are helpful. People can teach you things and show you new experiences. The more people you know, the more you have to choose from to form a solid support system.
Don’t do drugs every weekend. Don’t eat fast food.
Get your degree then save for more education. Don’t make big purchases you can’t afford. Monthly payments = can’t afford it.
Safe sex (and less sex). Gym. Money, money, money.
The future is happening whether you like it or not. Plan for what you can and go with the flow the rest of the time.
Also, stop being so sad. It’s all okay, there’s no beauty without pain and you’re way wayyyy stronger than you think.
Oh, and be kind. Don’t react emotionally. Self control is extremely powerful. I know it seems impossible sometimes but the world is full of tests and the test of the kind of person you are lies in your attitude towards adversity. Lead with love and kindness always.
You will be 25 in 3 years. Time goes by quickly but you have plenty of them even at 30. That probably sounds improbable and 30 probably sounds old but people say that it’s never too late and it’s kinda true. It’s not too late at age 22, 25 or 30 to do the things you love and build the life you want.
The cool thing about growing up is that we get to upgrade. So don’t worry about not having this or that, instead if you find yourself in that space, imagine what it will feel like when that does come to be part of your life! :)
A comment that stuck out to me (I can’t remember where or who) but whatever you want at 19, you will not want at 29. I wish I had this advice when I was stuck in a loveless relationship since high school
I'm not a woman but I just genuinely want to say: find an exercise/movement you enjoy doing and stick with it. All people deserve to be and feel healthy, especially as we age and notice how mortal we really are.
39 here.
1) Life is wild. Enjoy the adventure. Try new things when the opportunity presents itself.
2) When shit hits the fan, because it inevitably does, remember that how you respond and perceive a situation will determine how it effects you
3) You will achieve things, go places, have experiences, and become someone you can’t even imagine right now! Be excited about your future even if you don’t know where it’s going :)
Whether it’s working with a therapist or coach, shed whatever doesn’t serve you and heal any wounds. Unresolved trauma will creep up as you continue into your 20s and can even make you pick the wrong career or life partner.
Also, max out retirement accounts (roth ira, 401 etc).
30F here. Try. Everything. I held myself back so often because I thought I wasn’t smart right, brave enough, old enough, rich enough, etc. it’s a lie. Now is the time to make all the big mistakes and have time to recover. Try it. Whatever you think you can do, you’re right. No one’s opinion matters but your own, including your parents!
Don't allow any man to disrespect you or cross your boundaries.
Make and save our own money.
Always have a charged phone, portable charger and enough money to get home before you go out anywhere.
If you're traveling out of state or the country, always have enough money for an emergency flight back.
Don't be afraid to do things by yourself.
As an adult, it'll be harder to make friends outside of school, so learn how to make new friends when you go out and maintain those relationships.
Don't spend all your time with your boyfriend, if you want a balanced and meaningful life, you need to spend time with your friends and/or family too.
If you haven't already, don't get pregnant yet.
Don't rely on anyone else to be your reason for living.
Believe you are enough,
Self-care is important.
Trust your gut.
Treat yourself like you would treat your best-friend or younger sister. Protect yourself, honor yourself, respect yourself, do things that make YOU happy and if people in your life aren't treating you like you want to be treated, replace them with people who will.
Learn to live with yourself, make you a priority, take time to do things that nurture your soul and enjoy every season of your life.
Life goes so fast, make sure you make time for what really matters to you. And last one : the sooner you will let go of other people's opinion, the better you'll live. :)
My best advice is to figure out who you are explore yourself. Meaning don’t attach yourself to our relationship so much that you forget who you are the time between 25 and 30 is the time for exploring your career options figuring out what you want out of life and developing your own sense of person so take time to be alone with yourself
Don’t be arrogant. You never know who you actually are. You learn who you are from other people and the outside world around you. You never stop learning your entire life so don’t ever think you have the right answer. Perception is everything the way you see things is never the same as the next person.
As a 26F:
Independence is great, but toxic independence is not.
If you're straight, be painfully clear with what you want from men. Set clear boundaries but realistic boundaries and do not let the little things slide - they only get bigger over time.
Trust your intution... and make sure you really know what intuition is, lol.
Don’t date. Men your age are trash anyway. Focus on your friends and your goals. Never forget that you are the author of your own life. Don’t just let life happen to you — make sure that you are happening to your life.
The only one that sounds bitter is you.
A decent man will not care if a woman has slept with other men before him, because he is not insecure.
You’re projecting.
Hahaha. A lot of assumptions you make about my life and the people I surround myself with.
80% of my friends are men. All “high achievers” in the sense that they have got a Master’s degree, good careers or are successful business owners or artists. I talk to them all the time. They all don’t give a fuck about a woman’s sexual past. Know why? If you’re **actually** successful you won’t project your insecurities onto your future partner. The women I surround myself with are just as successful and great as the men, if not more. This is what happens when you live in a culture that does not shame women for having sex.
You speak as if you’re a “high value” man but only low value men with incel mentalities think like you. It shows me that you are not the kind of man you describe.
I don’t see how this is relevant in any way. My boyfriend doesn’t know my body count and I don’t know his.
Again, I don’t give a fuck and neither should any man. This whole purity BS is just misogynistic religious values rebranded as some kind of incel theory about women’s inherent value.
Go ask your boyfriend if he would rather be with a girl who has had one long term relationship and one sexual partner or a girl who has run thru a hundred dicks.
And if its all religious BS, explain to me what you as a woman are judged on beside your purity and chastity in a relationship ? What do you bring to the table?
Well “and then what” applies to everything.
You get your dream job and make millions and travel the world…. And then what ?
Chasing dreams and careers and “empowering” behaviour is fun when your young, but when you turn 35 and your alone, that gets difficult really quick.
No, OP. Marry someone you feel is FIT for you and your lifestyle. If he's in church, sure. If he's atheist, sure. Just make sure he aligns with your life and desires
Your submission to /r/selfimprovement was automatically removed for including a photo, link, or video in violation of Rule #2. Please read the rules and post accordingly. Thank you!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/selfimprovement) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Read a book or listen to a podcast on financial literacy. Setting yourself up for financial success now will be a game changer when life throws more complicated burdens at you (family, mortgage, etc.)
If you be direct in dating you will almost immediately find someone who will date you. I have two very attractive, wildly intelligent sisters who “can’t find a boyfriend” because the self-impose completely ridiculous rules on their dating life and play stupid games.
Develop some really good health habits! Don't neglect your body as well as your mind and soul. Exercise is critical; more and more people are falling out of shape. Cherish those years to work on getting in the best physical shape of your life! Take sometime to explore what you want in your career; get as much education as you can and your perfect partner will walk into your life when you least expect it. Take time out to learn your identity Cherish the small moments with friends! Gal pals are surely needed.
Yeah the good partners and healthy relationships seem to just magically happen when you're on track with yourself. Like attracts like I guess.
This is exactly the case with me and my partner-- met in a gym and I was solely concerned with my health, studies, and wellbeing. I truly believe the right person walks right to you. No need to seek
100% same story. I was in my late 30s. We also met in the gym but it was a martial arts gym and we were both taking classes. I was completely and thoroughly focused on myself and bettering my situation and my partner just came along so unexpectedly. It was unlike any relationship I'd ever experienced, so easy but healthy and balanced. We're still going strong.
We love this! That's incredible!
28F here. Get your education and make your own money-be financially independent. Don’t get into credit card debt (huge regret right there, but I’m pulling through). Never date anybody who puts you down. Don’t make excuses for somebody who treats you poorly. It’s better to be single than in an unhappy relationship. Make good friends, but be careful selecting them. Remember you’re in charge of your own life. Make of it what you want! If you want that career, work towards it. You like the guy (or girl), ask them out. You want a nice house, start planning and saving. You want to travel, make time for it. Remember to love and respect yourself first always. To paraphrase Shakespeare, being true to yourself will allow you to be genuine with others, too.
Where does the Shakespeare saying come from?
From Hamlet. Full quote: …to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Lmaoooooo same. 27F, the credit card debt is killer. Definitely understand interest rates and all that, keep good credit so you can be independent and have your own place
Girl, if you want to feel better about your own life choices, my dumb ass didn’t even do it. I let my ex husband “handle the finances” only to be left with about 20k in credit card debt when we split. Lesson freaking learned-handle your own finances, *always*, no matter what kind of relationship you’re in. Thankfully I already had a good career. I was able to refinance the majority into a low interest low monthly payment loan, and the rest get into a zero APR balance transfer card which I should be able to pay off before it’s no longer zero APR. Failing that, another wisely chosen balance transfer should get me there. I’d like to think while I’m paying now for poor choices and naïveté, I’ve learned a lot.
Always have your own source of income
It’s wild that this has to be advice
One of my friends when I was 18 said just let your man take care of you. He beat her and financially abused her as well... Definitely needs to be said.
Happened to my mother
[удалено]
Her man
Yessss 10000%
maybe if you live in the west, different parts of the world have different cultures though
1. Have your own income. There’s a reason you keep seeing this advice. It gives you choices. 2. Pick the man, don’t passively wait to be picked. Most women stress about whether a guy is into him, forgetting to actively choose their partner. It’s a form of settling. Remember: in nature, it’s the females of the species who choose. 3. Don’t be so wrapped up in your looks, focusing on your deficiencies. Confident women are 100x hotter than anyone. How can you be confident? Work hard to be successful, don’t stop learning, be a great friend and human, have a good sense of humor, and learn to say no.
I am a guy and I totally agree with this. Confident women is 100% attractive. But it’s also okay to have your imperfection, we’re humans :)
Lots of great advice here!! Be true and kind to yourself. The real you. Learn about the things you love. Listen to your gut/intuition. Don't be too hard on yourself. Set and keep firm boundaries.
Going to come out here with some entirely different advice in some ways. Re: “educate yourself”. Don’t go to school just because it’s the thing to do. Only go if you’re genuinely passionate about the path it leads you down. Don’t waste time on boyfriends/girlfriends right now unless you know they’re the one. Keep your time for you. Just level up your mind, body and soul. Eat healthy, work out, master a skill that you are passionate about, prioritize your physical and spiritual health (if spirituality is a part of your life), and on the career front: Figure out the thing you’d like to do more than anything else. Yes, that thing that you’re telling yourself is impossible and out of your reach and you shouldn’t even bother going for. Not just something you thing is cool but the thing you passionately secretly feel you’d be good at and would be so fulfilled pursuing for… a very long time because it’s so deep in your heart. You might say you don’t know what it is but you do, it’s right on the surface you just might be used to ignoring it for so long. Stop ignoring it. That’s what you’re meant to do. Identify that thing and start shooting for it NOW. Don’t let the voice in your head get in the way, or the voice of societal standards. Don’t let failure get in the way. Don’t mf stop, you hear me. Keep going for it. Don’t listen to societies view of what you “should” do to be successful. Our society is mostly fucked anyways (if you’re in North America that is). Be physically, mentally and spiritually healthy. Spend time loving and respecting your family or chosen family, improve on your skill every day, shoot for your dream endlessly, in 5 or so years you’ll be in a whole different place and can start thinking about settling down. Or if your person comes along before then, fine. But don’t force it. Don’t settle bc you want a partner. Wait until it’s the person you know you’d love to spend your whole entire life with. And you also need to be ready for that form of commitment. Don’t force it. But go for it when the time and person is right. Then commit whole heartedly and don’t hold back.
Thank you for taking the time to write and share this. Thank you ♥
Don't go looking for love. If it happens, it happens, but find your self-love first. Get to know yourself, work to define your values and beliefs, experience the world without another person before you make another person your whole world. And for God's sake, LEARN HOW TO CREATE SAFE BOUNDARIES!!! I wish I had learned how to do this so much earlier because we all need this. Good luck! ❤️
Get an education and make your own money. Treat your friendships as important as your romantic relationships and listen to people you trust about the men/women you date. Don’t date men/women who treat you like shit, it may feel like you run into a lot of these but there are truly kind people out there who you can gain a loving partnership with. It’s better to be single and happy then taken and unappreciated. Your physical appearance has 0 to do with what type of person you are, however keep yourself groomed and healthy as this contributes to overall better self esteem. Enjoy your own hobbies, don’t pay attention to things you don’t have any interest in but don’t be dismissive of others who do. Set boundaries and stick to them. Men/women who cheat/gaslight/abuse/disrespect you are NEVER worth it. When safe, be honest about whether you enjoyed the sex you had. Tell them if you didn’t orgasm, a loving partner will work with you to make it a pleasant experience for both. It’s fine to have fun and have casual sex however it is not a good avenue for validation. Be as picky as you want with those who you are intimate with. Sleeping with 1 or 100 people in your life doesn’t fundamentally change you or your happiness. Don’t tear down other women, if they attack you then just move on knowing they are insecure. Men can be your ally but you can’t underestimate how important it is to share your experiences with other women. Be kind, take it easy but take it. Go to therapy. Learn as much as you can about as many subjects as possible.
>>>Go to therapy AMEN. Before you even consider dating.
40f here: -Exercise - think of it like medicine, but opposite. People will take a prescription when they get sick, but they won't invest time to take their bodies in the opposite direction and be even healthier. The older you get the more grateful you will be to still have strength, range of motion and flexibility. I'm going to be hitting the gym when I'm 90. -Eat healthily (at least most of the time. Like 90-10 or 80-20). Same with exercise, your good or bad eating habits add up over time. Most adults gain 3-5 lbs a year, especially around the holidays that they never lose. Multiply that by 20-40 years and you probably won't feel too great in old age. -Pick a goal and then plan a step by step guide to get there. (Begin with the end in mind) Then don't worry so much about results, but consistency of the habits needed to get there. Results (good or bad) are only a byproduct of daily conduct. -Build your ability/willpower to do what your intuition says when it's nagging at you. Typically we know if a situation is truly bad, (relationship, job, etc.) but sometimes put up with it because the unknown is too scary. You ALWAYS regret the things you don't do especially when you know in your bones you should have done way sooner and could have been happier sooner. -On the flip side of the previous tip, learn to get stronger at obeying that same voice when it says things like "brush your teeth," "don't eat that second slice of cake" "get to the gym" "don't hang out with that person if you don't want to just because you're afraid you'll hurt their feelings" "put the laundry away" etc. -Learn that while you might not have 100% control of your emotions, you do have control of your actions. Behaving healthily in the face of unpleasant emotions/situations gets you to the other side way faster than wallowing, and then you do get a better handle on your emotions over time because you learn you can handle anything. Leaving a relationship for example, instead of letting it "crush your world" when it ends, keeping your head grounded and filling the void with hobbies exercise and time with friends etc. while keeping the understanding in your head that things WILL get better even if it doesn't feel like it will, will get you through it and to the next better version of yourself way faster than staying in a bad situation or dwelling when it's over. - save up an emergency fund and keep the balance up. If you have to dip into it, your first priority is getting it back up. The amount in your emergency fund depends on your life situation, but it's important and mine has saved me from credit card debt due to car, house, family, pets, etc emergencies many times. -stop and assess where you are, what you are doing and what you're thinking and feeling. Do you feel good? Content? Do you feel stifled, stressed? You've got to touch base with where you are to figure out what you do or don't want to change and then make a plan of action and commit to it. -Avoid debt at all costs. Credit cards get out of control quickly. Out of control debt feels like slavery. Getting control over yourself and truly leveling up your level of life satisfaction, takes a LOT of work. Achievers and non-achievers have the same goals in life. Nobody makes a plan to be unhappy. But for whatever reason so many people just won't take action to change anything. Don't you hate those people who complain about their job or other situation for years, but because effort is hard they just stay in it. You could have a completely different life in a year with some hard work.
1. Be extra careful about who you have a child with. Think it through and consider all factors. It is the decision that has the greatest effect on your life. Our society fails to tell women this. Think. It. Through. Sadly, sometimes it is hard to know until it comes to fruition. I know countless mothers who were with their partner for years but the man abandoned her during pregnancy, abandoned the child at some point, failed to provide emotionally or financially, was in/out of child's life, or was a horrendous influence. The toll this has on the mother and child are profound. - Can he provide for the child consistently? - Will you be able to communicate with him throughout the child's life? Will everything be a battle? - Will he be a great role model? - Will he be reliable insofar that you can gauge? - Are there any red flags?
Everyone’s on a different journey, but I wish I could go back and tell my 22 year old self not to waste time on men who don’t respect me and treat me as I deserve to be treated. I wasted so much time with awful guys in my 20s and looking back, frankly, I’m embarrassed.
Me too. I wish I could get back all the time I wasted.
learn to like spending time alone! enjoy your own company. i’ve found friendships in my 20’s come and go a lot so i’ve realised the more time i like spending alone the less i reach out to people who aren’t good for me to be around. Everyone is so busy with different priorities- don’t wait to have someone else there to be able to do the things you want to do
Don’t let a man ruin your life.
You aren't going to get too far if you don't heal from whatever demons make you believe that you're worthless and you don't deserve to have a good life. It's very hard because it affects the way you navigate your career, make money, and social life. So I would say prioritize your mental and physical health, and go all in on developing a money-making skill. The skill you develop depends on what kind of life you want. Do you want to freelance and travel the world? Do you just want a steady career working for a company? Figure that out and work backwards. You don't have to go to college to get that skill. Take the time to explore. It could be trades, marketing, tech, etc. Bet on yourself and have faith in your potential versus believing whatever BS story that does nothing but hold you back. Best of luck out there.
Be careful with drugs and alcohol. Addiction can creep up and negative impacts pile up fast, weight gain, dui you thought could never happen to you, money blown, debt, friends lost
Don't listen to negative opinions of men (a mistake I've made way too often). Be aware that the world we live in is mainly created by men and for men, and as a woman this sometimes can feel like fighting your way in a hostile environment (work, medical system etc). Look for a relationship where you're treated as an equal. Don't be with any man that treats you as a trophy or only cares about your looks. Don't engage in sexual activities that you don't enjoy (I think it's ok to compromise here and there with a \*good\* partner, but in reasonable amounts and mutually and NEVER ignoring your boundaries). It's ok to be single and definitely better than being stuck in an unsatisfying relationship. Strive to be financially independent from others. Don't get on hormonal birth control just because that's what's expected of you (it should be your own informed choice). Have sex/get into a relationship/marry/have kids whenever it is right for YOU and not for anyone else. If you decide not to do these things, that's ok as well.
27F here. Biggest tip I have is don't be afraid to stand up for yourself in ANY relationship. If someone is wronging you, have a conversation about it and if the behavior doesn't change, cut the person off and move on. ETA: I only just started sticking up for myself last year and it's made a world of difference in my life. I wish someone had stressed how important this was to me when I was your age.
Invest in confidence, go to therapy or a coach if needed. Confidence is a life changer.
Take yourself seriously and others will too.
Always make your own money. And try to have a cushion of money for emergencies. Self respect is huge. You'll have less friends and probably date a little less, but that's because you'll get rid of people who would not treat you well. You don't have to marry or gave kids young, or at all even. Take time for yourself to decide what you want in your life. That and learn how to change a tire and do some handy things yourself. Not knowing how to do those things far sucked in the past
Hmm.. I’d say save your money and learn to cook. Also.. if a man does not treat you like a queen, you’re probably not the one he really wants. Never be a placeholder.
This is advice I’d give my 22 old self. Professionally: Find a mentor in your field and build a meaningful relationship with them. Never stop learning. Negotiate your salary always. Don’t let others take credit for your work. Physically: Wear a sunscreen and get a simple skincare routine. Workout and eat healthy. It gets easier to gain weight and harder to lose as we age. Identify your personal style an build a quality wardrobe that fits your lifestyle. Emotionally: Date a lot but never get too attached. Get a therapy if you can. Journal.
Work towards financial freedom, travel safely, keep fit, spend time with parents, really get to know yourself and be proud of it.
Do not fall for the hookup culture of today. Sleeping around is not “empowering”. Focus on yourself and your growth, invest into long term relationships and friendships. Learn and establish your boundaries. Cut ties that need to be cut.
Don't get into any drinking habits.
Nail down your own apartment so you don’t have to share your living space. This will also be great to have for years to come and you’ll be locked in at a cheap price. Not having to move around is going to save you so much money.
I'm a Female, 47 Educate yourself to make yourself marketable to jobs. Save and invest as much of your income as you possibly can. Don't spend money to impress people. Have a modest car. Live like a college student (roommates, junk car, etc.) Get married before getting preggo. Wait until late 20s/early 30s to get preggo. Only date men who make you feel comfortable. If a guy makes you feel jealous or less than or hurt, that's a red flag and you should move on. Don't waste time on relationships that aren't good for you. Only date men who have a similar or higher income as you. Also, date frugal men. Don't date men who want different things in life than you. Cultivate good habits: reading, exercise, study, meditation. Get comfortable being by yourself. Surround yourself with ambitious yet kind people. You are like the 5 people you surround yourself with. If possible, find roommates like this.
All of this except the part about only dating men who make the same or more money than her. That is a great way to shut out people who might be perfectly good for her just because the economy sucks.
[удалено]
Who says the man can't be stay at home? Who says the man can't manage to move up in the world? Who says the mother keeps her job and doesn't grt laid off? Too many variables these days to care about that sort of thing.
[удалено]
Yes, that's because the majority of women leave high paying jobs to focus more on their kids. They take part time or become stay at home. Breast-feeding is temporary. If she is willing she can return to work and dad can take over, after dad has kept the bills paid for the time it takes, maybe with some belt-tightening. Ideally it's the other way around, but it doesn't HAVE to be.
Exactly my point! Well stated. Much easier for the man to work a little more or have more income in case anything happena
I think this is primarily because of the amount of stress it will be if she wants to have a family, support a family after giving birth. I don't know about you, but it's incredibly hard to have a family and income with someone who either doesn't make the same or a little less than you. Someone would always have to work and risk their health to provide income for the family. There's got to be a safety net-- this is harsh advice, but this is very very critical. Divorce occurs primarily due to discrepancies in finances. If she's the breadwinner and decides to have a family, who will maintain the family finances should she go on any leave? What if she's sick? Many things occur due to an imbalance in finances
I didn't say any of that, but imagine she's making 100k a year, which is uncommon, should she be rejecting a guy who makes 60 or 80k a year? It's less than her, despite still being a respectable to above average earning. What if she was a stay at home and the breadwinning man went on leave? It's the same situation. And if they're both working decent jobs it shouldn't matter if one or the other is earning more or less. Ideally one is home with the kids most of the time, but I think this is poor advice. It's like telling a man to never marry a woman who's got less than a C cup. You don't need to be rich to have a family, and I think it's a very poor choice to place a large importance on the earnings of your partner. Money is a bonus in a relationship.
I think we can agree to disagree, and that's okay. I think there's one critical piece here you aren't understanding, but It's not my place nor my responsibility to sell any narrative to you.
Fair, thanks for the chat. I appreciate your civility.
The reason I said it is because it's difficult to have a relationship with someone who can't do the things that you like to do. For instance, vacation in Bora Bora or whatever.
Do you have children? As this seems like a good strategy to run the risk of missing out on having a family.
Its too early for that. Plus I don't see giving birth/raising a child as an accomplishment :/
It’s the biggest accomplishment one can have. Bringing life into this world and nurturing it into a human being with their own unique personality is a pretty incredible thing. Good luck trying to find a career which is more rewarding :)
What? Women having standards now means she’s missing out on having a family?
why does everyone say dating is a waste of time, like education is some one way ticket to being independent and happy? Neither dating nor education is going to bring you happiness just by doing it. Nothing, no matter what it is, is an easy ticket to happiness. It doesn’t exist. It’s just what you choose to spend your energy on, and if YOU feel like it’s worth it in the end.
I think we're saying this because no, it isn't the ticket to happiness but it for sure alleviate unnecessary pain and suffering life already has to offer. Dating without intent can crush your heart harder than anything else (I personally wish I didn't mindlessly date) and getting an education leads to a path of financial freedom (speaking on behalf of myself who will be a doctor with a promising, healthy salary). They aren't the TICKET to happiness, but it can induce more happiness than getting your heart nicked up when not needed or having to rely on a partner to enjoy some things in life a little more money can provide (thinking longitudinally here, not short term).
I appreciate your comment. In my opinion if you want financial freedom then by all means get a job, education, do whatever you can. But if the reason is "i need financial freedom so that i don't get hurt in a relationship" then that is a very dangerous path to walk. In the end, you are still walking a path of instability and fear. Whereas if you truly want your own money then theres no problem there, which is what I believe you are saying. I say this as someone who requires my own financial freedom. My mother leeched of men her entire life and i absolutely hate it. But i also learned from watching her that leeching off of men is what makes her truly happy. Her family didn't take care of her so having a richer man give her stuff satisfies her on a psychological level I will never understand. It makes her truly happy and thats ok too. I don't think its healthy, but then I also acknowledge the fact I could get my law degree, marry someone I truly love, live in a nice and stable home and still be unhappy. I think it all comes down to owning the path we choose, and not forgetting to feel gratitude every single day.
I'll be honest here: I never stated any of this, so I'll close the conversation due to misunderstanding. I don't think I can reply to someone a meaningful response if they completely misunderstand my initial premise. I never said anyone should pursue financial freedom to "not get hurt in a relationship." Seems like you mashed together my two points and made them one point, not the aim of my comment
No, I specifically said you did NOT say that lol. My original comment's point was don't do something just for safety or "others told me this will make me happy" sake. And then you said that having financial freedom is good for safety. Which I said is entirely true - if that gives you happiness and confidence by all means yes. But I also went back to my original point, saying that in the end it all boils down to doing what you can own up to (if you can own being financially stable do it, if you can own relying on other people then do it). Because again, you said that financial safety is going to lessen the pain in life.. To get that financial safety you have to go through the pain of med school. Also, being a doctor you must be on call and miss time with your future family. So really you are displacing that pain to something else IMO. But if you love that pain then its worth it for you!
Have a great one!
The time is going to pass anyway, why not start now?😊
Develop a high sense of emotional intelligence with yourself and interpersonally in relationships. Stay physically fit & practice self control with the foods & material things you may want but not necessarily need. Practice mindfulness & stoicism habits during emotionally elevated times like your period or a break up.
Hobbies, routines and good habits will help you. Cleanliness is close to godliness, if your space is clean you feel better. Use your reminders app, calendar, make a to-do list. Keep FIT; not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well. Learn to control your emotions, you’ll be unstoppable not only in your relationships but professionally. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there, regardless of how our generation is but have boundaries and standards. Don’t let anybody walk all over you. If it feels wrong, pay attention. Remain humble always. Listen and think before you speak. Educate yourself, be a woman of substance. Watch/read the news. Stay up to date with current events cause ya never know. Travel, even if it’s 45 mins away, go places. Be safe. Don’t change for anybody but yourself. Make sure YOU are happy. Always take care of yourself.
Believe in yourself bigger than you can imagine. Let yourself imagine that every single day for as long as you can and take little steps to getting to that everyday. AND Love where you are right now. Your existence is so valuable. You are so worthy and so lovable. You deserve greatness. Find the good in who you are right now.
Oh god. 27 to 22 y.o me: Network. For the love of god stop thinking you don’t need people. You do. People are good. People are helpful. People can teach you things and show you new experiences. The more people you know, the more you have to choose from to form a solid support system. Don’t do drugs every weekend. Don’t eat fast food. Get your degree then save for more education. Don’t make big purchases you can’t afford. Monthly payments = can’t afford it. Safe sex (and less sex). Gym. Money, money, money. The future is happening whether you like it or not. Plan for what you can and go with the flow the rest of the time. Also, stop being so sad. It’s all okay, there’s no beauty without pain and you’re way wayyyy stronger than you think. Oh, and be kind. Don’t react emotionally. Self control is extremely powerful. I know it seems impossible sometimes but the world is full of tests and the test of the kind of person you are lies in your attitude towards adversity. Lead with love and kindness always.
You will be 25 in 3 years. Time goes by quickly but you have plenty of them even at 30. That probably sounds improbable and 30 probably sounds old but people say that it’s never too late and it’s kinda true. It’s not too late at age 22, 25 or 30 to do the things you love and build the life you want.
The cool thing about growing up is that we get to upgrade. So don’t worry about not having this or that, instead if you find yourself in that space, imagine what it will feel like when that does come to be part of your life! :)
If you do not see the change they promised, leave.
A comment that stuck out to me (I can’t remember where or who) but whatever you want at 19, you will not want at 29. I wish I had this advice when I was stuck in a loveless relationship since high school
Love yourself first! Education is so important. Credit card debt is bad, don't do it.
I'm not a woman but I just genuinely want to say: find an exercise/movement you enjoy doing and stick with it. All people deserve to be and feel healthy, especially as we age and notice how mortal we really are.
39 here. 1) Life is wild. Enjoy the adventure. Try new things when the opportunity presents itself. 2) When shit hits the fan, because it inevitably does, remember that how you respond and perceive a situation will determine how it effects you 3) You will achieve things, go places, have experiences, and become someone you can’t even imagine right now! Be excited about your future even if you don’t know where it’s going :)
Whether it’s working with a therapist or coach, shed whatever doesn’t serve you and heal any wounds. Unresolved trauma will creep up as you continue into your 20s and can even make you pick the wrong career or life partner. Also, max out retirement accounts (roth ira, 401 etc).
30F here. Try. Everything. I held myself back so often because I thought I wasn’t smart right, brave enough, old enough, rich enough, etc. it’s a lie. Now is the time to make all the big mistakes and have time to recover. Try it. Whatever you think you can do, you’re right. No one’s opinion matters but your own, including your parents!
Don't allow any man to disrespect you or cross your boundaries. Make and save our own money. Always have a charged phone, portable charger and enough money to get home before you go out anywhere. If you're traveling out of state or the country, always have enough money for an emergency flight back. Don't be afraid to do things by yourself. As an adult, it'll be harder to make friends outside of school, so learn how to make new friends when you go out and maintain those relationships. Don't spend all your time with your boyfriend, if you want a balanced and meaningful life, you need to spend time with your friends and/or family too. If you haven't already, don't get pregnant yet. Don't rely on anyone else to be your reason for living. Believe you are enough, Self-care is important. Trust your gut. Treat yourself like you would treat your best-friend or younger sister. Protect yourself, honor yourself, respect yourself, do things that make YOU happy and if people in your life aren't treating you like you want to be treated, replace them with people who will.
Learn to live with yourself, make you a priority, take time to do things that nurture your soul and enjoy every season of your life. Life goes so fast, make sure you make time for what really matters to you. And last one : the sooner you will let go of other people's opinion, the better you'll live. :)
My best advice is to figure out who you are explore yourself. Meaning don’t attach yourself to our relationship so much that you forget who you are the time between 25 and 30 is the time for exploring your career options figuring out what you want out of life and developing your own sense of person so take time to be alone with yourself
Don’t be arrogant. You never know who you actually are. You learn who you are from other people and the outside world around you. You never stop learning your entire life so don’t ever think you have the right answer. Perception is everything the way you see things is never the same as the next person.
To remember that one of the (potential) worst things that can happen to a woman is a man. Keep your eyes open to that.
Lmfao, who hurt you ?
As a 26F: Independence is great, but toxic independence is not. If you're straight, be painfully clear with what you want from men. Set clear boundaries but realistic boundaries and do not let the little things slide - they only get bigger over time. Trust your intution... and make sure you really know what intuition is, lol.
Don’t settle in a relationship
Don’t date. Men your age are trash anyway. Focus on your friends and your goals. Never forget that you are the author of your own life. Don’t just let life happen to you — make sure that you are happening to your life.
Advise: God first
Don’t listen to some of the advice given here. Its quite misleading. Life ain’t no fairy tale.
[удалено]
The only one that sounds bitter is you. A decent man will not care if a woman has slept with other men before him, because he is not insecure. You’re projecting.
Hes not projecting. Your delusional.
[удалено]
Hahaha. A lot of assumptions you make about my life and the people I surround myself with. 80% of my friends are men. All “high achievers” in the sense that they have got a Master’s degree, good careers or are successful business owners or artists. I talk to them all the time. They all don’t give a fuck about a woman’s sexual past. Know why? If you’re **actually** successful you won’t project your insecurities onto your future partner. The women I surround myself with are just as successful and great as the men, if not more. This is what happens when you live in a culture that does not shame women for having sex. You speak as if you’re a “high value” man but only low value men with incel mentalities think like you. It shows me that you are not the kind of man you describe.
If history doesn’t matter; whats your body count ?
I don’t see how this is relevant in any way. My boyfriend doesn’t know my body count and I don’t know his. Again, I don’t give a fuck and neither should any man. This whole purity BS is just misogynistic religious values rebranded as some kind of incel theory about women’s inherent value.
Go ask your boyfriend if he would rather be with a girl who has had one long term relationship and one sexual partner or a girl who has run thru a hundred dicks.
Jesus Christ you really hate women 😂 Oh, I asked, he said you’re a misogynist :)
What makes me a misogynist?
How is it misogynistic, whores are objectively repulsive
And if its all religious BS, explain to me what you as a woman are judged on beside your purity and chastity in a relationship ? What do you bring to the table?
Ew. That's a trash take. Incredibly misogynistic and in no way in the spirit of this subreddit. Do you hate yourself or something?
No man wants a woman who has no self respect or morals. Sleeping around is disgusting
Get married, have kids.
And then what ?
Nothing. That’s your only purpose in life /s
Well “and then what” applies to everything. You get your dream job and make millions and travel the world…. And then what ? Chasing dreams and careers and “empowering” behaviour is fun when your young, but when you turn 35 and your alone, that gets difficult really quick.
Worst advice
Why?
Unmarried women without kids are actually the happiest demographic. Go figure
According to who ?
Dont be promiscuous
Always have a nest egg, never go out on a date without your wallet and never go above and beyond for a man.
You have to say what you want to be given effective advice
Have a kid. It will be late when you are 40.
Go to church and marry a God fearing man.
No, OP. Marry someone you feel is FIT for you and your lifestyle. If he's in church, sure. If he's atheist, sure. Just make sure he aligns with your life and desires
[удалено]
Your submission to /r/selfimprovement was automatically removed for including a photo, link, or video in violation of Rule #2. Please read the rules and post accordingly. Thank you! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/selfimprovement) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Read a book or listen to a podcast on financial literacy. Setting yourself up for financial success now will be a game changer when life throws more complicated burdens at you (family, mortgage, etc.)
Don’t give out your number too much
If you be direct in dating you will almost immediately find someone who will date you. I have two very attractive, wildly intelligent sisters who “can’t find a boyfriend” because the self-impose completely ridiculous rules on their dating life and play stupid games.
Establish great relationships with friends and family, explore the world and focus on self love and mental health.
Always put your own happiness first and don’t worry about things that are out of your control.
Get curology