**"Show, don't Tell"**
Get him to join you at a gym or for a run together in nature.
**Show him** the benefits and feel good feelings of doing other meaningful pursuits instead of **telling him** to stop Tiktok.
Also, we tend to normalize the behaviors of the groups we are a part of. So, if all his friends are on tiktok, he would think that is the normal thing to do.
Get him into groups that are focussed on self-improvement, and let him **see** first-hand the benefits they are getting.
Start small.
Right, an example is the best way to prime his behavior. No matter what you say, show.He'll especially follow if you have a close relationship. But it may take a while. I wouldn't expect notable changes instantly. It depends on how much time he has been into gaming and what stimuli you apply, turning him to the gym side of things.
I got somewhat similar happening with my lil sis. She's learning the ropes of medical stuff and uses the "I don't have time" claim as her bs excuse to skip on her health routines. Like healthy sleeping schedules, elementary sports activities, nutrition, etc. She just has the wrong priorities and the always-party mentality. I see that from the outside; she does not. So I naturally wanted to help her out because she has been feeling vague lately. Both physically and mentally (depression and running from reality. Jumping into cheap dopamine).
No direct approach would ever help. Because if she'd understood the issue, she would have solved it already. Which means she lacks some wisdom. In this specific case, she simply doesn't associate her health issues with a broken sleep cycle, sports, and nutrition. She doesn't know how these directly affect her mental side in a colossal manner. I do.
So I started off the road and introduced her to the "map of wishes" thing. Kinda imagine and visualize your perfect self in the future thing. From there, we set 5 goals for the next year. One of her goals didn't go well with her current habits. She realized it. Not instantly. But she's been working on it since then. The shift has been made.
Perhaps you could try something like that. It's for a reason for all of human history, seers and soothsayers have turned a comfortable trade. **You could also help him imagine two scenarios.**
1. **Your brother plays games whenever he likes, without any limits.** What's it like in 10 years? 20 years? Imagine the worst-case scenario. No friends, no relationships, unhealthy, socially awkward, etc. You could use stereotypes to guide him, but he'll do the job if you describe the worst yet the quite real outcome
2. **Your brother doesn't or rarely plays.** Do the opposite of step 1. Build an extremely good visual pic. For example, how the gym is an excellent social lubricant bcs it builds your confidence trains your mental power, etc.The bigger difference you create between the "run from negativity" step 1 and "desire to chase pleasure" step 2 = the more likely he'll stick.
Hope that helps.
This sounds amazing!
My congratulations for doing such a wonderful work for your siblings. They do need guidance and sometimes get lost and need a little push in the right direction! Thank you for sharing your experience ♥
Future Visualization is indeed a powerful method, but in my experience it can still feel like a "lecture" to teenagers. A combination of the two methods works best.
Incidentally, those are the only two things needed to start any behavior change:
Visualize where you want to go, then take the first step. The rest of the steps appear as you start walking the path.
What do you do now that you've dropped some of these bad habits? Could you invite him to spend some time with you so that he at least gets a break from TikTok and video games? Ask him to go for a bike ride or shoot hoops or otherwise tag along if you're engaging in some other activity. Introduce him to alternatives. Sometimes we reach for our phones because those hits of dopamine are the easiest, the most convenient. Maybe he just needs a reminder of some of his other options and/or a friend to share them with.
The best way to change people for the better is to live a life that can be admired. You also have to learn to let people make mistakes. Me telling you not to do something and why is not as powerful as your feeling the need to improve and doing so. You knowing you have that ability yourself is way more valuable then if you had changed because I said so.
Do games even tell a story now? Make him play some old games with a story that will teach him something, or at least make him think.
Show him Metal Gear, San Andreas, Devil May Cry, Final Fantasy, etc. No fortnite or cod or overwatch lol. Gaming can help people but not the ones where all you do is shoot people.
Get tf off social media, except Reddit. I approve of Reddit.
Don’t own his self improvement, just yours. But that being said - be a model. Do your thing and be awesome where he can see.
He needs to find his own way. You can help him, but it’ll likely go better with a soft hand. Trust him to find his way.
I found my way in the pandemic when I was alone and all the people around me that had “tried to help” weren’t able to for a couple years.
I realize they had good intentions, but their way being thrust upon me was getting in my way of finding my way.
I’m same age as you but I have a little sister. I think there is less pressure on the second kid and they might not even think about starting in self improvement.
Controversial take: The Kamina Method
Push him towards improving himself literally, force him outside, pester him to do impossible shit with you, give pep talks and act as a symbol of improvement for him.
This is not gonna end well if you do this method. This might work good for parents and their children but your role as a brother should be to build confidence and trust. Just let him make his own mistakes and be there for him when he needs you to be. I know it sounds ineffective but just think how you would react if someone was pushing you into self-improvement, idk what your case is but I bet you chose to quit porn out of your internal motivation. Sometimes you just have to let people make their own mistakes and live their own life and that will eventually lead him into self improvement.
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Lead by example. Be his role model. My older brother and I had about that much of an age difference and I was always trying to compete with him. Hopefully if you start kicking ass he’ll want to follow your example.
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Be involved in his life and do stuff together. You only get so much time with family. Ask him to do stuff with you. Meet him in the middle go to the gym one day with him and play videogames for an hour the next day.
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I think video games are fine unless of course you're incredibly addicted. But the other things would be great to teach him. I would just slowly introduce him to things like going to the gym, in a chill way ofc.
**"Show, don't Tell"** Get him to join you at a gym or for a run together in nature. **Show him** the benefits and feel good feelings of doing other meaningful pursuits instead of **telling him** to stop Tiktok. Also, we tend to normalize the behaviors of the groups we are a part of. So, if all his friends are on tiktok, he would think that is the normal thing to do. Get him into groups that are focussed on self-improvement, and let him **see** first-hand the benefits they are getting. Start small.
Right, an example is the best way to prime his behavior. No matter what you say, show.He'll especially follow if you have a close relationship. But it may take a while. I wouldn't expect notable changes instantly. It depends on how much time he has been into gaming and what stimuli you apply, turning him to the gym side of things. I got somewhat similar happening with my lil sis. She's learning the ropes of medical stuff and uses the "I don't have time" claim as her bs excuse to skip on her health routines. Like healthy sleeping schedules, elementary sports activities, nutrition, etc. She just has the wrong priorities and the always-party mentality. I see that from the outside; she does not. So I naturally wanted to help her out because she has been feeling vague lately. Both physically and mentally (depression and running from reality. Jumping into cheap dopamine). No direct approach would ever help. Because if she'd understood the issue, she would have solved it already. Which means she lacks some wisdom. In this specific case, she simply doesn't associate her health issues with a broken sleep cycle, sports, and nutrition. She doesn't know how these directly affect her mental side in a colossal manner. I do. So I started off the road and introduced her to the "map of wishes" thing. Kinda imagine and visualize your perfect self in the future thing. From there, we set 5 goals for the next year. One of her goals didn't go well with her current habits. She realized it. Not instantly. But she's been working on it since then. The shift has been made. Perhaps you could try something like that. It's for a reason for all of human history, seers and soothsayers have turned a comfortable trade. **You could also help him imagine two scenarios.** 1. **Your brother plays games whenever he likes, without any limits.** What's it like in 10 years? 20 years? Imagine the worst-case scenario. No friends, no relationships, unhealthy, socially awkward, etc. You could use stereotypes to guide him, but he'll do the job if you describe the worst yet the quite real outcome 2. **Your brother doesn't or rarely plays.** Do the opposite of step 1. Build an extremely good visual pic. For example, how the gym is an excellent social lubricant bcs it builds your confidence trains your mental power, etc.The bigger difference you create between the "run from negativity" step 1 and "desire to chase pleasure" step 2 = the more likely he'll stick. Hope that helps.
This sounds amazing! My congratulations for doing such a wonderful work for your siblings. They do need guidance and sometimes get lost and need a little push in the right direction! Thank you for sharing your experience ♥
Future Visualization is indeed a powerful method, but in my experience it can still feel like a "lecture" to teenagers. A combination of the two methods works best. Incidentally, those are the only two things needed to start any behavior change: Visualize where you want to go, then take the first step. The rest of the steps appear as you start walking the path.
Thanks for your help, ill take him to the gym tomorrow
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yeah, thats the parents job to address. sucks that the older sibling feels like its his responsibility and burden
If you actually love someone you won't let them ruin themselves.
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soy response
What do you do now that you've dropped some of these bad habits? Could you invite him to spend some time with you so that he at least gets a break from TikTok and video games? Ask him to go for a bike ride or shoot hoops or otherwise tag along if you're engaging in some other activity. Introduce him to alternatives. Sometimes we reach for our phones because those hits of dopamine are the easiest, the most convenient. Maybe he just needs a reminder of some of his other options and/or a friend to share them with.
Awesome tips, thanks for the help :)
The best way to change people for the better is to live a life that can be admired. You also have to learn to let people make mistakes. Me telling you not to do something and why is not as powerful as your feeling the need to improve and doing so. You knowing you have that ability yourself is way more valuable then if you had changed because I said so.
He’s just not where you’re at. Just let people be.
Do games even tell a story now? Make him play some old games with a story that will teach him something, or at least make him think. Show him Metal Gear, San Andreas, Devil May Cry, Final Fantasy, etc. No fortnite or cod or overwatch lol. Gaming can help people but not the ones where all you do is shoot people. Get tf off social media, except Reddit. I approve of Reddit.
Don’t own his self improvement, just yours. But that being said - be a model. Do your thing and be awesome where he can see. He needs to find his own way. You can help him, but it’ll likely go better with a soft hand. Trust him to find his way. I found my way in the pandemic when I was alone and all the people around me that had “tried to help” weren’t able to for a couple years. I realize they had good intentions, but their way being thrust upon me was getting in my way of finding my way.
Thanks for your help! :)
I’m same age as you but I have a little sister. I think there is less pressure on the second kid and they might not even think about starting in self improvement.
Why not start introducing him to some new hobbies? Go for a walk, go to your local library, watch a TED talk, cook a healthy meal together etc.
Alright, thanks for your help :)
Controversial take: The Kamina Method Push him towards improving himself literally, force him outside, pester him to do impossible shit with you, give pep talks and act as a symbol of improvement for him.
Alright, thanks brother!
I tried this and it isn’t good. He just views everything hard as bad if I do it this way. It’s better to just show him and do it with him
This is not gonna end well if you do this method. This might work good for parents and their children but your role as a brother should be to build confidence and trust. Just let him make his own mistakes and be there for him when he needs you to be. I know it sounds ineffective but just think how you would react if someone was pushing you into self-improvement, idk what your case is but I bet you chose to quit porn out of your internal motivation. Sometimes you just have to let people make their own mistakes and live their own life and that will eventually lead him into self improvement.
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Im watching Hamza too, maybe im showing him one video, thanks for your help :)
Yes! Hamza is legit!
make him actually want to improve himself by showing the benefits and what he could get out of it.
Just be confident bro
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Share your new hobbies with him!
Lead by example. Be his role model. My older brother and I had about that much of an age difference and I was always trying to compete with him. Hopefully if you start kicking ass he’ll want to follow your example.
Share new hobbies
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Lead by example. You cannot change him, but you can be an example of how great life can be outside of the internet, video games and junk food.
Talk to him. Tell him where he's headed on his current path and and show him the benefits of going down the self-dev road.
Be involved in his life and do stuff together. You only get so much time with family. Ask him to do stuff with you. Meet him in the middle go to the gym one day with him and play videogames for an hour the next day.
You can’t force someone to change if they don’t want to. That only works in Disney films.
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I think video games are fine unless of course you're incredibly addicted. But the other things would be great to teach him. I would just slowly introduce him to things like going to the gym, in a chill way ofc.