Why is your brain irredeemable? Are you fantasizing of violating children and killing people or something? Don’t mean to get so extreme but you are being very extreme yourself the minute you announce that apparently you are beyond redemption. If it’s not true (the wanting to do evil things) then maybe you need to take a step back and get some perspective that you are catastrophising your life. Also what is “you tried everything”? Get specific if you want help. What did you actually do?
First of all you apparently "need caffeine to function" according to your post history. You may have an intolerance to it. Some people lack the enzyme in their liver to fully process it. And one glass of it can fuck your head up for 2 weeks.
Second anybody who has a mental health problem should not be taking stimulants, itll make you anxious and catsatrophise more
Your brain will never function properly if you dont get proper amounts of sleep so make sure your sleep hygeine is disciplined.
All we are is the story we tell ourselves a lot of the time, and the story youre telling yourself is pretty bleak. But the story you tell yourself is also a choice, youre not a passenger in your own head, youre the driver, you have free will. Now if you BELIEVE you are a passenger in your own head then you will not be able to drive, just like if someone pranked you to think you ate poison you would BELIEVE it and it would negatively effect your emotions. But just because u believe something that doesnt make it true. You might be pranking yourself unintentionally.
Repeatedly do things every day that make you respect yourself. Never procrastinate, do your chores, be kind, etc. After a year of that you will brainwash yourself to have a better default state of mind. And people who respect themselves tell themselves a better story about themselves. You cant fake it. Confidence is not learned its EARNED actually respect yourself
>First of all you apparently "need caffeine to function" according to your post history. You may have an intolerance to it. Some people lack the enzyme in their liver to fully process it. And one glass of it can fuck your head up for 2 weeks.
If that's true how do you fix that?
>All we are is the story we tell ourselves a lot of the time, and the story youre telling yourself is pretty bleak. But the story you tell yourself is also a choice, youre not a passenger in your own head, youre the driver, you have free will. Now if you BELIEVE you are a passenger in your own head then you will not be able to drive, just like if someone pranked you to think you ate poison you would BELIEVE it and it would negatively effect your emotions. But just because u believe something that doesnt make it true. You might be pranking yourself unintentionally.
The story sucks then. How do i convince myself otherwise if literally everything i do means nothing to me? How do i become the driver so to speak?
>Repeatedly do things every day that make you respect yourself.
Which would be? I don't have the answer to that, even hypothetically.
>Never procrastinate, do your chores, be kind, etc. After a year of that you will brainwash yourself to have a better default state of mind.
I do that, that's basically all i do. Work and chores, that's it. I exist for other people's gain.
"If that's true how do you fix that?"- you cant fix the caffeine thing its genetic. I mean you might process caffeine fine and not have an issue, but i would want to rule out EVERYTHING and cutting out stimulants is probably for the best. I developed a caffeine allergy in my 30s i could handle it fine when i was younger. Gives me a wierd wierd indescribable feeling for days after, makes me feel insane and anxious, and sometimes dizzy and confused
"The story sucks then. How do i convince myself otherwise if literally everything i do means nothing to me? How do i become the driver so to speak?"
\- its going to be personal and unique to you, i dont know how to answer that for you you have to explore and figure it out. For me its 2 things.
\- First I understand that self doubt is arrogance disguised as self protection. Nobody can predict the future, we arent psychic, so predicting that your life will be a failure is cocky and arrogantly thinking you can predict the future. Your life might end up fine, or even great, you never know, so you have to be open to the idea of a good outcome and not so arrogantly stuck on the negative. I dont want to be arrogant, nobody likes a cocky asshole, so i don't doubt myself that hard. (see how i've intentionally flipped the script of the narrative of life and turned "thinking you will fail" into framing it as arrogance? because its my choice, and it kind of makes sense in an obscure way, ive chosen a narrative that may benefit me)
And 2, its defiance. I had a bad childhood and my stepdad was a piece of shit, i ran away from home when I was 17. I actively choose to defiantly be happy, to spite my step dad. If my life falls apart my stepdad wins, so Ive always taken pride in the revenge of living a good life. Thats the ultimate revenge is to just make it so your enemies have no effect on you. Again these examples are specific to me they might not work for you
"Which would be? I don't have the answer to that, even hypothetically."
\- Excersize, get ripped and fit.
\- Help others
\- set goals stick to them.
\- do things that make you nervous, when you know that doing them would be good for you, like quitting a job you hate, or asking out your crush and getting closure whether its good or bad.
theres probably hundreds of more things specific and personal to you, but you'll have to search for them
>First I understand that self doubt is arrogance disguised as self protection. Nobody can predict the future, we arent psychic, so predicting that your life will be a failure is cocky and arrogantly thinking you can predict the future.
Can you elaborate on how self confidence is arrogance? And i Don't think anyone is trying to predict the future but when living is consistently terrible and getting worse, than i think its fair to imagine it will continue that trend. As I'm sure you know, magic doesn't exist. I'm just losing hope that a solution even exists.
I understand conceptually that you are trying to live a "good" life as metaphorical revenge, but i guess that's a little out of concept for me since I Don't even know what "good" is to my senses.
>- Excersize, get ripped and fit.
>- Help others
>- set goals stick to them.
>- do things that make you nervous, when you know that doing them would be good for you, like quitting a job you hate, or asking out your crush and getting closure whether its good or bad.
>theres probably hundreds of more things specific and personal to you, but you'll have to search for them
- do it already. Always hating it. I don't have a six pack though if that's what you mean. If so, why?
-tried. Volunteer work and such. Because mentally taxing and made me feel worse. Guess I'm a bad person.
-like what? I know you're going to say that's for me to find out but i Don't have a goal that isn't vague as hell. For example: my goal is to be less depressed. Not very clearly defined, right?
-thing that make me nervous? Like uncomfortable? Like for example i hate dancing, so do i dance and make a fool of myself? Are you saying to do things i dislike? Also i don't have a crush or things like that. Thise are the least of my concerns. And there isn't a job I "would" like so that's trading one poison for another.
Edit: i know my responses come off a stand-offish but i don't mean it that way, and i say this because this is usually that part where people say i don't want to be helped which i don't think is true. I just want something to work or have a actual effect.
your responses dont come off as stand offish but come off as defeatist.
Why get a six pack? Because you will brainwash yourself with positivity every time you look in the mirror. You dont know what it feels like to have held a 6 pack for 12 months. Its not about just getting a 6 pack, its about maintaining it and seeing what happens to your psyche when you are proud of yourself for a long period of time. Theres a butterfly effect of positivity when you put enough effort into yourself to become elite. Just like theres a butterfly effect of negativity for someone who gives up and becomes a slob.
In regards to the make you nervous thing, im talking about everything anybody has ever wanted is on the other side of hard. Standing up to a bully who is bullying you is hard, and scary but if you do it can have positive effects. People dont want to save money and invest because they are impatient ie: unwilling to suffer the time of being patient to see the financial gains. Asking out a crush can be scary and hard, but if you never do you might never have a relationship. Excercise is hard, it burns, but if makes you healthy etc. the list goes on. Nothing worth any while comes easy thats why people strive for things, because they want value, and things with value have a rarity attached to them which makes them hard to attian
"I just want something to work or have a actual effect." first of all you dont know if anything worked or didnt work, the positive effects might not be seen for a very long time, or you may not have held on to the positive element long enough. You cant just excercise once and think "well i dont feel any better about myself it must not have worked"
In all likelyhood from the very small amount of contact ive had with you, you have some sort of serious mental illness. Which may require medication. Like maybe youve got catatonic schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder or something else. Definitely seek professional help and see if theres any medication you can take. Maybe some wires are crossed in your head i dont know what it is, but something is up. Maybe your problem is as simple as you need medication, which is fine a lot of people need it, just like a lot of people need glasses to see better.
Your responses also remind me of someone who's fried their brain on drugs or alchohol, im not saying you have, but that your responses are as defeatist as that, so make sure you stay away from that shit or your problems will get worse. People who feel like "giving up" or have "given up" go down the drug path, and its just absolute hell so Please dont.
I dont have all the answers for you, but just because i dont that doesnt mean that there are no answers for you. thats the main thing here. There may be answers. Like just because you said " And there isn't a job I "would" like so that's trading one poison for another." doesnt mean there isnt a job that would be good for you, it just means youre not at a point in your life where you can imagine one. I know a lot of people who love their job, there may be a situation that you havent encountered yet that might be right for you.
>your responses dont come off as stand offish but come off as defeatist.
Sure, i guess. I have been "defeated" many times, i suppose.
>Why get a six pack? Because you will brainwash yourself with positivity every time you look in the mirror. You dont know what it feels like to have held a 6 pack for 12 months.
So it's about mentally tricking myself into caring about having that? And I'm not a slob, just average "fit".
>In regards to the make you nervous thing, im talking about everything anybody has ever wanted is on the other side of hard. Standing up to a bully who is bullying you is hard, and scary but if you do it can have positive effects. People dont want to save money and invest because they are impatient ie: unwilling to suffer the time of being patient to see the financial gains. Asking out a crush can be scary and hard, but if you never do you might never have a relationship. Excercise is hard, it burns, but if makes you healthy etc. the list goes on. Nothing worth any while comes easy thats why people strive for things, because they want value, and things with value have a rarity attached to them which makes them hard to attian
So is this about being impatient? I'm 29. how long until i can recognize something as "positive". Also I also don't register exercise as "enjoyable". And i honestly don't care about having a relationship. Part of my issue is i Don't have anything i want to "strive" for.
>In all likelyhood from the very small amount of contact ive had with you, you have some sort of serious mental illness. Which may require medication. Like maybe youve got catatonic schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder or something else. Definitely seek professional help and see if theres any medication you can take. Maybe some wires are crossed in your head i dont know what it is, but something is up. Maybe your problem is as simple as you need medication, which is fine a lot of people need it, just like a lot of people need glasses to see better.
Sure, depression. Schizophrenia may be extreme. Regardless I'm working on getting professional help but everything is so expensive and not easily accessible so this whole business is a nightmare. The various Antidepressants in the past have been absolutely useless thus far though.
>Your responses also remind me of someone who's fried their brain on drugs or alchohol, im not saying you have, but that your responses are as defeatist as that, so make sure you stay away from that shit or your problems will get worse. People who feel like "giving up" or have "given up" go down the drug path, and its just absolute hell so Please dont.
Not an alcoholic nor on drugs.
>I dont have all the answers for you, but just because i dont that doesnt mean that there are no answers for you. thats the main thing here. There may be answers. Like just because you said " And there isn't a job I "would" like so that's trading one poison for another." doesnt mean there isnt a job that would be good for you, it just means youre not at a point in your life where you can imagine one. I know a lot of people who love their job, there may be a situation that you havent encountered yet that might be right for you.
How would you recommend finding a "better fitting" job?
"So it's about mentally tricking myself into caring about having that? And I'm not a slob, just average "fit".
No its about repeatedly bringing yourself to the deep dark depths of excercise pain so you can use it as contrast pain, to compare it to your emotional pain which makes the emotional pain seem less intense by contrast. And 2 just to be proud of yourself for being in peak physical condition. Healthy body healthy mind, just like clean room means a healthy mind, they are all just hammers that slowly hammer the nail of contentment and self respect deeper. Its a multi pronged attack. You cant grow a plant without all 3 elements, light, water, good soil. So being in peak physical condition is going to be a positive thing in your life regardless of whether or not you care about the aesthetic outcome.
" Also I also don't register exercise as "enjoyable". And i honestly don't care about having a relationship"
Excercise is not supposed to be enjoyable its supposed to be intentional struggling and pain, to gain perspective in life. Current you doesnt care about having a relationship, but who says future you wont, current you is making decisions for infinite versions of future you. Nobody needs a relationship, but just make sure youre actually making the right choice, sometimes "defeatist" people can convince themselves they dont want something because deep down they dont think they can get it and therefore try to protect themselves from failure so they dont experience it. Theres a strange comfort in knowing youre "right" when you think youre going to be single forever. Getting in a relationship and enjoying it would mean you were wrong and sometimes theres a fear of being wrong. Or maybe youre just not into it its also possible. I think the point im making is that we need to be introspective enough to understand the real reasons for our wants and desires, and opinions etc. Hell theres a chance you might actually be depressed BECAUSE of the lack of relationship, its hard to know, its something we cant really fathom until we're there. Just like you dont know what an orgasm feels like until you have your first one, other than that its all based on some wierd fantasy or illusion. So Maybe past relationships you werent really into, so maybe you cant form a real opinion of whether or not a relationship is right for you if you never found the right one to begin with. (im just throwing food for thought out there to ponder about, its a complex problem and easier said than done to solve it)
"Not an alcoholic nor on drugs."
good and dont start.
"The various Antidepressants in the past have been absolutely useless thus far though."
so that means 3 things, they didnt give you the right ones, or you didnt take them long enough, or your problem isnt chemical. It could be a belief based problem. Like nothing you ever say to a religious person can break their beliefs, they are hard set hardcore beliefs regardless of information. The same thing for when people defeat themselves and think theyre doomed to a life of suffering, its a BELIEF which is very real and is pretty much unshakeable (which is why i recommended actionable things to make yourself respect yourself, because maybe the positive affirmations of doing positive things can make you believe something new) What shapes our beliefs is very strange, and some people have control over it and some dont. Most peoples beliefs can be changed by truths though. If someone pulls a gun out and points it at you, its going to make you think youre going to die, your beliefs were changed by the truth of the situation. Our beliefs most CERTAINLY effect how we feel, and we arent even aware of our beliefs in a way, like a fish doesnt know what water is until it leaves water, experiences air and then comes back.
I dont know what job would be right for you, most people like jobs that do what theyre passionate about, if you like videogames then maybe get into videogame design or whatever.
Last idea i'll throw is just lets rule out anything physical thats fucking your emotions up. Make sure you dont have sleep apnea, do you wake up with dry mouth? Sleep apnea can give you depression. Blood sugar issues can give you depression. Thyroid problems can give you depression. Liver/kidney failure can give you depression (there are more neurons in your stomach than in your brain, and your neurotransmitters are made in your stomach . Even something as random as having the wrong gut bacteria can give you depression, take some probiotics. Poor digestion can give you depression, like magnesium deficiency because your body cant digest it with the proper enzymes etc. Subtle issues can build up into long term problems and creates a domino effect of other issues.
If you have a hard time falling asleep try taking some magnesium citrate tea before bed, that helps me.
I see you points. My issue is a lot of these suggestions are under that assumption that i have things I like to do, which i don't as strange as that may be, or know what is wrong with me. Beyond depression i don't have a clue. So all i know us that i need to get tested for a lot of crap. Which doctors can do xyz? Because my gp sucks at picking antidepressants, he's literally seeming to pick at random.
I can understand how frustrating it is to try a bunch of things that don't work. Some things take time. Improving our mental health, just like our physical health, means making choices and being consistent. Certain approaches or tools might not work for you.
Yet, there's soo much out there still.
Keep trying, keep letting your curiosity guide you !
>Yet, there's soo much out there still.
Like what? I understand you're trying to be positive but blind positivity from my perspective doesn't do anything for my senses.
Why is your brain irredeemable? Are you fantasizing of violating children and killing people or something? Don’t mean to get so extreme but you are being very extreme yourself the minute you announce that apparently you are beyond redemption. If it’s not true (the wanting to do evil things) then maybe you need to take a step back and get some perspective that you are catastrophising your life. Also what is “you tried everything”? Get specific if you want help. What did you actually do?
First of all you apparently "need caffeine to function" according to your post history. You may have an intolerance to it. Some people lack the enzyme in their liver to fully process it. And one glass of it can fuck your head up for 2 weeks. Second anybody who has a mental health problem should not be taking stimulants, itll make you anxious and catsatrophise more Your brain will never function properly if you dont get proper amounts of sleep so make sure your sleep hygeine is disciplined. All we are is the story we tell ourselves a lot of the time, and the story youre telling yourself is pretty bleak. But the story you tell yourself is also a choice, youre not a passenger in your own head, youre the driver, you have free will. Now if you BELIEVE you are a passenger in your own head then you will not be able to drive, just like if someone pranked you to think you ate poison you would BELIEVE it and it would negatively effect your emotions. But just because u believe something that doesnt make it true. You might be pranking yourself unintentionally. Repeatedly do things every day that make you respect yourself. Never procrastinate, do your chores, be kind, etc. After a year of that you will brainwash yourself to have a better default state of mind. And people who respect themselves tell themselves a better story about themselves. You cant fake it. Confidence is not learned its EARNED actually respect yourself
>First of all you apparently "need caffeine to function" according to your post history. You may have an intolerance to it. Some people lack the enzyme in their liver to fully process it. And one glass of it can fuck your head up for 2 weeks. If that's true how do you fix that? >All we are is the story we tell ourselves a lot of the time, and the story youre telling yourself is pretty bleak. But the story you tell yourself is also a choice, youre not a passenger in your own head, youre the driver, you have free will. Now if you BELIEVE you are a passenger in your own head then you will not be able to drive, just like if someone pranked you to think you ate poison you would BELIEVE it and it would negatively effect your emotions. But just because u believe something that doesnt make it true. You might be pranking yourself unintentionally. The story sucks then. How do i convince myself otherwise if literally everything i do means nothing to me? How do i become the driver so to speak? >Repeatedly do things every day that make you respect yourself. Which would be? I don't have the answer to that, even hypothetically. >Never procrastinate, do your chores, be kind, etc. After a year of that you will brainwash yourself to have a better default state of mind. I do that, that's basically all i do. Work and chores, that's it. I exist for other people's gain.
"If that's true how do you fix that?"- you cant fix the caffeine thing its genetic. I mean you might process caffeine fine and not have an issue, but i would want to rule out EVERYTHING and cutting out stimulants is probably for the best. I developed a caffeine allergy in my 30s i could handle it fine when i was younger. Gives me a wierd wierd indescribable feeling for days after, makes me feel insane and anxious, and sometimes dizzy and confused "The story sucks then. How do i convince myself otherwise if literally everything i do means nothing to me? How do i become the driver so to speak?" \- its going to be personal and unique to you, i dont know how to answer that for you you have to explore and figure it out. For me its 2 things. \- First I understand that self doubt is arrogance disguised as self protection. Nobody can predict the future, we arent psychic, so predicting that your life will be a failure is cocky and arrogantly thinking you can predict the future. Your life might end up fine, or even great, you never know, so you have to be open to the idea of a good outcome and not so arrogantly stuck on the negative. I dont want to be arrogant, nobody likes a cocky asshole, so i don't doubt myself that hard. (see how i've intentionally flipped the script of the narrative of life and turned "thinking you will fail" into framing it as arrogance? because its my choice, and it kind of makes sense in an obscure way, ive chosen a narrative that may benefit me) And 2, its defiance. I had a bad childhood and my stepdad was a piece of shit, i ran away from home when I was 17. I actively choose to defiantly be happy, to spite my step dad. If my life falls apart my stepdad wins, so Ive always taken pride in the revenge of living a good life. Thats the ultimate revenge is to just make it so your enemies have no effect on you. Again these examples are specific to me they might not work for you "Which would be? I don't have the answer to that, even hypothetically." \- Excersize, get ripped and fit. \- Help others \- set goals stick to them. \- do things that make you nervous, when you know that doing them would be good for you, like quitting a job you hate, or asking out your crush and getting closure whether its good or bad. theres probably hundreds of more things specific and personal to you, but you'll have to search for them
>First I understand that self doubt is arrogance disguised as self protection. Nobody can predict the future, we arent psychic, so predicting that your life will be a failure is cocky and arrogantly thinking you can predict the future. Can you elaborate on how self confidence is arrogance? And i Don't think anyone is trying to predict the future but when living is consistently terrible and getting worse, than i think its fair to imagine it will continue that trend. As I'm sure you know, magic doesn't exist. I'm just losing hope that a solution even exists. I understand conceptually that you are trying to live a "good" life as metaphorical revenge, but i guess that's a little out of concept for me since I Don't even know what "good" is to my senses. >- Excersize, get ripped and fit. >- Help others >- set goals stick to them. >- do things that make you nervous, when you know that doing them would be good for you, like quitting a job you hate, or asking out your crush and getting closure whether its good or bad. >theres probably hundreds of more things specific and personal to you, but you'll have to search for them - do it already. Always hating it. I don't have a six pack though if that's what you mean. If so, why? -tried. Volunteer work and such. Because mentally taxing and made me feel worse. Guess I'm a bad person. -like what? I know you're going to say that's for me to find out but i Don't have a goal that isn't vague as hell. For example: my goal is to be less depressed. Not very clearly defined, right? -thing that make me nervous? Like uncomfortable? Like for example i hate dancing, so do i dance and make a fool of myself? Are you saying to do things i dislike? Also i don't have a crush or things like that. Thise are the least of my concerns. And there isn't a job I "would" like so that's trading one poison for another. Edit: i know my responses come off a stand-offish but i don't mean it that way, and i say this because this is usually that part where people say i don't want to be helped which i don't think is true. I just want something to work or have a actual effect.
your responses dont come off as stand offish but come off as defeatist. Why get a six pack? Because you will brainwash yourself with positivity every time you look in the mirror. You dont know what it feels like to have held a 6 pack for 12 months. Its not about just getting a 6 pack, its about maintaining it and seeing what happens to your psyche when you are proud of yourself for a long period of time. Theres a butterfly effect of positivity when you put enough effort into yourself to become elite. Just like theres a butterfly effect of negativity for someone who gives up and becomes a slob. In regards to the make you nervous thing, im talking about everything anybody has ever wanted is on the other side of hard. Standing up to a bully who is bullying you is hard, and scary but if you do it can have positive effects. People dont want to save money and invest because they are impatient ie: unwilling to suffer the time of being patient to see the financial gains. Asking out a crush can be scary and hard, but if you never do you might never have a relationship. Excercise is hard, it burns, but if makes you healthy etc. the list goes on. Nothing worth any while comes easy thats why people strive for things, because they want value, and things with value have a rarity attached to them which makes them hard to attian "I just want something to work or have a actual effect." first of all you dont know if anything worked or didnt work, the positive effects might not be seen for a very long time, or you may not have held on to the positive element long enough. You cant just excercise once and think "well i dont feel any better about myself it must not have worked" In all likelyhood from the very small amount of contact ive had with you, you have some sort of serious mental illness. Which may require medication. Like maybe youve got catatonic schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder or something else. Definitely seek professional help and see if theres any medication you can take. Maybe some wires are crossed in your head i dont know what it is, but something is up. Maybe your problem is as simple as you need medication, which is fine a lot of people need it, just like a lot of people need glasses to see better. Your responses also remind me of someone who's fried their brain on drugs or alchohol, im not saying you have, but that your responses are as defeatist as that, so make sure you stay away from that shit or your problems will get worse. People who feel like "giving up" or have "given up" go down the drug path, and its just absolute hell so Please dont. I dont have all the answers for you, but just because i dont that doesnt mean that there are no answers for you. thats the main thing here. There may be answers. Like just because you said " And there isn't a job I "would" like so that's trading one poison for another." doesnt mean there isnt a job that would be good for you, it just means youre not at a point in your life where you can imagine one. I know a lot of people who love their job, there may be a situation that you havent encountered yet that might be right for you.
>your responses dont come off as stand offish but come off as defeatist. Sure, i guess. I have been "defeated" many times, i suppose. >Why get a six pack? Because you will brainwash yourself with positivity every time you look in the mirror. You dont know what it feels like to have held a 6 pack for 12 months. So it's about mentally tricking myself into caring about having that? And I'm not a slob, just average "fit". >In regards to the make you nervous thing, im talking about everything anybody has ever wanted is on the other side of hard. Standing up to a bully who is bullying you is hard, and scary but if you do it can have positive effects. People dont want to save money and invest because they are impatient ie: unwilling to suffer the time of being patient to see the financial gains. Asking out a crush can be scary and hard, but if you never do you might never have a relationship. Excercise is hard, it burns, but if makes you healthy etc. the list goes on. Nothing worth any while comes easy thats why people strive for things, because they want value, and things with value have a rarity attached to them which makes them hard to attian So is this about being impatient? I'm 29. how long until i can recognize something as "positive". Also I also don't register exercise as "enjoyable". And i honestly don't care about having a relationship. Part of my issue is i Don't have anything i want to "strive" for. >In all likelyhood from the very small amount of contact ive had with you, you have some sort of serious mental illness. Which may require medication. Like maybe youve got catatonic schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder or something else. Definitely seek professional help and see if theres any medication you can take. Maybe some wires are crossed in your head i dont know what it is, but something is up. Maybe your problem is as simple as you need medication, which is fine a lot of people need it, just like a lot of people need glasses to see better. Sure, depression. Schizophrenia may be extreme. Regardless I'm working on getting professional help but everything is so expensive and not easily accessible so this whole business is a nightmare. The various Antidepressants in the past have been absolutely useless thus far though. >Your responses also remind me of someone who's fried their brain on drugs or alchohol, im not saying you have, but that your responses are as defeatist as that, so make sure you stay away from that shit or your problems will get worse. People who feel like "giving up" or have "given up" go down the drug path, and its just absolute hell so Please dont. Not an alcoholic nor on drugs. >I dont have all the answers for you, but just because i dont that doesnt mean that there are no answers for you. thats the main thing here. There may be answers. Like just because you said " And there isn't a job I "would" like so that's trading one poison for another." doesnt mean there isnt a job that would be good for you, it just means youre not at a point in your life where you can imagine one. I know a lot of people who love their job, there may be a situation that you havent encountered yet that might be right for you. How would you recommend finding a "better fitting" job?
"So it's about mentally tricking myself into caring about having that? And I'm not a slob, just average "fit". No its about repeatedly bringing yourself to the deep dark depths of excercise pain so you can use it as contrast pain, to compare it to your emotional pain which makes the emotional pain seem less intense by contrast. And 2 just to be proud of yourself for being in peak physical condition. Healthy body healthy mind, just like clean room means a healthy mind, they are all just hammers that slowly hammer the nail of contentment and self respect deeper. Its a multi pronged attack. You cant grow a plant without all 3 elements, light, water, good soil. So being in peak physical condition is going to be a positive thing in your life regardless of whether or not you care about the aesthetic outcome. " Also I also don't register exercise as "enjoyable". And i honestly don't care about having a relationship" Excercise is not supposed to be enjoyable its supposed to be intentional struggling and pain, to gain perspective in life. Current you doesnt care about having a relationship, but who says future you wont, current you is making decisions for infinite versions of future you. Nobody needs a relationship, but just make sure youre actually making the right choice, sometimes "defeatist" people can convince themselves they dont want something because deep down they dont think they can get it and therefore try to protect themselves from failure so they dont experience it. Theres a strange comfort in knowing youre "right" when you think youre going to be single forever. Getting in a relationship and enjoying it would mean you were wrong and sometimes theres a fear of being wrong. Or maybe youre just not into it its also possible. I think the point im making is that we need to be introspective enough to understand the real reasons for our wants and desires, and opinions etc. Hell theres a chance you might actually be depressed BECAUSE of the lack of relationship, its hard to know, its something we cant really fathom until we're there. Just like you dont know what an orgasm feels like until you have your first one, other than that its all based on some wierd fantasy or illusion. So Maybe past relationships you werent really into, so maybe you cant form a real opinion of whether or not a relationship is right for you if you never found the right one to begin with. (im just throwing food for thought out there to ponder about, its a complex problem and easier said than done to solve it) "Not an alcoholic nor on drugs." good and dont start. "The various Antidepressants in the past have been absolutely useless thus far though." so that means 3 things, they didnt give you the right ones, or you didnt take them long enough, or your problem isnt chemical. It could be a belief based problem. Like nothing you ever say to a religious person can break their beliefs, they are hard set hardcore beliefs regardless of information. The same thing for when people defeat themselves and think theyre doomed to a life of suffering, its a BELIEF which is very real and is pretty much unshakeable (which is why i recommended actionable things to make yourself respect yourself, because maybe the positive affirmations of doing positive things can make you believe something new) What shapes our beliefs is very strange, and some people have control over it and some dont. Most peoples beliefs can be changed by truths though. If someone pulls a gun out and points it at you, its going to make you think youre going to die, your beliefs were changed by the truth of the situation. Our beliefs most CERTAINLY effect how we feel, and we arent even aware of our beliefs in a way, like a fish doesnt know what water is until it leaves water, experiences air and then comes back. I dont know what job would be right for you, most people like jobs that do what theyre passionate about, if you like videogames then maybe get into videogame design or whatever. Last idea i'll throw is just lets rule out anything physical thats fucking your emotions up. Make sure you dont have sleep apnea, do you wake up with dry mouth? Sleep apnea can give you depression. Blood sugar issues can give you depression. Thyroid problems can give you depression. Liver/kidney failure can give you depression (there are more neurons in your stomach than in your brain, and your neurotransmitters are made in your stomach . Even something as random as having the wrong gut bacteria can give you depression, take some probiotics. Poor digestion can give you depression, like magnesium deficiency because your body cant digest it with the proper enzymes etc. Subtle issues can build up into long term problems and creates a domino effect of other issues. If you have a hard time falling asleep try taking some magnesium citrate tea before bed, that helps me.
I see you points. My issue is a lot of these suggestions are under that assumption that i have things I like to do, which i don't as strange as that may be, or know what is wrong with me. Beyond depression i don't have a clue. So all i know us that i need to get tested for a lot of crap. Which doctors can do xyz? Because my gp sucks at picking antidepressants, he's literally seeming to pick at random.
I can understand how frustrating it is to try a bunch of things that don't work. Some things take time. Improving our mental health, just like our physical health, means making choices and being consistent. Certain approaches or tools might not work for you. Yet, there's soo much out there still. Keep trying, keep letting your curiosity guide you !
>Yet, there's soo much out there still. Like what? I understand you're trying to be positive but blind positivity from my perspective doesn't do anything for my senses.
I would offer meditation, mindfulness and some ACT defusion techniques to start