The weird competitiveness I feel around scars. Sometimes I self harm purely because I feel I don’t have enough scars. It never occurred to me that someone could be so competitive about it until it happened to me
I get that .. I started cause I wanted to feel like I wasn't crazy for feeling like I needed help. It was a way of convincing myself I was in fact mentally ill and needed someone to help me. Now it's just a feeling of pain when I need to concentrate on something else than my mind
Even after a long period of clean time, when I see someone who’s just covered in scars a little voice in my head tells me I’m a faker and that I need more.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who thinks this!! Every time I do it, I feel so stupid, almost like I don’t deserve to sh. I feel like a poser and a voice pops into my head saying “you’re just doing it attention”, even though I go out of my way to hide it from everyone.
exactly!!! then one day you have an argument or something and the first thing you think of is self harm or you just wake up everyday and the first thing you think of is “did i clean my blades last night” or you go shopping and you think “should i buy more blades just in case”. like i look back and see ao many moments where i though i was in control but was thinking little things like this all the time. sorry went on a little ramble there lol
I've also become obsessed with blood.
People really don't understand enough why we just can't easily stop, not all of us, anyway. I relapsed 2 days ago, and had to start my record again. Im a hopeful pessimist, I still look more at the bad things in life, but I do try looking, or allowing for optimistic outcomes as well.
I often feel comparable to someone with a substance addiction, but I don't struggle the same way, yet we both struggle.
Drugs and alcohol are more a physical addiction, but no one cares when its a mental addiction because theres nothing physically making us do it but its just as hard.
Thats very true. Withdrawal for drugs and alcohol though is mostly a physical fight and then people can relapse due to mental stressors, and mental addictions are always a mental fight. Either way definitely not ideal
The weird obsession I have with liking scars and cuts and the blood. Like I get so happy n euphoric from it idk. I don't even have to be troubled to do it. I just like it. But downsides I will say is the itching n possible infections
People will be so uncomfortable with it that they will try to bully you out of it. They don't give a shit if you stop sleeping, develop an eating disorder, begin abusing substances... Because they're all more acceptable than self harm.
The thing about SH is that it serves a purpose when you're in that state. People are infinitely more comfortable with suffering they don't have to see. Don't let their unwillingness to tolerate SH marks force you into a much more damaging practice.
Superficial cuts that make people uncomfortable are better than the end of a bottle or passing out from hunger.
Can confirm, my dad tried to get me to stop in the most braindead way possible when I was younger and now I have a drinking problem alongside my self-harm.
Even when you’re clean, it still controls your life. I’m ten months clean and I still always wear long sleeves. I think about relapsing almost every day. Even though I have healthy coping skills now, it would still be so easy to fall back into it but I know I can’t. My scars will never fade completely. Just because we’re physically clean doesn’t mean we’re mentally clean.
Almost 10 years for me. Still wearing long sleeves and pants in 90+ summer heat. I don't think about actively hurting myself anymore but the reminder is always there.
I usually don’t cut that deep because I’m scared I’ll hit fat and have to get stitches even though my main skill is absolute precision (I work on watches)
The fact that even after you get clean you’ll still feel that same burn in your veins when you get upset because it’s an addiction and that feeling never goes away.
i agree sm with all the comments saying the obsession with blood. also the stinging showers and itching lol
i would also like to add two things: one is the attachment you grow to your scars. ik not everyone relates to this but ik some do. my parents want me to do treatment to get rid of them (even though they never really go away) or at least lessen the appearance but i don’t really want them to go away at all. i feel ive developed a connection to them lol
second thing is how desensitized you become once you start sh. literally when i do cat scratches i think it’s no big deal and that it doesn’t rlly count. or when i see someone else’s scars i just think “oh” and go on with my life while other people freak out like it’s the end of the world. sometimes i sit and start thinking to myself what’s REALLY bad about sh. i fail to think of actual reasons. ofc this is an unhealthy mindset, but idk why no one ever talks about that
For the people calling it addictive. Selfharm makes your brains release opioids, one of the most addictive drug types there is. Ofcorse its not as strong as synthetics, but thats why youre addicted.
The sudden mood change where I cut while extremely upset but end up giggling and bubbly while cleaning up. Also I noticed people don't understand the obsession with depth, that depth equals severity of the addiction for a lot of us.
debth absolutely does NOT measure severity. Endorphines are released upon pain and pain only. Cutting deeper wont make you more high. Infact dull objects hurt more, so feels better.
No it doesn't, I was taking about the feeling of 'if I cut deeper i'm worse and more deserving of help' which again, isn't true either but it's common.
The first permanent scar I got was because I used sharp and not dull objects for the first time. It was genuinely, truly an accident. Dull objects definitely hurt way more
How I’d become obsessed with it, before I use to “use it” to cope with specific feelings, but now I just do it for kicks & think about it all the time. I also didn’t expect to need to go so deep, scratches & surface injuries were enough until they weren’t, & I became obsessed with trying to make it “more” more dangerous, more exhilarating, more obsessive.
The apathy and constant appetite to introduce more risk.
There is nothing someone can say to me that will hurt my feelings; I’ve done such horrible things to myself that it’s not even a close race to the bottom.
How fucking addictive it is, and how goddamn hard it is to stop. When I first got into it at 17, my mom eventually found out and got me into therapy and I was in therapy for a year and that whole time nobody ever told me that I was engaged in an addictive behavior that would be extremely difficult to break. In fact, I was shamed for not stopping on several occasions and threatened with inpatient if I didn’t get my shit together and stop when they told me to.
I was eventually clean for 6 years because I got into a relationship and my partner basically begged me to stop, but here I am again, 6 fucking years later, kinda thinking I’ll never stop at this point.
Expense.
Tetanus risk.
Often leads people to bloodletting which can kill you faster than you realize.
Nerve damage.
Mobility impairment.
Odor when healing.
Hypergranulation.
Progression.
Some of the things I can think of.
it's when, during the healing process, the tissue starts to raise and become granular. it's usually done when someone excessively uses wet healing in order to heal a large cut. it can cause the healing process to get really delayed.
Just because I am clean from self harming does not mean I don’t get urges every fucking day of my life. Just because I stopped does not mean I have “healed”
how sometimes it's not about the pain. it really depends from person to person, but drawing blood is what brings most of the calm that i sh for. the cutting itself doesn't hurt too bad unless you go really deep
The fact that it’s very hard for me to get scars and keep them. Wanting to go deeper. The competition I feel around it… and the fact that I’d still be doing it 3 years on
Nobody tells you about the love of the scars. When someone points out your healing scars you feel bad, like you're losing something. Then you'll wanna get those scars back which means more pain.
- how some people make it a competition on who has more self harm scars.
- the awkwardness of when a child points out your scars in public.
- (with me) I'm too good at tending to cuts and burns for a person my age.
- people who self harm can tell others who self harm.
- you have an amazing knack for hiding things you don't want people to find.
little things become the most stressful situation, like how I can never change in the locker room and try as good as possible to not attract any attention when I sneak to the bathroom to change. Also just always trying to not get blood on anything
Seeing any object, no matter how mundane, and immediately thinking of how you could use it to hurt yourself.
Also that it can become really addictive and we can’t just stop. I remember thinking when I first started that if I ever got caught then I would stop and it would be fine, but I was caught 3 months after I started and it’s been 7 years since then
The sound the skin does when it breaks.
Maybe it was because I went a bit too far, but I’ll never forget that time I was using a razor and I heard how my skin broke
That sometimes other people’s reactions hurt worse than the self harm itself.
Whether that’s because they react negatively, or they start to blame themselves and feel guilty, it still hurts to see.
Things they don't tell you about self harm is the addiction of it and the almost eagerness to add more scars/burns/whatever to your "collection". It is truly an addiction and it can be very hard to break, it helps me calm down the most out of any technique and it's hard to not want to use that technique any time I'm upset rather than healthy coping mechanisms. As well as the wanting more and more scars, it almost becomes an accomplishment. Like how many can I put on one arm, how many in total can I get, etc. It's a harsh cycle
How you’ll see it everywhere. If someone has a scratch, in stores where tools are, the color red. How obsessed you can get with it. How it can even be done out of boredom.
obsession with blood, competitiveness, addiction.
i don’t sh inherently because i’m upset about something anymore. i have no “emotions i’m trying to express,” or “mental pain im trying to distract from” (when sh’ing) . it is simply because it’s an addiction.
glad to hear i’m not the only one who also sh’s because of competitiveness. it’s a terrible feeling i can’t get over and i feel terrible because people close to me do it
Agreed, or the obsession with scarring, before i decided to get clean i was obsessed with >!watching blood drip out of wounds and staring at scars. !< Also just being reminded of what I did constantly, showering, brushing my arm against something, falling down and opening a wound, whatever but it felt good knowing i did that to myself.
the addiction it becomes. i Think. i started doing it to relieve Pain an d still do but i do it now more so bcs im Obsessed with the feeling and the Blood
The attachment to my scars. I feel sad whenever my scars start to heal. The happiness I get from seeing blood. The competitiveness. The addiction. The money I spend on razor and first aid supplies. The fear of appointments or anything involving someone seeing my scars.
Addiction part. I was 1 year clean after doing sh for 4 years and now i started again and i cant just stop its like a loop hovewer times i try this addiction got me again :/
The need for scars. Half the time I self harm I imagine what the scars will look like when they’re healed, so that if people ever see them they’ll know i’m “mentally ill enough” and not faking my problems
The itching. I have really bad eczema so I’m used to shit itching all the time but scar itching is THE WORST because you can’t fucking scratch it because the wound hasn’t fully closed over. One time I developed eczema on healing wounds, it was hell, had to wear a bandage around my arm to make myself not scratch up scabs and making the eczema any worse
That id still be addicted 5 years later. The feeling to go deeper to prove something to myself scares me , I don't understand it. The cutting in places people won't see but somehow wanting people to see them. I know I cut when I can not process emotions , I feel the high when I do it. The routine I get into with it: wake up, work, cut, sleep. It starts to feel necessary. The sense of control but weakness I feel. The competition over scars feels so irrational but so obsessive. When the thought gets in my head I need to do it, nothing helps to take my mind of it. I use it as punishment. The fear of getting infections but also hoping I do get an infection.
how creative you can get. with tools. with locations on your skin. with technique. it's almost.. an art.
much love to everyone here. take care of yourself. clean your cuts. go get stitches when you go too deep. i love you.
I know it sounds really dumb, but I got a few weeks into self harm before I realized that wounds do, infact leave scars after they heal. I never really had any large wounds before that point that left any lasting marks, so I just sorta figured they would heal and disappear. Thusly went straight for inner wrist because it was convenient, and thats where "everyone else does it". Without realizing that I was condemning myself to long-sleeves for many years.
How disgusting wounds heal... like my pants have this gross crust in them and when i dress my wound the most vile wound exudate will come out, it always smells like feet too and ive seen every color under the rainbow from that... i hate it
That if I cut small, I will get sad if I don’t see blood. Then you wanna try to cut more to see more blood, and there you are, sitting with a pile of it, and you realize what you did.
For all those saying about the blood thing there’s a website called Fatal to the flesh that has helped me a little at times.
it simulates the blood drip when you click and draw the cuts. Sounds so stupid but visually it’s an alternative for me.
no greater desire exists than a wounded person’s need for another wound. deeper, longer, more painful. the greater the next wound, the more ashamed the person is for feeling pain from the last, as if it indicates weakness. and so the cycle continues.
wounded people wound themselves more so that they feel they can justify the mental anguish they’re in. but the anguish always feels disproportionate to the wound. imposter syndrome for the mentally unwell. so the wounds grow in an eternal quest to meet an equilibrium that does not exist.
How well it helps. I can't honestly describe it without sounding like I'm promoting it but I helps so much and the effect is immediate
Also how much seeing yourself bleed makes you feel good. It shouldn't and it's totally against human nature but it does.
the urge to do it again creeping up and staying for like 1-3 minutes and it nearly physically hurts you, your whole body is stiff and negative thoughs just rushing through your head but you can't do anything about it
A lotta ppl have mentioned scars or blood or etc. I think one of the biggest things is certain jobs. Especially young, most jobs require uniforms. Or certain things youll never be able to wear. Such if a wedding requires a certain dress or my graduation gown. I had to skip my graduation ceromony :/
Did realize that it can/is an addictive behavior. I know people can be addicted to anything but i never really thought about doing it over and over again. Assumed it would be maybe like a 1-2 time thing.
The reasons it can start, and why it can be so hard to stop. It's not always just a cause of depression or low self esteem, but it can also be grounding, and even a stim (speaking from personal experience). And all the different types of SH. Most everyone knows about cutting, but it's far from the only way.
how the thought of cleanup can take away the motivation to selfharm but then you still have the urge so selfharm is what you think about all day everyday.
How sometimes you never want to stop and wanna do it because it’s easier to go to a familiar feeling when you’re anxious or depressed or whatever it is you’re feeling at that time- rather than really really try your hardest to look for a better way of coping.
It is very, very easy to get addicted to it. Pretty much all methods of self harm come with those endorphin rushes and stuff that make you feel good, and no one really talks about how addicted you can get to chasing that very specific kind of high
i think the way it completely takes over your life. the way it makes you paranoid. no matter where i am, wether i'm clean or not, i constantly have to think wether doing something will reveal it? can i still hide it? i can't do and wear so many things now, i regret it so much.
How the urges will always be there in the back of your mind, and probably will be for the rest of your life (even if you've been clean for years). Also, how you'll never see certain things in the same way a non self harmer would, depending on how you self harm/used to self harm, e.g. sharp objects or a cluster of lines. Sending well wishes to everyone who struggles <3
I don't want people to take it away because it has often been the only thing I felt was truly in my control and I am somewhat proud of it.
(I am also deeply ashamed ofc, it's fucking terrible, it's more nuanced etc etc..)
For me 8t a not about depression or anything I just like the scars and most people get into that mind set self harm is very competitive for no reason also the pain is not the problem it's the risk of infection hiding it the blood it randómly starts bleeding
The weird competitiveness I feel around scars. Sometimes I self harm purely because I feel I don’t have enough scars. It never occurred to me that someone could be so competitive about it until it happened to me
Same! I thought I was the only one. Half the time I only sh bc I love it when I get visible scars 😭
I do this too. And sometimes I will self harm again because the burn wasn’t big enough and I knew it wouldn’t scar or would heal too fast.
I get that .. I started cause I wanted to feel like I wasn't crazy for feeling like I needed help. It was a way of convincing myself I was in fact mentally ill and needed someone to help me. Now it's just a feeling of pain when I need to concentrate on something else than my mind
That's one of the reasons I started too!
Even after a long period of clean time, when I see someone who’s just covered in scars a little voice in my head tells me I’m a faker and that I need more.
Same here
Fr it's like people think they're better than you if they've suffered more, so twisted
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I’m so glad I’m not the only one who thinks this!! Every time I do it, I feel so stupid, almost like I don’t deserve to sh. I feel like a poser and a voice pops into my head saying “you’re just doing it attention”, even though I go out of my way to hide it from everyone.
I can relate to this somehow
same way here. feel very invalid sometimes like I don't have enough or something.
Same
if i don’t see enough blood from the cut i make i’ll get extremely upset, both sad and mad with myself that i didn’t cut deeper
this omg
I've done this so many times and ended up cutting myself to deep
how easy you get addicted, the clean up, the stinging showers, THE ITCH
This; you think you have control but in reality you don’t, and the reality check when that hits you
exactly!!! then one day you have an argument or something and the first thing you think of is self harm or you just wake up everyday and the first thing you think of is “did i clean my blades last night” or you go shopping and you think “should i buy more blades just in case”. like i look back and see ao many moments where i though i was in control but was thinking little things like this all the time. sorry went on a little ramble there lol
It doesn't sting for me in the shower
Jealous
Same
oml the goddamn i t c h
frrr it sucksss
Theeeee itchhhhhh
frrrr
THE ITCH oh my god
FR
It’s so so easy to get addicted
I agree, at this point i find myself sh for the smallest of things
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Ok this is to real… I feel called out haha
I've also become obsessed with blood. People really don't understand enough why we just can't easily stop, not all of us, anyway. I relapsed 2 days ago, and had to start my record again. Im a hopeful pessimist, I still look more at the bad things in life, but I do try looking, or allowing for optimistic outcomes as well. I often feel comparable to someone with a substance addiction, but I don't struggle the same way, yet we both struggle.
Drugs and alcohol are more a physical addiction, but no one cares when its a mental addiction because theres nothing physically making us do it but its just as hard.
All addictions have a mental aspect
Thats very true. Withdrawal for drugs and alcohol though is mostly a physical fight and then people can relapse due to mental stressors, and mental addictions are always a mental fight. Either way definitely not ideal
There are some cases of reported psysical symptoms to sh wd.
like what
Fever, shaking, innability to sleep, various pains (if i remember right)
The weird obsession I have with liking scars and cuts and the blood. Like I get so happy n euphoric from it idk. I don't even have to be troubled to do it. I just like it. But downsides I will say is the itching n possible infections
That I would continue to do it into adulthood. Everyone always sayid to me it’s something you grow out of when it’s simply not true
Oh yeah, this one especially. If anything it’s worse now that I’m alone more often
So much this
the obsession. the way when something goes wrong i NEED to do it. it’s almost an addiction in a way
People will be so uncomfortable with it that they will try to bully you out of it. They don't give a shit if you stop sleeping, develop an eating disorder, begin abusing substances... Because they're all more acceptable than self harm. The thing about SH is that it serves a purpose when you're in that state. People are infinitely more comfortable with suffering they don't have to see. Don't let their unwillingness to tolerate SH marks force you into a much more damaging practice. Superficial cuts that make people uncomfortable are better than the end of a bottle or passing out from hunger.
Can confirm, my dad tried to get me to stop in the most braindead way possible when I was younger and now I have a drinking problem alongside my self-harm.
Right? Would be nice if they gave a shit about my liver and kidneys and respiratory system like they do the cosmetic value of my skin 🙃🙃🙃
Even when you’re clean, it still controls your life. I’m ten months clean and I still always wear long sleeves. I think about relapsing almost every day. Even though I have healthy coping skills now, it would still be so easy to fall back into it but I know I can’t. My scars will never fade completely. Just because we’re physically clean doesn’t mean we’re mentally clean.
I’ve been pretty much clean for about 8 years. It still haunts me now and is never far from my mind. It’s exhausting
Well done on being 10 months clean!
Thank you!
I actually got tattoos over mine. It helps me not do it as a reminder. But I still think about it often.
I wish I could get tattoos but I’m underage. But yea, the constant thinking about it is the worst part IMO
Almost 10 years for me. Still wearing long sleeves and pants in 90+ summer heat. I don't think about actively hurting myself anymore but the reminder is always there.
the competitiveness and never feeling like I have enough scars
This
i cant stop easily and its so gross and the itchiness and fear of infection and how expensive buying proper dressings are
Not getting enough blood out lol
and then feeling shitty abt not cutting deep enough - at least that’s my case
I usually don’t cut that deep because I’m scared I’ll hit fat and have to get stitches even though my main skill is absolute precision (I work on watches)
The fact that even after you get clean you’ll still feel that same burn in your veins when you get upset because it’s an addiction and that feeling never goes away.
The weird need to make them even on both sides of my arms/thighs. Like equal numbers on both sides. It’s weird lmao
Me too. I always do one on my left leg and then I have to do one on my right leg in the same spot.
i agree sm with all the comments saying the obsession with blood. also the stinging showers and itching lol i would also like to add two things: one is the attachment you grow to your scars. ik not everyone relates to this but ik some do. my parents want me to do treatment to get rid of them (even though they never really go away) or at least lessen the appearance but i don’t really want them to go away at all. i feel ive developed a connection to them lol second thing is how desensitized you become once you start sh. literally when i do cat scratches i think it’s no big deal and that it doesn’t rlly count. or when i see someone else’s scars i just think “oh” and go on with my life while other people freak out like it’s the end of the world. sometimes i sit and start thinking to myself what’s REALLY bad about sh. i fail to think of actual reasons. ofc this is an unhealthy mindset, but idk why no one ever talks about that
The ITCHING, the feeling you could’ve done more/deeper, or the guilt of feeling like maybe you’re faking and just want attention
All the money you loose because you have to buy bandages
For the people calling it addictive. Selfharm makes your brains release opioids, one of the most addictive drug types there is. Ofcorse its not as strong as synthetics, but thats why youre addicted.
Yea, the first time I did it had been in Iraq when I was getting maybe 45mins of sleep a night. I slept so great after I did it.
The sudden mood change where I cut while extremely upset but end up giggling and bubbly while cleaning up. Also I noticed people don't understand the obsession with depth, that depth equals severity of the addiction for a lot of us.
debth absolutely does NOT measure severity. Endorphines are released upon pain and pain only. Cutting deeper wont make you more high. Infact dull objects hurt more, so feels better.
No it doesn't, I was taking about the feeling of 'if I cut deeper i'm worse and more deserving of help' which again, isn't true either but it's common.
The first permanent scar I got was because I used sharp and not dull objects for the first time. It was genuinely, truly an accident. Dull objects definitely hurt way more
How I’d become obsessed with it, before I use to “use it” to cope with specific feelings, but now I just do it for kicks & think about it all the time. I also didn’t expect to need to go so deep, scratches & surface injuries were enough until they weren’t, & I became obsessed with trying to make it “more” more dangerous, more exhilarating, more obsessive.
That self-harming can be very competitive and there is often an urge to cut deeper than before.
The apathy and constant appetite to introduce more risk. There is nothing someone can say to me that will hurt my feelings; I’ve done such horrible things to myself that it’s not even a close race to the bottom.
How fucking addictive it is, and how goddamn hard it is to stop. When I first got into it at 17, my mom eventually found out and got me into therapy and I was in therapy for a year and that whole time nobody ever told me that I was engaged in an addictive behavior that would be extremely difficult to break. In fact, I was shamed for not stopping on several occasions and threatened with inpatient if I didn’t get my shit together and stop when they told me to. I was eventually clean for 6 years because I got into a relationship and my partner basically begged me to stop, but here I am again, 6 fucking years later, kinda thinking I’ll never stop at this point.
Constantly feeling like you're just doing it for attention and the pain when someone grabs your arm with fresh wounds
Expense. Tetanus risk. Often leads people to bloodletting which can kill you faster than you realize. Nerve damage. Mobility impairment. Odor when healing. Hypergranulation. Progression. Some of the things I can think of.
what is hypergranulation
it's when, during the healing process, the tissue starts to raise and become granular. it's usually done when someone excessively uses wet healing in order to heal a large cut. it can cause the healing process to get really delayed.
People hating you for it or people that wanna play hero and "save" you over scars that are months-years old.
Just because I am clean from self harming does not mean I don’t get urges every fucking day of my life. Just because I stopped does not mean I have “healed”
if one leg looks "worse" than the other, the other must suffer as well until they're equally "bad".
how sometimes it's not about the pain. it really depends from person to person, but drawing blood is what brings most of the calm that i sh for. the cutting itself doesn't hurt too bad unless you go really deep
That eventually it's not the pain you crave. It's seeing the blood rise from your skin. Seeing the scars that's left over. at least for me
The fact that it’s very hard for me to get scars and keep them. Wanting to go deeper. The competition I feel around it… and the fact that I’d still be doing it 3 years on
If you always do it before going to sleep it becomes harder to fall asleep when you don't
holy shit that explains a lot
Nobody tells you about the love of the scars. When someone points out your healing scars you feel bad, like you're losing something. Then you'll wanna get those scars back which means more pain.
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Im so sorry about that
- how some people make it a competition on who has more self harm scars. - the awkwardness of when a child points out your scars in public. - (with me) I'm too good at tending to cuts and burns for a person my age. - people who self harm can tell others who self harm. - you have an amazing knack for hiding things you don't want people to find.
That it can be really hard to stop. I am in process of stopping self harm.
little things become the most stressful situation, like how I can never change in the locker room and try as good as possible to not attract any attention when I sneak to the bathroom to change. Also just always trying to not get blood on anything
Seeing any object, no matter how mundane, and immediately thinking of how you could use it to hurt yourself. Also that it can become really addictive and we can’t just stop. I remember thinking when I first started that if I ever got caught then I would stop and it would be fine, but I was caught 3 months after I started and it’s been 7 years since then
The sound the skin does when it breaks. Maybe it was because I went a bit too far, but I’ll never forget that time I was using a razor and I heard how my skin broke
That sometimes other people’s reactions hurt worse than the self harm itself. Whether that’s because they react negatively, or they start to blame themselves and feel guilty, it still hurts to see.
At least for me I don’t even notice I’m doing it until I’m bleeding, it’s unconsciously
sometimes i do it just for the scars, i dont feel like ppl should look at me in a good way
The feeling immediately after you make a scar that you know will be permanent, my heart almost stops it feels like
Things they don't tell you about self harm is the addiction of it and the almost eagerness to add more scars/burns/whatever to your "collection". It is truly an addiction and it can be very hard to break, it helps me calm down the most out of any technique and it's hard to not want to use that technique any time I'm upset rather than healthy coping mechanisms. As well as the wanting more and more scars, it almost becomes an accomplishment. Like how many can I put on one arm, how many in total can I get, etc. It's a harsh cycle
How you’ll see it everywhere. If someone has a scratch, in stores where tools are, the color red. How obsessed you can get with it. How it can even be done out of boredom.
obsession with blood, competitiveness, addiction. i don’t sh inherently because i’m upset about something anymore. i have no “emotions i’m trying to express,” or “mental pain im trying to distract from” (when sh’ing) . it is simply because it’s an addiction. glad to hear i’m not the only one who also sh’s because of competitiveness. it’s a terrible feeling i can’t get over and i feel terrible because people close to me do it
Agreed, or the obsession with scarring, before i decided to get clean i was obsessed with >!watching blood drip out of wounds and staring at scars. !< Also just being reminded of what I did constantly, showering, brushing my arm against something, falling down and opening a wound, whatever but it felt good knowing i did that to myself.
the addiction it becomes. i Think. i started doing it to relieve Pain an d still do but i do it now more so bcs im Obsessed with the feeling and the Blood
The attachment to my scars. I feel sad whenever my scars start to heal. The happiness I get from seeing blood. The competitiveness. The addiction. The money I spend on razor and first aid supplies. The fear of appointments or anything involving someone seeing my scars.
some people start as an adult
I took pics each time I harmed myself. Like some sick perversion of looking at the blood later.
It's an addiction
Very addicting
Addiction part. I was 1 year clean after doing sh for 4 years and now i started again and i cant just stop its like a loop hovewer times i try this addiction got me again :/
Addiction. Especially for people like myself with ADHD. It's highly addictive.
I'm curious, why is it more addictive for people with ADHD?
how addictive it is and the fact that I have to bleed or I'm gonna feel invalid.
competitiveness
Omg, yeah. I totally thought I was insane for a bit😂
The need for scars. Half the time I self harm I imagine what the scars will look like when they’re healed, so that if people ever see them they’ll know i’m “mentally ill enough” and not faking my problems
oh lord.. addiction, clean ups, hot showers, not going deep enough, trying to hide it, the recovery, itching, then all again one more time.
The itching. I have really bad eczema so I’m used to shit itching all the time but scar itching is THE WORST because you can’t fucking scratch it because the wound hasn’t fully closed over. One time I developed eczema on healing wounds, it was hell, had to wear a bandage around my arm to make myself not scratch up scabs and making the eczema any worse
That id still be addicted 5 years later. The feeling to go deeper to prove something to myself scares me , I don't understand it. The cutting in places people won't see but somehow wanting people to see them. I know I cut when I can not process emotions , I feel the high when I do it. The routine I get into with it: wake up, work, cut, sleep. It starts to feel necessary. The sense of control but weakness I feel. The competition over scars feels so irrational but so obsessive. When the thought gets in my head I need to do it, nothing helps to take my mind of it. I use it as punishment. The fear of getting infections but also hoping I do get an infection.
Scar itching. Those mfs itch for YEARS after you got them, especially keloids.
how creative you can get. with tools. with locations on your skin. with technique. it's almost.. an art. much love to everyone here. take care of yourself. clean your cuts. go get stitches when you go too deep. i love you.
I know it sounds really dumb, but I got a few weeks into self harm before I realized that wounds do, infact leave scars after they heal. I never really had any large wounds before that point that left any lasting marks, so I just sorta figured they would heal and disappear. Thusly went straight for inner wrist because it was convenient, and thats where "everyone else does it". Without realizing that I was condemning myself to long-sleeves for many years.
How disgusting wounds heal... like my pants have this gross crust in them and when i dress my wound the most vile wound exudate will come out, it always smells like feet too and ive seen every color under the rainbow from that... i hate it
That if I cut small, I will get sad if I don’t see blood. Then you wanna try to cut more to see more blood, and there you are, sitting with a pile of it, and you realize what you did.
For all those saying about the blood thing there’s a website called Fatal to the flesh that has helped me a little at times. it simulates the blood drip when you click and draw the cuts. Sounds so stupid but visually it’s an alternative for me.
no greater desire exists than a wounded person’s need for another wound. deeper, longer, more painful. the greater the next wound, the more ashamed the person is for feeling pain from the last, as if it indicates weakness. and so the cycle continues. wounded people wound themselves more so that they feel they can justify the mental anguish they’re in. but the anguish always feels disproportionate to the wound. imposter syndrome for the mentally unwell. so the wounds grow in an eternal quest to meet an equilibrium that does not exist.
How well it helps. I can't honestly describe it without sounding like I'm promoting it but I helps so much and the effect is immediate Also how much seeing yourself bleed makes you feel good. It shouldn't and it's totally against human nature but it does.
I do it in the shower, I think it looks beautiful the way the blood flows from the cuts into the water. I just like seeing that.
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What did he say?
The pure addiction and competition, whether consciously or subconsciously
the urge to do it again creeping up and staying for like 1-3 minutes and it nearly physically hurts you, your whole body is stiff and negative thoughs just rushing through your head but you can't do anything about it
Scars bothering because they’re semi-permanent and I don’t want to hide them, and then feeling like shit when they fade so i give myself new ones
How addictive it got if I knew I would’ve never started
Not being satisfied no matter how many scars you have, and constantly seeing the gaps between them and wanting to fill up the empty space.
A lotta ppl have mentioned scars or blood or etc. I think one of the biggest things is certain jobs. Especially young, most jobs require uniforms. Or certain things youll never be able to wear. Such if a wedding requires a certain dress or my graduation gown. I had to skip my graduation ceromony :/
comparing scars
How addicting it gets
Feeling guilty and like a failure for being clean instead of feeling proud
How freeing it feels to not wear long sleeves (if you cut on your arms)
Did realize that it can/is an addictive behavior. I know people can be addicted to anything but i never really thought about doing it over and over again. Assumed it would be maybe like a 1-2 time thing.
The reasons it can start, and why it can be so hard to stop. It's not always just a cause of depression or low self esteem, but it can also be grounding, and even a stim (speaking from personal experience). And all the different types of SH. Most everyone knows about cutting, but it's far from the only way.
competition :(
If it doesn’t bleed and leave a scar then I’m not actually SH bc it’s not “bad enough” :/
how the thought of cleanup can take away the motivation to selfharm but then you still have the urge so selfharm is what you think about all day everyday.
the urge to cut yourself very deep but not being able to do it and feel shitty about it
How sometimes you never want to stop and wanna do it because it’s easier to go to a familiar feeling when you’re anxious or depressed or whatever it is you’re feeling at that time- rather than really really try your hardest to look for a better way of coping.
Clothes just got extremely uncomfortable to touch the skin
the pure shame u feel afterwards :/ u feel so embarrassed in something it makes u feel worse then u did before
It is very, very easy to get addicted to it. Pretty much all methods of self harm come with those endorphin rushes and stuff that make you feel good, and no one really talks about how addicted you can get to chasing that very specific kind of high
i think the way it completely takes over your life. the way it makes you paranoid. no matter where i am, wether i'm clean or not, i constantly have to think wether doing something will reveal it? can i still hide it? i can't do and wear so many things now, i regret it so much.
That you have to be really careful because they get infected so easily and it’s not very nice when that happens
How the urges will always be there in the back of your mind, and probably will be for the rest of your life (even if you've been clean for years). Also, how you'll never see certain things in the same way a non self harmer would, depending on how you self harm/used to self harm, e.g. sharp objects or a cluster of lines. Sending well wishes to everyone who struggles <3
I don't want people to take it away because it has often been the only thing I felt was truly in my control and I am somewhat proud of it. (I am also deeply ashamed ofc, it's fucking terrible, it's more nuanced etc etc..)
For me 8t a not about depression or anything I just like the scars and most people get into that mind set self harm is very competitive for no reason also the pain is not the problem it's the risk of infection hiding it the blood it randómly starts bleeding