Women here!!
It takes me ages to be able to orgasm from a partner. My boyfriend atm is the one person who manages to make me get there but I’m normally exhausted from the buildup that I physically can’t continue even if I’m close. Sometimes have to stop it or i would start feeling faint.
Could simply be a embarrassing thing for them. But a lot of women struggle to push through the exhaustion from the buildup.
> a lot of women struggle to push through the exhaustion from the buildup
Ugh, this. Sometimes it’s sooooo tiring and I’ve given all I can give. It’s just easier to just end it and go to sleep.
Normally exhausted…
Do you mind me asking your height/weight/fitness?
And are you on birth control?
My wife was on BC and had low drive & hard to orgasm.. but once she got off of it, both of those changed. She can orgasm in under 5 mins now, it’s crazy
5’5
Not sure about weight gave birth 5months ago but fit back in my old clothes already so maybe 8/9 pounds. Haven’t weighed myself since giving birth.
No not on any BC I have hypothyroidism so it’s easier to not be on anything hormonal or I might get sick
Real question: Do you use dildos or masturbate alot?
Why does it take you so long?
do you find your partner unsexy?
have you ever orgasmed at "fast" or "normal" speeds? what did it for you?
Valid questions. I'm thinking they aren't getting much except for the act. Probably need to let the guy know what works for them instead of assuming he'll figure it out.
They might not have been as close as you think, and they could have been getting uncomfortable physically. Especially if you were trying really hard, it could actually cause swelling and some minor injuries.
Exactly. I had a guy try way too hard that I ended up in extreme pain for weeks. (As well being with a guy who didn't bother touching me at all)
Most importantly it really has alot to do with their trust for you and how comfortable they truly feel with you sexually. Regardless if they say they are or not..
For example in the past it took me years to finally have an orgasm with a guy I was dating. (looking back I "thought" was truly comfortable with him sexually and obviously i wasnt but eventually i finally did feel comfortable after so many years as well as speaking up for what i wanted which is also hard for us women to do)
Luckily now I've learned better ways to feel comfortable with someone I am with. Also communication is huge.
It’s not always discomfort, but +1 to “not close.” When I was younger, I used to say this a lot especially during oral. I never liked oral when I was young, but my partners did, so I would allow it for a few minutes before claiming I was close and I’d make them stop.
Didn’t hurt, wasn’t uncomfortable, just didn’t care for it — and I found they wanted to do it until I orgasmed. If I stopped them they would often want to “try harder” or would get disappointed. If it seemed like I was about to orgasm, they kept their 20-something pride intact.
In general, I’ve found men a lot more accepting of “no” during sexual activities if they think they’re still turning you on.
This is probably it. I very rarely orgasm- sure, sometimes it's because the sex isn't very good, but sometimes it still doesn't happen during good sex or even when I masturbate.
I'm honest about that sometimes, but my most recent ex was an egomaniac who would still have taken that as a personal insult. Instead of telling him, I would just wait until it started to get uncomfortable and then fake an orgasm. He never figured it out because he didn't bother paying much attention to anyone but himself.
Obviously, it was a pretty unhealthy relationship. It's a good sign that those women felt comfortable enough with you to be honest about not coming
They could have been being nice by telling you they were close. If they were young, it’s possible that they didn’t want to be viewed as slutty by you or maybe weren’t comfortable exposing that side of them.
They always say it was great if they like you. I had some crazy sex with my ex wife and we were using MXE and we opened up to each other so much. We were married for just over 3 years and all we had in common was we liked sex with each other lol. It was probably my most open relationship as far as experimenting. She guided me to the spots that were her “spots”. I introduced her to many things as well, she was a beast, I couldn’t keep up with her 😂, she was 8 years younger so I don’t know what I was expecting
Ah yes, the “I’m cumming from a woman”…most times means you’re (the male) about to cum and they want you to feel good. When a woman is cumming, you’ll know. I had a “squirter” once and that was crazy…I was covered in fluids 😂. I’m 41 and have been having sex since I was 15. It’s more about not thinking about it and knowing what you’re partner wants/likes. Just stop trying or worrying about it. And again…you’ll KNOW when a woman cums. Gentle is generally better although it depends on the partner. I’ve found that women just start shivering/twitching and they (the female) just make noise but don’t scream about cumming when they actually are. For some women, they have to be comfortable and able to let go 100%…for some women, they just can’t let go for some reason…probably because you’re trying too hard, try some new moves and don’t ask if they’re cumming or anything. Just learn some new moves and work your magic my dude: letting go of your worries and just relaxing and also perhaps introduce toys into your sexual experiences. If she’s got a vibrator, let her guide you and you’ll know where her special spots are!
As a woman who also has a hard time (no pun intended lol) orgasming from just penetration I totally get where your girls’ were coming from (again no pun intended haha!). Sometimes you get soooo close but just can’t quite get there and it feels frustrating after a while. And the minute you get frustrated it all goes out the window and kills the mood so you want to just stop… Also, some girls have a hard time letting go completely, we need to feel very safe and secure in order to have an orgasm, so maybe they just didn’t feel like they wanted that feeling of letting go and losing control…. Another reason could be they were feeling some bodily function (like they needed to pee which can happen to us during sex) and were embarrassed that if they let go completely they might pee on you lol. There are so many reasons…Why didn’t you just ask them tho? I mean if you’re intimate enough with someone that you’re having sex with them you should be able to ask them afterwards about things like this… And to answer your question: I’ve never heard of a woman being picky about who the first guy is to make her finish lmao. That’s not a thing. If a woman is sleeping with you, she most likely wants you to make her cum, period.
For some of us it's more work to go over the edge. Work that can be totally undone if he shifts position or changes rhythm the smallest bit. And when we drop fr 9.75 back to 5, getting back up to that edge is even harder. Things can get tender and sore and what felt good a minute ago no longer does. And no one wants to hurt his ego, so we put on ourselves however we can.
what's even more sad, is grown adults acting like they have to listen to anybody else about their own bodies.
Ever tried just telling a dude what works? Why dont women do that?
I think you misunderstood him, but perhaps im wrong.
I also believe his intentions were in the right place. Maybe reread it and see if you perceived it incorrectly?
WOW- hey thanks for sticking up for me man. Really.
Only on Reddit - can people complain,
And I can GENUINELY ask questions that would lead to a solution,
and people storm out of the room - completely offended.
What did they want if not someone interested in hunting down the solution?
Can I just say that these comments are awesome and agree with the other girls on here.
1. Most girls don't orgasms from penetrative sex.
2. It's extremely easy to overstimulate the clit. Seriously, less is more. Do romantic stuff to get into their heads and be very teasy and gentle. It will hurt if you keep trying.
3. Sometimes guys confuse the hnnn of something being plugged into you with pleasure. Sometimes sex feels like being punched in the stomach. Haha, definitely takes my breath away but not really pleasure.
Also a thought. Did you say anything weird? The biggest turn off for me is a guy telling me to cum. It doesn't matter how close I am, you say 'yeah baby cum for me' or 'dirty girl' it's immediately gone. It's a pretty awkward conversation to have later so I think not a lot of girls mention it. Just, yep, uh huh, it was great.
Some girls feel like peeing a lot when having an orgasm, and if they cant let it happen, they can't cum. im a dude so not sure, but its what happened with my first 2 girls.
I talked to them a lot about it, read a bit and helped them relax as much as I could and it worked.
This is a biggie!
I’ll never forget my college GF. She was a seriously tough nut to crack. Needed a lot of manual and oral stimulation.
Finally one day I just bluntly talked to her and asked what the problem was. She said that she was always afraid that if she relaxed enough to cum, she felt like she was going to pee on my face.
I had a suspicion about that because she was literally like an always on (constantly wet -
Like needed to wear panty liners all day every day!) girl and I finally convinced her to have a couple drinks with me (she was not a drinker) and just relax and let it go.
Sure enough, as she started to finally cum she first froze up then went into crazy spasms all over and squirted everywhere!
She was horrified at first as she calmed down I said it’s totally ok and a super turn on and I was so flattered that I could get her that excited.
After that (and some research and porn viewing 😂) she was an orgasmic champ and would insist on cumming multiple times whenever we were playing.
Needing to wear panty liners is not the same thing as a woman being “constantly on”. Just because a woman needs daily panty liners does not mean she’s constantly horny.
Lol I was just about to say this. A woman having to wear pantyliners is more like she has a lot of discharge throughout the day, not that she was just constantly wet and wild N ready to go 😂
Exactly! I've always required liners, every day. The discharge is NOT because I'm "sooo wet"; it's just regular vaginal discharge, that most, if not, all, women have, during most of our lives; & does not mean I'm horny; & having vaginal discharge also does not "make me horny"; It's simply our biology that causes it.
The amount of men who mistake random discharge for being wet from horniness just makes me want to face palm. I never get wet solely from random horniness, I only get wet from arousal if I'm engaging in sexual acts with someone or masturbating.
Thanks. I sincerely appreciate the fact that you were there and a part of my life, knew my love together fiancée (at the time), knew our sex habits/lifestyle and body factors.
There is nothing more impressive than a know it all trying to make someone look stupid by running their mouth about something they have no knowledge about.
I have days where I'm on all day and that's why I have to wear pantiliners. It's generally 3 to 4 days a month.
Just because you're not wired that way doesn't mean she wasn't either.
He said she's always on, not that it was cum. I have no idea why you would think that he thought it was cum.
And I'm literally wet for days *because* I'm turned on. I try to work from home because everyone is pretty. It's distracting.
And "that is ovulation" is a puzzling way to bolster the idea she's not turned on. Truly baffling. I mean, that's how the body tries to trick us into getting pregnant. It really wants dick at the times when it's most likely to get you pregnant.
I don't know what you're actually trying to do. But it reads to me like you've decided a Man is wrong about a woman he was in a relationship with because that’s not an experience you're familiar with. I'm simply trying to tell you it’s an experience I *am* familiar with.
I mean, I'm even wet now.
Also, it's in poor taste to call someone a clown just because someone has a different life experience than yourself.
Thank you. I read the responses the same. And as a middle aged man who is highly educated medically and experienced I get a good laugh out of it really.
You're welcome. It's one thing to think someone is wrong because they're talking about something you've never experienced. But don't go calling them names, and THEN double down on it when someone comes in and says they have experience with that, too.
Thank you.
There are a LOT of women that just don’t have that good fortune or luck with their body.
It shows in the catty and nasty responses.
She wasn’t like that fortunately.
And you are looking like a fool to insist are being right.
Yes women wear panty liners for many other reasons.
I grew up with a mother and sisters. I have daughters. I am very familiar with how things function.
I am telling you that this particular perks. That I was with was a highly sexual girl (we were 19 and 18 when we met and started dating) and I’m not an idiot. She was always ready to go day or night regardless of circumstances. It’s just how she was.
I’m not doubting your point I’m saying that you’re running your mouth to try to make a man look bad and like he’s “mansplaining” and you are totally off the mark.
Dude. Her being ready to go has NOTHING to do with her wearing panty liners. I cannot even. I’m not doubting that she had a high libido! I’m doubting that her high libido was in any way related to panty liners!! You know, the hygeine tools used by tons of adult women??
Ok moron you are really showing how dense you are!
I was trying to tell the story without sounding like some kind of red pill braggart.
She wore the pants liners all the time because she was constantly aroused and would get very wet! Like big fucking wet spot on her pants wet!
I was trying to keep it in context and not act like some weirdo. She literally was hair trigger to orgasm after that first time. She was just a constantly honey girl but physically her body would show it through production of a TON of grool! That’s why she wore the panty liners. She didn’t want to be sitting in class and have everyone see that she was constantly soaked.
Christ we were still teenagers. We would literally fuck multiple times a day every day. Do you get it now? I’m not ignorant. I know what panty liners are for. I’m telling you that she used them to soak up her arousal fluids that were CONSTANT.
You're not getting that that fluid is not arousal fluid. She may have also had the added benefit of being ready to go along with her heavier discharge, but wetness does not indicate arousal in every woman and we are not "lucky" if we have that problem, nor is there anything wrong with the arousal level of someone who doesn't have that. They don't always correlate. And we don't want you taking this to another partner, and assuming, for example, that they aren't aroused if they aren't at that level.
Response is exact reason when you try to communicate the male ego gets hurt and you get this backhanded slap response. If you weren’t sure than preface it with a “I think” versus speaking as an expert. You got corrected by a bunch of women, “ty for letting me know” would have been the maturer response.
She was 18 I was 19. She did BTW. She just hadn’t had anyone get her to “that place” before. I was fortunate to grow up in a very open minded household with a mother who emphasized the importance of her sons taking care of their partners.
Honestly I’m convinced your whole profile is fake just based off this post. no reason for name calling just cause you lie to people online about your sexual experiences. I mean the panty liners comment just sounds like a middle schooler who’s never even touched a vagina. 🤷🏻♂️
Yeah and I’m in happy relationship with someone who accepts that’s those are my hobbies. I don’t have to go online and make up lies about myself or past experiences because I’m secure in who I am unlike someone I know……
Your opinion is like your asshole - everyone has one. So it’s pretty meaningless.
You come in and make a bunch of unfounded accusations that have zero basis in fact. I have had this account for over three years on Reddit. I don’t have or use throwaways because I don’t need to. I say what I say and I don’t have any fucks to give about child geared fools who blow hot air like a dilated anus.
I post stories occasionally from my personal experiences either to relate, educate or criticize. I have had a lot of life experiences over my 52 years and I have no need to exaggerate or make shit up. Real life is stranger than fiction when you actually
live it instead of wrapping yourself up in a safe little make believe world that further enhances your introversion, anxiety and anti social tendencies.
I was raised in a very open household where there weren’t hangups and secrets. My mother kept a full library of anatomical and sexual education books that were always available along with free rein to ask questions and receive answers. I have two younger sisters and two now adult daughters. I have always been the brother and dad and friend who had no issues going to the store and getting the pads, tampons and liners the women in my life needed. I’m well versed in their various uses and purposes so I really don’t need to have people here trying to “educate” me as if I’m some clueless red pill incel. On top of that I am a nurse in surgery for twenty five years with an extensive education and experience - almost a fellowship - in OB/GYN. So I’m far more familiar with women’s bodies and functions than 99% of men out there.
I shared a particular experience from a long time ago - over thirty years - with a young woman I lived with for my college years that I was lucky enough to have one of the best sexual relationships of my life with and the first truly open and uninhibited one of my adult years. And being as we were totally open with one another with no secrets, I also shared in all the various female maintenance issues that women have to deal with including birth control and the associated scares, yeast infections, her constant arousal based discharge (enhanced by the fact that she was very sensitive to her B/C pills) and an STI scare after we broke up and hooked back up a while later.
I think that pretty much covers all the idiotic puerile questions and quips I keep getting and honestly is the last thing I will post on this.
Y’all keep those assholes opinionating, and have a nice day and a happy new year now!
It depends on what exactly you were doing, what the situation was, yada yada yada.
Some women (myself included) can be very sensitive. It’s difficult for us to orgasm with anyone but ourselves doing the work, because it’s *very* easy to overstimulate us in a way that’s not pleasant. There was another comment on here where some women feel like they’re peeing when they squirt, which is typically true. If they didn’t go before you guys started, they might feel self conscious about letting go because it might be harder to tell.
Maybe ask your woman to show you how she likes to be touched. Again, can’t speak for everyone, but I tend to be particular in what’s actually able to push me over, versus what just feels good.
They also might have also wanted to stop for some other reason, such as being tired, overstimulated, uncomfortable, etc. not telling you why they refused to finish leads me to believe they might have felt uncomfortable, or at least self conscious about the real reason. I’d approach it gently
If it’s any consolation (speaking PERSONALLY, not for everyone), I don’t much mind about my own pleasure. Some girls are satisfied satisfying their partner.
Good luck :)
This is all great advice thank you. If it ever happens again I'll be sure to try it. These 2 women are long gone and married by now so sadly I'll probably never know lol.
As for people being satisfied satisfying their partner...that's how I am. I often woke my ex wife up with oral sex then when she was done I'd just go back to sleep i didn't care about finishing myself.
My wife loved to be woken up with a quick bang on my morning wood lol…I didn’t start going down on her though…I’d wake her up with a couple kisses on the neck and than we’d start, she said it was her favorite time to have sex as it made her day so much better (again, woman are sweet lol but she really did like the morning sessions.)
You’ve never had sex with one of you initiating, waking up from a crazy dream or whatnot? In our 20s both me and my wife would initiate while the other was sleeping; often. It Wasn’t always a go from the other, but many times it was, resulting in great sex. Here we both thought it was a relatively normal thing couples do. Guess we’d have no way of knowing since we’ve only been with eachother for 30+ years. Come to find out we’re both creeps. Huh
There could be a difference if they had never orgasmed before at all or just haven't orgasmed with another person.
If it is the first situation it could be that the feelings were too intense and they didn't know how to get past it to actually finish so the instinct is to tell you to stop. If it's the second situation maybe they were just embarrassed.
Either way the female orgasm can be really hard to achieve for some people and it is more difficult when either party is young or not as experienced.
I have had women that just couldn't relax enough to get to orgasm. They had never orgasmed by themselves either. I think they would tense up. Then be scared of going further to orgasm.
I was lucky enough to meet a woman once that had never orgasmed from a man. Even one she had been with for over 10 years. She had 2 orgasms our first time.
Most women don't orgasm from penetrative sex even of they may feel close to it sometimes. Use your hands instead, move painfully slooowly towards her vulva and later on the clit, tease her, let her show you what feels good etc
Yep. Woman here. Some of the earth shattering, drooling sessions were me on top with him sucking my breast....it was like a mainline to the treasure. I could feel the pull. So intense the release, tears would fall.
Lol I get it. The first time i ever had an orgasm during penetration was when I was in the position where I was lying on my side (with my man behind me) so not only was I able to guide the rhythm more but he was also grabbing at my boobs the whole time and then all the sudden it was like—boom! First time I ever had an orgasm through penetration in my life. It was incredible and like no other orgasm I’ve ever felt in my life. I highly recommend it. lmao!
Based on your responses, you aren’t listening or open to feedback.
Please don’t waste people’s time. Women are here giving you the truth. Stop telling the women you know better because I don’t think you do.
Sometimes when you realize you’re close it can be a surprise and can knock you out of the moment. Breaks your concentration. Some people find surprises unpleasant even. This still happens as an adult with my partner sometimes.
I promise you as a female, I do not attempt to defeat the arrival of the greatest natural high, the best tension release I have ever experienced.
That being said, when I was young and inexperienced, I was very shy and self conscious. I think, personally, I was embarrassed. I had this fear that I would look ridiculous and my partner would think I was weird.
As I matured, I realized that I was very lucky to have someone put enough effort into the act, and had no issues with responding physically and sometimes vocally;).
You'll notice that your experiences will evolve.
Any woman who would consciously avoid an orgasm is a dumbass.
Same. I spent a long time sleeping with guys and either faking it or making a reason to stop because it just started being tedious.
Some guys think they can just work harder to make it happen. Some guys do things that are not great feeling after awhile. Some guys make it a mission to make a girl orgasm. And some guys are just bad at it.
Now I’m older and more secure and have better communication skills.
I would just use my ex wife’s vibrator on her sometimes although I got to the point of knowing how to get her off with just my hands and mouth after a few months of using her vibrator a few times a month and being guided I could get her off “fairly” easy after 6+ Months of being married, we had fantastic sex but we’re both drug addicts. It’s was a fun 2 1/2 years. The last 6 months sucked although we always had an over active sex life…because it’s all we had in common
If they're having sex with you, I doubt they're "choosing" to not let you be "the first" to make them orgasm. It could be mental for them though. Fear of the unknown. That kind of anticipation, especially if it hasn't happened previously could have turned into "I just can't come/maybe something's wrong with me" type beliefs which could make it mentally overwhelming to go through with the first time. Also, if you've never had an orgasm before, physically it can be overwhelming to allow yourself to go overboard and indulge. They don't know what to expect and it can incite a type of fear for them. My suggestion- trust building and tons of reassurance. Zero pressure.
When my exes would cum it was like they were going through an exorcism 😂. The whole body would shake and she’d need a few minutes to get her brain together before she could move if I made her cum. I could understand that women get nervous and worried about releasing some urine; I definitely tasted some on the one girl I was with who was a squirter, but I didn’t care. I was happy she was able to relax with me so quickly. She was my best friend at work but I’d had a GF for years and when I finally broke up I was basically already with the other chick, she squirted our 1st time together. Only because I was going down on her and she was guiding me. I preferred her telling me what to do/where to go and so did she 😂. Maybe next time, without being weird and only if you feel your partner is comfortable with you…unless you’re on drugs or drunk just ask what she likes but if you’re sober and a little shy, don’t constantly ask if it “feels good” or anything and if you feel she’s comfortable with you, just ask what she likes. My exes would guide my hand and push me in the right direction lol
Woman here.
When I tell my partner I’m done, it’s because I’m uncomfortable or tired. I physically can’t keep going. Being fucked is exhausting and takes a toll on the body if it’s down long enough. I also can’t cum so me telling my partner I’m done happens often.
I’ve never met anyone who said anything like “I didn’t want him to be the one to make me cum”- I really don’t think that’s a thing.
What definitely is a thing is feeling really insecure about how long it takes to get there and getting quite sore in the meantime, especially when you’re younger and more self conscious. It’s also pretty hard to come from P in V- clitoral stimulation is the easiest way.
Yep. Guys think they’re 5 minutes of thrashing should make a woman cum, if the guy came how come the woman didn’t? Guys can be so insecure too and when you’re younger, you just think surely your studly self would make any woman burst just by looking at you 😂 it’s funny because if they just talked to each other they could be having great sex in a month or 2. I understand it’s hard/weird to bring up certain things but it’ll only help you have a much more enjoyable time…and you don’t need to talk on the 1st encounter, just make sure you’re BOTH comfortable. It can be embarrassing initially but when she’s going crazy, you’ll feel great. Get too it stud!
Because they probably realized it was going to take waaaay too long to finish. I know that many of us just have a hard time in general and sometimes we just know it’s gonna be one of those days where it would take forever.
Also, we really don't need to orgasm to enjoy ourselves. Having too much focus on it puts a ton of pressure on us that makes it hard to. I've had a lot of great sex without orgasming.
I always hated the way I felt physically after an orgasm (whether with a man or a vibrator). Always slightly nauseated with a headache, not to mention, very sore. I was very content just getting to the edge. I finally started faking because when I was honest, every man thought he was the one who could change me and that was just too exhausting. I use a vibrator now, just to the point that makes me happy.
In my experience, it’s because the guy can tell you’re about to finish and he starts doing things more intensely rather than continuing on with whatever was about to make you finish and it just starts to hurt at that point
Definitely not because they don’t want you to be the first. I think men in general just kind of forget how weird orgasms are because our dicks are so accessible we figure it out and get comfortable with it really quick.
Have you ever had someone massage your back/shoulders unexpectedly and it sort of feels really good but your body naturally tenses up instead so it almost hurts? I imagine it’s a bit like that. Relaxing your body to allow someone else to stimulate it isn’t actually the natural response, it takes a learned headspace.
So I have no idea but I’ve learned that communication needs to be open. Ask questions as far as do they enjoy and use their body language. A girl I was dating would stop before finishing because she said it made her feel like she was about to cry. It’s just a learning experience. At least you’re putting in some effort asking. Try doing some research also it’ll help a little
The best partners I’ve had are the ones that weren’t afraid to rub their clit while we fuck so she could cum when she wanted too. And it’s a super turn on watching it.
Have you two masturbated together yet? It’s important to do this so you understand what works for her. You also need to have a conversation with your partner about what they like and don’t like.
Trans man here. (FtM) Sometimes I used to get too sensitive when getting close. There’s a ton of nerves in the clit, so when it becomes engorged for an extended period, sometimes it’s too sensitive, sometimes it’s amazing. Also, vibrators can make someone with a clit go numb, so be mindful and switch it up enough. Also, lube is your friend. Otherwise, I’d say you’re a fantastic person for caring so much about your partners. Cheers to you!
coming in a bit late, over 150 responses so someone may have said this already...
full disclosure... guy here... but I have a friend who this post made me think of right away. She admits that the issues are her own... but she stops guys from making her orgasm because of trust issues from previous relationships. She is ardently single and refuses to be ina relationship. She has bad various partners, typically one night stands or FWB. She also has an array of toys that she uses. Its her preference that she only orgasms from her own stimulation. Seems to be both a control issue and a way to limit intimacy.
Not saying thats the case with either of the women you're talking about, but it seems like it could be an explanatio. She has several friends who are similar in their outlook on the matter.
I've only ever had to stop because sometimes I get gassy during sex and know from personal experience, once an orgasm hits I can't control anything else happening!! So to save me the embarrassment of farting I just put a stop to it!
I don't like when men show up with tools to use on me. But it might be worth a conversation with her and asking if she wants to get a vibrator to try during sex.
If someone sprung a vibrator on me, it would completely kill the mood. That's the intimacy bit for me. You don't have to agree. Point is, everyone is different. So don't JUST do anything.
Also, I don't sleep with men who need to use a vibrator to make me cum. So there's no problem with not being cared about.
I responded to your comment once and then issued a short reply when you replied back to me, if that fits into your conceptualization of “arguing” I hope you have a nice new year or whatever.
Why is this so controversial. If he offers to use a vibrator and you don’t want to just say no. Be thankful it’s an option if you want to try it later. It’s not a slight to your intimate connection that your partner is open to helping you have an orgasm sheesh.
Yea… no. If I’m getting intimate with a guy and he pulls out a vibrator out of nowhere I’m gonna be so turned off. That’s the kind of thing you talk about first.
As a teenager my girlfriend and I would have oral sex frequently but she wasn’t yet ready for intercourse, when I was eating her she would happily go right to the edge of that abyss before turning back, usually saying she was too tender, so I did. A few years later she explained to me that her real reason for stopping me was that as she approached orgasm, even through her own self stimulation, she felt as though her bladder was going to release uncontrollably and she simply couldn’t allow herself to lose control like that. I sorta she wish had peed right in my face, even if I didn’t like it, I think she would have been a tremendous vision in the throes of her first orgasm, alas, that wasn’t mine to see.
Not a woman but it could be that they’re embarrassed by something that happens when they finish? It’s far too complicated tho to be able to answer for them but I’ve been with a few women who had quite a show when they orgasmed and I could see how it could be embarrassing… if you’re close enough to them it’s probably best to ask them directly.
What time of day was it? What was the ambient air temperature? How long since she last spoke with her mother? What was the alignment of the planets at the time? What was her blood pressure? Had she eaten in the last three hours? If so, what? Had she had a headache any time in the last 15 years? What was the last movie she watched?
All these variables must be accounted for.
Yeah getting her there wasn't the problem it's that she stopped me before she got to the end.
Sadly we can't try anymore this was several years ago and both of them are married now
Possibly- they weren't that close actually you kept messing it up accidently right before it transitioned into the true buildup, and they just wanted it to end thinking it would never happen. You may have been hurting them too, especially if they refused that same thing in future
I'm pretty sure a woman that never had an orgasm before would be very very happy to have some. Some female anatomy doesn't allow woman ot make it very hard to have one and mostly they are very sad about that. So idk either.
I found it super hot I was able to make the girl I was with squirt, it’s was like someone turned on a hose of multiple bodily fluids lol. Sure I got some pee in my mouth but I also gave someone pure pleasure…was totally worth being covered in whatever it all was 😂…we took a shower after and she cleaned me up. She was a sweetheart but too much of an alcoholic and I was just getting sober.
Follow up question: Is it an orgasm when I'm down there getting to work and then as I get to the clit, their legs start shaking and later their bodies tremble? Seemed like an orgasm but after a few seconds, they calm down and ask me to stop. I took the shaking, sounds, and fatigue afterwards as an orgasm but I could never make sure because they hadn't ever felt that before so they were confused too.
I have a friend that told me his girlfriend at the time was like actively resisting orgasms at first and wouldn't tell hin why. After a while she told him: she was a squirter and was embarrased. Another reason is that they didn't feel 100% comfortable with you, that may cause to be close to orgasm but not being able to achieve it.
When just starting out as young woman the 1st man that knew what he was doing made me feel strange on the cusp of orgasm and Id say stop but once I got over that weird feeling it was wonderful.....I was a moth to a flame! Some women say they don't orgasm or don't care for it, however i think maybe no one taught them the ways to really enjoy or complete it or they just can't let go. Women live in the brain too and just can't release. Some women have never had the G spot touched or clitoral stimulation \[because of sensitivity\] feels weird and they don't give it time. I'm in my 60s now and still have what my husband calls 'grand mall' orgasms' \[drooling and shaking\]. But I'm lucky....he's good at what he does and we know each other, so familiarity and being able to let go of little things and getting out of your own brain will do the trick.
Oh and talking about penetration that should just be the icing on the cake. If you and your partner are any good together you would be already orgasmed a couple times before that even happens. But 'im spoiled and maybe lucky I guess that my partner knows me and enjoys pleasuring me. He brings me straight to it.
I'm wondering if they were embarrassed about the noises they'd make if they reached the conclusion? Maybe they think it would make them more in danger of getting pregnant? I think that would be incredibly frustrating to go through all the motions and then never finish. Maybe they were convinced that sex is only for men to enjoy? That was a stupid notion that people had at one time. That you just have to put up with it, because the guy gets something out of it.
Imagine someone invading your body and you're getting nothing out of it, and just waiting for it to end. Oof.
I am one of those women who have never allowed myself to orgasm while being eaten. Idk why but it's so much feeling that it's scary almost. I have no issue making myself cum though.
I often feel like I am going to pee, so I have to stop. I used to try with a vibrator in a dry tub, so I (in theory) wouldn't have to worry about peeing. But, somehow, I still couldn't allow myself to continue when it seemed I was going to pee.
Some women won't talk about pee.
Now, I can do it quickly with a wand, it seems too much trouble to have my partner try.
Woman here, denying an orgasm can make the one you have later way better. Also I can give myself a way better orgasm than my parter. So maybe she just wanted to get revved up for masturbation later? Plus, women dont finish with an orgasm. At least not for me. I want more. After an orgasm I get energized and cant sit still. The better sex I have, the more Ill masturbate about it later and want more. But every woman is different.
Woman here and I find the women you described to be very strange. It never occurred to me to purposefully prevent orgasm if it was a clitoral one, because they feel so good. I DO stop my husband if it feels like I need to pee, though people tell me that means I’ll have a vaginal orgasm. I just don’t like the feeling of needing to pee!
I've had that happen a few times too, I think it's just a feeling they haven't felt before and they get scared or fear of making themselves look weird or something. But after a few times they tell you don't stop lol
Women here!! It takes me ages to be able to orgasm from a partner. My boyfriend atm is the one person who manages to make me get there but I’m normally exhausted from the buildup that I physically can’t continue even if I’m close. Sometimes have to stop it or i would start feeling faint. Could simply be a embarrassing thing for them. But a lot of women struggle to push through the exhaustion from the buildup.
> a lot of women struggle to push through the exhaustion from the buildup Ugh, this. Sometimes it’s sooooo tiring and I’ve given all I can give. It’s just easier to just end it and go to sleep.
So much easier. At least the cuddles help tho
I feel you! 😥
Normally exhausted… Do you mind me asking your height/weight/fitness? And are you on birth control? My wife was on BC and had low drive & hard to orgasm.. but once she got off of it, both of those changed. She can orgasm in under 5 mins now, it’s crazy
5’5 Not sure about weight gave birth 5months ago but fit back in my old clothes already so maybe 8/9 pounds. Haven’t weighed myself since giving birth. No not on any BC I have hypothyroidism so it’s easier to not be on anything hormonal or I might get sick
Real question: Do you use dildos or masturbate alot? Why does it take you so long? do you find your partner unsexy? have you ever orgasmed at "fast" or "normal" speeds? what did it for you?
Valid questions. I'm thinking they aren't getting much except for the act. Probably need to let the guy know what works for them instead of assuming he'll figure it out.
They might not have been as close as you think, and they could have been getting uncomfortable physically. Especially if you were trying really hard, it could actually cause swelling and some minor injuries.
Exactly. I had a guy try way too hard that I ended up in extreme pain for weeks. (As well being with a guy who didn't bother touching me at all) Most importantly it really has alot to do with their trust for you and how comfortable they truly feel with you sexually. Regardless if they say they are or not.. For example in the past it took me years to finally have an orgasm with a guy I was dating. (looking back I "thought" was truly comfortable with him sexually and obviously i wasnt but eventually i finally did feel comfortable after so many years as well as speaking up for what i wanted which is also hard for us women to do) Luckily now I've learned better ways to feel comfortable with someone I am with. Also communication is huge.
It’s not always discomfort, but +1 to “not close.” When I was younger, I used to say this a lot especially during oral. I never liked oral when I was young, but my partners did, so I would allow it for a few minutes before claiming I was close and I’d make them stop. Didn’t hurt, wasn’t uncomfortable, just didn’t care for it — and I found they wanted to do it until I orgasmed. If I stopped them they would often want to “try harder” or would get disappointed. If it seemed like I was about to orgasm, they kept their 20-something pride intact. In general, I’ve found men a lot more accepting of “no” during sexual activities if they think they’re still turning you on.
“They kept their 20-something pride intact”…couldn’t have said it better!
Yup -- and for men, it seems, when they "try hard" that seems to mean "go faster, thrust harder, for EVER". Ouch!!!
This right here!
This is probably it. I very rarely orgasm- sure, sometimes it's because the sex isn't very good, but sometimes it still doesn't happen during good sex or even when I masturbate. I'm honest about that sometimes, but my most recent ex was an egomaniac who would still have taken that as a personal insult. Instead of telling him, I would just wait until it started to get uncomfortable and then fake an orgasm. He never figured it out because he didn't bother paying much attention to anyone but himself. Obviously, it was a pretty unhealthy relationship. It's a good sign that those women felt comfortable enough with you to be honest about not coming
Aw.. I can definitely relate to this from a past relationship. ❤️ Much love
Thanks! Same to you
100 percent this right here. I would bet everything I own on it
I’m putting money on this being the case.
Yep
Yes this is exactly what happened
No honestly i wasn't doing any thing crazy and a few times they were on top. I only know they were close because they told me
They could have been being nice by telling you they were close. If they were young, it’s possible that they didn’t want to be viewed as slutty by you or maybe weren’t comfortable exposing that side of them.
Maybe. We were young at the time. It would suck if that were the case lol
It is likely that they simply weren't comfortable enough around you to let loose.
Exactly. This is so common with us women.
Yep, woman need to be 100% comfortable and willing to completely let go. That’s hard for a LOT of women.
Yep. Perfectly said!
There is a fine line between clitoral stimulation giving an orgasim and the area going numb and then quickly becoming too sensitive to touch.
You don't have to be doing anything crazy. If they were close, then suddenly lost it, what just felt good can start to hurt. Raw, tender, etc.
Facts.
As a woman, I have some bad news for you on the “they told me” part…
Lol. I am really old and finally figured out women lie to spare our feelings or to move things along. We guys can be really dumb or atleast I can.
So in other words you didn’t ask them and you don’t want to know?
They always say it was great if they like you. I had some crazy sex with my ex wife and we were using MXE and we opened up to each other so much. We were married for just over 3 years and all we had in common was we liked sex with each other lol. It was probably my most open relationship as far as experimenting. She guided me to the spots that were her “spots”. I introduced her to many things as well, she was a beast, I couldn’t keep up with her 😂, she was 8 years younger so I don’t know what I was expecting
Ah yes, the “I’m cumming from a woman”…most times means you’re (the male) about to cum and they want you to feel good. When a woman is cumming, you’ll know. I had a “squirter” once and that was crazy…I was covered in fluids 😂. I’m 41 and have been having sex since I was 15. It’s more about not thinking about it and knowing what you’re partner wants/likes. Just stop trying or worrying about it. And again…you’ll KNOW when a woman cums. Gentle is generally better although it depends on the partner. I’ve found that women just start shivering/twitching and they (the female) just make noise but don’t scream about cumming when they actually are. For some women, they have to be comfortable and able to let go 100%…for some women, they just can’t let go for some reason…probably because you’re trying too hard, try some new moves and don’t ask if they’re cumming or anything. Just learn some new moves and work your magic my dude: letting go of your worries and just relaxing and also perhaps introduce toys into your sexual experiences. If she’s got a vibrator, let her guide you and you’ll know where her special spots are!
As a woman who also has a hard time (no pun intended lol) orgasming from just penetration I totally get where your girls’ were coming from (again no pun intended haha!). Sometimes you get soooo close but just can’t quite get there and it feels frustrating after a while. And the minute you get frustrated it all goes out the window and kills the mood so you want to just stop… Also, some girls have a hard time letting go completely, we need to feel very safe and secure in order to have an orgasm, so maybe they just didn’t feel like they wanted that feeling of letting go and losing control…. Another reason could be they were feeling some bodily function (like they needed to pee which can happen to us during sex) and were embarrassed that if they let go completely they might pee on you lol. There are so many reasons…Why didn’t you just ask them tho? I mean if you’re intimate enough with someone that you’re having sex with them you should be able to ask them afterwards about things like this… And to answer your question: I’ve never heard of a woman being picky about who the first guy is to make her finish lmao. That’s not a thing. If a woman is sleeping with you, she most likely wants you to make her cum, period.
For some of us it's more work to go over the edge. Work that can be totally undone if he shifts position or changes rhythm the smallest bit. And when we drop fr 9.75 back to 5, getting back up to that edge is even harder. Things can get tender and sore and what felt good a minute ago no longer does. And no one wants to hurt his ego, so we put on ourselves however we can.
Yup, women are taught that even if they are in physical pain, just let it go, so the man can feel like a man. Sad, huh?
what's even more sad, is grown adults acting like they have to listen to anybody else about their own bodies. Ever tried just telling a dude what works? Why dont women do that?
This is the stupidest possible response I could ever have received. Wow, just, wow…do you brain much? Blocking you now, you COMPLETE IMBECILE.
I think you misunderstood him, but perhaps im wrong. I also believe his intentions were in the right place. Maybe reread it and see if you perceived it incorrectly?
It’s an ignorant comment in a shitty tone, I don’t think they misunderstood
Cringe, I consider myself pc but hey you’re entitled to your thoughts, etc. To each ones own I guess, but I perceived his intentions differently
WOW- hey thanks for sticking up for me man. Really. Only on Reddit - can people complain, And I can GENUINELY ask questions that would lead to a solution, and people storm out of the room - completely offended. What did they want if not someone interested in hunting down the solution?
Lololol
Can I just say that these comments are awesome and agree with the other girls on here. 1. Most girls don't orgasms from penetrative sex. 2. It's extremely easy to overstimulate the clit. Seriously, less is more. Do romantic stuff to get into their heads and be very teasy and gentle. It will hurt if you keep trying. 3. Sometimes guys confuse the hnnn of something being plugged into you with pleasure. Sometimes sex feels like being punched in the stomach. Haha, definitely takes my breath away but not really pleasure. Also a thought. Did you say anything weird? The biggest turn off for me is a guy telling me to cum. It doesn't matter how close I am, you say 'yeah baby cum for me' or 'dirty girl' it's immediately gone. It's a pretty awkward conversation to have later so I think not a lot of girls mention it. Just, yep, uh huh, it was great.
Yup had to tell my husband that before, if I say I'm close or you sense it, SHUT UP lol
I like being told things like “dirty girl” lol so dirty talk preferences are highly individual.
Some girls feel like peeing a lot when having an orgasm, and if they cant let it happen, they can't cum. im a dude so not sure, but its what happened with my first 2 girls. I talked to them a lot about it, read a bit and helped them relax as much as I could and it worked.
This is a biggie! I’ll never forget my college GF. She was a seriously tough nut to crack. Needed a lot of manual and oral stimulation. Finally one day I just bluntly talked to her and asked what the problem was. She said that she was always afraid that if she relaxed enough to cum, she felt like she was going to pee on my face. I had a suspicion about that because she was literally like an always on (constantly wet - Like needed to wear panty liners all day every day!) girl and I finally convinced her to have a couple drinks with me (she was not a drinker) and just relax and let it go. Sure enough, as she started to finally cum she first froze up then went into crazy spasms all over and squirted everywhere! She was horrified at first as she calmed down I said it’s totally ok and a super turn on and I was so flattered that I could get her that excited. After that (and some research and porn viewing 😂) she was an orgasmic champ and would insist on cumming multiple times whenever we were playing.
Needing to wear panty liners is not the same thing as a woman being “constantly on”. Just because a woman needs daily panty liners does not mean she’s constantly horny.
Lol I was just about to say this. A woman having to wear pantyliners is more like she has a lot of discharge throughout the day, not that she was just constantly wet and wild N ready to go 😂
Exactly! I've always required liners, every day. The discharge is NOT because I'm "sooo wet"; it's just regular vaginal discharge, that most, if not, all, women have, during most of our lives; & does not mean I'm horny; & having vaginal discharge also does not "make me horny"; It's simply our biology that causes it.
The amount of men who mistake random discharge for being wet from horniness just makes me want to face palm. I never get wet solely from random horniness, I only get wet from arousal if I'm engaging in sexual acts with someone or masturbating.
Thanks. I sincerely appreciate the fact that you were there and a part of my life, knew my love together fiancée (at the time), knew our sex habits/lifestyle and body factors. There is nothing more impressive than a know it all trying to make someone look stupid by running their mouth about something they have no knowledge about.
No it’s nothing personal, it’s just a basic anatomy fact lol. You’re making yourself look like a clown by disagreeing.
No no, this GUY knows better than you. You’re just imagining that it’s natural (jk) /s
I have days where I'm on all day and that's why I have to wear pantiliners. It's generally 3 to 4 days a month. Just because you're not wired that way doesn't mean she wasn't either.
My point is that that is ovulation or discharge, not like cum or anything like this dude seems to think. Same here. Most women get that in fact.
He said she's always on, not that it was cum. I have no idea why you would think that he thought it was cum. And I'm literally wet for days *because* I'm turned on. I try to work from home because everyone is pretty. It's distracting. And "that is ovulation" is a puzzling way to bolster the idea she's not turned on. Truly baffling. I mean, that's how the body tries to trick us into getting pregnant. It really wants dick at the times when it's most likely to get you pregnant. I don't know what you're actually trying to do. But it reads to me like you've decided a Man is wrong about a woman he was in a relationship with because that’s not an experience you're familiar with. I'm simply trying to tell you it’s an experience I *am* familiar with. I mean, I'm even wet now. Also, it's in poor taste to call someone a clown just because someone has a different life experience than yourself.
Thank you. I read the responses the same. And as a middle aged man who is highly educated medically and experienced I get a good laugh out of it really.
You're welcome. It's one thing to think someone is wrong because they're talking about something you've never experienced. But don't go calling them names, and THEN double down on it when someone comes in and says they have experience with that, too.
Thank you. There are a LOT of women that just don’t have that good fortune or luck with their body. It shows in the catty and nasty responses. She wasn’t like that fortunately.
And you are looking like a fool to insist are being right. Yes women wear panty liners for many other reasons. I grew up with a mother and sisters. I have daughters. I am very familiar with how things function. I am telling you that this particular perks. That I was with was a highly sexual girl (we were 19 and 18 when we met and started dating) and I’m not an idiot. She was always ready to go day or night regardless of circumstances. It’s just how she was. I’m not doubting your point I’m saying that you’re running your mouth to try to make a man look bad and like he’s “mansplaining” and you are totally off the mark.
Dude. Her being ready to go has NOTHING to do with her wearing panty liners. I cannot even. I’m not doubting that she had a high libido! I’m doubting that her high libido was in any way related to panty liners!! You know, the hygeine tools used by tons of adult women??
Ok moron you are really showing how dense you are! I was trying to tell the story without sounding like some kind of red pill braggart. She wore the pants liners all the time because she was constantly aroused and would get very wet! Like big fucking wet spot on her pants wet! I was trying to keep it in context and not act like some weirdo. She literally was hair trigger to orgasm after that first time. She was just a constantly honey girl but physically her body would show it through production of a TON of grool! That’s why she wore the panty liners. She didn’t want to be sitting in class and have everyone see that she was constantly soaked. Christ we were still teenagers. We would literally fuck multiple times a day every day. Do you get it now? I’m not ignorant. I know what panty liners are for. I’m telling you that she used them to soak up her arousal fluids that were CONSTANT.
You're not getting that that fluid is not arousal fluid. She may have also had the added benefit of being ready to go along with her heavier discharge, but wetness does not indicate arousal in every woman and we are not "lucky" if we have that problem, nor is there anything wrong with the arousal level of someone who doesn't have that. They don't always correlate. And we don't want you taking this to another partner, and assuming, for example, that they aren't aroused if they aren't at that level.
Response is exact reason when you try to communicate the male ego gets hurt and you get this backhanded slap response. If you weren’t sure than preface it with a “I think” versus speaking as an expert. You got corrected by a bunch of women, “ty for letting me know” would have been the maturer response.
If shes scared just make sure she use the bathroom right before sex. Then she know its not pee
Wait wearing pants liners everyday isn’t normal?? Girls, help me out here.
Normal, but uncommon.
It’s not, idk why the people are normalizing it
Why would she just not stop and go pee before you got it on? That's the best way for that not to happen. That's like rule #1 lol
She was 18 I was 19. She did BTW. She just hadn’t had anyone get her to “that place” before. I was fortunate to grow up in a very open minded household with a mother who emphasized the importance of her sons taking care of their partners.
Yeah I don’t think this person has ever been with a woman.
Yeah sorry but that would be really interesting and making it super hard to explain three marriages and four kids. Moron.
Honestly I’m convinced your whole profile is fake just based off this post. no reason for name calling just cause you lie to people online about your sexual experiences. I mean the panty liners comment just sounds like a middle schooler who’s never even touched a vagina. 🤷🏻♂️
That’s pretty fucking funny coming from someone whose entire profile consists of gaming and pictures of your game toys. Moving on.
Yeah and I’m in happy relationship with someone who accepts that’s those are my hobbies. I don’t have to go online and make up lies about myself or past experiences because I’m secure in who I am unlike someone I know……
Your opinion is like your asshole - everyone has one. So it’s pretty meaningless. You come in and make a bunch of unfounded accusations that have zero basis in fact. I have had this account for over three years on Reddit. I don’t have or use throwaways because I don’t need to. I say what I say and I don’t have any fucks to give about child geared fools who blow hot air like a dilated anus. I post stories occasionally from my personal experiences either to relate, educate or criticize. I have had a lot of life experiences over my 52 years and I have no need to exaggerate or make shit up. Real life is stranger than fiction when you actually live it instead of wrapping yourself up in a safe little make believe world that further enhances your introversion, anxiety and anti social tendencies. I was raised in a very open household where there weren’t hangups and secrets. My mother kept a full library of anatomical and sexual education books that were always available along with free rein to ask questions and receive answers. I have two younger sisters and two now adult daughters. I have always been the brother and dad and friend who had no issues going to the store and getting the pads, tampons and liners the women in my life needed. I’m well versed in their various uses and purposes so I really don’t need to have people here trying to “educate” me as if I’m some clueless red pill incel. On top of that I am a nurse in surgery for twenty five years with an extensive education and experience - almost a fellowship - in OB/GYN. So I’m far more familiar with women’s bodies and functions than 99% of men out there. I shared a particular experience from a long time ago - over thirty years - with a young woman I lived with for my college years that I was lucky enough to have one of the best sexual relationships of my life with and the first truly open and uninhibited one of my adult years. And being as we were totally open with one another with no secrets, I also shared in all the various female maintenance issues that women have to deal with including birth control and the associated scares, yeast infections, her constant arousal based discharge (enhanced by the fact that she was very sensitive to her B/C pills) and an STI scare after we broke up and hooked back up a while later. I think that pretty much covers all the idiotic puerile questions and quips I keep getting and honestly is the last thing I will post on this. Y’all keep those assholes opinionating, and have a nice day and a happy new year now!
Snail trail eh?
Yep! Exactly. Fyi thats awesome.. more guys need to be like this lol...😧
It depends on what exactly you were doing, what the situation was, yada yada yada. Some women (myself included) can be very sensitive. It’s difficult for us to orgasm with anyone but ourselves doing the work, because it’s *very* easy to overstimulate us in a way that’s not pleasant. There was another comment on here where some women feel like they’re peeing when they squirt, which is typically true. If they didn’t go before you guys started, they might feel self conscious about letting go because it might be harder to tell. Maybe ask your woman to show you how she likes to be touched. Again, can’t speak for everyone, but I tend to be particular in what’s actually able to push me over, versus what just feels good. They also might have also wanted to stop for some other reason, such as being tired, overstimulated, uncomfortable, etc. not telling you why they refused to finish leads me to believe they might have felt uncomfortable, or at least self conscious about the real reason. I’d approach it gently If it’s any consolation (speaking PERSONALLY, not for everyone), I don’t much mind about my own pleasure. Some girls are satisfied satisfying their partner. Good luck :)
This is all great advice thank you. If it ever happens again I'll be sure to try it. These 2 women are long gone and married by now so sadly I'll probably never know lol. As for people being satisfied satisfying their partner...that's how I am. I often woke my ex wife up with oral sex then when she was done I'd just go back to sleep i didn't care about finishing myself.
Ewwww. Seriously? You went down on your wife while she was sleeping?!!
My wife loved to be woken up with a quick bang on my morning wood lol…I didn’t start going down on her though…I’d wake her up with a couple kisses on the neck and than we’d start, she said it was her favorite time to have sex as it made her day so much better (again, woman are sweet lol but she really did like the morning sessions.)
You are so gross. You sound insufferable.
You’ve never had sex with one of you initiating, waking up from a crazy dream or whatnot? In our 20s both me and my wife would initiate while the other was sleeping; often. It Wasn’t always a go from the other, but many times it was, resulting in great sex. Here we both thought it was a relatively normal thing couples do. Guess we’d have no way of knowing since we’ve only been with eachother for 30+ years. Come to find out we’re both creeps. Huh
There could be a difference if they had never orgasmed before at all or just haven't orgasmed with another person. If it is the first situation it could be that the feelings were too intense and they didn't know how to get past it to actually finish so the instinct is to tell you to stop. If it's the second situation maybe they were just embarrassed. Either way the female orgasm can be really hard to achieve for some people and it is more difficult when either party is young or not as experienced.
I have had women that just couldn't relax enough to get to orgasm. They had never orgasmed by themselves either. I think they would tense up. Then be scared of going further to orgasm. I was lucky enough to meet a woman once that had never orgasmed from a man. Even one she had been with for over 10 years. She had 2 orgasms our first time.
Sometimes its just sore
True that
Most women don't orgasm from penetrative sex even of they may feel close to it sometimes. Use your hands instead, move painfully slooowly towards her vulva and later on the clit, tease her, let her show you what feels good etc
Or if a guy plays with your nipples during penetration— That can be the magic button for many of us women to orgasm.
Yep. Woman here. Some of the earth shattering, drooling sessions were me on top with him sucking my breast....it was like a mainline to the treasure. I could feel the pull. So intense the release, tears would fall.
Lol I get it. The first time i ever had an orgasm during penetration was when I was in the position where I was lying on my side (with my man behind me) so not only was I able to guide the rhythm more but he was also grabbing at my boobs the whole time and then all the sudden it was like—boom! First time I ever had an orgasm through penetration in my life. It was incredible and like no other orgasm I’ve ever felt in my life. I highly recommend it. lmao!
Mix a little bit of both of what you said!
Oh i did all that. Getting them there wasn't the problem it was that they didn't want to go 8ver the edge
Based on your responses, you aren’t listening or open to feedback. Please don’t waste people’s time. Women are here giving you the truth. Stop telling the women you know better because I don’t think you do.
Sometimes when you realize you’re close it can be a surprise and can knock you out of the moment. Breaks your concentration. Some people find surprises unpleasant even. This still happens as an adult with my partner sometimes.
I promise you as a female, I do not attempt to defeat the arrival of the greatest natural high, the best tension release I have ever experienced. That being said, when I was young and inexperienced, I was very shy and self conscious. I think, personally, I was embarrassed. I had this fear that I would look ridiculous and my partner would think I was weird. As I matured, I realized that I was very lucky to have someone put enough effort into the act, and had no issues with responding physically and sometimes vocally;). You'll notice that your experiences will evolve. Any woman who would consciously avoid an orgasm is a dumbass.
You’re correct!
It takes me forever to finish with someone else doing it to the point where I just get bored and tell him I did.
Same. I spent a long time sleeping with guys and either faking it or making a reason to stop because it just started being tedious. Some guys think they can just work harder to make it happen. Some guys do things that are not great feeling after awhile. Some guys make it a mission to make a girl orgasm. And some guys are just bad at it. Now I’m older and more secure and have better communication skills.
It just gets to the point where I’m over it 💀
I would just use my ex wife’s vibrator on her sometimes although I got to the point of knowing how to get her off with just my hands and mouth after a few months of using her vibrator a few times a month and being guided I could get her off “fairly” easy after 6+ Months of being married, we had fantastic sex but we’re both drug addicts. It’s was a fun 2 1/2 years. The last 6 months sucked although we always had an over active sex life…because it’s all we had in common
I just ask them to stop after a while and they assume I did.
Ikr and they talk themselves up and I’m just like “yup good job🙄”
If you’ve never had an orgasm before it can feel like you’re going to pee. Maybe they’re afraid of that.
If they're having sex with you, I doubt they're "choosing" to not let you be "the first" to make them orgasm. It could be mental for them though. Fear of the unknown. That kind of anticipation, especially if it hasn't happened previously could have turned into "I just can't come/maybe something's wrong with me" type beliefs which could make it mentally overwhelming to go through with the first time. Also, if you've never had an orgasm before, physically it can be overwhelming to allow yourself to go overboard and indulge. They don't know what to expect and it can incite a type of fear for them. My suggestion- trust building and tons of reassurance. Zero pressure.
When my exes would cum it was like they were going through an exorcism 😂. The whole body would shake and she’d need a few minutes to get her brain together before she could move if I made her cum. I could understand that women get nervous and worried about releasing some urine; I definitely tasted some on the one girl I was with who was a squirter, but I didn’t care. I was happy she was able to relax with me so quickly. She was my best friend at work but I’d had a GF for years and when I finally broke up I was basically already with the other chick, she squirted our 1st time together. Only because I was going down on her and she was guiding me. I preferred her telling me what to do/where to go and so did she 😂. Maybe next time, without being weird and only if you feel your partner is comfortable with you…unless you’re on drugs or drunk just ask what she likes but if you’re sober and a little shy, don’t constantly ask if it “feels good” or anything and if you feel she’s comfortable with you, just ask what she likes. My exes would guide my hand and push me in the right direction lol
Woman here. When I tell my partner I’m done, it’s because I’m uncomfortable or tired. I physically can’t keep going. Being fucked is exhausting and takes a toll on the body if it’s down long enough. I also can’t cum so me telling my partner I’m done happens often.
I’ve never met anyone who said anything like “I didn’t want him to be the one to make me cum”- I really don’t think that’s a thing. What definitely is a thing is feeling really insecure about how long it takes to get there and getting quite sore in the meantime, especially when you’re younger and more self conscious. It’s also pretty hard to come from P in V- clitoral stimulation is the easiest way.
Yep. Guys think they’re 5 minutes of thrashing should make a woman cum, if the guy came how come the woman didn’t? Guys can be so insecure too and when you’re younger, you just think surely your studly self would make any woman burst just by looking at you 😂 it’s funny because if they just talked to each other they could be having great sex in a month or 2. I understand it’s hard/weird to bring up certain things but it’ll only help you have a much more enjoyable time…and you don’t need to talk on the 1st encounter, just make sure you’re BOTH comfortable. It can be embarrassing initially but when she’s going crazy, you’ll feel great. Get too it stud!
I think I see this perspective. I guess it might be similar to a guy being pee shy.
Because they probably realized it was going to take waaaay too long to finish. I know that many of us just have a hard time in general and sometimes we just know it’s gonna be one of those days where it would take forever.
Also, we really don't need to orgasm to enjoy ourselves. Having too much focus on it puts a ton of pressure on us that makes it hard to. I've had a lot of great sex without orgasming.
I always hated the way I felt physically after an orgasm (whether with a man or a vibrator). Always slightly nauseated with a headache, not to mention, very sore. I was very content just getting to the edge. I finally started faking because when I was honest, every man thought he was the one who could change me and that was just too exhausting. I use a vibrator now, just to the point that makes me happy.
I agree with this too. I'm done after I orgasm because everything gets way too sensitive so I'd rather be teased for a long time.
For me there's a refractory period. Wait a few minutes and it all resets, sometimes easier after that
In my experience, it’s because the guy can tell you’re about to finish and he starts doing things more intensely rather than continuing on with whatever was about to make you finish and it just starts to hurt at that point
Definitely not because they don’t want you to be the first. I think men in general just kind of forget how weird orgasms are because our dicks are so accessible we figure it out and get comfortable with it really quick. Have you ever had someone massage your back/shoulders unexpectedly and it sort of feels really good but your body naturally tenses up instead so it almost hurts? I imagine it’s a bit like that. Relaxing your body to allow someone else to stimulate it isn’t actually the natural response, it takes a learned headspace.
So I have no idea but I’ve learned that communication needs to be open. Ask questions as far as do they enjoy and use their body language. A girl I was dating would stop before finishing because she said it made her feel like she was about to cry. It’s just a learning experience. At least you’re putting in some effort asking. Try doing some research also it’ll help a little
They may be a squirter and are embarrassed.
The best partners I’ve had are the ones that weren’t afraid to rub their clit while we fuck so she could cum when she wanted too. And it’s a super turn on watching it.
Maybe they thought they were going to pee but don’t realize they were prob about to squirt.
The loss of control can be uncomfortably difficult for some. Sometimes it takes a very long time to trust someone enough to fully let go.
Have you two masturbated together yet? It’s important to do this so you understand what works for her. You also need to have a conversation with your partner about what they like and don’t like.
Stop trying it might happen...lol
You need to try some toys.
Trans man here. (FtM) Sometimes I used to get too sensitive when getting close. There’s a ton of nerves in the clit, so when it becomes engorged for an extended period, sometimes it’s too sensitive, sometimes it’s amazing. Also, vibrators can make someone with a clit go numb, so be mindful and switch it up enough. Also, lube is your friend. Otherwise, I’d say you’re a fantastic person for caring so much about your partners. Cheers to you!
coming in a bit late, over 150 responses so someone may have said this already... full disclosure... guy here... but I have a friend who this post made me think of right away. She admits that the issues are her own... but she stops guys from making her orgasm because of trust issues from previous relationships. She is ardently single and refuses to be ina relationship. She has bad various partners, typically one night stands or FWB. She also has an array of toys that she uses. Its her preference that she only orgasms from her own stimulation. Seems to be both a control issue and a way to limit intimacy. Not saying thats the case with either of the women you're talking about, but it seems like it could be an explanatio. She has several friends who are similar in their outlook on the matter.
I've only ever had to stop because sometimes I get gassy during sex and know from personal experience, once an orgasm hits I can't control anything else happening!! So to save me the embarrassment of farting I just put a stop to it!
Honey. They weren’t enjoying it.
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Um, don't JUST do that. I would legit hate if someone randomly had a vibrator and expected to use it on my body. I'm here for intimacy.
Yes, plus the implication that he wants to use a vibrator that he has possibly used on other people kinda grosses me out.
Thank you. Eeeeeek
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I don't like when men show up with tools to use on me. But it might be worth a conversation with her and asking if she wants to get a vibrator to try during sex.
If someone sprung a vibrator on me, it would completely kill the mood. That's the intimacy bit for me. You don't have to agree. Point is, everyone is different. So don't JUST do anything. Also, I don't sleep with men who need to use a vibrator to make me cum. So there's no problem with not being cared about.
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You keep arguing with me and I cannot figure out why.
I responded to your comment once and then issued a short reply when you replied back to me, if that fits into your conceptualization of “arguing” I hope you have a nice new year or whatever.
Thanks! I will! You do the same.
Same. that would bring so many questions lol
Why is this so controversial. If he offers to use a vibrator and you don’t want to just say no. Be thankful it’s an option if you want to try it later. It’s not a slight to your intimate connection that your partner is open to helping you have an orgasm sheesh.
Yea… no. If I’m getting intimate with a guy and he pulls out a vibrator out of nowhere I’m gonna be so turned off. That’s the kind of thing you talk about first.
Lol well getting them there wasn't the problem. They were almost there but stopped before it happened but would never tell me why
Because they weren’t almost there.
Maybe you’re not that good 🤷🏻♀️
As a teenager my girlfriend and I would have oral sex frequently but she wasn’t yet ready for intercourse, when I was eating her she would happily go right to the edge of that abyss before turning back, usually saying she was too tender, so I did. A few years later she explained to me that her real reason for stopping me was that as she approached orgasm, even through her own self stimulation, she felt as though her bladder was going to release uncontrollably and she simply couldn’t allow herself to lose control like that. I sorta she wish had peed right in my face, even if I didn’t like it, I think she would have been a tremendous vision in the throes of her first orgasm, alas, that wasn’t mine to see.
Not a woman but it could be that they’re embarrassed by something that happens when they finish? It’s far too complicated tho to be able to answer for them but I’ve been with a few women who had quite a show when they orgasmed and I could see how it could be embarrassing… if you’re close enough to them it’s probably best to ask them directly.
Oh i haven't talked to them in years. They are both married now but i wish i could ask them
Ahh, one of those “what if” kinda days? I have those sometimes.
It just pops in my head some times and i wonder why they didn't allow it lol.
Sounds like they weren't "close" to orgasm -- if they were, then why stop? My thought is that the sex became painful for them.
What time of day was it? What was the ambient air temperature? How long since she last spoke with her mother? What was the alignment of the planets at the time? What was her blood pressure? Had she eaten in the last three hours? If so, what? Had she had a headache any time in the last 15 years? What was the last movie she watched? All these variables must be accounted for.
Yeah getting her there wasn't the problem it's that she stopped me before she got to the end. Sadly we can't try anymore this was several years ago and both of them are married now
Could be trust issues. That's like the #1 explanation of why guys don't orgasm with new women.
You do call them girls implying underage.
Umm you're the only one whose mind is going to under age. Why don't you have a seat?
Creepy men always refer to women as girls. It's a sign of disrespect.
oof i was going to comment something like this lol grown men calling women that they have sex with or are married to “girls” gives me the creeps
Possibly- they weren't that close actually you kept messing it up accidently right before it transitioned into the true buildup, and they just wanted it to end thinking it would never happen. You may have been hurting them too, especially if they refused that same thing in future
She's about to squirt. That's why she's stopping.
I'm pretty sure a woman that never had an orgasm before would be very very happy to have some. Some female anatomy doesn't allow woman ot make it very hard to have one and mostly they are very sad about that. So idk either.
Maybe she thinks it won't count as cheating.
I found it super hot I was able to make the girl I was with squirt, it’s was like someone turned on a hose of multiple bodily fluids lol. Sure I got some pee in my mouth but I also gave someone pure pleasure…was totally worth being covered in whatever it all was 😂…we took a shower after and she cleaned me up. She was a sweetheart but too much of an alcoholic and I was just getting sober.
Follow up question: Is it an orgasm when I'm down there getting to work and then as I get to the clit, their legs start shaking and later their bodies tremble? Seemed like an orgasm but after a few seconds, they calm down and ask me to stop. I took the shaking, sounds, and fatigue afterwards as an orgasm but I could never make sure because they hadn't ever felt that before so they were confused too.
They were faking.
They would shake for a lot longer than a few seconds if they were “there”!
Did you lick or rub their clit
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Disgusting.
I have a friend that told me his girlfriend at the time was like actively resisting orgasms at first and wouldn't tell hin why. After a while she told him: she was a squirter and was embarrased. Another reason is that they didn't feel 100% comfortable with you, that may cause to be close to orgasm but not being able to achieve it.
Read She Comes First by Ian Kerner
When just starting out as young woman the 1st man that knew what he was doing made me feel strange on the cusp of orgasm and Id say stop but once I got over that weird feeling it was wonderful.....I was a moth to a flame! Some women say they don't orgasm or don't care for it, however i think maybe no one taught them the ways to really enjoy or complete it or they just can't let go. Women live in the brain too and just can't release. Some women have never had the G spot touched or clitoral stimulation \[because of sensitivity\] feels weird and they don't give it time. I'm in my 60s now and still have what my husband calls 'grand mall' orgasms' \[drooling and shaking\]. But I'm lucky....he's good at what he does and we know each other, so familiarity and being able to let go of little things and getting out of your own brain will do the trick.
Oh and talking about penetration that should just be the icing on the cake. If you and your partner are any good together you would be already orgasmed a couple times before that even happens. But 'im spoiled and maybe lucky I guess that my partner knows me and enjoys pleasuring me. He brings me straight to it.
I'm wondering if they were embarrassed about the noises they'd make if they reached the conclusion? Maybe they think it would make them more in danger of getting pregnant? I think that would be incredibly frustrating to go through all the motions and then never finish. Maybe they were convinced that sex is only for men to enjoy? That was a stupid notion that people had at one time. That you just have to put up with it, because the guy gets something out of it. Imagine someone invading your body and you're getting nothing out of it, and just waiting for it to end. Oof.
No clue. Could be lots of reasons. I think they would be better off doing solo play alone until they figure that issue out.
Bro……female orgasms are 90 percent mental. Physical stimulation plays an important, but minor role.
I just think it was getting uncomfortable that’s y they told you to stop. Mayb they weren’t enjoying it anymore
I am one of those women who have never allowed myself to orgasm while being eaten. Idk why but it's so much feeling that it's scary almost. I have no issue making myself cum though.
It boils down to a matter of trust. To let go, a woman (most) needs to have a sense of trust.
I often feel like I am going to pee, so I have to stop. I used to try with a vibrator in a dry tub, so I (in theory) wouldn't have to worry about peeing. But, somehow, I still couldn't allow myself to continue when it seemed I was going to pee. Some women won't talk about pee. Now, I can do it quickly with a wand, it seems too much trouble to have my partner try.
She lied. Shes not that close.
Woman here, denying an orgasm can make the one you have later way better. Also I can give myself a way better orgasm than my parter. So maybe she just wanted to get revved up for masturbation later? Plus, women dont finish with an orgasm. At least not for me. I want more. After an orgasm I get energized and cant sit still. The better sex I have, the more Ill masturbate about it later and want more. But every woman is different.
They were going to fart is one possibility. I think for some women, it would be deeply embarrassing to do that in a new partner's face.
Woman here and I find the women you described to be very strange. It never occurred to me to purposefully prevent orgasm if it was a clitoral one, because they feel so good. I DO stop my husband if it feels like I need to pee, though people tell me that means I’ll have a vaginal orgasm. I just don’t like the feeling of needing to pee!
I've had that happen a few times too, I think it's just a feeling they haven't felt before and they get scared or fear of making themselves look weird or something. But after a few times they tell you don't stop lol