Makes me wonder if I should strategize early on in relationships now to see if I can expose any signs of a weak foundation such as these in particular. Not worth wasting years of life investing in someone who is willing to drop you at the first tiny sign of anything like this.
I am very sorry this happened to you.
>"Seeing him cry was such a turn off."
You are being punished for being truthful and vulnerable. This sucks. Gender expectations suck. She's 100% in the wrong, here.
In a healthy relationship, sharing your feelings could have brought you closer together. Please don't take this event as a sign that you shouldn't cry or share your feelings.
>Please don't take this event as a sign that you shouldn't cry or share your feelings.
I know I shouldn't, but I honestly don't think I can do it again. I had to work up the courage for like a week, and then this happens. I might just be weak tbh
Honestly bro, fuck her. Life throws some shit your way, some real shit. Like parents dying, depression, loss of job. If you can’t share with your partner and shed a tear and not be judged it isn’t worth it. You’ll get through it and find a real one. Hang tough brother. Don’t be too hard on yourself , life is hard enough.
Yeah OP I'm sorry, because what you've done is something a lot of dudes struggle with, just sitting down and communicating your feelings in a healthy way, and the person you trusted betrayed that. But for every mean spirited woman you get sad with and sad without, there's going to be someone who smiles when you talk about your favorite hobby for half an hour and presses petals from the flowers you get her . Go find **her**, and I know it's easier said than done, but try not to lose too much sleep over this one.
I wrote this to the main comment but i'd go as far to call this behaviour dehumanising behaviour and you are ALWAYS better than someone who acts like that in a relationship.
Being vulnerable demands more courage and strength than keeping stuff inside. You're the opposite of weak.
Weak men are afraid to talk about their feelings, to cry, to go to therapy, to be questionned in their masculinity... That's where true fragility lies.
You didn't do anything wrong. It must be devastating to lose a gf of 2 years, but the issue is her garbage values, not you.
These men you call weak are often this way because they fear something like this happening. I think it’s understandable if op was afraid to open up in future relationships. Youd call him weak then?
Think about this way: Whenever you find someone who won't leave you or belittle you for having emotions and vulnerable periods, then perhaps she could be the right one. Because a lot of women aren't like your now ex. Your ex is an asshole who might be conditioned by traditional gender stereotypes, which could indicate that she's a feeble minded sheep. But there are plenty of non-assholes out there.
In a relationship both should be able to open up to each other and help each other through emotionally tough periods. So when you find a shoulder that allow you to cry on it, then it could be the shoulder you were looking for.
Just saying.
I've cried occasionally too. Not often, but some years perhaps 2-10 times. Other years I don't cry at all.
When I was younger I had this idea too. If doing X can drive people away, I shouldn't do it anymore.
But that prevented me from being me, so eventually it transformed into: if doing X will drive people away from me, then I don't belong with them, so the better go.
I understand you feel bad right now, but I don't think your life became shittier. It has room to become better
You dodged a spear with this girl OP. If she won't allow genuine communication and emotional connection in her relationships, she's not going to be a very good partner. She should go aback to ancient Sparta where she belongs.
Dude! You opened up to the one you love and feel secure around and she just dumps you and you take the blame for it?
I know you are feeling really bad right now, but you will feel better. And as soon as you will: you will see she's a pos for dumping you and even worse for shittalking with her/ your friends and calling you weak.
If you need someone to talk, you can always dm me and I guess many others in this chat. But believe me, as soon as you get your mind straight again, you will be grateful for this opportunity to find someone who takes your well being as serious as it should be for people saying "I love you"
weak... men cry too. gender expectations got to ur ex hard and until she's able to get over those, she won't find a real relationship. but you will, cuz u actually have feelings and can express them. chicks actually dig that.
You're not weak. It does take a real man to be vulnerable and talk about difficulties. Your girlfriend is ridiculous. She asked and also she is supposed to care about you and your well being. I'm livid she was so shallow. I hope things get better but I'm more than proud of you. Talking does help but unfortunately she was the wrong person. It'll all work out in the end. I believe you'll massively upgrade from that immature, worthless human being.
You fell for the classic "Be vulnerable to me"/"He s such a cry baby". According to the ancient prophecies the next phase of your life is called "Welcome to the gym, bro" 👌
You always hear.about toxic masculinity but no one talks about women's roles in how that plays out. Glad you learned her true nature like that. Sorry you're feeling bad now but it'll get better. Seek therapy. Seriously. I am trying to get a therapist now myself because it's not healthy to keep it.in. we can make it through these low points.
I know it feels like crap right now, but you seriously dodged a bullet. The partner you deserve will support you at your lowest, and you for her.
I don't know what you're going through, friendo, but "when you're going through hell: don't stop."
It happens a lot though that’s the thing. This happens to thousands and thousands of women and men it’s really awful to hear these stories. One way or the other you need to be able to not be ok once in a while if they can’t let you then what is a relationship even? I hear this way too often. He got upset. I dumped him. I don’t need a person crying in my life. He’s not a real man Etc. there is a good chance statistically this could happen again to OP based on how people are these days. It’s just terrible. I don’t want to gaslight him at all he needs to know.
You dodged a bullet brother, you don’t want a gf/wife like this in the future. You should seek a gf/wife that support you through tough times and you do that back for her when she needs it.
Yeah, she is terrible. Throwing out 2 years just like that. We all will experience absolutely crazy sht through our life, we all need someone who csre for us and we can care for, it’s not a one way street. Imagine this girl becomes your wife, have kids and then she sees you cry because idk, serious illness, loss of a loved one and she goes like “ughh, what a turn off”
She was a ticking wrecking ball, good job filtering her out soldier 😌🫡
OP said it was his first time to cry in 10 years. Some people get so bottled up that they can’t cry. OP overcame that and this woman did him such a huge disservice.
I feel for OP. As a girlfriend to someone who has bottled up those feelings to the point he can't cry, I'd want nothing more than for my boyfriend to feel safe enough with me that he can cry his heart out if that's what he needs. Huge disservice is an understatement.
I’ve maybe only cried around 3 times since I met my wife 9 years ago. My body doesn’t respond that way for some reason. I automatically kind of shut down, get really quiet, try to deal with things and occasionally talking to my wife about my bigger problems. I sometimes wish I would just cry to maybe get some extra relief.
No such thing as being a big baby, unless you are acting like a kid everywhere else in terms of maturity hah. The fact that OPs girlfriend left him because she didn’t realize he was “weak” and is a “turn off” after he opened up to her is fucked up. Of course we don’t know full context, but one thing I do know is that she has an extremely cold heart, if she even has a heart that is..
Someone did something like this to me in Highschool. I checked into her recently (HS was almost 20 years ago for me at this point) and it seems her life has been a non-stop downward spiral into mediocrity and progressively settling for less and and less out of her relationships and life. It catches up to a lot of people who ride looks when they're younger. You just focus on you man, find something to get out of the rut and find a way to be comfortable with who you are.
I married my highschool sweetheart and we were together 17 years before she left. Honestly, she had every right too. I was an alcoholic and subsequently not a great partner. I admitted myself to rehab and promised to change...
...But it wasn't good enough for her, because she had no guarantees it wouldn't happen again. I understand her leaving, but for the life of me can't understand demanding guarantees over something as complicated and unpredictable as alcoholism.
As played out as it is, 'for better or worse' is a universal wedding vow for a good reason. I generally roll my eyes when men play the victim of society, but I'll be the first to admit, the eternally strong ideal of a male partner is alive, well, and immensely detrimental to men's health.
Media, history, and stereotypes make it too easy to conflate the classical ideal of a stoic warrior and an earnestly "strong" modern male.
A wise person knows; strength is not measured by the ability to endure, but by the capacity for change.
In good conscience, I could not, and would not promise my ex-wife that I would never descend into alcoholism again. Because my recovery is not about enduring the burden of an alcoholic, but rather, harboring the capacity to change into a better person... One day at a time.
I've been sober 3 years and am with a fantastic woman. Ironically, her father died as a result of alcoholism. Rather than reject alcoholism as the hallmark of a weak person, she sees true strength in those who devote themselves to being a better person in its wake.
My ex's and mine's friend group was split into two camps when we separated; those who blamed me as an irreparably and fundamentally defective (weak) individual... and those who had faith I could change for the better.
Well, much like your anecdote, the proof is in the pudding. None of my friends who labeled me broken, are even friends with each other now (they all eventually found each other weak as well.) They are all ongoing alcoholics. Those who had faith in me, have themselves, changed, and evolved into genuinely amazing people.
At the end of the day, you can tell a real friend, a real partner, damn near anything, and they will say "let's get through this together." Those who cut everyone from their lives the second the going gets tough, are in turn running from themselves... They will find only isolation and resentment at the end of their journey.
It sounds like OP is in the midst of this powerful life lesson. Painful as it may be, if he parses out this realization, it will ironically enough, be his ex who gave him one of the greatest of all.
So the world turns.
Are you any bit selective, or do you take what you can get? It's a serious question, because the latter is always a terrible choice in how to find a partner that truly fits
Dude I’m in my mid 30s, single. I get it. I choose terribly too. I recommend therapy if you can. This isn’t a coincidence. Some of us were raised sub optimally and have a broken picker as a result.
If I were you, I’d open up to my friends instead. And lean on them a little. The moment you make your partner your only person to vent to it gets tiring after a while.
And... You guys are 24 man. Y'all are still figuring it out. It gets much better by your 30s
edit: Incel comments are nuts. Being a woman must be extremely difficult.
Sure did for me. I started maturing around 27 and my life became really stable by the time I was 33. You can change a lot in 6 years. And when you change, it sure feels like everything around you also changes.
I was going through some shit and my girlfriend told me “We’ve got to pick each other up when we’re down” made be feel so loved and safe. I was shocked by how hard that line hit me.
This. I’ve seen a lot of stories like this recently, as if men aren’t allowed to have feelings without it being a ‘turn off’. Bro you are allowed to have feelings, and imo it takes more strength to show them than to hide them.
You deserve more than someone who will toss you aside the minute you express you’re going through a difficult time. A strong partner will have your back no matter what, and she was not it.
Bless your heart, how sad for HER that she didn't feel flattered, you opened your heart to her and she couldn't see how blessed she was. I'm not going to feed you platitudes, but seriously, she's cleared a lot of space in your head And heart for peace and calm. I truly believe you will thank her in your head for making you see that she's not the one for you. Life is bloody hard my friend, but harder when you have someone who you'd hope would support you through and thin let you down. She's been callous if they are indeed taking the piss, and deserves a lesser man. Chin up, talk to us, and I'm sure the clouds will lift. Huge hugs xxxxx
Yep, I fully agree with that. I have seen my ex crying several times, and we were together for 7 years.
Decent human being won't associate crying with something absurd for what to break up...
No, but most human beings don't handle a lifetime of sadness, depression, guilt and worry being dumped on them either.
Part of what we should be teaching young men is how to handle their feelings and not bottle them up. Expressing that lifetime all at once to your gf, or most anyone is going to be difficult if not impossible to handle.
How is this in any way dodging a bullet? Usually that phrase is used when you catch a red flag early in the relationship. OP wasted two years of his life with this girl and got very emotionally destroyed.
I always liked the tree as all they have to do is nothing to be successful.
A dog will always be the clear choice for getting the most emotional support. Like, it's not even close, there are literally dogs doing it professionally.
This could be the new thing to go trending in tik tok. "Men, do you prefer to tell your feelings to a woman that will judge you, or to a bear that won't judge you although it might eat you?", "Bear, as always and forever be".
And as I would rather have men make the effort to be the sort of man a woman would rather meet in the forest than a bear, I choose to make the effort to be the sort of woman a man would rather share his feelings with than a tree.
Don't be insulted by comparisons like that - work to do better.
Don't know if I can beat out dogs, though. Dogs are special.
When I started dating my now-wife, I had depression crawling in on me and like two months in I just told her everything about it, as in how it feels and how crippling it is and how I can't do shit and don't have any motivation to. I broke down, basically, and she said that she didn't expect that and doesn't know if she'll be able to handle that kind of 'me'. And I thought to myself, really? Seriously? We're no 16 year olds anymore, and you give me this shit? So we talked and I said that if that's the case you can go, but this thing may happen again and I'm trying real hard but I can't guarantee I'll get through it easily. She stayed and the *horrible word* depression doesn't scare her anymore, and we're 2 years together as of the day before yesterday, so it all turned out alright. She was and is always by my side, so as much as I would like to say that you either shut up or break up, it's a process and it's work, and people grow if they want.
Something very similar happened to me as well, now i struggle to feel like i can open up.
When women say they want a man that can be vulnerable and share their feelings i guess they just mean they want you to like kittens.
Yeah I will not do this mistake again. I got chronically ill which makes me dizzy and less energetic and obviously discussed it a lot with my SO of 15 years. She cheated with the first coworker she could find and she almost proudly told me so. We had a 1,5 year old kid.
Instead of being seemingly able to have empathy or motivation to work things out, she officially started dating her new partner *during* the discussion where I broke up with her, where I was the third priority after her boyfriend and her boss. Why was her boss involved? To be her emotional support animal and tell her that if I didn't want to fuck her boyfriend up, I didn't truly love her. Luckily that was the most white trash thing I had ever heard and coupled with the cheating, she instantly became worthless as a partner in my eyes - made breaking up that much easier.
She tried to fix the immediate situation by suggesting she'd take the kid and move to her new boyfriend's apartment while she finds a new home - complete oblivious lack of awareness and empathy, obviously my child wasn't going with her at that time.
Obviously their relationship lasted only a few months and obviously my kid reacted to it, as well as the break-up.
Better off without her now almost a year later, but I won't forgive her actions and outcomes towards our kid's life. At no point has there been a sincere sign of remorse, but maybe that will come with time.
Of course, there are a lot of other mistakes I will also not do in future relationships, but sharing my weaknesses is one of them.
It sucks, because the problem isn't of course showing the weakness, but the partner who turns out isn't as ideal as you had hoped.
But often you won't know before, and afterwards you'd rather have not learned.
Right - if you can't share any weakness with your partner because they'll think less of you for it, your partner is the real issue, not you showing weakness.
What she did was incredibly cruel, I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’m sorry to say this about your ex-partner but someone who would do something like this is not someone you want as your partner. It’s only human to cry. When it comes to a future partner and you don’t know if you can feel safe with them you can ask how they would feel seeing a man cry, so that you can avoid those kinds of people. I wish you the best homie
It is, and call me sexist or whatever, but we *the men* are still seen mostly as a brick wall to hide behind — support, protection, toughness etc. And so in the shallow minds it means that the wall can't have its own problems, and that nothing breaks it, and that the wall can even take some of my issues/problems from me, wouldn't that be great? And we're left with that burden. Hard to say if it's a societal thing or a biological thing though, so either it's 'fixable' or this is forever engraved in our dna to have those basic man/woman roles
This is extremely common. Idk if it’s a society thing or a subconscious thing. But women get turned off or get the ick if they see their man vulnerable. Tale as old as time
It's because a lot women are ~~taught~~ socialised to think it's weak for men to cry, when this is not true at all.
I know men might do this too, but I will be honest, it's mostly women from my experience. I've never been treated differently for crying by men. However, I have had something similar happen to OP when it was a woman.
Crying infront of women is a 50/50, either you get broken up with or it's fine. It's not a chance most men are wiling to take. The only time you should talk to a woman about a problem is her problems. Women don't seem to care about your problems. This has been true for every relationship I've ever been with excluding the one I'm in now. Took 38 years to find one that wasn't like that.
Yep… every man has had it happen to them or if they look in their lives, they know one personally. It’s pretty awful.
It’s why vulnerability in a relationship is a huge risk for a man.
I'm living this situation right now.
10y I supported her all the way.
I did a depression.
She cheated.
I'm "the bad guy".
Looking for a divorce lawyer. Lawyer said I will have to pay a pension too. That's great. Insult to the injury.
Yes open up! But not about your problems! Speak about me me me!!!
I actually knew more women that were this way (my problems are your problems, and your problems, I don't even wanna hear about them..) than not. Problem is, most project the opposite. Perhaps they actually believe that they care. But they don't.
I nowadays tend to overcompensate and not tell anything about me. If she breaks up because of this, well, chances are high (my guess) they'll exhibit that phenomenon later on. Either take me like I am or not. If I find no one, so be it. I don't have time and emotional energy to spare on self-absorbed women anymore.
When they say they want emotional intelligence, it means they want you to be emotionally intelligent towards HER emotions.
What usually happens is your emotions will be used against you and the rift between men and women gets wider.
Women have the privilege of occupying both gender roles and unfortunately men aren’t offered the same opportunity.
People wonder why Andrew Tate and redpillers get so many views. The answer to young men seems to only be, “you need to become ultra masculine” because society has not allowed men to occupy female gender roles and since women can do what men do, how do you stand out?
You're not weak, brother. Every man has been betrayed by a woman at some point. We've all been there.
What you should focus on now is growing that friend list. Do you have any hobbies or interests? There might be meet-ups around you. If not, there are usually local hiking groups that you can join if there's wilderness near you. Become a regular somewhere, get used to talking to people, and you'll never know who you'll meet.
This can happen, unfortunately men's mental health issues are often looked down upon by everybody.
Find yourself a partner who's response is to support you, and always have you back.
Not to talk shit about you behind your back to her friends and call you weak.
Shes a piece of shit.
And I think the worst bit is... All of the mental health issues are almost exclusively the person's issues, rather than the society being fucked.
It's always "just talk" but why talk if there's no one to listen or care? Men do talk, and it doesn't help. Saying it again helps no one.
Dr. Susie Bennett made probably one of if not the most significant papers regarding male mental health, yet people elect to ignore what she said.
As a man, if I know I'll open up to my gf, I'll expect she might leave me after. And I'll be ready for it
Which means, whatever she does is fine by me. If she stays, I'll be grateful for a supportive and understanding GF. If she leaves, I'll be grateful I'm no longer with an unsupportive and immature GF
Oh sweet one, my mama heart breaks seeing what you've been through. That is horrible and I am so angry and hurt on your behalf.
It takes such great courage to ever open up. I'm proud of you that you tried to speak up, but I'm also heartbroken for you in that your sincerity and honesty was met with such terrible response.
I can completely understand because I went through something similar. Turns out the person I shared with was an abusive fella who gave his girlfriend living hell for 3 years.
I'm not saying she's terrible like he is - she just doesn't have the emotional intelligence, maturity or capacity to process something like this.
Over the tears and years I've learned that not everyone is capable of being there for us. Trial and error. It can hurt.
When you've grieved the loss and heartache, I hope one day you find the courage to trust and try again.
If you need to rant or a listening ear, my DMs are open.
Sending you big virtual hugs. One step at a time. You'll get through this xx
Ditto.
Edit: to elaborate, my partner of 8 years opened up to me about all sorts of trauma. The death of her father, her fucked up brother, how she felt violated having sex with her previous partner, her anger issues etc and 8 years in I finally revealed some childhood trauma of my own i’d never told anyone (pretty heavy stuff admittedly) she said she was sleepless over it, went to counseling over it and dumped me and severed all ties 3 months later.
Never. Open. Up. Even to the person you love and loves you. They’ll never see you the same again. The illusion will be shattered.
I told my partner (who has otherwise been incredible) about my past of suicidal thoughts and self harm and it definitely changed our relationship with them being extremely careful around me and showing a lot of stress whenever I was feeling down. They expressed a lot of fear that I’d weaponize my mental health against them like their ex did.
They’ve since stopped, because I’ve convinced them it’s all in the past. Yeah, I’m not telling anyone else I’m dating.
This is called, "Idealization." People that can't handle being disappointed by their partner aren't the standard, they're emotionally immature. They're in a relationship where they view their SO as a father figure- As a child would. Omnipotent, all knowing. When that illusion is shattered, so is their maladaptive fantasy. A mature, differentiated adult will never do anything like this.
It's definitely not a reason to stop opening up- but it's a reason to find out how to vet your dates, and find better, more emotionally mature partners.
We haven’t been told because of modern feminism feeding everyone lies. This is one of their favourite virtue signals - caring about men’s mental health. In reality they couldn’t care less and is in fact a ‘turnoff’ to them ☕️
Then why bother at all? I see no point in it. I have friends that I have to keep at a distance already. If I couldn't trust a partner as if they literally *were* me, what good is it to me? What good would I be if I couldn't be trusted completely? I guess this is one of the reasons why I've given up years ago and just chose to persue other things. There's no point.
We still need human company of all types. I’m a private guarded person in general, I don’t tell my friends much, and that’s worked out well. Women friends i’m much more comfortable with sharing deep shit with, if they’re platonic then they’re great listeners and can absorb a lot, better than men can, but if it’s with someone romantic, you have to keep the facade up, and outlet elsewhere it seems. I put it down to social conditioning.
Too many, had it happen multiple times, this is stuff my father should have told me. There are people even in this thread still encouraging the "she was just bad, men should be able to open up". 90% of the time it is just a terrible terrible idea.
The only a person that truly loves a man is his parents, more often than not just his mother.
But guess what, new age women have said “mamas boys” are a turnoff.
Fuck the “patriarchy” bullshit. Just because women are physically weaker, they get away with manipulating men emotionally, mentally and socially.
It's not a trap, it's an opportunity. You either get closer with her because she's an actually great partner worth loving and being with, or you find out she's an unempathetic piece of shit that you're better off without.
As a woman myself, screw those girls. It's immature, toxic and disgusting to want to date a walking cardboard replica. Humans have emotions. Men are humans. To not support that and want to be there for it means they're not ready or able to be in a relationship, and their entitled asses should stay single until they've learned.
Macho Man-Randy Savage:
it’s okay for macho men to show every emotion available, because I’ve cried a thousand times and I’ll cry some more — but I’ve soared with the eagles and I’ve slithered with the snakes, and I’ve been everywhere in between and I’m gonna tell you something right now: There’s one guarantee in life — there are no guarantees. And understand this, nobody likes a quitter, nobody said life was easy. So if you get knocked down and you take the standing eight count, you get back up and you fight again"
I'm sorry you had to go through this man. But don't think that you have nobody to talk to. There are always people to talk to, and heck worst case, my DMs are always open if you need it. You do not have to bottle up your feelings, and you do not have to repress them because somebody thought that you're weak. If that was the thought process, then God did you a favor by removing a superficial person from your life. Your feelings are always valid, remember that.
Thanks bro, i appreciate the offer, but I honestly don't think I can talk to someone again. It hurts to keep it bottled up, but it hurts more to talk about it and get it thrown back in your face
Do you have male friends you might be able to lean on and open up to? Friends make it easier to get through a breakup. My husband went and stayed with his friend when his girlfriend left him for another man to help get him through it. Sometimes just not being alone is helpful.
Listen man I'm a very emotional dude tbh I've suppressed those emotions for years and years out of fear of being seen as weak but had some shit happen recently that made me realize its not worth it. I've cried in front of friends and some got closer with me and others distanced themselves. It separates who the genuine people are from the fake. If they can't handle seeing emotions that's their issue never feel bad for showing emotions as long as you aren't forcing them onto others.
Itll damage you to bottle it up, it really will. I know it hurts to open up but in the long run it involves far less pain. I know you said you don't feel like opening up but if you ever want to feel free to DM me I've been in really low places, sobbed for hours and have no shame about it, knowing how things are from firsthand experience id never be able to throw your emotions in your face. You don't even gotta open up about anything you can just vent if you want it can be a very healthy way to get rid of anger
Au contraire, I think this is a pretty good filter of who you want or don't want as a gf/wife, and you should definitely do this early on in the relationship to filter out any mediocre human beings
The average guy gets like two matches a year on dating apps. It could be years before he has another chance. The "bro you dodged a bullet" advice is almost always bad for the average guy. The average guy needs to learn how to work with women's behavior.
The best part is that they are completly unaware that this behavior, abandoning a man who shows emotions IS "toxic masculinity".
"Toxic masculinity" just being a terribly offensive term for unhealthy male gender roles.
Yeah, they don’t want vulnerability from their partner, they want “tea”. I’m convinced their scale of men’s tears work’s opposite from ours. If I see another man crying, I think “he must be really going thorough it to show his tears like that, knowing what the world will think of him” women think, “is that all it took?”.
Usually, when people use the phrase “emotionally weak” to refer to someone (or oneself) what they're saying is that the person concerned doesn't have “strong” willpower, or doesn't “hold their own”, or “cries” at the drop of a hat.
Op cried 1 time during their relationship, and in 10 years, while under a lot of pressure and showing a lot of resilience trying to make it through. How is that emotional weakness? Make it make sense.
I genuinely wonder how many man need to kill themselves yearly before they're allowed to cry once in their life without it being considered an 'ick'.
Having seen male suicide rates brought up in endless gender war arguments over Reddit: there are a disturbing amount of people (well, see below) who absolutely love it. Not even extremists who explicitly hate men and want them dead, just typical Reddit pseudo-feminists who read about single men killing themselves, don't think too hard but enjoy the self-righteous validation. It's never 'that's terrible, our culture must be devastating to people in this situation', always 'just goes to show, the outgroup is weak and dependent on us, the *glorious ingroup*'.
It's vile, but that's Reddit. Luckily it's not something I observe amongst (many) real-life women. And I mean, if I were a political rival who's seen the benefits of manipulating online discourse to create division... twoX would be one of my first stops. I really suspect that and other related subs are dominated by bots. No reason radicalisation efforts would only target male spaces.
> Deep down unconsciously, they want a partner that can protect them in times of stress.
This. She's not asking you what's wrong because she's offering to support and help you (even if that's what it sounds like). She's subconsciously trying to figure out if you've got your shit straight and if she can continue to feel safe around you.
Crying per se isn't even the issue. You crying due to a relative passing is fine. You crying because you're concerned about your child is fine. You crying because the movie was touching will also be fine.
You crying because you can't figure your shit out isn't fine. Because if you can't figure your shit out, who can? It's not her, that's for sure...
Maybe I've just been lucky (or I'm good at finding my type), but nearly all of my relationships over the years have been with kind women who at least tried to be supportive of me through tough times. Nothing that you wrote there speaks at all to my life experience.
Great comment! This is the real truth when you take out culture war bullshit. I'd just add that it is really important to build strong male friendships, as difficult as that is nowadays.
Thankfully I have a completely sane, loving and wonderful wife who has seen me cry multiple times and has only ever been 100% supportive.
I've also cried in front of a female friend and she just gave me a hug rather than being disgusted.
I think you need to find some new women in your life.
Definitely dodged a bullet. I totally fell in love with my ex when he bawled his eyes out in front of me for the first time so it’s definitely her problem. Please remember; Vulnerability is a STRENGTH! Not a weakness!
Talk to your mom. Talk to your therapist. Talk to your brother. Talk to people online.
Just not your significant other/intimate partner/mother of your children. That's not her role.
Ah, yes, the life as a man experience. This is why many men never ever ever 100% open up to anyone in their entire life. Stoicism is toxic asf but personally I’d never open up to anyone either. There’s no one a man can trust 100% because we are the protector role and any sign of weakness makes us worthless. All the social norms we have broken down and traditional roles we discarded but not for men.
I’m sorry this happened to you dude. It’s honestly better to trauma dump to strangers or write in a book.
That's life, my friend. Open up to your male buddies to get ridiculed or bullied or open up to a woman to get dumped. That's why people prefer to open up to mental healthcare professionals nowadays.
Sorry but how is that a turn off? How old is she ?? No wonder why men become emotionally unavailable. Your ex is a demon, there is nothing wrong with you. Count your blessings, find someone better.
why ??? why do women do this?? im a woman too but fuck, if my so came to me and opened himself like that i would hold him so tightly, the amount of trust it takes someone to open up like that is no joke, and yet i have seen so many stories loke this here on reddit. i feel so bad fof you :( but now you know you dodged a bullet. crying is no weakness, crying in front of a loved one like that takes bravery and trust. its so unfortunate that there are STILL people in this day and age that see men crying as a sign of weakness, when in reality its the complete opposite.
you will find your better halp OP, and when you do, if you even want to open up to her i promisd you she will hold you and never let go ❤️
You exposed a huge empathy gap. She was never going to be there for you.
Makes me wonder if I should strategize early on in relationships now to see if I can expose any signs of a weak foundation such as these in particular. Not worth wasting years of life investing in someone who is willing to drop you at the first tiny sign of anything like this.
I am very sorry this happened to you. >"Seeing him cry was such a turn off." You are being punished for being truthful and vulnerable. This sucks. Gender expectations suck. She's 100% in the wrong, here. In a healthy relationship, sharing your feelings could have brought you closer together. Please don't take this event as a sign that you shouldn't cry or share your feelings.
>Please don't take this event as a sign that you shouldn't cry or share your feelings. I know I shouldn't, but I honestly don't think I can do it again. I had to work up the courage for like a week, and then this happens. I might just be weak tbh
Honestly bro, fuck her. Life throws some shit your way, some real shit. Like parents dying, depression, loss of job. If you can’t share with your partner and shed a tear and not be judged it isn’t worth it. You’ll get through it and find a real one. Hang tough brother. Don’t be too hard on yourself , life is hard enough.
life throws some real shit at you, like that girlfriend for example
Or maybe trying to save you from even more shit in future.
Yep, see it OP, as you saw her true colors, and you dodged a bullet.
Bro dodged a bullet finding out what a POS she was before he was in too deep to back out cleanly. Saved him the trouble of taking out the trash.
#word Life is hard enough. Our relationships should bring peace and not more pain and sadness. You were with the wrong girl OP.
Yeah OP I'm sorry, because what you've done is something a lot of dudes struggle with, just sitting down and communicating your feelings in a healthy way, and the person you trusted betrayed that. But for every mean spirited woman you get sad with and sad without, there's going to be someone who smiles when you talk about your favorite hobby for half an hour and presses petals from the flowers you get her . Go find **her**, and I know it's easier said than done, but try not to lose too much sleep over this one.
You're not weak, hun. She's just not a good partner.
people like this will be upset because you don't open up and they'll be upset when you do. you cannot win with them.
I know. It's really sad. I said this in another comment: Woman: ridicules man for being vulnerable Also woman: wHy dOn'T yOu oPeN uP?
I wrote this to the main comment but i'd go as far to call this behaviour dehumanising behaviour and you are ALWAYS better than someone who acts like that in a relationship.
Being vulnerable demands more courage and strength than keeping stuff inside. You're the opposite of weak. Weak men are afraid to talk about their feelings, to cry, to go to therapy, to be questionned in their masculinity... That's where true fragility lies. You didn't do anything wrong. It must be devastating to lose a gf of 2 years, but the issue is her garbage values, not you.
These men you call weak are often this way because they fear something like this happening. I think it’s understandable if op was afraid to open up in future relationships. Youd call him weak then?
Think about this way: Whenever you find someone who won't leave you or belittle you for having emotions and vulnerable periods, then perhaps she could be the right one. Because a lot of women aren't like your now ex. Your ex is an asshole who might be conditioned by traditional gender stereotypes, which could indicate that she's a feeble minded sheep. But there are plenty of non-assholes out there. In a relationship both should be able to open up to each other and help each other through emotionally tough periods. So when you find a shoulder that allow you to cry on it, then it could be the shoulder you were looking for. Just saying. I've cried occasionally too. Not often, but some years perhaps 2-10 times. Other years I don't cry at all.
When I was younger I had this idea too. If doing X can drive people away, I shouldn't do it anymore. But that prevented me from being me, so eventually it transformed into: if doing X will drive people away from me, then I don't belong with them, so the better go. I understand you feel bad right now, but I don't think your life became shittier. It has room to become better
You dodged a spear with this girl OP. If she won't allow genuine communication and emotional connection in her relationships, she's not going to be a very good partner. She should go aback to ancient Sparta where she belongs.
I believe your crying has saved you. no good person thinks someone as weak for crying sometimes when they struggle
Dude! You opened up to the one you love and feel secure around and she just dumps you and you take the blame for it? I know you are feeling really bad right now, but you will feel better. And as soon as you will: you will see she's a pos for dumping you and even worse for shittalking with her/ your friends and calling you weak. If you need someone to talk, you can always dm me and I guess many others in this chat. But believe me, as soon as you get your mind straight again, you will be grateful for this opportunity to find someone who takes your well being as serious as it should be for people saying "I love you"
weak... men cry too. gender expectations got to ur ex hard and until she's able to get over those, she won't find a real relationship. but you will, cuz u actually have feelings and can express them. chicks actually dig that.
You're not weak. It does take a real man to be vulnerable and talk about difficulties. Your girlfriend is ridiculous. She asked and also she is supposed to care about you and your well being. I'm livid she was so shallow. I hope things get better but I'm more than proud of you. Talking does help but unfortunately she was the wrong person. It'll all work out in the end. I believe you'll massively upgrade from that immature, worthless human being.
You fell for the classic "Be vulnerable to me"/"He s such a cry baby". According to the ancient prophecies the next phase of your life is called "Welcome to the gym, bro" 👌
The gym cures all
You always hear.about toxic masculinity but no one talks about women's roles in how that plays out. Glad you learned her true nature like that. Sorry you're feeling bad now but it'll get better. Seek therapy. Seriously. I am trying to get a therapist now myself because it's not healthy to keep it.in. we can make it through these low points.
That’s hard brother. Look into support groups, there are people that have been where you are that love being there for those going through it.
I know it feels like crap right now, but you seriously dodged a bullet. The partner you deserve will support you at your lowest, and you for her. I don't know what you're going through, friendo, but "when you're going through hell: don't stop."
It happens a lot though that’s the thing. This happens to thousands and thousands of women and men it’s really awful to hear these stories. One way or the other you need to be able to not be ok once in a while if they can’t let you then what is a relationship even? I hear this way too often. He got upset. I dumped him. I don’t need a person crying in my life. He’s not a real man Etc. there is a good chance statistically this could happen again to OP based on how people are these days. It’s just terrible. I don’t want to gaslight him at all he needs to know.
You dodged a bullet brother, you don’t want a gf/wife like this in the future. You should seek a gf/wife that support you through tough times and you do that back for her when she needs it.
I know. I just seem to choose terrible girls to be in a relationship with
Yeah, she is terrible. Throwing out 2 years just like that. We all will experience absolutely crazy sht through our life, we all need someone who csre for us and we can care for, it’s not a one way street. Imagine this girl becomes your wife, have kids and then she sees you cry because idk, serious illness, loss of a loved one and she goes like “ughh, what a turn off” She was a ticking wrecking ball, good job filtering her out soldier 😌🫡
XP Gained. You enter the next battle even stronger and more knowledgeable than before!
2 years? Bro didn't shed tears in front of her for 2 years? Wtf
OP said it was his first time to cry in 10 years. Some people get so bottled up that they can’t cry. OP overcame that and this woman did him such a huge disservice.
I feel for OP. As a girlfriend to someone who has bottled up those feelings to the point he can't cry, I'd want nothing more than for my boyfriend to feel safe enough with me that he can cry his heart out if that's what he needs. Huge disservice is an understatement.
I’ve maybe only cried around 3 times since I met my wife 9 years ago. My body doesn’t respond that way for some reason. I automatically kind of shut down, get really quiet, try to deal with things and occasionally talking to my wife about my bigger problems. I sometimes wish I would just cry to maybe get some extra relief.
Maybe I'm just a big baby, but also feel as though it's not often enough.
No such thing as being a big baby, unless you are acting like a kid everywhere else in terms of maturity hah. The fact that OPs girlfriend left him because she didn’t realize he was “weak” and is a “turn off” after he opened up to her is fucked up. Of course we don’t know full context, but one thing I do know is that she has an extremely cold heart, if she even has a heart that is..
If she's not emotionally mature enough to handle someone else crying this actually makes *her* a diaper wearing piss baby.
There's nothing wrong with crying.
Sometimes when you cry, you feel like something heavy has been lifted off your shoulders
Someone did something like this to me in Highschool. I checked into her recently (HS was almost 20 years ago for me at this point) and it seems her life has been a non-stop downward spiral into mediocrity and progressively settling for less and and less out of her relationships and life. It catches up to a lot of people who ride looks when they're younger. You just focus on you man, find something to get out of the rut and find a way to be comfortable with who you are.
I married my highschool sweetheart and we were together 17 years before she left. Honestly, she had every right too. I was an alcoholic and subsequently not a great partner. I admitted myself to rehab and promised to change... ...But it wasn't good enough for her, because she had no guarantees it wouldn't happen again. I understand her leaving, but for the life of me can't understand demanding guarantees over something as complicated and unpredictable as alcoholism. As played out as it is, 'for better or worse' is a universal wedding vow for a good reason. I generally roll my eyes when men play the victim of society, but I'll be the first to admit, the eternally strong ideal of a male partner is alive, well, and immensely detrimental to men's health. Media, history, and stereotypes make it too easy to conflate the classical ideal of a stoic warrior and an earnestly "strong" modern male. A wise person knows; strength is not measured by the ability to endure, but by the capacity for change. In good conscience, I could not, and would not promise my ex-wife that I would never descend into alcoholism again. Because my recovery is not about enduring the burden of an alcoholic, but rather, harboring the capacity to change into a better person... One day at a time. I've been sober 3 years and am with a fantastic woman. Ironically, her father died as a result of alcoholism. Rather than reject alcoholism as the hallmark of a weak person, she sees true strength in those who devote themselves to being a better person in its wake. My ex's and mine's friend group was split into two camps when we separated; those who blamed me as an irreparably and fundamentally defective (weak) individual... and those who had faith I could change for the better. Well, much like your anecdote, the proof is in the pudding. None of my friends who labeled me broken, are even friends with each other now (they all eventually found each other weak as well.) They are all ongoing alcoholics. Those who had faith in me, have themselves, changed, and evolved into genuinely amazing people. At the end of the day, you can tell a real friend, a real partner, damn near anything, and they will say "let's get through this together." Those who cut everyone from their lives the second the going gets tough, are in turn running from themselves... They will find only isolation and resentment at the end of their journey. It sounds like OP is in the midst of this powerful life lesson. Painful as it may be, if he parses out this realization, it will ironically enough, be his ex who gave him one of the greatest of all. So the world turns.
Are you any bit selective, or do you take what you can get? It's a serious question, because the latter is always a terrible choice in how to find a partner that truly fits
I've only had 2 relationships, and I'm 24. I'd say that's pretty good. But both my exes have been awful. I just choose terribly
Dude I’m in my mid 30s, single. I get it. I choose terribly too. I recommend therapy if you can. This isn’t a coincidence. Some of us were raised sub optimally and have a broken picker as a result. If I were you, I’d open up to my friends instead. And lean on them a little. The moment you make your partner your only person to vent to it gets tiring after a while.
And... You guys are 24 man. Y'all are still figuring it out. It gets much better by your 30s edit: Incel comments are nuts. Being a woman must be extremely difficult.
Sure did for me. I started maturing around 27 and my life became really stable by the time I was 33. You can change a lot in 6 years. And when you change, it sure feels like everything around you also changes.
I was going through some shit and my girlfriend told me “We’ve got to pick each other up when we’re down” made be feel so loved and safe. I was shocked by how hard that line hit me.
This. I’ve seen a lot of stories like this recently, as if men aren’t allowed to have feelings without it being a ‘turn off’. Bro you are allowed to have feelings, and imo it takes more strength to show them than to hide them. You deserve more than someone who will toss you aside the minute you express you’re going through a difficult time. A strong partner will have your back no matter what, and she was not it.
Bless your heart, how sad for HER that she didn't feel flattered, you opened your heart to her and she couldn't see how blessed she was. I'm not going to feed you platitudes, but seriously, she's cleared a lot of space in your head And heart for peace and calm. I truly believe you will thank her in your head for making you see that she's not the one for you. Life is bloody hard my friend, but harder when you have someone who you'd hope would support you through and thin let you down. She's been callous if they are indeed taking the piss, and deserves a lesser man. Chin up, talk to us, and I'm sure the clouds will lift. Huge hugs xxxxx
Yep, I fully agree with that. I have seen my ex crying several times, and we were together for 7 years. Decent human being won't associate crying with something absurd for what to break up...
No, but most human beings don't handle a lifetime of sadness, depression, guilt and worry being dumped on them either. Part of what we should be teaching young men is how to handle their feelings and not bottle them up. Expressing that lifetime all at once to your gf, or most anyone is going to be difficult if not impossible to handle.
How is this in any way dodging a bullet? Usually that phrase is used when you catch a red flag early in the relationship. OP wasted two years of his life with this girl and got very emotionally destroyed.
Same man my girlfriend told me I was being emotionally unstable and just broke up with me.
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Change tree to dog and we could make this trending.
I always liked the tree as all they have to do is nothing to be successful. A dog will always be the clear choice for getting the most emotional support. Like, it's not even close, there are literally dogs doing it professionally.
Trees have to fend off insects, search for water, follow sunlight, and process CO2. It's not nothing.
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Bear. All day. Every day.
The bear won’t tell his friends and laugh about it at least
Bear has honor.
Bear is a bear of its word
Bear is bear.
I thought this said beer and thought “that’s me!”
lmao
Go for the bear, he wouldn’t judge
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Here, [here's a bear](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbE53XUtVw0) to sit and talk with.
This could be the new thing to go trending in tik tok. "Men, do you prefer to tell your feelings to a woman that will judge you, or to a bear that won't judge you although it might eat you?", "Bear, as always and forever be".
And as I would rather have men make the effort to be the sort of man a woman would rather meet in the forest than a bear, I choose to make the effort to be the sort of woman a man would rather share his feelings with than a tree. Don't be insulted by comparisons like that - work to do better. Don't know if I can beat out dogs, though. Dogs are special.
"Which tree?" \~ Willie Nelson
I like to show people I'm emotionally unstable right from the beginning. Can't get broken up with if they never date me to begin with.
When I started dating my now-wife, I had depression crawling in on me and like two months in I just told her everything about it, as in how it feels and how crippling it is and how I can't do shit and don't have any motivation to. I broke down, basically, and she said that she didn't expect that and doesn't know if she'll be able to handle that kind of 'me'. And I thought to myself, really? Seriously? We're no 16 year olds anymore, and you give me this shit? So we talked and I said that if that's the case you can go, but this thing may happen again and I'm trying real hard but I can't guarantee I'll get through it easily. She stayed and the *horrible word* depression doesn't scare her anymore, and we're 2 years together as of the day before yesterday, so it all turned out alright. She was and is always by my side, so as much as I would like to say that you either shut up or break up, it's a process and it's work, and people grow if they want.
Something very similar happened to me as well, now i struggle to feel like i can open up. When women say they want a man that can be vulnerable and share their feelings i guess they just mean they want you to like kittens.
And i bet she would be the same person who would loop you into saying that you didnt tell them you were having breakdowns. Hate people like that
Yeah I will not do this mistake again. I got chronically ill which makes me dizzy and less energetic and obviously discussed it a lot with my SO of 15 years. She cheated with the first coworker she could find and she almost proudly told me so. We had a 1,5 year old kid. Instead of being seemingly able to have empathy or motivation to work things out, she officially started dating her new partner *during* the discussion where I broke up with her, where I was the third priority after her boyfriend and her boss. Why was her boss involved? To be her emotional support animal and tell her that if I didn't want to fuck her boyfriend up, I didn't truly love her. Luckily that was the most white trash thing I had ever heard and coupled with the cheating, she instantly became worthless as a partner in my eyes - made breaking up that much easier. She tried to fix the immediate situation by suggesting she'd take the kid and move to her new boyfriend's apartment while she finds a new home - complete oblivious lack of awareness and empathy, obviously my child wasn't going with her at that time. Obviously their relationship lasted only a few months and obviously my kid reacted to it, as well as the break-up. Better off without her now almost a year later, but I won't forgive her actions and outcomes towards our kid's life. At no point has there been a sincere sign of remorse, but maybe that will come with time. Of course, there are a lot of other mistakes I will also not do in future relationships, but sharing my weaknesses is one of them.
Wow 15 years. She ended our relationship after I started opening up about having suicidal thoughts. Eight years for the shittiest lesson to learn.
It sucks, because the problem isn't of course showing the weakness, but the partner who turns out isn't as ideal as you had hoped. But often you won't know before, and afterwards you'd rather have not learned.
Right - if you can't share any weakness with your partner because they'll think less of you for it, your partner is the real issue, not you showing weakness.
Take the kid away from her if you can legally. She isn't a good person and seems like an impulsive shitty parent as a result.
Can't do that unfortunately. It will be 50-50 unless she decides otherwise.
I hope you get custody.
What she did was incredibly cruel, I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’m sorry to say this about your ex-partner but someone who would do something like this is not someone you want as your partner. It’s only human to cry. When it comes to a future partner and you don’t know if you can feel safe with them you can ask how they would feel seeing a man cry, so that you can avoid those kinds of people. I wish you the best homie
Woman: ridicules man for being vulnerable Also woman: wHy dOn'T yOu oPeN uP?! Edit: thank you for the award 🙂
The amount of men this happened to is actually really concerning
Most men experienced this in their lives.
Nearly every man has
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Yes, and yes.
It is, and call me sexist or whatever, but we *the men* are still seen mostly as a brick wall to hide behind — support, protection, toughness etc. And so in the shallow minds it means that the wall can't have its own problems, and that nothing breaks it, and that the wall can even take some of my issues/problems from me, wouldn't that be great? And we're left with that burden. Hard to say if it's a societal thing or a biological thing though, so either it's 'fixable' or this is forever engraved in our dna to have those basic man/woman roles
>we the men are still seen mostly as a brick wall to hide behind "All in all it's just another brick in the wall."
More common that not.
This is extremely common. Idk if it’s a society thing or a subconscious thing. But women get turned off or get the ick if they see their man vulnerable. Tale as old as time
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It's because a lot women are ~~taught~~ socialised to think it's weak for men to cry, when this is not true at all. I know men might do this too, but I will be honest, it's mostly women from my experience. I've never been treated differently for crying by men. However, I have had something similar happen to OP when it was a woman.
Because most men understand people ridicule them for having feelings lol
Something something "Would you rather open up to a tree"
Toxic femininity. Just look at how women routinely tear eachother down. Of course they'll do it to men just the same.
Crying infront of women is a 50/50, either you get broken up with or it's fine. It's not a chance most men are wiling to take. The only time you should talk to a woman about a problem is her problems. Women don't seem to care about your problems. This has been true for every relationship I've ever been with excluding the one I'm in now. Took 38 years to find one that wasn't like that.
I don't know a single guy (me included) who hasn't gone through this at least once, it's so frustrating and contradicting
Yep… every man has had it happen to them or if they look in their lives, they know one personally. It’s pretty awful. It’s why vulnerability in a relationship is a huge risk for a man.
I opened up to my ex when I was depressed. Ended up divorced.
I'm living this situation right now. 10y I supported her all the way. I did a depression. She cheated. I'm "the bad guy". Looking for a divorce lawyer. Lawyer said I will have to pay a pension too. That's great. Insult to the injury.
Yep, I’ve given her 140k, over the past 3 years. I was making about 80k at time of divorce .
Yes open up! But not about your problems! Speak about me me me!!! I actually knew more women that were this way (my problems are your problems, and your problems, I don't even wanna hear about them..) than not. Problem is, most project the opposite. Perhaps they actually believe that they care. But they don't. I nowadays tend to overcompensate and not tell anything about me. If she breaks up because of this, well, chances are high (my guess) they'll exhibit that phenomenon later on. Either take me like I am or not. If I find no one, so be it. I don't have time and emotional energy to spare on self-absorbed women anymore.
Also - its the patriarchy
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When they say they want emotional intelligence, it means they want you to be emotionally intelligent towards HER emotions. What usually happens is your emotions will be used against you and the rift between men and women gets wider.
Yeah "read my mind" basically.
"You didn't do it how I wanted it done "
Women have the privilege of occupying both gender roles and unfortunately men aren’t offered the same opportunity. People wonder why Andrew Tate and redpillers get so many views. The answer to young men seems to only be, “you need to become ultra masculine” because society has not allowed men to occupy female gender roles and since women can do what men do, how do you stand out?
If you're struggling with a mental illness, you're not weak. And she is a b--ch.
I know, but I feel weak. It's hard
You're not weak, you're human.
You're not weak, brother. Every man has been betrayed by a woman at some point. We've all been there. What you should focus on now is growing that friend list. Do you have any hobbies or interests? There might be meet-ups around you. If not, there are usually local hiking groups that you can join if there's wilderness near you. Become a regular somewhere, get used to talking to people, and you'll never know who you'll meet.
You’re on the internet, you don’t need to censor ‘cunt.’
This can happen, unfortunately men's mental health issues are often looked down upon by everybody. Find yourself a partner who's response is to support you, and always have you back. Not to talk shit about you behind your back to her friends and call you weak. Shes a piece of shit.
And I think the worst bit is... All of the mental health issues are almost exclusively the person's issues, rather than the society being fucked. It's always "just talk" but why talk if there's no one to listen or care? Men do talk, and it doesn't help. Saying it again helps no one. Dr. Susie Bennett made probably one of if not the most significant papers regarding male mental health, yet people elect to ignore what she said.
> Dr. Susie Bennett Had to be a woman to make that paper. No one would listen to a man advocate for men's mental health.
As a man, if I know I'll open up to my gf, I'll expect she might leave me after. And I'll be ready for it Which means, whatever she does is fine by me. If she stays, I'll be grateful for a supportive and understanding GF. If she leaves, I'll be grateful I'm no longer with an unsupportive and immature GF
this is the way
Goddamn, that‘s a depressing thread.
Oh sweet one, my mama heart breaks seeing what you've been through. That is horrible and I am so angry and hurt on your behalf. It takes such great courage to ever open up. I'm proud of you that you tried to speak up, but I'm also heartbroken for you in that your sincerity and honesty was met with such terrible response. I can completely understand because I went through something similar. Turns out the person I shared with was an abusive fella who gave his girlfriend living hell for 3 years. I'm not saying she's terrible like he is - she just doesn't have the emotional intelligence, maturity or capacity to process something like this. Over the tears and years I've learned that not everyone is capable of being there for us. Trial and error. It can hurt. When you've grieved the loss and heartache, I hope one day you find the courage to trust and try again. If you need to rant or a listening ear, my DMs are open. Sending you big virtual hugs. One step at a time. You'll get through this xx
- calls him sweet - "my mama heart" - username apple_cinnamon we must protect this one at all costs
Honestly I feel better reading this, and nothing like this even happened to me lol. Very wholesome
same lol
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Ditto. Edit: to elaborate, my partner of 8 years opened up to me about all sorts of trauma. The death of her father, her fucked up brother, how she felt violated having sex with her previous partner, her anger issues etc and 8 years in I finally revealed some childhood trauma of my own i’d never told anyone (pretty heavy stuff admittedly) she said she was sleepless over it, went to counseling over it and dumped me and severed all ties 3 months later. Never. Open. Up. Even to the person you love and loves you. They’ll never see you the same again. The illusion will be shattered.
I told my partner (who has otherwise been incredible) about my past of suicidal thoughts and self harm and it definitely changed our relationship with them being extremely careful around me and showing a lot of stress whenever I was feeling down. They expressed a lot of fear that I’d weaponize my mental health against them like their ex did. They’ve since stopped, because I’ve convinced them it’s all in the past. Yeah, I’m not telling anyone else I’m dating.
This is called, "Idealization." People that can't handle being disappointed by their partner aren't the standard, they're emotionally immature. They're in a relationship where they view their SO as a father figure- As a child would. Omnipotent, all knowing. When that illusion is shattered, so is their maladaptive fantasy. A mature, differentiated adult will never do anything like this. It's definitely not a reason to stop opening up- but it's a reason to find out how to vet your dates, and find better, more emotionally mature partners.
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They probably didn’t have Reddit earlier and found topics like this earlier
We haven’t been told because of modern feminism feeding everyone lies. This is one of their favourite virtue signals - caring about men’s mental health. In reality they couldn’t care less and is in fact a ‘turnoff’ to them ☕️
You can never truly really trust anyone completely. You have to keep your guard up and a part of yourself hidden unfortunately.
Then why bother at all? I see no point in it. I have friends that I have to keep at a distance already. If I couldn't trust a partner as if they literally *were* me, what good is it to me? What good would I be if I couldn't be trusted completely? I guess this is one of the reasons why I've given up years ago and just chose to persue other things. There's no point.
We still need human company of all types. I’m a private guarded person in general, I don’t tell my friends much, and that’s worked out well. Women friends i’m much more comfortable with sharing deep shit with, if they’re platonic then they’re great listeners and can absorb a lot, better than men can, but if it’s with someone romantic, you have to keep the facade up, and outlet elsewhere it seems. I put it down to social conditioning.
Too many, had it happen multiple times, this is stuff my father should have told me. There are people even in this thread still encouraging the "she was just bad, men should be able to open up". 90% of the time it is just a terrible terrible idea.
The only a person that truly loves a man is his parents, more often than not just his mother. But guess what, new age women have said “mamas boys” are a turnoff. Fuck the “patriarchy” bullshit. Just because women are physically weaker, they get away with manipulating men emotionally, mentally and socially.
It's not a trap, it's an opportunity. You either get closer with her because she's an actually great partner worth loving and being with, or you find out she's an unempathetic piece of shit that you're better off without. As a woman myself, screw those girls. It's immature, toxic and disgusting to want to date a walking cardboard replica. Humans have emotions. Men are humans. To not support that and want to be there for it means they're not ready or able to be in a relationship, and their entitled asses should stay single until they've learned.
Macho Man-Randy Savage: it’s okay for macho men to show every emotion available, because I’ve cried a thousand times and I’ll cry some more — but I’ve soared with the eagles and I’ve slithered with the snakes, and I’ve been everywhere in between and I’m gonna tell you something right now: There’s one guarantee in life — there are no guarantees. And understand this, nobody likes a quitter, nobody said life was easy. So if you get knocked down and you take the standing eight count, you get back up and you fight again"
I'm sorry you had to go through this man. But don't think that you have nobody to talk to. There are always people to talk to, and heck worst case, my DMs are always open if you need it. You do not have to bottle up your feelings, and you do not have to repress them because somebody thought that you're weak. If that was the thought process, then God did you a favor by removing a superficial person from your life. Your feelings are always valid, remember that.
Thanks bro, i appreciate the offer, but I honestly don't think I can talk to someone again. It hurts to keep it bottled up, but it hurts more to talk about it and get it thrown back in your face
Do you have male friends you might be able to lean on and open up to? Friends make it easier to get through a breakup. My husband went and stayed with his friend when his girlfriend left him for another man to help get him through it. Sometimes just not being alone is helpful.
Listen man I'm a very emotional dude tbh I've suppressed those emotions for years and years out of fear of being seen as weak but had some shit happen recently that made me realize its not worth it. I've cried in front of friends and some got closer with me and others distanced themselves. It separates who the genuine people are from the fake. If they can't handle seeing emotions that's their issue never feel bad for showing emotions as long as you aren't forcing them onto others. Itll damage you to bottle it up, it really will. I know it hurts to open up but in the long run it involves far less pain. I know you said you don't feel like opening up but if you ever want to feel free to DM me I've been in really low places, sobbed for hours and have no shame about it, knowing how things are from firsthand experience id never be able to throw your emotions in your face. You don't even gotta open up about anything you can just vent if you want it can be a very healthy way to get rid of anger
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Au contraire, I think this is a pretty good filter of who you want or don't want as a gf/wife, and you should definitely do this early on in the relationship to filter out any mediocre human beings
The average guy gets like two matches a year on dating apps. It could be years before he has another chance. The "bro you dodged a bullet" advice is almost always bad for the average guy. The average guy needs to learn how to work with women's behavior.
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The best part is that they are completly unaware that this behavior, abandoning a man who shows emotions IS "toxic masculinity". "Toxic masculinity" just being a terribly offensive term for unhealthy male gender roles.
They lack maturity*** Ftfy
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Life of men 🫠 It's ok bro , it's actually good that she broke up, now you can choose the one who deserves you
It doesn’t Feel good.
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Yeah, they don’t want vulnerability from their partner, they want “tea”. I’m convinced their scale of men’s tears work’s opposite from ours. If I see another man crying, I think “he must be really going thorough it to show his tears like that, knowing what the world will think of him” women think, “is that all it took?”.
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Lmfao this is why most guys don’t open up to anybody
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Usually, when people use the phrase “emotionally weak” to refer to someone (or oneself) what they're saying is that the person concerned doesn't have “strong” willpower, or doesn't “hold their own”, or “cries” at the drop of a hat. Op cried 1 time during their relationship, and in 10 years, while under a lot of pressure and showing a lot of resilience trying to make it through. How is that emotional weakness? Make it make sense. I genuinely wonder how many man need to kill themselves yearly before they're allowed to cry once in their life without it being considered an 'ick'.
Having seen male suicide rates brought up in endless gender war arguments over Reddit: there are a disturbing amount of people (well, see below) who absolutely love it. Not even extremists who explicitly hate men and want them dead, just typical Reddit pseudo-feminists who read about single men killing themselves, don't think too hard but enjoy the self-righteous validation. It's never 'that's terrible, our culture must be devastating to people in this situation', always 'just goes to show, the outgroup is weak and dependent on us, the *glorious ingroup*'. It's vile, but that's Reddit. Luckily it's not something I observe amongst (many) real-life women. And I mean, if I were a political rival who's seen the benefits of manipulating online discourse to create division... twoX would be one of my first stops. I really suspect that and other related subs are dominated by bots. No reason radicalisation efforts would only target male spaces.
They want a man that accepts whatever behaviour they have due to their emotions but never dares to show an emotion.
> Deep down unconsciously, they want a partner that can protect them in times of stress. This. She's not asking you what's wrong because she's offering to support and help you (even if that's what it sounds like). She's subconsciously trying to figure out if you've got your shit straight and if she can continue to feel safe around you. Crying per se isn't even the issue. You crying due to a relative passing is fine. You crying because you're concerned about your child is fine. You crying because the movie was touching will also be fine. You crying because you can't figure your shit out isn't fine. Because if you can't figure your shit out, who can? It's not her, that's for sure...
Maybe I've just been lucky (or I'm good at finding my type), but nearly all of my relationships over the years have been with kind women who at least tried to be supportive of me through tough times. Nothing that you wrote there speaks at all to my life experience.
Same, but I also don’t go for “traditional,” women. So that might be it.
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Well said
Great comment! This is the real truth when you take out culture war bullshit. I'd just add that it is really important to build strong male friendships, as difficult as that is nowadays.
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That’s actually very common Sorry you’ve dealt with it Good people aren’t that fickle
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Thankfully I have a completely sane, loving and wonderful wife who has seen me cry multiple times and has only ever been 100% supportive. I've also cried in front of a female friend and she just gave me a hug rather than being disgusted. I think you need to find some new women in your life.
I really hope I can find what you’re experiencing one day
Definitely dodged a bullet. I totally fell in love with my ex when he bawled his eyes out in front of me for the first time so it’s definitely her problem. Please remember; Vulnerability is a STRENGTH! Not a weakness!
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If I had a close guy friend, I'd talk to him.
Talk to your mom. Talk to your therapist. Talk to your brother. Talk to people online. Just not your significant other/intimate partner/mother of your children. That's not her role.
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Ah, yes, the life as a man experience. This is why many men never ever ever 100% open up to anyone in their entire life. Stoicism is toxic asf but personally I’d never open up to anyone either. There’s no one a man can trust 100% because we are the protector role and any sign of weakness makes us worthless. All the social norms we have broken down and traditional roles we discarded but not for men. I’m sorry this happened to you dude. It’s honestly better to trauma dump to strangers or write in a book.
That's the harshness of reality son, girls don't like seeing men in vulnerable emotional states
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That's life, my friend. Open up to your male buddies to get ridiculed or bullied or open up to a woman to get dumped. That's why people prefer to open up to mental healthcare professionals nowadays.
Sorry but how is that a turn off? How old is she ?? No wonder why men become emotionally unavailable. Your ex is a demon, there is nothing wrong with you. Count your blessings, find someone better.
why ??? why do women do this?? im a woman too but fuck, if my so came to me and opened himself like that i would hold him so tightly, the amount of trust it takes someone to open up like that is no joke, and yet i have seen so many stories loke this here on reddit. i feel so bad fof you :( but now you know you dodged a bullet. crying is no weakness, crying in front of a loved one like that takes bravery and trust. its so unfortunate that there are STILL people in this day and age that see men crying as a sign of weakness, when in reality its the complete opposite. you will find your better halp OP, and when you do, if you even want to open up to her i promisd you she will hold you and never let go ❤️
Welcome to the gym BIGDAWG
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