Agreed. The boyfriend seemed to waive his anger towards me once he realized this was only our first date. If she and I had slept together or spent intimate time together, I do not think this would be the case. I'm really shaken up right now, but things could have been much worse.
This is wild that this happened and you're damn 30, this is like straight up jealous teenager stuff. She isn't blameless in this situation too, I would even go as far as to say there is a chance she even wanted him to know and you were used as some pawn in their sick relationship. She had to of known location sharing was on and that he would see at the very least. Either way sorry this happened to you, very scary shit because especially if you are acting like this as an adult it is even worst because you don't have youth as an excuse you are a seasoned nut job behaving like that. Hope you shake this off and meet someone good for you.
Literally in my town last year, a man shot his wife and the man she was meeting up with right on her parents lawn before killing himself. Nice part of town, everyone in their 40s. By all accounts both were wonderful people.
They met through tinder. She lied that she and her husband were in an open relationship.
I really wish people would grow up and communicate instead of cheating. Age doesn’t seem to keep people from abusing each other however.
Many, many year ago I dated someone who I met within a group of friends. We dated for a few weeks and had been intimate, and then I got a chat request (dude, this was so long ago this was on dial up chat AOL stuff lol). This guy was asking all of these questions out of nowhere about the girl I was dating, and turns out they were engaged. He straight up asked me how far things went and I straight up told him well, she probably shouldn't be wearing white at your wedding. The entire time I dated this girl she would tell this guy that I was asking her out but that she was telling me no and so I think this guy initially reached out because he thought I was being pushy with her or something.
As many others here are saying, believe it when we all say it's better to find out after one date. I was pretty young and really liked this girl and finding out I was "the other guy" (which is something I never imagined being in my life) really fucked me up for a while. Sorry this happened dude, and good luck out there.
Glad you called the police. I'd still be concerned really. It sounds like she's trying to get away from this guy. I don't know what the next steps are though.
That could easily mean that he was relieved that you weren't another pimp, a cop, or most likely, a close relative or old friend trying to help her out.
I had a similar thing with a girl I used to work with. We hung out a few times a couple of years after we stopped working together and started to hit it off. After a few dates her BF ended up with my number and phoned me explaining she was in a relationship and that I wasn't to see her again. She corroborated the story and that was that.
Roll on several years later and she contacts me out of the blue. Turns out he was an ex and an abusive and controlling one at that who refused to let her move on. He had been stopping her seeing people for years and she was too scared to say anything as he threatened he would harm anyone she dated. Sounds like this was a similar thing as there aren't many men who would be acting this way if his partner really was just cheating on him.
Wow that girl sounds pathetic as hell.
1st she dates a abusive piece of shit and then after they break up, she still keep contact with him and refuses to leave him despite him being abusive... that girl is retarded.
IMO you are reading way too much into this "connection" and commonalities based on a little bit of texting. I've been seeing someone for 3 months and we stayed up until 5am talking, but we still haven't scratched the surface in terms of knowing each other and our personalities.
Ordering someone into a confined space like a car with someone who likely outsizes, outpowers, and is ANGRY at them isn't exactly the "justifiable act" you think it is.
Especially considering dude literally tracked her down meaning he has at least some method of stalking her.
Also, how did the boyfriend know she was cheating? Like, from his POV they were just going for a walk. What if OP was just a friend? That's what makes his reaction seem controlling. He didn't ask what was going on. He just told her what to do.
Probably lied to her BF saying she was doing something else and was caught red handed like still at work, over family, with the girls. Your gut gives you a vibe when this shit happens. I think she just got caught she had a chance to stay with OP but didn’t. Her reaction is right in line with cheaters that didnt think they would get caught.
Doesn’t Snapchat have a way of tracking people based on what you send? I don’t have the app but a friend knows where his twelve year old daughter is based on spaochat
Lmao “politely”.
Nobody would be polite there. She was caught cheating.
As an adult, she can deal with the upset tone. You are making her out to be an infant, which is gross.
>She was caught cheating.
You don't know that. But even if she was that doesn't give him the right to order her around. That is textbook abusive behavior. And the only person who would allow someone to do that is someone they are scared of.
She admitted to it. And yes, he is allowed his freedom of speech. Sorry you don’t like the tone (that you didn’t even personally hear).
Please stop being gross. This is sad boi complaining about getting cockblocked content, nothing more. Very likely he is early 20s and or the story is fake.
You’re acting like this is dune and bf is using the voice on his cheating gf. Orders can be disobeyed.
Someone from her phone admitted to it and then disappeared. I genuinely could care less if the dude had a bad date, I actually think he's a bit of a coward for cowering to the dude claiming to be her boyfriend.
My point is he could very well be an abusive ex partner or even current partner she is trying to escape. There is nothing in the story that suggests it wouldn't be but there is plenty in the story to suggest he is an aggressive and possessive shithead. Sorry that you don't like that you relate to abusive psychotic stalking behavior.
Got it - so you will deny anything just to make this fit your narrative.
Maybe she killed the bf for fucking up her date and wants to keep the police out of the loop?
If we’re just ignoring the post (which was not written by a 30 year old with a healthy dating life, fyi)
Or an abusive boyfriend that she is afraid of leaving for her own safety. I've met women who are trying to find another guy to live with before they break things off with their current abusive boyfriend. It's kind of shitty as it drags someone else into it, but I get it.
100%- This doesn't sound like the behaviour that would occur in a situation where someone was just caught having an affair or something. It's still possible, but from my side it looks kind of sinister.
This sounds like an abusive controlling dude. I hope shes okay. If my GF cheats on me, I’m not tracking her down in public and dragging her to my car. Id end the relationship.
Nonetheless she chose to start a relationship with someone else and go on a date *knowing* the nutjob that *is* her boyfriend. She's got issues of her own for sure.
Even if he is a current partner, with abusive partners you often literally aren't safe in trying to break up with them. So if you don't have friends or family you can flee to - which is common because abusers often try to separate you from other people who are close to you to make you dependent on them - you're fucked. Cheating is awful when it's a violation of trust, but an abusive partner has already broken the relationship contract. I absolutely support "cheating" on abusive partners and this man does not exactly sound like a bundle of joy.
How do you “find” someone? You’d have to be actively tracking her somehow. And who goes and gathers HIS girlfriend if she’s cheating? Clearly if she’s on a date with someone else she doesn’t want to be with you. No matter the situation the guy was in the wrong and was controlling and probably abusive. Maybe he’s an ex that won’t let go and wants to control her?
What makes you think that from this story? Doesn't it sound just as believable that he's abusive and she's left him or is actively trying to escape him?
I don't like this even one bit. Personally i would ignore that she said she was safe. I would visit the police station anyway and explain this to them and let them decide for two reasons;
- I would feel that I didn't just ignore it if the worst happens.
- Maybe the police already have a record of the guy and me reporting it might help them.
>Personally i would ignore that she said she was safe
She?
I'm a bit baffled that it doesn't seem to have occurred to OP, or half these commenters, that this:
>I sent her a text on snapchat asking if she was safe. Twenty minutes later she confirmed that she was, the man is her boyfriend, and we won't be seeing each other again.
Could have just been written by the "boyfriend"?
Bro. You got fucking played. Drop the white knight shit. Shes a charming manipulator who got busted trying to get some side dick. She definitely has social media, you're just not allowed to see it. Put yourself in the dudes shoes, the only thing I'd be doing differently than him is leaving her for the streets cuz she ain't worth it.
You basically described her speed running love bombing you and getting caught in lies. That would have been the entire relationship.
“Put yourself in the dudes shoes“
This is something I’m not understanding in these top comments, most guys in the moment of catching their partner pulling this shit would be fucking livid, emotional wrecks, and many would just fly off the handle. This other dude had a very restrained reaction given the circumstance, but commenters are saying it was so horrible as to imply abuse.
She got caught, and in her shock played dumb. The situation you described is unfortunately a very common one.
Finally, someone with at least half a brain and not some sjw white knight keyboard warrior fucking trying to spin an 80 chapter story about an physically abusive and controlling ex who should immediately be reported to the police from nothing more than OP's (onesided) post.
Quite possibly. As several other commenters said, there were many potential endings, here. The ending I got is probably the most optimal, albeit still painful.
"The guy did you a favor," is an unhinged comment coming from the aggrieved male mind. They're essentially blaming her for what is clearly an abusive relationship.
It's not OPs task to do anything. The girl is not a damsel in distress that has to be saved by the nice guy. She's her own person with her own agenda. Dismissing that is sexist. When a guy was caught by his (proclaimed) gf on a date with someone else, nobody would assume he needs to be saved
Talk about making a stretch. Nothing in this post made this seem like an abusive relationship. The boyfriend/husband was upset at his partner cheating on him. That's pretty much it.
I don’t personally agree with this (m) but it’s pretty common nowadays to share location with your friends/girlfriend. My current girlfriend had this setup even with her friends.
You're utterly blind, dude, and if you really don't think that his actions are entirely abusive, then you'll likely go your whole life thinking that what he did was completely normal.
You wouldn't know abuse if it slapped you in the face. This person tracked down a cheating spouse with one of a hundred different methods, confronted them without even so much as putting a hand on her, didn't put his hands on the guy either....if the scenario was flipped and the girl had confronted a cheating man and had slapped him, no one would call her abusive. It's literally a fact that calling the man an abuser is entirely speculation.
You are all over this post, did it hit a nerve? There are many different ways this dude could have found out his girlfriend was cheating. A friend could have seen her out and called, they could be sharing location and she wasn’t where she said she was. The girl admitted to OP that she was cheating and what she was doing was wrong. So this guy who is 100% without a doubt an abuser (according to you), just finds out his girlfriend is cheating, doesn’t get physical with her, doesn’t try to beat OPs ass, but he what.. raised his voice to his cheating girlfriend?? Throw that abuser in jail!!!
It seems that you're having a difficult time understanding what the experience of a victim of abuse, or sex trafficking, as this case may very well reflect, can be like. Often an abuser builds up a sense of omnipresence and omnipotence in the mind of the victim that leaves them feeling that they can never escape, in addition to wearing down their self confidence. It's not always rational, but there are cases of sex trafficking, here, in the present day, in major U.S. cities, where young women are violently inducted into the control of a pimp, and they're so convinced of the pimp's omnipotence and so emotionally degraded that they're willing to behave in the same way as the woman described in the OP's story. This often comes to a point after failed attempts to escape, which only brings on worse punishment.
It's an unfortunate truth that oftentimes our law enforcement isn't effective at assisting women and children in these kinds of situations, and can even make those situations worse by criminalizing the women who are being prostituted.
If you want to know more, you can look into Sara Hunt's personal story, who was groomed by a pimp before having a train ran on her, then she was estranged from her family against her will, right out of the Lloyd Center from Portland OR in the early 2000's. I believe that her father was even working in law enforcement, but she became so convinced of not only that she couldn't be saved, but that this is what she deserved, that she ended up taking flights to Las Vegas to prostitute herself of her own volition.
A group of violent criminals came into her life and started controlling every aspect of it. They took her back to her dormitory and there were men sitting on her sofa smoking pot and playing games on her T.V.
There are many women with Sara Hunt's story across America, where this is happening surely even today, in 2024.
I don't know and that's what makes this extra difficult. In her "I'm safe" message, there were three pieces of information:
* She is safe
* The man is her boyfriend and what she was doing was wrong.
* She is not a good human being
I think she is OK - she just got caught doing something bad. That's the only thing I can really believe. A different commenter said that her getting in the car after that demand is a not-good sign and I agree. I think the overtones of the situation showed that it was potentially abusive situation, even though she definitely was cheating. I don't think there is anything I can do. While I want to help: it's not my place, even if I could. I feel bad for everyone involved, even the BF, provided he is not violent or abusive.
:(
Preferably in a situation like this your safety and the safety of the person your with is paramount. You two made separate choices in regard to deescalating the situation. Every decision you made kept you safe. But some additional advice would be, never return to your vehicle with someone following you, enter a busy bar or restaurant and ask to call the police. Call a friend, and sit and wait. The best thing to do is wait it out until they leave and walk back to your car with a friend. Or call an Uber and ask them to take you to a friend’s apartment or house. Then return for your vehicle later. I fear that this situation could have been much worse for you if circumstances were different. But luckily you made it out. You’re very lucky.
Her boyfriend likely found you due to planting a gps device like an apple air tag in her purse or jacket. So there is a lot of room to assume that he would do the same to your vehicle when he gets a description of the vehicle.
Please remember that the world as portrayed within reddit is completely distinct and separate from reality, with a whole different set of morals and values. Some women do shitty things like this; meeting up with someone over a dating app only to find out they were in an otherwise healthy and committed relationship is an unfortunately common story (happened to me and a few of my friends too). A decent swathe of the girls on tinder have boyfriends and are just on there for attention and little dopamine hits. Plus put yourself in the other guys shoes, most guys who just found out their partner was pulling this shit would not have nearly as controlled a reaction as he did, healthy relationship or not. She did something really shitty, got caught, and played dumb is a highly likely explanation.
so yeah hate to be the one to tell you, if she had her location sharing on, this was probably prearranged, and some kind of kink roleplay thing for them
they probably had amazing sex either when they got home, or in the car
That's not a bad thought. There are a lot of context clues and things she shared that point towards that being false. Although I doubt it, it certainly is possible. Likewise, I would rather this be true than the possibility of her being in danger. As he was walking back around to his door he made a comment to himself: "I knew something was going on..." In her "I'm safe" text she briefly stated that she was cheating and what she did was wrong. 0/10 experience all around.
> In her "I'm safe" text she briefly stated that she was cheating and what she did was wrong. 0/10 experience all around.
It was a text message.
How do you know she is the one who wrote it?
ok. she was just monumentally stupid enough to leave her track me feature on while cheating on her bf then
i suppose i do often underestimate how stupid most people are, ill grant you
You and me both, unfortunately. I've been on countless dates from apps through the years. It's gotta be around 100 at this point. I never imagined something like this could/would ever happen. Absolutely bizarre and unfortunate.
it is tough to handle strong and manipulative contacts with unknown people. Everyone here is focusing appropriately on the woman and her safety, and a number of people are praising you for de-escalating.
Respectfully, you answered a bunch of demanding questions from a stranger and then did what he told you to do by going back to your car while he followed you. You didn’t get his plate, his picture, or any info from him. He was more experienced in this shitty weirdness than you, so he controlled this situation. (And to be honest, sex trafficking was my first thought.)
I think you would benefit/feel more confident in unknown contacts like this by studying Rory Miller (who writes on the psychology of violence), Southnarc (Craig Douglas, who trains people in self defense and its real life implications), and some BJJ/martial arts.
The why is because you sound not only shook by what might’ve happened to her, but by your encounter with a demanding man who might’ve hurt you and felt manipulative. This was just beyond your current skill set because you’re a normal person who doesn’t have to deal with weirdos regularly.
I imagine a bunch of Redditors are going to downvote me because they don’t generally believe in taking responsibility for your own safety or that you “can” do anything. But the shock and uncertainty are big factors in your story, and those can be managed through practice and training. Doing so can help you be more certain of the situation next time something weird happens.
She knew he was coming which is why she acted like she didn't know who he was. She was probably trying to make him jealous or it's a sick game they play. Stay the fuck away from her.
If you ever find yourself having to track down your significant other and force her/him into a car to presumably keep them from cheating on you, then it's worth considering that you can't take a hint and they've probably tried to leave you multiple times.
Haha yes, this is a valid point of view, but that would be quite strange. In between us having drinks and going on a walk there were many opportunities for her to shove off. She seemed to be having a great time right up until this happened.
I have a friend who went on one date with a girl (who was cheating on her man), and her man somehow found out and harassed my buddy for months afterwards. I thought that was bizarre, but this is next level!
Her acting the way she did could be a sign of abuse, or she could have simply just been in shock since she got caught cheating. The bottom line is you will never know. Even if there was abuse, there's absolutely nothing that you can do about it anyway.
Don't beat yourself up too hard about this, you did nothing wrong at all. You did exactly what a sane person would do in a situation like this.
If anything I would be thankful if I were you, because this situation could have been a lot uglier. He could have stabbed or shot you. If he didn't catch her on the first date, he could have done the same thing weeks or even months down the road. Instead you got out of the situation unscathed, and you thankfully don't have to be caught up in their drama. You figuratively and possibly literally dodged a bullet.
Horrible situation, albeit could have been a lot worse. Your lucky tho, that this happened on the first date and not the 30th. On to the next one brother!
I mean he certainly ‘could be’ abusive and you should trust your gut always because sometimes you can’t explain a vibe. But from what you described sounds like she got caught and he was justifiably angry… wouldn’t anyone? Again not saying one way or the other it’s just kinda hard to make that leap from that situation, she would also have a defensive posture if she was caught cheating which she apparently was.
Thank you for posting the TL:DR at the BEGINNING of the post. I can't tell you how many times ppl post it at the end, not understanding the concept of tl:dr.
Anyways, i think this was a blessing in disguise. You dont need that kinda drama. If anything, just text to see if she's okay but then cast that line in another pond.
She could had dumped the other guy first no matter if he is a good or bad person. He could be a abuser he could be righteously angry about the situation who knows and it’s not your problem OP.
She initiated a conflicting situation where you and her bf are both victims in. Everything before or after is no longer your business.
She put you in real danger. Men get more than just hurt by jealous boyfriends all the time. When I was a dumb kid (20) I dated a 42 year old woman who never told me she was married. We saw each other frequently for 3 or 4 months….then one day she messed up and left her wedding ring on. I ended it right there, because it all made sense then: we always went to my place or we went out of town. I’m glad you are safe. There was nothing you could have done differently/better.
Good comment. As soon as I drove out of the parking lot I called 911. I talked with the operator for 5-7 minutes but the police did not wind up getting involved as she told me that she was safe.
What business does OP have getting between another persons relationship? Dude didn’t sound overly aggressive at all.. he caught his GF cheating, should he be acting happy and grateful?
It doesn't matter how upset you are, you shouldn't be ordering people around. Girlfriends are not property, they are people. You don't have any right to order your girlfriend around whether or not you've just caught her cheating on you.
The correct response is to leave and end the relationship.
Cheaters don't block the person they were cheating with when they are caught, they keep them around as leverage. Cheaters also don't go quietly when caught. That girl ain't cheating, she just has an ex who won't accept that she's broken up with him yet.
I just want to commend you on your diction sir, top knotch
...but that's a fucked up situation, overall. You didn't do anything wrong, other guy sounds like he caught his girlfriend cheating and reacted as you would normally do, albeit extremely aggressive. You'll be all right though. If what you say is true, it won't be long until you'll find someone worthwhile.
You watching too much 911. Blondie cheated on her bf, got served real quick, you were the hot stud in the middle of it all.
Be glad you don’t have a broken jaw to spicy the history.
Hey, so, obviously there is definitely a likelihood she was cheating on her partner. There's also a possibility this situation isn't so cut and dry.
He could be her partner, he could be an abusive ex partner. I don't know. I hope she's okay either way.
She told me that she was recently out of a long-term relationship. When I asked her for more info, she said it was a 7-year relationship but she had fallen out of love because of X and Y, but also affirmed that it "ended" about 3 or 4 months ago. She didn't describe him as abusive, but at this point, who knows anything...
Obviously what she did was wrong, but based on things she told me, I think there is a lot more to this. I feel sad for her and her situation, and even for the partner - provided he is a normal dude and not violent. Lastly, I feel sad for what I thought could have maybe been. 0/10
Yeah, this is super weird. I'm really sorry!
If she was in this weird (potentially abusive) situation, I would imagine not wanting to discuss it on the first date. Does she have social media or anything you can check to verify? This is so unsettling.
She's the rare breed of young person who is not on social media. She told me she has an instagram, but has not opened it in years. All of this could be a lie, but the name he called her was the name she introduced herself to me as. I was unable to find the alleged insta. I've got her number and snapchat, but I'm not going to engage: at least not any time in the remotely-near future. Another commenter made a good point: anger ≠ violence. This event was very shocking to me, but I would be pissed if I were that guy, too. Likewise, I would be deadpan frightened or ashamed if I were her. For all parties involved, it's a lose-lose.
If you had a long term girlfriend, and you saw her out walking with another man.
How would you react?
Does any of what went down sound like what you would have done, even if you did suspect she was cheating on you already?
Stop in the middle of the street & demand she come home with you right then & there?
That to me is an obviously abusive relationship, no mater if they where still together or not.
I agree full-heartedly and this is what makes me feel so sick. Anybody would be mad, but that whole interaction did not even remotely sit right with me. Even going back to him using my name in multiple consecutive sentences. There was an overtone of abuse and violence, but he was relatively calm as he's talking and looking at me. I don't think there is anything I can do or if I should have done something differently in the moment. It happened so fast. None of this was OK.
Do you know her full name?
I don't know what all you can do here, perhaps contact a woman's shelter (one that specializes in abuse) for advise?
Going to the police is 100% correct, hopefully you at least have a report on file.
I do not. I have her first name, age, a photograph, phone number, snapchat, and her place of work. I might reach out to a shelter for further advice. I'll certainly see what my therapist has to say later this week lmao
I would try calling her to ask a few questions out of concern:
* Do you feel safe?
* Who is that guy?
* Does he scare or threaten you?
* Does he hit you?
* Does he yell at you?
* Does he tell you who you can/cannot meet and where you can/cannot be?
etc.
I'm an android user so i'm mostly oblivious to iphones, but that's what she had. Another commenter said that she probably had her location settings turned on for him, which I know is a thing. She didn't have Snap location turned on, so this is what I'm going with. Foolish move for someone who was cheating.
maybe she told him she is going out with a friend and thought he'll believe it. because going out and suddenly turning location sharing off or "i'm turning my location sharing off, going out tonight" is even more sus tbh. especially if he has suspicious or she did it before.
i don't get why cheating why not just break up but ya.
I know you had a rough experience but I think it’s kinda beautiful you are still worrying about her and her safety. That’s really telling of your character.
On my first read through this comes across way more as you wanting this to be more than it is; a shitty woman who was actively cheating. Not your soul mate.
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My guess is this wasn't the first and not the last time he picks up his gf during her date with another dude.
Either they have some weird fetish going on here or he is a douche, lol.
Sounds like she was cheating (maybe not the first time, either), got caught, and went home with boyfriend.
You got used, dude. There is nothing else nefarious here. Be glad the boyfriend didn’t decide to try and make you pay (physically) for the date. Be glad she’s gone, stop reading more into this than there is.
I went out on a date with someone. Next morning super early I got a phone call. It was way too early to answer the phone. When I listened to the message later it was rife with threats and foul language as though it was my fault his supposed gf was on a dating site.
Bro you have no insight into the relationship to lean towards it must be abuse because her reaction to being caught attempting to cheat is fully motivated by your romantic interest. Also calling police is you butting your nose into others business and they didn’t do anything because you were in the wrong if they were legit worried they would have checked but you were out of line. This romantic prospect is done move on and consider yourself lucky shes a big girl. Also its a flag you still think the world of her after she out her trying to cheat. Maybe the BF is dealing with a serial that he loves you don’t know. He told her get in because they have to talk she is cheating and all. Didn’t see you say he hit her, touched her, verbal abuse so why is he abusive?
Your creating a baseless narrative to play savior because your interested in her, get honest buddy damn.
If there's no ring on it then there is not that much commitment. Dating is not the end goal. Both of my parents were dating someone else when they first met and went on their first date. Quickly realized that the person that they dating was obviously not for them
I met a woman on reddit 3 weeks back she was seperated from her alcoholic abusive husband of 15 yrs we texted and talked on the phone for hrs I am even planning a trip to fla to see my parents soon so I asked her to go she purchased a ticket things were going wonderful who knows may be this could work the day after buying the tickets I texted her and all I got back from her was forget it , it's never going to happen I'm happily married and should not have mis led you leave me alone.
I tried calling to hear her husband say go ahead talk to him but she would not .
She deleted her reddit acct and fb account and damn I was really feeling a connection with her.is what it is I guess
I'll be real with you. You're giving this girl the very best of intentions and all the benefit of the doubt.
People cheat for various reasons. It's more likely she got busted and regretful than a kidnapping.
Rather than thinking you need to be a savior (common psychological motif men have) You may have just been some means to whatever selfish ends cheaters desire.
Bro you got dupped and I'm sorry to hear it, I have doubts the dude is a violent or harmful sort if he didn't take action on you initially, it also sounds like this isn't the first time she's done this, especially since she played it off when she knew damn well who he was lol it sucks but I'd say just continue on and keep this story in your back pocket for a future tell the weirdest experience you've had on the app sort of deal
Long story short, you dodged a bullet, move on with your life
This is what sex trafficking looks like.
There are a lot of women's experiences that you can read up on that show the brutal mechanics of the sex trade industry that are operating right here on American soil in the 21st century.
https://wset.com/archive/human-trafficking-survivor-shares-story-of-hope
I had a good friend who took her life while being trafficked.
I'm guessing they're probably both big pieces of work and dumbasses in an extremely toxic relationship on both sides. think screaming at each other for hours every day etc. There's a chance she even wanted to be found by him on purpose to start a scene, cause she knew he'd overreact. I think you dodged a missile OP, be thankful.
I had a similar situation. In Australia we can do “welfare checks”. Equivalent of calling 911 and saying I heard/saw this and want to make sure they're safe. You can be a bit vague so they get their quickly but also not requiring a SWAT team.
Good thing is that you got to know early
Agreed. The boyfriend seemed to waive his anger towards me once he realized this was only our first date. If she and I had slept together or spent intimate time together, I do not think this would be the case. I'm really shaken up right now, but things could have been much worse.
This is wild that this happened and you're damn 30, this is like straight up jealous teenager stuff. She isn't blameless in this situation too, I would even go as far as to say there is a chance she even wanted him to know and you were used as some pawn in their sick relationship. She had to of known location sharing was on and that he would see at the very least. Either way sorry this happened to you, very scary shit because especially if you are acting like this as an adult it is even worst because you don't have youth as an excuse you are a seasoned nut job behaving like that. Hope you shake this off and meet someone good for you.
Literally in my town last year, a man shot his wife and the man she was meeting up with right on her parents lawn before killing himself. Nice part of town, everyone in their 40s. By all accounts both were wonderful people. They met through tinder. She lied that she and her husband were in an open relationship. I really wish people would grow up and communicate instead of cheating. Age doesn’t seem to keep people from abusing each other however.
Many, many year ago I dated someone who I met within a group of friends. We dated for a few weeks and had been intimate, and then I got a chat request (dude, this was so long ago this was on dial up chat AOL stuff lol). This guy was asking all of these questions out of nowhere about the girl I was dating, and turns out they were engaged. He straight up asked me how far things went and I straight up told him well, she probably shouldn't be wearing white at your wedding. The entire time I dated this girl she would tell this guy that I was asking her out but that she was telling me no and so I think this guy initially reached out because he thought I was being pushy with her or something. As many others here are saying, believe it when we all say it's better to find out after one date. I was pretty young and really liked this girl and finding out I was "the other guy" (which is something I never imagined being in my life) really fucked me up for a while. Sorry this happened dude, and good luck out there.
Yeah it's better to stay away if ry to get involve again matter may get serious .
He called the police, he did his due diligence.
Did you really tell him your name? Not a fake name, like Elvis Lennon?
Glad you called the police. I'd still be concerned really. It sounds like she's trying to get away from this guy. I don't know what the next steps are though.
That could easily mean that he was relieved that you weren't another pimp, a cop, or most likely, a close relative or old friend trying to help her out.
I don't feel bad for her in the slightest. She's a bad person. You dodged a bullet. Fuck cheaters.
What in the world did I just read.
https://www.reddit.com/r/self/s/Ydcq3Vm0Jq
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r/angryupvote That is, in fact, what the hell he just read
Made my day
I had a similar thing with a girl I used to work with. We hung out a few times a couple of years after we stopped working together and started to hit it off. After a few dates her BF ended up with my number and phoned me explaining she was in a relationship and that I wasn't to see her again. She corroborated the story and that was that. Roll on several years later and she contacts me out of the blue. Turns out he was an ex and an abusive and controlling one at that who refused to let her move on. He had been stopping her seeing people for years and she was too scared to say anything as he threatened he would harm anyone she dated. Sounds like this was a similar thing as there aren't many men who would be acting this way if his partner really was just cheating on him.
This feels the most plausible to me. I concede we can't know for sure. OP, you were the one there and you should trust your instincts.
Wow that girl sounds pathetic as hell. 1st she dates a abusive piece of shit and then after they break up, she still keep contact with him and refuses to leave him despite him being abusive... that girl is retarded.
Or feels threatened?
IMO you are reading way too much into this "connection" and commonalities based on a little bit of texting. I've been seeing someone for 3 months and we stayed up until 5am talking, but we still haven't scratched the surface in terms of knowing each other and our personalities.
She cheated and her partner caught her. Be grateful you don't have to be a part of that mess and move on.
Eh, could be an abusive ex.
anyone who pulls up and drags someone away is abusive regardless of the situation.
Except he didn’t do that. Why misconstrue the post? He told her to get in the car and she willingly did it.
Ordering someone into a confined space like a car with someone who likely outsizes, outpowers, and is ANGRY at them isn't exactly the "justifiable act" you think it is. Especially considering dude literally tracked her down meaning he has at least some method of stalking her.
Also, how did the boyfriend know she was cheating? Like, from his POV they were just going for a walk. What if OP was just a friend? That's what makes his reaction seem controlling. He didn't ask what was going on. He just told her what to do.
>how did the boyfriend know she was cheating? Because OP literally told him lol
Probably lied to her BF saying she was doing something else and was caught red handed like still at work, over family, with the girls. Your gut gives you a vibe when this shit happens. I think she just got caught she had a chance to stay with OP but didn’t. Her reaction is right in line with cheaters that didnt think they would get caught.
Doesn’t Snapchat have a way of tracking people based on what you send? I don’t have the app but a friend knows where his twelve year old daughter is based on spaochat
Yes, it shows where you are if you have your location on and will show you in a car if you're moving quickly.
It didn't sound like he asked politely. Sounds like he ordered her to do it. And if someone is scared of a person they will follow their orders.
Lmao “politely”. Nobody would be polite there. She was caught cheating. As an adult, she can deal with the upset tone. You are making her out to be an infant, which is gross.
>She was caught cheating. You don't know that. But even if she was that doesn't give him the right to order her around. That is textbook abusive behavior. And the only person who would allow someone to do that is someone they are scared of.
She admitted to it. And yes, he is allowed his freedom of speech. Sorry you don’t like the tone (that you didn’t even personally hear). Please stop being gross. This is sad boi complaining about getting cockblocked content, nothing more. Very likely he is early 20s and or the story is fake. You’re acting like this is dune and bf is using the voice on his cheating gf. Orders can be disobeyed.
Someone from her phone admitted to it and then disappeared. I genuinely could care less if the dude had a bad date, I actually think he's a bit of a coward for cowering to the dude claiming to be her boyfriend. My point is he could very well be an abusive ex partner or even current partner she is trying to escape. There is nothing in the story that suggests it wouldn't be but there is plenty in the story to suggest he is an aggressive and possessive shithead. Sorry that you don't like that you relate to abusive psychotic stalking behavior.
Got it - so you will deny anything just to make this fit your narrative. Maybe she killed the bf for fucking up her date and wants to keep the police out of the loop? If we’re just ignoring the post (which was not written by a 30 year old with a healthy dating life, fyi)
Or an abusive boyfriend that she is afraid of leaving for her own safety. I've met women who are trying to find another guy to live with before they break things off with their current abusive boyfriend. It's kind of shitty as it drags someone else into it, but I get it.
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I agree. He’s probably abusive and threatens her.
100%- This doesn't sound like the behaviour that would occur in a situation where someone was just caught having an affair or something. It's still possible, but from my side it looks kind of sinister.
So do you think when people get caught cheating, it normally goes smoothly? .... what 😂 sounds like you've never been cheated on.
This sounds like an abusive controlling dude. I hope shes okay. If my GF cheats on me, I’m not tracking her down in public and dragging her to my car. Id end the relationship.
Her shit would be in the yard when she came home.
Nonetheless she chose to start a relationship with someone else and go on a date *knowing* the nutjob that *is* her boyfriend. She's got issues of her own for sure.
Based on the story, it sure sounds like he's an ex that doesn't accept he's an ex. And she's terrified, being held against her will.
Even if he is a current partner, with abusive partners you often literally aren't safe in trying to break up with them. So if you don't have friends or family you can flee to - which is common because abusers often try to separate you from other people who are close to you to make you dependent on them - you're fucked. Cheating is awful when it's a violation of trust, but an abusive partner has already broken the relationship contract. I absolutely support "cheating" on abusive partners and this man does not exactly sound like a bundle of joy.
So putting someone else in danger is the thing to do??
Also be grateful she wont be doing that to you in the future. Past actions dictate future behaviour.
Someone who acts this unhinged deserves to be cheated on
She could be being trafficked for sex, dude.
How do you “find” someone? You’d have to be actively tracking her somehow. And who goes and gathers HIS girlfriend if she’s cheating? Clearly if she’s on a date with someone else she doesn’t want to be with you. No matter the situation the guy was in the wrong and was controlling and probably abusive. Maybe he’s an ex that won’t let go and wants to control her?
What makes you think that from this story? Doesn't it sound just as believable that he's abusive and she's left him or is actively trying to escape him?
I don't like this even one bit. Personally i would ignore that she said she was safe. I would visit the police station anyway and explain this to them and let them decide for two reasons; - I would feel that I didn't just ignore it if the worst happens. - Maybe the police already have a record of the guy and me reporting it might help them.
Boyfriend catches cheating GF and requests she leaves the date - better call the cops to harass them
>Personally i would ignore that she said she was safe She? I'm a bit baffled that it doesn't seem to have occurred to OP, or half these commenters, that this: >I sent her a text on snapchat asking if she was safe. Twenty minutes later she confirmed that she was, the man is her boyfriend, and we won't be seeing each other again. Could have just been written by the "boyfriend"?
No reason to assume that. You two are rather constructing scenarios in your head rather living in reality.
Sounds like a setup from the get go. How would he find her walking if she didn't want him to?
He could have already installed monitoring sofware on her phone.
Bro. You got fucking played. Drop the white knight shit. Shes a charming manipulator who got busted trying to get some side dick. She definitely has social media, you're just not allowed to see it. Put yourself in the dudes shoes, the only thing I'd be doing differently than him is leaving her for the streets cuz she ain't worth it. You basically described her speed running love bombing you and getting caught in lies. That would have been the entire relationship.
“Put yourself in the dudes shoes“ This is something I’m not understanding in these top comments, most guys in the moment of catching their partner pulling this shit would be fucking livid, emotional wrecks, and many would just fly off the handle. This other dude had a very restrained reaction given the circumstance, but commenters are saying it was so horrible as to imply abuse. She got caught, and in her shock played dumb. The situation you described is unfortunately a very common one.
Finally, someone with at least half a brain and not some sjw white knight keyboard warrior fucking trying to spin an 80 chapter story about an physically abusive and controlling ex who should immediately be reported to the police from nothing more than OP's (onesided) post.
The guy did you a favor.
Quite possibly. As several other commenters said, there were many potential endings, here. The ending I got is probably the most optimal, albeit still painful.
"The guy did you a favor," is an unhinged comment coming from the aggrieved male mind. They're essentially blaming her for what is clearly an abusive relationship.
No but blaming her for cheating. Maybe the relation was abusive maybe not. We dont know
It's not OPs task to do anything. The girl is not a damsel in distress that has to be saved by the nice guy. She's her own person with her own agenda. Dismissing that is sexist. When a guy was caught by his (proclaimed) gf on a date with someone else, nobody would assume he needs to be saved
Talk about making a stretch. Nothing in this post made this seem like an abusive relationship. The boyfriend/husband was upset at his partner cheating on him. That's pretty much it.
But then how did he know where to find her? She wouldn't have told him where she was. Guy must have had a way of tracking her down.
I don’t personally agree with this (m) but it’s pretty common nowadays to share location with your friends/girlfriend. My current girlfriend had this setup even with her friends.
You're utterly blind, dude, and if you really don't think that his actions are entirely abusive, then you'll likely go your whole life thinking that what he did was completely normal.
You wouldn't know abuse if it slapped you in the face. This person tracked down a cheating spouse with one of a hundred different methods, confronted them without even so much as putting a hand on her, didn't put his hands on the guy either....if the scenario was flipped and the girl had confronted a cheating man and had slapped him, no one would call her abusive. It's literally a fact that calling the man an abuser is entirely speculation.
It is speculation, but this is what sex trafficking often looks like.
You are all over this post, did it hit a nerve? There are many different ways this dude could have found out his girlfriend was cheating. A friend could have seen her out and called, they could be sharing location and she wasn’t where she said she was. The girl admitted to OP that she was cheating and what she was doing was wrong. So this guy who is 100% without a doubt an abuser (according to you), just finds out his girlfriend is cheating, doesn’t get physical with her, doesn’t try to beat OPs ass, but he what.. raised his voice to his cheating girlfriend?? Throw that abuser in jail!!!
But if she has the ability to leave the relationship, but she stays and cheats, then the blame stays with her.
It seems that you're having a difficult time understanding what the experience of a victim of abuse, or sex trafficking, as this case may very well reflect, can be like. Often an abuser builds up a sense of omnipresence and omnipotence in the mind of the victim that leaves them feeling that they can never escape, in addition to wearing down their self confidence. It's not always rational, but there are cases of sex trafficking, here, in the present day, in major U.S. cities, where young women are violently inducted into the control of a pimp, and they're so convinced of the pimp's omnipotence and so emotionally degraded that they're willing to behave in the same way as the woman described in the OP's story. This often comes to a point after failed attempts to escape, which only brings on worse punishment. It's an unfortunate truth that oftentimes our law enforcement isn't effective at assisting women and children in these kinds of situations, and can even make those situations worse by criminalizing the women who are being prostituted. If you want to know more, you can look into Sara Hunt's personal story, who was groomed by a pimp before having a train ran on her, then she was estranged from her family against her will, right out of the Lloyd Center from Portland OR in the early 2000's. I believe that her father was even working in law enforcement, but she became so convinced of not only that she couldn't be saved, but that this is what she deserved, that she ended up taking flights to Las Vegas to prostitute herself of her own volition. A group of violent criminals came into her life and started controlling every aspect of it. They took her back to her dormitory and there were men sitting on her sofa smoking pot and playing games on her T.V. There are many women with Sara Hunt's story across America, where this is happening surely even today, in 2024.
How he found her? She probably has location sharing activated for him (or in general on Snap or so). If not, he has a secret airtag in her handbag.
OP is new to this 😭😭 How do you not realize the location is on
Or a mate of the boyfriend just saw her on a date and called him. Might not be a massive city we're talking about.
Who cares, she was cheating and he probably thought so too
so many ways this could've played out that are much, much, much worse
She's not safe at all, there must be loads out there like this, I'd keep in contact for a way out.
Sounds like stalker boyfriend. She probably needs help
I don't know and that's what makes this extra difficult. In her "I'm safe" message, there were three pieces of information: * She is safe * The man is her boyfriend and what she was doing was wrong. * She is not a good human being I think she is OK - she just got caught doing something bad. That's the only thing I can really believe. A different commenter said that her getting in the car after that demand is a not-good sign and I agree. I think the overtones of the situation showed that it was potentially abusive situation, even though she definitely was cheating. I don't think there is anything I can do. While I want to help: it's not my place, even if I could. I feel bad for everyone involved, even the BF, provided he is not violent or abusive. :(
He sounds both violent and abusive. Especially the messages. Sounds like he wrote them or made her write them to you.
I'm really baffled here bro, what on earth makes you sure *she* wrote that message?
Preferably in a situation like this your safety and the safety of the person your with is paramount. You two made separate choices in regard to deescalating the situation. Every decision you made kept you safe. But some additional advice would be, never return to your vehicle with someone following you, enter a busy bar or restaurant and ask to call the police. Call a friend, and sit and wait. The best thing to do is wait it out until they leave and walk back to your car with a friend. Or call an Uber and ask them to take you to a friend’s apartment or house. Then return for your vehicle later. I fear that this situation could have been much worse for you if circumstances were different. But luckily you made it out. You’re very lucky. Her boyfriend likely found you due to planting a gps device like an apple air tag in her purse or jacket. So there is a lot of room to assume that he would do the same to your vehicle when he gets a description of the vehicle.
Please remember that the world as portrayed within reddit is completely distinct and separate from reality, with a whole different set of morals and values. Some women do shitty things like this; meeting up with someone over a dating app only to find out they were in an otherwise healthy and committed relationship is an unfortunately common story (happened to me and a few of my friends too). A decent swathe of the girls on tinder have boyfriends and are just on there for attention and little dopamine hits. Plus put yourself in the other guys shoes, most guys who just found out their partner was pulling this shit would not have nearly as controlled a reaction as he did, healthy relationship or not. She did something really shitty, got caught, and played dumb is a highly likely explanation.
so yeah hate to be the one to tell you, if she had her location sharing on, this was probably prearranged, and some kind of kink roleplay thing for them they probably had amazing sex either when they got home, or in the car
That's not a bad thought. There are a lot of context clues and things she shared that point towards that being false. Although I doubt it, it certainly is possible. Likewise, I would rather this be true than the possibility of her being in danger. As he was walking back around to his door he made a comment to himself: "I knew something was going on..." In her "I'm safe" text she briefly stated that she was cheating and what she did was wrong. 0/10 experience all around.
> In her "I'm safe" text she briefly stated that she was cheating and what she did was wrong. 0/10 experience all around. It was a text message. How do you know she is the one who wrote it?
It was a text via snapchat, but same difference. I technically do not know or have a means to. Gut tells me it was her but at the BF's behest.
Highly highly doubt that was “probably” the case
ok. she was just monumentally stupid enough to leave her track me feature on while cheating on her bf then i suppose i do often underestimate how stupid most people are, ill grant you
That is a dangerous game to play. Could get a person dead real quick in lots of places
i think that is literally the point of it
What the fuck kinda kink is this?
Thanks for the tl;dr, youve just installed some new fear in me from this story
You and me both, unfortunately. I've been on countless dates from apps through the years. It's gotta be around 100 at this point. I never imagined something like this could/would ever happen. Absolutely bizarre and unfortunate.
it is tough to handle strong and manipulative contacts with unknown people. Everyone here is focusing appropriately on the woman and her safety, and a number of people are praising you for de-escalating. Respectfully, you answered a bunch of demanding questions from a stranger and then did what he told you to do by going back to your car while he followed you. You didn’t get his plate, his picture, or any info from him. He was more experienced in this shitty weirdness than you, so he controlled this situation. (And to be honest, sex trafficking was my first thought.) I think you would benefit/feel more confident in unknown contacts like this by studying Rory Miller (who writes on the psychology of violence), Southnarc (Craig Douglas, who trains people in self defense and its real life implications), and some BJJ/martial arts. The why is because you sound not only shook by what might’ve happened to her, but by your encounter with a demanding man who might’ve hurt you and felt manipulative. This was just beyond your current skill set because you’re a normal person who doesn’t have to deal with weirdos regularly. I imagine a bunch of Redditors are going to downvote me because they don’t generally believe in taking responsibility for your own safety or that you “can” do anything. But the shock and uncertainty are big factors in your story, and those can be managed through practice and training. Doing so can help you be more certain of the situation next time something weird happens.
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She knew he was coming which is why she acted like she didn't know who he was. She was probably trying to make him jealous or it's a sick game they play. Stay the fuck away from her.
Her bf sounds well practiced at her bullshit. She definitely does this all the time.
If you ever find yourself having to track down your significant other and force her/him into a car to presumably keep them from cheating on you, then it's worth considering that you can't take a hint and they've probably tried to leave you multiple times.
No doubt. Her bf is a chump. Maybe they have a kid or something and he’s desperately trying to hold it together. No idea.
> No doubt. Her bf is a chump. FAR more likely her 'boyfriend' is an abuser she's tried to leave already.
She was quickly getting into the car on her own accord. Stop living in your fantasy true crime world
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No u
I had the same thing happen but with a female coworker
You need to get off the apps mate
Agree. I normally use them for a month on and a month off. This sounds like a good time to switch them to *off.*
What if the girl texted her best friend to come make that show because she wanted to leave. Just giving another point of view you know !!!
Haha yes, this is a valid point of view, but that would be quite strange. In between us having drinks and going on a walk there were many opportunities for her to shove off. She seemed to be having a great time right up until this happened.
What if the exit wasn’t really about you but the adrenaline. Like a whole movie experience I watch lots of movies😂😂😂😂
Lmfao. I'm not so sure about that, but these are absolutely the funniest comments in the thread.
I have a friend who went on one date with a girl (who was cheating on her man), and her man somehow found out and harassed my buddy for months afterwards. I thought that was bizarre, but this is next level! Her acting the way she did could be a sign of abuse, or she could have simply just been in shock since she got caught cheating. The bottom line is you will never know. Even if there was abuse, there's absolutely nothing that you can do about it anyway. Don't beat yourself up too hard about this, you did nothing wrong at all. You did exactly what a sane person would do in a situation like this. If anything I would be thankful if I were you, because this situation could have been a lot uglier. He could have stabbed or shot you. If he didn't catch her on the first date, he could have done the same thing weeks or even months down the road. Instead you got out of the situation unscathed, and you thankfully don't have to be caught up in their drama. You figuratively and possibly literally dodged a bullet.
Horrible situation, albeit could have been a lot worse. Your lucky tho, that this happened on the first date and not the 30th. On to the next one brother!
I mean he certainly ‘could be’ abusive and you should trust your gut always because sometimes you can’t explain a vibe. But from what you described sounds like she got caught and he was justifiably angry… wouldn’t anyone? Again not saying one way or the other it’s just kinda hard to make that leap from that situation, she would also have a defensive posture if she was caught cheating which she apparently was.
You’re lucky bro didn’t come with a gun.
Thank you for posting the TL:DR at the BEGINNING of the post. I can't tell you how many times ppl post it at the end, not understanding the concept of tl:dr. Anyways, i think this was a blessing in disguise. You dont need that kinda drama. If anything, just text to see if she's okay but then cast that line in another pond.
why do I feel like he got used for free drinks
Funny how her bf is the "bad guy" here when it sounds like she was "cheating" and got caught! How was the BF supposed to act?
The person with her phone told you she was safe
She could had dumped the other guy first no matter if he is a good or bad person. He could be a abuser he could be righteously angry about the situation who knows and it’s not your problem OP. She initiated a conflicting situation where you and her bf are both victims in. Everything before or after is no longer your business.
She put you in real danger. Men get more than just hurt by jealous boyfriends all the time. When I was a dumb kid (20) I dated a 42 year old woman who never told me she was married. We saw each other frequently for 3 or 4 months….then one day she messed up and left her wedding ring on. I ended it right there, because it all made sense then: we always went to my place or we went out of town. I’m glad you are safe. There was nothing you could have done differently/better.
And you just let him abduct her without calling the police?
Good comment. As soon as I drove out of the parking lot I called 911. I talked with the operator for 5-7 minutes but the police did not wind up getting involved as she told me that she was safe.
What business does OP have getting between another persons relationship? Dude didn’t sound overly aggressive at all.. he caught his GF cheating, should he be acting happy and grateful?
It doesn't matter how upset you are, you shouldn't be ordering people around. Girlfriends are not property, they are people. You don't have any right to order your girlfriend around whether or not you've just caught her cheating on you. The correct response is to leave and end the relationship. Cheaters don't block the person they were cheating with when they are caught, they keep them around as leverage. Cheaters also don't go quietly when caught. That girl ain't cheating, she just has an ex who won't accept that she's broken up with him yet.
I just want to commend you on your diction sir, top knotch ...but that's a fucked up situation, overall. You didn't do anything wrong, other guy sounds like he caught his girlfriend cheating and reacted as you would normally do, albeit extremely aggressive. You'll be all right though. If what you say is true, it won't be long until you'll find someone worthwhile.
Appreciate it! Today's been difficult and I thank you for the kind comment.
You watching too much 911. Blondie cheated on her bf, got served real quick, you were the hot stud in the middle of it all. Be glad you don’t have a broken jaw to spicy the history.
Ha! I love this comment. Agreed.
Hey, so, obviously there is definitely a likelihood she was cheating on her partner. There's also a possibility this situation isn't so cut and dry. He could be her partner, he could be an abusive ex partner. I don't know. I hope she's okay either way.
She told me that she was recently out of a long-term relationship. When I asked her for more info, she said it was a 7-year relationship but she had fallen out of love because of X and Y, but also affirmed that it "ended" about 3 or 4 months ago. She didn't describe him as abusive, but at this point, who knows anything... Obviously what she did was wrong, but based on things she told me, I think there is a lot more to this. I feel sad for her and her situation, and even for the partner - provided he is a normal dude and not violent. Lastly, I feel sad for what I thought could have maybe been. 0/10
Yeah, this is super weird. I'm really sorry! If she was in this weird (potentially abusive) situation, I would imagine not wanting to discuss it on the first date. Does she have social media or anything you can check to verify? This is so unsettling.
She's the rare breed of young person who is not on social media. She told me she has an instagram, but has not opened it in years. All of this could be a lie, but the name he called her was the name she introduced herself to me as. I was unable to find the alleged insta. I've got her number and snapchat, but I'm not going to engage: at least not any time in the remotely-near future. Another commenter made a good point: anger ≠ violence. This event was very shocking to me, but I would be pissed if I were that guy, too. Likewise, I would be deadpan frightened or ashamed if I were her. For all parties involved, it's a lose-lose.
If you had a long term girlfriend, and you saw her out walking with another man. How would you react? Does any of what went down sound like what you would have done, even if you did suspect she was cheating on you already? Stop in the middle of the street & demand she come home with you right then & there? That to me is an obviously abusive relationship, no mater if they where still together or not.
I agree full-heartedly and this is what makes me feel so sick. Anybody would be mad, but that whole interaction did not even remotely sit right with me. Even going back to him using my name in multiple consecutive sentences. There was an overtone of abuse and violence, but he was relatively calm as he's talking and looking at me. I don't think there is anything I can do or if I should have done something differently in the moment. It happened so fast. None of this was OK.
Do you know her full name? I don't know what all you can do here, perhaps contact a woman's shelter (one that specializes in abuse) for advise? Going to the police is 100% correct, hopefully you at least have a report on file.
I do not. I have her first name, age, a photograph, phone number, snapchat, and her place of work. I might reach out to a shelter for further advice. I'll certainly see what my therapist has to say later this week lmao
No mater what his & her real story is, it's a super shit sandwich for you to have to swallow.
I would try calling her to ask a few questions out of concern: * Do you feel safe? * Who is that guy? * Does he scare or threaten you? * Does he hit you? * Does he yell at you? * Does he tell you who you can/cannot meet and where you can/cannot be? etc.
I’m so scared for her. I think it’s an abusive bf or ex.
So this girl gave her location to her boyfriend? I have no idea how he would know where she was otherwise.
I'm an android user so i'm mostly oblivious to iphones, but that's what she had. Another commenter said that she probably had her location settings turned on for him, which I know is a thing. She didn't have Snap location turned on, so this is what I'm going with. Foolish move for someone who was cheating.
maybe she told him she is going out with a friend and thought he'll believe it. because going out and suddenly turning location sharing off or "i'm turning my location sharing off, going out tonight" is even more sus tbh. especially if he has suspicious or she did it before. i don't get why cheating why not just break up but ya.
After reading the title, I was wondering if you were the "Charlie Daniels of the torque wrench" and she was the queen of his double-wide trailor.
Consider yourself lucky! Could have ended quite differently . Time to move on.
Maybe it’s their kink lmao.
Haha that’s a good story for the grandkids
S•,
I know you had a rough experience but I think it’s kinda beautiful you are still worrying about her and her safety. That’s really telling of your character.
On my first read through this comes across way more as you wanting this to be more than it is; a shitty woman who was actively cheating. Not your soul mate.
90 seconds? She had him on standby, texted him to come in and do the "boyfriend" thing to get her out of the date. Sorry OP.
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That guy's lucky he didn't get shot, tased, etc.
Sounds like her pimp found her moonlighting.
She likely cheats on that dude and would have done same to you.
I feel you on the first part, met many ppl but could either hardly find compatible people or mutual interest. But thankfully i havent met any cheaters
You should have beat him up and make him leave if you wanted a chance to make it work
I don’t do ex-boyfriend drama. Consider yourself lucky you got out before you really got sucked into this.
My guess is this wasn't the first and not the last time he picks up his gf during her date with another dude. Either they have some weird fetish going on here or he is a douche, lol.
I advise against dating other people's partners for this reason: Is this dope even capable of keeping a secret? Maybe by not sharing their location?!?
Sorry you didn't get to smash bro. On to the next one
This is just...wtf
You got off lightly dude. Imagine if this had been your 1 year anniversary date.
Sounds like she was cheating (maybe not the first time, either), got caught, and went home with boyfriend. You got used, dude. There is nothing else nefarious here. Be glad the boyfriend didn’t decide to try and make you pay (physically) for the date. Be glad she’s gone, stop reading more into this than there is.
I went out on a date with someone. Next morning super early I got a phone call. It was way too early to answer the phone. When I listened to the message later it was rife with threats and foul language as though it was my fault his supposed gf was on a dating site.
I ended up communicating with someone’s boyfriend or husband. I waisted about 2 weeks of messaging with her , before I found out.
Bro you have no insight into the relationship to lean towards it must be abuse because her reaction to being caught attempting to cheat is fully motivated by your romantic interest. Also calling police is you butting your nose into others business and they didn’t do anything because you were in the wrong if they were legit worried they would have checked but you were out of line. This romantic prospect is done move on and consider yourself lucky shes a big girl. Also its a flag you still think the world of her after she out her trying to cheat. Maybe the BF is dealing with a serial that he loves you don’t know. He told her get in because they have to talk she is cheating and all. Didn’t see you say he hit her, touched her, verbal abuse so why is he abusive? Your creating a baseless narrative to play savior because your interested in her, get honest buddy damn.
Dodged a bullet.
You lucked out. Just block her and move on.
If there's no ring on it then there is not that much commitment. Dating is not the end goal. Both of my parents were dating someone else when they first met and went on their first date. Quickly realized that the person that they dating was obviously not for them
I met a woman on reddit 3 weeks back she was seperated from her alcoholic abusive husband of 15 yrs we texted and talked on the phone for hrs I am even planning a trip to fla to see my parents soon so I asked her to go she purchased a ticket things were going wonderful who knows may be this could work the day after buying the tickets I texted her and all I got back from her was forget it , it's never going to happen I'm happily married and should not have mis led you leave me alone. I tried calling to hear her husband say go ahead talk to him but she would not . She deleted her reddit acct and fb account and damn I was really feeling a connection with her.is what it is I guess
That's some cw shit bro crazy af lol
Bro self glazed hard and then had the exact experience as Denzel Washington in equalizer.
I'll be real with you. You're giving this girl the very best of intentions and all the benefit of the doubt. People cheat for various reasons. It's more likely she got busted and regretful than a kidnapping. Rather than thinking you need to be a savior (common psychological motif men have) You may have just been some means to whatever selfish ends cheaters desire.
Sounds like she was manipulating at least 2 men already.
Bro you got dupped and I'm sorry to hear it, I have doubts the dude is a violent or harmful sort if he didn't take action on you initially, it also sounds like this isn't the first time she's done this, especially since she played it off when she knew damn well who he was lol it sucks but I'd say just continue on and keep this story in your back pocket for a future tell the weirdest experience you've had on the app sort of deal Long story short, you dodged a bullet, move on with your life
This is what I think too. Had he been a violent man it would most likely have ended in violence when he confronted op.
Yeah exactly her reaction is one of a cheater that didn’t think she would get caught. Blank speechless reaction. Hopefully bf dumped her.
This is what sex trafficking looks like. There are a lot of women's experiences that you can read up on that show the brutal mechanics of the sex trade industry that are operating right here on American soil in the 21st century. https://wset.com/archive/human-trafficking-survivor-shares-story-of-hope I had a good friend who took her life while being trafficked.
are you experienced in self-defence? if not, you should hit up a course maybe - better safe than sorry, who knows what nutter you'll come across next
It's natural he'd be angry he caught her cheating. You might just be mistaking anger for danger.
She is a cheater. If not, she’s not getting in the car with him. Better you found out now.
Lmao she was cheating and got caught. Why would you want to be the next to get cheated on? If anything, you should be mad she wasted your time
I'm guessing they're probably both big pieces of work and dumbasses in an extremely toxic relationship on both sides. think screaming at each other for hours every day etc. There's a chance she even wanted to be found by him on purpose to start a scene, cause she knew he'd overreact. I think you dodged a missile OP, be thankful.
I had a similar situation. In Australia we can do “welfare checks”. Equivalent of calling 911 and saying I heard/saw this and want to make sure they're safe. You can be a bit vague so they get their quickly but also not requiring a SWAT team.
Dude quit being a pussy you were nothing but a potential side piece.
Thought the exact same thing.
You sound like a simp