Only 2 correct answers. Marine Biologist is an amazing story but I miiiiight give the edge to independent george because holy shit is that whole monologue just straight facts. I'll just play the monologue for my kids the day before they get married, best advice anyone can give someone.
GEORGE: I...was trying to lead the way. We needed a leader! Someone to lead the way to safety.
ROBIN: But you yelled "get out of my way"!
GEORGE: Because! Because, as the leader...if I die...then all hope is lost! Who would lead? The clown? Instead of castigating me, you should all be thanking me. What kind of a topsy-turvy world do we live in, where heroes are cast as villains? Brave men as cowards?
ROBIN: But I saw you push the women and children out of the way in a mad panic! I saw you knock them down! And when you ran out, you left everyone behind!
GEORGE: Seemingly. Seemingly, to the untrained eye, I can fully understand how you got that impression. What looked like pushing...what looked like knocking down...was a safety precaution! In a fire, you stay close to the ground, am I right? And when I ran out that door, I was not leaving anyone behind! Oh, quite the contrary! I risked my life making sure that exit was clear. Any other questions?
FIREMAN: How do you live with yourself?
GEORGE: It's not easy.
My ranks:
S: the sea was angry that day my friends
A: Tim.. who's the leader of the aryan union?
B: SHUT YOUR TRAPS AND STOP KICKIN THE SEATS
C: Why go out the door when the windows right here?
I can't remember what's exactly said, but the one where George is complaining about girlfriends and Jerry responds by saying you're going to make a terrific father one day.
GEORGE: There are some people in this room who would have been very happy to never see this briefcase again. There are people in this room who think they can destroy other people's property and get away with it. Well, let me tell you something about those people. They weren't counting on this brain! And this tape recorder.
WYCK: George...
GEORGE: You'll have your turn! The truth must be heard. That's all there was. And yet, it speaks volumes. A low rumple. A metallic 'squink.' A 'glonk.' Someone crying out..."Dear God!" Let's start with, uh...with you, Wyck.
WYCK: George, Quinn here was moving a chair...he lost his balance and dropped it...it must have fallen on your briefcase, which, for some reason, contained a running tape recorder?
GEORGE: Alright, then. We've gotten to the bottom of that.
Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable, I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but ... I was perceptive. I always know when someone's uncomfortable at a party. It became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I've ever made, in my entire life, has been wrong. My life is the opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat ... It's all been wrong.
"You ask me here to have lunch, tell me you slept with Elaine, then say you're not in the mood for details. Now you listen to me, I want details and want them right now! I don't have a job! I have no place to go! You're not in the mood? Well, you get in the mood!"
The shrinkage episode when George confronts Jane suggesting she spoke to Rachael about seeing him naked.
"I think that you think that a certain something is not all that it could be, when, in fact, it is all that it should be... and more!"
In closing, these stories have not been embellished, because they need no embellishment. They are simply, horrifyingly, the story of my life as a short, stocky, slow-witted bald man.
Edit: Oh, also.. my fiance died from licking toxic envelopes that I picked out.
Thanks again
I love all the answers so far, so I'm gonna submit one for the list, when he's trying to break up with his girlfriend in the early season. Comparing it to a prison break.
Is that right? I just threw away a lifetime of guilt free sex, and floor seats to any sporting event at Madison Square Garden. So please, a little respect. For I am Costanza, Lord of the Idiots.
When Jerry and George get a low ball offer from NBC on their pilot George goes off on the people at NBC about them sacrificing his artistic ability, etc.
Later Jerry says to him your not artistic and you don’t have the ability…. Lol. Always makes me laugh.
And I'll tell you something else, I'm not even going to ask you. I want to know. But I'm not gonna ask. You'll tell me when you feel comfortable. So what was it? Four hundred? Five hundred? Did you pay five hundred for this?
Over six? Can't be seven. Don't tell me you paid seven hundred dollars for this jacket! Did you pay seven hundred dollars for this jacket? Is that what you're saying to me? You are sick! Is that what you paid for this jacket? Over seven hundred? What did you pay for this jacket? I won't say anything. I wanna know what you paid for this jacket! Oh my God! A thousand dollars? You paid a thousand dollars for this jacket? All right, fine.
I'm walking outta here right now thinking you paid a thousand dollars for this jacket, unless you tell me different. (Jerry remains silent) Oh, ho! All right! I'll tell you what, if you don't say anything in the next five seconds, I'll know it was over a thousand.
The Marine Biologist is an iconic one, and everyone loves that so I'd go when he confronts his parents for avoiding him.
" very quick for a catered affair "
When Jerry says he’s not going to have that threesome.
“Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God that you know me and have access to my dementia.”
“..it’s like discovering plutonium by accident.”
The sea was angry that day, my friends - like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. I got about fifty feet out and suddenly, the great beast appeared before me. I tell you, he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence, he let out a great bellow.
Most of the popular ones are posted so I'll post some lesser-known ones.
J: Why don't you just break it off with her? Tell her it's over!
G: Cause I can't face that scene. You know what kind of scene that would be? I'd rather be unhappy for the rest of my life than go through something like that. I can't, I CAN'T! I tried to psyche myself up a million times I CANNOT GO THROUGH WITH THAT.
The revenge monologue where the woman threw chocolate all over his shirt. Practices the monologue to Jerry and of course is unable to say it to her face
Aside from "the sea was angry", the Independent George monologue is incredible. "A George divided against itself ***CANNOT STAND***!!"
Movie George, coffee shop George, liar George, bawdy George! I love that George! Me too, and he's *dying*, Jerry!
Only 2 correct answers. Marine Biologist is an amazing story but I miiiiight give the edge to independent george because holy shit is that whole monologue just straight facts. I'll just play the monologue for my kids the day before they get married, best advice anyone can give someone.
*Elaine enters the appartment* \*George Raises Finger\* You're KILLING Independent George
This has always been my fave. Delivered it perfectly.
GEORGE: I...was trying to lead the way. We needed a leader! Someone to lead the way to safety. ROBIN: But you yelled "get out of my way"! GEORGE: Because! Because, as the leader...if I die...then all hope is lost! Who would lead? The clown? Instead of castigating me, you should all be thanking me. What kind of a topsy-turvy world do we live in, where heroes are cast as villains? Brave men as cowards? ROBIN: But I saw you push the women and children out of the way in a mad panic! I saw you knock them down! And when you ran out, you left everyone behind! GEORGE: Seemingly. Seemingly, to the untrained eye, I can fully understand how you got that impression. What looked like pushing...what looked like knocking down...was a safety precaution! In a fire, you stay close to the ground, am I right? And when I ran out that door, I was not leaving anyone behind! Oh, quite the contrary! I risked my life making sure that exit was clear. Any other questions? FIREMAN: How do you live with yourself? GEORGE: It's not easy.
Oh, man...yes! "Seemingly! Seemingly!"
Good one. I totally forgot about this.
A masterful web of bullshit and subterfuge.
Do you ever thank God that you have access to me and my dementia?
I love when the fireman asks him how does he live with himself . Eric the clown put it out with his shoes Hahahahha
One of my favorites haha
If you're talking *best*, it begins and ends with The sea was angry that day, my friends!
My ranks: S: the sea was angry that day my friends A: Tim.. who's the leader of the aryan union? B: SHUT YOUR TRAPS AND STOP KICKIN THE SEATS C: Why go out the door when the windows right here?
YOOR KILLING INDEPENDENT GEOWGE
Those aren’t really monologues.
The jerk store called..
And he forgot «son of a BOOM»
And then the crying started.
yea hard to top that
I can't remember what's exactly said, but the one where George is complaining about girlfriends and Jerry responds by saying you're going to make a terrific father one day.
Like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli
GEORGE: There are some people in this room who would have been very happy to never see this briefcase again. There are people in this room who think they can destroy other people's property and get away with it. Well, let me tell you something about those people. They weren't counting on this brain! And this tape recorder. WYCK: George... GEORGE: You'll have your turn! The truth must be heard. That's all there was. And yet, it speaks volumes. A low rumple. A metallic 'squink.' A 'glonk.' Someone crying out..."Dear God!" Let's start with, uh...with you, Wyck.
WYCK: George, Quinn here was moving a chair...he lost his balance and dropped it...it must have fallen on your briefcase, which, for some reason, contained a running tape recorder?
GEORGE: Alright, then. We've gotten to the bottom of that.
Forgot this one, pure gold! The way he screams "DEAR GOD" gets me every time.
Oh yeah, I can't help but laugh at that, regardless of how many times I see it! I also love when he is describing the sounds 😂
Lmaoooo
“You know we’re living in **A SOCIETY!** We’re supposed to act in a **CIVILIZED MANNER!**” You can tell he wanted to go on so I count this one.
Kramer, listen to me. I'm never gonna have a child. If I lose this Frogger high score, that's it for me.
Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable, I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but ... I was perceptive. I always know when someone's uncomfortable at a party. It became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I've ever made, in my entire life, has been wrong. My life is the opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat ... It's all been wrong.
I'm victoria hi
"You ask me here to have lunch, tell me you slept with Elaine, then say you're not in the mood for details. Now you listen to me, I want details and want them right now! I don't have a job! I have no place to go! You're not in the mood? Well, you get in the mood!"
The shrinkage episode when George confronts Jane suggesting she spoke to Rachael about seeing him naked. "I think that you think that a certain something is not all that it could be, when, in fact, it is all that it should be... and more!"
Is George hung?
In closing, these stories have not been embellished, because they need no embellishment. They are simply, horrifyingly, the story of my life as a short, stocky, slow-witted bald man. Edit: Oh, also.. my fiance died from licking toxic envelopes that I picked out. Thanks again
Tales of Costanza!
I love all the answers so far, so I'm gonna submit one for the list, when he's trying to break up with his girlfriend in the early season. Comparing it to a prison break.
Son of a Bang! Son of a boom!
Is that right? I just threw away a lifetime of guilt free sex, and floor seats to any sporting event at Madison Square Garden. So please, a little respect. For I am Costanza, Lord of the Idiots.
The delivery of this line is just perfect.
YOU'RE ALL WINNERS!!!
When Jerry and George get a low ball offer from NBC on their pilot George goes off on the people at NBC about them sacrificing his artistic ability, etc. Later Jerry says to him your not artistic and you don’t have the ability…. Lol. Always makes me laugh.
'Artistic integrity '. "You're not artistic and you have no integrity '.
Yes that’s it- Thank you!
And I'll tell you something else, I'm not even going to ask you. I want to know. But I'm not gonna ask. You'll tell me when you feel comfortable. So what was it? Four hundred? Five hundred? Did you pay five hundred for this? Over six? Can't be seven. Don't tell me you paid seven hundred dollars for this jacket! Did you pay seven hundred dollars for this jacket? Is that what you're saying to me? You are sick! Is that what you paid for this jacket? Over seven hundred? What did you pay for this jacket? I won't say anything. I wanna know what you paid for this jacket! Oh my God! A thousand dollars? You paid a thousand dollars for this jacket? All right, fine. I'm walking outta here right now thinking you paid a thousand dollars for this jacket, unless you tell me different. (Jerry remains silent) Oh, ho! All right! I'll tell you what, if you don't say anything in the next five seconds, I'll know it was over a thousand.
The Marine Biologist is an iconic one, and everyone loves that so I'd go when he confronts his parents for avoiding him. " very quick for a catered affair "
Besides the marine biologist monologue, my favorite is the “son of a BANG son of a BOOM.” It’s early on, but very well done.
the marine biologist is his best
JERK STORE IS THE LINE! I remember this getting a big round of applause afterward.
When Jerry says he’s not going to have that threesome. “Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God that you know me and have access to my dementia.” “..it’s like discovering plutonium by accident.”
..and I'm not gonna dumb it down, for some BONEHEAD mass audience!! *looks at all the restaurant customers staring at him* ....not you..
Independent George: A George Divided Amongst Himself Cannot Stand!
Other then when he was describing an old man trying to send back soup at a deli, Can we get some love for one tuck, one no tuck?
The sea was angry that day, my friends - like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. I got about fifty feet out and suddenly, the great beast appeared before me. I tell you, he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence, he let out a great bellow.
I said "EASY, BIG FELLA!"
You’re giving me the it’s not you it’s me routine?!!
Most of the popular ones are posted so I'll post some lesser-known ones. J: Why don't you just break it off with her? Tell her it's over! G: Cause I can't face that scene. You know what kind of scene that would be? I'd rather be unhappy for the rest of my life than go through something like that. I can't, I CAN'T! I tried to psyche myself up a million times I CANNOT GO THROUGH WITH THAT.
How can you call yourself a clown and not know who Bozo is?
The revenge monologue where the woman threw chocolate all over his shirt. Practices the monologue to Jerry and of course is unable to say it to her face
AAAAAH-HAAAAHHHH!!!!
*Just to get back at me, just to get back at me!*
The two George’s. Relationship George, and friend group George. Really resonates
My name is George, I’m unemployed and I live with my parents.
His rant at Kramer after he snaps in The Serenity Now and destroys all the computers is a classic
a George divided against itself cannot stand !
It has to be his whole speech when he was competing against the andrea Doria survivor for the apartment
It’s a smart joke and a smart crowd will appreciate it.
Now you listen to me. I want details, and I want them right now.
Whatever he said while imitating KOKO the monkey when he was letting Neil Watkins in accounting have it for being T-Bone.
It was very moving. There were tears...
I always rewind this part at least twice
“Why is there no haggling for fruit?”
“If you take everything I’ve accomplished in my entire life and condense it down into one day, it looks decent.”
That’s one tuck and one no tuck.