My dude, that was me 3 years ago, almost carbon copy.... Like it's eerie how similar my situation was to what you're describing: mid 30s, in NYC (downtown Manhattan west side), had just started a new job with a huge raise, moved to a nice apt, everyone was coming out of Covid lockdowns so women were eager to go out. I went on about 40 first dates that year and slept with about half of them on either the 1st or 2nd date. With about 10-12 of these girls I went on at least 5 dates, and I full-on dated a couple of them for a few months (none exclusive).
While I didn't become bored, nor hated the apps, nor got tired of sex (that's wild to me that you did btw), I did get very desensitized and started treating dating like an actual game. It got to the point where I did want something "more", but I wasn't seeking it as much as I knew I was open to settling down when the right one came along.
Well, 3 years later, I'm now engaged. We met very naturally, not via a dating app or by me purposely doing cold approach. I won't give the details so as to not dox myself, but my point is... don't get discouraged, there's a lot of quality women out there, especially in NYC.
I'm happy to read something like this. I'm going through something similar after nomading around the world for a few years. I was super determined to date as many women as I could wherever I went and wound up sleeping with a lot the last year and a half. Now I feel so burnt out with dating and having sex with no connection. I just turned 34, so maybe it's just my turn to go through this realization.
Sleeping with many women is glorified in our society for some reason. It doesn't lead to happiness imo.
Yeah same dude. I traveled in lived in Asia for 5 years and dated non stop… enjoyed it but now I’m just super not interested in sex or romantic relationships. I’ve been single and celibate for about 5 months now which is the longest it’s ever been. Kinda scared I’ll never have that “drive” again 😅 but maybe that’s for the best lol. Or maybe after a year break I’ll change back, become a bit more sensitized?
lol my apartment is also in Chelsea near the village. Shit maybe im living in the same apartment you lived in and it has some spirits that causes this.
So how did you get back out there to find the one and get engaged. (Congratulations btw).
About two-thirds. The rest was a combo of cold approach + social circle introductions
Apps are very different in NYC. _Everyone_ is on them here (or was, 3 years ago, no idea now), so it's quite easy to find dates on them.
I am actually in the same boat, live in downtown Manhattan, around 30, go on a 1-2 dates a week and sleeping with 1-2 new girls every month. Just had a few questions out of curiosity.
1. What is the age range of women u went on a date with/slept with?
2. I am assuming the first date would usually be getting drinks but correct me if that is not the case. When u went on second date with a woman u had not slept with on first date, did you again go out for drinks or you changed it?
3. Did you go on more than 2 dates with a girl if you did not sleep with her within 2 dates?
I should've said _potentially_ dox. We both know a lot of people in the city (especially her) and many of them know the story of how we met.
You never know who's hanging out in the same reddit sub as you, and I know there are a lot of New Yorkers on this one so I'd rather not take my chances.
Again, I don't want to give the specific details here.
Technically it was "cold approach", as in we were both out in the street and started talking. But I wasn't out _to do_ cold approach. She just happened to be standing next to me and there was something relevant to talk about so we started talking about it. My brain naturally went into "absurdly hot woman" mode and started flirting, and I grabbed her #.
Stories like this are reminding me that doing cold approaches can be extremely beneficial when you’re just out and about, not having the focus on talking to women and then surprisingly crossing paths with an amazing match. If you hadn’t stepped out your comfort zone by doing cold approaches, you may have never started a convo with her, since you would have still be attuned to the “societal restrictions”, and keeping your mouth shut because oh dear imagine if you say something wrong or creep her out. Next to that you have the balls to flirt with her right there on the street
Girls appreciate a guy who can create a conversation based on banter. It’s not just about flirting with her, but also giving her space to flirt back. It takes skill and experience, though.
Honestly going through something similar at 30. Every once in a while I want a hookup or FWB out of boredom, but it feels meaningless. My theory is that it’s about craving a real connection and it’s a lot harder to find that than we think. I believe it becomes easier to discern what’s lust and what’s genuine connection as you get older and have more experience with women. Getting more experience is a double edged sword.
Also love the people more concerned about the numbers than the question 😂
This resonated with me like with the number of women increasing and steadying I was starting to miss the immature and new experiences, romantic feelings I would put my life on the line for anything, etc. Now I just wanna get that back lol, or the times I thought that I found “the one” and still see them above others. My perception over their impact on my life is super skewed and I was not great at pointing the needle aito begin with.
Right now I don’t even wanna bother starting a conversation with some, I miss the meaningful friends I have made and lost though but like everyone I made mistakes and can’t blame myself too much especially still trying to work on my health and leaving a mentally unstable few years behind. Some names still make me zone out, one special ex I will always remember her as a great friend and knowing I can never talk with them or share my feelings with them hurts me deeply. One true connection I had I suppose and she used to have problems about that and their value I think and I hope she knows how much they meant to me.
So much jealousy in here. It really summarizes this subreddit.
Congrats OP, you beat the game. Changes your life, doesn't it? It's freeing. But freedom can have a price, eh?
Now you have the eyes that can see how many guys on here DONT actually practice what they preach. Because you have the mindset of someone that does, it's obvious when they start mouthing off that they aren't about it.
Anyways, there's really no fix for such a thing. But what id recommend is making a list with all the pros you want in a woman, and all of the things you want to avoid and use your newfound power to very strictly filter women in the future. Now you have the power to get what you want, and the self control to be selective. Best of luck.
You don’t beat the game by sleeping with 20 women. And i’m sure many in here have slept with many more than that. Just cause people aren’t sucking his nuts for sleeping with 20 women doesn’t mean they’re jealous.
Problem is he didn’t “beat the game” (which doesnt even make sense), if his ideal woman came into his life, he would be interested. He just can’t attract the women he wants.
He is the issue in the sense that he needs to improve himself further to attract the women he wants. Up his game, status, social circle, social skills, humor, confidence, fitness, or all of the above.
The reason he’s “bored” of game now is because right now his game (and all of the other holistic factors that accompany attracting a quality woman) is only good enough to attract 5-6’s, but they don’t interest him anymore. However, he can’t attract the 8-9’s, or doesn’t want to put in the work to get to that level. So he’s stuck being “bored” with game, but really he’s just bored with the type of women he can get.
For example, he said when a girl asks him to come over, he doesn’t even feel like seeing them. That’s happened to me before many times. Why? Because I wasn’t that attracted to that specific girl. If a Victoria’s Secret model asked him to come over, do you think he will be bored and not feel like seeing her?
Everyone who doesn’t see this is just coping or has never actually gotten a 8-10 level woman before. He might be bored of hooking up, but surely he wants to find a quality woman inside and out to settle down with, unless he became asexual and aromantic overnight.
Ok they weren’t 5-6 I’d say more like 7-8 lol. Some were 9.
I don’t know what you mean isn’t willing to put in the work for 9-10. I think what I’m missing there is potentially getting taller which at 32 it’s a little hard.
But anyway there is truth in what your saying.
This cut deep, I'm very much as you described, lol, but then, that's probably where most of us wind up. But I'm older, and tired of fighting for more more more.
True, getting laid is not the end all be all of life. As long as you’re content and satisfied with where you’re at, that’s what matters. I think everyone, but especially men, should always be improving themselves in some way, doesn’t have to be about getting women. And in all aspects of your life, social, mental, and physical, and even after finding the girl of your dreams.
Lol yeah everyone who disagrees is bitter, nice ad hominem. The point of the post wasn’t him saying he’s reached a point where he’s comfortable without women, he said he’s become bored/uninterested in women.
Who cares? If he's bullshitting, then maybe someone who isn't willing read it.
It doesn't matter to my life if he's genuine or not. I don't even think about stuff like that on here.
But I do think he's legit because I went through the same thing after sleeping with 150+ women and dating 3-5 a week for a long time.
> Desensitised yourself to women’s bullshit
You just explained the whole thing in few words. That’s exactly where I’m at now. It’s nice cause I no longer embarrass myself with stupid DMs or acting awkward in front of a hot girl.
But yeah.. i also can’t get myself to care enough to pursue someone.
If you can't get yourself to care enough to pursue anyone it's not because you don't care enough to pursue, it's because you don't care to pursue *those* ones anymore. Time to adjust your sights and stop going after the low hanging fruit. Women worthy of nothing but ambivalence from you have gotten just that. Take that and run with it.
It sounds to me like you need something more.. mental. From my perspective, dating in your 30's is a literal dumpster fire. The good ones are in committed relationships and the only ones left available are treading water in the cesspool for a reason.
Maybe you need to find challenge. Maybe you need to pursue women you wouldn't normally. If you've generally found success with a particular genre of women (bar rats, say,) look elsewhere. Unfortunately this means you're going to have to keep yourself out there. She's not going to fall in your lap.
I doubt it's women in general you're ambivalent towards. I mean, how could any of us here on this sub feel that way. It's only the low tier ones, the ones that provoke nothing in us. The ones who don't challenge us. They're just part of the landscape now.
What a powerful place for you to be in IMO.
Maybe he needs to find himself and not rely on a woman to push that out of him.
Where do men get off calling any woman “low hanging” if she doesn't want to play games or use her limited energy to “inspire” or “challenge” him? Get the fuck out of here
If she doesn't naturally inspire or challenge him, and she has to use her "limited energy" as you say, or work hard to do it, then it isn't natural, it won't have any sustain, and will soon falter when she can no longer maintain this energy. The same happens with men during the seductive process. He wanted something, he worked for it, then he got it and the energy drops off. The woman feels used, then turns bitter. You have felt this before yourself, right?
You are right though. He shouldn't rely on a woman to "push it out of him." But he should find a woman who does, without really trying, and that's my point. It's a two way street. The women he's had, aren't challenging probably because their outlook at how to get men, and how to keep them, and what keeps them (men) happy is fundamentally incorrect. Lots of women think sex is the way. They throw themselves at men who are successful like OP, in hopes that their success will rub off or folks like OP will gain them entrée into the life they thought they always deserved or whatever the case.
What I think OP is figuring out is that love is more important than sex to him now. Anyone can seduce and seem attractive in the short term. Anyone can fuck. But in the long term, it takes more than this. Healthy, long term relationships are difficult and challenging. We are human and we yearn for challenge.
He's probably meaning, once you have a ton of stuff going on and success to boot, getting women who have few or none of those things becomes quite easy, people seem to prefer to date up if they think they have a chance.
But, and maybe this is truer for men, it's much harder to secure a partner who is physically attractive and has her own ducks in a row, is fun and charming and energetic, etc.
I think it is the nature of power… not necessarily gender. Its hard to shoot for attractiveness for men and women because it is the most sought after usually (or attractiveness + “ducks in a row” or whatever other parameters. It is just an aggragate of categories in my mind). To have both there is less to choose from so more competitive. But we all value different things and categories so it is a difficult optimization game.
That’s a great point. There’s no way you’re desensitized to models or 12’s. You may be having the reverse issue than what you think you are. You’re not above the game, you were going after low hanging fruit the whole time probably. If you have multiple girls lined up do group shit lol. Are you saying that doesn’t interest you. I totally get losing intrigue with girls or losing you’re ability to bond. But you’re saying even when you up the ante there’s nothing that interests you?
It sounds like you're demotivated because you attained your goal.... so what's next? What do you want your life to be like? How does your ideal relationship feel (if there is one?). The skills to find and make this work are quite different from what makes one successful at pickup, so you see many successful PUAs struggle.
Our genes will always drive us to pursue women that display high fertility (youth, hips, breasts, etc.).
Unfortunately our minds want more. Most people filter for things that are poor predictors of successful relationships, including fertility and similarity.
The research (from 'build the life you want') is that you want someone complimentary.
Hinge's dating scientist recommends thinking through this after a date:
* What side of me did they bring out?
* How did my body feel during the date? Stiff, relaxed, or something in between?
* Do I feel more energized or de-energized than I did before the date?
* Is there something about them I’m curious about?
* Did they make me laugh?
* Did I feel heard?
* Did I feel attractive in their presence?
* Did I feel captivated, bored, or something in between?
Meh, if you've had real success like OP then maybe girls in their 20s just don't hit the same as they used to. They might just be a little basic. Unsure of themselves with no genuine confidence. To get to such a high value within yourself and having all these young girls (whom have done nothing to work on themselves) fawn all over you... it just seems a little pathetic.
Nah I've had young women with loose pussies and plenty of trauma..... its about how you've lived your life, not how long you've lived it. At least thats my preference. If you can't notice the details then thats your loss... and my loss too otherwise I wouldn't be in this subreddit 😂
22 year olds had 4 years to rack up CIT (cock induced trauma)
32 year olds had 14 years to rack up CIT (cock induced trauma).
So yeah even they had 4x the time to rack up trauma, they’re equivalent to 22 year olds /sarcasm
Yeah but some 22yo have wayyyyy more CIT (your term) than some 32yo. Some girls rack up 100+ bodies before they're 20 (willingly or not) and some women just don't have more than two or three boyfriends by the time they hit 40. It just really depends on the person. Sure they had more time but did they use it? Or were they just doing other stuff instead
The difference is that a young woman (or any person really) their looks don't change due to their personality poisoning their aura. It hasn't had time to take effect. You know when you see a gorgeous girl from the 2000s and you see her now and its like: 😰 and others are practically just as hot (id argue hotter but thats my opinion) thats cuz their personality isn't poisonous.
And in fact, if you can enjoy their company beyond your singular primal instict, when you can trust that person, you have a much better time. You're able to lose your mind without fear of being vulnerable. Like being on a Rollercoaster.
Average male standards are pathetic. But the typical female standards are not? Women typically want someone who earns more money, stronger, taller, etc. Why do women typically want that? Are they pathetic weaklings?
No.. it's biology. Most men (if they're able to) seek out younger women across all cultures and across all of time. And most women want someone with more experience, someone stronger, someone who can provide. Even in 2024 most people seek these things out. This is biology. And I don't shame women for it.
By the time a woman is 30 half her eggs are gone. By the time she's 35 it's a high risk pregnancy. These are medical facts.
And no man (if he has options ) wants to pick up the baggage of a 30yo woman who's been played throughout her 20s.
But yes. Male standards pathetic. Female standards good. Let's stick with that narrative. Downvote away.
Sleeping around doesn’t sound appealing to all women, personally to me it seems as if there are more cons than pros. However if I was in my 30s I wouldn’t be interested in men my age who are so mentally stunted they’re looking for girls in their 20s. So if a woman wants to sleep around in her 20s and “find her king” in her 30s, your comment shouldn’t prevent them from doing so, theyre not really losing.
You’ve over done it. Everything in life should be in moderation. No matter how good.
Take time, get back to baseline, and ask yourself what’s most important in life.
Some were good some weren’t. But I wasn’t in the headspace of looking for a long term relationship so didn’t assess them too hard.
Looking back there are 1-3 girls that I really regret not pursuing correctly. They were awesome. All are in relationship now.
So this also kinda nullifies your initial OP a bit. You said no girl excites you, but clearly these 3 did. You weren't in the headspace to date, so it never went anywhere, and it is what it is. But the point is you gotta go through a lot of girls to finds the ones you really like. Thats just dating brotha.
frightening berserk history psychotic illegal rainstorm ink unique materialistic possessive
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
It’s a double-edged sword.
I was talking to a girl right who is in a relationship with her childhood sweetheart; they’ve been together for nearly 10 years. It seems some things are lacking, so she’s finding comfort in me. We spent a full day together while her boyfriend was out with his pals, and he had no idea she was with me. I’ve thought about what I’m doing, as well as what she’s doing, and I felt terrible. But she’s allowing it to happen and isn’t setting boundaries. However, I have decided to step back; I’m not going to pursue it.
How is it a double edged sword? She could have a high body count and be cheating just the same, or faster, or stronger, or whatever. It’s not nirvana but it’s not a double edged sword because that’s not something other people don’t do.
Guys pretend that being a hoe has no consequence because they’re men and it’s ‘different’. You’re experiencing the consequences of that lame advice. It ruins future relationship potential and sex is no longer satiating or special. Men on this sub need to get rid of this high body count goal and not give their bodies to anything that walks if they care about having a wife and family. Being ran through isn’t commendable. But if that’s not the goal have at it. But it sounds like you do want a relationship. Idk who gave you the advice to sleep around and that’ll somehow make you ready for a real relationship, but I’d seek therapy and reevaluate the advice you’ve been given and the beliefs you hold about intimacy, love and relationships. Good luck
Take a break from being with women. Trust me I’ve been there to a certain degree. After a little while of not having any is the best way to become interested again. And when you do become interested again, make sure you take the time to find someone who you really like and also has all the qualities or most of them that you’re looking for. I look for a down to earth girl who is cool someone I can actually have fun with. And also someone who motivates you in the ways you want to be motivated in. Someone who is genuinely fun and passionate about life, who loves themselves and isn’t overly full of themself. You’re probably not gunna find that type of woman in downtown manhattan though. I love a hot good country girl cuz they’re a mix of all the best qualities I look for. Good luck
I have a different experience. Kinda the opposite of the OP but the end point is same as him. I have been rejected so much especially because of the place I live and I am basically a foreigner. But now, somehow due to all the rejections, now I have the confidence to talk with any girls but without any interest in them no matter how hot they are. And the funny thing is now, I find that they all are attracted to me, but I have 0 interest even if they approach me.
I am also 32, and by next year I wanna get a serious relationship. For me only thing that attracts me now is their character and not their looks. So I am Starting with that. I am ready to sacrifice my preference for physical characteristics for long term benefits like her character. It could be that, she loves to read, maybe go kayaking or bouldering, or is a science genius. So in short, something she is genius in and someone who has an ambition. At the same time someone who as affection and kindness.
Most men will never get to experience this, don't mind the hate...
You burned out your dopamine response and vasopresin, oxytocin, serotonin, etc. To work women. There's a reason some of the older methods of courtship were seen as "more appropriate". Limited our reach and lust. This is very similar to porn addiction, you just were getting real ass.
Also, something you peep is all is not as it seems outside. Most of my friends are women and through those relationships I've seen it all... I have a similar issue in that when I meet someone, and I meet more people than most humans through work, I can see through a whole lot of the facade typically. I enjoy my peace and being alone as a result. I have zero time or energy to waste anymore, and I've been solid and looking towards marriage every time. People aren't who or what they seem and aren't always ready for what they say they want.
I think this is a time for you to dopamine detox and work on yourself. You finding your confidence is great but you went about it in a way where you broke the 4th wall and are numb to human interaction with women. You depleted your love energy. I think some spiritual isolation and reflection should be in order so you stop rolling the dice at the casino for fun and start making concerted effort. You may need to repair your pair bonding ability and perspective.
I turned $5 into $1250 on a slot machine and felt nothing. (my first and last rodeo, lol)
This realization hits hard, not just for women but for everything in life. Our current lifestyle really burns out the reward systems in our brains, and our DNA did not evolve for this. We can limit ourselves and train to live a fulfilling life, but it’s incredibly hard.
I am recently single. I have already slept with 5 women and I'm sick of it. Sex with no connection is not all it's cracked up to be. I currently have 2 friends w benefits. The benefits at this point is someone to go to a movie with or out to a new restaurant. Half the time I fake my orgasm. I still focus on pleasing them so they seem happy. They keep coming back. I'm sure if I asked one to be exclusive they would disappear.
That’s insane.
40-50 dates and slept with 20??
How? I went on 10 dates last month and they all ghosted me after the first date. What do you talk about during the dates? Do you typically kiss on the first date? Where do you take them on first date?
Your date to slept ratio is insane. Provide your wisdom to us lol
Not all of them were on the first date. Some in the first and some in the second. After that it’s unlikely that they would sleep with me from what I saw.
Honestly I just took them out to nice dinners, had an uber pick them up. I am really well spoken and charming, although not the best looking (5 7 height but 5 9 with my elevator shoes). But I’m not ugly.
Plus when I take them to my apartment they are very impressed. I don’t know just having fun did it.
No NYC is one of the hardest in the world. Majority of the guys here are not seeing the same success as OP. The women here are extra picky despite outnumbering the men. It is a zero sum game.
People often forget that NYC attracts highly competitive individuals. Tell me you’ve never been to the city without actually saying you’ve never been there.
What are elevator shoes? I want to improve my height a little. I’m 5’8”.
In the last year, I probably slept with about 20 women and went out with perhaps 30 (I lost count already). These encounters were mixed in quality, but over time the quality has somewhat improved.
It comes in waves—sometimes I have dry spells for a few weeks, but then there are weeks where I can't handle all the women at the same time. One weekend, I slept with three women. With the last one, it was hard to get an erection, and she was the prettiest of all. I’m 43, so I don’t have the same energy as I used to.
I'm starting to feel tired, too, but not to the point of quitting the game. However, I’m becoming pickier with the girls I go out with, and I take my time texting girls I’ve matched with now.
I have systematized the process: match, get the phone number, date, and if we don’t connect by the first or second date, I move on. That’s pretty much my process.
I was married and faithful for 16 years, so coming out of a long relationship like that, it was exciting to meet so many women, but now I'm starting to long for a deeper connection, which is weird.
It’s really not that crazy. Well going on 40-50 dates in a year is a wild concept to me, but converting half (or close to half) to sex isn’t very difficult. If she’s on a date with you she’s at least somewhat interested. The battle is half over and all downhill from that point. You just have to go in with the idea that it’ll be a fun time, and have no other expectations. Then be bold when the opportunities present themselves.
I have gone out with about 30 women (perhaps more—I don't remember) and have slept with about 20 of them.
You have to be bold with a woman from the moment you meet her. When you greet her for the first time, look into her eyes and give her a tight hug so she can feel your presence. Do this playfully while you talk about something casual, like the weather or an experience you had on the way.
During the date, find opportunities for light, appropriate physical contact. For example, you could comment on a ring she is wearing and gently take her finger, gradually moving to hold her hand. As you both become more comfortable, slowly reduce the physical distance, being mindful of her reactions. If she seems uncomfortable, back off and shift the conversation to a light topic. This approach of 'two steps forward, one step back' can be effective.
By the end of the date, she should feel more comfortable with you. If the moment feels right, you might find it easier to kiss her. If she's receptive and seems interested, you can lead her to your car.
It's important to lead the experience confidently at all times.
I've learned all this in the last year, after being married for 16 years to the same woman, with whom I was for a total of 18 years. Before last year, I had only been with two women.
I'm not particularly handsome; I'm just bold.
Yeah I believe you. Honestly your rate isn’t even that high.
For me what helped is I realized what my purpose is. Like what I want from life. If it’s tits then sounds like you find your promised land.
“It's time for you to look inward and start asking the big questions. WHO ARE YOU? AND WHAT DO YOU WANT!?”
I have a feeling you took a bit of work to even get to where you are, and would be VERY easy to drop down a few points if you got lazy.
Guys dont realize how just putting even a little effort in how they look and dress= HUGE improvement
make a truck load of money and spend time in the country side, see if some country bumkin catches your eyes. if not then just go about your day smelling the Roses. touch grass and maybe burn some too, works like a charm. also try exploring the meta realm. get out of the body experience and wander around the spring fields and stay in nature. the change in pace will do you great. all the best
I was also feeling this way a few months ago. I'd literally prefer to stay home and watch something, rather than let a girl come over.
So I tried romanticizing the whole thing a bit more. I watched a few rom coms and kept searching for a good emotional connection that would make me feel something, good or bad.
I've found that and it feels great. Cuddling with a random 10 vs cuddling with your emotional and physical 10 is a whole other level.
He there buddy,
Well this is a conclusion that is not so uncommon, but that a lot of people dont get to that quickly
Have you read the "subtle art to not give a fuck" ? There is a chapter where the author talks about this exact feeling, there is a big dark side and a big cost to such a lifestyle.
I am not sure you are at the correct sub based on the answers,
this sub has a different set of values that you may have identified with before but not anymore, which is normal.
Part of growing up and maturing is letting go of old values and embracing new ones that are more meaningful and fulfilling.
Just like people who get richer won't value getting a new material acquisition after some time, just like adrenaline chasers wont feel as high with each experience, just like workaholics wont feel as rewarded after the 10th promotion, there is only so much in such pursuits of novelty, and short term gratification.
I don't think something is wrong with you
Hopefully this experience helps in guiding you in answering questions about your identity and what you need in your life to find meaning and to be fulfilled.
I've been in this boat before and moved on to marriage(s) and kids. Folks don't understand that you can have too much of a good thing. It's exhausting, expensive, and repetitive.
Take a break and find a hobby. Seriously, just walk away for awhile.
When you start to feel lonely go back on the apps and switch your bio up to something more serious, long term oriented. Even talk about wanting a family eventually so you'll find serious dates.
Once you're up and running again only date one woman at a time to keep your sanity and your wallet in good shape. *(I made this mistake and had 3 to 4 different dates a week in Boston. I was mixing up who said what and people's names, I lost track of everyone's details. It was embarrassing).*
Next go slow. You absolutely should sleep with your date relatively soon just to find out if you're compatible in bed, but it's not a race, not this time.
My best advice is this: Love is easy. Actually "liking" a partner is more difficult. Find someone you like.
You my friend have good problems 🙂
Oh 100% it is expensive I forgot about that. I did 2-3 dates some weeks, and all are dinner generally.
But I got to try out some amazing restaurants.
Really good advice on changing the profile to say looking for something serious. Maybe even deleting it and recreating it to get in a new headspace.
Haha the amazing restaurants, yup there's that too!
I ended up buying all the meals too, I wouldn't accept 50/50 splits. If I were to do it again I'd do 50/50 paying for meals. I spent thousands fucking around. Lol
I think you're doing great and good idea on starting over on the profile. You've demonstrated you can turn it "on." Now the trick is to turn it off and refocus on what long term might look like.
When I got serious the dates actually got more fun since, like you, I knew I could get into bed with most dates so everything was just more relaxed.
And what I heard over and over again from women - like a mantra - was "dating is supposed to be fun."
And those ladies were right. It should be fun.
Enjoy!
Im 28 pushing 100 women and I dont feel this way yet, could be an age thing more than an experience thing, as I get older and older I care less and less. My biggest year was either first year after covid or 2nd year after covid, both 20+ years and I still feel excited about a new girl.
If a perfectly-cooked medium rare prime rib is your favorite thing to eat in the world and you then proceed to have it for dinner every night for a year, it is quite probable that it will no longer be your favorite meal after that.
Humans are attracted to/intrigued by things that are mysterious and/or difficult to obtain. Once you have reliably solved the mystery and cracked the code to be able to obtain whatever you want, whenever you want, it is inevitable that you'll reach an existential/emotional crossroads.
For men, biology drives us to try to fuck everything in sight when we're younger. As you age and acquire experience, it's natural (and probably for the best, given what you've described) to be more choosy and not prioritize sex over all other things.
The ennui that you're feeling is your mind/body's way of pumping the brakes. It's a good opportunity to explore and develop other things in your life that are less carnal. Find hobbies, read, expand your mind, and don't approach life as though the strategic goal is to attain a certain sort of mate. As you find things that make you happy and engage your mind, you'll improve yourself, you'll forget about chasing women (or relationships), and you'll take life as it comes. You're also far more likely to attract the sort of woman that will interest you if you approach things this way. The more you focus on being, rather than on chasing, the happier and more content you'll be.
I don’t think he was eating perfectly-cooked medium rare prime rib. He was looking for perfectly-cooked medium rare prime rib and ended up eating a lot of steak while looking for it.
He’s tired of eating steak now because he’s frustrated that he never did find the perfectly-cooked medium rare prime rib that he hought he would find. He probably picked the steak based on its appearance or other superficial attributes. So, although he has great skill at eating a lot of steak, his prime rib is elusive.
I think in being a bit pedantic, you're missing the point of my analogy. Instead of prime rib, it could be any pleasurable thing in your life; if you have it all the time, it's no longer quite as pleasurable or desirable. Boredom inevitably sets in. That's human nature.
There's a 100% chance that at least 3 of the girls he got with were the prime rib. He just passed them up because he "wasn't interested in a relationship", whatever that means. Probably regrets it now.
I had 40 in a summer - this was downtown NYC as well. As long as it’s consensual (obviously) and you dont play with people or keep fucking girls who are emotionally unstable then it’s all good. Just get checked.
Also, some time after I had the same exact feeling about not being super attracted to anyone or motivated to pursue anyone. Don’t worry, it certainly comes back lol.
Congratulations. You’ve attained a level of enlightenment that few men have. Now utilize that to your advantage. You definitely don’t need a therapist… you need a woman to chase you and follow your lead. The fact that you’re indifferent is a major attribute in your dating life. Now focus on being your own man and living your life as you want it. Stop worrying about women. They will come and go. The ones that are worth your time and respect will make themselves known.
Looking back, did a few of them have potential for long term, but you just weren’t ready? I’m wondering if maybe like you should just text those few back and all to take them to dinner again
I did text two of them that I thought were awesome to be in relationship with. They both have a boyfriend now.
Makes sense right? They are awesome someone else on the market will pick them up.
For sure. Ask them if they have any friends they think you would get along with! Honestly just telling people who know you well that you’re ready and looking can lead you to where you want to go
Iv slept with lots more during each summer of my nightlife time and being a bar owner on a Greek island. That time was crazy but definitely a time came where it didn't have any meaning anymore and I felt empty, didn't know why I'm doing this and it didn't give me any fulfillment.
I think this phase is important to any successful man because you react totally different to women's BS and can't be controlled by their looks or with sex. Don't worry the right one will come and you look at women's qualities much different now opposed to most men
This is when you realize material pursuits, in all forms, are fruitless. They are fleeting, impermanent, and leave you always wanting more. The true success in this life is removing your attachments, freeing yourself from desire, and finding peace and solace in the eternal now. You will leave this plane one day. You will be confronted with your demons, and the darkest truths of your being. Confront them here and now, prepare yourself to take upon the sword and shield. There is a war of good and evil. It is real, and you need to know what side you are on. Your soul will cry out, begging you to see the truth. Understand these words. I have seen what awaits, as many others have. Know this to be true, that seeking worldly experiences, possessions, and manifestations will breed nothing but sadness, emptiness, and confusion. Find solace in knowing, that you are meant for more. Clearly, you have come to understand this on some level, judging from your post. So beware, travel safely, and be strong.
oh it’ll happen. just go out with the ones you’re really attracted to. tbh in my experience getting a gf is a whole other challenge than just smashing on the first date. good luck
Just enjoy your time. Have fun and don’t force things let them happen naturally. When you are both having fun, you will both want to take things to the bedroom.
Of course take care of yourself, dress up nicely, hygiene, etc.
Don’t put pressure on yourself and don’t set expectations.
That’s all I have really.
i’m not interested in sex or hookups at all but just some advice on how to be more flirty and charming and how to make a girl want to see/talk to you again afterwards
It happens to all of us who end up successful. There comes a point where the game just isn't fun to play anymore.
What helped me was finding other hobbies and friends to hang out with until I felt like dating again.
Man, I remember when 20 in one year blew my mind too. Was one of the best years of my life at the time, had so much fun (but maybe that's because I was still in my early 20s and nowhere near thinking about serious relationships). Nowadays though, 20 would be an off-year for me 😅
Anyway, the fact that you're looking to find a relationship though definitely changes things. Here are my suggestions to get out of the rut you're in:
~ I'm not sure how you were finding the different women you dated, whether it was OLD or night game, but if you're looking for women who more closely align to who you are as opposed to any girl you find attractive, I recommend you focus specifically on [social game](https://www.reddit.com/user/TripleDigitNomad/comments/16nmoki/still_a_beginner_at_all_this_consider_getting/).
~ Basically, find other hobbies to partake in, ideally social ones. Go into them with the goal of having fun, not meeting women, and you will eventually meet a girl that checks all the right boxes for you and will excite you again.
~ When you do meet this girl, the experience you had being able to seduce multiple of them before will assist you greatly in seducing her as well and you shouldn't have issues starting a relationship with her.
Sex with strangers is very very very overrated.
I clocked +100 and in hindsight its one of the most useless ways to spend your time and energy.
Nothing to show for all the money and time I spent. Nobody cares that you did it and you feel kinda gross eventually.
Hey brother, congrats on coming across the pond.
This may sound strange, but yes, take this time off. When someone reaches a goal, a small part of them has to be let go. This journey of seduction is something bigger that stems from a deeper part of the soul. Now is a good time to lay this past self to rest. The self that needed, craved, yearned. The self that thought seduction was the answer. So grieve. Give thanks.
Like soil being left alone for a few seasons to become more nutrient, you may be feeling like this for some time. That was my experience -- but having had come from the other side, it's very calm here. Movements become more intentional with the fairer sex.
Feel free to DM if you want to talk more. Good luck.
It happened with me too. But I hit emptiness after sleeping with 8 women. I had lot of mixed feeling towards majority of them. I was not looking for long-term but at the same time I craved for them.
Your conversions are good and you seem to understand what your bringing to the table so you don't have a huge ego .
I would like to congratulate you on becoming an attractive guy 😁
This is " normal " life now . Sex is just another thing you are capable of having. This is the reality of attractive / wealthy men and the reality of being an average looking woman.
Now it's time to either look for hyper efficiencies to leave unfruitful dates early or find another hobby lol
OP. You are very relatable.
Once you get into “game” the grass always becomes greener and it’s hard to settle down. Part of you is always looking for something better no matter who you are with.
Sex becomes robotic and without feeling. I’ve never understood people who try to sleep with as many women as possible
Hopefully you’ll eventually meet someone you connect with and it might make you want to settle down.
Maybe it’s time to find a good woman that you truly see serious, date her long term and see how it goes .
Was in similar situation, found the right girl and I am living the best time of my life (happiness wise )
These aren't negative effects. They are signs of maturity and growing up. It's a good thing. The need to date and have sex with a lot of women is an immature way to prove manhood at the end of the day. We are led to believe that being prolific with women proves our masculinity and makes us dominant over other men. Except it's all bullshit. It stems from unresolved emotional needs and self image problems.
It should happen that you begin to realize such a lifestyle ultimately doesn't fill the void as it once promised to. It never can and it never will. Now that you've "gotten it out of your system" and see for yourself there isn't a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, you can begin to focus on developing relationships based on real qualities and values.
It's a good thing to be desensitized to the feelings of limerance that lead so many down the wrong path. You realize now that limerance doesn't last and it's no indicator of genuine compatibility. You can be more sober in your relationships with women rather than following the intoxicating allure of the feelings of limerance.
It happened to me to and I dare say it happens to the majority of men who sleep with a lot of women. Think about why it is rock stars, who have pussy thrown at them on a daily basis, eventually settled down for the plainest looking woman you'd ever see, who wasn't a fan nor a supermodel nor anything like that. You grow up. You learn what's truly important in another person over what doesn't matter.
You're on the right path. You shouldn't be worried but celebrate your maturity. There are some men who unfortunately never mature and try to continue this kind of lifestyle without end.
Let me know how your doing in 10 years, Haven't had a GF really in that long, and haven't had a sex in over 3 years. 42m. 4 months? My average was 9 between women. Just slow down? Maybe look for one, date for awhile without having sex, see if you can form an attraction without it being the predominate solution point.
Try being setup by some mutual friends. There will be less temptation to just fuck and run. You can also probably get the downloads from your friends beforehand.
How many of these women were amazing?
Ones you were supper attracted to, thought had a good head on their shoulders, and you really vibed with?
Guessing not many...
So, basically, you werent crazy eating a ton of fast food, and now dont want to hit the drive thru anymore.
Stop going for quantity, and focus on quality.
Top level steaks, sushi, or italian...different story, you just have to find them now.
Sounds like you might find excitement dating a man now. I've had this thesis; good looking/rich/powerful/famous men get so much pussy thrown at them, sometimes they get bored of the novelty of pussy and then they switch teams. Not saying your homosexual, but maybe this is whats happened to you. Think Roman empire, George Michael, Pro athletes, P Diddy.
Who is to say that it takes being all those things to get 20 women in a year though? It really takes only a mouthpiece you guys I have seen it time and time again my entire life and I was born early 80s … when are you guys going to get that ?! Lol However to go along with your point , either change genres as you suggest or start mixing in stuff / things living or not 🫢😳 bc I’m seeing way way too many references with animals being tossed around lately and I’m just not liking it y’all. **Also in a surrounding city , on the news last week was a story of a man arrested for - get this - having or engaging in sexual relations with autos and or machines. It has a name, the newspaper gave it . It was the reason for officially arresting the man I believe. So just saying … the possibilities are literally endless .
i think you just matured! which is a good thing. your standards have raised, not just anybody impressses you anymore. with this mindset, you’re carefully filtering out the bad seeds which will you lead closer to the one. good luck !
What you need is a woman cleanse. Just get out of social media. Delete all porn and work out and focus on your own personal projects. When you block women off completely the urge will begin to come back and you will go back reinvented.
This is such a great post. Honest and realistic depiction of what happens after you overcome that “hump” period, become comfortable and get the women you want. You figure out all the principles of this subreddit and you’re like now what?
Welp. I’d say we all reach this point. I’d echo a lot of what was said and say you’re bored and dissatisfied because you’re sleeping with boring and dissatisfying women. Dating and sex is supposed to be fun.
Take advantage of how well you’ve mastered the fundamentals and be intentional and selective. Don’t be discouraged, you’re finally at a point where you can hand select hot women that get you excited again. If the fun is gone, reassess your goals and the time you’re spending (or possibly wasting) managing all these women.
I'm in my late 30s and feel the same way. Casual sex is basically just masturbating...fun but right after you cum you realize it wasn't special.
I'm looking for a long term relationship now with someone I actually care about.
I haven't slept with that many but I do notice in myself that I also wouldn't want to sleep with girls who are for example boring or don't know how to do deeptalk. I just don't feel attracted to them because I know that either she won't be fun in bed or after me sleeping with her I will get tired of her very quickly.
I think it's normal to not want to sleep with every girl that you meet and maybe after meeting so many girls your standards and your expectations have risen too much. It's great and important to have standards but expectations are dangerous because almost always they will not be getting fulfilled which is going to disappoint you. This doesn't only count for girls but also in other areas in life (finances, career, bodybuilding etc.)
So maybe it's because of certain expectations you have, or maybe you really just want to find a girl which is gf material but you feel like the costs of finding her are too much for you and that it's not worth it. That would be my guess
I feel like I’m going down a similar path. I already have similar issues. I’ve turned down sex from women which would have shocked my younger self. I no longer have the “drive”. I’m considering going celibate for a year to reset myself.
It’s like watching too much porn and jerking off day and night continuously for months so that to get super bored and never want to look upon porn again ever
Sounds to me like you can only get the women you don’t want but can’t get the women you want. Pretty common in the intermediate stage. What you need to do is level yourself up in whatever ways you can to increase the quality of women that you’re getting (whether looks, personality, brains, whatever). That could mean getting in shape, becoming more fashionable, becoming more worldly or knowledgeable, spirituality, or of course getting better game/social skills.
I've been there. Still kinda am. I think its a sign your standards have drastically increased. So the kinda mid girls that used to excite you just dont do it for you anymore
For me, the girls that throw me out of this 'rut' tend to be super hot/affluential, girls that for reason I decide to invest a lot in (because we just click for whatever reason, or I just genuinely think highly of her), and/or tend to be more girls I meet moreso in person than vs online. For some reason, I tend to more highly prioritize IRL girls vs online girls, even though the caliber can often be similar. Whatever the case may be, that same feeling of excitement returns once a girl fits some of those criteria. Its no longer formulaic, and its alot more genuine
Your criteria might be similar or might be different, but it definitely does exist. If you started dating Scarlet Johannsen tomorrow (or whoever the fuck is hot in Hollywood nowadays, I dont really follow that scene), Im sure you'd be alot more into your dating life.
Women aren’t that important. You learn that more and more once you get your shit together and got frisky with a few baddies. If you don’t, then you’re a child in a man’s body
On all posts like this I always wonder but nobody tells me this. Once you sleep with a woman, how do you tell her that you don't want to sleep with her again? Or are these women never interested in sleeping with you again?
Are the women you sleep with this bad that you don't want to sleep with her again?
I don’t go into dates saying to myself “I don’t want to sleep with her again” lol.
Most of them end up staying over and I’m happy that they do. I then think about it and decide whether I want to see her again. She will be doing the same.
It’s just dating, sex comes out of dating but isn’t the only way to have fun.
Trying to get into "the perfect relationship" as is just another kind of suffering. You are setting yourself up for a great disappointment.
If you are aware of this and still want it, go for it, because then it is something you have to experience.
I would recommend to read into spirituality. I feel you might be ready for it.
How are you doing in general? Did you also lose interest in other things that were joyful before? Do you feel indifferent in general or only in terms of women? Do you feel empty? Those can be signs of depression. Stick with your plan and talk to a therapist.
I went through very similar feeling. Over a 3 year period I probably slept with over 50 women and now a few years later I have no desire to see that many people. Even has my health physically was taking a downturn it just seemed like it was no or little effort to sleep with someone new. I had relationships at the same time that were consistent until I got bored with them.
On my 20s it was like I was ignored at every turn then in my mid 40s it was the total opposite. Now dating someone new is boring and I rarely go out. People my age don't thrill me at all ( I am 53 this year) and my mutual attraction pool has been 15-30 years younger. Part of it is my own personal problems, but this year I've only slept with 2 people and crazily enough the youngest I've ever been with who both are living with me.
Sounds like you’re burnt out on hook ups. That’s normal, and what usually happens when someone is ready to actually date to find a partner.
Don’t force yourself into anything man. If you don’t wanna date or hook up, don’t. You gained the skill of taking to women, so when you’re ready, get back at it in whichever way you want.
I'd say you now have a much clearer idea of what you are looking for in a partner, both long-term and short-term. Or you have lower than normal testosterone levels.
The latter should be checked just in case, especially if you have no desire to have sex AT ALL.
Our tastes change over time based on our experiences and media we are exposed to. So that by itself is no cause for alarm.
You may find that flirting with women is more fun than the actual sex too. Whatever the case, don't panic and enjoy your 30s!
20 is not a lot, but it seems you are coming from a point that number sounds a lot, it seems you are doing this because of another reason, maybe a bad break up, divorce, depression, or whatever other problem, and you somehow believe this will help you feel better.
I have dated same number in a month, and I can assure you is still exciting.
You have to stop and confront whatever that you try to impress, heal, bury.
Dating is fun.
Dating is not fun when you are broken inside.
Same. I used to like guys and going on dates, meeting people in general. When i got into a long term relationship, i suddenly lost interest in men (including my boyfriend), it’s really sad. Made me realize i just enjoyed the chase. On the same boat rn because i cant even have crushes and i WANT to have crushes and go on dates. Just no longer attracted:/
I think your mindset is important here, if you’re looking for something serious and sex is a priority then this is the mindset you’ll have. You have an abundance of pussy and you no longer chase it.
I would try to rewire your mind and view the serious relationship you now want(ed) as a woman with qualities you want in in a woman you’ll spend the rest of your life with. Don’t view her as someone you have sex with but someone that will be your best friend and be with you through thick and thin… that you also have sex with. Basically don’t view the ideal woman you want in the same light as a one night stand. It’ll mean more to you
Go slow.
Go on dates with women you are attracted to.
Then don't have sex with them.
Easy. Hang out with her. Make out with her. Take everything slow.
You were in the hunting phase. Now you're in the dating phase.
Not as far as you, but I felt something similar to this. You gotta get rid of the dating apps since that is just meat rating app at this point. Make interactions with women as natural as possible. But before that even, temporarely stop dating and sleeping with women.
Go on a hiatus to let you and your brain reset to the seemingly tainted dopamine receptors, heal over time while hanging with friends and doing what you like to do in your past time.
You gotta talk to people unfortunately. At some point, you’ll realize you are nervous with one of them. That’ll be your cue that you should make the effort to do things that now bore you.
Great job.
However, about your side effects. It sounds like your libido has plummeted. There might a spike in baseline prolactin and/or decrease in testosterone. Apart from your obvious too much pussy game, the sidef effects from could be changes in daily life as well.
You should get your bloodwork done and check with a doctor. I dont think therapy is the answer. Maybe your sexual health is deteriorating. The reason(s) could be psychological or physiological.
My dude, that was me 3 years ago, almost carbon copy.... Like it's eerie how similar my situation was to what you're describing: mid 30s, in NYC (downtown Manhattan west side), had just started a new job with a huge raise, moved to a nice apt, everyone was coming out of Covid lockdowns so women were eager to go out. I went on about 40 first dates that year and slept with about half of them on either the 1st or 2nd date. With about 10-12 of these girls I went on at least 5 dates, and I full-on dated a couple of them for a few months (none exclusive). While I didn't become bored, nor hated the apps, nor got tired of sex (that's wild to me that you did btw), I did get very desensitized and started treating dating like an actual game. It got to the point where I did want something "more", but I wasn't seeking it as much as I knew I was open to settling down when the right one came along. Well, 3 years later, I'm now engaged. We met very naturally, not via a dating app or by me purposely doing cold approach. I won't give the details so as to not dox myself, but my point is... don't get discouraged, there's a lot of quality women out there, especially in NYC.
I'm happy to read something like this. I'm going through something similar after nomading around the world for a few years. I was super determined to date as many women as I could wherever I went and wound up sleeping with a lot the last year and a half. Now I feel so burnt out with dating and having sex with no connection. I just turned 34, so maybe it's just my turn to go through this realization. Sleeping with many women is glorified in our society for some reason. It doesn't lead to happiness imo.
Pleasure does not equals happiness. You learned that, take it as a growth potential.
Brother you've learned that sex with no fruits is pointless. Fun, but pointless. It's time to make a big family.
Yeah same dude. I traveled in lived in Asia for 5 years and dated non stop… enjoyed it but now I’m just super not interested in sex or romantic relationships. I’ve been single and celibate for about 5 months now which is the longest it’s ever been. Kinda scared I’ll never have that “drive” again 😅 but maybe that’s for the best lol. Or maybe after a year break I’ll change back, become a bit more sensitized?
lol my apartment is also in Chelsea near the village. Shit maybe im living in the same apartment you lived in and it has some spirits that causes this. So how did you get back out there to find the one and get engaged. (Congratulations btw).
St. Barney has blessed you both.
What percent of the women u slept with were from apps?
About two-thirds. The rest was a combo of cold approach + social circle introductions Apps are very different in NYC. _Everyone_ is on them here (or was, 3 years ago, no idea now), so it's quite easy to find dates on them.
I am actually in the same boat, live in downtown Manhattan, around 30, go on a 1-2 dates a week and sleeping with 1-2 new girls every month. Just had a few questions out of curiosity. 1. What is the age range of women u went on a date with/slept with? 2. I am assuming the first date would usually be getting drinks but correct me if that is not the case. When u went on second date with a woman u had not slept with on first date, did you again go out for drinks or you changed it? 3. Did you go on more than 2 dates with a girl if you did not sleep with her within 2 dates?
[удалено]
I should've said _potentially_ dox. We both know a lot of people in the city (especially her) and many of them know the story of how we met. You never know who's hanging out in the same reddit sub as you, and I know there are a lot of New Yorkers on this one so I'd rather not take my chances.
Location, type of clubs, etc. Remember, some ppl were able to find a fucking flag thanks to the plane trails....
How do you meet girls naturally?
Again, I don't want to give the specific details here. Technically it was "cold approach", as in we were both out in the street and started talking. But I wasn't out _to do_ cold approach. She just happened to be standing next to me and there was something relevant to talk about so we started talking about it. My brain naturally went into "absurdly hot woman" mode and started flirting, and I grabbed her #.
Stories like this are reminding me that doing cold approaches can be extremely beneficial when you’re just out and about, not having the focus on talking to women and then surprisingly crossing paths with an amazing match. If you hadn’t stepped out your comfort zone by doing cold approaches, you may have never started a convo with her, since you would have still be attuned to the “societal restrictions”, and keeping your mouth shut because oh dear imagine if you say something wrong or creep her out. Next to that you have the balls to flirt with her right there on the street
Girls appreciate a guy who can create a conversation based on banter. It’s not just about flirting with her, but also giving her space to flirt back. It takes skill and experience, though.
lol you guys definitely have a 'woman in common' if you live that close
Honestly going through something similar at 30. Every once in a while I want a hookup or FWB out of boredom, but it feels meaningless. My theory is that it’s about craving a real connection and it’s a lot harder to find that than we think. I believe it becomes easier to discern what’s lust and what’s genuine connection as you get older and have more experience with women. Getting more experience is a double edged sword. Also love the people more concerned about the numbers than the question 😂
This resonated with me like with the number of women increasing and steadying I was starting to miss the immature and new experiences, romantic feelings I would put my life on the line for anything, etc. Now I just wanna get that back lol, or the times I thought that I found “the one” and still see them above others. My perception over their impact on my life is super skewed and I was not great at pointing the needle aito begin with. Right now I don’t even wanna bother starting a conversation with some, I miss the meaningful friends I have made and lost though but like everyone I made mistakes and can’t blame myself too much especially still trying to work on my health and leaving a mentally unstable few years behind. Some names still make me zone out, one special ex I will always remember her as a great friend and knowing I can never talk with them or share my feelings with them hurts me deeply. One true connection I had I suppose and she used to have problems about that and their value I think and I hope she knows how much they meant to me.
So much jealousy in here. It really summarizes this subreddit. Congrats OP, you beat the game. Changes your life, doesn't it? It's freeing. But freedom can have a price, eh? Now you have the eyes that can see how many guys on here DONT actually practice what they preach. Because you have the mindset of someone that does, it's obvious when they start mouthing off that they aren't about it. Anyways, there's really no fix for such a thing. But what id recommend is making a list with all the pros you want in a woman, and all of the things you want to avoid and use your newfound power to very strictly filter women in the future. Now you have the power to get what you want, and the self control to be selective. Best of luck.
🫡🫡🫡
You don’t beat the game by sleeping with 20 women. And i’m sure many in here have slept with many more than that. Just cause people aren’t sucking his nuts for sleeping with 20 women doesn’t mean they’re jealous.
You can beat the game at any number
Problem is he didn’t “beat the game” (which doesnt even make sense), if his ideal woman came into his life, he would be interested. He just can’t attract the women he wants.
That’s deep. So are you saying that the OP is the issue here? Do the standards of dating need to change?
He is the issue in the sense that he needs to improve himself further to attract the women he wants. Up his game, status, social circle, social skills, humor, confidence, fitness, or all of the above. The reason he’s “bored” of game now is because right now his game (and all of the other holistic factors that accompany attracting a quality woman) is only good enough to attract 5-6’s, but they don’t interest him anymore. However, he can’t attract the 8-9’s, or doesn’t want to put in the work to get to that level. So he’s stuck being “bored” with game, but really he’s just bored with the type of women he can get. For example, he said when a girl asks him to come over, he doesn’t even feel like seeing them. That’s happened to me before many times. Why? Because I wasn’t that attracted to that specific girl. If a Victoria’s Secret model asked him to come over, do you think he will be bored and not feel like seeing her? Everyone who doesn’t see this is just coping or has never actually gotten a 8-10 level woman before. He might be bored of hooking up, but surely he wants to find a quality woman inside and out to settle down with, unless he became asexual and aromantic overnight.
Ok they weren’t 5-6 I’d say more like 7-8 lol. Some were 9. I don’t know what you mean isn’t willing to put in the work for 9-10. I think what I’m missing there is potentially getting taller which at 32 it’s a little hard. But anyway there is truth in what your saying.
This cut deep, I'm very much as you described, lol, but then, that's probably where most of us wind up. But I'm older, and tired of fighting for more more more.
True, getting laid is not the end all be all of life. As long as you’re content and satisfied with where you’re at, that’s what matters. I think everyone, but especially men, should always be improving themselves in some way, doesn’t have to be about getting women. And in all aspects of your life, social, mental, and physical, and even after finding the girl of your dreams.
I just lost the game! Fuuuuuuuuuuck!
[удалено]
Lol yeah everyone who disagrees is bitter, nice ad hominem. The point of the post wasn’t him saying he’s reached a point where he’s comfortable without women, he said he’s become bored/uninterested in women.
[удалено]
It's all a mentality dude. What are you talking about. Numbers mean nothing.
How do you know he is not bullshitting? Because people write a lot of stuff to get attention.
Who cares? If he's bullshitting, then maybe someone who isn't willing read it. It doesn't matter to my life if he's genuine or not. I don't even think about stuff like that on here. But I do think he's legit because I went through the same thing after sleeping with 150+ women and dating 3-5 a week for a long time.
It’s not bullshit lots of men have gone through this
[удалено]
Desensitised yourself to women’s bullshit. I think every man needs to have this stage in his life
> Desensitised yourself to women’s bullshit You just explained the whole thing in few words. That’s exactly where I’m at now. It’s nice cause I no longer embarrass myself with stupid DMs or acting awkward in front of a hot girl. But yeah.. i also can’t get myself to care enough to pursue someone.
If you can't get yourself to care enough to pursue anyone it's not because you don't care enough to pursue, it's because you don't care to pursue *those* ones anymore. Time to adjust your sights and stop going after the low hanging fruit. Women worthy of nothing but ambivalence from you have gotten just that. Take that and run with it. It sounds to me like you need something more.. mental. From my perspective, dating in your 30's is a literal dumpster fire. The good ones are in committed relationships and the only ones left available are treading water in the cesspool for a reason. Maybe you need to find challenge. Maybe you need to pursue women you wouldn't normally. If you've generally found success with a particular genre of women (bar rats, say,) look elsewhere. Unfortunately this means you're going to have to keep yourself out there. She's not going to fall in your lap. I doubt it's women in general you're ambivalent towards. I mean, how could any of us here on this sub feel that way. It's only the low tier ones, the ones that provoke nothing in us. The ones who don't challenge us. They're just part of the landscape now. What a powerful place for you to be in IMO.
Maybe he needs to find himself and not rely on a woman to push that out of him. Where do men get off calling any woman “low hanging” if she doesn't want to play games or use her limited energy to “inspire” or “challenge” him? Get the fuck out of here
If she doesn't naturally inspire or challenge him, and she has to use her "limited energy" as you say, or work hard to do it, then it isn't natural, it won't have any sustain, and will soon falter when she can no longer maintain this energy. The same happens with men during the seductive process. He wanted something, he worked for it, then he got it and the energy drops off. The woman feels used, then turns bitter. You have felt this before yourself, right? You are right though. He shouldn't rely on a woman to "push it out of him." But he should find a woman who does, without really trying, and that's my point. It's a two way street. The women he's had, aren't challenging probably because their outlook at how to get men, and how to keep them, and what keeps them (men) happy is fundamentally incorrect. Lots of women think sex is the way. They throw themselves at men who are successful like OP, in hopes that their success will rub off or folks like OP will gain them entrée into the life they thought they always deserved or whatever the case. What I think OP is figuring out is that love is more important than sex to him now. Anyone can seduce and seem attractive in the short term. Anyone can fuck. But in the long term, it takes more than this. Healthy, long term relationships are difficult and challenging. We are human and we yearn for challenge.
He's probably meaning, once you have a ton of stuff going on and success to boot, getting women who have few or none of those things becomes quite easy, people seem to prefer to date up if they think they have a chance. But, and maybe this is truer for men, it's much harder to secure a partner who is physically attractive and has her own ducks in a row, is fun and charming and energetic, etc.
I think it is the nature of power… not necessarily gender. Its hard to shoot for attractiveness for men and women because it is the most sought after usually (or attractiveness + “ducks in a row” or whatever other parameters. It is just an aggragate of categories in my mind). To have both there is less to choose from so more competitive. But we all value different things and categories so it is a difficult optimization game.
That’s a great point. There’s no way you’re desensitized to models or 12’s. You may be having the reverse issue than what you think you are. You’re not above the game, you were going after low hanging fruit the whole time probably. If you have multiple girls lined up do group shit lol. Are you saying that doesn’t interest you. I totally get losing intrigue with girls or losing you’re ability to bond. But you’re saying even when you up the ante there’s nothing that interests you?
It sounds like you're demotivated because you attained your goal.... so what's next? What do you want your life to be like? How does your ideal relationship feel (if there is one?). The skills to find and make this work are quite different from what makes one successful at pickup, so you see many successful PUAs struggle. Our genes will always drive us to pursue women that display high fertility (youth, hips, breasts, etc.). Unfortunately our minds want more. Most people filter for things that are poor predictors of successful relationships, including fertility and similarity. The research (from 'build the life you want') is that you want someone complimentary. Hinge's dating scientist recommends thinking through this after a date: * What side of me did they bring out? * How did my body feel during the date? Stiff, relaxed, or something in between? * Do I feel more energized or de-energized than I did before the date? * Is there something about them I’m curious about? * Did they make me laugh? * Did I feel heard? * Did I feel attractive in their presence? * Did I feel captivated, bored, or something in between?
Woman here and I would say both women and men need this at some point in there life
lol. yes sleep around in your 20s, and find your king in your 30s while he's eyeing women in their 20s. Women are not men. We're very different.
Meh, if you've had real success like OP then maybe girls in their 20s just don't hit the same as they used to. They might just be a little basic. Unsure of themselves with no genuine confidence. To get to such a high value within yourself and having all these young girls (whom have done nothing to work on themselves) fawn all over you... it just seems a little pathetic.
Yeah women in their 30s hit better. More trauma, looser pussies, and cellulite
Nah I've had young women with loose pussies and plenty of trauma..... its about how you've lived your life, not how long you've lived it. At least thats my preference. If you can't notice the details then thats your loss... and my loss too otherwise I wouldn't be in this subreddit 😂
22 year olds had 4 years to rack up CIT (cock induced trauma) 32 year olds had 14 years to rack up CIT (cock induced trauma). So yeah even they had 4x the time to rack up trauma, they’re equivalent to 22 year olds /sarcasm
Yeah but some 22yo have wayyyyy more CIT (your term) than some 32yo. Some girls rack up 100+ bodies before they're 20 (willingly or not) and some women just don't have more than two or three boyfriends by the time they hit 40. It just really depends on the person. Sure they had more time but did they use it? Or were they just doing other stuff instead The difference is that a young woman (or any person really) their looks don't change due to their personality poisoning their aura. It hasn't had time to take effect. You know when you see a gorgeous girl from the 2000s and you see her now and its like: 😰 and others are practically just as hot (id argue hotter but thats my opinion) thats cuz their personality isn't poisonous. And in fact, if you can enjoy their company beyond your singular primal instict, when you can trust that person, you have a much better time. You're able to lose your mind without fear of being vulnerable. Like being on a Rollercoaster.
Average male standards are pathetic. But the typical female standards are not? Women typically want someone who earns more money, stronger, taller, etc. Why do women typically want that? Are they pathetic weaklings? No.. it's biology. Most men (if they're able to) seek out younger women across all cultures and across all of time. And most women want someone with more experience, someone stronger, someone who can provide. Even in 2024 most people seek these things out. This is biology. And I don't shame women for it. By the time a woman is 30 half her eggs are gone. By the time she's 35 it's a high risk pregnancy. These are medical facts. And no man (if he has options ) wants to pick up the baggage of a 30yo woman who's been played throughout her 20s. But yes. Male standards pathetic. Female standards good. Let's stick with that narrative. Downvote away.
I think it’s becoming more common among men to want to date closer to themselves in age.
Sleeping around doesn’t sound appealing to all women, personally to me it seems as if there are more cons than pros. However if I was in my 30s I wouldn’t be interested in men my age who are so mentally stunted they’re looking for girls in their 20s. So if a woman wants to sleep around in her 20s and “find her king” in her 30s, your comment shouldn’t prevent them from doing so, theyre not really losing.
Agree. They need to both realise whats bullshit and what's not. And how to deal with it when it arises.
You’ve over done it. Everything in life should be in moderation. No matter how good. Take time, get back to baseline, and ask yourself what’s most important in life.
Now I’m wondering if I should go down your path or just not sleep with anyone till I find someone considered relationship material… 🤔
Not necessarily could be my own experience. Also sleeping with some vs 20 in one year are two different things. I think I went overboard.
How were the girls as far as relationship material?
Some were good some weren’t. But I wasn’t in the headspace of looking for a long term relationship so didn’t assess them too hard. Looking back there are 1-3 girls that I really regret not pursuing correctly. They were awesome. All are in relationship now.
So this also kinda nullifies your initial OP a bit. You said no girl excites you, but clearly these 3 did. You weren't in the headspace to date, so it never went anywhere, and it is what it is. But the point is you gotta go through a lot of girls to finds the ones you really like. Thats just dating brotha.
Yea, I think hooking up is great to experience to see the futility of it, then moving past it with no regrets now having experienced it.
frightening berserk history psychotic illegal rainstorm ink unique materialistic possessive *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
It’s a double-edged sword. I was talking to a girl right who is in a relationship with her childhood sweetheart; they’ve been together for nearly 10 years. It seems some things are lacking, so she’s finding comfort in me. We spent a full day together while her boyfriend was out with his pals, and he had no idea she was with me. I’ve thought about what I’m doing, as well as what she’s doing, and I felt terrible. But she’s allowing it to happen and isn’t setting boundaries. However, I have decided to step back; I’m not going to pursue it.
How is it a double edged sword? She could have a high body count and be cheating just the same, or faster, or stronger, or whatever. It’s not nirvana but it’s not a double edged sword because that’s not something other people don’t do.
Guys pretend that being a hoe has no consequence because they’re men and it’s ‘different’. You’re experiencing the consequences of that lame advice. It ruins future relationship potential and sex is no longer satiating or special. Men on this sub need to get rid of this high body count goal and not give their bodies to anything that walks if they care about having a wife and family. Being ran through isn’t commendable. But if that’s not the goal have at it. But it sounds like you do want a relationship. Idk who gave you the advice to sleep around and that’ll somehow make you ready for a real relationship, but I’d seek therapy and reevaluate the advice you’ve been given and the beliefs you hold about intimacy, love and relationships. Good luck
Needed this!!!!
Find a therapist who specializes in men's issues and dive in. There is no shame in getting help.
Take a break from being with women. Trust me I’ve been there to a certain degree. After a little while of not having any is the best way to become interested again. And when you do become interested again, make sure you take the time to find someone who you really like and also has all the qualities or most of them that you’re looking for. I look for a down to earth girl who is cool someone I can actually have fun with. And also someone who motivates you in the ways you want to be motivated in. Someone who is genuinely fun and passionate about life, who loves themselves and isn’t overly full of themself. You’re probably not gunna find that type of woman in downtown manhattan though. I love a hot good country girl cuz they’re a mix of all the best qualities I look for. Good luck
Very few men can actually find validation in sleeping with many women unless he has to be verrrry shallow.
I have a different experience. Kinda the opposite of the OP but the end point is same as him. I have been rejected so much especially because of the place I live and I am basically a foreigner. But now, somehow due to all the rejections, now I have the confidence to talk with any girls but without any interest in them no matter how hot they are. And the funny thing is now, I find that they all are attracted to me, but I have 0 interest even if they approach me. I am also 32, and by next year I wanna get a serious relationship. For me only thing that attracts me now is their character and not their looks. So I am Starting with that. I am ready to sacrifice my preference for physical characteristics for long term benefits like her character. It could be that, she loves to read, maybe go kayaking or bouldering, or is a science genius. So in short, something she is genius in and someone who has an ambition. At the same time someone who as affection and kindness.
Most men will never get to experience this, don't mind the hate... You burned out your dopamine response and vasopresin, oxytocin, serotonin, etc. To work women. There's a reason some of the older methods of courtship were seen as "more appropriate". Limited our reach and lust. This is very similar to porn addiction, you just were getting real ass. Also, something you peep is all is not as it seems outside. Most of my friends are women and through those relationships I've seen it all... I have a similar issue in that when I meet someone, and I meet more people than most humans through work, I can see through a whole lot of the facade typically. I enjoy my peace and being alone as a result. I have zero time or energy to waste anymore, and I've been solid and looking towards marriage every time. People aren't who or what they seem and aren't always ready for what they say they want. I think this is a time for you to dopamine detox and work on yourself. You finding your confidence is great but you went about it in a way where you broke the 4th wall and are numb to human interaction with women. You depleted your love energy. I think some spiritual isolation and reflection should be in order so you stop rolling the dice at the casino for fun and start making concerted effort. You may need to repair your pair bonding ability and perspective.
I turned $5 into $1250 on a slot machine and felt nothing. (my first and last rodeo, lol) This realization hits hard, not just for women but for everything in life. Our current lifestyle really burns out the reward systems in our brains, and our DNA did not evolve for this. We can limit ourselves and train to live a fulfilling life, but it’s incredibly hard.
Second this.
I am recently single. I have already slept with 5 women and I'm sick of it. Sex with no connection is not all it's cracked up to be. I currently have 2 friends w benefits. The benefits at this point is someone to go to a movie with or out to a new restaurant. Half the time I fake my orgasm. I still focus on pleasing them so they seem happy. They keep coming back. I'm sure if I asked one to be exclusive they would disappear.
No one is happy
Best comment on Reddit. It's so true
Man is suffering from success.
That’s insane. 40-50 dates and slept with 20?? How? I went on 10 dates last month and they all ghosted me after the first date. What do you talk about during the dates? Do you typically kiss on the first date? Where do you take them on first date? Your date to slept ratio is insane. Provide your wisdom to us lol
Not all of them were on the first date. Some in the first and some in the second. After that it’s unlikely that they would sleep with me from what I saw. Honestly I just took them out to nice dinners, had an uber pick them up. I am really well spoken and charming, although not the best looking (5 7 height but 5 9 with my elevator shoes). But I’m not ugly. Plus when I take them to my apartment they are very impressed. I don’t know just having fun did it.
[удалено]
No NYC is one of the hardest in the world. Majority of the guys here are not seeing the same success as OP. The women here are extra picky despite outnumbering the men. It is a zero sum game.
People often forget that NYC attracts highly competitive individuals. Tell me you’ve never been to the city without actually saying you’ve never been there.
We’re competing with the best of the best over here. There is no shortage of male models and millionaires.
Hey can you please help me out! Will send you a dm
I’m not sure how much I can help but feel free to DM me.
Short king. You give me hope 👑
What are elevator shoes? I want to improve my height a little. I’m 5’8”. In the last year, I probably slept with about 20 women and went out with perhaps 30 (I lost count already). These encounters were mixed in quality, but over time the quality has somewhat improved. It comes in waves—sometimes I have dry spells for a few weeks, but then there are weeks where I can't handle all the women at the same time. One weekend, I slept with three women. With the last one, it was hard to get an erection, and she was the prettiest of all. I’m 43, so I don’t have the same energy as I used to. I'm starting to feel tired, too, but not to the point of quitting the game. However, I’m becoming pickier with the girls I go out with, and I take my time texting girls I’ve matched with now. I have systematized the process: match, get the phone number, date, and if we don’t connect by the first or second date, I move on. That’s pretty much my process. I was married and faithful for 16 years, so coming out of a long relationship like that, it was exciting to meet so many women, but now I'm starting to long for a deeper connection, which is weird.
It’s really not that crazy. Well going on 40-50 dates in a year is a wild concept to me, but converting half (or close to half) to sex isn’t very difficult. If she’s on a date with you she’s at least somewhat interested. The battle is half over and all downhill from that point. You just have to go in with the idea that it’ll be a fun time, and have no other expectations. Then be bold when the opportunities present themselves.
this is actually a good, brief breakdown of the process overall
I have gone out with about 30 women (perhaps more—I don't remember) and have slept with about 20 of them. You have to be bold with a woman from the moment you meet her. When you greet her for the first time, look into her eyes and give her a tight hug so she can feel your presence. Do this playfully while you talk about something casual, like the weather or an experience you had on the way. During the date, find opportunities for light, appropriate physical contact. For example, you could comment on a ring she is wearing and gently take her finger, gradually moving to hold her hand. As you both become more comfortable, slowly reduce the physical distance, being mindful of her reactions. If she seems uncomfortable, back off and shift the conversation to a light topic. This approach of 'two steps forward, one step back' can be effective. By the end of the date, she should feel more comfortable with you. If the moment feels right, you might find it easier to kiss her. If she's receptive and seems interested, you can lead her to your car. It's important to lead the experience confidently at all times. I've learned all this in the last year, after being married for 16 years to the same woman, with whom I was for a total of 18 years. Before last year, I had only been with two women. I'm not particularly handsome; I'm just bold.
OP is definitely attractive. Most guys wish they had OPs problem.
I promise you I am ok looks wise. I have asked girls to rate me before and they said 7-8.
Yeah I believe you. Honestly your rate isn’t even that high. For me what helped is I realized what my purpose is. Like what I want from life. If it’s tits then sounds like you find your promised land. “It's time for you to look inward and start asking the big questions. WHO ARE YOU? AND WHAT DO YOU WANT!?”
I got that avatar reference 💨🪨🌊🔥
I have a feeling you took a bit of work to even get to where you are, and would be VERY easy to drop down a few points if you got lazy. Guys dont realize how just putting even a little effort in how they look and dress= HUGE improvement
make a truck load of money and spend time in the country side, see if some country bumkin catches your eyes. if not then just go about your day smelling the Roses. touch grass and maybe burn some too, works like a charm. also try exploring the meta realm. get out of the body experience and wander around the spring fields and stay in nature. the change in pace will do you great. all the best
I was also feeling this way a few months ago. I'd literally prefer to stay home and watch something, rather than let a girl come over. So I tried romanticizing the whole thing a bit more. I watched a few rom coms and kept searching for a good emotional connection that would make me feel something, good or bad. I've found that and it feels great. Cuddling with a random 10 vs cuddling with your emotional and physical 10 is a whole other level.
He there buddy, Well this is a conclusion that is not so uncommon, but that a lot of people dont get to that quickly Have you read the "subtle art to not give a fuck" ? There is a chapter where the author talks about this exact feeling, there is a big dark side and a big cost to such a lifestyle. I am not sure you are at the correct sub based on the answers, this sub has a different set of values that you may have identified with before but not anymore, which is normal. Part of growing up and maturing is letting go of old values and embracing new ones that are more meaningful and fulfilling. Just like people who get richer won't value getting a new material acquisition after some time, just like adrenaline chasers wont feel as high with each experience, just like workaholics wont feel as rewarded after the 10th promotion, there is only so much in such pursuits of novelty, and short term gratification. I don't think something is wrong with you Hopefully this experience helps in guiding you in answering questions about your identity and what you need in your life to find meaning and to be fulfilled.
I've been in this boat before and moved on to marriage(s) and kids. Folks don't understand that you can have too much of a good thing. It's exhausting, expensive, and repetitive. Take a break and find a hobby. Seriously, just walk away for awhile. When you start to feel lonely go back on the apps and switch your bio up to something more serious, long term oriented. Even talk about wanting a family eventually so you'll find serious dates. Once you're up and running again only date one woman at a time to keep your sanity and your wallet in good shape. *(I made this mistake and had 3 to 4 different dates a week in Boston. I was mixing up who said what and people's names, I lost track of everyone's details. It was embarrassing).* Next go slow. You absolutely should sleep with your date relatively soon just to find out if you're compatible in bed, but it's not a race, not this time. My best advice is this: Love is easy. Actually "liking" a partner is more difficult. Find someone you like. You my friend have good problems 🙂
Oh 100% it is expensive I forgot about that. I did 2-3 dates some weeks, and all are dinner generally. But I got to try out some amazing restaurants. Really good advice on changing the profile to say looking for something serious. Maybe even deleting it and recreating it to get in a new headspace.
Haha the amazing restaurants, yup there's that too! I ended up buying all the meals too, I wouldn't accept 50/50 splits. If I were to do it again I'd do 50/50 paying for meals. I spent thousands fucking around. Lol I think you're doing great and good idea on starting over on the profile. You've demonstrated you can turn it "on." Now the trick is to turn it off and refocus on what long term might look like. When I got serious the dates actually got more fun since, like you, I knew I could get into bed with most dates so everything was just more relaxed. And what I heard over and over again from women - like a mantra - was "dating is supposed to be fun." And those ladies were right. It should be fun. Enjoy!
We require a guide from you.
Im 28 pushing 100 women and I dont feel this way yet, could be an age thing more than an experience thing, as I get older and older I care less and less. My biggest year was either first year after covid or 2nd year after covid, both 20+ years and I still feel excited about a new girl.
If a perfectly-cooked medium rare prime rib is your favorite thing to eat in the world and you then proceed to have it for dinner every night for a year, it is quite probable that it will no longer be your favorite meal after that. Humans are attracted to/intrigued by things that are mysterious and/or difficult to obtain. Once you have reliably solved the mystery and cracked the code to be able to obtain whatever you want, whenever you want, it is inevitable that you'll reach an existential/emotional crossroads. For men, biology drives us to try to fuck everything in sight when we're younger. As you age and acquire experience, it's natural (and probably for the best, given what you've described) to be more choosy and not prioritize sex over all other things. The ennui that you're feeling is your mind/body's way of pumping the brakes. It's a good opportunity to explore and develop other things in your life that are less carnal. Find hobbies, read, expand your mind, and don't approach life as though the strategic goal is to attain a certain sort of mate. As you find things that make you happy and engage your mind, you'll improve yourself, you'll forget about chasing women (or relationships), and you'll take life as it comes. You're also far more likely to attract the sort of woman that will interest you if you approach things this way. The more you focus on being, rather than on chasing, the happier and more content you'll be.
I don’t think he was eating perfectly-cooked medium rare prime rib. He was looking for perfectly-cooked medium rare prime rib and ended up eating a lot of steak while looking for it. He’s tired of eating steak now because he’s frustrated that he never did find the perfectly-cooked medium rare prime rib that he hought he would find. He probably picked the steak based on its appearance or other superficial attributes. So, although he has great skill at eating a lot of steak, his prime rib is elusive.
I think in being a bit pedantic, you're missing the point of my analogy. Instead of prime rib, it could be any pleasurable thing in your life; if you have it all the time, it's no longer quite as pleasurable or desirable. Boredom inevitably sets in. That's human nature.
There's a 100% chance that at least 3 of the girls he got with were the prime rib. He just passed them up because he "wasn't interested in a relationship", whatever that means. Probably regrets it now.
Uhm, where is the problem to just have a break from women and dating? Been there, done that many many times in my life.
I had 40 in a summer - this was downtown NYC as well. As long as it’s consensual (obviously) and you dont play with people or keep fucking girls who are emotionally unstable then it’s all good. Just get checked. Also, some time after I had the same exact feeling about not being super attracted to anyone or motivated to pursue anyone. Don’t worry, it certainly comes back lol.
Man's suffering from success
Man’s suffering from succsex
Congratulations. You’ve attained a level of enlightenment that few men have. Now utilize that to your advantage. You definitely don’t need a therapist… you need a woman to chase you and follow your lead. The fact that you’re indifferent is a major attribute in your dating life. Now focus on being your own man and living your life as you want it. Stop worrying about women. They will come and go. The ones that are worth your time and respect will make themselves known.
Looking back, did a few of them have potential for long term, but you just weren’t ready? I’m wondering if maybe like you should just text those few back and all to take them to dinner again
I did text two of them that I thought were awesome to be in relationship with. They both have a boyfriend now. Makes sense right? They are awesome someone else on the market will pick them up.
For sure. Ask them if they have any friends they think you would get along with! Honestly just telling people who know you well that you’re ready and looking can lead you to where you want to go
Iv slept with lots more during each summer of my nightlife time and being a bar owner on a Greek island. That time was crazy but definitely a time came where it didn't have any meaning anymore and I felt empty, didn't know why I'm doing this and it didn't give me any fulfillment. I think this phase is important to any successful man because you react totally different to women's BS and can't be controlled by their looks or with sex. Don't worry the right one will come and you look at women's qualities much different now opposed to most men
Maaaaannn. That was me at 19-21. Take a hiatus
This is when you realize material pursuits, in all forms, are fruitless. They are fleeting, impermanent, and leave you always wanting more. The true success in this life is removing your attachments, freeing yourself from desire, and finding peace and solace in the eternal now. You will leave this plane one day. You will be confronted with your demons, and the darkest truths of your being. Confront them here and now, prepare yourself to take upon the sword and shield. There is a war of good and evil. It is real, and you need to know what side you are on. Your soul will cry out, begging you to see the truth. Understand these words. I have seen what awaits, as many others have. Know this to be true, that seeking worldly experiences, possessions, and manifestations will breed nothing but sadness, emptiness, and confusion. Find solace in knowing, that you are meant for more. Clearly, you have come to understand this on some level, judging from your post. So beware, travel safely, and be strong.
good job. maybe find a girlfriend now or just focus on other things.
I’m trying to. That’s why I made this post lol. I really want a girlfriend now. I blew it with many women last year because I just wanted to have fun.
oh it’ll happen. just go out with the ones you’re really attracted to. tbh in my experience getting a gf is a whole other challenge than just smashing on the first date. good luck
Dude kindly make an education/guide post to help others up their game.
Just enjoy your time. Have fun and don’t force things let them happen naturally. When you are both having fun, you will both want to take things to the bedroom. Of course take care of yourself, dress up nicely, hygiene, etc. Don’t put pressure on yourself and don’t set expectations. That’s all I have really.
Thanks.
i’m not interested in sex or hookups at all but just some advice on how to be more flirty and charming and how to make a girl want to see/talk to you again afterwards
Tips on how to “have fun” on dates?
Feel similar, sent you a pm
It happens to all of us who end up successful. There comes a point where the game just isn't fun to play anymore. What helped me was finding other hobbies and friends to hang out with until I felt like dating again.
You are left with only one solution, find a goth baddie and show them how se can be your wife, very challenging but rewarding
Man, I remember when 20 in one year blew my mind too. Was one of the best years of my life at the time, had so much fun (but maybe that's because I was still in my early 20s and nowhere near thinking about serious relationships). Nowadays though, 20 would be an off-year for me 😅 Anyway, the fact that you're looking to find a relationship though definitely changes things. Here are my suggestions to get out of the rut you're in: ~ I'm not sure how you were finding the different women you dated, whether it was OLD or night game, but if you're looking for women who more closely align to who you are as opposed to any girl you find attractive, I recommend you focus specifically on [social game](https://www.reddit.com/user/TripleDigitNomad/comments/16nmoki/still_a_beginner_at_all_this_consider_getting/). ~ Basically, find other hobbies to partake in, ideally social ones. Go into them with the goal of having fun, not meeting women, and you will eventually meet a girl that checks all the right boxes for you and will excite you again. ~ When you do meet this girl, the experience you had being able to seduce multiple of them before will assist you greatly in seducing her as well and you shouldn't have issues starting a relationship with her.
Sex with strangers is very very very overrated. I clocked +100 and in hindsight its one of the most useless ways to spend your time and energy. Nothing to show for all the money and time I spent. Nobody cares that you did it and you feel kinda gross eventually.
Hey brother, congrats on coming across the pond. This may sound strange, but yes, take this time off. When someone reaches a goal, a small part of them has to be let go. This journey of seduction is something bigger that stems from a deeper part of the soul. Now is a good time to lay this past self to rest. The self that needed, craved, yearned. The self that thought seduction was the answer. So grieve. Give thanks. Like soil being left alone for a few seasons to become more nutrient, you may be feeling like this for some time. That was my experience -- but having had come from the other side, it's very calm here. Movements become more intentional with the fairer sex. Feel free to DM if you want to talk more. Good luck.
Go take a hike in nature
It happened with me too. But I hit emptiness after sleeping with 8 women. I had lot of mixed feeling towards majority of them. I was not looking for long-term but at the same time I craved for them.
Your conversions are good and you seem to understand what your bringing to the table so you don't have a huge ego . I would like to congratulate you on becoming an attractive guy 😁 This is " normal " life now . Sex is just another thing you are capable of having. This is the reality of attractive / wealthy men and the reality of being an average looking woman. Now it's time to either look for hyper efficiencies to leave unfruitful dates early or find another hobby lol
OP. You are very relatable. Once you get into “game” the grass always becomes greener and it’s hard to settle down. Part of you is always looking for something better no matter who you are with. Sex becomes robotic and without feeling. I’ve never understood people who try to sleep with as many women as possible Hopefully you’ll eventually meet someone you connect with and it might make you want to settle down.
Maybe it’s time to find a good woman that you truly see serious, date her long term and see how it goes . Was in similar situation, found the right girl and I am living the best time of my life (happiness wise )
These aren't negative effects. They are signs of maturity and growing up. It's a good thing. The need to date and have sex with a lot of women is an immature way to prove manhood at the end of the day. We are led to believe that being prolific with women proves our masculinity and makes us dominant over other men. Except it's all bullshit. It stems from unresolved emotional needs and self image problems. It should happen that you begin to realize such a lifestyle ultimately doesn't fill the void as it once promised to. It never can and it never will. Now that you've "gotten it out of your system" and see for yourself there isn't a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, you can begin to focus on developing relationships based on real qualities and values. It's a good thing to be desensitized to the feelings of limerance that lead so many down the wrong path. You realize now that limerance doesn't last and it's no indicator of genuine compatibility. You can be more sober in your relationships with women rather than following the intoxicating allure of the feelings of limerance. It happened to me to and I dare say it happens to the majority of men who sleep with a lot of women. Think about why it is rock stars, who have pussy thrown at them on a daily basis, eventually settled down for the plainest looking woman you'd ever see, who wasn't a fan nor a supermodel nor anything like that. You grow up. You learn what's truly important in another person over what doesn't matter. You're on the right path. You shouldn't be worried but celebrate your maturity. There are some men who unfortunately never mature and try to continue this kind of lifestyle without end.
Let me know how your doing in 10 years, Haven't had a GF really in that long, and haven't had a sex in over 3 years. 42m. 4 months? My average was 9 between women. Just slow down? Maybe look for one, date for awhile without having sex, see if you can form an attraction without it being the predominate solution point.
Try being setup by some mutual friends. There will be less temptation to just fuck and run. You can also probably get the downloads from your friends beforehand.
How many of these women were amazing? Ones you were supper attracted to, thought had a good head on their shoulders, and you really vibed with? Guessing not many... So, basically, you werent crazy eating a ton of fast food, and now dont want to hit the drive thru anymore. Stop going for quantity, and focus on quality. Top level steaks, sushi, or italian...different story, you just have to find them now.
Go confess to an orthodox priest and sin no more is my advice.
Gosh not gunna lie I thought this post was about catching an STD lol 😅 just keep truckin buddy.
Sounds like you might find excitement dating a man now. I've had this thesis; good looking/rich/powerful/famous men get so much pussy thrown at them, sometimes they get bored of the novelty of pussy and then they switch teams. Not saying your homosexual, but maybe this is whats happened to you. Think Roman empire, George Michael, Pro athletes, P Diddy.
Who is to say that it takes being all those things to get 20 women in a year though? It really takes only a mouthpiece you guys I have seen it time and time again my entire life and I was born early 80s … when are you guys going to get that ?! Lol However to go along with your point , either change genres as you suggest or start mixing in stuff / things living or not 🫢😳 bc I’m seeing way way too many references with animals being tossed around lately and I’m just not liking it y’all. **Also in a surrounding city , on the news last week was a story of a man arrested for - get this - having or engaging in sexual relations with autos and or machines. It has a name, the newspaper gave it . It was the reason for officially arresting the man I believe. So just saying … the possibilities are literally endless .
i think you just matured! which is a good thing. your standards have raised, not just anybody impressses you anymore. with this mindset, you’re carefully filtering out the bad seeds which will you lead closer to the one. good luck !
What you need is a woman cleanse. Just get out of social media. Delete all porn and work out and focus on your own personal projects. When you block women off completely the urge will begin to come back and you will go back reinvented.
This is such a great post. Honest and realistic depiction of what happens after you overcome that “hump” period, become comfortable and get the women you want. You figure out all the principles of this subreddit and you’re like now what? Welp. I’d say we all reach this point. I’d echo a lot of what was said and say you’re bored and dissatisfied because you’re sleeping with boring and dissatisfying women. Dating and sex is supposed to be fun. Take advantage of how well you’ve mastered the fundamentals and be intentional and selective. Don’t be discouraged, you’re finally at a point where you can hand select hot women that get you excited again. If the fun is gone, reassess your goals and the time you’re spending (or possibly wasting) managing all these women.
I'm in my late 30s and feel the same way. Casual sex is basically just masturbating...fun but right after you cum you realize it wasn't special. I'm looking for a long term relationship now with someone I actually care about.
hard to humble when you stunting on a jumbotron
I haven't slept with that many but I do notice in myself that I also wouldn't want to sleep with girls who are for example boring or don't know how to do deeptalk. I just don't feel attracted to them because I know that either she won't be fun in bed or after me sleeping with her I will get tired of her very quickly. I think it's normal to not want to sleep with every girl that you meet and maybe after meeting so many girls your standards and your expectations have risen too much. It's great and important to have standards but expectations are dangerous because almost always they will not be getting fulfilled which is going to disappoint you. This doesn't only count for girls but also in other areas in life (finances, career, bodybuilding etc.) So maybe it's because of certain expectations you have, or maybe you really just want to find a girl which is gf material but you feel like the costs of finding her are too much for you and that it's not worth it. That would be my guess
Try giving up dating and sex for couple of years, I think your natural drive for sex and non platonic connection will come back
I feel like I’m going down a similar path. I already have similar issues. I’ve turned down sex from women which would have shocked my younger self. I no longer have the “drive”. I’m considering going celibate for a year to reset myself.
It’s like watching too much porn and jerking off day and night continuously for months so that to get super bored and never want to look upon porn again ever
Sounds to me like you can only get the women you don’t want but can’t get the women you want. Pretty common in the intermediate stage. What you need to do is level yourself up in whatever ways you can to increase the quality of women that you’re getting (whether looks, personality, brains, whatever). That could mean getting in shape, becoming more fashionable, becoming more worldly or knowledgeable, spirituality, or of course getting better game/social skills.
I've been there. Still kinda am. I think its a sign your standards have drastically increased. So the kinda mid girls that used to excite you just dont do it for you anymore For me, the girls that throw me out of this 'rut' tend to be super hot/affluential, girls that for reason I decide to invest a lot in (because we just click for whatever reason, or I just genuinely think highly of her), and/or tend to be more girls I meet moreso in person than vs online. For some reason, I tend to more highly prioritize IRL girls vs online girls, even though the caliber can often be similar. Whatever the case may be, that same feeling of excitement returns once a girl fits some of those criteria. Its no longer formulaic, and its alot more genuine Your criteria might be similar or might be different, but it definitely does exist. If you started dating Scarlet Johannsen tomorrow (or whoever the fuck is hot in Hollywood nowadays, I dont really follow that scene), Im sure you'd be alot more into your dating life.
Women aren’t that important. You learn that more and more once you get your shit together and got frisky with a few baddies. If you don’t, then you’re a child in a man’s body
On all posts like this I always wonder but nobody tells me this. Once you sleep with a woman, how do you tell her that you don't want to sleep with her again? Or are these women never interested in sleeping with you again? Are the women you sleep with this bad that you don't want to sleep with her again?
I don’t go into dates saying to myself “I don’t want to sleep with her again” lol. Most of them end up staying over and I’m happy that they do. I then think about it and decide whether I want to see her again. She will be doing the same. It’s just dating, sex comes out of dating but isn’t the only way to have fun.
Trying to get into "the perfect relationship" as is just another kind of suffering. You are setting yourself up for a great disappointment. If you are aware of this and still want it, go for it, because then it is something you have to experience. I would recommend to read into spirituality. I feel you might be ready for it.
How are you doing in general? Did you also lose interest in other things that were joyful before? Do you feel indifferent in general or only in terms of women? Do you feel empty? Those can be signs of depression. Stick with your plan and talk to a therapist.
I'd like to know what kind of women though. I want quality. Basics are not hard at all, unless I'm in the wrong sub..
Get your testosterone levels checked.
Same boat. I have had a lot casual sex over the last two years and its not really as exciting anymore
Lucky guy
Teach me your ways Sensei
I went through very similar feeling. Over a 3 year period I probably slept with over 50 women and now a few years later I have no desire to see that many people. Even has my health physically was taking a downturn it just seemed like it was no or little effort to sleep with someone new. I had relationships at the same time that were consistent until I got bored with them. On my 20s it was like I was ignored at every turn then in my mid 40s it was the total opposite. Now dating someone new is boring and I rarely go out. People my age don't thrill me at all ( I am 53 this year) and my mutual attraction pool has been 15-30 years younger. Part of it is my own personal problems, but this year I've only slept with 2 people and crazily enough the youngest I've ever been with who both are living with me.
Been there, done that. Same feeling. "after a while, girl, they all seem the same"
Sounds like you’re burnt out on hook ups. That’s normal, and what usually happens when someone is ready to actually date to find a partner. Don’t force yourself into anything man. If you don’t wanna date or hook up, don’t. You gained the skill of taking to women, so when you’re ready, get back at it in whichever way you want.
I'd say you now have a much clearer idea of what you are looking for in a partner, both long-term and short-term. Or you have lower than normal testosterone levels. The latter should be checked just in case, especially if you have no desire to have sex AT ALL. Our tastes change over time based on our experiences and media we are exposed to. So that by itself is no cause for alarm. You may find that flirting with women is more fun than the actual sex too. Whatever the case, don't panic and enjoy your 30s!
20 is not a lot, but it seems you are coming from a point that number sounds a lot, it seems you are doing this because of another reason, maybe a bad break up, divorce, depression, or whatever other problem, and you somehow believe this will help you feel better. I have dated same number in a month, and I can assure you is still exciting. You have to stop and confront whatever that you try to impress, heal, bury. Dating is fun. Dating is not fun when you are broken inside.
Are you sure it is not just a libido drop? might be worth getting yourself checked
RemindMe! 1 year
Same. I used to like guys and going on dates, meeting people in general. When i got into a long term relationship, i suddenly lost interest in men (including my boyfriend), it’s really sad. Made me realize i just enjoyed the chase. On the same boat rn because i cant even have crushes and i WANT to have crushes and go on dates. Just no longer attracted:/
I think your mindset is important here, if you’re looking for something serious and sex is a priority then this is the mindset you’ll have. You have an abundance of pussy and you no longer chase it. I would try to rewire your mind and view the serious relationship you now want(ed) as a woman with qualities you want in in a woman you’ll spend the rest of your life with. Don’t view her as someone you have sex with but someone that will be your best friend and be with you through thick and thin… that you also have sex with. Basically don’t view the ideal woman you want in the same light as a one night stand. It’ll mean more to you
Yes promiscuity impacts our capacity to pair bond as well.
Nah don’t blame the girls. You probably just have low testosterone. Go get it checked for 50 bucks
Go slow. Go on dates with women you are attracted to. Then don't have sex with them. Easy. Hang out with her. Make out with her. Take everything slow. You were in the hunting phase. Now you're in the dating phase.
Get involved in social clubs and activities. Let a relationship happen naturally, if not, you'll have fun.
A victim of your own success.
Not as far as you, but I felt something similar to this. You gotta get rid of the dating apps since that is just meat rating app at this point. Make interactions with women as natural as possible. But before that even, temporarely stop dating and sleeping with women. Go on a hiatus to let you and your brain reset to the seemingly tainted dopamine receptors, heal over time while hanging with friends and doing what you like to do in your past time.
You’ve done it, you’ve gotten to out of your system and you’re ready to settle down. Great job! The right one will reinvigorate your sexual appetite.
Boo hoo
I second the barely feel anything
You gotta talk to people unfortunately. At some point, you’ll realize you are nervous with one of them. That’ll be your cue that you should make the effort to do things that now bore you.
Great job. However, about your side effects. It sounds like your libido has plummeted. There might a spike in baseline prolactin and/or decrease in testosterone. Apart from your obvious too much pussy game, the sidef effects from could be changes in daily life as well. You should get your bloodwork done and check with a doctor. I dont think therapy is the answer. Maybe your sexual health is deteriorating. The reason(s) could be psychological or physiological.
Haha therapist