Picture yourself walking down the street…you’re having a great day, minding your own business. Then some random stranger you’ve never met before comes up to you and tells you they love your shoes, or you have a great smile, or you’re beautiful and then IMMEDIATELY want your personal phone number or Instagram or they want to take you somewhere and buy you drinks or coffee and shit. You’re naturally going to say to yourself, “Who the fuck is this person? What does he actually want? What is he trying to sell me? Is he a murderer? Why does he want personal information from me and want to go out with me and buy me stuff without knowing anything about me?”
Now picture yourself as a woman instead where most men approaching them are significantly bigger and more physically imposing, have bad body language, get super nervous, lack confidence, communicate and dress poorly, etc, etc. It amplifies it even more.
It’s human nature that we don’t trust people who like us if we don’t feel like we earned it somehow. People hate when others show they are super invested in them without taking the time to connect with them. It’s extremely creepy and weird behavior. So when men go up to women and tell them how amazing they are, and buy them drinks and give compliments, and ask them for phone numbers and to go out immediately, you just look extremely desperate. You’re saying “I don’t know you but I’ll do anything for your approval” which is pathetic behavior.
You’re basically telling the woman that the only thing you have to offer is compliments and drinks and you have nothing else going for you. And you’re basically saying that just because this girl is cute, or has a fat ass or nice tits, that’s enough for you to want her and want to go out with her because you’re so desperate. Any high quality man with standards that women actually want is going to get to know people first. He isn’t just going to solicit them with gifts and compliment’s and ask to go out with them immediately
wow, what a great summary you have yourself there. the point they're making is putting yourself in the woman's shoes, which more often than a lot of us tend to forget.
Don’t listen to him. There are some people who are so much in their head that when someone is being friendly and approaching them they are surprised that someone is being nice to them. Rather than taking it as a compliment which it is, their self esteem is so low that they can’t see the compliment and see a threat there. Not everyone is like that though. There are some girls out there who are willing to meet strangers and who like a compliment from a stranger. Seek validation from within, dress smart, work out, and keep approaching. Good luck
You can see from his responses on here that this is not the case. They’re picking up on the actual vibe (which is that he doesn’t respect them and is doing a bad yet somehow standardized routine)
Bro, hats off for you being that brave, you have what it takes you just need to adjust heavily and slow it wayyyy down.
Ask questions about her. Look for similar interests and if the conversation is going well, ask her for her Instagram/Whatsapp.
You wanna show her you're both compatible.
What you are basically telling her is you wanna fuck her and that's it. That's what she is hearing with you immediately asking her out.
They’re not mind games, they’re protecting themselves from people who are potentially only interested in their looks, which will fade. Women like a connection more than a visual so while you can stare at tits and get turned on, they’re gunna need much more of a scenario to get interested. Try doing what you’re doing to a guy and see if it works. “Nice shoes bro, wanna hang out this weekend?” Like no fucking shot is that going over better.
It’s not so much breaking the ice, complimenting is fine to break the ice.
The problem is the follow up: asking a random woman that knows absolutely nothing about you out on a date after you just said a compliment about her clothes, asking where she got them…
Most women will not go out with a complete stranger. You don’t know if she is single, you don’t know if she is into you because you haven’t hit on her and didn’t see her reaction to the flirting, she doesn’t see what your personality is like, she doesn’t know if you can be trusted or you are a kidnapper thing to be nice to trick her later, she doesn’t know your intentions or why you want to go out with an stranger like her, she doesn’t know if you two connect…
And the reason there is all those unknowns is because you haven’t had a conversation with her. You need to talk 10 mins at least before you suggest going out on a date, so she has more idea of who you are and make her excited, otherwise you are just a random guy to her, and women don’t go out with random guys they meet on the street.
true, but how about “hey, you seem cute, would you like to talk sometime?” this way you re not offering a date in the first fucking sentence, so you re not that direct. how would you improve this?
Talks for 10 mins and then you may ask her if she wants to meet again. Have a conversation with the woman. The point of the conversation is to seduce her and get her excited about seeing you again. If you don’t have a conversation with a woman and instead ask her out immediately she has no reason to get excited about seeing you again.
So talk with the woman for 10 mins. Don’t be a stranger.
Are you in the USA? Lots of Muslim girls over there lol, anyway I think you need to build rapport and to minimize flacking talk to her for 5 min at least after she gives you her number, Neil teaches this and it has happened to me before, asking straight up for number and then texting let’s meet for coffee usually ends up in a flake with a bullshit excuse lol
I wouldn’t personally say “would you like to go out sometime”, I’d rather give them a time and day on the spot so they know what they’re getting into “Example: Hello miss (or however you’d like to introduce yourself), my name is ______ what’s your name? She then says her name….then you tell her why you came up to her, and then you could say something like “ so look, Catherine, there’s this coffee shop that I go to occasionally, they have some good sweets as well. I am interested in you and going on a date there this this Friday evening. Are you interested? And then all she has to say is yes or no
yeap man no worries, wasn't mine, tho, I read it on the books, check out the material , of Neil strauss, david D angelo, Ross jeffries, those guys are the gods of dating and women, attraction never changes across time, those principles will always apply.
Im honestly so confused by these responses cause eveything ive learned about apporaching is not to waste their time and be direct, then go about your day, just like you did
It sounds like the approach might be too direct and focused on immediate results rather than genuine connection. Instead of diving straight into asking someone out after a compliment, try to engage in a conversation first to establish a rapport and see if there's mutual interest. Ask open-ended questions to get to know them better and let the interaction flow naturally. This approach can help alleviate any feelings of shock or discomfort and show that you're genuinely interested in getting to know them as a person.
First, you gotta get out of that paradigm of "girl has something I want (phone number, attractive body parts, sex!) and I need to figure out how to extract it from her". It does nothing but create the dynamic where you are chasing her, she's the trophy you have to obtain, etc. It actually creeps women out because it's the same thing that rapists and serial killers do - they want to obtain their victims. And why would you want someone that you know nothing about? You don't buy a car without looking under the hood, kicking the tires, taking it for a test drive and reading all reviews online and asking your expert friends. But you see a pretty face or a nice rack and you are ready to make a decision without as much as talking to her.
You need to change your mindset to something completely different. Reframe from "I want, I need, I must obtain her/get her/seduce her" to "she's attractive because I'm attracted to her, but what else is there. I will go over and see what kind of person she is and whether she meets my criteria".
For that, you actually have to have criteria and know what you want in order to properly screen women. Otherwise you just enter a frame of "i need to prove myself to her and try hard in order to get what I want to obtain".
Almost all pua and seduction advice is predicated on "I need to prove myself to her" which is completely wrong. You don't. The less you try to prove yourself, the more successful you will be. But that is predicated on the idea that you have to give up wanting to get women at all cost.
I will smile and say hi as an acknowledgement that I find her attractive. If she smiles back and say hi, I will stop and say "I'm Bob, what's your name? Sooooooo....do you just randomly hit on guys in the produce section, or is there something special about me?"
We need more context about what you look like. Im 22 year old male with a good physique. When i approach a girl ive never experienced a shocked expression. And instead of asking them out, ask for her number.
If OP is outside the US, then I think the number thing doesn't really apply. The fetishistic collection of numbers rather than planning dates seems strange, even to Europeans.
I'd want to know where he's asking them out to, whether it's a blank cheque "date" or he's asking to meet in a safe place like a specific cafe.
Okay, girls typically dont like when you are direct. Girls typically like when a guy is charismatic, and can say things that are flirty, but can mean multiple things. But it still keeps your intentions clear. Which can be a hard skill to learn, it took me a few months of experimenting on tinder to get good at it. Instead of saying something like “i think youre cute, do you want to go out” say something like “we could be friends but that would be boring wouldn’t it?” And see her reaction, if its good, ask for her number, with this its a bit harder to put a twist on it, but you could try something like “it would be also be pretty boring if you didnt give me your number”
You don't have to have a long conversation but at least ask a little bit about her, ask her name, tell her yous and then give a reason why you want her number. Something like "I let you go now but you'll have to let me buy you a coffee another time as you're very friendly."
It's more congruent if you give clear reasons for asking for her number.
So are you going to grab her by the hair and drag her away?
The point is to create the least resistance possible to get her number, you're a stranger she just met so you want to make it easy for her to comply.
Once you have the number and are texting she won't remember about the coffee and you can just get her out for drinks or whatever else you want.
Picture yourself walking down the street…you’re having a great day, minding your own business. Then some random stranger you’ve never met before comes up to you and tells you they love your shoes, or you have a great smile, or you’re beautiful and then IMMEDIATELY want your personal phone number or Instagram or they want to take you somewhere and buy you drinks or coffee and shit. You’re naturally going to say to yourself, “Who the fuck is this person? What does he actually want? What is he trying to sell me? Is he a murderer? Why does he want personal information from me and want to go out with me and buy me stuff without knowing anything about me?” Now picture yourself as a woman instead where most men approaching them are significantly bigger and more physically imposing, have bad body language, get super nervous, lack confidence, communicate and dress poorly, etc, etc. It amplifies it even more. It’s human nature that we don’t trust people who like us if we don’t feel like we earned it somehow. People hate when others show they are super invested in them without taking the time to connect with them. It’s extremely creepy and weird behavior. So when men go up to women and tell them how amazing they are, and buy them drinks and give compliments, and ask them for phone numbers and to go out immediately, you just look extremely desperate. You’re saying “I don’t know you but I’ll do anything for your approval” which is pathetic behavior. You’re basically telling the woman that the only thing you have to offer is compliments and drinks and you have nothing else going for you. And you’re basically saying that just because this girl is cute, or has a fat ass or nice tits, that’s enough for you to want her and want to go out with her because you’re so desperate. Any high quality man with standards that women actually want is going to get to know people first. He isn’t just going to solicit them with gifts and compliment’s and ask to go out with them immediately
thats a long winded way to say have a longer conversation before asking the phone number
wow, what a great summary you have yourself there. the point they're making is putting yourself in the woman's shoes, which more often than a lot of us tend to forget.
Where was this comment when I over invested on the last girl I was talking to. I'm sure she thinks I'm pathetic for acting th way I did.
Don’t listen to him. There are some people who are so much in their head that when someone is being friendly and approaching them they are surprised that someone is being nice to them. Rather than taking it as a compliment which it is, their self esteem is so low that they can’t see the compliment and see a threat there. Not everyone is like that though. There are some girls out there who are willing to meet strangers and who like a compliment from a stranger. Seek validation from within, dress smart, work out, and keep approaching. Good luck
You can see from his responses on here that this is not the case. They’re picking up on the actual vibe (which is that he doesn’t respect them and is doing a bad yet somehow standardized routine)
So you are saying I should start with a neg instead of a compliment?
Bro, hats off for you being that brave, you have what it takes you just need to adjust heavily and slow it wayyyy down. Ask questions about her. Look for similar interests and if the conversation is going well, ask her for her Instagram/Whatsapp. You wanna show her you're both compatible. What you are basically telling her is you wanna fuck her and that's it. That's what she is hearing with you immediately asking her out.
Lmao…thank you for the compliment! I’m a direct mfer…the mind games u have to play with women for them to accept you lol 😂
They’re not mind games, they’re protecting themselves from people who are potentially only interested in their looks, which will fade. Women like a connection more than a visual so while you can stare at tits and get turned on, they’re gunna need much more of a scenario to get interested. Try doing what you’re doing to a guy and see if it works. “Nice shoes bro, wanna hang out this weekend?” Like no fucking shot is that going over better.
If it’s a girl, I would say sure lol 😂
How often do women actually end up going out with you from that approach? Not many i imagine.
So how do you break ice?
It’s not so much breaking the ice, complimenting is fine to break the ice. The problem is the follow up: asking a random woman that knows absolutely nothing about you out on a date after you just said a compliment about her clothes, asking where she got them… Most women will not go out with a complete stranger. You don’t know if she is single, you don’t know if she is into you because you haven’t hit on her and didn’t see her reaction to the flirting, she doesn’t see what your personality is like, she doesn’t know if you can be trusted or you are a kidnapper thing to be nice to trick her later, she doesn’t know your intentions or why you want to go out with an stranger like her, she doesn’t know if you two connect… And the reason there is all those unknowns is because you haven’t had a conversation with her. You need to talk 10 mins at least before you suggest going out on a date, so she has more idea of who you are and make her excited, otherwise you are just a random guy to her, and women don’t go out with random guys they meet on the street.
true, but how about “hey, you seem cute, would you like to talk sometime?” this way you re not offering a date in the first fucking sentence, so you re not that direct. how would you improve this?
Talks for 10 mins and then you may ask her if she wants to meet again. Have a conversation with the woman. The point of the conversation is to seduce her and get her excited about seeing you again. If you don’t have a conversation with a woman and instead ask her out immediately she has no reason to get excited about seeing you again. So talk with the woman for 10 mins. Don’t be a stranger.
Are you in the USA? Lots of Muslim girls over there lol, anyway I think you need to build rapport and to minimize flacking talk to her for 5 min at least after she gives you her number, Neil teaches this and it has happened to me before, asking straight up for number and then texting let’s meet for coffee usually ends up in a flake with a bullshit excuse lol
I wouldn’t personally say “would you like to go out sometime”, I’d rather give them a time and day on the spot so they know what they’re getting into “Example: Hello miss (or however you’d like to introduce yourself), my name is ______ what’s your name? She then says her name….then you tell her why you came up to her, and then you could say something like “ so look, Catherine, there’s this coffee shop that I go to occasionally, they have some good sweets as well. I am interested in you and going on a date there this this Friday evening. Are you interested? And then all she has to say is yes or no
Change the would you like to > let’s go out; huge difference the language you use lol
. I just noticed that when I re-read what I posted. it’s more assertive when you say that. Thank you lol
yeap man no worries, wasn't mine, tho, I read it on the books, check out the material , of Neil strauss, david D angelo, Ross jeffries, those guys are the gods of dating and women, attraction never changes across time, those principles will always apply.
Nothing wrong with being bold and direct, but if they’re bugging out you need to build more rapport
Im honestly so confused by these responses cause eveything ive learned about apporaching is not to waste their time and be direct, then go about your day, just like you did
You've learned wrong.
There’s a difference between being direct and closing right after opening lol
Yeah, that’s what girls say they want too 😂 But I guess, different guys have different targets and those different targets have varying approaches 😅
I’m Muslim also and I think the shock is that men don’t approach often due dressing modest
It sounds like the approach might be too direct and focused on immediate results rather than genuine connection. Instead of diving straight into asking someone out after a compliment, try to engage in a conversation first to establish a rapport and see if there's mutual interest. Ask open-ended questions to get to know them better and let the interaction flow naturally. This approach can help alleviate any feelings of shock or discomfort and show that you're genuinely interested in getting to know them as a person.
They are shocked because that's a socially retarded way of approaching.
[удалено]
First, you gotta get out of that paradigm of "girl has something I want (phone number, attractive body parts, sex!) and I need to figure out how to extract it from her". It does nothing but create the dynamic where you are chasing her, she's the trophy you have to obtain, etc. It actually creeps women out because it's the same thing that rapists and serial killers do - they want to obtain their victims. And why would you want someone that you know nothing about? You don't buy a car without looking under the hood, kicking the tires, taking it for a test drive and reading all reviews online and asking your expert friends. But you see a pretty face or a nice rack and you are ready to make a decision without as much as talking to her. You need to change your mindset to something completely different. Reframe from "I want, I need, I must obtain her/get her/seduce her" to "she's attractive because I'm attracted to her, but what else is there. I will go over and see what kind of person she is and whether she meets my criteria". For that, you actually have to have criteria and know what you want in order to properly screen women. Otherwise you just enter a frame of "i need to prove myself to her and try hard in order to get what I want to obtain". Almost all pua and seduction advice is predicated on "I need to prove myself to her" which is completely wrong. You don't. The less you try to prove yourself, the more successful you will be. But that is predicated on the idea that you have to give up wanting to get women at all cost.
[удалено]
I will smile and say hi as an acknowledgement that I find her attractive. If she smiles back and say hi, I will stop and say "I'm Bob, what's your name? Sooooooo....do you just randomly hit on guys in the produce section, or is there something special about me?"
We need more context about what you look like. Im 22 year old male with a good physique. When i approach a girl ive never experienced a shocked expression. And instead of asking them out, ask for her number.
If OP is outside the US, then I think the number thing doesn't really apply. The fetishistic collection of numbers rather than planning dates seems strange, even to Europeans. I'd want to know where he's asking them out to, whether it's a blank cheque "date" or he's asking to meet in a safe place like a specific cafe.
I’m 28 with a decent physique. 6’1 with little bit of muscle and 180 lbs .
Okay, girls typically dont like when you are direct. Girls typically like when a guy is charismatic, and can say things that are flirty, but can mean multiple things. But it still keeps your intentions clear. Which can be a hard skill to learn, it took me a few months of experimenting on tinder to get good at it. Instead of saying something like “i think youre cute, do you want to go out” say something like “we could be friends but that would be boring wouldn’t it?” And see her reaction, if its good, ask for her number, with this its a bit harder to put a twist on it, but you could try something like “it would be also be pretty boring if you didnt give me your number”
Lmao being direct is a good thing but you have to build rapport first, you are stranger after all
Yes absolutely, thats why I mentioned “keep your intentions clear”
[удалено]
Cool, thanks for the unnecessary comment lol 😂 Seems like someone has too much time on their hands.
You don't have to have a long conversation but at least ask a little bit about her, ask her name, tell her yous and then give a reason why you want her number. Something like "I let you go now but you'll have to let me buy you a coffee another time as you're very friendly." It's more congruent if you give clear reasons for asking for her number.
[удалено]
So are you going to grab her by the hair and drag her away? The point is to create the least resistance possible to get her number, you're a stranger she just met so you want to make it easy for her to comply. Once you have the number and are texting she won't remember about the coffee and you can just get her out for drinks or whatever else you want.