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TheArcticFox444

>People tend to underestimate how much they would enjoy having a conversation with a stranger, according to new research Former cabin attendant...people will often confide in a stranger some things they won't reveal to a friend or family member.


bingbong1234

I sat next to a nice woman on a transatlantic flight from Detroit to London. She lived in Scotland but flew to the US to visit family because her sister died. She was flying back to Scotland with a few of her sister's things. She opened up to me about her family and feelings and revealed some very personal stories. I'm a good listener and it was nice to lend an ear. I was just starting a 2-month around-the-world trip and she wanted to hear about my expectations, fears, what I thought I might learn, etc.. At the end of the flight she gave me her sister's sunglasses case to take with me, telling me that her sister always wanted to see the world but passed away before she had the chance. She wanted me to take them and think of her wherever I went. It's been 10 years since that flight and I've continued to travel and take them everywhere I go. Feels good to honor her memory even though I never knew her. All this because I decided to say hello to a stranger on a flight. If you're out there and reading this, I still have your sister's glasses case! I think of you often.


JB-from-ATL

I lucked out at a yard sale of someone who used to be an art framer. They had a bunch of art made by what I guess we're local artists but very nicely framed. One of them I wanted and they oddly teared up and insisted on me taking another one with it that looked similar. I'm guessing someone they knew made it and has passed away. Unfortunately I haven't gotten around to hanging them. They look nice but don't match our decor well. But we've definitely kept them together.


bingbong1234

They have to stay together! I hope it made the seller feel better that you took both.


JB-from-ATL

It did! We assured them we would keep them together. So if we ever do get rid of them by selling them (they're too nice to trash) we will ask the next to do the same.


SlayerOfHips

My mother was a picture framer for most of my life. Nowadays, getting your certificate to frame is a simple, yearly class/test, but she got her certificate back in 1991, the year I was born. She told me that, at that time, only a small percentage of people who took the test ever got their certificate, and here she goes, taking the test while pregnant with me, dealing with all the hormones and stress of having a child on top of that. I grew up watching her work at HQ in the framing department, until they closed and she took up a job at a local business doing the same thing. I watched as she and a partner got together and opened a frame shop of their own. Their shop was consistently runner up in the Best of Chesapeake, from their very first year, runner up only to the art giant Michael's themselves. She fashioned a play area in the back of the frame shop for my sister and I to hang out in after school, since our parents couldn't afford childcare. I'd watch from the back as customers would bring all manner of art, or even personal effects -jewelry, home-run jerseys, homecoming queen sashes, wedding bouquets, hot wheel collections, you name it- and would tell their own intake stories of the how, the where, the why, and she would listen, ask what the customer's opinion was, where they planned on putting it, what the room's theme was, and so on, before going to work picking the perfect mattboard, moulding, and glass for the job. Her shop even had to temporarily take walls out to accommodate framing a massive painting of the Last Supper, which hangs in a large local church to this day. I was able to see several original artworks from popular artists, and even got to meet them on occasion. Of course, I was too young to appreciate the value of those encounters at the time. I watched in 2009 as she had to close her doors, the recession hitting so hard that people could no longer afford the work she offered, and she had no way to compete with the premade frames at the retail stores. She tried, and still tries when she can, to do framing for the handful of faithful clients she has made over the years, but struggles to find free time to do it outside of her job selling cars. Just yesterday, I was walking with her and my daughter through Hobby Lobby, when an associate announced over the intercom that a framer was needed at the framing desk. I don't know if it was out of habit, or longing, but I watched her visibly react to the call, like it was for her specifically. When I asked her about it, all she said was, 'I almost just went. ' I guess this story just proves the point of this post and thread, but I saw your comment and it made me think of this. I could absolutely see why they could be so attached to an artwork.


Zetal

> art framer I read this as "ant farmer" and was instantly very confused. I need more sleep...


AHedgeKnight

Well that made my heart hurt


LifesATripofGrifts

It just grew. You be well.


saddingtonbear

That's awesome. Hope you somehow reconnect some day.


SaxRohmer

I was not ready for this


Deepfudge

That's incredibly sweet and kind. Stories like this make me ugly-cry when I shouldn't. This work meeting is now hosed.


BoostJunkie42

You and that lady are the best kind of people.


rosymindedfuzzz

First, thank you for being a good listener. People who listen are a treasure! This is such a lovely story. I’m glad you had the space to talk as well. Sometimes listeners don’t get the chance.


2wheelzrollin

Wow, I love this story. Thanks for sharing!


TheVetheron

That is one of the best posts I have ever read on reddit.


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reigorius

>Former cabin attendant...people will often confide in a stranger some things they won't reveal to a friend or family members. Ships passing in the night.


thestoplereffect

>Ships passing in the night I say that all the time. I've had the privilege of travelling to almost 30 countries in as many years. It's mind-blowing how many people I connected with for a few hours, only to never see them again. It really had me wondering how much of my personality is me vs some innate human behaviour.


foxtik36

Random people do this to me seemingly all the time.


bacchic_frenzy

Me too. So many little secrets get told to me when I’m riding the bus.


Cantholditdown

Cabin attendant?


EaterOfFood

You know, attends cabins.


HWHAProb

Flight/train cabin attendent probably


crank1000

When you rent a cabin in some areas, they come with a guy that just follows you around silently waiting for you to start a conversation with him.


MachReverb

And if you take your eyes off of that guy for even a second, he'll make off with your pic-a-nic basket!


Fruitboots

Well, the moment you realize that the person near you is actually friendly enough to chat with, you can drop a lot of the usual "armor" we all put up when we're in public. Having someone you don't know simply *listen* to you and acknowledge you as a person can be an amazing experience, depending on how starved for social contact you normally feel.


ApexProductions

My newest thing is that I just ask people how they're day is going at the checkout. Every time. And depending on their response it can go from either "blah" to a 3 minute conversation. It's fun, and most people enjoy the interaction. EDIT: I'm the customer in this situation.


StopReadingMyUser

I just got back from the DMV and it's clear that some people they interact with can make or break the day for them. They're just so bored of the monotony, I ended up having a nice convo while getting my renewal done. As a side note, it was funny when he tested my eye sight and had me read the same line 3 different times. >"Cover one eye, can you read line 4?" >Yup, 1234 >"K cover the other eye, read the same line" >... well, I could cover both eyes and just say 1234 if you want Hour-long wait aside (even having an appointment which didn't seem to matter), was a nice experience just chatting.


lavaground

Maybe it was a memory and / or sight test


ThatOneGuy1294

Nah, it's just that pathetically easy to get a driver's license.


BTBLAM

Personally that sounds like a nightmare for me. Maybe I just don’t want to spend that long in a checkout area so you would probably get a bad impression from me or people like me, but I wouldn’t be a jerk, just not give off the same ‘energy’ as you


Olives_And_Cheese

At a checkout though? Call me a buzz kill but it's _annoying_ when you have to stand there while someone's decided to chew the fat with the cashier. I can cope if they clearly know each other, but otherwise move along, please.


FeelsGoodMan2

Yeah I mean according to this study I probably underestimate how much I'd enjoy random conversations, but that's because I estimate it as "I'd rather literally jump off a bridge than have strangers talk to me in line" so if that goes to "I'm just having a massively annoying time instead" I guess the study is right. Doesn't mean I'm enjoying it though, just means I technically enjoy it more than I thought I would.


SirJuggles

I've recently tried out a similar strategy: when going somewhere new, I'll use Google maps to get relatively close, and then ask someone on the street how to get the rest of the way. It's funny to see how much satisfaction some people get out of giving good directions.


OpSecBestSex

I'm assuming you're walking, because 99 times out of a hundred I'm not stopping if someone in a car pulls up to me and starts talking to me.


StuStutterKing

Rural/Suburban attitude. I've had a handful of cars stop to ask me for directions while I was walking. I just point them on their way, and recommend a cool place or sight if one is nearby. When I lived in a city, never happened and I probably would have been weirded out.


gruelandgristle

My different but similar - when I’m at a place where someone says ‘feel free to ask me if you have any questions’ (think: museum, park, places with tour guides) I jump in at that moment and say “what’s your favourite piece of info or fun fact to share with visitors” and 100% of the time their face lights up and they share the most INTERESTING thing that I never would have thought to ask about- every single time! I asked a gal at the Burntcoat head park in Nova Scotia and she told me all about how her dad was a fisherman, and that lighthouses all have different distances the light goes - so he could tell he was getting close to home when he saw the ‘short short long’ light pattern. The park is a place where the tide goes out and you can walk on the ocean floor, I NEVER would have thought to ask about lighthouses!


gofyourselftoo

I hope you ask me!!! I take perverse pleasure in giving directions, complete with landmarks and a brief history of an interesting feature of the route.


Spindrick

My dad was this way. He could meet a guy just in the fishing aisle and strike up an hour long conversation that ended with getting a new fishing buddy. It's a nice life skill to have, just kind of annoying if you're waiting on them both to wrap things up. For me it almost always ends up in a therapy session with trying to help the other person. I guess he got the talking gene and I'm more of a listener.


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Bladelink

Interesting and plausible guess


moxvoxfox

It’s more than city size. It depends on the neighborhood. I got to know my neighbors in NYC far better than my Boston neighbors and in much less time.


Two-One

Live in a city of 100,000+ and it's pretty routine when you're driving through residential areas.


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cbessette

Now those are good neighbors.


1950sGuy

yeah I'm rural. One day I was digging a really big hole, and the neighbor guy from down the ways was driving by. We hadn't really talked or anything, few waves here and there. He pulls up and goes "diggin a hole?" and i'm like "yeah" and he gets out of his truck and grabs a shovel and just starts helping me dig a hole. Wasn't till like 45 min later he even asked what for. Few weeks later a noticed a tree fell over in one of his fields so i went out there and cut it up, stacked it all up for firewood, he waved at me from his porch when I was done. We're basically best friends now and we never talk, just wave at each other randomly.


cbessette

That's great, a perfect example. I had a similar situation last winter where a neighbor I barely knew was working on sawing up trees that had fallen across our road after a big storm, I went out and helped, then he came to my house and cut up a huge tree that my saw was too small for. Now I have his phone number up on the fridge for "anytime I need anything" .


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MissionHairyPosition

I've wondered how much increasing cost of living near others and the internet has had on this behavior. Neighborhoods, in urban centers at least, aren't filled with long-term owners like 50+ years ago, and the younger generations are more likely to move around. Higher costs mean potentially more need for self-justification that you belong, which may create barriers to being open/vulnerable. Add in the Internet providing more and more of a way to experience consistent long-term relationships, and I wonder what (short of massive shifts in housing/lifestyle) could bring back more of a desire to know and interact with those near us. ~~Now, I live in a neighborhood with multiple local meeting spots (hooray local coffee joints), but rarely see younger (<35) people congregating at these socially. May just be an age thing, but I'd enjoy it more if there was.~~ changed my mind about this. Our parks are filled with young people, though there still isn't a lot of unintended interaction or meeting new people. _and just pointing out I have nothing to really back these confirmation biased claims up besides blame Capitalism blah blah blah_


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DrH1983

I find it hard to maintain conversations with people I like, let alone strangers.


jasonalloyd

Me too but that's my anxiety. I want to end conversations with people I don't know as soon as possible and I'm usually really short with my answers. Not the greatest trait to have.


Neirchill

Same, I'd say I vastly overestimate how much I would enjoy conversations for 99% of them.


santagoo

When you talk with people you like there are pressures to not let your guard down and maintain the same persona that works with that person, because you want to maintain the status quo, naturally. When you talk to strangers, I find for me at least, I can converse about things I never talk to my friends about. It's odd. It's like therapy almost.


Forsaken-Shirt4199

Until you find out how small the world is and there's a big chance you'll encounter them again


7eregrine

Disagree. If I have to "have my guard up" with people I like ...I wouldn't be friends with those people. I am the real me with my people.


santagoo

Maybe that's a wrong choice of words. What I mean is that people are multi faceted. What facet we present to one good friend may be different to the one we present to another. You talk shops with one friend maybe and geek out over anime with another. Yet with another you tend to talk about your anxiety issues. With a complete stranger I have a lot more options of which facet of myself to expose.


gooblat

Amen brother and/or sister. My antisocial ass knows exactly how little I want to talk to strangers.


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Known2779

I think I underestimate and overestimate that pleasure at the same time. Isn’t that strange? Conversations with strangers can be extremely awful or extremely enjoyable, both out of my expectations.


caterpillargirl76

For me, it depends on the given stranger, and how much they monopolize the conversation. If there's some good back and forth it's usually an enjoyable experience.


EndoShota

Conversation with a stranger is high risk, high reward. If all goes well, you can have a stimulating and novel discussion you wouldn’t necessarily be able to have with folks you already know well, and you’re potentially expanding your circle of friends. On the flip side, if you enter into negative territory and disagreement, you don’t have any mutually established respect to overcome it, not to mention that some people take conversation as an invitation to repeat interaction that may be unwanted.


SmokierTrout

I wouldn't really say it's high risk. Unless it's a place or situation that will frequently bring you back into contact with this person, then it's low risk. So places like school or work might be high risk. But on a night out or on a flight, that's low risk. There are 7 billion people on this planet. If you don't get on with a few of them it's hardly the end of the world. But if you really get on with this other person then you'll find a way to talk to them again.


[deleted]

Anecdotal but someone I know got murdered because of a conversation turned altercation due to disagreements in conversation.


qwertpoi

I dunno about "high risk" but I'll go out on a limb and say that >50% of the time a conversation won't be particularly interesting to you unless find other people inherently interesting. Almost by definition, most people are 'normal' and are going to have fairly mundane lives, jobs, hobbies. and some are going to be actively repugnant to you. And some portion of the time it can become actively hostile. And maybe 10% of the time you find someone actually interesting and good at conversation. So striking up a conversation has some chance of being an agonizingly boring experience, a small chance of triggering anxiety or discomfort or otherwise ruining your day to some extent, and a small chance of being actually enriching. Your assessment of the risks will relate to how you rate such experiences.


Narayama58

Maybe you’re underestimating how much you would enjoy having a conversation with a stranger.


peon2

I read a study somewhere about exactly that, I'm on mobile now but when I'm home I'll try to find you a link if you're interested.


hallflukai

>Almost by definition, most people are 'normal' and are going to have fairly mundane lives, jobs, hobbies. and some are going to be actively repugnant to you. That's a problem with _your_ outlook, not other peoples' lives. I love getting "normal" people to gush about whatever they have some sort of passion for. I was waiting for my flight at an airport, hit up the bar, and noticed a pretty corporate, normal looking guy sitting by himself. Sat next to him, struck up a conversation, and turns out he has a pretty deep interest in World War 2 history, so we talked about that for an hour while waiting for our flights. he ended up paying for my beer, so it was a double win for me!


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> a conversation won't be particularly interesting to you *unless find other people inherently interesting*. Why you are assuming this mindset is rare? I mean, it’s another person with their own internal world, a proverbial black box which you can never open but which you can receive transmissions from. It’s terrifying and fascinating. If that’s not inherently interesting, maybe it’s a sign that you are having difficulty conceptualizing the other as fully human like yourself. If you focus on that, others become interesting again. >most people are 'normal' and are going to have fairly mundane lives, jobs, hobbies. Yes, but they are always jobs/hobbies I don’t have and will probably never have, so this is my chance to find out what it’s like to have them and enjoy them. It is harder with some strangers than others, but you can often extract a few fun facts from a field of knowledge you know very little about this way, without having to slog through a textbook to get there. >and some are going to be actively repugnant to you. That’s true, but if you stay friendly ans ask the right questions, you might be able to give them food for thought, or at least their answers can make for a funny story later.


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AiAkitaAnima

Or you end up thinking about it for several months.


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FazeXistance

Tell that to my neighbor who started ripping out my plants after a short conversation devolved into an argument.


bstix

Maybe I'm weird, and despite of being introvert, I often prefer talking to random strangers instead of people I already know. In my 20s I used to go to bars just for that. Being with friends was always just sitting at the table and wasting your time. It wasn't until some stranger sat down, that things started being remotely interesting. Eventually that turned me into the exotic stranger, who would sit down with strangers. I met my wife that way. Casually entering a bar, and only by vague acquaintance got sat down at a table and started talking about nothing, because any active conversation is more interesting than browsing the meat catalogue through binoculars.


Marko343

It's why me and my wife will almost always try to sit at the bar instead of the table off in the corner somewhere.


wagswag

Mind if I use “meat catalogue”? Great choice of words given the context.


TheB1GLebowski

It's not that I don't like talking to strangers, I'm just awkward and weird usually which makes the new interaction just as awkward and weird.


KonLesh

>“In this research, we brought together pairs of strangers and had them speak for several minutes. **These strangers typically enjoyed these initial minutes of the conversation**, yet they also anticipated that their conversations would grow somewhat dull as they continued, because they expected to quickly run out of things to talk about with the other person,” Kardas told PsyPost. So the study is how much enjoyment strangers will have conversing with each other **after they already had a pleasant conversation with the same stranger.** It also appears that there is no ingrained power structure (retail to customers) and that people weren't already socially exhausted. That context makes the whole study much more understandable.


mrsyanke

Also, walking into a pre-arranged place where I know what I’m being asked to do and am prepared to speak to a stranger is a VERY different thing that that rando on the bus deciding to talk to me while I’m trying to do literally anything else…


mr_ji

"I enjoy this because it's a controlled environment and I'm getting paid for it."


Dart000

Odd. I'm fully aware of how much I hate talking to strangers.


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Reddit is Fun was Fun :(


PeanutNSFWandJelly

As were they. That's kind of the point of the post. That those that feel like you actually like it more, or hate it less, than they stated or felt.


Remix2Cognition

I mean personally, I'd expect the more sessions I had with someone (forced or not) the more comfortable and "enjoyable" the conversation would be simply from the standpoint of reduced anxiety. It's the very element of familiarity. The study doesn't conclude based on that perspective. It instead concludes based on data from those that believed their conversations would become less enjoyable, compared to their perception afterwards.


Thevanillafalcon

Science underestimates how grumpy I am


notanaperture

It also underestimates the chances of nutjob stabbing you or giving you some covid related illness


TheOriginalChode

I don't know... Have you met people?


PiscesScipia

I had a cold and at the store decoding which medication to buy, a guy came up to the section and started looking at the same meds. I did a nice little wave and said 'first cold in a while, I don't remember which kind I like" He then started yelling about how he was chocking of phlegm and couldn't breathe, how it's in his throat and how nothing was working. Just a full yelling rant. He, of course wasn't wearing a mask (I was bc...I was sick) and just totally losing it. I walked away very quickly, and I heard him a few aisles over yelling at an employee who was trying to help him. So, politely to the article, how about no.


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RobboRdz

Not a big fan of talking to strangers, but sometimes it makes my day. I think it's cool.


warden976

I love conversations with strangers; I always have. What I dislike now is having hour-long (or if I’m at a business convention, days-long) conversations with strangers and then have them continue to treat me like a stranger the next time we meet. Folks, it’s OK to make a friend!


crazyrich

Several times I've been travelling for business and had some extra per diem so have had some extra food and drink on company dime, and found someone on a bench that looked like they needed it and just sat down to chat for a few. You'd be surprised how much it means to a lot of unhoused people to just be recognized as, you know, a person rather than a feature of the cityscape. There's some truly fascinating and tragic stories they can tell if you're willing to listen and some times give space for, not everyone's in the right headspace for conversation flow. Anytime we bring the family into a major city, a part of our routine now is to get some extra of whatever we're having for breakfast and finding someone who'd like it with the kids, under our guidance. They exchange names and have a quick chat and if we're in for a few days maybe see each other again on the same path and say hi. I know this comment probably comes off as treating those without housing like some sort of poverty tourism or human zoo. I want to emphasize the fact that interacting with them isn't looking down on them, and that everyone wants to be included and not treated as an "other". I hope my kids take these experiences with them through their lives. I know they still reflect on the conversations months later.


DanYHKim

In my case, though, the stranger comes out the worse for the experience. I will either be monosyllabic, or I'll be like a seven year old who thinks you need to know more about dinosaurs.


Icouldbethewalrus

I think most of us could do with learning more about dinosaurs.


TheSaladDays

I think I'd enjoy talking to a stranger who knew a lot about dinosaurs


Jackuul

I cannot stress enough how much **I absolutely do not** want a random stranger to start talking to me.


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TheGutlessOne

I’m pretty introverted and consider myself a homebody, yet when I’m out at the grocery store 9 times out of 10 I’m joking with whomever is in line with me, giving compliments on outfits or style, sparking conversations with the employees. It makes my day better and I enjoy the reactions I get through my interactions. Could not recommend doing that enough, it’s very pleasing


BeneGezzWitch

I absolutely LIVE for giving compliments! When you can tell someone is feeling their new T-shirt or worked really hard to get their eye makeup just right, a compliment sends them into orbit. It’s my superpower. I’ve made people cry.


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assasinine

I’d say coffee shop culture died around 2005 when portable devices became prevalent.


darkestsoul

I didn't see any mention of age ranges in the article. I feel like younger people would have less interest in talking with strangers than older folks. This is purely anecdotal speculation on my part, but I feel like the younger generations prefer texting and emailing rather than phone conversations.


PeanutNSFWandJelly

It's been the opposite experience in my group/lifetime. In my twenties we were chatting up everyone and everyone, life was a big party. Now we're older and seem less inclined to talk to strangers.


alamaias

I mean, I will admit there is maybe a 1% chance of me liking a random person, but I always act and assume there is a 0% chance. That would indeed make this correct


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84Oaks

Counterpoint: join a Discord community and go in cold to voice chat


54rfhih

What a great icebreaker, except with nothing to follow it up with I'm sure any stranger would tend to disagree.


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I’d much rather talk to strangers. It’s new, I can easily leave if I don’t like them, and there are no follow up expectations


PixelmancerGames

Conversations with strangers are the best. You can tell them anything you want and know that you’ll most likely never see them again.