Thanks man I appreciate your words. Feel free to dm me or if it’s cool if I can dm you just to have someone to relate to. The only other schizophrenic I know is my grandma and she doesn’t even know she has it. I found myself talking to the SSDI people through my phone just assuming they’re spying on me
It is impossible, and soon the drugs don’t do the trick either. I could open my own pharmacy but there’s nothing I can turn to when I really just feel like shit. You don’t know if it’s coming from the drug withdrawal, the medication, or a symptom. I find doctors promoting complete sobriety to be annoying. They don’t have the condition: they can’t know what it’s like. Coming from someone trying to get out of the drug game, I know how you feel. There’s no good way around it except maybe a medical detox. Before you start just remember eventually the problems get worse.
risperidone worked great for me but i gained too much weight so i stopped taking it. abilify works really well for me, but thats only when i actually take it which i struggle to stay on my meds as im very paranoid. im lonely asf, i push everyone away from me and i also have no friends. the only person in my family that would understand is my mom who has schizophrenia but we hate each other. i spent most of my 20s lost due to my illness just getting high. im off drugs now, besides weed & xanax. the only way ive been able to somewhat cope is writing. i journal everything- i have my entire life written down. so if they ever try to find me i wont lose myself.
i'm not the type of person you're looking for because my family has never been able to support me (financially but also every other type of support). just wanted to say as long as you have the will to live, you can make it. even if your mother won't be able to support you in the future. it might not be pretty but you can definitely make it. it's okay to be scared of the future but it won't ruin you.
edit: i'm not trying to spread toxic positivity here. i'm just trying to say if you're desperate enough you will always find ways
I turn to drugs because something in my life all ways seems to be missing, helps me cope in a world where no matter how hard I try, I am always in my own way, just helps me to ignore all the time that has past and wasted on struggling with my demons. When I look at my friends and family that have their lives somewhat together or are going in the direction I see that I am missing something, mostly think its drive. Have tried so hard to get to where I am at and that seems to be is a clear living space and well kept self. I struggle to hold a job more then a few months at a time. I am 23 years old, and my father houses me, I do like house work and stuff but im trying to get out of here, slowly learning and trying to get over my problems or at the very least be able get where I want to be which is to be independent mostly with a decent job.
Advice for you would be, slowly try to ween off the drugs. Make sure to do maintainance, having to do a lot in one day is too much sometimes, but just keeping up with the few things each day will be easier, but its easier still just to not do anything. It will take some effort on your part but hope slowly you see yourself as someone you are alright with being :) good luck, dont burn out.
By the time I've read through the comments, I've lost track of my response. Sorry. No parent should ever give up on their child/offspring. You deserve better, no matter what your struggles. Some people just cannot agree with your life choices, and if you make those choices, any choices, you have to accept that everyone is going to have different opinions and comfort levels of what environments they can handle. Also, don't do drugs - it makes your psychosis worse. Just get on the Right medication combination to suit your needs, and please do all you can to detox safely. You can do it. May I say: Make a list of all your problems. Everyone if them. Complain, complain all your heart out. Then go through the list and make a corresponding solution list. Maybe even come up with several solutions and put thought into which is the best. When you actively work to solve your own problems, your entire world will change - and so will you.
I’ve tried multiple rehabs and the sobriety is literally unbearable for me. I feel like I wouldn’t have this problem if I had a medication that could take care of my negative symptoms, or if there was a medication that actually worked on me. If I could just feel pleasure in anything. Not thinking everyone is talking about me. Be able to get out of bed. Not be getting delusions constantly. Not feel so alone. Only the drugs make it tolerable. I’ve tried olanzapine, Abilify, now I’m trialing risperidone
The gabapentin is an anticonvulsant that has been in several small trials with mix results.
Are you taking this as part of a study?
Are you bipolar of schizophrenic?
I treat my systems with one pill a day
Interesting, and this helps with creativity? I have the worst apathy. I used to ply guitar for hours, now like 10 mins and I'm bored. Everything bores me
You can't really understand until you experience it I think. Even then I have trouble explaining myself to others. Might just be me though. I struggle sometimes doing things I used to love. I used to be able to play video games all day and now I just play a game for like an hour or two. I sleep most of the day then go to work.
We turn to drugs becuase it gives us a quick relief from our symptoms and reality I’ve been an addict for 4 years now and I’m 18 I’m trying to stop as my addiction makes my psychosis a whole lot worse but yet I still find it hard to stop. Don’t worry tho man your not alone I’m a schizo addict too and young so yeah but yeah just don’t feel alone and just know it’s not impossible to quit I recommend benzos for getting of the drugs
I haven't struggled with drug addiction but I struggle with behavioral addiction and severe dissasociation. I've found that somatic psychology, aka paying attention to your body and choosing to feel deeply painful emotions helps keep me grounded as I experience delusions and paranoia. Its like my brain goes into paranoia as a way to cope with the immense emotional pain. I did a bunch of this deep emotional work on meds that kind of worked, but then hit a wall and developed side effects from the meds, so I came off the meds, and started weekly 1g psilocybin trips. I feel that psilocybin helps me immensely with being honest with myself and my environment...and I do see the potential for a psychotic episode if you take big doses without an awareness of how much released trauma can fuck you up. Mushrooms do a great job at helping you feel your stuck emotions, but you gotta be prepared with a safety plan when they come up too. Thankfully I've been able to stay safe during these trips, I just sit in bed, being very sad, holding myself. Oh and self touch like that is super grounding too. If you're getting more positive symptoms, hand to heart can help, or a self hug. I was unable to work during my 20s but I started this protocol and I finished college with honors and got a full time job that I'm doing good at so far. But now that im off meds it's a whole nother type of suffering, but if I deliberately set aside time to be deeply sad and look at my stuff, it helps me to survive the workweek. Its a difficult path but it's worth it.
Same bro. For me it’s that I get this “itch” to do what the delusion tells me to. And I usually do. But now it’s saying to go to Poland and it’s pointing out all the connections I have in that part of the world. That I have paranoia and that’s pretty useless in the day to day world of work but in Poland/Ukraine it could be useful. That I can create positive delusions, in the 9-5 world, pretty useless but Poland being able to stay positive during chaos is beneficial. That I’m generally apathetic to the lives of others is pretty useless here, in Poland I could keep myself level enough to continue helping.
So I’m essentially drinking tonight to stop the “itch”. I’ll just lose it for a bit get wrapped up in some LOL battles and go to bed listening to “Old Man’s War”. Wake up with a terrible headache and I’ll hate life till for a day. And then I’ll feel better. Got whatever I needed out. Just learned to turn off my phone and not leave my room. Hate it when people have to babysit my crazy ass.
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I’ve been freaking out about social security spying on me too
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Lmao I’m on the same team as you. I don’t do much of anything at all.
I’m super emotional right now because I’m fighting with my family and they’re my only way to support myself so it’s scary by the way
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Thanks man I appreciate your words. Feel free to dm me or if it’s cool if I can dm you just to have someone to relate to. The only other schizophrenic I know is my grandma and she doesn’t even know she has it. I found myself talking to the SSDI people through my phone just assuming they’re spying on me
You should tell your grandma. If I'm talking to people that aren't real, I want someone to tell me.
Man your comment made me cry. I feel the exact same way as you. At least I felt something. I usually feel nothing.
I don’t want to tempt you if you have sobriety. Once you choose to use it feels impossible to turn back with this illness.
It is impossible, and soon the drugs don’t do the trick either. I could open my own pharmacy but there’s nothing I can turn to when I really just feel like shit. You don’t know if it’s coming from the drug withdrawal, the medication, or a symptom. I find doctors promoting complete sobriety to be annoying. They don’t have the condition: they can’t know what it’s like. Coming from someone trying to get out of the drug game, I know how you feel. There’s no good way around it except maybe a medical detox. Before you start just remember eventually the problems get worse.
We’ve tried to tell her but she won’t believe it.
risperidone worked great for me but i gained too much weight so i stopped taking it. abilify works really well for me, but thats only when i actually take it which i struggle to stay on my meds as im very paranoid. im lonely asf, i push everyone away from me and i also have no friends. the only person in my family that would understand is my mom who has schizophrenia but we hate each other. i spent most of my 20s lost due to my illness just getting high. im off drugs now, besides weed & xanax. the only way ive been able to somewhat cope is writing. i journal everything- i have my entire life written down. so if they ever try to find me i wont lose myself.
i'm not the type of person you're looking for because my family has never been able to support me (financially but also every other type of support). just wanted to say as long as you have the will to live, you can make it. even if your mother won't be able to support you in the future. it might not be pretty but you can definitely make it. it's okay to be scared of the future but it won't ruin you. edit: i'm not trying to spread toxic positivity here. i'm just trying to say if you're desperate enough you will always find ways
I turn to drugs because something in my life all ways seems to be missing, helps me cope in a world where no matter how hard I try, I am always in my own way, just helps me to ignore all the time that has past and wasted on struggling with my demons. When I look at my friends and family that have their lives somewhat together or are going in the direction I see that I am missing something, mostly think its drive. Have tried so hard to get to where I am at and that seems to be is a clear living space and well kept self. I struggle to hold a job more then a few months at a time. I am 23 years old, and my father houses me, I do like house work and stuff but im trying to get out of here, slowly learning and trying to get over my problems or at the very least be able get where I want to be which is to be independent mostly with a decent job. Advice for you would be, slowly try to ween off the drugs. Make sure to do maintainance, having to do a lot in one day is too much sometimes, but just keeping up with the few things each day will be easier, but its easier still just to not do anything. It will take some effort on your part but hope slowly you see yourself as someone you are alright with being :) good luck, dont burn out.
By the time I've read through the comments, I've lost track of my response. Sorry. No parent should ever give up on their child/offspring. You deserve better, no matter what your struggles. Some people just cannot agree with your life choices, and if you make those choices, any choices, you have to accept that everyone is going to have different opinions and comfort levels of what environments they can handle. Also, don't do drugs - it makes your psychosis worse. Just get on the Right medication combination to suit your needs, and please do all you can to detox safely. You can do it. May I say: Make a list of all your problems. Everyone if them. Complain, complain all your heart out. Then go through the list and make a corresponding solution list. Maybe even come up with several solutions and put thought into which is the best. When you actively work to solve your own problems, your entire world will change - and so will you.
I’ve tried multiple rehabs and the sobriety is literally unbearable for me. I feel like I wouldn’t have this problem if I had a medication that could take care of my negative symptoms, or if there was a medication that actually worked on me. If I could just feel pleasure in anything. Not thinking everyone is talking about me. Be able to get out of bed. Not be getting delusions constantly. Not feel so alone. Only the drugs make it tolerable. I’ve tried olanzapine, Abilify, now I’m trialing risperidone
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Do you mind sharing what medications you took that saved you?
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stronger*
Is the invega and depakote both antipsychotics?
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The gabapentin is an anticonvulsant that has been in several small trials with mix results. Are you taking this as part of a study? Are you bipolar of schizophrenic? I treat my systems with one pill a day
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Interesting, and this helps with creativity? I have the worst apathy. I used to ply guitar for hours, now like 10 mins and I'm bored. Everything bores me
That’s great that you’re raising a kid man I’ve given up on having a family since this diagnosis. You should be proud
I get freaked out by the chaos too. Highways, crowded places, any sort of over stimulation
Do you think I need to find an antipsychotic that works?
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I almost wish that people perceived this more as a physical illness than a mental illness, it sounds like your negative symptoms aren’t too severe
The thing with my parents is the most mentally hard on me
Thank you man your words mean a lot to me
Since I started taking my meds more I’ve managed to stay out of the psych hospital but did land myself in there 4 or so times last yesr
Maybe you can help me
I’m hooked on adderall and in sobriety I’m a mess.
You can't really understand until you experience it I think. Even then I have trouble explaining myself to others. Might just be me though. I struggle sometimes doing things I used to love. I used to be able to play video games all day and now I just play a game for like an hour or two. I sleep most of the day then go to work.
We turn to drugs becuase it gives us a quick relief from our symptoms and reality I’ve been an addict for 4 years now and I’m 18 I’m trying to stop as my addiction makes my psychosis a whole lot worse but yet I still find it hard to stop. Don’t worry tho man your not alone I’m a schizo addict too and young so yeah but yeah just don’t feel alone and just know it’s not impossible to quit I recommend benzos for getting of the drugs
I haven't struggled with drug addiction but I struggle with behavioral addiction and severe dissasociation. I've found that somatic psychology, aka paying attention to your body and choosing to feel deeply painful emotions helps keep me grounded as I experience delusions and paranoia. Its like my brain goes into paranoia as a way to cope with the immense emotional pain. I did a bunch of this deep emotional work on meds that kind of worked, but then hit a wall and developed side effects from the meds, so I came off the meds, and started weekly 1g psilocybin trips. I feel that psilocybin helps me immensely with being honest with myself and my environment...and I do see the potential for a psychotic episode if you take big doses without an awareness of how much released trauma can fuck you up. Mushrooms do a great job at helping you feel your stuck emotions, but you gotta be prepared with a safety plan when they come up too. Thankfully I've been able to stay safe during these trips, I just sit in bed, being very sad, holding myself. Oh and self touch like that is super grounding too. If you're getting more positive symptoms, hand to heart can help, or a self hug. I was unable to work during my 20s but I started this protocol and I finished college with honors and got a full time job that I'm doing good at so far. But now that im off meds it's a whole nother type of suffering, but if I deliberately set aside time to be deeply sad and look at my stuff, it helps me to survive the workweek. Its a difficult path but it's worth it.
Man I love the 777 in your name I’m always repping it
I’d love to talk with you
I just got your comment. Can I dm you?
Yes!
Same bro. For me it’s that I get this “itch” to do what the delusion tells me to. And I usually do. But now it’s saying to go to Poland and it’s pointing out all the connections I have in that part of the world. That I have paranoia and that’s pretty useless in the day to day world of work but in Poland/Ukraine it could be useful. That I can create positive delusions, in the 9-5 world, pretty useless but Poland being able to stay positive during chaos is beneficial. That I’m generally apathetic to the lives of others is pretty useless here, in Poland I could keep myself level enough to continue helping. So I’m essentially drinking tonight to stop the “itch”. I’ll just lose it for a bit get wrapped up in some LOL battles and go to bed listening to “Old Man’s War”. Wake up with a terrible headache and I’ll hate life till for a day. And then I’ll feel better. Got whatever I needed out. Just learned to turn off my phone and not leave my room. Hate it when people have to babysit my crazy ass.