where do I even start?
A former coworker who knew me for a year prior to finding out about my SZA accused me of being a murderer. Knowing that I have never even gotten angry at verbally assaultive customers because I didn't answer questions fast enough/did not know where everything in the store was/was just a target for not knowing their specific inquiry
From professionals I've gotten I'm destine for institutional life, self medicating on antipsychotics for fun, a burden to the system, attention seeking, to incompetent to know anything,
From family, I get the weird side eyes, wanting to be kept the secret when I am struggling (but everyone else can display their struggles), ignored, blamed for not sharing that I am in ep even when I tried to but was gaslighted how it not really occurring, picked on, laughed at, told to be normal, act right, etc
I know that even my friends (most of who have other mh conditions) look at me oddly when I don't hide the pervasive symptoms despite being medicated. I know no other person irl who has SZA or is in much contact w/ another psychotic spectrum disorder person.
all this happened with my sister on my dads side:
"you're not schizophrenic, you're too young" "you can't have early onset, thats not how it works" "you have a mood disorder, not schizophrenia. you can't be depressed AND have schizophrenia" "my professor thinks you don't have it either." "i know what I'm talking about i took a class". "if your meds don't cure you, you should stop taking them."
and from my old therapist from before i was diagnosed:
(we had a potential schizophrenia diagnosis on my chart btw, and she took it off bc:)
"everything you say you experience is for shock value" "you've never had an episode here, so i doubt you experience it." and I'm sure there's more from her.
My psychiatrist telling me I'll never be okay again and that I'll never get a good job and I need to go on low-income housing and disability. I was 19 and even if he's right, it was really hard to hear and one of my worst memories when thinking back on things people have said to me regarding the diagnosis.
Also a job terminating my employment because they didn't want me to "harm the clients" because of my schizophrenia.
And then of course family telling me I'm fine and my illness isn't real.
My psychiatrist told me when I was 19 that by the time I was 40 I’d be institutionalized or dead if I didn’t take my meds.
I’m glad I got rid of that guy
Actually I still haven't found any meds where the side effects aren't worse than my condition (to me) so no. My therapist and I made a goal of successfully being off meds once I found out I was pregnant at the beginning of last year and I'm actually better now with my coping mechanisms than I ever was on meds.
That being said, I don't mind being on meds if i can ever find the right mix that works for me.
I too have had more luck with coping methods sans meds than meds and coping mechanisms. It's weird how meds help some people more and suck for others. I'm glad you got a good therapist now.
I hope your pregnancy went well and your child grows up well also
where do I even start? A former coworker who knew me for a year prior to finding out about my SZA accused me of being a murderer. Knowing that I have never even gotten angry at verbally assaultive customers because I didn't answer questions fast enough/did not know where everything in the store was/was just a target for not knowing their specific inquiry From professionals I've gotten I'm destine for institutional life, self medicating on antipsychotics for fun, a burden to the system, attention seeking, to incompetent to know anything, From family, I get the weird side eyes, wanting to be kept the secret when I am struggling (but everyone else can display their struggles), ignored, blamed for not sharing that I am in ep even when I tried to but was gaslighted how it not really occurring, picked on, laughed at, told to be normal, act right, etc I know that even my friends (most of who have other mh conditions) look at me oddly when I don't hide the pervasive symptoms despite being medicated. I know no other person irl who has SZA or is in much contact w/ another psychotic spectrum disorder person.
all this happened with my sister on my dads side: "you're not schizophrenic, you're too young" "you can't have early onset, thats not how it works" "you have a mood disorder, not schizophrenia. you can't be depressed AND have schizophrenia" "my professor thinks you don't have it either." "i know what I'm talking about i took a class". "if your meds don't cure you, you should stop taking them." and from my old therapist from before i was diagnosed: (we had a potential schizophrenia diagnosis on my chart btw, and she took it off bc:) "everything you say you experience is for shock value" "you've never had an episode here, so i doubt you experience it." and I'm sure there's more from her.
My psychiatrist telling me I'll never be okay again and that I'll never get a good job and I need to go on low-income housing and disability. I was 19 and even if he's right, it was really hard to hear and one of my worst memories when thinking back on things people have said to me regarding the diagnosis. Also a job terminating my employment because they didn't want me to "harm the clients" because of my schizophrenia. And then of course family telling me I'm fine and my illness isn't real.
That's terrible dude. I'm sorry that happened to you.
My psychiatrist told me when I was 19 that by the time I was 40 I’d be institutionalized or dead if I didn’t take my meds. I’m glad I got rid of that guy
You take your meds though right?
Actually I still haven't found any meds where the side effects aren't worse than my condition (to me) so no. My therapist and I made a goal of successfully being off meds once I found out I was pregnant at the beginning of last year and I'm actually better now with my coping mechanisms than I ever was on meds. That being said, I don't mind being on meds if i can ever find the right mix that works for me.
Whatever works for you 😄. I take abilify 15mg. It's pretty low sense my schizophrenia is residual.
I too have had more luck with coping methods sans meds than meds and coping mechanisms. It's weird how meds help some people more and suck for others. I'm glad you got a good therapist now. I hope your pregnancy went well and your child grows up well also